Catholic Hermit: Soulbuster

Am right now too much in physical pain and fatigued to write about this mission of being a soulbuster, real and fascinating a mission as it is.

I've been at it with dealing with souls, after having gone along for month after month with the current caper, ongoing caper, until finally more and more truth gurgled to the surface from the murky, sledge-like cesspool.

On the surface, it has to do with cabinets.  Beneath the surface it has to do with souls--and now there are a couple souls in big trouble, one more dominantly in trouble than the other.  

And so it is that this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit once again has a mission to deal with.  Once again, I did not sense fully nor rightly the soul behind the facade of the person I've been dealing with for over two years.  Ah, yes, Lord--You duped me!

It is that way and has been in various capers requiring soul-busting efforts.  I don't realize what is going on, the Lord camouflages the situations and souls enough so that I do not see through initially and sometimes for awhile.  And why would He dupe me?  Well, He knows accurately enough that I would flee the situation if I saw the sick soul or souls involved.

The longer the interaction continues, the more energy, time, effort, and cost is involved, the more painful the outcomes--the greater the prayer and the reparation drawn out, the more heart and soul expended upon the soul or souls when their darkness vomits forth.

Then He dabs in some amazing encounters with some very good souls, letting me see right into them, into their largess, such as Kim at Home Depot who other people would immediately notice several front teeth missing.  Instead, I was shown her large and magnanimous soul.

Or the call at 3 a.m.--a misdial, and a woman's voice asking if I were awake.  Well, yes, now, but she has a wrong number.  I notice she is calling from the area code far away from whence I came three years ago.  Then she calls back a few minutes later.  Still wrong number, and she apologizes and says she must have gotten the number wrong again.  I don't mind, although once awake at 3 a.m., I cannot easily return to much-needed sleep.  The pain needs medicating, and it takes quite awhile to tame it.

So I see what the Lord wants, for it is the hour of mercy in the middle of the night--3 a.m.  And I marvel at this contact from a stranger, a woman, and consider the situation as a mission for souls.  Either she or the person she is trying to call, needs prayer!  So I begin praying then and there and mull it over as prayer, and consider the Lord's mercy, and even think through the simple refrain of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and that prayer of the pilgrim:  Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

In the morning, very tired (pain is fatiguing and often feels as if the body never gets rested) and on the way to civilization to a Home Depot where there is a certain size and type of tile, and enough of it in stock to tile a couple shower surrounds, the 3 a.m. phone call returns to mind.  There is a strong impulse to call that number and say that the person or whoever being called, is being bathed in prayer.

So I do this, and leave a voicemail, explaining while it may seem strange I just want the caller to know I was not at all bothered at being wakened (for I truly was not as I often waken from pain anyway), and say am no longer in that area but far away in a distant desert, but have a sense that she or the person she was trying to reach, needs prayer.  They are getting it!  And I'm happy to do so.

Then on to Home Depot where I encounter the marvelous soul, Kim.

A few hours later when in the Lowe's, dealing with the soulbusting mission which at that point was quite intense, my phone rings.  It is a man calling from that long distance number.  We talk, as I further explain why I felt compelled to call and leave that message.  Sure enough, it was his wife who had placed the call, trying to reach someone she knew as she was quite ill and could not go to work. He was kind of chuckling with amazement.  

Neither of us exchanged names.  No need to do that.  But he laughed and said it was quite something, and once again asked where I was and said where they were, and said his mom might think to pray like that.  Yes, it was something his mom might do, and he was pleased.  Well, his wife got the prayers; and I pray today she is well enough to continue on in her daily life.

These are the fun missions, the ones that leave this hermit with a joy that passes all understanding.  These are the occasions in which I can truly live my rather ironic name of Joyful Hermit.  For much of the time, with the work of souls and of soulbusting, there is so much pain and anguish, so much suffering, so much emotional wounding--that our view of "joy" or being "joyful" would seem as far away from this hermit as I am from getting this hermitage finished.

It is all the further away now, for the truth has gurgled up, finally, and by Jesus doing the work in exposing it after I was fully invested.  The cabinets are so very flawed, and the employees knew it all along, and one honest employee--once away from Don her cabinet partner and away from Keith the cabinet manager with their lies--admitted that this line of cabinets was discontinued because they were flawed, and she had many, many customers who had problems with these cabinets.

That truth does not change the attitude of my adult daughter and her husband who spent a lot of time and energy helping to install these cabinets that then began to have evolving issues.  No, the fact that I would get to the bottom of the deceptions and even start returning the bad cabinets, is not pleasing to them.  They view the world perhaps differently than does a consecrated Catholic hermit who is also in the mission field of soulbusting.  

Just keep them, cover over the issues, hope that a future buyer does not try pulling out the drawers nor looks inside nor notices the warped doors, nor the mismatched cabinet because of more lies and deceptions by the souls in big trouble, those store employees, especially the one whose visage has actually become gray in the last several months.  Grayer and grayer, like some cancer is growing and taking over...or else it is just that the field of my inner vision, the Lord has cleared now that I was fully invested with the clerk and praying for him.

No, the cabinets, at great cost, effort, and suffering on my part, are being returned.  Would my daughter and her husband like to be tricked in a home purchase?  And, above any of that aspect, how could a hermit, espoused to Christ, who has consecrated this hermitage with the name Te Deum House (You, God!), keep that which is filled with lies and deceptions?  Right is always right.

So the more I have to struggle, the longer I must be here, the more cost in paying to have the heavy counter top lifted and then later replaced, the more money spent with loan rising to get cabinets that are not discontinued and faulty--the better the prayers for the souls in big trouble.  

It just works that way, weird as it may seem.  No, me, the hermit, the consecrated soul and heart to Christ's heart and soul, does not like it!  I have wept!  I am tired and in many ways would like to give up.  I wept on the Sabbath when removing the cabinets from the bathroom that took me two days to install perfectly, leveling every which way with shims, bolting into studs and bolting each together at the sides.  

There was the memory of all the delays when the drawers would not function properly, and all the tales from the employees, and more tales from the factory rep, and even how they tried to blame me rather than admit the problems were not just ones I experienced. It was cruel!  I had been cabinet raped; and the pain of that awareness hurt all the more because I had so trusted the cabinet employee all these months and months and had prayed for those who he said were ill or whatever as part of his deception.  Yes, that employee is to me as Judas was to my Beloved.

So, the mission remains as a soulbuster, and this man's soul is now opened to this hermit's full vision,. And while it has taken some tears and some arguing with God about the seeming unfairness, and has taken a whole lot more acceptance of the damage the situation has done with family relationships (and who can blame them in a way, even if this situation was not my fault?)--I am taking it on for what it is, and there are some souls in big trouble, and now I must do all the work and cost and effort as prayer for these souls who are in such big trouble.

It reminds me of the late bishop whose soul was finally and fully shown to me for its deceptions and meanness.  I had then exclaimed to the Lord and to my spiritual father:  This is a soul in big trouble!  Pray for the bishop's soul, for he could be snatched at any time now!  His soul is in trouble!  Sure enough, he was snatched--quickly, surely, taken by surprise to him and others.  Was no surprise to this hermit, though, nor the spiritual father, and we pray for his soul still, wherever is his soul, nearly four years later.

I guess I have just written about the mission of soulbusting.  The Lord did give me the energy now to write about it and share it, for soulbusting is a fine mission--if a painful one, at that.  Few would understand it or believe it, or see how it works.  And most important of all is to recognize that the mission of soulbusting has to do with one's own soul, as well.  For every soul in big trouble out there, once the case is cracked and the reparation is in motion, there is the soulbuster's soul to be considered.  

Am I pleasant and rejoicing about doing all the work and paying the costs in body and finances and emotions and relationships in order to do all for God and for that soul?  Do I do so with faith and strength, and see it from the spiritual view?  Do I still love that soul--can I love that lying, deceptive, hurtful soul?  (He yet makes faces at me when in the store, and other employees circle their wagons around him--until the day I told him we must move forward, and that I have no hard feelings.  What was not right from the beginning was never going to be right.)

It is not easy being a soulbuster for the Lord, to be that type of instrument of God on earth.  I admit this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is not a struggling soulbuster, for if I were totally agreeable and eager to the tasks, the Lord would not need to dupe me in order to get me fully into the situations with these souls--invested, so to speak, and caring and loving them enough to suffer enough when their souls are fully revealed.

This has happened over and over in my life.  It is kind of the answer to the death experience 28 years ago, between back surgeries, in which I died and was sent back--sent back to rear my children and "to fulfill the mission."  This is the mission part.  It is a painful one, as this hermit's body is filled with pain.  Yet the pain is love at other levels and dimensions, and the Lord gifts the love to the full so that the efforts and the mission may continue, soul after soul.

Today I wash the excess grout off the bathroom floor tile and start to build the box for the recessed shower niche.  True, I've never done these things before, but the Lord is with me, and I pray my way through, and if I get two hours of manual labor in, that is two hours in.  These days, it is offered for the current souls in big trouble with some praises for the great souls I meet along the way.  Gifts and encouragements to us soulbusters, are these large and luminous souls who we encounter from time to time, amidst the souls in big trouble.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love.  (And can we really love, anyway, unless it is God's Love doing the loving?)

Catholic Hermit Has Powerful Dream

The Lord gave intense instruction and reminder in powerful dream last night.  It has to do with the value of souls and of how much in danger can be our souls.  There was more to it, of course.  Was so clear and sharp as to wake up this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit!  Fear and awe--trembling for souls.

Plus, in the dream, trying to remedy situation of our souls endangered by our mortal flaws and ignoring God and the state of our beings, was stymied.  Pray for souls!  But also, as shown, often our abodes reflect our soul's state of being or that of others.  It can be difficult to take temporal, spiritual action, such as using blessed holy water in homes for so many do not have that belief or faith in such.  Or it can be difficult to find priests today who would take seriously our concern for souls and for dwellings enough to do an orthodox house blessing.

At least, these have been obstacles in my own situations and in hearing of others' plights.

Am reminded to  pray earnestly for all souls and to do what I can to bless this dwelling as well as to bless with as much faith as my mind, heart, and spirit can muster--others' dwellings.  And this means the dwellings of our souls--our bodies--and the dwellings in which we live as humans upon this earth. 

I can do a "house" blessing in person, here, today; and I can do it when I visit others, quietly, with interior blessing room by room or from the exterior.  I can also bless in faith and love, from deep within my mind, heart, and spirit, from afar--to any dwelling anywhere, upon which my mind is led by the Holy Spirit.

While asking a priest to formally bless a house is marvelous and good, often it seems priests do not consider such as all that necessary or urgent.  My dream showed the importance, however, of the state of our souls--our souls' abodes as well as our bodies' abodes.  There are supernatural aspects that can affect the security of our souls when we do not even realize the intrusions that can weaken us, or the dangers that we may be surrounded with.

We go along in life, day by day: working, eating, sleeping, interacting, playing and even praying.  But we do not necessarily realize the incredible value and status of our souls among each other and with God.

I was shown how lacking can be our souls.  I have let slack the praying and beseeching, the protecting and blessing, on behalf of souls--souls of whom I'm aware and souls in general.  The dream was a powerful reminder and in rather desperate and intense showing of souls and circumstances--ones of which I am familiar but had neglected other than in passing thought.  Serious business, is the state of our and all souls!

Now there will be far more concern and loving consideration to do all, in faith, that I can possible do and be for souls!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and consider in love and prayer, each others' souls!

"The Catholic Church Is a MESS!"

Twenty years ago this spring, this statement was the main response of this nothing Catholic hermit's aunt when it told her it was converting to Catholicism.  At the time, it seemed impossible and just yet another biased reaction against the Catholic Church by those who did not know Her from within.  Yet over the years, it has proven to be quite true, indeed!

Yes, the Catholic Church is "a mess".  The nothing Catholic hermit, within the first months, discovered some horrors first-hand in the initial parish.  Over the course of numerous priests, the problems, personality disorders, sins of immorality of all types, revealed themselves, one after another.  

The reality of Catholic-in-name-only surfaced time and again, example after example.  The beloved Godmother, a religious sister, eventually revealed her and her order's penchant for radical feminism and steep involvement in a church dissent group.  When this nothing declined to go along with it, that was the end of our earthly friendship.  So much mess hit the fan--too much to detail--and only two years of Catholicism under the belt.

The next 18 years continued to reveal more and more mess as far as the experience could see and as much as the mind could shoulder...or perhaps shudder.  You name the category of mess, the corruption, the abuses, the rude and nasty ill-treatment of those in the cloth and those in the pews, and there are examples to delineate: hard facts.

Yes, the Catholic Church is a mess.  For a long time, this nothing Catholic hermit tried to hide it from its own children and friends and family.  It hid its knowing the reality of the mess from the very priests who were steeply involved in some corrupt and immoral behaviors--right down to crossing the criminal line.  And some of the mess was starting to ooze out into the public, especially the mistreatment of the nothing Catholic hermit in some instances in which the persons perpetuating the nastiness no longer cared what they said or did, or how they reacted in anger and vengeance.

The wrongs continued to flow like rushing flood waters, and then into the muddy after-bilge, robbing the good earth, stripping it from previously fertile fields of a naive hope for a bountiful harvest in what could be a sure and perfect picture of Christ's own Church on earth.  And the condition of the mess goes on and on, parish after diocese after religious order after Vatican insider ills.

The Catholic Church is a mess because of us Catholics.  We all sprouted from a seed, sometime, somewhere, and somehow we did not absorb the nutrients available.  Or we got side-lined and distracted by others who did not absorb the nutrients available, or who fell to lesser or greater temptations and sin, and who got ourselves into envy or pride, or gluttony or sloth, or deception or scandal or intemperance or impurity of one sort or another.  

Or we got ourselves into a state of mess and caused the distraction and derailment of others who became disillusioned because of our making messes in our Catholic lives, our Catholic parishes, our Catholic religious houses and seminaries and in our overall human lack of attention to detail, to obedience to not so much the rules, but to the Gospel Rule, and to the Sovereignty (and humility) of His Real Presence.

Yes, the Catholic Church is a mess, and yet this nothing Catholic hermit loves Her for many solid reasons.  But the overriding reason is that in the Church, despite its being a mess, there is truth, goodness and beauty in the purity of the Faith in all its theological, doctrinal and Scriptural reality.  It is the Church Christ founded and instituted on this earth, for us messy human beings, steeped in our messes, and adept and perpetuating by our flaws, even more mess, thus keeping Holy Mother Church in a state of mess for those either wanting Her to fail or those hoping beyond hope for Her to be pristine and perfect in the Christian ideal.

And the Church could be and should be pristine and perfect in the Christian ideal, if it weren't for us people bringing our messes to muddy the image and also the reality.  

Yet the reason there is such love in this nothing Catholic hermit, despite having seemingly more than its share of persecution, abuse, and mishaps from the mess, is that there is hope.  There is such hope alive and possible in the pureness of the faith, and the faith and hope enkindle such love that it is futile to think of being anything other than one of the souls embodied in very human and imperfect flesh, who has the potential to either add to the mess or to be a seed in the mud, striving to grow beyond the mess of its own and others' contribution to the mess.  Yes, nothing Catholic hermit is a mess, as well.

A familiar symbol in the first few centuries for faith, hope and love were a beam, a light, and a disk. This nothing Catholic hermit desires to be a flashlight held in the Hands of His Real Presence, through which a beam of light shines and creates a disk at the end of the beam, a disk of light shining brightly and visibly against a wall--perhaps that of a temporal Catholic Church, or at least of the mystical Church.  And that disk of light becomes a beacon of His Love, of His Love of our messy souls trying to become beams of light-into-pure-light-disks of love to expose our mess and purify our mess, our individual and collective mess that sullies the Church--His Church, our Church.  Our Holy Catholic Church.

There is nothing stopping the nothing Catholic hermit from striving in faith, hope, and love:  beam, light, disk.  (The disk rather shines like His Real Presence in the species of a Host, does it not?) Become one with that Host!  Seek union with His Real Presence in Body and Spirit!  Even though we may falter time and again, as our human conditions can grow weary with slogging through our own muddy mess of interior ineptitude and exterior rude-and-crude and all vices in and out:  We can try.  

We have the virtues of faith, hope, and love to call upon, and these three are given us for the asking, by His grace.  He will never refuse us these, and by these we will be held as a flashlight in Jesus' Hands, and He will focus us time and again for the asking.  Beam, light, disk.  It can happen, soul by soul.  And this is how we can strive to be a little less of a mess, and how one by one and bit by bit, we can keep that faith, hope, and love alive to strive for these ideals of virtue-grace living even if the growth is slow and imperceptible to ourselves, like the seeds in the mud, gradually making progress to reach the sunlight and fresh air.

If one can fall into a mess of a house, deceived by some vice-mess in others and naive self-blunder, and learn to slowly dig through the mess and work hard to turn it around, clean it out, make progress even if might not be able to finish and surely not to remain after it is fresh and all things made new--and adapt to, have gratitude, and love for a place to be allowed to exist and seek God--then one can do far better of itself for Christ and His Church.

Sure worth this nothing Catholic hermit's continuous efforts, for we are all part of our mess.  Yet we cannot do other than dig in to our own lives and souls to begin clearing the mess, vice by vice, into virtue upon virtue.  Humility is key, unto love.

The Catholic Church is a mess, and this nothing Catholic hermit loves Her so!  Faith, Hope, and Love.  As the apostle writes, the greatest of these is love.

News; Efforts; Perspective

For now continue to keep up with the news, online.  One station, video clips, not all, mostly headlines--this gives enough of the grasp and details for praying.  Still wonder if not knowing would do as well.  But this current approach seems helpful so as to not become too caught up in self.  Is an occupational hazard of the human condition, perhaps enhanced by social media.  Those living alone can be particularly prone.

Mark did not show up today.  Finally called, and he said he thought this nothing was to call him.  No, last conversation ended with "See you Wednesday"...but let it go.  God's will.

Someone had emailed in the early morning, asking about mindfulness.  Nothing Catholic hermit wrote back, explaining the Order of the Present Moment, mentioned the Nine S'.  Recommended Br. Lawrence's classic, Practicing the Presence of God, and de Caussade's Abandonment to Divine Providence (also translated as The Sacrament of the Present Moment).

It is to that reminder that His Real Presence prompted the nothing hermit to take it well that the help was not coming today.  So decided to start the process of measuring and very carefully boring 2" holes through some studs, with very little space in which to do it.  Crawling under sink in that base cabinet, used the corded drill which a clerk had recommended for better power.  However, it jammed and whipped back on the hermit, wrenching the twice-operated-on shoulder and whacking the side of the hand.

Read something quite poignant and painful of a woman's past:  a fourth child and only daughter, born years ago with a major birth defect that then was not treatable.  Their princess died after five months in the hospital, never able to be brought home.  So was thinking of this little angel, and also of the anguish it would have brought to the parents.  Over time, the mother grew to understand the connection with her daughter, and what a special gift she is, across the veil.  The mother offers now to share her angel in heaven, as she has come to pray and ask for assistance from this precious soul.

When the painful drill-whipping occurred, this nothing began sobbing and thinking it simply could not do this overwhelming work!  Too hard!  Am too old, too tired, too weak!  Thoughts turned to the older woman, and her long ago birth of daughter.  Suddenly began sobbing and feeling it a kind of sobbing in kind with the woman, for the anguished tears she must have wept many times over when her baby girl was born with such a dire defect.  One can only hope this nothing felt some of that great hurt of a mother in losing an only daughter in infancy, never having her home--five months in a hospital, then death.  

Somehow, all these aspects develop a sense of perspective. Called Raphael, and he said to use the battery drill--that the corded one is too powerful with those large hole-boring drill bits.   Am not strong enough to control a corded drill when it jams and whips.  He is sending a helper tomorrow for the heavy work-needs here.  Sensing the support of the new friend in heaven, used the battery drill and bored the holes through which the new sink drain vent system will run.  Had to stop when realized need yet another size of hole bit.  So it all has to wait until next trip to civilization.

And all of it seems very small, somehow, compared to today's world news, and in thinking of an only daughter--or any child--being born with uncorrectable defect (at least then).  All these construction frustrations are a very small bag of worms, indeed.  The higher-again pain level today is but a small matter in the full spectrum of suffering humanity. The Order of the Present Moment comes to the fore, once again; and the body needs rest yet, so as well Mark did not come.  

Found it interesting in reading the more detailed book about Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross, that Teresa expressed verbally to others and in writing of her wish to not have to live.  She longed for release from this life, this earth, the world.  Yet, she lived out her life, seeking God's will and loving Him beyond measure.  She did what she was to do, her work, even though she suffered chronically.  Could so totally relate with her feelings and the words with which she expressed them.

God works all things to good for those of us who love Him.  Trials and tragedies sooner or later radiate the blessings and spiritual growth tucked, always, in them.  Just look for them immediately, as that saves us a lot of upset.  God provides for us in the details large and small, in the present moment, without fail.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love--and weep, rejoice, and share with--one another!

Hermit Vocation Emphasis, Perspective

Do hermits have emphasis on their eremitic "vocation" at the forefront of their daily lives?  In other words, do they identify consciously with the temporal trappings of what is or is not a "hermit"?

This nothing Catholic hermit wonders.  Probably not in the majority of consecrated religious eremitics out there, and definitely not in this hermit.  The posts that it dislikes the most, in writing, actually, are those dealing with hermit-this and hermit-that--wrangling and hair-splitting over temporal rules, status, titles, designations.

Yearly in this nothing's life, there is the renewal of the consecration as a religious eremitic, a Catholic one, at that. Some posts of the distant past explain all that, even give the vows this hermit made, and the setting.  And, there has been discussion of the more temporal aspects of hermit life, in the blog writing.

But the predominate desire of emphasis and perspective of this hermit--this soul--is what would be of any aspirant to union with His Real Presence.  We love and seek God; we strive in whatever ways and hope in all ways, to climb the stairway to heaven, to come to any closer grasp of spiritual perfection and union with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

The conscious awareness of hermit is more like an undercurrent, or the overcast of the sky.  It is there, but it is not the emphasis in temporal details of hermit this or that.  In fact, being a hermit rarely comes to conscious mind in this nothing Catholic hermit.

What comes to mind is the rule of life, which for this nothing is the Gospel Rule, with the Nine S' as platform and outflow of the Gospels. as applied to daily and nightly existence. Action, thought, words, being: Life in Christ.  

[Nine S': silence, solitude, slowness, suffering, selflessness, simplicity, stillness, stability, serenity.]

This soul's temporal and spiritual days and nights are filled with the trials, obstacles, joys, and  lessons--the interactions, loves, virtues, vices--that are part of the human condition. Hopefully increasingly numbers of souls actively engage with religious desire and spiritual aspiration of the sublime goal:  Love of God and love of others.  

This starkly simple goal has oodles of threads woven into the making, however.  And it is spinning and weaving those threads, working on the fabric of our existence with His Real Presence, God-Is-Love, as focus, which fills the present moments that unfold in making up a lifetime of being, no matter how short or long that earthly lifetime may be.

Only God is forever; and aspiring souls recognize that this temporal lifetime is our soul school, with extended coursework available in what may be termed "purgatory." Our goal, our emphasis, our perspective as souls (more than vocation designation) for those of us desiring God is not best served by much attachment to the title of a vocation.  Nor do numerous, conscious considerations that can distract or lead into vices such as pride, envy, or even gluttony help us in the temporal-spiritual ascent (eg. glut on legalisms and tedium of details not necessary for the freedom of soul to ascend the spiritual).

Whatever, but this soul here, this nothing-I-and-He-Is-All, does not much consciously dwell on being a "hermit."  It just lives as any soul would live out his or her existence in Christ, knowing the emphasis and perspective is that of being a soul in love with His Real Presence--breathing, functioning, and aspiring along with all the souls in the Body of Christ.  We are embraced by and abide in His Love.  Remain in My Love, Jesus tells us.

True, there is a certain ennui and yet conflict, having a blog titled A Catholic Hermit, and of being nothing and yet titling the writing effort with the clarifiers Catholic and Hermit.   Seems like this is about the only time this nothing sees the labels.  Hopefully not often does it dip back into the conscious and temporal debate of what makes a valid or invalid hermit in the eyes of society or the Church.  May the writing be Christ and our souls' spiritual work and progression lived out in this beautiful life and world we are given to learn to love God and others.  And may the writing include thoughts of other souls who happened to live and share in writing or otherwise, who happened to also be consecrated eremitics, Catholic or Orthodox or whatever branch of His Real Presence as Head of the Body, the Church.  
Yes, it is all right to have interest in and learn from souls who shared and share a calling, a path.  Writing about the earthly titles, designations, status of hermit in the eyes of man does not need on-going explanation or debate.  For the temporal is always passing away, and there are as many types of hermits as hermits themselves.  We cannot lasso or type-cast, and that is why the Church's designation of such as the eremitic vocation is clearly simple and vast, both.  Beyond temporal, it is spiritual--even mystical--in the vastness.  

It is of souls in bodies, growing into and through the spiritual vastness by ascending the temporal to the divine, that is of interest to this hermit, a catholic hermit, a consecrated religious, a soul, a nothing-in-God-Is-All.

This nothing's heart sings when the thoughts, readings, writings, and living go above and beyond the debate over what well-intentioned and even Godly people have decided over the years as to rules and protocols of a vocational designation.  

The fundamentals are in the Catechism; the Canon Laws contain additional words which may be revised in later years by those who determine such matters desire and decide.  None of that will determine if a soul will have union with God, however, or will ensure the hermit soul or whoever will attain to purity of love of God and love others.  (Marriage vows are straightforward even if people now distort the natural purpose and order.)  

Stripped before God or man, we are all "just" souls. Now, marvel on that, for instance!  Souls~! Souls created by our Heavenly Father who loves us beyond our comprehension, who forgives us and has mercy without measure!

Have mercy on us all.  God bless His Real Presence in us, dear children, and let us love God and love one another.

More Spiritual Combat Practice

Finally got the call that the laptop was repaired.  So thankful to have purchased the warranty service.  Don't usually do that, but with the laptop it has been useful and practical and finance-saving.

In the past few days, there have been many trials in which to practice lessons learned in The Spiritual Combat book by Dom Lorenzo Scupoli.  Can't say there is great progress in overcoming the surprise attacks, but there is progress in recognizing them.  Being rested and in good, physical health would bring better successes.  But who in battle on the battlefield is rested and has particularly good health?  The soldiers are weary, hungry, aching, and overwhelmed with responsibilities and high stakes of potential failure and defeat.

The reality yet requires one to remain steadfast, remain on the field, remain engaged in tenacity and purpose, remain hopeful and faithful in loving dependency on His Real Presence.

Appliances were delivered.  Unexpected delivery man exhibited resistance to helping place the behemoth things into the openings.  He relented, but the appliances did not fit.  Appeared that the cabinets were not "square", or so he said.  Being worn out but having spent hours and with hired help to level and square the cabinets, it all seemed rather confusing.  What went wrong?

Later, asked the delivery young man if the appliances are level.  "Yes," he replied.  He suggested shaving off the cabinet edges to make the stove fit.  All had turned to confusion with trying to figure out the tangible problem of materials and space, making one item fit into another.  The counter top people were to come the next day.  Three cumbrous, heavy appliances were left sitting in the center of a small kitchen; a microwave in its box was plopped in front of the sliding exterior doors.

After several phone calls, thankfully did not shave the cabinets.  Simply by eying the appliances again, could see they were not level with the floor (which was not level--thus all the hours of shimming cabinets to make all level and square).  More misinformation was given by store employees:  no leveling feet on fridge; yes leveling feet, but only in front; leveling feet on stove, not just on front.  "Your floor is not level."  "What floor even in new construction is level, let alone in old houses?  Do they not deliver appliances to other older, single people who live in older houses?"

No help was forthcoming from the store.  More phone calls to others.  The counter top people were trying their best to figure out what this solo, tired, old woman could do.  The man helping with electrical was called; he described how to make a fulcrum with 2x4 pieces of lumber and jack the heavy refrigerator enough to turn the adjuster wheels.  (Yes, refrigerators do have them in the front.)  But one wheel would not go up or down; the other would.  Faulty adjuster foot-wheel.  Appliance employees said they knew nothing about leveling appliances but deliver people do.  Delivery people were ones giving wrong information from onset.

Delivery head man said store can do nothing to help.  Call the service warranty people as one month remains.  Service warranty people said would be a charge if adjuster wheel not broken but stuck.  Who knows, but God?  Turned focus to stove to at least get it level as it would fit into the spot if level with the level cabinets.  (Thanks be to God the counter top people, so helpful, said do not shave the cabinets to get the stove to fit--back when was wrongly told the stove was level with floor.)

Back foot leveler on stove would not budge.  Call the store again, and appliance man said must just do the best as he did not know anything other to advise.  Could not help.  Frustration rises.  Said maybe counter top man, when he comes, would be kind enough to help me.

Counter top man did help by holding range on side so this one could get down on floor with tools and see why foot would not budge.  Leveling foot is defective; bent in on angle and thus would never have moved.  Call store again.  Appliance man finally says what could have, should have, been said previous day.  "We will send a man out on Tuesday with a new stove foot, and if the one cannot be replaced will replace the stove."

Asked if the man could also take a look at the defective refrigerator leveling foot?  Maybe....

From one young delivery man's arrival and attitude, chaos ensued, involving various others in phone calls and trying to help, amidst some store employees catching the "resistance fever" while others tried to problem solve.  As it turned out, nothing was going to solve the problem with defective parts other than replacing them.  And that was going to take a strong person and a store employee to handle the massive appliances.

Stayed in the battle, remained on the field.  (Where else is there for a hermit to go in a remote area when worn out and stressed by such unnecessary chaos?)  Prayed about why this was unfolding as it was--a first glitch with the store and employees who otherwise have been so helpful to a point of holiness. 

First insight:  the young delivery man needs prayers.  Had noticed previously in the store, his tendency to dark chip on the shoulder.  Not delighted with the job, a bit resistant to helpfulness.  Second insight:  God was testing this Catholic hermit in the art of spiritual combat.

Results:  Battle not won yet but looking more promising for victory, one way or another.  Did not do well in the midst of the fray; frustrations rose to a peak, and tears came like rain on the field, at one point.  But did come to the realization that if need be, would exist with the appliances sitting in the center of kitchen, not finish the kitchen, and go on until illness or death plucked me from the temporal scene, and someone, some day, some how, would be able to level or move the appliances.  Had lived without a kitchen for well over a year, and adapted and survived just fine.

Lessons learned:  Attitude makes all the difference.  Persevere to the goal, and do not be beaten back by others' negative attitudes, resistance, nor misinformation.  Praise God and those who help when it is not even their responsibility to be involved and help.  Praise God in all aspects of the trials.  Keep a perspective that prayer for souls is at the root of all trials, and love of God and others despite the obstacles or if they become the enemy combatants, is key.  Do not consider them enemy but rather fellow seekers and strugglers on the battle fields of life, of which spiritual combat is a daily and nightly reality in any of the miniscule details of our temporal journeys.  Thank all those who helped, and thank those who became resistant when the resistance is snapped like the little rubber bands they were all along.

Praise God.  Pray to not slip in midst of combat next time, for there will be a next time and next time and next time.  Only when there is recognition and loving, spiritual and temporal handling of trials will the combat seem not a combat but merely an opportunity for prayer, love and not-so-stressful victory. 

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love!

Where Is the Freedom and the Joy?

How appropriate for this blog post is today's Scripture from 1 Corinthians 12:12-21!~

 "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.
  
"Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot were to say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body’, that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear were to say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body’, that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many members, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, ‘I have no need of you’, nor again the head to the feet, ‘I have no need of you.’ On the contrary, the members of the body that seem to be weaker are indispens- able, and those members of the body that we think less honourable we clothe with greater honour, and our less respectable members are treated with greater respect; whereas our more respectable members do not need this. But God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honour to the inferior member, that there may be no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honoured, all rejoice together with it.
  
"Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers; then deeds of power, then gifts of healing, forms of assistance, forms of leadership, various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But strive for the greater gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way,"

 

Where is the freedom and the joy?  What is the still more excellent way?  What are the greater gifts for which we are to strive?

Where is the freedom and the joy? was a question recently asked of a dear friend.  She had admitted that she and her husband (both elderly and life-long Catholics) had been shunned and treated coldly, and their son and his wife mistreated, in their town's two parishes.  She assumed it was due to their having moved there (now years ago) from another state.  Outsiders, she said. 

The situation came to a point in which she had more upset being among the other parishioners than good for the soul.  She and her husband have not been back.  But she said when they visit their adult daughters who live in different cities, they are welcomed and find parishes with healthy and vibrant priests and parishioners who are loving and charitable.  She also commented that she and her husband now pray together and have devotions more than they ever had, together, daily.

She repeated how horribly this "nothing" had been treated in those same two parishes in the hometown.  But as a convert, it seemed more reasonable (if that is the correct word to explain lack of charity) that parishioners would react negatively to someone new in their midst.  "Nothing" was and yet is horrified that this deeply Christian, warm and loving older woman was put through the grinder. 

Man's inhumanity to man is alive and thriving within the Church.

However, the woman is heartened by the fact that she and her husband can attend Mass in loving parishes with active and focused priests, when they visit their daughters.  And she recalls the parish and priest where they lived prior to moving to the new location 20 or more years ago.  This woman always repeats, when we talk on occasion, that "nothing" was the only person who approached her and spoke and included in a couple of outreach ministries that "nothing" was inspired by the Lord to develop.  Ah, yes, those little efforts were met with eventual ousting.  This woman commented how vicious in particular, was one of the priests toward "nothing."  She said she always felt the people's issues had to do with their envy.  Not sure of that, personally, but this was her assessment.

So it goes.  And the wondrous aspect of it all, is that this woman is touched.  She has always stood out as charitable and spiritual, as warm and especially anointed, spiritually.  Surely this is part of why the fearful ones have reacted negatively.  It is difficult for people of a certain mindset and way of being, to accept the occasional "feathers on the breath of God" who sometimes float into their midst.

In the history of the Church, such people are dotted through the centuries and through the parishes and monasteries.  Names come to mind, one after another, of those who were called to something more and in different ways.  As the old spiritual father used to tell "nothing", it is as if the farmer has put a marker on one of the chicks, and the others do all they can to peck it to death because they sense it is "different."

However, this aspect of humanity sensing and fearing what is different or "touched", can sometimes unfold in positive ways.  Consider Joseph whose brothers were envious and found him to be the dreamer and different. They sold him into slavery.  In a different location and in different circumstances, Joseph was desirable and useful to the Pharoah.  It all worked out for good and in God's will and ultimate purposes.  Joseph had a certain vocation.

And that leads to the current situation of discerning God's will in "nothing's" continued seeking to fit in to parishes in a viable and giving way.  Just is not going to unfold, and this was foretold many years ago when in the first parish.  In a dream, nothing was desperately trying to catch up with, to join in, the parishioners who were off in the distance, entering a "plane".  Nothing tried in vain to reach them, but exhaustion, pain, and eventually getting stuck in mud resulted in a collapse on the edge of a beautiful expanse of green meadow.  Off in the distance could be seen the parishioners as a large and cohesive group, boarding the plane, and "nothing" had not a chance left to reach them.

Three ancient-looking desert fathers came along, drifting more than walking, across the lush, green grass in the meadow, not far from where "nothing" knelt, mud-covered and depleted from fruitless efforts in joining the parishioners.  The three men, dressed in flowing, off-white tunics, their long, white beards flowing also, rather windswept but all about only stillness, pointed and spoke.

They turned their heads back toward the distant plane with the parishioners boarding it, and they said, "You do not belong with them.  You are to remain here with us, and we will teach you."

This same message was given several years later, again in a dream, in which Mary and Martha beckoned "nothing" to enter a room which mystically appeared off a corridor of a school building.  It was a room that was not visible to others, in general.  They spoke, also.  "Stay here with us, and we will teach you."  (It was rather amazing to note that both Mary and Martha were contemplatives, which makes sense, because both are now on the other side, in heaven, and there is no "being busy or concerned about many things" in heaven.  We will all be contemplatives then and there.)

Regarding the conversation the other day with the parish employee, and reflecting upon previous reactions of wariness to what "nothing" would offer to assist or do, it is not so much a matter of priests and parishioners being fearful and wary of someone who they perceive as different, or to topics that are beyond the more safely temporal topics, including more basic books being read for discussion groups, or more secular programs--all safe and accommodating to the common denominator.  Perhaps that is the best for parishes in some ways, at least safe and not going to rock any boats or stir coals.  It suits the desires, perhaps, of the general populace of Catholics.

What is significant is to grasp when one does not fit into such a scenario.  It simply means one fits into some other scenario.  And in the night, when reminded of the three desert fathers, and reminded of Mary and Martha, and also of a visit from an earthly dad after he was on the other side but came to give three messages, the messages of each and all were the same content.  "You don't belong in that world, with the others.  You belong in a different setting.

This is all about the eremitic vocation, the hermit existence, whether termed hermit or something other, such as St. Joseph LaBre called himself a wandering pilgrim.  In essence and substance, he was a hermit who wandered until he settled in Rome and lived as a homeless man, yet a very religious and spiritual homeless man.  He lived as Jesus lived, no pillow for his head nor place to call "home."

Not all hermits (in fact, probably not many) have interactive lives with parishes.  Those who do, well and good.  It must be God's will for the unfolding of their vocations. But for most hermits and also for mystics, historically and realistically, they were not embraced by nor accepted in parishes. They just don't belong to "that world."  They don't fit in, and there are many reasons for it, and good reasons.

It is not a negative--nothing to berate the parishioners or priests for being unyielding.  It is a positive for the person who does not fit neatly into that paradigm or structure.  Jesus certainly did not fit into the temple world of His days on earth.  Yet others did fit, and that is positive and good.

Yes, it has to do with vocation, and what is God's will and purpose and the means and ways of how He wishes a soul in a person on this earth to grow and bloom.

We will each and all be utilized spiritually if we desire to please God, to be in His will, and to love God and others as He loves us.

As for "nothing" and parishes, or for any of those who did not fit in, they were always utilized by God for His good purposes.  There is nothing wrong about parish employees and priests being wary or in having set ways of wanting things to be.  Much of that has to do with leadership and management styles. Much has to do with individual temperaments and personalities, and a lot has to do with faith and risk-taking, and also what the person in charge of others experiences in his or her own spiritual lives.  It has a lot to do with comfort zones and comfort levels.  None of this is wrong or bad.

But for those who are floaters, not dockers, who are more like "feathers on the breath of God" than stones set in concrete for a lovely mosaic, the former belong to the freedom and joy of His Real Presence's stairway to heaven than in any active aspect of a parish setting.

Up high, painting the shingle siding, tediously brushing in between each crevice between shingles, so much gets worked out in reasonable fashion, with the Holy Spirit.  All makes sense, and no one person or way is better or worse than another.  They are just different, with different purposes and different ways of being and different outcomes.

There is freedom and joy in different settings and circumstances.  The hermit life allows for variation and depth of spiritual seeking, and in spiritual finding.  There is freedom and joy in this vocation, and God knows what He is doing when He calls a relatively few to the hermit life.  Yet the relatively few who have this vocation regardless of designation in church terms, understand the necessary discernment regarding parishes and parish life, and whether or not his or her hermit vocation has much or little or no active or visible involvement.

In this "nothing" Catholic hermit's current unfolding, there is to be no active or visible involvement in parishes.  All the utilization will be done in a hidden, spiritual and prayerful existence.  This is Patmos, after all, and for whatever time or for the rest of "nothing's" earthly time, the "parish" will be with the three desert fathers, or with Mary and Martha, or not of that world, but of this other world in which the freedom and joy is unmistakable.

Mystically, of course, and in essence, there is a parish connection, very much so.  We are all connected as souls in the Body of Christ:  through, with and in Him.  This is where there is freedom, joy, and the peace that passes all understanding and is Christ's peace bequeathed upon us.

God bless His Real Presence in all of us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!

Hold the Torch or Merely Bear It?

I have pondered today, also, various visions and forewarning events of the past, prior to my conversion to Catholicism.  I suppose one must examine all in context and time frame, over the years as the body, mind, heart and soul progress in this journey to His Real Presence, knowing that one is through, with and in Him all along.

It helps, also, to reflect upon what trusted and decent others have said, here and there.  All these aspects do shed light upon the path and help us discern God's will and the way we are to trod. 

One dear minister of advanced years, told me later that he always considered me a prophetess.  That stunned me, as I had not considered that role or assignment, per se.  I suppose it is in part an aspect, though, of the Christian life; some must hold the torch upon the truth and allow its full reflection to be seen by others, even if the consequences may mean a metaphoric or in some way an actualized, toss into the cistern.  Or, sometimes one is called upon to bear the truth and be the immolation in whatever way is most difficult and painful.

Another minister, younger and of whom I saw raw, partially gesticulated fish vomiting from his mouth as he read Scripture in the worship service one Sunday morning, did not appreciate my giving him a message, a few days later.  I was shown and told this, and I shed light on it:  You are an adulterer.

Now, this man was married and quite faithful in his marital vows as far as sexual fidelity.  But the Lord told me it just as He showed me:  an adulterer.  Knowing the man's faithfulness in the typical sense, I researched the word adulterer, of which adulterate clarified the message. 

Yes, it took guts to tell this minister and to explain why the word came to me, and when, and how, and from whom.  I tried to speak gently, kindly, and owned that this can befall any of us.  But the fact was, the Lord had shown me and told me, that this minister, a man of the cloth, had been adulterating his position.  He was making the words he read from the Scriptures, impure, tainted and altered due to the very way he so poorly treated his elderly secretary and a few others, when he thought no one would notice.  

He was delivering inferior goods of his spiritual learning and leadership, adulterating the Gospel message, and not being faithful to Whom he represented as leader of this particular congregation, this church.  I simply asked him to please consider what I was told, and to try to treat those he mistreated, with charity and justice.  Then, also, I likely would not be shown the masticated, raw fish spewing from his mouth on Sunday morning when he read Scriptures to us.

I assured him that whenever I am shown something of any need for improvement in others, I likewise see it as a reminder for my own life.  I gave him some examples.  I wanted him to grasp that I am with him in desiring what the Lord would like in change for the better, in me, and in him who represented Christianity as a pastor in that particular church.

After my conversion to Catholicism, there were more encounters, but I wanted to fit in better and did not desire controversy.  However, there were several instances of being given a torch that essentially shed light on some issues that were too negative to let pass.  Sometimes I would try to bear the wrong for the other person or persons.  I would pray and suffer.  

But often enough, the situation was dire enough that required my holding the torch up close for the person to see for him- or herself, the flaw, the wrong, the offense against our calling as Christians:  our offense against His Real Presence.  Most often, our offenses against His Real Presence are meted out through offending others or being offensive in our selves.

A friend once wrote, after feeling terrible for the suffering I'd endure as a result of what I was shown, holding the torch or to bear it, and she said, "Stop reading priests' souls!"  Then, shortly after, she wrote again and said, "I'm sorry.  I realize you aren't doing it but rather God is showing you what you'd probably rather not have to see and that the rest of us miss."

It is a terrible suffering to be given a torch to hold, to shed light on what one is shown that is not what we or others wish to have revealed.  It is also a terrible suffering to bear the torch, to carry it in silence but all the same see what could so easily be improved or altered for the good of all souls.  And it is yet another suffering to be placed in a position where one must speak to the person or persons involved, to hold the torch closer and show them, to share with them the knowledge of what they wanted to be kept in the dark.  And then one must offer ideas as to how to change the situation, to correct, and then also to encourage and uplift the person that with God, all things are possible.

Sometimes people do not want to improve.  Those people often react negatively and want the person holding the torch or even bearing it, to be out of sight and out of mind.  Run the person out, toss him down the cistern, sell him off as a slave, discredit, imprison, decapitate.  All these responses do happen in one way or another even if not literally.

Bruno seemed to have grown weary of battling the bishop who was bothered by his teaching abilities and success in 11th century Cologne, Germany.  He had six companions, two or three of them also priests, who left for the farthest reaches of the Alps so they could worship and adore His Real Presence far from the temporal Catholic world and those such as bishops--far, far away from the adulteration that can creep into even the most lofty person, at least to the eyes of the unwitting public.

Bruno did not make his escape right away after he and his friends made a pact to do it.  They waited for the right timing, and off they went, not quite knowing where in particular and even thinking perhaps they might join in with some Benedictine monks with whom they wintered over.  But come spring, they set off, walking into the French Alps, finding a most remote area in which to begin their lives in truth, beauty, goodness and freedom from temporal spiritual oppression.  (Bruno did not set out to create the Carthusian order.  He lived it; one of his companions developed it into an order after Bruno's death.)

The mystical spiritual oppression is yet another battle and one that cannot be escaped by moving from place to place.  That has to be discerned and faced, the torch held up close to it.  It must be exposed and borne, both.  Hold the torch and bear it.

Regardless, my thoughts return to asking His Real Presence if my task is to keep writing of the process, and to hold the torch as well as to bear it when shedding the light is not effective in itself.  Am I to write of what I see and experience, even though shameful in ways, or at least ought to be shaming?  Ought I remain in this hovel, in the farthest reaches from most humanity and hidden away from the eyes of men, and yet hold the torch to what is shown me either through visions or temporal encounters?

As one of my longest-time friends said when I was considering if God wanted me to move from the terrorizing neighbors, "You can pray for them from a distance.  You don't need to live right next door to them any longer and be abused and threatened."  I wonder if that is advice, likewise, for the more local parish, or for any parish?  I certainly do suffer and grieve about the situations that I am shown and of which my simple, silent presence seems to be a torch in itself, igniting and then exposing icy, fearful, and judgmental reactions.  And a whole lot more.

Yes, for now I will be the immolation in this hovel cistern hermitage, and I will pray and pray for neighbors far away and close, and for thy neighbor as thyself in church parishes and church congregations the world over.  I will suffer much for all that is torched of my own soul, too.  And that is probably the most painful to bear.

Sharing Experiences, Part Two: God Is So Real

 "‘So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops. Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground unperceived by your Father. And even the hairs of your head are all counted. So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.'

"‘Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven; but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.'" 
  from Matthew 10

---

There are other visions and locutions and dreams.  Many were prior to my becoming a Catholic.  There did not seem to be the added fear of oppressive scrutiny then.  In one case, I had just moved back to my hometown, and I had a waking vision of an assassination attempt that was going to happen on a US president.  This is quite a lengthy story with marvelous details; but the end result: the attempt was thwarted.  

I acted on it; I first called Dr. H. to discuss what I'd been shown, and explained my reluctance due to kind of hoping that the visions and such would leave if I got back to my roots.  (They do carry responsibility and courage beyond ourselves.)  He insisted I had to contact the Secret Service, and so I did.  All unfolded in amazing ways, but that is for some other sharing, if even God wants, if somehow helpful or glorifies Him.  Everything we think, say and do must glorify God even if some people may think it does not.

Yet, when I read the above Scripture, I think of all these experiences that are helpful to others in some ways--not just the persons involved, but in helping others realize to not busy themselves to the point of not being utilized by God to help others.  Also, sharing spiritual experiences (at least anonymously) can help others with grasping anew, that God is so real.

But I admit that even as a Protestant, I was selective as to the sharing, for there was way too much self then, and fear of how others would react or think of me.  Dr. H. taught me to live a double life of sorts, but that did not work out for long. When God brings experiences to a perceived mode, hiding is not an option.  One also has to decide if it is better to seem as a fool and risk being wrong, or to share what is shown and be potentially helpful regardless the flack later.

For there will always be those who create flack.  But we are told by Jesus to not fear.  Our souls will not be harmed even if our "bodies" are.  And by bodies, we can in our time assume our temporal reputations, for whatever they are worth, which is not much in the big world.  We have to consider our souls' worth in the spiritual realm, and our reputation in His Real Presence.

One time I was shown danger and a horrible calamity and accident ahead.  It involved my eldest daughter's wedding, of which they were driving in winter to a location to marry, and many family members would be driving, as well.  I could not go, as my pain issues prevented at the time.  But I was shown extreme danger to a point that there was no appeasement within.  It was awkward speaking up under the circumstances, for if wrong--oh my, what a fool I'd be and not be taken seriously again or not for a long time.

But I decided better to be wrong than the risk of such foreboding.  I enlisted many people to pray, for they decided to go on their way.  But one daughter (not a Catholic) took a blessed scapular, and my ex-husband asked my son if this was legitimate.  My son said to take it seriously.  Off they traveled with inclement weather, a kind of "perfect storm" element very strong within.  I had even questioned if this was something more symbolic or was it a temporal event to occur?  No answer other than the strong impulse to pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy during the time of the wedding.  Some friends prayed it with me, during that time frame, and others prayed in their faith traditions.

Everyone returned safe and sound.  I can't describe my relief!  My other daughter (not the bride) told me of what could have been horrific on the way back.  The car in which she was riding was caught on black ice, went into the other lane on a mountain curve.  She got out while the driver and other passengers remained in the car, spinning the wheels.  But he pulled it out of the spin, she got in quickly, and a second later a car from the opposing direction came around the curve.

I may never know it that was the foreboding, or if all or one of the prayers averted that or some other calamity.  A few years later when I was shown something regarding my son who was at college, he reacted in anger.  "I should have never told you about that!" he charged.  He thought he had accidentally told me something he and some friends had done.  I said, "No, you never told me.  The Lord showed me in a dream what you were doing, and you had better not do something that risky again." 

He lashed out again.  "You and your dreams and all that stuff!  Well, one time you were wrong!  Nothing happened at the wedding like you thought."  I responded that he was thankfully correct, but that he did not know of all the prayers of others blanketing all those few days.  I also said perhaps I was totally deceived that time, and maybe we will never know.  Either way, the warning signs I received made it worth risking my ridiculous, temporal "reputation."  Better to be ridiculed by family than to dismiss what seemed of God.

I can take this stance with more assurance as being one who has dealt with these situations enough to recognize and sense.  In fact, too often I try to talk myself out of listening and paying attention when God touches, tells, or shows.  I've been battered in life when I ignore His communications.  Yet, it is the easy way out to tune out to God in such situations because we are dealing with the spiritual, the mystical realm.

Somehow the above Word of God has touched me today, and I was reminded of some of these experiences and several more.  I am reminded of many that I did not heed nor act upon, also, or that I downplayed or misinterpreted due to nothing more nor less than fear of being wrong or fear of others thinking oddly or negatively about me.

And all this discussion does not begin to touch upon the many times we could so easily hide our Christianity by not praying, not thinking of Jesus, not sharing how God is so real, not listening nor speaking nor living out a life in which His Real Presence is PRESENT day and night, in everything we do, in thought, word, action--on both the interior and exterior!  Our very souls can show His Real Presence as He has his abode in our souls!  Our eyes and voices are also His Sight and Voice.

All I know is if we give ourselves over to be used by His Real Presence in whatever ways He wills, expect to hear from Him in all manner and types of communication and situations which will require some response on your part, some action as to your own life and also the lives of others.

Don't fear making mistakes.  He continues to teach us. Don't we learn lessons well when we make some painful errors and see how to improve? He tells us by His Living Word that He has sent and given us the Advocate Who will teach us all manner of things.

God is so real!  God bless His Real Presence in us!