Catholic Hermit Ponders Living Word

Today's first Scripture reading of Mass is from Ephesians 4.  This hermit is reflecting upon these verses, as they seem to illuminate the hermit's on-going desire to grasp why the mystical ecstasy during any Mass.

"And He gave some as Apostles, others as prophets,
others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers,
to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,
for building up the Body of Christ,
until we all attain to the unity of faith
and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,
to the extent of the full stature of Christ."

It seems that the Living Word is speaking to all of us, and to this hidden, imperfect, struggling, consecrated Catholic hermit, as a child of God and a Christian, to consider that the mystical ecstasy--a sign of sorts during Mass--is for the purpose of building up the Body of Christ.  Some such as the spiritual father, a late bishop, a noted clinical psychologist, and other Christians, have called it a gift.

Gifts are graces given by His Real Presence in order to, yes, build up the Body of Christ.  They build up the person experiencing the grace; but they also and perhaps more so are intended so that others are built up in Christ.  Why and for what purpose?  So that we all attain to the unity of faith and knowledge of the Son of God--to our mature manhood, to the extent of the full stature of Christ.

That is what we are to seek and to attain in our temporal and spiritual lives.  As for how a mystical ecstasy might help build up the Body of Christ, it does signal the power of the Mass and very much is a reminder that there is far more to our world and existences than the temporal aspects of daily life, of our being alive, in interactions, and perhaps especially in the temporal aspects of the Church.  

There, in the Mass we discover the stairway to heaven.  We find the ever-breathing, pulsing, live encounter in His Real Presence in all of this life and especially in the celebration of the Mass.  There, in the true presence of His Real Presence, we are to pass through from the temporal and tangible to the spiritual and mystical encounter with and be subsumed into His Real Presence in the eternal, mystical reality.

We each are given graces, gifts. Most will not have mystical ecstasies in our lifetimes.  Most will have graces more tangible to the vast temporal world in which we live; but that is not to discount the value of the mystical reality and existence of the spiritual realm of which, once we leave this temporal world physically, will become a "world" and existence fully and totally mystical reality. 

Let us avail ourselves to be conduits for our God-bequeathed, God-breathed graces, these gifts, to be used to build up the Body of Christ and to bring all of us to mature manhood to the extent of the full stature of Christ.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another as we love God, for God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit: How to Become a Catholic Hermit, Pt. 5

Some Considerations ~

The previous four blog posts have cited current Catholic Church documentation of and for the procedures and requirements regarding the consecrated state of Catholic hermits/eremites.  Stipulations on professing the three evangelical counsels as well as what the Church requires in the daily life of consecrated eremites are clearly set forth.

Consecrated Catholic hermits or those who are discerning a call to consecrated eremitic life in the Catholic Church should take time periodically to read what is actually written by the Church relative to the consecrated eremitic life.  

The result can be renewed fervor and encouragement for hermits who have professed the evangelical counsels and strive to live the eremitic life as specified in The Catechism of the Catholic Church (920-921 in particular), and also if have professed according to the additional stipulations of CL603.  

Read carefully, thoughtfully, using critical thinking skills. Take time to ponder what each states, specifically and accurately.  

There ought be no motive or intent other than seeking and finding truth in making clear for ourselves the now two options and pathways by which a Catholic may credibly and legitimately profess vows as a Catholic hermit.  The outcome must be to assist us in discerning, and if God's will, to actually live  the eremitic life responsibly, sincerely, truthfully, and lovingly, as part of the Consecrated Life of the Church.

However, in any aspect of life, and perhaps especially so in the hermit vocation with its often-times enigmatic tradition and history, there are conceptions and misconceptions of what is a hermit and what constitutes the hermit vocation. Most people, even Catholics, do not generally think about the hermit vocation, perhaps because relatively few are called to this state of consecrated life.  Those who are aware of the eremitic vocation, often have varied perceptions and conceptions about hermits historically, traditionally, and currently.

What is a Catholic hermit?  Who are they?  How do they live their lives?  What must one "do" to become a Catholic hermit? What is the process, what vows, what requirements? What is an acceptable plan of hermit life, as specified and by the Catholic Church?  

The answers to these questions can be found, as mentioned above, by reading the pertinent documents of the Church, specifically on the institutes of the Church regarding the Eremitic [hermit] life as found in The Catechism of the Catholic Church and also in the canons [church laws], specifically CL603. 

Yet even so, as in all aspects of life in which something is not the norm and wafts an air of mystery, there arise varying interpretations, conceptions, inventions, and theories which then may or may not begin to set precedents rather than keeping to the actual truth and foundations.  In such matters, there is truth as well as intent.  

Tradition and lived history also play a role in developing and ascertaining what is accuracy and truth, such as in this topic:  the Catholic eremitic, or hermit, life.  Precedents may be set, over time.  They may or may not be in keeping with the truth specified in Church documents, or also may not accurately reflect Church tradition.

The following offer a few examples of some interpretations, inventions, and opinions that beset the statistically few (and generally misunderstood) hermits who comprise the Catholic Church's eremitic state of Consecrated Life.  Hopefully and prayerfully, may the following observations, thoughts, and facts help dispel some confusions, clarify some truth, and stimulate the reader's own considerations of this marvelous life of the consecrated Catholic hermit. Enjoy what is offered for your consideration:  Quidditas!

• "Lay hermit":  There is no such term or category as "lay hermit" in Church Law, The Catechism of the Catholic Church, Church Tradition, or Church History.  Hermits [eremitics] are specified under the category of "The Consecrated Life," specifically 920-921, in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.  In the 20th century, they are also specified in Canon Law 603.  (The hermit vocation, by virtue of the required inclusion and profession of the three Evangelical Counsels [celibacy, poverty, obedience] and by specified program of life, preclude a hermit from being a lay person.  A Catholic with single or married vocation should not make avow to celibacy and poverty. A family living in society has additional, viable, material needs that a hermit, consecrated virgin or widow, and religious brother and sister, do not.

• "Stability" (remaining in one locale):  This is not required but may be what the hermit's earthly superior requests of the hermit.  Some religious orders, whose members live as hermits, include "stability" in their professed three evangelical counsels.

• "Dedication":  There is no such term used to describe a Catholic hermit's profession of the three evangelical counsels [poverty, celibacy, obedience] and one who lives in accordance with the stipulations per Consecrated Life of the Church:  The Eremitic Life, in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.  [The term "dedication" is often used currently by Protestant Evangelicals and those of other denominations who do not practice infant Baptism; such as:  make a "dedication" of their children to God or to live a godly life.]

• Both current forms of profession of the evangelical counsels by Catholic hermits are valid, licit, and credible. The hermit may publicly professes the three evangelical counsels into the hands of the hermit's diocesan bishop and per CL603.  Or the hermit may profess the three evangelical counsels according to the precepts stipulated for all Catholic hermits in The Catechism of the Catholic Church: The Consecrated Life of the Church, Eremitic Life, 920-921.  [A key divergence between the two types of Catholic hermit profession of the three evangelical counsels resides in the one being recognized by canon law and professed publicly into the hands of the hermit's diocesan bishop, and ipso facto public church record.] Regardless format of hermit profession, the specifications in the institutes of the Church per hermit life are to be lived daily.  Neither type of profession is better than the other in legitimacy, validity, or credibility, nor should hermits who profess by way of one or the other consider themselves entitled to esteem or certain rights.

• Being a Catholic hermit who professes vows via the 1983 CL603 format is not to be confused with being effectively part of the Hierarchy, nor with privileges to write or speak "in the name of the Church." This right is reserved to acting Bishops relative to their office and diocese, and for the universal Church, to the Holy Father.

• There is no specific rite established by the Church (such as a Mass) for the diocesan bishop to receive a hermit's profession.  The hermit may use a format similar to what a religious institution uses for a profession of vows.

• Any Catholic hermit, regardless of the format in which the counsels are professed, write and speak merely as a Catholic consecrated eremitic.  The hermit's words carry no Church authority nor represent anything other than their thoughts and opinions as sincere, truthful Christians who happen to be by their professions living in accordance with the institutes of the Consecrated Life of Church, as eremitics--with or without the additional stipulations set forth by CL603.  They are at their pinnacles:  just simple, humble, striving, consecrated Catholic hermits.

• Whatever guidelines or practices enacted by Catholic hermits (regardless their mode of profession) or by a priest, religious order superior, or even a bishop, ought be for use privately by the hermit, or for the hermit as requested by a priest (presumably acting as the hermit's spiritual director), the hermit's religious superior, or the hermit's bishop and in that bishop's diocese.  In other words, to date there have been no changes relating to the state of consecrated life for eremitics--not in The Catechism of the Catholic Church nor in Canon Law, not by pontifical decree nor by collective agreement among the universal Church's bishops.

(To be continued....)

Catholic Hermit: How to Become a Catholic Hermit, Pt. 2

Via CL 603

The following is the added proviso to what are the institutes of Consecrated Life in the Catholic Church, per the eremitic life.  Canon Law 603 [cited below] provides an option for a consecrated Catholic hermit.  

Canon Law 603

Can. 603 §1.  In addition to the institutes of consecrated life, the Church recognizes the eremitic or anchoritic life by which the Christian faithful devote their life to the praise of God and the salvation of the world through a stricter withdrawal from the world, the silence of solitude, and assiduous prayer and penance.

§2.  A hermit is recognized by [Church] law as one dedicated to God in consecrated life if he or she publicly professes in the hands of the diocesan bishop the three evangelical counsels, confirmed by vow or other sacred bond and observes a proper program of living under his direction.

[Emphases added.]

CL603 has some additional requirements beyond what all consecrated Catholic hermits must live per the institutes of the Catholic Church.  [See previous post for Consecrated Life in the Church, and specifically The Eremitic Life, 920, 921.] CL 603 requires the Catholic hermit to publicly profess the three evangelical counsels [celibacy, poverty, and obedience] in the hands of his or her diocesan bishop.  

Note that the hermit under CL603 proviso must live what is ostensibly determined to be a proper program under the diocese bishop's direction.  

Research reveals that in current practice (de facto), many diocesan bishops delegate their direction of said hermit to a priest, deacon, or other designee. 

(In these cases, it is presumed that the diocese bishop who received the hermit's professed counsels and who recognized by [Church] law, the hermit's profession, is yet ultimately responsible by church law (de jure, if term technically applicable to church law) for the direction of said hermit.  It is also assumed per church law re. the office of bishop, that when a diocesan bishop of legal record is replaced by another bishop, the hermit must then live the determined proper program under the incoming bishop's direction.)  

Canon Law 603, while more recent, is a viable, additional provision to the institutes of the Church per consecrated, eremitic life, for the Catholic man or woman discerning and/or called by God to the consecrated life of the Church as an eremitic.  For some bishops and hermits, it may be a preferred provision for various reasons, not mentioned here.

"The Catholic Church Is a MESS!"

Twenty years ago this spring, this statement was the main response of this nothing Catholic hermit's aunt when it told her it was converting to Catholicism.  At the time, it seemed impossible and just yet another biased reaction against the Catholic Church by those who did not know Her from within.  Yet over the years, it has proven to be quite true, indeed!

Yes, the Catholic Church is "a mess".  The nothing Catholic hermit, within the first months, discovered some horrors first-hand in the initial parish.  Over the course of numerous priests, the problems, personality disorders, sins of immorality of all types, revealed themselves, one after another.  

The reality of Catholic-in-name-only surfaced time and again, example after example.  The beloved Godmother, a religious sister, eventually revealed her and her order's penchant for radical feminism and steep involvement in a church dissent group.  When this nothing declined to go along with it, that was the end of our earthly friendship.  So much mess hit the fan--too much to detail--and only two years of Catholicism under the belt.

The next 18 years continued to reveal more and more mess as far as the experience could see and as much as the mind could shoulder...or perhaps shudder.  You name the category of mess, the corruption, the abuses, the rude and nasty ill-treatment of those in the cloth and those in the pews, and there are examples to delineate: hard facts.

Yes, the Catholic Church is a mess.  For a long time, this nothing Catholic hermit tried to hide it from its own children and friends and family.  It hid its knowing the reality of the mess from the very priests who were steeply involved in some corrupt and immoral behaviors--right down to crossing the criminal line.  And some of the mess was starting to ooze out into the public, especially the mistreatment of the nothing Catholic hermit in some instances in which the persons perpetuating the nastiness no longer cared what they said or did, or how they reacted in anger and vengeance.

The wrongs continued to flow like rushing flood waters, and then into the muddy after-bilge, robbing the good earth, stripping it from previously fertile fields of a naive hope for a bountiful harvest in what could be a sure and perfect picture of Christ's own Church on earth.  And the condition of the mess goes on and on, parish after diocese after religious order after Vatican insider ills.

The Catholic Church is a mess because of us Catholics.  We all sprouted from a seed, sometime, somewhere, and somehow we did not absorb the nutrients available.  Or we got side-lined and distracted by others who did not absorb the nutrients available, or who fell to lesser or greater temptations and sin, and who got ourselves into envy or pride, or gluttony or sloth, or deception or scandal or intemperance or impurity of one sort or another.  

Or we got ourselves into a state of mess and caused the distraction and derailment of others who became disillusioned because of our making messes in our Catholic lives, our Catholic parishes, our Catholic religious houses and seminaries and in our overall human lack of attention to detail, to obedience to not so much the rules, but to the Gospel Rule, and to the Sovereignty (and humility) of His Real Presence.

Yes, the Catholic Church is a mess, and yet this nothing Catholic hermit loves Her for many solid reasons.  But the overriding reason is that in the Church, despite its being a mess, there is truth, goodness and beauty in the purity of the Faith in all its theological, doctrinal and Scriptural reality.  It is the Church Christ founded and instituted on this earth, for us messy human beings, steeped in our messes, and adept and perpetuating by our flaws, even more mess, thus keeping Holy Mother Church in a state of mess for those either wanting Her to fail or those hoping beyond hope for Her to be pristine and perfect in the Christian ideal.

And the Church could be and should be pristine and perfect in the Christian ideal, if it weren't for us people bringing our messes to muddy the image and also the reality.  

Yet the reason there is such love in this nothing Catholic hermit, despite having seemingly more than its share of persecution, abuse, and mishaps from the mess, is that there is hope.  There is such hope alive and possible in the pureness of the faith, and the faith and hope enkindle such love that it is futile to think of being anything other than one of the souls embodied in very human and imperfect flesh, who has the potential to either add to the mess or to be a seed in the mud, striving to grow beyond the mess of its own and others' contribution to the mess.  Yes, nothing Catholic hermit is a mess, as well.

A familiar symbol in the first few centuries for faith, hope and love were a beam, a light, and a disk. This nothing Catholic hermit desires to be a flashlight held in the Hands of His Real Presence, through which a beam of light shines and creates a disk at the end of the beam, a disk of light shining brightly and visibly against a wall--perhaps that of a temporal Catholic Church, or at least of the mystical Church.  And that disk of light becomes a beacon of His Love, of His Love of our messy souls trying to become beams of light-into-pure-light-disks of love to expose our mess and purify our mess, our individual and collective mess that sullies the Church--His Church, our Church.  Our Holy Catholic Church.

There is nothing stopping the nothing Catholic hermit from striving in faith, hope, and love:  beam, light, disk.  (The disk rather shines like His Real Presence in the species of a Host, does it not?) Become one with that Host!  Seek union with His Real Presence in Body and Spirit!  Even though we may falter time and again, as our human conditions can grow weary with slogging through our own muddy mess of interior ineptitude and exterior rude-and-crude and all vices in and out:  We can try.  

We have the virtues of faith, hope, and love to call upon, and these three are given us for the asking, by His grace.  He will never refuse us these, and by these we will be held as a flashlight in Jesus' Hands, and He will focus us time and again for the asking.  Beam, light, disk.  It can happen, soul by soul.  And this is how we can strive to be a little less of a mess, and how one by one and bit by bit, we can keep that faith, hope, and love alive to strive for these ideals of virtue-grace living even if the growth is slow and imperceptible to ourselves, like the seeds in the mud, gradually making progress to reach the sunlight and fresh air.

If one can fall into a mess of a house, deceived by some vice-mess in others and naive self-blunder, and learn to slowly dig through the mess and work hard to turn it around, clean it out, make progress even if might not be able to finish and surely not to remain after it is fresh and all things made new--and adapt to, have gratitude, and love for a place to be allowed to exist and seek God--then one can do far better of itself for Christ and His Church.

Sure worth this nothing Catholic hermit's continuous efforts, for we are all part of our mess.  Yet we cannot do other than dig in to our own lives and souls to begin clearing the mess, vice by vice, into virtue upon virtue.  Humility is key, unto love.

The Catholic Church is a mess, and this nothing Catholic hermit loves Her so!  Faith, Hope, and Love.  As the apostle writes, the greatest of these is love.

On Humility and Hermit Titles

Humility is the treasure of treasures, or so write various saints and so lives Jesus Christ.

How do titles affect those who have them added to their names, or how do their names being known in and of themselves, enhance or diminish the virtue of humility?

Have any hermits of yore used any identifying symbols or lettering in conjunction with their names?

No, they did not.  With the Carthusians (900 years and counting), if a book was written by one, a simple "by a Carthusian" sufficed.  Only after a century or more (and usually more) and on rare occasion was a Carthusian identified by name in conjunction with authorship.

What would be the point, for example, of a hermit then or today, signing his or her name followed by letters or symbols? How would hermit titles fit in with humility?

One considers if Jesus signed His Name:  Jesus, S.o.G; or Jesus, S.o.M.

No, He did not.  His divine humility was in divine opposition to such displays.  In fact, He most often asked others--including demons--to not give indication nor point out His identity in any way.  

Only when he needed to ask His apostles, or John the Baptist, in order to fulfill His Divine Mission, did He ask, "Who do they say I am?" or "Who do you say I am?".  Well, if there is a point, such as some important need to identify a hermit's profession of vows, or location, or group affiliation, or some other allegiance, then signifying such is beyond this nothing Catholic hermit.

In fact, if the many hermits who existed and exist who did not or don't identify themselves by name, began signing their names as David Devout, erem.CR or Holly Holy, CRE, what difference would it make to others or to themselves?  Most importantly what difference to His Real Presence?  [erem. could stand for eremitic, and CR could delineate Consecrated Religious, as all hermits who have professed vows (either private or public) in the Catholic Church, are stated as consecrated religious according to the Church's Catechism.]

Recently, one or more publicly professed Catholic hermits decided to self-identify as such, using the initials erem.dio (presumably an eremitic, or hermit, affiliated with a diocese).  All the rest of us currently alive and all those over the centuries, mostly do not nor did not share given names nor our professed names if these differed from the former. Definitely none of whom this hermit has ever read or heard, invented for themselves nor took on by the counsel of others, identifying initials, signifying an identifying title.

One has come to accept that those in religious orders thought it best to clarify they are of this or that order (Benedictine, Franciscan, on and on).  Perhaps it was necessary to self-identify based upon different rules of life, different foci of spiritual and corporal works of mercy.  

But they are groups of consecrated religious, living in monasteries under one rule.  Hermits are individuals living under individual rules, other than the handful of hermit monastic orders.  Even then, their lived daily rules of life are uniquely individual, and in solitude and silence.

If there is any point to our identifying ourselves by name and especially by letters or symbols following our names, the reason eludes this nothing.  It is rather odd to even add "Catholic hermit" to the "nothing", but this nothing Catholic hermit has a point--attempts to make a point by including "Catholic" with "hermit" to "nothing".  

That point is mostly pointless, other than to remind that the tried and true Catholic hermits who gave through the centuries and continue to give their bodies, minds, hearts and souls to His Real Presence and the Church--Christ and His Body--as consecrated religious hermits, differ from hermits of other faiths or philosophies and from secular hermits.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and follow our humble Savior--without title other than the sarcastic one carved on the cross above His Humble Head.  Well, indeed, He Is King of All.  No title necessary; His life, death, and resurrection say it all.  So be it in any small way for all us nothings--Catholic hermits or otherwise.

Hermit Consecration Anniversary

The 29th of December has two-fold meaning for this nothing Catholic hermit.

It is the date of death for Sr. Josefa Menendez, a victim soul who is dear to this hermit's heart and an inspiration in various aspects of suffering.

It is the date of this hermit's vows as a consecrated religious of the eremitic vocation.

Yes, 14 years ago this nothing Catholic hermit, after many months of postulancy and then novitiate, guided by its holy, priestly spiritual director of advanced years, the vows for the hermit life were offered and accepted by His Real Presence but with the venerable priest as witness and celebrant of a most beautiful, intimate, and private ceremony.

Each year, the nothing Catholic hermit repeats the vows, and in past did so before a Tabernacle in a church, with a priest present. But the past two years, the vows have been repeated within, deeply within, in wordless praise, prayer, and acceptance of the eremitic life that His Real Presence has increasingly guided into experiences of faith and spiritual growth, beyond what the hermit would have ever anticipated.

Somehow, the increased simplicity and the adjoining increased faith in the loving purity of His Real Presence's rich and viable interaction in this soul's temporal and spiritual existence, has precluded the previous years of thinking too much, of trying to figure out and do, and be concerned if it was a hermit as a hermit ought to be, by whoever's standards, such as those hermits before or what others now think hermits are to be or act or appear in this or that way.

His Real Presence guides with a precision that does not require the mind to seek out what it or others may think or dictate.  His Real Presence carries the hermit in His Heart--the heart of the Father for His child, the heart of the Son for His bride, the heart of the Spirit for His wee one's soul.

The consecration of this nothing Catholic hermit in religious life flows throughout all avenues of His Real Presence, of His Head and of His Body, and of His Sacred and Mystical Heart.  He knows.  He consecrates.  He accepts.  He loves.

Who knows where He will guide and lead henceforth?  The nothing Catholic hermit awaits and adores, prays and praises (and suffers physically).

God bless His Real Presence!

Catholic Hermit Shares Bits of This and That

I still am working up the emotional energy to continue writing about the death experience.  I wrote in a couple blogs of the lead up, but I yet will write about what occurred in recovery room and after, including the actual dying process which for me did not include extensive time in heaven.  But it is yet worth writing and sharing, for each person who has these experiences can add a bit of information to the process that so many fear.

This past week I had a couple of nights and a day in civilization.  I was called upon to watch my grandson, age 7, for a day.  It was very good to be among some accepting people, and share love and our Christian values.  Plus, I so enjoyed a shower and delightful living conditions.  This body needed a break from heat, hard manual labor, and minimal type food.  Upon return, I am ever reminded of how the bulk of humanity lives in such conditions as this hermitage--or live in far worse!

I have been praying much for those suffering with Ebola virus, including the two Americans being treated with experimental drugs.  I think so of the people in West Africa who do not have the drugs and who suffer in harsh conditions.  Thanks be to God for missionary medical workers who are with them, trying their best, to save lives and provide any comfort possible.  It is a horrible virus with painful symptoms and a terrible suffering leading most of the victims to death.

Yet, when I consider the death itself, I am blessed to know how joyous it is for those who die.  But I pray for cures and for people to live.  We are born into this life to fulfill our missions, and mercy and compassion are part of humanity's hope and faith and love.

My grandson had plans for us the other day.  He started off making "Gaga" breakfast in bed, bringing a bowl of cereal, container of yogurt, and some water on a metal pizza pan.  We then walked a ways to pick some berries; his mother wanted some for a recipe she planned with dinner.  As the grandson and I walked, we talked of many things. 

Somehow, the Lord put into my mind the reminder that every step we take, every thought we make, is either a step or thought toward heaven, or a step or thought toward hell.  I shared that with the lad.  He is perceptive and quick.  The next morning I could remind him of it when he woke up "on the wrong side of the bed", so to speak.  He pulled out of a bad mood immediately with the reminder of our choices using our free will given by God.

I have pondered the truth of the choices and each step and thought, as I have slipped too many times to count, with not good thoughts--not thoughts that were taking my mind and soul toward heaven.  I had upsetting and negative thoughts, feeling beaten back and discouraged, criticized, and pre-empted in several circumstances.  Not good!  I have turned a corner, once more, with the reminder of how I can choose steps and thoughts toward heaven in each present moment.

A few mornings ago I decided to meet some people who gather at a coffee place.  They are Methodists, and I decided to cast the nets in the water to see how the encounter might unfold.  I was brought up Methodist, and I know the goodness and Christian values thereof.  There were just three of us, and it was a delightful hour of chatting--nothing intense, nothing spiritual per se, but helpful and encouraging.  I am casting nets to see if His Real Presence is going to put a fish or more in them.

I have pondered St. Paul's mission and his involvement not with the Jews but with the Gentiles.  Perhaps my encounters have become too focused on Catholics alone and have ignored what God may wish of me to be more universal in outreach, or to have my light shine in other directions, too.  I will see how this goes, but for now one hour a week of gentle conversation with kindly people seems a good net.

As for where God has called me,  19 years ago, into the Catholic Church, that has not altered.  But my being accepted in parishes has come to empty nets time and again, of sorts.  I did review the tremendous vision and locution involving Jesus Himself, over two years ago.  He specifically showed me Catholic parishioners, mostly women in the foreground, and they were nastily criticizing, judging wrongly, and rather envious and mocking in tone.  Jesus said specifically that I would be criticized and judged within the Church but I was to pay no attention to them.

I have not done so!  I withdrew to protect myself and also to protect them from continuing the abusive behavior, parish by parish.  It is not easy when one is shunned and not really welcome in deed, even if a priest now and then might say I was welcome.  When one extends peace and love and joy, and it is not returned, Jesus in Scriptures says to take back our peace offered and go on to the next place.  I am praying and discerning this Scripture along with His direct message to me of not paying attention to those Catholics who He said would criticize and misjudge me.

And, He also said I would feel very alone.

However, the hour spent in lovely conversation with other Christians, was positive.  I'm not sure how it would be if they knew I am a Catholic.  Isn't it rather a sad situation that Christians of varying re-formations as well as the many varying parishes in the Catholic Church, the varying rites--can have bias?  There is entirely too much division and fussing, or so it seems.

I have to admit it was quite refreshing to be with people who are not caught up in competition with one another for prestige, position or any power.  Unlike the fearful ones I have encountered, or those who judge me, or even insinuate (such as another hermit does without using my name directly) as to mental illness and other unhealthy morbidity, and of causing scandal to the Church.  This other hermit is rather tricky in ascribing such ills.  This is no doubt just part of what Jesus told me to pay no attention to, but the other, even if not at all accurate, is a contrast to steps toward heaven.

The Methodists with whom I shared a cup of coffee in charitable conversation, were devoid of such silly and nasty aspersions.  I suppose partly this is due to their not having hermit vocations, canon laws, or various spiritual experiences in their "system" in how they function as Christians and as an ecclesial group.  Of course, there are many other differences, and I am not suggesting any better or worse; but it is an observation.  I certainly appreciated the breather from scrutiny, regardless!

In the meantime, a young woman called--she has called before and is by now a spiritual friend.  She expressed how lonely she feels despite being a mother and wife.  Her husband is gone quite a bit.  But she feels a different kind of loneliness and longing, and she had called a priest hoping to be able to talk with him and get some counsel on some issues as well as spiritual situations.  He was too busy.

I suggested we read a book together, across the miles.  I do this with an older woman.  We read a few pages or chapter or two--nothing rushed or too taxing as their schedules are always more full by far than my hermit daily life!  So the young woman and I have chosen Rev. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange's "Mary the Mother of Our Savior".  Garrigou-Lagrange is a great Dominican theologian, Thomist in background and theory, and was a favorite professor of the late John Paul II--as well as of many who find his writings outstanding.

Yes, I explained to the young woman that from my experience thus far, there are few priests today who have the training from seminary or time with experience in their priesthood, to be able to do much wise counseling or who have the time to do so, when a parishioner calls.  They have perhaps one semester training in counseling from seminary, and about one semester in the spiritual or mystical life, such as doing an overview of Teresa of Avila or John of the Cross in that semester.  Otherwise, they have many courses in administration skills for parishes, and a broad spectrum of other such needs including finances and managing lay staff.

So, I said she will be better served to turn to the time periods in which priests were trained more in the spiritual life and to those who we know long after their deaths were exceptional in their ability to guide souls to union with God.  It is not to blame the current priests or seminaries, but it is the reality of our times.  Thanks be to God these other persons left their writings and wisdom in the ways of the spiritual life, Scripture, mystical life, prayer, virtues and even how to combat the devil in spiritual warfare.

We will see how it all unfolds, our reading.  In the meantime, I have some manual labor and much watering in this drought area, and much praying and pondering to do today.  And perhaps, later, if  not too hot in here when the body needs rest due to the physical pain, I will attempt writing the recovery room and death experiences of 27 years ago.

Good Fruit, Bad Fruit

"Ye shall know them by their fruit."  (Matthew 7:16)

I have pondered this recently, in light of some friends mentioning someone who has never met me had publicly judged and discerned the mystical state I have had during Mass that began nearly six years ago.  Of course, others may think what they want, and it is natural for people to try to analyze and figure out what seems unusual or atypical, especially when it comes to the supernatural or mystical.

There have been many others who have tried to figure it out and have judged.  Some judged one way and then later changed their judgments.  It is true that I am the only one to rightly discern, other than perhaps Dr. H. who is thus far the only person I know who has any actual experience with such things and who has known me for nearly three decades.  However, one can be deceived.  Yet, over time and with research and prayer, and given years of other experiences, the discernment process sorts itself.

Some could say that the fruit of the state at Mass has been bad.  There has been much suffering as a result, not only the physical suffering of people causing physical injury in their not understanding for whatever reason (genuine concern or upset and angry), but also emotionally for me; it has not been handled all that well by others.

My spiritual father says he blames the priests for not handling it well, for not dealing with it and dealing with parishioners regarding such matters.  Close friends remind that the Catholic Church as represented in people, has never been that good to people who have mystical experiences.

The question that comes to me, is:  Whose or what fruit is bad?

Is it the fruit that comes from the state itself that is bad?  Am I at fault, for the bad fruit, that seems to come from the state at Mass?  Or is the bad fruit of those who react to the state and to me as the person they perceive as causing it?

Who or what is the bad fruit then?  Is the bad fruit resulting from people (priests included) who shun or who fear or who judge or doubt based upon a not-unheard-of phenomenon, even if somewhat rare?  Or is the bad fruit resulting from me who started experiencing this phenomenon a couple weeks after a dream vision and locution in which my angel lead me to and said I was being shown the stairway to heaven?

Is the bad fruit a result of my obeying a bishop who told me to stand or walk around--as he and someone he consulted thought I had some kind of inner control over this when prior he thought otherwise?  Is the bad fruit a result of my being honest in describing the state and any messages or insights emanating from it?  Is the bad fruit due to my obeying a monsignor and not answering people's questions in one parish, or in being honest in others?

As a friend wrote this morning, I had been given a beautiful gift that I was willing to share despite it being personally embarrassing in its visibility, but that others have feared, judged and shunned for the most part, as a result.

So from whom does the bad fruit of this situation come?  Frankly, all had been rather blissful other than when shown occasional, situational, negative, temporal intrusion in the Mass.  Regardless, it was profoundly spiritual in the fruit of the insights and message and its sign of the power of the Mass and all Sacraments in the Mass as the stairway to heaven--until others reacted negatively.

The negativity and "bad fruit" of others' negative and hurtful reactions has caused me to ask His Real Presence as to why I was called into the Catholic Church over 19 years ago.  It is good to review and ask the question.  Was it to come to this point of exile?  Is He now calling me through to some other side or dimension of the Catholic Church--or through to some aspect beyond the temporal aspects of the Catholic Church?

Or is this all part of the call to suffer, and somehow I am to suffer for the wrongs of the temporal aspects of the Church which are undeniable in history and yet today, for wherever there are humans, there is evil and sin as well as the propensity to love.  It is all in our free will, given us to choose:  nastiness or good.

Or am I to take the peace and love I offered but has not been offered back, and move on to the next place?  What and where is the next place?  More the spiritual, more to love God and others, beyond the physical and temporal?  (It is true that I have offered talents and gifts and attempted much good in the past many years only to be hindered--usually by priests--time and again, within the Church.)

Another friend, a life-long Catholic, has emailed that this abusive way is the way the Church has always mistreated Her mystics and saints.  Why, I wonder, does this seem to somehow be the accepted practice?  Can we not learn and grow from such as that, into something better?  But I then consider what Jesus' fellow Jews did to Him, and God the Father, the Source of all beingness and energy, allowed it for salvific purpose.

Good fruit or bad fruit.  Which thoughts and actions do we choose that result in one or the other?

But truly, I yet ask His Real Presence, is my material presence in the temporal Church finished?  Is this exile meant for a period of time or for the rest of my earthly days?  Am I to now be more universal in outreach, to go beyond parish parameters, so to speak, and more into the spiritual and mystical realm of love of God?

Courage

On occasion I look at Facebook to catch glimpses of the world--mostly photos of grandchildren or others for whom I pray and have concern and love.  I also enjoy glimpses of the world and all the needs, as well as a mix of how others perceive and think, what they like and do.

A daughter had taken one of the clever "tests" one sees occasionally on Facebook.  This one was to answer certain questions from a selection of possible answers, and the outcome would link your personality to a certain classic novel.  Her personality and life was representative of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I thought, "Why not?"  So I answered with possible selections as best would fit, although some categories were lacking, such as a more spiritual bent.  Yet, I think it somewhat captured my essence, factoring that To Kill a Mockingbird is my representative classic.

When did I read it?  Ah, back in my sophomore year in high school; my mother was my English teacher that year.  I did not nearly appreciate her enough!  And I also did not recall much of the novel other than I liked it at the time and knew it had to do with racial prejudice, set in the South and remains a classic.

So I did a little research; and yes, I suppose it does rather represent the idealism and truth for which I strive, and the frustration of the ideal not easily manifested in our temporal world, no matter what the truth-aim of any of us, even the Church.  

Yet, I strive in myself for integrity and honor, imperfectly, but with that ideal dangling.  And when I experience the persecution or see it, or find the flaws in what not need be flawed, it is painful:  a suffering without remedy in this life.

The closest I can come to achieving truth, beauty and goodness, is in the gardens, I suppose.  Humanity fails easily, especially in groups or in temptations to position, power and prestige.

 





















I found a quote from Atticus, the attorney father who lost his attempt at saving Tom from prison, as he was unjustly accused of raping a white woman in a time of prejudice without recourse.  (We still have prejudice of all types, even within spirituality.)  

Atticus was attempting to encourage his son who had been persecuted and physically injured as a result of his dad's even taking the case.  Scout, the daughter and narrator of the novel, had her own rose-colored glasses ripped from her face.  The world is as it is, and people are not all so kind to one another after all.

Atticus spoke of courage.  I love the quote.  It helps me today, to persevere despite the heat and weariness, the discouragement of so much manual labor but mostly the futility I feel in regard to suffering as a result of what some did and do in the name of Christianity, that is far from Christ's words and example.  

It has cost me dearly and has put me in exile within an exlie.  This may be for life, until I die to this earth and my body interred.  Some of us are like Tom in the novel, imprisoned unjustly but our lives spared from earthly death until earthly death comes as it always does, anyway.

"Courage is 'when you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.'"

I intend to have this courage.  I must see this through--not just the house that represents the Church in being made new, repaired, whatever possible--but my life in the temporal Church, such as it has been in exile for awhile.  I must see it through no matter what.