Catholic Hermit: Offering from Our Poverty

Just when I think it is ridiculous that I drone on in these blog posts, especially when I have mostly only dealing with suffering as content, and I consider it rather pointless to write, I notice an uptick in page views.  Perhaps this small bit of writing, of sharing thoughts and aspects of life striving in life and seeking God despite so much self, is of some tiny help or interest to another.

It is kind of fun to see the various countries represented in readership.  Today someone from Ukraine has been reading through several posts, and whether or not he or she sees this post which has nothing much in content other than the Scripture I am drawn to, currently, and will write out, I want to acknowledge the person who is living in Ukraine and is right now reading a Catholic hermit's blog posts.  Hello to you in Ukraine!  God bless His Real Presence in you!

A cousin has just called, also.  There is more venting regarding the tedious and pathetic, persnickety, personality issues on-going, with the person's quite-aged mother.  I was told not to call her mother, my aunt, for she is too tired.  I had sent a note card, which was received, but the content not absorbed.  The daughter told me her mother cannot think of other than her own aches and pains, of which she has been to the doctor for her dizziness.  

At age 96 and six months, the aunt is all the more exhibiting the nervous mannerisms that have always been part of her temperament.  I try to remind her daughter of this, and of some means of encouragement in trying to not get triggered by the pettiness that befalls those of us who feel sick and tired, and especially those who have not had to live with illness for the most part of their long lives.  

I remind the cousin that I understand all that she is feeling and going through, for illness that goes on and on is frustrating especially when the person is thinking there can be some kind of help possible to feel better, or is upset that he or she cannot "do" anything.  Well, the person can suffer.  Yes, that is doing something; but not everyone is at that point of spiritual understanding.  Nor are those closest to the person--the family members who are worn out from dealing with the frustrations that come with the suffering of people who rubbed the wrong way with temperament types and personality styles, or whatever it is that can wear thin over the years.

The cousin mentioned perhaps going to visit the mother once a week in the nursing home.  I encourage that idea, but what do I know of much of it?  If there is going to be more frustration, perhaps as well not.  All that will unfold and transpire, however it does.  The elderly one is going to have an MRI to see if some stroke or some type of issue with inner ear that occurs with the extremely aged which can cause some dizziness.  It is not vertigo, at least.

But yes, one can suffer; that is "doing" something.  And the one can go visit once a week--best if intention set as prayer, as omnia pro Deo, all for God.  Put into life and offer to God and others, from one's poverty, our whole livelihood be it suffering our sufferings of this type or that--pain of body or pain of exasperating persons and situations.   Our offerings of ourselves can come from love or from duty.  I suppose if from duty, there is always the chance that duty might become that of selfless love, and selfless love become sanctified joy.

From Luke 21: 1-4:

"When Jesus looked up He saw some wealthy people
putting their offerings into the treasury
and he noticed a poor widow putting in two small coins.
He said, 'I tell you truly,
this poor widow put in more than all the rest;
for those others have all made offerings from their surplus wealth,
but she, from her poverty, has offered her whole livelihood.'"

Sometimes our whole livelihood comes from our poverty of feeling as if we cannot so much as tolerate one more phone call, text, or in-person visit or interaction with a tedious, complaining, insufferable suffering person who might even be forgetting that other people suffer, too.  But I figure it is worth the try, to overcome ourselves.  

Perhaps it is in that effort to overcome ourselves and put ourselves out a bit more--be it if we are the ones tediously, interminably suffering (maybe selfish in our suffering) or if we are the ones struggling to cope being in the frustrating presence of such persons--that we actually reach into our poverty and offer our whole selves, even if our imperfect selves.

It does seem worth it to give it a try--offer from the poverty of our suffering, our whole livelihood of suffering, or offer from the poverty of our patience and tolerance, our whole livelihood of time and energy even if our offering spurned by the other or takes all we have of effort to offer.  Either way, whichever one we are--the insufferable suffering or the suffering supporter--we no doubt will have the opportunity in our lives to be either or both persons, in like situations.

Will we be the one who offers from our poverty and offer what seems to us our whole livelihood, or full effort?  Yes, I think we find the answer when we try out the potentials in part or full, time and again.  We must consider not just outer poverty, but what might confound us most--our in1ner poverty.

So I once more will offer from my suffering, from my whole livelihood of suffering today.  And in the suffering, I offer my prayers for the elderly, suffering aunt, and for the one who keeps reaching in and going with, and listening to, and trying to encourage even if frustrated and at times the offerings negated, spurned, or triggers frustration.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God and one another with all we possibly can love in whatever point in love of God we have come to love and grasp of God-is-love in our erstwhile impoverished, imperfect lives!

Catholic Hermit: Blessed Is She Who Has Been Your Mother

Before the stroke of midnight, I am taking yet another few moments to ponder my beloved, earthly mother who passed into eternity 15 years ago today.

I remember the moment vividly--in part because I had come to a point of being worn out and worn down.  It had been quite a horrific suffering--her lungs having scarred over from the bottom up, basically a slow drowning.  No, she had not been a smoker.  Somehow her lungs contracted pulmonary fibrosis, perhaps from exposure in younger years to asbestos in one of the old houses of youth or in my childhood years as we lived in an old house.  Or else it could have come from some exposure in her and my father's lovely retirement years--an adventurous time for them as they moved to Arizona.

Today's Gospel is fitting for my mother, and my relationship with her then and now and going forward.  Jesus was speaking to a crowd, and many of the listeners did not comprehend what he was explaining and wished to debate.  Yet suddenly a woman called out, "Blessed is she who has been your mother and bore you!" 

So genuine, so real, so true an exclamation from an ordinary person, pleased with being in the presence of Jesus and listening to him.  She could not contain herself despite the others wanting to take the situation in an entirely different direction by their not understanding, or perhaps not wanting to understand what Jesus had been teaching them.

Jesus responds to the woman exclaiming her delight in Jesus' mother--a woman who bore and reared such a holy and profound man, teacher, prophet, messiage, who Jesus was to those in his presence.  So true is the great love our mothers deserve, and what a blessing they are to us, and prayerfully may we have been a blessing to them.  But Jesus' response to the woman takes the familial relationship, marvelous and blessed as it is, to another level.

He takes what the woman says and raises us from familial relationships, and which builds upon familial love and leads us to another order, the spiritual realm.  In the supernal relationship of love of God and love of and obedience to God's Living Word, His Son Jesus Christ, we extend familial love to supernatural love of God in Himself and love of others in and through God.

Other than a very real sense when in deep suffering a couple weeks ago in which I was struggling to get to my parents who in my pain I was convinced were alive and needing me to go to them, the last time I had interaction with my mother was when I had accepted the seller's counter offer and agreed to purchase this house, this Solus Deus Hermitage. 

That night I saw my mother bathed in gold-silver light, dressed in brilliant yellow of the sun; she was able to look at me directly and speak directly with no barrier or screen between us.  God was allowing me, for the first time since her passing, to see that she had come to the fullness of His Light; she spoke to me metaphorically, about a house and of our living there--a house to where she was going, was on her way. It was nothing less than glorious--all the light about her corporeal vision-form, and the joy exuding from her spirit, the love and happiness in her voice!

What a gift the Lord allowed me after these years of temporal separation; but spiritually, the bond has remained and has grown all the more, from the familial love and connection into the spiritual loving connectivity.  There is far more to the maternal relationship; her life is fully in Christ's Light, and she has purpose and mission to fulfill in higher levels and dimensions than I can fathom other than I know she is blessed in hearing the word of God and obeying it, and in being in the living presence of Christ for all eternity.

Early this morning I pondered my mother's earthly and heavenly life.  I offered my apologies yet again for what she has already has forgiven and of which Jesus has forgiven me--lots of aspects of my choices and weaknesses and behaviors that were not for the best.  I remembered how she had told me on her death bed that she would start helping me from the other side, with my mission, with my projects to do good, to make a positive difference on earth.  I've not much kept up my efforts in some of what I used to contribute, and of which often I was miraculously aware of significant inexplicable events of which I knew was my mother's helping, her involvement in the good works.

Today--I think it a grace from God and a gift from my mother--for the first time since surgery nearly 12 weeks ago, I have noticed actual, temporal improvement and progress in my physical body as well as in my mind, heart, and spirit. I have sensed an uplift, an upswing, a positivity and assurance that I will be able to manage the pain and will gain more strength.

I'm realizing that my mother is being utilized in heaven for numerous souls and in multitudinous aspects of God's love and His word, will, and way.  God has blessed my mother.  Praise God for His mercy and loving kindness, for His care and favor upon my mother.  Thank you, Mom!  Thank you, Lord!

God bless His Real Presence in us, here and there, everywhere!

Cardinal Charles Journet (1891-1975)

theologian

Conferences given at Geneva between 1972 and 1974 on St. John's gospel. (Text published by the Cardinal Journet Foundation, pp.181-182, rev.)

Blessed is she who has been your mother

Jesus was speaking to the crowd. Some of them did not understand and were debating and a woman said: "Blessed is she who has been your mother and bore you!" A woman who shouts that out, it's marvelous, things like that! Ordinary people in the authentic, how profound! This is the moment when Jesus will say: "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it!" He wants to move away from that family environment - today one would speak of one's "circle". In mountainous districts or the countryside, family bonds are very close, they form a kind of little tribe. Jesus distances himself from that. Someone said to him: "Your mother and your brothers are waiting outside — Who is my mother? Who are my brothers? Those who do the will of God" (cf. Lk 8:20-21) — he establishes a society that is trans-natural, not founded on shared sensibilities, social conditions of class and origin. No, it's another thing altogether. To this woman he will say: "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it!" But the woman had listened to the word of God since she had said to him: "Blessed is she who has been your mother!" (Lk 8:19-21; 11:27-28). It is not blame that Jesus directs at her, on the contrary, it is a confirmation, saying: 'Blessed are you for having understood that there is something greater than familial relationships, something which adds to familial relationships what they are capable of bearing of light when they are received, but which are of another order.' Well then! See what has been proclaimed to us, what the saints have understood and which they have lived.

Catholic Hermit: A Life Devoted

I'm still listening and hoping in God to be aware of insights on what a hermit is to do and be:  Devote his life to the praise of God and the salvation of the world.  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 920,921)

What does it mean to devote one's life?  Being "single-minded of purpose" pops in.  And for a hermit, the life is devoted to God but in a way that transcends praising God for this or that blessing or praising Him for His Name or any number of His glorious and divine attributes.  The live devoted is to the praise of God.  St. Bernard's writings on The Love of God climb to the exultant pinnacle of the highest love,  the fourth degree of love as delineated by the saint: love of God in Himself.

To me, this seems to capture the aspect of how a hermit would devote his or her life to the praise of God.  To me, it seems akin to, linked with, subsumed in loving God in Himself.  So today while I praised God aloud on occasion for some blessing or other, including one time spontaneously saying, "I praise You, God, for helping me to grasp more how others think and feel, how they are affected by situations."  Another time I wordlessly praised God for helping me to endure and get pain under control.

But in desiring to understand what it is I'm to be devoting my life to, such as devote my life to the praise of God--I grasp that this is like loving God in Himself.  To love God for and Who He Is without bringing in self love to the loving, or in this case, the praising.  I am wondering if praising and loving are intertwined, with the praising an action toward effecting the love of God in and for Himself.  Seems so.

I'm going to  open myself up more, as a result, to a sense of praising, an essence of praising, an undefined and non-orchestrated praising.  I'm going to pray, asking and trusting in the the Holy Spirit to create in me this praise of God that transcends myself and my conscious and subconscious attempts at "doing" the praising for any objectified or subjective thought or emotion.  May it all be praise of God, as love in Himself.

We'll see what happens.

Then the consideration arises as to hindrances to devoting my life to the praise of God.  There are many obvious ones, but St. Teresa of Avila's points in Ch. 24 of The Way of Perfection remind me that being split or divided in purpose, focus--in the quest to be all for God, and for this consecrated Catholic hermit life devoted to praise of God--is a certain, multi-faceted hindrance.

This extract from the saint's own holy-spirit-filled mind presents the thoughts that cause me to love St. Teresa's unique communication style all the more.  Please read it while putting your hermit self into the text, and consider it in terms of a hermit's devoting our lives to the praise of God as a form of prayer, for it is.  Praise of God, like love of God in Himself, is communication of the soul with God.  Praise is reaching into the higher levels of communication, leading with affective love into contemplative love of God in Himself.

"You already know that His Majesty teaches that it [Lord's Prayer] be recited in solitude.  This is what He always did when He prayed and not out of any need of His own but for our instruction.  It has already been mentioned that one cannot speak simultaneously to God and to the world; this would amount to nothing more than reciting the prayer while listening to what is being said elsewhere or to letting the mind wander and making no effort to control it.

"There can be exceptions at times, either because of bad humors [illness, injury]--especially if the person is melancholic--or because of faint feelings in the head so that all efforts become useless.  Or it can happen that God will permit days of severe temptation in his servants for their greater good.  And though in their affliction they are striving to be quiet, they cannot even be attentive to what they are saying, no matter how hard they try; nor will the intellect settle down in anything, but by the disordered way it goes about, it will seem to be in a frenzy.  Whoever experiences the affliction these distractions cause will see that they are not his fault.... Like a sick person he should strive to bring some relief to his soul; let him occupy himself in other works of virtue.  This advice now is for persons who are careful and who have understood that they must not speak simultaneously to both God and the world.

"What we ourselves can do is to strive to be alone; and please God it will suffice, as I say, that we understand to whom we are speaking and the answer the Lord makes to our petitions.  Do you think He is silent?  Even though we do not hear Him, He speaks well to the heart when we beseech Him from the heart."

All this gives me much to appreciate; am in deep gratitude to the Holy Trinity:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  What opportunity we consecrated Catholic hermits have with the ways in which our vocations facilitate the deepening of our devoting our lives to the praise of God and salvation of the world!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Prayer and Praise

Sorry I've not been able to write much at all.  My one post since the extensive back surgery was mostly just chatty about the temporal aspects.  But there is never anything temporal that is not undergirded by the great spiritual, mystical reality of His Real Presence.  God Is ALL!

Praying and praising is on going aspect whether in pain and recovery mode, medicated and some sedated or fully alert and aware.

I've been able to decrease pain meds dose by 25% and stretch the time between medication doses from every four hours to every five hours.  Last night I decided to not set the phone alarm to awaken me for pain meds, so I slept from 11 p.m. until 6 a.m.  Praise the Lord for that amount of healing and restive sleep!  Yes, there are all kinds of dreams which let me know the body is in a great deal of pain, but it was a gift from His Real Presence to slumber until pain awakened.

So it did take me longer this morning to get the pain under control, but God provides!

All through this time period, I've been having prayer requests that come my way.  It is glorious to be able to pray for others!  The people from the parish who have been bringing meals on M-W-F (two meals each so have for the next day) have given me many life situations for which to pray.  I am practicing what I call "pain praying."  I will try to write more about that when my own headache is not so severe as it is currently.  

(And taking more pain meds often is not the answer to pain.  I may need to take a super strength Excedrin for this headache, but that is to be avoided if possible due to blood clot risks.  The Home Health Care Nurse was here this morning, and we discussed surgery patients, the opioid crisis that with legitimate pain patients has caused some added suffering, but that if there could be more post-op training and help for patients so that they'd realize they will need to accept and adapt to some pain, that would be realistic and helpful.  So many patients think or expect to not have pain.  Perhaps to get them positively set for a surgery, and spine surgeries are typical for the positive pre-op pep talks, doctors might minimize the statistics for when outcomes are not on the bright side.  I tend to prefer reality therapy, and for my own surgery, I know that I am going to have much of the pain I had previously, if not all, or could even have more.  But the spinal cord and major nerves coming from the facet joints of the spine now have space; paralysis is avoided.  I'm grateful and praise God for all His mercies and goodness!)

I'm pain praying for two adult children in their mid-sixties.  Their 93-year-old dad has suffered from dementia for 20 months; his prostate count was high and no doubt off the charts now.  I'm pain praying for the man's nearly-92-year-old wife who is not the adult children's mother.  The situation is this:  the man's first wife developed mental illness at some point in their marriage, and for the last ten years of her life she had to be institutionalized.  

After she passed and some years passed, the man met a lovely woman whose husband had died after a life of being parents to five sons and of one daughter who was born with a disability that kept her in the hospital the five months of her suffering life.  So both the man and woman, widow and widower, met at a parish when in their later 70's, fell in love, and married, joined a parish together, found a home together, and spent these last 15 or so years having the time of their lives after having lived through some hard years prior.  They are very devout and were daily Mass attendees.  That's where I met them 11 years ago.  

Prayers are being answered!  Seems his adult children are more accepting now and letting go.  I had to remind myself that their mother's mental health problems had been for years, and that surely affected their lives and thus perhaps part of the reason they are clinging to their dad when most people in their 60's with a dad who'd suffered for last 20 months, mind gone and body suffering would not struggle so to desire blessed release for their dad.  I always need room to grow in putting myself into other people's situations and to understand and have empathy especially when the behaviors that seem obvious to me or others don't seem to be for persons for whom we pray.  It is too easy to slip into being frustrated or critical--but understanding and empathy and simply pondering factors in other people's lives changes all to loving prayer.

When the adult daughter wanted her brother and the man's wife to force feed the man after he could not longer swallow--water, food, meds--the wife let me know across the miles, and was uncomfortable with that plan, of course.  We all can see how force feeding was not going to bring back his mind or his body, especially not at age 93. But all we could do is pray and trust the Lord to step in and let His will rule the situation.

By the next morning, a doctor put a firm stop to the foolishness and even dangerous determination of the 65-year-old daughter.  No more force feeding.  The man was put o palliative care and moved to the hospice unit of the hospital where professionals in this area of end-of-life care are keeping the man comfortable.  Now the children are also being helped into this next phase of letting go.  Part of my praying--pain praying--was with the thought of how horrible it would be if the man choked on the food he was being fed!  God provides!  We are now considering the joy that will soon be the man's reward, and while his wife will so miss him, she has had to detach over time as he was no longer himself for over a year and a half. 

God's way for each of us is always the best and perfect way.

There have been many other prayer needs that come to mind and arise daily despite how bed-ridden.  A person the other day who brought food told me about their horrible challenge of the past four years.  Her husband had an unexpected heart attach (youngest child in 7th grade), and he needed and received a heart transplant.  They still are not on the other side of this ordeal, but they've been through a bulk of it.   There is much involved in a heart transplant that we do not know unless having one or someone who has, informs us.  

It is not just a matter of the body accepting a stranger's heart, but there are chemical aspects as well as tremendous psychological aspects for the recipient and his or her family.  The patient/recipient is going to go through changes that will remain for the rest of the temporal life.  That is the reality.  Additionally, the finances alter in severe ways, and even if the person is able to return to work, it is obvious that never will the person be able to work to the same capacity as prior. But the patient and family will be led by God to a "new normal".  It all takes time, prayer, effort, and total trust in His Real Presence!

I'm rambling, I'm sure.  So very fatigued today yet I must make myself log roll to side of bed, put on brace, stand up, and use the walker to walk around the downstairs here in Solus Deus Hermitage.  The neighbor children came this morning to put fresh ice in the ice pump, the nurse came and changed the dressing, but there will be no more visitors until the children return tonight to change the ice again.  I'm in doze-mode!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  What would we do without the gift of prayer--the gift God gives us to communicate with the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit!

Catholic Hermit: Love in Prayer

From the Catechism of the Catholic Church, this on "prayer" and pivotal importance of love:

2658  "Hope does not disappoint us, because God's love had been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."  Prayer, formed by the liturgical life, draws everything into the love by which we are loved in Christ and which enables us to respond to him by loving as he has loved us.  Love is the source of prayer; whoever draws from it reaches the summit of prayer.  In the words of the Cure of Ars:

"I love you, O my God, and my only desire is to love you until the last breath of my life.  I love you, O my infinitely lovable God, and I would rather die loving you, than live without loving you.  I love you, Lord, and the only grace I ask is to love you eternally.... My God, if my tongue cannot say in every moment that I love you, I want my heart to repeat it to you as often as I draw breath."

What a beautiful desire: Love of God.  The greatest commandment:  Love God above all else. (And outflowing from the greatest: Love others as oneself.) 

I've done next to nothing today but rest in the pain.  The weather is not helping the spinal issues.  It is not easy to just let go of even a small amount of focus in order to pass through yet more hours of nothing much.  Am I really unable to do some minor tasks?  Am I truly too weary from pain to read or write something spiritually purposeful?

Am I too easily distracted--allowing superficial outer means to distract me from pain--to even pray with deep love?  Or is pain not of my own doing or choosing, a form of love of God?

I hope it is, for then I have much love of, for, with, through, and in Him.

I do hope it is not laziness on my part, or a preference to distract from the depths of pain to the point of weeping from pain or despairing in pain.  I hope and pray that pain and the seeming inability to "do" or "be" much else today is love as the source of unspoken and at times unmindful prayer with God.

I pray I am not deceived in this.  I wonder if my mission in life is simply to love God and not to be concerned about some mission using gifts and talents given nor to do other than to suffer and love?

At most and at least, God bless His Real Presence in us!  God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit: Thankful for Any Progression

Being laid up all weekend with added pain from injury (last weekend) has provided more enforced time and space to ponder God's will and the amazing timing and occurrences that come unexpectedly in our daily lives.

All is in God's purview, all is in God's domain and will.  Even if some aspects "smell" of dark forces trying to discourage and disrupt, even God has allowed those for His good will and purposes.

My vocation as a consecrated Catholic hermit seems all the more in the background as far as the temporal aspects of this unique vocation.  When I notice that the posts regarding "how" to become a Catholic hermit continue to be the most often read of my blog, I am thankful to be of assistance to others. 

But what I've personally come to grasp in my over 17 years since profession of vows and living out daily the life in this vocation, is that the "how's" of the vocation and the temporal structure of the vocation pale in comparison to the living out--the pouring out--of one's body, mind, heart and soul through, with, and in the Body and Blood of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Perhaps the greatest aspect of being a consecrated Catholic hermit as in any vocation and as in being alive on this earth is that of being a tremendous lover of His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

A rule of life, one's vows, and fulfilling each aspect of what the Church states regarding what is a Catholic hermit and what is expected in defining aspects of being a hermit within the consecrated life of the Catholic Church can be tangible and necessary guides and requirements for a successful, eremitical vocation.  Yet what matters ultimately is God's call and answering and living out that call, again, as a devoted (even if imperfect) follower of Christ and a tremendous lover of the Most Holy Trinity.

Day flows into night and night into day, and the life of a consecrated Catholic hermit as directed by His Real Presence unfolds.  The consecrated Catholic hermit lives out to the best of desire, will, and God-given ability--the hermit life as lover of the Beloved.

To Him be the glory and the power forever and ever!  It is love of Christ no matter all else that provides temporal and spiritual progression for a consecrated Catholic hermit...or anyone no matter the vocation or not one, for that matter.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Another Love Song to Jesus

Although I could alter the first verse of the great Jimmy Webb's song, "All I Know", the lyrics are just as this pained, consecrated Catholic hermit can offer to Jesus as yet another love song.

Perhaps the first lines could be, for my adaptation into love song to Jesus: 

"I choose you, you choose me, 
we both choose so lovingly;  
so lovingly, we let it show; 
I love You, and that's all I know...."

The remaining lyrics are spot-on for my considerations to Christ the Beloved King of my heart!

All my plans indeed depend on Jesus.
When He left this earth, His Life continued on.  And how gloriously so!

There truly is that darkness before the dawn, and it is also true that in the greatest darkness there is a Light beyond.

Yes, endings do come, and they last so long.  Very long, the end lasts--the endings of any phase including our physical conclusion on this earth.  But even now, in a temporal as well as spiritual way, the finishing of this hermitage, under financial and pain pressure, is going ever-so-slowly, tediously, sufferingly.

Yes, the endings seem to last long while also passing slowly, maybe agonizingly slowly, depending on the situation of the ending.

While the genius songwriter Jimmy Webb wrote this as from one to another, earthly friends, lovers, spouses, or such, I find it a song adaptable from my heart to the Love of my life: Jesus Christ.

In that, for me, Jimmy's first lines are acceptable, actually.  I know my thoughts, words, actions, feelings often could seem as that which could bruise others, and could bruise Jesus if it were for the reality that He does not bruise.  Or when I consider that the Lord is said to not break a bruised reed (referenced as in the Book of Isaiah), God does know we are bruised often enough, in many ways.  

But He does not bruise us, or so I think not, unless it is His means of pruning, of teaching lessons, of keeping us from greater harm.  Mostly, bruising comes from the effect of an injury, a beneath the surface wound, or a bruised ego or bruised "heart."  Bruises in and to us in many aspects are the result of some sin or other, either imposed upon us by someone else or brought on by our own flaws and unfortunate choosing.

And the endings that come thus far, in my temporal life are temporal; but fortunately the final ending of this temporal life--despite seeming to pass so slowly--will pass my mind, heart and soul into the never-ending eternity with the Beloved.  Never-ending love in Christ will be all I know, and time will not be--not fast, not slow.

(Perhaps if I grow in love, in Christ, increasingly now and live with the truth that all I really know is that I love God, the reality of temporal endings will not affect me much, will not seem to last long nor pass slowly.)

Regardless all the above, in my recent exhaustion from too much physical pain as well as the Lord's slowing me down so as to better realize that besides all my plans depending upon God, all I know, truly all I know when it comes down to whatever of my life and existence remains:  I love Him.

Yes, that is all I really know.  I might write lots of thoughts and try to figure out matters, or might share the progression of this particular Catholic hermit's progression, all I really do know is that I love the Lord Jesus Christ. I love the Holy Spirit. I love God the Father.  

And that is all I really know.

Catholic Hermit: Pseudo-Macarius Excerpt on Shrove Tuesday

I may have posted this several years ago on some other blog post.  I have written through phases, posting on evolving blog titles.  Yet today, on Shrove Tuesday (or commonly also called Fat Tuesday)--the day before Ash Wednesday and commencement of Lent--the writings of "Pseudo-Macarius" circa 5th century, set a tone for Lent.

My spiritual father wrote another beautiful and cherished letter.  His handwriting grows increasingly shaky and faint, while his thoughts grow wiser and richer.  As an aside, he wrote that he is becoming discouraged by the televised news; the media battles and negativity of those who lost the election tempts him to frustration and anger.

So he has turned to watching a bit of EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network, a Catholic network).  I used to watch this network back when I had a television; I did not realize they now offer live streaming for computer viewing and online radio streaming, as well.  So I listened some yesterday while taping and mudding the stairwell here in Te Deum Hermitage.

Since Mother Angelica has passed, this Easter last, and I've not watched EWTN for a decade or more, I noticed that it seems the programming may be a bit more repetitive,  and there are some reruns.  But the daily Mass remains present moment and excellent, as Mass is; and there is an evening news program au courant.  The more I check out some programs, I am sure there will be much good in content and newer programs to be discovered.

I do not have frustration or anger over the secular news; yet it becomes quite repetitive and filled with opinions--and of course, is the world, the world.  Since I do not have television or cable, I can get a glimpse of news in which I find much to pray for--situations and people in the world, covering swaths of prayer themes--by looking at headlines or listening to a brief video clip.

Yet, the secular news does not instruct or inspire the soul other than to pray and pray.  Pray for peace, pray for wisdom for leaders, pray for the many people suffering, pray for the secular forces to turn to God, pray for good over evil, pray for people to love one another--not fuss and fracture.

So I pray, but I noticed yesterday that my soul sang a bit more cheerfully, and I was inspired by all the good that the Catholic Church has provided for souls and the world for over two thousand years.  I watched a program last evening while getting the pained body to simmer down for sleep.  A man shared his story of having left the Church for 30 years but has recently returned, and what a difference his coming back has made in his life and that of his family.  His excitement is contagious.

Well, back to Pseudo-Macarius' selection from his Fifth Sermon.  I share it with you because yet again the focus on the love of God and God's law reminds of the simplicity of purpose is worth pondering--a purpose of loving God, His Word, His Law and thus of living a holy life in loving God above all things and loving others as God loves.

From the fifth sermon of Pseudo-Macarius:

"For whatever passion a person does not manfully fight against, that is an object of his love.  Such an attachment dominates and holds him down.  It becomes for him an impediment and a chain that prevents him from directing his mind to God and from pleasing him.  In no way can he serve God alone and obtain the kingdom and reach eternal life.

"The soul that truly tends toward the Lord completely forces itself to a total love of him.  It is held fast in a willed dedication, as far as is possible, to God alone.  From him it attains the help of grace. Such a person denies himself and does not obey the will of his mind, because he knows that the mind tends to deal with us in a deceitful way, seducing us to evil.  He yields himself perfectly to the Word of the Lord and frees himself from every visible bond as far as he can will it.  He surrenders completely to the Lord and thus will be able to undergo successfully struggles, labors, and setbacks. Wherever there is a question of affection, there is either a help or an obstacle.  If someone loves something of the world, this becomes for him a burden and a bondage dragging him downward and not allowing him to rise upward to God.

"If, however, he loves the Lord and loves his commandments, this becomes his help.  He is strengthened by this.  His observance of all the Lord's precepts becomes easy for him and tilts him toward the good, or rather, it makes lighter and easier every battle and affliction.  Through divine power he cuts through the world and through the powers of evil which lay snares for the human soul in the world and which use all sorts of desires as nets to ensnare the soul in the depths of the world.  In such a way he is freed from such snares by means of his own faith and great courage and through heavenly aid.  He is accounted worthy of the eternal kingdom which was the goal of his desiring.  He receives from the Lord help and he will not lose eternal life."

And then Pseudo-Macarius adds after giving some Scriptural examples as well as daily life examples...

"Do you not see the complete centering upon the Lord of a perfect love freely given?  And so also those who wish to follow in their footsteps must love nothing besides God so that, when they are tried, they may be found authentically prompt in preserving their love, their perfect love for the Lord.  Such as these are able to endure conflict to the end who have completely and with their whole heart loved God alone and who have freed themselves from all other loves for the world.  Few, however, are found who enjoy such a love, turning away from all pleasures and desires of the world and who manfully endure the assaults and temptations of the evil one."

Pseudo-Macarius insightfully makes a few more points, but this seems enough to sip and savor for now.

God bless His Real Presence in us, and us in His Real Presence.  Let us each and all remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermit Shares Another Catechism Excerpt on Love of God

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit awakes to another reminder from The Catechism of the Catholic Church as to what we are each and all called: God in Himself.  Since the Living Word tells us that God Is Love, our purpose remains Love of God in Himself, union with and in God in Himself and His Love, and thus unity in Love with and in one another.

There may be others who do not love us in the same way we may be blessed to love them.  This does not mean that we are doing something wrong or should react in any frustration or questioning.  Have no judgments other than to decide in the love of God in Himself.  Just keep loving without expectations of return in any tangible way on our investment.

For investing in love, in learning to love and loving to learn to love, will pay eternal dividends of which we do not need be concerned.  Our concern is central and constant: love of God in Himself.

As we reflect upon the Most Holy Trinity--God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit--we will be reflecting upon God's Love.  St. Paul was told by Jesus in Paul's conversion (involving quite a mystical experience) that His grace is sufficient.  Is God's grace synonymous with His Love?

It seems so, for God Is Love, and all of Him Is Love.  He radiates Love; God imparts Love.

If we remain in God's Love, if we Love God in Himself and achieve union in God we are thus one with His Love.  Love in God flows as God's Love flows--from within to without and without to within.  Love is infinite, like a circle 8, as fluid infinity.

We must not over think God Is Love.  Just desire God Is Love.  Believe in His Love for each of us and trust that we will be united in Love of God in Himself.  This is possible as we carry on our very temporal lives.  As Jesus touched the mute man's ears and tongue, He can certainly touch our hearts.  God Is Love can heal our very souls and inflame us with and in His Love, forever.

Don't fret it.  Don't strain.  Keep a sense of humor and be genuine, authentic, humanly imperfect.  Simply let God's Love do as God's Love does.

Even this excerpt from The Catechism may seem a string of words, or it may illumine to some degree, the mind, with the meaning it intends and desires to describe.  Whatever its effect on us, we can appreciate the words and the reminder of spiritual truths and our purpose in loving God in Himself, of God's desire to have union with us in His Love, and in God's Love His Love in all.

(We can see how words of our human minds begin to circle as word dogs chasing tails; yet we still try to formulate the process of God Is Love and loving God in Himself, with words!  Probably is foolishness in some ways, yet God appreciates our smallest and silliest attempts much like we try to express our human love for one another via a Valentine card.  It is all God's Love.  We only love because He Is Love.)

"1878 All men are called to the same end: God Himself.  There is a certain resemblance between the unity of the divine persons and the fraternity that men are to establish among themselves in truth and love.  Love of neighbor is inseparable from love for God."

God bless His Real Presence Love in us!  We are united one with another in His Love.

Catholic Hermit: Campaign Slogan

Well, I've come up with a campaign slogan (for the be-nice election hopeful win).  Make Me Nice Again--Nicer Than Ever Before!

My cousin from afar has joined in as she wants to be nice again, too.

We were discussing the elderly aunt's decision to never talk to me again due to the last time my voice not sounding "good."  (I actually was quite good compared to how I'd been an hour prior as was in terrible pain but had medication that helped so was quite chipper in comparison.)  But the real reason, I was told by my cousin is that my aunt does not like to hear about my dwelling problems.

Funny, I had not mentioned anything, having figured out she could not cope with nor grasp how so much could go wrong in one place.  I had previously explained the devil does pound on me, but her understanding of spiritual warfare is that you simply tell the devil to go away one time, and that is that.  

Not so, of course.  The more we pray and strive after Christ, the more the devil tries to suck us down.  Jesus was in battle the night before His crucifixion and again on the Cross when He felt so abandoned at one point.

Regardless, my cousin and I gave benefit of the doubt that the aunt is tired, elderly, and, I submitted, perhaps has gotten "peevish" with age.  My cousin said she'd not heard that word in a long time, and I said it has been on my mind recently, for I feel I am peevish, as well.

For fun (I love words and meanings!), I looked up "peevish" on Google, and here are the results.  I note the root word meanings; so apt for how I currently feel, as well as all the descriptors and synonyms in the definition.  Sent it on to my cousin who emailed back that she did not realize the word meant quite this, but realized it was not just applicable for the very elderly...but that it described her, as well, and then added that she realizes she is "old", too.

Yes, and so is this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit mystic or mystic hermit, not that labels matter.  I just include them as a reminder of reality and identity of sorts, while on this temporal earth.  Labels help size up our situations and make us face facts--as well as responsibilities and realities.  So I sent back the message to my cousin that I join her in being peevish.

We concluded our brief internet exchange by her saying she'd like to join my campaign.  She wants to be made nice again, too.  

Making ourselves nice again is a prayer, of sorts.  We solicit God for help to meet our need and desire to be nice, as we confess we have grown not-so-nice over time.  I remind that the main foot-work in this campaign must be done by ourselves.  Attitude, effort. humility always, desire to succeed in being nice--these are keys to winning the be-nice election.

May we be elected to niceness--even nicer than ever before!

While it seems simplistic, the effort is genuine and forthright.  There are many details to which to attend; prayer and practice, re-do and then try again and again, honest reflection--we must persevere and in faith know that we can leave off the peevishness and truly be nice again.  Charity is crucial; charity is also very nice virtue to live out in daily life, in thoughts, words, emotions, and deeds.

Dear God in Heaven, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit:  Please help make us nice again--nicer than ever before!  Fling peevishness far from us, and in this effort we also will try our best.  But please grant us the graces to simply and profoundly be nice!  Yes, make us nice again.  Amen.

peev·ish

ˈpēviSH/

adjective

adjective: peevish

1. easily irritated, especially by unimportant things.

   "all this makes Steve fretful and peevish"

   synonyms:

   irritable, fractious, fretful, cross, petulant, querulous, pettish, crabby, crotchety, cantankerous, curmudgeonly, sullen, grumpy, bad-tempered, short-tempered, touchy, testy, tetchy, snappish, irascible, waspish, prickly, crusty, dyspeptic, splenetic, choleric;More

   antonyms:

   good-humored

Origin

late Middle English (in the sense ‘foolish, insane, spiteful’): of unknown origin.

Catholic Hermit: "The Warmth Of The Sun"

The following song, composed by Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) amazingly soothes when my body is cold but more importantly encapsulates a metaphor.  The lyrics represent in metaphoric comparison the evolved relationship of the temporal Catholic Church world with this consecrated Catholic hermit.  

I so appreciate not only the lyrics but their rich symbolism, especially of the sun (and Son: Christ Jesus, Son of Man, Son of God).  The "love of my life" is represented in the Catholic parish, the temporal Church world, or as a priest referred a couple of years ago, as the "secular Church" as compared to the mystical Church, the mystical Body of Christ, the spiritual Church.

I have the warmth of the sun [Son] within me tonight....  

The warmth of the Son is with us always, even when the temporal aspects of the Church do not necessarily feel the same way toward our love of the temporal aspects of Church.  (One can gather the depth of meaning and experience the truth, beauty, and goodness in our souls' evolving in the growth that comes from our lives progressing in His Real Presence, no matter what befalls us.)  

In faith, we continue on trusting in the Most Holy Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Enjoy and absorb...the warmth of the Son.  He is with you tonight, the true and eternal Love of our lives!

Lots to Consider, Hermit and Soul

Whether or not a consecrated Catholic hermit or a consecrated soul (as all souls are indeed consecrated by God if we but ask and love Him), there are always many aspects of life to consider.

For the past several days, the physical pain has been such that I have not been able to do much of anything.  I have tried to function, such as made a couple batches of Temperance Sea-salted Caramels as samples for test-marketing.  And the two batches are because I was in enough pain that I used half the amount of fresh brown sugar, by mistake, on the first batch.

I barely remember that day; pain tends to blur events and life itself other than a stand-out detail such as caramels that are too hard (but still tasty!).

In the early morning hours, whenever awakened with the pain, I read the Living Word for that day's Mass readings.  Do I remember much?  Not always and not mostly when the pain is at this level.

I try to pray for those who come to mind, and lately I've been using the laptop with me on the mattress, and I have drifted into current events. There are many people for whom to pray; and these include the very great needs of politicians and those running for office, as well as the many media pundits reporting on all aspects, particularly the more scandalous tidbits.

The current election cycle in this country--for the presidential candidates--has been unusually rife with scandalous tidbits.  And if not so scandalous, count on the pundits to make more of the talking points or twist words and platforms with misrepresentation and personal bias.

It really is not much different than how we humans respond and interact at times with one another, especially if there is some kind of envy involved, or a perception or weak point in thinking that our sense of power and prestige and position is in some manner threatened.  It is hard to fathom how everyday individuals might have such misperceptions and skewed feelings, but these are very real indeed.

The perceptions (or misperceptions) are birthed by pride; and pride fills, fleshes out, plumps people who have within them vacuous spaces, emptiness, and insecurities.  Thus, they think they need power, prestige, and position to fill in the cavities of their minds, hearts, and souls.  

It is just as well to face our emptiness and ask the Lord to fill us with whatever He wills.  Filling emptiness with pride never satisfies ourselves, others, or God. Pride can be like air-filled pockets in water pipes: When we turn on the water, expecting water flow, instead we get hiccups and belches of air-spitting bursts and unexpected water splats.  

[I use this metaphor to visualize the unattractive, unexpected spittle-blasts of what happens in water pipes when air is backed up due to the recent experience in learning how to install a water heater.  So it is for our souls when emptied of God and His Holy Will for us.  Pride takes up the space vacated.  Under the house I had turned off not only the hot water line but also the main water line and emptied the old, rusted out tank which had a hidden, slow leak. I plumbed and wired the new tank (needed help sliding the heavy, new tank down into the dug-out cellar space just as we need His help replacing pride with His powerful presence). I next turned on the hot and cold water lines to fill the tank and thought all was well.  I was not prepared for what occurred with the indoor plumbing when I later expecting water-flow from sink and water-flow into toilet!  More rather frantic phone calls to plumber mentors at Lowe's taught that when emptying a water tank, so much air is sucked from all the water pipes in a dwelling that it takes leaving faucets on for quite awhile in order for the air mixed with remnants of water to gasp and spit forth until the vacuous emptiness is filled with fresh water.  Isn't it divinely potent how the Holy Spirit powerfully flows forth all aspects in our everyday experience into teaching moments in the spiritual life of our souls?]

Just as potent for my own soul, I am learning much by observing the presidential candidate race.  I am learning from those who are running for political office as well as from those media pundits who report on the candidates and on the process.  One major aspect I am learning is the importance of developing a thick skin.  And of persevering, not swerving from the goal and tasks at hand to reach the goal.

For a consecrated Catholic hermit, that goal is, of course, to live my vows and the Gospel rule of life, in the silence of solitude, in deep prayer and praise, for souls and for the good of the Church, the Body of Christ.  And that goal, of course, is also one for many souls out there in whatever vocations, although the particular vows and rule of life and means surrounding the conditions therein, will vary.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and one another as ourselves.

Catholic Hermit: Severe Pain Siege

Dearest blog readers, this wearied, nothing, consecrated, Catholic hermit has been flat on the floor mattress with quite a severe pain siege.  Thus, all has ceased other than existing; and existing is quite a bit of something.

Pain is a powerful force. Pain wipes clean the memory.  Pain shuts down the more active bodily functions, including the ability to stand and walk, to prepare food to eat, to drink much or eat much or think much.  Pain becomes a prayer and thus is the prayer.  The body, influenced by severe pain, tends to automatically shut down enough to protect the body from having to do what will cause even more pain, thus the slow down in food and water intake.  

Since it is so painful to get up and walk, the appetite for food and water subsides; thus no need to eliminate bodily waste other than once in 24 hours.  There is no brushing of teeth or bathing, no ability to walk to the door if there would be anyone knocking; but of course there is no one there knocking.  

The hours and days come and go, and after a few days there is the beginning of thought that perhaps the next day, maybe the body can try to rise and be up for five minutes or so.  Then comes the questioning of if the body is going to be given its energy back ever.  

Thoughts begin to sort through life, screening backwards to choices made, noticing weaknesses in the will and forks in life's road along the way, and how God allowed free rein but also introduced major stop lights at certain juncture points when the will could not seem to make needful choices.

As the days and nights painfully progress, the pain lifts slightly, gradually, just enough to remember the great effort to empty the bucket even if cannot recall the day of that feat.  The mind recalls the body stood for more than four minutes to crush cranberries, an apple, an orange: food enough to eat on a couple times a day for a couple days.  Salted peanuts, a slice of cheese, some old, refrigerated, cooked rice microwaved with some curry sauce--these are the quick-grabs at odd hours.

The laptop remains the window to the outer world and source of communication.  A friend emails, asking if the hermit would like an "Ace" bandage mailed to wrap the injured hand?  No, cannot do work, cannot yet walk the short distance to mailbox. Thanks, though.  

Surely in a few days will be able to drive to civilization; am supposed to see the young grandson in a theater production.  That day comes, and while the body can rise to get more water and use the bucket more often, there is not the energy by a far stretch to even think of driving; but the hermit has been able to gather the mail.

The spiritual father has written.  The cherished letter is among a pile of junk mail.  Perhaps this ratio reflects the amount of junk thoughts and wasted God-time in our lives: mostly junk with a dab of rich quality hidden in the mound of moments.  Fr. V. emails, as well, and inquires as to Advent season, reports his preaching a retreat to high school students in his native Nigeria.

The mind is beginning to recollect above the pain.  A dream is recalled.  The Lord reveals through the images and performance that the body, mind, heart, and soul has not been accepting nor loving someone in the outer life, as himself.  Ah, it is truth!  Correction is needed.  It is not easy to live God's law is it?  We don't even realize, often enough, that we lack love right in our own inner circle.  

God deals with us directly when we are reduced and simplified.  Pain helps reduce and simplify.

By the sixth day of being "mattressed," the mind asks the Lord what is the purpose of this prolonged pain siege?  The reality surfaces that whatever physical, natural impetus triggering the pain siege would have been already rested and corrected.  What is the supernatural or spiritual reason? As with past pain sieges (of which none of this magnitude have been for months and months amidst the numerous short-term sieges), there is always a spiritual reason.

Advent.  Advent waiting. It is in patience in perseverance, that the soul shall possess itself, shall be saved.  These words of Jesus--verbage dependent upon which Biblical translation--give the answer.  The mind considers various here-and-now options.  Perhaps am not making the correct choice in continuing work efforts on this hermitage, trying to make it salable?  Perhaps am not doing with this life what it is the Lord wills and desires of it?  

Waiting.  Thoughts of John of the Cross and Bernard of Clairvaux float to the consciousness.  Am able to correspond with a couple of spiritual friends, physically far away but right here, now.  One brings news of a ridiculous occurrence in an aspect of the temporal Catholic world.  It is a laughable yet painful reminder of how far beyond we ought to be from such temporal foolishness.  There is also great sadness in the example, great irony. Try to let go the details.

Then a young woman calls on the phone.  There are the usual issues going on in her everyday life which continue to be tainted by her short past as well as issues of her own physical body, of infection and illness that interfere with energy, duties as wife and mother, and very much affect temperament and extended family relationships.  Anger, misspeaking, loss of emotional control pepper the past few weeks in her interactions.

I speak of the law of minds and the law of God--the royal law, the law that fulfills and supersedes all other laws.  Love God above all things and love others as oneself.  I mention the example of the foolishness of the sad-but-true story of the monsignor and his parish and the temporal Catholic world occurrence in which the priest once more tamps souls down to his level of love and personal dis-ease.  

We are all capable of hearing about, for example, Bernard of Clairvaux's Four Degrees of Love.  "What are they?' she asks?  The hermit, in the Advent moment able to think above the physical, bodily pain, explains each level and attempts to use simple examples from our current life choices.  

Yes, we humans are able to grasp such matters as degrees of love.  We are capable of being led to the higher levels--or at least of having them presented so that we are aware we can strive for greater degrees of spiritual maturity in God's royal law, in His Love.

You may be asking what are the degrees of love that Bernard, some ten or so centuries ago, wrote out with timeless examples.  He is not the first, of course, to do so.  The same loves surface in the earlier writings of the desert abbas and ammas.  They also exist in the Living Word, even if not listed in ordered fashion.  

The ultimate love is that of God in Himself.  The basic love is love of ourselves.  Yes, it is base to love ourselves; it is a starting point.  Then there is love of ourselves in relationship to others in pleasing others for what reward might come.  Then there is love of others and love of God for what rewards might come.  And again, the ultimate love is love of God in Himself--not for any other purpose.  Just love God as He Is, for Whom He Is, within Him.  Love God in Himself.

All other love unfolds and flows from within God Is Love.

The pain will subside to a point in which the mind can manage the pain rather than the pain ruling the body and mind.  The pain will not be removed from the body in this lifetime, not even with the strongest of pain medications other than if the body were to be medicated to a point of comatose condition.

This pain siege might last the duration of Advent.  But it seems that more likely the pain will be lifted enough for continuance of the manual labor efforts, when the mind, heart, and soul have learned what it is that the Lord wills to directly teach--through reminders from His Living Word, the writings of great spiritual minds and souls, the examples of current life experiences, the flaws of self and others, in dream images and in emails and happen-chance conversation.

Advent waiting can be quite painful!  Yet there is great good in pain, for sure.  There is much unknowing with pain.  We just never know if, when, or how it might lift enough to allow continuation of body, mind, and heart living.  But always we know the soul lives fully in the experience of pain.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and love others as ourselves!  Desire and reach for the highest degree of the Law of God, the Law of Love.