If the World (or Person) Hates You

From 1 John 3 we have today in Mass Scripture readings:  Do not be surprised, brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.

And later in this sequence we read that those who do not love from their hearts, who do not have love in their hearts, are murderers.  

This is the truth.

Lately, have pondered a relative whose relationship with a family member has ruled her for the bulk of her life, and it has been based upon resentment and personality clash that has grown into hatred for even the slightest nuances of speech or viewpoint that the family member makes.  The hater is 66 years old, and the hated is 91 years old.

The elder has reasons for her personality and outlook, for what she likes to do and discuss.  She, like the rest of us, is not perfect and knows it.  But she enjoys perfection or striving for it, and is an artist by profession, was an art teacher.  She grew up in a deprived household, her father passing when she was four, on the eve of the Great Depression.  With eight children in the family, the mother had quite a difficult life.  All the children grew to be successful, hard-working, and yes, with various but all strong and distinct personalities.  

The youngest, this woman now 91, has always desired to be socially acceptable, gracious, and tending to outer appearances in some aspects.  There are reasons for this.  A struggling childhood, for one, and recalling and so appreciating her mother's Saturday evening meal, using the good china, a lovely table cloth, and making what otherwise would have been a rather dark time of their lives, at least uplifted in those simple aspects.

Yes, perhaps there has been a bit much attention to personal appearance and desiring nice things.  But one can certainly understand why, in addition to the artistic proclivity and gifts.  Artists observe the outer appearances and appreciate color, style, design, and beautiful things.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But it is this aspect among many other small aspects, that have annoyed and grown into hatred in the reaction of the now 66-year-old.

Personality clash, yes, but the poison is seemingly beyond antidote in other than to pray for the person.  Talk and explanation, counsel and even being supportive in hopes of trying to get the poisoned one to then move into better mode, has not been effective.  The person poisoned has done self-harm, stuffing in feelings of anger toward other aspects of life and now lives with limitations of a physical sense in addition to the damaged emotions, the poison.

The 91-year-old has increasingly turned to God and prayer, yet still loves to enjoy what people wear, or their conversations, or lovely tables and details of delicious food and presentation, or gatherings of people for music or social time together.  And she loves the one who despises her, without realizing the depth of the anger the other has toward the elder, or else not allowing herself to realize it.  What difference would it make to know the extent of dislike, of hate?  The elder is now well-off, independent and has learned to hire others to assist her when her family cannot or does not.  But she appreciates when they can and do, and she chooses to love.

When the elder passes, which may be before the younger, although in this life we never know, she will leave the amass of money to the younger and to the younger's adult children.  She has already gifted the younger with a comfortable and lovely car, not causing a fuss in giving up that freedom in being able to drive, but rather passing through that phase with grace as opposed to many who instead need to be confronted and have the keys taken by strained family members.  She likewise, on her own, decided when to sell her home, then when to leave an apartment and enter an elder care facility.

Will the younger, the 66-year-old, even then, when the elder passes, be rid of the poison?  Is hate toward a living person alleviated when the person dies to this life, or is hate in the mind and emotions only quelled in and by forgiveness and grace of God, and in being able to then love the one who has been hated for nearly all of the person's life?  What difference does it make to change the word hate to resentment, personality clash, or trigger points?  It is none other than hate.

Yes, over the years the elder has said things of which the younger resented and felt hurt.  There were expectations of the younger as to how she wanted the elder to be.  (And there was rudeness from the younger to the elder, for sure.)  And true, others had difficulty sometimes relaxing in the presence of the perfections and plans of the elder, but they could understand and take it in stride.  

Having understanding of others and finding the good in them, and seeing the progress in their souls over the years, and realizing the love the person has for others--that washes over and ameliorates the bits of human flaws and irritants.

We all have them, these flaws and irritants.  But the reality is, that when we want to be good and to love, and when we strive toward His Real Presence and want to live a good as well as possible and be in light and as light--despite our human failings--those who resent or cannot forgive have a pall of darkness that distorts all the more, and suffocates their very soul.

All this is particularly highlighted when those who share the same faith--even the same Church--dislike others, criticize, try to discredit through words spoken or written or even thought and kept silent. Those who are stuck too much in the temporal Catholic world can be prone to this, and we must not be surprised when the temporal world aspects--society or church of any group or individuals--hates us.  

It is nothing new that the poison of disliking, of hating others, can creep into the Church.  St. Paul writes and warns of it in the Church of the first century.  Those who have hated, as he did, and been converted and healed, humbled, and forgiven, can tend to be able to love and forgive others, to have mercy for they have been given mercy and love.

But what a difference for a life and the lives of all involved, and for salvation, if we learn to love, if we live to love to learn to love.  Discord, anger, resentment, envy--it all boils down to the word that is so blatantly (and embarrassingly) strong but is the correct word to describe such:  hate.  

Those who have hate in them do not have God in them. Those who have darkness in them do not have the light.  Those who hate anyone (even if they describe it in less honest terms), are murderers.

And we must be reminded that those who dislike, resent, are rankled by, and hate, are not themselves but the darkness has crept in.  Yes, they were weak and open to darkness, but who of us has not been tricked and entered into by the author of darkness and hate?  So we cannot hate those who hate us, but rather have empathy and love, for we know what it is to be a host to poison even if quickly flushed out by the grace of God-Is-Love.

Little children, let us love one another!  Surely, if we see within ourselves that we are angered by others or dislike them, or are ruled by how they irritate us, have the poison of hate in us.  It is so unnecessary to love, especially among family, and that includes the family of the Church.  Darkness does not like Light.  Do we really want to be murderers?

Who will be judged harshly?  Who will advance to heaven? Will it be the one who is imperfect and yet loves, or is it the one who has let resentment and irritations build up in years of poison and hatred?  Will the death of the one heal the anger and hate of the other?  Will money gifted to the living, heal the hate?

God bless His Real Presence in us--if we have room for Him. Darkness does not like the Light. Clouds mask the sun as does the earth when night signals the obscuring of day.  Let us love one another.  Just love!  It ought to be simple, should it not?  Understand, empathize, encourage and see the good qualities and see hope in all souls (even our own)!  Be kind and merciful.  Pray for one another, and love one another!  Just love!

Hold the Torch or Merely Bear It?

I have pondered today, also, various visions and forewarning events of the past, prior to my conversion to Catholicism.  I suppose one must examine all in context and time frame, over the years as the body, mind, heart and soul progress in this journey to His Real Presence, knowing that one is through, with and in Him all along.

It helps, also, to reflect upon what trusted and decent others have said, here and there.  All these aspects do shed light upon the path and help us discern God's will and the way we are to trod. 

One dear minister of advanced years, told me later that he always considered me a prophetess.  That stunned me, as I had not considered that role or assignment, per se.  I suppose it is in part an aspect, though, of the Christian life; some must hold the torch upon the truth and allow its full reflection to be seen by others, even if the consequences may mean a metaphoric or in some way an actualized, toss into the cistern.  Or, sometimes one is called upon to bear the truth and be the immolation in whatever way is most difficult and painful.

Another minister, younger and of whom I saw raw, partially gesticulated fish vomiting from his mouth as he read Scripture in the worship service one Sunday morning, did not appreciate my giving him a message, a few days later.  I was shown and told this, and I shed light on it:  You are an adulterer.

Now, this man was married and quite faithful in his marital vows as far as sexual fidelity.  But the Lord told me it just as He showed me:  an adulterer.  Knowing the man's faithfulness in the typical sense, I researched the word adulterer, of which adulterate clarified the message. 

Yes, it took guts to tell this minister and to explain why the word came to me, and when, and how, and from whom.  I tried to speak gently, kindly, and owned that this can befall any of us.  But the fact was, the Lord had shown me and told me, that this minister, a man of the cloth, had been adulterating his position.  He was making the words he read from the Scriptures, impure, tainted and altered due to the very way he so poorly treated his elderly secretary and a few others, when he thought no one would notice.  

He was delivering inferior goods of his spiritual learning and leadership, adulterating the Gospel message, and not being faithful to Whom he represented as leader of this particular congregation, this church.  I simply asked him to please consider what I was told, and to try to treat those he mistreated, with charity and justice.  Then, also, I likely would not be shown the masticated, raw fish spewing from his mouth on Sunday morning when he read Scriptures to us.

I assured him that whenever I am shown something of any need for improvement in others, I likewise see it as a reminder for my own life.  I gave him some examples.  I wanted him to grasp that I am with him in desiring what the Lord would like in change for the better, in me, and in him who represented Christianity as a pastor in that particular church.

After my conversion to Catholicism, there were more encounters, but I wanted to fit in better and did not desire controversy.  However, there were several instances of being given a torch that essentially shed light on some issues that were too negative to let pass.  Sometimes I would try to bear the wrong for the other person or persons.  I would pray and suffer.  

But often enough, the situation was dire enough that required my holding the torch up close for the person to see for him- or herself, the flaw, the wrong, the offense against our calling as Christians:  our offense against His Real Presence.  Most often, our offenses against His Real Presence are meted out through offending others or being offensive in our selves.

A friend once wrote, after feeling terrible for the suffering I'd endure as a result of what I was shown, holding the torch or to bear it, and she said, "Stop reading priests' souls!"  Then, shortly after, she wrote again and said, "I'm sorry.  I realize you aren't doing it but rather God is showing you what you'd probably rather not have to see and that the rest of us miss."

It is a terrible suffering to be given a torch to hold, to shed light on what one is shown that is not what we or others wish to have revealed.  It is also a terrible suffering to bear the torch, to carry it in silence but all the same see what could so easily be improved or altered for the good of all souls.  And it is yet another suffering to be placed in a position where one must speak to the person or persons involved, to hold the torch closer and show them, to share with them the knowledge of what they wanted to be kept in the dark.  And then one must offer ideas as to how to change the situation, to correct, and then also to encourage and uplift the person that with God, all things are possible.

Sometimes people do not want to improve.  Those people often react negatively and want the person holding the torch or even bearing it, to be out of sight and out of mind.  Run the person out, toss him down the cistern, sell him off as a slave, discredit, imprison, decapitate.  All these responses do happen in one way or another even if not literally.

Bruno seemed to have grown weary of battling the bishop who was bothered by his teaching abilities and success in 11th century Cologne, Germany.  He had six companions, two or three of them also priests, who left for the farthest reaches of the Alps so they could worship and adore His Real Presence far from the temporal Catholic world and those such as bishops--far, far away from the adulteration that can creep into even the most lofty person, at least to the eyes of the unwitting public.

Bruno did not make his escape right away after he and his friends made a pact to do it.  They waited for the right timing, and off they went, not quite knowing where in particular and even thinking perhaps they might join in with some Benedictine monks with whom they wintered over.  But come spring, they set off, walking into the French Alps, finding a most remote area in which to begin their lives in truth, beauty, goodness and freedom from temporal spiritual oppression.  (Bruno did not set out to create the Carthusian order.  He lived it; one of his companions developed it into an order after Bruno's death.)

The mystical spiritual oppression is yet another battle and one that cannot be escaped by moving from place to place.  That has to be discerned and faced, the torch held up close to it.  It must be exposed and borne, both.  Hold the torch and bear it.

Regardless, my thoughts return to asking His Real Presence if my task is to keep writing of the process, and to hold the torch as well as to bear it when shedding the light is not effective in itself.  Am I to write of what I see and experience, even though shameful in ways, or at least ought to be shaming?  Ought I remain in this hovel, in the farthest reaches from most humanity and hidden away from the eyes of men, and yet hold the torch to what is shown me either through visions or temporal encounters?

As one of my longest-time friends said when I was considering if God wanted me to move from the terrorizing neighbors, "You can pray for them from a distance.  You don't need to live right next door to them any longer and be abused and threatened."  I wonder if that is advice, likewise, for the more local parish, or for any parish?  I certainly do suffer and grieve about the situations that I am shown and of which my simple, silent presence seems to be a torch in itself, igniting and then exposing icy, fearful, and judgmental reactions.  And a whole lot more.

Yes, for now I will be the immolation in this hovel cistern hermitage, and I will pray and pray for neighbors far away and close, and for thy neighbor as thyself in church parishes and church congregations the world over.  I will suffer much for all that is torched of my own soul, too.  And that is probably the most painful to bear.