Catholic Hermit Ponders Perseverance

Well, for a few days this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been on the mattress more than not, at least not able to get up until noon.  Just way too much pain going on in the body, with the addition of allergies lending to the admixture of fatigue and sufferings.  

However, I do get up.  Yesterday it took a phone call from a woman who calls on rare occasion; and when she calls, I immediately know that the Lord is signaling me.  I had just been thinking of the woman for she had hip replacement three weeks ago.  I was considering calling her, but when the pain is very high, the emotions are jagged--shards of emotions.  

But she called me, and I answered, and she could detect the weariness and emotional drain-out.  I got a grip, though, and part-way through the conversation took a pain med.  Ironically--and we did laugh--at the end of the conversation when I asked her if she could tell I seemed much better, she said she'd taken a pain med, also.  This is a breakthrough for her, as I knew this from knowing her and she admitted it on the phone:  she used to be anti-pain medication, or much medication of any type at all.

I figure then she was in the mode I'd been in about twenty or more years ago--wanting to gut it out more and also to try every natural and homeopathic herb and concoction conceivable for pain management.  None of the herbs and unctions helped--just cost a lot.  However, there are several vitamins and minerals and a handful of supplements that do help in a small way, and when pain is sucking the life out of one's body, a "small way" means a lot.  And they do add up.

We did exchange some prayer requests for others.  I had one from a woman at Mass a week ago.  She introduced herself afterward as "the one who was trying to awaken" me during Mass.  I found this amazingly polite and kindly--and also courageous on her part.  It has been unheard of heretofore, and I was grateful.  All other such incidents of people trying to rouse by shaking, shoving, pinching, lifting up, or pulling have always in the past resulted in those persons withdrawing--especially the ones with mal intent. 

So I asked the woman who introduced herself and said she was the one (until someone told her I was all right in Mass) if she had a prayer need.  For there was no stench and no sense of her approaching me when in the mystical state in Mass--no sense that she had any foulness of soul nor was irritated by my deadness (as some in the past certainly have been).

Indeed she did have a prayer need!  I explained that the Lord surely had some reason for our encounter, and she said her grand-nephew was born six weeks prior--without the ability of his body to metabolize food!  Mercy, Lord!  So that was one prayer concern I shared with my friend who called yesterday.  Please pray for little Pierce.

Well, there have been some major prayer concerns this week including one that was not answered in the way we humans had wanted.  But faith is enriched when our desires are not met as we wish.  That is, faith, hope and love of God are enriched if we grasp the goodness of God's saying "no" at times. He always has His reasons, and they always have to do more with our souls than our temporal existences.

So this Scripture from yesterday's Mass reading of the Gospel, Luke 8:15, hit home the beauty, truth, and goodness of perseverance.  Yes, our perseverance may end up with temporal aspects not seemingly bearing the fruit that we want or intended.  But it seems the Lord says:  Never mind that!

For example, I am trying to persevere against the physical and health odds here, solo, in very heavy manual labor and tasks that I've never attempted before and have very little knowledge of how to do any of it.  I keep pushing on--barely, I admit--even though I do not like it and am tired, and wish I could just get out from under all this work that is piling up with my body unable to keep up.  

So it may end up temporally not so fruitful, as in I may not be able to finish and sell this place, or I may become even more ill and pass on (which would be fine with me) in here.  Yet, there seems nothing to do but to persevere at whatever pace I can make my body and very much my mind push onward.  

I wonder that I am persevering with this work when I could be writing more spiritually, or doing more for human beings--not, such as today, trying to trim down a stud that is out 3/8" too far from the other studs.  Am using a power saw for that, and it is very slow go, as in inches at a time.  I'm half-way down the stud at this point.

But the temporal realities are that I will need income to support my existence for however long I am to live on this earth, and the money is in this place for my income is not substantial enough to walk away from the investment.  Yes, we hermits must in our day and age, have places to live and pay our way in all aspects, including purchasing health insurance, food, pay utilities, have a vehicle, pay taxes, pay medical costs beyond the insurance coverage, and so forth.

Anyway, my point is that we may not know if our persevering is going to bear good fruit in any tangible way.  It may not.  A couple trying to conceive a child and persevere through all processes known to man at this time, may have tangible fruit of their perseverance in a baby conceived, or may not.  This persevering, like many that are literally life-or-death efforts, is of course life-critical compared to my little example of struggling with pain or trying to keep the body getting up and working on that which is hardly as important as many other potential fruits of persevering.

Yet there is far more in persevering than tangibles, far more to fruit in the way we may think of bearing fruit.

It may be that the fruit of perseverance is intangible, spiritual, even mystical.  The fruit may be increased virtues, particularly that of humility.  The fruit may be some entirely different outcome than we ever considered.  God knows. But it is true that He rewards perseverance at various levels of existence, of body, mind, heart and soul.

Here's the Scripture that yesterday captivated the present moment.  Today I continue on with this Living Word, begging the Lord to help me to persevere. I am today "generously" groveling for His help....  I need to remember to do so with a good heart--embracing His Word, persevering and bearing fruit of whatever kind and type the Lord wills to gift.

"But as for the seed that fell on rich soil,
they are the ones who, when they have heard the word,
embrace it with a generous and good heart,
and bear fruit through perseverance."

Selection Sent Hermit

The following is the selection the long-time friend sent this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit the other day.  It most likely is from a book of such writings in which God spoke to two older British women.  The two wrote down the Holy Spirit's messages, given them in early part of 20th century, published in small book titled God Calling.

I appreciate the reminder of each week being a week of progress, steady progress upward that we may not see but God sees.  I consider today, after a night of trouble getting to sleep due to increased physical pain--this time from the heavier gardening efforts yesterday.  The actions are not essential, the gardening not critical any more than any other action or movement.  It is, it is physical effort, however, with much prayer and silence of solitude in God.

Today it is already early afternoon, and the body must be forced out but gently, firmly.  To rest all day is not going to help with the progress of the body building up again, after resting quite a bit over time, from many pain sieges.  The Lord sees my effort.

This morning a young spiritual friend called, and we discussed aspects of St. Hildegard de Bingen's Third Vision.  We particularly discussed the messages on the images of globes rising and falling, relational to Christ's rise in light, being born on earth, then falling with man's rejection of Him, then rising with his earthly mission successfully completed, our salvation redeemable. 

Hildegard writes of the whirlwinds, and my friend and I reckoned these with aspects in our daily lives, and how good to live through the whirlwinds and yet also to seek to not have whirlwinds as distractions.

My friend mentioned that it seems since my coming here, to this desert existence, on the desires of family members, this house has seemed to have whirlwinds and to wear me out, distract, take energy away from the spiritual writing that this friend says she's always thought a major desire of God from me.  We are praying that God let me know if I am to give up, bail out, or to write more and read more spiritually in the hours of bodily rest required by bodily pain, or to keep at the work efforts and not be concerned as to how much accomplished, but wait until God shows the next step, the next place.

I did come to the realization that in my life now, there is nothing else other than one basket remaining.  And that basket is the spiritual life with God, and I must put all eggs in that basket.  It is not as if I have come to this final basket of my own desires; all other baskets have faded or become not possible or unnecessary.  

Perhaps the Lord is preparing me for my physical death; or He is wanting of me to not spend more earth time with the trials of such a major undertaking here; or He simply wants me to keep climbing the stairway slowly, without even seeing the next step but feeling my way without seeing, without knowing, but to simply keep going.  Persevere. Persevere.  We don't know for now the specifics; but God will tell me His direction, His will.  He speaks in diverse ways.  Listen!

Regardless, here is the selection a friend since childhood sent the other day.  It is good.  Enjoy!

LOVE'S OFFERING

I am your Lord, gracious and loving.  Rest in My Love; walk in My ways.  Each week is a week of progress, steady progress upward.  You may not see it, but I do.

I judge not by outward appearances, I judge the heart, and I see in both your hearts one single desire:  to do My Will.   The simplest offering by a child brought or done with the one desire to give you pleasure, or to show you love, is it not more loved by you than the offerings of those who love you not?

So, though you may feel that your work has been spoiled and tarnished, I see it only as Love's offering.  Courage, My children.

When climbing a steep hill, a man is often more conscious of the weakness of his stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur, or even of his upward progress.

Persevere, persevere.  Love and laugh.  Rejoice.

Catholic Hermit, Question of Evil

Received an email pertinent to another Catholic hermit who evidently continues to disparage and discredit "yours truly" here.  The person wrote that this other hermit who writes such things was "sheer evil."

Now, it seems a bit severe, but one does wonder if there is that much hate, envy, and on-going rancor towards this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit here who is striving to simply live its vocation and chronicle the spiritual progression--very much including the unknowns and the failings and sometimes successes.  Is there is so much hate and resentment in a person who happens to also be a "canonically approved" variety of consecrated Catholic hermit, and then is that person technically or spiritually an authentic hermit in the consecrated life of the Catholic Church, regardless of public profession?

Is that person's bishop truly supervising that hermit of whom he is to be directing her daily life according to his approval of her plan of life?  Does he even know what she writes, or of her obsession and need to disparage another Catholic hermit (this one here, in fact!)?

But, the response given to the person emailing, is that it does not matter.  Better to be wrongly judged by someone out there in the blogosphere, than to try to figure out or even consider if a hermit is credible, authentic, or valid if going through the Catholic canonical hermit motions but is missing in some basics of Christianity and Christian behavior.

Let the Lord judge that hermit and this hermit, here.  In fact, there is some news regarding this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit attempting to receive Holy Communion.  It contacted the deputy who moved his family so that he could have them attending a licit Mass, elsewhere.  For over a year, before selling their home and moving, they had been driving a long distance to return to the parish where there was a healthy priest and a valid Mass.  His priest had told him to not go to the parish--the one this hermit has tried to attend with rather disastrous results (see previous blogs but not really necessary to drag through the ordeal).

So the deputy was willing to bring this hermit the Eucharist and would speak with his priest; and the hermit was to contact the priest, also, for that priest is well aware of the sorrowful situation in this nearby parish.  However, when the hermit spoke with the lovely secretary who passed on the request to the healthy and capable priest, the answer came back in the negative.  Due to canonical laws, the priest had told her, he could not allow the deputy to bring the hermit communion.

Of course, the hermit had explained its spiritual father forbade it to return to the closer parish, given the sorrowful situation of the priest and Mass there.  And the hermit is too ill with chronic pain to drive the distance to physically attend Mass at the healthy priest's parish.  But that priest feels strongly of the rule that a person must attend Mass at the parish nearest.  Of course, the hermit knew immediately there is an inconsistency but did not mention it.  Why bother?  It would only embarrass the priest, for he allowed the deputy and family to come to Mass in his parish for over a year while they lived closer to the unhealthy priest's parish than does this hermit!  And it was that healthy, solid priest who told the deputy and his family to not go to the closer parish.

Ah, what do we do with our temporal Catholic world?  We have to keep a strong sense of humor as well as offer prayers and sacrifices for all the shenanigans that go on.  We humans--in holy orders, in consecrated life of the Church, in matrimony or single life, Christian or not--are quite something else in our sheer goofiness!  It is difficult at times to know, literally, which end is up....

Another bit of news helped this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, here in its unsalable hermitage.  The deputy shared that he had been to the bishop twice with concrete listing of documented ills and wrongs in this nearby parish and issues with the dear, struggling priest.  Nothing was going to be done.  Word from within the diocese is that this struggling priest was a disaster at two previous parishes, so he was sent to this parish where the Mass attendance is rather sketchy, and the people not actually desiring a proactive priest, on fire for the spiritual life.  They had run out a very holy priest who had been there a year; part of their issue was that priest tried to develop Adoration as well as other spiritually enlivening programs and opportunities.  Too holy!

So, that is how it is for now, and this hermit is accepting all as from the Hands of God.  The spiritual father happened to call--a rare event as he mostly writes--while the hermit was awaiting word back from the request that it receive Communion, brought by the deputy.  The spiritual father had good news: he had returned to more spiritual reading, himself, and was focusing on the Four Last Things.  So, too, his spiritual child, this hermit, has returned to more spiritual reading, continuing on with the sermons of Pseudo-Macarius, Scripture, and once can locate the iPad charge cord, will continue reading the biography of St. Gemma Galgani.

It is rather a sad state of affairs that the healthy priest's adherence to canonical laws, as his secretary put it, will keep the hermit from Holy Communion once a week. (The hermit's pain level alone would be enough to dispense it of sitting through Mass, although the hermit tries never to allow the pain to totally debilitate it when it came to Mass attendance.)  However, the irony of the situation must cause this hermit to praise God rather than to succumb to despair.  The devil was indeed working on the despairing aspect, for certain.  Just too many consolations came; and the hermit needs to cling to those and to keep its eyes on Jesus.

The sinus infection is starting to make improvement.  The hermit switched to a stronger antibiotic.  There has been much prayer and penance--many offerings made on behalf of the priest that is being denied help from the diocese even though they know he has troubles.  How cruel is that?  And the parishioners who remain in the parish, thankfully content enough, are missing out on much, but the Lord will take care of them, for sure.  God bless them for those who pick up the work pieces and keep the place running.  

This hermit will be obedient to its spiritual father and not return, not attempt to talk with or help the priest other than in prayer and penances offered, and will not contact the diocese.  The spiritual father was right:  They know the problems and are choosing to ignore them.  So much like a lot of organizations in the secular world, is that attitude and non-action!  In school administration it was called "the dance of the lemons" when a bad administrator or teacher would be moved from place to place until finally a spot was found where they could languish and the people (usually poor or less educated) would accept the low quality, and the school would sink lower yet.

So there is much for this rather saddened nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to pray about--and praise God about. At least there are answers, even if in the negative.  Don't go to that parish to Mass; not going to be allowed Communion from a valid parish Mass.  And, in the concrete answers even if neither would be what the hermit would hope and dream for in and for the good of the Church--the hermit can take heart and joy in the fact that they are answers.  The net was cast a couple of times in different directions, and the net came up with those answers.

A despairing thought came this morning:  Will this hermit ever get this hermitage in salable condition and be able to depart this desert, this place of true and solid exile?  Ever?  Well, the hermit knows not.  All it can do is get its pained body up and dressed and try to keep painting on the outside of the house.

Fr. Vincent has called from Nigeria to hear what is going on, but the call got lost somewhere between this desert and his desert in Nigeria.

So, we carry forth.  This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit will continue to pray and pray and offer sacrifices and praise for all these situations and persons involved, and for the temporal Catholic world (what one hermit priest calls the secular church) and for the mystical Catholic world, and for all Christian Churches and all Christians everywhere.  This hermit is going to try all the harder to live its vocation not only as a consecrated Catholic hermit, but as a Christian hermit--and a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ!  

Am looking at HIM.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  God save us all and protect us, and may His truth and light be shining through any rubble we get ourselves into.  Yes, little children, let us love one another.  Remember that God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit: It Takes Faith, Courage, and Perseverance

A short work and prayer break, this is, from painting and caulking exterior trim, porch ceiling--with the usual obstacles that come with a very old house, rather primitive in its simple construction over a century ago.

A peace flows with the lovely paint, and this consecrated Catholic hermit welcomes such peace as Jesus bequeaths.  Incomparable peace to any imitations, from other sources, anywhere!  Even though His peace is like much of the touches of grace and glimpsing of what peace is in heaven, we understand that it is that--a touch, usually.  Yes, it passes all understanding.  We love the peace of Christ no matter all else; and we realize it ebbs and flows while we are in our mortal forms, toiling and praying and living on this temporal earth.

It does take faith, courage, and perseverance in this life.  For this hermit, it takes much of each, and then some.  The path of an eremite is not so easy nor laid out plainly, nor is there another hermit whose life can be imitated, followed, adopted, reproduced  Why?  A consecrated Catholic hermit must follow Jesus, as do all of us Christians are to follow Jesus.  

Sometimes the emotions, the thoughts, the temporal life experiences and situations, the spiritual life experience and situations all converge like branches reaching in, sometimes falling, sometimes snagging, as we traverse our narrow path.  Sometimes, too, we need to do what is necessary to make the path yet narrower.

What this hermit has been silently discussing with the Lord, is that aspect of going on in faith, not knowing if what we are doing is as we should be doing according to His will.  Plus, some aspects that involve reviewing visions, locutions, as well as the Living Word of God in the Scriptures, as well as guidance from a spiritual director, can seem to totally go against what one would think ought to be, according to the general stance of the many.

Faith comes in here, as well as courage and perseverance.  When we list out the situations, the facts, the discerned experiences--sometimes one must proceed, persevere, in a way that runs contrary to what others think ought to be, or has been, based upon what they have known how it is done, or what is done, or what they have done, or what previous patterns or the norm suggests.

But hermits are not creatures of the norm.  The vocation itself is so unique and individualized and by virtue of wisdom of the Church over the centuries, remains traditionally free of many rules and constraints and conditions.  Yet in the few lines written in the institutes of the Church, there is a broad sweep inclusive of the spiritual realm, of the mystery, of faith and transcendence in prayer, in penance, in silence of solitude, in hiddenness and a path that leads each hermit where he or she knows not.

This morning while painting--and Jesus bequeathing His peace--it all seemed surreal, that the answer is so contrary to what most might judge or deem correct, appropriate, orthodox.  And again, one must discern the good of what others judge and deem, for there is good in it--especially if the judge and deemer is one's spiritual father.  But all the other judgments made from outside the hermit's inner life, are much like the old, flaky paint the hermit scraped off from under an eave in order to make it a clean surface so that the fresh paint will adhere and protect and make all things as new.

No matter what others might criticize, or assert, or doubt, or impugn--the ultimate next steps for a consecrated Catholic hermit involve stepping out in faith, courage, and perseverance in what has come within, in conversation with Christ, in review of the spiritual intimacies over the years--juxtaposed with the temporal and spiritual experiences and situations laid out, as well.

One must dare to take faith, to take it upon oneself as a shield, lift up the sword of courage, and march the path with perseverance.  If nothing other makes sense, then chances are the soul must rise to a greater trust and acceptance of what the Lord has allowed.  No one else knows--not totally--not anyone else but the soul and His Real Presence.  There comes a time in the spiritual progression, in which one is called to walk uprightly along the narrow path that differs from what many others' paths may seem to entail.

When walking the narrow path, however, a follower of Jesus ought not be looking at what paths others take, nor try to peak over through brush or fencing or even stone walls.  It will not ultimately change one's own narrow path even though others' paths might be judged by others as interesting, challenging, easy, wonderful, or disastrously wrong.

The hermit while painting and conversing with the Lord, was reminded of a fifth vision and locution, telling the hermit it does not belong to "that world".  It was shown yet again: a parish, parishioners, a parish priest.  It was reminded of being asked, "Why would you want that when you can have Me more directly now?"

And, that is what the hermit is going to now accept: Having His Real Presence more directly now.  Obedience calls.  Faith beckons to simply keep going.  One never knows what is beyond the very next step, anyway.  The Lord could provide a surprise turn of events!

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children!  He asks us to remain as little children--humble, vulnerable, tender, trusting, dependent, and enthusiastic to see what is ahead, step by step.

Catholic Hermit Ponders Part of a Psalm

"Keep me, O God, for in you I take refuge;
I say to the LORD, 'My Lord are you.'
O LORD, my allotted portion and my cup,
you it is who hold fast my lot."
(Psalm 16:1-2)

It is with these Living Words that this hermit--Catholic, Consecrated and nothing to God's All--will live the present and forthcoming present moments.

First, to attempt a sink-bath, and thankful for a sink and running water if no other plumbing conveniences.  And then, to dress, and to hopefully, if God wills and allows, to walk outdoors and to the back orchard/garden area (dubbed the Leg O'Lamb...name story too long and unnecessary but trust that it is meaningful with humorous touch), and to water the sprouting seeds and the seed-starts already planted.

Last evening the hermit grew increasingly weary of the temporally good but yet temporal, distractions of music and British mystery videos, as well as some comedy.  It is true that humor can help increase the brain's natural body painkillers: endorphins.  But what about any research regarding the effect of His Real Presence's presence and His effect on the production of endorphins?

Somehow, nothing quite heals and uplifts like the spiritual--the closeness in His Real Presence, of His Living Word, of His Spiritual Communion, of His Prayer Communication.

That's simply the truth of it, and while the other aspects serve some helpful purposes, they do not satisfy nor hold steady for the long haul.

The upper back pain is yet exhausting and debilitating.  The hermit has set forth its hopes and desires before His Real Presence this morning and asks if any or all of the desired movements and activities meet with His approval and will.   Then, there is only one way to find out, and that is for the hermit to attempt them in the order laid out--a prudent and temporal order.

The hermit used to memorize Psalms, and Psalm 16 was one chosen to commit to memory.  Severe and chronic pain both gently wipe clear the memory for ease of recall.  While the words are yet very familiar and no doubt could be memorized once again, the hermit realizes it is not necessary.  More appropriate and helpfully needful, is the essence of the Word.

There is so much of His Real Presence's essence in these Words!  The memory of the essence is that which the hermit carries, for the hermit is in the Father and Son as the Father and the Son have by the power of the Holy Spirit, abide in the hermit and the hermit in Him.  That suffices:  the reality, the essence, the truth of the Living Word spoken this morning, now, and all moments past and future.

"Keep me, O God, for in you I take refuge;
I say to the LORD, 'My Lord are you.'
O LORD, my allotted portion and my cup,
you it is who hold fast my lot."
(Psalm 16:1-2)

Catholic Hermit Ponders: Padre Pio/Pain/Life of Christian

That struggle against self seems never-ending until Divine Union.  And there is a glimpse of union when there is enough pain in body, mind, heart or spirit to nail us to the Cross with Jesus Christ.  And in some aspect of that nailing, beauty begins to flow like rich, life-sustaining blood.  

What kind of life exists for a Christian who does not struggle against self?

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit can think of perpetual misery, darkness, self-pity--even if one can place some sort of blame upon the root cause from a form of injustice perpetrated either by the self or others.  Even so, the soul ought struggle against itself at such times and in such circumstances.  There are seeds to be planted no matter the pain.

Consider this thought expressed by Padre Pio:

"The life of a Christian is nothing but a perpetual struggle against self; there is no flowering of the soul to the beauty of its perfection except at the price of pain."

The past couple of days, the hermit has prepared soil for planting.  Yes, it is beginning to look a little bit like a farm around here--and that is quite something for a place of exile.  The mind turns to the Irish hermit, St. Fiacre, who emigrated to France.  He was told he could have as much land in a certain province, dependent upon what he could dig in boundaries in one day.  He dug an impressive amount.  Then he built and planted.

Today this hermit's body is feeling the physical pain of the digging, bending, hauling, weeding, seeding, and pruning. Precious Blood, the used pick-up truck, has graciously carried two loads of compost.  Each load had to be shoveled off and now presents itself as two loamy, luscious, smelly-hot hillocks of seasoned excrement.  Mixed with some soil that had been heavy sod dug out from around the old farmhouse, two years ago, and now composted itself, the raised bed boxes have an admixture of both.

While yet on the mattress on the floor in this tiny, downstairs room, thoughts began to ferment in unforgiving fashion. The bodily pain prodded painful thoughts which prodded emotions to turn on self in what could have been like seeds planted too deeply.  There in the depths and darkness of too much soil above and all around, seeds do not have the ability to germinate well nor have the strength to push upward to sprout in light and air.  Too deep down in, either too much water can accumulate or pack-in around the seed, or not enough water can trickle to the seed if in hard, clay-baked soil.  Without water, nothing grows.  Without light, nothing grows.

So this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit put the spade to the self a short while ago.  It struggled against the thoughts and emotions that the pained body had activated.  That furrow is too much set; the hermit needs to plow up that field of habit and create new rows in which to plant fresh seeds.  The soil is enriched anew.  The seeds are at the proper depth.  The rains came just in time.

Thoughts turned to others and away from self.  The hermit got up, dressed, and headed to the mailbox out by the road with three notes of encouragement and gratitude to three others.  The hermit made a phone call to a cousin it had not spoken with for a couple of years, for that person's image and life germinated in the hermit's mind as someone who has been an exemplary person--mother and wife.  

Sure enough, this cousin experienced a horrific year like none other in her life.  While the hermit had been struggling against self (and not so successfully these past two years), the cousin had endured a spouse whose health required him to be put in constant care elsewhere, a handicapped son who was bullied at work and suffered a breakdown requiring hospitalization, and herself falling unexpectedly just walking out the door--suffering a seriously broken femur that is yet on the mend after eight months.

And to think the hermit was calling to tell this cousin that it had not called sooner because it had not been in a place of flowering soul, but the cousin came to mind as a person who exemplifies courage, love, fidelity, endurance, and beauty as a wife and mother!  And sure enough, the cousin is living proof of how pain can bring to perfection beautiful blooms in the soul, as she said they made it through.  While her husband is still in the memory care unit, her son is out of hospital and doing well, and her leg is healing--she can walk!  The struggle against self yields a beautiful soul.

Now to head out to plant some sunflower seeds.  These are the very tall, edible-seed type:  Mammoth.  Mixed in will be some autumn beauties of rich, rust-red and dark-golden blooms--for a perpetual yield of visual reminder:  We must wage the perpetual battle against self; and the perfecting of a beautiful soul blooms from an earth-bed of pain.

A Catholic Hermit's Immediate Challenge in Finding the Things of God...

Yes, after pondering and praying and writing of seeking and finding the things of God, and seeing God's Beautiful in the daily muck, there is immediate challenge:  Put to the test!

Was going to try to hang some drywall, at least the lower course for cannot lift the higher.  The lower piece will have to be small as it is very heavy, as it is.  But put the level to the wall, and where Jorge had added numerous supports to existing studs, all has to be removed because they stick out.  The drywall would bump out or even have to shift where he added studs; the stair stringers cannot go in straight or plumb, either.

So, started to use the metal cutting blade and the reciprocating saw, to discover he had put as many as 34 nails in two 2x4's that are each 5' and 4', respectively.  (There are more in like stead.)  Then he had a footer plate nailed to the hilt, as well, but cannot get that out until the 1/2" plywood is somehow removed.  Cannot seem to wedge in a pry tool, for 37 nails are sunk in a 2'x4' piece of plywood.  Plus, it is basic carpentry sense to never use nails for landing sub-flooring; only use screws about every 8-10" or more, for nails will work their way up and pop the finished hardwood to be laid on top.

It's the CROSS!  Yes, all these nails driven in are reminders of God's Beautiful Gift of His Only Begotten Son for the redemption of our sins:  our lacking to any degree of God's Good--our lack of seeking and finding God's Beautiful Good!

Taking a big break from it.  So discouraging!  But discouragement is useful in finding the things of God.  

Left messages for Raphael to explain that Jorge cannot face the realities, but that truly, this is not a good work result here.  So if he ever utilizes Jorge on his work force, it would be well to supervise him.  Had tried to watch his work, but he did not want the old know-nothing around, plus thought surely he knew what he was doing.  

Took the opportunity to express in one message, how very grateful to Raphael, and that there have never been complaints prior to his or his men's wonderful work.  But felt it right to express the situation as a result of Jorge's efforts, surely done as the best he knew how.  And how thankful is this hermit, to Raphael, for pointing out its own errors in construction, as that is how it knows now, what is not.

Well, he did, to his way of perceiving, that is obvious.  Called the lumberyard, and Tom said the wood is useless now and was already weakened by being riddled with way too many nails.

Part of the praying is now for gangsters, for this nothing Catholic hermit wondered why a nice man like Jorge would riddle a relatively small piece of 2x4 and also plywood, with so many nails from the gun.  Perhaps His Real Presence wants the hermit to pray for gangsters who riddle their victims with multiple bullets until their bodies are filled with holes and all earthly use and life gone.  

Gangsters are people with souls--God's Beautiful.  He created them; their parents provided the human channel to their births.  They are things of God, in the good they possess as His Created Creatures. They have souls created in the image and likeness of God's Beautiful.  Somehow, in the muck, they developed a lack of some degree of good.  But, there is yet much of God's beautiful even in gangsters, such as hope of conversion.

Have been thinking about all these nails that must cut out, and the wood trashed--burned, perhaps. Yes, make an immolation of them and let the ashes waft as incense prayers to His Real Presence, turning things of the muck into things of God.  The nails themselves are God's Beautiful.  Someone a long time ago had God's inspiration to devise such things as nails, and they have been improved over time.  People make them, sell them, and use them for very good purposes.  They help build God's Beautiful buildings and abodes of His Created humans--souls all.  God's Beautiful!

Then there is God's Beautiful in Jorge's energy and delight in using the nail gun.  There is God's beautiful in the air of the air compressor that gives force to the nail gun.   

There is God's Beautiful in Jorge's commenting several times on all the tools the hermit has on hand--God's Beautiful Created Tools.  And there is also God's Beautiful Lowe's loan that the nothing Catholic hermit scrapes together by God's gracious Beautiful to pay monthly and hopefully pay off in another 5 1/2 years of God's Beautiful time, with God's Beautiful aspect of money for His Beautiful people's use.

There is God's Beautiful in all these things of God.  We just need to seek them and find them.  They are everywhere throughout the daily muck--that, too, God's Beautiful Created.  

Called the financial advisor (a truly God's Beautiful Creature through and through), and let him know the status with the hermit being God's Created lone worker bee here, and that having Te Deum Hermitage salable any time soon, is not seemingly in God's Beautiful plan of earth time and place. But we creatures never really know; only God knows all.

So will just keep persevering with the things of God:  His Beautiful Virtues and Graces and Prayers and Love of Him and of His Created.  If finances deplete prior to a salable hermitage, there is surely to be found God's Beautiful in the bankruptcy process. (Hopefully jesting, but truly, there are the things of God to be found in such aspects--God's Beautiful in bankers and lenders and lawyers.  God never leaves us without recourse in His Created Beautiful of His Creatures' temporal existences in God's Beautiful Creation.)

Decided it was also time to have a teeny liqueur glassful of God's Beautiful "Mystical Mist"--a concoction that He inspired the hermit to make a couple years or more ago, back in the easier life that was not at all so Godly Beautiful as now with the opportunities daily at hand, of such increased spiritual growth.

Will continue to seek the things of God.  'Tis time to take a first sip of the Mystical Mist, and offer "Cheers to God's Beautiful" in all things of God, and in the wondrous ways in which He is in and behind and under and over and before and after all of His Created Beautiful.

God bless His Real Presence in us.  Little children, let us love one another (and learn to see the things of God in all his Creatures and Creation).  Remain in God's Beautiful Love!

Humility Hits the Hermitage

Today brought humility with it to the hermitage.

For one thing, have been dealing with a dishwasher that had a leveling leg that would not budge.  Wired the dishwasher; plumbed the dishwasher--drain hose and water supply line.  But could not complete the effort due to the leveling problem.

Persisted with the appliance and delivery guys at Lowe's for over three months and finally called the manager.  He got action!  (Had even hired Mark to help try to adjust that leveling leg; neither of us had success).  Greg in appliances donated an extensive set of new hex tools, as the usual ones (and ones in the hermit tool repository) did not fit the tiny hole that contained the secret to success.

How wonderful the dishwasher makers put the leveling mechanism hole at the front base so that when the dishwasher is set back in its place under the counter and between cabinets, one does not have to pull out the unit to raise or lower the back.  However, mechanisms can be tricky.  Would have been far easier to simply be able to adjust the back leveling foot the same way as the front ones: just turn them by hand or with channel locks.  Easier to pull out the unit and shove it back in, or so this unit would have fared better that way.

Since this nothing Catholic hermit could not get the mechanism to turn more than a quarter-to-half-a-turn, the manager's next plan was to send out his best delivery guys and also a new dishwasher.  But first, Don in cabinets came to the rescue in the store and tried out raising and lowering the mechanism on the store floor model.  Then he instructed the delivery guys as to how to do it.

Praise the Lord!  At first the delivery man could not get the hermitage dishwasher leveling leg to work at all because his hex tools did not have the correct size.  Aha!  The massive set of all sizes that the appliance man at Lowe's had gifted, had just the right size.  But then, as was the case with the nothing hermit, he could not get it to budge beyond a half-turn.  Yet he had confidence and was familiar with appliances.  He shoved extra hard--beyond what electrician man Mark or nothing would do for fear of breaking it--and the leg raised.  

The two men patiently waited while this nothing hermit crammed into the kitchen base cabinet, and with long fingers stuck through the hole drilled in the cabinet for this purpose, fished out the drain hose, the water supply line, and the power cord.  Then the heroic delivery men slowly shoved the dishwasher under the counter while nothing hermit kept pulling on the three items that otherwise would have been squished in the back of the dishwasher space.

Such a very small thing--not being able to level the dishwasher nor get it back in its spot, nor to be able to continue with plumbing the kitchen sink.  For nearly four months, it was a lingering ordeal, quite frustrating.  Not sure what caused the breakthrough other than the call to the manager when Mark was trying to get the crazy leg to budge.  When the manager heard that a man was here and being paid, and he could not get it to work for fear of breaking it, that made an impression.  He knew the nothing was pursuing every possible means to solve the problem.  That helped, too.  Perseverance.

And humility.  It was so humbling to have these two men be so kind, and to understand what a relief something so small and insignificant could mean as they stood amidst the total mess and chaos of the unfinished hermitage--a shell of a place, jammed with tools and building materials and earthly possessions and definitely not a pleasant habitation.

Then there was a humbling conversation with the financial advisor via phone.  Nothing must do all it can to finish this place, make it salable, and sell.  The money is running dangerously dry, and there is no means of much income given pain and age and having to expend what energy there is on manual labor--very slow indeed!  

There was a humbling email exchange with the adult son over the situation.  There is no help form that correspondence that would be wise or approved.  The nothing Catholic hermit could be grieved, but humility kept its roost in those present moments, as well.  Just accept and be thankful, yet know that there will be much more asked of this body, this mind, this heart and soul--to endure!

Humility!

Then there was the attempt at plumbing, ah, finally, the kitchen sink double drain and vent piping.  But, alas, the part that nothing hermit ordered for the dishwasher tailpiece drain, was not as advertised and unusable.  Humbling experience to have waited for weeks only to have the obstacle.  Then, could not fit the drill with the hole bit into the small space between studs so as to drill the final hole for the vent pipe.  Too much to describe--yes, this is all trivia, anyway.  But all so humbling.

The only stab from pride today came when the young mother and wife called to discuss our reading, and she served a compliment.  Humility swatted it away, thankfully.  Whatever insights or metaphors such as the clouds, are from His Real Presence.  To Him be the glory.  That is simple enough to know and know well.  Nothing this nothing does has been very admirable especially in this financial mess and renovation conundrum.

Finally, as the hermit was sawing some plywood subflooring to fit into the newly framed upstairs bath (no plumbing done there yet--just 'umble basics), it considered two courses for the pickle it is in.   Try to finish quickly and risk running out of funds soon and hope to sell in the better sales season, or keep on working slowly but surely (and not pay the high labor costs!), and know it will drag on another year for being such a slow worker:  this hermit.  Then drain out the final bits of finances, and hope to sell for whatever, knowing either sooner or later there are going to be major monetary losses.

So humbling!  Hard to believe this hermit was so naive, but 'tis so, and foolish, more so.

When all is gone, if no windfall comes prior (and why or how should it?), nothing Catholic hermit will move on to the next adventure which possibly might include renting a room somewhere with a few unsold family items in a rented storage unit.  Or, might go to a shelter.  Could maybe do some good for the others there--encouraging, listening, empathizing!  But even that idea of usefulness smacks of some pride.  Who does this hermit think it is, that it might uplift fellow shelterers?

Humility hit this hermitage today.  It did not come from anything of this nothing Catholic hermit.  It all came from without, and from within, from within to without and without to within--inexplicably, but ever so humble--so present in the moments.  

Truly, humility is a gift and divine grace, for one cannot conjure it of oneself and do it honor, not really.  It has to come from God.  Our efforts seem to be necessary in allowing space for it within us, and to try to keep clear any pokings of pride. Pride pokers are always attempting inpokes, very cleverly and deceptively.  

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Let us love humility in one another for love and humility are of God!

Hermit Rides Again

His Real Presence has taught much this week. The nothing Catholic hermit is thankful to not be so cold inside here, and is back in the ride of life, working on the manual labor tasks-- as well as praying and listening to lessons He is teaching.

The ferris wheel image is magnificently helpful.  It has expanded to include a street fair of life, with enticing booths galore, so that if one task or life issue is wearying or has a road-block, just turn slightly and there will be another to which to attend.  If weary, there is the little bed in the midst of mess, that offers itself for a painful back to recline.

Am gearing up for the first tactical attempt at the little exercise in dying to self and modulating the externals to hopefully ease the irritating aspects of this hermit to another who has had the courage and comfort level to express the annoying peccadilloes.  

In fact, a call yesterday brought news that the weekend's schedule is altered.  Another person is visiting there, and nothing Catholic hermit is not to come, after all. But yet still come at a certain time, in order to help with something they need.

Also, Raphael who had held out the life line which motivated this hermit to rise and begin work once more, trying anything to make progress here, ended up not coming with his men.  Nothing hermit noticed some electrical outlets not wired.  A call to the electrician, and he said he had to do more work before drywall installation in that room.  He was going to come the day before Raphael and men were to come.  But the electrician's truck alternator went out that morning, so he could not come.  

Raphael answered the call, and said he felt it best not to come, but he would send two men to at least make room in pole barn and carry out some bulky items to make more space in here to work.  He also said a man named Jorge would arrive this coming Tuesday, who could assist and work with the hermit on tasks that need two people--and Jorge knows how to do plumbing, also.

But Raphael did not send the two men, despite a call on Friday reminding in a message.  The electrician came, however, and the two of us remained focused and accomplished much.  Progress!  The ferris wheel is rising! But then it descended (does at night when tired and ready for sweet sleep), then rose, and descended, and rose again.  Such is life.

Nothing Catholic hermit is learning to enjoy the ride!  

Immediately when dusk came on Friday and the men never came and Raphael did not call, nothing hermit knew for certain that His Real Presence chose not to have them come.  The hermit is not out money.  The hermit can get furniture sliders for under $5 and even though it takes time, shift bulky furniture from right to left in the room, and back again, and bit-by-bit put the insulation in ceiling, and bit by bit ready the studs for drywall--plumb and level them with drywall shims.  Then, if no help even then, can at least drywall the lower parts, even if must use smaller pieces of drywall--heavy, the large sheets!

Tomorrow will go at the appointed hour to help the one who is providing excellent practice for this hermit to die to self and try to be the peacemaker by modulating its own irritating personality and expressiveness.  Am told the one person who has not wanted contact with the hermit for 19 months, says it is all right if the hermit comes, and then he will leave with the others, so will be a brief passing.  

Am supposing the one who cut off the relationship is curious, as has heard reports of the aging, the wrinkling, the weight-losing, the weariness in the old hermit's appearance.  But the ferris wheel descends yet rises again.  Rejoice and be glad, for this hermit considers the beauty of Mother Teresa of Calcutta in her later years!  Ah, what a psalm exudes in her face and eyes!

Nothing Catholic hermit is learning yet more detachment in a very good way, and is able to pray and love in a very universal way.  This morning, over and over, came the word-reminder of Jesus:  Blessed are the peacemakers.  Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me, so goes the song.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!

Takes Courage and Love!

It certainly takes courage to return to such difficult living conditions.  However, the rhythm of prayerfully reading the Divine Office--the Psalms, the Scriptures, the hymns and canticles, the prayers--helps immensely to fill the body, mind, heart, and soul with the love necessary to continue forth.

Some errands on the return, while leaving civilization, brought unexpected joys.  Ray at Lowe's assisted in the purchase of some heavy-duty, galvanized chain with which to lock the two gates on the hermitage property.  This hermit considered St. Seraphim the Sarov who was beaten so badly by robbers, that he no longer could remain in his hermitage but had to return to the monastery for the remainder of his earthly life.

The daughter mentioned how fortunate her mother (this hermit!) that the man who was sheltering in the cellar crawl space did not break in and strong arm for cash or medications.  But when he worked here over a year ago, his mind was at simpleton point, and he did not seem prone to violence.  However, one never knows the desperation of one addicted to drugs and without lodging.  In considering the hermit monks up the road who keep their gate locked, it seemed for the best.

Security of one's hermitage in this time period of history, is rather sadly an act of charity, of sorts, to prevent others from breaking laws or doing great harm to their fellow men and women.  This hermit will try the chains for awhile, praying about it.  Somehow it seems rather a strong measure.  If the man had but asked for cellar access, this hermit would have provided better if possible.  There is really no room for anyone to recline other on this bed, but perhaps he could have rested in the gable attic area that is relatively cleared.

Gary at Lowe's called an insulation company to ascertain which insulation might be less rat-attractive.  How kind of him to do that added effort and call to report!  Then, when stopping at Big Lots to purchase some packaged Indian curry that has high protein and is easy to microwave, a huge line formed for the register.  A young woman motioned this hermit ahead of her; but since the Lord has gifted an earthly and eternal amount of time, this hermit commented it was in no hurry, and for her to go first.  No, she said, her name is "Serenity", and she tries to live up to that name.

This opened up a lovely discussion of the Nine S', which she thoroughly appreciated since "serenity" is the ninth S.  [Silence, Solitude, Slowness, Suffering, Selflessness, Simplicity, Stillness, Stability, Serenity.]  In turn, she spoke of how she has learned to accept that she is not in control of her life in major aspects, and thus serenity has been easier to attain and live daily.  The discussion was unusual coming from someone so young.  

His Real Presence was doing all to help this nothing Catholic hermit be girded to drive on, away from civilization, back to the hermitage and the desert in all aspects. awaiting.

Well, the rats were awaiting, as well as a small bird that had come into the hermitage through some high-up openings so small--but birds as well as rats can manage to squish themselves through what we humans would not think possible.  (Is this not appropriate as reminder of the narrow gate, and how few are they who enter and thus enter into the Kingdom of God?  Or how difficult it is to reach spiritual perfection and have union with Christ, such as a camel entering through the eye of a needle--even if that allusion is of a small gate in the walls surrounding Jerusalem?)

Once more, the hermit here tried a new method of blocking a hole through which the rats gain entrance.  They had moved the steel wool stuffed into it, so now have a block of wood plus the steel wool wedged tightly.  The critters had nibbled nicely the rat bait poison left out, and unfortunately this is also a consideration for our time in history. 

A friend had emailed what seemed not as awful as poison, but it sounded dreadful all the same.  Mix dry cement with cornmeal and set water near it.  Supposedly the rats eat the cornmeal-concrete concoction, drink the water, and their stomachs solidify, eventually killing them.  No, it seems best from this hermit's perspective, to have them nibble something that will bring a rapid end.

As for the birds, doors and windows are left open even if cold, and they are verbally encouraged to exit.  How this hermit wishes it were like the hermits of yore, of those who had close alliance with the birds, flies and other critters.  Forget the name of the monk, but the old Da had told of one who had a fly as a friend.  When he would be called away by his superior, from reading the Divine Office, the fly would mark the spot for the hermit monk. 

Alas, the best this hermit has managed thus far in the journey, is to not "freak out" when the rats come inside, not be other than compassionate but taking prudent steps for safety when a human has been poking about and stealing, and to take it in stride that the birds are coming in through one of several possible tiny openings that eventually will be boarded shut.

We are in this together.  Perhaps with more prayer and "serenity", this hermit will have rats and birds and thieves as welcome guests.  But for now, the creatures who are created to live outside must not be allowed in, and those whose lives are riddled by drugs and crime, are better off in a warm, dry place where they hopefully might rehabilitate.  At least this is a hermit's prayer. 

It is a truth that the hermit would be far more physically comfortable in prison than in this hermitage.  A prison provides warmth, food, bed, TV, free education, gym, medical care, simple jobs, time for solitude, a library, and Bible studies.  However, perhaps in time and with much work, this hermitage will be more habitable.  Or not.  In the Order of the Present Moment, one hopes for faith, and in faith exudes love, and in love, rises to each moment in His Real Presence.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God gave His only Son for our salvation!  Remain in His Love!

Elizabeth of the Trinity's Pivotal Scripture Verse

Today's first Scripture Reading at Mass is the verse by St. Paul in which Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity found her soul-changing momentum:  the praise of His glory.  Live for the praise of His glory.  The pledge of our inheritance of redemption as God's people, to the praise of His glory.

There is a climbing rose that was planted in previous hermitage, named by the cultivar company as Blaze of Glory, but renamed by this hermit as "Praise of Glory."  Would love to plant one here at this hermitage but did not locate the climbing rose on sale nor of the scented variety.  Maybe next year, but what difference as long as the mind, heart, and soul grasp the essence and truth that we should live for the praise of God's glory and that we maintain our pledge as God's redeemed children--pledged to the praise of His glory.

Just ponder and imagine what it would be to have a life-altering verse in the Living Word of God:  His Real Presence!  In what ways would this change our souls and all perspective, touching our temporal beings and moving us into the spiritual espousal, the union with God? 

[Of any Sacrament of the Living Word for this nothing Catholic hermit, "Remain in My Love" has been pivotal.  Yet still, the will within must grow in the grace given, the truth of Truth of His Real Presence having His abode deep in the soul.  So easy to remain in His Love; He gives all the assistance necessary; but how the will slips, mostly from the distractions of the outer world and human weakness.]

 Ephesians 1:11-14 

 

In Christ we have also obtained an inheritance, having been destined according to the purpose of him who accomplishes all things according to his counsel and will, so that we, who were the first to set our hope on Christ, might live for the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in him, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit; this is the pledge of our inheritance towards redemption as God’s own people, to the praise of his glory. 

______________

Now, must rise from the warmth of bed with many blankets cocooning, and locate some steel wool, and try to stop any visible holes and crevices by which rats are entering this hermitage--to the praise of His glory! 

Despite 7 rat bait stations on the perimeter and two by pole barn, they have been entering and leaving their feces.  Yesterday thought had the obvious opening shut off.  Swept the mess.  This morning they had come in yet again, leaving rat droppings.  This hermit must persevere and not be discouraged:  Be a praise of His glory no matter the effort!

May the attempts to rid them and keep them out be prayers for the riddance of major plagues, such as the current Ebola virus outbreak in West African countries and now in this country.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Let us be a praise of and to His glory:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! 
 

Killing Sins, Handling Trials, Eremitic Vocational Peace

Yesterday, despite much exterior painting, interior tasks, and a worn out body, the weeds had gotten out of control in the yard and gardens.  They were at a point of being so vast, that using weed killer was the viable solution.

With each weed sprayed, and thousands of them all about, they became this nothing Catholic hermit's sins as well as the sins of the world.  With each one, the prayer was that they would be killed and erased down through their very roots.  It will take time for the weed poison to do its work on them.  And, some may need another dose.

Called a store that has lots of employees who are rather professionals in their areas, and talked with the man in the garden area.  He explained the type of winterizer fertilizer and weed control to use.  He pointed out that putting it on the areas right now is good, but that people do not realize that this is a longer term process, and in January or February, another spread of winterizer weed and feed is necessary, and then to keep at it in spring and summer with more coverings.  Over time, the weeds will be brought under control, but that it is not a situation in which one can take a break and assume they are eradicated.

So it is with sin.  What the man said about weeds and lawn care makes so much sense in regard to our sins and the spiritual life.  We cannot let up on sin control and eradication.  And we have to be willing to use strong efforts even if not seeming to be popular (such as using strong products) to others.  There will always be those who suggest we are being too hard on ourselves in wanting to get rid of our sins or in praying and doing penance for the sins of the world, of our fellow man, of which we are all a part in the community of Christians as well as the community of being human beings.

We are each and all created by God, and we live all over this earth which He created first, before us.  We are in this life together for reasons God knows and ordains, and our sins drag us all down.  Our consistently dealing with our sins and removing them, right down to their roots, helps improve the quality of humanity and thus of our own souls and the souls of many others.

_____________

Yesterday, after making another act of the will to return to yet more focused horarium with more prayer and spiritual reading, including time spent in His Living Word more than the daily Mass readings, the laptop overheated and jammed again.  Spiritual combat practice!  Patient perseverance while waiting on hold with the loudest and most unpleasant music blaring into the phone, and then the call was dropped with one service rep just at a point of setting up a drop-off appointment.  So had to make yet another call and be put on hold, and endure the horrible noise.  But, today there will be a long and costly drive to civilization in order to give the repair folks a third try at this laptop situation.  Am so thankful that this time have it under an extended warranty plan.

There is some reason for these glitches, always.  His Real Presence is giving opportunities to not become frustrated and irked, to modulate the voice yet to also be firm, and to meet yet more employees and other customers even if briefly.  There must be a recognition of these people and prayers offered for each while driving and passing or being passed, and while entering the busy mall and encountering hundreds of souls.

Work efforts are postponed yet again, although if the Lord allows safe travels, there will be more weed-sin killing to be done upon return.  Also, the Lord is providing yet another trip so as to purchase the necessary weed and feed product to begin the process of keeping the weed sins out for the long haul.  At least, we try, don't we?  There will always be sin, but God gives us wills to conquer them.

_______________

There has been daily, increasing peace and relief in grasping this eremitic vocation and how it is that His Real Presence desires it for this particular hermit.  A friend called last evening.  She had been praying from afar as to the parish situations and the confusions and upsets and doubts that had built over time, with not understanding what and why of matters. 

It was good to hear her voice, and she said she'd been praying and considering it, too.  She said the more she prayed and thought, the more she realized that historically, hermits were not in parishes; and if they were, they were unknown and came and went without notice.  She had never considered it before, but it all made sense to her.

There is a tremendous load off in regard to what has amounted to self-imposed angst in pushing on doors that were not intended to open.  We laughed at how hard this hermit had tried to be involved in what was not meant by God in this particular vocation.  That other hermits live otherwise, is as God deems for them.  This woman has known and witnessed enough over the years, of this hermit's trials, that it was clear the path was being made known in a very positive and holy way.

It just took this hermit's acceptance of what otherwise seemed surely not right given the human understanding and view.  But once this hermit let go of clutching at what it thought or seemed to be best or proper or correct avenue, and started to consider the vast number of hermits in the Church over the centuries, and the actual reality of their daily lives, peace came as on, as is written, "the wings of a dove."

Praise be to God the Father, and the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter!

God bless His Real Presence in us.  Let us love one another, Little Children, for Love is of God!

More Spiritual Combat Practice

Finally got the call that the laptop was repaired.  So thankful to have purchased the warranty service.  Don't usually do that, but with the laptop it has been useful and practical and finance-saving.

In the past few days, there have been many trials in which to practice lessons learned in The Spiritual Combat book by Dom Lorenzo Scupoli.  Can't say there is great progress in overcoming the surprise attacks, but there is progress in recognizing them.  Being rested and in good, physical health would bring better successes.  But who in battle on the battlefield is rested and has particularly good health?  The soldiers are weary, hungry, aching, and overwhelmed with responsibilities and high stakes of potential failure and defeat.

The reality yet requires one to remain steadfast, remain on the field, remain engaged in tenacity and purpose, remain hopeful and faithful in loving dependency on His Real Presence.

Appliances were delivered.  Unexpected delivery man exhibited resistance to helping place the behemoth things into the openings.  He relented, but the appliances did not fit.  Appeared that the cabinets were not "square", or so he said.  Being worn out but having spent hours and with hired help to level and square the cabinets, it all seemed rather confusing.  What went wrong?

Later, asked the delivery young man if the appliances are level.  "Yes," he replied.  He suggested shaving off the cabinet edges to make the stove fit.  All had turned to confusion with trying to figure out the tangible problem of materials and space, making one item fit into another.  The counter top people were to come the next day.  Three cumbrous, heavy appliances were left sitting in the center of a small kitchen; a microwave in its box was plopped in front of the sliding exterior doors.

After several phone calls, thankfully did not shave the cabinets.  Simply by eying the appliances again, could see they were not level with the floor (which was not level--thus all the hours of shimming cabinets to make all level and square).  More misinformation was given by store employees:  no leveling feet on fridge; yes leveling feet, but only in front; leveling feet on stove, not just on front.  "Your floor is not level."  "What floor even in new construction is level, let alone in old houses?  Do they not deliver appliances to other older, single people who live in older houses?"

No help was forthcoming from the store.  More phone calls to others.  The counter top people were trying their best to figure out what this solo, tired, old woman could do.  The man helping with electrical was called; he described how to make a fulcrum with 2x4 pieces of lumber and jack the heavy refrigerator enough to turn the adjuster wheels.  (Yes, refrigerators do have them in the front.)  But one wheel would not go up or down; the other would.  Faulty adjuster foot-wheel.  Appliance employees said they knew nothing about leveling appliances but deliver people do.  Delivery people were ones giving wrong information from onset.

Delivery head man said store can do nothing to help.  Call the service warranty people as one month remains.  Service warranty people said would be a charge if adjuster wheel not broken but stuck.  Who knows, but God?  Turned focus to stove to at least get it level as it would fit into the spot if level with the level cabinets.  (Thanks be to God the counter top people, so helpful, said do not shave the cabinets to get the stove to fit--back when was wrongly told the stove was level with floor.)

Back foot leveler on stove would not budge.  Call the store again, and appliance man said must just do the best as he did not know anything other to advise.  Could not help.  Frustration rises.  Said maybe counter top man, when he comes, would be kind enough to help me.

Counter top man did help by holding range on side so this one could get down on floor with tools and see why foot would not budge.  Leveling foot is defective; bent in on angle and thus would never have moved.  Call store again.  Appliance man finally says what could have, should have, been said previous day.  "We will send a man out on Tuesday with a new stove foot, and if the one cannot be replaced will replace the stove."

Asked if the man could also take a look at the defective refrigerator leveling foot?  Maybe....

From one young delivery man's arrival and attitude, chaos ensued, involving various others in phone calls and trying to help, amidst some store employees catching the "resistance fever" while others tried to problem solve.  As it turned out, nothing was going to solve the problem with defective parts other than replacing them.  And that was going to take a strong person and a store employee to handle the massive appliances.

Stayed in the battle, remained on the field.  (Where else is there for a hermit to go in a remote area when worn out and stressed by such unnecessary chaos?)  Prayed about why this was unfolding as it was--a first glitch with the store and employees who otherwise have been so helpful to a point of holiness. 

First insight:  the young delivery man needs prayers.  Had noticed previously in the store, his tendency to dark chip on the shoulder.  Not delighted with the job, a bit resistant to helpfulness.  Second insight:  God was testing this Catholic hermit in the art of spiritual combat.

Results:  Battle not won yet but looking more promising for victory, one way or another.  Did not do well in the midst of the fray; frustrations rose to a peak, and tears came like rain on the field, at one point.  But did come to the realization that if need be, would exist with the appliances sitting in the center of kitchen, not finish the kitchen, and go on until illness or death plucked me from the temporal scene, and someone, some day, some how, would be able to level or move the appliances.  Had lived without a kitchen for well over a year, and adapted and survived just fine.

Lessons learned:  Attitude makes all the difference.  Persevere to the goal, and do not be beaten back by others' negative attitudes, resistance, nor misinformation.  Praise God and those who help when it is not even their responsibility to be involved and help.  Praise God in all aspects of the trials.  Keep a perspective that prayer for souls is at the root of all trials, and love of God and others despite the obstacles or if they become the enemy combatants, is key.  Do not consider them enemy but rather fellow seekers and strugglers on the battle fields of life, of which spiritual combat is a daily and nightly reality in any of the miniscule details of our temporal journeys.  Thank all those who helped, and thank those who became resistant when the resistance is snapped like the little rubber bands they were all along.

Praise God.  Pray to not slip in midst of combat next time, for there will be a next time and next time and next time.  Only when there is recognition and loving, spiritual and temporal handling of trials will the combat seem not a combat but merely an opportunity for prayer, love and not-so-stressful victory. 

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love!