Catholic Hermit, God's Hermit: Prayer and Love

Yesterday's Gospel reading of Jesus Christ's Holy Words according to St. John 15:9-17, were what I was going to ponder and share whatever insights before I let myself be distracted.  Another night of sleep has passed, and another morning of waking up battling the effects of far too much physical pain on the body.  Yet God's message breaks through the temporal externals, and Jesus' Living Word reaches and uplifts, always, the eternal human soul.

"Jesus said to His disciples:  'As the Father loves me, so I also love you.  Remain in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and remain in His Love.  I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.  'This is My commandment:  love one another as I love you'".... 

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Now to spend some stilled, silent time in the solitude of an early morning, to praise God and pray for the salvation of the world with whatever thoughts and words and feelings--or none--that come, what may or not.

Catholic Hermit: Refocus; New Spiritual Father

Met and shared, discussed, prayed, with new spiritual director, a hermit-priest, a couple days ago.

My late, dearest spiritual da, a priest of over 72 years in holy orders, passed over ten months ago.  However, the new spiritual father, the hermit-priest, also felt the spiritual da's presence and blessing upon our new relationship and venture into wherever and whatever His Real Presence guides and leads.

I've never been around anyone as deeply, genuinely, joyful as this hermit-priest. The Holy Spirit arranged all this--from the instantaneous response of the parish priest three or so weeks ago, saying he immediately had a spiritual director in mind for me, when I broached the subject and asked.

The new spiritual father and I discussed many things.  It was a meeting of not only minds but of spirits, and as temporal time will tell, of souls.  My, I'd love to be given that grace of spiritual joy that emanates from this hermit-priest!  But I have refocusing to do, and some effort in disentangling from temporal distractions.  

I did ask about my being a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed.  Went over the process of discernment 21 years ago, the formation by my late spiritual da as well as 11 months as proficient and novice with a now-defunct community of hermits (each in our own locale, but undergoing united formation as guided by a hermit who was overseen by a diocese vicar general and with advice from a Carthusian at Parkminster.

That briefly explained, I spoke of my profession of the three evangelical counsels and of the forming of additional vows, and the private ceremony at the altar in the convent chapel.  The ceremony, the service, was fashioned after one described in The Ancrene Riwle but modified, updated, and for a twenty-first century Catholic hermit, in keeping with what the Church today asks of her hermits [See §920, 921 in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.]

My specific question of the hermit-priest, the new spiritual director, was to clarify if he determined I should speak with the diocese bishop or needed to consider the 1983 CL603 for hermits who desire to be a diocesan hermit, of which the bishop receives the profession of the evangelical counsels and if desired, an additional personally written vow.  (I had asked this question of my parish priest a week ago, and have written his response in a previous blog post--which was essentially no, do not do that, it would hinder and complicate; his term was "shackle".  But that was his sense or take, and call the hermit-priest whose phone number I was given.)

The hermit-priest, after listening to what had been my privately professed counsels and vow, over 19 years ago, and the discernment and formation beginning nearly 21 years ago, surprised me with what he said.  Why would I want to interfere with how the Lord had blessed and was my vocation thus far--and repeated that he sees much movement now, and all being opened up for me.  He said "For you the CL603 and canonical approval would be baggage.  Drop the thought of that; it is heavy baggage."  Continue on.

We also discussed the historical and traditional path of hermits over the centuries.  He laughed with that spiritual joy, when we spoke of the centuries of hermit saints who were never approved by other than God Himself, but quietly lived their hidden lives in silence of solitude, praise of God and praying for souls and salvation of the world.  And he laughed again with the truth stated as to many of them canonized saints: "One can't do much better than that!"

I mentioned that I'd spent some time the day prior, as I do on occasion, perusing and reading about various hermits out there--Catholic privately professed and publicly professed, not professed, and hermits of other religions living and deceased.  He wondered why, and suggested not necessary--but I said I want to be, of course, right with the Church in whatever ways, and I am inspired by some I read about and also learn what I'd like to avoid in others.  Of the living hermits, we are all in process.

I mentioned yet another CL 603 hermit who I discovered (one with post-graduate degree but retired, divorced, a parent and grandparent of adult child and grandchildren, living a life hidden and prayerful).  Inspiring to me.   And there is the marvelous CL603 hermit in UK who had to relocate to be near medical facilities and downscale to an apartment, no longer rural but living her vocation admirably, all the same.  (No update, but she had been in the process to see if the bishop of her new diocese would accept her CL603 status.)

I then mentioned that in my desire to be right with whatever the Church wishes, that I also had experienced over 11 years of a CL603 hermit who has seemed irked by my being a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed, and has yet again recently written on blog post (as has been done off and on for several years) that I am a fraud, and now a new designation as "counterfeit hermit."  Yes, I want to be right with the Church, although I'd think the Church would state in the institutes and other writings, if only now publicly professed hermits are to be, and not state it as stated, and has been of her hermits for centuries.

Of this sharing of this situation, the hermit-priest said, "This is negative.  This  something you must stay away from, drop it.  The devil is involved; it's a distraction.  God is always greater than the devil."  He noted with me that God will bring those He wills to read what I write, regardless.  And again, emphasized that God has power over the devil. 

(To be clear, no names nor locale was mentioned regarding the person, and no one insinuating that the CL603 hermit was the devil; by no means--but that the devil is involved in that situation, and for me to never look back to it.  Stay clear.  Move forward.  God is guiding, leading, and much positive movement, opening up, for me. We had also discussed a CL603 hermit he knows, who has striven in the vocation but with a different desire, that of having others join; and while that diocese hermit's wish and dream has not transpired and will not due to advanced years, that is not for me, either.)  

There was no judgment yay or nay regarding CL603 hermits in general.  In fact, perhaps in another century or two, the Church will have decided by then that all hermits must be diocese hermits, with the profession of the three evangelical counsels publicly professed into the hands of a diocese bishop.  It does not mean CL603 is wrong or not advised for all those discerning hermit vocation; but it is not necessary unless the Lord desires and wills for the individual person, and perhaps for that person's needs and betterment, or by a holy need of a bishop and diocese.

The new spiritual director then shared with me his own process, which surprised him as he thought his bishop would have wanted or required more formal procedure in his becoming a hermit.  Rather, it was informal and simply a blessing, there and then--no more vows, no liturgy, no prayer.  A simple blessing by the Bishop, sign of the cross--the bishop and priest only; done.  More joyful laughter from the new spiritual father, as he again said the canonical is baggage for you.  Why pick up baggage?  "You have had your hermit vocation blessed by a priest years ago."

[And I want to add here, also, that not every priest would or should bless a hermit's vocation.  The eremitic life is one that needs to be discerned over time, a practice time period of the life entered into, even as I have done, a testing of the Spirit if uncertain.  I did share this with the hermit-priest, of my then bishop and spiritual director for a time, about a decade ago, eager to canonically approve me, but as with me, wanting something small, discreet, private in nature.  However, he got so involved and busy with his retirement fetes and activities, that he apologized that he did not have the time to do it!  The hermit-priest and I laughed at the irony, in many ways; and I said that a sense of relief came over me, and I felt literally "spared."]  

[The other time I had faced that dilemma of CL603, was when in the community of hermits, and the prioress saying it was time to approach my diocese; instead I discovered that she did not even have the statutes developed, and in the meantime I was shown that this prioress did not have herself on good footing; I removed myself due to the pride coming the surface and the lack of her "having the ducks in order."  In my speaking with her Vicar General, he, too, said it was a tenuous situation. Indeed, two years later I learned that she'd gone off the deep end, and what could have been a well-developed community of hermits and a good concept, was ended by her diocese, now two decades ago. ]

Well, enough on that. I have made myself clear.  My spiritual da of 24 years (other than the year of the late bishop!], and this new hermit-priest spiritual director, and my confessor on top of past confessors, also have made themselves clear.  In His alter Christus', the Lord has made Himself clear, as He has with me in several locutions and a couple visions:  I am a consecrated Catholic hermit as of the privately professed, traditional, historical hermits.  I am to not question nor be distracted by, nor entertain adding on or taking a sideways step of what is unnecessary for me, and not for my eremitic vocation in my life, or the life of the Church.

And what I have written, in the time spent with the new spiritual director, the hermit-priest, was actually quite brief.  Just seems that in my finale on the topic, it is as well to express fully, in completion, what is otherwise, stated and told for me:  shackles and baggage.  As to the person whose soul I do love and of course pray for, my pain will continue to pray 24/7 across the stratosphere, but I fare thee well and bid thee adieu.  Have been directed by confessor and now the new spiritual father, the hermit-priest, to stay clear, remove myself from the negative, let God deal with that person and situation.

What the hermit-priest discussed more and mostly, is the Divine Will, the Divine Presence, the Eucharist, the Mass, his purpose and mission in praying for priests, his meditations in Scripture and in also reading and pondering a book he told me about.  Written not long ago by an extant but anonymous Benedictine priest (somewhere in the United States), published in 2007, In Sinu Jesu, reflects the messages from Jesus and the Virgin Mary to this priest/monk during his time praying before the Tabernacle.  Now shared with anyone in the world who desires to read the book (available on Amazon and other sites), given an imprimatur, just this morning the new spiritual father sent me a text of a selection quoted from In Sinu Jesus, along with a portion of Psalm 44.

Yes, my new spiritual father is focusing me on what matters, and where I am to progress from where I've been.  He's been definite on what to turn away from; and the Lord certainly gave me added choices to make, one small and one large, in the past few days.  I am asked to make choices, to discern and decide upon one path over another, one by one as they can enter into our daily lives be we hermits, priests, lay persons in married or single vocations, adults or children.

My text to the spiritual father seemed so banal and temporal, yes, compared to the focusing he was doing.  Praying the Office of Reading this morning while struggling to manage an excruciating spinal headache, I realized my path of suffering and accepting pain--not complaining, mind you--is the correct choice in that regard.  Peace returned after the research the other day which I somehow felt I owed in making the choice and to share with Dr. H. that my path is the Lord Jesus Christ, that I will find Him in my pain, and that pain is not the enemy.  

Rather, I look forward to the gift of joy and of on-going peace within, and of (as I mentioned to the hermit-priest the other day) my desire to come to union with God, and if He wills in my life time, to help others desire, be inspired, and come to union with God as well.  I also desire to strive in the eremitic vocation to the hermit ideal, to a purity of hermit life--even though I have wandered and waffled about.  Yet the Lord always brings me back, strips me, hones me, cuts the chaff from the grain in temporal matters, relationships, choices, and now even in return to lectio divina and whatever writing.

As to the parting direction from the Spiritual Father, the hermit-priest, he said to remain fully open to, and to surrender fully to the Divine Will, for he senses much movement and great opening up for me, in what and how the Lord is leading me.  He said yes, he senses very much the writing is important for me to continue, and that it can be something beneficial even more so after my death. 

(Whether that will be the case, I'm sure will depend on my docility and surrender to His Real Presence and in what I write--inspired by the Trinity or drivel of waffling in the temporal. However, the hermit-priest said that writing honestly, including my pitfalls and flaws, and then the process of the Lord picking me up and my continuing on, no matter how many falls, is good to share.  My sense of it, though, from praying on it and noticing other signals God presents in temporal ways, is that a deep stilling of my mind, heart, and soul is needed.  Stay clear of distractions, the negative immediately and alway, the ones that I've gotten into habit of that help me distract from pain--wean from those as soon and feasibly can.)

Then, the finale of my meeting with the new spiritual director, the hermit-priest.  He emphasized to receive the peace that Christ has for me.  Yes!  Then came most beautiful, spiritual, joy-filled prayer uttered forth from the uplifting hermit-priest, so blessed and glorious in praise and thanksgiving!  God provides beyond what we mortals can possibly anticipate!

This morning's Psalm reading at Mass, from Psalm 56, contains Living Word that supports and sustains, sums the present moment in my nothingness to Christ's ALL.  The Lord does speak to us in Scripture!

"My wanderings You have counted;
my tears are stored in Your flask;
are they not recorded in Your book?
Then do my enemies turn back, 
[my distractions, vices, negatives, evil] 
when I call upon You.
Now I know that God is with me.
In God, in Whose promise I glory,
in God I trust without fear;
what can flesh do against me?
I am bound, O God, by vows to You;
Your thank offerings I will fulfill.
For You have rescued me from death,
my feet, too, from stumbling;
that I may walk before God
in the light of the living."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Thank You, Lord, for all the blessings and goodness given to all of us, and especially my gratitude for the direction and guidance from the hermit-priest spiritual director you've provided.  Thank you, dearest spiritual Da, who blessed me and the hermit-priest as we sensed your presence with us, blessing us, even though we could not see you standing by us.  The hermit-priest and I each felt you standing between and slightly behind us--to his left and to my right-- blessing this alliance from your place in glory.

Catholic Hermit: Be Patient, Hermit!

Yesterday afternoon once more went to the bike park where are pathways in hilly area.  Walked, huffing and puffing, but I know this is best for the building up of muscles and stamina, more so than walking on flat sidewalks.  Not even walking far--in hills one is pushed more than the flat terrain.

Yes, there are similarities and truths to this simple image and action, to our spiritual lives.  There are obvious comparisons, as well, to be made to a hermit's particular vocation.  How easy it is to rationalize and justify to ourselves, as hermits, that the easier is as good or better for us.  Taking upon ourselves suffering or trials as some notion of austerity gone awry is like pridefully thinking we can handle going into the off-path stubble and uneven ground which can cause a fall.  As is said:  Pride goeth before a fall.  

This morning I've remained in bed on the icy pad.  The pain level speaks of struggle today; but it is a struggle against fatigue and an added edge to pain.  I have tried cutting down on med dose, which sounds admirable but must be factored with what that additional pain does to the body, mind, and heart.

Turning to writing as distraction, this nothing Catholic hermit emailed a spiritual friend whose found herself being placed by the Lord in a new locale and situation, but with two elder siblings who have miserable health problems--Alzheimer's and post-cancer side effect of "chemo brain" which mimics aspects of dementia's forgetfulness.  So my friend, whose spouse passed away 9 months ago after years of illness and decline, is settling into more care-giving after a recent hip replacement, of which she is thankfully recovering and returning to activity.

My email was rambling, as they can tend to be when pain up and all that goes with chronic pain.  I turned to His Living Word--always a boost to the spirits and guidance for the soul!  I found much to ponder, such as the importance of patience.  I need patience in the on-going effects of long-term suffering, and patience in desiring release from this suffering that is of God's allowance and providence; God knows what He's doing and why, what is best for our souls in particular, is what He provides, and suffering that comes in our lives brings with it opportunities.

We have the opportunity to accept the cross or crosses.  We have the opportunity to bring glory to God in suffering what at times seems insufferable.  We have the opportunity to be patient in the seeking to progress faster than what the cross seemingly allows, for sometimes the cross may feel heavier to our finite bodies and our minds' and hearts' perceptions.  What we must try to remember is that our perceptions can be deceptive, for our souls can do far more intangibly in the Holy Spirit's infusions of theological virtues:  hope, faith, and love.

So when my attitude began to droop--the suffering getting to me--the reminder from within to try to push through, to move beyond the body, the discouraging thoughts, the tired feelings of the heart.  God reached in with what seems non-significant, temporal disruption.  The neighbor couple on another street, sent phone message wanting to know if I needed anything from the warehouse store.  I asked for large container of non-fat yogurt; been reading that probiotics can help the stomach and intestines.

When the couple arrived a couple hours later, their kindness and the woman's energy, seemed to bring some sunshine behind overcast, as well as as the good of patiently waiting for energy of body, mind, and heart.  The soul abiding in Christ will be given what energy God wills and allows for His perfect purposes, and part of our effort is to discern even the energy, and to discern with the Holy Spirit's gift of wisdom, as to resting or rising, activity or response, and all with patience in accepting God's will in the present moments, and with patience in ourselves--depending upon what is discerned of energy to do or be patient and joyful with the energy always present:  to be.

Then came a response from my added thank-you message to the couple after they'd dropped off the yogurt. (I always pay, of course, and praise God that I have the financial means now to appreciate trying whatever means to improve or at least not make worse from any not doing whatever within means potentially helpful, to assist the body God gave me.)  What the woman wrote surprised me, for I chastised myself after they'd left, that I had not somehow made myself be more "perky."

The woman phone texted that I am an inspiration.

Well, not today, really, is my honest assessment.  I will not pretend otherwise, for I'm remaining on the level path, so to speak, still flat on the bed, but trying to write this Third Sunday in Advent's "gaudete" thoughts, of which the joy is not visible in body and maybe not even in mind or emotions/heart, but there is yet joy in the soul.  God still gives me the rest of the day to keep striving in the theological and cardinal virtues, of which patience is prominent to the pondering with the Holy Spirit, in the silence of solitude.

And I responded to the neighbor's saying I am an inspiration, by saying am not so much in reality, today thus far, but that her saying so makes me desire to pull up and out of my impatience with self, impatience with the body not cooperating--or else it is impatience with the mind--or I suppose a weakness of the will to not enervate the body.  But all this impatience, when turned to being patient, allows a deep breath in, and out; patience is a gift from God and not a force of my will.  Gifts of God are of His will, to be appreciated as gift of His Triune Divine Nature, and utilized accordingly.

Be patient, hermit! You've had response from the loved family member--an answer about a gift specifics for a grandchild.  You've been given energy yesterday, and the gift from God to push through pain for the walk on more challenging and health-beneficial terrain, and energy to finish what seems mountainous of a task that is more a prayer for others in the doing than what it will mean otherwise as gift.  You still may have the energy of the Holy Spirit stirring my will to push through and try a walk today, or some other task besides remaining in bed.  

With and in whatever God wills, provides, and allows, be patient in all!  Be patient of others and of self. Above all, be patient through, with and in His Real Presence.  Pray for patience, and praise God as the gift is given for the taking and using and appreciating!  Allow the being patient in present moments permeate the body, mind, heart, and soul.

"Be patient, brothers and sisters [and hermit!] until the coming of the Lord.  See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains.  You too must be patient.  Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand.  Do not complain, brothers and sisters [and hermit!], about one another, that you may not be judged.  Behold the Judge is standing before the gates. Take as an example of hardship and patience, brothers and sisters [and hermit!], the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord"(James 5: 7-10).

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Praise the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit:  for patience!

Catholic Hermit: Helpful, on Humility

I read this a few days ago and ever find helpful on humility.  Written by a monk and priest, Theognostios, and included, as from the Philokalia, may these word-thoughts uplift and restore us on this Thanksgiving Day (celebrated today in the USA).

"When you are completely detached from all earthly things and when, your conscience clear, you are at any moment ready in heart to leave this present life and to dwell with the Lord, then you may recognize that you have acquired true virtue.  If you want to be known to God, do all that you can to remain unknown to men....

"Consciously look on yourself as an ant or a worm, so that you can become a man formed by God.  If you fail to do the first, the second cannot happen.  The lower you descend, the higher you ascend; and when you begin to realize that you have nothing and know nothing, then you will become rich in the Lord through practice of the virtues and spiritual knowledge.

"Since salvation comes to you as a free gift, give thanks to God your savior.  If you wish to present Him with gifts, gratefully offer from your widowed soul two tiny coins, humility and love, and God will accept these in the treasury of His salvation more gladly than the host of virtues deposited there by others....

"For even if the treasure of those who are dispassionate consists of every virtue, the precious stone of humility is more valuable than them all; it brings about not only propitiation with the Creator, but also entry with the elect into the bridal chamber of His Kingdom."

The description of the soul as being widowed is apt.  In various ways, our souls are as such.  In my recent consideration of the hermit vocation as set forth in The Catechism's sections 920-921, I realize that God provided this vocation for me as a place of refuge, out of His foreknowing what would unfold in my life, from as early as 1984 and with more obvious vision and locution in early 1986.  The word "hermit" was not used then, but rather that I would "need to learn to hibernate like a bear, for protection from the world."

Of all my many faults and weaknesses,  I most react pathetically to rejection.  Rejection is my most challenging life aspect.  Being or feeling--either one--rejected can cast me down to the devil's doorway more than I think anything other of life's occurrences.  And it does not take much to experience rejection, to feel it, to recognize being rejected.

Often enough I'm sure some fault of mine, or even a sense of my not liking rejection, or the hurt reaction to rejection even if masked, all the more invites rejection to occur.  It is a quite easy way for those who dislike or feel burdened by another, to do or say even the smallest of actions or words or in fact, non-response, to create the rejection that will wound.

All the more, then, rejection of others, whether one's personhood or way of being could somehow justify the rejection in whatever form of many forms rejection takes, can cause us to turn all the more to God Who never rejects.  The turning away from those who knowingly or unwittingly reject, can then in some ways, seem as if the one rejected is rejecting by turning to God and away from others and the world.

Fascinating business, all this; and yet there is cause and effect in rejection.  We all have rejected others for one reason or another.  Either we cannot handle or cope with some person or situation, or they have rejected for whatever reasons, and the one rejected turns away to avoid more pain of rejection, thus in turn, essentially rejecting those who reject.  It becomes on-going, or can.

I suppose the cessation of a rejection can be secured in turning all the more to God.  There is security in God, for others who turn to God will also be there, and in God's love and His forgiveness, there is not rejection.  We are never a burden to God; we never "trigger" in God some rejective reaction or response.  When we speak to or call upon God, we are always answered in one way or another.  Never spurned, are we, by God.

In my hermit life, I admit that it is not a vocation that I sought out.  In fact, I would have chosen for myself to be a normal parent, not with incessant back pain, married to the temporal spouse through thick or thin, sickness or health, and having a normal type Thanksgiving Day with spouse, perhaps hosting Thanksgiving Dinner or visiting one or more of the adult children and their families.  We'd likely be of one faith, perhaps all celebrating Mass this morning in our respective places or even together.  There would be the normal relationships socially, with others.  

There would not be the rejection or resentment.  I would not be remembered as a burden-bundle of pain, or for the negatives of flaws, words or things done of my imperfect self, the vices seemingly enhanced and embellished over the pain-riddled years.  I still tend to not do what I resolve:  to not reach in, to not contact unless contacted, to not expect normalcy in responses any more than I can provide normalcy in offering of self.

So the Lord provided the eremitic life in His foreknowledge, in His omniscience of all matters past, present, and future.  And I, over time, evolved as others went on to live their ordained lives; and while I never anticipated the effect my personhood and flawed self would create in results later on, I am thankful for God's calling me to eremitic life.  He provides a place for me, and I accepted His call even before I had much inkling of how best and providential as temporal time passed and continues to pass.  

I accept always His will and His call!

For me, and perhaps for other hermits, the vocation is God's will and call, not our choosing if we actually thought in terms of life as our choice, not God's will.  Hermit life, as in other vocations such as single and married life, holy orders, or even in career/job vocations--life is essentially sacrificial of our wills dying in loving humility, to do as God asks of us no matter the circumstances in which we are called by God's providence and will.  Humble acceptance and thanksgiving are our loving responses to our loving God.

I can now pray in ways not previously as effective, such as the increasing physical pain praying and the interior, soul-pain praying.  Love-praying, it all is.  God's love praying through, with, and in me, for His glory and for His loving good of others known and unknown to me.  Praise of God, is love-pain-praying.  And consideration of rejection as not that, but rather as what is positive in freeing others to be of and for God in whatever ways He wills, or if they choose not God for now, He gives them that freedom of will, as well.  

Love-pain pray for those I love and for those I hurt and for those who hurt.  We are humans who hurt and are hurting in our widowed souls, no matter if yet or ever earthly wed...or not.

Humility is necessary, always.  Humility allows us to forgive, to suffer, to love.

Blessed Thanksgiving, one and all!  Thank God for all our lives, lived, we pray, with love, in the various ways God has ordained, allowed, unfolded for us.  God bless His Real Presence in us!  He has a place for each of us in His Kingdom, on earth as it is in Heaven!

Catholic Hermit: Spiritual Leper

Had a most unusual and unexpected day yesterday.  The mystical morning unfolded with  the pain doctor asking some spiritual questions that evolved from the lumbar MRI scans.  He could not locate a couple of the screws in the back rods implanted years ago.  Well, only four were screwed back in, as I described the situation of my dying in recovery, and the surgeon being called back, my being sent back into my body by God, and the surgeon rushing me in to surgery to try to figure out what went wrong.

So the lumbar region is a mess, yes.  Rods installed, fusion, bone graft, rods removed, re-bent, re-screwed.  Rush, rush.  That's probably why it's a mess and what the pain doctor suspects now, over time, is yet the main cause of way too much pain--not to mention the neck that has problems as well as the thoracic spine that has all kinds of issues, but nothing like the low back.  So he is referring me to a surgeon for his take on if there is a means to remove bone spurs and open up areas where spinal stenosis has set in.  Nerves are being pinched, spinal cord is squeezed.

The pain doctor wanted to know more about the death experience.  Then he had some questions regarding a situation in his extended family.  I won't go into the details, but it has to do with a suicide and a spouse going to what can be termed a "channeler" who had contact with the deceased spouse and brought details that go along with mind-reading but more so, of which discernment of spirits is crucial.  So we discussed the spiritual realm and Christ, and Scripture, and I did my best to advise, when he asked, how to help the family member hopefully not return to the group with the necromancer.  

I pray yet today that the Holy Spirit had me say what needed to be said--including permission to share with the family member my own experience years ago, and the warning God gave me in the middle of the night:  Follow no one!  Follow no one!  Follow no one!

We are to follow Jesus Christ.  God the Father!  Holy Spirit!  

I also had more as I reached my truck so walked back to give an addition message to the doctor via his receptionist.  These situations and people who do such things create a dependency in the vulnerable that is not good.  God does not do that.

The doctor also recommended I see a certain chiropractor who he said would be interested in talking with me and me with him.  He mentioned I might also try a B-12 injection and get my neck worked on.  He said the chiropractor would know what priest best for me to talk with, as the chiropractor is a Catholic and simply--yes, would "know."

The doctor texted the chiropractor who texted back that I should call and his receptionist would set an appointment, and to call her.  So I did, and I was able to go after the pain doctor appt. to do a walk-in for the B-12 injection, but first the chiropractor and I had a brief conversation.  

It was so unexpected--the connection, the advice, and the chiropractor's background and experience in his field plus ancillary areas.  Turns out, he is a member of the parish nearest me, and he advised which priest would be best, although I was slated to speak with the other.  Both are very good men, very good priests, the chiropractor said, but the one would have more understanding or grasp of my situation.

That is exactly what the good and kind priest I did speak with, suggest.  He listened commendably to my explanation of the situation--the ecstasies during Mass and a few other aspects, including my vocation as a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed.  Ultimately, the priest said I need to speak with the other priest who happens to be away until next week.  But in the interim, he felt best that I have Communion brought to me.

He explained that while he did not want me to "feel like a spiritual leper," that he had to consider such as if someone had Turret's Syndrome, and would that do well for the other worshippers to be distracted?  I assured him I understand, and that he actually handled quite well what I shared of my mystic life, born this way but not realizing it until age 34 when a friend told me that I'm on a different wave length, have experiences others do not--but they love me all the same.

So when it came to his concerns of how I should be such as when the person who'd bring me Communion would meet me, come to my home, he said they'd not be able to come into "THIS!"  By "THIS!", I understood he meant how people would react if they realized my spiritual leperhood, as actually, that is exactly what "THIS!" is!  It truly is!  I finally have an accurate metaphor for my mystic affliction.  Perhaps after a mystic dies from this earth, the mystic affliction, the spiritual leprosy, is then called and considered a spiritual "gift". 

The kindly priest added that if I can just try to perceive how other people would find me--and I said I can do that, although not easy to always remember.  Thus, it is really for my own protection and that of others in charitable way, that God called me to Himself and gave me the hermit vocation, for I am so easily distracted when in the world, drawn out too much, and I am understanding also that it includes such as the world of an active and large parish of regular, normal, active people.  

So he also advised that the parish visitor bringing Communion should also not know that I am a hermit, for lay persons in the Church do not really grasp or understand that vocation.  I agree!  Even Bishops don't really grasp, for the most part, as there are so many different Bishops with their different notions about hermits as evidenced in the recent (by Church time line per centuries) development of canonically approved hermits.  

Some hermits are approved to live together, others are approved to allow or strive to develop quasi-religious order hermitages, to live with parents,.  Some work in more visible and interactive jobs and socialize more than do many lay persons; some are so young as to not have had much if any life experience in suffering, prayer, financial challenges, work nor love relationships.

Anyway, it was a good talk with this priest, and yes, when the other priest returns, I will do as he said and let the lead priest ultimately decide what he deems best.  However, I find prudence and even wisdom in what this priest yesterday had to say.  I'm actually relieved; plus there was none of the eye-rolling nor disrespect nor doubting nor worrisome reaction--not the persecution--that I've experienced in the past.  I was prepared for anything, as one ought, when being honest about something that is atypical.

He said we'd just tell the parish nurse who makes arrangements for those bringing Communion to persons in their homes, that I have a severe back problem (true enough) and that is why I need a parish visitor once a week.  So that's what we said, and I wondered a bit that we probably did not even need to have that as a reason.  But once an underlying reason such as spiritual leprosy is known to one in charge, there seems a more urgent need to mask it when others would not notice, anyway.  Or so I wonder.  

Perhaps I'm yet in denial.  Several years ago when I tried to wear clothing in attempt to blend in with clothing style of a bulk of one Cathedral parishioners, a daughter told me it might work for even a year, but sooner than later they'd sense something different about me.  Turned out to be so.  Regardless, I think this parish priest is wise and prescient in his advice, yesterday.  

The more I pondered it later, though, I laughed some about the spiritual leprosy because it is so apt in many ways.  Even lepers today are not hidden away, yet there are medications to help cure them.  No "cures" are known for a mystic.  However, I reviewed how God has for years guided me and spoken to me, given visions and locutions, advising me of essentially the same:  Hibernate, live hermit life, be held for Himself, protect and prevent from being drawn out into the world, be provided for by Him, and know this is how He is loving me.  

Now is the time I must unpack; settle back into the structure of my eremitic vocation; accept, appreciate, and embrace my spiritual leprosy; pray, praise, love Him above all else and others as myself; fulfill the mission God reveals in slivers of light.  And write in my hidden, anonymous way that He asks of me, sharing what others can choose to read and find help or meaning, or not, with out being distracted by seeing the spiritual leper or fearing contagion of the misunderstood and unknown.

Even the pain doctor says he is awake at night, struggling with understanding Who Is God?  What Is God--Spirit, Presence, Being?  As we talked over the thoughts, we came to what all come to: our words fail to describe He Who Is the Source of All Beingness, Energy, and Love.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit....  Words fail us; we hope for faith and love to sustain what we cannot describe.

Catholic Hermit Consoled, Uplifted: Zephaniah Speaks

Today's alternate first Scripture reading at Mass uplifts this pained and worn out nothing consecrated Catholic hermit (and mystic--of which no labels matter but am hoping to normalize the term for those who hold misguided notions).

Zephaniah speaks!  I take it to heart, and his words uplift my soul and encourage.  Then I, in turn, can uplift and encourage others in my thoughts and prayers.  

Perhaps, also, will uplift and encourage the young man, Daniel, who is coming today from a distance.  He will help lift some drywall to install and help frame the stairwell opening wall.  Here he comes for the day, and just payment, from a distance which is a bother, this young man of the Church of the Nazarene; and the close-by Catholic youth is too busy playing basketball presumably day and night, to help me for twenty minutes, according to his wary-of-me parish administrator mother.  No help, not for love nor money nor both.

Deus vult!  The Lord wills it!  He often wills what we do not understand, what does not make common sense to us.  And I am reminded to not dissect nor analyze other than to trust that Jesus knows what He is doing, and He is allowing the one young man and not the other.  I am to praise the Lord and follow Him, just go along with whatever transpires in the present moments.

"Be glad and exult with all your heart...
the LORD has removed the judgment against you,
He has turned away your enemies;
The King of Israel, the LORD, is in your midst,
you have no further misfortune to fear.....
Fear not...be not discouraged!
The LORD, your God, is in your midst,
a mighty savior;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
and renew you in His love...."
        --from Zephaniah 3

I am hoping to get a few more Christmas cards out in the mail before Daniel arrives.  Plus, I'd like to paint the laundry area baseboards that I cut and primed yesterday.  This morning I realized I need to remeasure and recut after I screw on the dryer socket plate cover.  As Teresa of Avila said that God is amidst the pots and pans, He is surely also amidst the carpentry details.

Upon waking I was first reminded of the vision dream over 21 years ago on the eve of my confirmation as a Roman Catholic.  I was shown a seemingly endless passageway made of flat stones--pathway, walls, rooms on either side of Gothic arched hallway.  I was shown into some of the rooms and was let known that I could enter, study, learn, be taught and then move on through the passageway.  I did not need to stop at every room; but I was to proceed.

Now I must trust in what is next, in what area of passageway or through and into another.  I do not see now, the doorways to rooms, right and left, nor do I see the arches or down the length of passage.  I only see the stones paving the ground upon which I must try to keep walking onward in blind faith yet knowing in that same faith that the Lord is leading with loving assurance.

It is all very good indeed in the soul and spirit.  My body is weary, true; and the way forward may seem rugged simply and solely in the temporal aspects.  My only effort is to flow onward through space and time while sensing the Lord with me, in my midst...but actually my being in His Midst.

"The LORD, your God, is in your midst, a might savior...."

Catholic Hermit, an Uncommon Hermit

Well, perhaps.  What is a common hermit, anyway?  Ought not all hermits fit into the category of being "uncommon"?

Regardless, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is not the dour type.  I've lost a lot of forced piety over time, as in not as rigorous and more going with God's flow.  That can include music--and not just the classical music of Bach's Masses and Mozart's.  They are packed away, although I could find them on YouTube, perhaps?

I was never one to keep up with the latest in-groups when younger.  But in the past couple or so years I came across "The Beach Boys."  I started reading about them on Wikpedia, and I watched some online documentaries of their lives.  

Always fascinated with people and lives, perhaps it is in my later years and my interest in souls, that I have found the lives of others to be of great interest.  And music is peaceful, healing, soothing with its harmonies when I am in a pain siege.

Today is one such day. This is actually the third day of it, but I have toughed it out by pushing the body at least to hook up soaker hoses and pick strawberries to put out on the roadside table.  Yesterday I awoke thinking I'd passed through the siege, gotten off "easy" with but one day of spinal headache and difficulty handling situations.  

But by Mass last evening, the spinal headache had erupted; the newer muscle pain, sharp, revved with driving to the church.  Even though the ecstasy provided the gift of no pain, and I had great refreshment into the evening, this morning I awoke socked in with awful pain.  Darkness battles light.

Anyway, I took an extra med hoping to avoid the big-gun meds that would sedate me for the day and night.  Hate to have to do that, for at least this way I have moved about, such as the soaker hoses every hour or two, and picked two more quarts of berries awhile ago.  So I have tried to distract the darkness that threatens my thoughts by listening to music.

Beach Boys!  I came across a video of a concert they had 33 years ago.  The city was about 40 miles from where I lived at the time.  Life was quite different then, for me, for them.  A year later I would have the life-altering car accident--hit by teen drunk driver.  Well, anyone who has followed my blogs knows the bulk of all that ensued. 

As to the Beach Boys, that very year, a few months later, the middle brother, Dennis, would die from drowning.  He'd had too much to drink, dove, hit his head, remained under too long.  Brian, the eldest and musical genius, composer, song-writer brother, had rejoined the group publicly after more than a decade of emotional and weight problems.  Fifteen years later, the youngest brother, Carl--the one with "the voice of an angel" (truly!) would die at age 51 or so from cancer.  He had been a cigarette smoker.

I consider all their lives--their upbringing, their rise to stardom, their enduring even to this year, going on a tour, I think, their last, perhaps.  The harmonies are stellar yet.  The words mostly not the message; the music, the compositions, the sound is what resonates, uplifts, takes the mind easily from such as severe bodily pain, headache, foot pain, spinal pain, leg pain.  Nerves are on fire, burning.  

The music and thoughts of these men's lives--abusive dad, some drug experimentation, drinking, emotional and mental problems Brian had to endure, pass through.  Yes, they persevered in what was a life that had its loopholes in which they got entangled when younger.

On my part, I have endured thus far, but my suffering continues.  There is no way to overcome it physically.  I do feel as if I am wearing down, the muscles de-conditioned from a winter of too much pain and a spring of additional areas of pain, and some injuries included, like slipping thrice on the pole barn roof, or the blood poisoning from the splinter in the left thumb.  Or the on-going flare ups of the right thumb when the drill whipped back on it last December.

I did not cause the car accident years ago. I did not drink and drive, nor did I smoke.  I did not experiment with drugs, nor did I have an abusive father.  I did not run around on my spouse, was faithful, hard-working, serious about God, yes, but fun-loving.  So I have been blessed even though I did get myself into tough situations.  Mostly, the tough ones found me, though.

So it goes, that not always can we say that our lives are as they are, due to something we did or should not have done.  There are other forces involved.  Some call it our destinies; I call it God's plan, His Will, the mission marked out for us.  And, such as with the Beach Boys and others like Glen Campbell, despite some choosing to live in certain health- and morally risky ways, we can endure; we can overcome ourselves.

These musicians are proof of it, as even Dennis, the rebellious Beach Boy who went through a rough drinking period, had started to turn it around some, had come back to the security of the group, was starting to play the drums again, such as he was drumming at the concert in early summer 1983.

Should a hermit be watching and listening to the likes of pop-rock music, involving mind with lives of music stars?  (Yes, I have researched the life of Glen Campbell, too, and have listened to various songs--what a savant guitarist from early age, a poor background, and major issues with drugs and alcohol with a Jesus-conversion experience in post-midlife!)

I have wondered that today, myself. Should I be spending time here on the mattress, listening to the Beach Boys, picking up a few more details of their life histories, reminiscing with amazement that I was close by that very day of that concert--and had not an interest in it then at all.  No, it is the length and breadth and depth of life experiences that intrigue me.

I like to see from near the end of lives, back through, sifting the ashes, so to speak, to glean the bits of gold filling or whatever, that show the brilliance of a life lived that was filled with suffering of one type or another, regardless if we brought it on ourselves or God orchestrated matters to bring us to His Will for us, or a bit of both.

I like to watch the ones yet alive--Al Jardine, Brian Wilson, Mike Love, and now Al Jardine's son Matt who helps with vocals. I like to watch and listen to their old bodies and old voices, the latter amazingly strong yet.  I appreciated deeply the performances of Glen Campbell in later years, especially the documentary of his good-bye tour, suffering Alzheimer's.

I like to see how these people persevered and endured, how they overcame the darkness in their lives, or at least tried and were on their way upward.  What is this hermit's song to be?  A dirge, or one of uplift?  Perhaps it will be more on the lines of "God Only Knows," or "Love and Mercy."  Something simple, yet I had better hang on here today, in order to sing it to God.

Sometimes it is very difficult to endure through such pain.  Perhaps I should take a big-gun med, as this might drag on longer than if I'd just knock myself out for awhile, be sedated.  I don't know.  I hate the medication effects, and I want to try to do without.  Might not be wise nor caring of the body that with prolonged high-level pain is stressed, and then the emotions are stressed.

Darkness is all part of it.  The doubts, the feelings of hopelessness, particularly of if I will be able to do the manual labor necessary here.  Need to do some mowing, finish painting the exterior, the whole interior is studs mostly, with some drywall in some areas, not taped nor mudded yet.  I have a load of laundry to do and hang on the line.  Ought to brush the teeth--the bathtub the only source of water now until the end of September.

Don't ask me--ask Lowe's!  My aunt yesterday questioned me, as if I was somehow not ordering cabinets properly.  "Now, just how is that Lowe's keeps getting the cabinets wrong???"  I responded simply:  "The employees are incompetent."  My aunt responded simply, also, "Oh."  My cousin called today.  I knew she'd talked with her mother.  She questioned me as to why I still do not have a sink.  

It becomes too much to go over the negativity that does not matter, anyway.  Nothing to be done about it but wait and hope and pray that the situation gets worked out, sometime.  Right?  I've ceased being upset about it, but with high-level pain, that is not easy!  

Anyway, to some I might seem an uncommon hermit, listening to Beach Boys music and Glen Campbell songs at this phase of my life and nearly 16 years since profession of hermit vows.  Why not read more into St. Teresa's Way of Perfection  for the third time (does wonders with each read) or try to continue with St. Hildegard's Scivias (Visions)?

Maybe it has to do with just needing music today, harmony, and a sense of the passage of time and lives lived, and some joyful upbeat to remind me to keep fighting the darkness that this type of pain can levy upon a person.  Perhaps it is to remain with a finger on the pulse of the world out there, too, and with people whose lives might have seemed as if nothing ever should go wrong with all that physical health, money, and talent.  

But things do happen, and how joyful to see others try to overcome and that they succeed into their later years or else turn within the time given of shorter lifespans.  I might try Teresa yet this evening; she is not as mind-testing as Hildegard's visions.  For those, not only does one use the verbal spheres of the brain but also the image-related spheres--and yes, I know that "spheres" is not the proper term. I simply cannot think past the headache enough to grasp the physiological term--quadrant is not correct, either.  Hemisphere?  That is closer--lobe?  Maybe.

Well, uncommon or common, it does not matter to me whichever the term for a hermit who listens to and watches some impious YouTube videos on a Sunday afternoon when struggling with darkness, struggling with way too much pain of body and head--which I often categorize as separate from the body, depending on how severe the spinal headache.  Today's has it separated out, for it is too much for me to consider all that pain connected.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another as Jesus loves us, whether we are common or uncommon to our views and perspectives.

Catholic Hermit: God Guides Our Steps and Paths

I found this selection of Scripture in an old draft file.  These are the words the Lord gave to the prophet Isaiah, from Chapter 30.

"He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry;
when he hears it, he will answer you.
Though the Lord may give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself any more,
but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
And when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left,
your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
'This is the way; walk in it.'"

Not only as a nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, but as a human Christian, imperfect yet striving after Christ--I love these verses!

Especially right now, for at this very minute, 29 years ago, my body had undergone 7 hours of back surgery and was in recovery--the only patient remaining with a nurse by my side, readying to send me to my room.

But something went wrong.  I stopped breathing; my heart ceased beating.

I knew what was happening soon enough.  The Lord let me know. It was the most incredible experience of my life, was this death.

Obviously, I was sent back by God and had to undergo another six hours of surgery--the surgeon having been called back to the hospital to try to save my life, not knowing exactly what had gone wrong.

I had planned to write about this death experience and the interior aspects to it, of the miracles involved in each detail.  But of course, the Lord is emphasizing to me all the more, right now, that I am to live in the Order of the Present Moment, just as I had those years ago.  Even planning to write something is planning too much.

As I shared in the rather trivial, previous post, my laptop has for the third time lost its ability to charge.  Right now, it is lowing the last vestiges of battery power.  I will not be writing of the amazing events of the afternoon, night, and early morning of July 28 and 29, 1987.

Perhaps I will write of it in a few days.  I was going to write of it a year ago, and I think I wrote some of the lead-up to it, which has an effect on the power of the miraculous details that unfolded.  

Well, I'll try to write it when (and if!) the laptop gets repaired or replaced.  In the meantime, the above verses from Isaiah really impact my mind, heart, and soul this evening. I will be praying and praising God for the various persons I unexpectedly met in a most close-encounter, pivotal night nearly three decades ago.

Give God all glory in all things of earth and heaven.

Catholic Hermit on Spiritual Counsel

I do not tout myself as a spiritual director, nor do I seek any such titles or services.  However, the good Lord tends to bring some souls to this consecrated Catholic hermit, back-sliding and tired and pained as I am.

There must be something to be thankful for in many life experiences of the challenging sort, and to be a most imperfect human specimen in various aspects, not just bodily.  For one thing, the more I realize that my ideas and thoughts are so slipshod and vulnerable, the more I beseech His Real Presence to replace my mind with His Mind.

I am most grateful for the death of my will nearly three months ago, but the more I muddle along in this life, the more I recognize that my thoughts need to go.  I truly need God's Mind--His Thoughts, His Ideas, His Insights, His Wisdom--to replace my inept-yet-sincere mind.

Still, some persons contact me from time to time with questions, asking for counsel and prayers.  One considers herself to be a spiritual daughter; I always emphasize with these souls that we are spiritual friends, spiritual cohorts in our striving in the spiritual life while clumping through the temporal realm.  We are pilgrims who happen to be in the same world at the same time with the same challenges even if they come in differing circumstances.

The 55 coursework hours in a masters-doctoral clinical psych degree has been invaluable in many ways, to store in my mental quiver.  Far more helpful have been the numerous calamities and missteps from which I have learned numerous lessons along the way.  In the practicum part of the degree program along with internship hours counseling clients, I took to heart the admonition to not let others become dependent nor attached.

If there is not progress in six weeks, or in complex cases six months, in counseling a patient and various modalities and approaches have been utilized, then it is the professional's obligation to suggest a different psychologist.  I stand by this standard even though many PsychD's do not.  I also emphasize "progress," for even a modicum of progress is progress.

But definitely after a client has not responded nor has made breakthroughs for some time, a professional should have the concern and caring to recommend some other professional.  I stick to this guideline in spiritual guidance, as well.  (I do admit that I did not utilize it a few times when with spiritual directors, all priests and one bishop, that I should have moved on when there was not progress.  However, I also considered that at times the challenges and frustrations with some of these included some spiritual growth just in the interaction with the director!)

That I do not allow people to become dependent upon me, is perhaps my main point.  It is not helpful to them and is not good for me.  Why spin our wheels or get stuck even if it is spiritual sand?

Part of the issues can come when one is not a priest regardless of being an eremitic, professed and living one's vows in the consecrated life of the Church.  The one seeking spiritual counsel spends time and effort with the hermit, and the hermit spends time and effort in discussing or corresponding, but the counseled does not trust that what is offered is of benefit.

Some people feel they need the counsel of one with a title and position, wearing a habit or having some external sign of ordination, for example.  Of course, not all those wearing habits or holding titles such as priest or bishop or who have been through seminary or religious order formation, have current spiritual sense or the ability to counsel others.

I tend to seek the counsel of a priest or bishop for direction, myself.  But I'd not be opposed to being advised by someone in the consecrated life of the Church or anyone who by life example shows fruit of living by the Spirit.  I have not often found others to be adept with background in my spiritual life particularly in the areas of suffering, mystic, and consecrated eremite (hermit).  Add that I am a convert of many years but prior had lived in the world as parent, spouse, student, employee.  I do have spiritual friends who are marvelous in praying and in giving me wise counsel on temporal and spiritual issues from time to time.

I have not found many priests or bishops to be adept in spiritual direction with lived experience of mystical and eremitic life or who have a deep, spiritual, "electric" connection--as I say, have both or all three prongs in the socket of the spiritual life.  Not many these days have read, for example, Tanquerey or indepth studies of mystics, mysticism, or books of the great spiritual writers of the centuries.  

Not many priests have had training in spiritual direction or counseling beyond, perhaps, a course or two in seminary.  They are laden with many administrative and financial responsibilities in running parishes or dioceses.  Order priests and religious can tend to have more training and personal spiritual gifts in the area of spiritual life, of spiritual direction, or so has been my experience.

I was fortunate to have met a very holy priest of many years when I first converted to Catholicism nearly 22 years ago.  At the time I was being directed by a mercurial priest suffering from ineffective recovery from alcoholism.  He no longer drank, but he had the residual temperament of a dry drunk and became quite threatened by my presence in the parish and envious of my mystical experiences, which of course, I could not stop from occurring.

I also have been fortunate to have met an order priest from another country and continent who is adept in the spiritual life and lives an incredibly rich, spiritual, faithful life, himself.  Distance and internet service malfunctions hinder much communication, but the prayers and occasional messages suffice.  Much is up to ourselves, frankly, to remain very much in soul school all our lives as well as to keep a life of prayer--of conversation with God--breathing, seeking, loving, thriving incessantly.

But as a hermit of whom God has blessed with whomever in my life, there are a handful of persons who contact me for spiritual counsel.  The number is static, increasing, decreasing, persons coming in and out of communication.

One young man is already well on his way, moving toward a vocation after having ceased some experimentation and rebelling against God.  He had contacted me for help with dream interpretation, and once a few were pin-pointed, he had his answers, all made sense, and he no longer needs to be in contact unless he wishes to update me on his marvelous next steps into a monastery.  There, others will continue to guide him, and he in turn will have others later on, to guide spiritually.  In fact, some of his dreams and our correspondence have helped me grow spiritually.

That is always a truth in successful counseling whether it be in the realm of psychology or spiritual direction (although I think all ought to come under the auspices of spiritual direction, for the spiritual undergirds all else in our existences).  The one guiding is often blessed equally or more with insights from the exchange of prayer, study, thoughts and issues shared between director and directed.

The other day I had an email from a spiritual friend.  It regarded some temporal issues, and it touched upon some aspects that have been hindering this person for a couple years.  The person did not expect, no doubt, what would be my response.  Perhaps I can be thankful for more than average pain when I responded, for I was blunt and direct on blasting at the temporal mentality toward, in this case, medications and obvious payment for necessary doctor visits.

Pride can eat at us when we let it, to an extreme in medical issues.  Some can become paranoid about conspiracy theories that the pharmaceutical industry and government are trying to intentionally poison us or cause us to be dependent upon various medications--that antibiotics are an evil, or inoculations against certain diseases are wrong.  Some may think they don't have the money to pay for medical treatment or tests when they have insurance coverage and are working full time, dining out, taking trips, mortgage paid off,  and so forth.

This is simply erroneous thinking, self-deception, pride in thinking the home-made remedies are superior and that somehow we do not need the assistance of medical professionals who have years of temporal training and knowledge on various aspects of the human body and ailments.

So I had little sympathy when I received the email.  I bluntly responded, laying out the realities and facts, and that we need to knock off our deceptions and be thankful that we have the intelligence to know what we need when we need it, and that includes medical help that requires us to justly pay the person and services who provide the help and beneficial results.  We sometimes need antibiotics or else must suffer, live out the consequences, or die in the aftermath.

I do not have a lot of tolerance for going over and over temporal aspects or issues when the path is rather obvious--especially if we are older and along our way also in the spiritual life.  I reminded this spiritual friend of the facts, and I also apologized if my words seemed harsh or too blunt.  But frustration sometimes is a good thing; and honesty is the best policy.  I always include myself in any chiding, for always I can see in myself various examples of like-kind obtuseness at some points in my life even if not of the same topic.

Another person emailed of an issue going on in personal life, within the spousal relationship as well as with a friend's relationship.  I was very direct--again blunt--in my response to that as well.  I have lived out enough mistakes and hardships in various aspects of the temporal life as well as the spiritual, and it just seems quite clear--usually, again, the self-deception that we get into, even if very much by the devil delighting in fogging our judgment and perspective.

I have come to a point, perhaps due to age and pain level and a sense of not wanting to spin my wheels more than I already have in my spiritual mission, that I lay out the raw truths as they come to me.  I do pray that what is pointed out are God's insights or that if mine, wrought from lived experience and life lessons.  I no longer care if the person decides to close their laptops and depart the correspondence, or decide not to call again.

Always in whatever counsel anyone asks of me, I try to steer us both or all into the spiritual, into Scripture, into truths of God and eternal life.  The concern needs to be for our souls and others' souls.  All the flim-flam of temporal distractions can be dealt with fairly simply, even if they are what seem to entangle our minds and emotions, our earth time and efforts.

We simply must be alert to that reality and not let these "things" and "hang ups", these niggling situations, distract and knit us into circuitous wads of turmoil.  I know that for myself, I look back and appreciate those persons in my life, including a doctor gifted in the paranormal, and the two priests so adept, who had the wherewithal to be direct and cut through my own "mustard" that I'd earnestly try to slather over the hot-dogs-and-buns I'd get myself into.

However, sometimes the assessment or direction can be incorrect.  We need to discern if that is so, all the time knowing that even if not quite correct or is distorted, there may be some kernel of truth or some splinter from which we can learn, regardless.  But in most cases when the counsel is "off" even a little, we should seek someone other to give us counsel.

Above all, the best of direction will occur the more we develop our relationship with Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit.  When our wills die and His takes over, when our minds are replaced by His Mind, when our emotions and understanding and images and outer senses are honed and united in His, to His abiding in our souls with increasing fullness and omnipotence, the more we are crushed and fall to the earth, are buried and die in order to have new life--the better will be the perfection of God's directing our souls.

In the meantime, I am increasingly blunt and direct when it comes to temporal aspects, especially if the person seeking my counsel seems stuck in temporal issues or is daftly self-deceived.  I would want the same for myself.  I admit to some regrets in instances when others did not risk enough to lower the beam on me, or were timid in speaking up when I was about to temporally err and thus, of course, do both temporal and spiritual damage to all the layers and levels of life and to my immortal soul.

Recently I've been reminded of the great responsibility I have as a consecrated Catholic hermit. I need to keep up with the spiritual reading, particularly those old tomes that are written by the greatest of souls who directed successfully many souls into union with God.  I need to keep reading of the lives and deaths of holy men and women who continue to affect our souls here on earth from the other side of the veil.

I also have a responsibility to be quite direct and not waste God's time, others' time, nor the time He has given me here on earth, when it comes to spiritual counsel requested of me.  As a hermit, it is easy enough to not get myself entangled in others' lives.  I must respect the boundaries God enforces when I do not--to live in the silence of solitude, hidden from the eyes of men, in prayer and praise of God, in helping to work out my salvation and the salvation of others through, with, and in His Real Presence.

Those souls who come to me or God brings to me, whether people I know or people who encounter me online and get into contact, or whether those who I am taken to in spirit in bi-location experiences with certain assignments given in each circumstance--these are the souls to whom I am responsible to counsel directly, efficiently, prayerfully.  I must not hold back for fear of offending when spelling out some danger or misstep that I am shown, or in calling out some self-deception or foolishness.  We all are culpable, after all, even if sincerely well-intentioned.

It is the least I can do, to communicate forthrightly, without mincing words.  It is not about me.  Nor should it matter if the person/s ever speak to me again or if they desire counsel at all, for it is not a matter of being in the business of spiritually directing.  Some persons, even lay people, enter "spiritual direction programs" for a certificate and then set up quasi-practices and expect a fee or gratuity.  As a consecrated Catholic hermit, I feel it is my way to follow Jesus' way.  Freely given, freely give.

Life as a Christian is all about loving God above all things (even the delight of spiritual friends) and loving others as Jesus loves us.  When I ponder the Gospels, specifically the admonitions of Jesus, we have in Him an excellent mentor in how to verbalize and instruct as well as how to confront and chastise if need be.  We need this for ourselves, as well.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children all.  Let us die to ourselves and be filled with Him as if we are new wine skins ready for His fullness of Light, Love, and Life.

Catholic Hermit Delights in "Live by the Spirit"

From today's second Scripture reading from Mass, we have this truth:

"I say, then: live by the Spirit
and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh.
For the flesh has desires against the Spirit,
and the Spirit against the flesh;
these are opposed to each other, 
so that you may not do what you want,
But if you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law."

These Living Words delight this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit!  They are sheer truth, and the recent death of my will is a marvelous assist in living by the Spirit.

However, my own thoughts, notions, ideas, intellect--oh, how my mind needs to be replaced by God's Mind.  For, my own intellect stirs ideas and notions--even if not "bad"--do frustrate and work against His Will.  God's Will is in union with the Spirit, of course.  His Will is the Spirit's and the Spirit's His.

So it comes to the point that my ideas and thoughts can essentially and do--oppose what God's Ideas and Thoughts are, in deed and in truth.  My own ideas can seem perfectly all right, such as thinking I should try to get Raphael to come and help finish this hermitage, so that I can sell and be out from under the on-going work load and financial constraints, in order to focus more on spiritual writing, simplifying, solidifying.

Yet when I live by the Spirit, when His Will has replaced my own will, which it did the Wednesday after Easter last, my thoughts and ideas, good and reasonable as they may seem, are not going to be realized if not His Thoughts and Ideas.

Even my spiritual director's thoughts and ideas, so bluntly and even unexpectedly humorously stated, are not so easily accomplished if at all, without some manual labor help or a miracle.  "Get the damn house done and get to your writing!"  my spiritual father wrote a couple weeks ago.  

Well, yes, I want to!  In fact, there was a health consideration that was looking to be very serious, and my mind generated thoughts accordingly, and made calls to empty out the last of the coffers, to sell off stuff, to hire Raphael to come and finish the place, to hire the neighbor boy to assist in what time I might have remaining to do so.

But, no, these were not God's Thoughts and Ideas--not His Mind.  Raphael was to come last Monday noon.  He never came; he's not responded over the ensuing days to four phone messages.  A Lowe's cabinet employee made yet another error and ordered the wrong kitchen base cabinet.  The installer had to leave for he could not proceed.  Who knows how long it will be before he can return--perhaps a few weeks after the correct cabinet comes in at least a couple or three weeks from now.

So I can't even finish the kitchen--probably not until some time in August.  For then once the installer has a free spot in his busy schedule and cabinets installed, then we wait for the countertop measurer, then we wait for the countertops.  In the meantime, there is no sink.  Yes, I'm most thankful for a bathtub at this point, although it is painful on the back and the increased area of pain and potential difficulty, leaning over to wash a bowl and a spoon in the tub.

The way in which my mind was so sure, given a trip to ER by the EMS a couple weeks ago due to horrific pain, that God was preparing to take me out of this temporal realm, had to face it that my mind was not in syncopation with God's Mind.  God's Will is in me, yes.  But His Mind has not yet replaced mine, obviously.  And in a similar way in which the flesh can be opposed to the Spirit, our own minds, our intellects, can be opposed to God's Mind and Intellect--His Omniscience.  

So in similar effect as when our flesh opposes the Spirit and we cannot do what we want, if our minds and thoughts, our intellects are not His Mind, His Thoughts, His Intellect--we will not be in cohesion in powerful union of His Mind and Will.  Again, the will and the intellect take center position within our souls.  When God's Will replaces our wills, and His Mind replaces our minds, we can grasp how the effect can be--what power in prayer and action, in interactions and in beingness results!

The other statement of the above Scripture that is so delightfully significant and invaluable is that if we are guided by the Spirit, we are not under the law.

Duh, as teenagers used to say when something is obvious.  If our wills and our minds are replaced by God's Will and His Mind, we are totally living in the Spirit.  His Will reigns; our ideas and thoughts no longer oppose His Ideas and Thoughts for His Mind has replaced our intellects.

We no longer are under the law.

This is significant because it places us so in the Spirit, in the center of God's "Soul", so to speak, that we will not be needing the law of minds.  We will do and think and speak in the Spirit, from the center of God's Will and His Mind.  Rules of minds of mankind, good as they can be, and helpful, are superseded by the existence in the Spirit.

All the more, the formulas and all the details of ways of doing and the laws of Church traditions and concern over this interpretation of this or that canon, or the need for some to criticize others who they think are not living in accordance with this or that law of mortal minds, no matter how inspired the minds may be--not necessary when God's Will and God's Mind have replaced ours.  We then live by the Spirit.

Praying for our will to die and God's Will be in us, and to then beseech the Lord to replace our intellects with His Mind--so important!  Even if our wills have died, and His will is in us--that is a major grace and worth all the suffering leading up to the death of our own wills.  Having yet our own thoughts and ideas, then, are irritating and oppositional to what would otherwise be supreme flow of God's Mind and His Will informing and guiding us.  

In my case, the only glitch in this latest episode of temporal life has been that my thoughts were excitedly geared to the surreal aspect of impending physical death.  It has been a marvelous experience, and perhaps some sort of test by His Real Presence.  For what I thought and even what a CT Scan indicated and ER and primary care physicians thought, ended up not being the reality.  The PET Scan results were normal.  Liver lesions, nodules and lung lining nodule evidently benign.

And I faced yesterday and today the immense disappointment of not, at least by that type of illness and death, to be soon on my way to the other side.  Once more, I am realizing that God's Mind has not yet replaced my mind, even in the bit of resentment and frustration now, of having to deal with another area of increased pain.  

Ought I try to find out if the tear in the upper quadrant of liver will heal on its own, or if somehow was it a misread scan, or if this higher level pain in the liver region is from the always-painful back?  Perhaps it is radiating pain, and that causes the pain to then locate in liver region, and then radiate to the intestines, causing all kinds of painful distending, debilitating the body with distracting--pain!

Another option, of course, in praying for God's Mind to replace ours (or mine, anyway), is to practice cooperating.  Maybe just not seek answers as to why the one scan showed a splayed and frayed upper liver quadrant, as the ER doctor described?  Let God's Mind give whatever answers if any needed.  I suppose none are.  The Will of God and Mind of God working in union with the Son and the Spirit, really do not need to tell me information of some bodily ailment, one way or another.

Just live by the Spirit in the Order of the Present Moment.  My own ideas were to find out what was wrong, and of course the doctors said I must be referred for a Pet Scan and lung nodule specialist to deal with the lung as more sizable a nodule and the liver to be dealt with later.  We live among others who are more under the law and not living by the Spirit, and that also can encourage the opposition that we may be praying for in desiring our minds to be replaced by God's Mind.

God's Mind does not think as our minds do.  God's Mind was not running off in all directions, excitedly planning a huge end-of-life sale, of trying to hire people to help finish the work quickly, in figuring out where to go to die, in thinking of how to "get to my writing" and deciding perhaps doing videos to share aspects of my mystical life and insights of His Real Presence to anyone, if anyone, who might wish to read or watch.

God's Mind was putting me through an exercise, dramatically showing me how I have a ways to go to let loose my mind, my thoughts, my ideas, my interpretations, my living under the law, and how it is to live by the Spirit.  A mystic-hermit-parent (what I wanted on my tombstone) would not be thinking of such details, making such plans.  Rather, God's Mind would be simply listening and then returning to do what it could do, in the present moment, and letting God's Will and God's Mind cooperatively unfold whatever changes, if any.

And God's Mind, such as today, would not be kind of put out, teed off, with the "thought" of having to remain in such major manual labor work-mode, here, and with having to assimilate more and more bodily pain, and being rather tired out between work and pain, to "get to the spiritual writing!".  God's Mind would be accepting of the Order of the Present Moment and not even be put out with the disappointment of staying in the temporal for who-knows-how long.

It is all right.  I had at one point exclaimed within, "Cruel!  Cruel!"  But it is all right that I am not soon to have my mystical marriage consummated with physical death, not yet.  This is a significant lesson learned, that if I want God's Mind instead of my bungling thoughts and ideas, or even those of others in the world, I must relinquish my mind fully.  And I must live by the Spirit in the Order of the Present Moment, even to the point of perhaps not pursuing anything more about the liver's splaying and fraying area.  No need to think on it with my mind.

God's Mind can do all the thinking for us.  And until we let His Mind do so, we will not be living by the Spirit, not fully.  Our thoughts will off and on, without notice, be in opposition at times, with His Mind--even if His Will has already replaced our wills.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and one another as Jesus loves us.  Pray that His Will and His Mind replace ours, as that will assist us so much in living by the Spirit Who is Love, and no longer under the law of minds.