Catholic Hermit: Jesus on How to Pray in Faith

Another couple of situations have arisen regarding a couple of priests who even yet encourage parishioners and any Catholics to come in to their parishes or Catholic centers for confession during this time of lockdowns, shelter in place orders, and highly contagious, rapidly expanding coronavirus pandemic. Someone wondered about going in, making an appointment for face-to-face confession.

Is the person in mortal sin and near death?  No.  Are any of the one priests' parishioners in that dire of situation in which they need to of all times, during this global COVID-19 crisis, be making appointments to leave their homes and come in to the church for confessions?  At what risk does this put the priest, for example, meeting in office or more likely in the case brought up, in the small confessional?  

There may be no associate pastor to take over should the priest become ill.  And parishioners would not know if they were carrying the virus (or other ailments) for 2-4 days prior to onset of symptoms; nor would the priest know of himself if he has the coronavirus for that length prior to symptoms.  And we must not forget that some people, particularly under 60 years of age, remain asymptomatic of very light symptoms--although now younger persons now are found to also become seriously ill, as well.

Let us pray for everyone, well-intentioned priests and parishioners, Christians, non-Christians, to think through what is the most prudent, wise, charitable and safe way to live our lives during this global pandemic, even if our own particular areas are not "hot spots."  The concern remains of those professionals leading us in the efforts to slow and stop the spread of COVID-19 that no area is without possibility of endangerment of virus explosiveness.  Please, stay home with Jesus in the Tabernacles of our minds, hearts, and souls.

So we come back to the challenge of our Catholic faith and of the sacraments of which we are so appreciative of the Sacraments, and of the tangible aspects of the Sacraments.  But it does certainly now bring to us even more so, the challenge of FAITH.  Is God asking of us and in some ways, enforcing in us, the great and supreme challenge of increasing our faith in His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit?

In war time circumstances, are soldiers able to readily have tangible, sacramental confession when in the trenches?  Did people in times past of plague and pestilence, have access to tangible, sacramental confession?  Even if in mortal sin, does Jesus neglect them at judgment, and not have mercy and love on those who wanted to confess their sins but were unable to?  

We do not know empirically, of course, but we do have some anecdotal evidence shared by various saints with gifts of inner sight and clairvoyance, and of ability to see and know beyond the veil between this life and the other side.  Such saints as St. Padre Pio were able to assure concerned family members of loved ones who died without sacramental confession, that their beloved were saved at the time of judgment; or also just before the person took a last breath and soul departed: souls were able to ask the Lord for forgiveness and forgiveness granted.

This coronavirus pandemic has been described as a war on an invisible enemy--a virus highly contagious, quickly spreading, and with oftentimes dire consequences.  We as Christians and as Catholics Christians at that, have a great opportunity to grow in our faith more than ever before in many of our lives.  This includes the type of faith that goes beyond our tangible means of it being safe to worship together, and to partake of the sacraments together or in contact physically with a priest.  Even funeral Masses must be limited and private; baptisms are private or postponed depending upon if the infant is in danger of imminent death.

The Lord is teaching us, through this global crisis, to come to Him; and in these Lenten Scripture readings for Mass, we are reminded of how Jesus' faith teaches us how to have faith--those of us who desire to follow Him explicitly and implicitly.   Those who want to follow Jesus to the point of dying to ourselves and in imitation of Christ, who seek union in Him, can learn from Jesus such aspects as how to grow and live in faith.  Today's Gospel of St. John, Jesus exemplifies to us how to, individually between soul and God, pray in faith.

"Jesus said to her [speaking to Martha who was incredulous that Jesus wanted the stone rolled away from her dead brother Lazarus' tomb due to the stench after four days his body had been enclosed] 'Did I not tell you that if you believe you will see the glory of God?'" 

To pray in faith, Jesus reminds Martha (and Mary was by then with her sister to meet the Lord) that if they believe they will see the glory of God.  To us, Jesus reminds that when we pray in faith, we ought to begin with, truly believe that we will see the glory of God, that we believe so faithfully and fully in God's power and might, that our base of faith is evidenced not only with belief within, but with what comes next. 

"So they took away the stone.  

Action as a response to our faith, to our belief that we will see the glory of God, comes next.  They did as Jesus asked; they did what was necessary for their prayer and desire to be fulfilled.  Faith requires belief and concrete steps to demonstrate our faith--such as the act even, of asking for that which we hope in God to happen, to receive, to transpire in whatever way God wills--and of which we really do not know what that might be.  Mary and Martha did not know what Jesus would do; but in their great faith they knew that if Jesus had been there, that their brother would not have died.  They expressed their desire to Jesus in so many words, and they had expressed their faith in Christ and their belief in Him as God, as the Messiah, who could do all things.

And Jesus raised His eyes..."

Then Jesus shows us the type of attitude, presence, and even posture we must take in praying with faith.  He raised His eyes--a signal of looking up positively, toward the heavens, but perhaps also not in the more negative stance of looking down to the ground.  Raising the eyes, looking upward, subconsciously removes our stance and thought from the temporal and ourselves, to the openness and clarity of the sky.

"and said, 'Father, I thank you for hearing me."

Jesus shows us this very important facet, early on in our praying in faith:  With gratitude, thank God the Father for listening to us and for hearing us.  God does not need to listen to us; but He does because He loves us!  How far does gratitude go with human beings goes infinitely farther and further with God our Father!

"'I know that you always hear me; but because of the crowd here I have said this, that they  may believe that you sent me.'"

Jesus teaches us next, the aspect of praying in faith in which we express our confidence in God and also state the purpose of any prayer of faith--that of witnessing to others the glory of God and the relationship of God and Jesus as One, and that Jesus is God's Son, the Messiah sent to save us from our sins.  So in our prayer of faith, we, too, must know that God always hears us.  And we can mention either in verbal words or thought flashing, that we are praying with such confidence in God, with such faith, because of the ramifications our prayer will have to others, so that others may believe in Jesus Christ and that God sent Him to us as His only begotten Son, to save us all and give us eternal life.

"And when he had said this, he cried out in a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come out!'  The dead man came out, tied hand and foot with burial bands, and his face was wrapped in a cloth.  So Jesus said to them, 'Untie him and let him go.'"

In our praying in faith, Jesus demonstrates to us the next step--that of a stance of ultimate command in word, thought, or inner strength of heartfelt desire.  We make a statement in one of those forms--whether or not externally so--to express our faith in courage and truth that what we have asked will be; we offer a follow-through, a follow-up act of faith.

"Now many of the Jews who had come to Mary and seen what he had done began to believe in him."

Finally, when praying in faith as Jesus in this portion of Gospel teaches us, step by step, we affirm the reality that by the prayer of faith and the outcome of answered prayer to God the Father, in the Name of Jesus Christ His Son, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, we and others will see the results of what God has done and will believe in Jesus Christ whom God has sent for all of us, to all souls for all time.

(To read the full account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead, refer to The Gospel of John 11:1-45.)

I realize the above can be abbreviated in a 7-step process of how Jesus prays in faith, and how Jesus would love for us to learn to pray in faith, as well.  And I might work on that.  But for now, please consider us all striving to have more faith in a maturing spiritual life--especially in these times in which for the good of others, of ourselves and those close by, as well as for the entire world and the economy of major countries who then can provide the resources to help countries with great needs.

I encourage to continue  to #PrayforEasterMiracle.  Although in the United States, the shelter in place and other guidelines are being extended through April 30, the many who have been passing along the #PrayforEasterMiracle hope and faith in God prayer effort are continuing to pray in faith for God to show His power and might in ways unknown but in which we have full faith in His loving mercy and providence for all of us, His children.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

                           

Catholic Hermit Wishes...

I wish that I had more spiritually inspiring comments to share!  Perhaps the best is to share that even a relatively hidden, consecrated, Catholic hermit has times of seeming spiritual doldrums.  Perhaps it is no such a doldrum as more it is a phase of the temporal aspects required of us mortals also affects a Catholic hermit!

There are bills to pay and maintenance responsibilities of where a hermit lives in solitude and silence.  Yes, I have to do more manual labor now than what I'd otherwise undertake.  The spiritual reading and the time of prayer in which one is not actively engaged bodily are each sparse in the daily routine.  The only interruption is caused by the right arm being so over-used--afflicted with Carpenter's Elbow, a thumb "drill whip" injury resurfacing, and the twice-operated-on shoulder erupting with inflammation.

So the day before yesterday I prayed about those without limbs or missing a limb, and then considered people who are ambidextrous or learn to use the opposing limb of dominance.  I began using my left arm, elbow, and hands to do weeding.  The result?  My left arm was unused to such efforts; I pulled muscles in the upper left back that affect the neck.  Now my left arm is in pain and left hand suffers from some numbness.  

Balance is important in anyone's life, and this includes balance of working the body either in exercise or manual labor.  It is also important to have balance when working our brains, emotions, and spirit.

We've had a weather shift in the night, and that is most helpful to shift activity here, for the body reacts to weather shifts and must slow down some; and the elements are not conducive for being outside, either.  Yet I must press on with some efforts for finances have a shelf-life soon approaching, and time is nigh for me to finish this renovation, sell, and go God-knows-where.

So I will do some caulking today.  And one thing that is not out of balance in this hermit's life is that of prayer.  Prayer continues no matter if resting or working, no matter if spending a bit of time reading the daily Mass Scriptures or reading instructions as to when to apply Weed Stop to the lawn.

I also continue to pray much for the various prayer intentions people message me or call or email, or for what the news of the world prods me to pray.  The last living aunt is 94 today, the spiritual father has been ill but is improving, a baby was born prematurely and is striving to breathe and thrive, an elderly man has dangerously low blood pressure and heart rate.

The woman who has been purchasing trees returned this morning, and we walked about the gardens in the drizzle, seeing what else she wishes to add to her gardens.  I gave greatly discounted deals for she has a love for trees, and the trees that I've collected, tended, and brought to two locales now, will have a good home with someone who grasps the beauty and healing quality of trees.  

The detachment from what was is immense, and I praise God that I am able to let go of what was so gloriously allowed me in times past, of learning about trees of all types and of having the means to acquire them, plant, tend, and bring much enjoyment to many people--especially myself!  My spiritual father always said how the gardens I had in my previous locale were a true glorification of God, a gift to God, and beautiful in the sight of God and mankind.  Yes, they were!

And here, people who drove by sometimes would slow and call out how beautiful the trees or that this is a veritable botanical gardens.  A neighbor woman has spoken only once, and it was slowing her truck on the way to her work to say what a joy it is every morning for her to wake up and be able to look out at such loveliness in these gardens.

So we do go through phases, be as a hermit or as an anyone with whatever vocation is ours while on this earth.  Sometimes we are more consciously aware of a balance in spiritual efforts, but then again, perhaps God does have it all in His purview and providence as to how we are spiritually progressing.  We may think we are not at all--so tied to our earthly labors that we do not dream nor write love poetry to God, or that we are out of balance and not doing as we ought in our spiritual growth or attention to lectio divina (spiritual reading, particularly that of the Scriptures and pondering thereof).

But perhaps we are, more than our minds can think, for when we are thinking we may not be progressing within our souls as much as when our minds and bodies are distracted with work enough so that our hearts and souls are maybe more freed from ourselves to love God above all things and others as God loves.

I don't know.  I do wish in my conscious mind that I had something more inspiring or inspired to share, but perhaps the fulfillment of such a wish must be left to God and the reader.

My hands--both now--are numb enough from writing.  Time to stop!

Catholic Hermit: More on Vocational Artistry

I've continued my prayer and pondering of the shift and shake of my own soul and eremitic vocation (as vehicle therein).  Somehow it helps me to go with God's flow, and music flows.  I came upon the video of two great musical artists who obviously followed their God-given callings, their vocations, of musical genius.

What strikes me about Brian Wilson (Beach Boys composer, musician, founder) and Eric Clapton (one of the world's greatest guitarists) is that in their twilight years, much is documented of their earlier years.  Each man had childhood traumas through which their vocations evolved.

Perhaps the crises forced their passion, focused their talents, fortified their vocations and brought them to fruitful grandeur.  As a result of such fruitfulness, they gave and continue to give the listening world much to not only enjoy but to inspire musically as well as in their overcoming their earlier traumas.

They turned what could have been tragic lives into victorious lives.  But it did not come easily.  We must not forget the hours of solitude and inner silence so as to "listen" to their hearts and souls find musical expression.  They practiced their art forms; they lived their vocations with passion--excluding other aspects of life, for a vocation requires human effort as well as God's grace.

I continue to ponder what it all means to me, personally.  I am in a transition point in my own eremitic vocation and spiritual growth.

Tomorrow will be the 21st anniversary of my confirmation as a Catholic.  Much has evolved since that evening those years ago, yet I remember it vividly.  I was already in middle age; and relatively speaking, it was not that long after (less than five years) that the Lord proffered to me His vocational call to the eremitic (hermit) life.

We all go through shifts and shakings in our spiritual progression (and truly, in about any progression involved in our lives).  I note that each musician--Brian Wilson and Eric Clapton--had such transitions in their lives--notably major adult obstacles to overcome which for them were externally introduced and taken in by each of drugs and alcohol.  But these obstacle-temptations were answered from a point of desiring to transcend when they had come to a vocational plateau of sorts.

For now, as a consecrated Catholic hermit, my soul-vocational shift and shake is being worked out within as well as without.  I am seeing some aspects that require more focus and other aspects that require shifting away from ways of being and thinking and doing.  Some of it simply involves reflecting upon passion--my passion for God and the calling as a hermit as artist and the artistry of a soul-seeking-God (and soul, seeking God).

In the meantime enjoy and be inspired by this collaborative presentation of Brian Wilson's genius composition and performance of "The Warmth of the Sun" accompanied by Eric Clapton's gifted guitar and voice.  (Note: the men were about 60 years of age in this performance.)

Catholic Hermit's Been Too Harsh

Well, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit responded earlier to one correspondent, and I mentioned that the person is imprisoned, is in prison.  It is a reality for various reasons, but the harshness of the term "prison" created a sense of sadness.  Or, at least the person reacted by becoming sad and wrote back, detailing how it is in her life, and that it is easier to not ruffle the human jailer's feathers, so to speak.

I also had not answered the question asked me earlier as to how to pray contemplatively.  So I responded, also trying to explain more about our own imprisonment and of being jailed and our own jailer, often enough.  I am to myself, truly; and I intend to live free in Christ.  I must.

Yet, in my response a bit ago, I could not yet bring myself to not respond.  But I must begin easing off my own imprisoning my mind, heart, and spirit (and a good bit of temporal time given us by God) in dealing with temporal details of prison life, for we are to think of God and of things above, not below.  Increasingly I am becoming sickened and wearied of things below; and this is a good thing!

I simply offer my response, for it maybe explains if any readers are having thoughts or questions about the various unhealthy marriages of which I have mentioned we need to seek and carry out divorces, to free ourselves from temporal prisons of which we've handed over God-given present moments, sometimes for years, to temporal jailers be they persons or thoughts, emotions or spirit.

Dear Z,

i suspected I may have been too harsh, too realistic about your marriage and S's daily harassment of you over small details.  Like not eating his pasta, your reading, your faith, your breath, your work, your gardening, your everything.  It is sad that he picks on you to that extent, but the reality of it has helped me realize today a lot about myself and spiritual progress.  Plus I have been helped by watching a documentary on the evolution of Brian Wilson's (Beach Boy musician-genius composer) great songwriting giftedness.  

I started to think about marriages in general--not just man and wife marriages, but my marriage with bodily pain, and how I do things in various "marriages" such as even my vocation, that are not freeing as well as aspects in my life I could simply stop doing. Like the negative thoughts in the morning, or my hindering myself by my own imprisonment to various types of my own "marriages" of my thoughts, emotions, and even my spirit or soul to details of daily life that are not freeing and not holy.

Then a young woman wrote an email of her frustrations, and I realize we all are kind of prisoners when we don't need to be at all!  Most can't easily get a divorce such as you from S, or R from her anger and frustrations that often are triggered from her past, or me from my body's union with temporal pain.  But we can rise above.  We can remove--divorce--ourselves from unhealthy "marriages" of thought, emotions, and spirit.

I am writing in my blog of these things.  There is no point in going over the various details of our frustrations, such as I have written a lot about my pain or renovation frustrations--all that stuff.  I received some ideas from Brian Wilson's integrating his observations of another song producer, and that Wilson then made a progression toward better music, better songs, and became a truly great artist.  I have now the insight that this pattern is very much for me or anyone to implement in the spiritual life.  This is the necessary God-pivot, once again.

Of course, the answer  to your question as to how to pray contemplatively is to ask the Creator of Contemplation to give you the grace of contemplative prayer.  A great aspect and condition of contemplative prayer is to not be thinking of or distracted by things below but to allow the thoughts to be lifted to that which is above the daily trials and temptations, the daily frustrations and details.  It is to free ourselves from the prisons we are in, and especially if we have just handed over the keys to earthly jailers. 

I did that when I gave certain priests or monsignors power over my being welcome at Mass or not, or when I agreed not to go to parishes if the priests did not want me there simply due to a mystical gift.  I submitted to what was not a holy request on the part of those who are supposed to be holy--but in those instances they were being unholy.

You have given over power to buy an excellent spiritual book you'd like rather than face your jailer's anger.  We do these things to ourselves, and then rationalize that we have other books to read, or whatever.  And I'm not saying that is a bad way to look at it; it is just how you've learned to react rather than to endure your jailer penalizing you even more.  I do similar in various ways, within myself, and at times become the jailer and the jailed, all in one prison! 

I give over power to pain in a negative way, or do not rise beyond the trials of the glitches that occur in construction efforts on this hermitage.  Even trying to put a frame around the small cellar opening has required more efforts, purchases of a special bit, and may need a more powerful drill.  But to dwell on these aspects of the temporal are bondage, not freedom.  When I God-pivot all the temporal details, then the soul is more free to wed Christ and produce beauty, truth, and goodness.  

It is even in such thoughts of God-pivoting that we find the seeds of contemplation.  When you free yourself from the belittling and control of the jailer to whom you've submitted all these years, and can raise your thoughts beyond him even at home, not even needing to go to adoration to do so, but within yourself where His Real Presence has set up His Abode in you, and then you set it up in Him, then that will be planting the seeds of contemplative prayer.  

It becomes the prayer once we divorce ourselves from human bondage by others and by our own thoughts, distractions, and frustrations from temporal details and trials.  And the more we are wedded with His Real Presence even if all around us is a prison of sorts, temporally, then we begin contemplation for we are no longer prisoners within as well as without.

I hope this helps!

Love in His Love--and start by freeing yourself from the reality that I mentioned, that your marriage is prison, for it is, but you can free yourself by your thoughts, emotions, and spirit marrying His Real Presence,.  S does not need to know a thing about your freedom, for he is a pawn more of the temporal for now, God bless him.  

I have to face that I have been in a bad marriage with my physical pain, allowing it to keep me imprisoned with emotions and thoughts that I have also allowed to affect my waking moments onward; or I allow imprisonment to this temporal dwelling instead of viewing it as a place of spiritual, creative growth and enforced manual labor that is positive and births marvelous insights from God.

Our temporal mental, emotional daily, distracting details really don't matter; it is our God-pivoting that matters.

Catholic Hermit Been Praying and Working

The past week, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been working on the hermitage bathroom and praying.  The thought has come of just how skilled and focused and hard-working are those who build.  I've thought much of St. Joseph and Jesus--all those in history of nations and civilization who figured out how to construct not just edifices but thoughts, words, art, music, and the spiritual life.

Yes, we build our spiritual lives.  We construct in certain order, in ways that sometimes we do not understand and by trial and error.  But we learn from the Holy Spirit as to how to listen, to pray, to proceed in our journeys in this life, this world, and on into eternity.

Today I had to figure out how to wire electrical light fixtures.  My son-in-law had started one of two in the bathroom, but the box that is nailed into the stud behind the drywall wobbled a little.  He became discouraged and evidently was not familiar with that type of box that is nailed to one side or the other of an upright wall stud.  Yes, one side could be pressed in slightly.

However, once the back plate is screwed in and the wires attached properly, and the fixture screwed into the back plate, the wall itself acts as a solid stabilizer.  He somehow could not grasp that on the day he tried.  I think he has mostly done ceiling fixtures with mounting boxes that are secured differently to ceiling joists and do not have any "give" on one side or the other.

So I thought about how my son-in-law has learned to wire light fixtures and realized that there is no reason why I should not be able to do it.  It takes courage, though, and courage comes with prayer and confidence in the Lord.  With faith, I started in, reading instructions and beginning the process of hanging the second light fixture.  

Of course, there were glitches.  There seem always to be in this old hermitage.  The electrical box was not flush with the drywall.  I called Mark, the electrician.  He said to use spacers to bring the face plate out so it would be more flush with the drywall.  It was not at all easy to get the spacers behind the screws and all secured in the proper place, with the mounting screws for the fixture, then, being aligned so that the light would hang straight on the wall.

I had to call Mark yet again with another question, and while asking the question, the answer came clear.  He laughed; I laughed.  A lot of these matters simply take doing and checking in with someone other who has more than ample experience.

And so, too, with our souls and the spiritual life.  Yet we must pray for courage and have faith that we can step forward in our seeking His Real Presence and that we will find Him always, with us and us with and in Him.  Sometimes we call upon a spiritual friend or spiritual director; or we read a book written by a spiritual master, tried and proven over time to be one who has reached divine union or nearly so while on yet on this earth.

Always, we can call upon Jesus and His apostles.  We can call upon the Blessed Mother, Mary.  We can call upon the Holy Spirit and God the Father of all beingness.  We can turn to the directions we are given in the Scriptures.  No matter the challenge or new skill or task or step we are encountering in our spiritual lives and growth, we do have the directions given us in the Living Word, the Bible.

The past few weeks, the Lord has been communicating more, reminding me of specific persons needing prayer.  It has become uncanny--truly miraculous. But why should that surprise us?  He desires to utilize us, and when enough of the distractions are tucked away and out of mind, our minds and hearts and souls are more open to listening in the silence of solitude.

If we do not see or hear the inner images or inner words and detect what He wishes of us, be assured His Real Presence will repeat His will in similar or other formats.  That has been the case, lately, and He makes sure if I miss the cues, that I get them even if the person needing prayer ends up contacting through temporal means.  But mostly, lately, He has let me know in ways that I grasp, and when a temporal contact comes along, the message had already been received.

Perhaps I may share some of these aspects with you sometime, my dear friends, dear blog readers.  I'm sure you will have many such similar, but it might also help as a reminder to expect His promptings and messages.  When they come, we must snatch them and act upon them with increasing faith and confidence in prayer and word and deed.

Tomorrow the daughter and son-in-law are going to come quite early to this hermitage.  They've not been here for some time; it is a trek out of civilization to arrive here.  We are going to set the toilet in the bathroom!  The slate floor is in place, grouted and sealed.  The tub that was set last summer now has all the tiling, grout, and sealant completed.  The window trim is cut, sanded, primed, painted, nailed and caulked.  (Yes, I did all the boards for the window wrap and casings in opposite order.  Craig explained that is why I had difficulties with gaps.  Now I know better for all the other windows.)

In our temporal lives and in our spiritual lives, we may do well to keep in mind that we are always learning.  We make mistakes.  We might pray and listen but miss the cues.  So we pray and listen some more, and we ask others in our lives who have experiences we have not yet encountered.  That is how it is in life. 

It has come to me in the silence of solitude and in the failures and successes, that some people learn a skill that they use repeatedly and become rather expert.  Others learn bits and pieces of skills in more generalized form and use.  Some are specialists, others are generalists.  We all are journeying together, even if some more in physical solitude and others more in active interactions or groupings. 

Such as with this old hermitage, we learn in various modalities.  Yet we find we are learning various aspects of experiences and lessons and skills enough--to be humbled enough--to praise God for the miracle of it all!  

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit's Plan for Lent

On the eve of Ash Wednesday ("Shrove Tuesday") a spiritual friend from the past called.  The phone calls are rare here at Te Deum Hermitage, but this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is close in touch within His Real Presence, as are the various spiritual friends dotted around this country and abroad.

The friend who happens to be wintering in warm climate mentioned finding a marvelous priest who said to write down a plan for Lent.  Write out what are to be the penances, the spiritual goals, the aspects of dying to self daily, during Lent.  She thought this would be something the hermit might do, as well.

Oh.

While an idea, yes it is, unfortunately (or fortunately) St. Hildegard of Bingen has already befriended me in a soul-filled way and is giving marvelous thoughts and ideas during Lent.  So no, I will not be writing out a plan of any sort other than, I suppose (as I mentioned to my earthly spiritual friend), mentally thinking the plan is whatever His Real Presence desires moment by moment.

So Ash Wednesday brought reflections on the Gospel reading of Mass the day before, and I wrote those reflections.  The evening brought a phone conversation with the spiritual father, so many miles away.  Did he think out or write out a plan for Lent?  

No.  But he was, in that present moment before we spoke, perusing flower bulb catalogs and making plans for what dahlias might grace the monastery gardens in a few short months. He said Lent will bring what the Lord wills, and then Easter will come, and in between now and then will be many surprises.  God provides!

I mentioned to my spiritual father that the days come and go in much silence and solitude, prayerfully and peacefully (even though I had to persevere with the cabinet conundrum), and that last week I realized I had not actually used my voice for three or four days!  And it was all right! It was even good!  He laughed and said, "Well, you're a hermit--that is why! The Lord is making you into a real and very good hermit now!"

Of course, there is more to it than that, but he made his point.  There has been growth since coming to this desert, in exile, and in hardship and strife of many types, levels, layers, and dimensions--spiritually and temporally.

Today when at Lowe's, Ruthie in the electric department shared that she'd been very ill the past week.  She suffered edema and also sleep apnea, with her oxygen level so low her physician said she had some brain damage.  She struggled with some memory, and it took us a bit of effort for each of us to figure out the bathroom lighting issues--which fixture globes were of the thin variety and which had thicker glass that will not so easily break.

She confided she nearly lost her job when she was out ill, for she had missed those days of work as well as other days, called out to do civic duty in a jury.  I reminded her to think positively, and that we would pray that there is no lasting damage to her brain.  Help is on the way with better sleep apnea equipment, thankfully.

Ruthie agreed to the positive outlook, for she said it is like the powers of darkness to try to upset her all the more and work against her when she is not feeling well.  True, and I reminded her when I gave her a big hug near the cabinet department (my next stop), that it is Lent, after all!  The Lord gave her quite an unexpected health cross to bear on Ash Wednesday.  Thanks be to God, she is back at work!

So this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's plan for Lent is to allow His Real Presence to present His personalized plan for me in every present moment.  Rather than gloom and heavy thinking about what to do for Lent, there is an aspect of eagerness and joyful expectation as to what the Lord will unfold each day and night, hourly, by the minute--however He desires!  

First thing this morning was a call from the young woman with whom I am reading about Hildegard of Bingen's visions (and life).  She has a domestic issue that is rather immense and important in the status of her husband's work and her desire to move.  She has tried to love where they have lived for 7 years now, and it is going to take courage and resolve to ask him to sacrifice for her now, and secure a job transfer.

So we talked it through, and we are praying, and this put-off for years decision is what the Lord has brought the couple for Lent.  Time to make a decision for the wife's well-being and the children's schooling and activities.

Each moment, really--each thought, each contact when on a couple errands today--is whatever present moment Lenten lesson with which the Lord surprises me.  There are the struggles, for sure--present moment ones.  

The bathroom caulk I put in the corners of the tiled shower (silicone "gives" so better for corners than grout) is extra gummy.  One of Rusty's parting pieces of advice was to use painter tape on either side of where I am caulking to create a clean line.  But I did not heed that advice--not realizing just how gummy is bathroom caulk compared to easily wiped off trim caulk.

Tomorrow's daylight Lenten task is going to be to tediously use a razor blade to clean off the caulk residue--even from the little edges of grout lines where it oozed over.  So humbling to have not heeded what advice I was given by a man who knew from experience.

Ah, Lent.  This momentary, personalized, Lenten unfolding by His Real Presence is far better than any conceived, considered, spoken, or written plan that this hermit could have ever devised.

Cheers to Lent--suffering included!

Catholic Hermit: God's Law

Romans 13:8-12 provides all this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit needs in the next phase of spiritual growth, spiritual life, interior movement (and exterior) in climbing the stairway to Heaven.  These words of the Living Word of God pare to the simple...and the simply profound truth!

"Brothers and sisters:
Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another;
for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

"The commandments, 
'You shall not commit adultery;
you shall not kill;
you shall not steal;
you shall not covet,'
and whatever other commandment there may be,
are summed up in this saying, namely,
'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'
Love does no evil to the neighbor;
hence, love is the fulfillment of the law."

I emboldened the words that I shall carry with me today.  Am back in civilization, having been called back to help with the situation requiring loving effort and teamwork in time of others' need.

Remember the fulfillment of the law.  Love others.  Love is the fulfillment of the law.

Perfection in love!  All else can be determined, ruled, enacted under this fulfillment of God's law.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us LOVE!  God Is Love!  Remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermit Ponders: Padre Pio/Pain/Life of Christian

That struggle against self seems never-ending until Divine Union.  And there is a glimpse of union when there is enough pain in body, mind, heart or spirit to nail us to the Cross with Jesus Christ.  And in some aspect of that nailing, beauty begins to flow like rich, life-sustaining blood.  

What kind of life exists for a Christian who does not struggle against self?

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit can think of perpetual misery, darkness, self-pity--even if one can place some sort of blame upon the root cause from a form of injustice perpetrated either by the self or others.  Even so, the soul ought struggle against itself at such times and in such circumstances.  There are seeds to be planted no matter the pain.

Consider this thought expressed by Padre Pio:

"The life of a Christian is nothing but a perpetual struggle against self; there is no flowering of the soul to the beauty of its perfection except at the price of pain."

The past couple of days, the hermit has prepared soil for planting.  Yes, it is beginning to look a little bit like a farm around here--and that is quite something for a place of exile.  The mind turns to the Irish hermit, St. Fiacre, who emigrated to France.  He was told he could have as much land in a certain province, dependent upon what he could dig in boundaries in one day.  He dug an impressive amount.  Then he built and planted.

Today this hermit's body is feeling the physical pain of the digging, bending, hauling, weeding, seeding, and pruning. Precious Blood, the used pick-up truck, has graciously carried two loads of compost.  Each load had to be shoveled off and now presents itself as two loamy, luscious, smelly-hot hillocks of seasoned excrement.  Mixed with some soil that had been heavy sod dug out from around the old farmhouse, two years ago, and now composted itself, the raised bed boxes have an admixture of both.

While yet on the mattress on the floor in this tiny, downstairs room, thoughts began to ferment in unforgiving fashion. The bodily pain prodded painful thoughts which prodded emotions to turn on self in what could have been like seeds planted too deeply.  There in the depths and darkness of too much soil above and all around, seeds do not have the ability to germinate well nor have the strength to push upward to sprout in light and air.  Too deep down in, either too much water can accumulate or pack-in around the seed, or not enough water can trickle to the seed if in hard, clay-baked soil.  Without water, nothing grows.  Without light, nothing grows.

So this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit put the spade to the self a short while ago.  It struggled against the thoughts and emotions that the pained body had activated.  That furrow is too much set; the hermit needs to plow up that field of habit and create new rows in which to plant fresh seeds.  The soil is enriched anew.  The seeds are at the proper depth.  The rains came just in time.

Thoughts turned to others and away from self.  The hermit got up, dressed, and headed to the mailbox out by the road with three notes of encouragement and gratitude to three others.  The hermit made a phone call to a cousin it had not spoken with for a couple of years, for that person's image and life germinated in the hermit's mind as someone who has been an exemplary person--mother and wife.  

Sure enough, this cousin experienced a horrific year like none other in her life.  While the hermit had been struggling against self (and not so successfully these past two years), the cousin had endured a spouse whose health required him to be put in constant care elsewhere, a handicapped son who was bullied at work and suffered a breakdown requiring hospitalization, and herself falling unexpectedly just walking out the door--suffering a seriously broken femur that is yet on the mend after eight months.

And to think the hermit was calling to tell this cousin that it had not called sooner because it had not been in a place of flowering soul, but the cousin came to mind as a person who exemplifies courage, love, fidelity, endurance, and beauty as a wife and mother!  And sure enough, the cousin is living proof of how pain can bring to perfection beautiful blooms in the soul, as she said they made it through.  While her husband is still in the memory care unit, her son is out of hospital and doing well, and her leg is healing--she can walk!  The struggle against self yields a beautiful soul.

Now to head out to plant some sunflower seeds.  These are the very tall, edible-seed type:  Mammoth.  Mixed in will be some autumn beauties of rich, rust-red and dark-golden blooms--for a perpetual yield of visual reminder:  We must wage the perpetual battle against self; and the perfecting of a beautiful soul blooms from an earth-bed of pain.

Catholic Hermit's Responsibility

There are many responsibilities of a consecrated Catholic hermit.  They sift out in layers, perhaps, or a certain hierarchy of order--and am not going to attempt listing or setting them in priority at this point.  Probably does not matter that much, as long as we keep striving in holiness to live out the various responsibilities.

A huge responsibility (if we can even term these as such...not sure the best word) is to have positive movement in our souls toward, in, around, through, with God.  Divine Union, it is called, and the Unitive Way.  Pseudo-Macarius refers to wearing the raiment of ineffable light and resting in the Lord.

And while we pray and strive and lay our wills, intellects and our very souls before God for His use, the results should be seen, felt, perceived as light, His Light in refraction or reflection or from within to without, even if dim light.  The dim can grow--should grow--brighter.   And a Catholic hermit's God-glow-light [or Christian hermit: Macarius is adamant in referring to himself and others as Christians whether or not in any of the aspects of the Consecrated Life of the Church, Married, Lay, or Holy Orders] ought to lift or help propel the soul as well as other souls, toward God and the things of God.

It is an irony, then, that when this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit writes of temporal aspects of hermit life, which really do not amount to much in the spectrum of eternal life, there seems to be more blog readers from this country other than one or two other countries out there.  Otherwise, the readership of blogs that are more of His "Light" and spiritually--hopefully--uplifting, the readership continues to be from those of other countries, and not so much this one (United States).

Does this bear some analysis, even if not possible to do an in depth, statistical study?  Perhaps it is a practical reality when we consider how there are many levels of the spiritual life, and not everyone is moving in the same mode.  Some are starting out, and their starting out may be spiraling upward already more so than some who have been hermits for quite awhile.  Does it really matter?  Probably not other than it does seem interesting--the notice of what it seems those interested in hermit life in this country like to read or want to know about hermit life, as opposed, perhaps to those from other countries such as France, Italy, Spain, Russia, Ireland, England, the Philippines, and Poland among several others.

Maybe there are more hermits just starting out in this country, and like a newly wed wife, have interest in more practical and temporal aspects.  A new wife is interested in setting up house:  how to decorate the home, what rules of protocol will she establish in regard to her and her husband's daily lives, what work to be done, what to cook and eat, how much social life, how to handle their finances, what church and how often, what spiritual life in the home, pets or not, to rent or own, clothing/apparel, plus the use of a title distinguishing their married state--same last name or not?

But after awhile, a married couple grows out of this phase, or most do, and perhaps ought to not have such interest in these temporal aspects.  Is that even fair to suggest or promote?  Perhaps those married for several years can answer best.  This hermit was married for a little over a decade, but in that time period, the focus changed and deepened, at least in what this part of the couple desired.  The fascination in house-holding soon faded, as all that is such a finite and temporal aspect, anyway.  What grew to be of more interest and concern, were the aspects of the soul of each spouse and also of children, and of growing professionally, yes, in careers, but also in the vocation of marriage and as parents.  The spiritual dimension began to be central to all else, even if the spouses were not each in equal agreement or emphasis.

This hermit has observed couples married for many years (and its own parents were married for over 60), and it does seem that they grow in their souls over time, and spiral more into more meaty matters, more altruistic and/or spiritually desirous (even if not in a church).  Those who do not spiral upward nor also plumb the depths (however we want to view this), usually end up not together or else miserable as a couple, with one spiraling upward and the other not or not as much to a degree that is detrimental to each.

While not going to take the time to do it, it would be interesting for this hermit to go back through the many blog posts of various blog titles it has written in the past nearly ten years.  What ones showed light and upward lifting to things of God, and what ones dwelt in the temporal, and how many each?  How long did this hermit remain more or less in place, discussing or thinking about--or maybe thinking it had the responsibility to write about temporal matters such as what does a hermit wear, or eat, or daily routine, or title, or rule of life or what prayers, or what degree of solitude, and what does its hermitage look like?

And, this hermit recalls that it used to write about the upsets quite a bit--the clash of its soul, basically, with the temporal aspects of the temporal Church.  There always seemed to be some kind of issue or problem, and the reasons seem to be the very reason for considering this whole topic.  Do we outgrow, or should we outgrow, the temporal aspects of our lives as we progress in life, and spiral more upward--or deeper in--and seek the spiritual aspects that our souls truly desire and actually need?

When this hermit goes with God's flow and acquiesces when doors close--even if those doors seem to be ones to aspects of life that are good, or were good for that temporal time period in the passage--there is the peace of Christ in its soul.  When this hermit does not read or engage in what keeps it at the temporal, "newly-wed" stage of matters (so to speak), there is the peace of Christ and upward spiraling to the things of God above.

Anyway, it has been an interesting observation and in the thoughts this morning, while building another wood frame for raised planting beds.  One section of the porch remains to be rebuilt, and the hermit needs to pry the old boards from the porch floor.  It then drills starter holes and secures the boards into a square, using exterior screws.  It also uses scrap treated wood 2x2"s to reinforce each interior corner.  (All this has spiritual allegories galore--leave it to you to ponder them if you wish.)

Then the hermit levels them out in the garden/orchard area, and carts wheelbarrows of dirt from a pile that has been composting for a couple of years.  Eventually some composted fertilizer will be added.  Then seeds planted, and then there will be the miracle of growth, and a renewal of the spiraling upward movement of all things to God Above.

Some might think how foolish that this hermit use its time and energy to repurpose the porch floor boards when it does not have a salable hermitage or even a bathroom or stairway.  But the priorities are of the Order of the Present Moment, and the weather is perfect for outside work, and this amount of gardening is uplifting--plus a right-amount of physical exercise for a hermit's de-conditioned and painful back.

So we do have levels of responsibilities, and some might seem not as important as others.  What does seem conclusive, is that we have a responsibility to our own souls, to other souls, and of course to His Real Presence, to keep striving to spiral upward with our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.  We need to grow in the deepest and most important ways, such as what Jesus said in today's Gospel reading. What He tells us is told Him to say to us by the Father.  He Is Who He says He Is.  He says the Father's commandment is eternal life.

So, that is something to ponder, right there.  What does it mean that God's commandment is eternal life?  And does that, or should it, affect what focus, energy, thought, movement to which we place our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits?

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love.  (Where does His Love lead us?  Is His Love stationary; is His Love spiraling upward, always; or does it remain at temporal levels, of that which is more stagnant?  Should we outgrow some aspects, or all aspects, of the temporal?  Do we outgrow it, anyway, since we physically die ?)

What Is Our Job?

A friend emailed, asking prayers for her to do a better job of helping her spouse be more spiritually inclined, to want to pray more as a family, but most of all to go to confession.  The spouse does not like to go to confession.  He also does not particularly like to pray the rosary.  He likes to read Scripture.  The friend is worried that she is not doing enough to save his soul, and that if something happens to him, somehow she will not have done her job.

So it brought up an inner discussion, plus some correspondence with the friend.  This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had to consider what is its job, what is anyone's job?  For a parent, that becomes more clear when there are young children to rear by teaching, example, and whatever means.

The friend's spiritual director said they should start praying the rosary as a family.  Perhaps this has stirred the friend's concerns about her spouse and the state of his spiritual life.  Seems that it has brought up a worrisome aspect that we all can face at some phase or other in our lives.

The words "unconditional love" have come to this hermit's thoughts lately.  The physical pain and the accompanying emotional pain have been very high again.  The hermit remembered messages in the past from Teresa of Avila and also St. Luke, the Physician, that said that when this soul in here, in this body, would attain to unconditional love, then it would be able to transcend the earthly pain.

Obviously, this nothing hermit has not attained unconditional love.  Yet, it is a new day, and the hermit desires very much to strive more to unconditional love--of self, of others...and of God!  Yes, it is important to have unconditional love for God Who has unconditional love for us.  Sometimes we can put some conditions on our love of God and on His will and designs and desires for our lives.

Today's first reading from the Acts of the Apostles includes:

The hand of the Lord was with them
and a great number who believed turned to the Lord.
The news about them reached the ears of the Church in Jerusalem,
and they sent Barnabas to go to Antioch.
When he arrived and saw the grace of God,
he rejoiced and encouraged them all
to remain faithful to the Lord in firmness of heart
for he was a good man, filled with the Holy Spirit and faith.

When it comes to our children, yes, they are our "job."  But our spouses, am not so sure, especially if it has one thinking of the other as lacking in some aspect of being devout enough--even if some aspect of devotions are not happening, not a part of that person's daily life.  True enough, some people are more spiritually inclined than others; and circumstances in life such as upbringing and life experiences, particularly suffering, affect our inclinations:  to the world more, or to God more.

One thought that came to mind, is that of someone filling in where a perceived void exists, such as praying the rosary.  It seems that instead, asking the spouse who likes to read Scripture, to read Scripture to the family and discuss it some, or to pick a Bible verse that they learn and put into practice each day, would fill the void by utilizing what the spouse brings to the marriage of his spiritual positives.

After all, in Mass there is the Living Word, and then the Sacrifice.  The Living Word of God is given prime position in the first half of the temporal aspect of time in Mass.  The rosary is a marvelous prayer and devotion, but it is the Lord's Prayer that is prayed during Mass and is the prayer Jesus teaches us to pray.  (This is not at all to devalue praying the rosary, but it is to help understand in some way, that unconditional love might bear in on this situation.  Don't place conditions on what others are to pray and then feel pressure that somehow they are lacking if they do not.)

As for not going to confession, that is another issue of whose job is it, and is the soul in jeopardy of salvation if he or she does not go to confession often, or at all?  For children being brought up in the Catholic faith, the parents hold that job of teaching and leading by example, and having the children learn about confession and provide a way for them to get to confession.  That is, in our time period, in this century and the past several, how it is.

It seems our job is ourselves, our own souls.  This nothing hermit added in the correspondence, for the friend to take a realistic look at this hermit's own life!  Two of the adult children have nothing to do with God, with prayer, or with any church.  One does, but it is of a different level and aspect, of a different faith background with different "rules" of engagement, as is said....

Or, perhaps our job is to attain to unconditional love.  And that means a love of God, others, and ourselves in as much as we are God's created beings.  In being a light to others, and in teaching others and leading by example, we have the tremendous power of what affected the Church in Jerusalem, what turned their heads, what impressed Barnabas and thousands of others.

He arrived and he saw the grace of God....

If we remain faithful to the Lord, in firmness of heart; if we believe in Jesus Christ; if we are good and filled with the Holy Spirit and faith; then the hand of the Lord will be upon us.  Others will "see" even if not with their temporal eyes but in some other aspect sense or hear--the grace of God.

Our job is to do what will help others see the grace of God.

Sure seems so, and unconditional love is a powerful showing of God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: His Real Presence.

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is not there yet, but the desire is there, and it learns so much from the friend who stimulates such good inner questions and discussions--and helps this hermit to deeper conversion and contrition (Lord have mercy upon me, a sinner!) and desire to learn and do better with whatever life it has remaining.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and attain to unconditional love.  Remaining in His Love is a good way to learn love from the Master.   We are His job, each of us.  He does perfect work; we only have to be willing to remain in His love and be humbly willing....

If Today You Hear His Voice

...harden not your hearts.

There is always a potential...and then a possible response, an action in reaction.

Today, Ash Wednesday 2015, the nothing Catholic hermit appreciated a phone book discussion and ensuing conversation with a young friend--wife and mother of two with a third on the way.  She has blossomed spiritually, grown in leaps and bounds in just the past few months!  The Catholic hermit is so proud of her--and this nothing has no reason for pride other than a deep joy in seeing another soul responding to the graces of His Real Presence.

She heard His voice, essentially in various ways, and she did not harden her heart.  She used her God-given will and made some choices, and she acted on the good of what He desired of her...and succeeded.  How her life has changed!  Anger has come under control and mostly wiped away as soon as it surfaces.  She has learned how to discern her dreams (His voice in images and scenes given her subconscious in sleep), and then moved on after gleaning any valid lessons requiring action or reaction on her part and tossing any demonic trash into the do-not-recall bin.

She is living more and more in the present moment and blooming where she is planted.  Previously, she longed for her husband to get an assignment elsewhere, never settling fully in nor fitting in with those in the area.  Why?  There are many reasons which we had discussed over time, but the outcome is she softened her heart and listened and made changes in her attitude.  She grasped her vocation as wife and mother and started to see the honor in it, as well as the inspiring challenges for growth in the virtues, day by day and night by night.

She let go of the past memories that haunted her of her childhood and the perceived lacks therein. She let go of apologizing for herself and feeling inadequate, or in carrying a great deal of unnecessary guilt (something that some Catholic parents train into the children by innocent error of a mistype of tradition, creating an element of fear and control that can be misplaced later on).  

She also kept to her spiritual reading--the classics of great saints as well as to making offerings of the mundanity of diapers and dishes.  Rather than reacting in hurt to other women's not including her, she began to reach out to the one woman she might notice who also was not included.  She started to create her own group or spiritual opportunity even if she was the only member, or just one other. 

(For this young woman is a soul beyond what a bulk of women may find relevant and necessary, not to their fault necessarily; she simply is more a contemplative and most likely also born a mystic. Through numerous conversations, working with her prayers and dreams, being open to being called out on some issues, she started to listen and understand and to accept that her path is valid, too).

She heard His voice in so many ways that He speaks to us!  And she hardened not her heart.  What a gift of inspiration to others, and how much more peaceful her life!  Faith has increased beyond measure.  It kind of grew quietly, all this change, and today the nothing Catholic hermit could not contain the joy and gratitude for what an inspiration she is to this soul who happens to be facing a sense of backsliding and faltering, of weakness in will, and lack of discipline in focus, or so it seems.

We have selected another book to read "together" for our weekly phone discussion.  Since this Catholic hermit has been so seriously ill for awhile, she has been kindly in postponing, so patiently.
Today nothing Catholic hermit, in the course of our discussion of sin and redemption, shared some deeply personal experiences of great falls from grace in ways that a person would obviously know were not good, but to learn just how weak the soul can be and how great is His Real Presence to allow some terrible falls in sin, yet bring such amazing, life-changing lessons that are never then forgotten.  He is so merciful!  

The young woman seemed to appreciate the candor and was probably stunned, and we laughed to think that this Catholic hermit has come through some awful sins and still, last night, slipped on something so little yet so ridiculously unnecessary.  The penance it gave itself was to purchase a copy of our next reading selection for the young woman, despite its own finances being not good these days.  But it sold a pair of boots last night, and in that transaction was part of the ridiculous slip-up.  

My, how easy it is to sin, when one would think we'd get old enough and seasoned to avoid even the near occasion of sin!  No!  The Lord ever humbles us as He watches His children, especially the old ones, do something stupid and wrong--even realizing they are doing it but either too tired or too miffed to stop it right then and there.  So forgiveness asked immediately of His Real Presence, and mercy granted even though the sting lasted a bit into the night.  

No, 'twas time to put it immediately behind, for dwelling on a slip or fall after it has been forgiven, only leads to a kind of pride in over-thinking one's actions, or the tendency to be too upset at having sinned...as if we are too great and spiritually mature to have slipped up.  Better to chuckle and remind oneself that even as we get old, we can tend to falter just as our bones grow physically unsteady.  We are never free from error until our last breath.

It is Ash Wednesday.  The nothing Catholic hermit made no grand plans for giving up this or that food or anything else.  It did not even bother leaning on the crutch of being still sick and qualifying as old for any Church law exemption.  Rather, nothing Catholic hermit  hardened not its heart and realized His Real Presence will bring the opportunities for sacrifice, for penance, for listening and reacting and changing its ways to whatever God brings to the conversion table.

Yesterday, even though with an encouraging bit of energy enough to launder the bed linens, weed a bit in the sun and breathe fresh air, and then make some simple chili from a packaged soup mix, there started in the thoughts of how it might be able to stay on here in this hermitage, after all.  So ideas started to pump up the enthusiasm, and the hermit got some encouragement from a long-time friend--until it realized the chronic pain and lack of physical consistency would make the idea not so stable, and research of like enterprises in the area showed the competition to be rather stiff.

Nothing Catholic hermit cannot compete with the wealthy who do such ventures as hobbyists, or the young, or the able-bodied, or those with spouses to help with the efforts.  It is still out there as a possibility, but even though the long-time friend said just lower the price and business will happen--the potentials for the inconsistent and unannounced pain sieges or other blights could be disastrous with the particular idea to gain some needed income in order to remain.

Too much distraction in seeking ways to have it easier, to not have to pick up and go again, to have to detach totally from the remainder of the gardens and have some kind of enjoyment of the area and place instead of the heaviness of so much manual labor and hardship and expense since arrival here nearly two years ago!  How can one hear His voice today or any day (or night), if the mind--if not the heart--is hardened to what it thinks might be easier or even better than what seems to be the unavoidable?  

So this nothing Catholic hermit must silence the various ideas that start to jangle about in the mind--ways to remain despite the financial odds, or also ways to create a bit of hope and impetus to get back to the hard work ahead in order to finish the place in order to have it salable.  The mind must listen for His voice will speak in some way, shape, or form, in the day and in the night, sooner or later and most likely sooner.  

Silence is His voice, too, we realize.  Just silence of His Breath, of His Peace, of His Love, of His Mercy.  The heart must not be hardened by the weight of our heavy concerns nor by our fears of what is next even if we suspect it is going to mean more lessons, more suffering--for suffering and love always go together to bring about the best for our sanctification.  And the suffering can be sweet.  His Voice is in the suffering and sometimes more clear then than in seeming temporal success or happiness.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love! Listen in His Love, and He will speak; and our hearts will soften to His plans for us no matter what.

"The Catholic Church Is a MESS!"

Twenty years ago this spring, this statement was the main response of this nothing Catholic hermit's aunt when it told her it was converting to Catholicism.  At the time, it seemed impossible and just yet another biased reaction against the Catholic Church by those who did not know Her from within.  Yet over the years, it has proven to be quite true, indeed!

Yes, the Catholic Church is "a mess".  The nothing Catholic hermit, within the first months, discovered some horrors first-hand in the initial parish.  Over the course of numerous priests, the problems, personality disorders, sins of immorality of all types, revealed themselves, one after another.  

The reality of Catholic-in-name-only surfaced time and again, example after example.  The beloved Godmother, a religious sister, eventually revealed her and her order's penchant for radical feminism and steep involvement in a church dissent group.  When this nothing declined to go along with it, that was the end of our earthly friendship.  So much mess hit the fan--too much to detail--and only two years of Catholicism under the belt.

The next 18 years continued to reveal more and more mess as far as the experience could see and as much as the mind could shoulder...or perhaps shudder.  You name the category of mess, the corruption, the abuses, the rude and nasty ill-treatment of those in the cloth and those in the pews, and there are examples to delineate: hard facts.

Yes, the Catholic Church is a mess.  For a long time, this nothing Catholic hermit tried to hide it from its own children and friends and family.  It hid its knowing the reality of the mess from the very priests who were steeply involved in some corrupt and immoral behaviors--right down to crossing the criminal line.  And some of the mess was starting to ooze out into the public, especially the mistreatment of the nothing Catholic hermit in some instances in which the persons perpetuating the nastiness no longer cared what they said or did, or how they reacted in anger and vengeance.

The wrongs continued to flow like rushing flood waters, and then into the muddy after-bilge, robbing the good earth, stripping it from previously fertile fields of a naive hope for a bountiful harvest in what could be a sure and perfect picture of Christ's own Church on earth.  And the condition of the mess goes on and on, parish after diocese after religious order after Vatican insider ills.

The Catholic Church is a mess because of us Catholics.  We all sprouted from a seed, sometime, somewhere, and somehow we did not absorb the nutrients available.  Or we got side-lined and distracted by others who did not absorb the nutrients available, or who fell to lesser or greater temptations and sin, and who got ourselves into envy or pride, or gluttony or sloth, or deception or scandal or intemperance or impurity of one sort or another.  

Or we got ourselves into a state of mess and caused the distraction and derailment of others who became disillusioned because of our making messes in our Catholic lives, our Catholic parishes, our Catholic religious houses and seminaries and in our overall human lack of attention to detail, to obedience to not so much the rules, but to the Gospel Rule, and to the Sovereignty (and humility) of His Real Presence.

Yes, the Catholic Church is a mess, and yet this nothing Catholic hermit loves Her for many solid reasons.  But the overriding reason is that in the Church, despite its being a mess, there is truth, goodness and beauty in the purity of the Faith in all its theological, doctrinal and Scriptural reality.  It is the Church Christ founded and instituted on this earth, for us messy human beings, steeped in our messes, and adept and perpetuating by our flaws, even more mess, thus keeping Holy Mother Church in a state of mess for those either wanting Her to fail or those hoping beyond hope for Her to be pristine and perfect in the Christian ideal.

And the Church could be and should be pristine and perfect in the Christian ideal, if it weren't for us people bringing our messes to muddy the image and also the reality.  

Yet the reason there is such love in this nothing Catholic hermit, despite having seemingly more than its share of persecution, abuse, and mishaps from the mess, is that there is hope.  There is such hope alive and possible in the pureness of the faith, and the faith and hope enkindle such love that it is futile to think of being anything other than one of the souls embodied in very human and imperfect flesh, who has the potential to either add to the mess or to be a seed in the mud, striving to grow beyond the mess of its own and others' contribution to the mess.  Yes, nothing Catholic hermit is a mess, as well.

A familiar symbol in the first few centuries for faith, hope and love were a beam, a light, and a disk. This nothing Catholic hermit desires to be a flashlight held in the Hands of His Real Presence, through which a beam of light shines and creates a disk at the end of the beam, a disk of light shining brightly and visibly against a wall--perhaps that of a temporal Catholic Church, or at least of the mystical Church.  And that disk of light becomes a beacon of His Love, of His Love of our messy souls trying to become beams of light-into-pure-light-disks of love to expose our mess and purify our mess, our individual and collective mess that sullies the Church--His Church, our Church.  Our Holy Catholic Church.

There is nothing stopping the nothing Catholic hermit from striving in faith, hope, and love:  beam, light, disk.  (The disk rather shines like His Real Presence in the species of a Host, does it not?) Become one with that Host!  Seek union with His Real Presence in Body and Spirit!  Even though we may falter time and again, as our human conditions can grow weary with slogging through our own muddy mess of interior ineptitude and exterior rude-and-crude and all vices in and out:  We can try.  

We have the virtues of faith, hope, and love to call upon, and these three are given us for the asking, by His grace.  He will never refuse us these, and by these we will be held as a flashlight in Jesus' Hands, and He will focus us time and again for the asking.  Beam, light, disk.  It can happen, soul by soul.  And this is how we can strive to be a little less of a mess, and how one by one and bit by bit, we can keep that faith, hope, and love alive to strive for these ideals of virtue-grace living even if the growth is slow and imperceptible to ourselves, like the seeds in the mud, gradually making progress to reach the sunlight and fresh air.

If one can fall into a mess of a house, deceived by some vice-mess in others and naive self-blunder, and learn to slowly dig through the mess and work hard to turn it around, clean it out, make progress even if might not be able to finish and surely not to remain after it is fresh and all things made new--and adapt to, have gratitude, and love for a place to be allowed to exist and seek God--then one can do far better of itself for Christ and His Church.

Sure worth this nothing Catholic hermit's continuous efforts, for we are all part of our mess.  Yet we cannot do other than dig in to our own lives and souls to begin clearing the mess, vice by vice, into virtue upon virtue.  Humility is key, unto love.

The Catholic Church is a mess, and this nothing Catholic hermit loves Her so!  Faith, Hope, and Love.  As the apostle writes, the greatest of these is love.