Catholic Mystic Hermit: Done with Not-Niceness!

I appreciate this selection from The Catechism of the Catholic Church, numbered entry 1823.  The reminder of what Jesus teaches us as recorded by the Apostle John in his Gospel, helps me all the more each time I am reminded of the great commandment to love.

"Jesus makes charity the new commandment.  By loving his own 'to the end,' he makes manifest the Father's love which he receives.  By loving one another, the disciples imitate the love of Jesus which they themselves receive.  Whence Jesus says: 'As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you; abide in my love.'  And again: 'This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.'"

The more I have pondered the events of the past few days, the more I recognize that I at least "feel" as if I've lost some "niceness" over time and as result of some life circumstances and encounters.  I have always been a very "nice" person, capable of and exuding much love.  However, I feel beaten back, and my reactions have been not-so-nice, or at least that is my realistic view of my thoughts and feelings, even of some responses.

It seems as if a person can get so ground down that the usual "filters" are not intact.

For example, I developed a kind of dread of the purported couple who would be calling to bring Holy Communion.  That dread derived from past encounters and even the conversation with the parish administrator a couple days ago.  (That the couple has not called and likely will not, is not unexpected on my part, of course, but the conversation with the parish woman stirred my thoughts and feelings afresh.)

There is a certain, unfiltered reaction that gets set into motion when I converse with those who have been not-so-nice, and this includes when they think they are being nice.  And my unfiltered reaction is not-so-nice, or at least to me it is not pleasant, not at the spiritual level that is within and without when I am being led and sustained by the Lord.

Rather, the other day I spoke and listened, and listened and commented, and the more I spoke the more information I gained that became even more outrageously not nice.  I said things true enough but in unfiltered light would be perceived very much as not nice.  

What the woman said is all very fine and well in details for a book I will be writing if I even live through this phase and episode of my existence in exile.  And the more details and instances of documentation of words, reactions, and treatment by Catholics to modern day Catholic mystics in this society and culture of the Western Church (and perhaps with some historical context of past treatment of mystics)--the more concrete examples, the better.

However, in information and data gathering, case study style, the more I must detach from the process and especially from the information.  The more I hear and experience as being the subject of case study in point, the more shocking to my thoughts.  The shock shudders and shutters the soul.  How sad and pathetic to realize the facts do not reveal much substantive improvement over the years and centuries regarding the topic: Catholics' treatment of Catholic mystics.

Upon waking this morning, the thought was on the mind: Catholic, but not Christian.

Well, that thought, sentiment, and/or reality can be an affliction of any of us in any Christian sect or denomination or rite within the Roman Catholic Church, or within the Orthodox Christian Church.  In other religions, it could be termed slightly otherwise.  We human beings are none of us perfect, and often enough we are not even that nice.

I had an urge which the Lord quickly quelled by some soul-checks as well as a phone call from the adult daughter who needed to discuss a teaching moment in parenting of their young son.  The urge I had was to call and leave a message on the parish priest's emergency line (for there is no other means of leaving him a direct message), and that it would be that I wish we could just start over.

My experiment of being honest and simply explaining what the ecstasy in Mass is, a simple phenomenon even if kind of rare, I'm told by priests, a bishop and his consulting bishops--the honest approach did not work out well at all.  People judge all the more, became more wary, fearful, and critical, shunning, unaccepting, and overall not nice.

I thought if we could start over and lie, and say I have narcolepsy, the situation would work out better.  As is said, sometimes truth is stranger than fiction; and Catholics and perhaps any group of church-goers or otherwise might in this case handle fiction better than truth.  Many live in fictionalized views of ourselves, anyway.  Or, if we take the filters off, we can say we live in self-deception often enough.

The parish administrator was deceiving herself with her transparent and silly blathering about her son's basketball schedule, convinced, it would seem, that I'd think he did not ever have 20 minutes to help carry drywall with his younger brother.  That fiction to her evidently seemed better than to simply say, "We are wary of you, think you are a nut-case, hysteric, [or could use less blunt terms], and don't want our sons to help you, not at any dollar price."  

But my daughter laughed at my notion, and said of course people want to try deception rather than such honesty; and I think it is because we want to keep up the fiction that we are very nice people, indeed.  Instead, we reveal ourselves as not nice, not living the law of God's love, and also as silly and unconvincing blatherers.  And that, then, can turn off those who want honesty in relationships and who hope for the ideal of truth, especially in a religious context, especially in Christianity in which truth is a major tenet of faith.

So it is that rather than attempting any re-do of what I had attempted in honesty about why I seem asleep or dead in Mass, that it is a mystical ecstasy and not to be concerned--nothing to worry about.  Somehow I thought people could just move on and relate otherwise normally with me who am normal as any of us are normal.  Just a mystic, and that is as normal as those who are not but who might be diabetic or homosexual or bipolar or autistic or narcoleptic.  

Somehow, the supernatural involved (although I think there is spiritual involved in all, but spiritual is perhaps slightly different from supernatural but not by much) causes especially Catholics to be undone to a point of not nice.

I have initiated just the beginnings of research on how the Eastern Church historically has reacted to and treated mystics.  Thus far--again in cursory glance--the Eastern mystics do not seem to be mistreated, not hidden away or put in house arrest, not burned alive nor even shunned.  They don't seem to have "anathema" declared nor are feared.  

But, I have a long way to go in research and reading more in depth.  Seems a bit naive for me to think there are people who are more Christian than Catholic or more Christian than Orthodox--no matter what branch or reformed denomination or non-denomination that evolved from the separated East and West Church.

My initial research already came upon how mystics of other cultures are treated, such as Native American mystics, Tibetan--Buddhist, Hindu, Sikh, Sufi mystics, et. al.  Thus far I find they are treated quite decently--even looked upon with having a value in their societies and groups.  

But thus far in broad reading of the Roman Catholic mystics--their lives have distinct elements of cruelty and abuse, even if for but a short time period in which others think they need to play the role, as a priest once told me he must--and call it, "the devil's advocate."

Lord, have mercy!  The devil certainly does not need priests or bishops or anyone else in the name of Christianity to be his advocate.  The devil does an excellent enough job with his legions of demons and those fallen humans who toddle right along in Satan's cloven-hoofed footprints.

Moreover, the Roman Catholic mystics' mistreatment by those of their own faith, has become a point of warped "proof" that if they suffer greatly as a result of being who and what they are--mystics--and even die as a result, they are all the more valid.  Sometimes they survive the abuse while yet alive, but often they are then in poor health and die earlier deaths.  

Or these dead mystic humans' main contribution to the Church and society ends up being that they endured the brutality of the devil's advocates, and thus are declared valid mystics, with the surviving onlookers delighting in the miracle of how they endured such ill-treatment.  What's this?  They were mystics after all--perhaps to be now-cherished saint trophies.  

And if these mystic human beings survived for long and with enough life left in them to write, or someone to write for them, their bit of writings remain as a little gift to those who might read them.  Although quite often their writings are altered by those not mystics but perhaps systematic theologians or even not, who think they need to correct what they deem improved upon by themselves....

Regardless of all that which in blunt honesty seems not so nice, I am again resolved to throw my body, mind, heart and soul into the Light of Christ's Love.  I will refrain from encounters with those who are not nice as much as is humanly possible to avoid.  The most crucial may be to avoid any not nice that is not nice in myself.  Stay clear of not nice reactions to not nice others and occasions!

I resolve to abide in His love and to imitate His love.  This means to not dally with being a Catholic-but-not-Christian.  I must be Christian and let the Lord decide if other labels ought precede or follow that of being a follower and lover of Christ, and a nice follower and lover, at that.  

I don't need to be, at this point of my grain-of-wheat-crushed-existence, to be distracted by emphasizing my group association.  Roman Catholic Christian or Maronite Catholic Christian? Greek Orthodox Christian or Church of Nazarene Christian or First Baptist Christian?  Or Byzantine Catholic Christian or Ukrainian Orthodox Christian or Coptic Catholic Christian or Evangelical Christian, etc.? 

I'd better just focus on being Christian, a follower and beloved of Christ and His Living Word,.  And to study and appreciate some very nice mystics such as Bernard of Clairvaux who lived just following the Great Schism of the Eastern and Western Catholic Church in mid-eleventh century.  Bernard's Sermons on the Song of Songs will reset my mind and heart in the proper perspective: Love of God and God's Love of His Creation.  

Then, I will also go back in time to those great mystics prior to the Schism, closer to the Lord in time and place and practice.  Or so this seems a wise plan as I desire instruction and inspiration regarding Christ and His Word--and how to live as a loving Christian, then, in my time and place.

I want to be nice again.  Very nice. I hope to be unimpeded in niceness, by which of course I mean charity: love!  I want to love again without such upsetting distractions, especially by my own slip-ups and from within my own Christian group designation. It also seems very much so that God is wanting to do some one-on-one tutorials with me in the silence of solitude, in my life of prayer and penance and praise of God.

Let love and mercy wash away any residual remnants of not-niceness from within me and all about me!  Let love and mercy fill me to overflowing so that love overflows from me!  

I pray to have my thoughts as those of Bernard of Clairvaux or Pseudo-Macarius or John Climacus or many others: Christ-thoughts and Christ-words, Christ-actions, Christ-life!  If this means staying clear of not-nice until I have niceness infused throughout, without stink coming back seven times more powerfully not nicely, then I will see if this plan is Wisdom that will be vindicated by her works in me.

Much love to all of you from an already more nice, more loving me, this Fourth Sunday in Advent!  God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit a Jeremiah Hermit!

Today's first Scripture reading from Mass, a selection from Jeremiah 15, captures a hermit's mind and heart.  I am highlighting some of the lines that strike deeply this morning, for various reasons.

Woe to me, mother, that you gave me birth!
a man of strife and contention to all the land!
I neither borrow nor lend,
yet all curse me.
When I found your words, I devoured them;
they became my joy and the happiness of my heart,
Because I bore your name,
O LORD, God of hosts.
I did not sit celebrating in the circle of merrymakers;
Under the weight of your hand I sat alone
because you filled me with indignation
Why is my pain continuous,
my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?
You have indeed become for me a treacherous brook,
whose waters do not abide!
Thus the LORD answered me:
If you repent, so that I restore you,
in my presence you shall stand;
If you bring forth the precious without the vile, 
Then it shall be they who turn to you
and you shall not turn to them;
And I will make you toward these people
a solid wall of brass.
Though they fight against you,
they shall not prevail,
For I am with you,
to deliver and rescue you, says the LORD.
I will free you from the hand of the wicked
and rescue you from the grasp of the violent."

Of course, Jeremiah was conversing with the Lord, and he became a mouthpiece of the Lord to his people.  As in all the prophets, the messages had a personal aspect to the prophet him- or herself as well as a message for God's people in the prophet's on time period, as well as being an oracle of truth for the people of future generations, including our own.

These words from God to Jeremiah and Jeremiah's questions and complaints to God remind this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit of God's relationship with a hermit and the hermit's relationship with God.  Jeremiah the prophet presents to us various aspects of a hermit's heart and mind, how a hermit may feel and think and react, in daily life and in daily and nightly conversation with God.

Yes, today I am a Jeremiah hermit, taking the Living Words of Scripture to mind, heart, and spirit!  And, I will repent as I attempt to make manual labor progress in Te Deum Hermitage here, despite my continuous pain, the wound of my back and neck, liver and lung incurable.   There is also the inner pain, the inner wound of being a sinner--yet now curable through the salvation redeemed for us by the sacrificial love and mercy of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Ah, but the Lord will restore me fully; and He will guide my life's mission, of bringing forth the preciousness of His Real Presence and the spiritual life, and leaving the vile behind.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Deals with the Devil

Still trying to write with IPad, an old one at that.  Hard to make corrections, so please bear with, fill in the gaps and mishaps!  Thanks, dear readers!

The devil stops at nothing.  Since I dealt harshly but with much humor, with the devil, the more superficial obstacles ceased for the most part.  The devil then turns to more insidious and pathetic attempts.

What to do?

When dealing with the devil's tricks, these are some life-learned and studied tips.

1.  Recognize who is behind the obstacles and taunts, the hindrances.  As is spoken repeatedly in the current United States political battle, a first step is being able to identify and verbalize who is the enemy.  Then, recognize who the enemy enlists as part of his henchmen and/or naive or even well-intentioned pawns, wittingly or unwittingly doing the devil's bidding.  Be aware this can occur ultimately and most deceptively from within the ranks of Christianity.

2.  Declare aloud to the devil, that we are onto his tricks.  Call down the Precious Blood of Christ, shed on the cross for us.  Call upon the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Put on the armor of God.

3.  Enlist the advice and prayers or our spiritual fathers/directors.

4.  Requests he powerful prayers of family and friends.

5.  Be confident in His Real Presence and in the power of being one with the Body of Christ.

6.  Do all with the Sacraments of the Church, of blessed objects, of the Holy Mass.

7.  If in the Consecrated Life of the Church--in a religious order, a consecrated virgin or widow/widower, or a consecrated eremitic (privately or publicly professed), call upon fellow consecrated members to pray and support in the battle.

8.  Look to the saints and mystics as to how they handled repeated assaults by the devil.  St. John Via new, St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, and St. Padre Pio are excellent guides.

9.  Call upon our guardian Angels, ever at our sides.  Call upon St. Michael the Archangel.

10.  Keep a strong and courageous sense of humor.  Chuckle, smile, laugh!  Rejoice in whatever persecutions, detractions, mishaps, and even odd, extraneous phenomenon.

11.  Stick to our daily routine, horarium, prayer life, manual labor, and proceed to handle the problems devolved from whatever hindrances placed in our paths.

12.  Double, triple, quadruple down on our determination to pray and participate in the life of Holy Church, following Christ, steeped in His Living Word, subsumed in the Mass both physically and spiritually as often as possible, and live by the Spirit.

These are what seem to be the main points that have proven helpful and successful to this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit in years ongoing of navigating the temporal and spiritual realms, this far!

Praise God in all things!  Love one another as Jesus loves us!  Remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Soulbuster

Am right now too much in physical pain and fatigued to write about this mission of being a soulbuster, real and fascinating a mission as it is.

I've been at it with dealing with souls, after having gone along for month after month with the current caper, ongoing caper, until finally more and more truth gurgled to the surface from the murky, sledge-like cesspool.

On the surface, it has to do with cabinets.  Beneath the surface it has to do with souls--and now there are a couple souls in big trouble, one more dominantly in trouble than the other.  

And so it is that this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit once again has a mission to deal with.  Once again, I did not sense fully nor rightly the soul behind the facade of the person I've been dealing with for over two years.  Ah, yes, Lord--You duped me!

It is that way and has been in various capers requiring soul-busting efforts.  I don't realize what is going on, the Lord camouflages the situations and souls enough so that I do not see through initially and sometimes for awhile.  And why would He dupe me?  Well, He knows accurately enough that I would flee the situation if I saw the sick soul or souls involved.

The longer the interaction continues, the more energy, time, effort, and cost is involved, the more painful the outcomes--the greater the prayer and the reparation drawn out, the more heart and soul expended upon the soul or souls when their darkness vomits forth.

Then He dabs in some amazing encounters with some very good souls, letting me see right into them, into their largess, such as Kim at Home Depot who other people would immediately notice several front teeth missing.  Instead, I was shown her large and magnanimous soul.

Or the call at 3 a.m.--a misdial, and a woman's voice asking if I were awake.  Well, yes, now, but she has a wrong number.  I notice she is calling from the area code far away from whence I came three years ago.  Then she calls back a few minutes later.  Still wrong number, and she apologizes and says she must have gotten the number wrong again.  I don't mind, although once awake at 3 a.m., I cannot easily return to much-needed sleep.  The pain needs medicating, and it takes quite awhile to tame it.

So I see what the Lord wants, for it is the hour of mercy in the middle of the night--3 a.m.  And I marvel at this contact from a stranger, a woman, and consider the situation as a mission for souls.  Either she or the person she is trying to call, needs prayer!  So I begin praying then and there and mull it over as prayer, and consider the Lord's mercy, and even think through the simple refrain of the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, and that prayer of the pilgrim:  Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

In the morning, very tired (pain is fatiguing and often feels as if the body never gets rested) and on the way to civilization to a Home Depot where there is a certain size and type of tile, and enough of it in stock to tile a couple shower surrounds, the 3 a.m. phone call returns to mind.  There is a strong impulse to call that number and say that the person or whoever being called, is being bathed in prayer.

So I do this, and leave a voicemail, explaining while it may seem strange I just want the caller to know I was not at all bothered at being wakened (for I truly was not as I often waken from pain anyway), and say am no longer in that area but far away in a distant desert, but have a sense that she or the person she was trying to reach, needs prayer.  They are getting it!  And I'm happy to do so.

Then on to Home Depot where I encounter the marvelous soul, Kim.

A few hours later when in the Lowe's, dealing with the soulbusting mission which at that point was quite intense, my phone rings.  It is a man calling from that long distance number.  We talk, as I further explain why I felt compelled to call and leave that message.  Sure enough, it was his wife who had placed the call, trying to reach someone she knew as she was quite ill and could not go to work. He was kind of chuckling with amazement.  

Neither of us exchanged names.  No need to do that.  But he laughed and said it was quite something, and once again asked where I was and said where they were, and said his mom might think to pray like that.  Yes, it was something his mom might do, and he was pleased.  Well, his wife got the prayers; and I pray today she is well enough to continue on in her daily life.

These are the fun missions, the ones that leave this hermit with a joy that passes all understanding.  These are the occasions in which I can truly live my rather ironic name of Joyful Hermit.  For much of the time, with the work of souls and of soulbusting, there is so much pain and anguish, so much suffering, so much emotional wounding--that our view of "joy" or being "joyful" would seem as far away from this hermit as I am from getting this hermitage finished.

It is all the further away now, for the truth has gurgled up, finally, and by Jesus doing the work in exposing it after I was fully invested.  The cabinets are so very flawed, and the employees knew it all along, and one honest employee--once away from Don her cabinet partner and away from Keith the cabinet manager with their lies--admitted that this line of cabinets was discontinued because they were flawed, and she had many, many customers who had problems with these cabinets.

That truth does not change the attitude of my adult daughter and her husband who spent a lot of time and energy helping to install these cabinets that then began to have evolving issues.  No, the fact that I would get to the bottom of the deceptions and even start returning the bad cabinets, is not pleasing to them.  They view the world perhaps differently than does a consecrated Catholic hermit who is also in the mission field of soulbusting.  

Just keep them, cover over the issues, hope that a future buyer does not try pulling out the drawers nor looks inside nor notices the warped doors, nor the mismatched cabinet because of more lies and deceptions by the souls in big trouble, those store employees, especially the one whose visage has actually become gray in the last several months.  Grayer and grayer, like some cancer is growing and taking over...or else it is just that the field of my inner vision, the Lord has cleared now that I was fully invested with the clerk and praying for him.

No, the cabinets, at great cost, effort, and suffering on my part, are being returned.  Would my daughter and her husband like to be tricked in a home purchase?  And, above any of that aspect, how could a hermit, espoused to Christ, who has consecrated this hermitage with the name Te Deum House (You, God!), keep that which is filled with lies and deceptions?  Right is always right.

So the more I have to struggle, the longer I must be here, the more cost in paying to have the heavy counter top lifted and then later replaced, the more money spent with loan rising to get cabinets that are not discontinued and faulty--the better the prayers for the souls in big trouble.  

It just works that way, weird as it may seem.  No, me, the hermit, the consecrated soul and heart to Christ's heart and soul, does not like it!  I have wept!  I am tired and in many ways would like to give up.  I wept on the Sabbath when removing the cabinets from the bathroom that took me two days to install perfectly, leveling every which way with shims, bolting into studs and bolting each together at the sides.  

There was the memory of all the delays when the drawers would not function properly, and all the tales from the employees, and more tales from the factory rep, and even how they tried to blame me rather than admit the problems were not just ones I experienced. It was cruel!  I had been cabinet raped; and the pain of that awareness hurt all the more because I had so trusted the cabinet employee all these months and months and had prayed for those who he said were ill or whatever as part of his deception.  Yes, that employee is to me as Judas was to my Beloved.

So, the mission remains as a soulbuster, and this man's soul is now opened to this hermit's full vision,. And while it has taken some tears and some arguing with God about the seeming unfairness, and has taken a whole lot more acceptance of the damage the situation has done with family relationships (and who can blame them in a way, even if this situation was not my fault?)--I am taking it on for what it is, and there are some souls in big trouble, and now I must do all the work and cost and effort as prayer for these souls who are in such big trouble.

It reminds me of the late bishop whose soul was finally and fully shown to me for its deceptions and meanness.  I had then exclaimed to the Lord and to my spiritual father:  This is a soul in big trouble!  Pray for the bishop's soul, for he could be snatched at any time now!  His soul is in trouble!  Sure enough, he was snatched--quickly, surely, taken by surprise to him and others.  Was no surprise to this hermit, though, nor the spiritual father, and we pray for his soul still, wherever is his soul, nearly four years later.

I guess I have just written about the mission of soulbusting.  The Lord did give me the energy now to write about it and share it, for soulbusting is a fine mission--if a painful one, at that.  Few would understand it or believe it, or see how it works.  And most important of all is to recognize that the mission of soulbusting has to do with one's own soul, as well.  For every soul in big trouble out there, once the case is cracked and the reparation is in motion, there is the soulbuster's soul to be considered.  

Am I pleasant and rejoicing about doing all the work and paying the costs in body and finances and emotions and relationships in order to do all for God and for that soul?  Do I do so with faith and strength, and see it from the spiritual view?  Do I still love that soul--can I love that lying, deceptive, hurtful soul?  (He yet makes faces at me when in the store, and other employees circle their wagons around him--until the day I told him we must move forward, and that I have no hard feelings.  What was not right from the beginning was never going to be right.)

It is not easy being a soulbuster for the Lord, to be that type of instrument of God on earth.  I admit this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is not a struggling soulbuster, for if I were totally agreeable and eager to the tasks, the Lord would not need to dupe me in order to get me fully into the situations with these souls--invested, so to speak, and caring and loving them enough to suffer enough when their souls are fully revealed.

This has happened over and over in my life.  It is kind of the answer to the death experience 28 years ago, between back surgeries, in which I died and was sent back--sent back to rear my children and "to fulfill the mission."  This is the mission part.  It is a painful one, as this hermit's body is filled with pain.  Yet the pain is love at other levels and dimensions, and the Lord gifts the love to the full so that the efforts and the mission may continue, soul after soul.

Today I wash the excess grout off the bathroom floor tile and start to build the box for the recessed shower niche.  True, I've never done these things before, but the Lord is with me, and I pray my way through, and if I get two hours of manual labor in, that is two hours in.  These days, it is offered for the current souls in big trouble with some praises for the great souls I meet along the way.  Gifts and encouragements to us soulbusters, are these large and luminous souls who we encounter from time to time, amidst the souls in big trouble.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love.  (And can we really love, anyway, unless it is God's Love doing the loving?)

Holy Door Update

Well, the elderly friend emailed the latest.  The monsignor of their cathedral has once more changed his decision as to which door is to be holy.  They had a ceremony for the holy door, which he ended up changing back to be the doors facing the main thoroughfare, of which the friend adroitly pointed out are actually double doors of which few ever use.

But the ceremony was held; they declined to be in attendance which is wise this time of year considering weather, viruses, night venue, and age.

So two of the doors are now officially holy, and perhaps more technically so because few if any of us unholy humans pass through them.

The exhaustion from physical pain continues here with this hermit.  Today will attempt Chapter 2 of Hebrews, not that what I write will be of interest to anyone but God.  He is always interested in what we are about, what we do, think, speak, feel.

Even if what I write, as I was recently reminded, might be beautifully written and profound, the person informing me also added that it is not what most people grasp.  He mentioned some famous media types who with ghostwriters put out books that people buy and read, as well as they write some children's books.

Of course, the comment was meant to be for me to perhaps try to write something that actual people enjoy reading and can grasp, or that which is pleasing to others including children.

However, while I did write a children's book once and illustrated it, my life has shifted some over the years, and I see through situations with more reality, perhaps, and I seek all the more my purpose for being here in accordance to what God has in Mind.  The pain rivets me to deeper thoughts and to realism.

For example, when I read an article about the current pope a year ago excoriating the clerics in the Vatican curia for having embezzled, taken bribes, been immoral, lived in excess and gluttony--and this year was once more addressing them, but this time trying to get them to learn to be honest and moral, to live a couple of basic virtues--I had to ask myself why are these clerics, some of them having committed criminal acts, still in the curia?  

What is wrong with grown ups who had years ago been gifted with years of paid instruction and formation and then even more years of paid and glorified lived experience--supposed to be sons of God who were anointed with the oil of gladness, given the scepter of righteousness, told to love justice and hate wickedness?  Why are they not out working at some job more suited to their inability to have grasped what is simple honesty, years ago?  

If these alter Christi did not get the message from the pope a year ago, why still be trying to explain to them what is honesty and ask them to try living simple virtues, now?  If they did not grasp the simple definitions of virtues and to live good lives when children growing up in their mostly Catholic homes--taught simple right from wrong--why is the top leader of a major church in the world, still attempting to cajole them into trying on a bit of goodness, yet, a year later?

Would any owner of a dog put up with such disobedience after having trained the animal otherwise as a pup?

I can see how Jesus was perturbed with the high priests, the Sadducees, the Pharisees, the scribes--of the various hypocrisies of the Temple goers and doers.  He turned to the lowly people, then, through preaching and teaching. He knew their neediness as not having viable leaders for their souls.  

He gave His hope to their neediness, at least, and their lostness, their seeking a shepherd to guide them when the ones to whom was given by God the scepter of righteousness had either dropped the scepter or started to use it as a sword to fight for personal power, prestige, position, and possessions.  Or maybe the scepter had poked their eyes out.  Blind shepherds, then, trying to lead lost sheep.

We each and every one of us need to find our God-given purpose in life, our holy point for being here, and to take a realistic view of what it is that God asks of us. We need to grasp the scepter of righteousness even if not ceremonially ordained.  We must pray to be touched in our minds and hearts and souls by His oil of gladness, and to deeply love justice and to resolutely hate wickedness.  We must be noble in our purpose and never let go of what is right; we must listen to and follow Jesus.  Remain in His Love!

The others--those entangled in the nets just beneath the surface--we must let God touch them, deal with them, love and rescue them.  We must swim on out into the deep, not knowing where we are going but going in faith, yet not get entangled ourselves in humanly uncuttable nets.  Just keep swimming toward the depths of His Real Presence.  We must!

A Hermit Believes!

When reading this morning's Scriptures from daily Mass, the Gospel includes Mary's kinswoman's words of joyful proclamation.  It is truly a statement of great faith, that Elizabeth exclaims in exultation when the Virgin Mary arrives to assist Elizabeth in the last month or more of pregnancy.

Elizabeth who had been unable to conceive previously, was soon to deliver a baby boy who the world would forever know as John the Baptist.  Elizabeth was given a "sign"; the infant leapt in her womb when Mary stood before Elizabeth upon meeting--Mary who was carrying in her womb, Jesus the Christ.

These final lines documented in the Gospel carry import for any human being.

Blessed are you who believed 
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled."

This morning, here in my unfinished, chilly hermitage, I pondered these words in my heart (as can be said truly) while making more Fortitude Fudge.  The kitchen is nearly complete, at least, and how lovely the quart countertops--cold and clean and just right for pans of fudge to set up properly.  

But the pain level of the body has been not setting up well within this hermit, and that means the emotions try to outbalance the mind, and the spirits risk faltering.  As in the spiritual ascent, managing pain is my forever-on earth contest; it may not be an achieved conquest in life.  I don't know.

I do know that in order to believe what is spoken to us by the Lord, we must listen.  We must listen to what the Lord is speaking to us.  And then we must have faith and great belief that what He says will be fulfilled.

The Lord may tell us messages through Scripture--broad as well as specific promises of our salvation, teachings that help us in daily life applications, example through His own life lived on earth.  The Lord may also tell us messages through angels--our guardian angel as well as various messenger angels depending upon the purpose and goal of the message.  

The Lord may speak to us in exterior and interior "words".  These are words that come so quickly and spontaneously, that we hear with inner ear mostly but sometimes outer ear--that we have to believe just in the fact that we heard some words that have special meaning in some way or other in our lives.  

The Lord may utilize other people to speak to us.  Sometimes these messages are difficult to accept, depending upon our degree of love and acceptance of the other person.  Yet, we ought examine all messages no matter the messenger, and discern truth, raw, unfiltered, or even falsely flattering the messages may be.

It is not always so easy to believe what is spoken to us by the Lord is going to be fulfilled.  But blessed are we if we do, or even if we try to believe, or even if we want to try to believe.  The Lord takes us where we are in our abilities to believe His messages and His fulfillment of His Words. 

(Perhaps the reason the angel told Zechariah that because he questioned the angel's message that Elizabeth would bear a son in their later years, Zechariah would be struck mute.  Zechariah, being a priest and older in years would be expected to have ability to believe an angel's message from God.)

This morning I've been pondering once again some messages from God and my weakness of belief.  I want to believe--such as messages about suffering, messages about it pleasing Him when I converted to Catholicism, messages even recently--such as to look at Him--or that He would guide my every step and path, or the message He delivered through my late mother, last spring in a dream:  You will have a place (and the means will be there).

I have faltered in belief on many levels.  Francisco just arrived and fixed the French doors.  As I see now, in hindsight, I could have fixed them with shims; but I did not know for sure if that would be the correct solution.  So I waited for a couple or three weeks, made several phone calls to remind the busy Raphael, as I also thought there was a leak in the pole barn roof.  When ill with the severe pain siege, the concerns increased as to how on earth would I be able to keep working on this place, finish it, have it salable as finances keep hitting new low's, and rock bottom is not far off.

What concerns did Mary have if any?  At first when the angel appeared and spoke God's message to her, she asked the angel "How can this be, for I have had no relations with a man?" She was not struck mute because of her wondering, her questioning.  Perhaps the quickening of the Holy Spirit in her body, how the Holy Spirit came over her, helped assuage what doubts might have come to a young woman hearing such news from an angel.

So it is that we must consider our degree of spiritual development, our ages, our attention given to listening to whatever God speaks and in whatever means He speaks to us His messages.  We must consider our availability to listening, as well.

As for me, a hermit of the 21st century who questions some aspects of the world in all its variations of groups of humanity, I need to very much question my own faith, and if I am truly believing, and if what I am believing is worthy of belief.  That means, am I centering my belief in His Real Presence, in His Law of Love, or am I trying to believe in other people, or myself, or in tangible and temporal aspects?

This hermit believes!  Yet, very much I must always add:  Lord, help my unbelief!

"Blessed are you who believed
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled."

Catholic Hermit Tuckered Out, Yet God's

Today this consecrated Catholic hermit is living up to its moniker as "nothing"--as in doing nothing, or not much.  Yet even though we may feel or think we are doing not much of anything of value or importance, we exist in His Real Presence.  We remain.  Remaining in His Love are Words the Word of Life repeats often in the Gospel of John.

It is a very good command, piece of advice, admonition, or whatever we can attempt in trying to depict God's Words to us.  Truth, it seems, might be the best.  He speaks Truth:  Remain in My Love.

So this hermit is remaining in His Love today while otherwise not doing much of anything physical...other than breathing, thinking, writing, reading, drinking, eating, existing in this tiny cell of Te Deum Hermitage.

Just plum tuckered out, am.  For the last few days have been working the earth.  Some spots have quite a bit of sandy soil with small, gravelly stones.  There has been a dearth of rain other than some sprinkles, so the hose has been put to good use, and the well water is holding--well, rather well.

This morning did read the fifth homily of Pseudo-Macarius.  He continues to exhort, with lots of Scriptural backing, the good and the why and the wherefore of detaching from temporal loves in order to love God above all else and to, thus, remain in His Love.

A friend emailed, saying she found it a bit disturbing to read and understand because if people all detached from temporal loves, wouldn't it be rather an unloving and non-interactive existence?  So she was going to re-read the sermon.  Good!

There is such good in this sermon, such truth!  And, when reading it, one begins to experience the validity of the Scriptures and what Jesus means in His Words.  When we detach from our temporal attachments and loves, it is to attach to God's Love.  Thus, in His Love, remaining in His Love--the Father and Christ make their abode in us, and the Holy Spirit binds and flows the love, both and all.

So we love with His Real Presence's Love, not our temporal loves, not our temporal attempts at what we think might be love, and not with attachment to our or others temporal loves.

It seems very important for us to grasp this truth about loving God above all else and detaching from temporal loves.  There is nothing really wrong about it, or askew.  At first this hermit thought perhaps Pseudo-Macarius was going to explain that detaching from temporal love and attaching to God's love, was for those called to consecrated life or holy orders.  But no, Macarius is preaching the Living Word of God, and he cites Jesus, through and through.  This is for everyone:  Love God in Himself.

When we remain in His Love, when we love Him above all else and detach from the temporal loves that do indeed hinder us from His Love, then we lose our willfulness toward what we have attached ourselves to, in love, of the temporal--and we become at home and attached into the Love of His Real Presence.

Maybe it is kind of like a projector, and God projects His perfect love through us to all else, once we detach from trying to project our imperfect love of temporal persons and things and places.  Just let go, and remain in His Love.  Let His Love be the attachment.  Then all else will flow with perfect love, and we will lose our will into His perfect, loving will.

Consider how it might be to have His projection of His perfect Love reflecting in and through us, like light, casting love onto others, things, and places as if they are images on the screen of life past, present, and future.  How could we then find enemies repulsive?  How would we then have concern over our daily existences and temporal cares?  God's perfect love does not fear or worry; His Love is peace, wisdom, truth, goodness, beauty.  Remaining in His Love projects Him, not us.

Temporal loves hinder us because of attachment to self, self-love.  When we become His Love, the self dissolves into Him, and His is the love; He is the attachment--the only one we ever needed or need, forever.  His Love flows and fills, then, the spiritual, as well as overflows the temporal for as long as our temporal parts are in the temporal.

Perhaps there is a section to share from Pseudo-Macarius' 5th sermon out of 50.  Might share some bits of the treasure in another blog post.

God bless His Real Presence in us, and us in Him!  Let us love one another--through, with, and in Him.  Detach from our temporal loves, and attach to His Love.  Therein is perfect love and our freedom from all temporal hindrances.  In His perfect Love, the projection and perception change all.

Catholic Hermit Correspondence: Suffering and the One Reality

Someone has sought information on what does a Catholic hermit "do".  Amidst various tangible and intangible activities or doing, this consecrated Catholic hermit corresponds with others from time to time.  The topics run the gamut of all aspects of our lives, yet always delving into the spiritual questions and understandings we gain over time and life experiences--trials and joys.  We learn, grow, pray for, support one another, and also we reflect upon God's reaching into our lives, and deep into our souls.  

Here is an example of this Catholic hermit's correspondence, shared as a sample mainly because the recipient though it quite helpful.  A good aspect, though, about thoughts, insights, ponderings that we set into written format, is that farther on in our life's pilgrimage, there arise other or additional insights, further understandings.  It is part of the holy spiral, with alterations in growth as prolific as the tiny, new threadling roots beneath the soil, or as the numerous branchings of fresh shootlings of tree limbs.

Dear K,

It was rather a grace to awaken at exactly 6 a.m. this morning.  Usually do not sleep that well to not wake up at 2 or 3 or 4 a.m. with pain issues.  So figure God is giving a grace so that I would be in prayer and rejoicing with you, in your time with M, to start at 9 a.m. for you, there, where you are.

Was it the chapter on the Cross--12--in the Second Book of The Imitation of Christ that you commented upon being difficult to embrace or accept, understand?  It is on suffering.  Find it to be so very accurate--yet difficult to embrace or want to accept because it goes so contrary to how we might want it otherwise.  But the fact does remain that Jesus said the very same things, in fewer words, and also by His life.  I need to remember how He surely must have felt--the human part of  him--when his own family thought He was crazy, and also in His grief in the Garden of Gethsemane--broken by treachery and so much suffering, weeping, and feeling abandoned.  Yet he endured it all.  Even on the cross He complained to the Father, in a way--asking "Why hast Thou forsaken Me?"  

My God!  My God!  We can cry this out, with Him.  I do, often enough.

I marvel at the saints having voluntarily taken on sufferings, though.  But it made sense when the author of The Imitation wrote that there is no escaping--that we try to run from one bad situation but the next can and likely will be worse.  That has been the case here; and I suppose some day looking back, whether on earth or not, I will see how very valuable this experience has been--if for nothing else, the great humiliation and humbling it has brought.

When the pain is not so intense, not as intense as a siege, I tend to be able to handle matters better--even the one who continues to try to demean and strip me of human dignity or credibility, temporally or spiritually, and of suggesting no place as a Catholic.  I can see it as very good, in fact, and so true as to what a twist in perspective can wring out of someone's mind to that which is actually the case, the truth. And also I realize that none of it matters, what is said or we may be judged by some, and can see the foolishness of being by some action of others, or thinking ourselves "approved" or "valid" when in fact, a person may not be (and likely not be) any more than anyone else, in God's Reality.

I do see the great divergence in the Church, though, and it seems no different than what the Jewish priests and people tended to dig themselves into, with their laws and their judging of others.  They so judged Jesus and had judged John the Baptist--other than some who admired him a lot, and of course, many more quiet ones loved Jesus and followed Him--causing the insecure others to get all the more riled.

So it seems that the world and the laws that people make up, sincerely hoping to help the worship or to keep things right and strict, only end up being abused and interpreted in whatever way suits the views of people and their wishes.  And that then causes more discord and takes the very rule makers and rule seekers and those thinking they are abiding by their rules, farther away from Christ and His teachings and life, than what was before.

Today is the feast of St. Francis of Paoli, a hermit.  He was in exile in an extreme way for six years or more.  He was not a priest but founded an order upon his way of life, which was also rather extreme but quite simple and thus freed him to be in Christ more fully.  Eventually, he did ask a bishop or pope or someone like that, to approve his rule of life--one that he wrote later on.  He had many gifts and graces bestowed by God; and for this, I marvel at how then, others can so question and judge anyone's life and circumstances.  

I realize how I have judged so much in the past, when I thought I was securely living out properly every temporal aspect in the Church, before I came to grasp the two worlds of the Church.  I remember Bishop X arguing the point that there is but one "reality"--even if he agreed to concede there are very much the two worlds.  Perhaps it is a problem to consider them all as one; for how can the temporal which is always passing away, truly be one with the eternal, which is of those aspects that are "above", as St. Paul asks us to think--that which is above and not below...or that Jesus said He did not belong to this world below but came from above.

Truly, it is when I get slogged down with the below and the things of the temporal, that the virtues tend to get weakened if not even lost--shot down by the temporal realities.  Then it is the grace of God and that which is of His Real Presence and not of this temporal world, that lifts up, once again.

So perhaps we fool ourselves.  Yes, we do enjoy the temporal beauty of a lovely church building and the temporal aspects of the Mass, or so we think.  We like a good priest and homilist, and the aesthetic qualities that are so beautiful in this world, and that are incorporated in worship.  But if it were not for the reality of the spiritual, the purity of the Holy Essence of the Mass, the one reality of the One, the Being, the Truth, the Way, the Life, the Living Word, His Real Presence--all the other would not have any kind of worth or usefulness.  

The passing temporalities are stepping stones if even that.  But when they become the emphasis, misconstrued as the One Reality, then the actual or One Reality gets skewed and our lives--our souls--falter.  There really seems to be only the One Reality, and that is God.  And the temporal is not a reality but is a means to and aspect of the one reality.  Seems like that, and when I forget that reality of the One Reality, the body, mind, heart, and spirit then gets messed up and side-tracked.

When I can view the intricacies of fitting plumbing ABS pipe and elbows in order to achieve the proper venting for flow of sewer off-gas, to rise eventually out the roof, as stepping stones or a passing temporal process, then I can have peace and a kind of joy in plumbing as the process points to the one reality, for there really is just One, and that is:  God Is All.  And that Reality, His Real Presence, is single and solo yet in Three-ness.  The temporal is an aspect of the One, a symbol in tangibles for us when we are not yet capable of the fullness of the One Reality, of the spiritual, the mystical essence and substance of the humanly, unfathomable reality in His Real Presence. 

Perhaps rather than fearing and not being comfortable with the way my mind leaves and blacks out from the temporal when the pain becomes so intense, I should consider it more a participation in the One Reality, His Real Presence, in His Spirit, or as an ecstasy wrought of pain, of sorts, for I am no longer then tied to the temporal which is passing away, not the eternal, ever Present One Reality.  

There is nothing spiritual about pain and suffering in itself.  But there is everything good and spiritual about it as a stepping stone or a temporal aspect of the One Reality which is God.  And no matter how hard we try, we cannot ever accurately name or create any temporal description of God.

In that sense, we can place suffering very close to God.  In the many temporal ways we try to make rules and laws in order to control matters of God, or create medications to try to manage or control temporal pain, they only keep us farther from His reality--a reality we really cannot temporally control or name.

Oh well.

Praying you and M are having a wholly and holy spiritual love together, today!

God bless His Real Presence in us, and Love in His LOVE,

Whom God Has Consecrated

The following incident in the life of Jesus Christ, and His words and His accuser's reaction, hits the nail on the head.

From John 10:31-42:

"Jesus answered them,
'Is it not written in your law, I said, 'You are gods'"?
If it calls them gods to whom the word of God came,
and the Scripture cannot be set aside,
can you say that the one
whom the Father has consecrated and sent into the world
blasphemes because I said, "I am the Son of God"?
If I do not perform my Father's works, do not believe me;
but if I perform them even if you do not believe me,
believe the works, so that you may realize and understand
that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.'"

How appropriate!  What an answer!

Notice the words:  whom the Father has consecrated.  Apply this situation and Jesus' answer to that of today's church and its accumulated laws as well as their interpretation.  Consider all in relationship to those who discern a call to live a life devoted to and intimate with God, attempting to follow Jesus more closely, with professing obedience to Him, poverty of spirit and worldly tangibles, and chastity in order to step in His footsteps of a chaste and celibate life.

In today's church, this profession distinguishes the consecrated life.  Plus, we must consider the performance of the Father's works.  What are the Father's works?  Are they not the lived efforts and resultant signs of a life lived in beauty, truth, and goodness?  Are the Father's works His will lived out in our own lives, daily, in imitation of Jesus' earthly life and fulfilling God's commandments--highlighted by lived example by Jesus Christ?

By what means and reality is a person consecrated?  Who consecrates a hermit, for example?  Is it a human being who consecrates a hermit?  Is it a church law that consecrates a hermit?  Is it the person him- or herself who consecrates him- or herself?

It is none of these.  God consecrates those whom He calls.  And the consecration is distinguished and validated by the works that the consecrated one performs.

Does the consecrated hermit (or consecrated virgin, widow, religious, member of secular institute or society of apostolic life) perform works in accordance with God the Father?  Are the works inconsistent with the teachings and life example of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father?  Are the works performed  inconsistent with the commandments of God--the pinnacle being to love the Lord your God with all your strength, all your mind, all your heart and soul--and to love your neighbor as yourself?

Yesterday received a short note from the spiritual father, written and mailed from far away.  Or, is it that he writes to a consecrated Catholic hermit who is far away?  There is that reality of perspective, always. And perspective, if only of self, can confuse and hinder our works.  If that perspective is of the Father, of the Son, of the Holy Spirit, then love will illuminate our works.

This hermit then called him.  It shared some of its recent thoughts as well as the physical struggles.  It shared the considerations of the temporal Catholic church--what some term the secular church--and the sorrow and concerns therein.  As in the time of Jesus and the religion of His upbringing, the temple laws had accumulated over hundreds of years.  And there were people who became intent upon these laws as well as distracted by them to the point of using them to test other people and to judge other people.  

And also, then, they used the laws as a means of meting out consequences if they decided that these other people were not living the laws according to their interpretations of the laws. And the interpretation of these laws included not only the temporal aspects but the spiritual, theological aspects, as well.

The hermit shared with the spiritual father, some of the recent considerations and being judged by others according to their interpretations of the temporal Catholic Church's laws, specifically regarding consecration of those who received calls by God and professed according to those laws, and were striving to live in accordance with the professed avowal, a life of intimacy and with determination and desire in living out a closer, purposeful following of Jesus Christ.  

The hermit made the comment that just as in Jesus' time and life, the laws have seemingly caused division and temptation for some to fall into the wrong kind of judging of others even to the point of writing that others have blasphemed, or will face the torments of hell, or that they have made false claims regarding being consecrated.

The spiritual father responded that Christianity has been lost in such cases, and that this hermit is not dealing with people acting as Christians, as followers of Jesus.  "Where is the charity?" he asked.  "What are their motives for trying to demean others and publicly detract them, and judge and declare them to not be consecrated?"

No one really has the answers to his questions.  Perhaps when and if we act like those questioning Jesus and preparing to stone Him, do not question their own motives nor have answers for themselves.  But they think they have the answers regarding others, even the Son of God.  And in honesty, we can change the pronoun to "we":  We think we have the answers regarding others.  Often enough, we slip into the similar judging.  There were many Jews ready to stone Jesus for what they judged and concluded was His blasphemy.  In their eyes and minds, He was not the one who God consecrated and sent into the world.

This nothing hermit told the spiritual father how it grieves for the problems that canon laws have obviously created in the Church today and perhaps in past centuries.  It noted the inconsistencies of interpretation, the hypocrisies, the personal conflicts that arise as a result, and the temptation to use the laws as a means to elevate oneself over others, or at minimum the distraction that the focus by some upon the laws causes in our losing the pearl of great price.  

The hermit mentioned the Catholic high school as reported in the news, of which the school administrators are requiring the girls to bring in photographs of the dresses they plan to wear to the school prom (dance) so that they may be approved.  The consequences of not wearing an approved dress is to be turned away from the dance upon arrival.  

There are obstacles that the new rule is already facing.  Parents and students alike are in division over it.  The school is merely trying to enforce the moral decency so that dresses are in keeping with a standard of modesty, in line with chastity.  But it is becoming a nightmare of strife.  The process is taking time and focus away from other aspects of education.  People are essentially picking up stones, readying to throw them at the administrators and at each other.  What if a girl takes in a photo of a dress she'd like to wear, and by the time it is approved, the store has sold the dress?  

This and several other tangible problems are popping up.  What difficulties will those trying to enforce the rule encounter, the night of the prom, trying to match photos of approved dresses with what the girls are actually wearing?  And, what if those making the decisions to approve or disapprove, in the offset have different values in judging, or from one day to the next have personally different feelings regarding what dress passes and what does not?  It can happen. We are but contrary and fallible humans.

So we see just in this example, the trouble with human laws, even if the intentions are good in wanting to stop what are or could be abuses and inconsistencies with Christian values.  But it seems, as in the larger example and "picture", that the solution resides within each of us:  Are we performing the works of God?  Are we living the commandments?  Can we or others believe in the works themselves, or are the works gone awry, counter to Jesus' teachings and life, counter to God's commandments?  In the situation above, if the parents and the girls themselves, live in accordance with God, there will not be the problem of dressing immodestly.  But the problem remains that not all who say they are following Christ, are; or they may not be following consistently or in truth, beauty, and goodness.

There has been a loss of the humble and sincere following in Christ's footsteps, of trying with each step each day and night, to place our feet into the imprints of His feet, exactly as he stepped out His life on earth.  There has been a loss of focusing on His teachings, His laws of love, obedience to God's will, of poverty to our tendency to pride and lust and selfishness, His laws of living in purity of body, mind, heart, and spirit.

Who consecrates us--any of us?  Who confirms us as Christians?  How do we know we are consecrated?  How do we know we are Christians?  

We (and others) will know by our works.  If we do not believe that God consecrates us and that God is in us and we are in God, we and others will know by our works.  Works that are in keeping with Christ's teachings and the commandments of God--and of these love is the greatest--are the proof of the fulfillment of God's laws.

Yes, they (and we) will know that we are Christians by our love, by our love....  It is God Who consecrates us, not laws, not even laws created by church leaders.  They might write out what seems to be the consensus of how hermits have lived, based upon the holy prophet eremites cited in Scripture and noted by their works, and the life-traits and spirituality of holy hermits in the past two thousand years, evidenced by performing God's works.  But it is God Who consecrates, and it His commands and His Son's life example that form the benchmark of what is the performance of God's works.

God bless His Real Presence, and may our bodies, minds, hearts and spirits be Christ-open and Christ-worthy abodes of His indwelling.  Love one another, and remain in His Love!

A Commentary That Helps a Solitary Hermit

This commentary on a section of Thomas a Kempis' writings gives further substance and explanation of this nothing Catholic hermit's thoughts in previous post of the challenge for a very solitary hermit's daily and life-long journey.

From The Imitation of Christ, spiritual treatise of the 15th century, Book II, ch. 12 (trans. Robert Dudley)

"If anyone wishes to come after me, he must... take up his cross daily and follow me"

The commentary:

To many the word seems harsh; "Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Jesus"... Why do you fear then to take up the cross, the way that leads to the kingdom?  In the cross you are saved, revived, protected.  In the cross you are showered with sweetness from on high, your mind is strengthened, your spirit rejoiced.  In the cross is virtue's sum, and perfect holiness.  In the cross alone is the hope of life eternal, the soul's salvation.  So take up your cross and follow Jesus; and you will enter eternal life....  For if you die with him, you shall also likewise live with him.  If you are his companion in punishment, so shall you be in glory.

Everything is founded on the cross....  There is no other way to life, nor to true inner peace....  Walk where you will, seek what you will; you will find neither a loftier way above nor a safer way below, but only the way of the holy cross.

Plan as you will, arrange as you see fit; all you will ever find is suffering you cannot help but bear; and so you will always find the cross.  You will either have bodily pain or mental and spiritual affliction.  Now God will leave you, again your fellow will provoke you; and what is more, you will often weigh heavy on yourself.  There is neither remedy to free you nor comfort to ease you.... For God will have you learn to endure affliction with total submission to himself and become more humble.... You must endure with patience everywhere, if you would be at peace within, and earn the lasting crown.

Meekness Needed

Just read the "step" on the ladder of Divine ascent, in which John Climacus writes of meekness and simplicity, among other aspects of similar virtue.

More on it later, but to add now that meekness is needed here.  That calm that must be within in order to possess true humility...that is meekness.

When awoke this morning, yesterday's frantic efforts in manual labor tasks found berth in the recent memory.  No task was finding completion; always some aspect was an obstacle.  Went from task to task, to no conclusion or fulfillment.  Even framing a wall had to cease.  Somehow it is not true and straight from one end, to the other.  Cannot figure out why so am waiting with hope that Raphael will indeed send one of his men to help.  Some tasks do best with two sets of hands.

With the pain level burning already upon waking, the nothing pondered if it could ever attain meekness in any consistency, given the agitation burning pain prompts.  If one centers in, the pain stirs frenzy.  If one distracts out, the pain is not noticed but yet smolders--bursts afresh into leaping flames, crackling and chaotic.

Perhaps His Real Presence is pleased if this nothing keeps trying, though?  Perhaps trying is about as far as this body, mind, heart, and soul will achieve in meekness? Or desire for meekness?  How it yearns to be calm, consistent, not fluttered by obstacles, not reactive to the fire of pain of any type.

There are those called fire walkers.  Yet they do not exist in nor walk always on the fiery coals.  Their learned ability to detach and transcend the effects of what would or ought have their feet blistered and their mouths screaming, is temporary.  Perhaps this nothing aspirant of His Real Presence had best be quite grateful for the desire and attempts at traversing a life of constant burning.

God can do all things through him who loves Him.  Meekness needed here.  Watching or reading world news is not helping, unless one considers heaping more wood on the fire to be helpful.  And if a person is very cold and in need of warmth for survival, having wood on hand and stoking the fire is a good thing.  But if already burning and needing not fire but ashes, it seems best to stay warm without temporal accelerants.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love! Jesus is meek and humble of heart.  We have a new day in which to desire and try yet again, in the virtues such as meekness, that helps fuel love.