Catholic Hermit: Lenten Illness

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been quite ill the past ten days.  Much of it is a blur other than I tried to keep going, thinking I could work through it with over-the-counter sinus meds.  The daughter came and did a trooper's job of helping get much accomplished in the room with vaulted ceiling.  I made it through although by the Second Sunday of Lent, the "crud" was getting worse.  By the grace of God was able to get her to airport that evening and on her way to her family.

Monday it was time to make a last-ditch effort to drive back into civilization and see a doctor.  That done, and antibiotic in hand, the coughing and impacted head takes much effort and energy, day and night.  My lungs seem to be the weak point of body at this phase of life and for past few years.  Reminds me of my late mother who suffered horribly from Pulmonary fibrosis, origin unknown as she was not a smoker nor a coal miner....

So thoughts of my mother's final illness and death have returned.  I consider it good that the Holy Spirit is reminding me, and I see my lack of supreme compassion and mercy in some aspects, over twelve years ago.  It was not easy, her suffering; and she did not want to die.  There was anger, and at times it was far to tricky for me to isolate out the emotions that angry comments and criticism can evoke.  However, we always have opportunities to offer apologies and love anew, on our parts.

This morning the Holy Spirit brought to mind a person I'd already set aside from a dream last night.  It is the image of my late godmother and confirmation sponsor, a Catholic religious sister whom I was quite close with during the initial years of my conversion and Catholic infancy.  But the relationship soured when my godmother became irked that I would not go along with what came forth of her involvement with a protest movement of feminists, rather angry women who banded together with purpose of forcing changes they wanted in the Church functioning.

It was not a pleasant discovery, and I in good faith and conscience could not condone nor join forces.  This resulted in my godmother imposing some sanctions on me regarding visiting the convent, going to Mass there, using the library, and other detailed changes in what previously had been a marvelous experience.  Before long, it seemed best to part ways; and I mentioned we could remain friends in prayer rather than contend with the hostilities and vindictive behavior that was most disappointing.

So she was in a dream last night.  Had not thought of my godmother for several years.  And today I have realized that I lacked mercy and compassion, although we can always see ways to improve in hindsight.  At the time, I kept my distance as the only means I then knew to alleviate the conflict.  Yet I did not cease praying for her, and I am sure she prayed for me.  I apologized today for my lacking various virtues, including patience.  I did send her a note when she was terminally ill, and she responded but yet with some stoic pride.  Perhaps my note prodded such a response; I suppose I hoped for some signal of change of mind regarding anger that the sisters' mission in protest was not successful and likely would never be.

Yet I can better understand how she and the others felt, for they had perhaps been sold on expectations at the time of the Second Vatican Council that never materialized.  Once more, I see how easy to be derailed when we seek after and place our energy and emphasis on aspects of the temporal world, and especially upon the temporal Catholic world--the aspects of Church that some term "secular" or "administrative", or the "system".

I am going to be talking with my godmother today, in my heart of hearts, and I will offer her my love and appreciation.  I hope she forgives me; and I hope that I understand more fully her stances and why she took that path in her later years, perhaps caught up in frustrations with a movement that is not how I am or ever have been inclined, in my life.  It all reminds me to seek to love God in Himself and to love others as God loves.  And He surely loves my godmother and understands and accepts far better than I did in my initial shock and upset at the secret life, of sorts, that I did not know about for three or four years of closeness with my godmother.

Well, St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow.  What a courageous lover of God is St. Patrick!  Perhaps I can watch online the movie that I think is being offered for viewing on EWTN.  My body is not able to do much manual labor, although I pray to move some trim wood out of the way of the scaffolding and move the scaffolding at least into position for painting the stairwell ceiling.  Perhaps tomorrow or the next day...the Lord will bring enough lung and sinus healing to climb a ladder atop scaffolding.

We just never quite know in Lent what will unfold day by day.  And the aspects that seem most potent for me personally, are these personages who I've muddled in relationship.  The Lord is mercifully and lovingly giving me another chance to make matters right with them even if we are separated by the thin veil, temporal to ethereal.  There is certainly a whole lot to love about my godmother, and I will focus on those loving aspects and set aside the earthly brambles.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Let us love God in Himself and others as God loves!  Grant us the joy of God's salvation!

Catholic Hermit: God Unfolds Lent

Already, yesterday and again today, in the Order of the Present Moment: God unfolds Lent.  It is God Who chooses, Who controls, Who plans and unfolds Lent.  God does so individually, uniquely, and collectively.

The other day, after a letter from my spiritual father as well as an ensuing dream in which he was counseling me, I decided to find EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network) on my laptop (this hermit's little window to the temporal world).  I watched a bit, and a sense of sadness at times, and even mournfulness, caused my mind and heart to ponder aspects of the past and present.

Was the mournfulness a result of what I was viewing, or was it an aspect of passage of earthly time, or could it have to do with a shift in programming and current status, perhaps the result of decline in enthusiasm, etc.?

I also considered my role and to what praying God calls me in the present moment.  Recently I've prayed much for our country, our world, as well as individual struggles as noticed on news reports and in short video clips and headlines.  The secular media provides plenty of prayer reminders, specifically and in general topics.  It seems a good thing to pray for such intentions.

Yet, I questioned again, within myself, the source of the sense of mournfulness that surfaced when I viewed more of the EWTN programming.  And by yesterday, I had an answer.

The mournfulness, for the most part, was my own.  It had to do with past memories--bittersweet, at that.  The bitter revolved around a time period in my Catholic life progression in which an apostolate--a ministry--that the Virgin Mary had directed me in a dream to organize and lead--had me suffer one of the most painful (I thought) ousting from that which I so loved guiding and helping along to much success for those in need of a touch of love.  It was a soup kitchen that evolved into much more.  Yet the devil got involved, and I had to go in order for the fury to subside.

The sweet aspects included, in my needing to lay low under the guidance of my spiritual father at the time, discovering EWTN programming.  At the time, I needed to rent and subscribe to DISH television, and I had a television by which I could learn and grow through the various EWTN programs, in addition to spiritual reading on my own. 

The bitterness of loss of what had been an exciting and successful focus of my love and efforts was thus filled with the many positives of the Catholic Church as seen through the various guests and information, the saint movies, the Scripture studies, the spiritual guidance, the music and prayers offered from a television network begun by a Catholic nun and staffed by many with donations coming in from all over the world.

So returning after many years of not having a television set nor cable, and not realizing EWTN would now be live-streamed on internet, I sensed a shift in momentum that equated, at first, as mournfulness.  And yes, the mournfulness for the most part was mine and not due to changes in the network programming or presentation.

Yesterday, I happened to peak again and found broadcasting some lenten reflections by some priests of the Missionaries of the Poor.  Then later I noticed a fairly recent movie of the saints Francis and Clare.  I also discovered a priest who'd had a program years ago, continuing his program, yet current--recognized him despite aging.  And if he could see me through the screen, he'd not probably recognize me due to my aging beyond the usual.  Ah, the way temporal hardships and pain can age us!

I still find the tone heard in the recitation of prayers to be rather somber, if not mournful.  And again, the mournfulness is how they affect me subjectively.  And I am now certain this is due to my own suffering and struggles currently, in the present moment.  I have more than enough so seek relief from the somber, the mournful, even though I realize life can be quite serious, grievous, sorrowful.

Others viewing may not find it so at all!  And in the passage of time and the phases of our spiritual progression in life, we ought not be in the same mode with the same needs and desires that we had a dozen years or more ago.  The Lord unfolds our lives; we merely flow along with the Holy Spirit as best we can, if we desire to flow and not restrict Him.

And all this leads me to consider that I've come to not place specific goals for myself for Lent.  I used to, in my innocent, well-intentioned yet naive arrogance.  I came to discover that my goals are much like temporal goals.  I offer as fact the goals of this past week that I'd have the stairwell drywall mudded in two or three days.  It's been five days, and I'm still at it although yesterday had to run errands in civilization for more supplies--costly ones, at that, requiring yet more faith in God's providence.

Already, since Ash Wednesday just four days ago, the Lord has unfolded His chosen Lent for me in typical Order of the Present Moment fashion.  He's shown me a thing or two or many about mournfulness, penthos, contrition, repentance, and the joy of His salvation.  He's given me new areas of physical pain that moderate what I can "do" or "not do" each day.  The Lord reminded me to let go of past enthusiasms and also the bitter memories in order to see the sweetness of this present moment, in which the sun unexpectedly is shining now when instead overcast and sleet was to be.

God plans and provides my Lenten sacrifices and Lenten lessons.  He points to what I should view and read, and also what I need to be listening to within my mind and heart--and in the night time when distractions are mostly wiped away, He provides visitors in my dreams.  

Last night, there was quite a visit and sharing with a dear friend of the past, some 11 or 10 years ago passed onto the other side.  Oh, Virginia, loving friend of my heart and soul!  I'm yet pondering with loving awe but also asking the potential prayer needs of this woman or her family, the latter yet on this earth as far as I know  I'm also asking the Lord to reveal any aspects of myself with my departed friend, in this fifth day of the current Lent, in which I must make amends.  He's shown me my dereliction already; and immediately I prayed an apology to Virginia so close beyond the thin veil.

I read a few more pages of St. Bernard's Sermons on the Song of Songs, yesterday; and I realized that my lack of spiritual reading is due to the tremendous physical strain in the manual labor these days.  Thus, the current prayer intentions revolve around the bits and pieces of laptop secular news clips--and now also the needs and topics brought forth by the Catholic Church's televised network whether or not some programs are current with my spiritual present moment.  They are necessary and good for someone's spiritual present moment, and for these I pray and rejoice.

I have no idea right now what the Lord will unfold in this first Sunday of Lent.  I hope to listen to a Lenten reflection on EWTN later on, perhaps during a rest break in which I will ice my right elbow and right hand.  (The right, upper bodily appendage is so painful from carpentry overuse!  I do remind myself that Jesus and His dad were on earth, carpenters and workers with stone and some kind of mortar, which then reminds me of the drywall mudding to be done in Te Deum Hermitage!)

What I do know, is that even if I tell the Lord what I intend to read or pray or sacrifice or do in a positive, additional effort of love of Him in Himself, and love of others as He loves--none of my plans and goals can begin to compare to what He has planned for me in this present Lent.  So I will "do" something that has not been easy for me to do, and that is to let go of my own notions, to stop jumping in to lead.  I will submit and follow, which requires being attentive to God in the present moments of His Lent--for Lent is Jesus Christ's Lent, and I am but a guest on His program.

God's Lent is not mournful, at least not for me this day in His Lent which becomes our Lent, together.  Reverent, somber, serious, repentant, humble--yes, I suppose so.  But I am noticing His Living Word is filled with much joy in His salvation and reminders to not think or talk so much but to act, even if interior movement, in positive and lovingly helpful manner for my and others' souls.

God bless His Real Presence in us as God unfolds His Lent through us, and us who remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Interesting Development, God Provides!

Recently this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has prayed about and considered having an email account associated with this blog.  The thought came that perhaps some of the blog readers (including those living in other countries) might have prayer requests or some other desire to communicate or share.

So I was praying about it and waiting for some answer from the Lord.  I mentioned the thought the other morning to an adult daughter who listened and contributed some thoughts.  I said that the sense I was getting from prayer was to remain with the intrigue and mystery of not knowing specifics, thus not having an email account.  

Rather, listening in the silence of solitude, somehow the Lord would let me know the specific prayer needs of the readers and viewers; and through the Holy Spirit, I would continue to sense and pray for each and all of you.

Also, I told the daughter that surely the Lord would bring, if He wills and desires, those who might have needs such as dream interpretation or prayer needs.  There are ways to be in touch already.

Just a few hours later, there came a request from someone who had come across something I'd said.  He has had some fascinating dreams that are significant, yet he is uncertain as to what they mean.  He has requested help in dream interpretation.

It was rather an amazing (to me, at least) direct answer to what had been my prayer and what I was sensing the Lord's direction and leanings.  Those who have genuine need, He will bring over the means of cyberspace--that is,  those readers and viewers who with this hermit, remain anonymous one to the other except in our known love and respect as members of the Body of Christ.  

We are not strangers as souls who are seeking union with His Real Presence and are not strangers to our shared existence as souls living as God's creation on His created earth!

The young man has sent a detailed description of a dream.  I am currently praying about it and asking the Holy Spirit to give insights.  All, of course, is if the Lord wills.  But an important aspect that I clarified with the young man when he first inquired and asked for some assistance with his dream, is that what I am to assist with in such matters is very much to teach others how to interpret their dreams, how to discern spirits, and even how to approach the time, effect, and suspension of our wills and bodies in what we all experience:  sleep.

When the spiritual father called several days ago, this Catholic hermit asked him what he thought of an insight given recently regarding "sleep."  He found it fascinating but true, and I will share the insight with you in a separate blog post.  It is rather simple, actually, but yes, it has made a difference in my approach to sleep; and it certainly excited the spiritual father who said he would now view and utilize sleep as gift in a different light and spiritual perspective.

God is so good to us!  And the Holy Spirit continues to give us insights and to teach us even as we become old and think we are well-seasoned in this earthly existence--only to surprise us with something we'd not considered before.  What His Real Presence (in whatever varied means) shows and teaches us, no matter how long we've slugged it out in daily (and nightly) life, is of benefit.  God provides!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, help one another, share with one another what God provides materially and spiritually.  God Is Love, and He loves each and every one of us!

Catholic Hermit Has Powerful Dream

The Lord gave intense instruction and reminder in powerful dream last night.  It has to do with the value of souls and of how much in danger can be our souls.  There was more to it, of course.  Was so clear and sharp as to wake up this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit!  Fear and awe--trembling for souls.

Plus, in the dream, trying to remedy situation of our souls endangered by our mortal flaws and ignoring God and the state of our beings, was stymied.  Pray for souls!  But also, as shown, often our abodes reflect our soul's state of being or that of others.  It can be difficult to take temporal, spiritual action, such as using blessed holy water in homes for so many do not have that belief or faith in such.  Or it can be difficult to find priests today who would take seriously our concern for souls and for dwellings enough to do an orthodox house blessing.

At least, these have been obstacles in my own situations and in hearing of others' plights.

Am reminded to  pray earnestly for all souls and to do what I can to bless this dwelling as well as to bless with as much faith as my mind, heart, and spirit can muster--others' dwellings.  And this means the dwellings of our souls--our bodies--and the dwellings in which we live as humans upon this earth. 

I can do a "house" blessing in person, here, today; and I can do it when I visit others, quietly, with interior blessing room by room or from the exterior.  I can also bless in faith and love, from deep within my mind, heart, and spirit, from afar--to any dwelling anywhere, upon which my mind is led by the Holy Spirit.

While asking a priest to formally bless a house is marvelous and good, often it seems priests do not consider such as all that necessary or urgent.  My dream showed the importance, however, of the state of our souls--our souls' abodes as well as our bodies' abodes.  There are supernatural aspects that can affect the security of our souls when we do not even realize the intrusions that can weaken us, or the dangers that we may be surrounded with.

We go along in life, day by day: working, eating, sleeping, interacting, playing and even praying.  But we do not necessarily realize the incredible value and status of our souls among each other and with God.

I was shown how lacking can be our souls.  I have let slack the praying and beseeching, the protecting and blessing, on behalf of souls--souls of whom I'm aware and souls in general.  The dream was a powerful reminder and in rather desperate and intense showing of souls and circumstances--ones of which I am familiar but had neglected other than in passing thought.  Serious business, is the state of our and all souls!

Now there will be far more concern and loving consideration to do all, in faith, that I can possible do and be for souls!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and consider in love and prayer, each others' souls!

Catholic Hermit Has a Dream

Well, there are dreams, and there are dreams.

Dreams require discernment.  Obviously, there are types and degrees of dreams.  Not a lot of time and effort should be spent on reviewing them, for that is not necessary.  When some spiritual guides suggest brushing them aside, they also in other aspects teach to discern various locutions, visions, and other numinous messages.

The danger in heeding dreams literally is that the level of images, or imagination, is one in which the devil is allowed to enter into the mind.  If a dream leaves one disturbed and chaotic, it is not necessary to pay much attention, other than to acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, and all of our love and obeisance is to Him.  If spoken aloud, that is best when the devil is involved in anything nefarious, including dreams.

Then, other dreams reflect bodily or situational stresses.  These dreams tend to allow the subconscious to float to the surface and relay some irritant or upset in our physical or emotional or mental status involved in our everyday functioning.  These are often depicted by symbolic dream events and are fairly easy to discern.  The solution is to try to correct whatever it is that is causing the stress or upset.  Sometimes we cannot alter the temporal world, but we can always address ourselves and see that our reactions can change; and that change can help us reduce the stress until the situation is past.

There are dreams that teach us about ourselves in ways that are worth discerning.  Again, as in the last category, the subconscious is more freed in sleep to come to the conscious mind enough that we will recall the dream with a message.  Usually the message is symbolic in these dreams, but not always.  Often the message (however it is imaged or symbolized or acted out) in the dream will show us some aspect of ourselves that needs improving.  We must learn to be very honest, though, in order to discern.  We have to not fear facing our vices or other weaknesses in our dealings with others, with our habits and flaws.

(Someone has reported on several occasions and asked for assistance in interpretation, dreams that involve being late and the frustration that accompanies.  While the person awakes unsettled, as there are many elements usually woven into the dream, the message repeats.  And, this person is known in life to be habitually late.  This could be due to various aspects including disorganization of temporal surroundings but also concern over a physical handicap that is not yet fully accommodated.)

Other dreams move into more a spiritual level, with spiritual implications.  (This is not to suggest the other types of dreams are not supernal, as we are all created by God, and that includes every aspect of our psyches, including dreams and all the aspects involved in their images.  God's providence is in our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.)

The dreams that are pointedly spiritual usually have a different essence than the others.  They are more lucid.  One awakens with peace even if there is something of warning involved, or correction. The above mentioned types of dreams can be easily forgotten.  A highly spiritual dream remains clear, especially until the person has discerned it properly and gleaned the message God Himself or through His angels or saints or other messengers has given.

These messages can yet take the form of symbols, situations played out, images, and including voices.  They can transcend any time period and often involve those we know in our lives as part of the image or "scene", as if in a play.  Sometimes the voice will be known, such as someone in our lives who has passed on or the Voice of God that we somehow know because of the quality and a sense deep within that we cannot describe.

Understand that in these types of dreams, God will never tell us, either by His Voice or through His messengers, anything that is evil or immoral or tempting.  Again, there will be peace when we awaken even if there are distressful images that portray for us something we need to correct or be aware.  We will yet have an inner calm and assurance, and there will be a loving desire to agree to what it is, when we discern rightly.

Last night this nothing Catholic hermit had a dream of the latter type.  It could have easily been of the first, of the distressing and devil-playing-with-the-mind type, except there was a strong message to it and a peace upon awakening, and a ready admittance of what the hermit has been neglecting. It was all quite true.  (And in dreams, often the images and messages tend toward more visual or seemingly extreme or intense in order to drive home the point.  Otherwise it is too easy to ignore them.)

So this nothing Catholic hermit knows well and is duly reminded, that it has been neglecting its soul--the intuitive of its soul, specifically.  Yes, all the efforts on trying to right-side-up this pathetic, old house that some people had rather misrepresented the extent of its woes, has taken the hermit too much into the active and into the world.  The obstacles have been ridiculous, abnormal--such as four months to persevere with an appliance that had a leveling foot not budging.  Well, the examples are too many and not worth repeating, but there have been more obstacles than not, by far, requiring time and attention.

Now, with finances dwindling and needing to go for broke, and get help finishing the heavy parts, and not sure at all will make it out with the shirt on the back, the message is apt.  And the dream stands as a light to guide, for it will be easier to let go and strip away, sell out after a final push of hard work to make it salable, use up the supplies here--and be thankful to return to some other way of temporal existence, somewhere other, and tend the intuitive soul!

Already this has commenced.  The nothing Catholic hermit has shifted its body, mind, and heart all the more to His Real Presence.  The pneumonia passed the mid-point sometime in the night, although there is quite a ways to go before can be out of bed for much of anything.  The images used to show the hermit how horribly it had neglected its intuitive soul, remain as firm, strong, and loving reminders.  Praise God for the images!

Yes, see?  Such dreams are lucid, and even if rather shocking-to-our-sensibilities the images, if the message is from God, it will be joyfully embraced and the result clear and uplifting!  Just the one aspect of the "scene" is needed as a quick shot, like seeing a photo or noticing a ring to remind of our vows, or a cross to remind of our Savior.

If we ignore such dreams, or do not bother to discern any dream, it can be as if tossing out mail unread.  Most might be junk, but as today, when the hermit was able to make it as far as the mailbox, therein was a short, loving, encouraging note from its spiritual father, far away.  It is a keeper, to for a time remind in a tangible way of his esteemed prayers.

Now, some spiritual directors may advise to ignore dreams.  Even John of the Cross mentions similar in the first phase, the purgation of the senses.  But later on, in the intuitive way leading into unitive of the soul with God, he discusses discernment.  We must know that had St. Joseph indiscriminately tossed aside the dream telling him to wed Mary and what to name the Child, or had the wise men ignored their dream to avoid Herod--what then?

God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love one another!  God Is Love!  Remain in His Love!

More on Renunciation

Yesterday managed to drive the distance into civilization to watch grandson give a science presentation.  The adult daughter discussed options to this situation here, with the latest obstacles and hardships.  The hermit explained how difficult, yet must trust in God and also, somehow, to trust the wisdom and guidance of this 6th century hermit solitary whose name somehow came to mind a few weeks ago, and whose book seems to be helping with the spiritual unraveling of events and explanation of what this hermit is experiencing.

As for renunciation of the world, which is necessary for at least some hermits who aspire to union with God (as Jesus and others have taught and lived), John Climacus makes the point that it is not a renunciation of the world due to the passions or of running away from it, but rather it is the desire to come closer to God in order to love more and attain life within His Real Presence to an ultimate degree.

And that, however, requires the death of the passions, which includes anger and frustration, pride, and various other aspects of the thoughts and emotions that can trip us and entangle us in the renunciation process.  Yet, the world and its increasing obstacles and pitting the soul with roadblocks of complexities, memories, desires of comfort, status or whatever all else--contains with it embers of growing disgust which does help the solitary hermit or any with spiritual aspirations of desiring God.   The reality of the hot embers will assist the hermit in  renouncing or dousing them.  The soul then can better develop an unhindered desire and will to go toward the object of its heart's and soul's desiring:  His Real Presence--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

...our act of renunciation is not for empty honor.  Exile is a separation from everything, in order that one may hold on totally to God.  It is a chosen route of great grief.  An exile is a fugitive, running from all....  Do not wait for souls enamored of the world when you are pressing on towards solitude and exile....Anyone telling you he can combine these yearnings [even of family, of the world] is deceiving himself.  "No one can serve two masters" [Matt. 6:24].

The words, the guidance, at times seems painfully harsh, even wrong.  Yet, we cannot deny the very life of Jesus and how He lived on earth any more than we can deny the holy souls that the Church has canonized over the centuries, whose lives were lived to a certain ideal, no matter the difficult deaths involved along the way.  [Am not referring to physical death of the earthly body, but of the many mental, emotional, and spiritual types of dying that occur in increasingly painful aspects.  Rather, the deaths are of the soul being purified and emptied in order to come to conformity of love in spiritual perfection, union with Christ and in His will, not that of our own.]

When a man has renounced the world and still returns to its affairs or draws near to it, he will either fall into its snares or will defile his heart with thoughts of it.  These are strong and difficult words to most of us.  Yet Climacus also adds that even if a person becomes uncorrupted, if he begins to hold contempt for others who are corrupted by the world, then he will join them in their corruption.

In the spiritual ascent, there is no room for pride or self-righteousness, nor for judging others who are not on the same path or who are called to some other level or pace of climbing the holy mountain.  At least that is what this nothing Catholic hermit concludes from the reading and praying thus far, and the living of life.  

Climacus also gives sound advice on getting caught up in dreams.  He recommends not paying much attention to those especially that leave a person in despair or conversely in some kind of pride.  It is important, or so this nothing Catholic hermit has concluded in its 63 years on earth and many dreams, that the discernment of spirits and of the effect of dreams, is rather a critical skill to learn.  Climacus mentions dreams that lead to fantasizing, and those are easy enough to pick off--if we are honest with ourselves.

As for this hermit's own dreams, such as the one in which Jesus told it He was very pleased when the hermit, over 19 years ago asked if it was truly God's will that it become a Catholic.  Had the hermit dismissed that dream and locution, it would not have converted to Catholicism.  The dream gave the hermit courage to follow through with being confirmed in the Church, even though the actual suffering and sorrows of its life have multiplied many times over as a result of that conversion.

An example of a dream that can lead to fantasizing, is one this hermit had a couple nights ago.  It dreamed it had won the lottery, and a huge amount, at that!  The dream was so real that upon waking, the hermit was working out in its mind (fantasizing), who it could possibly trust to help it deal with so much money.  What financial person, what attorney?  It decided upon two trusted ones, and then considered how it could have some kind of outreach to help the world with the funds.  

Soon it was thinking what a cross to bear, and how many people would misuse the funds, or those people who had not been loyal would be considering themselves as good friends to the hermit, after all!  But mostly, the hermit considered being able to walk away from this hermitage, and to hire someone to finish it and donate it to a single mother or to some group so it could be a hermitage experience if anyone wanted. 

Another night the hermit had a dream of looking at a house, dated but yet livable, with the thought of purchasing and moving there.  It was not a house it had seen in this life, but in the dream there were some drawbacks in practical ways, but the hermit was wanting to just have a place that is neat, clean and functional.  Then it realized it did not have any means to buy it or to move there.  A person from the hermit's past who has a husband and has financial security, popped into the dream and was making herself very confident and rather triumphant that they were going to buy the house, and even mentioned some famous, wealthy person who owned the house next to it!

So, we see how such dreams as these reflect the hermit's current weariness and desire to flee temporal hardship as well as the dying it is facing on many levels.  See how the fantasizing can enter in?  All the same, when the hermit noticed in civilization that a lottery amount was over the high amount in the one dream, it--God forgive and have mercy!--purchased a ticket!  This nothing Catholic hermit is not nearly ready to renounce the world, at least not nearly to the degree necessary for holiness!

One must keep a sense of humor and be without guile in admitting its weaknesses.  Yes, perhaps this hermit has not the will nor the desire enough to rise into greater death in order to be brought through the mourning into the laughter of the heart.  But, it will still pray for such desire and strength of will.  As the hermit mentioned to the adult daughter, it does take much faith and trust in what holy people have written and what Jesus says in Scriptures, to let go of what the world tells us.  That can include the Christian world which in certain mindsets, highlights the softer and easier parts of Jesus' teachings and life.  His mercy and love are truth, but the reality of unrepentant sin and its consequences are truth, as well.

And, as to another note on dreams, had the hermit not dismissed some of them, it would not have ended up in such a terrible location with the previous neighbors of which the hermit was warned in a dream, the night before the house foundation was to be laid.  Could have gotten out of that one!  Yet, more often than not, the warnings at other times have come more after the fact.  It is more as if the Lord allows the rose-colored glasses to remain long enough to get the hermit to where He wills it, even though it is going to mean much suffering.  But He has the hermit planted in its new place of assignment for prayer and some soul or other to be helped before the hermit realizes the cost; otherwise the hermit would be like Jonah and try avoiding Ninevah....

Enough of all this.  There is more to share of John Climacus' guidance which always flows from and adheres to Scripture.  There is good to share about why ponder death and how that will help the soul to not sin as much.  There is good to share about mourning and tears.   There is good to share about the differing paths of the theologian compared to the hermit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love!

[Note:  This laptop has yet again had its same old issues, and for the fourth time is going into repair.  It is allowed and willed by God--yes such a detail in the temporal for God is in all details--and probably good for this hermit to have a break from as much internet or writing.  Will attempt writing on an iPad.  Yes, at some point, will the good Lord help this hermit all the more detach from words?]

Discernment of Spirits, Phenomenon

When one receives a spiritual gift such as a locution or mystical scent (Jung refers to it as the pneuma of the Holy Spirit), it is well to discern the source and the meaning.

The first time this hermit experienced the odor of spiritual perfume (another way it is expressed), it followed the first corporeal vision of its deceased grandmother.  She appeared in the night as an actual body, dressed, younger than her age at earthly death, and gave a message from God.  The hermit (not then a hermit and not then a Catholic) did not know the terminology of such phenomenon nor the difference between an image-type vision (imaginary, they are called although quite actual and not of the common notion of imagination) or corporeal vision (when a body manifests on a corpus, very much present, visible, and as if could reach out and touch).

As for the strong profusion of perfumed scent that filled the room for several minutes following the grandmother's dissipation or disappearance, there accompanied the vision and resultant sense phenomenon, a tremendous peace within and all about the room.  The peace exuded close to the purest love this hermit experienced in ordinary life existence (does not reach the level of love experienced in the mystical state during Mass nor that of the death experience).

Yesterday morning, when the hermit experienced the spiritual perfume, it checked out any possible temporal possibilities for such a scent.  This was easily accomplished given the hermitage living conditions.  The walls are all but gutted, ceilings gutted, and rat nests removed, but there has not been yet bleach sprayed on other rat urine-soaked wood, nor are their toiletries unpacked that could have given off perfumed scent. The hermit itself had not the luxury of bathing for two weeks, and the body, clothing, and bedding certainly did not smell sweet.

A sense of peace accompanied the thoughts presented interiorly in the early morning prayers.  The day unfolded with more assurances from His Real Presence.  A trip to a physician of whom the daughter found on the internet, with good reviews, but who knows--resulted in a tremendous consolation.  Without expressing the financial situation, the doctor did a procedure that prevented cancerous growth, and charged shockingly little.  (The hermit then did express how much that meant and said why.)

Plus, what is more unusual, is that the night before this doctor appointment, an email came from a dear friend of 30 years ago.  He is 95, and he gave news of health trials he is undergoing.  The hermit had been holding him in prayer, even though this lovely soul would certainly be chosen by God to be conformed to His image and likeness through suffering. But imagine the shock when the hermit met this doctor, and he had the build, facial structure, features, gestures, voice, hair cut and glasses of the man not seen in person, in 25 years!  And the friend is as generous and Christian as this doctor, too.

The Lord was letting the hermit know through each touch of love from the beyond into the temporal, that He is with the hermit.  The hermit must persevere (although the temporal is not guaranteed a temporal success); the hermit must remain here for now; the hermit must keep at the efforts spiritually, prayerfully, and physically.

___________________

The locution of a few weeks ago regarding worship with the hermit monks, was tested this past Sunday.  "Not for you" proved to be from the Holy Spirit.  This hermit went to their small chapel, and waited for the service with a handful of other people.  Many externals provided answers to the test of that locution.  While the externals certainly meant something to those of that tradition, there were little warning signs for this hermit that truly, this was "not for you." 

Fifteen or so minutes into the service, with the hermit monks remaining behind some doors but chanting, and the hermit toward the back of the small chapel, it also knew the mystical state that occurs at all Masses of the Catholic Church, was not going to transpire any more than it does not in Protestant or Evangelical services.  Not that not having the mystical state is a concern of this hermit, it has proven over time to be a sign from His Real Presence, for this hermit.

Regardless the various details of discernment in the externals present or of the interior sense, was able to quietly slip away and return to Te Deum Hermitage, and accept that for whatever the Lord's reasons, "not for you" was what He meant regarding active involvement in another worship tradition.  (And this is not to say that the Lord did not approve of that form for those who feel called to it.  In His house there are many mansions, and He has gone ahead and prepared a room for each of us.)

__________________

This is a cursory glance at discernment of spirits and phenomenon.  Of course, it takes experience with experiences, prayer, and also, each time, a healthy dose of doubt-until-tested stance.  The devil can be quite tricky; but the bulk of spiritual masters who achieved holiness in this life and left their classic writings as guidelines, all concur that a general proof of the Spirit is His peace that passeth all understanding.  One can also review a spiritual experience with one's spiritual director, who presumably is experienced with such matters, personally.

Those who fear spiritual experiences, such as various priests or bishops this hermit has encountered, tend to brush off such events and warn (often misdirecting John of the Cross' writings on the topic) to ignore all spiritual experiences.  If they add to that advice, to "stay grounded," this latter is excellent and ought to rule one's reactions.  

However, John of the Cross in his explanatory writings of his trilogy of poetry (Ascent of Mount Carmel, Dark Night of the Soul, Living Flame of Love) advised not being caught up in phenomenon when the senses are being purged; however later in his writings, he explains that, of course, spiritual phenomenon provides a repertoire, and is a means for God to inform and to guide the soul who has passed through other stages.  

Obviously, the saints, the mystics, popes, priests, and pilgrims, and their various advisers did not disregard their spiritual experiences, or we'd not have any writings from them, and they would not have followed God's locutions to them, nor those of the Virgin Mary.  We would not have the miraculous medal, nor the Dialogues of Jesus to St. Catherine of Siena, nor reforms of various religious orders, nor the Divine Mercy chaplet, etc.  But these experiences need to be discerned and tested, and His Real Presence is not offended when we do.  For one thing, learning to discern mystical phenomenon is a way in which the soul is strengthened and gains experience in the spiritual journey.

This hermit's purpose is not to teach others the detailed specifics of how to discern spirits but to share through its experiences, snippets of example and outcomes.  There are books written on the topics, but to read the lives of saints and mystics is also a good way to learn how they learned.  Plus, we can help one another.  This hermit gets specific when people write or call, asking for discernment help in their spiritual experiences.

_______________

Oh, that reminds....  A friend emailed asking if she interpreted a dream properly, or if she was missing something.  We have been working on her dream interpretation abilities, and she had the dream "nailed," as is said nowadays.  She wasn't sure if the man in the dream telling her some things was St. Francis de Sales or Dom Lorenzo Scupoli.  

This hermit forgot to ask for description of the man; but truly, if one does not know, it does not matter who, although sometimes it helps with our understanding of the message or reason for their being the messenger.  And, if God wants us to know who, as important in some aspect of the message or our spiritual journey, He will let us know at some point, definitively who is the messenger.

In any spiritual experiences, we ought thank His Real Presence, of which the Holy Spirit sends messages through various means, including souls on the other side.  Then, one can also thank whatever soul it may have been, or both or many.  They understand.  As we progress in discerning spirits, less and less does His Real Presence need to have a soul manifest itself, or our angel manifest corporally; we learn the finer nuances of inner sensing:  sight, smell, hearing, touching and tasting.  

There is so much that could be written regarding if the phenomenon is not of His Real Presence, but one can thank His Real Presence regardless.  If not of God, then the devil will shrink from our acknowledging God and ignoring the devil.  And God will not let a sincere and God-loving, fearing soul remain fooled for long.  A sincere and God-love, fearing soul will discern the spirits, even if there are mistakes along the way.  Yes, His Real Presence teaches those who love Him through many means both spiritually and temporally.



As always:  God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, and remain in His Love!


Note:  It seems that many or most bishops and priests in our time period do not have the time to be spent in reading the actual details, such as the breadth of John of the Cross' words, or some of the older books written by those who did have time to become specialists in the mystical and spiritual life.  It is a sign of our more complex times and the many administrative tasks priests and bishops must now tend.) 

The good news is that there is nothing at all stopping any of us from reading and learning.  This hermit developed a solid library by locating online and in used book sellers, many of the titles that Archbishop Tanquerey lists in his seminal writing (used to be required reading for seminarians in the earlier part of 20th c.):  Treatise on the Spiritual Life.  It is in print, paperback, through Tan Publishing, or used to be.  Some hardbound copies can be located online, used.)

Catholic Hermit's Thoughts on the Good of What Seems Bad

Today's Gospel reading renders from Luke and Jesus' speaking the Beatitudes.

"'....Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.  Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on account of the Son of Man. Rejoice on that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets....'"

Consider our calling in life, and the seeming inconsistencies of what the world views and what God views.  To remain in God's will is the utmost endeavor, for all else flows from His will, unfolding our present moments as He wills.  

In faith, we hold this assurance that no matter what, He is allowing and providing; and we must endeavor to grasp what lesson or good we can devolve from any given circumstance.

It is cheery and easy to grasp when matters are pleasant and uplifting and go in our favor.  

When recently visiting a family member (we are helping with manual labor, one with the other, now and then), we played a game of Monopoly for their "family game night."  The little boy did well at first, landing on some board squares that allowed his purchasing some property.  This nothing Catholic hermit had no such "luck" from the onset.  The parents playing did quite well, and as is said, were "on a roll."  

Before long, those who had good luck with the dice, were able to purchase token properties and build up income from the boy and this nothing hermit's landing on their spaces.  The boy became discouraged and upset, not wanting to continue.  But we did continue, and when the winner became obvious, we discussed chance and winning and losing, and how to react.

Yes, it seems all wind-in-the-sails when aspects of life are going well, and we can be easily uplifted and cheerful.  But we also can sail along, deceived by our seeming "good fortune" that we are on the right track and pleasing to God and man, alike.  

However, Jesus gives us a different reality of this life and its temporal goods.  Those who laugh now, will weep later.  Those who are rich now will be poor.  "‘Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets.....'" 

As the Apostle Paul reminds in 1 Corinthians, the present form of this world is passing away.

There is truth in what was told this nothing Catholic hermit by Teresa of Avila, years ago before even being a Catholic: "Pain at other levels and dimensions is sheer joy."  Yes, we do receive help and wisdom from those souls on the other side; they are with us and for us, especially when asked but also when God sends them to help us.  We do receive communications from Jesus, Mary, angels, the Holy Spirit, and God the Father.  Part of the process is to discern the communication; and wisdom and love and peace over time confirm the good.

Envy, discrediting, earthly acclaim in pride and arrogance, confirm the not-so-good.   Whenever we think we are something, we have lost our nothingness.  Those who do have temporal wealth and success, have not some of the opportunities of those who do not.  And by opportunities, we consider that of the spiritual growth that comes from suffering and humility and the effort to not succumb to despair but to endure despite seemingly having one raw deal after another.

In that sense, life on earth can seem as a game, and we must strive to be loving and understanding, good losers.  It is in giving of ourselves in love and in keeping faith and hope in God alive in our souls and for the sharing with others, that we play the game well.  We become quiet and humble winners of another sort, of another level and phase.

In the last major dream vision in which God showed this nothing is most definitely a Catholic hermit, the message was rich.  "Nothing" was shown and deemed by God to be a Catholic hermit, existing on one side of a street, that side being of the other world of the Spirit in which all was lush and fresh and heavenly, as on the most pristine, leafing-green, early spring day.   

Then "nothing" was lifted up into the air and taken across the street to a side displaying the temporal world as we sense and experience it.  This "nothing" was held, suspended, about 20 feet in the air with face 8-10 inches from the exterior, yellow-tan bricks and mortar of a church building.

While suspended aloft, another view was given, as if seeing through the bricks and mortar of the structure to a bishop dressed in much finery of ecclesiastic garments of which he delighted.  Off to the side was a view of a younger woman, kneeling and dressed in a brown habit, and shown to be a hermit approved by the bishop.  Between them stood an immense stack of canon law books.

Then God asked this nothing Catholic hermit: "Why would you want that when you can have Me more directly now?"

In that state, there was absolutely no hesitation as to what one would want.  There was no doubt, no desire to have anything of the other, for the glory and blessing of the direct and insightful assurance of the question brought a peace and joy that surpasses human understanding.

For two years now, to this week and month, nothing Catholic hermit has pondered this last major dream vision and locution. (Jesus had said previously there would not be many  messages for awhile.)  That has been so, but this one has held firm and obvious, that there is no desire for anything other in vocational terms.  Shared with "nothing's" spiritual father, the response was, "Well, there you have it!  The answer--and what could be better?"  A closest friend of over 50 years said, "God couldn't make it any more clear."

Yes, and what a relief.  Although it is well to note that what God chooses for some is not what is chosen for others.  And one is not better than the other, just different.  It may make no sense to us, or it may make perfect sense.  

By earthly example, it is difficult to grasp why the work here in this fixer-upper seems to bring one calamity and cost upon another, and fair and decent workers hard to come by.  The finances are dwindling all the more, and it seems all will be lost of what could have been a more comfortable existence temporally.  The faith and hope it takes to have courage to forge ahead with plumbing and other skills totally new, seems on par with what some may struggle with in faith that God is Who He Is.

What a blessing for those of us who know His Real Presence in a very real, tangible, and yet also spiritual way.  It becomes easier to have faith and hope and love in His Real Presence than in our temporal lives of which so much can seem like a game of chance.  We know it is not, however.  

God chooses all for those of us who desire to exist within His will.  What initially may have seemed topsy-turvy meanings of Jesus' Living Word in the Beatitudes, take on a right-side-up reality in both the temporal and spiritual views.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!

---

Catherine of Siena to the Rescue

The elderly friend across the miles, is joining me in reading more of St. Catherine of Siena.  She is reading the biography by Catherine's spiritual father; I dug around in a book box in the pole barn and chose an out-of-print find located in a bookstore in England (via internet order).  The author is Norwegian who wrote this biography while living in Siena and retracing Catherine's steps, staying in a house 200 paces from Catherine's family domicile.

Already the reading is helping in my strength and resolve.  Was it coincidence that the author, in the preface, mentioned that Catherine died at age 33--brought down by the heavy burden of the Church which she carried.  Ah, immediately I thought of the stones--the many cold stones that overwhelmed me yesterday morning, and from which I departed.  But their effect did not leave me these two days, so what good was it to flee other than to bear the weight of the stones all the more in my mind and heart and suffering body?

In the first 32 pages of this biography, Catherine has reminded me through some of her actions, events and visions, of passages in my own life I had forgotten--vivid images in dreams and visions, in which suffering was offered me by Jesus, or by an angel, or by Mary--and I each time accepted.  Then there was the vision dream I had totally forgotten, of being prepared in a bridal gown by Mary.  This was within the first two years of my being a Catholic.

The past 19 years now are not seeming so horrible, although suffering and pain riddle them and me.  But I am being reminded of the offering and of my acceptance and return offering, many times over.  Jesus tends to appeal in ways that one cannot refuse--or is unlikely to--and the suffering at the time of His appearance and beckoning, seems not so daunting.  In reality of it, later, however, the suffering is immense; the soul is brought down, the mind befuddled by pain.  The visions and dreams and locutions are crushed from immediate recall, but His Real Presence and His angels and His saints come through with any small gesture in His direction.

For me, this afternoon, it was finally walking to the pole barn and moving windows and wood to get to the book boxes, and finding in the third box opened, a selection of Catherine of Siena biographies from which to choose.  I at least had enough presence to know to pray and let the Spirit guide the choice, and thus this particular, old volume of which the first section is titled "Solitude."  That seemed the hook, the appeal, the answer to what some of my current weariness incurs. 

Much solitude--even and maybe especially upon the attempt to return to Mass, for there is no such solitude quite like being amidst other Catholics in Church, inches from them, passing them to and from the chapel, their greeting warmly one another but stoning me with cold isolation.  (I had first written stoning me to death, but I am not dead.  No, they shall not stone me to death.  This is another test, and whether or not I am to be an immolation in their midst or be an immolation in solitude here at the hermitage, such as it is, I will be an immolation and bear the weight of the stones, either way.)

I had forgotten about Catherine's little cell at home, 15x10 feet, a little larger than this room, and with no more furniture than in this room here at Te Deum, where is the twin bed--the only place in the house to sit or recline, at least thus far.  The descriptions help.  I feel Catherine's strength of purpose and determination entering my heart, mind and soul.  I am reminded of purpose and of trusting in what I have been shown mystically. 

Also, her state during Mass was described, as well as the state St. Brigid of Sweden experienced (which is more like the one I experience).  Catherine's included body rigidity, but Brigid's and what I experience share the total cessation of bodily function; the soul is lifted away other than when drawn back by some temporal intrusion. 

Another statement the author includes in this biography has to do with what Catherine endured when speaking out the truth of what she was shown of some wrongs.  Yes, I am thankful that in what seemed my final hours of faith and endurance, I was given the impetus to dig out the book and then to begin reading.  I have my elderly friend to thank, via her email letting me know she had started reading her volume on Catherine's life.

Help has arrived.  The stones seem not so cold and hard, or at least are as they are with no power over me.  I must not let them weigh upon me or get me down.  They are only hardened by fear and cold by choice.  But I will continue seeking His will as to what immolation He desires, there, or here--solitude either way.

God bless His Real Presence in us; and, little children, let us love one another. Honestly, I have always had a great fondness for stones.  They attract me.  I love to dig them from the ground and have piles of them around the grounds here, hoping to make a cobblestone pathway at some point.