Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Morning Pep Talk from God and Hildegarde de Bingen

 

More inspirational, morning "pep talk" from God, to spur me on to keep going today amidst sickening physical pain and distressing facing of some relational realities that I'd put off closure for a long time.

[I suppose it is not really my closure when the others chose to cut off in various ways, even if subtly and cleverly. But it is my closure in needing to face and accept the reality of the situations--types of death such losses truly are. No point in going on as I had been, thinking that by being one-sidedly taking the high road was going to help; it is not a high road to blow air into a corpse. No truth, beauty, and goodness of genuine life genuinely results.]

The following is from a vision in which vice and virtue, sadness and joy, dialogue with one another. The late, great Hildegarde of Bingen, 1098-1179, wrote the inward conversation which is found with other of her writings in The Book of Divine Works.

Sadness - "Alas, why was I created? why am I alive? who will free me? if God watched over me why do I know so many dangers? Even were I to trust in Him He would not bring me happiness. Even when I rejoice in Him he does not protect me from misery...If He is my God why does he deprive me of His grace? Created in misery, born in misery, I have no consolation, what is the point of a life that lacks joy?

Celestial Joy - "God created man full of light...Consider the prosperity God pours upon man! Who gives you all that you have if it isn't God?...I praise all the works of God even if they are sources of sadness. You, you are constantly sad, but I , I entrust my actions to God who reveals to me that even in a certain sadness there is joy, and even in a certain joy there is no profit...."

Catholic Hermit Hit with Challenges!

Just when I thought energy was returning and thumb looking good, and getting back into work mode here at the hermitage...obstacles presented themselves.

Late last night, in the dark here, when trying to fall to sleep on this mattress, the mind had a startling thought.  Are the wall outlets in the bathroom, nearly finished, going to be in right positions when I install the cabinets?  I had been so concerned with the plumbing drain pipe locations that I'd forgotten to check the wall outlets.

Months ago I had called the electrician as I was concerned the outlet on the right of what would be one of the two sinks, was not far enough from sink and would interfere with the mirror placement.  He convinced me it would be all right.  But since the issues with Lowe's over the bad cabinets and having them replaced, it was discovered the initial employee had also sold kitchen height bathroom cabinets, not bathroom height.  With vessel sinks it is more critical to have the lower bathroom height, anyway.

But the bathroom height cabinets did not offer the 30" wide drawer base unit.  So I had to get a 24" wide drawer base.  And, suddenly, last night in the dark, I realized that while it worked out all right for the existing plumbing coming from wall, it might not work for the outlets above where the counter will be.

I got the flashlight and went into the bathroom, and sure enough the outlet box is not in proper position.  I was awake in the night trying to figure out various options without having to take out the drywall!  I had spent a couple weeks working on finishing the walls to professional standards.  An idea came that I could go through the kitchen wall which adjoins that bathroom wall. But is there enough electrical wiring "give" so that I could move the outlets?  Were there any other options with the cabinets?

But this morning I checked the other outlet, and it needs to be moved, also, for the left vanity sink.  The electrician cut it too close with the positioning of these, for sure.  Each needs to be moved six inches--one to right and one to left.

I talked with him this morning.  He is booked up for a long time, he says.  I asked if he'd consider giving up a day of his weekend to do this favor and help me--after he said for me not to cut the drywall as he has a special tool that will cause less damage than a manual, drywall cutter knife.  Plus there is the risk of damaging wires--and, the wires as installed may not allow for the movement necessary.  They are tight in, stapled to studs.

I had been writing in the night to a long-time friend, using some computer messaging thing.  I'm not tech savvy.  This morning I mistakenly sent a long message to the adult daughter who recently renewed contact.  I don't even know if in the long message there was any reference that was complaining, as I also was trying to decide if this was enough to just let me decide God wants me to bail out of this whole situation.  Perhaps I wrote of the obstacle of even trying to get furniture and boxes out of pole barn where the daughter and son-in-law had stacked things a year ago this winter--injuring her elbow with what is going to be life problem, in the process.

So I sent messages that I would no longer be using the message capability and to please email me.  She had read my outlet and drywall woes and obviously my thoughts of bailing out or staying, and of where I'd go, anyway?  The Lord has not made anything clear whatsoever.

Amazingly, the emotions with the outlet troubles (that was the only room even near finished and with drywall completed, walls primed and painted, light fixtures in!) did not register with reaction as they would have prior to the death of my will.  I know I was frustrated with my intellect--thoughts trying to figure out options to solve the problem and also to discern if God was saying enough of struggling with all this work load here!

But I had realized this morning that I must remain in the present moment, and do what needed to be done today, which is to continue watering and also to gather up pruning clippings to be burned either today or some day in the burn pile.  Thus, I started the watering routine, hooking up soaker hoses and setting the sprinkler and moving it from time to time.  I then soaked the thumb as I'm to do twice a day and change the dressing.

This day the wound looked worse again!  I had been wondering if all the splinter had come out, or if the joint itself was going to be affected longer.  At this, admittedly the thoughts became discouraged.  I knew they were my thoughts, not God's thoughts.  Yet, the present moment was immediately shifted to wondering if I needed to return to the emergency room.  

And the thoughts tried to take hold that all this is not what I need to be doing, all this work--right after what I think are God's thoughts came to me in a peace-bearing fashion, to simply keep going, to keep at it, that what matters in my life is the praying for my soul and prayers for other souls, with whatever work just a means to pass time while praying.

Another thought came, this time probably my angel's thought flashings.  Remember yesterday when you were inspired by Hildegard of Bingen's vision of the angels, and how she reminded that we get so distracted that we miss out on reality of angels about us, helping us?  And remember how the angels teach us by their example that we are to praise God--and strive to praise Him continuously?  And remember how you [me] had resolved to start practicing praising God, striving to do so always, in all matters?

Well, yes, I did immediately remember.  And with that remembrance of just 24 hours earlier, came the thought which is from God's Mind, not my intellect that bungles and assumes wrongly, that of course I would be tested in my resolve to praise God.  The devil also could be allowed to creep into the scene, bringing chaos and confusions, dilemmas and obstacles to peace and to present moments.

It is rather stupendous realizing that within hours of my attitude being that of more inclined to God's Mind rather than my intellect in me, that all of a sudden I'd think about the outlets after all this time of the new cabinets being in that bathroom, even if not installed yet.  (And it is a good thing that I have not felt up to installing them, as it turns out.)  It is awe-inspiring that a series of events including this little left thumb, could march into line, each taking a turn at trying to get a reaction counter to peace, to equanimity of spirit and resolve. 

And of course, had I been praising God in each of many little events in the night and morning?  While I did not have the old-my-will reactions, I still very much have way too much of my own intellect.  Having one's intellect be replaced by God's is just as much a real process involving some suffering and earth time, as does the death of one's will.

But I do know that I have struck upon a symphonic chord of holy proportions with the resolve to praise God as do the angels, attaining to the continuous praise of Him in all matters.  Yes, I emphasize "attaining to", for it will come through awareness, practice and grace.  

The thumb has simmered down again.  It is looking better since soaking it.  I will praise God for all that is and for nothing that also is--which means praising Him for anything, everything--including the remains of my own intellect that gets me into bungles for now.  Eventually my intellect will be totally replaced with God's Mind.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children let us love praising God and love praising Him above all things, and love praising Him that we can love others as ourselves!

Selection Sent Hermit

The following is the selection the long-time friend sent this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit the other day.  It most likely is from a book of such writings in which God spoke to two older British women.  The two wrote down the Holy Spirit's messages, given them in early part of 20th century, published in small book titled God Calling.

I appreciate the reminder of each week being a week of progress, steady progress upward that we may not see but God sees.  I consider today, after a night of trouble getting to sleep due to increased physical pain--this time from the heavier gardening efforts yesterday.  The actions are not essential, the gardening not critical any more than any other action or movement.  It is, it is physical effort, however, with much prayer and silence of solitude in God.

Today it is already early afternoon, and the body must be forced out but gently, firmly.  To rest all day is not going to help with the progress of the body building up again, after resting quite a bit over time, from many pain sieges.  The Lord sees my effort.

This morning a young spiritual friend called, and we discussed aspects of St. Hildegard de Bingen's Third Vision.  We particularly discussed the messages on the images of globes rising and falling, relational to Christ's rise in light, being born on earth, then falling with man's rejection of Him, then rising with his earthly mission successfully completed, our salvation redeemable. 

Hildegard writes of the whirlwinds, and my friend and I reckoned these with aspects in our daily lives, and how good to live through the whirlwinds and yet also to seek to not have whirlwinds as distractions.

My friend mentioned that it seems since my coming here, to this desert existence, on the desires of family members, this house has seemed to have whirlwinds and to wear me out, distract, take energy away from the spiritual writing that this friend says she's always thought a major desire of God from me.  We are praying that God let me know if I am to give up, bail out, or to write more and read more spiritually in the hours of bodily rest required by bodily pain, or to keep at the work efforts and not be concerned as to how much accomplished, but wait until God shows the next step, the next place.

I did come to the realization that in my life now, there is nothing else other than one basket remaining.  And that basket is the spiritual life with God, and I must put all eggs in that basket.  It is not as if I have come to this final basket of my own desires; all other baskets have faded or become not possible or unnecessary.  

Perhaps the Lord is preparing me for my physical death; or He is wanting of me to not spend more earth time with the trials of such a major undertaking here; or He simply wants me to keep climbing the stairway slowly, without even seeing the next step but feeling my way without seeing, without knowing, but to simply keep going.  Persevere. Persevere.  We don't know for now the specifics; but God will tell me His direction, His will.  He speaks in diverse ways.  Listen!

Regardless, here is the selection a friend since childhood sent the other day.  It is good.  Enjoy!

LOVE'S OFFERING

I am your Lord, gracious and loving.  Rest in My Love; walk in My ways.  Each week is a week of progress, steady progress upward.  You may not see it, but I do.

I judge not by outward appearances, I judge the heart, and I see in both your hearts one single desire:  to do My Will.   The simplest offering by a child brought or done with the one desire to give you pleasure, or to show you love, is it not more loved by you than the offerings of those who love you not?

So, though you may feel that your work has been spoiled and tarnished, I see it only as Love's offering.  Courage, My children.

When climbing a steep hill, a man is often more conscious of the weakness of his stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur, or even of his upward progress.

Persevere, persevere.  Love and laugh.  Rejoice.

Catholic Hermit's Plan for Lent

On the eve of Ash Wednesday ("Shrove Tuesday") a spiritual friend from the past called.  The phone calls are rare here at Te Deum Hermitage, but this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is close in touch within His Real Presence, as are the various spiritual friends dotted around this country and abroad.

The friend who happens to be wintering in warm climate mentioned finding a marvelous priest who said to write down a plan for Lent.  Write out what are to be the penances, the spiritual goals, the aspects of dying to self daily, during Lent.  She thought this would be something the hermit might do, as well.

Oh.

While an idea, yes it is, unfortunately (or fortunately) St. Hildegard of Bingen has already befriended me in a soul-filled way and is giving marvelous thoughts and ideas during Lent.  So no, I will not be writing out a plan of any sort other than, I suppose (as I mentioned to my earthly spiritual friend), mentally thinking the plan is whatever His Real Presence desires moment by moment.

So Ash Wednesday brought reflections on the Gospel reading of Mass the day before, and I wrote those reflections.  The evening brought a phone conversation with the spiritual father, so many miles away.  Did he think out or write out a plan for Lent?  

No.  But he was, in that present moment before we spoke, perusing flower bulb catalogs and making plans for what dahlias might grace the monastery gardens in a few short months. He said Lent will bring what the Lord wills, and then Easter will come, and in between now and then will be many surprises.  God provides!

I mentioned to my spiritual father that the days come and go in much silence and solitude, prayerfully and peacefully (even though I had to persevere with the cabinet conundrum), and that last week I realized I had not actually used my voice for three or four days!  And it was all right! It was even good!  He laughed and said, "Well, you're a hermit--that is why! The Lord is making you into a real and very good hermit now!"

Of course, there is more to it than that, but he made his point.  There has been growth since coming to this desert, in exile, and in hardship and strife of many types, levels, layers, and dimensions--spiritually and temporally.

Today when at Lowe's, Ruthie in the electric department shared that she'd been very ill the past week.  She suffered edema and also sleep apnea, with her oxygen level so low her physician said she had some brain damage.  She struggled with some memory, and it took us a bit of effort for each of us to figure out the bathroom lighting issues--which fixture globes were of the thin variety and which had thicker glass that will not so easily break.

She confided she nearly lost her job when she was out ill, for she had missed those days of work as well as other days, called out to do civic duty in a jury.  I reminded her to think positively, and that we would pray that there is no lasting damage to her brain.  Help is on the way with better sleep apnea equipment, thankfully.

Ruthie agreed to the positive outlook, for she said it is like the powers of darkness to try to upset her all the more and work against her when she is not feeling well.  True, and I reminded her when I gave her a big hug near the cabinet department (my next stop), that it is Lent, after all!  The Lord gave her quite an unexpected health cross to bear on Ash Wednesday.  Thanks be to God, she is back at work!

So this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's plan for Lent is to allow His Real Presence to present His personalized plan for me in every present moment.  Rather than gloom and heavy thinking about what to do for Lent, there is an aspect of eagerness and joyful expectation as to what the Lord will unfold each day and night, hourly, by the minute--however He desires!  

First thing this morning was a call from the young woman with whom I am reading about Hildegard of Bingen's visions (and life).  She has a domestic issue that is rather immense and important in the status of her husband's work and her desire to move.  She has tried to love where they have lived for 7 years now, and it is going to take courage and resolve to ask him to sacrifice for her now, and secure a job transfer.

So we talked it through, and we are praying, and this put-off for years decision is what the Lord has brought the couple for Lent.  Time to make a decision for the wife's well-being and the children's schooling and activities.

Each moment, really--each thought, each contact when on a couple errands today--is whatever present moment Lenten lesson with which the Lord surprises me.  There are the struggles, for sure--present moment ones.  

The bathroom caulk I put in the corners of the tiled shower (silicone "gives" so better for corners than grout) is extra gummy.  One of Rusty's parting pieces of advice was to use painter tape on either side of where I am caulking to create a clean line.  But I did not heed that advice--not realizing just how gummy is bathroom caulk compared to easily wiped off trim caulk.

Tomorrow's daylight Lenten task is going to be to tediously use a razor blade to clean off the caulk residue--even from the little edges of grout lines where it oozed over.  So humbling to have not heeded what advice I was given by a man who knew from experience.

Ah, Lent.  This momentary, personalized, Lenten unfolding by His Real Presence is far better than any conceived, considered, spoken, or written plan that this hermit could have ever devised.

Cheers to Lent--suffering included!

Catholic Hermit: People Who Inspire

They may not live in our neighborhoods or even in our lifetimes, but those who are within His Real Presence, relating within His abode in our souls, find souls who inspire.

One such soul belongs to a woman who lived on earth from 1198-1279.  This soul was a female in gender, and she was and is known to humankind by the name of Hildegard of Bingen.  In her earthly name, we gain her earthly location--as was customary in that century to give locale of birth along with one's name.

A young spiritual friend who calls herself at times this hermit's spiritual daughter, suggested we next read a book about this soul named Hildegard.  Given the fact that many in the movement currently termed "new age" have gummed onto Hildegard and somewhat skewed her soul's message and mission, we settled on the edition published by Classics in Western Spirituality.

I have read the preface and part of the introduction and am already being inspired.  Having previously read other books about her life--one tainted with new age ideologies before I had researched the authoress and another that is out-of-print and solidly researched with her Christian base--I am fascinated all over again with what stamina and substance such a soul reveals to us, to our souls.

In the preface, I am struck repeatedly with reminders as to why this human woman's soul and earthly experiences when here, resonate and inspire my soul and earthly experiences.  Her existence as a person as well as a soul who yet exists and even more powerfully so can affect my life by her friendship, guidance, and prayers is downright helpful and more--is hopeful.

I cite this one example, although the short preface is filled with many others--and the introduction yet more, and what awaits in her own words, of her visions has my soul all eyes and ears.

"Atypical as we may find her moderate Benedictinism, her assumption of quasi-clerical roles and her exegetical rather than experiential stance toward her visions, the act of writing that wrenched her from depression into leadership reminds us of the stunning personal integration and religious creativity of Beatrice of Nazareth, Catherine of Siena, and Teresa of Avila in similar acts."

I found this assessment to be quite encouraging, at a personal level.  I also had forgotten in previous reading of her life, that she was chronically ill.  She also was outspoken against the weaknesses in the clerics of her time; and preached in written and verbal modalities, rallying people--souls!--to not succumb to blind following and lukewarm Christianity. 

But it is that the act of writing wrenched her from depression into leadership--that somehow touched my soul's heart profoundly.  To realize that the act of writing can do so much not only for those who may read what is written--or not--is what gives me encouragement and hope.  And what is written from the inner abode wherein His Real Presence reigns and rules those souls who desire His full consummation of our souls, has such power not so much for those who read, if they do, but powers us from stagnation into leadership.

Does leadership need to be of the external, earthly variety?  No.  Leadership can be such as the inner world reveals--the world of souls.  The soul's inner sight, inner sensing, inner conversation and thought-flashing, inner hearing, inner breathing, inner communion with God Who Is Love.

So perhaps some of you may grasp the same kind of excitement and hope or at least glimpse a bit if you've read my blogs and know of or can relate with the trials, the suffering, and the spiritual journey thus far.  There is movement forward today with the comaraderie of yet another soul-friend, leading by example of her soul's journey when on earth--and of course, in fact, with what her soul will reveal of its existence in the earth-time since her stepping beyond the stairway to heaven.

I think Hildegard's soul will be with me very much in the creative endeavor, albeit manual and mundane, of tiling the tub surround today, here in this place where my body with soul encompassing it, exists for now.  I am interested in what her soul has to show me, has to say, and not only in the extant writings her soul mind and heart penned centuries ago.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love God above all things, and love one another as ourselves.