Catholic Hermit Kneels in Prayer

It has been a most challenging few days.  Am having on-going battle with Lowe's simply for two orders to be placed, return calls that employees promise.  Still no correct action, but a woman in kitchen install sales says she will call me back no matter if she has answers today or not.

It took a major meltdown on the phone to get that assistance.  At least it saved me from driving into civilization to have a well-justified upset at their customer service desk.  Another thought if need be, is to make a placard to carry, stand across the street from the store, and call for justice.

So this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is quite human, of course.  The pain in the body is high which helps the emotions to be raw and real.  I did explain that to the woman who finally says she will advocate for me.  It would have been five minutes or less for Nicole in cabinets to simply go on her computer and order (for fourth time it will be)--finally--a correct height cabinet so the microwave will be at code height.

It would have taken five minutes for the manager or whoever he designated, to order the kitchen sink replacement for the one I paid for that got damaged when the countertops were removed.  Each employee involved in what would have been simple actions over two days ago now, would have saved multiple phone calls, emails--had they just done what needed to be done.

The excuses that they have customers all day--I reminded them that I am a customer who has been essentially in line for days, waiting patiently, up until awhile ago when the time arrived to let the feelings and situation be known in a more demonstrative way.  A shame, yes, that matters come to this.

So am trying to get the bodily pain under control and to turn to some task in here that I can possibly work on.  It will be to paint another coat of woodwork paint on bathroom trim and to paint the bathroom door.  I have it on sawhorses in what space I could create inside here, amongst tools and building supplies, unmounted countertops, and bathroom sinks in boxes that cannot yet be installed due to needing more tile for that counter.

I have been asking the Lord if all this is necessary--if this is what He has planned for me this day, and to be spending my time on earth in this manner and circumstances.  (I think I have cracked a tooth on a popcorn kernel last night: added pain.)  The answer I hear back from my query is to persevere, to pray, to put it in perspective.

To pray for the employees who, yes, have been rude in not returning calls, not following through: this is a major aspect of what is to be my life's purpose.  Patience?  Mercy, I have been so very patient for months and now three years of dealing with the kitchen issues.  So I think the virtues that most need my attention must be fortitude and temperance.

Plus, I must not let the devil distract me (as the employees are evidently distracted from follow through) from the many prayer requests that I have from others--serious, major, emotionally devastating issues in their lives!  

I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED BY THESE RIDICULOUS DISTRACTIONS TO SERIOUS PRAYER NEEDS OF OTHERS!

This prayer of St. Paul addresses this day, this present moment.  I am not going to get down on the rough bare floors in here on knees that are painful, although it might seem a good penance.  At this point, I consider that God does not want me in foolish drama to cause my body suffering that would hinder the work I need to do.  My liver is flared up again, and I must press forward physically.

However, I will pray this prayer with my mind, heart, and soul on inner knees and also inwardly prostrate before the Lord, as each Word is so appropriate!  What a beautiful prayer, prayed humbly with great faith!  God knows even the most ridiculous yet needing-to-be addressed trials that can snag us from grace, peace, blessedness--from our focus on the spiritual work God has for us, for Him and others.

"I kneel before the Father,
from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named,
that he may grant you in accord with the riches of His glory
to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner self,
and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;
that you, rooted and grounded in love,
may have strength to comprehend with all the holy ones
what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,
so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

"Now to Him who is able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine,
by the power at work within us,
to Him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus
to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

Catholic Hermit: More Yet of God's Law!

I think the Lord is really drilling it into my body, mind, heart, and soul:  God's law of love.  Today, the fourth in the Scripture-Prayer for the longtime friend, miles and miles away in physical distance, covers James' Chapter 4.  Although there are other aspects of which this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit will ponder and write to the friend, later, these verses on God's law, the law of love, the royal law, keep pouring into any crevice in my being.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.  Brothers, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.  There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One Who Is able to save and destroy.  But you--who are you to judge your neighbor?"

So it is, that amidst the world news, this country's news, this hermit's life in silence of solitude, humility is before us, always.  Humility is not only a virtue and grace; it is a personal choice.  We can cooperate with the gift and the grace, knowing it is out there for us to have and to hold within our beings.  We can desire, pray for, and embrace humility...or not.

St. James in Chapter 4 also asks:  "What is life?"   He then describes life as a "mist"--here for awhile and then gone--evaporated, no longer visible nor viable as mist.

Last evening and this morning I've made a total of ten pounds of Fortitude Fudge.  Half is bourbon infused; yet after it sets up, the bourbon is greatly masked by the rich, dark chocolate.  Perhaps purchasing some bourbon flavoring will help retain the bourbon taste, plus add in the 95 proof bourbon.

A desert storm is upon this hermitage, and this hermit is storming heaven with prayers of love and fortitude for all souls, everywhere, living eternally and those thus far, like you and me, only sampling this segment of life thus far.  We do not have temporal recall of our lives prior to leaving our mothers' wombs; other than, perhaps, when we leave this earth we will realize that our lives prior may be a lot like our lives when we are asleep, and our dreams are akin to experiences prior and after this earthly mist-of-a life.
We will find out, each of us, all of us, as our mist-lives will cease to exist, and yet our souls will progress, one way or another.

All this, to me, is quite humbling.  The reality of from whence we came and to that which we go, and all in between--and to think that speaking against another person and judging him or her, is not living God's law of love.  We violate His law of love when we judge others and speak against one another.

I can think of many times in which I have done this in life.  There is a fine line, it seems, between discerning and judging, or as in reading skills, we call it judging in order to make critical decisions in what we read, in the content, in what the author intends.  

But in all honesty and humility, we truly do know, deep down, the difference between critical, needful judging which can also be termed rightful, judicious discernment and that type of judging that goes against God's law.

It comes down to our intention and the condition of our souls.  Love is the determining factor, and prudence and wisdom help us know for sure what type of judging we are engaging in, as well as if there is a need for discretionary judgment in any given situation or in discerning spirits.

St. James states as Jesus has taught:  Love others as ourselves

Does this mean we do not warn others of some danger or some person who has chosen evil actions?  Does it mean we do not speak out against anger, envy, pride, sloth, greed, lust and any number of vices that we may be tempted by in any present moment?  Does it mean that we allow hate to run rampant, or that we ignore prudence and involve ourselves with people who are not embracing the law of God?

No, the Lord nor His Apostles nor do any of the Scriptures suggest that we stop using wise discretion.  Especially, we are encouraged to discern our own inner and outer lives for any wrong-doings, ill-thoughts--sins!  Toss them out of our daily lives!  Ask the Lord for forgiveness, accept His mercy, and then move on to strive doing better, always.  Love more.

I spoke out to my former bishop and his vicar regarding an ill priest, sinning in ways that were causing dangerous conditions in a parish and diocese.  I spoke out a couple months ago to my spiritual father and to my helper's mother about something quite not healthy of another priest.  I wrote about it in this blog.  I was speaking against another.

One could justify it by saying that one should share with one's spiritual father, all that is in our spiritual lives.  This helps our superiors and directors to better guide our souls.  In this instance, my director said to not return to the parish.  Stay clear.  Lay low.  Pray, make spiritual communions.  

Just the other day when the spiritual father called, he said he is convinced that in time the Lord will end this rather full-on exile; and I will be elsewhere and will attend Mass, perhaps not in a parish but a monastery somewhere.  We shall see.  As James points out in Chapter 4, we do not know if we will be here tomorrow.

Considering speaking to my helper's mother, when she asked me if I was all right, I could have (and I think should have) simply said that I was not feeling well--which was so very true!  I was ill from what my inner sense and soul had experienced during Mass.  I was not yet in conscious nor physical mode of self-control when she followed me outside and asked what was wrong.  I blurted out, and that included speaking honestly about the priest, which was very much speaking against him.

This example is good for me to ponder.  Better to have not said anything about the priest's issues because the bishop knows, the vicar of priests knows, some parishioners know and have left that parish, and those who remain either don't grasp or else they accept and are sufficed.  I had tried to later smooth it over with the helper's mother, but instead perhaps it made things worse.  That can happen sometimes.  Even then perhaps better to not speak any explanation? 

The determining factor needs to be based upon if there is love or not love as the intent.  And that is so very hard to determine when it comes to ourselves, for we do love ourselves and find it difficult to humble ourselves.  (It is far easier when the Lord humbles us, or someone else humbles us in some word or non-word!)  

Using the above example of speaking about the parish priest, and veritably against what he was doing and not doing, the first time of answering the helper's mother inquiry would have been best not spoken or at least not in that instant when not in full control of faculties and not having distance from the situation.  

The second time of speaking to the helper's mother about the situation, I was motivated partly by love.  I can say partly and not fully because I honestly do not know if fully.  I'm guessing not because I know that in any soul, our self love is very strong and our desire to be fully loving may be strong, as well.

Hard to suss out the raw truth, in other words--and that's the truth!  But I know my upset and prayers and continuing prayers and wishes for so much more for the priest and more for what the parishioners could experience in the parish, is genuinely motivated by love and compassion.  

However, I think that some of what I explained, such as the parish seems like a lovely aquarium with beautiful fish, gently swimming and nibbling fish flakes an unseen-to-them-hand sprinkles daily, and existing in controlled setting, not realizing there is an ocean of existence and swimming out into the deep beyond...beyond the glass enclosure of the fish tank--all this was too much to share and even could be insulting to the other who is pleased and proud of the parish and is satisfied.  

In this later conversation, wise discretion and purer love would have left off the fish tank description.  It would have sufficed to have simply said (which I did at first) that my spiritual father has told me not to return, and that I must be obedient to his direction.

Of course, in neither of the two encounters did I intend to hurt others or to speak against my brother (or sister).  I did not intend to judge in a mean-spirited way, or to judge as in the outcome of anyone's soul. Yet I discerned--and could it be that I judged wrongly?--and spoke without filter, the first time and was able to express sorrow for that in the second conversation.

The Lord will determine the truth of this matter, as far as my inmost intention and whether I was judging His Law of Love, or not.  I certainly discerned that there is a priest and parish that is not one nor where I am to be involved other than in prayer for all the best for souls.  To love, and to love to learn to love is my prayer for all of us.

Most of the time in my life--and perhaps if you have read this lengthy sharing you will agree for yourselves--that when I speak against another or judge another, it is when I am upset or tired and lose self-control over thoughts and speech.  Usually it is in situations in which I have held great hopes and loved someone or other very much and then been disappointed in the person/s or situations, and hurt by them as well.

Yes, in another example of which I am thinking, I loved greatly and loyally, and that love was not returned.  There was great hurt and damage done situationally as a result.  While I resolved to not speak against the other person, there were times that in great hurt, frustration, and injustice being done, I did speak against the person.  I spoke against not in love but in anger--even if rather justifiable or righteous indignation.  

The result now is not so positive, or so I do not think.  Those others who heard me were not uplifted by what I shared, even if true enough in what the person had done.  It would have been enough to have known for myself and seen the harsh reality and known for sure that it was best to remain away and clear of that person, and to accept that the other was not acting in love, not someone to be with.

Yes, it seems that when we do speak against others or judge others, even if true enough depiction of the situation or what ails them or what ill-results come of their words and deeds--it is self-control or temperance that is lacking in us.  We speak against others and judge when we do not control our thoughts and words.  When we do not honestly review if what we expose is to the proper persons or even necessary to expose at all, we can end up not fulfilling God's law of love.

In other cases, yes, we need to speak up and warn others who are in a position to deal with the person who perhaps very much needs to be judged and dealt with.  Ultimately, of course, if there is no recourse to be taken, we know that God will judge the person and handle the situation perfectly if not now, later on.  All that is none of our business but is God's.

It is not that once we grasp the reality of not speaking against another and not judging (other than if we are reporting to a superior something quite necessary to sort out) that we will henceforth never err again.  No, the thoughts and the tongue are highly influenced by our bodies and any number of circumstances that can weaken our resolve.

I guess that is why there is forgiveness and mercy, and our being given the gift of prayer so that we can ask once more to be given yet another chance to sin no more.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love!

Asking Our Lady of Guadelupe for Miracles

This morning Jesus reminded this Catholic hermit that there are miracles out there for the asking.

Got a hold of Raphael, and he voiced the news that Jorge does not want to come and work.  Too far, too remote, would take too long to get here.  The hermit understands, for sure.  Raphael offered to send a couple of his men, but he needed to call back.  In the meantime, nothing Catholic hermit realized that today a couple of men might be lost in this mess; am not organized for general workers today.  Specific tasks and materials will be needed for two or more men.

And, it was going to put Raphael short a couple of men.  Will get the stud blocks nailed in downstairs so if they can come some day next week, could drywall especially the high parts.  And am praying they will want to begin helping build the stair landing.  Raphael did not call back, anyway, which seemed all right.  As God wills and allows, am learning from Jesus.

Considering what to do...with no Jorge who knows plumbing. It seems as if His Real Presence is yet expecting this hermit to do the technical aspects and mostly to do all work possible for one person, to be done in solitude.  With this insight came the reminder of the miracle of Guadalupe, of Juan Diego's sign of the Castilian roses given his bishop in December from the mountains, and his tilma reflecting Our Lady's image.

Yes!  Pray for a miracle!  So immediately commented silently within that given the glorious miracles that truly occurred and still do, surely she could provide a miracle here.   Then thought had better ask nicely, not "put it" to her!  So asked nicely, and by that time maybe a tad pleadingly, for a miracle here with the carpentry and plumbing to be done.  Maybe this hermitage itself will glorify God and be a miraculous reminder of His Real Presence and the graces of Our Lady given so lovingly.  

It is true that Juan Diego did not ask for a thing.  He was just walking along, going to Mass, when Our Lady appeared and asked for a chapel to be built on the location where he encountered her.

But nothing Catholic hermit asked, and perhaps ought to consider Our Lady here in Te Deum Hermitage.  Ought help prepare a place for her and St. Joseph, and make this stable as welcoming and comfortable as possible.  After all, a humble stable made Christ's birth all the more meaningful throughout the ages.

At least today Jesus wanted the lesson to be a strong reminder of faith, and of the sparkle of miracles!  There are miracles possible, and perhaps Our Lady provided a miracle already today, here, as the hermit began constructing a new doorway into the gable garret.  This required building a new support system to redistribute the load-bearing weight as a support stud needed to be sawed and removed.  

Considering this nothing hermit has never done this type of work before, it was surely a miracle that much has been accomplished.  And, it is a miracle for sure that this hermit did not flinch nor despair with the news that Jorge is not coming....  Thank you, Our Lady of Guadelupe!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another--and not forget to love with true reality of her presence, also--our Holy Mother Mary!

The Little Exercise: It Ain't Easy

The little exercise, attempting to modulate the external expressions, voice, gestures to be less exuberant and enthusiastic, or perhaps dramatic or whatever is the format of observed expression, was not at all easy.

This nothing hermit considers it rather a miss, but there was much learned and benefited in the attempt.  There is sincere desire to modulate and bend, and to not trigger those others' feelings with what is perceived as annoying and irritating, or not trendy or with it, or not normal in the usual mode of most people.

It is difficult to describe.  Still, the nothing Catholic hermit in the presence of one who has not wanted a relationship for a long time, spoke too much when questioned, and gave in too easily when the questions it asked of the other were answered quite briefly.  So the weakness of content expressed remains a struggle--something to be overcome.  That is a good thing to work on, especially for a hermit.

John Climacus writes of talkativeness and stillness, and stillness is a very favorable gift.  Part of the appeal of his writing is the brevity and yet the simple charm of the wisdoms shared.

A friend today, when discussing the book we are reading, thousands of miles apart, commented that the words and conversation of this nothing Catholic hermit are of much benefit to her, as the examples given and the expression of some detail, helps with her applying the good to her own life.

It is a matter of discernment, of course, and of observation and sensitivity to the needs of others.  Yes, be mindful of the needs of others.

In the practice session a couple of days ago, the young person tried to qualify his criticism of the hermit "going on" about matters if he was ill or hurt.  He commented that this new way of being seemed sad, and that nothing hermit could be just a little excited, but not too enthusiastic.  It is rather sweet in a way, to note the struggle in a youngster to try to make someone be just right, like Goldilocks wanting the perfect porridge.

Another person later said, after the hermit caught itself making a probable, annoying, facial expression:  "Just be yourself."  But nothing Catholic hermit explained that it is worth trying to at least practice modulating what some have expressed as irritating, even if now perhaps they might prefer the other as opposed to the efforts.  Trying to modulate might be as irritating as the irritating aspects of the usual, habitual way of being, itself.

This is yet a very worthwhile exercise.  The nothing Catholic hermit highly recommends it to anyone who may have forgotten that we carry with us clutter of habit and can be annoying and irritating to others, even if some do not find us so.  

And, perhaps the exercise allows those who are annoyed and irritated, to have some control or feel empowered, or might also see an attempt in us to humble ourselves, to admit we have flaws and annoying traits, and love enough those others we annoy, in order to try detaching ourselves from what it is that triggers awkwardness or irritation.

Perhaps it is attempting to do something else that John Climacus mentions, of grinding off some of our rough edges.  As a friend who called said, it is attempting to be as Jesus asks of us, to die to ourselves and walk the narrow path.  It is difficult to walk a narrow path when we have a load-full of quirks and idiosyncratic behaviors, expressions, and emotional baggage.

There is, at least, a peace in the attempt, and a goodness is realizing that pleasing God can also mean seeing God in others to the point that we are willing to alter our human foibles to please His Real Presence in others. Detachment comes in all shapes, sizes, flavors, and personal likes and dislikes.

Nothing Catholic hermit could not contain itself in an email, however, complimenting a person in writing.  Lifting up others when it is valid and honest, is just something that is difficult to cease.

Still think that if those closest to me who cannot quite cope, would read David Knowle's book on mysticism, they would rest easier and entertain a greater capacity to at least have compassion for the external foibles.  But until then, if then, this nothing Catholic hermit will practice all that the holy ones share in their extant writings, as well as to embrace criticism from loved ones.  If even one flaw of many is altered to some good degree, then there is progress and success.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another--and love enough to learn to bend and also to discard the detritus of our external, extraneous foibles.

Killing Sins, Handling Trials, Eremitic Vocational Peace

Yesterday, despite much exterior painting, interior tasks, and a worn out body, the weeds had gotten out of control in the yard and gardens.  They were at a point of being so vast, that using weed killer was the viable solution.

With each weed sprayed, and thousands of them all about, they became this nothing Catholic hermit's sins as well as the sins of the world.  With each one, the prayer was that they would be killed and erased down through their very roots.  It will take time for the weed poison to do its work on them.  And, some may need another dose.

Called a store that has lots of employees who are rather professionals in their areas, and talked with the man in the garden area.  He explained the type of winterizer fertilizer and weed control to use.  He pointed out that putting it on the areas right now is good, but that people do not realize that this is a longer term process, and in January or February, another spread of winterizer weed and feed is necessary, and then to keep at it in spring and summer with more coverings.  Over time, the weeds will be brought under control, but that it is not a situation in which one can take a break and assume they are eradicated.

So it is with sin.  What the man said about weeds and lawn care makes so much sense in regard to our sins and the spiritual life.  We cannot let up on sin control and eradication.  And we have to be willing to use strong efforts even if not seeming to be popular (such as using strong products) to others.  There will always be those who suggest we are being too hard on ourselves in wanting to get rid of our sins or in praying and doing penance for the sins of the world, of our fellow man, of which we are all a part in the community of Christians as well as the community of being human beings.

We are each and all created by God, and we live all over this earth which He created first, before us.  We are in this life together for reasons God knows and ordains, and our sins drag us all down.  Our consistently dealing with our sins and removing them, right down to their roots, helps improve the quality of humanity and thus of our own souls and the souls of many others.

_____________

Yesterday, after making another act of the will to return to yet more focused horarium with more prayer and spiritual reading, including time spent in His Living Word more than the daily Mass readings, the laptop overheated and jammed again.  Spiritual combat practice!  Patient perseverance while waiting on hold with the loudest and most unpleasant music blaring into the phone, and then the call was dropped with one service rep just at a point of setting up a drop-off appointment.  So had to make yet another call and be put on hold, and endure the horrible noise.  But, today there will be a long and costly drive to civilization in order to give the repair folks a third try at this laptop situation.  Am so thankful that this time have it under an extended warranty plan.

There is some reason for these glitches, always.  His Real Presence is giving opportunities to not become frustrated and irked, to modulate the voice yet to also be firm, and to meet yet more employees and other customers even if briefly.  There must be a recognition of these people and prayers offered for each while driving and passing or being passed, and while entering the busy mall and encountering hundreds of souls.

Work efforts are postponed yet again, although if the Lord allows safe travels, there will be more weed-sin killing to be done upon return.  Also, the Lord is providing yet another trip so as to purchase the necessary weed and feed product to begin the process of keeping the weed sins out for the long haul.  At least, we try, don't we?  There will always be sin, but God gives us wills to conquer them.

_______________

There has been daily, increasing peace and relief in grasping this eremitic vocation and how it is that His Real Presence desires it for this particular hermit.  A friend called last evening.  She had been praying from afar as to the parish situations and the confusions and upsets and doubts that had built over time, with not understanding what and why of matters. 

It was good to hear her voice, and she said she'd been praying and considering it, too.  She said the more she prayed and thought, the more she realized that historically, hermits were not in parishes; and if they were, they were unknown and came and went without notice.  She had never considered it before, but it all made sense to her.

There is a tremendous load off in regard to what has amounted to self-imposed angst in pushing on doors that were not intended to open.  We laughed at how hard this hermit had tried to be involved in what was not meant by God in this particular vocation.  That other hermits live otherwise, is as God deems for them.  This woman has known and witnessed enough over the years, of this hermit's trials, that it was clear the path was being made known in a very positive and holy way.

It just took this hermit's acceptance of what otherwise seemed surely not right given the human understanding and view.  But once this hermit let go of clutching at what it thought or seemed to be best or proper or correct avenue, and started to consider the vast number of hermits in the Church over the centuries, and the actual reality of their daily lives, peace came as on, as is written, "the wings of a dove."

Praise be to God the Father, and the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter!

God bless His Real Presence in us.  Let us love one another, Little Children, for Love is of God!