Catholic Hermit on Being Called

The yesterday in the Mass Gospel reading, the Lord Jesus Christ told those who criticized Him for being amidst sinners, that He did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

The sickening and pressured pain had eased in my body; the horrific spinal headache was returned to the usual level of constant headache.  I saw immediately that I was being called--and reminded--as a sinner.

Patience, compassion, empathy and understanding of others returned with the humbling reality of my own ineptitude and task of growing in the love of God above all else and love of others as God loves.

The Scripture readings are also featuring the youth of Samuel living in the temple and being taught by the priest Eli.  I have always loved these Scriptures--Samuel hearing a voice in the night calling him, and he naturally thinks it is Eli calling.  He rises two times to the voice calling and goes to Eli who had not called Samuel but who realizes Samuel is hearing, probably for the first time, the Lord's voice in a locution.

Eli instructs Samuel that if the voice calls out his name again, to respond, "Here I am Lord, your servant is listening."

The extremity of pain the past few days, peaking on Friday to a point of difficulty in coping, broke through as a kind of call of the sinner--myself.  A family member called, knowing I was struggling but also trying to deal with my pain-addled concern over the pattern I'd created in laying a wood floor--of all things!  Of course, the family member knew pain was making it an issue; extreme pain can bring one to a point of--yes--Jesus' crying out to God the Father, "Why have you forsaken me?"

A long-time friend stayed close by via email, and helped re-direct my now-ridiculous, pain-fueled concern over the flooring.  I had been so focused on the hickory's variety in grains, hues of tone, and in connecting the tongue-in-groove in cohesive pattern, that it turned out as bands or stripes.

The room is a dedication of prayer and effort for an elderly couple going through a rough time now, with a spouse recently released from rehab after hospitalization, but whose medical condition is in decline.  It is something how the days working in this room and praying, and the temporal obstacles have kind of followed along with the vacillations in the couple's journey with the recent suffering.  There are the ups and downs, the trials, the overcoming of trials, the passing through days and nights of unknowing other than being called by the Lord to simply keep going, to simply endure.

When the long-time friend emailed in the midst of my spinal headache frantic disfunction and desperately trying to endure the pain, the Holy Spirit inspired this friend to re-direct my flailing concerns over a flooring that usually is to be laid randomly, with no matching or pattern evolving, but suggesting that in some ways, the stripes or bands of darker boards going widthwise amidst the light, natural hickory boards, is intentional.  God allowed and meant it as a reminder of heaven and earth, or of waves that flow in the passage of life phases; or that it is like an echelon of flowing through our lives spiritually in progression, ascending the ladder to heaven.

We are called; our souls are called to union with God.  We are called in our temporal lives to live and love.  We are to love God above all else and to love others as God loves--as God loves us.  Within this call of God, to us, to us sinners, we are also called to various vocations.  We are called by God within our souls, within our vocations, within our daily efforts. 

We are called, sinners all; and in the darkness of night, I am listening for whatever the Lord wishes to tell me, if anything.  Being called is not always in the night nor when we expect.  But somehow in other aspects, we are always being called without ceasing.  The call is now and infinitely eternal. 

The Lord comes to call not the righteous but sinners. I'm reminded to answer despite my foibles and flaws, my inability to manage pain when it becomes intense.  Reminded to answer the call of the Lord to love pray always and to love, to keep learning to love.

For a consecrated Catholic hermit, this means to do so in the silence of solitude, hidden from the eyes of men, called to a life of prayer and praise--not over-peopled to a point that prayer and praise is disturbed by the details of temporal life but rather that prayer and praise is emboldened. 

The Lord speaks, and often am not listening.  Or if listening, pain or other distractions, especially temporal nigglings get in the way.  Or, sometimes misinterpreting the message or then, not heeding nor following through nor changing ways, makes for temporal and spiritual mishaps. 

The Lord may be with us, for He is mercy and love, but unlike Samuel, our words can be without effect.

Growing in increasing conscious and subconscious awareness in His Real Presence--that He calls and is calling us-- lends to approaching the present moments with asking (and expecting!) the Lord to speak.  Then we must pray and strive to listen.

Catholic Hermit Apologizes for Writing Errors

My laptop needed repair so is in civilization for a week, more or less.  My iPad is having issues of not allowing me to scroll down to write or correct errors.  I do hope readers can figure out the gist of what is not all that crucial in content, regardless!  But it is an expression of some of the processes this  pain-nauseated, consecreted Catholic hermit is experiencing with the Lord and with temporal and spiritual daily life.

The previous post was concluding with the wisdom the Lord gives in simplicity and simply offering to pray for those who seek counsel and advice, especially ,when their seeking begins to keep,them from figuring out their issues when counsel has been given previously.  I must not hesitate to encourage others to live and learn and consult God in their on going journeys.

The Lord allows me pain and fatigue from pain to teach me much, even when it is to help me realize I ought not talk or to remain with written input which is far better in many instances. Mthe other can read what they want to express of their problems, and I can pray, discern, and respond.  Or not delve into repeating or fall into my own reaction of frustration and offer the most powerful help given us, and that is to pray for one another.

In this phase of my own spiritual journey as a co secreted Catholic hermit but more as simply a child of God, in processlike others, I must not become entangled unnecessarily but to devote much time to the silence of solitude and the prayer of listening to the Lord and of praising Him.

Catholic Hermit on Taking His Word to Heart

This morning I awoke with more than average pain, particularly in the liver area of which recently discovered some small nodules and lesions--none malignant, though.  Research revealed that many of us have small lesions on our livers (and some all our lives) which are water cysts.  

What aspect of the liver that a contrast dye scan revealed, according to an emergency room doctor, is the upper right quadrant being "splayed and frayed", going up under the rib cage and touching the lung in which a sizable nodule was discovered in the lung lining.  This was not found to be malignant, either.  

However, the splayed and frayed aspect seems odd, and although one doctor thought it could not have occurred from an injury and that the pain I feel could be muscle pain--whatever the pain's cause, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has to learn to live with it!  Ah, yes, more pain!

So with the pain being rather severe upon waking, and taking the usual meds to help tone it down (which are not adequate at times but must endure without more meds, but by the grace of God!), I turned to the daily Mass readings and found great strength and solace in this selection from His Living Word.

Excerpts from Hosea 2:

"Thus says the Lord:
I will allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak to her heart.
She shall respond there as in the days of her youth,
when she came up from the land of Egypt.

"On that day, says the Lord,
She shall call me 'My husband,'
and never again 'My baal.'

"I will espouse you to me forever:
I will espouse you in right and in justice.
in love and in mercy;
I will espouse you in fidelity,
and you shall know the Lord.

I read it once; I read it twice.  Rising from the mattress, I put last evening's freshly picked strawberries in two quart containers and set them on the roadside table.  His Living Word continued to touch my heart as I cut two heads of Escarole and also a bunch of Swiss Chard, Blue Scotch Kale, two squash, and a small baggie of Snow Peas.  Out to the roadside table with these, as well, and added some beets I'd pulled yesterday.

Then back to the mattress for yet another perusal of the above Scriptures, and this hermit feels much better, inside and out!  Of course, I can take these words given by the Lord to Hosea as if given to me, this morning, or any time--day and night.

Once when taking a university course on Isaiah, the professor pointed out that the prophets understood their messages as being addressed literally in some ways, to a specific person or group, and also as a symbolic whole which pointed toward some future time frame as a prophetic message not totally discernible by the prophet or his contemporary listeners.  Yet the overall intent is clear.

The first time I truly began absorbing His Living Word as personalized message from God to my own heart was following the car accident years ago and my earthly spouse's declaring not wanting to be married anymore.  The shock and upset of that time period helped drive me all the more to Christ and to His Living Word.  The Scripture that spoke to my core and gave me great solace and truth, then, was one from Isaiah in which God says, "Your Maker shall be your Spouse."

From that time onward, with rearing my then three very young children, I considered Jesus my Spouse and for my children, He was their true Father.  I relied upon God in as many details of daily life possible to a mortal being going through quite a time of unexpected trials as well as being opened up rather profoundly and viscerally to the supernatural realities.

As I absorb the Living Word this morning, here in this desert place to which I was called out of a type of Egypt--a comfortable, temporal existence--three years ago, I recognize that the Lord has been speaking to my heart as much as my heart is willing to listen and observe.  The physical pain and temporal obstacles can be like thick fog steaming the windshield of my earthly vehicle, my body and my mind.

If I am able to gently and daily--even moment by moment--wipe clear the fog, I can see and hear my Spouse as clearly as if He were resting by me on this mattress right now.  I can feel His touch and sense His comforting understanding.  Just a bit ago, He said, "Others do not comprehend the amount of physical pain you bear in your body all the time, but some day, later on, they will realize just how much pain it has been, and they will understand the heaviness of the cross I have asked you to bear."

I responded that I suppose by then, it won't really matter what others realize or not.  Yes?  There was no discernible answer, for by then I was harvesting some greens, and perhaps it was my own mind thinking about what difference will it make later on, that those who misunderstand me now or have not had the compassion or patience to remain faithful in love and friendship to one with such chronic pain hindrances, might have regrets but what good then?  I don't want people to suffer regrets.  I'd prefer them to grasp now and be able to simply love and accept, not withdraw or disrespect.

However, the Lord, while not answering those thoughts posed, then, in the gardens, answered as I re-read yet again, the passage from the Prophet Hosea.  It is not to others that I am espoused, nor they to me.  His Real Presence has espoused me to Himself in righteousness, in justice, in mercy, in love, in fidelity--forever.  He has espoused me to Himself so that I will know Him.

While it is lovely to hear words and speak words, from human to human, with human to human, there is something so clear and rich and deep when the Lord speaks to us directly from His Living Word, from His Heart to our souls.  

The previous posts this hermit has written, expressing considerations about spiritually counseling or direction others, or for hermits to be spiritually directed, have not discounted the marvelous sharing and growth that can occur in speaking, writing, and listening to one another.  The Holy Spirit can certainly use us as conduits of God's grace, mercy, and love from one human to another, and back.

Yet that is akin to gentle rain hitting the foggy windshield, making the vision a bit more clear than fog alone but yet obscuring the clarity, the sight.  And if the rains become intense, it is not much different than fogged vision.  There is nothing quite as clarifying and direct than the Lord speaking to our listening souls.  When we are stilled and willing, the Lord's very breath can dispel the foggiest of windows to our minds, hearts, and spirits.

He breathes His Mind into us if we so desire and ask for the grace, when we are most needful of His Word personalized, appreciated, loved, taken to heart.

A Short Simplistic Image from Catholic Hermit to Spiritual Son

Maybe this helps someone out there who, like me--a hermit or in other vocation but all of us along on this spiritual journey of our souls:

And, the Lord might take you slowly or faster--but you hit it correctly to not bother trying to make it faster or also make it go more slowly.  Just go along for the "ride" and be grounded, for even if you get surprised by some jolt from God, that is all right.  

It all is best and less painful, believe it or not, if He instigates all seeking, and then you cooperate like how we sit in a car but put on our seat belts, and do not try to open the door to jump out, or do not grab at the wheel or step on brakes but leave it to the Driver.

And we look out the windows and pay attention to surroundings, and listen if the Driver says something or points out something, but otherwise we sit there listening and observing as best we can but mostly do not at all know the way for it is a new road, always.

(The above is a small bite of a whole tray of sandwiched spiritual correspondence to and with a spiritual son, from God's will within the soul of Joyful Hermit.)

Unexpected Phone Call: God Reaches In

The physical pain has been so sickening today that there has been little activity.  And activity is quite important for someone with chronic pain.  If at all possible, it is always best to get up and try to keep the body moving, ambulatory, build up the muscles, distract mind from pain if possible.

Sometimes, however, the pain is wailing a strong warning.  Then, it is best to take it easy, remain at rest.  Other times, the pain is acute, and then there is no option but to be sedated.  It is not always easy to discern the pain's whimper, its wails, its screams, or whatever levels of pain.

When just heading back out to try to unload the pickup truck of black bark mulch, the little cell phone rang.  It was a spiritual friend calling from afar.  We'd not spoken for months, but oddly, I had just mentioned this friend in a response to an email that came, also unexpectedly, from another spiritual friend.  I mean, within minutes of sending the email in which this person's name was mentioned.

We are now dealing with Catholic spiritual friends.  It kind of makes a difference because of topics one can discuss with ease and have an understanding of the role of suffering, the role of the Holy Spirit, of angels, of saints, of prayer life, of spiritual occurrences.  With my Protestant contacts, the interaction needs to be more that I am available for support and prayer encouragement, other than the friend from childhood who is very patient and an unusual soul for kindness.

Anyway, God was reaching in to try to uplift my pained body, wounded heart, and my confused mind as far as the status of this hermitage, the work load, the finances.  

The friend who called had thoughts on it all, and it is still on the lines of the Lord will let me know if I am to try to bail out of it and where to go next.  Since that has not been happening, just continue on, trying to do some work each day with hopes that the body will build up again and the new higher level of pain does not then be the new norm.  We pray it can lessen again, and more work can commence.

For, this particular friend knows that finances are going to be needed for whatever lays ahead.  Younger people think just bail out of the difficult situation, the exhausting work, the overwhelming amount of work.  But those who know this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit well, know that God is doing something in all this.  Definitely, this friend assessed that the Lord is pruning back my family relationships.

And, I suppose it has been shown each day, sometimes multiple times, that the Lord wills to choose who He wants to make contact by whatever means, even in thoughts.  Thus far there has been no physical contact with anyone.  

Tuesday there will be, however, as the cabinet lady at Lowe's has arranged with the manager to do the kind favor and have them deliver the four bathroom cabinets to me, even though it is not their duty to do so.  I won't have to get them in my truck and unload and get them into the hermitage by myself.  What a gift!  I will see two delivery men on Tuesday.  God is allowing this human, physical assistance.

The spiritual friend from afar said she wished she could just bi-locate here and give me a hand with the various work efforts.  We laughed.  Such a term and concept as bi-location is not one that those in my family would be familiar with or even find tenable if I mentioned and explained.

So, it has been a Divine Mercy Sunday in which the Lord has certainly heard and answered my pleas for His Mercy.  He has brought someone who grasps a bit, and can assess with a spiritual view, with a Catholic conception of understanding.  And also brought some laughter along with a load of encouragement--making the next couple of hours of shoveling off however much mulch this hermit's body can tolerate from that load.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner!  (Yes, I did admit to the friend who called that I am well aware of and accepting that I am culpable in many ways for the hurts my adult children must feel or find they cannot overcome.)  But, this is definitely an extreme situation, that has the Hand of God all over it, from the assessments now of a couple of priests and several very spiritually inclined souls.

I will think on the Chaplet of Divine Mercy while off-loading the mulch.  We all need His Mercy!

Selection Sent Hermit

The following is the selection the long-time friend sent this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit the other day.  It most likely is from a book of such writings in which God spoke to two older British women.  The two wrote down the Holy Spirit's messages, given them in early part of 20th century, published in small book titled God Calling.

I appreciate the reminder of each week being a week of progress, steady progress upward that we may not see but God sees.  I consider today, after a night of trouble getting to sleep due to increased physical pain--this time from the heavier gardening efforts yesterday.  The actions are not essential, the gardening not critical any more than any other action or movement.  It is, it is physical effort, however, with much prayer and silence of solitude in God.

Today it is already early afternoon, and the body must be forced out but gently, firmly.  To rest all day is not going to help with the progress of the body building up again, after resting quite a bit over time, from many pain sieges.  The Lord sees my effort.

This morning a young spiritual friend called, and we discussed aspects of St. Hildegard de Bingen's Third Vision.  We particularly discussed the messages on the images of globes rising and falling, relational to Christ's rise in light, being born on earth, then falling with man's rejection of Him, then rising with his earthly mission successfully completed, our salvation redeemable. 

Hildegard writes of the whirlwinds, and my friend and I reckoned these with aspects in our daily lives, and how good to live through the whirlwinds and yet also to seek to not have whirlwinds as distractions.

My friend mentioned that it seems since my coming here, to this desert existence, on the desires of family members, this house has seemed to have whirlwinds and to wear me out, distract, take energy away from the spiritual writing that this friend says she's always thought a major desire of God from me.  We are praying that God let me know if I am to give up, bail out, or to write more and read more spiritually in the hours of bodily rest required by bodily pain, or to keep at the work efforts and not be concerned as to how much accomplished, but wait until God shows the next step, the next place.

I did come to the realization that in my life now, there is nothing else other than one basket remaining.  And that basket is the spiritual life with God, and I must put all eggs in that basket.  It is not as if I have come to this final basket of my own desires; all other baskets have faded or become not possible or unnecessary.  

Perhaps the Lord is preparing me for my physical death; or He is wanting of me to not spend more earth time with the trials of such a major undertaking here; or He simply wants me to keep climbing the stairway slowly, without even seeing the next step but feeling my way without seeing, without knowing, but to simply keep going.  Persevere. Persevere.  We don't know for now the specifics; but God will tell me His direction, His will.  He speaks in diverse ways.  Listen!

Regardless, here is the selection a friend since childhood sent the other day.  It is good.  Enjoy!

LOVE'S OFFERING

I am your Lord, gracious and loving.  Rest in My Love; walk in My ways.  Each week is a week of progress, steady progress upward.  You may not see it, but I do.

I judge not by outward appearances, I judge the heart, and I see in both your hearts one single desire:  to do My Will.   The simplest offering by a child brought or done with the one desire to give you pleasure, or to show you love, is it not more loved by you than the offerings of those who love you not?

So, though you may feel that your work has been spoiled and tarnished, I see it only as Love's offering.  Courage, My children.

When climbing a steep hill, a man is often more conscious of the weakness of his stumbling feet than of the view, the grandeur, or even of his upward progress.

Persevere, persevere.  Love and laugh.  Rejoice.

Catholic Hermit Been Praying and Working

The past week, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been working on the hermitage bathroom and praying.  The thought has come of just how skilled and focused and hard-working are those who build.  I've thought much of St. Joseph and Jesus--all those in history of nations and civilization who figured out how to construct not just edifices but thoughts, words, art, music, and the spiritual life.

Yes, we build our spiritual lives.  We construct in certain order, in ways that sometimes we do not understand and by trial and error.  But we learn from the Holy Spirit as to how to listen, to pray, to proceed in our journeys in this life, this world, and on into eternity.

Today I had to figure out how to wire electrical light fixtures.  My son-in-law had started one of two in the bathroom, but the box that is nailed into the stud behind the drywall wobbled a little.  He became discouraged and evidently was not familiar with that type of box that is nailed to one side or the other of an upright wall stud.  Yes, one side could be pressed in slightly.

However, once the back plate is screwed in and the wires attached properly, and the fixture screwed into the back plate, the wall itself acts as a solid stabilizer.  He somehow could not grasp that on the day he tried.  I think he has mostly done ceiling fixtures with mounting boxes that are secured differently to ceiling joists and do not have any "give" on one side or the other.

So I thought about how my son-in-law has learned to wire light fixtures and realized that there is no reason why I should not be able to do it.  It takes courage, though, and courage comes with prayer and confidence in the Lord.  With faith, I started in, reading instructions and beginning the process of hanging the second light fixture.  

Of course, there were glitches.  There seem always to be in this old hermitage.  The electrical box was not flush with the drywall.  I called Mark, the electrician.  He said to use spacers to bring the face plate out so it would be more flush with the drywall.  It was not at all easy to get the spacers behind the screws and all secured in the proper place, with the mounting screws for the fixture, then, being aligned so that the light would hang straight on the wall.

I had to call Mark yet again with another question, and while asking the question, the answer came clear.  He laughed; I laughed.  A lot of these matters simply take doing and checking in with someone other who has more than ample experience.

And so, too, with our souls and the spiritual life.  Yet we must pray for courage and have faith that we can step forward in our seeking His Real Presence and that we will find Him always, with us and us with and in Him.  Sometimes we call upon a spiritual friend or spiritual director; or we read a book written by a spiritual master, tried and proven over time to be one who has reached divine union or nearly so while on yet on this earth.

Always, we can call upon Jesus and His apostles.  We can call upon the Blessed Mother, Mary.  We can call upon the Holy Spirit and God the Father of all beingness.  We can turn to the directions we are given in the Scriptures.  No matter the challenge or new skill or task or step we are encountering in our spiritual lives and growth, we do have the directions given us in the Living Word, the Bible.

The past few weeks, the Lord has been communicating more, reminding me of specific persons needing prayer.  It has become uncanny--truly miraculous. But why should that surprise us?  He desires to utilize us, and when enough of the distractions are tucked away and out of mind, our minds and hearts and souls are more open to listening in the silence of solitude.

If we do not see or hear the inner images or inner words and detect what He wishes of us, be assured His Real Presence will repeat His will in similar or other formats.  That has been the case, lately, and He makes sure if I miss the cues, that I get them even if the person needing prayer ends up contacting through temporal means.  But mostly, lately, He has let me know in ways that I grasp, and when a temporal contact comes along, the message had already been received.

Perhaps I may share some of these aspects with you sometime, my dear friends, dear blog readers.  I'm sure you will have many such similar, but it might also help as a reminder to expect His promptings and messages.  When they come, we must snatch them and act upon them with increasing faith and confidence in prayer and word and deed.

Tomorrow the daughter and son-in-law are going to come quite early to this hermitage.  They've not been here for some time; it is a trek out of civilization to arrive here.  We are going to set the toilet in the bathroom!  The slate floor is in place, grouted and sealed.  The tub that was set last summer now has all the tiling, grout, and sealant completed.  The window trim is cut, sanded, primed, painted, nailed and caulked.  (Yes, I did all the boards for the window wrap and casings in opposite order.  Craig explained that is why I had difficulties with gaps.  Now I know better for all the other windows.)

In our temporal lives and in our spiritual lives, we may do well to keep in mind that we are always learning.  We make mistakes.  We might pray and listen but miss the cues.  So we pray and listen some more, and we ask others in our lives who have experiences we have not yet encountered.  That is how it is in life. 

It has come to me in the silence of solitude and in the failures and successes, that some people learn a skill that they use repeatedly and become rather expert.  Others learn bits and pieces of skills in more generalized form and use.  Some are specialists, others are generalists.  We all are journeying together, even if some more in physical solitude and others more in active interactions or groupings. 

Such as with this old hermitage, we learn in various modalities.  Yet we find we are learning various aspects of experiences and lessons and skills enough--to be humbled enough--to praise God for the miracle of it all!  

God bless His Real Presence in us!

A Hermit Believes!

When reading this morning's Scriptures from daily Mass, the Gospel includes Mary's kinswoman's words of joyful proclamation.  It is truly a statement of great faith, that Elizabeth exclaims in exultation when the Virgin Mary arrives to assist Elizabeth in the last month or more of pregnancy.

Elizabeth who had been unable to conceive previously, was soon to deliver a baby boy who the world would forever know as John the Baptist.  Elizabeth was given a "sign"; the infant leapt in her womb when Mary stood before Elizabeth upon meeting--Mary who was carrying in her womb, Jesus the Christ.

These final lines documented in the Gospel carry import for any human being.

Blessed are you who believed 
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled."

This morning, here in my unfinished, chilly hermitage, I pondered these words in my heart (as can be said truly) while making more Fortitude Fudge.  The kitchen is nearly complete, at least, and how lovely the quart countertops--cold and clean and just right for pans of fudge to set up properly.  

But the pain level of the body has been not setting up well within this hermit, and that means the emotions try to outbalance the mind, and the spirits risk faltering.  As in the spiritual ascent, managing pain is my forever-on earth contest; it may not be an achieved conquest in life.  I don't know.

I do know that in order to believe what is spoken to us by the Lord, we must listen.  We must listen to what the Lord is speaking to us.  And then we must have faith and great belief that what He says will be fulfilled.

The Lord may tell us messages through Scripture--broad as well as specific promises of our salvation, teachings that help us in daily life applications, example through His own life lived on earth.  The Lord may also tell us messages through angels--our guardian angel as well as various messenger angels depending upon the purpose and goal of the message.  

The Lord may speak to us in exterior and interior "words".  These are words that come so quickly and spontaneously, that we hear with inner ear mostly but sometimes outer ear--that we have to believe just in the fact that we heard some words that have special meaning in some way or other in our lives.  

The Lord may utilize other people to speak to us.  Sometimes these messages are difficult to accept, depending upon our degree of love and acceptance of the other person.  Yet, we ought examine all messages no matter the messenger, and discern truth, raw, unfiltered, or even falsely flattering the messages may be.

It is not always so easy to believe what is spoken to us by the Lord is going to be fulfilled.  But blessed are we if we do, or even if we try to believe, or even if we want to try to believe.  The Lord takes us where we are in our abilities to believe His messages and His fulfillment of His Words. 

(Perhaps the reason the angel told Zechariah that because he questioned the angel's message that Elizabeth would bear a son in their later years, Zechariah would be struck mute.  Zechariah, being a priest and older in years would be expected to have ability to believe an angel's message from God.)

This morning I've been pondering once again some messages from God and my weakness of belief.  I want to believe--such as messages about suffering, messages about it pleasing Him when I converted to Catholicism, messages even recently--such as to look at Him--or that He would guide my every step and path, or the message He delivered through my late mother, last spring in a dream:  You will have a place (and the means will be there).

I have faltered in belief on many levels.  Francisco just arrived and fixed the French doors.  As I see now, in hindsight, I could have fixed them with shims; but I did not know for sure if that would be the correct solution.  So I waited for a couple or three weeks, made several phone calls to remind the busy Raphael, as I also thought there was a leak in the pole barn roof.  When ill with the severe pain siege, the concerns increased as to how on earth would I be able to keep working on this place, finish it, have it salable as finances keep hitting new low's, and rock bottom is not far off.

What concerns did Mary have if any?  At first when the angel appeared and spoke God's message to her, she asked the angel "How can this be, for I have had no relations with a man?" She was not struck mute because of her wondering, her questioning.  Perhaps the quickening of the Holy Spirit in her body, how the Holy Spirit came over her, helped assuage what doubts might have come to a young woman hearing such news from an angel.

So it is that we must consider our degree of spiritual development, our ages, our attention given to listening to whatever God speaks and in whatever means He speaks to us His messages.  We must consider our availability to listening, as well.

As for me, a hermit of the 21st century who questions some aspects of the world in all its variations of groups of humanity, I need to very much question my own faith, and if I am truly believing, and if what I am believing is worthy of belief.  That means, am I centering my belief in His Real Presence, in His Law of Love, or am I trying to believe in other people, or myself, or in tangible and temporal aspects?

This hermit believes!  Yet, very much I must always add:  Lord, help my unbelief!

"Blessed are you who believed
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled."

Catholic Hermit Receives Advice, Encouragement

Fr. V. emailed some advice and encouragement.  Saturday last, the nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had come to some insights in accordance with what the spiritual father had decided regarding parish involvements.  This Catholic hermit had been praying for the Lord to please send the priest or priests of whom the Lord chose to help guide and also spiritually befriend, one with the other.

Within minutes of this prayer, the phone rang.  It was Fr. V from Nigeria on the phone!  While the call was disrupted not long into conversation, he was able to listen and also to speak.  Their internet service was not doing well in his part of the world, in his religious community.

Yesterday, however, he was able to send an email.  It is worth pondering as well as to praise God for the simple and excellent advice as well as the encouragement.

"It pains me sometimes seeing you undergoing all these [ordeals].  I want to remind you once more as I [have] before, that you are unique.  There's no way people can easily understand you.  All our lives is a mystery, but some are more mysterious than others.  Even yourself often find it hard to understand the things happening around you.  All you need do is to always remind yourself that you are special and that human judgment doesn't mean much to you.  The ordinary mind sees only the physical, but the spirit filled soul sees far ahead.
Remain in His Love."

I have never liked being considered different.  My early years and into adult hood were spent trying to fit in, trying to blend in.  I did not know otherwise and felt quite normal enough, yet not quite.  My parents protected me from much of the world-at-large, while at the same time encouraging me to explore with studies and interests, to be social and very, very Christian. We lived a pragmatic and quiet life but with lovely experiences all through.  There was deep security in our modest yet privileged lives--for my elder sisters and myself.  There was also expectation of education, achievement, and excelling in what we were called to do by God and by others, in service and responsibility.

My mother was aware of the mystical aspects inherent in my being.  If it comes through a bloodline, it was through hers.  My great-grandmother had some clairvoyance, but not as a mystic.  As for my mother and her large and loving family of siblings and a maternal grandmother with whom we were close, and relatives on my dad's side, as well--all loving family and upstanding people--when one has gifts that are not the usual and normal, those around us adapt for we have always been the way we are.  And I did not recognize much different for how would I know that it was not how my sisters' perceived, or anyone of family or friends?  We adapt to our environment and perhaps develop a sense of somewhat false security.

When in college, away from the family unit and small town life of extended family and long-time friends--loving and lovely Christians of great kindness and decency--I was first confronted by someone who said I was very different in a supernatural way.  I was revolted by this assessment--a foreboding, it seemed!

Later, I had to face it yet again in my early thirties.  What I had to "see" was that I do not perceive others and the world in the way most people do.  I have paranormal experiences and am sensitive to the supernatural of God and souls.  Those around me sometimes experience outer manifestations of such experiences, but not often, or at least not that they notice consciously.

Once, when my teen and college-age children were watching a Stephen King movie, I happened to view some of it with them.  A man had a gift of inner sight; and when he would be around people (not all) and maybe would touch a person, he could sometimes see within.  Sometimes his inner sight produced a clairvoyant effect of seeing something that was to happen with the person in the future.

The future is God's realm as is the past and the present.  All of time is God's creation and realm and not ours; God gifts us with time.  I related deeply with the man in the movie.  His life had an element of anguish and torment in some instances, for he did not usually want to see what he was shown.  And what was shown in inner sight often required some form of action depending upon the severity of a situation.  He sometimes could let things pass as he saw them evolve, but in others he had to act to try to warn or change something, to help make a situation better for the person or for many.

Today I am in civilization, providing love and service to a family member who needed some assistance.  It is proving to be a marvelous vacation of sorts, although--guess what?--today am washing, caulking, filling holes, priming, and painting woodwork!  It gives the opportunity to pray and ponder, to listen within to what His Real Presence desires of His hermit, His mystic, His earthling-soul spouse, His child who loves Him greatly and of whom He loves, as well.

Am also considering a connection of something that I've been reading about and viewing that is of success in persons of the world, of those who have true passion for what they are doing and thus succeed in ways that also are quite poignant.  When we are fulfilling God's will for us in our lives and doing so with passion and focus, with effort and joy and love--God and all creation take part in the rejoicing.  This is not to suggest that the effort is easy!

Perhaps I will write more on this another time, or perhaps not.  But I am considering where is my passion, and of course it is with His Real Presence, first and foremost.  Also I have wondered if in vocation, being a consecrated hermit, professed and avowed now nearly 15 years in the consecrated life of the Catholic Church--if being a hermit is of primary position in God's view and desire for me.  Or is it more that as a mystic in relationship to my participation in His Real Presence, in that the temporal and mystical intersect and interact within His Real Presence both in tangible and intangible ways.

We progress in what becomes obviously the passion for which God calls us and in which He graces us and empowers us as we progress through this life on earth and into the eternal life beyond this earthly, temporal existence.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children--we are--of His Real Presence!  Let us love Him and love one another!

Sharing Experinces: God Is So Real

"So have no fear of them; 
for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, 
and nothing secret that will not become known. 

What I say to you in the dark, 
tell in the light; 
and what you hear whispered, 
proclaim from the housetops. 

Do not fear those who kill the body 
but cannot kill the soul; 
rather fear him who can destroy 
both soul and body in hell. 

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? 
Yet not one of them will fall to the ground 
unperceived by your Father. 

And even the hairs of your head are all counted. 
So do not be afraid; 
you are of more value than many sparrows." 

These Words of Jesus fascinate and stir the mind and soul.  I recall years past when the Holy Spirit began to actively awaken my inner life to various spiritual experiences, drawing me closer to Jesus Christ and the Father.  I kept a journal, and sometimes I shared some dreams and visions with a close friend or two.  But I did not understand what was what, as far as putting labels to the phenomenon, and I did not have a repertoire of some of the personages and understanding what the messages may mean in the future.

Since two-thirds of my life thus far was lived as a Protestant Christian, I can compare and contrast the understanding to the recent "third" of my life as a Catholic Christian.

God called me into the Catholic Church, bit by bit, over the course of ten years.  He utilized a couple of colleagues, another doctoral student in the psychology studies, references in some books.  He then began utilizing visions, both corporeal and image visions, as well as locutions and dreams.  He utilized (and still does) all these tools at His disposal and creation, plus He utilizes His Living Word, worship, prayer, and temporal world situations and experiences.

As a Protestant, sharing how God works in our lives seemed to be more acceptable in some ways.  However, perhaps some of what I shared with a friend or two seemed odd to them.  I do recall one who hummed "The Twilight Zone" theme song; and a woman, when I shared in an adult Sunday school class a dream involving a soul on the other side, came to my house with concern that I was a necromancer who consulted the dead.  However, over all, we shared freely our love of Christ and how He actively, directly and indirectly interacted in our lives and souls.

As a Catholic, I learned that seemingly people do not share their spiritual lives but rather are counseled to not tell anyone anything.  However, I find it contradictory when I and others--even some priests--read various books which are extremely helpful and inspiring and are filled with that person's spiritual experiences and what God taught them, and how He made Himself so real to them in their daily lives.  Obviously, the person writing the book or the person writing about the person's spiritual life, shared in detail how God worked in their lives.  

Sometimes I read of persons in the past century or so, doing so "only" out of obedience to a priest or superior who ordered them to share.  But most often, they wrote or others wrote what the person told them, as a call to do so from God. Perhaps it was a result of grasping His Living Word and realizing that such sharing helps and inspires others of us who are striving to do God's will, to love Him as Himself and others in Him.

However, some experiences, and maybe most, I did not share so openly.  I had to learn how to suggest to someone to see a doctor, if I was shown an illness or something life-threatening.  Then I had to learn how to accept if the person did not accept the suggestion and died.  I also had to learn how to cope if I was shown something but did not say anything, and rather prayed.  If the person died, then I had to deal with wondering if I had had the courage to say something to warn him or her.

It took learning to listen and discern, such as if I was told "He does not have long to live!"  In that case, I discerned it was a statement of fact.  However, as it turned out, had I said something to the person, there would have been ample time for surgery to remove a blood clot.  I still feel bad about that one, but I lacked courage and was too selfish, knowing if the man complained to Rev. Msgr., I would have been chastised.  And if I got the showing wrong--oh my.  

For already in the case of a young priest who was preyed upon by a thrice-divorced woman, the Rev. Msgr. told me to only pray.  But the Bishop told me to write to him and pray, so I wrote, and I reminded the young priest of how he was shown to me in a crowd when a stranger to me and a seminarian.  He was at a parish ice cream social, one among a crowd of 200 or more.  He distinctively stood out--and no, was not wearing black nor a clerical collar.  

I reminded him, and I also shared a vision I was shown of how the devil was tempting him through the woman, and that otherwise he had quite a calling ahead of him.  (This was after he became a priest.)  But he left and married.  I have no idea how his life is going, but he gave up when he had been truly anointed by the Holy Spirit.  I will never forget that waking vision, and having him stand out as anointed, in the crowd.

Continued in next post....