Catholic Hermit Wishes...

I wish that I had more spiritually inspiring comments to share!  Perhaps the best is to share that even a relatively hidden, consecrated, Catholic hermit has times of seeming spiritual doldrums.  Perhaps it is no such a doldrum as more it is a phase of the temporal aspects required of us mortals also affects a Catholic hermit!

There are bills to pay and maintenance responsibilities of where a hermit lives in solitude and silence.  Yes, I have to do more manual labor now than what I'd otherwise undertake.  The spiritual reading and the time of prayer in which one is not actively engaged bodily are each sparse in the daily routine.  The only interruption is caused by the right arm being so over-used--afflicted with Carpenter's Elbow, a thumb "drill whip" injury resurfacing, and the twice-operated-on shoulder erupting with inflammation.

So the day before yesterday I prayed about those without limbs or missing a limb, and then considered people who are ambidextrous or learn to use the opposing limb of dominance.  I began using my left arm, elbow, and hands to do weeding.  The result?  My left arm was unused to such efforts; I pulled muscles in the upper left back that affect the neck.  Now my left arm is in pain and left hand suffers from some numbness.  

Balance is important in anyone's life, and this includes balance of working the body either in exercise or manual labor.  It is also important to have balance when working our brains, emotions, and spirit.

We've had a weather shift in the night, and that is most helpful to shift activity here, for the body reacts to weather shifts and must slow down some; and the elements are not conducive for being outside, either.  Yet I must press on with some efforts for finances have a shelf-life soon approaching, and time is nigh for me to finish this renovation, sell, and go God-knows-where.

So I will do some caulking today.  And one thing that is not out of balance in this hermit's life is that of prayer.  Prayer continues no matter if resting or working, no matter if spending a bit of time reading the daily Mass Scriptures or reading instructions as to when to apply Weed Stop to the lawn.

I also continue to pray much for the various prayer intentions people message me or call or email, or for what the news of the world prods me to pray.  The last living aunt is 94 today, the spiritual father has been ill but is improving, a baby was born prematurely and is striving to breathe and thrive, an elderly man has dangerously low blood pressure and heart rate.

The woman who has been purchasing trees returned this morning, and we walked about the gardens in the drizzle, seeing what else she wishes to add to her gardens.  I gave greatly discounted deals for she has a love for trees, and the trees that I've collected, tended, and brought to two locales now, will have a good home with someone who grasps the beauty and healing quality of trees.  

The detachment from what was is immense, and I praise God that I am able to let go of what was so gloriously allowed me in times past, of learning about trees of all types and of having the means to acquire them, plant, tend, and bring much enjoyment to many people--especially myself!  My spiritual father always said how the gardens I had in my previous locale were a true glorification of God, a gift to God, and beautiful in the sight of God and mankind.  Yes, they were!

And here, people who drove by sometimes would slow and call out how beautiful the trees or that this is a veritable botanical gardens.  A neighbor woman has spoken only once, and it was slowing her truck on the way to her work to say what a joy it is every morning for her to wake up and be able to look out at such loveliness in these gardens.

So we do go through phases, be as a hermit or as an anyone with whatever vocation is ours while on this earth.  Sometimes we are more consciously aware of a balance in spiritual efforts, but then again, perhaps God does have it all in His purview and providence as to how we are spiritually progressing.  We may think we are not at all--so tied to our earthly labors that we do not dream nor write love poetry to God, or that we are out of balance and not doing as we ought in our spiritual growth or attention to lectio divina (spiritual reading, particularly that of the Scriptures and pondering thereof).

But perhaps we are, more than our minds can think, for when we are thinking we may not be progressing within our souls as much as when our minds and bodies are distracted with work enough so that our hearts and souls are maybe more freed from ourselves to love God above all things and others as God loves.

I don't know.  I do wish in my conscious mind that I had something more inspiring or inspired to share, but perhaps the fulfillment of such a wish must be left to God and the reader.

My hands--both now--are numb enough from writing.  Time to stop!

Catholic Hermit's Surprise

I did not think that others would so quickly realize how wondrously challenging it can be to simply God-pivot and free ourselves from various prisons (or another metaphor for what we allow to hinder us: bad "marriages").

So I this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had quite a surprise when two spiritual friends with whom I'd been rather harsh (but not nearly as harsh as I've been on myself) made contact and were grateful and determined to step up to the next level on the stairway to heaven, with me.

The view changes, and we must get used to the perspective, the new challenges, the adaptation to freedom. 

Like true prisoners released, however, the old, learned securities of how we had been, of our habitual cells and chains, tempt us to return.  (It is said that sometimes released prisoners commit another crime in order to return to prison when their freedom and trying to adapt to the outside world becomes too difficult.)

Yesterday I had some thoughts of pain in negative terms that quickly were shooed away.  There were frustrations with using the framing nail gun after months of health challenges and too much time resting.  I did not get the cross-brace 2x6's nailed between the vaulted ceiling joists.  The nail gun was heavier than I recalled--until I faced the reality that my muscles have weakened.  It is going to take time and physical effort to rebuild, and today I continue on with the overhead project.

So we must continue on with adapting to and rejoicing in the next step.  I thought much yesterday of St. Paul and St. Peter--of the times they were imprisoned and of the angel who stood outside the cell, telling them to walk out of the open cell door, light all around.   Surely there were other prisoners in the prison on each occasion in which one or other of the apostles were imprisoned but miraculously set free?

The other prisoners did not just walk out through open cell doors.  This fact reminds me that we all may not be set free at the same time.  Some may need more incarceration, and that can be due to not having the God-pivot moment of seeing that often we are the ones keeping ourselves jailed.  Sometimes it can be that we have allowed some situation or person to keep us locked into negative, imprisoning circumstance, thought, emotion or spiritual darkness.

I suppose the God-pivot I've been experiencing is literally God's angel standing at the door of my mind and heart and spirit, shining light upon my prison cell, and showing me, telling me, that I can simply walk free.  Just walk out of it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually even if I cannot bodily leave my own body or living situation in a physical manner.  The other aspects are so freeing that the physical fades with the new perspective of a higher step on the heavenly stairway.

Then the consideration presents itself:  The apostles freed by walking out of their jail cells when the doors were opened, their chains unlocked did later on become imprisoned again.  And once again they were able to escape. This may happen to us, repeatedly, phase by phase, or even a recurrence of some of our old habits or "crimes."  Or,  we may be in a type of parole, with our angels checking on us and reminding us to stay "clean" and to avoid our incarcerating habits of which we'd been freed.

Eventually, we will have the ultimate freedom from the daily, temporal distractions and habits that imprison us, or at least try to lock us into place, keep us from walking up the stairway to heaven.  That freedom will be as it was for the apostles and for anyone who has lived: we will physically die.  

But if we have freed our minds, hearts, and spirits by God's grace and mercy, and have walked repeatedly out of whatever cells of which doors have been opened for us, we will not consider physical death so necessary a final escape.  We will have already walked free in eternal essence, that which we take with us, our minds, hearts, and spirits.

Such a surprise to this consecrated Catholic hermit, that at least two have not chosen to remain in their cells and are willing to walk out of their cells, as well--as best we can, of course.  We try.  And like others, we may find ourselves tempted to go back to prison in one way or another.  We may find ourselves in the same cell or in some other prison cell, but we can be freed as many times as we are imprisoned.

God provides the God-pivot!  He is Love and Mercy!

Catholic Hermit's Been Too Harsh

Well, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit responded earlier to one correspondent, and I mentioned that the person is imprisoned, is in prison.  It is a reality for various reasons, but the harshness of the term "prison" created a sense of sadness.  Or, at least the person reacted by becoming sad and wrote back, detailing how it is in her life, and that it is easier to not ruffle the human jailer's feathers, so to speak.

I also had not answered the question asked me earlier as to how to pray contemplatively.  So I responded, also trying to explain more about our own imprisonment and of being jailed and our own jailer, often enough.  I am to myself, truly; and I intend to live free in Christ.  I must.

Yet, in my response a bit ago, I could not yet bring myself to not respond.  But I must begin easing off my own imprisoning my mind, heart, and spirit (and a good bit of temporal time given us by God) in dealing with temporal details of prison life, for we are to think of God and of things above, not below.  Increasingly I am becoming sickened and wearied of things below; and this is a good thing!

I simply offer my response, for it maybe explains if any readers are having thoughts or questions about the various unhealthy marriages of which I have mentioned we need to seek and carry out divorces, to free ourselves from temporal prisons of which we've handed over God-given present moments, sometimes for years, to temporal jailers be they persons or thoughts, emotions or spirit.

Dear Z,

i suspected I may have been too harsh, too realistic about your marriage and S's daily harassment of you over small details.  Like not eating his pasta, your reading, your faith, your breath, your work, your gardening, your everything.  It is sad that he picks on you to that extent, but the reality of it has helped me realize today a lot about myself and spiritual progress.  Plus I have been helped by watching a documentary on the evolution of Brian Wilson's (Beach Boy musician-genius composer) great songwriting giftedness.  

I started to think about marriages in general--not just man and wife marriages, but my marriage with bodily pain, and how I do things in various "marriages" such as even my vocation, that are not freeing as well as aspects in my life I could simply stop doing. Like the negative thoughts in the morning, or my hindering myself by my own imprisonment to various types of my own "marriages" of my thoughts, emotions, and even my spirit or soul to details of daily life that are not freeing and not holy.

Then a young woman wrote an email of her frustrations, and I realize we all are kind of prisoners when we don't need to be at all!  Most can't easily get a divorce such as you from S, or R from her anger and frustrations that often are triggered from her past, or me from my body's union with temporal pain.  But we can rise above.  We can remove--divorce--ourselves from unhealthy "marriages" of thought, emotions, and spirit.

I am writing in my blog of these things.  There is no point in going over the various details of our frustrations, such as I have written a lot about my pain or renovation frustrations--all that stuff.  I received some ideas from Brian Wilson's integrating his observations of another song producer, and that Wilson then made a progression toward better music, better songs, and became a truly great artist.  I have now the insight that this pattern is very much for me or anyone to implement in the spiritual life.  This is the necessary God-pivot, once again.

Of course, the answer  to your question as to how to pray contemplatively is to ask the Creator of Contemplation to give you the grace of contemplative prayer.  A great aspect and condition of contemplative prayer is to not be thinking of or distracted by things below but to allow the thoughts to be lifted to that which is above the daily trials and temptations, the daily frustrations and details.  It is to free ourselves from the prisons we are in, and especially if we have just handed over the keys to earthly jailers. 

I did that when I gave certain priests or monsignors power over my being welcome at Mass or not, or when I agreed not to go to parishes if the priests did not want me there simply due to a mystical gift.  I submitted to what was not a holy request on the part of those who are supposed to be holy--but in those instances they were being unholy.

You have given over power to buy an excellent spiritual book you'd like rather than face your jailer's anger.  We do these things to ourselves, and then rationalize that we have other books to read, or whatever.  And I'm not saying that is a bad way to look at it; it is just how you've learned to react rather than to endure your jailer penalizing you even more.  I do similar in various ways, within myself, and at times become the jailer and the jailed, all in one prison! 

I give over power to pain in a negative way, or do not rise beyond the trials of the glitches that occur in construction efforts on this hermitage.  Even trying to put a frame around the small cellar opening has required more efforts, purchases of a special bit, and may need a more powerful drill.  But to dwell on these aspects of the temporal are bondage, not freedom.  When I God-pivot all the temporal details, then the soul is more free to wed Christ and produce beauty, truth, and goodness.  

It is even in such thoughts of God-pivoting that we find the seeds of contemplation.  When you free yourself from the belittling and control of the jailer to whom you've submitted all these years, and can raise your thoughts beyond him even at home, not even needing to go to adoration to do so, but within yourself where His Real Presence has set up His Abode in you, and then you set it up in Him, then that will be planting the seeds of contemplative prayer.  

It becomes the prayer once we divorce ourselves from human bondage by others and by our own thoughts, distractions, and frustrations from temporal details and trials.  And the more we are wedded with His Real Presence even if all around us is a prison of sorts, temporally, then we begin contemplation for we are no longer prisoners within as well as without.

I hope this helps!

Love in His Love--and start by freeing yourself from the reality that I mentioned, that your marriage is prison, for it is, but you can free yourself by your thoughts, emotions, and spirit marrying His Real Presence,.  S does not need to know a thing about your freedom, for he is a pawn more of the temporal for now, God bless him.  

I have to face that I have been in a bad marriage with my physical pain, allowing it to keep me imprisoned with emotions and thoughts that I have also allowed to affect my waking moments onward; or I allow imprisonment to this temporal dwelling instead of viewing it as a place of spiritual, creative growth and enforced manual labor that is positive and births marvelous insights from God.

Our temporal mental, emotional daily, distracting details really don't matter; it is our God-pivoting that matters.

Catholic Hermit, the Lord Directs

Of course, it is always wise at least initially and also as a contact when needed, to have a spiritual director.  Usually for a Catholic and especially a consecrated hermit, it is best to have a priest be an earthly director of one's soul.  There are common sense reasons for this.

One is that a priest (bishop, monastic superior) has more theological training as well as vocational experience than, for example, another hermit, deacon, or most lay persons.  A priest also has the authority and investiture to provide the Sacraments (notably confession and anointing of the sick) when requested or necessary.

(Consecrating the Host during Mass also is the privilege and ordained function of a priest, but Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist may offer or bring the consecrated Host to others, such as a hermit who is unable to physically attend Mass.  No others, not even a deacon, can hear confessions.)

A hermit's vocation by its very nature (and dependent upon the progression in the spiritual life) will at some point intersect with the forces of darkness, with the taunts and tricks of the devil.  A priest is a powerful agent in dealing with demonic treachery.

However, we all--no matter our vocations (ordained, lay, or those of us in the consecrated life of the Church)--need to pray about and discern who we may request or who may be assigned to us as our spiritual directors.  And, we must also discern as we proceed in spiritual direction, along with the director, if there is positive movement and progress.

Not all priests (or religious of various vocations) are adept in spiritual direction of souls.

For a hermit in particular, there are few who have as much knowledge about the vocation as may be the case with the hermit his- or herself.  And that ought be expected and understood, for most priests or other spiritual directors with varying amounts of training in such, are unlikely to have spent the time a hermit would have spent in studying, reading, and living the hermit life.  

What may be most important, thus, in a director, is to seek and find one who does not have ingrained errant ideas about the hermit vocation.  And, what also is of greatest asset in a spiritual director is one who leads a prayerful, knowledgeable, dedicated spiritual life of following Christ--actively steeped in His Living Word and living by the Spirit.

I personally have found that order priests (and those in the more contemplative rather than active orders or communities) have more experience and training in the spiritual life and can tend to be more open to and aware of the hermit vocation, than do diocese priests and bishops.  

At least with the inception of CL603 within the past few decades, diocesan bishops are attempting to discover more and come to some agreement among some of them, as to guidelines for a hermit who requests public profession of vows and to become what has developed as a descriptor for such hermits: diocesan hermit or canonically approved hermit.

Yet an insight came to this privately professed, consecrated Catholic hermit yesterday late afternoon while continuing the task of off-loading black bark mulch from the most-appreciated used pick-up truck, named lovingly "Precious Blood."  Once again I realized that my thoughts and projections (perhaps some truth to them or perhaps simply my ideas triggered by past similar, negating situations) were not God's Thoughts, not His Mind.  I also realized that it did not take too long for the Lord to correct me and to show me that my own thoughts ended up being rather pointless.

Yes, pointless--other than the necessary work of the Holy Spirit's guiding my soul to discern the difference between my thoughts and God's.  My thoughts tend to increasingly assume possibilities as to why some situation or person/s are as they may be.  The Holy Spirit was pointing out to me the truth of the matter; and also that while I have forgiven some fairly nasty persecutions of the past, my mind tends to take incidents, real as they are, but to assume what may or may not be the case.

Or, if the assumptions are correct (often they are gut-instincts with some if not full truth in them) my own thinking about them and entering into old pathways of thought and reaction within my mind are energy- and time-wasting, emotionally non-productive, and ultimately futile.

The inner listening yesterday afternoon (while shoveling mulch!) provided some of the richest, purest, and most humbling spiritual direction I've had in awhile--a short while, actually.  I've not for awhile had much written contact with my earthly spiritual director nor with the holy priest who is in Nigeria and whose guidance is quite luminous and succinctly spiritual--not much contact due to temporal obstacles, understandable enough.

That reality has opened up far greater spiritual direction from His Real Presence.  The insight came that there is a point in which the Lord directs our souls.  But the circumstances for secure direction seem to include the degree in which the soul, especially for a hermit, is living in the silence of solitude, in stricter separation from the world.

This makes solid sense, actually.  A hermit who is more active in the world or distracted even by good deeds, parish involvements, or private sector, part-time workplace interactions, or even distracted within the hermitage by not thinking of God above all things.  These types of distractions can hinder the capacity of the hermit's inner senses, particularly of inner sight and inner listening in order to receive God's thought-flashings; and to lesser importance the distractions suppress inner thought-flashing communications from the hermit to God.

For awhile this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been distracted in too many little ways--relationships here or there, trying to find work help because I thought surely the Lord wanted me to progress more rapidly with the hermitage and then get out from under the financial and physical burdens.  

In all those aspects, I was listening more to others around me and their temporal views which do make good temporal sense, sure enough.  And even my spiritual father writing to get the [expletive!] house done and get to my writing--he did not say get it done and sell and move elsewhere to write.

Increasingly, since the death of my will the Wednesday after Easter last, I have experienced an increase in the Lord's insights and of His spiritual direction.  However, I also have recognized all the more my ideas and thoughts from my mind in hindering conflict with God's Mind, His Thoughts, His Ideas, His Wisdom.

Praise be to God that He is teaching me to discern the difference by showing me within, and telling me within, and by also using present moment, temporal examples from daily and nightly life.

This morning upon awakening, the physical pain was its usual drain and attention-grabber.  I have gotten into the not-so-great habit of perusing the online news clips of what is going on out in the world, including the political scene or the latest terrorist attack or murder, or even the heart-lifting video-clips of goodness in lives lived well.  I also read His Living Word and ponder it some, but the sequence of what I take into my mind through my external eyes and ears muddies the soul's receptors.

If I remain physically still, here on the mattress in my 11'x7' cell--boxes piled on one end and books and bills stacked to the side--a simple office set-up--the physical pain intrudes upon my mind's capacity for inner silence.  (Another reason to plea that the Lord replace my mind with His!)


Thus, I note the times of best listening and receiving of God's direction of His nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, come more when weeding or shoveling mulch, or drywall mudding, or painting a ceiling, or in the night when the externals are consciously removed in sleep.

Depending upon a hermit's circumstances, the Lord becomes the very best spiritual director one could ever pray for or request!  Only when a hermit (or anyone, I suppose) gets side-tracked with the temporal or forgets Who Is in charge of all details of life, or is uncertain of discerning spirits--the bad from the good--is there interference with the direct line of God's guidance with the hermit's receptive capacity.

I mention "only when" with some humor, for we mortals can be side-tracked quite easily and often with the temporal.  We easily forget that God is in charge of every detail; we struggle with discernment of good and evil vying for our thoughts and actions.

In my recent seepage into the temporal diversions, all with good intention (or so my mind thinks), the Lord has shown me the absurdity of "my" intentions and notions as opposed to His Mind on matters: The Lord thus directs my soul.  

Even though His Will has replaced mine, my mind does not so well cooperate with His Will.  And it definitely then is not His Mind, either.  Nor, I suppose, can one's mind ever cooperate that well with God's Will because the human mind is always going to remain diversified with human thoughts, ingrained with memory and knowledge of the human sort, tampered by human emotions and physiological senses.

Lying here on the mattress on the floor of this tiny cell-room in Te Deum Hermitage, I once more throw myself before the throne of His Real Presence abiding within me, or more circumspectly me within Him.  He is allowing me to dwell with Him in this mortal body, pained as it is and conflicted with human controversies of varying types.  May His Mind replace mine as His Will has done!  

Bl. Charles Foucauld came to mind, brought for a visit by His Real Presence to augment the lesson.  The hermit priest of the Sahara had no mortal to listen to, to speak to in his native tongue, nor spiritually guide him. The Lord was His Spiritual Director.  The more Bl. Charles turned his mind over to God's, his heart to God's, his will--all that was his was sooner or later replaced by God's as well!  
Whether or not this occurred fully in this life or not, is beside the point of our need of the process and the blessed conclusion.  

The outer circumstances and our inner considerations do make a difference and are, we could say, inversely correlated with our relationship with the Lord.  The more we think with our minds and sense with our emotions, the less we will be of the Lord's Mind and Heart.

I praise the Lord for the examples in time and place, in which His Insights have graced my being with His Divine Spiritual Direction.  I, of course, had not considered there would be a situation such as this, in which I would realize the correlation between stillness, silence of solitude, and necessity that would open the way directly to His Priesthood being my guide in such tangible manner. 

Catholic Hermit: Loves Points Macarius Makes

Not reading quickly these days. The more spiritually profound the writing, the more the body, mind, heart, and spirit desire to dwell upon what is read--and more so be taken to the heart of God within the insights written.  This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is still dwelling on Pseudo-Macarius' first homily!

Love this point:

"If, therefore, you have become a throne of God and the Heavenly Charioteer has mounted you and your whole soul is a spiritual eye and has become totally light, and if you have been nourished with that heavenly food of the spirit and you have drunk from the water of life and you have put on the raiment of ineffable light, if finally your interior man has experienced all these and has been rooted in the abundance of faith, then, behold, you already live the eternal life, indeed, with your soul resting with the Lord."

Truly, from time to time this nothing has experienced each of these mentioned, but this interior man has not been so rooted in the abundance of faith.  No, this nothing, this human hermit is yet distracted by the temporal detritus that plays with the mind and emotions (heart), and up-ends the spirit, far too often.  However, His Real Presence has been showing the nothing Catholic hermit the strident differences between things that are below and things that are above, of God.

And there are things of the temporal of God's created, that can very much in faith lead to the things of God above.  But there are things of the temporal that tend to lead downward or to interfere with faith, or simply to distract and keep the interior man from the abundance of faith that allows it to live the eternal life here and now, with the soul resting with the Lord.

So we see what are the differences between the two, and we also see a means of entering into God and spiraling with Him from the beauty, truth, and goodness of His Created and Creation, upward in faith, hope, and love.  But we still have the snares of the temporal that do not easily or at all merge us with His spiraling movement to that which is above.  Macarius provides a reason for the hindrance: settling for the poverty of sin.

"Look, you have received these things truly from the Lord so that you may live the true life.  If, however, you are not conscious of having experienced any of these things, weep, mourn and groan because you have not yet been made a participator of the eternal and spiritual riches and you have not yet received true life.  Therefore, be worried at your poverty, beseeching the Lord night and day because you have settled for the serious poverty of sin."

It does seem to this hermit, that it has not settled for the serious poverty of sin, either.  Thus the reason why there are at times and points, some part of the soul a spiritual eye--or that eye closed at times and open at others; and there is thus some light and some not light.  The hermit prays that the spiritual eye remain increasingly open--that it is more like the unconscious blinking of the human eyelid, and that the blinking become briefer and eventually cease, so that the soul is a spiritual eye filled with God's ineffable Light.

It is also interesting to note that when the physical body dies, the human eyelids are closed, or if not, another closes them, and there they remain closed to this world.  But then the spiritual eye is opened and remains open--either for an eternal view of God (even a distant view), or for an eternal view of not God, which we may term "hell."

Today the hermit's prayer is to be a throne of God, to be that chariot of which He mounts and guides in all directions at once, nourished by food of the Spirit and water of Life, clothed in His light, and rooted in an abundance of faith--thus for this soul to rest with the Lord.

It is this hermit's prayer for each of you, as well.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love. Let us pray for our spiritual eyes to be opened and remain filled with light and faith, and to lessen our distracted sightings of that which causes our bodies, minds, hearts, or souls to blink too often or be drawn closed.