God is in us, we are in God; large souls love much

 

Saint Bernard (1091-1153)

Cistercian monk and doctor of the Church

Sermons on the Song of Songs, no. 27, 8-10 (©Friends of Henry Ashworth)

"I have been glorified in them"

“My Father and I will come to him” - that is to say, to the holy of heart - says the Son of God, “and we will make our home with him” (Jn 14:23). It seems to me that when the psalmist said to God: “You make your dwelling in the holy place, you who art Israel's praise,” (Ps 22[21]:4) he had no other heaven in mind than the hearts of the saints. The Apostle expresses it quite clearly: “Christ lives in our hearts through faith,” he tells us (Eph 3:17). Surely it is no wonder that the Lord Jesus gladly makes his home in such a heaven because, unlike the other heavens, he did not bring it into existence by a mere word of command. He descended into the arena to win it; he laid down his life to redeem it. And so after the battle was won he solemnly de­clared: “This is my resting place for ever and ever; here I have chosen to dwell” (Ps 132[131]:14). Blessed indeed is the soul to whom the Lord says: “Come, my chosen one, I will set up my throne in you” (Sg 2:10). “Why, then, are you sorrowful, my soul, and why are you troubled within me?” (Ps 42[41]:6). Are you trying to find a place for the Lord within yourself? Who among us can provide a fitting place for the Lord of glory, a place worthy of his majesty! O that I might be counted worthy to worship at his footstool, that I might at least cling to the feet of some saintly soul whom the Lord has chosen to be his dwelling place! However, the Lord has only to anoint my soul with the oil of his mercy for me in my turn to be able to say: “I have run the way of your commandments because you have enlarged my heart” (Ps 119[118]:32). Then perhaps, even if I cannot usher him into a “large and richly furnished room” in my heart where he may refresh himself with his disciples (cf. Mk 14:15), I shall at least be able to offer him “a place to lay his head” (cf. Mt 8:20). It is necessary for a soul to grow and be enlarged until it is capable of con­taining God within itself. But the dimensions of a soul are in proportion to its love, as the Apostle confirms when he urges the Corinthians to “widen their hearts in love” (2 Cor 6 13). Although the soul, being spiritual, cannot be measured physically, grace confers on it what nature does not bestow... Love, then, is the measure of the soul. Souls are large that love much, small that love little; while as for the soul that has no love at all, such a soul is itself nothing. “Without love,” says Saint Paul, “I am nothing” (1 Cor 13:3).

Catholic Hermit: What IS Relevant

What is relevant is to love the Lord our God with all our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits--and to love others as ourselves.

When I consider the meanderings of the past week or so, what has brought the peace and joy of the Holy Spirit?  What is the path that leads to life in all aspects as opposed to that which leads to deadness of mind, heart, and soul while yet alive here and now?

Definitely, being concerned about rather superficial, temporal details of the hermit vocation is dull compared to even but a phrase from the Living Word of God.  This fact was emphasized this week when I point-blank realized how a diocese bishop's and vicar general's office regard (or more so, disregard) the CL603 designation of one they knew not, and want nothing to do with canonical hermit issues.  

I found this refreshingly revitalizing for the tradition of hermit existences from all ages past, present, and future.  I found it a revitalizing hope for all in any vocation, as everyone has a call to one vocation or another, and shifting vocations in some cases, throughout our lives on earth.  Why the disregard, refreshing?

Why so?  Well, discern the spirit, so to speak.  Where does focusing on minutia of a temporal law lead the soul compared to focusing on such as God's love and mercy in forgiveness of a soul's sins?

Where does focus on aspects of a vocation that has always represented hidden life and nothingness--trying to make it something other than simple and silent--lead any consecrated Catholic hermit or anyone who is a soul at least and at best:  to temporality or to Christ?

We are nothing to His ALL.

One can think it is not an either-or situation; but in fact, it actually is.  Consider today's Mass' first reading from the prophet Micah, 7:18:

"Who is there like You, the God Who removes guilt
and pardons sin for the remnant of His inheritance;
Who does not persist in anger forever,
but delights rather in clemency,
And will again have compassion on us,
treading underfoot our guilt?"

Lord, to Whom or what shall we go?  Do we go to God--or to a person or title, position, man-made law, or thing? Where ought our entire beings' focus exist, breathe, live--now and forever?

The only answer must be with His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  There is no other way to eternal life.  All else leads to dullness and death, present moment by present moment.

A few days ago the Scriptures for the Mass readings included this truth:  Be merciful as your Heavenly Father is merciful.  Consider this reality, what Jesus asks of us.  And consider the power of God who removes guilt and pardons sin!  Consider that God Himself delights in clemency over anger, Who has compassion on us and removes the stain of guilt.

I so long for the Lord and eternal life, that it is difficult to battle through physical pain enough to get up and enter into the physical aspects of daily routine.  Yet one must live the temporal while existing in the eternal heavenly.  

Remain in Christ's love while shredding the out-dated receipts and tax papers.  Remain in His love while putting more books on shelves.  Remain in His love while praying the Rosary, while reading His Living Word, while responding to an email, while unpacking and sorting clothing, while painting a ceiling.  Remain in Christ's love while praying for family members who have become as in Matthew 10:36:  One's enemies are members of one's own household.  Remain in His love while living out one's vocation as the vehicle of God's provision for us, His will, in this temporal life time.

Nothing more, nothing less--but to know, love, and serve God in the sole and soul relevance of remaining in His love.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Learning Love

We think, perhaps, we grasp love, but this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is ever reminded that love is fluid and learning love flows without end.  We never cease learning love if we continue to seek love..and to learn to love.

I am in a high-level pain siege.  In the past three years, the low back pain recycles itself every so often--three weeks, six weeks, a couple of months.  The body can only sustain so much constant pain until it gives out. This happens without notice mostly, although sometimes I get warning dreams.  I had one such dream this time, a week ago.

So the pain siege hit in the early hours of Saturday last.  For a full day I thought perhaps I had some terrible flu virus.  But over the decades I've learned that usually the symptoms, even if they vary, usually end up it being out of control pain from the spine, specifically the low back which was the main point of injury in the accident.

Three years ago the pain began radiating into the intestines.  A year ago it radiated into the liver area, although more scans will ascertain if there is something more wrong with the liver.  I tend to think there could be, but yet again, all suffering seems to be rooted in the painful spine.  This includes the neck that was also injured, and thus the constant headache; and when the pain flares, it is a horrific spinal headache.

So this time the pain caused high fever, chills, aches, burning eyes, difficulty standing or taking steps as the intestines and stomach were so inflamed it was agonizing with each step.  Soft tissue pain can be tricky....

I'm on the fourth day of being on the mattress.  Today I hope to have the strength to make some potato soup with chicken bone broth base.  We will see.  The liver area is so painful even now, that it will surprise me if the Lord grants the stamina to cut the onions, celery, and tiny red potatoes.  We shall see.  I pray so.  I had hoped today I'd be back up and able to do some work--finish the custom-fit pieces of wood for completing the ceilings.

While laid out, this time I distracted by doing something I've not done previously.  I watched movies on YouTube.  It did not matter if I drowsed for I could later go back to what I recalled before dozing.  And I cannot say that any much of the details of the scenes and plots or even the names of the movies remain--and they do not need to remain.

My purpose and intention is to explore aspects of love.  This must be accessible such as when reduced by pain which places one on the cross and negates complexity.  I found some movies that most would consider B-movies or lesser-known, for sure.  I located sweet movies, loving movies, movies with themes of redeeming at-risk relationships, forgiveness, seeking God, seeking love, righting injustices, persevering through hardships: by those learning to love.

I filled my eyes and ears and thus also my inner eyes and ears and soul with these loving, sweet, visual and audio repetitions of inspiring love.

For I've been praying yet again about my God-given purpose on this earth, as well as if I am on track.  Plus, with the hope of finishing the hermitage before my financial shelf-life ends here, that I will have an indication of where and what God wants of me next.

I am convinced it has to do with love.  Love God in Himself; love others as He loves us.

I have wondered if my gifts of writing and desire to further any God-given abilities to illustrate or photograph ought be the focus of what comes after this, should I live through this phase of earthly existence.  The past three days of love-themed movies absorption has me all the more realizing that when it is all said and done, that to love, to love to learn to love, is the bottom-line and upper reaches of existence.

Today's Scriptures remind me yet again of what can be a pitfall to learning to love, especially what is primary for our souls: love of God in Himself.

In Matthew 7, 1-10, Jesus observed the hypocrisy of high priests and those devout worshippers of God.  He observed some of their words and actions; they had become devoted to traditions and laws created by their minds which caused interference with the sweetness of devotion to God in Himself.

Jesus spoke to them on this side-track from the spiritual progression to union with God by quoting verses of Isaiah who prophesied the Word of God:

This people honors me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me;
in vain do they worship me, 
teaching as doctrines human precepts.

Jesus then drives His point so that the people will not be left in any confusion, without any doubt, of what God desires of us.

"You disregard God's commandment [to love God with all our strength, mind, heart and spirit and others as ourselves] but cling to human tradition."

"How well you have set aside the commandment of God
in order to uphold your tradition!...

"...You nullify the Word of God
in favor of your tradition that you have handed on.
And you do many such things."

None of us in in the exact same place in our spiritual progression.  Somehow it is as if God is showing me all the more to simplify, to make a right turn and head off into that which is more of the heart and to release my mind from heavier studies of which I used to drive myself to read as well as to encourage others who, as I realize now, were living more love in daily life than trying to force into the mind from between the pages of books too difficult for them to easily grasp.

Now, this does not mean that I will give up reading from the marvelous collection of rare and treasured writings of the greatest of mystics, spiritual masters, and scripture scholars.  But I doubt I will read many.  For one thing, they are boxed in the pole barn these past four years, and pain and hardship in living conditions have honed my purpose, have reduced my existence to a more gentle and easy yoke:  to love, to love to learn to love.

This means to learn to love God in Himself by learning how God loves.

Recently I received a treasured letter from my spiritual father.  He was reflecting upon his life and vocation as a priest.  He is struck by awe in  noting that St. Paul wrote about discovering how much God loved him.  My spiritual father, my spiritual soul friend, expounded yet briefly, in how much he realizes God has blessed him and loves him.

Ironically, at about the same day on earth, I was coming to this realization in my own mind, heart, and soul.  It was the little introduction to St. Bernard's book of Sermons on the Song of Songs which turned me once more to the reality of Jesus asking me to simply remain in His love.  Even now, with the physical pain prohibiting me from an ounce of comfort bodily or even mentally (for pain leaches not only into our bodies through nerve endings but makes its mark on our minds), my heart and soul can, at least, quite readily, remain in His Love.

With some prayer and letting go of what my mind might want to make my body "do" or "think" today relative to the temporal world, my heart and soul can take His yoke upon me as it is easy and light.  Love is easy and light once we let go of the restrictions, the plans, the opinions and laws our minds have created--and that includes letting go of what laws other minds may have created and formed into traditions that instead of freeing us to love God in Himself, have turned our efforts toward a forced and formulaic existence.

When we remain in His Love and love God in Himself, we are in a stream of love that outflows to loving others as God loves them, as Jesus loves, as the Holy Spirit loves.  We may or may not physically "feel" the warmth or tingle that sometimes grace our physical hearts or see within the sparkles of light that grace our minds with such love.  But we will relax and begin to cease striving to count on ourselves, to rely on our own "brilliance", to be victim to a kind of pride that fools us into thinking and doing as if what we think and do is crucial.

We learn to love to learn to love, and the object and sole purpose of this learning to love is to learn to remain in Christ's love and to learn to love God in Himself.  God's will is His Love; and we learn to love others from being in God's Love.  We utilize the gifts of body, mind, heart, and spirit when we come to realize the stupendous gift of all--that God loves us.  He loves us.  He loves me, and He loves you no matter how dull or intelligent, how plain or beautiful, how dim or clever, how clumsy or handy, how disorganized or efficient.

All God asks is that we love Him with all the strength and weakness, with our best purpose and imperfect human desire of our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.  And in that, we will then love others as ourselves for it will be His Love that is loving and not our self-reliance upon our abilities or our giftedness.  

The greatest gift is love--God's love.  When we--when I--can let go of pride and human control, loving to love God and learning to love God will become the gift God bequeaths in loving union with Him.

There is a reason why Jesus emphasizes His Heart, emphasizes His Love, God's Love, and remaining in His Love.  We must not overthink it or expect or desire to feel it.  Just be open to His Love, receive His Love, thank Him for His Love, personally, trustingly, blessedly.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Remain in His Love!  

Catholic Hermit: Which Blessing is Best?

The other morning I utilized a "House Blessing Kit" offered to parishioners in what several dioceses provided in this country.  The procedure is based upon a centuries-old custom of praying and writing the year and initials for the names of the three Wise Men.  This form of house blessing was traditionally done on the Feast of Epiphany or evolved into doing it on the first day of the calendar new year.

But I also did a blessing of this old house, my hermitage I've named Te Deum [You, God] Hermitage earlier in the autumn due to on-going problems occurring, quite negative and dark.  A friend sent some priest-blessed holy water, and my spiritual father said to use it liberally throughout the house while asking Jesus to cast out demons and to bless the dwelling in His Holy Name.  

I did this as well as wrote on each window, "Jesus", with the holy water.  (This was not the priest's idea but rather that of the friend, and I found it to be efficacious and powerful.)

My spiritual father also wanted me to get the parish priest to bless the hermitage (old farmhouse) due to the demonic assaults and activity occurring.  In fact, he wanted the priest to do so for some time, but the priest did not grasp the urgency or necessity, which I have come to understand as many priests may not have lived experience with some types of negative spiritual activity even if they are intellectually aware from reading about such.

So my spiritual father also said, then, to get the priest from the Orthodox Church since the Roman/Western Church priest did not respond to bless the place.  The Orthodox priest came quickly, as he had more a grasp of actual spiritual warfare.  He flailed holy water all over, even climbing up the ladder to the second floor despite my concern for his feet getting caught in his long habit.

Now, which blessing is best?  Which blessing was effective?

I have no idea, other than I do have some gut-level instincts and thoughts on the matter.

Since Jesus is about love and mercy, about intention and thinking with the heart, about God's law of love, I rather think He is quite pleased with the holy water used to write "Jesus" on each window while I prayed in earnest for the devil to be cast out of this dwelling and God to permeate.

Yet, I also know that Jesus is One to appreciate sacrifice in action, and the Orthodox priest taking time away from his monastery to drive here, to talk over the situation, to pray, and to bless every room and space in here with ample holy water, seems to have quelled the dark forces.  Plus, the priest has given his entire life and liberty to his vocation, and the faith and efforts of the priest lend to the power of his blessing.

Jesus also would appreciate the utilization of an old tradition of house blessing in kit-form of dispersing among believers who then make the effort to read the prayer suggested and to chalk about their doorways, the prescribed year and Wise Men name initials C+M+C which can also mean in Latin for "Christ bless this home."  

There is a power in unity and meaning in symbolic rendering reminiscent of Old Testament direction of God for Jewish people to put the blood of a sacrificed lamb on their lintels so that the angel of death would pass-over their homes and spare the occupants from terror deaths.

I rather think Jesus also appreciates the listening heart of this hermit (or of anyone's listening heart) in heeding the thought to write the Jesus Prayer as well, or to have written the Holy Name of Jesus on each window with blessed water.  

What is obvious, given the effects of the first and second house/hermitage blessings, and no doubt the third will only help, is that a ritual blessing by the parish priest ended up not being necessary.  Yes, it would have been marvelous and beneficial had he taken the hour out of the several months of my requesting to actually come, to read the prescribed prayers and scriptures and to sprinkle holy water about.  But God provides regardless!

God provides beautifully and powerfully from spontaneity in trust and faith in His Name and in His mighty love and mercy!  He honors the prayers of the heart and of the faithful; he loves the intentions and neediness of His little ones who in earnest desire call upon Him directly in whatever little creative, human, and super-and-natural means our hearts direct in us to do.

The situations such as this remind yet again that Jesus did not preach or emphasize the laws of minds or of men, but rather always placed the law of God above all other laws.  And the law of God, He says, is the law of love.

Yesterday while waiting in civilization for an ophthalmologist appointment, I read more in my little volume of St. Bernard's Sermons on the Song of Songs.  The emphasis of loving God so permeates all that Bernard writes, for Jesus' love of Bernard and Bernard's love for Christ so infuses Bernard that once more I know Christ's love and my love for Christ is what matters in existing in this temporal wold and in the mystical realm.  I want nothing other than to accept God's love and to love God in return.

So when the headlines caught my attention of a spat occurring between this current pope and a group of Catholic believers who do much good for thousands of suffering people around the world--a spat over church laws--my mind and heart fled all the more from the secular church in-fighting.  I said a prayer for there to be peace on earth among men of good will, and prayed that my body, mind, heart, and soul could think of God above all things and love God and others as He loves us.

As to which house/hermitage blessing is best, I still do not know for sure.  However, I sense that there are aspects of each that please the Lord most: spontaneity of loving heart, desire in faith, sacrifice of the Orthodox priest-monk to take time and energy and cost to come to my hermitage, and the sacrifice of the friend to send not only holy water from her parish but also holy water that was her late mother's from Lourdes, France.

Perhaps blessing a house or hermitage or any dwelling is like how Jesus blesses us with His love and mercy, with his guidance and spiritual direction.  It is an on-going process, including various aspects of faith, hope, and charity involving heart-felt instincts, listening within to Christ's inspirations, and accepting sacrifices of others, including loving friends and thoughtful priests.  

Perhaps the best blessing of all is of God in us, Christ with us, His Real Presence residing in the tabernacles of our hearts and souls, and of our presence, then, within whatever earthly temporal and mystical dwelling in any given present moment.  Christ with us, around us, above and beneath; Christ through us and in us.  Remain in his love, and we and all about us are blessed.

Catholic Hermit: More on Christ's Peace, Love, Prayer

The lovely and kindly couple from the parish (which is a driving distance) arrived Sunday morning with Holy Communion.  The woman hoped that their bringing Communion the Sunday prior somehow helped me endure my living conditions.  I am sure at some level and dimension, yes, His Real Presence in tangible form does help all aspects of body, mind, heart and spirit.  His Real Presence in mystical form, spiritual communion, prayer and known essence also helps.

What I think helps this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, also, is the fact of this couple's willingness to sacrifice time, energy, and effort to bring the consecrated Host to me in my woebegone hermitage.  So when they gave me a bulletin from the parish and noted it contained a prayer and write-up on "peace", I was intrigued.

This past week I have been praying and pondering on what is Christ's peace, as correlated to the Colossians scripture, "Let the peace of Christ control our hearts."  In review, the insights I received in the silence of solitude here point to Christ's peace being integral to His love.  Thus, to "remain in" Christ's love is requisite to have His peace; and to remain in His love and peace requires a letting go of self-love and includes a receptivity to Christ's love (and thus His peace) to control our hearts.

So I've considered quite a bit about love this week--specifically Christ's love, loving God in Himself, and the desire to remain in Christ's love.  I pray to remain in His love and consider the Living Word saying:  Remain in My love.  

Thus, I was curious as to the prayer for peace that I think is one suggested by the Church in general, the temporal Church by means of perhaps the United States Bishop's Council or even some office headed by clerics of the Vatican.  I don't know for sure, but I share the prayer here, all the same.  (It is recommended to "use The Prayer for Peace in Our Communities with your family, school, faith community, or in other settings.)

"Let us pray...O Lord, our God, in your mercy and kindness, no thought of ours is left unnoticed, no desire or concern ignored.

"You have proven that blessings abound when we fall on our knees in prayer, and so we turn to you in our hour of need.

"Surrounded by violence and cries for justice, we hear your voice telling us what is required...'only to do justice and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God' (Mi 6:8).

"Fill us with your mercy so that we, in turn, may be merciful to others.  Strip away pride, suspicion, and racism so that we may seek peace and justice in our communities.

"Strengthen our hearts so that they beat only to the rhythm of your holy will.  Flood our path with your light as we walk humbly toward a future filled with encounter and unity.

"Be with us, O Lord, in our efforts, for only by the prompting of your grace can we progress toward virtue.

"We ask this through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen."

Now, why am I having difficulty even reading through this prayer, let alone repeating it?  I don't know what has happened to me!  It seems like such-type prayers groups or congregations read through--which maybe they did during Mass.  In its communal effect verbal prayers hold goodness and merit for the unitive, intentional act of everyone reading, praying, aloud.  Yet, to me (and perhaps to children) the mind escapes amidst words strung together one after the other.

The prayer sounds like so many church or devotional prayers that someone or other writes (perhaps I have, in forgotten past!), striving to include pastorally-correct words, theme, and cadence that seem always to be used in these prayers.  There is even the use of poetic imagery such as our hearts beating to the rhythm of God's will, and flooding our path with God's light.  (The imagery is helpful for jolting minds back to prayer content.)

Still, the prayer to me is a penance to get through; and while my mind can repeat the words, I cannot sink teeth of my heart and soul into it.  I get so weary of not being competent to do as we are asked to do, such as to pray this prayer.  I used to be able to repeat such prayers, as in the first couple of years of my zealous phase of trying to perform all things Catholic and parish dutifully and as perfectly rote as possible.

Alas, I have lost that knack.  I am weary physically, mentally, emotionally--and somehow incapable of repeating what seems word-mash in my mind.  I cannot focus on so many words strung together by commas and ellipses.  I admire those who can, and who retain focus while doing so, for there is a power in uniting voices in any purposeful prayer.

So this week I have had to face my authentically imperfect hermit self.  My prayers remain mostly wordless yet often are images.  If I use mental words, they are spontaneous--along the lines of "Lord have mercy on my poor soul!"  Or I beg, "Please help me remain in Your love!"  Or also, "God bless" this or that person [sometimes name them but mostly see the person/s in my inner sight].  

More often, there is within me a beseeching (or soliciting!) of the Lord for help for our world and all people in it.  Then, the other night came a lucid dream which was horrifying in some aspects but contained all the reminder I needed.  I must pray for my dear departed mother, for I was shown I had neglected her--even lost track of where she is, finding her in a dark and old nursing home of sorts--all metaphor, you understand, for she is on the other side these past 12 years of our temporal time.

Yes, my conscious state had lost track of her.  In the night's mystical, subconscious dimension, I located her after much seeking. I yearned to talk with her but only was allowed to reach out and embrace her with more emotion and love than I can describe with words.  She was not able to speak, but I had tried to talk using words, all the same.  Now I am praying for my mother, thanking God for her in my life and asking Him to favor her with increasing light, reminding Him that she did her best in life out of love and good intentions, always.

And from that lucid dream I am reminded of my own life, and wonder if I am doing my best with love and good intentions.  The answer is no, I am not.  I've wasted thoughts with too many words; I've used recently inane comedy (creatively written and acted as it may be) to distract myself from pain and my physical surroundings rather than facing God in the darkness at night, God alone without sounds and visuals.

Distracting and enjoying comedy or fiction or whatever else creative and entertaining is not bad.  I repeat this as I've written that in a previous post.  But for me, it is not all that good.  It is not best.  I have been shown the spiritual realm and have been given graces to grow in spiritual ways. 

I've been told by the Holy Spirit in some amazing ways that I do not belong to that world, to the temporal--delightful as much of it is.  I am marked for other aspects, and my vocation as hermit and my life of suffering lends itself as vehicle of a mystic who is to help teach the spiritual that can help others to stabilize their emotions and souls...spiritually.

Thus, my prayer life has shifted.  It should be no surprise and also not a concern that the word prayers suggested by the temporal Church to be read-prayed cannot find meaning in my pained body and mind.  The Lord provides the prayers that erupt spontaneously from my heart and soul now.  And I must not have my mind distracted by much other or I will miss these prayers of the heart and prayers of the soul that come from His Real Presence more than from this creature I know as me.

Yesterday came a little instant message on my laptop from a young man I've not heard from in three or four years. I met him when our paths crossed in Avila, Spain, years ago, when we were part of a group of strangers who signed up for courses on Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross, on site where they lived and interfaced in the 16th century.

The young man, now married with children, asked me to pray that his little girl who is very sick, be healed and allowed to come home.  The few words alarmed me more to what must be a serious illness and dire situation than had he explained in depth.  The last we had contact, he and his wife had twin sons and then a third son.  

I knew of no daughters, but obviously this child must be a toddler or infant.  I asked the name and age but got no response and realized the Lord does not need me to know those minor details, nor of anything other.  When I responded that I am praying with much concern and love, and asked God to bless him, his wife, and their little girl, the young man responded with God's blessing and gratitude in return.

Once more, the Lord let me grasp the simplicity of prayer, at least in my current phase of praying, in my current desire to remain in His love and to have Christ's peace control my heart.  So while using up small pieces of tongue and groove boards to nail for slanted closet wall-ceiling, now and then my heart would pray for God to please have mercy on Michael, Kathleen and their little daughter.  "Heal her, Lord!"  "Be with them!"  "Let the little girl live!"

Sometimes the praying would not even be with these words, per se.  The praying floated somewhere between mind and heart, with images of Michael and Kathleen (whom I've not met)--and memories of Michael and wonderment at his life, for he has had trials upon trials with his own health, jobs, finding his life-wife, having children.

I also in words and not in words, asked the Lord to be there with them, wherever they are now.  More than asking, I was feeling the desires, the hopes, the anguish for, with, and in them--and of His Real Presence.  I marveled at how we met years ago when he was just out of college and I was post-middle age having just lost my last parent and my son nearly Michael's age.

I marveled how we reconnected when I went on retreat at a monastery to which his family's gentle-man farm abutted the monastery's 400 acres.  In fact, he invited me to his family's Thanksgiving; and later his mother queried him on how and why he met and knew me.  I suppose it must have seemed a bit strange, but in the Lord, such meetings of souls with missions of spiritual friendship and suffering are intended and with mystical purpose.

Remain in Christ's love and pray His peace control our hearts.  Pray for Christ's peace for all; pray all remain in His love.  If praying verbal words or reading written word prayers resonate deep within the soul or even if they make sense in the mind alone, that is prayer.  If praying with few words or with images, or with no words or no images but just a feeling or nothing, that is prayer as well.

I do think we progress in prayer, much as the Sulspicians (priest-monks of Order of St. Sulspice), and prayer seems to simplify.  The Sulspicians suggest the prayer of affection, of affect, such as in sighs and brief exclamations if any noise uttered at all--as a prayer that comes toward the end-zone of the way of illumination, leading into the way of union with God.

Yet it could be that prayer evolves and weaves in and out of our lives just as do the levels or degrees of Christ' peace controlling our hearts and our fluctuations toward greater and more profound remaining in His love.

My physical pain sickens me even with the thought to read or verbalize or think about the written prayer for peace, shared above.  Yet that does not mean that the prayer is not thoughtfully written and well-intended, and inclusive of many qualities and aspects good for peace among people.  But also, we do not need to force ourselves to read or verbalize or think the words of prayers, either.  

This morning, the sickening pain of low back radiating and the spinal headache say it all.  And my desire for Christ's peace to control my heart and to remain in His love are known without saying or asking or thinking or feeling.  And my love for the young man and his wife and children reside in my being, my soul, and expand to all families with children ill, and with children ill who have no biological parents tending them.  

And the peace and love extends to souls on the other side striving to fullness of light or perhaps in Christ's Light fully yet are reminding us that we are not quite up to snuff here.  Get up to snuff in peace, love, prayer of body, mind, heart, soul--any which way and all ways.

Catholic Hermit: Being a Branch

The Gospel of John (14) holds this truth for us--

"Jesus said to his disciples:  'I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower.
He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit,
and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit.
You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you."

Had not really noticed so very much the line that the Father takes away every branch that does not bear fruit.  Is that not stark?  It is, indeed, and Jesus says it and means it.  The Living Words that prick us sharply and deeply, are as true as those that give us those good feelings we so enjoy.  Yet His Living Words which are that other edge of the double-edged sword, are uplifting and helpful, if we perceive the truth, beauty, and goodness in all His Living Words.

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit does a heart-soak in the line:  He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit.

Now, is it the fault of the vine if a branch here and there does not bear fruit?  An apple tree in the hermit's orchard area, has lost a branch.  For awhile it was hanging on by some branch-threads.  The hermit took some twine and wrapped a type of sling around the dangling branch--a significant branch in size and leaves and blooms, promising fruit had it not been for, no doubt, wind damage.  But the branch was too much injured, and the sling did not provide enough support to promote healing.  The hermit had to prune it to a stub, close to the apple tree's main trunk.

Had this hermit gotten around to using that branch and the other main off-shooting branches, as leaders in an espalier effort, the branch would have been secured to horizontal wire and supported, such as an espaliered apple tree would have.  But the hermit did not get around to it, and the winds came, and the branch was taken away.

Two of the hermit's adult children have been taken away, and with one of them, her two little girls, as well.  Like the apple tree branch, the relationships of the two adult children were not bearing fruit--not for the hermit, anyway.  These two offspring of the hermit have grown into adulthood and now have resentments toward the hermit, for various reasons mostly unknown to the hermit.  

Is it their unresolved hurts from childhood, from a divorce, from a chronically pained parent?  Is it spiritual differences?  Is it their living lives more out in the world and devoid of God and church (for now) and the hermit's life of striving to love God in Himself and desiring to remain in His love?

Or consider the former spouse whose earthly birthday was today.  Had to let God take that branch away, some 30 years ago.  What suffering and hardship unfolded in that branch removal--but also such deep-in new growth and fruitfulness! That branch had other desires than being on the same Tree-Vine as this branch desires, loves, strives, hopes to be.  (Being a branch that remains in Him is not a painless experience in the heart-wood of temporal life.  We are all vulnerable branches especially if we do not remain in Him.)

Regardless, like the apple tree branch that has been taken away, part of the reason is due to the hermit's actions or lack of actions, and part is due to unavoidable circumstances (the winds blow where they will); but all is ordained by God, for He takes away the branches that do not produce fruit. The branch was not producing fruit for the relationship--not for the hermit nor for the adult children, and ultimately not for God.  So He took those branches away.  And this hermit must let the branches go.  A branch on the tree cannot hold onto other branches that are broken and severed, no matter how much string is tied in attempts to keep them on the trunk.  

What we must realize is that new branches form, often from the stub of a removed branch, or near it.  So there is hope in all situations surrounding branches God takes away from our temporal and spiritual lives.  We must simply do our best to keep uplifting the branches around us as well as to be receptive to and desirous of being the best possible, fruitful branch, ourselves.

But as Jesus reminds, there will be persecution and trials from the world and those of the world, for remaining in His Love--and remaining in His Love always bears fruit of love for others.  So we might love to bits and pieces others--family members, strangers, and even those who have chosen to be our enemies.  

(Enemies who choose to dislike or turn against a branch--imagine that!  Sounds so silly and senseless, for why go to such effort of turning away from or attacking, either way, a branch?  Yet it does occur, sure enough.  It occurs as easily as a hermit who was tired out and chose to tend to other work and put off espaliering the apple tree.  It occurs as easily as winds blowing where they will, and of branches that are for various, temporal and spiritual reasons weak in some way or other.  These reasons could include our choosing to turn away from He Who is Strength and Power and Fruitful Love.)

When God takes away branches that are not bearing fruit, we should strive and pray and hope and do all possible on our parts to not be one of the branches taken away.  The remedy in our lives of being a branch--what is it?  We must listen to His Living Word--not only the Word of His Spoken Words but the Word of His Word as Truth and Life.  His Word Is the Way.  He Is the Word.  

We must remain in Him, as He remains in us.

We will then be a branch that is not taken away, even though some branches close or far from us might be taken away.  We will be pruned as needed, of course!  We must learn to welcome that, as it will help us produce more fruit.  But to be a branch that is taken away--that seems hopeless if not for the reality that new branches may grow close to or out from the stub-edges of the removed branch.  We can do nothing without Christ.  We must remain in Him due to His being in us, mere branches though we be.  All power can flow in us; all fruit can grow from us--the "us" as in "He is in us" and "we remain in Him."

"I am the vine, you are the branches.
Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit,
because without me, you can do nothing."

There is also hope for those branches that are taken away.  Not only is there hope in the potential for new branches to sprout, but also--such as with this hermit's apple tree and the branch taken away--the branch withers and dries out on the burn pile.  Once the fiery flames reduce the removed branch into ashes, the ashes will be used to enhance the soil of some trees that grow all the better due to soil with ashes. 

"Anyone who does not remain in me
will be thrown out like a branch and wither;
people will gather them and throw them into a fire
and they will be burned."

We ought not ever forget what happens to us or to any branch who does not remain in Him.  We will be taken away.  We will be taken away from others who are being fruitful branches because they remain in Him, the Trunk, the Vine, the Truth, the Way, the Life.  The branches who remain in Christ also have His Words remaining in them.  They bear yet more fruit.

For those who remain in Him, He promises that if we ask for whatever we want, it will be done for us.  What ought we ask?  
This hermit asks that the branches that have been taken away from it--any family members, friends, strangers, and enemies--sprout anew on the Trunk, the Vine, and become branches once again.   This hermit asks that the ashes from the branches taken away--that their withered, burned branch-ashes assist in the renewal and strengthening of all branches and that they all become one with His Real Presence.  

This hermit asks that in being a branch, it submits to whatever pruning necessary to remove its unfruitfulness and detrimental flaws.  (This hermit branch is not without blemishes!)  And the hermit asks, also, that being a fruitful branch be always its desire, and to ever remain in Him and He in it; and that being a branch glorifies the Father, bears much fruit, and is His disciple in this temporal earth and in all eternity.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you,
ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you.
By this is my father glorified,
that you bear much fruit and become my disciples."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little Branches, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love! Pray we be Branches always in Him, bearing much fruit.  Pray for Branches He takes away.  Pray for forgiveness for our sins that have in any way contributed to those Branches not bearing good fruit. Pray that out of ashes, Branches may sprout anew, and that we all be fruitful Branches together, remaining in Him now and forever.

Catholic Hermit's Responsibility

There are many responsibilities of a consecrated Catholic hermit.  They sift out in layers, perhaps, or a certain hierarchy of order--and am not going to attempt listing or setting them in priority at this point.  Probably does not matter that much, as long as we keep striving in holiness to live out the various responsibilities.

A huge responsibility (if we can even term these as such...not sure the best word) is to have positive movement in our souls toward, in, around, through, with God.  Divine Union, it is called, and the Unitive Way.  Pseudo-Macarius refers to wearing the raiment of ineffable light and resting in the Lord.

And while we pray and strive and lay our wills, intellects and our very souls before God for His use, the results should be seen, felt, perceived as light, His Light in refraction or reflection or from within to without, even if dim light.  The dim can grow--should grow--brighter.   And a Catholic hermit's God-glow-light [or Christian hermit: Macarius is adamant in referring to himself and others as Christians whether or not in any of the aspects of the Consecrated Life of the Church, Married, Lay, or Holy Orders] ought to lift or help propel the soul as well as other souls, toward God and the things of God.

It is an irony, then, that when this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit writes of temporal aspects of hermit life, which really do not amount to much in the spectrum of eternal life, there seems to be more blog readers from this country other than one or two other countries out there.  Otherwise, the readership of blogs that are more of His "Light" and spiritually--hopefully--uplifting, the readership continues to be from those of other countries, and not so much this one (United States).

Does this bear some analysis, even if not possible to do an in depth, statistical study?  Perhaps it is a practical reality when we consider how there are many levels of the spiritual life, and not everyone is moving in the same mode.  Some are starting out, and their starting out may be spiraling upward already more so than some who have been hermits for quite awhile.  Does it really matter?  Probably not other than it does seem interesting--the notice of what it seems those interested in hermit life in this country like to read or want to know about hermit life, as opposed, perhaps to those from other countries such as France, Italy, Spain, Russia, Ireland, England, the Philippines, and Poland among several others.

Maybe there are more hermits just starting out in this country, and like a newly wed wife, have interest in more practical and temporal aspects.  A new wife is interested in setting up house:  how to decorate the home, what rules of protocol will she establish in regard to her and her husband's daily lives, what work to be done, what to cook and eat, how much social life, how to handle their finances, what church and how often, what spiritual life in the home, pets or not, to rent or own, clothing/apparel, plus the use of a title distinguishing their married state--same last name or not?

But after awhile, a married couple grows out of this phase, or most do, and perhaps ought to not have such interest in these temporal aspects.  Is that even fair to suggest or promote?  Perhaps those married for several years can answer best.  This hermit was married for a little over a decade, but in that time period, the focus changed and deepened, at least in what this part of the couple desired.  The fascination in house-holding soon faded, as all that is such a finite and temporal aspect, anyway.  What grew to be of more interest and concern, were the aspects of the soul of each spouse and also of children, and of growing professionally, yes, in careers, but also in the vocation of marriage and as parents.  The spiritual dimension began to be central to all else, even if the spouses were not each in equal agreement or emphasis.

This hermit has observed couples married for many years (and its own parents were married for over 60), and it does seem that they grow in their souls over time, and spiral more into more meaty matters, more altruistic and/or spiritually desirous (even if not in a church).  Those who do not spiral upward nor also plumb the depths (however we want to view this), usually end up not together or else miserable as a couple, with one spiraling upward and the other not or not as much to a degree that is detrimental to each.

While not going to take the time to do it, it would be interesting for this hermit to go back through the many blog posts of various blog titles it has written in the past nearly ten years.  What ones showed light and upward lifting to things of God, and what ones dwelt in the temporal, and how many each?  How long did this hermit remain more or less in place, discussing or thinking about--or maybe thinking it had the responsibility to write about temporal matters such as what does a hermit wear, or eat, or daily routine, or title, or rule of life or what prayers, or what degree of solitude, and what does its hermitage look like?

And, this hermit recalls that it used to write about the upsets quite a bit--the clash of its soul, basically, with the temporal aspects of the temporal Church.  There always seemed to be some kind of issue or problem, and the reasons seem to be the very reason for considering this whole topic.  Do we outgrow, or should we outgrow, the temporal aspects of our lives as we progress in life, and spiral more upward--or deeper in--and seek the spiritual aspects that our souls truly desire and actually need?

When this hermit goes with God's flow and acquiesces when doors close--even if those doors seem to be ones to aspects of life that are good, or were good for that temporal time period in the passage--there is the peace of Christ in its soul.  When this hermit does not read or engage in what keeps it at the temporal, "newly-wed" stage of matters (so to speak), there is the peace of Christ and upward spiraling to the things of God above.

Anyway, it has been an interesting observation and in the thoughts this morning, while building another wood frame for raised planting beds.  One section of the porch remains to be rebuilt, and the hermit needs to pry the old boards from the porch floor.  It then drills starter holes and secures the boards into a square, using exterior screws.  It also uses scrap treated wood 2x2"s to reinforce each interior corner.  (All this has spiritual allegories galore--leave it to you to ponder them if you wish.)

Then the hermit levels them out in the garden/orchard area, and carts wheelbarrows of dirt from a pile that has been composting for a couple of years.  Eventually some composted fertilizer will be added.  Then seeds planted, and then there will be the miracle of growth, and a renewal of the spiraling upward movement of all things to God Above.

Some might think how foolish that this hermit use its time and energy to repurpose the porch floor boards when it does not have a salable hermitage or even a bathroom or stairway.  But the priorities are of the Order of the Present Moment, and the weather is perfect for outside work, and this amount of gardening is uplifting--plus a right-amount of physical exercise for a hermit's de-conditioned and painful back.

So we do have levels of responsibilities, and some might seem not as important as others.  What does seem conclusive, is that we have a responsibility to our own souls, to other souls, and of course to His Real Presence, to keep striving to spiral upward with our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.  We need to grow in the deepest and most important ways, such as what Jesus said in today's Gospel reading. What He tells us is told Him to say to us by the Father.  He Is Who He says He Is.  He says the Father's commandment is eternal life.

So, that is something to ponder, right there.  What does it mean that God's commandment is eternal life?  And does that, or should it, affect what focus, energy, thought, movement to which we place our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits?

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love.  (Where does His Love lead us?  Is His Love stationary; is His Love spiraling upward, always; or does it remain at temporal levels, of that which is more stagnant?  Should we outgrow some aspects, or all aspects, of the temporal?  Do we outgrow it, anyway, since we physically die ?)