Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Suffering and Spiritual Progression

Finally drove not far to the nearest ER where two years ago I needed to also go.  That time it was a DO who instead of a zpack that I expained for years of my annual sinus infection is what works to rid out the illness, had prescribed Augmentin despite my explaining that drug specifically has never worked for me.

Similar situation with the young GP (general practitioner) who prescribed one dose pack of Azithromycin, which did help some and kept the crud going into my throat and lungs as it had two years ago with the DO's poor decision to ignore my sincere, honest input.  So I was at the ER then for help, as I was this afternoon, for help.

The ER doctor had no qualms of a person needing a second go around with an antibiotic if the person was still quite ill and needed more to knock it out.  I've been ill for four weeks now, and I'm still for most part bedridden other than to take the pup (over 5 1/2 months old now) outside for her elimination needs.  When I stand up and walk, I can "feel the earth moving under my feet."  The sinuses are impacted yet, but there has been progress.  Just stuck, though, with this level of too much sickness to be able to function much.

I gave that doctor a most sincere "GOD BLESS YOU!" as he was finishing up, and he appreciatively thanked me for my gratitude.  He also put through to that particular hospital system's case manager to find a new GP for me plus an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat specialist) as I'm not opposed to going to one, but a good GP can handle easily one sinus infection a year, and grasp that it might take two z-packs to clear the sinuses of infection.  The young doctors tend not to be able to handle sinus infections, at least not in my lived experience

So I made progress today with the ER doctor, and I'm praying along with the azithromycin that God will use His healing love and power to help me improve, make progress in feeling well enough to be up and about without dizziness and feeling so sick.  The pup has had enough of no walks, no errands where she can go inside and be adored by other customers.... She loves her fans.

And I figure I've made progress in suffering as well as in spiritual understanding in a most positive regard.  I understand more the positive passageway of the temporal Church and the positive passageway of the stairway to heaven.  The former seems to me to be necessary, for there is so much to learn and ways in which to grow in the temporal Catholic Church! I cannot imagine what my life would have been without these years of spiritual growth and learning more than I can begin to describe.  And the temporal Protestant churches as passagways to God prior to my conversion to Catholicism also provided much especially in His Living Word and conversational prayer, plus acts of love and kindness, helping others, and loving one another.  But Catholicism is massive learning in comparison, and rich and deep--and the Mass is incomparable to anything in other churches.

I was fully expecting to remain stagnant, safe and secure in the temporal Catholic Church, go to Mass which I love, once or twice a day for the rest of my life.  I had come to accept I'd not be actively involved in parish outreach programs, but I did not know but was not surprised when God showed me His will in the hermit vocation.  That was already forewarned by a vision 13 years prior when my grandmother appeared and told me that I would need to learn to hibernate like a bear for protection from the world.

But God does not expect nor want us to remain stagnant in our spiritual lives any more than we remain stagnant in our physical, temporal lives. So I found myself wondering, having a hard time believing and trusting that God was progressing me not just spiritually, but that spiritual progress includes ourselves--ou bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.  I did not let go, did not detach, nor die to my thinking that nothing would change regarding my being in a parish and in daily Mass, in tangibly receiving Communion nor in tangibly going to confession with the priest as a stand-in, or intermediary, of Christ--in alter Christi.

I finally understood and grasped this with a peace and positive fullness not long ago.  This after many attempts to ignore what His Real Presence had offered me, was asking of me, was telling me His will.  I marveled at my guardian angel leading me to the stairway to heaven; I rejoiced when Christ explained the consummation would not be after our most glorious post-wedding banquet, and that I was to pay no attention to parishioners and priests henceforth, but to remain strong, to wait, and emphasized yet again to "REMAIN STRONG."  He had to attend to other souls but would return for me.  Just wait and be strong.

The spiritual life does not necessarily and I suppose rarely, occur in one fell swoop of insight and growth.  The spiritual life is a gradual progression over the course of a Christian's lifetime.  It then continues on into eternity.  We graduate from one level into the next, over and over and over in metapmorphoses which occur in nature with such as the butterfly.  Thus, while I delayed this next phase by my not trusting, not having the faith necessary for I simply had a hard time understanding why God would not have me remain in the temporal Catholic aspects, and instead have me pass through that long corridor, seemingly going on infinitely of a vision the night prior to my Catholic conformation.

In earth years, it was nearly to the day and might have been exactly 13 years after that vision came the vision and locution of my guardian angel taking me by my right forearm and telling me I was being led to the Stairway to Heaven.  Indeed, that occurred, and the last I knew of that matter, I was standing at the base of a stairway glorious, that seemed to go onward, upward, infinitely. 

Then when priests and parishioners did not want me in their parishes due to my having mystical ecstasies during Mass which priests were bothered by and also rumors that I could see into people, priests in particular, and parishioners thought I was being rude or faking a spiritual phenomenon, that was when the banquet occurred four years after the ecstasies began.  The mystical wedding had occurred several years prior to even the stairway to heaven vision; and the espousal of my soul occurred in June of 1987 when I was a Protestant!

So we can know that spiritual progression often is spread out over decades. It just depends on God's will and way and His timing which might not be years to God but is to humankind.

Now that I'm grasping that the temporal Catholic Church at some point gives way to His Mystical Church, I return within to the Stairway to Heaven and what it is that I am to learn and how to progress on the stairway, having now accepted that I have progressed through the passageway the in my spiritual life has led to the stairway to heaven.  What next?

I suppose to continue to take note of that which makes the temporal Church temporal, and seek what is in the temporal Church shared with His Mystical Church, and to ask His Real Presence to help me adapt to His Mystical Church.  I doubt that will take much in human years once one in faith accepts the passageways as means of our spiritual progression, and not to cling to one nor the other but remain fluid in His Real Presence, to be done with and shown whatever He wills, and whenever and however He wills.

All I can do is share my own experiences and progression, and the passageways as they are shown me and what they represent. So I'm now facing the Stairway to Heaven and have passed through the temporal Church and understand now that I am in His Mystical Church.  I must remain open and with faith, trust, hope--and continue to strive in my own likely awkward ways to practice living as God loves.  While I ask Him to teach me how to love as He loves, there is that part of me that is eager and will try, also in what I think it is to love as God loves.  He understands, and hopefully laughs a bit at my strivings!

It has always seemed with me, regarding His Real Presence which is God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (the Holy Trinity), to put one foot forward knowing that His Real Presence will soon enough correct me or also take me along by the hand or have me follow along in His Footsteps.  Now I must image that stairway I was shown, wide at the base and narrowing as it ascends, and going on upward beyond what even my spiritual, inner eyes could see.  Image the stairway and contemplate the aspects of His Mystical Church, and more so participate in His Mystical Church which is eternal yet accessible while yet in our bodily forms.

That is all I am going to share or explain for now.  I have been in the past few posts trying to explain the temporal and the mystical Church, and I might not have done a good job of explaining, nor that His Mystical Church is not an utter rejection or renunciation of the temporal Church.  The temporal Church as I mentioned toward the beginning of this post, seems requisite to me, to progress through as it is also a passageway that links on to the Stairway to Heaven, and where we will be in His Mystical Church at some point in our spiritual progression.  

All according to God's will and our cooperation, in His time and way and will be when we let go more of the temporal aspects of the temporal Church that are not His per se, and seek His ways and seek Him all the more, and being willing to begin the climb, one by one, a lonely-seeming ascending, but in mystical reality not alone at all. But temporally, bodily, no: we climb the Stairway to Heaven of His Mystical Church, some in this temporal life while we yet are in temporal bodies, but our bodies are not what makes the assent. Others will climb the Stairway to Heaven in this temporal life.  

I know not why not, other than perhaps God has those remain in the long passageway of stone floors and walls and rooms off to the side, with much instruction, books, learning to be done according to the ability to progress in faith, hope, and love, as well as to die to and relinquish attachment to temporal, including temporal Church.  Some he may have in the temporal Church to help others to grow and learn and if priests, to hopefully learn the reality of the Mystical Church and show the way to their flock, giving glimpses at the altar, from the temporal into the Mystical Church.  

Or, for priests themselves to pass through the temporal-spiritual passageway themselves and experience the Stairway to Heaven, His Mystical Church--although this latter would require much courage for a priest, and to keep much hidden for there would be many who would not understand--parishioners and those above him in the temporal hierarchy such as bishops and cardinals and even a pope.  For, some while on earth will be interested in temporal progression, not so much in ascending the stairway to heaven and experiencing His Mystical Church.

Perhaps this year's sinus infection, the suffering going on now into the fifth week, has been beneficial in my asking His Real Presence to help me understand what is going on in my spiritual progression.  And thus, the visions and the Scriptures--His Living Word--have been falling into place beautifully with connections and seeing both passageways.  Also, I have been shown, through His Living Word and what is in temporal actuality or not, what is the temporal Church of today and what is not the temporal, thus what is His Mystical Church of which I do believe I have but marginal balance on the first step.

I don't expect anyone reading this to grasp or understand the reality of the passageways and progressions from temporal Church and our temporal belief to His Mystical Church and our spiritual progression.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Love in His Love!

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Bl. Marmion Comes to Spiritual Rescue!

Dear Dom Marmion, my friend in Heaven and who is with His Real Presence in person, please intercede on behalf of this sinus infection that seems worsening; it just is not leaving and the head is compacted, the sinus cavities painful, and I am ill more so when I try to get up, off-kilter in walking.  Please ask Jesus to heal the sinuses, and I am asking Him, as well.  Also, please put in a good word for my left eyeball as it is infected and scratched and a lesion, to boot.  

As you know, it's Lent in the temporal Church here on earth, and I'm offering myself, all of me to the depths and breadth of my soul as far as God has created this soul, for love of God and love of others, for the well-being of the people of Ukraine and all over the world who are in terrible struggles for their lives and their countries.

Just reading what Blessed Columba Marmion wrote, now published in Christ, the Ideal of the Monk, has given me a zap of faith and trust in His Real Presence to provide all that is necessary for my body, mind, heart, and soul, in His Holy Name.   Jesus, I trust in You!  I know it is Lent and trials additional tend to come at this time for those of your followers who are striving extra much to learn and grow in Your will, especially to love as God Loves.

"Christ Jesus will not leave our generosity unrewarded.  Was it not he himself the source of all grace as of all truth, who said: 'Give, and it shall be given unto you' (Lk 6:38)?  The one who gives to a neighbor receives in his turn from God.

'There are souls who do not advance in the love of God because God acts sparingly towards them; and God shows himself sparing because they are selfish and will not give themselves to Christ in His members. (...)  'With the same measure you measure, it shall be measured to you' (Lk 6:38).

"Herein lies the secret of the sterility of more than one soul; God leaves on their isolaitin those who surround themselves  with precaution to safeguard their selfish tranquility.  By shutting themselves off from their neighbor these souls close themselves off from God.  And as God is the fount of every grace, as without Him we can do nothing for eternal beatitude, what can a soul hope for that thus voluntarily closes the avenues of grace?

"'God lets himself be touched by our miseries, but on condition that we are ourselves sensible to the needs and miseries of our brothers. (...). Let us, too, give without reservation, let us listen to our Lord who tells us:  'I who am God, have loved this neighbor, I have given myself for him, I call him to the same beatitude as yourself; whey do you not love him, if not in the same measure as I have loved him, at least as ardently as you can for my sake and in me?'"

       by Blessed Marmion  (1858-1923)

God Bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Christian, Joyful, or Always Trying to Be

 I never heard back from the Catholic electrician who with is wife (he later told me they divorced at ages 62 and 55) advertise their electrical business in the online parish bulletin.  He never sent the bid he said he would send in a couple days; that was 11 days ago. He did not respond to two texts of my inquiring if he would send it, and then simply asking him to please let me know either way, yes or no.  

So I left a review online with two stars--out of kindness for he did come and spent time assessing the kitchen-laundry-half bath remodel electrical work.  When it came time to say he'd send the bid and wanted my email, I noticed a shift in his demeanor and affect when hermit came up.  I emphasized the joyful, as I said with the suffering I have, I need "joyful" as a reminder to at least try to be.  But he wanted to ask about the hermit, part, and I simply said, "I am, but the joyful is the important part of what I need to be."

I did mention in the review that if I learn he has passed away or is in hospital with COVID, I will be happy to change the review and give more stars to the rating, but that although he seemed to know his electrical profession and seemed a nice man, it does no good to not send the bid nor to not respond.

This episode led to my questioning, "How many Catholics do I even trust?"  I counted up three laymen in my life, yet alive, that I hold in high esteem and could trust and count on due to their being fine souls, moral, and all around solid human beings.  I considered how many Catholic females I even have contact with, and there are about three of them, as well, with one very elderly and a convert, so perhaps her Presbyterian roots remain, for as Ecclesiastes--or is it Proverbs?--says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is grown will not depart from it."  Or perhaps she was reared in the far earlier times of what would be called also, "good stock."  

The nonagenarian friend is a model of graciousness; she is not into discussing the Church nor the spiritual life nor feeling guilty that she likes sports events to watch and reads novels to pass time.  She is wise and prudent, plus lovely and delightful.  And she is spending a half hour daily with the Lord in reading and pondering His Word.  I admit that I have grown totally slack other than in hanging on with suffering. I have read nothing for some time other than the Gospel reading or with effort, a short commentary by a saint that goes along with the readings that come to my little window to the world, this laptop, through a sign-up to some Catholic site online.

Another Catholic female is likely well on her way to sainthood; and in fact, she is very current on the details of canonization process and writes daily a short excerpt of a saint for the day she chooses and shares.  It is quite lovely, actually, and sometimes she will mention some detail of what Doctor of the Church got a day officially on the "calendar"--such as St. John of God (or Avila) has May 10 now, as his feast day. 

This one has suffered for years from what is considered a hereditary mental illness in some or most persons who suffer it, and suffer she has!  She is on medications to manage it, after having gone through a period of time ten or more years ago of weekly electric shock treatments.  With a loyal, faithful, wondrous husband, the woman is an inspiration of disciplined dedication to the verbal and mental prayers and devotions of the Church.  Lovely person whose acceptance of temporal Church matters without questioning--that might seem a true relief!  I suspect what her brain has suffered and the types of medications required have played a role.

Then there is the third Catholic, a rare phone caller, dear soul, a friend, who is very devout, also, and yet in a different way.  She, too, is very disciplined and yet can get into some conspiracy type matters on occasion, but says she likes to be aware of all views.  Her humility and again, discipline that is firm, rigid--well, that is not meant negatively--is admirable in a way that makes it seem to me would be easier to have that element rather than how I am.  I think too much, and am seeing and sensing then researching, reasoning, questioning, analyzing, and asking what was it when Jesus was alive, and how would He consider such or so?

(Might I conclude that I am not on these persons' holiness track nor human success index?  I lack a certain type of discipline and strength; I have been given gifts but waft away, such as putting a soap solution on the construction glue that is squiggled all over the subflooring and has sawdust from composition board melded in it--and then hours at using a razor scraper to try to get it all up. I'll be at this task for several days, body able and God willing. And that is point to self: Does God will my mindless and painstaking task, or that I'm doing this carpentry work yet again--barely able?  Or ought I be doing writing of more purpose that for years I have wanted to do, or felt I ought, but somehow I feel as if it is not quite yet the right time--or, perhaps I simply lack discipline and have far too many excuses, nor the follow through of what might be better to write than the meandering thoughts.)  

(I got the first of the two Covid vaccines, for example, and this other is likely not going to because it is said that one or two of the producers of the vaccines has used stem cell from a baby aborted quite awhile ago--not that time lessens the wrong of abortion, killing a human being who is innocently awaiting birth in the womb of his or her mother.  However, I mentioned that if I were that baby, that soul, since I was murdered--dead--I'd rather have my life mean something to others, be of help to the world, than to simply be a dead little body in shoe box in an abortion doctor/killer's garage.  While it ended up that the vaccine I received is not the one that utilizes that murdered baby's stem cells, I'd not let such a thing stop me from appreciating a medication that can help me not contract nor spread COVID. I'm not resistant to medication, nor to that which is sacrificed by others, such as the dead person's bone that created a couple of new vertebra for me. Thank you for your sacrifice, whomever!)

And I also have to factor in my mystical experiences, particularly those of the other side, of the death experience, and of my own being reared not a Catholic, so I don't have the same type of discipline in a rote way, nor the unquestioning aspect.  But I suspect my "problem" or "burden" is in seeing and sensing matters deeply within, or being shown matters that protrude to me whereas they seem to go unnoticed or unfelt by most others.

Thus, upon the Catholic electrician leaving, when I'd picked up the "vibe" or whatever of his shift in affect over the word "hermit" and whatever it must have conjured in him--which does tend to really get to Catholics more than other persons--I asked the Lord could I really trust a Catholic to do the electrical work, or would it just lead to more problems for me of unacceptance and hassles.  Also, he had put an immediate negative comment upon where I was going to put a pocket door, thus a switch and outlet needing to be moved.  He immediately commented that I could not hang cabinets over a pocket door.

To that I said I'll have to consult with Craig, my construction mentor and advisor in another state who taught me much and is still doing so via telephone.  For I pointed out that the cabinets are 42", and that gives me 16" above the pocket  door space...(and then I thought but did not explain as the Catholic electrician was not wanting me to go into it, but I figured that  I could screw the tall 42"x36" wide cabinets with hefty screws into three studs, two or three rows across, plus if I mark (which I would) where the 3/4" slats of wood that comprise a pocket door frame, and use 11/4" screws that would go through cabinet, drywall, and into those slats--perhaps even get by with 1 1/2" screws, these would anchor the cabinets.  

A phone call to Craig a few days later affirmed that yes, indeed, I can hang those cabinets in front of a pocket door space, given the 16" above to secure them plenty, and the lower part to secure as long as I do not get the screws into the pocket door space needed for the door to glide.

And that aspect of how the Catholic man immediately was resistant and negative to what were my plans--as I also was sensing he was not quite enjoying that an old person such as myself was figuring out and planning this remodel and was actively into the gutting and figuring the framing process--well, it was a bummer, a suffocating downer.  I sensed this in a flash, and I've been considering that in my years as a Catholic, that the main problem in parishes and with several priests was that there is a spirit of resistance in many of them.  

And I think that comes from likely the Middle Ages, at least the High Middle Ages from around 1000 onward, when the autocratic leadership modality took deep root, or deeper root as more following the ways of noblity and kingship ruling over the vast peasantry. Autocratic leadership is resistant to ideas and can-do or possibilty-thinking underlings or lessers.

And mystics are possibility thinkers, are can-do types for they have the experiences of miracles and supernatural realities, and of the joie-de-vivre of not fearing death for some already experienced it, and the desire to be with the Trinity and not in the suffering body and the trials of the temporal--especially that of so much resistance of physical matter, for one--mystics don't do well at all with resistant mindsets nor practices.

Mystics tend to suffer a great deal, foremost in physical sufferings, bodily sufferings, but also with persecutions and in the ontological aloneness as well as the temporal aloneness of being reminded either by others themselves or with the innate recognition via rejections, that they are "different."  And that is the nice way of putting it:  odd, weird, strange, crazy and off-kilter are the less kind descriptors.

But for me, I have become a terrible slacker in general, and I mean that in the overt aspects of spiritual reading, praying, and of even writing thoughts that might be of some worth to others or what God would like, even if the thoughts are questioning or admitting my flaws, or of going on about observations and trying to figure out why it is that such as "resistance" seems prevalent in  Catholic parishes and in priests and bishops, or why mystics or even a hermit is a stumbling block within the ranks.

I struggle to do the knee exercises, thus my knee is very painful. The orthopedic surgeon thinks it is going to take longer to know for  sure if I did damage to the knee when I had a fluke trip over a crutch early morning the week after the surgery, and fell full force on the surgeried knee.  He pointed out that the stance I take of knees slightly bent and legs clinched and body bent forward a bit to chip away at composition board that was glued and stapled to OSB subflooring--puts a lot of pressure on my knees.

However, the overall bodily pain is registered upward as the pain doctor and I are working on ascertaining if the neurosurgeon got the tube from the pain pump correctly into the intrathecal space of spinal cord.  Two MRI's with contrast might show, and I will discuss the results with him next week.  So to try to do knee exercises which cause the knee to hurt more--well, it just seems my mind is unwilling to make my body do them on any regular basis!

The Lord has pointed out to me from Ash Wednesday on, some grievous faults I have.  A main vice is my impatience which leads to easy frustration.  He's been giving me daily tests and trials, so I'm trying hard to be joyful and to persevere, to keep my cool, to laugh about how God is showing me in so very many ways, just how impatient I am--and by His grace the means to at least try to develop more patience...or at least to recognize the tests and trials as requiring lots of patience.

Also, the Lord has pointed out to me yet again how I analyze and perceive--and these at times to a fault.  I am so very critical; I notice details and that includes in persons and personalities, in their traits--as well as mine.  And I also continue to try to reach back into such as a Catholic parish, only to have negative experience even if but with one lone Catholic electrician.  Whereas in general, when I just go with the flow of such as spontaneity of someone saying they know a  piekleball player who does handyman work--and that guy comes buy, and he's not resistant although he thinks things through, of course.  Sometimes even for can-do people, we learn that something cannot be done. And that is wonderful, too!  A possibility thinker is not bothered when a plan has to be re-routed; but the point is to try, to explore, to have the vision and then go from Plan A to Plan B and so forth.

Resistors suffocate and negate before investigating the possibilties. And it is a mindset that somehow becomes developed, likely at an early age, and it does seem that some groups in society tend to either perpetuate that or establish that mindset, or make it feel comfortable.  Believe it or not, many elementary school teachers have that more external locus of control mindset.  It is more prone to structure and rote thinking.

I've become quite the slacker, an impatient one, a critical one, and yet a foolish one to keep thinking or wondering or trying to do a parish re-set of sorts.  I even sent an email to the parish secretary wondering if a re-set try for me would be possible.  She does not respond nor has for a few months of my checking in every now and then with an email. Of course, I had noticed a very secular book yet again chosen for the parish "Catholic" Book Club, and I mentioned this, that the reviews show it to be rather banal in its writing and contains non-Christian embraces that are yet quite popular in a trendy, secular sense of the new order of morality.  Why do I notice these things--and more so, why do I question or mention them?

I had added in my email that it is such as even the books selected for the parish book club, that makes me wonder if I'd fit in with that, for although very popular to the secular world despite it's not being well-written, I'd never buy nor read such a book--not when there are so many marvelous biographies of saints or even the more Catholic-lite books written. At least they'd bring some spiritual truth and Catholic teaching to the discussion. So I realized I'm probably not a candidate for a parish re-set. I really should stop reaching in.

In fact, I've spent much time writing my thoughts and also of more spiritual pith--to the nonagenarian and the woman who sends the daily, quite succinct, saint selections.  And they really are not interested in the thoughts, analyses, questions, wonderments, or mystical or spiritual connections that flow through and around this trying-to-be-joyful Catholic and more so, Christian and hermit's nights and days.

One positive effort I've been putting forth is that I'm doing Penance Payments to those who have put up with my sufferings and trials and misfitting and all the strife that goes along with such a person.  A few have born my flaws and difficulties with grace and love, and they deserve positive reinforcement. The penance aspect might be helpful to my soul, as well; I leave that and really all else to God.  The payments are not always monetary, but in many cases money is what people want or in less cases, need.

I even did a reward prize to a cabinet employee who'd made a tremendous error in the entire order, from either not listening to something I was saying--perhaps tuning it out?--or from being under stress from overwork or something other.  The entire order had to be re-ordered anew, this time with plywood box instruction as I had specifically said I did not want particle board, for any moisture or leaks which kitchens, baths, and laundry rooms can easily have, will turn particle board cabinets to swollen messes or downright mush, and then mold sets into the drywall and floor underneath.

Yes, I made a home made prize card with a note expressing how it is easy to get little store badges for having done a good job that a customer notices and tells the manager, but to make a huge and costly error and handling it with grace and courage, and re-ordering, making it right, takes a real hero, and thus I was rewarding him for accepting the error and correcting it.  Inside was a crisp bill of which, of course I'd ruminated if I could get by with a lesser denomination.  In the end, I let the banker decide as I asked which of the bills would he have that are crisp and new? It was the larger amount!  And indeed, that larger amount made an impact, for how many employees get a prize for goofing up?

That penance payment (while the employee laughs a lot at things I say, he also has had to do extra work in answering questions over details of the types of possibiities and creative ideas someone like me comes up with) is for his having born me well, and also for having not debated long with me over his having ordered particle board and not the plywood box construction cabinets.  I have had situation in previous location of the store putting me through 2 1/2 years of battle when they erred.  Praise God this employee is honorable!

Origen (c.185-253) has written that "Mortal life is full of obstacles to stumble over, covered with the snares of deception."  Origen goes on to explain, of course, that because the enemy, the devil, places snares everywhere and has catches practically everyone in them, it was necessary for God to have someone stronger come to break the snares and destroy the path of those trying to follow the enemy.  That is why before saving us and bring us the Church as His bride, Jesus was also tempted by the devil.  It was in this way that Jesus taught the Church that it is not through luxuriousness and pleasure but through trials that we must come to Christ.

Origen, also, points out that Jesus walked through the trials and snares but was not Himself entangled in them.  And when Jesus broke and destroyed the snares, that of sin, He encouraged us of His Church to from now on, "crush obstacles underfoot, climb over the snares and say, in all happiness: Our soul like a bird has escaped from the fowler.  The snare has been broken and we have been saved" [Psalm 124:7]

And so forth, Origen reminds that while Jesus underwent death, He did so voluntarily--but that we do not die voluntarily for we are bound by sin.  Because Jesus is free among the dead, He conquered death; and He thus was and is able to free all of us captives and bring us to Him in the freedom on high with Him, bringing us to life in Him, which to me certainly seems as heaven.  And it also seems to me that to have the snare broken includes that snare of a resistant spirit, a mind that thinks not in possibilities and the "joyous perhaps," but rather in that of nay-saying and doubtful negativity.

I suppose a joyful hermit to most people, would seem to be a contradiction, or each and both oddities of terms in themselves.  As I myself do not often consider myself in term identifying as a hermit, nor even as a "Catholic" in the sense of parish type or temporal Catholic, I'd rather focus now on being that soul-bird freed from the fowler, and to painfully as stuck in this body for time-being--to at least try to joyfully wing my way with and in Jesus as a freed former captive, no longer around the resistors but with Christ Who Is Love and Truth and the Assurance of Salvation.

Jesus was and IS a Possibility Savior.  He quietly let the resistors walk away, sad.  It is easier for me to grasp that those who are resistors are simply those who are not ready to at least try to fly free, or who not yet realize there is the possibility of being a soul like a bird, and escape the fowler because Jesus broke the snare!  We have been saved!

I feel and think that I should return to writing the thoughts and feelings, even of my real self of sin and flaws, rather than to bore the couple of Catholic friends to whom I have written emails which, of course, they can easily delete.  In this venue, people can even more easily pass by, click off, not return.  Yet in the meantime I have expressed what I set out to do, and that is to chronicle my journey, my personal, spiritual journey, through its twist and turns, hills and vales of life--and yes, a life of a lot of pain.  All is filtered through a gluey, globbed and hardened mess of pain that I must continue trying to chip through and sand down as it can deter in ways that are such a burden to others, for one thing, even if it likely is a grace to me in the long run.... 

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love God above all things and love one another--which means I must also love the resistors yet am not ensnared nor need to be, by resistance.  Jesus has freed us all from that!

Hermit, Christian, Catholic, etc.: St. Vincent Ferrer and Other Thoughts

A spiritual friend has sent information on this St. Vincent Ferrer, while the person humbly and courageously lives with mental illness, takes meds no one would want to take, doing great mystical good with suffering, along with the heroic compassion and fidelity of spouse and adult son--inspirational Christians and Catholics.The person's brother Tom remains battling COVID-19 for breath and life with blessing of ventilator, in ICU in major hospital.  We keep praying for him and for everyone the world over!

I've had many thoughts and a phone conversation, a couple emails from spiritual friends, who have given me input on my lamentation.  One reminded me of something I don't even recall having sent in the past: Treasure of Humility.  From that gift long forgotten, was sent to me this morning a quote.   "The lower you descend, the higher you ascend."  This is helpful.  Another spiritual friend emailed the reminder that we are all sinners. 

Someone called to apologize if had ever added to or encouraged me by being receptive to what I find in myself so reprehensible.  How humble of that person!  Has not encouraged in my sin; I do well on my own in that!  Was reminded that Jesus loves us all and forgives us.  This is true, of course, but I did explain that last night I let the Lord know that it does not even matter to me if He forgives me.  I know He does, for He loves me and puts up with me no matter what awful of my ugliness and sin.  I don't even want to add that on of what He must do for me.  HE DIED FOR ME--an act that is for all eternity.

But of course, I understand all the theological aspects, so please, readers, do not think ill of me all the more for not understanding what I'm trying to express.  I did ask the one spiritual friend to not think I was "beating up on myself."  The person knew instinctively, grace of God and wisdom the person possesses in great measure and so loves the Holy Spirit.  Realized that my lamentation is necessary, very real, very rightful--even more rightful, needful, than what I myself realize.

I will share some of what the person who has such great suffering of mental illness wrote in regard to St. Vincent Ferrer.  Of course, we are aware of daily saints, can read stuff ourselves.  But I am so taken and inspired by this person, writing out the saint of the day and adding poignant thoughts.  All is very regulated from the mind extremely intelligent, but moderated as such medications effectuate.  How I cherish what this person writes!  Really is miraculous, the spiritual immensity of that soul.

I appreciate, also, the person's pointing out to me that even saints were sinners, the Church has had times of such sinful foolishness.  Even pointed out that there are 36 Doctors of the Church, four of them women.  There is but one Virgin Mary, but who on earth of any gender  embodied more grace, perfection, or more power, prestige, position--not that she wanted any of these last three?  She was content with her gender, with her mission and purpose, God's will.  Who was more humble, more nurturing, more influential and necessary to the maternal birthing and the earthly life of Jesus Christ, God-Man, who more respected of humans and for the ages?  So in that regard, there are women who look to Mary, who do not envy, nor try to imitate, or wish they were men.  Why would they in what matters in God and eternally?  (And I'm not disregarding the good and holy need of economic, educational, societal, and various other temporal rights of women as much as these being rights for all people.)

"St. Vincent Ferrer...presbyter, religious, missionary (c. 1350-1419).  Vincent Ferrer was a Spanish Dominican priest, born in the city of Valencia.  He was one of the greatest preachers of his time.  With singleminded determination he made preaching journeys through Spain, France, the Netherlands and Switzerland, drawing large crowds.

"Unfortunately, Vincent was also know for his attacks against the Jewish people and for trying to convert Jews to Christianity against their will.

"There are other saints guilty of this terrible sin, just as there are saints who supported slavery and saints who treated women badly. Saints re human beings and therefore are sinners.  In the gospels, Jesus reminds us that He came for sinners, and that even the angels rejoice whenever a sinner repents.

"If you read his [Vincent Ferrer's] bio, he was alive when there were squabbles about who was the true pope.  Vincent continued to preach, working until just before he died at the age of 70."

All very good aspects to remember.  I've had various thoughts come to me in the silence today, and even with bits of news on in background off and on, as I like to keep up some with what is affecting the peoples of the earth--and now some animals, such as those in Brooklyn Zoo or such.  Heard something of one or more getting COVID-19.

I'll try to write of the thoughts on subsequent posts.  Going to now watch Mass from St. Patrick's Cathedral.  Our parish live-streams daily on FB and on youtube, but I'm not on FB and laptop has warning when I try to open youtube site.  Parish closed, so St. Patrick's will be my adopted one.

Please continue on this Palm Sunday:  #PrayforEasterMiracle; we pray for miracles through this global coronavirus pandemic.  Whatever God wills, however many, for any and all miracles.  Let us recognize them daily!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Hermit: Personal Lamentation

My Lamentation

I have sinned yet again, and thankfully God keeps catching me. I email and text--not often--but when I do, I send what I ought not, and that which is terribly detracting and awful especially to people I really love, but over aspects that have horribly upset me and of which I obviously have not gotten over.  Things and aspects that cling to me for a long time--that which is not my business nor even Christian of me.

I am a cruel and hateful human being.  I am shown this reality in ways I cannot begin to even describe, yet it is factual and caused yet again great harm to someone not at all deserving of my vileness.  I cannot even blame the devil.

Part of the issue is my pain confusion--and it is a good thing to show me in my tech errors and thus bring such cruelty and hurtfulness to people I do not at all mean to hurt. Yet I do, and so I wonder if indeed, within me, if there is such bad habit and flawed character that I do more harm than ever I intend nor want.  So why do I continue, and the good God catches me in it--and how many times has He tried to correct me, show me my ugliness?  It is far worse than St. Paul's saying he does the bad what he does not want to do, and the good he does not do as he ought.  

At times, such as what I did today and the Lord caught me in a way that even my horribleness I don't trust myself to be able to change. I seriously wonder if I am even capable of forgiveness by God and definitely do not deserve those I so hurt, to ever forgive me.  I don't think they should.  I offend God Himself.  And what a terrible example of a Christian, a Catholic, a hermit I am in these times of deprivation of letting my thoughts and upsets over what is not mine to even think about and especially not to comment on!

In this regard, truly, hermit life is appropriate for such as my sinful self, so that I need to be kept even more in God's solitary confinement to learn, if learning for me is even possible in this world.  How could I hurt someone I care for so very much?  I myself have no words for what I do, what I did, and it is not the first time that the Lord has turned it back on me to--I suppose, try to save my soul by catching me and shoving my ugliness into my own face and reality!

I'm going to stop the bit of email and bit of texting.  Remove contacts so as not to be tempted to do wrong to others.  As for my own thoughts, the pain thankfully and mercifully more keeps me from being able to be out of bed. I thank God for the suffering, as that is the only aspect that will work to correct my flaws to spare me from hell.  I will be fortunate to spend eternity in purgation.

Perhaps it takes that much extreme to correct my flawed and sinful self. I thank God for even at this most grievous time for someone else, that I wrote and confused in my upset, to whom I sent yet another blast of my upset over a situation that is not even extant.  I can't express enough my disappointment with my sinfulness!  And I seem irredeemable.  All I can do is turn all the more to  the Lord in my pathetic mind, heart, and soul with all the flaws and ugliness of self, my own hypocrisy of all that I despise in others but have all the more in myself.

Perhaps I need to be the one to only communicate with the few others I communicate with, by sending quotes of Scriptures and holy persons, such as what I had hitherto been uplifted today, by St. Julian of Norwich's divine revelations in her reclusion.  That is perhaps something I ought pray about, for I ask the Lord why it is that I keep doing such terrible hurtfulness to those I love?  At least it reveals, and the Lord shows them to me in the most horrible of circumstances of my shamefulness and sin, my wretchedness.  Perhaps I need to detach from writing and turn to prayer alone, or of only writing the good words of truly good and holy people.

I have no words of any good of myself, that is for sure.  I know of no other time in which I have done such wrong and been so despicable.  I do not deserve forgiveness, for I am incorrigible of any of my own volition.  I have no good in my most weak and pathetic human, sinful will.  Don't think that I am exaggerating or coming down too hard on myself.  I am not hard enough for my flawed character and ugliness of thoughts and words, of criticizing and not getting over the situations of others, of which they cannot even help of themselves.  There are not words enough to excoriate myself.

I have never been so disappointed in myself as now, and it is all quite deserved and true.  Only God could tolerate a sinner as I am, and there is no good in me other than what God might instill in my cruelness of personhood.

I can only turn to Scripture and to saints for words and thoughts worth writing or uttering.  Pray for me, please, that I can be spared the worst of condemnation by the Lord, for I deserve all that I have coming to me, and then some.  What category is greater than full shame of one's total self?  Whatever that is, I am of that.  Seriously, this is no exaggeration, my reckoning before God.

My only hope is to refrain from my very self, to repose in my cell, in my room and bed, and beg the Lord to teach me in solitude, in solitary confinement.  There seems no other way before me but full immersion and penitence, for real, not just in word and thought.  I need this turning point if there is any hope for me. God and I know.  I cannot even consider myself Christian or Catholic, I am so disgusted within my very soul.  For now it is "hermit" and of that, no account.


"On one occasion the good Lord said:  'All shall be well.'  On another:  'You will see for yourself that all shall be well.'  In these two sayings the soul discerns...that not only does He care for great and noble things, but equally for little and small, lowly and simple things as well.  This is His meaning:  'All shall be well.'

"We are to know that the least thing will not be forgotten.  Another is this:  we see deeds done that are so evil, and injuries inflicted that are so great, that it seems to us quite impossible that any good can come of them.  

"As we consider these, sorrowfully and mournfully, we cannot relax in the blessed contemplation of God as we ought.  This is caused by the fact that our reason is now so blind, base, and ignorant that we are unable to know that supreme and marvelous goodness which belong to the blessed Trinity....It is as if He were saying:  'Be careful now to believe and trust, and in the end you will see it all in its fullness and joy....'

"There still remains a deed which the blessed Trinity will do at the last Day--at least so I see it--yet when and how it will be done is unknown to all God's creatures under Christ, and will remain so until it takes place.  The reason why He wants us to know about this deed is that He would have us more at ease in our minds and more at peace in our love, and not be concerned with those storms and stresses that stop us from truly enjoying Him.

"This great deed, ordained by the Lord God from before time, and treasured and hid within His blessed heart, is known only to Himself.  By it He will make everything to turn out well.  For just as the blessed Trinity made everything out of nothing, in the same way shall He make all that is wrong to turn out for the best."

      ~ Julian of Norwich, recluse, (1342-until sometime after 1416), Revelations of Divine Love

Catholic Hermit: St. Mary of Egypt, Hermit and Penitent

While the Roman calendar lists St. Mary of Egypt as commemorated on April, 3, the Greek Church celebrates her today, April 1--what is left of "today."  The Roman Martyrology celebrates her on April 2--which is already "today" for many of you dear readers of this blog.  

St. Mary of Egypt is probably the most meaningful of the female hermits to whom I'm "attached" at this point--holy attachment I hope in God and pray!  I also consider her a mentor and guide from the other side, as for whatever reasons, there are sorrows and regrets in my existence, and I appreciate St. Mary of Egypt's penitent life history after what seems to be terrible and shameful sins she regretted and did penance. 

While I do not ascribe to dwelling on the past--the Order of the Present Moment is the "religious order" in which the Lord placed me over 24 years ago (vivid locution/vision while at Mass)--in the present moments as life progresses, the Lord, also, through the Holy Spirit and my angel, continues to show me my flaws and sins.  

Just this morning, very early morning, I realized I have not individuated out from an adult child, while I have considered that the adult child was succeeding in individuating out from me.  The Holy Spirit reminded me, yet again, to view matters from the other person's perspective, and not my own.  

I realized I had been intrusive and insulting, in a way, of concern and caring.  Became concerned for their health; not hearing, the concern grew.  I'd even offered to be the one to go out for groceries rather than they risk themselves with virus exposure, or that I'd include them in a Costco (bulk warehouse store) order if they needed.  My concerns which grew in my mind as some hours passed, were eventually met with humor, even some ridicule. 

The adult child has been on own for many years, including 9-11 crisis military intelligence stint as Arabic linguist, and then years with family of own.  The last thing they need is old-parent concern and reaching in to their capable and responsible lives!  But I reacted wrongly to their reaction of my heightened concerns--until I saw my own wrong in reaching in with over-concern when that is not what they need or desire.  

Old-parent parenting is not at all needed! Only what others really need of me are my understanding, respect, bits of temporal support (when and if asked), prayers, and love from my hermitage mode of silence, solitude, and stricter separation.  Even in this time period of the COVID-19 pandemic and the alarming increase of positive cases, the hermit's adult children are that--adults. 

Their handling of their lives and their children's lives is with far more aptitude of the outer world and its temporal risks than this old hermit who does not go out but rarely.  They have three other sets of parents/grandparents who are "with it," relevant and active, in the temporal world.  Yes, three sets (the other divorced parents all remarried) of parents/grandparents: a God to physically disabled hermit reality check!)  

Years ago I'd taken seriously and to heart and mind, my late spiritual father's admonition to me the day after my hermit profession and avowal (over 19 years past), today the Holy Spirit reminds the adult children were barely adults back then.  He advised me that charity first is in order, especially when it comes to the three children.  Back then, while out on their own for most part, they were yet to marry and be into careers, relationships, and having families and homes of their own.

So in addition to my always seeking God's will and guidance in my life, amidst my trying to be ever-available to my adult children and grandchildren, the Lord answers through the adult children's not needing my reaching in and added concerns.  The adult children prefer of me an as-needed basis of which they will be in contact when and if they have a desire or a specific need.  Otherwise, my situation and presence is actually more a concern, if not mostly a burden, to them!  This reality uncovers a type of pride, for the Lord humbles me in my nothingness!  I'm laughing now with the irony!

This old hermit's above digression is an example, though, of what might seem minor transgressions or sins, of which my reaction, though, to their reaction yesterday, was not a virtuous reaction on my part.  When  shown the others' perspective I could text an apology, expressing that I had been intrusive and insulting without meaning to, but bottom line--my concern and escalating concern was impinging and misplaced--about 20 years or more out-of-place!

My laziness and love of staying in bed is another sin of sorts.  Sloth it is; and today I had a not-oft call from someone who also is feeling stagnant with too much sitting at kitchen table in a comfortable chair, with the hours passing listening to news of the coronavirus crisis and in making calls to people to chat. So we agreed to pray for one another, as my upper respiratory infection is gone about as good as it will be, after four weeks of mostly blurry recall. 

By the grace of God and the prayers of others, I got up, dressed, and did for first-time, a drive-through to pharmacy then back to Solus Deus Hermitage. With purpose of reducing allergies, I proceeded to cut out three portions of bedroom carpet and pad, stuff it into three trash containers, and away it will go in next morning's refuse pick-up.  I had to rest (in bed!) between each removal of smallish piece of carpet and pad--that's just how de-conditioned this body.  

Yet I'm "back in the saddle" as far as offering the physical effort as praise of God and for the salvation of the world (all souls therein).  And while I'm not "doing" anything out in the world and far from the "front lines" of this war against the invisible enemy of COVID-19, I've begun again the ora et labora --pray and work.  The pain praying melds with the work-praying, and is my offering and effort along with so many others who are unable to contribute in actively relevant and heroic ways.

Compared to Mary of Egypt, my life physical, mindful, heart-full and soulful is not the arduous and austere and penitential as was hers.  It's a wonder that she would even be pleased with my looking to her for guidance and mentorship.  In faith, I continue to be fascinated by her life, all the same.  My sins while not all identical to hers in her youth, are still sinful and plenty of them, on-going.  I've backslid in the zeal I used to have as well as in austerity.  (Loving the comfort of a bed is a small part of many such temporal comforts, privileges, and securities-- health insurance and medication also a major benefit and gift!)

But I go forth in faith and hope in God that St. Mary of Egypt continue mentoring, inspiring, and chastening me in all the ways my own hermit vocation might be useful and good to God's glory and of benefit in whatever ways God wills, to others.  Given the global pandemic, the tremendous suffering of now increasingly numbers of younger people and even youth, the painful, suffocating deaths up-ticking daily, and the threat to world-wide economic calamity, as well, all the more I pray that my life, such as it is, might be a relevant and vital help at least spiritually in ways unseen and unknown.  

Ours is a most serious and dire time, greater than my nearly 69 years have witnessed.  Faith and hope in God, love of others, sacrifice, and praise of God for all the good ways in which humanity is trying to help one another in the various ways we truly can help--this is for all of us to participate no matter how small or insignificant our attempts to help.  God knows our hearts!  Mary of Egypt would seem to most people, not to have made much contribution in her lifetime.  Yet God knew her then and now.  His will is fulfilled in many ways.

"At the tender age of twelve, Mary left her father's house that she might sin without restraint, and for seventeen years she lived in shame at Alexandria. Then she accompanied a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, and entangled many in grievous sin.

"She was in that city on the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross, and went with the crowd to the church which contained the precious wood.  The rest entered and adored; but Mary was invisibly held back.  In that instant her misery and pollution burst upon her.  Turning to the Immaculate Mother, whose picture faced her in the porch, she vowed thenceforth to do penance if she might if she might enter and stand like Magdalen beside the Cross.  Then she entered in.  As she knelt before Our Lady on leaving the church, a voice came to her which said, 'Pass over Jordan, and thou shalt find rest.'

"She went into the wilderness, and there, in 420, forty-seven years after, the Abbot Zosimus met her.  She told him that for seventeen years the old songs and scenes had haunted her; ever since, she had had perfect peace.  At her request he brought her on Holy Thursday the sacred body of Christ [in form of Holy Communion].

"She bade him return again after a year, and this time he found her corpse upon the sand, with an inscription saying, 'Bury here the body of Mary the sinner.'

"The Bollandists [17th c. association of scholars, historians, etc. who studied hagiography of saints] place her death on April 1, 421...."  

St. Mary of Egypt:  344-421

Catholic Hermit: Cardinal Dolan's Message, 3-27-2020

Noticed this interview/pep talk by Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York City, and am sharing the internet link as what the Cardinal says is quite helpful and instructional, encouraging.  He says "It's all about faith...."

https://video.foxnews.com/v/6145317348001#sp=show-clips

#PrayforEasterMiracle

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Pray for Easter Miracle

Today, on this Solemnity of the Annunciation of Angel Gabriel to the Virgin Mary, our hearts and minds continue to be in prayer regarding the COVID-19 pandemic sweeping our country here in the USA as well as afflicting people of all ages, all over the world.  

There are various prayers and novenas in circulation.  This morning I received a text requesting I pray the Lord's Prayer (the Our Father) as someone has begun a chain of asking people to pray this prayer that Jesus taught his disciples and all of us over the centuries--to pray it for the end to the coronavirus pandemic.  I'm all in for all and any prayers; I do remind people that our inner feelings and thoughts, our emotions, are also prayers as well as can be praise of God. 

Two brief prayers I've always admired and loved come from two saints of the 20th century.  Padre Pio tended to tell people who had concerns and trials, "Pray, hope, and don't worry."  Bl. Solanus Casey would advise, "Thank God ahead of time."  Today I found myself simply asking aloud or more often within myself "say", "Mary, please comfort your children;" and, "Mary, we love you and ask your intercessions in this time of crisis."

Then Randy from Home Depot called to remind me that the promotion for the window and door order will be over on Sunday.  Was I still wanting to add the flooring to it for him to try to get a better discount from the Pro Desk?  I decided to pivot from news and praying, from wondering how family and friends are coping, from thinking that I seem not to be praying well enough or enough at all.  

I switched gears to add up already-measured room dimensions, look up flooring product and the added pieces like stair nose and doorway transitions pieces, write the model numbers, special order sku numbers, make a few other decisions, research bath tubs to find one for the St. John the Baptist bathroom upstairs.  I called the store a couple times to ask some questions of flooring and plumbing personnel, got an email address from Randy, and typed up the specifics of the order.  Friday we will finalize it, and he will find out from Pro Desk if there is a greater percentage off than just the door/window promotion.

Feeling conflicted about moving forward with temporal aspects of gathering materials for eventual projects, I realized that life will go on.  If something occurs with me, someone will need to do a few things to this dwelling in order to make it more salable, if they choose financial prudence.  Otherwise, I will get the old carpet out, bit by bit when I improve in health (still sick from upper respiratory infection, but gradually improving).  The old carpet or any carpet at all is not helping the lungs.  I considered that my placing an order, although I will take advantage of a 24-month minimum payment, no interest store offering, my purchase will help the economy with a vote of confidence; and in two years the full amount will be paid by me or my estate. 

Most of all, I am letting the Lord know, as well as a Home Depot employee, that I have positivity and have faith that He will pull us through this global health crisis that is becoming an economic crisis for countries and the human beings who live in these countries and continents of the world.  How I react and view and express my faith will be one witness of many of those who remain steadfast and positive, hopeful in God's providence.  Some of us will pass away from COVID-19, but we all are going to pass from this life from something, sometime.  While alive, especially a consecrated Catholic hermit must be a silent preaching of Christ and a witness of the mystery of Christ and His Church--the Body of Christ.

The distraction is finished and has been for a few hours. But the prayer that is becoming most frequent and returns to my conscious thoughts is that of delight in that of an Easter miracle! I love that goal our U.S. President has suggested--not that it is a definite date, but is just something he feels within that would be a wonderful day for at least some sections of the country to perhaps be able to open up again with signs of more active life.

Easter is the day mentioned as a hopeful goal--a special day to the President and to many people.  Yes, indeed, how special a day is Easter to all Christians. To Catholics who are intently living out this Lent as none other in most of our lifetimes, the trial of COVID-19 a global crisis, we feel the unity of the Body of Christ with those around the world awaiting the celebration of Christ's resurrection on Easter!  

May we see the coronavirus image that we all by now are familiar with, in a different way and light.  (Coronavirus is so named because it is shaped like and appears under a microscope to be like a crown.)  Let us not see a virus crown but rather see the crown of our Lord Jesus Christ--a crown of suffering that became a crown of victory over our sins and death by Christ's saving our souls by His own death on the Cross.

So I've been praying with increasing repetition in the joyous conviction of how wonderful if the Lord would provide an Easter miracle of returning health to God's children all over the world!  I'm praying for an Easter Miracle the likes of which we have not witnessed for decades if not longer.  Even if there are regional miracles on Easter with the coronavirus scourge abating, what great signs of Christ's being with us and interacting, intervening, in this most terrible time of serious, viral pandemic.

The first reading from today's Mass--this Solemnity of the Annunciation of the Angel Gabriel to the Blessed Virgin Mary--convinces me all the more of the faith and hope in God that I pray will and is already in the minds and hearts of many Christians around the world:  An Easter Miracle of Christ's Resurrection and a lifting up and away of the coronavirus pandemic! 

"The LORD spoke to Ahaz, saying:
Ask for a sign from the LORD, your God; 
let it be deep as the nether world, or high as the sky!
But Ahaz answered, 'I will not ask!  I will not tempt the LORD!'
Then he said:  Listen, O house of David!  Is it not enough 
for you to weary men, must you also weary my God?
Therefore the Lord himself will give you this sign:
the virgin shall be with child, and bear a son,
and shall name him Emmanuel,
which means 'God is with us!'"
                                 
                          ~ Isaiah 7:10-14, 8, 10b 

Let us ask a sign from the LORD, our God--deep as the nether world, or high as the sky!  Let us ask the LORD our God, Jesus Christ His Son, and the Holy Spirit, with the intercessions of the Blessed Virgin Mary and all the angels and the saints, to grant us an Easter Miracle along with Christ's Resurrection and the salvation of our souls.  God is with us!

May it be a sign of the LORD, also, if it be His will, may God lift the coronavirus from the world and heal those afflicted by it.  And may we all as a sign of our faith, hope, and love of God, return to God with all our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  And thank you, LORD, ahead of time.

Catholic Hermit: Padre Pio on Humility

Have always had a special place in my heart and mind for Padre Pio.  Many reasons but mainly just because somehow I do and have, ever since my conversion to the Church years ago.  Am yet amazed that as a Protestant prior, I never had any clue of these marvelous saints, particularly Padre Pio due to the photographs and films and the news of his life and passing--and obviously, the miracle of his stigmata.

I've collected and read much of what he's written including his letters up to the last volume printed, and what is translated into English.  But the following, taken from Buona Giornata, p.21, I don't recall as not in my hermitage library.  I particularly notice his point of recognizing we are, first of his list of descriptions:  nothing.

 "It is of capital importance that you emphasize what is the basis for holiness and the foundation of goodness.  I mean, to talk about the virtue of which Jesus presents himself explicitly as the model:  humility (cf. Mt 11:29*).  Inner humility, more inner than outward.  

"Recognize who you truly are:  a nothing, something quite miserable, weak, full of defects, capable of turning good into bad, to let go the good for the bad, to attribute to yourself the good, and to justify yourself in doing bad, and for love of evil, to despise the One who is the Supreme Good. 

"Never go to bed before having first examined your conscience to consider how you spent your day.  Turn all your thoughts towards the Lord and consecrate to Him your own person as well as all Christians.  Then offer to His glory the sleep you will get, without ever forgetting your guardian angel, who is always at your side."

 This is, also, pertinent and wise guidance for all of us the world over, in our on-going struggle and enduring attempts to STOP THE SPREAD of COVID-19.  

We will need to follow these guidelines and change our way of interacting going forward.  Be considerate of others, wash hands more than we ever dreamed necessary, not shake hands, wash our clothes more often, wash our fruits and vegetables, disinfect store-bought items.  We must now and in future not go out or to work when we have a cold or light case of flu--something many people did without thinking twice about it in the past.

And above all, we all really do need to return to God, or in some cases turn to God when never have prior.  COVID-19 is a call for change.  We are being asked and in many ways forced by God's will and allowing, and the consequences of our actions and mis-actions:  CONVERSION and DEEPER CONVERSION.   

We are showing by our behaviors in this very time period of a couple or three weeks, our characters, our vices, and our virtues.  It does seem woefully obvious that our country and our world are showing a conflict between those with virtues and those with vices.  Globally, we are yet to discover if the virtuous will be greater and more effective in outcomes than those attached to vices.  We are being given an opportunity to discern character of ourselves and of others.  May we do so with honesty and self-truth and reality.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

* Matthew 11:29:  "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS."

Catholic Hermit: Hermit's Coronavirus Updates

After the first very worrisome, middle-of-night upper lung pain and breathing heaviness, and seriously considering driving to an ER connected with a hospital (the ER of my COVID testing last Monday does not have hospital with it, not yet), I decided to wait an hour, take another cough suppressing pill, use the inhaler, take a pain med, and trust in the Lord.

Awoke in morning from phone ringing.  Was the COVID-19 test results.  Negative!  Elated and grateful, I was told upper respiratory infection but not the coronavirus.  I am convinced that the Lord brought me to the middle-of-night concern as lungs were worst thus far, and then offered the good news of negative test result.  I also reflect upon why I had such a difficult time getting a simple prescription of Azithromycin from two separate health care providers, but thanks be to God for the ER medical doctor who prescribed that plus inhaler and cough suppressant.

Took the last of the "z-pack" yesterday, and today while still mostly in bed resting, I'm definitely on the mend.  Had I not gone to the ER to ask a third medical provider for Azithromycin, this prolonged (or not treated accurately for a crucial week-before-last), the infection would have moved into the lower lungs as that was where the cough was starting to come from in middle of night scare.  The Lord has also worked out for me to get a new medical doctor--an internist. 

God provides so beautifully and generously in our lives!  As a consecrated in Christ, Catholic hermit,  all the more I marvel that I needed no assistance in these past three weeks other than was prudent to have a person, wearing gloves and with hand sanitizer, to take the antibiotic, inhaler, and cough med prescription to the pharmacy and set outside my hermitage the medications.  No other interchange, no proximity other than 20' distance for I put the script in tailgate of truck so the kindly helper only had to reach for it with my standing 20' downwind from truck, mask on, and held the coughs until the person left and I was back in my truck.

These and others were instructions from ER doctor and nurse, as to the care and precautions people need to be taking if having any symptoms of COVID-19.  My not receiving the z-pack when I knew I first needed it caused time and precautions and concerns for ER COVID team, plus flu test and COVID-test and state lab analysis.  I likely would have been well by now or even a few days ago with correct antibiotic 12 days ago. But I know how others feel with such symptoms and sickness, their thoughts and wondering, and I'd not have done as much research which has helped guide my choices going forward.

This is a serious virus of so many unknowns such as lasting effects on the human body. (They know already that it can create permanent lung damage in some older COVID survivors; and many studies covering various facets will be on-going for a long time on this virus.  After myself being so ill with the sinus infection run amuck without proper, earlier treatment, I can assume my resistance is lower than normal.  And I am quite susceptible to COVID-19 now, as is everyone else who's not contracted it and survived it.  Even with those who recover, there have been cases of those who have re-contracted the virus, possibly in a different strain, l or s.

I'm going to follow all the procedures which I discovered while researching COVID-19.  I'll keep up with the wiping of surfaces, precautions that are recommended, and will stay inside other than in my yard wearing a mask or if need to go somewhere in an emergency type need.  I have someone young and without symptoms who must go to grocery for young family needs who is willing to pick up any items I may need. The only item would be a prescription, but even that--I can hold out a bit longer.  The person is going tomorrow for their own needs, so will accept kind offer.  Will have that person drop it off outside hermitage.

I simply do not want to risk catching COVID-19 or being exposed to it through the various ways it is so easily transmitted nor to transfer from me to someone other.  Nor do I want to pass on whatever it is that I have suffered as while I know I did not have either flu strain, there is no way to know what I have other than severe upper respiratory ailment.

As to my trying to impress upon the few others who I encountered via email or a phone call or some text messages--the importance of cooperating with the President's Task Forces' "15 Days to Stop the Spread" guidelines--I've come to realize that by now people are entrenched in what they want to do and how they choose to think and nothing I can say or write further is going to change their choices and behaviors.

I've returned to praise of God and prayer for the world.  Today a morning text from someone in position of  Church leadership and vocation, shared the person's plan to offer confession 6 hours a day, plus encourage adoration as would be exposing the Blessed Sacrament in a large chapel/facility Tabernacle.  Included in that facility is a health care unit for elderly persons.  I did text back that this time period in our lives certainly calls upon us to have much greater faith that Christ is in the Tabernacle in our hearts and souls.  I mentioned that I can remain His, solus Deus, until the pandemic has lessened. 

I did not directly state but is so true:  we can adore Christ within us and adore Him from within our abodes; we can ask God to forgive our sins and in greater faith trust in His mercy at this time.  This is prudence and charity toward others.  

We can partake of the tangible, physical aspects of Sacraments when the dangers have passed.  We can gather physically together in chapels and churches to adore Christ in the Tabernacle.  And while I did not text this as I know my words will not dampen the determination for the person who so wants "to do" something helpful which is not helpful in this time of heath crisis requiring physical distancing--I prayed that the person might consider own age--past 70, and not in best of health.

The Lord continues to humble me in returning me to Him and to prayer and praise.  In the Book of Hosea, 6:1-6 of today's first reading at Mass (with us no longer meeting together for Mass due to the wisdom of professionals whose research and statistics factually show us how this serious virus is transmitted and how to contain, mitigate, and eventually stop the rapid and can-be-deadly spread of COVID-19)--I find the Lord showing me the path forward in my own hermit way of helping, and also for anyone be they priest or lay person, religious order monk or nun, adult or child.

In these verses from the Living Word of God, some the reminder, reassurance, and faithful "action" we are to take in such times in which we now are living, with some suffering, recovering--but also some dying.

"Come, let us return to the Lord, it is He who has rent, 
but He will heal us; He has struck us, 
but He will bind our wounds.  
He will revive us after two days; 
on the third day He will raise us up, 
to live in His presence.  
Let us know, let us strive to know the LORD; 
as certain as the dawn is His coming,
and His judgment shines forth like the light of day!
He will come to us like the rain, 
like spring rain that waters the earth.

"'What can I do with you, Ephraim"  
What can I do with you Judah?
Your piety is like a morning cloud, 
like the dew that early passes away.
For this reason I smote them through the prophets;
I slew the by the words of my mouth;
For it is love that I desire not sacrifice, 
and knowledge of God rather than holocausts.'"

As for my own frustrations in trying to break through to even a handful or so people who are literally, perhaps, hell-bent on going out and about with suspect yet minor symptoms, or asymptomatic but not at all heeding the advice and request to just STAY INSIDE.  That is, stay inside only and unless we need to go out for medical care or groceries--and go once a week or ten days (or longer) to purchase what is needed; do not shop frequently, in other words.  Exercise at home, pray at home, and work from home if possible.  Otherwise, it is recommended for those only to work who are in medical profession, law enforcement, and other crucial employments necessary to help with global health crisis.

I will stop expressing the realities of concern and that are interpreted "stressed-out" or "over-reacting."  I will stop silently calling out from my hermit cell via text or email or one rare caller.  By now people have heard even if they do not heed the research being given hourly from the multiple news agencies online, via television, and in print media.  My frustration, fueled by how very sick I have been --and that not even COVID-19, must cease.  What sickness I had was awful enough; and it might be another week or more while the Azithromycin continues to work within this body, for me to resume some manual labor. 

The Lord is calling His nothing Catholic hermit to return to my life devoted to praise of God and prayer for the world, in the silence of solitude and in stricter separation from the World. I return to being a silent preaching of Christ and a hidden reminder of the mystery of Christ in His Church.  To be now, the humbled one praying.  I must remain off and alone with God, in my hermitage bedroom.  Not even raise my eyes to heaven but to beat my breast and pray, "Oh God, be merciful to me, a sinner."

"Come, let us return to the Lord, it is He who has rent, but He will heal us...."

God bless His Real Presence in us, always!