Catholic Hermit Amidst Suffering

Not sure why, but the low back has kicked up a fuss.  Pain radiating through intestines; just trying to manage pain, recalling last year's ambulance ride to ER.  Yes, pain med I-V toned it down, but I don't need that drama repeated.

So, I am mostly on the mattress, now moved from the small room to the living room (which now has floors leveled and new hardwood installed, of which I enjoyed the process and effort with grateful results).  Was able to pick strawberries this morning, green beans, squash.  Set them on roadside stand and all is gone but some of the zucchini.  

Perhaps the bending to pick berries and beans did not help the low back; but it surely stretched out some muscles which is always a benefit.  And my mind was far off in praying about not sure who or what, but at the present moment it was all quite clear and lovely within, with the Lord and life and soul.

Yesterday was able to leverage off the truck, one of the two double-door closet unit, with frame.  While leaning on tailgate, I then had to take off all shipping brackets holding the frame with the two doors intact.  Next, I removed the hinges from the doors and a piece of wood across the bottom, also holding the doors and frame in place. That done, I could lift each door, one at a time, from the frame and lean them against some other doors in the pole barn.  The door jam frame itself I was able to carry into the hermitage.  Getting it upstairs to the near-finished room for the closet will have to come another day and perhaps with someone else helping to make sure I do not gouge the stairwell walls.

This evening I forced the body to go out and leverage off the second and last closet door unit.  I admit I feel quite ill from the effort, but there is moisture in the mornings; the doors are not solid wood.  Best to be under cover other than the cardboard I had over them in the truck bed.

Am back into spiritual reading somewhat, amidst suffering.  I probably pray more about it than do it--do the reading.  But today's reading of introductory comments to another section of St. John of the Cross' writings in itself felt good.  Yes, it simply felt very good to read about what I will next read about in what the saint is going to instruct.  The sections have to do with ridding out attachments--attachments to things and aspects of the physical, of the senses, and attachments in the spiritual elements.  We humans, of course, are both sensory and spiritual beings.

I read the writings of John of the Cross a decade or more ago.  That is, I read through most, but for whatever reason stopped prior to finishing--drawn off by some other spiritual book or writings of another mystic saint or hermit.  I'm finding that now, in this present moment, there will be far more meaning in what John writes and advises; for I've had far more experiences in these years--more "death therapy" as I call it.

Perhaps it is quite blessed that I've had increased pain bouts lately, of the type that nail me to the cross.  I'm at the point in which I am crying out to the Lord to have mercy on my soul.  And I'm reaching for the spiritual writing that will help me endure in the unknowing of how long, how painful, how on  earth of anything here!  I continue with the daily Mass readings of Scripture.  The Living Word is powerful--but I also admit I return to the Scriptures, particularly the Gospel, off and on in the day to remind me.

Painful suffering does tend to make short term memory not hang on to much.  I suppose it is as well, for each time I re-read some portion of Scripture or even review some of what I've read in John of the Cross, the mind is absorbing in the present moment.  In fact, it is no doubt best that way--to live and think and read and do and feel and love God and others in the present moment--not in the past nor the future.

Yet I'm utilizing thoughts of the past to remind myself that usually the pain sieges lessen, and I am able to return to the manual labor and exterior upkeep required here to progress in order to sell and be out from under the financial dearth.  The lender of the short term loan would like to be repaid sooner than later with the latest being spring.  My bodily pain is not making it happen sooner; and it could be that the present moment will not allow completion.

Faith is like that--not knowing other than in some deep and blindly hidden way we know God is with us, God will take care of us, God loves us.  And the taking care of us--that is what trips us up often enough if we have expectations of what we think we need or how He should provide.  

That is one aspect that John of the Cross repeats about the spiritual path to union with God.  God takes us along the path and takes us to Himself, and He does so with whatever means such as many trials and sufferings that we must pass through, endure if we can to some degree or other, and on to the sweet release of finding ourselves in His love fully and completely.

All I know is that I'm on the journey; and this is what God needs for my perfection--or what John of the Cross prefers in terminology rather than spiritual perfection: union with God.

Catholic Hermit Reminisces on Gift Made Four Years Ago

Hard to fathom that I had such lovely, organized, leisurely and creatively conducive hermitage back then.  Within a month from painting this for a priest friend, on a flat stone, my living conditions took a swift change in circumstance.  To think of all the projects I could willy-nilly select to do, and to have supplies at hand play with--wonderful!  

I created the little rhyme based upon my angel's leading me in a dream-vision to the stairway to heaven.  Not long after, the mystical ecstasies began at Mass.  That was over eight years ago.  So four years ago this Christmas, this was the gift I gave to the dear priest.  I think he may have thought it looked to much like a tombstone--and given the stairway to heaven mention...!  

I got a stone similar, back then, to do another.  There was a marvelously fun stone place near my little, lovely, comfortable, all-settled in, garden-planted hermitage.  Then.  But as I've mentioned, there was family pressure to move, deputy sheriff suggestion to move, and a diabolical and mentally unstable neighbor situation with my protective order to soon run out.  So move I did, and there have not been the fun, creative splurges since.  I just came across my paints recently.  Perhaps they are dried by now.

Yet today the creativity had to be put in the prayers offered while up on a ladder, scraping the old, painted newsprint from 1904 wood plank ceilings upstairs, and then hammer-loosening and pulling out oodles of tacks.  Another day will be for creatively and prayerfully installing sanded, primed tongue-in-groove ceiling wood--fresh, new--and then caulking between each groove, and painting two final top coats.  

I can ponder Mass as the stairway to heaven, and that the earth is so temporal.  I can contemplate the beauty of God such as was in the gardens that could never be replicated.  And perhaps that is the best point, the kiss of God in the situation: our journeys to God flow and progress, and the kisses God bestows and of which we kiss His Face--are never replicated, one after another.

Catholic Hermit Been Praying and Working

The past week, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been working on the hermitage bathroom and praying.  The thought has come of just how skilled and focused and hard-working are those who build.  I've thought much of St. Joseph and Jesus--all those in history of nations and civilization who figured out how to construct not just edifices but thoughts, words, art, music, and the spiritual life.

Yes, we build our spiritual lives.  We construct in certain order, in ways that sometimes we do not understand and by trial and error.  But we learn from the Holy Spirit as to how to listen, to pray, to proceed in our journeys in this life, this world, and on into eternity.

Today I had to figure out how to wire electrical light fixtures.  My son-in-law had started one of two in the bathroom, but the box that is nailed into the stud behind the drywall wobbled a little.  He became discouraged and evidently was not familiar with that type of box that is nailed to one side or the other of an upright wall stud.  Yes, one side could be pressed in slightly.

However, once the back plate is screwed in and the wires attached properly, and the fixture screwed into the back plate, the wall itself acts as a solid stabilizer.  He somehow could not grasp that on the day he tried.  I think he has mostly done ceiling fixtures with mounting boxes that are secured differently to ceiling joists and do not have any "give" on one side or the other.

So I thought about how my son-in-law has learned to wire light fixtures and realized that there is no reason why I should not be able to do it.  It takes courage, though, and courage comes with prayer and confidence in the Lord.  With faith, I started in, reading instructions and beginning the process of hanging the second light fixture.  

Of course, there were glitches.  There seem always to be in this old hermitage.  The electrical box was not flush with the drywall.  I called Mark, the electrician.  He said to use spacers to bring the face plate out so it would be more flush with the drywall.  It was not at all easy to get the spacers behind the screws and all secured in the proper place, with the mounting screws for the fixture, then, being aligned so that the light would hang straight on the wall.

I had to call Mark yet again with another question, and while asking the question, the answer came clear.  He laughed; I laughed.  A lot of these matters simply take doing and checking in with someone other who has more than ample experience.

And so, too, with our souls and the spiritual life.  Yet we must pray for courage and have faith that we can step forward in our seeking His Real Presence and that we will find Him always, with us and us with and in Him.  Sometimes we call upon a spiritual friend or spiritual director; or we read a book written by a spiritual master, tried and proven over time to be one who has reached divine union or nearly so while on yet on this earth.

Always, we can call upon Jesus and His apostles.  We can call upon the Blessed Mother, Mary.  We can call upon the Holy Spirit and God the Father of all beingness.  We can turn to the directions we are given in the Scriptures.  No matter the challenge or new skill or task or step we are encountering in our spiritual lives and growth, we do have the directions given us in the Living Word, the Bible.

The past few weeks, the Lord has been communicating more, reminding me of specific persons needing prayer.  It has become uncanny--truly miraculous. But why should that surprise us?  He desires to utilize us, and when enough of the distractions are tucked away and out of mind, our minds and hearts and souls are more open to listening in the silence of solitude.

If we do not see or hear the inner images or inner words and detect what He wishes of us, be assured His Real Presence will repeat His will in similar or other formats.  That has been the case, lately, and He makes sure if I miss the cues, that I get them even if the person needing prayer ends up contacting through temporal means.  But mostly, lately, He has let me know in ways that I grasp, and when a temporal contact comes along, the message had already been received.

Perhaps I may share some of these aspects with you sometime, my dear friends, dear blog readers.  I'm sure you will have many such similar, but it might also help as a reminder to expect His promptings and messages.  When they come, we must snatch them and act upon them with increasing faith and confidence in prayer and word and deed.

Tomorrow the daughter and son-in-law are going to come quite early to this hermitage.  They've not been here for some time; it is a trek out of civilization to arrive here.  We are going to set the toilet in the bathroom!  The slate floor is in place, grouted and sealed.  The tub that was set last summer now has all the tiling, grout, and sealant completed.  The window trim is cut, sanded, primed, painted, nailed and caulked.  (Yes, I did all the boards for the window wrap and casings in opposite order.  Craig explained that is why I had difficulties with gaps.  Now I know better for all the other windows.)

In our temporal lives and in our spiritual lives, we may do well to keep in mind that we are always learning.  We make mistakes.  We might pray and listen but miss the cues.  So we pray and listen some more, and we ask others in our lives who have experiences we have not yet encountered.  That is how it is in life. 

It has come to me in the silence of solitude and in the failures and successes, that some people learn a skill that they use repeatedly and become rather expert.  Others learn bits and pieces of skills in more generalized form and use.  Some are specialists, others are generalists.  We all are journeying together, even if some more in physical solitude and others more in active interactions or groupings. 

Such as with this old hermitage, we learn in various modalities.  Yet we find we are learning various aspects of experiences and lessons and skills enough--to be humbled enough--to praise God for the miracle of it all!  

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: People Who Inspire

They may not live in our neighborhoods or even in our lifetimes, but those who are within His Real Presence, relating within His abode in our souls, find souls who inspire.

One such soul belongs to a woman who lived on earth from 1198-1279.  This soul was a female in gender, and she was and is known to humankind by the name of Hildegard of Bingen.  In her earthly name, we gain her earthly location--as was customary in that century to give locale of birth along with one's name.

A young spiritual friend who calls herself at times this hermit's spiritual daughter, suggested we next read a book about this soul named Hildegard.  Given the fact that many in the movement currently termed "new age" have gummed onto Hildegard and somewhat skewed her soul's message and mission, we settled on the edition published by Classics in Western Spirituality.

I have read the preface and part of the introduction and am already being inspired.  Having previously read other books about her life--one tainted with new age ideologies before I had researched the authoress and another that is out-of-print and solidly researched with her Christian base--I am fascinated all over again with what stamina and substance such a soul reveals to us, to our souls.

In the preface, I am struck repeatedly with reminders as to why this human woman's soul and earthly experiences when here, resonate and inspire my soul and earthly experiences.  Her existence as a person as well as a soul who yet exists and even more powerfully so can affect my life by her friendship, guidance, and prayers is downright helpful and more--is hopeful.

I cite this one example, although the short preface is filled with many others--and the introduction yet more, and what awaits in her own words, of her visions has my soul all eyes and ears.

"Atypical as we may find her moderate Benedictinism, her assumption of quasi-clerical roles and her exegetical rather than experiential stance toward her visions, the act of writing that wrenched her from depression into leadership reminds us of the stunning personal integration and religious creativity of Beatrice of Nazareth, Catherine of Siena, and Teresa of Avila in similar acts."

I found this assessment to be quite encouraging, at a personal level.  I also had forgotten in previous reading of her life, that she was chronically ill.  She also was outspoken against the weaknesses in the clerics of her time; and preached in written and verbal modalities, rallying people--souls!--to not succumb to blind following and lukewarm Christianity. 

But it is that the act of writing wrenched her from depression into leadership--that somehow touched my soul's heart profoundly.  To realize that the act of writing can do so much not only for those who may read what is written--or not--is what gives me encouragement and hope.  And what is written from the inner abode wherein His Real Presence reigns and rules those souls who desire His full consummation of our souls, has such power not so much for those who read, if they do, but powers us from stagnation into leadership.

Does leadership need to be of the external, earthly variety?  No.  Leadership can be such as the inner world reveals--the world of souls.  The soul's inner sight, inner sensing, inner conversation and thought-flashing, inner hearing, inner breathing, inner communion with God Who Is Love.

So perhaps some of you may grasp the same kind of excitement and hope or at least glimpse a bit if you've read my blogs and know of or can relate with the trials, the suffering, and the spiritual journey thus far.  There is movement forward today with the comaraderie of yet another soul-friend, leading by example of her soul's journey when on earth--and of course, in fact, with what her soul will reveal of its existence in the earth-time since her stepping beyond the stairway to heaven.

I think Hildegard's soul will be with me very much in the creative endeavor, albeit manual and mundane, of tiling the tub surround today, here in this place where my body with soul encompassing it, exists for now.  I am interested in what her soul has to show me, has to say, and not only in the extant writings her soul mind and heart penned centuries ago.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love God above all things, and love one another as ourselves.

Catholic Hermit on Writing Bent

Fr. V. emailed a week ago from Nigeria where he continues as an inspired and inspiring Novice Master of hundreds of seminarians.  How blessed are they in his religious community. to have as many as 1200 applicants to seminary.  Due to size restrictions in their monastery, they have to whittle down the field to accepting less than 200 each year.

In his email, Fr. V. reminded this pained and tired but desirous and loving consecrated Catholic hermit that its writing ought continue and to have as a purpose that of inspiring and helping others in their spiritual journeys and lives.  He pointedly stated that it is not to be that of theological debate nor getting involved in the quagmire of legalism or of what St. Paul would describe as the law of the mind.  

Rather, I am to write to inspire, to encourage, to hopefully help others who might find some aspects of the sharing of my own journey and thoughts, to persevere in their own spiritual endeavors.

This morning, an email arrived from the young married woman--a true spiritual friend and soul who loves the Lord much and aspires in her spiritual life to union with God.  She has had repeated dreams and has interpreted them fairly well but asks for some assistance and assurance in her discernment.

Perhaps it is in the personal correspondence that this hermit's writing comes to best or better fruition, such as it is.  With prayer and loving consideration, I will re-read my young spiritual friend's email, and then I will ask the Holy Spirit to illumine my mind and guide my fingers on the laptop keyboard in order to assist in any way possible, to help with the dreams' meaning and intent.  Already the ideas have come to mind, heart, and spirit.

So it is, with what Fr. V. wrote and also with the types of personal correspondence and assistance requests from others, from time to time, and in reflecting upon what is in my experiential background and heart of hearts, I will focus all the more in writing of the spiritual, albeit utilizing some daily life activities to lend as examples for whatever seems appropriate in fleshing out the thoughts and ideas.

I am also going to be sharing more of the mystical life--but not simply writing out some lived experiences.  That will be so, but more so will be the writing in an effort to help others to learn more for their own spiritual experiences.  Discernment is critical, as is understanding mysticism compared to or as differentiated from contemplation.  

Overcoming fear and being open to God's love and mercy, to His desire to bring us to union within His Real Presence, is another aspect to share, perhaps best in lived examples--with some failures as means of learning to improve and to grow. The writing, thus, will continue to reflect personal experiences, thoughts, and examples.

Today's Gospel gives Jesus' Living Word that the Kingdom of God is within us.  Am going to ponder the wonder and awe of this truth.  What does it actually mean to us as mortal men and women--adults and children--and to our immortal souls?  The Kingdom of God is within us!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another.  Remain in His Love!

Discernment of Spirits, Phenomenon

When one receives a spiritual gift such as a locution or mystical scent (Jung refers to it as the pneuma of the Holy Spirit), it is well to discern the source and the meaning.

The first time this hermit experienced the odor of spiritual perfume (another way it is expressed), it followed the first corporeal vision of its deceased grandmother.  She appeared in the night as an actual body, dressed, younger than her age at earthly death, and gave a message from God.  The hermit (not then a hermit and not then a Catholic) did not know the terminology of such phenomenon nor the difference between an image-type vision (imaginary, they are called although quite actual and not of the common notion of imagination) or corporeal vision (when a body manifests on a corpus, very much present, visible, and as if could reach out and touch).

As for the strong profusion of perfumed scent that filled the room for several minutes following the grandmother's dissipation or disappearance, there accompanied the vision and resultant sense phenomenon, a tremendous peace within and all about the room.  The peace exuded close to the purest love this hermit experienced in ordinary life existence (does not reach the level of love experienced in the mystical state during Mass nor that of the death experience).

Yesterday morning, when the hermit experienced the spiritual perfume, it checked out any possible temporal possibilities for such a scent.  This was easily accomplished given the hermitage living conditions.  The walls are all but gutted, ceilings gutted, and rat nests removed, but there has not been yet bleach sprayed on other rat urine-soaked wood, nor are their toiletries unpacked that could have given off perfumed scent. The hermit itself had not the luxury of bathing for two weeks, and the body, clothing, and bedding certainly did not smell sweet.

A sense of peace accompanied the thoughts presented interiorly in the early morning prayers.  The day unfolded with more assurances from His Real Presence.  A trip to a physician of whom the daughter found on the internet, with good reviews, but who knows--resulted in a tremendous consolation.  Without expressing the financial situation, the doctor did a procedure that prevented cancerous growth, and charged shockingly little.  (The hermit then did express how much that meant and said why.)

Plus, what is more unusual, is that the night before this doctor appointment, an email came from a dear friend of 30 years ago.  He is 95, and he gave news of health trials he is undergoing.  The hermit had been holding him in prayer, even though this lovely soul would certainly be chosen by God to be conformed to His image and likeness through suffering. But imagine the shock when the hermit met this doctor, and he had the build, facial structure, features, gestures, voice, hair cut and glasses of the man not seen in person, in 25 years!  And the friend is as generous and Christian as this doctor, too.

The Lord was letting the hermit know through each touch of love from the beyond into the temporal, that He is with the hermit.  The hermit must persevere (although the temporal is not guaranteed a temporal success); the hermit must remain here for now; the hermit must keep at the efforts spiritually, prayerfully, and physically.

___________________

The locution of a few weeks ago regarding worship with the hermit monks, was tested this past Sunday.  "Not for you" proved to be from the Holy Spirit.  This hermit went to their small chapel, and waited for the service with a handful of other people.  Many externals provided answers to the test of that locution.  While the externals certainly meant something to those of that tradition, there were little warning signs for this hermit that truly, this was "not for you." 

Fifteen or so minutes into the service, with the hermit monks remaining behind some doors but chanting, and the hermit toward the back of the small chapel, it also knew the mystical state that occurs at all Masses of the Catholic Church, was not going to transpire any more than it does not in Protestant or Evangelical services.  Not that not having the mystical state is a concern of this hermit, it has proven over time to be a sign from His Real Presence, for this hermit.

Regardless the various details of discernment in the externals present or of the interior sense, was able to quietly slip away and return to Te Deum Hermitage, and accept that for whatever the Lord's reasons, "not for you" was what He meant regarding active involvement in another worship tradition.  (And this is not to say that the Lord did not approve of that form for those who feel called to it.  In His house there are many mansions, and He has gone ahead and prepared a room for each of us.)

__________________

This is a cursory glance at discernment of spirits and phenomenon.  Of course, it takes experience with experiences, prayer, and also, each time, a healthy dose of doubt-until-tested stance.  The devil can be quite tricky; but the bulk of spiritual masters who achieved holiness in this life and left their classic writings as guidelines, all concur that a general proof of the Spirit is His peace that passeth all understanding.  One can also review a spiritual experience with one's spiritual director, who presumably is experienced with such matters, personally.

Those who fear spiritual experiences, such as various priests or bishops this hermit has encountered, tend to brush off such events and warn (often misdirecting John of the Cross' writings on the topic) to ignore all spiritual experiences.  If they add to that advice, to "stay grounded," this latter is excellent and ought to rule one's reactions.  

However, John of the Cross in his explanatory writings of his trilogy of poetry (Ascent of Mount Carmel, Dark Night of the Soul, Living Flame of Love) advised not being caught up in phenomenon when the senses are being purged; however later in his writings, he explains that, of course, spiritual phenomenon provides a repertoire, and is a means for God to inform and to guide the soul who has passed through other stages.  

Obviously, the saints, the mystics, popes, priests, and pilgrims, and their various advisers did not disregard their spiritual experiences, or we'd not have any writings from them, and they would not have followed God's locutions to them, nor those of the Virgin Mary.  We would not have the miraculous medal, nor the Dialogues of Jesus to St. Catherine of Siena, nor reforms of various religious orders, nor the Divine Mercy chaplet, etc.  But these experiences need to be discerned and tested, and His Real Presence is not offended when we do.  For one thing, learning to discern mystical phenomenon is a way in which the soul is strengthened and gains experience in the spiritual journey.

This hermit's purpose is not to teach others the detailed specifics of how to discern spirits but to share through its experiences, snippets of example and outcomes.  There are books written on the topics, but to read the lives of saints and mystics is also a good way to learn how they learned.  Plus, we can help one another.  This hermit gets specific when people write or call, asking for discernment help in their spiritual experiences.

_______________

Oh, that reminds....  A friend emailed asking if she interpreted a dream properly, or if she was missing something.  We have been working on her dream interpretation abilities, and she had the dream "nailed," as is said nowadays.  She wasn't sure if the man in the dream telling her some things was St. Francis de Sales or Dom Lorenzo Scupoli.  

This hermit forgot to ask for description of the man; but truly, if one does not know, it does not matter who, although sometimes it helps with our understanding of the message or reason for their being the messenger.  And, if God wants us to know who, as important in some aspect of the message or our spiritual journey, He will let us know at some point, definitively who is the messenger.

In any spiritual experiences, we ought thank His Real Presence, of which the Holy Spirit sends messages through various means, including souls on the other side.  Then, one can also thank whatever soul it may have been, or both or many.  They understand.  As we progress in discerning spirits, less and less does His Real Presence need to have a soul manifest itself, or our angel manifest corporally; we learn the finer nuances of inner sensing:  sight, smell, hearing, touching and tasting.  

There is so much that could be written regarding if the phenomenon is not of His Real Presence, but one can thank His Real Presence regardless.  If not of God, then the devil will shrink from our acknowledging God and ignoring the devil.  And God will not let a sincere and God-loving, fearing soul remain fooled for long.  A sincere and God-love, fearing soul will discern the spirits, even if there are mistakes along the way.  Yes, His Real Presence teaches those who love Him through many means both spiritually and temporally.



As always:  God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, and remain in His Love!


Note:  It seems that many or most bishops and priests in our time period do not have the time to be spent in reading the actual details, such as the breadth of John of the Cross' words, or some of the older books written by those who did have time to become specialists in the mystical and spiritual life.  It is a sign of our more complex times and the many administrative tasks priests and bishops must now tend.) 

The good news is that there is nothing at all stopping any of us from reading and learning.  This hermit developed a solid library by locating online and in used book sellers, many of the titles that Archbishop Tanquerey lists in his seminal writing (used to be required reading for seminarians in the earlier part of 20th c.):  Treatise on the Spiritual Life.  It is in print, paperback, through Tan Publishing, or used to be.  Some hardbound copies can be located online, used.)

Catherine of Siena a Pal

This nothing Catholic hermit is reading more of an obscure biography of Catherine of Siena.  It is helpful to find older volumes which are well-researched and filled with details. These provide more accurate and in depth knowledge of the times and lives of people who can be great friends and guides along the spiritual journey.

She had a state occur during Mass, for example.  She would lose her faculties, and people resented it.  Some would pinch her repeatedly trying to "awaken" her from what they assumed rude sleeping or fake experience.  She was also shoved plenty of times.  The other women in the secular Dominican group she joined and wore the Third-order habit, did not appreciate her being in their group. She was younger, very spiritual, and fresh in her devotion.

One time during Mass when she was in her state, unable to move or react, two men lifted her up, hauled her out of the church, and dumped her outside along the street.  Others came along and kicked her seeming lifeless form.  She did have a priest  who was also a relative as someone she could talk with, and she had later a spiritual director who wrote the most prevalent biography of her life, still in print.

She lived like a hermit in her parents' home after having been punished by them in an attempt to get her to agree to marrying.  They also wanted her to give up religious practices which seemed to them quite severe.  They treated her as a slave for a time period, but her father witnessed a spiritual phenomenon and realized she truly was called by God to be His own.  It was then that her father announced to his wife and her siblings that she was to be allowed henceforth all leeway in her religious practices and devotions. 

Thus, she became like a hermit and spent hours in solitude and silence in a small room she took as her cell.  She had only a small couch upon which to sit or recline.  She ate her small meal portions there but increasingly honed her appetite to eating very little.  She communed with Jesus and other holy souls, including the Virgin Mary, and she lived with her visions and dreams and locutions.  She also detached greatly from family members as she realized Jesus' words in Scripture had a literal and spiritual impact, that of being willing to depart from others, even mother and father, in order to follow Jesus.  In her case, she detached emotionally more than physically, although she was rarely seen by household members during her hermit-type, solitary phase.

One message regarding suffering is quite helpful--besides the great statement Jesus made to her that she is nothing and He Is All.  As for pain, Jesus told her that it is not the pain that pleases Him, but rather it is the willingness of a soul to endure pain with fortitude, that pleases Him.

All these aspects and more, are so helpful in knowing one is not alone in the midst of trials, suffering, and adapting to one's vocation of the hermit life and of suffering.  Even Catherine's dealing with mystical phenomenon and the reactions of others, is most helpful to recognize and ponder in relationship to human interaction among those who have a distinct calling that requires stricter separation from the temporal aspects of the secular and church world.

Another interesting fact is that the author of this particular volume on Catherine's life, points out several others in the history of the church who were given glimpses of the two worlds--the temporal and the mystical.  Some referred to them as the two cities, or the two realms, or the two loves, or the two paths.  They are the reality of the two ways within our spiritual lives which are actualities of temporal and spiritual, and that the temporal is always passing away.  

The temporal can become a hindrance to the spiritual growth of the soul; however we are temporal beings and spiritual beings, both.  The admonitions of Jesus, though, are to seek to find and exist in the spiritual and not succumb to the temporal as dominate, for it is passing, and we are called to heaven on earth.  We are called to the spiritual forever.

Thus, the two worlds:  the temporal Catholic world and the mystical Catholic world are nothing more than the realities of which others all through the centuries have been given insight and called by various terms, by those who the Church has elevated and deemed saints.  These realities and terms designating the two aspects of our lives and our spirits, and of which we are to not succumb and that of which we are to seek, is nothing new.  The temporal exists and yet should always yield and flow into the spiritual, which should predominate.

As for vocations, it always seems best when one is called by God and answers His call.  Catherine did struggle with her vocation and had great temptations to the married life, within herself.  Yet she overcame the thoughts and the desires.  She was adamant to her parents that she did not want any other spouse than Jesus; but the devil did torment her, and she often had desires for husband and children up to a certain point in her spiritual journey.  She did much violence to herself in order to conquer many distractions and temporal desires she did experience, even if not publicized much.

Digging deeper into the lived temporal and spiritual lives of people who have since been considered holy souls, provides us with greater understanding.  The puzzle pieces of our own lives can better fall into place.  We have consolation and encouragement to persevere and not doubt.  We gain fortitude in pressing on.  We place ourselves all the more in His Real Presence and away from the scrutiny of others who are also yet struggling with their own spiritual journeys and who are not within our bodies, minds, hearts or spirits to begin to grasp or make judgments.

Catherine and others who have lived, struggled, doubted, and yet endured with fortitude the sufferings and the criticisms, and died leaving details enough to encourage those of us called in our distinctive spiritual journeys, are inspired friends speaking to us in the Order of the Present Moment.

Now, this nothing, this nothing Catholic hermit, must rise and bundle, for the desert chill has increased each night and morning, and the manual labor must progress along with a hermit's prayers and loving devotion to His Real Presence.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for love is of God!