Catholic Hermit: Shift Escaping to Seeking

Prior to confession, prior to Mass, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit was praying over the failings and sins as of late.  Thoughts of escaping hovered; but then the Lord entered in with His Thoughts.  Change the perspective!  Escaping instead can be perceived and realized as seeking!

Something of the slogged wastes of energy and time, of suffering not so well, of insular thoughts, of much expended regarding notions and desires to escape.   Escape suffering, escape the mess of surroundings, escape the work load, escape, escape vocation upgrades, escape deeper conversion.  But the priest was excellent in praying and suggestions, and during Mass, more answers came.

Seek the Lord in all that is humble.  You will find Him in humility, lowliness, in the least of all.  Seek and ye shall find...Him in the midst of hardships, suffering, ordinariness, commonplace, the humble of and in everything and everyone.

Jesus meek and humble of heart.  Make my heart like unto Thine.

So, I am refreshed and renewed from the healing and miraculous "waters" of Mass.  The sense of escaping has given way to seeking.  The effort of seeking has given way to the hope and faith and blessed assurance in finding.  And I will find Him in all that is humble.

And I must be humble, for a vocational habit and downfall for hermits is that of becoming insular and self-inundated, of not remembering that distinction of the corporal and spiritual works of mercy that can be offered in prayer but also in the few physical encounters with people...and through the more frequent written communications.  In prayer, though, resides a bulk of gifting and loving others.

Prior to Mass three parishioners were sharing that one was trying to find out who is St. Gerard.  I was right behind them, and I could not help but easily hear their query.  So I smiled and answered.  After Mass, after thanking the priest for his gifting the parish with spiritual uplift and direction, the woman who was seeking to find out who is St. Gerard came up and said, "This is the only person in the parish who we could find to tell us who is St. Gerard."  

Well, I am sure there were others in the parish who would know, but she spoke with what I sensed the purpose of trying to make conversation, of opening the bridge of communication since during Mass, per usual, I was in the mystical state--slumped, I suppose is how it must seem.  But people are adapting nicely. Much surely depends on a priest who is inspiring with loving kindness.  Leaders set the tone, after all.

I truly thanked the woman for bringing up St. Gerard, for I so needed the reminder to simply enjoy the fun of these real people who lived, suffered, were persecuted or whatever but had gifts that they shared with others and even now are around to help us.  It is fun to consider them, and I'd forgotten a lot of the fun aspects of the Church.

She shared about a friend who had given her the St. Gerard momento--her friend suffering from cancer.  Now, here is someone for which to pray, and the woman had mentioned she and others had a little rummage sale to make money to gift the woman for use with medical bills or whatever.  I have become so used to few opportunities with people on the spur of the moment like that!  But if I see the woman next week, I will donate for her ill friend some of the generosity given me from the roadside table contributions.  Regardless, I can pray for both women and all suffering cancer.

And thinking of St. Gerard Majella reminds me to ask his help as a favor for a woman and her husband hoping to conceive against some medical odds not in their favor.

Shifting away from thoughts of escaping and efforts of distracting myself as a form of escaping, I now know that a different perspective on escape is more aptly expressed as "seeking."  And seeking Jesus in all that is humble helps me accept that my living conditions are humble; my health is humbling; my pathetic attempts when the perspective escaping is humbling if not humiliating as well.  (There is something good in the humble circumstances of seeing ourselves in the positive light of justly-placed humiliation.)

What is the rush on finishing that which my body, mind, heart, and spirit must humbly accept as major work load for someone with chronic pain, lung and liver nodules and cysts, sinus problems, and old age creeping in?  The process will progress in the balance of seeking Him in all humility and finding Him in all that is humble.

Mercy, how self-preoccupied this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had become.  It crept in with the shift in weather, and then some....  Praise His Real Presence for the visions of fruit during Mass and the refreshing miracles of each Sacrament in the Sacrifice of the Mass.  No escaping; instead it is seeking...Him wherever humility exists and humble is found.

Catholic Hermit: Mass--Oh Wow!

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit returned to the parish last Saturday evening for the vigil Mass.  I arrived early with the desire to enjoy and receive the cleansing Sacrament of Reconciliation (aka confession!).

The priest asked my name, his eyes searching within trying to remember and make the connection.  Oh, yes--I was the one who had called and left message to receive the Anointing of the Sick (another marvelous Sacrament) and also a hermitage blessing.

Then he explained.  The past week had been inundating with difficulty settling in.  Dr. H. and some priests in the past have mentioned that I read people quite well.  This priest did not need to say much more, but he chose to.  He shared what an old priest once told him when he faced his first parish change as a young priest.  "It is like starting a new family, all over."

And I added, "Yes, and the family is mostly adults who are well-entrenched in their habits and ways...."

The priest laughed and agreed.  We each knew.  I from my experiences as first a lay person and then as a consecrated Catholic hermit; he as a life-long Catholic--a seminarian and then a priest.  I also knew from the times I had attempted going to the parish prior to this priest's blessed arrival.  The parishioners were not accustomed to having a priest preaching homilies of substance and decent length, and on the Scriptures.  They were not used to leadership nor an interactive, kindly, friendly, loving, vocation-suited priest who likes to teach how to apply the Gospels to everyday life.

Regardless, suggested he provide the Anointing right then and there.  We agreed the Sacrament was foremost, and the hermitage blessing could occur at some later date.  (Now I'm thinking perhaps sooner than later, though!)  In this Sacrament, he reminded that not only would the Holy Spirit strengthen the body and mind and emotions, but it also was a strong defense against the devil--all types of oppression, discouragement, depression, and attacks.

Great!  It was reassuring to learn that the Lord had sent a priest who is focused on the Church and the spiritual life.

After the Anointing, the priest said he was appreciative to have a hermit whose eremitic vocation was steeped in prayer.  And I assured him that I would pray all the more for him and for the parish.  I also mentioned to him that I realized the mystical state during Mass had caused some issues among the parishioners, subtly but obvious, the week before.  It is to be expected but not necessary....  And the experience while nothing I have done or can do, either way--I do realize it is different, not the norm.  Yet it is as it is; and there are benefits to others and myself.

However, I added that if he had any questions now or in future, to please simply ask me. I would answer honestly and directly.  And, if the parishioners were awkward or turned to gossip, criticism, judging, or misunderstanding, they could approach and ask, as well.  But he assured me that everyone is welcome in the parish, and that we are all "different" in some way or other.  

The Mass was GLORIOUS.  Deeper than the week before, longer. I do recall, as I always recall anything that is mentioned of the temporal unless a spiritual message that I'm to remember--that he spoke of perseverance.  He gave a temporal example of parishioners during a summer position when he was in seminary.  His weekday Mass homily (sermon) was longer than what the people were used to or liked.  Some man kept calling out, "Too long!  Too long!"  

But the priest,persevered with what he had to share and teach.  Later, the man who kept interrupting and saying, "Too long!  Too long!" approached the priest and told him he was just trying to "encourage" him.  The lesson was not only in persevering with the Lord and one's work for the Lord, but also that we each have our own perspectives and ideas of what is helpful or not.

Before and after Mass, this hermit smiled at the parishioners prior to entering and then when leaving the church.  After, I even spoke to anyone who would allow eye contact:  "Hope you have a wonderful week!"  Only one parishioner spoke; she was at a table for sign-ups to have photos taken for a church picture directory.  (Great--the priest was implementing that good and basic step to increase parish family cohesion!)

I asked if the table would be there next week.  Hmm, I have been praying if a hermit would have its photo taken for a parish directory.  I'm not inclined.  It is not that the parishioners know I am a consecrated hermit, not that it matters if they do or don't.  It is that somehow, I am not keen on my photo being taken, somehow, and identified.  

I don't mind my name listed in the directory, just simply a name and phone number or such; I am a member, after all.  But I also am aware that people might keep up the identity which is not really me, and that is:  Oh, that is the person who seems deeply asleep during Mass, or the one who has an ecstasy during Mass, or the one who fakes a mystical state during Mass.  My identity is not in some mystical phenomenon.  My identity is being a child of God, a member of the Body of Christ.

The Lord has not fully answered my query on this minute topic, photo or no photo.  He surely knows that all my life I have not enjoyed having my photo taken.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps because I am awkward or never felt as if I fit into my body?  That I am a genderless soul and have this borrowed body for this earthly time period--I have felt that for years and years.  It is not a vanity thing or a shame in my appearance, for the Lord has given me an attractive appearance--even if now the arduous life style has added years of wrinkles to my face.

I like to be more hidden, not so conscious of the outer.  I love for people to get to know the inner, and for that, being photographed is all about outer appearances.  I tend not to notice so much the outer appearances of others, unless something of their inner stands out, or something is not quite in syncopation with their inner.  Hard to explain. But I do notice the outer, and I love to tell people how beautiful when they are, for that is the soul shining through--the kind of beautiful I comment upon.

Regardless of the minutiae aside regarding a hermit having a photo in the church directory--the Mass was life-sustaining!  I did not realize just how much I missed not being able to be temporally and mystically present at Mass!  And these days, an hour or so of no physical pain (selfishly!) refreshes my body and gives my mind and heart a respite from suffering.  Thank you, His Real Presence, for loving me like this!  

Hearing the spiritual of the Mass, each Living Word and then being subsumed into bliss during the Consecration of the Host, has me desiring for the next Mass, and the next.  

But we are sent out, to take the portion of union with God with us, out into the world, or for a hermit, into stricter separation from the world in the silence of solitude, to pray, praise God, and to do penance.  And we have His Real Presence through us, with us, in us, and His Living Word whenever we choose to read or recall Scriptures.

As for any Mass being "too long, too long!"--I wrote in the little thank you to the priest that his Masses are never too long. The Mass is the Stairway to Heaven.  Who would want that access truncated?

As for if the priest later on still has the loving attitude that I am always welcome and he'd never suggest I not be there, we will see.  After some of what I've endured in the past, and of how the devil operates in trying to interfere, create doubts, bring tension, I will take it one oh-wow Mass at a time.  It's just such a supreme joy to have a priest celebrating a glorious, licit, Living-Word-based Mass!  The more spiritual and holy the celebration of the Mass, and the more loving the soul of the celebrant, the deeper the mystical ecstasy!

I will return.  Only God has the right to pluck me out through physical inability to be there or through death, or in the unusual case of the past couple of years, my spiritual father/director told me due to some circumstances, not to return until the Lord brought a different priest.  Otherwise, from now on,  as best as I can have faith and courage, I'll be run out by the devil.

But the Mass--oh wow!  Been strengthened in ways I'd forgotten, from the Sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, Sacrament of Reconciliation, and beyond all else, by the Mass, the Mass!

Catholic Hermit, Interior Challenge, Reminders, Answers

Some answers are coming to this nothing consecrated Catholic Hermit.  It has been asking the Lord about the situation at Mass, of why such a profound experience of ecstasy, yet the horror of hell when some aspect of inappropriate temporal enters into the Mass, some type of intrusion that interrupts the bliss of the Holy Mass.

The last several days brought much prayer for a priest, as well as a seeking within as to why, then, this separation from the temporal, from various temporal aspects of the Catholic world including some tangible forms of the sacraments.

As for the priest, it is not him, per se.  It is the reality that some, including this hermit, do not fully grasp the holiness of the Mass and that His Real Presence suffers when we do not recognize and enter into the holiness of the Mass, when we alter some aspect or mostly, it seems, bring out own will into it, our own notion of self and performance, or misguided intention that is tainted by too much self.  This seems especially critical for priests and those at the altar, those at the lectern, during the Holy Mass.

But, what this hermit is garnering from the seeking and questioning, is that it needs to examine its own spiritual life, its being brought to the Stairway to Heaven some seven years ago this past August, and has it climbed a step or two or many?  Or has this hermit stepped backward in some way?

What the hermit has learned from the mystical ecstasies during Masses for over seven years, is that Mass is intended to be sheer bliss.  Even though, as the hermit's helper's mother said, "I don't feel what you feel [during Mass]", the hermit is shown the depth and purity, the love flowing, the bliss of utter darkness and unknowing when the Mass is celebrated by the priest in obedience and accordance to the Church's liturgical form, and when there is submission of will to God's will and not the projection of self into the Mass, by those at the altar or assisting.

During Mass when in the mystical ecstasy, it is true that when intrusions enter in, they are due to some aspect of self will and self and temporality intruding. And this can be on the part of the hermit, as well.  Sometimes, the hermit has some thoughts or concerns intruding--fleeting distractions.  At other times, and usually, it is that of the celebrant or others involved at the altar, or on occasion those in the vicinity in the pews, whose "self" and "self will" intrude.  When intrusions occur during Mass, bastardizing the holiness of the Mass and disrupting the blissful union with His Real Presence, it is a hell, a horror, of which the bliss is obliterated.  Chaos and dire desperation to flee results.

This is going on for everyone present at the Mass, in the Mass.  But they do not sense it, do not feel it.  This hermit has been given this experience of being subsumed into the Mass, but also to sense the reality of what hell occurs when some aspect of the holiness of the Mass takes place.  And insertion of self, of self-will, of disrespect, of distraction, of some disruption of grace by a priest or others at the altar, of some type of disobedience--these aspects bastardize the Holy Mass.

The word "bastardize" keeps coming to the hermit regarding what happens to a Mass when there is something not holy, not right, not pure input into the Mass.  The word comes so often and as the only word now that the hermit sees and hears within, to describe the situation, that it looked up the word even though the hermit had an idea of the force of "bastardize."

"Basterdize:  corrupt or debase (something such as a language or art form), typically by adding new elements.  Synonyms:  adulterate, corrupt, contaminate, weaken dilute, taint, pollute, debase, distort"

Ah, the definition explains exactly, why and how and under what circumstances a Mass can be bastardized.

As for what this hermit has gained in reflection as to why it is shown this in profoundly deep and painful ways, is to take more seriously:  souls.  If His Real Presence registers hellish effect when something that when conscious, the hermit would be able to shrug off or ignore, or pull out a prayer booklet to read silently so as to not pay attention to whatever element is bastardizing the Mass--then how does His Real Presence feel and respond to this hermit's daily progression, thoughts, activities, prayer life, and piety (love of God and all aspects pertaining thereof)?

The hermit has had a wake-up call.  It has been hit on not only the head and the heart, but in the soul.

As to parishes and being able to attend Mass, or not to attend in physical form, the Mass, some Scriptures this morning gave the answer, as well as reflection upon some past visions and locutions, repetitive in message, over the past 20 years.  Always, when shown parishes and shown the hermit desperately trying to be one of the parishioners, to participate and be one and alike, the message repeats:  "You do not belong to that world."  

This message has come from three early desert fathers, from Mary and her sister Martha, from the hermit's deceased father, and from God Himself, lifting up the hermit to see up close what it so thought it wanted and ought to be.  The question then was asked, "Why would you want that when you can have ME more directly now?  Each messenger and each message has been profoundly powerful, firm, clear, adamant.

Then this from the Living Word, from Hebrews 13, that made impact this morning:

"It is good for our hearts to be strengthened by grace, not by ceremonial foods which are of no value to those who eat them. We have an altar from which those who minister at the tabernacle have no right to eat. The high priest carries the blood of animals into the Most Holy Place as a sin offering, but the bodies are burned outside the camp.  And so Jesus also suffered outside the city gate to make the people holy through his own blood.  Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore.  For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.  Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that confess his name."

This is not to say that we are not to go to Mass, not to receive His Body and Blood in Holy Communion.  Rather, it offers a progression of the temporal to the mystical.  It is this temporal to the mystical that the priest is to teach and show, while standing at the altar, at the portal which is between this world and the heavenly realm.

There are seasons in our spiritual lives and understanding, in wisdom and knowledge.  This is a season for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  It is called to go to Him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace He bore, and to look for the "city" that is to come.  (In fact, in one of the visions with the three desert fathers, this hermit saw the parish off in the distance, and the parishioners were represented as off in the city--skyline and all.  But the desert fathers stopped the hermit who was asking for help to get to the city and join the parishioners.  They pointed to the east, their off-white tunics and long, white beards flowing with a wind from the east, the city far off in the west.  They said, "No, you must stay with us here."

Yes, it was far outside the camp, far away from the city.  And the point is, that the city is good and has many wonderful aspects.  But there comes a time, a season, in which we must accept being outside the city, in the desert exile--which, ironically, was a long east-to-west valley of spring-green grass.

It is time to take the spiritual journey far more seriously, in the Order of the Present Moment.  It is time to let go of the desire to fit into a parish as well as the yearning to be physically present at Holy Mass, and to let go of many aspects, including that some Masses will be blissful and others hellish, and that we mortals can help make Mass holy or bastardized.

It is time to let His Real Presence deal with me more directly.  All this is in faith, trust, and hope, and remaining in His Love.  There may come a season in which there will be a return to the temporal and tangible Holy Mass, celebrated in a parish church, a monastery chapel--who knows but God?  It is time to discern these insights and follow them along for a season, for there is not a physical means to drive a long distance in this pained body, and there is no returning to the parish which for now, at the direction of the spiritual father, is off limits.

Peace flows.  The hermit grasps and understands as much as one can, when others will judge or not grasp, not understand.  Part of the gift of the Holy Spirit--understanding--is very much to accept the mysteries, the unknowns, and lean not unto our own understanding.  We must enter into the mystery of the Holy Spirit's understanding of matters.

How much faith will it take to understand and trust in spiritual communions, in spiritual confessions, in being as much or perhaps more, part of the Body of Christ, worshipping in the spirit with those who are off in the city, worshipping physically, tangibly, present?  One cannot measure faith.  It, too, is  a mystery of trust in God Who Is Love.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

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Catholic Hermit Forges Forward

The body is quite tired as painting above the head and scrunched under eaves, trying to remain on steeply slanted porch roof, rather exacts all the energy physically.  All the while, the mind prays and the heart grieves.  The soul is in and out and all about, and in that soul is His Real Presence, making His abode.

Yesterday afternoon the prayers turned to some levity, as the term "human Mass-o-meter" came to mind.  It is actually a painful experience when the needle shoots to "horrific" and then "hell."  But the experience hits the gong of "bliss" when all is well and nothing untoward going on.

Alas, the advice given is this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit must not at all return to that parish for Mass.  The blessing is that the body and voice did not call out or scream; the voice is always one of the last of physical faculties to be returned.  That is something for which this hermit yesterday was quite grateful.

In reflection this morning, the grieving for the parish and parishioners and even the priest, needs to turn to an appreciation and gratefulness that they are content in their fish tank parish.  They swim about in lovely surroundings and are well used to one another and how it is in the tank--all things kept at an equilibrium of basic survival.  There are no waves, no temperature shifts, no challenges.  They all are cohesive, and what they do not sense or realize helps them not know what they are missing or what could be for their spiritual lives and their souls.

Most of all, though, they do not realize just how very rich is the Mass in the spiritual realm, and that all care must be taken to please Jesus and to follow Him intimately, through and through.

And, this brings this hermit to today's thoughts that it does not follow Jesus intimately at times, and more and more times, as surely as well as it ought and should and could.  So the eremitic vocation comes to mind, and when the hermit must get its painful body up and dressed and atop the porch roof, back to its painting of tedious little siding shingles, it will pray and ponder and ask Jesus some questions regarding its own living out of the hermit vocation to which this soul was and is called.

And, today's intention for the spiritual friend far away bodily, is that of the Gift of the Holy Spirit: Fortitude.  From The Catechism of the Catholic Church comes this definition:

• Fortitude (courage): with the gift of fortitude/courage, we overcome our fear and are willing to take risks as a follower of Jesus Christ. A person with courage is willing to stand up for what is right in the sight of God, even if it means accepting rejection, verbal abuse, or physical harm. The gift of courage allows people the firmness of mind that is required both in doing good and in enduring evil;

God bless His Real Presence in us!  May we accept the Gifts of the Holy Spirit as well as any spiritual gifts that come our way, and appreciate them even if painful in some instances, and blissful in others.

Bastardization of a Mass

The title pretty much explains what occurred during Mass.  The good Lord allowed a begging hermit to be released to leave the debacle.  When a priest does not have a vocation in priesthood but instead in theater and the arts, the result is not good when one is trying to perform in what is not the vocation.

This hermit's body has returned to the hermitage to pray, suffer, and pray some more, then praise His Real Presence.  There needs to be praise, always, for the sorrows can be overwhelming.

Will discuss the situation with the spiritual father.  For now, recollect oneself in prayer and shake off the horror, the hell, of the effects of this morning's Mass situation.  The sacrifice of being mercifully wrenched from a hellish situation part way through is offered for the salvation of this poor nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's soul and whatever the Lord wills of its mission in time remaining on earth.

Jesus bequeaths us His peace, not hell--especially not during Mass.

Would it do any good to talk with the one who surely must be trying to at least fulfill the rudimentary aspects as it relates to doing a "job"?  No.  Best to just pray and to keep working, and to embrace the exile the Lord has allowed for yet another year.

God bless His Real Presence in us, and that includes His Real Presence in all of us, despite confusing our callings or taking up what seems the route that provides some kind of security in order to express what and in which our nature and heart are more gifted.

This hermit will ponder these matters and reflect upon its own vocation and calling, and strive to fulfill living it in a way pleasing to the Lord.  That will be perhaps the best prayer in the circumstances.  Mystical ecstasies during Mass are not always bliss.  Being in such a state allows for a very deep sensing and showing at various levels.  When good, then bliss; when not so good, then hell.

At least this hermit tried and tried its best.  To soothe the criticism of any potential blog readers who like to attack, this hermit can say it is the hermit's fault, all of it.  And, in some regards, yes, we are to suffer in union with Jesus, all things.

One thing is certain regarding mystical experiences.  There is much suffering and responsibility, and always abject honesty in truth, along with the joy.  When in mystical ecstasy, it is all reality and all truth; nothing is obscured.

Catholic Hermit: To Attempt or Not

Am praying up to the last possible moment before needing to rise from mattress, dress, and drive the distance to Mass, then face sitting another hour or more.  And, this is after a particularly grueling pain siege lasting a couple or more days.  This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is yet a bit too pained but pushed itself yesterday to do a bit more exterior painting.

This morning's chapter of Hebrews is 7, and this for the friend who recently turned 88.  The hermit is daily offering reading and praying the Letter to the Hebrews, the Living Word of God, with also a daily prayer intention for the friend:  a spiritual gift.  Yes, the spiritual gift is being offered; but the friend is a spiritual gift to the hermit, as well.  Today's intention is the Holy Spirit's gift of counsel.

Counsel, as the gift of the Spirit, is that of making right judgments, right decisions, within the will of God and pertaining to all of the soul's existence in body, mind, and heart--relating to life in this temporal world as well as life in His Real Presence.  Counsel has to do with right decisions regarding all that one does, says, thinks and prays.

This morning the hermit does not want to go to Mass.  Why?  The answer has sifted down to these two points:  physical pain will increase as a result of driving and then added sitting during Mass; and the horror that can be and is likely, to be trapped in a type of hell when in ecstasy but the priest's tendency to intrude into the glory of the Mass with unhealthy or disturbing aspects.

Rather than go into the latter, in depth, the hermit understands the various facets of how this occurs, when it occurs, during Mass.  It takes a great submission and dying to self to endure when there are aspects of the beauty of Mass so tainted and disturbed.  The hermit's spiritual father in the past has said to try to allow oneself to be crucified, for the Lord certainly is when such intrusions occur within the Mass, especially caused by a priest or allowed by a priest, at the altar or lectern.

But the hermit wonders if the Lord also asks this hermit to voluntarily do that which is going to cause more physical pain later, from the driving and sitting, particularly when still recovering from a physical crucifixion-type pain siege?

Perhaps it is best to find out.  After all, this consecrated Catholic Hermit has tended to cast the nets int he water, time and again, to discern God's will.  Either the nets will come up empty, partly full, or full. Perhaps, also, this is how we Christians learn to cooperate with the gift of counsel, of trying to learn right judgment and to find out what the Lord wills for each of us, individually and as His Body.

The hermit certainly needs much grace in every present moment.  That is for sure.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Ponders Living Word

Today's first Scripture reading of Mass is from Ephesians 4.  This hermit is reflecting upon these verses, as they seem to illuminate the hermit's on-going desire to grasp why the mystical ecstasy during any Mass.

"And He gave some as Apostles, others as prophets,
others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers,
to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,
for building up the Body of Christ,
until we all attain to the unity of faith
and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,
to the extent of the full stature of Christ."

It seems that the Living Word is speaking to all of us, and to this hidden, imperfect, struggling, consecrated Catholic hermit, as a child of God and a Christian, to consider that the mystical ecstasy--a sign of sorts during Mass--is for the purpose of building up the Body of Christ.  Some such as the spiritual father, a late bishop, a noted clinical psychologist, and other Christians, have called it a gift.

Gifts are graces given by His Real Presence in order to, yes, build up the Body of Christ.  They build up the person experiencing the grace; but they also and perhaps more so are intended so that others are built up in Christ.  Why and for what purpose?  So that we all attain to the unity of faith and knowledge of the Son of God--to our mature manhood, to the extent of the full stature of Christ.

That is what we are to seek and to attain in our temporal and spiritual lives.  As for how a mystical ecstasy might help build up the Body of Christ, it does signal the power of the Mass and very much is a reminder that there is far more to our world and existences than the temporal aspects of daily life, of our being alive, in interactions, and perhaps especially in the temporal aspects of the Church.  

There, in the Mass we discover the stairway to heaven.  We find the ever-breathing, pulsing, live encounter in His Real Presence in all of this life and especially in the celebration of the Mass.  There, in the true presence of His Real Presence, we are to pass through from the temporal and tangible to the spiritual and mystical encounter with and be subsumed into His Real Presence in the eternal, mystical reality.

We each are given graces, gifts. Most will not have mystical ecstasies in our lifetimes.  Most will have graces more tangible to the vast temporal world in which we live; but that is not to discount the value of the mystical reality and existence of the spiritual realm of which, once we leave this temporal world physically, will become a "world" and existence fully and totally mystical reality. 

Let us avail ourselves to be conduits for our God-bequeathed, God-breathed graces, these gifts, to be used to build up the Body of Christ and to bring all of us to mature manhood to the extent of the full stature of Christ.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another as we love God, for God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit: A Bit About Mystical Ecstasy

Went to Mass last Sunday--and what was to be the most crowded was thankfully not all that full.  People later remarked it was about half the usual attendance.  Something else of the world going on, they said; the people went to the other weekend Masses.

The spiritual father had suggested this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit sit with the family who had suggested it be in the pew with them, to avert possible concern or misunderstood touching leading to injuries.  So the hermit did that despite not really wanting to be in a crowded situation.  Must die to self.  Must.

Dying to self is not easy.  This hermit thinks it has come to some aspect of dying to self only to discover there are many more aspects yet to death and dying.

Per the past seven years during any Mass in any parish, no matter what, the ecstasy began in full swoop during the first reading of the Living Word of God.  Inklings begin at the very onset of Mass, however.  But the total removal of all physical faculties occurs when the first Scripture reading commences.

During the homily, there was an intrusion by the priest.  It was most uncomfortable--just something termporal that tells a lot about the personality or needs of the priest, thus temporal, thus not bliss.  It is good to reflect upon this own hermit's life and moments spent, day and night.  The temporal does not equate with spiritual bliss, does it?  No, and that is probably a huge part of the cross we humans bear, for we are human and temporal although dying to seek and acquire His love, His enraptured bliss--even if we do not realize this is our desire.  

Often, the temporal distracts us from the reality of our desire for His Real Presence to consume us, to subsume us into His Real Presence.  Those who are distracted and taken over by evil more and more, lose yet more opportunity to encounter His bliss.  But it is not impossible.  With God, of course, all things are possible.

However, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has considered that perhaps His Real Presence does not intend to let it know why this ecstasy continues to occur during Mass and only during Mass.  And there is no mistaking it for anything else.  All other has been tested, even to painful injury, even by psychological review, and perhaps the least in some aspects, by a Catholic bishop determining it is of God.

Yet this hermit has asked once more, of His Real Presence, "Why?  What is the point?"  For, it has already been told what is the point for its own self.  He has said early on, This is how I am loving you!
By now, though, it would seem it should not keep occurring, for the hermit has accepted His love and appreciates His love.  And, granted, the ecstasy is beyond comparison to any other mystical experience this side of death and heaven.  

No priest nor bishop questioning the hermit has been able to relate.  One asked, "Does your heart kind of flutter"?  It is far beyond the heart fluttering, so there was no sense in trying to describe what is rather indescribable, much as one can try.  Dr. H. perhaps grasps the closest to anyone, since he is adept and experienced in various forms of the paranormal; he has studied and interviewed and worked with those who have a variety of experiences--not all spiritual, of course.  And there is a difference between spiritual and mystical experiences and psychic experiences.

Regardless, while this hermit ponders that surely there must be something other, something more that His Real Presence desires from this mystical ecstasy during Mass, it may simply be a reminder to all of us of the power of the Mass, and of all seven sacraments as well as the power of His Living Word, in every Mass, from beginning to end, including processional music.  

Plus, about four years ago the hermit was given the insight that His Real Presence notices the lack of devotion and elevation of love for all the Sacraments and His Word--and to raise our devotion and love for all of Him to the level of our love and devotion of His Body and Blood.  This is not to say that we devalue His Body and Blood; but it is true that often we do not devote ourselves or avail ourselves of the other sacraments, and we can tend to not pay attention to His LIVING WORD!

Perhaps there is something more to this gift that the hermit must continue to share with others, such as Dr. H. had suggested awhile ago.  Perhaps there are some healing qualities for others in the Mass, for the amount of power and love of God that flows in such a force during a mystical ecstasy, is, again, beyond description.

Today this hermit could not attend Mass.  It has been trying to paint the exterior of the house, and being up on ladders, tediously painting tiny spaces between siding shingles, brushing carefully the trim paint in tidy lines, and then doing it all a second coat, did cause an increase in pain.  Two days this past week, the hermit could not rise from the mattress on the floor; this morning was one of them.

So the hermit prayed, read the Living Word for this Sunday's Mass readings, left a message on the family's phone with whom it would sit, and began reading the Letter to the Hebrews as a spiritual prayer gift for a friend who turned 88 today.  Each day for 13 days, the hermit will pray/read a chapter from Hebrews and email a specific prayer intention relative to the person's life, relationship with family, friends, and His Real Presence.  Then, later in the day, will email a reflection based on the chapter of Christ's Word, as it relates to the person and the prayer intention.  Fun!

The hermit just finished a birthday spiritual gift for its cousin--pray/reading 1 and 2 Thessalonians in like format, with daily intentions.  The cousin is Protestant and wary of things Catholic; the hermit made sure she knew this was not some Catholic devotion.  In the past, the cousin has asked about such things, for there is a friend where she lives who is Catholic.  Again, the cousin is wary of all things Catholic.  We must be considerate and sensitive.  Bias is often inbred environmentally from an early age; it is as if the person cannot help it.

For some people, such as those turning 90 or some milestone birthday, the hermit has offered daily Psalms--each from a decade of the person's life and each with a specific prayer intention covering each of the person's lived decade of life.  It is good to ponder what types of situations the person may have or actually did live in that decade, such as a Psalm in the 20's for that decade in years, or one in the 90's for that decade.  The Holy Spirit never fails to have a connection!  The Psalm spiritual gift is especially good for those not Catholic or if Catholic perhaps not as into reading the Bible.  Most all Christians are familiar with some Psalms, and they are shorter in some cases, than a Bible chapter.

Anyway, the above is an aside from the topic of mystical ecstasies.  This consecrated Catholic hermit has had to research in often times old books, but written by experts in the field or by renowned spiritual directors or scholars, of other centuries.  Plus reading the experiences of other mystics, now deceased but verified as not hysterics, has been helpful.  The truth is, there is much ignorance about dealing with such matter or recognizing the symptoms of such an experience.  And, it really does not much good seeking opinions from nor reading what those who have never experienced nor have intimately known anyone who has experienced an actual mystical ecstasy.  These folks are dealing with guesswork when it comes to expounding, not that it matters other than if you are one who begins to experience a mystical ecstasy.

A couple of the many books this hermit has found most helpful has been one titled Mystical Phenomena Compared with their Human and Diabolical Counterfeits: A Treatise on Mystical Theology....by Most Rev. Albert Farges, trans. from French in 1926.  [The Catholic hermit recommends the complete version, not the shortened excerpted Chapter X now in paperback.]  Another solid but shorter, excellent coverage of the topic is by the late mystical scholar of Cambridge University's David Knowles: What Is Mysticism?  

On another aside, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has considered that the children of the family it sat with last Sunday, are pre-teen and teen in age.  This is an age of extreme self-consciousness and desire to distance from anything different or embarrassing.  So although the hermit has not had occasion to speak with its director again, and considering the hermit most likely has more pain in morning than later in day, it might be best to not sit with the family in sensitivity to the children; and to attend the Saturday evening Mass.  

Perhaps the retired fireman and his wife would sit with the hermit, or better, just the simple sign.  Dr. H. has not returned the call yet, seeking his advice on potential other aspect of purpose in the ecstasy, but it sometimes takes him a couple or more weeks. He is in demand and very busy with his practice.  Dr. H. tends also to be very practical, so his insights always lend themselves to what the spiritual father has to say--who humbly and wisely always honestly says he really does not know.  Yes, he has been the only cleric who has had the wisdom to say he has never known of anything like this, but he has read of it, and most important, he knows this hermit's soul over a long period of time.

If any of this helps others, great.  While there may not be those who have experienced mystical ecstasy, it is quite different than contemplation or contemplative prayer.  Mystical ecstasy is a definite and powerful loss of all physical senses and faculties.  A person in ecstasy could be injured and not feel it during the ecstasy, or someone could try to lift the person or make the limbs move, to no avail.  The pulse is barely discernible, the breathing nearly non-existent in a physical way.

Yes, it is as close to the hermit's documented death experience between back surgeries 28 years ago this summer, as anything the hermit could describe.  But it still is not like the death experience--just close to it.  The death experience is total bliss with no intrusions...unless as in the hermit's case, one is sent back into the body to live out its time on this temporal earth and fulfill its mission.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  God so loves us, little children, and asks us to love one another!

Dear God in Heaven....

The past three weekends have been praying more specifically if am to attempt physical return to Mass.  For two weekends had pain sieges so was laid out on this mattress on hermitage floor.  This weekend, however, there was no physical obstacle.  In fact, the hermit's helper's father said he would be at the Sat. evening Mass; the hermit felt more secure in attempting this.

Could not locate the little sign that in a previous diocese, was recommended to help others hopefully not touch, not call 911, so that the hermit would not be injured by those not realizing the situation of a spiritual ecstasy, a mystical phenomenon, or what this hermit has come to term "the state during Mass."  

However, since the hermit has not been physically to Mass for a good long while, it decided to not keep looking for the little sign, as surely by now the state would not happen.  And, why even give any aspect of the psyche any hint or reminder, such as having the sign at hand?  Rather, forget about it and assume it was over and done.  After all, after reading more of Teresa of Avila's personal experience with the like, she found that when she no longer feared having her body and faculties taken into union with God, her ecstasies ceased.

This consecrated Catholic hermit has no longer feared the ecstatic state for some time.  In fact, the hermit has been seemingly neglectful of a lot of spiritual reading lately, ever since the young helper started coming for three hours each morning, weekdays, to help--other than when the hermit has too much pain to be up and working.  It has been lectio divina (Divine Word of God study, meditation) and a book or two or three of a mystic saint victim soul, a mystic hermit, and some homilies of Pseudo-Macarius.

Off to Mass, then, Saturday evening.  There was a hard, wooden pew in the very back corner (other pews are padded which causes too much back pain for this hermit), so that seemed a good seating choice.  The helper's dad was not there, after all, but the hermit decided due to the long drive, to remain and fear not anything at all.  Surely nothing would occur after this length of time and how woefully lacking in spiritual efforts lately.

But with the lection of the First Scripture Reading of the Living Word of God, the hermit was taken out of itself with the powerful force of the Holy Spirit, the faculties suspended, and the Mass--the stairway to Heaven--continued in all its loving glory.  The Mass was blissful in a serene nothingness of all but God.  The heart fluttered and enlarged--the wounded, consecrated heart.  Then stillness and union and so very much love of the Beloved!  Communion in union with God, and that was that.

Somewhere toward the end of Mass or perhaps while the angels yet singing and music playing at the end of Mass, the voices of people and poking began.  Concerned voices, increasingly strong prods; fingers gouging deep into the neck arteries, hands lifting up the head.  The hermit began to pray within, begging God and its angel to protect it.  Lord, you know how much work yet to be done on that old house and am running out of money! But whatever you will--please protect me!

Then the voice whose hands were lifting the head said to someone else to hold the head and not let go; he was going to call 911.  Unresponsive person, very faint pulse.  Ah, thanks be to God they were not going to let the head drop--the very thing that caused the hermit serious neck injury over three years ago!   Thanks be to God!  But 911?  Oh, no...here we go again.

Finally the hermit was given movement enough to force open the eyelids part-way.  She is opening her eyes!  Tell the dispatcher, but she cannot move, cannot speak!  Send help!  So the hermit then begged within to the Lord, and slowly the mouth could open, and with great effort decided upon one word that might stop the alarm:  Ecstasy.  Surely they would understand that.

But no, the man thought ecstasy, the drug.  Then as an afterthought, mentioned could it be some religious thing?  Still on the phone with 911 dispatcher.  So then, gradually more in the temporal, the hermit was able to say more forcefully:  MASS!  That got through.  The man said it must be something having to do with the spiritual!  Then, slowly, slowly, the fingers could move, then the words could come out in phrases.  No 911!  Am all right!  

And quite soon, was able to answer a few questions of the dear people so concerned, and was asked to talk to the dispatcher.  No need to come.  No one is in need.  The man who happened to be a retired firefighter, and thus how he knew not to let go of the head, asked if had ever considered having a little sign?

Mercy.  Well, yes, but cannot find it in the mess of the fixer upper, and frankly thought the state would not happen, surely not happen, after remaining physically away from Mass for so long.  The gathering dispersed, and the couple remained with a couple more questions, and encouraged a return to Mass the next Saturday evening.

On the long drive back to the hermitage, there were a couple of thoughts.  One was--glory be--that this was the same weekend some years ago that the first ecstasy at Mass began to occur.  How many years?  The hermit had to think a bit:  Seven years ago!  And the second thought came, more involved and pithy.  
Bits of Dr. H's conversation of a couple years or more ago came to mind--his conviction that this type of mystical phenomenon in its power and force of great love from God, was not meant just for the hermit.  No, he was certain that the power emanating when a person would be in this state, would be efficacious for those in the vicinity, or even more so if touching another.  Could be very healing, he thought, and of benefit to others, and therefore encouraged the hermit to not fear but rather to allow itself to be exposed and vulnerable--yet safe from physical harm by those not understanding.

The hermit pondered Dr. H's thoughts on the subject and considered his expertise in the paranormal.  Plus, there was the aspect of his knowing the hermit for years and years, as well as having experienced other mystical events the hermit had, years ago.  He was always right then, and he was always reaching through to the positive, to have courage, to see the good that God was desiring to do through the hermit, and for the hermit to embrace and cooperate.

Then the hermit thought of what Jesus had specifically shown and told the hermit over four years ago, after the neck injury and the abandonment by its then prelate spiritual director.  He showed the hermit a group of parishioners, mostly women, and a few priests.  He said they will criticize and persecute you, but you are to pay no attention to them. 

And for awhile, the hermit had held up courageously, continued to go to Mass after the neck healed, and then again after the second shoulder surgery recovery time, but that was when the hermit was being shunned to a point that its spiritual father advised to just rest and have spiritual communions and trust in the Lord.  Priests were verbal as to not wanting the hermit in their parishes.  See how fear and ignorance of a situation can breed ugliness and consternation?

But, the hermit then lost courage, even after moving to a desert place, far from the hustle of civilization, far, far away. From time to time, tried Mass at various parishes, but the hermit lost the courage to endure the criticism and persecution.  And then the pain and the trials of hard life circumstances, increased illnesses and obstacles, kept the hermit in the hermitage, praying and working and suffering and reading the Scriptures and offering spiritual communions.

To cut to the now, the hermit has prayed and pondered and consulted with a couple wise ones, and will put a call in to Dr. H. and the spiritual father.  Today when the helper was finished and his father came to take him home, he asked if the hermit had gone to Mass.  Yes--and the helper's dad said he was sorry he was not at that Mass, after all, but rather the Sunday morning Mass.  Yes, yes, the hermit realized that, and we spoke a few minutes about the situation.  The hermit mentioned the thought--increasing as insights do--that the hermit has been selfishly approaching this situation and had lost its way in having the courage and willingness to take persecution and criticism. 

Perhaps, yes, the Lord has something far other in mind than anything for the hermit's benefit in the ecstasies during Mass.  Otherwise surely they would be taken away--gone--by now, after seven years, after all!  So maybe Dr. H. is correct, and that somehow this state during Mass is for the benefit of the people there in some supernatural way, such as healing, even if they nor the hermit never know consciously.

We will continue to pray about it during the week, but the helper's dad suggested the hermit always come on Sunday morning and sit near him in the choir area, or in the wood pew where his family will sit, so that there be no need of even a sign.  But if a sign, the hermit would have it be an honest one--not saying "Meditating", but using the proper term, "Spiritual Ecstasy."  For, it is true that if one is meditating, if touched or shaken, the person would be able to open the eyes, move, and speak--rouse from the meditation.  And that is what confuses, as when people found no response, they forgot the sign and figured a serious medical condition was at hand, requiring the paramedics, fire trucks, police vehicles--been through it too many times!

If a sign, though, it would not say "Do not touch".  It would say, "Please don't worry; don't call 911.  Spiritual ecstasy.  You may gently touch or leave a prayer request."  That would open it to the positive rather than the negative; that would be truthful, not misleading. Honesty is the best policy even if it brings criticism and persecution. 

And the hermit assured the helper's dad that there will be criticism and persecution.  People will say the hermit is promoting itself, drawing attention to itself by being at the most attended weekend Mass, by being in the choir area toward the front--visible.  And at first, when the helper's dad suggested this plan, the hermit balked.  It does not like being noticed, does not like larger groups, and does not like being touched.  

Yet it is time to overcome self, to die to self more, to do as Jesus said and finally not pay attention to criticism and persecution.  It must look to the positive of what God might be willing in what many would call a spiritual gift, even if the hermit has had much suffering.  That suffering may have come due to the mis-discernment of what God intends and desires of it, as perhaps something healing and beneficial for others.

It is certainly worth trying it out.  In the meantime, in the next few days prior to Sunday Mass, the hermit will seek the direction of its spiritual father and also Dr. H.  Must ask the experts God has for us in these situations, just as the hermit has certainly called upon Craig and Rusty for construction and plumbing advice--and heeds their advice!  But yes, this different way of approaching and considering why God has not removed this state, no matter what, and that He has something in Mind for others, is resonating and falling into place naturally, simply, serenely...and with a sense of hope.

And the hermit does benefit from being at Mass, of course.  The love, the heart, the union with the Beloved, being among the worshippers of His Real Presence at the Mass, the Stairway to Heaven, is bliss.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Settling Into God's Stream

Such a lovely time away from Te Deum House and into civilization but was quite ready to return.  The daughter has noticed the transition effort in being in temporal comfort and then returning to the hardships of this place.  

Dom Scupoli's writings in the particular chapters being read address sloth--not simply spiritual sloth but the temptation to cease working at a task when there are so many tasks as to be overwhelming.  He then asks of the reader to make the spiritual connection, as well.

There is great progress with the little grandson in mastering a youthful and very human tendency to grumpiness when something does not quite go his way, or when some project or schoolwork is frustrating.  He seems to respond to the little suggestion God gives his "Gaga" that each step and thought we take or have is a step toward goodness or bad, heaven or hell.  Just the little reminder, and he pulls right out of a bad attitude.  Ah, but his Gaga could do as well when the physical suffering exhausts the body, and the dark angels try to trip the mind and spirit. 

But there is progress outwardly here, and within, also.  The good is grasped more and more from what appears as otherwise negative.  A helpful conversation the other night with the spiritual father brought about his assessment of whether or not this "nothing" Catholic hermit is being moved in the direction of not belonging to a parish, or at least that God seems not willing active involvement if involvement at all, other than of love and prayer for all peoples on earth as it is in heaven.

He thinks God is not willing this hermit to be in a parish.  What has occurred, is the rather fearful, awkward, leading to uncharitable, reactions of the parishioners and priests seemingly due to an atypical but not unheard of state during Mass.  And when the waters have been tested otherwise in small involvement, the nets have come up empty.  It is quite simple, and the reality is set out and becoming more a direction than coincidence or fault of anyone involved.  It just is as it is; and that is a good thing, for negative is merely the opposite of positive.  Change and adaptation:  Growth is at hand!

The reality of God's unique and individual desires for each and every soul is beautiful!  We grow and go in a flow, and the stream is not as predictable as we might think.  The spiritual father suggests trying the monastery for weekly worship; or if a parish for worship, then to anonymously and quietly come and go.  He does not think God wills this hermit to be a parishioner or belong to a parish.  Our conversation included those hermits who were not at all parishioners.  It was not easy to think of any of which we could identify in history, who were.  None came to mind.  The fact of privately professed, Catholic hermits being consecrated religious, helps define the difference and provides reason and understanding.

Mother Teresa was not a hermit by vocation, but neither was she in a religious order after she left it to follow God's call to "help the poorest of the poor." She also was not a member of any parish.  Much later she was called upon to formalize the women working with her, and the Missionaries of Charity were born and organized as a religious community within the Catholic Church.  

The spiritual father and "nothing" conversed on several noted persons in the history of the Church (including John the Baptist) who can come to mind, who were not in parishes.  If they had been in a parish setting, their religious lives and spiritual desires and emphases--well, one can ponder how that could be problematic with the every day efforts of many parish priests and parishioners.  

["Repent!  Repent!"  Now, that would not gain favorable inclusion, would it?  John the Baptist would not likely pass the scrutiny to give a program to elderly parishioners.  And  Jesus did not find loving welcome in His hometown temple, that is for sure, nor other temples of His day, either.]

We can also compare and contrast the various scenarios with today's parishes, as we exist in the present moment.  And a hermit vocation is not the same in the living out as that of a parish priest or one in a religious order, or a lay parishioner, any more than their vocations are the same in the living out as a hermit's vocation.

All this causes this "nothing" Catholic hermit to ponder anew its vocation and the chastisement over eight years ago by the Guardian angel:  "You have not been living nor honoring the hermit life that God has chosen for you and values very much."

That was a jump-startling event, causing more focus and effort in living and honoring the hermit life--which needed to be deepened through prayer, awareness, learning, listening and making some changes in outer and inner daily life.  We can see over time, no matter our vocations, the shifts and the wanderings, and then the herding and guiding that comes from His Real Presence in both tangible and mystical ways.  

It takes earth time, and it takes willingness to adapt and submit and to accept the gradual or sometimes blunt alterations.  Now is a time for adapting and submitting all the more to honoring the hermit life God has chosen and values for this "nothing."  

What causes the heart to sing?

That is a very good question to place beside various thoughts and actions throughout the day and night.  When a stream is flowing as God wills, the water sings as it tumbles over the rocks, or when it slithers silently--barely perceived in stretches of calm pools.

Nothing now must consider for worship: Mass at a nearby monastery.  [It is of a different rite, but that ought not matter in these circumstances.  Presumably, if the apostles were alive today, they would be priests of various rites in either the Western or Eastern Church.]  If "nothing" attempts worship again at a parish, then is to come and go without comment, politely decline answering questions if any, and ignore (as Jesus had said to "nothing" previously) the criticisms and judging from wary priests and parishioners. 

This entire process has nothing to do with anything other than discerning, now, more, the unfolding of God's will regarding group worship in a specific hermit's life.  

God does utilize situations in His created world and with His created people to help guide and direct His each and every created soul.  We are to cast our nets even if we have cast them before.  Time evolves, and the fish move along unseen in water's depths.  Nothing is permanent in this life--no matter if a hermit or monk or nun or priest or lay married or single person.  

We must live and honor the vocations of our lives which God has chosen for us and values very much, and this means there are shifts and adaptations and alterations along the way by which the Lord teaches us faith, hope and charity.  We must remember always that these three greatest of God's gifts go beyond a pew, some structural walls, a town, city, country or continent.

Once we begin to open our eyes underwater as part of the flowing stream, and within the proper, peaceful flow and elements, our hearts begin to sing.  Then we are living and honoring that which God has chosen--even if we see or find that outside the waters, there is hardship and contradiction.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love!

Striking a Chord and Finding One's Place

Mercy, the recent posts have struck a chord with readers.  Praise be to God!

Peace is returning, and a resolve with Catherine of Siena and others, such as Lorenzo Scupoli, to keep practicing acceptance as all comes from God for our good and for our learning lessons and discerning His will for each unique individual.

When "nothing" prays thanksgiving and totally grasps and understands the views of others and their rights and even perhaps wisdom or whatever rationale for certain choices in the governance of fellow Catholics or Christians, the personal situation has evolved over time with wariness developing most likely due to the external phenomenon during Mass, no matter what anyone's analysis of it.

Plus, in sharing the process and progress of an ordinary, Catholic mystic's experiences and the outflow, there are no doubt many aspects not clarified, for the inner life of the soul and the various interchanges with others in the silence and within, come naturally and spontaneously, and most often steadily.  An occasional standout dream, or a vision, or a nuanced nudge from the Guardian Angel add to the process of discerning.

It is simple enough to deduce that while nothing is indeed not fitting in to typical Catholic parishes and is not likely to, for plenty attempts have been made--the reasons for that bear weighing the positives, for there are always and mostly positives.  God moves the soul through change, and change is signaled by disruption of some sort and a disquieted soul, or so it seems is a good indicator.

However, there is not always or usually not, it would seem a next phase presented.  So the person has to let go of the rope, of sorts, while in mid-swing, and trust that there will be another rope swinging out there somewhere, to which to grab hold.  Or, to use Peter's way of walking on the water, we must simply and genuinely trust that if we stumble or start to sink or fall, that Jesus will reach out and lift us up.

Painting way up high, now using "Simply White" on the belly band separating the Jesus Eyes' greenish blue painted shingle siding from the future "Sonshine Light" yellow-tan paint for the plank siding, the thoughts come to a joyful encouragement.  Being high on a ladder can provide such goodness once there is faith in the process.  The mind forgets the height and the risks but rather meditates upon the hope and faith and love provided in being a member of the Body of Christ.

It is unlikely that "nothing" at this phase would fit into other church scenarios.  Just as nothing was so certain to be one of the top 25% success stories with the back surgeries 27 years ago, and ended up in the bottom painful 10% messed cases--there is no guarantee in the spiritual life that one's path will follow this or that certain other person's path--hermit, mystic, saint or nothing!  We discover the path as we are walking and climbing.  And God is so patient when we keep testing certain ascents over and over, or attempt repeatedly to try a certain branch-off or rappelling technique.

Those in religious orders are not in a parish.  Imagine if they were.  It just does not seem that it would work out well, from those of us who know the parish ways of existing and progressing.  Parishes are distinctly different from monasteries, yet they provide similar opportunities and avenues for reaching the same goals which very much are or should be steeped in worship of God and sharing His love with one another in that context.  They are also a means of providing spiritual growth opportunities in order to learn and practice the virtues and to grow in holiness individually and as a body of believers. These opportunities vary in function within monasteries and within parishes.

Then consider the hermit path.  It is neither that of a monastery or a parish, but is a "hermitage", to come to some kind of similar labeling distinction.  It is a religious vocation.  An avowed and professed hermit in the Catholic church is a "consecrated religious" regardless of public or private vows.  A hermit has a religious vocation, and its modality of existing is not typically in a monastery nor in a parish setting, but rather in solitude in a hermitage. 

But the hermit, like those in religious orders and those in parishes, have spiritual helps that can include people, their writings, their lived examples.  We have worship and sacraments and very much the Living Word of God and His Real Presence.  Whether lay or religious or in holy orders, we all are striving for union with God and to glorify God in all we attempt, in love of God above all things and love of others.

Thus, the heightened manual labor has assisted this "nothing' hermit in grasping all the more, after many splatters and wipe-ups, and cleaning of brushes and switching to other paint colors, that "nothing" has missed the mark many times over in thinking it must belong in a parish as a typical parishioner, or to interact in a parish.  This is as mismatched as it would in thinking it needs to exist or belong to a monastery, although often enough (and historically) hermits tended to travel weekly to worship in monasteries.  Perhaps this is because the monks and nuns and the hermits do share an avowed and consecrated religious vocation, although unique in various aspects one from the other.

And, it does seem that in the past three decades in the Catholic Church, those relatively few but growing number of hermits with public vows are known to worship in and belong to parishes.  Privately consecrated hermits who might choose to worship in a parish, or from parish to parish,* may tend to remain hidden in the sense that they may not need be known as hermits to the parishioners and often not to the priests.

[*Fifteen years ago when first receiving the call to the eremitic life, "nothing" corresponded with a privately professed hermit in another country who motorbiked to a different parish each day in an eight-day cycle.  There were eight parishes within reasonable travel distance.  One time when a priest inquired of his name and offered a ride (and his bike) home, wherever that was, the hermit politely declined and also gave but his first name--and regretted giving that much information.]

With all this thought out and personally in "nothing's" mind now, more clearly, the result may be a positive conclusion of parish-seeking or involvement.  There is a nearby monastery, very small.  The three monks there practice some aspects of the hermit life (but are not hermits per se).  Having been invited to Mass there awhile back., "nothing" might attempt that, as it may be a rope swinging toward the hand of which the hand could grab hold.  And, in that setting, there would not be the curiosity and concerns that seem to develop sooner than later in parishes with priests and parishioners, regarding nothing's spiritual life.

Perhaps fitting into parishes as a hermit is correlated to the hermit being known to others as a hermit. Perhaps then a publicly known hermit is more accepted by parishioners in having a different mode or category, and is not expected to fit in with laity or be like them.  But nothing is not called to be noticed as a hermit in a parish or diocese setting; and such designation would not be necessary, if in a monastery setting for Mass.

This has been a long and sometimes frustrating process,  but a good and necessary process, one would think, for each hermit to discern individually and uniquely.

The place for nothing in the Catholic church is in the hermitage, as a hermit and mystic.  That is the place God has chosen, and it must strive to exist in the Order of the Present Moment.  In this moment, then go outside to plant some free perennials and then do the second coat of Simply White on the belly band.  Travel to civilization this evening upon a family member's request to homeschool and tend the grandson for a couple days.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for love is of God!

Return to Nothing

The third "S" of my Nine S' of the hermit life is "slowness."

In some concrete aspects, my situation here in the past week or so has not been slow.  Had another horrendous pain siege so the work efforts on the fixer-upper hermitage had to go into more time spent on that and no time on reflective writing and sharing.  An electrician came twice, and the work required in order for him to proceed, kept me busy.

Plus, the amount of spiritual correspondence continues, with persons dotted about the country and one overseas who write; they do deserve responses.  Then there are the two people with whom I read a book and e-discuss or on occasion phone-discuss.  This is an excellent way to encourage one another in spiritual reading.  My young friend lives too far from her active parish to be able to participate in such.  This arrangement works for each of us. 

The latest book reading-discussion is Scupoli's The Spiritual Combat.  It is a re-read for me, but with all that has transpired since I read it five years ago, the advantage is good in reading it again!

So the manual labor aspect of my eremitic horarium has increased, and the pace not so slow other than when the body demands rest breaks.  The blog writing aspect has been more than slow--to the point of neglect.  The insights and spiritual thoughts, the ideas for writing continue within.  When the faster-paced work efforts can balance out more when electrician's work is completed, the balance will settle once again.

It seems as if I needed reminding that I am nothing and His Real Presence is ALL.  I used to refer to myself as "nothing" when I'd write, and the other day when in spiritual converse with someone across the miles, the topic arose that it might do well to return to this practice as a daily reminder of my nothingness.  Only through, with and in Him am I capable of anything or of existence at all.  Of course, this is truth for each and every one of us.

The deputy called the other day, and we discussed the parish that is closest in location, although even at that quite a distance from this hermitage.  He and his wife sense very much that His Real Presence is not in the Tabernacle at that parish.  Odd, as that is exactly my sense of it and probably why so few people attend, and why there is little to no spiritual involvement nor charitable outreach.  He and his wife have witnessed the priest lifting the Host to his lips but not consuming, and of lifting the chalice to his lips but not sipping.

Many such concerns and others were brought by them to the bishop with no resolution as of yet.  All I know is that the times I have been there, the inner sense and the state during Mass has been what I have come to term "a bad trip." My spiritual father repeats that I must lay low, stay clear, and wait.  We are praying for guidance from His Real Presence.  Once more "nothing" remains in prayer and praise, and am partaking of Communion and Mass spiritually, mystically.  There is peace in this, thankfully.

My nothingness is all the more accentuated and rightly so, in these details as well as in something as simple seeming as plumbing: under the house and screwing in a fixture to the refrigerator water line.  But try as I might, I could not get the fixture screwed to the refrigerator line faucet I had installed between some studs.  

I prayed and prayed--and struggled and struggled.  Not until I told Jesus that He knew I could not do this on my own, obviously, and that He would need to do it for me--that He had to be all and enough for me--did the fixture then go on quite effortlessly.

Nothing is nothing, and only His Real Presence is everything and all.  Nothing needs to more consciously practice this awareness, this truth.  Nothing will stop struggling, even with the parish situation.  His Real Presence has all as He wills, all in His omnipotence and omniscience.

Scupoli reminds that when discerning the spirits, God will in time unfold His will.  For now I pray and praise and wait and embrace slowly, again more fully, my nothingness and His All.