Thursday, September 4, 2014

Return to Nothing

The third "S" of my Nine S' of the hermit life is "slowness."

In some concrete aspects, my situation here in the past week or so has not been slow.  Had another horrendous pain siege so the work efforts on the fixer-upper hermitage had to go into more time spent on that and no time on reflective writing and sharing.  An electrician came twice, and the work required in order for him to proceed, kept me busy.

Plus, the amount of spiritual correspondence continues, with persons dotted about the country and one overseas who write; they do deserve responses.  Then there are the two people with whom I read a book and e-discuss or on occasion phone-discuss.  This is an excellent way to encourage one another in spiritual reading.  My young friend lives too far from her active parish to be able to participate in such.  This arrangement works for each of us. 

The latest book reading-discussion is Scupoli's The Spiritual Combat.  It is a re-read for me, but with all that has transpired since I read it five years ago, the advantage is good in reading it again!

So the manual labor aspect of my eremitic horarium has increased, and the pace not so slow other than when the body demands rest breaks.  The blog writing aspect has been more than slow--to the point of neglect.  The insights and spiritual thoughts, the ideas for writing continue within.  When the faster-paced work efforts can balance out more when electrician's work is completed, the balance will settle once again.

It seems as if I needed reminding that I am nothing and His Real Presence is ALL.  I used to refer to myself as "nothing" when I'd write, and the other day when in spiritual converse with someone across the miles, the topic arose that it might do well to return to this practice as a daily reminder of my nothingness.  Only through, with and in Him am I capable of anything or of existence at all.  Of course, this is truth for each and every one of us.

The deputy called the other day, and we discussed the parish that is closest in location, although even at that quite a distance from this hermitage.  He and his wife sense very much that His Real Presence is not in the Tabernacle at that parish.  Odd, as that is exactly my sense of it and probably why so few people attend, and why there is little to no spiritual involvement nor charitable outreach.  He and his wife have witnessed the priest lifting the Host to his lips but not consuming, and of lifting the chalice to his lips but not sipping.

Many such concerns and others were brought by them to the bishop with no resolution as of yet.  All I know is that the times I have been there, the inner sense and the state during Mass has been what I have come to term "a bad trip." My spiritual father repeats that I must lay low, stay clear, and wait.  We are praying for guidance from His Real Presence.  Once more "nothing" remains in prayer and praise, and am partaking of Communion and Mass spiritually, mystically.  There is peace in this, thankfully.

My nothingness is all the more accentuated and rightly so, in these details as well as in something as simple seeming as plumbing: under the house and screwing in a fixture to the refrigerator water line.  But try as I might, I could not get the fixture screwed to the refrigerator line faucet I had installed between some studs.  

I prayed and prayed--and struggled and struggled.  Not until I told Jesus that He knew I could not do this on my own, obviously, and that He would need to do it for me--that He had to be all and enough for me--did the fixture then go on quite effortlessly.

Nothing is nothing, and only His Real Presence is everything and all.  Nothing needs to more consciously practice this awareness, this truth.  Nothing will stop struggling, even with the parish situation.  His Real Presence has all as He wills, all in His omnipotence and omniscience.

Scupoli reminds that when discerning the spirits, God will in time unfold His will.  For now I pray and praise and wait and embrace slowly, again more fully, my nothingness and His All.

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