Christian Catholic Hermit Mystic: Mostly Spiritual, Not Temporal

I'm mostly spiritual, not temporal. I'm interested in the spiritual life, of the life of Christ, of the mystical elements of religion (a title of two volumes by a great writer, Baron Von Hugel), and of the spiritual and temporal application of Scripture in personal and societal daily life.  I enjoy sensing and pondering and writing of that which is above, of the Law of God--God's Law of Love--more than the laws created by humankind, especially that of canon (or church) laws.  

I grieve for Catholics who become ensnared in the entangling nets of the temporal.... their limbs thrashing about 'neath the surface of the waters of which years ago God showed me that I was desperately trying to untangle the nets to free the people--some whom I recognized from parishes including priests--who were caught in these nets.  Then God spoke to me.  He said, "They will be all right. I will help them. But you--you must swim on out into the deep! Go! Swim on to the other side!" 

So I stopped treading water by the immense nets that held all these people just below the surface of of the waters, and I turned outward and began to swim.  I looked to as far as my sight would allow, and I saw no end of the vast waters.  I swam on and on, and I am still swimming.

I am swimming, progressing onward into the deep, into the unknown of which God pointed and and directed those years ago.  I am swimming and progressing onward,despite my spine half fused and the next level up already deteriorating; and my neck has gone from being deemed "bad" to severe in less than a year between MRI's.  It is so severe that the neurosurgeon decided he did not want to operate unless it becomes life-threatening.  He had neurological testing performed, and although at times I wake up with my arms thumb through the hands, thus far feeling has returned in time.  

Recently, I have had another major surgery on my left knee; that, too, has been a failed surgery of 4-6% who have this occurrence of collagen cells reacting even during surgery to what is called oxidative stress.  This causes the cells to grow rapidly and thickly in a fibrous, impervious layer--mine two-inches thick covering over my artificial knee.  The pain is horrendous; my life style is forever altered between trying to do painful stretches throughout the day and using pain medications, and also trying to tend to the temporal responsibilities of the temporal aspect of my bodily existence here, now, on this temporal earth.

Yet my soul supersedes all else. I know this even if the temporal existence and those temporalites who exist around my temporal body, mostly unseen by me but here, there, ensnared and thrashing about in the immense nets beneath the surface of what is the temporal world and that of the deep and wide of eternity.  That is, of the world in which faith in God leads those of us who have all but the bodily left off from the temporal world and those thrashing about.  That is, of the temporalites who are ensnared in the temporal nets 'neath the surface of the waters; the focus and bulk of their accountability given over to the temporal world of temporal experiences and situations with other temporalites.  

The only way forward, out  of the entangling nets of the temporal, is to keep swimming, keep going, onward and forward, seeing not the other side.  Yet know that  freedom and blissful of touches of grace await us the more we broaden our sights, strengthen our strokes, not look back! Keep on! Keep on swimming out into the deep, onward with faith and hope, having let go of trying to free those who are not yet ready, those who do not grasp in reality there is something far more that awaits us the farther we reach with our hearts and minds and our very souls determined in faith that God is with us and also there for us, both, and, for all eternity.

But we must stay clear of the entangling nets, once we have been freed from the temporal reality that these nets ensnare us, keep us tied and entangled to a point of the blind thrashing about  becoming our norm within our existence in the temporal world and indeed, ensnared as well in the temporal tangibles and temporalizations of the temporal world of the temporal church. 

From the moment of realization of what is beyond us, what is unseen yet so very real, beyond us out into the depths and breadths of the spiritual life in His Real Presence, always and forever, we in trust simply and profoundly, in unknowingness of ontological beingness--we keep progress.

Onward and forward we progress into the very soul of God Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth. Yet God is the One, the All, to Whom we keep progressing despite the hindrances of our insufferable temporal bodies. For within these bodies, once we free ourselves in faith, hope, and love to give over to God the tending of those caught up into and of the entangling nets of the temporal realm of the world at large and the temporal world of church, and of all those choosing to remain stuck reman entangled in the temporal--we find that we are brought through and onward and forward, despite the ongoing effort of exchanging our own thrashing about with that of taking progressively forward strokes. 

We are bound and determined, no matter what, to keep going to whatever is there--to the heaven of God's Beingness and Energy, to that of God's pervasive and effervescent God's Allness.  God is there for us; God is with us along the endless breadth and depth of forward progression.  We know not but that God loves us and asks of us to keep on receiving His Love and learning His Love, to learn to love, to love God and others (and ourselves) as God loves.

This is the mostly spiritual  that at some point of which we do not know other than to know this point exists, in which we become deeply spiritual within the spiritual of God Himself. We become one with God's Beingness and Allness.  We become as if one with God's Supreme Soul. The as if becomes the truth, beauty, and goodness of not only spiritual union, but of mystical marriage with consummation.

This is what awaits us. This is why becoming aware of something more out there, beyond the entangling nets 'neath the surface of the waters. This is why we persevere in our seeking, no matter what befalls us or tries to interfere with the progression, we keep advancing by becoming mostly spiritual and less to least temporal.  We become unentangled from those temporalites who yet choose or acccept--either one--the temporal always mostly, and more than the the breadth and depth of the spiritual counterparts God desires for us, for our minds, hearts, and souls--if we simply keep going, once we are freed from the stuckness of the temporal nets.

Pray His Real Presence free everyone's mind, heart, and soul from the stuckness of entanglement in the ensnaring nets of whatever temporal.  Note the difference between being entangled by those temporal nets that represent the temporalization of the world at large and the world of church, as well as of the world of ourselves remaining entangled until by the grace of God, we are released through the teachings and life and sacrificial death of Christ Jesus, and ultimately by God's will we are freed from ourselves being entangled. Praise God with each inch of disentanglement, God's will and desire for us.

If I were an adept artist, I'd watercolor or pencil or ink sketch an image of this most powerful and real locution and vision.  I pray the description and word-metaphor of the entangling nets 'neath the doldrum-deceptive surface of the waters, assists the awakening from the living dead alive.  I pray that all temporalites realize the vast depths and breadths of the spiritual and masterful mystical realm of eternity that awaits us now, and has for every now of the present moment we've spent remaining piteously and desperately blind to our thrashing about stuckness in the temporal, of the entangling nets.

God bless His Real Presence is within us, the love of God, the love of God as others love, and to love ourselves as God loves, will always be ours to grasp and take with us onward and forward to reach that point of center, amidst the breadth and width of the Holiness of God's desire for us.

Swim on, swim on!  God will take care of all these others who are in His care, of whom God will free, will detangle these others who then must stay free and clear of the entangling nets. Rather, praise God for the faith, hope, and love of the reality of the blissful crossing that God has for us, onward and forward.  

The Stairway to Heaven is ours; we are by swimming onward and forward, not held back--we are led to the base.  The swimming onward and forward propels us, despite not knowing where nor able to see beyond ourselves. 

The Stairway to Heaven is given us, to provide for our onward and forward progression into, and then eternally remaining in the spiritual of our God-infused minds, hearts, and souls.  We advance all the while our insufferable attachments to our bodies and the temporalized aspects of the temporal world of varying types, fall far beyond us as well as the temporalites' plights.

God will take care of them, just as God is taking care of us.  It is never too late nor too early to learn to love, to love to learn to love God, to love others (and ourselves) as God loves!

 

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Suffering and Spiritual Progression

Finally drove not far to the nearest ER where two years ago I needed to also go.  That time it was a DO who instead of a zpack that I expained for years of my annual sinus infection is what works to rid out the illness, had prescribed Augmentin despite my explaining that drug specifically has never worked for me.

Similar situation with the young GP (general practitioner) who prescribed one dose pack of Azithromycin, which did help some and kept the crud going into my throat and lungs as it had two years ago with the DO's poor decision to ignore my sincere, honest input.  So I was at the ER then for help, as I was this afternoon, for help.

The ER doctor had no qualms of a person needing a second go around with an antibiotic if the person was still quite ill and needed more to knock it out.  I've been ill for four weeks now, and I'm still for most part bedridden other than to take the pup (over 5 1/2 months old now) outside for her elimination needs.  When I stand up and walk, I can "feel the earth moving under my feet."  The sinuses are impacted yet, but there has been progress.  Just stuck, though, with this level of too much sickness to be able to function much.

I gave that doctor a most sincere "GOD BLESS YOU!" as he was finishing up, and he appreciatively thanked me for my gratitude.  He also put through to that particular hospital system's case manager to find a new GP for me plus an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat specialist) as I'm not opposed to going to one, but a good GP can handle easily one sinus infection a year, and grasp that it might take two z-packs to clear the sinuses of infection.  The young doctors tend not to be able to handle sinus infections, at least not in my lived experience

So I made progress today with the ER doctor, and I'm praying along with the azithromycin that God will use His healing love and power to help me improve, make progress in feeling well enough to be up and about without dizziness and feeling so sick.  The pup has had enough of no walks, no errands where she can go inside and be adored by other customers.... She loves her fans.

And I figure I've made progress in suffering as well as in spiritual understanding in a most positive regard.  I understand more the positive passageway of the temporal Church and the positive passageway of the stairway to heaven.  The former seems to me to be necessary, for there is so much to learn and ways in which to grow in the temporal Catholic Church! I cannot imagine what my life would have been without these years of spiritual growth and learning more than I can begin to describe.  And the temporal Protestant churches as passagways to God prior to my conversion to Catholicism also provided much especially in His Living Word and conversational prayer, plus acts of love and kindness, helping others, and loving one another.  But Catholicism is massive learning in comparison, and rich and deep--and the Mass is incomparable to anything in other churches.

I was fully expecting to remain stagnant, safe and secure in the temporal Catholic Church, go to Mass which I love, once or twice a day for the rest of my life.  I had come to accept I'd not be actively involved in parish outreach programs, but I did not know but was not surprised when God showed me His will in the hermit vocation.  That was already forewarned by a vision 13 years prior when my grandmother appeared and told me that I would need to learn to hibernate like a bear for protection from the world.

But God does not expect nor want us to remain stagnant in our spiritual lives any more than we remain stagnant in our physical, temporal lives. So I found myself wondering, having a hard time believing and trusting that God was progressing me not just spiritually, but that spiritual progress includes ourselves--ou bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.  I did not let go, did not detach, nor die to my thinking that nothing would change regarding my being in a parish and in daily Mass, in tangibly receiving Communion nor in tangibly going to confession with the priest as a stand-in, or intermediary, of Christ--in alter Christi.

I finally understood and grasped this with a peace and positive fullness not long ago.  This after many attempts to ignore what His Real Presence had offered me, was asking of me, was telling me His will.  I marveled at my guardian angel leading me to the stairway to heaven; I rejoiced when Christ explained the consummation would not be after our most glorious post-wedding banquet, and that I was to pay no attention to parishioners and priests henceforth, but to remain strong, to wait, and emphasized yet again to "REMAIN STRONG."  He had to attend to other souls but would return for me.  Just wait and be strong.

The spiritual life does not necessarily and I suppose rarely, occur in one fell swoop of insight and growth.  The spiritual life is a gradual progression over the course of a Christian's lifetime.  It then continues on into eternity.  We graduate from one level into the next, over and over and over in metapmorphoses which occur in nature with such as the butterfly.  Thus, while I delayed this next phase by my not trusting, not having the faith necessary for I simply had a hard time understanding why God would not have me remain in the temporal Catholic aspects, and instead have me pass through that long corridor, seemingly going on infinitely of a vision the night prior to my Catholic conformation.

In earth years, it was nearly to the day and might have been exactly 13 years after that vision came the vision and locution of my guardian angel taking me by my right forearm and telling me I was being led to the Stairway to Heaven.  Indeed, that occurred, and the last I knew of that matter, I was standing at the base of a stairway glorious, that seemed to go onward, upward, infinitely. 

Then when priests and parishioners did not want me in their parishes due to my having mystical ecstasies during Mass which priests were bothered by and also rumors that I could see into people, priests in particular, and parishioners thought I was being rude or faking a spiritual phenomenon, that was when the banquet occurred four years after the ecstasies began.  The mystical wedding had occurred several years prior to even the stairway to heaven vision; and the espousal of my soul occurred in June of 1987 when I was a Protestant!

So we can know that spiritual progression often is spread out over decades. It just depends on God's will and way and His timing which might not be years to God but is to humankind.

Now that I'm grasping that the temporal Catholic Church at some point gives way to His Mystical Church, I return within to the Stairway to Heaven and what it is that I am to learn and how to progress on the stairway, having now accepted that I have progressed through the passageway the in my spiritual life has led to the stairway to heaven.  What next?

I suppose to continue to take note of that which makes the temporal Church temporal, and seek what is in the temporal Church shared with His Mystical Church, and to ask His Real Presence to help me adapt to His Mystical Church.  I doubt that will take much in human years once one in faith accepts the passageways as means of our spiritual progression, and not to cling to one nor the other but remain fluid in His Real Presence, to be done with and shown whatever He wills, and whenever and however He wills.

All I can do is share my own experiences and progression, and the passageways as they are shown me and what they represent. So I'm now facing the Stairway to Heaven and have passed through the temporal Church and understand now that I am in His Mystical Church.  I must remain open and with faith, trust, hope--and continue to strive in my own likely awkward ways to practice living as God loves.  While I ask Him to teach me how to love as He loves, there is that part of me that is eager and will try, also in what I think it is to love as God loves.  He understands, and hopefully laughs a bit at my strivings!

It has always seemed with me, regarding His Real Presence which is God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (the Holy Trinity), to put one foot forward knowing that His Real Presence will soon enough correct me or also take me along by the hand or have me follow along in His Footsteps.  Now I must image that stairway I was shown, wide at the base and narrowing as it ascends, and going on upward beyond what even my spiritual, inner eyes could see.  Image the stairway and contemplate the aspects of His Mystical Church, and more so participate in His Mystical Church which is eternal yet accessible while yet in our bodily forms.

That is all I am going to share or explain for now.  I have been in the past few posts trying to explain the temporal and the mystical Church, and I might not have done a good job of explaining, nor that His Mystical Church is not an utter rejection or renunciation of the temporal Church.  The temporal Church as I mentioned toward the beginning of this post, seems requisite to me, to progress through as it is also a passageway that links on to the Stairway to Heaven, and where we will be in His Mystical Church at some point in our spiritual progression.  

All according to God's will and our cooperation, in His time and way and will be when we let go more of the temporal aspects of the temporal Church that are not His per se, and seek His ways and seek Him all the more, and being willing to begin the climb, one by one, a lonely-seeming ascending, but in mystical reality not alone at all. But temporally, bodily, no: we climb the Stairway to Heaven of His Mystical Church, some in this temporal life while we yet are in temporal bodies, but our bodies are not what makes the assent. Others will climb the Stairway to Heaven in this temporal life.  

I know not why not, other than perhaps God has those remain in the long passageway of stone floors and walls and rooms off to the side, with much instruction, books, learning to be done according to the ability to progress in faith, hope, and love, as well as to die to and relinquish attachment to temporal, including temporal Church.  Some he may have in the temporal Church to help others to grow and learn and if priests, to hopefully learn the reality of the Mystical Church and show the way to their flock, giving glimpses at the altar, from the temporal into the Mystical Church.  

Or, for priests themselves to pass through the temporal-spiritual passageway themselves and experience the Stairway to Heaven, His Mystical Church--although this latter would require much courage for a priest, and to keep much hidden for there would be many who would not understand--parishioners and those above him in the temporal hierarchy such as bishops and cardinals and even a pope.  For, some while on earth will be interested in temporal progression, not so much in ascending the stairway to heaven and experiencing His Mystical Church.

Perhaps this year's sinus infection, the suffering going on now into the fifth week, has been beneficial in my asking His Real Presence to help me understand what is going on in my spiritual progression.  And thus, the visions and the Scriptures--His Living Word--have been falling into place beautifully with connections and seeing both passageways.  Also, I have been shown, through His Living Word and what is in temporal actuality or not, what is the temporal Church of today and what is not the temporal, thus what is His Mystical Church of which I do believe I have but marginal balance on the first step.

I don't expect anyone reading this to grasp or understand the reality of the passageways and progressions from temporal Church and our temporal belief to His Mystical Church and our spiritual progression.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Love in His Love!

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: A Reader Leaves an Errant Comment

 

The more I read of short commentaries such as one today of something Jesus said to Catherine of Siena regarding St. Paul--the holy ones of God yet while on earth did not go on about canon laws or doctrines or rituals or traditions; they wrote of their thoughts and interactions with His Real Presence and His Living Word.

A reader left a comment on one of my blogs, two actually, saying that to be a real hermit one must obey the "Church" in all matters including Canon Law 603 (instituted by humans in 1983), and that a "real" mystic would obey the Church.  I don't think the man even knows that the "Church" is the Body of Christ--all of us who believe in Christ as our Savior and whose task we were given of spreading the Good News, the Gospel and to strive living the one Law of God that is over all laws and one necessary: His Law of Love.  Love God above all things (including the thing the church has become in humankind's minds) and to love others as God loves.  

One must obey God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit.  If Church means Christ as Head of His Church, then yes, obey Christ.  If Church has come to mean the temporal Church of centuries of humankind-created canon laws, traditions, rituals, and devotions--one is not obligated to "obey" other than the will of the Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) and His Living Word.

[As a new Catholic and for several years, I had confusion over this "obedience to the Church" and "obedience to a Church bishop, and by falling into the trap of this misconceived obedience, I was deceived in obeying priests who were in mortal sin and grave matter, as it turned out.  I also "obeyed" a bishop and ended up with two costly shoulder surgeries when I had no health insurance (was not insurable so not by my choice being uninsured) because the bishop was ignorant in matters of mysticism and refused to read about mystical phenomenon, so foolish in what it was he wanted me to obey.   I was the fool to have obeyed the man who later I learned had not handled, also, a priest sex crime correctly.  The Psalmist rightly states as also lived the prophets and Christ:  Trust not in men, trust not in princes; trust in the Lord Thy God only.  I know that biographies have been written, as well as diaries published, in which persons stated that Christ or Mary or some canonized saint appeared and told them to obey their superior even if it caused them suffering, but one must be very careful in discerning such visions and locutions.  Obey the Three Persons of the Trinity over error-prone and ignorant humankind; obey His Living Word.  If a spiritual guide is advising what is in the Living Word and what is of Christ, then obey knowing one is obeying His Real Presence and His Living Word--not the person who is advising based upon God's will and His Living Word.  There is a subtle difference one recognizes in this "obedience." One must know with God's assurance that the person who is guiding is truly in His Living Word and not of the human practices found in religious orders that evolved from the early Middle Ages onward.  Discern carefully; seek God and obey God's will.]

The "Church" is the Body of believers--people--and Christ as the Head.  That is all; that is it; that is the Church.  It is not all this other, and nothing to obey but His Real Presence and to do His will.  The man also said that St. John of the Cross went around on behalf of "the Church" to ascertain which were "real mystics" and which were not "real." I've never read anything of the sort but have asked Dr. W. who corresponds and who has been a world leading expert on John of the Cross.  She was my professor in Avila, Spain, in the course on John of the Cross.  

John was so subsumed into God especially in the latter part of his relatively young life, that I doubt he'd do that because he was focused on spiritual direction of St. Teresa's sisters, and then was ill from mistreatment and being enclosed for a second time up to his death from mistreatment by his then later superior and fellow friars who were envious and disliking of John's closeness to God.  John did not mind for he was so in God by then that he longed to be out of body always and with God in the hereafter, fully.  He died at age 51; the superior and a couple others asked his forgiveness the day before his death.  They intentionally moved him to the worst outpost "house" in the worst climate of Spain, in autumn, to hasten his death and cause him more suffering.  So he was not out and about, judging other mystics and not likely reporting to "the Church" as to being "real" or "not real".  How silly, anyway, the comments the man.  This is just the type of erroneous thinking that pulls down what esteem Christians and others can have for the Catholic Church--such extremists who miss the point of His Real Presence and His Living Word!  

Today is St. Paul's day celebrating his conversion on the road to Damascus.  Paul emphasized and won an argument with Peter that Christ did not have salvation only for the Jews but for all peoples--including the Gentiles and for those in the whole world.  So yes, there is salvation outside the "Roman Catholic Church"; salvation is for those who believe in Christ and strive to follow Him.  The Orthodox Christians would and do argue that Orthodox Catholicism is the true church and no salvation outside Eastern Orthodoxy!  Every major religion argues they are the only one to provide salvation.  

My own death experience and those many others prove that being a Christian--a lover and follower of Christ--allows one salvation.  Conversion can occur at judgment, also.  People who went further in their death experiences and who were not believers had opportunity to believe; and they report Jesus often there in person figure or in tremendous white light, and they knew it was God or Jesus--so loving and with the deceased doing a type of life review.  Some who died experienced hell and converted, were sent back and changed their lives.  I was in a negative situation at the time of my death, but God showed tremendous love and my Christian faith honored Him; I also was not Roman Catholic at the time.  

The man making the blog comments is like those who are narrowed in spiritual reality and extreme in self-righteousness--seemingly not able to read or absorb the Living Word for what Jesus and the apostles actually stated and enacted while on earth.

Anyway, I did tell Thomas yesterday (the man helping me with manual labor my body is unable now to do) that on earth there seems no greater spiritual experience available for anyone than the Mass, if celebrated by a holy priest preaching the Living Word.  Of course, there is powerful experience in brief times of union with God, but the Mass is a beautiful and deep experience if one is open to His Real Presence in His Living Word and in Consecration.  The Living Word is crucial, leading into the Sacrifice.

Then there is the Stairway to Heaven aspect of Mass, and thus the Stairway to Heaven as the individual's spiritual climb--meant for all people who become believers and who desire His Real Presence and come to this point of the spiritual journey.

I'm interested in continuing up the Stairway to Heaven, as I had allowed temporal, human-made aspects of the Church disrupt my spiritual progression in God Is Love.  I was feeling guilty and confused, both, in not recognizing that parishes are gatherings of people but not of themselves necessarily "the Church."  Nor are all the created aspects and made up laws and rituals over the centuries "the Church."  Jesus decried many of these same elements of what had been His heritage "church," the temple, up to the time of His coming to proclaim the truth and teach the "Good News".

I do think the first three centuries and selectively some writers of later centuries have the most to offer as far as insights and help in spiritual growth.  The early Christian hermits were "real" as real can be, and the mystics were "real" as well.  No one investigated or fretted about the Christians who lived a life in solitude in His Real Presence; rather, they were dealing with their own spiritual lives in God.   They were not wrapped up in all the detritus that has accumulated in today's parishes and busybodies more concerned about others' Christian lives than their own.  I cannot in good conscience call all "that" His Church, for the Christian Church is the Body of Christ made up of His beloved followers and Christ as Head that is His Church, not the human-made folderol.

God Bless His Real Presence in us!  Praise Christ in His Living Word!  Love in His Love to all persons and all creation on earth and in heaven!

PostScript:  Dr. W. has responded regarding if John of the Cross went about checking up on other mystics and judging who of them were real or not real and then reporting to "the Church officials."  Her response is only this:  To John of the Cross, a mystic is one who is gifted with infused, supernatural graces; in other words, those who experienced ecstasy, rapture.  No mention made of his being an inquisitor nor tattler.  As for others who have defined mystics, I recommend the late Dr. David Knowles of Cambridge and his book, What Is Mysticism--which also delineates why and how mystics are born as mystics, chosen by God in this capacity so one cannot "become a mystic", whereas contemplation can be developed.  One can become a contemplative.  However, mystics are by nature contemplative.  Contemplatives are not automatically mystics.

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: An Irony

Sharing some correspondence pertinent to considerations of what God wills and what man wants and has wrought over the centuries including currently.

Dear C,

It is ironic that you mention the woman who is a "canonical virgin" and her associations with the diocese, and that you and many others there are aware of her status in the church as a second-only "consecrated virgin."  Here again we have a situation of something that Jesus would find hypocritical in the pride that goes with being known and noted for her choosing to live. life celibate and dedicated to God, as well as "approved by the 'Church'" in religious ceremony in the Mass.

For it is God who consecrates, not the church nor a bishop.  Jesus never spoke of nor taught of having bishops nor of humans consecrating people.  Furthermore, He treasured hiddenness and personal relationships with God, such as His example of going off alone to pray to the Father--and such as women and men who would give themselves over to God alone and offer their total lives including choosing to not marry and not have sexual relations, as a private matter between the person and God.  

I have written in the past in my blog about Who it is Who consecrates, and the One is God alone.  That is why the recent canon laws for hermits and virgins and widows are antithetical and disturbing.  The advertising of persons' (known, not anonymous) decisions made with God to live their lives for Him in certain ways instead of remaining preciously private between God and the soul, has led to pride and self-promotion as well as tempts more to the temporal church than the holiness of His real Presence in humble, hidden service--depending upon the private decisions made--that since earliest times were between the person and God and lived without note.

There were widows and virgins in the early Church--but not consecrated by titled humans (of which often noblemen were given title of Bishop based on birthright nobility, wealth, or inherited.   Nor were there ritualistic services or Masses, no canon law, no regulations nor stipulations to supposedly make valid what is up to God alone to determine and consecrate.  Additionally, God is the One Who involves Himself and meets with the person in the quiet and privacy of their abiding, God in the mind, heart, and soul, and the celibate, widow/widower, or hermit abiding in His Real Presence-- then to live out his or her life accordingly, without fanfare and reporting to His Real Presence Who also is the person's teacher most often in the Third Person of the Trinity.  

This is yet another example and reason why I have rejected the temporal Catholic Church's handling of such matters and those in the Body making up increasing amounts of regulations and detritus in details actually beyond any legalisms that Christ Himself railed against when the Man God on earth.  The situation of persons giving over themselves in deep and meaningful ways to God and foremost accepting a direct call from Almighty God to such ways of living their lives ought never to be thus antithetical to Christ's teachings and His Church as Christ taught and initially instituted.  (I had to learn this reality through my being misled by that woman (someone who initiated contact with me saying she could help when in fact the only help ended up being my seeing how off-kilter all that she purports, as prior I knew nothing of (nor did Fr. F.) of any canon laws and the ensuing pleonasms regarding living one's life for God focused within a God-designated life (widow, virgin, widower, hermit) simple and known as far back as those lived and described in the Old Testament.

Just recently we have read in 1 Samuel how people were not satisfied with God being their Leader, Teacher, Ruler--their ALL.  They wanted to organize and create stipulations and rules and rituals that a king/ruler would bring with his position.  Samuel tried to warn them what would happen, but the people would not believe Samuel.  So God allowed them what became an extremely flawed human due to the temptations that befall humans who take on what is God's.  

Many people in the early church that Christ instituted lost its way, as well.  Dissatisfied they became, as time passed, with the Holy Trinity as Teacher and Comforter, with weakening faith that Christ (Second Person specifically) as Head and Shepherd of the Body, and God the Father as Creator to anoint and consecrate and Be over All.  They were not content with the design of apostles, with one being the leader (Peter), and others participating and going out to the whole world spreading the Good News of Christ the Son of God and Savior of us all and sharing His Teachings. 

So in little time having passed, they organized, regulated, made up law after law with specifications and rituals, created positions with titles--so many that few if any of us could list out who all they are in what they built and called The Vatican and in what they called dioceses and then also archdioceses, and parishes, including, in time, a bevy of such made up positions called "canon lawyers" with the also-made-up 1752 canon laws and more in the queue.  This and so much more under the umbrella of the Catholic Church, and depth of God's Law of Love nor absorb and embrace Christ's teachings--including that we are in Him and He is in us.  We didn't just "do this in remembrance of Me" [Christ], we built and gilded and made bigger and more costly the grandiose places to gather to worship with one portion being the sharing of His Real Presence in the breaking of the bread (His Body) and drinking of the wine (His Blood).

So much more could be expressed and described, examples given.  Would today's temporal Catholic Church exceed the Temples of Our Lord's time on earth?  Do the positions fill and exceed those of the Scribes (canon lawyers), Pharisees, Sadducees, High Priests?  Would Jesus be pleased, or would He drive out the bingo nights in which it is not just fun for little old ladies winning a candy bar but big money involved and breeding grounds for gambling addictions?  Would He find pleasing those spending their lives adjudicating made-up laws, or those creating more regulations and stipulations for the silent, simple, slow, hidden life of a solitary who's calling is prayer and praise with and of His Real Presence:  the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit?

I realize that the woman now working for the diocese as a canon lawyer who recently was "consecrated" in a highly publicized "worship service" by a bishop to be a "consecrated virgin" by virtue of a fairly recent canon law--and most Catholics--cannot grasp this mess.  Nor do they want to live a simple Christian life according to following Jesus and His teachings, and know in faith that HIs real Presence abides in them and us in His real Presence.  Nor do most of us recognize that Jesus abhorred all the rules and laws and rituals that the Israelites had developed over the years, including their wanting a King to govern them.  

And still they could not spiritually progress--many or most of them. So Jesus came to earth to teach a new way, a better way, to get the people back on track with God over all, Christ as Head, and those who follow Christ as the Body with Him as Head.  The only new ritual or commemoration Jesus enacted written in scripture is that of breaking bread and sharing the cup of wine "in remembrance of Me," said Jesus.  He gave us the Holy Spirit to teach us and speak to us and be with us on earth, yet people are not content and want to make their own laws and rituals and parish councils and build immense and costly buildings or renovate and decorate at great expense the ones they have.  

They twist Scriptures to create more rules and traditions and guidelines, and to impart the notion that a thing called a bishop is the only one who consecrates, and that private vocations are no longer that but must be approved by those things called bishops or even cardinals in some cases.  And the lead apostle became very powerful, unlike Peter, and lives in a huge palace called The Vatican and is called a pope in a "state" with various legal rights and its own government and laws.  

All of that made up by humans and blindly followed by humans.  Very sad and shameful when we lay it out in raw truth  A "Mass" for the virgin, to boot, a huge reception, in the newspapers and on television, video on Youtube,  "approved of" and "consecrated" by a human--and what is the point then?  How far from the widow Anna in the temple day and night praying quietly, no fanfare--only humility and holiness of GOD ALMIGHTY.

Is God saying, "Let them learn the hard way?"  We have taken that route as did the people in Samuel's time, and from then on until Jesus came to try to straighten them out.  For those who see, see, and those who can hear will hear.  But woe to many who do neither see nor hear, not with outer senses, nor inner.  Jesus lays out what the Father desires; Jesus came and lived and died for our sins and to gain our salvation.  His Living Word is available to read and ponder, to learn and live.  The Living Word is given us in truth and faith, to not deviate from nor twist nor to add. The Holy Spirit is with us; angels surround us.  We are in His Real Presence--the Holy Trinity--and His Real Presence is in us.

I will say per the selection from Isaiah and in another part, I came upon it after my husband had left me and our three little children.  I was so upset and stunned, in shock and in pain emotionally--and of course physically with my back injury freshly meted out upon me, I knew deep within that the Holy Spirit led me to that Scripture; and God was telling me HE is my Husband, and He is the Father of my children.  I let the children know that God would always help them as He is their father and my Husband--our Maker.  And for me, my Maker is my Spouse, the Lord Jesus Christ.  It was real because it is real.  I like the reading from Corinthians and think of the list of gifts, that of wisdom and of faith seem the most treasured of all to have.  They seem the highest spiritually and temporally, and of course, love; but often people would choose, if it was up to them, the more showy gifts like healing or prophecy. WE people simply cannot get away from ourselves enough to love and trust and depend upon God Alone--the Holy Trinity in the Three Persons.

Truly, my Builder has already married me; the consummation is yet to be.  I must wait and be strong while waiting, which I have not done such a good job of that.  But I'm coming to a greater faith and the beginnings of wisdom in that faith, and eschew the temporal church in the aspects of which it ought be eschewed for it has stymied much and embraced the temporal and human-made everything. (I've many times over written of the costly and excessive "saint" canonization process with all its levels and employment and categories, all made up by humankind.)  

What remains of and in His Church? God and Christ and the Spirit are portions of the Mass and what love, faith, and hope in God some hold along with striving to live God's Law of Love.  The Head and the Body?  What type and quality are we, those of us in His Body--or those in the temporal aspects of temporal church?  Where are we going, those seeking the Head and a Body His and All His?  All else of the Trinity and His Church one must seek and find on the climb up the Holy Mountain:  the Stairway to Heaven, with striving and pondering in His Living Word and us in His Real Presence--with angels assisting in our arduous ascent and those who have arrived beckoning, welcoming, cheering us on.

God He Is Who approves and consecrates and none other. Who do we think we are?  What have we become in what dares call itself His Church?

I suppose through the reading I've done of the various mystics in the Church's centuries, including those now, it is the mystics who understand the seriousness of all that has transpired.  For this reason and myriad true-to-life examples shown me in various ways, as the Angel of God reminded me in a particularly difficult suffering, "You agreed to this."  Yes, I had; I had heart-felt and full-intentioned offered myself as a holocaust of love in reparation for the temporal church's trajectory. I offered because the Lord had asked me in several ways over time.  "Mortification," "be an immolation," and in intimate visions too much to relate.  

I was birthed into the mystical Church by way of the temporal Church even though I, being temporal yet continuously desiring His Real presence and striving in spiritual life, am slip-sliding along, as the temporal song goes....   I am not alone in this progression, not for centuries.  My purpose is to love--to love to learn to love!  To live the Law of God, the Law of Love.  How simply and beautifully challenging is that?

Love in His Love, and God Bless His Real Presence in us!

I continue on; God help me in my striving in His Real Presence, in His Love.

Catholic Christian Mystic Hermit: Partial Correspondence to Professor Friend

(Part of correspondence to a dear friend, a professor I had in a course on John of the Cross in Catholic University of Avlia, Spain.  She has lost her husband in this past year plus has some type of malady which has limited her.  God bless her beautiful and loving soul!)

I notice the ones I greatly admire--mostly of the distant past--who were mistreated but moved on through the human-made elements and laws of the temporal church, even such as John of the Cross who was "in" a religious order but not really "with" it in his mind, heart, and soul but rather was IN HIS REAL PRESENCE all the time, elevated and had "passed through" the temporal church like the passageway it is--a passageway in which to learn and read and experience and grasp the differences between the temporal church with it's contrivances and personalities, those who are into organization and prestige, power, position and possession of many temporal aspects--and that of the Church that Christ instituted and invisioned, that He taught of what is best and right because he spoke against so many aspects of the Jewish "church" of His life on earth, the hypocrisies and twisted traditions, the extremism of human-created and altered laws, of the ills of the high priests and scribes, the Pharisees and Sadducees, and of the who-who types of people attending, and then of the blind sheep without a Shepherd, as it were.

People such as John of the Cross, Bruno the Carthusian, the desert fathers and mothers of early first centuries, Bernard of Clairvaux--these are some of the Christians who seemed to grasp the temporal Church as a passageway rather than a be-all and end-all but a means of developing and learning to discern what is of the Trinity and the useful aspects and knowledge learned, the theology, the Living word especially, the Law of God (Law of Love), the actual and very real presence of the Three Persons of the Trinity indwelling in us and us in His Real Presence.  They came to grasp and live and strive IN the Trinity, and their writings demonstrate they had passed through the temporal Church even if such as Bernard existed as spiritual leader in a group of men desiring God also, as did Bruno, even though /bruno did not at all want a religious order of his way of having passed through; after his /death Guigo 1 did that.  Same with Francis--had passed through the temporal church and wanted nothing to do with a religious order or list of goals despite giving in at the end of his short life, and wrote a few "rules" which were against his will, and for his plight, the Lord gave him the stigmata due to Francis desiring union IN His REal Presence and not a temporal organization of his way of coming to God, to the spiritual and mystical realities, to Love of God.

So these people like the early desert fathers and mothers and some others who have written of their passages and transitions through the temporal Church as passageway and of coming to the /stairway to Heaven while on earth, and living beyond the temporal, having passed through that and of not succumbing to the temporal church tainted with humankind's touch and twisting of what Christ taught and God desires.  His law is simple yet profound and most difficult:  the Law of Love of God and of others as God Loves.

So I am trying to accept that I passed through part-way through 2008, and prior to that was tempted and fell to being tempted to be drawn off in the twistings in and of the temporal church, of all that humankind had devised and created and developed and organized way beyond and full of distractions, and the pitfalls of power, prestige, position, possessions of church religious as well as parishioners: snares of the shallow end rather than going on out, passing through, into the depths of God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit--the Trinity, His Real Presence.  And of residing there, through, with, and IN HIM.  Of learning to love, of loving to learn to love, and of living God's Law of Love.

So I'm trying to accept the years I hung on to what is not, and instead am trying to seek nakedly and in simplicity of trust, hope, love--what IS.

To ask God's forgiveness for having tarried in what is not, and to also forgive myself for having done so, to have clung to what is not despite so many messages, dreams, visions, locutions of moving on through, of being shown it as passageway filled with what is very good and helpful to learn, and to then pass on to the base of the stairway to heaven and begin ascending.  Yet I have dog-paddled at the base of the Stairway, keeping me feet on the bottom step and grasping the newel post, unsure and doubting perhaps, or fearful mostly that what God was telling me and showing me somehow was incorrect and tempted to still think of the temporal church with all its humankind-created this and that to be not a passageway and that I had passed through long since, even at times pushed on and out literally!

Somehow I felt a great need of a puppy that will grow into a small dog, as a living thing that will be happy to see me each morning and will not criticize but rather will have much acceptance of me who is different and with pain lives a solitary life.  The first month was difficult, as the pup named Mercy is a daily life changer; I have had to die more to myself in ways I thought perhaps I had but had not.  I must let go of my wanting to stay in bed as much and get up to let the pup out, to feed and train, to take her for a walk, to learn to play with her a bit, to also learn to love this little creature and practice virtues such as patience and temperance, self-control and fidelity to a dependent and rather helpless but quite happy and devoted dog.

I thought I was digressing spiritually, but I am finding out that I still had much to learn in these various ways, including discipline to keep going, to simply keep going, and that I am acceptable at least to the dog, even if I fall short.  I suppose the dog is a gift from God of sorts, to remind me of how God is loving, accepting of me, faithful, and wants me to keep going, to get up, to play a bit, to take a walk, to notice how Mercy the pup likes to sit out on the grass and just watch the scenery, the geese when they fly, the grass, the common area pond of the subdivision, and how she delights in people especially, when we go on an errand or walk, and how she also loves other dogs when we encounter them--but some of the dogs growl or are not interested in her.  

It is good for me to see how Mercy (the pup, now three months old) moves on after some initial wishing and wondering--a second or two--and then is happily walking or finding something else of interest and delight.  That is how to treat those in situations or encounters who do not like or want contact with us; there is always something greater that stirs us onward and forward:  His Real Presence as the All in our lives and the lives of all creatures and creation.

It seems pathetic that I'd need a dog to help remind me and to make me get up in the morning.  Plus, the pain is up as a result of walking (impact of concrete but good exercise and to get out), to be out of bed, and the humility of needing more pain medication in order to manage my emotions and temper, my impatience, my remembrance to praise God always and be joyful as He is Joy and Light.

I know Michael is doing great, and we are the ones struggling and remain in this temporal life which itself is a passageway.  I know Alexandra is being guided and assisted by His Real Presence and her angel in her care of Larry and all aspects of household and the temporal responsibilities we have in this world, of our domiciles and citizenry, of the temporal costs and laws and taxes.  Larry is suffering so, and I continue to pray for him, also, and Judy Wood whose cancer is evidently no longer in remission.  I pray for you, and I hope that Juliana is there with you or you are able to visit and stay with Juliana for a while if you wish and it is helpful.  Of course, going to Avila is a long trip.

A long time acquaintance and clinical psychologist suggested to me that regarding my adult children and grandchildren that I be receptive rather than reach in, for when I'd reach in and not have responses, it was rejection repeatedly.  It is not easy as we want to reach in even to let others kjnow we are thinking of them, love them, hoping they are doing all right, encouraging and supporting them.  But I am accepting that my children have their own busy lives, and that their remembrance of childhood and teen years and following with a mother erratic with pain, are not pleasant memories now that they have their own lives unencumbered by the heaviness of the pain they lived with day in and out which at the time cast a depressive pall and then when I'd be not as pained, a kind of manic upswing of hopefulness and joy as the pain sieges would ease off, but then come again.  

My life has been so abnormal, and even to see me not so accepted by priests and parishioners, and not understand church as passageway--that also then points to me as failed, I suppose, in their view of matters.  And I had felt that, also; but now I am contemplating simply accepting that I tarried too long in the passageway and too caught up in the temporal church rather than in noticing how the ones I so admire even in their writings and lives biographied--passed through despite still being "a Catholic."  That label was nothing overt in their lives; they had arrived at the base of the stairway to heaven while on earth, and while on earth they began climbing step by step as they had passed through the temporal church, learning what was needed, and taking with them the crux of the learning as they started to ascend the stairs, climb the holy mountain, IN HIS REAL PRESENCE and on earth, yes, but not focused on the temporal of the Church, a passageway, passed through.

Bruno more outwardly had "had it" in Cologne with an envious bishop causing his life stress and hindering him.  /when the time was ripe, he left for the farthest reaches of the Alps, passing through a Benedictine monastery en route and wintering over, but realizing that, too, was too weighted by temporal and was that which to pass through, as well, on his quest for His Real Presence in an environment unencumbered by what is not Christ's instituting nor plan for His Body, not ultimately, but merely was, is, a passageway.

Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Some More Reasons Why God Brought Me into Catholicism

In previous blog I mentioned a couple reasons why it seems God brought me into the Catholic Church some 26 years ago (in addition to how He's progressed me as if through the temporal Catholic Church aspects, with wanting me for several years past, to not remain trying to help unentangle those entangled in the nets of the temporal aspects, but rather for me to swim on out into the deep, duc et altum.  So on more into the spiritual depths requiring more faith and hope in God and love of God above all else and in God, to love as God loves, all others and His creation.  

God also a decade ago, more or less, showed me aspects of the temporal church and asked me why I would want "that" when I could have Him more directly now?  So of course, I want Him more directly; who of us would not?  And we all can, yes indeed we can have God more directly.  It is all a spiritual progression and a release from attachment to the temporal--and that includes the temporal of the temporal Church, Catholic or otherwise.  Jesus Himself was not entangled in the temporal of the Jewish laws and rules and regulations and rituals created over time by mortal mankind.  We humans can't seem to keep ourselves from organizing and creating increasing laws and structure and systems and requirements--temporal laws even in religions as opposed to simply living God's law of love.  

So as I mentioned in previous blog, God providing an awareness of the Christian mystics so that I'd not feel alone and grasp that these are my people, why I am as I am, born this way and with a purpose and mission which was hindered by temporal church people, essentially, including priests, and prior to Catholicism not understood by Protestants, either, and even less by them. But ironically, the Protestants were kinder in their ignorance of mystics in some ways, but also could relegate it to "new age" of which that classification did not go well for me--and of which I was nor am whatsoever.  But Catholics are aware of mystics who they know of as the "saints" that others in the past created and labeled through quite a complex process and system--and that continues to this day, the practice of saint-crowning, so to speak, or canonization.  Of course, not all "saints" are mystics, but some were.  

So I learned the mystics are my type, my people, what I am, and I learned over time how mystics were and generally are perceived and treated in the temporal aspects of church and the leaders and congregants therein.  Especially if there are mystical phenomenon that others do not understand or is not of external benefit such as the gift of healing or founding a religious order that enlarges the Church's standing, or acts of charity that get noticed by many and becomes a movement. But if the mystic exists more as one in the domain of spiritual insights and a type of prophecy of seeing matters not good morally, ethically, and spiritually which need correcting--this can be a problem for the mystic. Think Jeremiah tossed in the cistern, and Joseph likewise tossed in a well and then sold as a slave by his own envious half-brother.  Or if the mystic has phenomenon occur that has spiritual meaning but seems a bother to the temporal order of things--that brings problems for the mystic from the temporal-focused clergy and parishioners.

Those mystics, if in a religious order, are generally placed in a cell removed from the others and told never to speak of whatever might be of spiritual impact, nor of any mystical experiences such as visions, dreams, and locutions, ecstasies or a variety of other phenomenon that can occur, unbidden of course.

For those not in a religious order, it is really best, as I've learned the hard way, to go with what seems surely ought not be--but is actually God's protection and guidance, to be removed from the temporal church and live as a hermit of sorts, and dissociate from the temporal aspects of church.  Allow God to be for the body, mind, heart and soul the reality that He Is--through, with, and in us and us in Him.  Have God more directly and acknowledge this relationship with God and with oneself; accept it and be thankful, put the temporally induced sense of guilt or questioning as we are so conditioned to think in terms of a system that has become entangled with human-created and added rules, canon laws, regulations, requirements, and various rituals--a temporal church system that was not that of the early Church nor many aspects such as a system for making inspirational, holy people into "saints" and all that has developed as a result--rather a large business with employees, salaries, time and energy spent on investigations and interviews and levels of "sainthood" in the lengthy procedural canonization process.  Right there--"canonization"--that of making legal, I suppose, someone who lived a life following Christ to a certain level or status that humans devised to determine who they'd "canonize" or legalize as someone to be labeled "saint' and given a certain day of the year for these people to be celebrated and "venerated," but the problem develops that humans being as we are, move on from celebrating to venerating to adoring, and before long the focus can become skewed.

I've gone off-topic some.  Back to a major reason it seems God brought me into the Catholic Church: to experience the Mass.  The Mass from the first time I experienced it, has a mystical and supernatural element.  The Tabernacle with the consecrated Host or Hosts is quite real in the power emanating.  This has to do with faith in God and of His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The Mass, I was told and shown by my guardian angel, is the Stairway to Heaven.  And it was in the Mass that they mystical ecstasies began, and I realized the fullness of His Real Presence in the Mass from His Living Word onward through the Consecration--the remembrance of and reenactment of Christ's Last Supper Discourse and actions of breaking of the bread and drinking of the wine that He had mystically transformed into His Body and Blood, with the instructions:  Do this in remembrance of Me.

The priest consecrating is amazingly powerful mystical and spiritual action, and when one considers that from the time of Christ and His appointing Peter as the earthly head of His Church, giving Peter the "key" to His Kingdom, and all "priests" or "bishops" or whatever called from that point on, there was a passing on from Peter and the apostles a bequeathing, an anointing, that was from His Real Presence.  So there is a certain spiritual-mystical power that extends from the time of Christ through Peter who he chose to lead His Church.  This passing on, of what is a succession of spiritual authority with mystical reality, I have experienced in a very real sense; but in the mystical ecstasies during Mass, I also learned that an immoral or bad or priest lacking faith, or other than a priest at the altar, had the effect of not good to quite hellish. But a holy priest at the altar--and a priest who preached of Christ and His Living Word--that was sheer bliss and Heaven.

I'm considering now, since the Lord has effectively progressed me through the temporal aspects of church, that His Real Presence is in me and I am in Him wherever and always, even when I am not consciously thinking of Him and acknowledging His Real Presence in me and me in Him.  The more I learn to love God and love as God is in me and loves, I am able to love others and self as God loves. This, too, is a process of awareness and allowing the love to flow in practice, and in faith and truth.  I must cooperate with God's grace, and the more I learn to do this and to love, the less I hang on to temporal entanglements--such as the upset with so much mess around me that requires the body to do manual labor, or the news yesterday that my neck has moderate to severe stenosis, and nearly all vertebrae have no room for the nerves coming from the spinal cord so most of the neck is severe.  

It is a matter of waiting until the pain goes down the arms and I lose yet more strength to the point of unable to grip or items begin to slip from grasp.  I am fairly sure the spatial and mental disorientation I experience, sometimes severe, can be attributed to the C-2,3,4 vertebrae with not enough space for the nerves as these are the ones that go more into the head and brain.  However, it did seem that with increase of pain pump mediation, the severe aspects of the disorientation subsided some.  Or else that was helped by concurrent deep tissue massage I began weekly, or also from a lot of bed rest for weeks after I had overdone it with some work, having felt better after a knee was drained and a strong does of steroid injected that allowed me to feel temporarily better than I had in a long, long time, so I over did it--physically up from bed more and able to be more active for a short time, before the "boom hit", and I had severe disorientation.

The above is an example of how the temporal can still entangle me and upend my mind, heart, and soul--through the body and pain and debilitation, through the upset of potentially needing cervical disectomy of nearly the entire neck--all but C-1 it seemed, I was told has no room for the spinal nerves now, but the cord, while it has no room anymore, is not squeezed to the point my lumbar was two years ago, requiring that serious and intricate spine surgery.  So yesterday and a bit this morning, I had some temporal upheaval; I blocked the peace of the reality of my abiding in His Real Presence and His Real Presence abiding in me.  And this is another reason why God brought me into the Church:  to suffer, to have my years and life of constant suffering be used by God in reparation for the temporal church--for all that is not of God that humans have created and gone askew in and of His Church.

And this is what I discovered in the fullness of the Mass--the reality of the Mass as a portal, as the stairway to heaven.  And the Mass can be in us always as is His Real Presence, or rather, His Real Presence being in us always and us in Him--this is the Mass, the essence of the Mass. I don't know if I am making this reality clear, for it is very difficult in words; words are inadequate.  But some of you will grasp.  I do not advocate not going to Mass, unless His Real Presence brings you to a point in which you have Him more directly and are fed within mystically, and in faith, with but the thought and even without the conscious thought.  For most of us, there will come a time when we are brought through and beyond, even if this is at death and not before.  The Mass has many facets, and the spiritual depth and the mystical phenomenon which is the Mass can be at some point grasped as His Real Presence within from beginning on through.

So the Mass was a major reason God brought me into the Catholic Church.  I needed to progress in this, also, to understand and come to the awareness and experiencing of His Real Presence throughout the Mass and then the Mass in me, as well, and me in the Mass, for His Real Presence is within and without the fullness of the Mass as the Stairway to Heaven. I do realize there are many temporal distractions going on in the Mass, and these are hindrances, as well as our own thoughts that get in the way, and what we observe, and also the emphasis on the consecration and receiving Communion, when His Real Presence is in the other parts, from the beginning, the prayers of penitence and asking forgiveness, and within the Living Word--His Real Presence, His Living Word.    The praise of God, the angels present in singing, the glory, the consecration in which the priest is to stand at the portal of the altar and point from the temporal to the mystical realm of being transported and transcended in His Real Presence, through to Heaven and a glimpse of Heaven as our eternal home.

So once we grasp and experience, the Mass is with and through and in His Real Presence and His Real presence through and with  and in the Mass, and we are in His Real Presence and the Mass anywhere and any time and always as He is in us and the Mass then is in us, as well.  This is part of the progression, and rather than my feeling negative about how God allowed the temporal means of people and priests essentially closing the door to my being there physically, it is a great blessing for God has progressed me to grasp beyond the temporal Mass and the temporal church, and this is indeed having God more directly now.  I must and ought praise God and be very grateful for these gifts and understandings, even though I do not know what or how I can do for God or is my purpose in this life now.  

Should I share the various experiences of God over the many years, going way back into my earlier life as a mystic is born as such, and it is not per a particular church or religion, but in mine is as a Christian having been brought through Protestantism and Catholicism--as are all Christians:  abiding in His Real Presence and His Real Presence abiding in us.

I must let go the temporalities of "church" just as I must let go the temporalities of my tightened lack of space in my neck vertebrae.  There is nothing to be done about these temporal entanglements; there is all to do about faith, hope, and love of God.  Love God above all else and love in His Love, Love as He loves, in His Love.

Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Flying from the Stairway to Heaven

I've not fallen off the face of this earth, although certainly could have quite easily or so a neurosurgeon commented.  Lucky I was not paralyzed, miraculous no broken bones, fortunate not dead--some of the comments.  One nurse said I must have a powerful guardian angel to have guided me out to road and up a ways, not conscious of any of it.

So I was removing some risers to the stairs I'd installed in this old farmhouse hermitage. I had made an error in their lengths, and Craig who coaches me from lumberyard admitted that it really would be best to re-do those.  Yes, he is so right.  I was using pry bar to get them off and amazed at how easily they were prying off!  Got to the top step on the stairway that I had named "Stairway to Heaven,", and that riser was slightly harder so had to give a more powerful pull with the pry bar.  The pry bar slipped out from the riser unexpectedly (accidents are unexpected), and the force propelled me backwards in the air.

I was able to somehow turn my body forward and look down, hoping and praying in split seconds that I could get my foot down on a tread to help slow the airborne momentum.  That is the last I remember of what my adult kids pieced together with the help of someone who found me up on the road a ways, covered in blood.  I was knocked unconscious for up to 40 minutes, but also was somehow wandering in the house due to trail of blood and pool of blood where I must have been on floor for awhile.  

Still not sure what I smacked, but the EMT folks thought bones broken, and forehead was opened up to the skull and down into the eye socket.  (Yes, was also told at trauma center that I was fortunate to still have my eye.)

Anyway, it will be two weeks this Tuesday.  I was taken to a major trauma center for five states, and have two brain bleeds.  But they stabilized so am back in hermitage.  Daughter and grandson drove, son flew in from NYC; they did a couple or so days of work team and also tending me, until they had to leave and my shock, adrenalin and euphoria at seeing them wore off.  I wiped out fully for next many days.  So much a blur.  Other daughter flew out a couple nights ago--very late, so drove over yesterday morning.  

In the meantime my shoulder flared up terribly.  Hope it is not my SLAP tear surgery messed up.  Strange.  Could not manage the excruciating pain; EMT came again early in morning the other day, but enough pain meds and muscle relaxants helped me get a grip, and they checked other vitals.  I said daughter would be there soon, and they also said they can come back.  Keeping arm immobile, but wow, what horrible pain in that shoulder.  I took more pain medication than ever in that time period, and I'm not prone to ever call 911 myself.  

Today daughter was going to drive me to ER, but I got rational and we talked it over.  My body with the head injury still not up for being driven anywhere, and the ER would take MRI and say to get appointment with a shoulder orthopedic specialist and take Tylenol.  So I went into post-shoulder surgery mode of six years ago and am not moving my arm.  Only problem is at night when I sleep.  Also, of course, am on pain meds for head injury still.

Other daughter and husband and grandson might return in a week.  I had to take a bit to realize and accept that God is not choosing that I be able to finish the place due to finances running out.  I could wait for body to heal, but now with the shoulder making a major fuss, and time of essence, gotta just relinquish that aspect and let go and be grateful for help of any kind.

Even getting a ride to get stitches out in a week or so more is not easy to come by.  Then there will be another brain scan and follow up with neurosurgeon to see if brain bleeds have been absorbed by body.  I'm not learning about TBI's--traumatic brain injury--as don't want to anticipate anything--but others are reading and can tell me if what some of the aspects I am experiencing are that.

I tell you, I think in some ways God allowed this so that I'd be able to deeply relate with head injury victims.  I had been praying a lot about a great-nephew--young lad--who was plowed into two years ago at age 11 by a big teen on skateboard.  He has suffered terribly from residual TBI problems including seizures.  I now know even a bit of what that child has endured.  And, I also grasp more what so many soldiers and other accident victims, head gunshot wounds and various head injury victims experience.  

Helps me pray and have greater empathy and understanding.

I am most fortunate, of course.  Memory coming back rather well, we all think, and speech and writing back--speech being less so but amazingly unscathed.

There are other lessons from the Lord, and He is definitely guiding my transition from this place and efforts to what is next.  Not totally sure what, but I know He is allowing this to help guide me in His own inimitable way.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Appreciate any prayers you are willing to pray for all matters here to fall into place and to better endure the type of pain that is not anything I would grasp had I not experienced this.    

Hermit Headache

This is the third day of a most horrific spinal headache.  Would love to blame the Cabinet Combat as the reason for the headache, but the low back has been burning with pain.  There is a direct correlation, of course, as pain and nerve endings go together, and nerves are rife in our spines, from the lowest of sacrum to the highest in neck.   And what is on top of the neck?  The skull encasing the brain, thus head and head-ache.

The great idea for writing reflections of each chapter of Hebrews, each day, already has missed three days.  This is the reality of living in the Order of the Present Moment.  We may have desires and lovely intentions, but the present moment in which abides His Real Presence, may have other plans in His will.

But today I will try to write some reflections for Chapter 2.  It does not matter if profound or deep.  God is pleased with whatever our loving efforts.

And today there will be a call from John at Lowe's. He is a youngish man who was sent here yesterday to have a look at these lemon cabinets, fraught with flaws and problems having not been remedied in over 13 months.  The hermit tried to impart the problems and the need for the cabinet company or the cabinet department employee, or anyone to take some action.  

However, looking back (isn't that a marvelous capacity we are given by God--to be able to look back and see errors as well as wisdom and always His will at work in our lives?) I see that if they'd have corrected five of the errors 13 months ago, there were yet to be several more problems to come.  In fact, when pointing out a grossly warped cabinet door, John opened it and said, "Oh, there is a big crack here, as well!"  I had not opened that door in weeks and weeks.  Who knows when it began its journey down the inside of that door?

How many more cracks are awaiting eruption and movement?  How many more cabinet doors are planning to warp?

So the young man's grand idea that he will somehow be able to fix the numerous issues and flaws, even though the cabinet company no longer makes this line of cabinets, seems flawed in itself even if seemingly genuine and hopeful.  He thinks he can find a professional cabinet maker to construct new doors and drawer fronts in some cases, and to get the exact finish to match the other cabinets.  I'm not sure who he can find to make a tiny plastic, multiple-pieced, runner guide for drawers, given the cheap ones on the drawers snap and no replacement ones that we know of.

This nothing consecrated Catholic or perhaps more catholic hermit has Precious Blood backed up near the deck and the dolly in the bathroom.  The best plan may still occur today after John's return phone call.  Remove these lemon cabinets and return to the store.  I've already told them I don't care if they refund; I've lost far more in life over the years with bad deals, bad products, and horrible "raw deals" involving raw people and raw situations.  I can live without cabinets.  God will provide, surely, so that I can continue to make payments on the cabinets for another five years.

What difference does it make, really?  But no sense in continuing on with something that is rife with unfolding issues.  Tangible, temporal "things" can be that way.  My error in all this is to have ignored the odd glitch at the very beginning with a cabinet installer who came to measure, said not a word about his supposed "rule", and later having the store cabinet employee say that "Scott" will not install the cabinets if ordered before the drywall is up.  Did not make sense, although he took the $85 charge for coming to measure.  That, he did.

It seemed strange because the cabinet employee and I had meticulously created the kitchen plan on computerized graph design program.  Just used the room dimensions and added on 1/2" per wall for drywall.  No big deal, right?  Then the hermit was told that the promotional on the cabinets would be the last of its kind, of being a very good sale promotion.  Had better order before it ends.  Seemed good enough plan as installing cabinets can be tedious but just takes some shimming, leveling, and time.

When there is some odd glitch, up front, this old hermit should know better than to proceed.  The other day the store manager said he'd never heard of Scott's rule and thought it seemed wrong and odd.  Ah, yes.  And the manager said there are always promotions; but on my part, I can consider that perhaps not exactly the same types of promotions, giving benefit of the doubt.

In the spiritual life, we are far more assured of success than ever in the temporal.  There is a holy safeguard against proceeding when there is a glitch or obstacle at the beginning of some process--safeguards all along the way.  His Real Presence never lets us down.  There are no lemons in the spiritual life; the Stairway to Heaven is solid and even "fool" proof.

Even such as I, a currently spinally-headached, incapacitated hermit, can climb the stairway to heaven while yet in cabinet combat.  The stairway is the safe bet, of course.  All aspects of my soul's progression will be remedied, one way or another, by God, step by step.

As the young man, John, and the young female clerk he brought (along perhaps as witness, for John said he was not expecting the cabinets to be so well installed, nor did he expect to see so many cabinet issues), this hermit here gave them the last wrapped and beribboned slab of Fortitude Fudge--of the creamy, milk chocolate variety.  They were thrilled with the gift!

Perhaps that was one step upward.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Grasp the scepter of righteousness!  Love freedom and hate wickedness!  Love one another, little children, all!