Catholic Hermit: On Following Jesus, St. Anthony's Sermon

As I mentioned in previous post in which I wrote of my personal thoughts and decision to be made regarding having a pet, I find this sermon by St. Anthony of Padua to be worth reflection.  

As for my decision on a pet or not, I am still pondering, for there are aspects of my suffering that would benefit, but of course other aspects of my pain situation that would be "sorely" tried!  And, I very much consider my desire as a privately professed, consecrated Catholic hermit, to attain to the heights of holiness in whatever way the Lord may bless and allow.  But I, of course, yet do not know if having a pet would provide more example of spiritual life in some aspects, or would be too much a distraction and of course, added work and effort.  

So I've reached out to my longtime friend who is also a perceptive and talented clinical psychologist of many years' experience, as well as to a longtime friend who is not at all religiously inclined and probably agnostic if not atheist, but who is quite pragmatic and utterly realistic, and hesitates not to be forthright.  I also considered that my surgeon's staff would provide input, of which I am assuming they'd say not a good idea, physically.  

And the fact that I am seeking others to shut down this idea, this plan of having a pet to force me into action and mobility, into walking the pet a couple times a day, to be less selfish or centrifugal--is in itself a signal that I yet do not have quite the courage, perhaps, to relinquish the deposit and tell the breeder that the pup can go to someone else.  I also still, obviously, want to push myself if God desires, or somehow gives me indication--which seems unlikely after the not-typical situation of the first breeder selling me a sick pup--that He sees in my pursuing a pet to be something that I need to do, to learn something of spiritual value or tough temporal lessons that I yet need to feel, experience.

Reality tonight is, that I stretched the hours between pain meds, drove today to Mass, sat, sat yet more, drove more on two additional errands--necessary, but still pain-increasing.  So have been dealing with pain way high and hard to manage.  I'd not be able to risk that if responsible for something outside of myself.  Well, may the Lord guide me; but perhaps more importantly, may I be clear-sorted for listening.  

Sometimes, it does surely seem, that some choices and decisions to be made are as if the Lord gives much leeway, as the person, the soul, will benefit either way in growth.  Dying to self can occur not in either or situations, but often in both-and ones.  But must discern which is best, if possible.  Sometimes the path of greater suffering brings the greater dying to self; but one must then discern which path is that?

Now to turn my thoughts, heart, and soul to St. Anthony's Sermon for the Feast of St. John the Evangelist.  When I've read it today, and now write it out, I can apply it to my dilemma and think being free from every hindrance could certainly mean an additional living creature!  But I'm tired, and have been maybe overthinking the situation, so will ask for these words to permeate me in peaceful darkness of night and hope-in-God slumber.


"'Follow me!'  Jesus says these words...to every Christian.  Follow me, naked as I am naked, free from every hindrance as I myself am.  Jeremiah said:  'You will call me "My Father" and never turn away from me' (Jer 3:19).  So follow me and put down the burdens you are bearing.  For, laden as you are, you cannot follow me who am running ahead.   'I ran in thirst' says the psalmist about me (Ps 61:5 LXX); the thirst to save humanity. And where is he running?  To the cross.  You, too, run after him.  As he bore his cross for you, take up your own for your good.  From whence these words of St. Luke's gospel:  'If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself' by renouncing his own will, 'take up his cross' by mortifying his passions, 'daily,' that is all the time, 'and follow me' (Lk 9:23)....

"Jesus speaks to us like a mother who, wanting to teach her child to walk, shows him a piece of bread or an apple and says to him: 'Come with me and I'll give it to you.'  And when the child is so close that he can almost catch hold of it, she draws away a little, showing the thing to him and repeating:  'Follow me if you want it.'  Some kinds of birds lead their little ones out of their nest and, by flying, teach them to fly and to follow them.  Jesus does the same.  He shows himself as an example and promises us his reward in the kingdom so that we might follow him.

"So 'follow me' for I know the right way and will guide you.  We read in the book of Proverbs: 'I will show you the way of wisdom; I will lead you by the ways of equity.  When you have entered, your steps will not be constrained; and when you run you shall not meet a stumbling block' (cf. Prv 4:11-12 LXX)....  Therefore, 'follow me.'"

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Giving Up Stuff

His Real Presence leads us, it seems, thematically.  In our daily lives themes recycle until we grow through the phases, one after another.  Often, the themes recycle again and again in other levels and with varying circumstances and details.  Can we see this in each of our temporal and spiritual lives?

Today's Gospel is from Matthew 19.  The Word may be alarming to some, for it sounds severe, even extreme.

"And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters
or father or mother or children or lands
for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more,
and will inherit eternal life."

Jesus is asked, off and on, in His public ministry years what it takes to enter the Kingdom of God.  What must we do to be followers of Christ?

This past Saturday while in the mystical state during Mass, the Lord taught me a bit of "stuff" that hinders, that I must give up.  It is an answer to prayer, the showing of the particular "possession."  Coincidentally, the priest had some temporal comments to make, all fine.  But as I've explained before, when in the ecstasy, if there are temporal aspects, appropriate or not, good or not, I can recall those or recall the gist.  If it is spiritual, then there is no memory recall and simply bliss.

Of course, priests do well to include temporal examples in teaching, just as Jesus did.  The priest was making excellent points--quite brief but pithy.  With a heat wave in effect, he mentioned a priest he knew who gave a 32nd homily...or was it 30-second homily?  So a little joke there, but I could hear the priest ask if given the heat, if parishioners would prefer a 30-second homily or a longer one?

Ah, of course--the 30-second one seemed for the best under the temporal circumstances.  What the priest spoke about might have taken a bit longer, but he challenged everyone to ponder this week, just what it really means in our own, daily lives to actually follow Christ.

During his brief remarks and a bit after, into the prelude to consecration of the host and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, I noticed the ecstasy to be rather light.  I began to notice the thoughts in my mind, like bees in a bee hive buzzing about.  They were not negative thoughts--but were thoughts all the same of this person to pray for or that situation, or other extraneous tidbits and reminders.

Then I recognized the message that dovetailed with the priest's very brief message that contained much to reflect upon and apply to our lives.  The Lord was showing me how brief and succinct is God in His messages and teachings; and how many thoughts are in my mind.

You see, after the death of my will and it being replaced by God's Will, I have been praying for my thoughts, my mind, to be replaced by His Thoughts, His Mind, His Insights.  I had come to understand that my own thoughts were not so cohesive much of the time, with His Will that had replaced my will.

During Mass, the bee hive of my mind was so buzzing with thought-bees, I got the message by being shown the difference between His Thoughts and mine.  God's Thoughts are to-the-point and do not keep buzzing round and round, in and out.  My thoughts tend to do that; they can swarm sometimes!  The negative ones now are easy enough to toss out or bar entrance to my hive-mind.  But the busy-bee thoughts--even though hard at well-intentioned work--are noisy and profuse.

I had felt such a tremendous freedom once I stopped the negative thoughts over a week ago. I broke free from the prison I had allowed my mind to become--a cell of pain and hardship thoughts.  The burden of all that has been dramatically lifted!  It seemed as if there was lots of free space in my mind, in my soul!

But no, where the negative thoughts had been run out, many more neutral or even positive thoughts multiplied and filled the mental space.  How could the Lord get a Word in edgewise?  Well, His Mind could come knocking at the door of my busy bee hive-mind and find no room in the "inn".  

Thus, in my pondering as how I can follow Jesus in my daily life, and in the answer to my prayer for God's Mind to replace my mind, for His Thoughts to replace my thoughts, I must give up my thoughts, in effect.  And part of all that includes having to give up some relationships, or types of relationships, that are heavy-laden with my thoughts, not God's Thoughts.

Of course there is much we can give up--aspects of our temporal lives, of temporal "stuff" we can give up and should give up if we are to follow Christ and be fit to enter His Kingdom.  Yet also there are aspects of our souls, in all the rings or levels of our souls right into the center where is the will and the intellect, that we can give up, bit by bit or in chunk after chunk.

A little exercise I am practicing this week is to inquire of His Real Presence, Him in me and me in Him, is to ask:  Is this thought God's Thought, or is this thought my thought?  Most often at this point of the exercise, the thoughts are mine.  But increasingly my thoughts will subside, dissipate, buzz away, or drop dead of natural causes like bees who have worked themselves out of fruition....

Now, to rid out the thoughts that are not God's--I'm not sure we humans could or should completely clear out all our thoughts.  In our temporal lives, we have thoughts coming in often--and all the time if we avail ourselves to cell phones, laptops, televisions, radios, videos, movies, news, and all the i-tech gadgets that keep communications flowing.

However, we can simplify and manage the thoughts.  And we can, such as I am to do, rid out as many of my own thoughts, especially the negative and pointless ones, and begin to identify and grasp God's Thoughts.  For if He has made His Abode in us, He certainly has within His Thoughts to impart in us.  

I know this to be true, for in the night when my hive-mind is less buzzing and the bee-thoughts are at rest, God's Insights are able to make honey in my soul.  Or sometimes in the day when I am asking Him something, He answers if my hive-mind is alert and cleared enough to hear and listen.

Amazingly (as His Real Presence is amazing grace), after He showed me my busy bee thoughts swarming my hive-mind, accentuated in the mystical ecstasy during Mass--the thoughts became stilled, and throughout the Consecration and following, it was once again bliss--until the end-of Mass announcements of temporal good things, yes.  But the spiritual, the mystical aspect of Mass is bliss, is heaven on earth.

When we give up stuff in order to follow Christ and enter into His Kingdom, we increasingly climb the stairway to heaven and experience degrees of bliss in whatever manner and grace He bequeaths.  His attributes bring peace, truth, beauty, goodness, bliss and blessedness.

I'm sure there will be more stuff, material or immaterial, for me to give up in order to increasingly, fully follow Christ and enter into His Kingdom.  For now, my assignment is to discern thoughts.  

I must seek out and identify His Thoughts which will multiply when I quiet or rid out or bar busy bee thoughts.  The busy bee thoughts can be from without my  mind--busy thoughts from others in various input modalities.  Yet I can shut the windows and doors of my mind-hive to the extraneous and unnecessary.  Just as I was, others might be surprised by how many thoughts are swarming our minds, taking up space that otherwise could be available to God's Thoughts, God's Insights, His Wisdom.

Of course, we must emphasize that giving up stuff is done for one ideal, one purpose, One Lord: Jesus Christ!  We are giving up our "possessions", that which possesses us, for His name's sake.

This is work; it takes some desire and effort.  Cleaning a house is far easier, but ridding my bee hive mind of my buzzing thoughts is going to be fruitful and increasingly freeing in a fruitful way.  Within I will find the honey of God's Mind, sweetening my soul--the effects of which can be shared with others in nuanced ways.  I have no idea exactly how, but we will find out!

I do know this:  God's Thoughts are not busy nor buzzing.  They are succinct, clear, pure, not worrisome nor repetitive, not possessive but freeing and quiet.

God bless His Real Presence in us--our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits!  Yes, I pray for His Real Presence to find plenty of room in the inn of our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.

Catholic Hermit Seeks Forgiveness

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit does this often:  seeks forgiveness.  And the Lord forgives as do countless humans along the way.  And we have to learn to forgive our own short-comings, also, and to seek forgiveness within our hearts and minds for others.

But in the tremendous God-pivot on-going, to be in tune more with my hermit vocation and yet more so with my life in Christ Jesus as a soul, I have come to face some realities of self.  Ironically, they have also jolted some others, for we do not strip ourselves in isolation.  And our God-pivots often affect those we encounter or with whom we have contact, such as in correspondence.

I have realized that I was fed up with my bad "marriage" to pain and suffering.  Pain is a marvelous experience in life; pain is a solid companion in this life.  However, I was allowing pain to imprison me in ways not positive.  Even in this morning's Gospel reading for Mass, Jesus is firm with his followers that He will be handed over to be killed.  He was forewarning them of the reality of His crucifixion.  They did not want to believe it; they could not accept it as reality.

In my pathetic bad bondages, my own imprisonments to some faults and habits, I now seek forgiveness even of you readers who log on to see what a consecrated Catholic hermit writes of its spiritual journey, often enough over the years and various blog site titles, to read some complaint or description of the physical pain.  Or else read about the little details of temporal life gone awry, or various other obstacles in temporal issues, relationships, and so forth.

And this is indeed part of this hermit's spiritual progression and journey, the attempt to climb the stairway to heaven; but also it is an imprisonment when I have not risen, not taken the next step or two or three, up the stairway.  When I remain at a low level of repetitive relationship such as to physical pain or the details of temporal renovation ills and obstacles--what good is that doing readers or anyone else in my life who keeps in email or phone contact?

So it is that I seek and beg forgiveness for my difficult and slowness in grasping more of the personal guidance and loving good marriage with Jesus.  See how long in life in just this aspect of pain and the distraction of such as hindrances with the temporal daily details--see how long it has taken me to move up the stairway, to refuse to stay on the same step or to go back down.

And to think I have wasted God's time and others' time in repetitive complaining, to think I've allowed dark thoughts upon waking with high-level pain. For pity's sake, it is only pain and nothing other.  Just pain.  So why let pain imprison me like I have?  Well, I do not know for sure why, but I have; and that is but one example of bad "marriages" I have made with temporal details.  It must stop.

The God-pivot is causing the progress now, of becoming unstuck.  And this includes some people who have contact with me.  It is amazing, that this morning I prayed for one in particular who was upset with what I had written of my being fed up with the stuck-ness I have been in for a long time, and what it means to God-pivot at least in a few instances.

And the God-pivot became my message for this other person as well as yet another who wrote.  Yes, we were all stuck, and what good was it for all of us to remain stuck?  Yet, also, how loving is it to remain stuck with others, and not suggest we break the imprisonments with which we have jailed ourselves?  One person was rather upset.  Yes, it can be painful for us to see what we have done to ourselves, what we have allowed.  Those aspiring to union with God do not want to remain stuck or to back-track, to slide down the stairway to heaven.

By this morning the person was coming up with inner strength renewed.  She started to "get it," and yet the work ahead is not going to be easy.  I, also, could see how difficult the next step or two.  Doing a God-pivot in one person causes a chain reaction, for one person who needs to pivot to God more, to take a step or two up the stairway, brings about a cause-and-effect.  Some respond well and others might not.

Yet do we not take the step upward because we fear others not understanding or being fearful of the changes that result with movement?  Did Jesus say, "Just kidding.  I won't be going to Jerusalem, after all; no one is going to hand me over to be killed because I will avoid that.  I don't want to shake up your lives, either, or make you vulnerable to spiritual growth by means of more persecution for my sake."

He did not say that, nor did he shrink back from taking the next steps.  And it did shake up his followers' lives; and they did pay a price for their own God-pivoting next steps.  Following Jesus is going to always be one of movement and progression.  If not, then we are not following Him, not picking up the crosses, not seeing ourselves as He sees us deep down in, not recognizing the hindrances to our climbing the stairway to heaven.

We have to risk relationships when we are following Jesus, when we take necessary steps for ourselves to break out of our prisons, to climb the stairway to heaven, step by step.  The view from the next step or two will change; our perspectives will alter; the relationships we have might shift, as well.  It is all good even if painful beyond physical pain.  Remember, it is only pain and nothing more.

So I considered this morning how the two persons reacted when I let it be known I needed to do a God-pivot of more major proportions, to break out of my prison, but also to let go of conversations and repetitive plaints of stuck-ness.  Should we remain stuck if others are not ready to take the next step?  Did Jesus wait for the rich young man to go home and figure out if he could sell his "possessions" (conceivably break off his prisons and bad "marriages" accumulated in the details of temporal life)?  No.  The young man turned and left, and Jesus obviously walked on in His mission.

So must we.  And if those who seek our counsel and friendship need to go off, to go back, and to take more time to make the connections and see the God-pivot, that is fine.  We are none of us at the exact same "place" along the path of spiritual life.  However, there will be those who do get it, or after some initial upset start to see what one or another is trying to share of what he or she has started to see and grasp for him- or herself.

Is it selfish to not share what we are experiencing and what the Lord has pointed out to us, such as an insight on a much-needed God-pivot?  I rather think so.  Yet it is risky to share an insight for by doing so, it can sting or even stab at the heart of another's own stuck-ness.   A chain reaction occurs; and that is good for either way, at least one person will climb to the next step on the stairway to heaven.  And often the others take the step, too, or do in time, when they are ready or the Lord prods them more, or from someone other.

I was asked this morning if it would be a God-pivot to do what another person demanded of a temporal detail, such as to eat what the other person demanded be eaten!  Was it a God-pivot to submit to that person's demands to eat food that one does not like to eat, and does not want to eat?  Is it a God-pivot to avoid the person who demands such things from getting angry?

So we see, we deal with some serious imprisonments in our lives.  To submit to someone who is not kind, not respectful, ill-tempered, and bullying is not doing a God-pivot.  It is doing a bully-pivot, of pivoting to a human being who has become a jailer, often due to our letting that occur over time even if we did not know better way back when such imprisonment started.  Habits form that way, and it is nothing we ought grieve too much about.

I have had that imprisonment, that bad "marriage", also.  I have dwelt too often and too long on my errors of the past, of my poor decisions--naive or not.  Or I have grieved too long and much over relationships that the Lord simply was freeing on all fronts and sides for some other relationships to enter in, or for the growth of the persons involved, to relationally also, take the next step.  That, too, is doing a God-pivot, for the purpose and point is for improved connection and relating.

Now, to God-pivot today, to what the Lord shows of Himself, of His Living Word, of the power and strength He gives us when we take necessary steps to leave the prisons of our temporal lives for the climb up the stairway to heaven, making sure we do not dally on one step far longer than what is beneficial to our own souls and in that, always, what will assist others in their own soul progression.

Simply with the one person God-pivoting from upset and insular thinking that I no longer wanted to know the repeated details of being bullied, to realizing the truth and that there is hard work ahead but progress, at least, in communicating feelings to the bully--that is a God-pivot.  The step has moved from fearing I would not remain a friend, to seeing that God gives strength to rise beyond and above stuck-ness.

I am feeling that tremendous love and strength from His Real Presence, as well.  This morning was the fourth morning of waking up in horrible pain, per usual, but in refusing the negative thoughts, the despair, the sense of being stuck in this temporal prison of pain and also on-going manual labor trials.  I just stopped it.  Broke out of prison, and I thank my angel for helping to open the cell door and showing me the way out:  God-pivoting!

Some relationships will go the way of the rich young man who walked away because he could not yet give up the possessions of what imprisoned him.  Yet, we tried to help those to take the next steps. Just as some have tried to help us take next steps before we were ready to see our own imprisonments and that we allowed the situation, the thoughts, the stuck-ness.

We should never resent it or hold anyone back from stepping onto the next step, from rising up the stairway to heaven.  If we are wise, we will do all we can to rise up or at least take the time we need to ponder and to pray for courage to step up when ready.  There is nothing unkind about the process but only good to be shared even if the fruit takes awhile to ripen.

Encouraging Message to Catholic Hermit

Recently someone sent an email message meant to encourage. It did do so, although what was pointed out does not make the every day reality of this hermit's earth life all that easier to plow.

But it made sense.

I had mentioned that seeing through the sledge of so much that goes on in life, having insights and dreams that depict the raw realities of self as well as of, sometimes, others--it is, as I explained, "an affliction."

This is how the person responded.  Perhaps if you tend to see through sledge and pray and ponder what is seen, and eventually speak or write truthfully the reality of what is seen which reaps the backlash, the following words will be of encouragement to you, as well.

"The affliction is a scandal because you and all the mystics are a slap in the face; a wake-up call to repent, change, and grow spiritually and people don't like that. Leaders (priest and parents like my mom) especially don't like that because they are forced to see the reality that we are all called to holiness. They are not ultimately in charge and those who used to look to them for guidance are now seeing that holiness is not only achievable but is their duty here on earth. We are less inclined to be blindly led when we have truth before us. And that is a mystic's greatest gift to the humanity. You reveal truth."

God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love God above all things and love others as ourselves.  And love of others includes loving to a point of toughness, that is, if we desire to be perfected by tough love, ourselves.  I tend to desire that love that will make me be as true a being as God wills me.

Catholic Hermit: "Beware of the Scribes"

A few days ago, the daily Mass readings included Jesus' warning:  Beware of the scribes!  The warning has remained in my thoughts even though have been very hard at work during the daylight hours and then needing rest and dealing with increased pain in the night hours.

Yesterday morning, while waiting for the spinal headache to abate some, I found this commentary in Bensons's Biblical Commentary.  Today I pray to beware present day "scribes" and beseech the Lord that I be preserved from pride, arrogance, and all forms of "lording it over others."  

In Jesus' day, the scribes had evolved not only from writing and copying religious laws, they also were heavily into embellishing and interpreting the laws of which they utilized to make themselves seem all the more grandiose and superior to others. 

I am extra thankful for the increased pain following trying to install the heavy French doors, with help from the neighbor boys--two brothers who came in shifts to assist me.  Although the doors do not fit on all the hinges and do not close--!--I have a bag of cement up against them and also stuffed plastic bags as best I could around the openings to help keep out the crisp, cold air.  

Added pain, such as a far worse spinal headache than yesterday's, can remind of our mortal limitations, of our weaknesses, yet of our attempts to persevere.  While I have no idea when and if anyone can return to help figure out why the door hinges do not all line up and why the doors do not close in their frame, I do know that I desire to be humbled and to be humble.  Humility is the key to all graces; we must be thankful for any aspect in our daily lives that promotes humility. 

From Benson's on Mark 12:38-40 Beware of the scribes:

"See that ye do not imitate their hypocrisy, or imbibe their principles, and be on your guard against their insidious counsels and designs." There was an absolute necessity for these repeated cautions of our Lord.  For, considering the inveterate prejudices of these scribes against Him and His doctrine, it could never be supposed that the common people would receive the gospel till these incorrigible blasphemers of it were brought to a just disgrace.  

Yet He delayed speaking in this manner till a little before His passion, as knowing what effect it would quickly produce.  "Which love to go in long clothing...."  Here our Lord assigns the reason why He bid His disciples "beware" of imitating them.  

They were excessively proud and arrogant, as was plain from their affected gravity of dress, from the anxiety which they discovered to get the principal seats at feasts, and all public meetings, as things belonging to them, on account of their superior worth, and from their courting to be saluted in the streets with particular marks of respect, and to be addressed with the sounding titles of rabbi, father, and master, thinking such public acknowledgments of their merits due from all who met them."

We can look about in our own lives, and beware of those who may be similar in some fashion or form, in some manner of behavior or speaking or writing, in some attitude of arrogant thought and bearing.  We must beware these types of people--and beware that we do not imitate or follow suit.

What matters to God?  What is God's law that is the fulfillment of all other laws?  These must be our concerns and our guiding principles.  Love God.  Love others as ourselves.  Seek union with Jesus Christ.  Take His yoke upon us and follow Him.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit: Called to Be Holy

Today the universal church begins, together, proclaiming and pondering St. Paul's "Letter to the Romans."  These lines stand out, having awakened this morning remembering my mother's passing on this day 11 years ago.  I reflected upon her lovely life and her recommitment to Jesus Christ toward the end of her life after exploring a bit off the narrow path.  The Lord called her back, better then ever before!  

Last evening I watched a couple or so video clips of old "What's My Line" television programs.  I recall them from childhood and found myself laughing aloud in the hermitage--some much-needed laughter after some deep, inner questioning and praying for the Lord's guidance and will in various matters.  Yes, I saw Jesus in the laughter; I saw Him in the decorum of people, recalling the 50's and '60's before the yawing opening of our society to more an "anything goes" attitude.

It is not as if sin did not exist prior.  Of course not!  But people more attempted a refinement of loveliness and decency, at least externally.  And the external is a reflection of the internal, as the internal also illuminates through the external.

It is as if a weight has lifted from this hermit, a Catholic, a Catholic professed and avowed for this lifetime in the Consecrated Life of the Church--and more so, espoused and betrothed to Jesus Christ for now and all eternity.

The hermit's young helper's mother returned the call yesterday.

I was able to smooth things over, to apologize, to explain that when I am in Mass and in the very deep mystical state, that all is fresh, clear, raw, unfiltered truth.  In no way would I ever flee from Mass in horror if in the conscious, filtered, temporal state.  Like those before who shielded their inner problems (TV contestant Dorothy Kilgallen had a drinking and infidelity problem but masked it, as another side of her was decent, loving, warm, intelligent, and refined), I would have, during Mass if a priest or some other person did something that was distracting or off-point and off-kilter, simply ignored it and turned the thoughts to Scripture, to Jesus, until the disturbance had passed.

My spiritual father has ordered me not to return to the parish, nor to try to help or talk with the priest, nor to alert the diocese for they already know the situation and are handling it in the way that works best for them. (In God's will, He will take care of the priest and the parishioners over time, in His own way.  There is always opportunity for deeper conversions.)

And that is where this hermit's soul is, now, in the Order of the Present Moment.  I am at a point of deeper conversion.  My rule of life presents itself more than ever: to follow the Gospel Rule.  As a fellow Catholic hermit of yore discovered, the Gospel rule is the perfect rule of life for hermits and for anyone.  So within the Gospel Rule, within the Living Word of God, I am trying to live a life of love, utilizing the Nine S' to support and engage living the Gospel in the Order of the Present Moment.

Silence.  Solitude.  Slowness.  Suffering.  Selflessness.  Simplicity.  Stability.  Stillness.  Serenity.

There will be no more parishes in the foreseeable future.  I was able to explain to the helper's dear mother, that I do not desire to see through situations, through people.  Yes, if all is good, it is bliss.  If not, it is horrific hell to endure.  I have been trying very hard to do as the temporal Catholic rules and laws ask--and then a long-time friend who visited last week reminded me that for centuries, Catholics received Communion once a year....

I have been, with the help of priests and a specialist with the paranormal, trying to figure out what God wills with this rather rare mystical ecstasy at any and every Mass.  I have not so much considered that He wills me to a greater silence of solitude of being with Him.  I had ignored five visions and dreams with locutions (messages) directly advising me that I do not belong to the world of parishes anymore.  The first was within two years of becoming a Catholic!  Since it did not seem to jive with the norm, for I was not in the consecrated part of the Church as religious brothers and sisters, all along I have continued to try to go to Mass in parishes--with rather difficult outcomes.

No one is to blame other than me, I do agree!  I have been not paying attention to the signs, to the messages, to the dreams and visions.  And it was all right to do so because there is this gift called discernment that we must cooperate with fully--not lean unto our own understanding but seek the guidance of wise others and also then seek affirmation and confirmation from the Lord in His Living Word and in His guidance of our souls, in every present moment.

His ways are beyond our understanding and knowledge, for the most part.  What is asked of us it to have complete faith in Him, and to receive the peace He bequeaths.  The peace of the Holy Spirit is always a very good sign that nothing other can replicate--His abiding peace!  Abiding.

We can detect sin in ourselves and others when there is ugliness, envy, pride, vindictiveness, treachery, deception, bickering, detraction, wrong-judging.

I do not want to be in any of these categories.  That is not my nature and never has been.  This morning I feel a cleansing from my sins and a sense of light and love and being lifted out of what I had tried so hard to figure out, to go along with, to be a part of that which the Lord had me pass through, benefit, and then have my angel take me to the Stairway to Heaven.  The Mass is the Stairway, with all its beauty and wonder.  But what is in the Mass?

The Sacraments, all of them, and His Living Word are in the Mass.  The life, death, and RESURRECTION of Jesus Christ are in the Mass.  The passageway between the temporal and into the eternal mystical, union with God, are in the Mass.  And the Mass goes beyond the time and place.  In the Mass, we are sent out to take His Real Presence into life and into lives temporally and mystically, now and forever.

Although not the norm according to the temporal rules which are very good indeed but Jesus is clear that no temporal rule is necessarily eternal, there is the Gospel Rule of Life, of abiding in Him and He abiding in us, that transcends.  Many canonized hermits and saints came to this, and usually through much persecution and with negative judging by others.  Yet they persevered.

Yesterday I was thinking again about John of the Cross and Padre Pio.  They did not leave off their vocations or their temporal names in religious life, nor no longer consider themselves to be Catholic.  Rather, they more deeply understood their vocations, their roles, their Catholicism and very much so their Christianity as followers of Jesus Christ.

So it is with this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  Yes, I could use the name I had in religious life, even if I did not remain in that community.  I could go by Pio of the Wounded Heart.  But that is so very temporal, and as a hermit, I am not the same as John of the Cross or Padre Pio.  I am called to be hidden, and to more know the name by which I will be called in heaven, a name told me by the Lord some 19 years ago this fall during a bit of a taste of heaven in the here and now.

But even that, remains a name for heaven, not for my hermit life.  No, I am simply a consecrated Catholic hermit. That is more than enough name.  It reminds me of my vows, of my life and place in the Catholic Church, and of my vocation as an eremite.  And my given name, thought of by my late mother before I was born and gifted on the day of birth, means "gift of God."  That is beautiful!

I thank my mother many times over today, for her lovely life and her loving me and nurturing, protecting, and holding out all kinds of hope in what I might accomplish in life, to do good, to love, to thrive.  She instilled in me a love of God, of Jesus, of the Holy Spirit!  I have already this morning apologized deeply for the bungles I made and still make!  But love transcends our errors when we are sorry, and when we so want to do much good in Christ.  To be holy--that is the desire of this heart!

Through Him we have received the grace of apostleship,
to bring about the obedience of faith,
for the sake of His name, among all the Gentiles,
among whom you also, who are called to belong to Jesus Christ;
to all the beloved of God in Rome, called to be holy.
Grace to you and peace from God our Father
and the Lord Jesus Christ.
--from Romans 1

God bless His Real Presence in me, in you, in us!  Little children, let us love one another for God Is Love!  Accept, embrace, feel, reflect, and share His Love with Him and each other! 

Catholic Hermit Prays for Wisdom

This morning is a good day to begin praying in earnest for Wisdom.  The first Scripture reading is of wisdom, and prudence in prayer prior to asking for wisdom.  

After closing the eyes, the soul begged His Real Presence for the gift of wisdom.

Then, there was a bit of time out doors, picking the remains of tomatoes, Delicata and Acorn squash, and pulling some weeds.  The gardens are rather a mess of weeds and overgrowth, rotting vines, cucumbers grown too yellow and seedy to eat, and various greens so tall and coarse and going to seed.  When another bit of energy comes, will go back out and pick the green tomatoes.  There might even be a quart of late season strawberries!

This will be the last day, for awhile, for the roadside table offerings.  People have been generous in contributions; and God's good earth has been generous in providing mounds of vegetables.  

Am feeling ill today, yet, with the sinus problem.  Am just worn out, plus am feeling the pain within of consternation, of questions about certain things, and also of the keen sense of desiring the Lord to a degree that exceeds wanting to be here.  So yearn to be with the Lord fully!

The psalm has much depth, appropriate for how the body, mind, heart and soul feels today.

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain wisdom of heart.
Return, O LORD! How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Fill us at daybreak with your kindness,
that we may shout for joy and gladness all our days.
Make us glad, for the days when you afflicted us,
for the years when we saw evil.
Let your work be seen by your servants
and your glory by their children;
and may the gracious care of the LORD our God be ours;
prosper the work of our hands for us!
Prosper the work of our hands!
--Ps 90:12-13, 14-15, 16-17

The Psalm antiphon offers hope:  Fill us with your love, O Lord, and we will sing for joy!

Emboldened the two lines which ask the Lord to make us glad for the days when we were afflicted and when we saw evil.

This is pertinent right now, for am feeling very weary of the afflictions of body and mind and heart and even at times, of the soul.  The soul grieves for a purity of being in Christ and free from having to see things that are painful to see and sorrowful to sense.  How can a person be glad for the years of seeing ills and nastiness, of evil and wrong doing?  How can one be glad for seeing with inner sight and having to live with what is seen?

Perhaps the answer is in not living with what is seen, and of avoiding seeing with deep inner sense.  The sure way to not see the ills of the world is to avoid being in the world, whether or not it is the secular world of society or the temporal/secular world of the Church.

There is a certain freedom in being among people who are so steeped in the Living Word that they live in His Word.  That certainly seems better than those who live in Canon Laws, for example, or who live in their status or position or labeled vocation.  And this is not to cast aspersions on anyone in particular, but in general.  There seem to be much living in Canon Laws in the temporal Catholic Church, but then also in breaking those laws in some cases, or interpreting them in various ways, not consistent.  All that brings on more feeling of sickness, of weighty weariness, of soul disillusionment.

The hermit is praying about shifting the reference point of writing from third person nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to simply itself, a soul, a child of God, a bride of Christ.  Perhaps evade the heaviness of all that is assumed and implied and in fact created and purported that has lent to lengthy defining of a Catholic hermit in the consecrated life of the Catholic Church--and not even getting into private or public profession!  All that is sickening and unnecessary heaviness that is so far from even one line of a Psalm or one prayer asking the Holy Spirit for wisdom!  All that other is worlds away from a soul desiring His Real Presence, to be subsumed into the Trinity!

This morning was considering John of the Cross and others who hit right up against the heaviness, and the heaviness tried to take their love of Christ from them, tried to weigh them down and even in some, such as John of the Cross, tried to kill him not once but again.  In the "again" toward the end of his relatively young life, they tried to make his life so difficult, that they intentionally chose to order him to areas of the world, and then Spain, that they were sure he would dislike.  

But by then he had transcended the temporal Catholic world as it played out in his religious order.  He had left all that not totally in body, but totally in heart, mind and spirit.  And, for the most part, he had left it physically, too, as his body became ill and weakened, and he welcomed whatever horrible place he was to be sent.  The worse, the better, for he had detached and knew that if his body would die, he would be totally in eternal bliss--not just with God in mind, heart and spirit.

This hermit is being called to pay more attention to those on the other side who have over the years, given wise advice in visions, locutions, dreams, and simply by reading carefully the best documented books concerning some of them--nothing glossed over by hagiographers trying to make the temporal Catholic world seem better than it is, nor the people in it nicer than they were.

When Jesus a week ago awoke "me" in the night (for it was me who He awoke and gave the message, although it is a marvelous message for anyone interested in pondering it), He said: "Look at ME."  He did not say look at the temporal Catholic world, nor look at canon laws, nor look at diocesan games and tricks or priests or parishioners getting played, nor look at your own desperate attempts to distract or to fit into what is seen even though not wanting to see it.

He said "Look at ME."

So I am trying to, with all my body, mind, heart, and spirit.  I am not only trying to look at Jesus, but I am trying to love Him with all my heart--and yes, at this point it is rather with a desperation and clinging kind of love.  Leaving behind distractions of all types, and of those that can even cause me to doubt, takes full focus on Jesus and loving Him in blind faith.

I have certainly learned to not follow people blindly, nor would I want them to follow me blindly.  Jesus warned us there are wolves in sheep's clothing.  He did not have a lot of good to say about the temporal Jewish church in His day, that is for sure.  It was His church growing up, and the church of His nation, but He saw more than enough and said, "Follow Me."

So I will look at Jesus, and I will follow Jesus.

And I think in doing these two things, that I will be able to be quite glad to look back on the days when I was afflicted and the years when I saw evil.

God bless His Real Presence in me (and in you, whoever reads this!)  I love you, my fellow children, but you do not need to love me in return.  Jesus' love streams in on me through the window, flowing from the sun.

Catholic Hermit Forges Forward

The body is quite tired as painting above the head and scrunched under eaves, trying to remain on steeply slanted porch roof, rather exacts all the energy physically.  All the while, the mind prays and the heart grieves.  The soul is in and out and all about, and in that soul is His Real Presence, making His abode.

Yesterday afternoon the prayers turned to some levity, as the term "human Mass-o-meter" came to mind.  It is actually a painful experience when the needle shoots to "horrific" and then "hell."  But the experience hits the gong of "bliss" when all is well and nothing untoward going on.

Alas, the advice given is this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit must not at all return to that parish for Mass.  The blessing is that the body and voice did not call out or scream; the voice is always one of the last of physical faculties to be returned.  That is something for which this hermit yesterday was quite grateful.

In reflection this morning, the grieving for the parish and parishioners and even the priest, needs to turn to an appreciation and gratefulness that they are content in their fish tank parish.  They swim about in lovely surroundings and are well used to one another and how it is in the tank--all things kept at an equilibrium of basic survival.  There are no waves, no temperature shifts, no challenges.  They all are cohesive, and what they do not sense or realize helps them not know what they are missing or what could be for their spiritual lives and their souls.

Most of all, though, they do not realize just how very rich is the Mass in the spiritual realm, and that all care must be taken to please Jesus and to follow Him intimately, through and through.

And, this brings this hermit to today's thoughts that it does not follow Jesus intimately at times, and more and more times, as surely as well as it ought and should and could.  So the eremitic vocation comes to mind, and when the hermit must get its painful body up and dressed and atop the porch roof, back to its painting of tedious little siding shingles, it will pray and ponder and ask Jesus some questions regarding its own living out of the hermit vocation to which this soul was and is called.

And, today's intention for the spiritual friend far away bodily, is that of the Gift of the Holy Spirit: Fortitude.  From The Catechism of the Catholic Church comes this definition:

• Fortitude (courage): with the gift of fortitude/courage, we overcome our fear and are willing to take risks as a follower of Jesus Christ. A person with courage is willing to stand up for what is right in the sight of God, even if it means accepting rejection, verbal abuse, or physical harm. The gift of courage allows people the firmness of mind that is required both in doing good and in enduring evil;

God bless His Real Presence in us!  May we accept the Gifts of the Holy Spirit as well as any spiritual gifts that come our way, and appreciate them even if painful in some instances, and blissful in others.

Whom God Has Consecrated

The following incident in the life of Jesus Christ, and His words and His accuser's reaction, hits the nail on the head.

From John 10:31-42:

"Jesus answered them,
'Is it not written in your law, I said, 'You are gods'"?
If it calls them gods to whom the word of God came,
and the Scripture cannot be set aside,
can you say that the one
whom the Father has consecrated and sent into the world
blasphemes because I said, "I am the Son of God"?
If I do not perform my Father's works, do not believe me;
but if I perform them even if you do not believe me,
believe the works, so that you may realize and understand
that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.'"

How appropriate!  What an answer!

Notice the words:  whom the Father has consecrated.  Apply this situation and Jesus' answer to that of today's church and its accumulated laws as well as their interpretation.  Consider all in relationship to those who discern a call to live a life devoted to and intimate with God, attempting to follow Jesus more closely, with professing obedience to Him, poverty of spirit and worldly tangibles, and chastity in order to step in His footsteps of a chaste and celibate life.

In today's church, this profession distinguishes the consecrated life.  Plus, we must consider the performance of the Father's works.  What are the Father's works?  Are they not the lived efforts and resultant signs of a life lived in beauty, truth, and goodness?  Are the Father's works His will lived out in our own lives, daily, in imitation of Jesus' earthly life and fulfilling God's commandments--highlighted by lived example by Jesus Christ?

By what means and reality is a person consecrated?  Who consecrates a hermit, for example?  Is it a human being who consecrates a hermit?  Is it a church law that consecrates a hermit?  Is it the person him- or herself who consecrates him- or herself?

It is none of these.  God consecrates those whom He calls.  And the consecration is distinguished and validated by the works that the consecrated one performs.

Does the consecrated hermit (or consecrated virgin, widow, religious, member of secular institute or society of apostolic life) perform works in accordance with God the Father?  Are the works inconsistent with the teachings and life example of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father?  Are the works performed  inconsistent with the commandments of God--the pinnacle being to love the Lord your God with all your strength, all your mind, all your heart and soul--and to love your neighbor as yourself?

Yesterday received a short note from the spiritual father, written and mailed from far away.  Or, is it that he writes to a consecrated Catholic hermit who is far away?  There is that reality of perspective, always. And perspective, if only of self, can confuse and hinder our works.  If that perspective is of the Father, of the Son, of the Holy Spirit, then love will illuminate our works.

This hermit then called him.  It shared some of its recent thoughts as well as the physical struggles.  It shared the considerations of the temporal Catholic church--what some term the secular church--and the sorrow and concerns therein.  As in the time of Jesus and the religion of His upbringing, the temple laws had accumulated over hundreds of years.  And there were people who became intent upon these laws as well as distracted by them to the point of using them to test other people and to judge other people.  

And also, then, they used the laws as a means of meting out consequences if they decided that these other people were not living the laws according to their interpretations of the laws. And the interpretation of these laws included not only the temporal aspects but the spiritual, theological aspects, as well.

The hermit shared with the spiritual father, some of the recent considerations and being judged by others according to their interpretations of the temporal Catholic Church's laws, specifically regarding consecration of those who received calls by God and professed according to those laws, and were striving to live in accordance with the professed avowal, a life of intimacy and with determination and desire in living out a closer, purposeful following of Jesus Christ.  

The hermit made the comment that just as in Jesus' time and life, the laws have seemingly caused division and temptation for some to fall into the wrong kind of judging of others even to the point of writing that others have blasphemed, or will face the torments of hell, or that they have made false claims regarding being consecrated.

The spiritual father responded that Christianity has been lost in such cases, and that this hermit is not dealing with people acting as Christians, as followers of Jesus.  "Where is the charity?" he asked.  "What are their motives for trying to demean others and publicly detract them, and judge and declare them to not be consecrated?"

No one really has the answers to his questions.  Perhaps when and if we act like those questioning Jesus and preparing to stone Him, do not question their own motives nor have answers for themselves.  But they think they have the answers regarding others, even the Son of God.  And in honesty, we can change the pronoun to "we":  We think we have the answers regarding others.  Often enough, we slip into the similar judging.  There were many Jews ready to stone Jesus for what they judged and concluded was His blasphemy.  In their eyes and minds, He was not the one who God consecrated and sent into the world.

This nothing hermit told the spiritual father how it grieves for the problems that canon laws have obviously created in the Church today and perhaps in past centuries.  It noted the inconsistencies of interpretation, the hypocrisies, the personal conflicts that arise as a result, and the temptation to use the laws as a means to elevate oneself over others, or at minimum the distraction that the focus by some upon the laws causes in our losing the pearl of great price.  

The hermit mentioned the Catholic high school as reported in the news, of which the school administrators are requiring the girls to bring in photographs of the dresses they plan to wear to the school prom (dance) so that they may be approved.  The consequences of not wearing an approved dress is to be turned away from the dance upon arrival.  

There are obstacles that the new rule is already facing.  Parents and students alike are in division over it.  The school is merely trying to enforce the moral decency so that dresses are in keeping with a standard of modesty, in line with chastity.  But it is becoming a nightmare of strife.  The process is taking time and focus away from other aspects of education.  People are essentially picking up stones, readying to throw them at the administrators and at each other.  What if a girl takes in a photo of a dress she'd like to wear, and by the time it is approved, the store has sold the dress?  

This and several other tangible problems are popping up.  What difficulties will those trying to enforce the rule encounter, the night of the prom, trying to match photos of approved dresses with what the girls are actually wearing?  And, what if those making the decisions to approve or disapprove, in the offset have different values in judging, or from one day to the next have personally different feelings regarding what dress passes and what does not?  It can happen. We are but contrary and fallible humans.

So we see just in this example, the trouble with human laws, even if the intentions are good in wanting to stop what are or could be abuses and inconsistencies with Christian values.  But it seems, as in the larger example and "picture", that the solution resides within each of us:  Are we performing the works of God?  Are we living the commandments?  Can we or others believe in the works themselves, or are the works gone awry, counter to Jesus' teachings and life, counter to God's commandments?  In the situation above, if the parents and the girls themselves, live in accordance with God, there will not be the problem of dressing immodestly.  But the problem remains that not all who say they are following Christ, are; or they may not be following consistently or in truth, beauty, and goodness.

There has been a loss of the humble and sincere following in Christ's footsteps, of trying with each step each day and night, to place our feet into the imprints of His feet, exactly as he stepped out His life on earth.  There has been a loss of focusing on His teachings, His laws of love, obedience to God's will, of poverty to our tendency to pride and lust and selfishness, His laws of living in purity of body, mind, heart, and spirit.

Who consecrates us--any of us?  Who confirms us as Christians?  How do we know we are consecrated?  How do we know we are Christians?  

We (and others) will know by our works.  If we do not believe that God consecrates us and that God is in us and we are in God, we and others will know by our works.  Works that are in keeping with Christ's teachings and the commandments of God--and of these love is the greatest--are the proof of the fulfillment of God's laws.

Yes, they (and we) will know that we are Christians by our love, by our love....  It is God Who consecrates us, not laws, not even laws created by church leaders.  They might write out what seems to be the consensus of how hermits have lived, based upon the holy prophet eremites cited in Scripture and noted by their works, and the life-traits and spirituality of holy hermits in the past two thousand years, evidenced by performing God's works.  But it is God Who consecrates, and it His commands and His Son's life example that form the benchmark of what is the performance of God's works.

God bless His Real Presence, and may our bodies, minds, hearts and spirits be Christ-open and Christ-worthy abodes of His indwelling.  Love one another, and remain in His Love!