Christian Hermit, Catholic, etc.: Simple Respose, to Trust in the Holy Spirit

Continuing with transferring posts from previous writings on one of my other blog sites:

Last night I had enthusiasm for the next phase and last earthly one, of passing through the mystic portal and being for God fully His by accepting my rather bizarre life of being abnormal in spiritual ways, that is.  Yet awakening this morning the physical pain is so severe that enthusiasm wanes with doubts of what I'm to be writing and sharing. 

The reality of still the temporal knowing that one's life cannot be of the temporal other than in what is external only--and with intense physical suffering as well as the mystical sufferings, energy is required: inner and outer energy.  Two texts came early and one phone call, the latter an ophthalmologist appointment reminder.  One text is easy to embrace in response; I am practiced in being temporal and caring of what are the needs and concerns of loved ones in their temporal lives; it does not take much to switch the focus to outer details of a real estate investment closing.  

Love and loving familiarity provide the ease of my concern and support in how most perceive, interact, live, and have mission in more the externals required of marvelous temporal world.  It is good and as it should be for most.  Yet everyone has an inner; everyone is the same in having a soul and having been created by God and at some point or many, will become aware or already are aware, of God.  The interaction with and awareness of God varies and, hopefully, increases despite the externals of everyday life's distractions.

The second text required more emotional energy, for it is not someone I hear from often and in fact rarely, but was one I grew up with from birth and early years in family.  Yet, for someone whose purpose and calling is that of more mystical than less, I suppose the attributes may be given at birth.  (Or even at moment of the soul or somehow prior, I don't know; but only can sense would be prior to birth--the way of being and path for whatever type of soul.)  I realize that when very young, the inner was pronounced, prominent, but without my grasping why relationships with others vary, or that others' way of sensing, perceiving, being and acting could be not as my own way.   We have strong natural attachment to ourselves, after all!

In the fatigue of pain this morning, I fell into a type of pain-effect sleep--the type that is difficult to rouse awake.  I dreamt, and tremendous pain evidenced in the dream.  I was in such pain that I felt strong need to contact a priest--for encouragement and counsel as to the type, degree, and location of pains afflicting the temporal and spiritual.  In the conviction that a priest could help explain the reason and spiritual aspects of the tremendous suffering, I contacted a priest in dream-ability to do so.  

I next found myself suffering in an outer room and then in hallway of a church office building, and I could hear and see through walls, back to a room in which the priest was talking over various temporal aspects of the job, of administration of parish duties and parishioners' temporal requests as well as church in general--temporal needs.  This included the temporal, personal lives of both the priest and the secretary who after office work have their interests, responsibilities, and activities to accomplish.

The need I had for spiritual counsel and advice became even stronger as I suffered pain bodily as well as of spiritual, of soul, of also the mystical emphasis of my own life.  A need to be helped with my needing to accept fully the mission--the mystic reality of my life on earth not being other than functionally, minimally, situation-specific temporal.  I wanted help knowing for sure, or some word of encouragement and understanding--reassurance--that this tremendous life of suffering and of Christian mystical profundity and basis is that which I'm to fully give over to God and live out--in what ways and purpose yet unclear.  I needed to discuss with a priest this matter with the intense physical suffering also seeming to be not only quite temporal and tangible but also mystically rooted.

But through the walls of hall and another room until seeing into the back room where priest and secretary were discussing their temporal responsibilities and duties of church and lives to be lived, the secretary brought up that I wished to speak with him.  I could see and hear in the priest's reaction that he did not at all want to have to deal with someone like me; and the "type" of the priest in the dream was of the first priest the Lord had me go to 25 years ago when it was time for me to stop resisting God's will and to step fully into the Catholic Church.  It was that priest who assured me I am a mystic and also a victim soul, and introduced me to the life of Sr. Josefa Menendez (mystic and victim soul) through the book The Way of Divine Love.

There was no talking with the priest in the dream.  No counsel, advice, or encouragement even as to my intensely horrible, physical pain and suffering.  Definitely would not be any discussion or advisement or understanding regarding my mystical life and dilemma of purpose and what God wants of me, His will and the mission I'm to fulfill in the Church.  I recall the priest even became angry with me, as I could hear him blaming me for wasting his time and of my being ridiculous or a problem person, or such.

There may have been other aspects after that sequence, but the temporal pain-fatigue kept me in that imprisoned-type sleep, unable to week up yet as if conscious in the attempt while still in that other realm.  Eventually I did awaken, took the pain med past-due, and noticed someone had sent an email.  The email shared the person's problem and concern being dealt with over a few days now, and that is of discerning returning to Mass since the COVID-19 lockdown is raised to include religious gatherings with precautions established.  The person's problem, temporal, is that the person is strongly opposed to using commercial hand-sanitizers due to their having chemicals in them.  The person had emailed the priest several days ago asking if all right to use the person's own, home-made hand sanitizer.

There was some disappointment as the priest's secretary evidently reads the emails sent to the priest and fields them, so the secretary had told the person that the priest would need to be asked per that request.  (Part of the protocol for attending Mass now is to use hand sanitizer that will be provided at all entrances to the church as well as wear masks, not sing, and try not to touch surfaces as much as possible, etc.)  Since the person wanted to be able to talk with the priest and evidently not through other channels, or perhaps the secretary said would need to ask the priest, meaning the person with request, the person is going to call on day off, Saturday, when can be available for the priest to return the call.

I marveled, for one, thing, that the email was a temporal "exclamation point" to what I had been shown just earlier while in the pain-fatigue sleep state or whatever it is, and emphasizing to me the reality of the types of needs of parishioners that require attention and answers, energy and interchange written or verbally, decisions to be made of temporal.  Or if spiritual, are mostly of dilemmas of temporal situations in which the parishioner has done a wrong and is confessing and receiving counsel as well as sacramental absolution with penance suggested.  

Or that the person is needing advice and counsel regarding temporal vocation even if, of course, a vocation has spiritual basis.  But the bulk of even vocation discernment will deal with the temporal aspects of living that vocation be it marriage or holy orders, religious life, and so forth.  Or the discussions with priest will involve other types of advice or help in counseling parishioners in how to handle family, career, work-place, interpersonal relationships including with other parishioners, parish council business, parish programs and activities, and so forth, mostly temporal intellectual- and/or institution-related

Also, I had reminder from the priest "type" in the dream, of that first priest and a mystical situation that occurred within the first year or so of my confirmation as a Catholic that was very much a time of my being in a major, physical pain episode, plus I had a most unusual, at the time, mystical experience so real and also, though, needing my temporal action but greatly spiritual in import, and a soul's salvation was at stake.  I may write of this in a separate blog post.  But this is another aspect of this morning's dream and message, that is further reassurance of why I'm to pass through the mystic portal now--past due to make the full commitment and do it.

And it is not going to be diocese bishops or parish priests who are available nor mostly experienced nor even particularly interested in the actual effort and energy and possibly study of mysticism and mystical theology, of mystics' lives--to actually understand what is involved and what may be asked of them, or to guide and help discern, interpret, or on occasion "do" if some action required through the mystic's visions and locutions.  

I am reminded and given understanding of how busy in the daily temporal duties and with general spiritual life needs of bishops and priests.  I realize that their time and energy also includes preparing a homilies for weekend Mass, or reviewing ones on file from years past, or at least preparing their mind and thoughts in order to speak on the Scripture readings for daily Mass sermons.  And, of course, they have the major responsibilities involved in celebration of Mass and offering and performing the Sacraments of the Church--particularly that of reconciliation (confession), baptism, marriage and officiating the ceremonies, anointing of sick and dying, and celebrating funeral Masses.

Thus, I returned to the response from the scholar, theologian, and leading expert on Christian mysticism to whom I'd written a very lengthy (but just a tip of iceberg) correspondence giving some of my mystical experiences and background, and asking any advice.  And to my amazement, I received a response.  I'm sharing it below for it will help me be reminded of the counsel given which while as he states is brief, it is right on more than he could possibly know.  The response also had me re-read what I'd written to see how jumbled and poorly constructed, and run-on with this and that of a life that cannot be expressed easily nor in even a lengthy email.  I need to be reminded of how I come across in writing to those who do no know me nor have met me in person, or spoken with me on phone.  It is quite humbling, my writing especially when pain high but very much so with age, it seems.

Dear [name used on my email],

Thank for your your long communications, which I read with interest. I'm not sure what you want me to do in response. As you know, I'm fully prepared to accept that special mystical graces are still given by God, although many doubt this today, especially, alas, among the clergy. I'm not surprised you have experienced opposition. But, on the other side, who certifies the legitimacy of these gifts? Only history (or better, the Holy Spirit acting in history). So, my brief counsel to you is to depend on the Spirit.

With Every Blessing,

Bernard

This response is most satisfying for many reasons.  I was humbled that a most busy person would respond at all, and also that he'd read through (hopefully skimmed quickly) my lengthy jumble I'd sent (shared on previous blog post here as "first communication" in title).  

I also realized that in mentioning various mystical experiences, I must have projected that I wanted validation of the experiences.  Legitimacy is not what I seek at this point.  Too many from decades ago that were also witnessed by others in addition to various temporal outcomes that are or were tangible, as well as the mystical ecstasy during Mass that is visible and picked over plenty by a bishop and a monsignor soon after they began nearly 12 years ago. I want to know what I'm to be doing if anything, for the Church, and that, of course, toward the close of this marvelous soul of a man's response hits upon the very means that will provide the path forward and unfold all necessary.

But I am gratified that this expert on Christian mysticism as internationally renowned author on topic for over 50 years as his life purpose and mission, with vast fruit in volumes of writings, university teaching, and perhaps thousands of lectures and talks--believes himself and accepts that God yet today gives mystical graces to us, His people.  

And particularly I am grateful in a personal healing way, or acknowledgement, of some brutal-type misunderstanding and mistreatment by Catholics--parishioners and clerics alike--have left on me personally--through what the Catholic himself with  brief cleric status, expressed as the doubt of many today, especially among clergy.  I still need healing, Lord!  My initial email and those emails to my bishop and parish priest, recently, display the poured out past not only of the marvelous mystical experiences, plentiful and of various types, with meaning and message to them, but also I maybe seemed "unglued" as I also wrote of the awful response and inhumane type reactions by clergy regarding the temporal effects of the mystical experiences that often involved clerics as well as parishes and the Church.  It seems mystics are often utilized by God to reveal some wrongs or given the assignment of revealing as well as needing to actively bring a needed reform even if it involves a cleric.

So the statement leading up to the most riveting, pivotal, and miraculous words of advice deal with that point about legitimacy of mystical experiences (of which I already have explained is not my need in life at this point, or answer I was seeking without knowing exactly what in asking, I was needing.  But I do find the point he makes as to only history, or better,the Holy Spirit acting in history, can certify legitimacy of my mystical gifts.  Not my problem!  I won't be around then, mercifully!  

When I'm thankfully out of this temporal life of constant suffering--temporally, spiritually, and mystically--I won't have to deal with the unexpected experiences that pop into my temporal existence requiring me to discern the message and meaning, and to know if some action overtly required (usually there is an action or reaction asked by God without His saying so, with or without words).  Over the years, God expects more of me in figuring from the clues, of sorts, that mystical experiences can contain in abundance of detail or also in obscurity of metaphor, image or no image, word, or wordless mystical event of varying types and formats.  So, no, I could care less about legitimization!  Selfishly, perhaps, I just need to get through what days, months, or years left on earth.  

Each day such as today, there can be the great temptation to want out of this pained body without fulfilling the mission that I have found elusive--but probably because I have resisted God's will and the leadings of the Holy Spirit due to my thinking too temporally.  I have used intellect and reason according to what one would think temporally logical regarding the institution of the Church.  For example, 11 years ago I was at this very point of realizing that God seemed to be Himself closing doors and trying to keep me out of the temporal Catholic world--the parishes, diocese, any type of temporal utilization, and even seemed to be making it impossible in parishes for me to even be allowed to go to Mass due to the mystical ecstasies during Masses.  Priests did now want me in their parishes!  Opposition to me--merciful heaves:  Yes!

But now is this brief but most powerful advice from Bernard McGinn, and that is, again: 

Depend on the Spirit.

That's all I need, my marching orders!  And events of these days between Ascension Thursday and Pentecost Sunday have been fruitful in the Spirit's preparing me for the passing through the mystic portal in some unknown-to-me significant way on Sunday, on the Solemnity of Pentecost, when the universal Church of which is the entire Mystical Body of Christ in Her members world-wide, will celebrate the reception of Christ sending us the Holy Spirit to be with us on earth as teacher, Paraclete, guide and director until the end of time.

This morning's dream and emailed exclamation point as reminder of how busy are bishops and priests and the temporal needs and lives of others, of parishioners, and of also the individual lives of the clergy in addition to their clerical responsibilities and duties have also their own persona lives, needs.  All of humanity has the spiritual need even if weighted more with the temporal of intellect and institution--and awareness more of temporal daily life.

Depend on the Spirit!

All can become aware of the mystical realm of the Trinity, of where we all will be when this temporal life of ours are over.  We all are on the mystical spectrum of seeking God even if we have no awareness we are even a dot on the spectrum; some are aware and in progression despite of course their vocations in life including marital or single, ecclesial, and careers, recreation, study, and all things of this beautiful, God-created world.  And some, are more designated to be as if extreme examples, or to become guides, so to speak. I use the imagery of the sherpas who are to specifically learn mountaineering skills so as to not only climb themselves but to also be guides for others.  And what mountain do we climb?  The Holy Mountain of God, to God, through God, with God, in God.

I must not waiver this time in passing through the mystic portal. I must depend on the Holy Spirit! The Lord has now reduced me and removed most hindering of some temporal distractions even not to have the situation of a long time friend.  Distractions He wills not, are being cleared and will continue to be cleared, of those I do not detach from myself. from Of course there can be denial of some distractions, some resistance, and some pain in letting go as if one is literally passing from physical life into the death that we all will embrace when God determines is what is best for His purposes.  God does not see as we see; God does not reason as we reason; God is not attached to our attachments, as He is only attached to His Creation in love, in loving desire for us to be subsumed into His Allness, or the apophatics might say, His nothingness, or could be expressed in so many words, including His Supernal Beingness.

Perhaps I've written myself out for now.  The pain is slightly less.  Perhaps I can rise from bed and "do" a few tasks of which there are many to be done here in my abode, Solus Deus.  The vegetables and fruits planted in large containers need watering since sun is waning.  If regain some of the physical stamina that pain robs, perhaps I can begin organizing items in the garage as on Tuesday an order of windows, doors, and flooring will be delivered from Home Depot....  How I will manage projects--well, I must depend on the Holy Spirit.

God bless His Real Presence in us:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!

 

Mystical Experiences and the Contemporary Church's Reactions

Continuation of transference of posts from my other blog site....

 [I had dared write B. as his video lectures somehow were as if I've known his voice for years and years, and that what he explains makes sense to me and is as if here is someone who understands what I contend with in life, and helps me feel all right about it all, encouraged, even.  I was surprised with a response to my lengthy email of outpouring of more the chaotic aspects of my plight for the past 25 years as a Catholic and the difficulties of mystical experiences and temporal Catholic world including clerics.  So I responded last night in some short expressions, but this morning woke up with all this aspect of which I realize the main if not only thought and point is that of seemingly no one that I know of (perhaps he has more than I am aware) has really captured the full reality of the suffering mystics undergo.  So I sent this--in so much physical pain this morning I did not notice I did not address properly with professional title--as many do not address me with mine, either, nor do I care.  However, I have the embarrassment of having written even more to a very busy person to whom I'd last night written I'd not bother again--yet here I am, for this thought of suffering of mystics seems somehow maybe after his major life work of History of Mysticism--maybe could write giving suffering the emphasis that it actually is in a mystic's actual life.  And of course am thinking per usual that I've come off as a mental case as well as a pest.  Internet can be tricky like that in someone like me writing so much and to a stranger who I have advantage of seemingly knowing the person after hours and hours of listening to his lectures and talks, but the other person does not know me, and the topic itself can be as if from a crazed hysteric.  Even so, right now I realize that I did not include the reality that the mystic wants to die, and yet on the other hand has a compulsion to fulfill the mission of which I'm not even sure exactly what it is such as if to write, if I'm writing what I'm to be writing, or if suffering, if well enough which never seems as if suffering well enough.  Part of the suffering, perhaps.  Never quite knowing--for we cannot know other than to try to keep going, not knowing if what we are doing or thinking is what God wants.  Am reminded that John the Baptist talked about this to me years ago, before I was Catholic, in early major spiritual encounters of unusual way involving God breaking through into the my temporal existence.]

Dear [Dr.] M,

Woke up with the usual horrific pain and first thought is no one seems to be capturing the intense suffering (of all types, for there are other sufferings far beyond temporal) that mystics endure, are brought through, not necessarily just Fridays through Sundays or such,

or like St. Mary Magdalen de Pazzi of bedridden last three years of life, or of Julian of Norwich with her illness at age 301/2 that had her between life and death. But of the immense and deep and far reaching suffering bodily and spiritually, but also of mental torments and emotional.  Perhaps that needs to be explored more in its reality if not too much of a "downer"!  

People can envy or think how wonderful to be a mystic, or can talk of how everyone is called to be a mystic.  Well, it is not that you can choose what degree of mystic.  No one can fathom the amount and breadth and depth of all types of sufferings that a mystic might be given in the union of fire of soul subsumed into God. That is the word I've always used:  subsumed.  I am subsumed into God in His allness or nothingness--makes no difference in a way.  

But my life is one of total suffering in the Trinity to the point that suffering has become love and love has become suffering, or as the Virgin Mary and Jesus once told me when they came each toward and hovered above in a type of ball of misty cloud, then the one of Mary was subsumed into the one of Jesus of which that ball of misty cloud had come out of the Tabernacle and each hovered above me, and Mary said as amorphous sphere was about to be subsumed and enter in Christ's sphere:  You will find him in your pain.  

Of the talks I've listened to, I've not come across one that deals with just how must raw and long-ranging suffering a mystic is called to, including that suffering of knowing one never fits in, or such as if people do not meet me, they imagine something totally other; and when I am out and about which is rare anymore, they'd have no idea of what is going on within and has for decades, not even do family or closest friends, for it is too much for them to absorb, or their then is the great suffering of rejection and of persecution of being denied acceptability or to even be allowed to be oneself--that self that is more of Christ crucified in perpetual crucifixion.  

There is that terrible suffering of knowing one is not like others--and yes, as my dad said years ago when I was having major experiences and for first time had to face not perceiving or existing like most others--he said you have two arms and two legs like everyone else.  My mother tried to say, "John, John, she is trying to tell us something more than that."  But only after their deaths were they to grasp the life that I am impelled to live because I have agreed to this life.  I agreed to it somewhere way back, perhaps before I was born.  I don't know.  

Anyway, I was not going to bother you further, but there seems no extensive writing or reality or recognition that being a mystic is not at all an easy life nor "fun" or somehow "koinky-cool."  It might not just be a year or three or five; and you don't get to pick the amount or types or degrees of sufferings.  But love of God agrees to whatever suffering, and

the human part cries out for mercy and then the body, mind, heart and soul re-commit and suffer all the more because those such as I, at least, will give all even if don't think we can manage another hour of suffering.  

The mystical marriage is so glorious and the desire to have the marriage  consummated causes the soul to endure more agony and even hell, with the remembrance of Jesus saying after the marriage that included at least in mine, a most joyous wedding feast after the marriage, and He said for me to wait, that He had to go away for awhile to other souls, and He showed me parishioners and priests in a gaggle jeering and gossiping and questioning, ridiculing, but He said, "Pay no attention to them.  You are to wait and I will come back for you."  So the mystic waits through even more suffering, particularly now great physical pain that has temporal reality so is real pain, causal, temporal pain that extends into the spiritual realm as well, and breeches into the mystical realm, even.

So maybe something once you finish your final volumes of the History, something of the immense and intensely PAINFUL reality of the suffering of mystics.  People need to know it might not be as they imagine or think; we do not have control of the conditions, the job description.  So there is that great unknowing of God--we cannot know God, but what is more, we cannot control God.  That is what gets to us humans ontologically, perhaps the most, is that we cannot control God.

I think this is the last of my thoughts and perhaps the only valid of my previous chatter, lengthy as it was, that I am to express to you, a stranger other than my one-way meeting you providentially in taped video lectures and my research, then, of your life.  And what a life lived for God--as could be said, "Well done, good and faithful servant."  

And more suffering of a mystic is the horrible suffering of always feeling and thinking that one is not fulfilling the purpose God desires, and in the suffering, even, that one is not suffering well enough.  Suffering is major, pervasive aspect of mysticism and the lives of mystics more than one can even read between the lines in a biography.  There is a subsummation of the body, mind, heart, and soul that suffering is unique but necessary element, for one must "Love to suffer, and suffer to Love!" 

[What one time St. Michael declared as he thrust a spear down through my heart after I was shown the gist of another assignment involving a sick priest, but taught me that in God's love, suffering is as if inherent in love itself, for the piercing was excruciatingly painful but also very sweet in mystifying way but in temporal way, too.  (And another time when I was being as if graduated after another terrible suffering not so much of physical pain but far worse, I awoke one morning and Jesus stood beside my bed, and He held a cross with corpus of Him on it, about 4-5 inches long, and he took it with His right hand and put it right through my flesh and sternum and down into my human, physical heart area.  That was so painful yet the burning, excruciating pain morphed into a sweetness, a sticky sweetness like blood itself.  That cross remains in my chest and "heart" both.  These experiences are the exclamation point of God's love and suffering, suffering and love.)]

God is love, love is pain; God is Suffering and Love.  They meld into one like the Trinity.  

The end--and apologies for my lengthy writing and peskiness.  I don't think there is more and will refrain.  You are so right that mystics have a compulsion to write and to try to express--I suppose in another form of desperation to be understood and 

even human acceptable, to fit in, to normalize their lives as if they think they might be able to somehow ever just be themselves and be acceptable as such in this realm.  But if they were, then they'd not be mystics--at least not evidently the more extreme of which the mystic has no control over what will be God's choosing or plan for that individual life.  It simply is as it is.

[my name]

God's, Catholic Hermit: How Good to Die in Lent!

Jesus' words to His disciples--to us!--are worth treasuring this beginning of another Lent.  We can praise God for being alive to enter into and persevere in another Lent!  Some figure out a sacrifice or more than one--several--to undertake in Lent; I have come to learn over the years, that the Lord figures them out for us if we let Him have full access and control of us in this liturgical season.

In 2012--just eight years ago--on this day during Mass, when in mystical state, regardless of a sign saying to please do not touch--meditating or to that effect--some people did touch as they thought I'd had a stroke or something.  Someone lifted my head up and back, but then the person let go; my head fell back uncontrollably as when in a mystical ecstasy one does not have control over the faculties.  

My neck was severely injured; I was fortunate, the doctor later said, that my neck was not broken.  The neck injury debilitated me through the rest of Lent, and it became necessary for me to accept that the priest and others preferred I not be at Mass due to the risks involved. For whatever reasons, people who did know of my situation were not to get involved, or did not, for the most part, so that I was essentially a "sitting duck" for those who'd worry despite my sign, tended to touch and try to move my body about--dangerously so.  

That incident precipitated more indications of the Lord signaling me for a new phase in my life.  This morning, a spiritual friend sent an email asking for prayers as is frightened by a suspicious lump discovered.  Cannot get in to see the doctor today; I mentioned going to the emergency room for a scan rather than waiting to go through a lengthier process.  Sometimes lumps in tell-tale areas of the body are best dealt with right away.  Already the person has had knee trouble.  The person mentioned it is only just the beginning of Lent for all this to be happening!

Yes, and I reminded that the person had asked for prayers regarding signals from the Lord about retiring from a job that aggravates the knee pain, very much so.  Did we not begin praying for the Lord to indicate His will in retiring a year or less prior to what the person had planned to do so?  The person's spouse has been increasingly debilitated from age along with weight, heart issues, knee and back pain.  They are unable to handle some aspects around their home due to the encroaching physical limitations.  God does answer prayers--and yes, it is LENT!

The Lord provides for us in Lent, exactly what we need in our unique and individual ways.  Why do we then feel surprise or have some upset when the trials come along?

For me, this Lent already is proving to be that of needing to die to self and to learn to let others do with me what they will, such as in regard to the more external aspect of decision to be made regarding CL603 status after years of privately professed status as a hermit.  At first I did not react that positively to the next step; in fact, I was not expecting yet another person involved--a third party who will essentially "vet" me and then report to the bishop based on what the person's assessment is. 

I just thought would be simpler, I guess.  Not involving yet more persons--is what I mean.  This will involve my needing to drive a distance, and I balked at that!  Of course, I would balk!  My physical existence revolves around the pain perspective.  Automatically, I considered what driving and sitting in order to be vetted by someone I do not know nor knows me, and who will be making crucial input on my vocational future--caught me off-guard.  I admit I did not react with holy indifference.

I also had concerns as to if I'd be a disappointment regarding my take on hermit life as more hidden and solitary and not cut out for the hermit communities that are increasingly prominent among publicly professed hermits.  I suppose the practical aspect of people sharing financial responsibilities and maintenance is partly the motivation.  I've noticed when doing a bit of research, that some persons who become CL603 hermits seem to soon or initially want to have others join them, or desire to create hermit communities early on.  Just is not for me, not what God has willed, not my mind, heart nor body's ways of being.

So I inquired of the intermediary person (whom I've also not met), and I was assured there have been no such plans for communities as I described.  I was confused, as there seems to be indication of that; but clarification is best.  I did ask the third person involved, the one who is considered excellent in spiritual discernment and will advise the bishop, if there was possibility of that person coming nearer to where I am. 

I awoke this morning just seeing myself as I am or definitely was the night prior.  "Rude" was the word that came to mind!  Transparently wearing my feelings on my sleeve.  (My dad used to say that to me as a child:  Try not to wear your feelings on your sleeve!  Play your cards close to your chest.)  Thus I attempted a brief (brevity not my writing strength) apology of sorts to the intermediary contact, and that of course I am grateful for the opportunity to meet, understand fully the necessity for and expediency of being discerned and screened, and will do the drive as it is only pain, after all--and can recover the next day or so, whatever it takes.

I then sent a brief email to the third party involved, saying I will of course drive and am grateful for the willingness to take time to get to know me a bit and advise the bishop.  (No mention of what I'd inquired in previous email, of perhaps that person sometime coming nearer to where I live and thus meeting then....)  Where are my manners, my consideration of others, my graciousness?  Pain is what I offer the Church and for souls!  The Lord gives me the time to suffer, and so it will mean an extra day or two of suffering.  What difference does it make?

Either way, whatever decision matters not to my interior, for my way of life will not alter.  I only need to live it better regardless of if I am a hermit according to what has become the way of hermits, the CL603 way, or I will not be that, maybe not even an external hermit or never consider myself a hermit in word or label.  Yet, what is within will always be in this life time.  The main point that seems of importance for this Lent, at least in the first three days (more can certainly come and likely will!), is the lesson of dying, and how good it is to die in Lent.

Thus the words of Jesus from yesterday's Mass Gospel of Luke 9:22-25 make glorious sense to me:

"Jesus said to his disciples:  'The Son of Man must suffer greatly and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised from the dead.'  Then he said to them all, 'If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.  For whoever wishes to save his life must lose it, and whoever who loses his life for my sake will save it.  What profit it for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?'"

The process of dying to self regarding whatever others decide as to my vocational fate is what the Lord desires of me more than the outcome.  The process of self-effacement, of humility, of holy indifference, of gratitude and graciousness regarding others' ways of living their vocations, of considering my hermit life to be rather poorly lived as it is--these are the benefits the Lord wills for my Lenten lessons.

It comes down to renunciation of self.  And I muffed it last night, caught unexpectedly in a response unanticipated--of which I am grateful to have been given a response!  Just was not expecting another party involved, but the only reason for my reticence really is that of some flashbacks of past and of the prudence and wisdom of not discussing my mystical life with other than a rare priest if need be.  The mystical situation simply complicates matters, and I have learned is not necessary nor even of any benefit to other.

Thus, the commentary of St. Frances de Sales (Bishop of Geneva and Doctor of the Church, 1567-1622) also made marvelous sense to me.  It "hit home;"  I grasped what the Lord is trying to get through to me, at least for the beginning of this Lent. While I would have preferred simply a 15-minute drive and meet with the intermediary person or even the bishop himself to be discerned, that is not the process the bishop chooses and thus not what the Lord wills or allows.  

What would that teach me of the above dying to self aspects--even of willingness to suffer more by having to sit and drive much farther?  What would that teach me of dying to self and having to open up to a third-person and to simply release my vocation unto that person's assessment in a one-time meeting and more sitting unless by then I must get on the floor... after a long drive to where I've never been and likely never will again? 

The outcome of even meeting with the third party regarding the disposition of my hermit vocation, will not be for a couple of months, and depending on the person's discernment and "take", there likely would ensue, further processes.  Thus, it is all about process and my learning of utter self-renunciation and holy indifference.  After all, the third party now pivotal in the process, or myself, or both, could be dead before an in-person meeting.  Let go my ideas, my will.  Not my will...be done. 

"The love we have for ourselves is both affective and effective.  Effective love is the kind which governs the great, ambitious of honors and riches, who acquire numerous good things for themselves and never tire of gaining them; these I say love themselves greatly with that effective love.  But there are others who love themselves even more with affective love:  these are excessively gentle with themselves and never do anything but spoil and care for and comfort themselves:  they fear anything that might harm them so much that it is a sorrowful sight.

"This tenderness is the more unbearable in things of the spirit than in bodily things, especially if by some misfortune it is practiced or undertaken by the most spiritual people, who would like to be saints all at once without it costing them anything, not even the struggles caused by the repugnances of the lower part of the soul towards those things that are contrary to nature.

"To reject our repugnances, silence our preferences, mortify our affections, mortify our judgment and renounce self-will is something that the affective and tender love we bear towards ourselves cannot allow without crying:  oh, how much it costs!  And in this way we do nothing.

"It would be better to carry a little cross made of straw someone has laid on my shoulders without my choosing than to go and cut down a much bigger one in the woodland with a great deal of work and then carry it with much labor.  And it will be more pleasing to God with the straw cross than with that which it would have fashioned with far more trouble and sweat and would bear with more satisfaction because of the self-love which is so pleased with its own inventions and so little at allowing itself to be led and governed."

I particularly love the finale line of being reminded of the good at allowing oneself to be led and governed as opposed with being pleased and satisfied with one's own inventions, ideas, ways of doing and being. Self-renunciation, self-mortification, even allowing oneself to be mortified or potentially so by others--ah, how good it is to die in Lent!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: More on Ordinary and Super Ordinary Graces

A friend emailed this commentary written by the Bishop Basil of Seleucia (?-c.468), from his Sermon for the Resurrection, 1-4.  The bishop's description of Jesus with Thomas after Jesus resurrected and Thomas doubted unless he could see for himself, reminds me of another example and reason why having mystical experiences is not necessarily all that lofty.  But I'll write more on this after the following excerpts.

[Jesus said to the Apostle Thomas:]  "Put your finger into the marks of the nails.  Put your hand into my side; do not be unbelieving any longer, but believe.

"Then Thomas touched him and all his mistrust fell away.  Full of genuine faith and all the love owing to God, he cried out: 'My Lord and my God!'  And the Lord said to him: 'You believe because you have seen me; happy are those who have not seen and yet believe!'  Thomas took the news of the resurrection to those who had not seen.  Draw the whole earth to believe, not by its own sight but at your word.  Go through peoples and cities far away.  Teach them to carry the cross rather than weapons on their shoulders.  Only proclaim me: they will believe and worship.  They will demand no other proof.  Tell them they are called by grace and, with your own eyes, behold their faith. Truly, blessed are those who did not see and yet believed!"

We can elicit from Jesus' own words to Thomas, that it is blessed for those people who have not seen and yet believe in Christ.  Faith, hope, and love are the three theological virtues, the greatest of these being love.  But faith is crucial in our spiritual lives, and faith is strengthened by God in many ways--individually, personally, and also in universal ways, communal worship, being part of the Body of Christ.

Thomas needed to "see" and to "touch" in order to believe that Jesus had resurrected from the dead. He did not take the word of the apostles who had seen Jesus appear before them, when Thomas was not with them.  So Jesus allowed Thomas to see Him, and caused Thomas to touch his hand and side wounds.  Yes, it was a powerful event--a mystical experience--that Thomas experienced.  Yet Jesus emphasizes how great it is for those who can believe without needing or asking for such proof.

Bishop Basil of Seleucia comments on this event between Jesus and Thomas.  He exhorts those people in the Bishop's time period and place, to do as Thomas did--go out to all the world and cause people who have not seen [who essentially go through life without a mystical experience or very few, or who don't recognize the reality as such if they do experience something super ordinary] to believe based upon their word that it is so, to believe in Christ because of the power of what the witnesses relate is true.  "Tell them they are called by grace."

So it is for those of us who have had mystical experiences, be it one, several, or myriad--mystical experiences of one or a variety of types .  We are called to go out physically or even such as through the internet (as is this consecrated Catholic hermit's window to the world and mode of sharing with whomever stumbles upon or even seeks my site);  We are to draw others to believe in Jesus Christ, in His Real Presence among us, through, with, and in us as we are in Him when we believe in Him.  We are to draw others to believe in Jesus through our words, our words of what we know, what we have seen, felt, heard, what we believe--that we believe Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior.

This is part of the responsibility for those of us who experience the mystical, the mysterium tremendum of God.  We are to utilize what we have experienced of the reality of God the Father, Jesus the Son, the Holy Spirit--of angels, saints, heaven, hell, purgatory, of death, of eternal life.  We must use words to explain and to share, to cause others to believe in Christ--by the power of our words, our sharing.  

Some will listen, some not; some will have the capacity to believe, others not.  Yet we are to go out and try.  It is a daunting responsibility, especially when in our temporal times, people are all the further from trusting in the numinous, the unseen.  Clerics in the Church are yet prone to discouraging mention of the mystical events, the realities of the mystical life or experiences that God destines for some people on earth.  Having such mystical experiences is not an easy row to hoe....

Yet another aspect surfaces, regarding why some people have mystical experiences and others do not, or have one or two standout mystical experiences compared to those who have numerous.  I consider myself one such person, a mystic who has experienced numerous mystical experiences--some which were witnessed and others not, but all told to my late spiritual father or a priest or two at times when my spiritual father was not available, to help with discernment.

As I look back on my life, and the when and how of the various mystical experiences, a major aspect of God allowing them in my life is now obvious as a means to bolster my faith for what was to come.  And what was to come, after some major mystical experiences, were trials and persecutions and great sufferings.

Had it not been for the transverberation of my heart, I'd not have had the courage to follow through with my confirmation.  Had it not been for a major spiritual event occurring during my private confirmation, I'd have weakened several times in my life as a Catholic, prior to my private profession of vows as a Catholic hermit in the Consecrated life of the Church.  The persecutions became intense and severe, lasting for several years, off and on, involving different groups and individuals, Catholic and non-Catholic, lay persons and priests, in different parishes and locales.

Prior to my conversion, had it not been for locutions foretelling me of events to come, or vivid dreams in which I was shown events and situations, I'd have had a hard time enduring and even surviving, such as in my death experience.  Even now, I'd not have come through a painful ordeal had it not been for insights given me during some pain sieges.

So in their own way, for someone weak as I am, weak in faith, the mystical experiences were deemed necessary by His Real Presence, to bolster me for major life sufferings and trials.  That in itself is humbling, for it shows that mystical experiences are graces given to people who otherwise are too weak to endure by faith alone.  Consider this, please, if you are reading this and still wishing for some super ordinary spiritual event to be visited upon you.

It can seem so powerfully exciting--until one realizes that something heavy-duty is going to come at some unknown time but before long, and that the uplifting and glorious mystical experience will be exacted in every ounce of mystical feeling and mystical memory possibly to be squeezed from the mystical experience.  Could I dare say, even a pound of flesh is taken?

I recall one night when St. Joan of Arc appeared to me by the daybed in which I then slept in a rental house--a parish's unused property that I was allowed to rent after some painful, temporal experiences which left me without a place to live.  So as a corporeal entity--visible in life-like form, a corpus--Joan of Arc stood by my daybed, around 2 a.m., as I was roused from sleep to witness her there.  She did not speak aloud.  It was obvious who she was by her temporal appearance, age, garments, hair, sword, and armor.

She gave me two items, though.  These she said what they were through inner-thought flashing as means to communicate.  She placed five gold, chevron bars on my left shoulder; they were for courage.  She placed around my neck--reaching over my head--a delicate gold chain upon which was a round piece of gold, shaped with a simple design, of which she thought-flashed it was an "amulet"--for my protection.

So yes, was it exciting?  Of course, having Joan of Arc be there in that upstairs bedroom and give me the gifts--so real as to be touchable yet not touchable in the temporal sense.  They are with me yet; these types of mystical adornments are as real if not more so than tangible matter, but they remain invisible to others, or so to most others.  There may be some person out there in the world who might be given the ability to see such objects on others, but I'm sure there would have to be some major reason why His Real Presence would deem that necessary.  They were and are for me to see and to know from whom they came to be placed upon me, and why:  courage and protection.

After she left, I did not fall back asleep for awhile, as my mind was sifting through what all this could mean.  Not two weeks later I found out why I'd be given gold bar chevorns for courage and a gold amulet on chain for protection.  Mercy!  What an ordeal I was called upon to handle, to deal with, to report and be risked in various ways, and to be persecuted later on, yet it was a task from which I could shrink away.  It was a crucial task involving the Church, of course, and clerics and lay persons, and much stress and persecution aimed at me would follow.  That temporal assignment heralded the beginning to the end of my time in that area,, that diocese, and from the small cadre of loyal friends and my beloved spiritual father.

So there is great suffering that can be exacted from those who are given mystical experiences.  At the time of the experience, one can be so uplifted as to not dream of how hard it could become.  And that is for a good reason, for would I have followed through with what was asked of me, what was wrung out of me, painfully so, and would lead to my temporal demise, of sorts, from parishes and my homeland?

I have often thought, when someone or other who happened to find out about some mystical experience--mostly, really, the ecstasy during Mass--and became envious that I'd have such an experience:  Could you cope with the pain and suffering involved?  I think of Jesus asking James and John when they wanted special privileges:  Can you drink the Cup of which I must drink?

Considering the mystical experiences--some which were to bolster with courage, strength, protection, faith, and zeal for love of God, and others which were consolations following some tremendous suffering--I realize that it would be difficult for anyone who is married or close to children, or very interactive with others such as in work place or active, corporal works of mercy, active in a parish--to have such mystical experiences.

It can become too other worldly.  It can become too treacherous and too painful for those around the mystic with such missions and assignments.  It can require packing up and leaving, or living out of one's car for awhile, or having to leave one's hometown, or going without the support of a spiritual director for awhile, or being turned upon by those loved and trusted, or having people being pulled away so that one has to go through some temporal aspects very much alone.

But His Real Presence and one's angel, and various other angels and saints and family and friends on the other side are always with us.  But we are not allowed the consolation always of knowing their presence or their help.  But always, when the going gets very rough, His Real Presence does reach in--usually in some mystical way that is hidden to others and is between the mystic and His Real Presence.  So there again--it is a type of responsibility, for there is no one really to tell and no one who really needs to know, other than it can help to confide in one's spiritual father.

Mostly, the mystical experiences that come as consolations for a job done or suffering endured, are to be kept as treasures within the soul, in the intellect and will and memory, to draw them forth later on as needed, when the suffering, persecutions, sorrows, unknowns, and further assignments require greater faith and hope and love than what one thinks is even possible.

So you see, mystical experiences are not for everyone, and there are reasons why and why not.  They seem glorious, and they are truly so in many ways--but yet there is also the reality that they are quite painful and exacting, and are connected with trials, sufferings, and difficult assignments.  In this, they can be rather isolating in a temporal sense; yet one is never lonely.  That is where these mystical experiences can provide a boost to faith when the going gets rough.

I've had people drop out of my friendship due to the mystical ecstasies during Mass.  That's the way the cookie crumbles, as is said.  One friend, a male, had the honesty to tell me several years ago that he'd gone through a period of being very envious of me for the mystical state during Mass.  He said he'd even prayed, asking God if he could experience it just one time!  That's all he asked--just one time!  And the man also told me he'd distanced from me as a result of his envy.  Oh, I knew that--it all is obvious when someone withdraws friendship, or the glances given, or the silence and coldness.  

But the man apologized as he was divulging his feelings and thoughts, after the fact.  He said once he started to see how other people were treating me, the hard time priests were giving me, the parishioners' gossip and rumors, and the physical abuse from some--he realized he would never want to have to go through what I was going through simply from a mystical state during Mass.

I'll conclude with this reminder from Bishop Basil of Seleucia.  He reminds how great it is to believe due to faith, to believe from the words shared by others, to not have put the finger into the marks of the nails used to secure Jesus to the cross.  These people are blessed to have not seen but believe in great faith!  

Yet, also are those others, not usually many, who are of the body of Christ--those who for reasons only His Real Presence knows and chooses are like Thomas, shown Christ, shown the super ordinary personages and experiences.  These persons, called mystics, are those whose lives and souls are utilized by Him for often painful assignments and missions that He understands and determines will further His Kingdom somehow, somewhere, sometime--now or later, in this world or the other.

But somehow, it does seem, that Jesus as well as Bishop Basil emphasize how blessed and prized are those who live out their lives in blind faith, in faith that defies need for mystical events. Yet we live out what lives we are given, what assignments, what missions, what ordinary or super ordinary graces God deems for each of us.

"This is the army The Lord raises; these are the children of the baptismal font, the works of grace, the fruit of the Spirit.  They have followed Christ without having seen him; they sought him and believed.  They recognized him with the eyes of faith, not those of the body. They have not put their finger into the mark of the nails but they have bound themselves to his cross and embraced his sufferings.  They have not seen the Lord's side but, by grace, they have become members of his body and have made his words their own: 'Happy are those who have not seen and yet believe!'" 

Catholic Hermit Rejoices!

I was informed that a hermit colleague has been blessed with a spiritual gift, a spiritual phenomenon.  I am rejoicing over this news!  This particular hermit has in the past has seemed more leaning to the laws of minds; thus I have been praying for some time for the Holy Spirit to reach into the hermit's soul and inflame it with a touch of God's law of love, of the supernatural realities which soften us and remind us that the temporal is passing but the realm of the Spirit is eternal.

We can be reminded of St. Thomas Aquinas, a scholar of theology, an erudite writer of great intellect who spent the bulk of his priestly years in studious development and provision of theological thoughts and premises.  His contribution is appreciated to this day in many ways; but toward the end of Aquinas' life, he experienced a profound mystical event, opening him to the law of God, the law of love.

Henceforth, Aquinas left off his studious and legal, theological laden writings.  He is known to have exclaimed following the mystical experience:  "All words as are straw" as he compared his voluminous writings to the touch of God's Spirit upon him in a very real yet mystical sense.  Aquinas wrote no more.  He turned to a life of prayer and love of God.

St. Bernard, on the other hand, discovered the power of God's love over studious interpretations of canon laws and aspects of theology.  He seemed to grasp the spiritual hindrance of too much thinking with the "head" rather than the spiritual progression of thinking with the "heart."  Bernard of Clairvaux had union in God's love earlier on in his life and wrote of the desire of God to have union with us in His love.  He expounded beautifully of the four degrees of love and especially the pinnacle of such love being loving God in Himself.

When I was informed of my fellow hermit's spiritual experience, I smiled inwardly and have been rejoicing outwardly in my hermitage, while I work and pray.  I smiled for two reasons.  One is that I am overjoyed with this development in the spiritual life of my comrade in the eremitic vocation, as a fellow Catholic, fellow consecrated hermit even if our professions differ, our vows and rules of life differ in what amounts to minor details in the full spectrum of life.  

I am praising the Lord for the softening and awe of love that occurs when one--and this applies to any one of us--receives a spiritual gift from God.

The other inner smiling comes from the effect that when I had written about a spiritual gift the Lord gave me, that of mystical ecstasy during Mass, my description was rather met otherwise--with suggestion by my colleague that I was mentally unstable, emotional, hysterical, a fraud, etc.  

So it is that the Lord in his loving kindness alters our ways of being by giving us a gift in which we then can realize what such gifts are like, and He bestows in us a means of knowing deep within that the gift is genuine or not--regardless of what others may surmise.  The Lord has His way of then showing us that we are not the judge, but he Is.  I've been shown this, myself, in the past and am grateful to be reminded of the lesson to be learned over and over.

So it is that we can know our gifts are genuine; the Lord lets us know in various means and ways hard to describe.  I trust that we have excellent spiritual directors as well as have enough common sense to recognize the techniques of deception plied upon us by the devil.   And we do well to be far more scrutinizing of ourselves than what others might be.   In fact, it is better to scrutinize ourselves sufficiently than for others to judge from afar.  

The fruit of spiritual experiences can vary in the externals, but to the soul itself they bring a closer abiding in God, a greater sense and delight in His love of us, and create a deeper desire in us to love God in Himself above all things.  From this love of God in Himself, God's love flows through us so that we, in turn, love one another as He loves us.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!  Now when I see the prayer tree I planted as a reminder to pray and praise God for my fellow hermit colleague (as well as for all hermits, but this colleague in particular) I will rejoice for the spiritual gift that my fellow hermit has received!  It is a time for rejoicing!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and let us love God in Himself.

(And it is also a time for me to rise after extended, bodily rest and to continue installing ceiling boards.  Finish up the nailing of boards!  I have an aunt to pray for in a major way; I've not been praying nearly enough for this soul who is advanced in years and currently obsessing over the writing of her own obituary, desiring that others appreciate her.  I heard my late dad's voice last night remind me, regarding such aspects:  "Don't toot your own horn."  He always had a way of hitting the nail on the head with such aphorisms, wise advice.)

Catholic Hermit: A Bit About Mystical Ecstasy

Went to Mass last Sunday--and what was to be the most crowded was thankfully not all that full.  People later remarked it was about half the usual attendance.  Something else of the world going on, they said; the people went to the other weekend Masses.

The spiritual father had suggested this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit sit with the family who had suggested it be in the pew with them, to avert possible concern or misunderstood touching leading to injuries.  So the hermit did that despite not really wanting to be in a crowded situation.  Must die to self.  Must.

Dying to self is not easy.  This hermit thinks it has come to some aspect of dying to self only to discover there are many more aspects yet to death and dying.

Per the past seven years during any Mass in any parish, no matter what, the ecstasy began in full swoop during the first reading of the Living Word of God.  Inklings begin at the very onset of Mass, however.  But the total removal of all physical faculties occurs when the first Scripture reading commences.

During the homily, there was an intrusion by the priest.  It was most uncomfortable--just something termporal that tells a lot about the personality or needs of the priest, thus temporal, thus not bliss.  It is good to reflect upon this own hermit's life and moments spent, day and night.  The temporal does not equate with spiritual bliss, does it?  No, and that is probably a huge part of the cross we humans bear, for we are human and temporal although dying to seek and acquire His love, His enraptured bliss--even if we do not realize this is our desire.  

Often, the temporal distracts us from the reality of our desire for His Real Presence to consume us, to subsume us into His Real Presence.  Those who are distracted and taken over by evil more and more, lose yet more opportunity to encounter His bliss.  But it is not impossible.  With God, of course, all things are possible.

However, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has considered that perhaps His Real Presence does not intend to let it know why this ecstasy continues to occur during Mass and only during Mass.  And there is no mistaking it for anything else.  All other has been tested, even to painful injury, even by psychological review, and perhaps the least in some aspects, by a Catholic bishop determining it is of God.

Yet this hermit has asked once more, of His Real Presence, "Why?  What is the point?"  For, it has already been told what is the point for its own self.  He has said early on, This is how I am loving you!
By now, though, it would seem it should not keep occurring, for the hermit has accepted His love and appreciates His love.  And, granted, the ecstasy is beyond comparison to any other mystical experience this side of death and heaven.  

No priest nor bishop questioning the hermit has been able to relate.  One asked, "Does your heart kind of flutter"?  It is far beyond the heart fluttering, so there was no sense in trying to describe what is rather indescribable, much as one can try.  Dr. H. perhaps grasps the closest to anyone, since he is adept and experienced in various forms of the paranormal; he has studied and interviewed and worked with those who have a variety of experiences--not all spiritual, of course.  And there is a difference between spiritual and mystical experiences and psychic experiences.

Regardless, while this hermit ponders that surely there must be something other, something more that His Real Presence desires from this mystical ecstasy during Mass, it may simply be a reminder to all of us of the power of the Mass, and of all seven sacraments as well as the power of His Living Word, in every Mass, from beginning to end, including processional music.  

Plus, about four years ago the hermit was given the insight that His Real Presence notices the lack of devotion and elevation of love for all the Sacraments and His Word--and to raise our devotion and love for all of Him to the level of our love and devotion of His Body and Blood.  This is not to say that we devalue His Body and Blood; but it is true that often we do not devote ourselves or avail ourselves of the other sacraments, and we can tend to not pay attention to His LIVING WORD!

Perhaps there is something more to this gift that the hermit must continue to share with others, such as Dr. H. had suggested awhile ago.  Perhaps there are some healing qualities for others in the Mass, for the amount of power and love of God that flows in such a force during a mystical ecstasy, is, again, beyond description.

Today this hermit could not attend Mass.  It has been trying to paint the exterior of the house, and being up on ladders, tediously painting tiny spaces between siding shingles, brushing carefully the trim paint in tidy lines, and then doing it all a second coat, did cause an increase in pain.  Two days this past week, the hermit could not rise from the mattress on the floor; this morning was one of them.

So the hermit prayed, read the Living Word for this Sunday's Mass readings, left a message on the family's phone with whom it would sit, and began reading the Letter to the Hebrews as a spiritual prayer gift for a friend who turned 88 today.  Each day for 13 days, the hermit will pray/read a chapter from Hebrews and email a specific prayer intention relative to the person's life, relationship with family, friends, and His Real Presence.  Then, later in the day, will email a reflection based on the chapter of Christ's Word, as it relates to the person and the prayer intention.  Fun!

The hermit just finished a birthday spiritual gift for its cousin--pray/reading 1 and 2 Thessalonians in like format, with daily intentions.  The cousin is Protestant and wary of things Catholic; the hermit made sure she knew this was not some Catholic devotion.  In the past, the cousin has asked about such things, for there is a friend where she lives who is Catholic.  Again, the cousin is wary of all things Catholic.  We must be considerate and sensitive.  Bias is often inbred environmentally from an early age; it is as if the person cannot help it.

For some people, such as those turning 90 or some milestone birthday, the hermit has offered daily Psalms--each from a decade of the person's life and each with a specific prayer intention covering each of the person's lived decade of life.  It is good to ponder what types of situations the person may have or actually did live in that decade, such as a Psalm in the 20's for that decade in years, or one in the 90's for that decade.  The Holy Spirit never fails to have a connection!  The Psalm spiritual gift is especially good for those not Catholic or if Catholic perhaps not as into reading the Bible.  Most all Christians are familiar with some Psalms, and they are shorter in some cases, than a Bible chapter.

Anyway, the above is an aside from the topic of mystical ecstasies.  This consecrated Catholic hermit has had to research in often times old books, but written by experts in the field or by renowned spiritual directors or scholars, of other centuries.  Plus reading the experiences of other mystics, now deceased but verified as not hysterics, has been helpful.  The truth is, there is much ignorance about dealing with such matter or recognizing the symptoms of such an experience.  And, it really does not much good seeking opinions from nor reading what those who have never experienced nor have intimately known anyone who has experienced an actual mystical ecstasy.  These folks are dealing with guesswork when it comes to expounding, not that it matters other than if you are one who begins to experience a mystical ecstasy.

A couple of the many books this hermit has found most helpful has been one titled Mystical Phenomena Compared with their Human and Diabolical Counterfeits: A Treatise on Mystical Theology....by Most Rev. Albert Farges, trans. from French in 1926.  [The Catholic hermit recommends the complete version, not the shortened excerpted Chapter X now in paperback.]  Another solid but shorter, excellent coverage of the topic is by the late mystical scholar of Cambridge University's David Knowles: What Is Mysticism?  

On another aside, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has considered that the children of the family it sat with last Sunday, are pre-teen and teen in age.  This is an age of extreme self-consciousness and desire to distance from anything different or embarrassing.  So although the hermit has not had occasion to speak with its director again, and considering the hermit most likely has more pain in morning than later in day, it might be best to not sit with the family in sensitivity to the children; and to attend the Saturday evening Mass.  

Perhaps the retired fireman and his wife would sit with the hermit, or better, just the simple sign.  Dr. H. has not returned the call yet, seeking his advice on potential other aspect of purpose in the ecstasy, but it sometimes takes him a couple or more weeks. He is in demand and very busy with his practice.  Dr. H. tends also to be very practical, so his insights always lend themselves to what the spiritual father has to say--who humbly and wisely always honestly says he really does not know.  Yes, he has been the only cleric who has had the wisdom to say he has never known of anything like this, but he has read of it, and most important, he knows this hermit's soul over a long period of time.

If any of this helps others, great.  While there may not be those who have experienced mystical ecstasy, it is quite different than contemplation or contemplative prayer.  Mystical ecstasy is a definite and powerful loss of all physical senses and faculties.  A person in ecstasy could be injured and not feel it during the ecstasy, or someone could try to lift the person or make the limbs move, to no avail.  The pulse is barely discernible, the breathing nearly non-existent in a physical way.

Yes, it is as close to the hermit's documented death experience between back surgeries 28 years ago this summer, as anything the hermit could describe.  But it still is not like the death experience--just close to it.  The death experience is total bliss with no intrusions...unless as in the hermit's case, one is sent back into the body to live out its time on this temporal earth and fulfill its mission.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  God so loves us, little children, and asks us to love one another!