Catholic Hermit's Living Word Boot-Kick

Yesterday, was good to make the trip to civilization despite the usual, increased pain aftermaths.  It is delightful to interact with others such as the occasional clerk, or the man where I get the black bark mulch.  As a child and into adulthood, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had been socialized well by parents who valued a well-rounded personality.  I'm grateful!

I can "shoot the breeze" as readily as not and most often evoke laughter as well as sprinkle some encouragement.  At times, I can also reflect upon suffering or share some lesson spiritual lesson learned in some unexpected way.  So now and then, a short period of immersion into the well-spring of humanity is very good, indeed!  Always, I return to the hermitage with prayer concerns from interactions with mostly strangers.

When I head into civilization ever couple of weeks or longer, the body pays a painful price.  Rarely is the rest of the day or night fruitful with physical efforts.  It is enough to unload the supplies purchased.  Then down on the mattress, and most often I turn to this little window to the world of cyberspace.  Therein I gain more prayer needs from review of news videoclips and headlines, or from an email or two with specific prayer concerns mentioned.

And recently, perhaps ever since I moved to this desert of exile of which circumstances too rough to have my harp uncased, I have gravitated to listening to music on YouTube.  Years ago when studying toward a doctorate in Clinical Psychology, the movement was in full force: the healing qualities of music.  I suppose there is great truth in this (and also gardening is quite healing--soil and plants!).

The fact of the matter, deeper in, is that love is healing.  It is the love within the creativity and expression of musicians with music and the love within the creation of trees and flowers, of food crops and even grass--that has such a healing aspect.  Love heals; God heals.  God Is Love!

This morning I awoke with tough pain.  At one point, the pain became severe, pulsating through the liver area of my right back.  I wondered if I'd be able to ride through the effects or if the episode would flare into the horrific pain episode a few weekends ago, culminating in the EMS trip to ER.  Thankfully, this morning's pain dissipated some; I have been up, moving around,  and am consuming the large cup of Green Glory (fresh greens and fruits, blended for kick-start to the digestive system).

Hosea is the prophet currently in the daily Mass readings rota.  This morning's selection is excellent, but my mind returned to yesterday's.  It struck me then as now:  a boot kick to the seat of my hermit body, heart, mind and spirit!  Yes, I need this in the current juncture point of yet accepting that I am not soon to pass from this temporal realm due to cancer, that I must adapt to greater physical pain, that I am slowed from many manual labor tasks and thus hindered from finishing the hermitage or able to sell it and move on to the next place....

See here, the boot-kick portion of Hosea 10:

"Sow for yourselves justice,
reap the fruit of piety;
break up for yourselves a new field,
for it is time to seek the LORD,
till he come and rain down justice upon you."

Yes, I need this reminder.  I need it as a strong boot-kick, far more powerful than the two glasses of Green Glory with some B-12 and caffeine added.  (Oh, my, what I am blessed with in order to help in any supplemental way the bodily fatigue incumbent with intractable, chronic pain!)

Powerful more than ought else, is the Living Word of God.  More powerful than a double-edged sword, His Living Word eviscerates our thoughts, emotions, memories, interactions including all aspects of our souls within.

Break up for yourselves a new field!  Today I will do that literally and physically if the neighbor lad does remember to come for some work.  We will use a pitchfork and trenching spade to dig the area where a brick path will be laid--the narrow path that few will be on.  It leads from hermitage porch to the front drive, a little-used walkway connecting hermit to the world-at-large!

Reap the fruit of piety!  Well, there must be piety in order for there to be insemination and growth with resultant fruit. Piety: the quality of being religious or reverent; holiness, godliness, saintly.  Well, it does seem that desiring God and striving to think of God above all things, is at least a healthy seed planted, and from there we must keep love of God in Himself the raison d'etre--the cause and purpose of our existence.

Sow for yourselves justice.  This is not so easily attained, we might think.  Justice is that of establishing fairness based on truth and goodness.  But it is not that we are to experience justice in this life.  No, but we are to sow for ourselves, justice.  We are to plant the seeds of justice; we are to prepare a soil rich to promote and inspire justice to grow and thrive in our lives and hopefully in the lives of others.  We are to do the sowing and not expect it to come from others, although it is always a blessing when it does.  What we can control of justice, is the sowing of it in and of ourselves.  That is a gift we are given that we can then share with those around us.  Sowing justice glorifies God.

It is time to seek the LORD!  I need this boot-kick perhaps more than the other aspects, at this moment of the present order of matters.  I need to seek Him right now, and to then get up and break up a new field--field of thought, of feelings, of spirit, of understanding, of love.

The Living Word of God is always His Thoughts, coming from His Mind.  The more we plow up that field, the more our thoughts will be replaced by His.  Perhaps this is the boot-kick needed most, today, and the reassurance of His justice coming in the form of His Wisdom, raining down on and within us.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another while break up a new field within us--plowing and sowing His love in our daily lives!

Catholic Hermit, Severe Suffering, Confession

The severe spinal headache continues, off and on and mostly on.

There are life factors involved; the temporal and tangible does affect our bodies, our health.  We must try to cope as best we can when there is tremendous suffering.  Medication does not always work well, and then what?

For such times, when it seems desperate times require desperate measures, when it seems we can no longer pray, we simple "be."

Take whatever pain medications we are blessed to be given, try to continue on with whatever way we might distract ourselves from the intractable pain, and also consider that other aspects affecting our emotions--wounds to the heart--also can contribute.

In that, we remember that Jesus can heal all wounds.  Ask Him to do so.  Ask for strength, for fortitude.  Try to maintain the outer even if the inner is in total chaos and seems near to hopelessness.

Yes, it is quite difficult to take in much rejection, to face disappointments with those who say or do without realizing the effect it has on others.  We can quietly work through these issues, doing our best to seek justice, but also there is the aspect that we ourselves have possibly said or done what has created others to react.  We may not even know exactly; or it could be that our very lives somehow become (or at some point in the past became) too much for others to be able to cope with.

Then, of course, if consecrated to God, if Jesus has consecrated our hearts, we must factor in that this means our lives are not going to be lived via a more typical course.  The wounds are going to come and be felt, and we must let go of the struggle to try to self-correct the course, to try to veer onto some "normal" path--akin to those paths in lives we see around us.

For a consecrated hermit, this is particularly true.  And for a soul whose heart has been wounded by, has been consecrated by Jesus Himself, years ago, the reality of that supernatural experience that had physical and temporal "signs" with it, is well to remember.  It is an experience that is best to be held and turned and viewed in its various facets.

The reality, then, becomes that of "What can you expect?"  Of course there will be tremendous suffering to the point that the heart seems on the verge of breaking.  The physical pain will also throb, and one can wonder at such pain in the head--and then recall another time, perhaps, in which the Lord emphasized to "Think with the heart!"  It helps to make sense of the reality that the head is in such suffering, that it cannot think that well; the heart must think for it.

The world sometimes can present such challenges and obstacles that are so very painful in all their emotional and mental details.  And others can make such hardships and even create obstacles or rules all the more painful when one begs for leniency on some rule or other.  This may be the case, such as in a business entity in the secular world, that it becomes a temptation to do whatever, to say whatever, to simply have justice in some temporal aspect.

One thinks of Jesus and the guys, walking through a field of wheat on the Sabbath.  Hungry, tired (and tired of extreme rules of what one cannot "do" on the Sabbath), they pluck some heads of grain to eat.  Yet they do not involve others in any deception.  They do not fight evil with evil.  It is not evil to eat.  Do we need to fast when the bridegroom is present to us?  He says not.

What does a consecrated hermit, authentically living the life as God's hermit, do when a sin has been committed?  Even in desperation, even if the outcome is just, even if some person in some position in the "world" has caused a wrong, even if in need and something is terribly wrong with a policy and an exception ought to be made for justice's sake, what if an untruth is part of the means to obtain justice in the outcome?

To whom does a hermit turn to confess a sin committed?  If authentically living as a consecrated hermit, a religious eremite, existing in the silence of solitude--to whom is confession and contrition for a sin made?

We make confession to Jesus, to the Bridegroom, here in our presence, here in our cell.  The Lord already knows.  He knows the obstructions, the unyielding and unjustifiable rule that someone in the world made even more severe out of a certain pleasure of power.  The Lord knows the injustice of it, and the desperation and all aspects of the wounded heart and crown-of-thorns head that help derange the mind enough to consider and yield to fighting an evil with another evil.

But, for a consecrated soul, for one whose heart has been consecrated by Christ to Christ, that way of fighting for justice does not settle well.  What has it come to, to do a wrong against a wrong to achieve justice?  Of course, it is a rather minor thing in actuality, and the world is filled with far worse.  Yet a soul consecrated by Jesus Himself, years ago, will go to the Lord in the quiet and solitude of its cell, and will confess and ask for mercy.  

The Lord will determine the judgment, minor as it may be in some ways yet major to a conscientious soul and definitely wrong in the ways of the world's rules of minds no matter how unjustifiable in the particulars of this situation.  The Lord hears and will decide.  The soul's heart will know the decision.  The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger and abiding in His love.

Confession for a consecrated hermit, authentically living his vows in silence and solitude, is a holy sacrament available in any present moment.  The confessional is the cell, and that "cell" also may be the consecrated heart which rules over the mind's will, given over in obedience to His Real Presence.  The high priest is Jesus Himself, and absolution and peace is His to bequeath, Sacred Heart to consecrated heart.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Let us love one another for love is of God!

Catholic Hermit Still Wants to Share

Yes, I still want to write about the insight on sleep of a couple or more weeks ago.  And there is the post I wanted to write last evening regarding a daily-life miracle that is powerful reminder of the Lord's constant watching over us.

As mentioned yesterday, shimming and setting and installing the bathroom base cabinets took much effort.  While using the power drill to cut 2 1/2" holes with a hole bit, the drill jammed at one point and whipped back the right thumb, giving it a hard yank and twist.

Then I had to deal with a cabinet drawer that is faulty--and that involved contacting the cabinet employee to light more fire under the rest of the cabinet issues yet to be resolved.  At least it seems there might be progress, and it has been determined best to not involve the cabinet representative because we've wasted a full year with his excuses.

Somehow, though, there is personal progress, for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had a steadiness and calm in making the phone call.  And this despite the reality of the consequence that if we don't get these issues resolved in a more timely manner than the year gone by:  remove the cabinets and return them for refund. Start over with a different manufacturer. 

Time belongs to God, and although myself and others have spent a lot of time installing all the cabinets in this hermitage, sometimes one must lay out the ultimate consequences when justice is not rendered.  Even hermits in our times have to deal with the temporal world; we pay for most goods and services, and we must hold ourselves and others accountable to just standards.

I don't think it will come to pass that I need to return cabinets, but I will if no proper resolution comes to pass on the visible issues that can be corrected, but not by me--or at least not easily.  I am no cabinet specialist, although I have learned how to install them.  But dealing with intricate hardware runners or needing to cut a drawer opening larger, I will leave to the professional cabinet makers.

Then I woke up with extreme pain in the low back.  Too much cabinet wrangling yesterday, getting them into position, shimming under them, lifting up enough to scoot onto shims--something irked the titanium rods which in turn irritated the many nerves that entwine spines.  

The thumb is so painful that holding a tooth brush caused chills from sharp pain.  Ah, a friend had sent a wrist brace as the left wrist has an old ligament injury.  This hermit wears the brace when that flares; and today it was flipped upside down to wear on the right wrist, as bands tighten somewhat around the area of the thumb that is so wrenched and painful.

Writing is not the easiest, but the thumb is not moving much at all.

So, praying occurs more "formally" on days like this when progress could have been made on mixing some Thinset mortar and spreading a thin layer on the bathroom floor, and cutting the Hardie-backer 1/4" cement board that goes over the plywood sub-flooring.  But tools in the right hand will exacerbate the thumb sprain, and the back is not fit to be much off this mattress--and not to lift cement board.

As far as "formal praying" goes, this hermit does not mean verbal or mental prayers.  No, what is meant is more prayer of stillness and of much suffering.  There is the praying of thoughts that are barely thoughts, for suffering becomes the message and messenger.  Suffering can be quite formal in a certain sense.  And the prayer when suffering is indeed a formal-ity that is meaningful.

Just about all else is swept from the present moment when heightened pain comes to visit, unexpected and unannounced.  One has to adapt to a shift from activity and distraction to what the Lord has in Mind within the pulsating pain that becomes an offering of love and prayer.  So that is what is formal prayer--a form of prayer that the Lord graces by means of unexpected circumstances that come with suffering.

Like many of us who are aware of and compassionating with the victims and families of the recent terrorist attacks, our prayers do matter despite what some in the media suggested otherwise.  Yes, "doing" is very important; action in emergencies can take precedence over the seeming inaction of prayer.  Yet not all of us can take action to effect circumstances physically, or at least not always.  

So we pray, and suffering-enhanced prayer indeed is a gift from God that is to be offered on behalf of Christ's suffering-enhanced prayer on the cross.  In the stillness and silence of serious suffering, all else is set aside in the present moment.  We suffer and love and pray.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children, as we love one another and love God above all things.

Courage

On occasion I look at Facebook to catch glimpses of the world--mostly photos of grandchildren or others for whom I pray and have concern and love.  I also enjoy glimpses of the world and all the needs, as well as a mix of how others perceive and think, what they like and do.

A daughter had taken one of the clever "tests" one sees occasionally on Facebook.  This one was to answer certain questions from a selection of possible answers, and the outcome would link your personality to a certain classic novel.  Her personality and life was representative of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I thought, "Why not?"  So I answered with possible selections as best would fit, although some categories were lacking, such as a more spiritual bent.  Yet, I think it somewhat captured my essence, factoring that To Kill a Mockingbird is my representative classic.

When did I read it?  Ah, back in my sophomore year in high school; my mother was my English teacher that year.  I did not nearly appreciate her enough!  And I also did not recall much of the novel other than I liked it at the time and knew it had to do with racial prejudice, set in the South and remains a classic.

So I did a little research; and yes, I suppose it does rather represent the idealism and truth for which I strive, and the frustration of the ideal not easily manifested in our temporal world, no matter what the truth-aim of any of us, even the Church.  

Yet, I strive in myself for integrity and honor, imperfectly, but with that ideal dangling.  And when I experience the persecution or see it, or find the flaws in what not need be flawed, it is painful:  a suffering without remedy in this life.

The closest I can come to achieving truth, beauty and goodness, is in the gardens, I suppose.  Humanity fails easily, especially in groups or in temptations to position, power and prestige.

 





















I found a quote from Atticus, the attorney father who lost his attempt at saving Tom from prison, as he was unjustly accused of raping a white woman in a time of prejudice without recourse.  (We still have prejudice of all types, even within spirituality.)  

Atticus was attempting to encourage his son who had been persecuted and physically injured as a result of his dad's even taking the case.  Scout, the daughter and narrator of the novel, had her own rose-colored glasses ripped from her face.  The world is as it is, and people are not all so kind to one another after all.

Atticus spoke of courage.  I love the quote.  It helps me today, to persevere despite the heat and weariness, the discouragement of so much manual labor but mostly the futility I feel in regard to suffering as a result of what some did and do in the name of Christianity, that is far from Christ's words and example.  

It has cost me dearly and has put me in exile within an exlie.  This may be for life, until I die to this earth and my body interred.  Some of us are like Tom in the novel, imprisoned unjustly but our lives spared from earthly death until earthly death comes as it always does, anyway.

"Courage is 'when you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.'"

I intend to have this courage.  I must see this through--not just the house that represents the Church in being made new, repaired, whatever possible--but my life in the temporal Church, such as it has been in exile for awhile.  I must see it through no matter what.

A Psalm Prayed

I prayed this, this morning, fervently.  There has been more judging.  It was already done, and I knew it, and my spiritual father knew it.  But I decided to have closure on it in a phone message yesterday late afternoon. My message will not matter, but it was right to express it.  This morning I wish I had this Psalm to remind the persons of just how awful to judge others, to have fear, to renege and also in that way, to persecute.

However, I see the last lines, and I know what is my task and responsibility, and I pray that my attitude have it as a natural joy:  to thank God and praise Him and to see the beauty of His Creation reflected all about.

It is frightening to think how we might be condemned to an eternity in hell for our wrongs to others, our unkindness, our making judgments when we don't really know a person that well, if at all, really.  But, it is frightening that I need so much more faith to grasp and accept the suffering life that is mine, and that in better times I agreed and offered.  

So I must pull up and out, and attempt to frame a small window today, from start to finish, as I think there should be no carpentry obstacles as with the larger window.  (I await the arrival of a palm nailer as I need something small and impacting to drive some nails into a tight space where the framing gun nor a manual hammer will fit.)

Yesterday morning's tune in my mind ended up being the late George Harrison's song:  "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace on Earth").  The Lord shows me that there are good people in the world, and then there are the not so good.  It does not necessarily follow that the good are in churches and the bad, not.  

But, I want to be good, and I must pray for goodness and mercy, and to be God Is Love despite the sense of isolation and not much other in the future than suffering.  If that suffering can become joy, and if I can accept and let go of desiring not suffering, I'll fare better in the short and long run.  I need and ask His Real Presence to increase me faith.

I find the Psalmist's words rather chilling--his request of God to let their table be a trap for them, for God to pour out His indignation upon them.  Well, perhaps that is what it takes for us humans to turn ourselves around some.  Especially those of us who are in churches of any type, or those who are to be alter Christus'.  Aren't we all to be imitators of Christ, to be his followers and disciples?  So this is for each and all of us, this Psalm, if we have done any of the wrongs to anyone, ever.  Yes, it is chilling to find such writings in Scripture.  So often we want to claim the lovelier, the less condemning.

 Ps 69:15-34

Do not let the flood sweep over me,
Answer me, O Lord, for your steadfast love is good;
   according to your abundant mercy, turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant,
   for I am in distress—make haste to answer me.
You know the insults I receive,
   and my shame and dishonour;
   my foes are all known to you.
Insults have broken my heart,
   so that I am in despair.
I looked for pity, but there was none;
   and for comforters, but I found none.
Let their table be a trap for them,
   a snare for their allies.
Let their eyes be darkened so that they cannot see,
   and make their loins tremble continually.
Pour out your indignation upon them,
   and let your burning anger overtake them.
May their camp be a desolation;
   let no one live in their tents.
For they persecute those whom you have struck down,
   and those whom you have wounded, they attack still more.
Add guilt to their guilt;
   may they have no acquittal from you.
Let them be blotted out of the book of the living;
   let them not be enrolled among the righteous.
I will praise the name of God with a song;
   I will magnify him with thanksgiving.
This will please the Lord more than an ox
   or a bull with horns and hoofs.
Let the oppressed see it and be glad;
   you who seek God, let your hearts revive.
Let heaven and earth praise him,
   the seas and everything that moves in them.