Christian Mystic Hermit Catholic: Correspondence with Thoughts on Day's Scripture Readings

(Correspondence with friend X, am earnest and sincere, life-long Catholic who suffers but not physically so much, but with mental illness.) 

While numb, the thumb and fingers are not currently burning so badly with pain.  I turn to my innate way of expressing from within to without, and without to within, relieving the temporal and longing for the Divine.   I'll add that it is very consoling at all times, day and night, to realize that God is we us; we are always with the Lord.  Never a moment goes by in our existence on earth or in heaven without His Real Presence.  I assume those who reject Him eternally are not; Jesus has said what happens to those souls.  It is sad; ;but there is always hope of conversion and deeper conversions.

I think it is beautiful how you pointed out how Jesus will come--with a voice like an archangel and with a trumpet of God (Thessalonians 4:16).

The news is very upsetting; it is hard to take my thoughts from the Americans and the thousands of Afghan allies whose lives are not in danger of torture, rape, and slaughter. It was preventable, but God will teach all of us the consequences along with those who allowed themselves to be influenced by a political party gone awry and some outlets of main stream news media driving complicit narrative to the public.

All I can do is pray and now return to the silence.  Turn off the noise of which all I can do to help is pray, and ask God's mercy.

It is yet another day of this Gospel in which it is as if Jesus is showing me the way, to walk through the midst of so much confusion and corruption in political "leaders",and also in what I have to face of the temporal church world.  Walk through the midst with Jesus and go away--rather than be thrown off a cliff, so to speak. Walk away with Jesus.  Be consoled in His Real Presence.

And then address my own choices that I make each waking moment and the ones I've made in the past--just yesterday, even--as to how I think and act and say and feel, how I love or grouse, how I depend upon comfort or am upended by pain. What I am not doing for God, and what little I am doing for Him--or that I could try to do more than suffer! I let the pain and the exhaustion of pain get to me, I suppose.

The orthopedic surgeon's PA said too soon to have the knee drained due to the steroid injection.  I did not realize it has only been six or so weeks since it was drained and injected.  I called back and asked if she could drain it--and not give the injection?  Having it drained would surely relieve a lot of pressure and some of he pain.  But I was told that it is the injection of steroids that keeps the swelling down.  But if it gets intolerable, I can call again and see if she might let me come in to have it drained.  It is very painful, and I notice how grumpy and exhausted I become from pain--and really not much I can do about it because pain causes fatigue, and pain causes a shift in ability to cope as well.  

Yet in His Real Presence, and with His Real Presence, I will strive to endure even though it seems unnecessary.  Surely getting it drained would help the pressure which is why there is pain in the nerves in there. I feel guilty for my bits of suffering compared to those trapped in Afghanistan and stuck living there under terrorist rule.  We will see what God does about our country, though, and our so-called leaders.  We all will suffer the consequences; that is how it goes on earth.

How was your appt?  Does the doctor give you ideas and suggestions?  I have felt that my coming to reality of my situation with the temporal church is not helpful to you, nor is it uplifting even if the truth of matters.  His Living Word is truth; but we don't see it easily when we have been used to what is taught as doctrine but actually are human precepts.  At least there is a remedy, and that is reliance upon His Living Word and in His Real Presence, and to converse with His Real Presence; and hopefully I will listen and try more to walk through the midst of all that, and go away from it in all aspects, for nothing is forcing me to even consider or think about that, and I can learn to not be triggered by reminders. 

No humans can change the system that has been for a long time; it is like any and all systems.  But there is good to be embraced and good to be rejoiced of various aspects that are of His Real Presence and those who follow Him and adhere to His Living Word, and to God's law of Love.

It seems there is not so much in the world itself to "love" except His Real Presence and His Creation, and those  souls created by Him and made easier if they follow Him and abide by His Word.  Yet we are called by His Real Presence to love our enemies, and to evangelize, spread the good news of His Real Presence and the means to learn more as in His Living Word and prayer, and to be consumed and consume in His Real Presence in spiritual communion.  

With Covid-19 and the strains coming from it, there will be not so much tangible consumption of His Real Presence in the form of tangible, consecrated Host.  I think His Real Presence in consecrated wine has ceased totally due to risk of transmitting the virus. But our souls in His Real Presence are quite capable by His power, to partake of His Real Presence spiritually.  Our souls and minds and hearts and bodies go through many graduations and evolve in our journeys which are the journey of our souls to God and into eternity when He chooses us to depart the temporal life, bodily.

Regardless, we can console one another with the truth that God is always with us, and we can always be with and in, God:  His Real Presence, the Trinity.

Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!

Illegal Catholic Hermit: Pattern of Spiritual Practice

Sharing another of St. Philotheos' wise instructions from his Forty Texts on Watchfulness [nepsis], much if not all can be applicable to any Catholic hermit.  

[Note:  "noetic" is from the Greek noesis/ noetikos, meaning inner wisdom, direct knowing, or subjecting understanding.  As defined by the philosopher William James (1902), noetic refers to "states of insight into depths of truth unplumbed by the discursive intellect.  They are illuminations, revelations, full of significance and importance, all inarticulate though they remain, and as a rule they carry with them a curious sense of authority..."]


"2.  When engaged in noetic warfare, we should therefore do all we can to choose some spiritual practice from divine Scripture and apply it to our intellect like a healing ointment.  From dawn we should stand bravely and unflinchingly at the gate of the heart, with true remembrance of God and unceasing prayer of Jesus Christ in the soul; and, keeping watch with the intellect, we should slaughter all the sinners of the land (Ps 101:8). 

"Given over in the intensity of our ecstasy to the constant remembrance of God, we should for the Lord's sake cut off the heads of the tyrants (Hab 3:14), that is to say, should destroy hostile thoughts at their first appearance.  For in noetic warfare, too, there is a certain divine practice and order.  Thus we should force ourselves to act in this way until it is time for eating.  

"After this, having thanked the Lord who solely by virtue of His compassion provides us with both spiritual and bodily food, we should devote ourselves to the remembrance of death and to meditation on it.  The following morning we should courageously resume the same sequence of tasks.  Even if we act daily in this manner we will only just manage, with the Lord's help, to escape from the meshes of the noetic enemy. 

"When this pattern of spiritual practice if firmly established in us, it gives birth to the triad:  faith, hope, and love.  Faith disposes us truly to fear God.  Hope, transcending servile fear, binds us to the love of God, since 'hope does not disappoint' (Matt. 22:40).  And 'love never fails' (1 Cor. 13:8), once it has become to him who shares in it the motive for fulfilling the divine law both in the present life and in the life to be." 

The habitual practice of training our minds, our intellects, by the training of the will to choose some aspect of Holy Scripture and apply it to our minds will bring a healing, as the saint mentions.  Plus, the remembrance of God and with the attitude of unceasing prayer (not necessarily the mentally conscious prayer so much as subconscious love of Christ in form of prayer in the soul) will help keep watch over our intellects, our thoughts.

Destroying "hostile thoughts at their first appearance" is a training of the mind and will.  Through daily practice of remembering God and the prayer of Jesus [the saint likely means the Jesus Prayer:  Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner], we will develop a strength of mind and heart that is ordered and freed from "the meshes of the noetic enemy."

St. Philotheos points out that when we have this spiritual practice established in our daily lives, we will live out faith, hope, and love to a degree of union in the divine law of God's love:  Union with God.

I will try to practice more a pattern of spiritual practice that forms my intellect and will based on a Scripture selection or verse, and to pray the Jesus Prayer in its essence if not striving in praying it specifically as much as possible with the conscious, and then asking my angel to help me hold the intent in my subconscious.  

While physical pain or other tasks do distract the conscious mind, surely with asking His Real Presence, the Virgin Mary, and our angels to help in spiritual practice, we can find ourselves more in tune with faith, hope, and love and in approaching union with God in increasing measure and holy effect.  Worth trying and putting into practice, what will be helpful to whatever extent:  Spiritual progress!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

[I admit that the pain level has been so high lately, that I'm having to offer the pain instead of much focused spiritual efforts in training the will and keeping watch on the intellect.  However, today in doing quite a bit of standing in an act of charity, of thoughtfulness of other, I did consider my vow of consecration of suffering and how indeed I did offer many aspects if not all, of suffering.  Also, I need to practice reacting in love to calumny and indignities I find myself suffering.  So I did that--tried to patiently pray and react with loving attitude within my mind and heart; and the situation did somewhat turn from what it had been to much better.  But the Good Lord is allowing me pain that has me feeling at times as if in another reality!  Suffering seems long, sometimes....]

Catholic Hermit: Another Dream, Telling, and Humor

When awakening, very early morning, pain per usual tough, I was rather grateful that had I dreamed, I did not recall.  Dealt with some brief correspondence, knowing my hibernation status, of being in custody.  Fell back asleep after awhile, after as has become my morning inclusion, prayer and happiness for R, thinking of his rising in his transcendence of physical pain, feeding his animals, and heading to his work place where he is in field of helping others with healing or such.

I was in the culmination of a dream when I was awakened by a phone call from a family member, a rare call; we've not seen one another in over 15 years.

I was thankfully rescued from the peak of the dream!  Albeit humorous, as some dreams go, though, in the unfolding it was not.  Yet this dream was telling, of various layers, and easy enough for me to discern the message--and also to appreciate the humor for which I'm grateful and need.

In the dream, I was being prepped for another spinal surgery.  (My actual physical pain was signaling my mind, and the mind was imaging the effects in the dream.)  A surgeon came to talk with me, and he was a band director who retired when I was in sixth grade--old then, and even older in the dream (not to mention having passed from this life about forty years ago.  

He left, and when I was told was half hour before surgery, a different surgeon came to say the other one could not do the surgery, but he was stepping in.  This surgeon who began readying me for surgery, happened to be in life my great-uncle who was also old in the dream, very old, as he had lived to nearly 103 years of age, but has been passed over 15 years now.

With seeing this great-uncle as my surgeon, and with the surgery time nigh, I began to panic with the reality that matters were getting worse for me, not only having to have another spine surgery but that the surgeons had no medical experience and were getting even older in age as they appeared to me.  So I called on my phone, trying to reach my parents to get help, as they would know the great-uncle not a surgeon and with in life his heart-stoppages in late years, my fate was in desperate circumstances.  But the number was not correct, and I could not reach my parents.

That was when the here-and-now phone call rescued me from the dream.  I (in rare prudence for me, but I'm praying and trying to improve) asked the person calling if I could call back, that I was still in dozing mode.  That gave me a chance to deal with the dream (we know how dreams can sometimes be stunning or take a bit to shake how real they seem), and to figure out another aspect of it that is of value.  I realized the phone number I was calling in the dream, of course was my parents' phone number of decades ago, but it was the phone number of my long-time friend's parents home phone.

Amazing how God allows our memory to access whatever needed through dreams (and often in waking hours or times of crisis, when we are open and needful of help or also soul instruction.  More of the dream began making sense to me, as the surgery part was yet another indicator from my physical body that my pain is severe.  I considered the two surgeons--the old band director who even back then seemed especially old to an 11-year-old, and the great-uncle who was also elderly for much of the time I knew him, considering he was 50 years my elder already, when I was born.

I did not think of all these aspects immediately, for I tended to calling the family member back after I got a grip on pain, got coffee to help the always-headache, and prepared a bowl of oatmeal to bring back to my bed where I eat reclining.  I simply cannot sit with the pain as it is, since surgery.   But portions of what the Holy Spirit needs me to recognize and to do what I must do, on my part, in response to the dream messages, have come to me off and on this day.

Not knowing for certain, but knowing with a kind of spiritual nudge, I have apologized to the old band director and to the elderly great-uncle, for anything I may have thought or commented upon, or criticized or judged even in nuance--not knowing for sure or remembering specifics, but with the old band director I did feel intimidated by him as he was stern and a large man, so my child sense then was one of caution for various reasons, a sense I had of wanting to stay clear.  But no doubt I may have thought or spoken negatively, or had unnecessarily criticized in my mind.  

As to my great-uncle, I have no conscious idea other than when he did pass, I did not go to his visitation or funeral; my mother was very ill, and I was worn out and felt I could not have energy to interact and converse. I remained keeping my mother company in her health care room at a nursing facility. I felt guilty for doing so because this uncle and his children who were my dad's cousins, I dearly love, and he and they had been generous, helpful, and supportive of me and my children when I returned to hometown after accident, divorce, and life-altering back surgery.  But I made a choice to not push myself more than what I felt I could manage.  

So today I've made my heart-felt apologies for offenses to either of these men in whatever ways; and I pray for them, as well, as prayer is always good when we are reminded of anyone.  

And then I dealt with the phone number of my long-time friend's childhood home and on through the parents' long lives.  There was a specific reason why that was the number I was calling repeatedly in the dream; the Lord is keeping before me, a reminder of the consequence of having hurt deeply the long-time friend recently, and of which I am accepting of consequences after apologizing.

But that linkage with my friend and reminder of my wrong-doing, my sin, includes the story line of the dream, of my being prepared for yet another back surgery in the dream and the reminder of my rudeness in not going to the great-uncle's funeral.  (And perhaps some rudeness or other I committed as a child to the old band director; I will assume some fault of mine, for I was wary for whatever reason, and perhaps unfounded and that is the fault.)

The linkage is of my wrong doing to friend, but also the reality I'm coming to accept, that I am worn out from years of physical pain and years of suffering, and of the various trials that by the grace of God I've lived through, but of the many times I pushed myself beyond pain limits to a point of trying to be or do for others, or even be in conversations or whatever other, when I simply should not have done so.  For therein I get myself into trouble, over-invest in other people's lives and business, or do not filter thoughts and feelings in a compassionate or prudent manner.

I asked the Lord to forgive me for that--for pushing myself beyond limits when He does not expect me to, even if it seems rude or selfish of me to not go or do or converse.  There is a pride in this, that I have, and so I asked God's forgiveness for my prideful self that somehow has thought I could handle interactions or push myself to do, when in actuality and humility, I most certainly could not.  It is when worn down from pain and suffering, that even my inner senses pick up on aspects that stay with me, and grow beyond what is best in intensity, and stay with me for a long time.  It is hard to shake off and to also filter or refrain from comment or doing that which causes hurt or upset.

It is not the silent preaching of Christ that is part of my hermit basis, set forth by the Church for consecrated eremites.  Even if there are some points of truth or whatever, or a sensing of something or other, such as perhaps picking up on something in the old band director's demeanor or temperament, prayer is best and prudent in any situation.  And this is true particularly when my life has been for years formed by pain, suffering, and one trial after another.  I am not safe to myself or others unless quite limited physically, for pain opens me up in ways most could not begin to comprehend; and silence of solitude and the Lord's protective custody of me is crucial.  I grasp this all the more, even though I have been shown it in the past off and on and reel myself back in.

But I am back to hibernation, and this is what I was told and shown 34 years ago when my maternal grandmother whom I'd called out to for help, appeared to me in a corporeal, waking vision, and told me I would need to learn to "hibernate like a bear" for protection from the world.  There is more to that vision, but I've shared it before, I'm pretty sure, and the hibernation and why, is the point, and this morning's dream brings up aspects of what the Holy Spirit is providing in this hibernation.  He is digging up, bringing to the surface, persons and themes of past flaws and sins, and allowing me the kindness of time to ask forgiveness and repent.  

Plus, I am grasping with this greater level of continuous, bodily pain than ever before, how wrong it is of me to even consider going back, of thinking of taking on more interaction, than what limited amount God brings. I must not tempt myself with reaching back in or pushing myself more, but simply to let go of what is past and done, and not also replace with other interactions.  See my pride in thinking I can handle being drawn out into the temporal world even if would seem charitable.  

I must attend to managing pain and doing well, handling well the few and brief encounters the Lord brings to me.  Learn prudent self-control, such as not talking or trying to go and do when I am, myself, in the condition of "Father forgive me, for I know not what I am doing."  

I must prepare my soul for my temporal passing whenever God wills, when Jesus returns to take me with Him.  Seek to progress in the spiritual life, devote my life to praise of God and for salvation of the world, pray for all, be penitent, and  above all, to love:  to love to learn to love as best able.  Love God in Himself above all things, and love others and self as God loves.  Embrace the grace of suffering the same as I embrace the grace of God's delights.  

Embrace being in God's protective custody, hibernating like a bear for protection from the world in my life that is to be a silent preaching of Christ and a hiddenness yet manifesting to everyone the interior aspects of the Church, that is, the personal intimacy of Christ.

The more I grasp and remind myself, the more I write it out, the more I will be subsumed into His will in these matters, and I will better live the Gospel Rule even if in silence of solitude.  My spirit, if it remains in Christ and in His love, will greet whomever God brings in spirit, or the few He brings in temporal actuality.  I can be with others in the Holy Spirit without effort beyond what my pained, fatigued, and mishap-prone-but-penitent person.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Rejoicing in gratitude in the Holy Trinity!

Catholic Hermit: "The Warmth Of The Sun"

The following song, composed by Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) amazingly soothes when my body is cold but more importantly encapsulates a metaphor.  The lyrics represent in metaphoric comparison the evolved relationship of the temporal Catholic Church world with this consecrated Catholic hermit.  

I so appreciate not only the lyrics but their rich symbolism, especially of the sun (and Son: Christ Jesus, Son of Man, Son of God).  The "love of my life" is represented in the Catholic parish, the temporal Church world, or as a priest referred a couple of years ago, as the "secular Church" as compared to the mystical Church, the mystical Body of Christ, the spiritual Church.

I have the warmth of the sun [Son] within me tonight....  

The warmth of the Son is with us always, even when the temporal aspects of the Church do not necessarily feel the same way toward our love of the temporal aspects of Church.  (One can gather the depth of meaning and experience the truth, beauty, and goodness in our souls' evolving in the growth that comes from our lives progressing in His Real Presence, no matter what befalls us.)  

In faith, we continue on trusting in the Most Holy Trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Enjoy and absorb...the warmth of the Son.  He is with you tonight, the true and eternal Love of our lives!

Catholic Hermit Praises God for The Nibbler

The little table out by the road upon which this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit places choice, fresh, organic produce is ever a source of lessons and praise.

A few days ago I awoke to a scene out there of smashed, large, ripe tomatoes.  Yes, I'd left some out there as I've done before, as sometimes (often) I cannot get the body physically up off the mattress very early in the morning.  At first I was rather crestfallen, as it was rather destructive, and I thought of the soup base those tomatoes would have made--blended, frozen for winter soups.

However, I then decided it was better to think that some raccoons had gotten them, smashed them.  That was a happier thought than had a passer by done it, for animals are creatures of habit without moral values even if they have temporal souls (while we humans have eternal souls).  [See the section in The Catechism of the Catholic Church on "souls", as St. Thomas Aquinas did masterful writing and had great insights, well-thought out, on the topic of plant and animal, and human, souls.]

Then, over the past week or so, there has developed a situation at the roadside table in which I place out gorgeous, mounded quarts of berries and tomatoes (cherry-size plus some small plum-size beauties).  When I'd go out to check if there needed to be more produce and to collect any contributions, I discovered a "nibbler" had been there.  Quarts were nibbled down halfway--not all but one or two or so.

Well, this was rather discouraging, for I strive to provide "omnia pro Deo"--all for God and my best for God for others even in quarts of produce.  I like it to be bounteous and beautiful, fresh-picked, and sumptuous-tasting.  So if quarts are nibbled down and I do not catch it, some other passer-by may not get the full benefit of bounty and generosity.  

(I never suggest donation amounts for I am striving to detach and totally let God provide.  People may or may not contribute, and I learn to see my own reactions and accept if there is nothing or something, little or much.  It works well this way for my spiritual progress as well as to see how greatly God provides, helps me pay the water bill, compost cost, seeds and plant start costs, and this summer left over to pay my medical bills that popped up unexpectedly.)

So when I first noticed The Nibbler's effects, I was a bit discouraged and put out, frankly.  I considered a small sign at the table saying that if one is hungry or cannot contribute, that is all right--to just take the quart and enjoy it!  But then I decided to wait to see if it would continue.  

It did.  The Nibbler (or perhaps there are more than one nibblers) continued to snack, nibbling down quarts part-way--but also began leaving contributions for the snack.  I figure The Nibbler may be a hiker or cyclist who enjoys the refreshment and wholesome energy boost, en route.  There is nothing remotely nearby, otherwise, to get anything to eat or drink.

And I started to notice that The Nibbler began to leave contributions for the half-quart of snacking.  And I noticed that the contributions were more than generous--plus, if I'd get my head and heart turned Godward, I could see how masterful the Master in making me do more walking and picking to fill up the quarts and return them to the roadside table.  The contributions tend to me more than what i could hope for in a full quart contribution from generous passers-by.

I make out very well, particularly in learning to appreciate The Nibbler for providing me with yet another lesson in perspective and in turning all to God in the positive ways of goodness and fruitfulness that God always provides if we see it His way.  Someone gets a delicious snack along his or her route; I get more exercise and stretching in walking and bending, picking, and replacing; and I also get, most of the time, probably more a tangible contribution than had a person taken the full quart.  

(Sometimes people leave nothing or very little; and my perspective on that is learning the positive of detachment, trust, appreciation and the reminder that all this is God's creation and effort, even down to the energy and ability for me to plant, water, and pick.)  

Definitely, I can praise God for The Nibbler.  I see that I am by far the beneficiary of all good in this effort of a little roadside table and offering fresh, organic produce which depends upon what has grown, ripened, and people desire.  The crows twice got the corn plantings before I realized they were the sneaky culprits. 

I learned about "row covers", and now I'm awaiting with hope, if the weather holds, some corn beyond the 8 ears thus far that the crows did not snatch early on of the plantings.  Yet, a raccoon or two has become "nibblers", and I am dealing with them in a man v. nature mode.  The bird-netting for the berries had a brown rat in it the other day, and I apologized to the rat but explained I was not a saint and thus did not quite have it in me at this phase of my spiritual development, to reach in and try to untangle it.  

I prayed and asked the Lord to ease it from this life peacefully, as the critter was toward the end of its struggle when I happened upon it.  The next morning, some other creature had enjoyed sustenance; the rat had been disposed of, probably in a hawks maw and stomach.  I shared this experience with the grandson who called this morning.  He, age 9, informed me of the scientific term and concept:  nature's food chain.

Praise God for The Nibblers, human and creaturely!  Praise God for bounteous produce, for all He gives us to eat and share, and for generous contributors in our daily lives.  God provides!

Catholic Hermit: Progression

When one has a major God-pivot in thoughts, there is progression.  When we pray for that which God wishes for us, there are answers in movement, in shifts of the soul.  Also we will experience alterations in our relationships and temporal circumstances.

A cousin on my father's side has asked me to write recollections of his life.  Her mother, my aunt, recently passed at nearly age 97; she is delving into old photos and plans to write an online book of family history.  Her mother had shared and jotted down information on her parents, cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles but had not shared that much of her siblings--two brothers.

While I had to put off the request until after a daughter and grandson came to visit and help me with some manual labor here at Te Deum Hermitage (most don't know the name or if do, need to remember; God knows and you anonymous readers know), I have pondered some of my dad's life.
I initially wrote just a segment to my cousin, of a pivotal time in my dad's life that I find yet today to be inspiring and helpful.

However, I think my cousin took it as negative, or more suffering from my life.  (I had also shared with her that I was stopping the negative thoughts in the first waking moments and stretching into an hour or two depending upon severity of pain.)  She wrote back that her mother always told her to never think back on memories or worries for they will strip us of energy.

That is true; it can do that.  Especially memories that we perceive as negative, and unless we can forgive and see some positive aspect to what was past.  Often, we struggle to truly find positive in downright horrible situations of our past days and years.  But if we can locate the positive or even come to a point in our thinking that those situations really were inspirational or prepared us for greater accomplishments and a far richer, deeper life experience, then looking back can empower.

When the daughter and grandson arrived here after a long journey, we had two nights and two days of sharing and working.  They stayed in a tent which ended up being rather an interesting experience; it gave a new "look" to this old farmhouse and property.  It added an element of color and fun, and also of sacrifice.  Their sleep mattress had a slow leak; and their was so much dew one morning, the grandson and his shoes had to dry out.

We got the rest of the vaulted ceiling installed.  This required more cross-boards nailed every couple of feet or so between the ceiling joists, plus I had to stuff in another layer of insulation so that the entire result is R-49 insulation factor.  Then we had to one-by-one, fit, tap in, and trim nail each board.  The exterior wall tends to lean out slightly in some areas; there are light fixtures that need careful measuring and cutting boards to fit around openings.

Up on ladders, each of us working hard, the grandson handing us the nail gun or boards.  We climbed up and down so many times and craned our necks so often--especially when we had stubborn boards of which we had frequently.  Some were warped a bit, some bowed.  We took a few breaks, of course.  This old nothing consecrated Catholic hermit pushed the body for time was of essence in having help with a ceiling that otherwise I could not at all do alone.

During one rest break, the daughter reflected upon the progress made in this house.  She encouraged by pointing out we had two-thirds of the ceiling boards in.  She then admitted that she really did hope that somehow I can finish the place.  She said it would be quite an accomplishment as well as could be quite a charming house.

We discussed the various hardships in all the work done here, often with her and her husband's help, the little grandson assisting--and always, always the various obstacles that we'd encounter in here.  (The place does need to be blessed; the priest remembers yet has not called to set the date.)  But we also mentioned how we'd overcome each obstacle, frustrating as they have been and on-going at a rate far higher than what could be ever considered typical.

Then I mentioned my dad and the request to write a bit about him.  And of all the marvelous aspects of quite an impressive human being--a most handsome gentleman, intelligent, calm, loyal, faithful, patient kind, tremendous smile and sense of humor, solid Christian, WWII veteran, great provider and protector of his family, excellent golfer, man of many long-time friends as well as always new friends--I had been thinking of his drinking problem.  Alcohol had a tremendous grip on his existence.

At age 46 he quit drinking. I recall him calling me into his room and very seriously and quietly telling me he was sorry he had a drinking problem, and he was stopping.  He had joined Alcoholic's Anonymous.  He showed me a small coin he was given with AA on it, plus showed me the Serenity Prayer, and he told me he was never going to have a drink of alcohol ever again.  He never did.

The problem was nothing we ever discussed outside our family and never discussed it with him--we children did not.  We all had prayed, though --aunts, uncles, my mother, grandmother, and we children.  He just stopped it--quietly, resolutely, and forever.  Never another drop did he drink.

I told my daughter during our ceiling-work rest break that I had stopped my negative thoughts upon waking as well as my struggles of wanting to be out of all this work, this hardship, this overwhelming task of what I'd gotten myself into:  a real estate mess of a house mess.  

I added that perhaps someday the grandson would come to a point in his life in which he had a major decision to make or some personal dilemma or issue within, affecting his life and attitude.  Maybe he would think of me and remember how I persevered, how I changed my attitude, how I did what I could with what I had, including with severe pain.

There is progress when we can look at some aspect of the past and find strength in what otherwise could be viewed as negative.  I have two siblings who see the negative of their childhoods often enough, and the negative remains yet.  My own thoughts have been negative far too long, and I am convinced that since the Lord had my will die and replaced it with HIs, He also has shown me that my mind is in the way of His Mind.

I suppose I had hoped that He would replace my thoughts with His Thoughts in some easier way than my having to simply stop my thoughts--the negative ones to being with.  The ones that rile against the physical pain and desire death or desire to not have to face the work load here, to have it easier, to be rid of the burdens.

But no, progress requires perseverance and sometimes just stopping something we are doing, thinking, feeling.  Just stopping it, telling ourselves "No!  Knock it off!"  Change the thoughts or shove them away, and do a major God-pivot.  Frequently in the midst of obstacles on the tongue-in-groove ceiling project, I would pray within for help in figuring out how to get the wrong-gauge nails from being jammed in the trim nailer gun.  

Or I'd ask Him for help with a ceiling board that would not go in, and another and another would not, either.  My daughter figured out the problem!  The Lord answered the prayer by utilizing her ability to solve the issue!  And then I'd lose some tool in the mess in here, amidst my rising pain level which always fights for space and power in my brain--and I'd pray asking Child Jesus to help me find the lost object.  And then praise Him when it would be found.

Those are little, every-day God-pivots.  But the major one has brought the greatest progression and shift in my soul, and that is of the thought alteration.  The thoughts are gradually (and with effort, though, for God is not going to sprinkle magic dust in my brain any more than He had the death of my will be painless) shifting to positive, and each morning it is easier already to not at all have negative thoughts first thing, or wish daylight had not come and I could somehow be on the other side, out of my suffering body.

When my daughter admitted that she hoped, deep down, that I could finish this place she explained that it would be so amazing and would prove other people wrong--people she said who doubted it could be done, that I could actually do it.  
I shared with her the day I went outside so wanting to be away from it all, and I asked the Lord if I should just bail out of all this--and His voice said to me, quite clearly:  "What miracle would there be in that?"

It is true, there would be no miracle in that.  Nor would there be any miracle or God-pivot if I did not simply stop my own thoughts and allow God to have sway and dominion over my mind.  Why bother asking Him to replace my thoughts with His Thoughts if I am not going to clear space in my mind for Him?  How could He possibly get a Word in edgewise if I make no room for Him in my mental "inn"?

What miracle would there have been--and indeed what lasting legacy of human strength and life-altering perseverance--had my dad not stopped drinking?  Remembering that aspect of his life and the particular turning point is what has augmented my own determination to simply stop the negative awakening thoughts and the discouraging and despairing thoughts about being stuck in such hardship.

I had to confess to my daughter that the most difficult part of stopping my negative thoughts are when the pain rises; that is when I tend to lose a grip on it all.  She said that is to be expected, for how could that be easy?  And it is not, and yet it was not easy for my dad to stop a habit that is actually physiologically and psychologically ingrained, involving brain chemistry (new research on dopamine levels being low) and emotional hurts and how such can become quite addictive.

But, the Lord steps in, always.  As soon as we pray for spiritual progress, as soon as we are shown and are able to see for ourselves some aspect that would be better, would bring us closer to Him even if we mis-see it more as temporal improvement--the Lord provides the strength necessary for the progression to commence, for the God-pivot to be successful.

We have no idea how the Lord will utilize the legacy of whatever God-pivots we make in our lives nor of how many or which people might be affected for the better--even long after we are freed from our mortal bodies.

There is a chain-reaction, though, of circumstances and effects once we begin.  I could sense it with my daughter and grandson--the shift the Lord is providing within me is affecting them.  The cousin who wrote back did not realize that my sharing of what some might consider negative was quite positive, and that I no longer need to be considered in terms of sorrow and tough situations one after another.  

I can see that when my thoughts begin to be replaced with God's Thoughts, and I am increasingly freed of my old thoughts, that it will take awhile for others to become comfortable with and used to the God-pivot effects.   They might need to shift, themselves, for their way of relating with me will change.  Those who can, will.   It is a form of letting go of ourselves as "possessions."  For what we possess can often possess us, and that includes ways of being and perceiving.

God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, we are; and little children progress and grow, from one phase to another, cyclically, in love of one another and of God above all things.

Catholic Hermit's Surprise

I did not think that others would so quickly realize how wondrously challenging it can be to simply God-pivot and free ourselves from various prisons (or another metaphor for what we allow to hinder us: bad "marriages").

So I this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had quite a surprise when two spiritual friends with whom I'd been rather harsh (but not nearly as harsh as I've been on myself) made contact and were grateful and determined to step up to the next level on the stairway to heaven, with me.

The view changes, and we must get used to the perspective, the new challenges, the adaptation to freedom. 

Like true prisoners released, however, the old, learned securities of how we had been, of our habitual cells and chains, tempt us to return.  (It is said that sometimes released prisoners commit another crime in order to return to prison when their freedom and trying to adapt to the outside world becomes too difficult.)

Yesterday I had some thoughts of pain in negative terms that quickly were shooed away.  There were frustrations with using the framing nail gun after months of health challenges and too much time resting.  I did not get the cross-brace 2x6's nailed between the vaulted ceiling joists.  The nail gun was heavier than I recalled--until I faced the reality that my muscles have weakened.  It is going to take time and physical effort to rebuild, and today I continue on with the overhead project.

So we must continue on with adapting to and rejoicing in the next step.  I thought much yesterday of St. Paul and St. Peter--of the times they were imprisoned and of the angel who stood outside the cell, telling them to walk out of the open cell door, light all around.   Surely there were other prisoners in the prison on each occasion in which one or other of the apostles were imprisoned but miraculously set free?

The other prisoners did not just walk out through open cell doors.  This fact reminds me that we all may not be set free at the same time.  Some may need more incarceration, and that can be due to not having the God-pivot moment of seeing that often we are the ones keeping ourselves jailed.  Sometimes it can be that we have allowed some situation or person to keep us locked into negative, imprisoning circumstance, thought, emotion or spiritual darkness.

I suppose the God-pivot I've been experiencing is literally God's angel standing at the door of my mind and heart and spirit, shining light upon my prison cell, and showing me, telling me, that I can simply walk free.  Just walk out of it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually even if I cannot bodily leave my own body or living situation in a physical manner.  The other aspects are so freeing that the physical fades with the new perspective of a higher step on the heavenly stairway.

Then the consideration presents itself:  The apostles freed by walking out of their jail cells when the doors were opened, their chains unlocked did later on become imprisoned again.  And once again they were able to escape. This may happen to us, repeatedly, phase by phase, or even a recurrence of some of our old habits or "crimes."  Or,  we may be in a type of parole, with our angels checking on us and reminding us to stay "clean" and to avoid our incarcerating habits of which we'd been freed.

Eventually, we will have the ultimate freedom from the daily, temporal distractions and habits that imprison us, or at least try to lock us into place, keep us from walking up the stairway to heaven.  That freedom will be as it was for the apostles and for anyone who has lived: we will physically die.  

But if we have freed our minds, hearts, and spirits by God's grace and mercy, and have walked repeatedly out of whatever cells of which doors have been opened for us, we will not consider physical death so necessary a final escape.  We will have already walked free in eternal essence, that which we take with us, our minds, hearts, and spirits.

Such a surprise to this consecrated Catholic hermit, that at least two have not chosen to remain in their cells and are willing to walk out of their cells, as well--as best we can, of course.  We try.  And like others, we may find ourselves tempted to go back to prison in one way or another.  We may find ourselves in the same cell or in some other prison cell, but we can be freed as many times as we are imprisoned.

God provides the God-pivot!  He is Love and Mercy!

Catholic Hermit Seeks Forgiveness

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit does this often:  seeks forgiveness.  And the Lord forgives as do countless humans along the way.  And we have to learn to forgive our own short-comings, also, and to seek forgiveness within our hearts and minds for others.

But in the tremendous God-pivot on-going, to be in tune more with my hermit vocation and yet more so with my life in Christ Jesus as a soul, I have come to face some realities of self.  Ironically, they have also jolted some others, for we do not strip ourselves in isolation.  And our God-pivots often affect those we encounter or with whom we have contact, such as in correspondence.

I have realized that I was fed up with my bad "marriage" to pain and suffering.  Pain is a marvelous experience in life; pain is a solid companion in this life.  However, I was allowing pain to imprison me in ways not positive.  Even in this morning's Gospel reading for Mass, Jesus is firm with his followers that He will be handed over to be killed.  He was forewarning them of the reality of His crucifixion.  They did not want to believe it; they could not accept it as reality.

In my pathetic bad bondages, my own imprisonments to some faults and habits, I now seek forgiveness even of you readers who log on to see what a consecrated Catholic hermit writes of its spiritual journey, often enough over the years and various blog site titles, to read some complaint or description of the physical pain.  Or else read about the little details of temporal life gone awry, or various other obstacles in temporal issues, relationships, and so forth.

And this is indeed part of this hermit's spiritual progression and journey, the attempt to climb the stairway to heaven; but also it is an imprisonment when I have not risen, not taken the next step or two or three, up the stairway.  When I remain at a low level of repetitive relationship such as to physical pain or the details of temporal renovation ills and obstacles--what good is that doing readers or anyone else in my life who keeps in email or phone contact?

So it is that I seek and beg forgiveness for my difficult and slowness in grasping more of the personal guidance and loving good marriage with Jesus.  See how long in life in just this aspect of pain and the distraction of such as hindrances with the temporal daily details--see how long it has taken me to move up the stairway, to refuse to stay on the same step or to go back down.

And to think I have wasted God's time and others' time in repetitive complaining, to think I've allowed dark thoughts upon waking with high-level pain. For pity's sake, it is only pain and nothing other.  Just pain.  So why let pain imprison me like I have?  Well, I do not know for sure why, but I have; and that is but one example of bad "marriages" I have made with temporal details.  It must stop.

The God-pivot is causing the progress now, of becoming unstuck.  And this includes some people who have contact with me.  It is amazing, that this morning I prayed for one in particular who was upset with what I had written of my being fed up with the stuck-ness I have been in for a long time, and what it means to God-pivot at least in a few instances.

And the God-pivot became my message for this other person as well as yet another who wrote.  Yes, we were all stuck, and what good was it for all of us to remain stuck?  Yet, also, how loving is it to remain stuck with others, and not suggest we break the imprisonments with which we have jailed ourselves?  One person was rather upset.  Yes, it can be painful for us to see what we have done to ourselves, what we have allowed.  Those aspiring to union with God do not want to remain stuck or to back-track, to slide down the stairway to heaven.

By this morning the person was coming up with inner strength renewed.  She started to "get it," and yet the work ahead is not going to be easy.  I, also, could see how difficult the next step or two.  Doing a God-pivot in one person causes a chain reaction, for one person who needs to pivot to God more, to take a step or two up the stairway, brings about a cause-and-effect.  Some respond well and others might not.

Yet do we not take the step upward because we fear others not understanding or being fearful of the changes that result with movement?  Did Jesus say, "Just kidding.  I won't be going to Jerusalem, after all; no one is going to hand me over to be killed because I will avoid that.  I don't want to shake up your lives, either, or make you vulnerable to spiritual growth by means of more persecution for my sake."

He did not say that, nor did he shrink back from taking the next steps.  And it did shake up his followers' lives; and they did pay a price for their own God-pivoting next steps.  Following Jesus is going to always be one of movement and progression.  If not, then we are not following Him, not picking up the crosses, not seeing ourselves as He sees us deep down in, not recognizing the hindrances to our climbing the stairway to heaven.

We have to risk relationships when we are following Jesus, when we take necessary steps for ourselves to break out of our prisons, to climb the stairway to heaven, step by step.  The view from the next step or two will change; our perspectives will alter; the relationships we have might shift, as well.  It is all good even if painful beyond physical pain.  Remember, it is only pain and nothing more.

So I considered this morning how the two persons reacted when I let it be known I needed to do a God-pivot of more major proportions, to break out of my prison, but also to let go of conversations and repetitive plaints of stuck-ness.  Should we remain stuck if others are not ready to take the next step?  Did Jesus wait for the rich young man to go home and figure out if he could sell his "possessions" (conceivably break off his prisons and bad "marriages" accumulated in the details of temporal life)?  No.  The young man turned and left, and Jesus obviously walked on in His mission.

So must we.  And if those who seek our counsel and friendship need to go off, to go back, and to take more time to make the connections and see the God-pivot, that is fine.  We are none of us at the exact same "place" along the path of spiritual life.  However, there will be those who do get it, or after some initial upset start to see what one or another is trying to share of what he or she has started to see and grasp for him- or herself.

Is it selfish to not share what we are experiencing and what the Lord has pointed out to us, such as an insight on a much-needed God-pivot?  I rather think so.  Yet it is risky to share an insight for by doing so, it can sting or even stab at the heart of another's own stuck-ness.   A chain reaction occurs; and that is good for either way, at least one person will climb to the next step on the stairway to heaven.  And often the others take the step, too, or do in time, when they are ready or the Lord prods them more, or from someone other.

I was asked this morning if it would be a God-pivot to do what another person demanded of a temporal detail, such as to eat what the other person demanded be eaten!  Was it a God-pivot to submit to that person's demands to eat food that one does not like to eat, and does not want to eat?  Is it a God-pivot to avoid the person who demands such things from getting angry?

So we see, we deal with some serious imprisonments in our lives.  To submit to someone who is not kind, not respectful, ill-tempered, and bullying is not doing a God-pivot.  It is doing a bully-pivot, of pivoting to a human being who has become a jailer, often due to our letting that occur over time even if we did not know better way back when such imprisonment started.  Habits form that way, and it is nothing we ought grieve too much about.

I have had that imprisonment, that bad "marriage", also.  I have dwelt too often and too long on my errors of the past, of my poor decisions--naive or not.  Or I have grieved too long and much over relationships that the Lord simply was freeing on all fronts and sides for some other relationships to enter in, or for the growth of the persons involved, to relationally also, take the next step.  That, too, is doing a God-pivot, for the purpose and point is for improved connection and relating.

Now, to God-pivot today, to what the Lord shows of Himself, of His Living Word, of the power and strength He gives us when we take necessary steps to leave the prisons of our temporal lives for the climb up the stairway to heaven, making sure we do not dally on one step far longer than what is beneficial to our own souls and in that, always, what will assist others in their own soul progression.

Simply with the one person God-pivoting from upset and insular thinking that I no longer wanted to know the repeated details of being bullied, to realizing the truth and that there is hard work ahead but progress, at least, in communicating feelings to the bully--that is a God-pivot.  The step has moved from fearing I would not remain a friend, to seeing that God gives strength to rise beyond and above stuck-ness.

I am feeling that tremendous love and strength from His Real Presence, as well.  This morning was the fourth morning of waking up in horrible pain, per usual, but in refusing the negative thoughts, the despair, the sense of being stuck in this temporal prison of pain and also on-going manual labor trials.  I just stopped it.  Broke out of prison, and I thank my angel for helping to open the cell door and showing me the way out:  God-pivoting!

Some relationships will go the way of the rich young man who walked away because he could not yet give up the possessions of what imprisoned him.  Yet, we tried to help those to take the next steps. Just as some have tried to help us take next steps before we were ready to see our own imprisonments and that we allowed the situation, the thoughts, the stuck-ness.

We should never resent it or hold anyone back from stepping onto the next step, from rising up the stairway to heaven.  If we are wise, we will do all we can to rise up or at least take the time we need to ponder and to pray for courage to step up when ready.  There is nothing unkind about the process but only good to be shared even if the fruit takes awhile to ripen.

Catholic Hermit on Devil Involvement in Our Souls

In the spiritual realm and of the soul, the devil is allowed to be involved at certain levels and in certain ways.  St. John of the Cross proposed what consists of the levels or "rings" of the soul.  Further, there are certain levels or rings to which God allows the devil access.

Why allow access to areas of our souls?  It is the Lord's way of strengthening us in faith, in learning how to combat the forces of this temporal life, in learning how to grow in the spiritual life, and in allowing us to progress as souls in preparation for eternal life with the goal of heaven:  spiritual perfection and union with Christ.

In spiritual combat, the Lord gives us all manner of assistance.  But for the purposes in this post, I simply want to explain the diagram of the levels or rings of the soul and give some examples of how the devil is allowed to involve himself in these areas.

Picture in your mind a large circle with smaller circles going inward, circle or ring by ring until the very center circle.  This entire large circles with rings gradating toward a center circle, represents our souls.

The outer ring represents the senses.  God allows the devil to involve himself with our senses, to tempt us at the physical sense level: what we see hear, touch, say, smell as well as all temporal objects and physical situations, pain, pleasure, actions, and through objects.

The next ring represents the emotions.  God allows the devil access to interfere with our emotions, our feelings.  The devil does this through creating upset, disturbance, extremes in sorrow as well as in happiness. Yes, extremes--the devil works through utilizing extremes especially with emotions.

The third ring inward represents imagination, or images.  God allows the devil to create images such as false visions, distressing dreams, horrific scenes in our inner sight, and also to warp our "imaginations" with a variety of visual effects.

The fourth ring represents memory.  Ah, how successful the devil can be when allowed to induce thoughts of the past--longings and inner remembrances of how things used to be either better or worse, whatever disturbs the soul the most.

The fifth ring represents knowledge.  God lets the devil try us by presenting false ideas, false facts, distorted information, and also tempts our pride that we have superior knowledge when, in truth, we do not.  The devil uses the knowledge we have to give a sense of confidence in what knowledge we think we have, and then let us fall flat.

The sixth ring represents understanding.  God allows the devil access to our understanding, for what better and higher-level area of being than to confuse that which we understand, as understanding is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit?  By testing our understanding under hell-fire, we face ultimate conquest or derision.

The center ring of our souls contains two aspects:  our intellect and our will.  The will is in closer proximity to the center of all creation, the center from which we proceed forthwith, from God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit.  The devil is not allowed access nor involvement with this center area or ring of our soul.  God keeps the intellect and will protected.  Thus, there is nothing the devil can do to disrupt our wills or our intellects.  

All the other aspects are the areas in which the devil can interfere, and if we are not watchful, if we do not learn spiritual combat techniques, it is through our senses, emotions, imaginations, memory, knowledge, understanding--that influence and cause us to, by our own intellects and our own free wills, to cave to these other influences.  But as far as the will and intellect, the devil is not allowed access.  The damage comes when we do not combat the deceptions and disruptions that evil can cause in the outer rings or lower levels of our souls.

How is this, then, that our will and our intellect are off-limits to the devil?  In this innermost part of our souls, the very center of our souls, while the will and intellect are each within, it is the will that is in first position, or primary, and closest to our Source: God.  Our intellect is interconnected; and at its best and height of spiritual progression, the intellect unites with the will in a ceaseless cooperative interaction with God.  

When (and we ought pray for this grace and actual occurrence) our will and our intellect become God's, or rather, more technically when God's Will and God's Mind flows and fills ours--in effect replacing our will and intellect, usually one and then the other--then there is supreme, holy cooperation and providential grace in action.  

Divine Union occurs when the totality of our soul becomes one with God, and this does not happen in our earthly lifetimes or would be quite rare if possible.  The senses, while being usually the first area that the devil works his tricks on us, is that which gets in the way of Divine Union while yet alive.  This is rather obvious, since our bodies bind us to this life until we die.

However, other aspects of our souls, other levels, may have union with God even if briefly, while we are yet in our mortal bodies.  And in some instances, some aspect or other or more may over time, find union with God while we yet are on earth.  The process termed purgatory is the continuation of our soul progression.  

Well, I am verging into far more than that of this post's topic: the devil's involvement in our souls, what God allows, and brief explanation.  Simply being aware of these aspects of our souls and the various ways in which they interact and also how we can be deceived, is quite helpful in combatting successfully, the devil's attempts to get our intellects and wills to sin or ultimately, to ruin our eternity in union with God.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Turn away from evil and do good!  Praise God in all things and love one another as Jesus loves us!

Hermit Headache

This is the third day of a most horrific spinal headache.  Would love to blame the Cabinet Combat as the reason for the headache, but the low back has been burning with pain.  There is a direct correlation, of course, as pain and nerve endings go together, and nerves are rife in our spines, from the lowest of sacrum to the highest in neck.   And what is on top of the neck?  The skull encasing the brain, thus head and head-ache.

The great idea for writing reflections of each chapter of Hebrews, each day, already has missed three days.  This is the reality of living in the Order of the Present Moment.  We may have desires and lovely intentions, but the present moment in which abides His Real Presence, may have other plans in His will.

But today I will try to write some reflections for Chapter 2.  It does not matter if profound or deep.  God is pleased with whatever our loving efforts.

And today there will be a call from John at Lowe's. He is a youngish man who was sent here yesterday to have a look at these lemon cabinets, fraught with flaws and problems having not been remedied in over 13 months.  The hermit tried to impart the problems and the need for the cabinet company or the cabinet department employee, or anyone to take some action.  

However, looking back (isn't that a marvelous capacity we are given by God--to be able to look back and see errors as well as wisdom and always His will at work in our lives?) I see that if they'd have corrected five of the errors 13 months ago, there were yet to be several more problems to come.  In fact, when pointing out a grossly warped cabinet door, John opened it and said, "Oh, there is a big crack here, as well!"  I had not opened that door in weeks and weeks.  Who knows when it began its journey down the inside of that door?

How many more cracks are awaiting eruption and movement?  How many more cabinet doors are planning to warp?

So the young man's grand idea that he will somehow be able to fix the numerous issues and flaws, even though the cabinet company no longer makes this line of cabinets, seems flawed in itself even if seemingly genuine and hopeful.  He thinks he can find a professional cabinet maker to construct new doors and drawer fronts in some cases, and to get the exact finish to match the other cabinets.  I'm not sure who he can find to make a tiny plastic, multiple-pieced, runner guide for drawers, given the cheap ones on the drawers snap and no replacement ones that we know of.

This nothing consecrated Catholic or perhaps more catholic hermit has Precious Blood backed up near the deck and the dolly in the bathroom.  The best plan may still occur today after John's return phone call.  Remove these lemon cabinets and return to the store.  I've already told them I don't care if they refund; I've lost far more in life over the years with bad deals, bad products, and horrible "raw deals" involving raw people and raw situations.  I can live without cabinets.  God will provide, surely, so that I can continue to make payments on the cabinets for another five years.

What difference does it make, really?  But no sense in continuing on with something that is rife with unfolding issues.  Tangible, temporal "things" can be that way.  My error in all this is to have ignored the odd glitch at the very beginning with a cabinet installer who came to measure, said not a word about his supposed "rule", and later having the store cabinet employee say that "Scott" will not install the cabinets if ordered before the drywall is up.  Did not make sense, although he took the $85 charge for coming to measure.  That, he did.

It seemed strange because the cabinet employee and I had meticulously created the kitchen plan on computerized graph design program.  Just used the room dimensions and added on 1/2" per wall for drywall.  No big deal, right?  Then the hermit was told that the promotional on the cabinets would be the last of its kind, of being a very good sale promotion.  Had better order before it ends.  Seemed good enough plan as installing cabinets can be tedious but just takes some shimming, leveling, and time.

When there is some odd glitch, up front, this old hermit should know better than to proceed.  The other day the store manager said he'd never heard of Scott's rule and thought it seemed wrong and odd.  Ah, yes.  And the manager said there are always promotions; but on my part, I can consider that perhaps not exactly the same types of promotions, giving benefit of the doubt.

In the spiritual life, we are far more assured of success than ever in the temporal.  There is a holy safeguard against proceeding when there is a glitch or obstacle at the beginning of some process--safeguards all along the way.  His Real Presence never lets us down.  There are no lemons in the spiritual life; the Stairway to Heaven is solid and even "fool" proof.

Even such as I, a currently spinally-headached, incapacitated hermit, can climb the stairway to heaven while yet in cabinet combat.  The stairway is the safe bet, of course.  All aspects of my soul's progression will be remedied, one way or another, by God, step by step.

As the young man, John, and the young female clerk he brought (along perhaps as witness, for John said he was not expecting the cabinets to be so well installed, nor did he expect to see so many cabinet issues), this hermit here gave them the last wrapped and beribboned slab of Fortitude Fudge--of the creamy, milk chocolate variety.  They were thrilled with the gift!

Perhaps that was one step upward.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Grasp the scepter of righteousness!  Love freedom and hate wickedness!  Love one another, little children, all!

Catholic Hermit: God Provides!

"God Provides!" has long been a motto of many, including this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  Increasingly more, the Lord reminds me--and reminds me to remind others.

Yesterday was able to finally get in Precious Blood (used pick-up truck) and venture into civilization for some needed provisions.  Picked up the bathroom "holy door" from the lumberyard, and stopped at Lowe's to find out from Don what is the status of the on-going cabinet issues.

I had not seen Don in some time, and the last time, I noticed he seemed kind of shaky.  I thought it was due to the firm email I'd sent regarding his not handling the issues that are on-going these 13 months.  He was trying, but it seemed ridiculous for a man his age and fastidious nature.  But yesterday, with time lapsing from seeing him, I was stunned with how thin and gaunt his appearance. It is as if he had aged ten years, once I recalled his outer appearance even a year ago.

He must be ill.  In the night, I reflected upon the many times he seemed to forget to ask the cabinet rep how to correct the issues, or the time lag in ordering a proper-size cabinet to replace one that was not long enough, above range, so that the microwave will be proper height, and "code."

Why have I not been praying more for Don, specifically?  Rather, time has been spent, and mental space and emotion, focusing on the issues rather than considering there must be something within, going on, beneath the surface and not simple incompetence of an otherwise kind and careful man.

God provides!  He provides those for whom we are to pray, and He provides reminders and lessons in returning to focus on souls while concurrently handling the here-and-now temporal responsibilities. Yes, I must be responsible enough to have these cabinets functional.  How could I pass on to the next person living here, cabinets with various flaws?  God would not provide such attitude or moral ill!

When I did return to the hermitage--worn out, pained, hand injury flared--there were a couple of emails.  One was from an account:  They need more Fortitude Fudge!  Send the milk chocolate and the bourbon varieties!  The other email was from someone desiring three more dozen St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Balls.  "Can you do this and have them here by Wednesday?"

God provides!  Just when I had felt once more that I could not quite push through the "other" side of the recent pain siege "storm," His Real Presence is providing the impetus to keep active in what I have come to call "bread-crumb" jobs.  These are small tasks that I can break up into segments, such as making the fudge but needing it to set for ten hours or so before cutting and packaging.  Or dividing the efforts in making bourbon balls--segmenting, such as now, resting before rolling and wrapping.  Even the fact that my thumb is not needed to roll the balls:  Yes, God provides!  It is His way of providing therapy both physical and emotional!

The love and praying that I pour into these bread-crumb jobs is perhaps why people comment they've never tasted such good fudge and bourbon balls.  Why don't I do that with every single task--when answering a rare phone call or such as conversing with Don over the need to get the cabinet problems resolved before more time lapses?

God provides the gifts of prayer and love; but it takes a strong will and desire to learn to remember and utilize what He provides--love and communication with Him that can change our lives and situations and actually change our and others eternal souls!

And on a purely tangible and temporal level, God provides the means and ways of our lives.  I am going to make it through to the end of this month financially now, and that is good because the pole barn roof is leaking and new French doors need to be more tightly hung.  Raphael answered his phone this time and says he will come this morning to have a look and hopefully correct at least the French doors not being tight enough together where they meet.

God provides!  He provides for all our temporal needs.  Yet, He most importantly (really!) provides for our souls' spiritual growth.  He provides plenty of stretching in our lives, and sometimes He provides complete upheaval if we are heading in a direction He does not will--of course, when we have prayed at some point in our lives the simple prayer that we desire to be in His will or to do His will.  Maybe we prayed that as a child--but time is God's, and He may step in years later if we are going astray in some way that is not even immoral or dangerous in any temporal aspect.  But it may be that we simply are not doing as He wills for our spiritual lives and our souls.

God provides!  He provides the love and the suffering and the means to learn to love to suffer and suffer to love.  Perhaps it is the tremendous pain of this hermit's body that lends some flavor to the fudge and bourbon balls, lends some impetus to the prayers offered for those who will eat them?  God provides in all aspects of our human and eternal existences that the thought and listing is infinite.

God provides!