Catholic Hermit: The Seven Deadly Sins

"Repent, therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be wiped away" (Acts 3:19).

Did a little review of some good ol' moral theology.  Here's the easy, go-to-list of the seven deadly sins (not that the consequences of sin and various wrong-doings are "easy"):

pride
greed
lust
envy
gluttony
wrath
sloth

Consider these words as rather vast categories; expand their breadth to visage, image, expansive multi-facets.

Then consolidate down to personal-riveting drill bit, torqued, and battery charged.

As is stated, "These sins are often thought to be abuses or excessive versions of one's natural faculties or passions."

Over the centuries, the Catholic Church (persons therein, such as theologians and spiritual thinkers, inspired, and teacher-writers) categorize sins as mortal and venial.  Mankind seeks order and understanding; we are more secure with reason.  We want a sense of things temporally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. 

Mortal sin's gravity is tested by whether or not the act itself is intrinsically evil and immoral.  A benchmark for gravity is that the person must know that what they are doing or planning to do is evil and immoral.  Another gauge is deliberate consent: the person must freely choose to commit the act or plan to do it.

Mortal sins imperil our souls, and venial sins complicate ours and others' lives as they are still wrongs done but less serious breaches of God's law.  Of course, determining the categories and breadths and depths and impact and consequences to our lives, others' lives,  and ultimately, most importantly to others' souls and our souls requires discernment and "judgment."  This judgment is that requiring critical thinking skills and wisdom, ability to discern right from wrong but also have perspective as to particulars, details, mitigating or aggravating circumstances, and numerous other considerations.

Conscience comes into play in determining if our actions are sins or not, and if so, what "value" ascribed such as grave or less serious; a person needs a well-formed conscience and a degree of mental capacity to be able to judge one's own actions and thoughts.  Or we need to find someone with a keen conscience, mind, and strong levels of the virtues in order to help us judge, discern, decipher what we have done if we are unable to see for ourselves.  In fact, it is often a great spiritual benefit to have another person adept in discerning and making wise judgment to help us sift through our thoughts and actions when we have caused harm to others and ourselves even in the slightest of ways.

I'm not writing here of becoming scrupulous--to nit-pick over ourselves to the degree of narcissistic morbidity which is on flip side self-love gone awry to finding a perverse type pleasure in agonizing over every thought and action we make daily and often nightly.  

However, there are times when our thoughts (less often) and our actions (more easily noticed due to external aspects and of which other people see or are affected by our wrong doings, our sins) are not so easily detected for us to discern and judge and make correction.    This is true especially when an emotion of sorrow, shock, anger, or other such feeling enters; emotion seems to be a trigger point for committing wrongs, and emotion likewise seems to be what masks our wrong doings from ourselves and also can tempt us in providing ourselves with excuses for what wrongs we've done.

I'm trying to refrain from examples for they will come from my own lived experience that involves others.  However, please think of the above statements, and I also think examples will come to mind.  Or, I can use myself in a recent re-reckoning of a sin I committed in writing of a situation and the persons in it.  I did not intend to cause hurt, at least not consciously.  In self-examining, I cannot say that even subconsciously I intended or wanted to hurt anyone.  

However, I felt shock in something I had to face regarding others and the situation; I had great sorrow in each persons' lives; I had frustration in that my previous attempts to try to bring reason and logic to one of the persons was not going to get through or bring about change; and I had outrage and anger in the effects of behaviors of one upon the other.  So I turned to writing about the situation and my means of trying to work through my own issues in trying to digest and let go of it, through spiritual means.

I also had verbalized to another and even I think another who knew nothing of the persons involved, but listened to my upset, concerns, frustration, and inability to bring about change when it was getting to a point that one person was going to be further at risk.  I could have taken action in calling upon professional intervention, but the situation was such that it would not be easily discernible what was evolving and had for a long time.  So I prayed, but my own impatience and emotion, hindered my self-control from verbalizing which I did in writing.  

Even if anonymous, someone read it who found it or else one who alerted the subject read it, and thus the person of half of the situation was deeply hurt, and hurt then causes anger, upset, outrage and actions.  So wrong doings, sins even if venial which include lack of wise discretion, lack of ultimate faith in silently leaving the situation with God, causes the person who is in a situation of upset and wrong, then also makes choices in reacting to being essentially accused of doing wrong, even if the person has aspects of issues in which cannot see the wrongs, the rejection, the whatever that in turn has harmed a situation which was the basis of the whole mess to begin with. 

So we see by my even trying to give an example of the ways of sins (venial sins in this case although the one hurt might think it a mortal wounding) that examples become complex, yet the ultimate reality that surfaces after writing or reading the ins-and-outs of the ripple effect of errors, mistakes, wrongs, sins--is that of a mess of chaos.  

And for those (and we all have degrees of this in us) whose modus is needing to have control over situations, others, and life itself, the result of wrong doings no matter the impetus that gets the ball rolling, is that there is loss of control.  The result is loss of peace inner and outer, loss of control over reconciliation, loss of future outcome as sin is very much a riveter of usually bringing the past alive in the present moment in order to try to eradicate it.

On a more concrete note here, a bit more on venial sins....  Venial sins tend to follow along one or two of the same conditions met in mortal sins.  The thought or action is immoral or intrinsically evil; there is full knowledge of these; there is full consent to knowingly commit the wrong, the sin.  So venial sins are minor violations of moral law.  

Venial sins weak the soul but do not kill the grace within the soul.  But venial sins weaken our inner strength and purity of thought and emotion--of soul.  Venial sins--infractions showing our weaknesses in one or more virtues--cause more venial sins in ourselves and in the ones seeing, knowing of, or experiencing the effects of our infractions and weaknesses.  This is the ripple effect of wrong thought and wrong action.  

Our venial sins can cause reaction in others that tempts them to not only their own venial sins in reaction but to mortal sin depending upon how they are affected by even the most minor of sin on our part.  Bullying is one such venial sin that can result in the recipient committing not only venial sin of anger, but can also cause the recipient to act on that anger either toward mortal or grave sin against others or more likely, on themselves.

There are volumes that could be, and indeed are, written about morality in the sense of study of God, or theology, and of sin--mortal and venial, of the consideration of virtues and vices, of mitigating conditions, of discernment and judgment, of consequences, examination of conscience, spiritual guidance, confession, forgiveness given and forgiveness received, forgiveness accepted or rejected.


We can even begin to grasp that such as our own wrong doing--mortal or venial sin--can be a result of someone else's wrong whether or not the persons grasp or are psychologically able to grasp, or of situations from years past and what might trigger us to react in a way that we lose virtue and commit sin whether venial or mortal.  (The labels are simply for our ease in analysis and learning with the goal of understanding and correction over time, in our lives.)

Yet we must not fall to the temptation of recognizing that what we may have done that was wrong and hurtful, was a reaction to what others had done or persisted in that was wrong and hurtful, or that what we or others were doing or thinking that was a later-on reaction from others' actions or ways of being years before, of which the behaviors and thoughts and ways of doing and thinking triggered or in part caused or affected the wrongs or sins later in life.

When sin is involved, no matter if we consider it an error or lapse, a mistake, or a sin of grave matter--we must stop ourselves dead in our tracks and not get into excuses for ourselves.  We cannot analyze nor go through examination of conscience for others; that is not our due process unless asked or employed in that line of work.  We can reason the various aspects and conditions when examining ourselves and what it might have been that triggered our thoughts and caused us to act or speak or write wrongly, or why we harmed others, if we intended to or not.  

When our sins, our wrongs, our vices are involved, we must remain in the present moment and humbly embrace our mea culpa!  I have sinned against my brother and sister, against myself, and against God through my own fault, my own fault, my own most grievous fault.

Once we express our remorse and sorrow to those we've hurt or wronged, whether or not the other is able to forgive or also even be able to forget to some degree or other, or for other/s to ask that question of if there is some aspect in myself or themselves that reflects in any particle the wrong, the sin, the other/s committed--we must pick ourselves up and move on with the prayer and resolve to actively work on changing the vices we have and also changing the conditions in which we are tempted to sin. A bully needs to stop bullying as much as the bullied will want to avoid the bully. A spouse who had proven unfaithful will need to either stop the infidelity or accept the wounded spouse will need to decide if can risk further wrongs or can forgive and continue on, or if the unfaithful spouse is being unfaithful due to factors that both are not willing to change.

On another similar but very venial level, someone emailed of upset with returning to a parish FB site and finding inner feelings of unrest and of critical resentment or perhaps more it was boredom in noticing the same persons were yet unable to grasp that faith in God can be of spirit and within.  The women were yet clinging to externals of faith, much as Mary Magdalen tried to hold onto Jesus who said "Do not touch me!  I have resurrected!  I am with you always in spirit and truth!"  

Those on the FB site wrote  of  clinging to such as church bells ringing and their needing to drive in to listen to them as an external show of piety or religious fervor since in our time of COVID-19 pandemic and stay-at-home orders no one is to gather, and gather places are to remain closed.  They were going into the church building, with photos posted of the pews roped off other than a small area in which people were to sit for the youngish priest continues to ask them to come and pray.

The person emailing felt guilty for the inner feelings of disagreeing and of sense of passing judgment. Was it wrong?  This is an example of emotions and feelings helping us to discern, and to stop the emotions before taking action such as trying to explain to the FB persons about the kingdom of God is within, and that Jesus is not the church bells, not the sounds of ringing; Jesus is not wanting them to come in and risk getting the virus nor of taking it home to their families; jesus is not lonely for Jesus is through, with, and in us wherever  we are.  No--the person had already tried to explain and comment was censored, was removed, and the posters went on the attack of that person.

The feelings of resentment and some anger were signals that the person had graduated from the level the FB parishioners were yet in soul school.  When we graduate from one grade to the next in school, or when we take a new course in college, do we continue to remain in the previous grade or with those in certain courses when we are to move on to other courses?  No! So do not cling to where others are in their lives when we have been moved on.  And this can be a necessary aspect to ponder and pray about when we have committed a wrong or a sin, or are tempted to in thought before we commit a deed.

The late country singer Kenny Rogers had a well-known hit single titled "The Gambler." A line we may be familiar with is due to the value of the simple, applicable truth-to-life inherent:  

"You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away,
Know when to run...."

Often in our lives, when we are faced with temptation to sin, venial especially, or when our virtues are being challenged by the vices we try to keep in check, we need to consider the situation and thoughts we are experiencing, living in, facing.  Or if we have already committed wrongs--sins venial or mortal--and look at "the cards in our hands, the cards we are dealt or picked up ourselves, current and of what aspects of past included.  Determine what to do with "the cards"--keep playing, or fold them.  Continue in the situation, or know the time has come to walk away either in the instant for a few moments, day, or let the consequences unfold and play out.  And in some cases, we need to know to run away from further complications that tempt us to sin in thought, word, and deed.

I advised the person emailing wanting to know if was sin--the person's feelings and thoughts toward what was being written on that FB site--to consider if there was anything the person was benefitting in drawing closer to God, or in further spiritual growth by what was being written?  Why was the person having feelings of unrest and some critical frustration within?  Could it be that it is a simple matter of the person having grown some, or that over time the person's faith had evolved and was a simple matter of time to go forth and have leave-taking of those who are not growing in the same ways or time frame?

Avoidance of occasion of sin, deadly or harmful (for the person who is recipient of our sins might feel it was deadly and killed some part of them, and the person doing the wrong in thought or action can lose a hunk of inner life, very much so, in committing sin)--is a major factor in the spiritual life.  We literally need to be open to learning to play the game of the soul's life in Christ.  We have to learn the rules of charity but also in that charity to know the rule of spiritual detachment to our will and of doing what is best for others and ourselves in avoiding occasions of sin.  

Sometimes it is God's will that we remain in circumstances, situations, relationships, and sometimes God's best and will to graciously have a leave-taking knowing that we never "leave" nor are the others or a situation "left" in a vacuum.  When there is a leaving, at the same time there is a going to or a coming; and that means for all involved.  Releasing means also reforming, re-entering, re-giving.

This has been an especially long post.  I have yet more to write regarding my hermit vocation, of the circumstances of the individuality of variety of hermit experience and ways the Lord forms the unique vocations based upon the unique circumstances as well, very much, as the variety of souls.
Perhaps more on that topic, but for now I'm still having trouble motivating myself to rise from the bed-tomb, despite this now the third day of First Week of Easter and the New Life.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

[I've enlarged my type font due to my eyes weakening with age!  Reality therapy!]

Catholic Hermit Prays to Put on Love

Well, wonders never cease.  The Lord has shown my impatience, on the one hand.  Yet it was probably my Christmas Eve phone message to the parish administrator, promising my prayers for her and her family,  my apology for popping off previously, over frustrations, and then I mentioned the couple who was to bring Communion had never made contact, but it was all right.

Four days later I received a phone message--from the woman of the couple who said they'd bring Communion!  I waited awhile to pray and consider before returning the call.  As it turns out, the woman had a bad cold the past month; and perhaps, I consider, she did not know I had been told they would contact me, thus no phone call explaining she had a horrible cold.

It was a good experience, though, for a lot of pain and upset of the past erupted on Christmas Day.  I grieved what had transpired in my Catholic existence over the years, much of it painful.  Yet the spiritual growth also brings with it, fruit.  There is even fruit in recognizing how painful can be the spiritual journey and the stretching that occurs, also, in seeking intently after Christ.  Some lives have a lot of suffering; and the eremitic vocation is not easy at times, either.

Before returning the woman's phone call, I determined to stick with the truth of my situation.  She had already been told some, and that telling, my couple of spiritual friends and I felt, would make the couple wary--and thus my assuming they were not going to be in contact.  So in the conversation, I mentioned this with humor, and I also honestly mentioned that I hope somehow the couple bringing me Communion will be the beginning of some healing and grace of courage to once again attempt Mass in the parish.  

It just seems to me that if parishioners and priests can get over what may seem an odd phenomenon, or resist judging that it is something other, and be pleasant, get to know one another at a simple level of trust and kindness and humor, we will all be better off.

Yet, I am still quite interested in researching and writing about the treatment of mystics in the Catholic Church.  When did the harshness begin?  What are some of the hypotheses as to why the practice of scrutiny and being the devil's advocate began in the first place?  Why have Catholics continued with the hurtful practice, even if they have ceased physically killing the persons who are spiritually sensitive and different?  Does such treatment of mystics occur in the Eastern Church or in other rites within the Western Church?

The couple plans to bring Holy Communion on Sunday morning after they go to the early Mass.  She said they will see how it goes.  Yes, I will, also; yet my hopes are raised high but with the reminder to self that if the outcome is not as I wish, that I will not react with upset or hurt but will try to be patient and trusting in the Lord Jesus to show me His path forward.

Yes, I emailed the couple of spiritual friends as well as Fr. V., to mention my impatience proved me wrong in this, and the couple is willing to come, and will come, God-willing and provided no obstacles in their way this Sunday.  At least the woman knows my hopes, and I continued on with truthful disclosure for I at one point thought if I ever would attempt another parish, I would be better off lying and just saying I had narcolepsy.  At least then, their might be pity rather than scrutiny.  

But not telling the truth is never right, of course!  It was at least an ironic thought--to lie in order to be accepted and not shunned, in church!  Deceive priests and parishioners in order to avoid persecution. Much better to express truth and pray to move beyond the minor but admittedly kind of rare obstacle.

The optional first reading for today, the Solemnity of the Holy Family, contains excellent advice--prudent and wise counsel!  May I take it to heart and pray to put on each attribute with great faith that as you, dear readers, we are all God's chosen ones, holy and beloved.  I had better once again pray to forgive those with whom I have grievances.  

Most of them would not have given it another thought--that there might be grievances against them, in my thoughts, for their behaviors and reactions toward one insignificant and easily forgotten person.  Yet I remember, and remember far too much and to a negative degree.  Forgiveness on my part is crucial for healing and health.  I am considering going to sacramental confession--that only--but first am making contrition to His Real Presence in my heart, mind, and soul.

Since the surprise phone call, I have been better able to focus on manual labor.  A closet is framed and part of another; some additional drywall is installed; and I am tediously scraping 104-year-old painted newspapers from a wood ceiling upstairs and removing numerous tacks from that ceiling so that more tongue-in-groove ceiling wood can be nailed in properly.  

(Amazing how some old paper and little tack heads make installing tongue-and-groove difficult simply from the added bit of obstacle.  So it is with my thoughts, emotions, and spirit when there are bits of vices poking and prodding and prohibiting smooth progress toward, through, with, and in Christ Jesus!)

Ah, this bit of Living Word from Colossians 3 fuels my desires for loving Christ all the more, for striving once again to put on love: the bond of perfection!  There is much I must pray to have altered in my life, though; it will take effort and diligence on my part to practice more and more, the virtues and stave off the vices.

"Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another,
if one has a grievance against another;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love,
that is, the bond of perfection."

Catholic Hermit Has a Dream

Well, there are dreams, and there are dreams.

Dreams require discernment.  Obviously, there are types and degrees of dreams.  Not a lot of time and effort should be spent on reviewing them, for that is not necessary.  When some spiritual guides suggest brushing them aside, they also in other aspects teach to discern various locutions, visions, and other numinous messages.

The danger in heeding dreams literally is that the level of images, or imagination, is one in which the devil is allowed to enter into the mind.  If a dream leaves one disturbed and chaotic, it is not necessary to pay much attention, other than to acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, and all of our love and obeisance is to Him.  If spoken aloud, that is best when the devil is involved in anything nefarious, including dreams.

Then, other dreams reflect bodily or situational stresses.  These dreams tend to allow the subconscious to float to the surface and relay some irritant or upset in our physical or emotional or mental status involved in our everyday functioning.  These are often depicted by symbolic dream events and are fairly easy to discern.  The solution is to try to correct whatever it is that is causing the stress or upset.  Sometimes we cannot alter the temporal world, but we can always address ourselves and see that our reactions can change; and that change can help us reduce the stress until the situation is past.

There are dreams that teach us about ourselves in ways that are worth discerning.  Again, as in the last category, the subconscious is more freed in sleep to come to the conscious mind enough that we will recall the dream with a message.  Usually the message is symbolic in these dreams, but not always.  Often the message (however it is imaged or symbolized or acted out) in the dream will show us some aspect of ourselves that needs improving.  We must learn to be very honest, though, in order to discern.  We have to not fear facing our vices or other weaknesses in our dealings with others, with our habits and flaws.

(Someone has reported on several occasions and asked for assistance in interpretation, dreams that involve being late and the frustration that accompanies.  While the person awakes unsettled, as there are many elements usually woven into the dream, the message repeats.  And, this person is known in life to be habitually late.  This could be due to various aspects including disorganization of temporal surroundings but also concern over a physical handicap that is not yet fully accommodated.)

Other dreams move into more a spiritual level, with spiritual implications.  (This is not to suggest the other types of dreams are not supernal, as we are all created by God, and that includes every aspect of our psyches, including dreams and all the aspects involved in their images.  God's providence is in our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.)

The dreams that are pointedly spiritual usually have a different essence than the others.  They are more lucid.  One awakens with peace even if there is something of warning involved, or correction. The above mentioned types of dreams can be easily forgotten.  A highly spiritual dream remains clear, especially until the person has discerned it properly and gleaned the message God Himself or through His angels or saints or other messengers has given.

These messages can yet take the form of symbols, situations played out, images, and including voices.  They can transcend any time period and often involve those we know in our lives as part of the image or "scene", as if in a play.  Sometimes the voice will be known, such as someone in our lives who has passed on or the Voice of God that we somehow know because of the quality and a sense deep within that we cannot describe.

Understand that in these types of dreams, God will never tell us, either by His Voice or through His messengers, anything that is evil or immoral or tempting.  Again, there will be peace when we awaken even if there are distressful images that portray for us something we need to correct or be aware.  We will yet have an inner calm and assurance, and there will be a loving desire to agree to what it is, when we discern rightly.

Last night this nothing Catholic hermit had a dream of the latter type.  It could have easily been of the first, of the distressing and devil-playing-with-the-mind type, except there was a strong message to it and a peace upon awakening, and a ready admittance of what the hermit has been neglecting. It was all quite true.  (And in dreams, often the images and messages tend toward more visual or seemingly extreme or intense in order to drive home the point.  Otherwise it is too easy to ignore them.)

So this nothing Catholic hermit knows well and is duly reminded, that it has been neglecting its soul--the intuitive of its soul, specifically.  Yes, all the efforts on trying to right-side-up this pathetic, old house that some people had rather misrepresented the extent of its woes, has taken the hermit too much into the active and into the world.  The obstacles have been ridiculous, abnormal--such as four months to persevere with an appliance that had a leveling foot not budging.  Well, the examples are too many and not worth repeating, but there have been more obstacles than not, by far, requiring time and attention.

Now, with finances dwindling and needing to go for broke, and get help finishing the heavy parts, and not sure at all will make it out with the shirt on the back, the message is apt.  And the dream stands as a light to guide, for it will be easier to let go and strip away, sell out after a final push of hard work to make it salable, use up the supplies here--and be thankful to return to some other way of temporal existence, somewhere other, and tend the intuitive soul!

Already this has commenced.  The nothing Catholic hermit has shifted its body, mind, and heart all the more to His Real Presence.  The pneumonia passed the mid-point sometime in the night, although there is quite a ways to go before can be out of bed for much of anything.  The images used to show the hermit how horribly it had neglected its intuitive soul, remain as firm, strong, and loving reminders.  Praise God for the images!

Yes, see?  Such dreams are lucid, and even if rather shocking-to-our-sensibilities the images, if the message is from God, it will be joyfully embraced and the result clear and uplifting!  Just the one aspect of the "scene" is needed as a quick shot, like seeing a photo or noticing a ring to remind of our vows, or a cross to remind of our Savior.

If we ignore such dreams, or do not bother to discern any dream, it can be as if tossing out mail unread.  Most might be junk, but as today, when the hermit was able to make it as far as the mailbox, therein was a short, loving, encouraging note from its spiritual father, far away.  It is a keeper, to for a time remind in a tangible way of his esteemed prayers.

Now, some spiritual directors may advise to ignore dreams.  Even John of the Cross mentions similar in the first phase, the purgation of the senses.  But later on, in the intuitive way leading into unitive of the soul with God, he discusses discernment.  We must know that had St. Joseph indiscriminately tossed aside the dream telling him to wed Mary and what to name the Child, or had the wise men ignored their dream to avoid Herod--what then?

God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love one another!  God Is Love!  Remain in His Love!

How Will We Be Found?

 From St. Peter's Epistle, Scripture of today's second reading in Mass:

But, in accordance with his promise, we wait for new heavens and a new earth, where righteousness is at home. Therefore, beloved, while you are waiting for these things, strive to be found by him at peace, without spot or blemish....

This nothing Catholic hermit prays and hopes it will be found by His Real Presence to be at peace, and without spot or blemish.  As for strong faith that it will be found thus, needs a bit more prayerful effort.  Faith in that hope butts heads with the mind's thinking about how difficult to not sin.  Sin causes spots and blemishes.

Was pondering this morning, growing up Protestant.  All was very good, loving, with marvelously loving and moral people in my parents' circle of friends and family.  They were not without trials and sins, but it was all the more amazing because they did not have conscious knowledge of the various virtues and vices, other than in generic terms.  We had nothing to go on other than the power of His Living Word and passed down moral ethics and Puritan values.  This hermit considered, had it when young, the writings of holy people--the saints, mystics, and of their lives--plus books on virtues, it would have appreciated learning and practicing these, consciously. Yet it had the examples of some very good people who stayed out of trouble, due to their virtues even if not labeling them as such.

Even now, it is a privilege to learn more about the virtues and to practice them, and to learn how to identify the vices and try to eliminate those.  Yet, of the family and friends considered, they do well based upon moral values of right versus wrong in broader terms, in more generic ways.  Scripture is a most powerful sacrament, and the Ten Commandments and Beatitudes are profound. 

But this nothing Catholic hermit delights in learning all matters about the soul, about any ways in which one can strive to be found by Him at peace, without spot or blemish.  Having access to books that explain the devil, angels, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God the Father, the Virgin Mary, the saints, the three ways of the spiritual life--as well as some who enjoy learning and practicing the faith in more specific manner--is joy to this nothing hermit.

We are all different in what delights and in ways helpful to our soul's progression.  Today am preparing the body, mind, heart and soul for the practicing the little exercise with others who thankfully find much at issue with this hermit's way of being, way of expressing.  

A spiritual friend called last night, hoping the hermit was not as cold as a week ago.  Progress in that.  But mentioned the little exercise and how it has come about, and the friend mentioned a woman who she found to be fascinating and could light up a room, but that others disliked the same woman as being too dramatic, too potent in presence.

Considered two Terry's.  Teresa of Avila's personality and way of expression was different than Therese of Lisieux's.  Some were irked by one or the other.  Some found both appealing with understanding that the externals do not so much matter other than to enjoy the uniqueness, as one would flowers and trees.

It is amazing how some people love pitbulls and are able to train them without incident of their known aggressive traits.  This hermit would not go there with that breed, personally.  So it is fair to discern what one can risk and what one is better off not attempting to adopt.  But it does remind us, such as with flowers, that perhaps we ought detach from tremendous likes and dislikes in such aspects of externals.  

Why like a rose and then dislike some other type of flower?  Just like them all!  Appreciate their beauty in being God's creation.  Why like one color and dislike another?  Why not love them all for their amazing qualities?

Perhaps we ought learn, in our process of virtuous ascent, to detach from disliking  this and that, unless it is sin.  We ought dislike sin and keep as far away from it and its influence, as possible.  And as we all sin, then dislike that part of us enough to try to change it, to remove the spot and blemish.  If another is sinning, then dislike that but make sure we recognize the difference between sin and personality traits.  If a personality trait becomes sinful in nature, then dislike that.

Surliness comes to mind, or temper, or melancholy.  This nothing hermit struggles against melancholy and despair. Yes, there are physical reasons (intense, constant pain) that  urge the sorrows and despairs, but this hermit always prays and strives to overcome that aspect.  It has not yet succeeded in eradicating it, but it keeps hoping and striving for that beautiful goal of overcoming.  And it understands when others need to avoid or put boundaries for themselves, when the nothing hermit is suffering extra much.

Yet others are able to reach in and encourage, and to remind the hermit that its pain must be too high, and that it will get through it.  When cold and down, blemished and spotted by darkness of spirit and low in desire to endure, some nurtured and others did not.  One wrote that everyone has problems; two others wrote this hermit could come live with them in their lovely, warm homes until it got warmer here.  One sent a small check, with a note saying it hoped could be helpful.  That check caused the hermit to get a portable heater, and also stirred the mind to try to work all the more so that it could someday help the person who sent it, or help someone else in need.

So we can learn to recognize our own and others' sins and weaknesses; but we also can learn how to respond in order to help them pull out, to erase the spots and heal the blemishes.  All the positive does help us all to come to more peace.  Bending to those who do not yet see or grasp how to help those who cannot realize to love the otherwise not-sinful externals, is worth learning.

In other words, if a person or more dislike the particular flower that we are, we can by example, ourselves, appreciate all flowers.  And, we can bend our own stems and take on hues and scents that may assuage the others' dislikes, at least a little.  Someday, they may learn to remove particular disliking of externals that are not sins and rather are the peace-scents of life itself. 

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for love bears all things (but not sin, or so we are taught).  May we be found, in peace, without spot or blemish!

A Little Chat with Spiritual Father

Last night had a lovely phone conversation with the spiritual Father.  He continues to pray that this hermit will eventually have the energy, strength and necessary courage to drive the distance for Mass.  So does this hermit pray thus!  

The spiritual Father, now far away but accessible by phone, knows the past trials, sufferings, and persecutions, and also knows the reality of historical hermits, of which those not in religious orders of hermits (and some who were!), lived distances out and in solitude.  The women did not have Mass; the men who were not priests did not have Mass. 

He agrees to appreciate the hermit monks up the road, but given their different religious background and the polemics involved, best to hold as loving inspirations for what one can learn but to keep this hermit's life less complicated: simplicity.  

Yes, it is time for this hermit to listen and follow the Voice that speaks deep within, clearly in bell-tone, and not just sense these matters for others.  Several times, this hermit has ignored signals for itself, only to realize later His Real Presence very much meant the advice, warning, or statement.

Am yet in civilization, helping out in a quiet place but with two others.  One of the others goes to work, requiring this hermit's care for the one remaining here.  Am not used to speaking or the small bit of activity, calm and restful as it is.  The other day reflected that in the Te Deum hermitage, some several days can pass, and the hermit's voice has not made utterance unless a rare phone call--and they are rare.

Last evening in phone conversation, the spiritual Father commented that this, here, is a true hermit's life--what has evolved in the past 18 months or so.  Yes, it is, and the adaptation and greater faith required has been a challenge off-and-on.  Mentioned to him that of ten days ago, going to confession when in civilization (and also gathering some provisions).  Shared that the recently ordained parish priest made an assumption in the confessional:  "I bet you thought your hermit life was going to be really easy at first, and now you are surprised it is difficult."

This hermit did not respond to that assumption, as it was totally false.  Did not want to bother with a defense or explanation; just not worth the verbal effort, and it really did not matter if the young priest knew or not how it was for the hermit, years past.  Was not going to affect his well-needed time and efforts with active parishioners, and might not help him realize that making assumptions can be tricky.  He meant well or else simply assumed from not knowing how it is for some hermits (or maybe all if incisively honest).

But, no, this hermit never ever thought at any time that it would be easy--not from the first of God's revealing the hermit vocation over fourteen years ago to even today.  In fact, the sensation within this hermit was that of dread...and yet of a certainty to step forth into the desert!  Somehow, the reality of needing to die to so much of one's accumulation of outer and inner distractions has always been a reality, and a harsh one depending upon depth of self-disclosure, clarity of the reflective mirror.

Distractions of the temporal accumulations--but more, the distractions of the inner accumulations, the spiritual vices, the temptations to resist, for whatever the reasons, that which is challenging on the path of spiritual perfection--these require profound and repetitive dying.  

But granted, with each level of dying comes a rising, and it is key to note that there are levels, phases--a spiraling of the double-helix of the temporal and spiritual sloughing of accumulated distractions.  These deaths free the soul in mostly indiscernible increments to love progressively, and more perfectly, God in Himself, and in Himself to love all souls alive on earth and those souls alive but not physically tangible.

This hermit mentioned that this phase of its life is filled with more hardships than ever dreamed and ever lived--and after being given what could have, seemingly should have, been a secure and comfortable existence for the rest of earthly life.  The spiritual Father exclaimed, "But you are in the desert now!  In a very real desert!  You are a true hermit!"

And, to another eremitic effort, the spiritual Father mentioned on the phone last night, that breaking seven times from the physical and mental distractions of each day and night to pray the Divine Office, is difficult.  He repeated, "This is not easy!"  Truly, while it should not be so difficult in the mere thinking about what seems a small effort, times seven, any efforts against accumulated distractions are challenging.  

It is a truth, at least to this hermit, that no matter how cleverly or contentedly one may think one is in some spiritual discipline or gift of grace, there is never sole or soul assurance that one has "arrived".  For one has not arrived, not yet.  We will know more of arrival when after worldly and other-worldly purgation and progressions, we enter Heaven.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, as He loves us!  Remain in His Love!

Deeper Conversion

Another awakening with the severe headache and more back pain.  All this has thankfully pointed this "nothing" into deeper questing of His Real Presence.  There is greater desire to do His will.  And that doing is more a being, at this phase of suffering that one would pray no one ever endure, especially not repeatedly with increased intensity over age and time.

Yet there are the many positives, always.  Being on the cross with Jesus is incomparable.  The earthly detachment that comes with severe suffering assists in setting priorities.  For a hermit, this includes prayerfully listening and reviewing the priorities as well as messages from His Real Presence.  Is the vocation being lived as He wills?  What signs indicate?

Certainly, having physical limitations arrive, help in making adjustments.  Then, such as yesterday with the unexpected noticing the name of one called Dositheus the Elder, Recluse of the Kiev Caves, led to further research.  And, it was no coincidence that this 18th c. female hermit's feast day is Oct. 8, yesterday's date.  The wonders of His Real Presence reach into our lives so beautifully!

Here is yet another hermit who lived austerely, all for God, in prayer, and remained in her cave the remainder of her life.  She left family and friends, comfortable and privileged life style in order to give herself completely to love and intimacy of and in His Real Presence.  Her prayers and offering of her life became her action; she was given other spiritual gifts and counseled those who asked.  But this was not the purpose of her existence, to be utilized in known ways.  Her purpose was love of God and adoration.  And that love of God always flows into love of souls, love of others whether physically interactive with them or not.

This hermit now prays about its own existence, and the purpose is not this temporal abode, or even trying to make it livable or salable.  Rather, the challenge is to live in it as is, and if the body is somehow able to do some manual labor, then do so.  The main work is of prayer and adoration. Pray for souls and adore His Real Presence.  Leaving this "cave" is not essential other than on occasion for some provisions.  Or, perhaps He will provide someone out there to bring some food from time to time.  One must remain open to whatever assistance He might provide.

Yesterday this Catholic hermit addressed in a blog post, another hermit and supporters, exhorting to leave off rather contrary writing, of which this hermit here has not been the only target over the last several years.  One wonders if hermits of yore had these issues with other hermits seemingly threatened or competitive, or desiring notice or to be esteemed over their fellow hermits.  Presumably this is not a problem of just one time period.  Human nature will always be as it is, and vices and virtues are our constant fare in the spiritual journey.

The post was left up long enough to get the message across to the person and persons involved, and to assure of prayers and well wishes for their vocations to be lived to the glory of God and for great success in the striving for holiness.  We all, hopefully, desire what is the sum and perfection of our poor souls, to some day or moment to be united with His Real Presence for all eternity.

God bless His Real Presence in each of us; and let us love one another, little children though we be, and His children, one and all.