Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: More Thoughts, Third Day of Lent 2022

 Started to write this [warning: it's very long] to an elder friend who actually is not interested in such content of temporal and spiritual considerations.  Instead I sent it to Fr. V., asking him to tell me if the thoughts make sense to him, if he finds them meaningful in some type of truthfulness of spiritual progression from temporal to mystical.  Or to share whatever thoughts he has with what I've written and shared.  Through much of it, as to myself, I am reminded of God's providence even in the details of an unexpected email, two years hence from same old new age melding with Christianity: a debate, of sorts, a dilemma.

I'm struck by the Scripture:  Rend not your garments, but rend your hearts.

Also, today in the Gospel Jesus explains that while the Bridegroom is with them, the wedding guests do not fast. But soon the  Bridegroom will be taken from them, and they will then fast.

However, we know from Scripture and from inner spiritual experience, that the Bridegroom is within us and we are within Him; He abides in us and we abide in Him; He is with us and we are with Him.  Thus the Bridegroom is with us, so we praise, not fast.  

Am I not thinking correctly?  Seems yes, the apostles who were asking Him, did grieve when He was crucified and resurrected; yet He then sent the Holy Spirit shortly after He ascended into Heaven.  But all along He said He would be with them, and that He was sending the Holy Spirit to continue teaching us and to be with us; and we know that the Holy Spirit is One with God and with Christ: the Trinity.

So the fasting that is temporal--is it what God desires of us now that He is with us always and we are with Him?  Does He not prefer that we allow Him to do with us as He wills?  And then we follow? Of course, we continue learning and progressing in understanding His Real Presence, and that is in prayer and praise and in living our lives and in studying His Living Word, absorbing and asking Him questions, as well as learning how to love as God loves.

I considered that for over a year now I cannot eat many foods, and if I eat too much, such as more than half an apple at a time, or more than a couple bites of banana, or the slice of raisin bread with peanut butter for breakfast, I get nauseated, and if I eat something like the sugary sweet but scrumptiously endorphin boosting piece of vanilla cake with cheesecake in the center, I get nausea all the same. But I cope or take anti-nausea med to assuage somewhat for what it is I've eaten that was too much or sweet.  And enough of it and I won't eat more of that type of "food"--my just desserts that I receive in exchange.  

So for me, temporal fasting has run its course. As for the no meat on Fridays in Lent, I don't have meat anyway; many people are by trendy choice, vegans.  So that made up the rule to not eat meat on Fridays, which I liked when I was first Catholic as it meant people were thinking of Christ's crucifixion--well, maybe they were and maybe they weren't after years of that rule in the Catholic church. T/hey had dropped it but I continued it on my own, for I liked the discipline and of thinking of Christ with my not eating meat on Friday.  

But we are to progress, right?  We begin thinking of Christ often in the day, and not eating a certain food is not the reason nor reminder.  Maybe if a family did it, with mindful of Christ and donated the money the meat costs to some cause or the poor?  I can see for a child that giving up candy has some kind of impact--unless the child happens to not care that much about candy or is diabetic and candy is not good for the child.

Well, anyway, I'm not sure about fasting, temporally. But I can grasp that of rending the heart or of my fasting from memories of the past, especially those that pop up unbidden.

I had considered emailing [woman] from [parish] and apologize for my concerns about the spiritual directors group at the parish who are available to guide people's spiritual lives at least under previous priest--but now comes an email from her, after two years--a mass mailing including [man from parish] of whom I had forgotten his last name.  They are pushing a Dream workshop, just $350, being led by a woman from [wealthy community in another state], who earns money by teaching the workshops and does one on one and group dream work, interpreting and so forth.  $60 an hour or such.  

This conference is going to be held near a monastery/convent somewhere, distance away.  There are a few spaces remaining for the conference; they'd like them filled.  I had researched the woman from [out of state] two years ago or so.  No thanks.  She is Catholic was stated a couple years ago in email advertisements for what he offered at the parish, but I am familiar with the confusion of the Catholic churches in that other area.  It seems today the Holy Spirit or my angel or both have provided me with reminders that those with spiritual gifts should be helping others as: freely given, freely give.  

Perhaps I'm antiquated, but it seems especially if one has spiritual gifts, they should not be charging others, especially Catholics or other Christians, to teach and impart what they've learned?  Or, put it in a book and let those persons interested in new age purchase to learn from reading.  However she makes money more by private sessions in which she interprets dreams and does personal therapy but without license or clinical credentials.  She went to the [X institute]--new age education that is costly.  

Yet, again, I see the void.  Perhaps she has these gifts?  Is she a mystic gone awry or a spiritualist, new age?  She is doing the workshops in conjunction with the sisters' monastery, invited there, arranged via the [man who dabbles in new age, from parish].  The religious sisters have veered to new age, from researching online their interests and functions.  There is a difference between Christian spiritual life and new age.  Therein lies the problem.  There is a difference between Christian mystics and new age gurus or spiritualists.  But utilizing our dreams is good to do, but learning to interpret is more a matter of spiritual discernment and prayer--and His Real Presence called upon to help us do this (and free of charge, Divine grace].

I think the current priest and his assistant, both from a religious order of [foreign country], perhaps do not realize, or else it is too tricky to say "no more" to [the man] and the other parish spiritual directors or ask them to provide non-new age-backed credentials.  It seems from today's email, [the man] held a workshop in the church in the fall--something on dreams yet again.  He invited this woman whom he met at [new age institute] to come, and she charges for group listening plus for those who want one-on-one dream help.  Just smacks of WRONG, to me, especially selling one's spiritual gifts in the church!  

This brings to mind another Scripture, a major one in which Jesus was overtly angry, and said His Father's House was not to be used as a marketplace, not for selling.  Her spiritual gifts all the more, if genuinely of the Spirit, ought not be sold.  Anyone who can afford [institute across the country] and lives on [wealthy community] is most likely not hard up for money.  She should do her "work" for the general public and keep it out of convents and churches, in my opinion, based on various factors that seem genuine.  However, those who are doing this are quite sincere and truly believe there is nothing wrong in charging others in Christian churches for what is questionably based; maybe they do not realize God-given spiritual gifts are to shared or maybe written and published as would other authors, especially that of personal beliefs or new age tendencies.

That email from [parish woman] did trigger the temporal past in me, though, and another wrong going on in various convents and also with some monks and priests here and there, of which three have passed away--Rahner, Pennington, and Keating

There seems a void in the temporal Church, and perhaps it has to do with people not understanding the temporal church as a passageway in which to grow and learn yet progress onward, to graduate to higher or deeper levels of spirituality, of faith, of His Living Word, of grasping His Real Presence in us and us in Him.  Perhaps if we all grasped more, and much of what humankind has made up and added to was then recognized as having passed or temporal and not so much of it needed, matters would be different.

As it is in many instances, some people seek all the more but do not recognize the simple purity of His Real Presence in us, and His Living Word that we can bring into us--so enter in new age ideologies or other beliefs, when Jesus is here for us!  The Holy Spirit, God the Father, His Living Word should be enough for us!  Mary, angels, and the writings of the mystics and those who passed through, progressed, and shared in writings or of their lives, also showing the way to the stairway to Heaven, and also His Mystical church which is ours for eternity.  

We but need to stick with His Real Presence and HIs Living Word.  Jesus, God the Father, the Holy Spirit:  The Trinity ought  be enough for us.  His Living Word opens the mystical depths and breadths as well as the temporal way to be, think, speak, pray, praise, and love as God loves.  His Real Presence in us and us in Him--ask and learn of the Trinity!  Eat His Body and Drink of His Blood in tangible form at Mass or in mystical form within, for the asking, and subsummation into the Trinity is given us!  Go forth, swim out into the deep, seek and ye shall find.  There is far more "real" of true life than the temporal, for the temporal is always passing away.

I'll not be paying $350 for a new age workshop on dreams, even if cloaked in Catholic setting and promoted by and for Catholics at a Benedictine convent.  I'll not be apologizing for my reticence two years ago, and my concern given to the leader of the parish "spiritual directors" as to all of their having taken training and certification by new age curriculum and new age teachers--even if some who run or own the certification programs, much of it online, say they are Episcopal background or former Presbyterians.  It matters not the religious background when non-Christian ideologies enter in.  Researching these persons, as I did, thoroughly, it seems they  have filled their void, not with faith in the reality of God in us, and venture instead into  the allures of spiritualism, or new age ideologies, and various techniques and temporal practices.

Yes dreams are vital in Scripture, and they are vital in our lives today. But God will help us learn to discern and pay attention to our dreams through simply asking Him!  Study His Living Word! Pray to His Real Presence within, listen to Him respond; ask the Mother of God and our guardian angels to assist as well.  It is as simple as that!  And it is not necessary to focus on or want to have dreams.  What dreams we are to have and the ones we are to heed, God will make sure we remember, and usually they are quite direct or we are able, with our God given knowledge or some simple research, begin to figure out the messages God is giving through dream images, scenarios, and words spoken.

Just a thought, that I could offer to the priest to share about dreams and how to discern if of God or not, and how to learn to figure out the messages if they aren't clear to us, which most are with some prayerful thought.  Those who have learned, can teach others how to learn to interpret the dreams with God-given messages and how to know the difference.  St. Joseph, all the Prophets, Mary, others in Scripture who had dreams in which His Real Presence was teaching or speaking, giving a message--did they need new age or otherwise dream workshops to dream more or know what they meant?  God is in charge of the dreams that matter and are from a Christian basis of the Trinity, the Living Word, prayer; seek help from His Real Presence first if we do not get the point.  Or, if still uncertain, and temporal help needed, discuss with a trusted Christian person for added help on discerning a dream or dreams.  Is that not part of loving others as God loves?  Such acts of Christian charity extend and progress us in the spiritual life, on the stairway to heaven, into the Mystical Church.

My thought to offer of God's gifts given freely, that I could freely give, is but a thought.  I have not had any such thoughts of mine come to any good fruition in parishes, other than the soup kitchen which the Virgin Mary appeared in a dream vision and told me how to set it up, as it was an atypical soup kitchen which had several groups of volunteers and delivery went to the persons wanting--anyone who asked ask they needed a touch of love.  That was a hard concept for some volunteers: to give with love and to learn that not only the poor are in need of love and assistance.  Freely given, freely give.

I'm repeating myself, likely.  That email after two years of nothing, is for a reason.  And I'm expressing these thoughts yet again because they are of vital importance to us Christians--Catholic or other religious denominations or none.  Karl Keating--the late priest and abbot who left his post because he was seeking something more, realizing the temporal rules and rituals, the laws and traditions created by humankind and of which he rigidly followed and expected as superior of his priests and brothers to follow likewise--were not progressing him spiritually, not taking him to the Stairway to Heaven, not to Christ's Mystical Church.  So he veered into Buddhism, and adopted some of those techniques and exercises to his religious life.  

He was made to quit his position as abbot, and he next left the monastery; but in kindness they did not remove him from priesthood or the religious order itself.  But in actuality, he was on his own other than given some support and a beautiful place to live by the gratuity of a well-off friend.  He further explored what morphed also into New Age ideologies, and adapted those into a quasi-Christian-seeming admixture of some bits of Catholic Christian and biblical familiarity.  He wrote books that sold well, his name already known from his years as an abbot of a famous monastery.  He was a brilliant man.  And he did pray, was sincere, and he knew Scripture; but the Buddhist techniques and mind-emptying exercises, the new age ideologies--were they necessary?  Did he have an aura of intrigue about him, if you will, from his dramatic and publicized vocational life change, as well as of living in solitude out in a lovely view home in a western, mountain state?  

He was sought after for advice, for his wisdom of years and religious studies; and he was truly a thoughtful, intelligent, experienced priest who'd held, for some years, great responsibility and esteem when monk abbot.  He collaborated with two other priests in developing a technique they famously called "centering prayer" based on a conglomeration of new age ideologies and Buddhist techniques, with some Scripture and Christianization, the prayer technique arose. The men also had their renown as priests to lend authenticity. Regardless, Basil Pennington and Karl Keating might have come, themselves, to a point of realizing the temporal Catholic Church in temporal, for them the humankind aspects "passing away," their personal, spiritual growth at crossroads, and they found themselves seeking more, something deeper, that of God Himself. 

But it seems to me, from my experience in the spiritual life as well as being a life-long Christian who progressed through Protestant churches and studied of other world religions including Hinduism, Buddhism and Sufism, and knew closely some who were in New Age practices and ideologies to which God warned me with a locution to follow no one but Him--that one does not need to veer into new age or Buddhism or any other than Christianity.  And this Christianity is and means Christ's Church which Jesus instituted, and His teaching the apostles with Peter as the elder man and upon whom Jesus placed leadership responsibility--and the truthful matter of understanding what is His Church.  Jesus is Head, and all who believe in, love, and follow Jesus are His Body:  The Church.  

Follow Christ, remain in His Living Word and strive to live as he teaches.  Learn to love as God loves.  Love God above all else and love other as God loves.  Pray, praise, worship God as the Trinity:  Father, Son, Holy Spirit.  Learn from His Real Presence, partake of His Real Presence given to us in tangible and in mystical form: His Body and His blood.  Learn from the Mother of God, from those great souls who went on before us, of whom we can read and also read of those who left their writings, helping us to progress spiritually.  Lean on our Guardian angels who are always with us to help and guide, to protect.  

Appreciate all that His Real Presence, the Holy Trinity, has provided for us in order for us to progress in life and be led to the stairway to heaven, and to ascend each step, growing increasingly in His Real Presence, in faith, hope, and love; and then to at some point known by God, to pass into His Mystical Church for all eternity.  This is also the trajectory for union with God, for His church is that of Christ as Head and the Body all His followers and beloved lovers--we, His children.

I have learned from reading Scripture and from the great writings of mystics and "saints", but most of all I have learned from His Real Presence--God, Jesus, Holy Spirit.  I have learned, also, from the Mother of God--her life and way of being, as well as various souls known personally to me or whom I've know of as in saints--who have passed over from this temporal life to the mystical eternal life; and in varying levels of progression they came into fullness of Christ's Light.  That's the best way I can describe it.  I did not need new age nor Buddhism nor any techniques such as controlled breathing, emptying my mind, or repeating a mantra.  

I learned from HIs Real Presence, from listening, from having my life turned upside down, from being crucified to my life as a married person, death of a career in the world, to rearing children while at the same time always seeking His Real Presence in this very life, everyday, in which we all live and participate.  God guided me into the Catholic Church.  As far as I can tell it was not only for my own spiritual growth and to meet the mystics so I could understand more and not feel so alone, but also so that my sufferings would be made one with Holy Mother Church and in union with Christ's sufferings.

If a simple person such as myself finds His Real Presence leading me, and filling me with Himself, and guiding me, progressing me from learning in the temporal Church to the stairway to heaven, even if I have been insecure and dense in letting go of that temporal Church, surely anyone can have the same. I'm finally understanding an important aspect of a vision of the past in which the temporal Church was shown to me as a long passageway filled with much opportunity  and means for spiritual growth and learning, including much reading of good books proven by the test of time.  

But 13 years later, I was given a vision dream, led by my angel to the base of the stairway to heaven.  Shortly after in temporal time, matters altered so that it was increasingly difficult to continue in parishes for reasons I'll not go into or repeat.  But it became, finally a few years later (God takes His time with a slow-to-catch-on soul!), it became obvious that I was not meant to physically be in a parish, but to progress on to the reality of the stairway to heaven which then begins our life in His Mystical Church.

Thus we understand that the temporal is temporary, but offers much good that we can learn and grow as the apostle Paul describes as drinking milk but when older eating meat. But the Church as passageway is to be traversed, in effect, and we are over earth time, usually, but being more spiritual and having gone out into the deep, we are led onward to the stairway to heaven.  There, at the base before the first step, we begin to ascend  while all the while we grow and  spiritually yet still in our temporal bodies.  At times it may seem as if surely this is not the way, but in the silence (and also can be much suffering), we come to greater faith, hope, and love!  We swim more confidently in blind faith into the deeply vast waters of His Living Word; we partake of His Body and Blood spiritually and mystically; we are on the way to being eternally in His Mystical Church.

One thing I am learning when I do some research and uncover yet another tradition or label or ritual or rule or law that has been made by humankind after the time of Christ's being and living and teaching on earth, is that there may be good aspects of the human-created facets of the temporal Church.  But I have learned there is the reality that God desires to progress our hearts and minds and souls beyond those temporal aspects, for they are just that, and as if stepping stones along the passageway,. Yet they are temporal, and the temporal is always passing away.  

While temporal enough, human-made as they are, even historically with good intentions, (most of them), these aspects of the temporal Church for those desiring more fully of His Real Presence, the temporal aspects cease to provide what His Real Presence wills for us:  our hearts, minds, and souls graduating toward union in His Real Presence, climbing the stairway to heaven,  progressing in the spiritual life of His Real Presence, existing in His Mystical Church for eternity.

This graduation of the soul to higher levels of spirituality in His Real Presence, and coming to the stairway, ascending over time, learning yet more, and living in Him, does not mean we will not continue in acts of charity and love, in continuing to learn increasingly what it is and how to love as God loves. It means we also have our sins on display from time to time, beg forgiveness of God, repent, express our sorrow to those of whom or in situations we've sinned.  But our faith and understanding increases of and in His Real Presence. Our love of Him and all His creation increases, our sufferings are less "ours" and more "His" to use as He wills--the love that suffering actually is.

I'm not there, myself!  I'm aware, though, I'm getting it, I'm understanding why the shift and events and situations keeping me from temporal increasingly, and that includes temporal aspects of parishes. His Real Presence prods me, progresses me to be aware of the stairway to heaven, to leave the past behind yet with appreciation and gratitude--not the old hurt nor confused upset.  Onward and forward, as I understand the passageway from His and humankind's temporal Church, into His Mystical Church.  

Why His Mystical Church and not "ours"--is because in His Mystical Church we have become as one with His Real Presence. We in faith know with assurance, hope, and love, that we are in His Real Presence because His Real Presence abides in us always and everywhere temporally, spiritually, and in His Mystical Church.  We are One Body in the One Trinitarian Headship in His Mystical Church.

I've written on and on what with some effort of mind and fingers I could edit and shorten.  But I'll not. I'll let my humankind-self's repetitive inadequacy in expressing and describing, to stand as portrayal of truth of myself as very much learning and growing, a beginner of whatever stair step, likely the first one or two.  

Awareness and acceptance of the passageway and the stairway to heaven, the temporal that passes away and the mystical that is eternal, plus the progression of the soul with mind and heart somewhat hindering at times the soul's journey--awareness and acceptance is a start, a solid start.  They imply or impart the sense that the past is also accepted and that awareness is made, forgiveness asked and forgiveness given, humanly but graced and possible in the Divine.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Renouncing All for God; and a Dream

Getting back into more rhythm of Divine Office (Liturgy of the Hours) and some not-too-demanding reading.  The pain today is really sickening, even with pain meds; it is not easy to distract other than by writing about what I find uplifting, helpful, in working out the process of life, present moment by present moment.

Thus, this homily ascribed to St. Macarius of Egypt, 4th c., I will enjoy yet again in sharing with you readers, plus by typing it out, maybe implanting it further into my mind, heart, and soul.  Perhaps I might add my "two-cents' worth," as well.  I do have this habit of not holding back my thoughts or application to my life.  

Abandoning ourselves fully to God is appropriate to the day and my realization that I have been in over my head with  aspects of others out there, when I am more than pain-fatigued in addition to dealing with God's will for me:  discerning, seeking, repenting, growing, learning loving.  Praise of God and praying for salvation of the world, managing pain and my human flaws, trying to do no harm, and silently preaching Christ--quite a challenging life for an in-process, very human, consecrated Catholic hermit.

"How can it be that, in spite of such promises and incentives on the Lord's part, we refuse to abandon ourselves wholly and unreservedly to Him and renounce all things, even life itself, in accordance with the Gospel (Luke 14:26) in order to love Him alone and nothing but Him?

"Consider all that has been done for us:  what glory has been given to us; what benefits granted by the Lord from the time of the fathers and prophets with the history of salvation in view; what promises, what encouragements, what compassion on our Lord's part ever since the beginning!  And at the end He demonstrated His unutterable care for us by coming Himself to dwell with us and dying on the cross to turn us back to Him and bring us back to life.  Yet we, we don't set aside our self will, our love of worldly things, our evil inclinations and habits, and thus we appear as people who have little or no faith at all.

"And yet, in spite of this, see how God shows Himself to us full of gentle goodness.  He protects and cares for us invisibly; He does not completely abandon us to the world's wickedness and illusions, despite our sins; in His great patience He keeps us from perishing and watches from afar for the time of our turning back to Him."

 I might listen a little to what the pain doctor sent to my phone, or not.  I think I found the written form of the talk on assurance of salvation, online.  Perhaps best to not rile me all over again, for especially with trying to cope with constant pain, my sensitivity is heightened, and it takes longer to "shake off" the vividness and details of encounters and memories.

I did receive an email from the man who has developed and leads the parish dream interpretation course as relating to spiritual direction.  He has over 200 emails to respond to, and yet he wants to write a response, since he was in a dream I had--a first dream of which I had recall since I asked the Lord to bind Satan from me in the night, and to teach me if He wants--to counsel me in the night.

Knowing how busy, I will not email again, for he does not know me, and is obviously kindly and wanting to be of assistance.  I had that dream figured by the help of the Holy Spirit in discerning it, and have had another that was replicated for emphasis.

The dream was an image of myself, although I did not at first recognize myself.  I was laid out in on the ground, partially submerged in soil but with dry, fallen and faded autumn leaves covering me up to the neck.  Chains were around my neck and down toward chest, although the chest was not visible due to the thick blanket of leaves.  The chains came around the neck and criss-crossed to make a kind of heart-shaped effect.  They were quite heavy; there was no way I could have gotten up.

But there was no need to, for I was dead.  My uncut hair was laid out, also, flowing down on either side of face and shoulders and also covered by the blanket of leaves.

After I awoke with the pain raging, got up, took medication and even got hot coffee mixed with almond milk which helped the medication get into my system faster, I also asked the Lord another if-You-will favor.  I asked that if God wills, to  give me an instantaneous infusion of grace to be able to transcend physical pain, and/or to have unconditional love, and/or to view all, always, from a point of gratitude.  

Silly me, I suppose. I must let go the thought of R (the man who received in July a miraculous ability to transcend all pain, to have unconditional love for all, and to view in life from a standpoint of gratitude.  I have texted Dr. H. my question, though.  If R got cancer, would he never know until far advanced because he would not feel the eventual pain that cancer causes in tissue, blood, organs, or bones?  

I thought of this curiosity after receiving a text from my sibling who reports yesterday had bone marrow biopsy, then a port put in, this morning a class on chemo, and this afternoon a body PET scan to find out if her cancer is elsewhere than left kidney/abdominal area.  Had she not felt acute pain, localized, after some back pain which an orthopedic doctor diagnosed as arthritis, which she has but was not the real problem, she'd not have known she has cancer until would be much later.

So yes, I'm still striving to let the Nine S' have good effect in me, such as "stillness" and "serenity".  My curiosity with the question is signal of busy thoughts, not stillness.  However, there is progress today, lying here on the icy pad, writing and doing what reading I can, of God, which always helps me transcend at least some of the pain.  All is a process for me, even if I read in Scriptures and in the Office of Readings a commentary by St. Cyril of Jerusalem on faith, and that with great faith, one can transcend much.

As to the dream, which I had yet again after I fell back to sleep this morning, it is fairly easy to discern the message from God.  Totally tuckered out:  Dead.  The heavy chains around my neck giving in their placement the suggestion of a heart-noose of sorts, and the blanket of fallen, autumn leaves, suggest loving comfort, but still a heaviness in the chains befitting a prisoner of the Lord's custody, and perhaps if not physically dead, definitely in custody and readied for hibernation.

I did seem younger and peaceful, still, serene, simple, slowed down, silent, stable, selfless, and in solitude.  The only thing I seemed not, was suffering.  Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Thus far, the repeated dream, for emphasis no doubt, assures me that for now, my decision to relinquish interactions, to accept God's protective custody and solitary confinement, and to abandon myself as fully as my imperfect self will and can, to God.

Given that I was not totally buried even in the shallow grave, but that it was partial and my head and neck not covered, it seems I will be around for awhile, but greatly subdued:  His prisoner in hibernation, awaiting perhaps some instruction while I remain in slumber mode, day and night.  

Truly, this repeated dream (well, also, after I dreamt it the first time, I thought perhaps someone other) helped me recognize my self--just a more rested and restful version, the stress of pain and fatigue faded from my visage.  The repeated version was necessary, thus; God knows what He is doing.  I never doubt that fact.  In some respects, the dream is a direct touch of love from God as much as if He had touched me in some other way; St. Cyril of Jerusalem also mentioned the point of God's interventions and gifts for the asking, in faith.  All of God is good!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Dreams and Answers to Dreams

The Lord can access our souls sometimes easier in the night when we are asleep.   A week or so ago, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit awoke from an early morning dream.  

I recognized it as significant even if a bit bizarre.  It was a conundrum in discerning.  What could it mean?  The Lord tends to challenge me in dreams, visions, and locutions--with metaphors, as in puzzles sometimes.  He knows what brings us to rather enjoyable focus.  For me, a mystery always delights, much as my grandson is now quite taken with solving various Rubix cubes.

In the dream, there was another person present as in someone others and the person were trying to get me to "marry."  Of course, as a hermit and for decades a celibate even before my private profession of eremitic vows, it was a matter of further awakening from sleep to know that the Lord utilized "wed" and "marry" as a metaphor of sorts, in broadened sense of the words.

People and the person who I'd never seen before in actual life, tried various means to guilt me, tempt me, and even insist that I should wed this person.  With each attempt, I refused.  At first it was polite refusal, my trying to be kind.  Then the refusal became more adamant on my part, with the increasing insistence and beleaguering the point in question.

"No, I will not marry this person!"  Several times I had to repeat my stance and decision with increasing firmness and strength despite being told that I was rude, foolish, narrow-minded, unkind.

Well, I could not figure what at all the Lord was trying to tell me other than perhaps the hermitage?  Was I not to remain here, essentially "married" to the work involved?  Well, that hardly seemed possible for there had been uplifting progress when the adult daughter and grandson came.  

I had prior known that I was to balance my daily routine with less frustration about the amount of progress. Instead I must embrace more the Order of the Present Moment with peacefulness and even en-joy-ment--simply existing whether picking produce for the roadside table, hooking up soaker hoses, listening to music to gain more insights on the artistry of the soul, or in accomplishing a small construction task.

Regardless, I told the Lord I would strive to make sure I did not "marry" into the obstacles or frustrations of renovation of an abode; I would be open to whatever, if was to not finish and to leave.

I considered some other possible interpretations of the dream, none of which included literally marrying a human.  But the answer did not surface, and within an hour or so the dream shifted to the background of thought.  

After all, a person was coming that morning to help drill pilot holes into the concrete block foundation, helping this hermit to construct a cellar door frame that required a powerful drill.  I have but battery drills and one low-amp corded drill some 43 years old....

The person came so kindly and used the hammer drill function.  Then the person wanted to talk, to visit.  So we did.  Increasingly, the person presented some passionately-held views having to do with what one should eat and not eat.  

Then the person desired spiritual conversation.  So we conversed about spiritual matters of which this hermit here adapted to the guests' needs, such as not using the word "God" for the guest disagreed with that term, finding it narrow.  We deferred to the guest's resistance to the name "God" and used the word "Spirit" to describe the force and energy of life and all creation.  Why let nouns hinder?

Intermittent in the discussion, the person became insistent on why this hermit should use marijuana....  Each time, the ploy was different.  Three times the guest had insistent reasons of why we should get "stoned."  The first was that it would reduce pain.

No thanks, I prefer to not use that which has other mind and body effects.  I have enough lung problems, for one thing, and I accept what will merely take the edge off severe pain rather than costly and obviously not super-effective dope.

A bit later, it was that I should take marijuana--would bring it to me and make tea--as it would "open up my vision" in my mind.  The guest proceeded to explain that right then, I was only using 5% of my mind and seeing the guest visually as an external image but marijuana and being "stoned" would have me use more of the mind and see things that I cannot see with my outer eyes.

Ah, I simply explained that as a mystic from birth, I do not just see the guest with 5% of my brain and visual capacity.  In fact, I would not even remember what the person looks like once not in front of me and mostly do not register the outer appearance even thus.  

I sense souls and essence, and I have plenty of visions that come from "the Spirit", so why would I want to take in an outside, hallucinogen, costly element into my body in order to induce "visions" when I get them from "the Spirit"--God--purely without taking anything external?

A bit later, the guest again tried, this time by saying that I need to "laugh."  The guest eagerly wanted to bring marijuana so we could get "stoned"; and we'd laugh and laugh.  I explained that I do a "laugh therapy."  I laugh even if a forced laugh, laugh-counting up to ten laughs which produces the results of spontaneous laughter, for I never get to the count of ten without already laughing and laughing at the whole notion of such a laugh therapy!

After the guest left it still took awhile for me to be reminded of the early morning dream.  The guest had shared a purpose felt deeply and asked me to pray for an epiphany for all people in the world to stop eating all meat, fish, dairy, eggs, and wheat.  I said I would pray (and I have and do) for an epiphany for the world's people, as well as I would pray for the guest's purpose and mission in life....

[It is probably fact that we humans eat far more meat and dairy products than at all necessary and ought to eat more vegetables and fruit; and some people have dairy, wheat, and egg allergies--nuts, too!]

But during the guest's discussion, I developed quite a headache!  It was work to listen carefully, to be hospitable, and yet fend off the insistence the guest's promoting pot use as well as proselytizing the dangers of several sections of the food chain. 

Once the headache eased, I did connect the dream dots...I realized God had foreshown the dope-temptations and idea-insistency of the guest--a stranger to me, kindly in helping me drill pilot holes and secure trim boards around cellar opening with concrete screws.  Am so grateful for the entire experience, truly.

However, I am not to "marry" into those thoughts or behaviors.  Oddly, within the guest's discussion, there was brought up a problem the guest has with lacking motivation to do work on the guest's projects.  I offered to help, as I explained how motivating and helpful was the two-day visit from adult daughter and grandson and what we accomplished.  Yes, help now and then can be a leg-up on what we have before us to complete.

The guest admitted that the guest did not want to be motivated, come to think of it.  The more the guest thought about being motived by my helping, the more came the reality from the guest of not wanting to be motivated.  The guest said it with sincere self-revealing.  Very good--sweet in honesty, even.

Loss of motivation is one of the researched results of marijuana use.  Young people who use pot lose motivation to achieve in school, for example; and their grades are known to plummet.  In fact there are various studies (even if not yet decades-old) that point out many pitfalls to marijuana use, including it being a known gateway drug to meth, crack, cocaine and heroin....  

Not long ago a young man had contacted me for help with some dream interpretation.  We emailed back and forth, and his dreams had much spiritual significance.  It did not take long for him to see a direction the Lord was opening up as well as clearing out some issues he's had to deal with.  

At one point, the young man emailed that he felt he needed to confide that he had used the hallucinogen, LSD, a few times.  He had ceased, but he wanted to describe (and did so in detail) the "trips" he had the few times he experimented with the drug.

The young man was fully convinced (and fully deluded) that had he not used LSD, he'd not have gotten back to church and returned to God.  He know realizes otherwise, as I had to point out to him that it was the drug that caused the visions and hallucinations, not God doing so from His Will and from His choosing to do so, the time, the place, the means.

He later humbly admitted that he had been deceiving himself on what he thought were benefits of drug experimentation.  He is now in process of discerning a vocation as a monk, for many of his unaffected-by-drug dreams cleared the pathway for him to receive and acknowledge a vocational call.  He accepts that he may never have visions given by God, but that other types of visions would never satisfy, as they are externally induced. 

Forever more, the young man will never know if God would have reached into his soul and mind with pure visions of the Holy Spirit, of His Real Presence--had he just waited, trusted, and not taken LSD.  Thankfully, the young man did cease experimentation.  He was most fortunate that his mind was not shredded (or so we hope) as many others' minds have been.  

There is a cousin of this hermit who years ago "tripped out" on LSD when in college, forever affected since. There is Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys who said that drugs broke his mind into pieces and [expletive'd] up his mind for life.


It is amazing how the few people this hermit does encounter, have pushed what they think are the wondrous qualities of pot.  One kid who helped me a couple years ago was unable to focus on simple tasks like pulling nails from some lumber; he was in a state of agitation and needed me to work with him and was goo for lifting something or flying about the yard behind the lawnmower. He pushed pot, claiming it helped him be calm. 

The young man's mother pushed pot, saying you can take it even in spaghetti sauce and how beneficial it was.  When I mentioned that it changes perception and obviously does not handle high level pain or physicians and people the world over would use it for the vast number of chronic pain incidents.  I mentioned how it alters the mind to which she responded, "Oh, it does not 'do' anything to you!"

Then why take it, if it does not do anything to you?  Why bother, why buy it?

No answer.  I had met the woman's husband who I had assumed had some mental breakdown as he had difficulty connecting thoughts.  I realized it was the effects of marijuana consumption over time.

There are other examples just recently, of persons advocating pot use, giving reasons equally ignorant of the realities.

All I know is that the Lord forewarned me in a dream to not "marry" such notions, not "wed" errant ideas and ideologies nor what comes down to elements that alter the mind--open it up to visions and supposedly provide a cure-all even for toothache.  And perhaps pot does, when a person is "stoned", alter the mind and "dope" the senses.  

Perhaps the mind altered by marijuana opens up wide and hallucinates with visions--and we get such convictions such as that any consumption of meat, fish, dairy, eggs, or wheat will bring about the demise of not only all humanity but the planet "the Spirit" created and sustains--and that "God" is not an acceptable name.

This hermit, especially on this 21st anniversary of confirmation as a Catholic, prefers to let God, Christ, Jesus, His Real Presence, Holy Spirit, Spirit, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Messiah, Teacher, Rabbi, Father, Son, Trinity, Prince of Peace and any number of other divine names--be  the One Who enlightens my mind and indeed, my entire being.

I wed, I marry, God and no other.  So the dream forewarned me of the guest to come and ironically touched upon some follow-up information about those who find marijuana and other hallucinogens to be positive for them.  

I laugh (without being "stoned") at what my life would be if any less motivated to do the manual labor projects awaiting me in this hermitage, or what it would be to have induced visions when the Lord provides more than I can begin to anticipate--of and in His own providence and delightful timing!  Love surprises!

I consider the young man who will never know if  God would have touched him instead of LSD bringing an hallucination. I consider Brian Wilson who admitted to what drug use did to shatter his mind; he admits by the grace of God that he survived--helped by others to get off drugs although the damage has been life-long.  Wilson yet mused later in life that marijuana helped him write his ground-breaking album "Pet Sounds".  

One interviewer asked Brian why he risked taking drugs when God had given him so much natural talent to begin with?  Brian repeated how the drugs [expletive'd] up his mind.  He nor any of us will on earth know what other and conceivably greater compositions might have come from God through Brian had he not taken the drugs.  "Pet Sounds" may have been far better with God's inspiration, sans drugs.  At least, the feat would have been pure, not externally tampered with by hallucinogens.

Little children, let us love God above all things and one another as Jesus loves us. Praise God for dreams and answers to dreams. There is no set formula, no drug, no technique that can hold a candle to God's actions and interactions with His (or Her or It's for those hamstrung by gender notions of God or Spirit) Creation and Creatures.

Catholic Hermit Has a Dream

Well, there are dreams, and there are dreams.

Dreams require discernment.  Obviously, there are types and degrees of dreams.  Not a lot of time and effort should be spent on reviewing them, for that is not necessary.  When some spiritual guides suggest brushing them aside, they also in other aspects teach to discern various locutions, visions, and other numinous messages.

The danger in heeding dreams literally is that the level of images, or imagination, is one in which the devil is allowed to enter into the mind.  If a dream leaves one disturbed and chaotic, it is not necessary to pay much attention, other than to acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, and all of our love and obeisance is to Him.  If spoken aloud, that is best when the devil is involved in anything nefarious, including dreams.

Then, other dreams reflect bodily or situational stresses.  These dreams tend to allow the subconscious to float to the surface and relay some irritant or upset in our physical or emotional or mental status involved in our everyday functioning.  These are often depicted by symbolic dream events and are fairly easy to discern.  The solution is to try to correct whatever it is that is causing the stress or upset.  Sometimes we cannot alter the temporal world, but we can always address ourselves and see that our reactions can change; and that change can help us reduce the stress until the situation is past.

There are dreams that teach us about ourselves in ways that are worth discerning.  Again, as in the last category, the subconscious is more freed in sleep to come to the conscious mind enough that we will recall the dream with a message.  Usually the message is symbolic in these dreams, but not always.  Often the message (however it is imaged or symbolized or acted out) in the dream will show us some aspect of ourselves that needs improving.  We must learn to be very honest, though, in order to discern.  We have to not fear facing our vices or other weaknesses in our dealings with others, with our habits and flaws.

(Someone has reported on several occasions and asked for assistance in interpretation, dreams that involve being late and the frustration that accompanies.  While the person awakes unsettled, as there are many elements usually woven into the dream, the message repeats.  And, this person is known in life to be habitually late.  This could be due to various aspects including disorganization of temporal surroundings but also concern over a physical handicap that is not yet fully accommodated.)

Other dreams move into more a spiritual level, with spiritual implications.  (This is not to suggest the other types of dreams are not supernal, as we are all created by God, and that includes every aspect of our psyches, including dreams and all the aspects involved in their images.  God's providence is in our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls.)

The dreams that are pointedly spiritual usually have a different essence than the others.  They are more lucid.  One awakens with peace even if there is something of warning involved, or correction. The above mentioned types of dreams can be easily forgotten.  A highly spiritual dream remains clear, especially until the person has discerned it properly and gleaned the message God Himself or through His angels or saints or other messengers has given.

These messages can yet take the form of symbols, situations played out, images, and including voices.  They can transcend any time period and often involve those we know in our lives as part of the image or "scene", as if in a play.  Sometimes the voice will be known, such as someone in our lives who has passed on or the Voice of God that we somehow know because of the quality and a sense deep within that we cannot describe.

Understand that in these types of dreams, God will never tell us, either by His Voice or through His messengers, anything that is evil or immoral or tempting.  Again, there will be peace when we awaken even if there are distressful images that portray for us something we need to correct or be aware.  We will yet have an inner calm and assurance, and there will be a loving desire to agree to what it is, when we discern rightly.

Last night this nothing Catholic hermit had a dream of the latter type.  It could have easily been of the first, of the distressing and devil-playing-with-the-mind type, except there was a strong message to it and a peace upon awakening, and a ready admittance of what the hermit has been neglecting. It was all quite true.  (And in dreams, often the images and messages tend toward more visual or seemingly extreme or intense in order to drive home the point.  Otherwise it is too easy to ignore them.)

So this nothing Catholic hermit knows well and is duly reminded, that it has been neglecting its soul--the intuitive of its soul, specifically.  Yes, all the efforts on trying to right-side-up this pathetic, old house that some people had rather misrepresented the extent of its woes, has taken the hermit too much into the active and into the world.  The obstacles have been ridiculous, abnormal--such as four months to persevere with an appliance that had a leveling foot not budging.  Well, the examples are too many and not worth repeating, but there have been more obstacles than not, by far, requiring time and attention.

Now, with finances dwindling and needing to go for broke, and get help finishing the heavy parts, and not sure at all will make it out with the shirt on the back, the message is apt.  And the dream stands as a light to guide, for it will be easier to let go and strip away, sell out after a final push of hard work to make it salable, use up the supplies here--and be thankful to return to some other way of temporal existence, somewhere other, and tend the intuitive soul!

Already this has commenced.  The nothing Catholic hermit has shifted its body, mind, and heart all the more to His Real Presence.  The pneumonia passed the mid-point sometime in the night, although there is quite a ways to go before can be out of bed for much of anything.  The images used to show the hermit how horribly it had neglected its intuitive soul, remain as firm, strong, and loving reminders.  Praise God for the images!

Yes, see?  Such dreams are lucid, and even if rather shocking-to-our-sensibilities the images, if the message is from God, it will be joyfully embraced and the result clear and uplifting!  Just the one aspect of the "scene" is needed as a quick shot, like seeing a photo or noticing a ring to remind of our vows, or a cross to remind of our Savior.

If we ignore such dreams, or do not bother to discern any dream, it can be as if tossing out mail unread.  Most might be junk, but as today, when the hermit was able to make it as far as the mailbox, therein was a short, loving, encouraging note from its spiritual father, far away.  It is a keeper, to for a time remind in a tangible way of his esteemed prayers.

Now, some spiritual directors may advise to ignore dreams.  Even John of the Cross mentions similar in the first phase, the purgation of the senses.  But later on, in the intuitive way leading into unitive of the soul with God, he discusses discernment.  We must know that had St. Joseph indiscriminately tossed aside the dream telling him to wed Mary and what to name the Child, or had the wise men ignored their dream to avoid Herod--what then?

God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love one another!  God Is Love!  Remain in His Love!