A Positive Take: Ideas for Lenten Fasting

I found these suggestions on the Eternal Word Television Network website, under Lenten Devotions.  While my mind tends to observe and question, and then reflect, I do note that it is best to not be critical of others.

Yet, in my observations, the good Lord tends to put it right back to having me ask myself in what ways I do likewise, or have, or He instills in me a desire to avoid some aspects that I observe, or to apply in my own body, mind, heart and spirit the good that I observe.

One aspect that made me rather sad was observing many persons who I'd not viewed in over a decade, had gained a lot of weight.  This made me wonder if the persons' lives were somehow out of balance, or if there was too much inactivity and contemplative time as opposed to active works, including manual labor.

So I am rejoicing that the Lord has me in a place requiring much physical labor which is excellent exercise; and, also, my complaining has given way to gratitude.  My physical pain is best distracted by forcing the body up and into some work, prayer while working, or when I did not have work to do, to pray while walking or gardening (which I do not consider to be work!).  I now try to consider that the manual labor in renovation is not work, either--just another form of prayerful activity, of creative and artistic worth, and will produce lovely fruit for whoever lives here next.

But I cannot continue at this time with viewing or engaging in mournfulness or that which evokes somber voice or sorrowful posture.  When I read that the word lent in ages past was the word for spring, and another aspect relates to the lengthening of days in springtime, I consider this to be indicative of the joy of the His salvation--of His securing the freedom for us from the ravages of our sins.  Yes, we must recognize our sinful natures and repent, but then relish and rejoice in the joy of His salvation.

I note that these Lenten ideas posted on the EWTN website, for fasting and abstinence, are quite positive.  They remind me of the repeat of the Psalm this morning:  Lord, show us the joy of Your salvation.

HOW TO FAST

Fast from judging others;
Feast on Christ dwelling in them.

Fast from apparent darkness;
Feast on the reality of light.

Fast from pessimism;
Feast on optimism.

Fast from thoughts of illness;
Feast on the healing power of God.

Fast from words that pollute;
Feast on phrases that purify.

Fast from anger;
Feast on patience.

Fast from worry;
Feast on Divine Providence.

Fast from unrelenting pressure;
Feast on unceasing prayer.

Fast from negatives;
Feast on positives.

Fast from complaining;
Feast on appreciation.

Fast from hostility;
Feast on non-resistance.

Fast from bitterness;
Feast on forgiveness.

Fast from anxiety;
Feast on hope.

Fast from yourself;
Feast on a silent heart.

Catholic Hermit: God Unfolds Lent

Already, yesterday and again today, in the Order of the Present Moment: God unfolds Lent.  It is God Who chooses, Who controls, Who plans and unfolds Lent.  God does so individually, uniquely, and collectively.

The other day, after a letter from my spiritual father as well as an ensuing dream in which he was counseling me, I decided to find EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network) on my laptop (this hermit's little window to the temporal world).  I watched a bit, and a sense of sadness at times, and even mournfulness, caused my mind and heart to ponder aspects of the past and present.

Was the mournfulness a result of what I was viewing, or was it an aspect of passage of earthly time, or could it have to do with a shift in programming and current status, perhaps the result of decline in enthusiasm, etc.?

I also considered my role and to what praying God calls me in the present moment.  Recently I've prayed much for our country, our world, as well as individual struggles as noticed on news reports and in short video clips and headlines.  The secular media provides plenty of prayer reminders, specifically and in general topics.  It seems a good thing to pray for such intentions.

Yet, I questioned again, within myself, the source of the sense of mournfulness that surfaced when I viewed more of the EWTN programming.  And by yesterday, I had an answer.

The mournfulness, for the most part, was my own.  It had to do with past memories--bittersweet, at that.  The bitter revolved around a time period in my Catholic life progression in which an apostolate--a ministry--that the Virgin Mary had directed me in a dream to organize and lead--had me suffer one of the most painful (I thought) ousting from that which I so loved guiding and helping along to much success for those in need of a touch of love.  It was a soup kitchen that evolved into much more.  Yet the devil got involved, and I had to go in order for the fury to subside.

The sweet aspects included, in my needing to lay low under the guidance of my spiritual father at the time, discovering EWTN programming.  At the time, I needed to rent and subscribe to DISH television, and I had a television by which I could learn and grow through the various EWTN programs, in addition to spiritual reading on my own. 

The bitterness of loss of what had been an exciting and successful focus of my love and efforts was thus filled with the many positives of the Catholic Church as seen through the various guests and information, the saint movies, the Scripture studies, the spiritual guidance, the music and prayers offered from a television network begun by a Catholic nun and staffed by many with donations coming in from all over the world.

So returning after many years of not having a television set nor cable, and not realizing EWTN would now be live-streamed on internet, I sensed a shift in momentum that equated, at first, as mournfulness.  And yes, the mournfulness for the most part was mine and not due to changes in the network programming or presentation.

Yesterday, I happened to peak again and found broadcasting some lenten reflections by some priests of the Missionaries of the Poor.  Then later I noticed a fairly recent movie of the saints Francis and Clare.  I also discovered a priest who'd had a program years ago, continuing his program, yet current--recognized him despite aging.  And if he could see me through the screen, he'd not probably recognize me due to my aging beyond the usual.  Ah, the way temporal hardships and pain can age us!

I still find the tone heard in the recitation of prayers to be rather somber, if not mournful.  And again, the mournfulness is how they affect me subjectively.  And I am now certain this is due to my own suffering and struggles currently, in the present moment.  I have more than enough so seek relief from the somber, the mournful, even though I realize life can be quite serious, grievous, sorrowful.

Others viewing may not find it so at all!  And in the passage of time and the phases of our spiritual progression in life, we ought not be in the same mode with the same needs and desires that we had a dozen years or more ago.  The Lord unfolds our lives; we merely flow along with the Holy Spirit as best we can, if we desire to flow and not restrict Him.

And all this leads me to consider that I've come to not place specific goals for myself for Lent.  I used to, in my innocent, well-intentioned yet naive arrogance.  I came to discover that my goals are much like temporal goals.  I offer as fact the goals of this past week that I'd have the stairwell drywall mudded in two or three days.  It's been five days, and I'm still at it although yesterday had to run errands in civilization for more supplies--costly ones, at that, requiring yet more faith in God's providence.

Already, since Ash Wednesday just four days ago, the Lord has unfolded His chosen Lent for me in typical Order of the Present Moment fashion.  He's shown me a thing or two or many about mournfulness, penthos, contrition, repentance, and the joy of His salvation.  He's given me new areas of physical pain that moderate what I can "do" or "not do" each day.  The Lord reminded me to let go of past enthusiasms and also the bitter memories in order to see the sweetness of this present moment, in which the sun unexpectedly is shining now when instead overcast and sleet was to be.

God plans and provides my Lenten sacrifices and Lenten lessons.  He points to what I should view and read, and also what I need to be listening to within my mind and heart--and in the night time when distractions are mostly wiped away, He provides visitors in my dreams.  

Last night, there was quite a visit and sharing with a dear friend of the past, some 11 or 10 years ago passed onto the other side.  Oh, Virginia, loving friend of my heart and soul!  I'm yet pondering with loving awe but also asking the potential prayer needs of this woman or her family, the latter yet on this earth as far as I know  I'm also asking the Lord to reveal any aspects of myself with my departed friend, in this fifth day of the current Lent, in which I must make amends.  He's shown me my dereliction already; and immediately I prayed an apology to Virginia so close beyond the thin veil.

I read a few more pages of St. Bernard's Sermons on the Song of Songs, yesterday; and I realized that my lack of spiritual reading is due to the tremendous physical strain in the manual labor these days.  Thus, the current prayer intentions revolve around the bits and pieces of laptop secular news clips--and now also the needs and topics brought forth by the Catholic Church's televised network whether or not some programs are current with my spiritual present moment.  They are necessary and good for someone's spiritual present moment, and for these I pray and rejoice.

I have no idea right now what the Lord will unfold in this first Sunday of Lent.  I hope to listen to a Lenten reflection on EWTN later on, perhaps during a rest break in which I will ice my right elbow and right hand.  (The right, upper bodily appendage is so painful from carpentry overuse!  I do remind myself that Jesus and His dad were on earth, carpenters and workers with stone and some kind of mortar, which then reminds me of the drywall mudding to be done in Te Deum Hermitage!)

What I do know, is that even if I tell the Lord what I intend to read or pray or sacrifice or do in a positive, additional effort of love of Him in Himself, and love of others as He loves--none of my plans and goals can begin to compare to what He has planned for me in this present Lent.  So I will "do" something that has not been easy for me to do, and that is to let go of my own notions, to stop jumping in to lead.  I will submit and follow, which requires being attentive to God in the present moments of His Lent--for Lent is Jesus Christ's Lent, and I am but a guest on His program.

God's Lent is not mournful, at least not for me this day in His Lent which becomes our Lent, together.  Reverent, somber, serious, repentant, humble--yes, I suppose so.  But I am noticing His Living Word is filled with much joy in His salvation and reminders to not think or talk so much but to act, even if interior movement, in positive and lovingly helpful manner for my and others' souls.

God bless His Real Presence in us as God unfolds His Lent through us, and us who remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Contrite Heart; Penthos; Mournfulness

As for mournfulness, I consider these additional, inner traits of the mind, heart, and spirit: penthos and contrition.

The Psalmist reminds us that the Lord desires not holocausts or sacrifices but rather a humbled heart and contrite spirit.  Contrition comes from the root contrere, meaning "rub together" and later, "ground down."  To be contrite is to not just feel remorse and sorrow for something done that is wrong, sinful, but to actually experience the contrition, the remorse and sorrow.  One's mind, heart and very soul rub up against the wrong thought, word, action that the conscience reveals.

Asking God for forgiveness and also making amends and trying to right the wrong--the sin--brings brings contrition to refreshment and peace.

Penthos represents the Greek personification of guilt, remorse, sorrow.  The word has evolved to the action of mourning, and in Christianity, the mourning and sorrow over guilt of sin be it individual sin or collective guilt of the sins of mankind.  There is a spiritual gift that comes sometimes--unexpectedly so as graces are bequeathed by God--when contrition, repentance, and a deep, inner grasp of the guilt of sin is essentially washed away by what is known as holy weeping or tears.

Perhaps closest to mournfulness is penthos, for there is a good in mourning for our sins and the sins of others.  Yet mournfulness can move from the good of its purpose in sorrow for sins and in contrition's remorse but also in the outflow of repenting, of conversion from sins and making amends for wrongs be it of our own sins or in reparation for others' sins, for collective sins of which we as part of the human race all share, one with another, in various degrees and forms.

Yet mournfulness can become an attitude and a modality of daily life which may not be helpful to the soul or to others, and not what God desires of us.  I consider and reflect upon Isaiah's  [Ch. 58] exhortation of the type of fasting that pleases God (and surely is of best soul benefit, in His divine will).  

"This, rather, is the fasting that I wish:
releasing those bound unjustly,
untying the thongs of the yoke;
Setting free the oppressed,
breaking every yoke;
Sharing your bread with the hungry,
sheltering the oppressed and the homeless,
Clothing the naked when you see them,
and not turning your back on your own.
Then your light shall break forth like the dawn,
and your wound shall quickly be healed;
Your vindication shall go before you,
and the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer,
you shall cry for help, and he will say:  Here I am!"

While fasting is a form of making right our sins, we must first recognize our sins whether personal or collective, and then forgiven by God, to go forth and make amends.  

Another aspect of contrition for our sins that God desires, is humility of heart.  The Psalmist sings an excellent prescription for contrition, penthos, reparation, and the freeing, joyful, merciful love of God's forgiveness.

"Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
and of my sin cleanse me.
For I acknowledge my offense, and my sin is before me always;
'Against you only have I sinned, 
and done what is evil in your sight.
For you are not pleased with sacrifices;
should I offer a burnt offering, you would not accept it.
My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit;
a heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn."

It is not easy for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to express the present moment, personal thoughts, for mournfulness does have its place in our spiritual lives.  I suppose it comes down to knowing when mournfulness is no longer necessary, such as when we are forgiven.  Or when mournfulness is not helpful, such as in discerning what attitude and action God prefers if our mournfulness becomes rather habitual or a learned affect from environmental situations and role modeling.  

Being forgiven is truly, in faith, a full and complete God-forgiveness of our sins.  Weeping, guilt, sorrows, and mournfulness is to give way to peace, uplift, joy, freedom of spirit--yet still with humility of heart--a heart brimming with the healing spirit of God's Love.

Thus, perhaps I am seeing and learning something of myself, already in Lent.  Perhaps it was sensing the mournfulness in not all but somewhat in the affect of my own perpetuating of what can sometimes be learned behavior and attitude in certain worship situations or in regard to certain topics and stances Catholic.

I have been mournful far too often and for extended time periods in situations not best serving the Lord in mournfulness and somber visage of face and inner disposition of mind and heart.  I can have remorse for this learned aspect and what effect it may have had on my son when a youth.  In addition to my physical suffering and sorrows of unfortunate life hardships, I was too often mournful and thinking this was the way of being a serious Catholic.

I'm not going to berate myself beyond a humble and contrite apology to God and asking forgiveness for whatever ways I was not a positive nor accurate witness to God's mercy and forgiveness.  And I will express my apologies to my son, praying for the best time and format to do so.  It may be today, or not yet.  In making reparation for our wrong doings whether intentional or not (mine was not at all intended in this case!), we must pray for wisdom of the Holy Spirit for those we may have affected may not be receptive at the same time we realize our wrong doing.

A contrite spirit and humbled heart, however, is not at all mournful.  The mourning period is past, long gone with the very first inkling of offering God our offense(s) with accompanying asking Him to forgive us--to wipe clean the slate of our hearts.  And in His mercy, He can heal the memories that we humans can tend to keep cluttered with our sins beyond the good of their being benchmark lessons to help keep us from temptation to repeated sins....

When are the times in our present moments when our hearts sing?  Or are our hearts laden with on-going mournfulness, especially in certain situations that could and perhaps ought be forthright yet promisingly joyful?  

I today ask these questions for myself of Jesus, of the Holy Spirit, of God the Father, and of Mother Mary--for I desire his mercy and love in the fullness of forgiveness no matter how many times I sin or grasp the collective sin of humanity.

[Note: To gain a beautiful and beneficial understanding of penthos, I highly recommend a book I read several years ago that covers well the truth and beauty of recognizing our sins, expressing remorse, asking forgiveness, making reparation, and having appropriate grieving-turned-to-joy of salvation.  The title is simply, Penthos; the author is Ireneus Hausherr, SJ.]

Catholic Hermit: Mournfulness

It is Lent.  Ash Wednesday came and went. Here at Te Deum Hermitage, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit spent the day reflecting, praying, and painfully applying drywall mud in precarious heights of two-story stairwell opening.

Rather than ashes on my forehead, this year there was drywall mud spiritually formed in the sign of the cross.  Worn out by evening and flopped on floor mattress in my little cell room, I physically touched my forehead with finger and traced an invisible cross.  It was most difficult to do as the right thumb throbbed from a flared up drill whip injury, and my right elbow shot nerve pain from what is called "Carpenter's Elbow":  overuse.

This week I've been reminded of how mournful we Christians--seemingly particularly Catholic Christians--can be.  I have exemplified much mournfulness in the past, particularly when a newly converted Catholic over two decades ago.  
It is good to reflect upon the seriousness of Christ's sacrifice for our sins and his sufferings in securing our salvation.  It is good to consider the sorrows of His mother Mary.  It is good to seriously review our sins and to beg God's forgiveness and ask His mercy.  There is a difference between mournfulness and reverence, fear of the Lord, awe in God.

I received a letter from my spiritual father a week ago.  In it he mentioned he's given up on watching the evening news.  The divisiveness and political negativity caused frustration and anger; he swtiched from secular television stations and has been watching the news on Eternal Word Television Network as well as viewing a couple other programs on EWTN.

A couple nights later, I dreamed of my spiritual father speaking to me and offering some guidance.  While upon waking I could not recall the specifics, I knew it had to do with my own using of YouTube news clips which I have used rather weakly and pathetically as time-taking prayer fodder but mostly as background noise, pain distraction....

I can gather the news of the world in order to pray for particular persons and situations, and then broaden the prayers to themes of needs of persons everywhere, without the live stream of chatter, mostly repetitive.  I can glimpse headlines and pick out pertinent video clips--far more efficiently and screened from too much noise and distraction.  Not the best for a hermit whose Nine S' platform to the Gospel Rule of Life includes silence and simplicity....

So I decided to see if EWTN does some program live streaming.  Yes, it does.  I'd not viewed this Catholic broadcasting station for over a decade--as I had moved and did not have cable and got rid of television.  At the time, the network did not live stream programs on computer--at least my laptop was not capable of downloading if available.

I watched or more accurately, listened, to some programs including the Mass while I mudded drywall.  I viewed some EWTN during rest breaks when icing my thumb and elbow.  

My mood shifted through the day and into the next.  Mournfulness entered in, and I found myself realizing that EWTN seems to have shifted in tone, for some programs.  I looked at their weekly schedule and noticed that there were frequent re-runs from years past--all fine to offer--but that there seemed a mournfulness in the recitations of prayers and sometimes in the celebration of Mass.

Of course, praying and Mass can be somber and serious celebrations.  (I notice my own ironic juxtaposition of "mournful" or "somber" with "celebration.")  Perhaps the mournfulness I was experiencing had something to do with flashbacks of memory when I used to watch EWTN with delight and absorption of the excellent programming--all fresh and new to me then.  Perhaps much had to do with the reality of the network's founder, the late Mother Angelica, being very much alive and healthy, not having yet suffered a major stroke.

And, at the time in my own life, the reason I began watching EWTN so much was that I'd been nastily ousted from a ministry I'd started, by the grace of God--a rapidly growing and successful soup kitchen.  (The devil was involved, and there were the usual plagues of envies and gossip surrounding my needing to die on my sword so that the efforts could go forth without the obstacles thrown in our way.)  So part of the mournfulness might have been the reminder of "back then."

Yet, the next day that I listened to and viewed the network programs, the same sense of mournfulness persisted, and I realized that there was not the same enthusiasm and freshness, probably not the donations, and no doubt a shift that occurs when a founder of an organization no longer leads.  I was reminded of what occurred within 100 years of St. Francis' life and times, of his followers: a demise, a downturn.  Then Jesus chose St. Colette to come forth from her anchorhold and help reform the Franciscans.

I suspect EWTN is going through one such transition period.  But not to place my own sense of the mournfulness of my recent viewing experience as accurate, I consider the aspect of mournfulness that I've expressed from my own Catholic Christian journey.

Yes, I've been mournful plenty of times.  Part of the mournfulness has been in trying to fit into what I perceived as somber and serious Mass protocol.  Or the sorrows I had when first discovering the often-persecuted mystics and the tremendous suffering of the saints.  Or my own sorrows when confessing my sins in a Sacrament that I knew nothing of in my Protestant first-44 years of my life.  Then, also, is the mournfulness of my constant and rather high-level physical suffering of the past 32 years since debilitating and life-altering car accident.

I have more than enough mournfulness in my life.  This reality came to me on Ash Wednesday.  I don't need more mournfulness--not in mournful group recitations of verbal prayers or even mental prayers.  I don't need to hear sorrowful voices preaching and teaching--the mournfulness is sorrowfully an overload on my own painful physical existence when my heart is seeking to sing as antidote to the woes.

Now, this is not to say I know what Jesus wants.  Perhaps He wants mournfulness and an emphasis on sorrows and suffering.  God knows--and He is God made Man--that there are sorrows of the world and sins galore that reduce our lives to troubles a' plenty.  

Into my memories came a vision and locution two decades ago.  I was in Mass at a convent near my then-home, and my body was in its usual pain.  I popped a question from within my soul, as I cheekly asked Jesus, "So what are You up to, today, Jesus?"  He appeared to me right there and then, superimposed in front of the priest preaching at the altar.  He appeared bearing His cross, crown of thorns on His head, bleeding and bent with suffering. 

"I am suffering, " Jesus said, "and that is well enough for YOU."

That was it--end of vision, end of message.  And I knew that yes, suffering was good enough for me, too, for that day and many days, and for any day.  

However, I have asked Jesus and His mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary--my mother, our mother, Mother of His Church--if they want me to be sorrowful, mournful, somber--now, in general?  I know in the ensuing years, I have complained about being in Mass and noticing the heaviness of people filing in, looking miserably sad, not smiling before, during, or after Mass.

At one point, I had a major consideration as I thought of Jesus looking out at us from His Tabernacle, and seeing our glum and miserable faces whether or not we were listening and celebrating with attentiveness during Mass.  (I know, for there have been times that I was wearing a cloak of misery and looking glum back at Jesus as He looked at me.  

Does it really help Jesus if I am mournful even when He is suffering, or when His mother is suffering, for they surely do suffer even now at times, when they see us in our messes and struggles, our sufferings--of which most if not all are the result of our own sins and of being recipients of sinful thoughts and actions of others?

I don't have an answer yet.  But I decided that watching and listening to voices mournful are not positive in my already mournfully painful existence.  For awhile now, I have yearned for balance and thus have sought with all my body, heart, mind and spirit to love God in Himself and to love others as God loves!  This seeking has not at all been mournful or somber, and the seriousness of it is not sad but rather is a delightful, fervent, enthusiastic, and positively expectant desire.

Then I considered that the secular news does not anger me or frustrate.  Thankfully, I can get the gist with a video clip or some headlines, and the chattering pundits can be muted or clicked off once I gain the prayer needs.  And it is the work of my hermit existence at least for now, to pray for all people in addition to the needs of the Church.  I emphasize--my work for now includes the temporal secular world in addition to the temporal church world.

Today I will try drywall sanding with left arm.  My right arm needs rest and healing, and one day will not be enough but is what I can offer, again, for now.  The Order of the Present Moment is always about what is, for now, in the present moment.  Perhaps tomorrow the right arm will need another day of rest, or not.  

Perhaps I will listen to an EWTN program or two, such as I notice they still have beautiful music on Sunday afternoons; and not all the priests celebrate Mass as mournfully as others.  The program hosts are doing their loving best, and reality is that maybe the mournfulness I sense has to do with loss of what was but still can be even more so, in future.  I am praying for the network, regardless!  So much good EWTN provides, more than I could provide in my whole life!  I pray for others to not sense mournfulness, for it might just be me and God's way of guiding what He wants of me for now. 

For now, my body, mind, heart, and spirit need joy, not additional mournfulness.  There is mournfulness enough, and as a Catholic, my experience has been that my past going along with mournfulness and adding to the collective mournfulness--has not produced much positive encouragement for others to embrace what we ought know as the Way, the Truth, Beauty, Goodness and the Light.

Thus, a line from the Psalm on Ash Wednesday arrows my heart: 

Give me back the joy of your salvation,
and a willing spirit sustain in me.