Catholic Hermit: Docility and Gifts of Holy Spirit

Very much pain today, especially upon waking.  For second night, I have awakened in the wee hours, the pain needing help and time to pass before sleep came again.  I made myself walk yesterday; I also tested standing a bit, without the brace, while putting together cranberries, apple, orange--sliced with manual chopper.  Perhaps it was the standing without brace that caused the pain-sickness all day and even this evening.

Without testing out the potential, we do not learn what are the limits or boundaries which are able to expand and extend in the temporal world, to some degree or other, at least until a point, no more.  In the supernatural, in the realm of spiritual graces, there are not limits to progression and growth other than the hindrances of attachment and sin.

So I'm learning from Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, more about the acquired moral virtues, the infused moral virtues, the three theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, and of the various virtues' relationship and inter-relationship with the corresponding spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit.

And now I am learning (more, being reminded for I have read in the past but not learned it as in fully, without needing more teaching and reminding, so am progressively "learn-ing") that docility of soul is necessary to free us from our moral defects.

Only by being docile to the inspirations of the spiritual gifts of the Holy Spirit can our souls free ourselves from certain moral defects (Three Ages of Interior Life, p.85).  "The gifts of the Holy Ghost are given to all the just precisely to enable them to receive with docility these special inspirations, whose superhuman mode, that is at first latent, grows progressively more manifest if the soul is docile" (ibid., p. 85).

As to the will, St. John of the Cross holds firm that the purity of the will relies upon passive purifications, that is, the senses and the soul being purified of such moral and psychological impurities including outward vices as well as unconscious ones such as secret pride and egoism involving such as lack of detachment of spiritual goods.  The good news is, there is a normal process in progress in the virtues through prayer and great humility (as St. Teresa of Avila points out).

Also, we are encouraged because St. John of the Cross also notes that passive purifications are part of the normal way of sanctity; the soul progresses further not only in purification of senses but also as God teaches and refreshes the soul in the way of the spirit, of infused contemplation.  "St. John most certainly wished to note here not something accidental, but something that is produced normally in the way of sanctity when a soul that is truly docile to the Holy Ghost does not recoil in the face of trial" (ibid., p.88).

Where does this leave us?  I am taking from this (and the section read in The Three Ages of the Interior Life) that I must focus on humility as a base, and desire for my soul to unite in God as summit.  In between, since I've been given the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, I want to be more open to the needed benefits of wisdom, understanding, knowledge, counsel, and piety, fortitude, and fear as well as their corresponding virtues of charity, faith, hope, prudence, and religion, religion, and temperance.

I want to more appreciate these gifts of the Holy Spirit by meditating on them in prayerful manner, and hopefully in God be raised to a point of contemplation of their grandeur as gifts from a most docile attitude and spiritual prostration, as possible, on my part.  Since I've prayed sincerely for better grasp and utilization of wisdom, I am going to begin with that gift of the Holy Spirit, and will consider its corresponding virtue of charity.

Really, all this enters into a mystical order in which I ask to be shown hindrances remaining in my body, mind, heart, and soul, and ask for purification from the attachments and sins against charity.  This is not usually a one-time-and-done proposition or situation.  What I've been learning from reading is that even souls that have reached the unitive way or life, who are considered no longer to be proficients but of the perfected, can still progress further in charity through continued infused contemplation and ongoing docility to the inspirations of the Holy Spirit.

I realize I'm not explaining all or most aspects of this clearly or well.  What I do know is that of humility and docility being requisite, and of being open to and cooperative with detachments as part of the purifying process--of senses (physical, temporal, matter) and of aspects (spiritual attachments) of my soul and sprit.  I am going forth in trust, prayerfully asking for more guidance and understanding of wisdom and charity, and otherwise letting the Holy Spirit lead me forth in whatever ways necessary.

Practically, I will avail myself to His Real Presence without distractions of reading or speaking or noises in background, or activity, and just be for God, whatever He wants in the silence of my essential nothingness.  This for me will be challenging due to physical pain; it is not easy for me to be still in His Real Presence due to noticing the pain more.  But this is how I must avail myself--try not to recoil in the face of a trial, in my case: pain.  That is the docility to the Holy Spirit I must offer, and whatever more of which I do not yet know.

For most, contemplation and infused contemplation moves from providing some effort (acquired) to God's taking over, gifting, or infusing contemplative state.  It is in the infused contemplative state that some few might experience some type of "sign" or extraordinary spiritual experience. Again, most do not.  The signal or sign is just that, and extraordinary--not the ordinary state of infused contemplation.  The sign or extraordinary is that which is yet another temptation in attachment to that spiritual experience even if not consciously so; detach from it by remaining docile to the Holy Spirit and allow God to be all to our nothingness.

I'm going to begin, as I mention above, with the gift of wisdom and the virtue of charity.  There may be various processes and aspects of vices and attachments I must be shown and detach from, but I want to love God more and more, and here are excellent teachers in St. Thomas Aquinas, St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, and Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange, and over all and beyond, the Holy Spirit, the Paraclete, the Third Person of the Holy Trinity.  It's bound to be a win-win without needing to leave the icy pad on my bed, or if tomorrow brings less pain, I can offer myself while taking physical steps on a walk.

On a more temporal note, I was feeling out of hermit balance today, so I decided best to speak to a couple human beings about whatever they were interested in, via one who called me and the other whom I called.  In the one whom I called, I asked prayers that I accept and be fully satisfied with spiritual communion and spiritual reconciliation since I'd not heard from the woman who used to bring Communion once a week, and I could not physically go to confession.  Not an hour later, after about three months silence, I received a text from the woman who used to bring me Communion.  She wanted to know if I'd be here on Tuesday afternoon, as she'd like to begin again.  Yes, where else?

I do think the Holy Spirit wants me to learn to let go of what I want, or all types of attachments--even those I think or anyone would think are reasonable, good, proper, and holy.  This includes possessions, people who can be in essence beloved or desired possessions, and even the possessing of the tangible form rather than mystical form of the Sacraments.  I must let go of whatever is not happening or seeming to happen or be.  Let the Holy Spirit decide what, when, where, how, who, and even if He wills, the why of any and all.

Just let go.  This is a form of purification of the senses and spirit, with the purification of the spirit being more hidden from our conscious awareness that we are even attached or hanging on to that which we must be detached in order for God to will and determine for us that we are nothing and need nothing but God.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Keeps Vigil for Wisdom....

Sunday's Mass selection for the First Reading was from the Book of Wisdom.  I found it encouraging yet also challenging.  Do I love wisdom?  Have I even thought of wisdom as a gift, at least all that often, or something to love, to seek in a conscious way?

Lately, though, I've come to a conscious recognition that I desire wisdom, that I need wisdom, want wisdom, and that I must seek wisdom and love wisdom with a love wisdom deserves

Do I watch for wisdom at dawn?  I'm trying to do so.  Often some more temporal thought flutters in upon waking, and for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, it often enough is the recognition of bodily pain.  And with that recognition, my thoughts turn to Jesus for mercy.  Or, I have an immediate reminder of someone who has asked my prayers; or there might be a song being sung or played out in my mind which in turn reminds me of how I've turned that song into a love song for Jesus.

Or, there are temporal thoughts of something I must remember to "do" relative to the responsibilities that we have in being alive in our current times.  Some bill that needs to be paid on time, a birthday to be remembered or card mailed, or something such as to remember to check under the hermitage in the dug-out cellar to see if the sump pump is properly removing water that leaches in during the storms.  Or, I am reminded of what I am to do in some way to make progress in finishing the hermitage.

Today I woke up thinking about a couple who have suffered as much or more ailments and calamities as Job.  I was reminded of how horrid the fact of the man's huge blisters that have formed on his legs---one the size of grapefruit--and the many hemorrhages under his skin on arms.  All this is the effect of the massive dosage of prednisone he has had to be on in order to simply breathe in the oxygen from tanks and to be able to continue life.  Their finances in ruin, the wife has very little sleep and is worn from all the responsibilities upon her, including now being nurse for insurance will not pay for the visiting nurse practitioner to change the man's wound bandages.


But after thoughts and prayers, and of then remembering I had to put away some provisions still in truck during the brief respite from storms, and then to get a charity package ready for the mail pick up--and in praying for (and trying to keep my emotions calm!) for our country's congressional political charades and stage-show effect--I sought and desired and prayed once again for wisdom.

I did this while painting a second trim coat on some closet baseboards and shelving--all laid out on the sawhorses set up inside the hermitage.

And when that task was completed, brushes cleaned and other temporal tasks tended, the body needed to flop on the mattress, as my heart longed to re-read this excerpt from Wisdom 6:12-16:

"Resplendent and unfading is wisdom,
and she is readily perceived by those who love her,
and found by those who seek her.
She hastens to make herself known in anticipation of their desire;
Whoever watches for her at dawn shall not be disappointed,
for he shall find her sitting by his gate.
For taking thought of wisdom is the perfection of prudence,
and whoever for her sake keeps vigil
shall quickly be free from care;
because she makes her own rounds, seeking those worthy of her,
and graciously appears to them in the ways,
and meets them with all solicitude."

Is wisdom sitting by my gate?  (I have two gates on the property, and I pray wisdom is by each one!)  Of course, seriously, wisdom will be by the gate of our mind, heart, and especially our soul.

I ponder that wisdom is the perfection of prudence.

And I want to keep vigil, such as perhaps this morning I kept thinking about wisdom off and on, and of wanting and, in truth, needing wisdom.  Is this keeping vigil, when the mind and heart think and feel and desire what is known to be prudent to possess as a gift of the Holy Spirit?

I hope so!

Wisdom will keep us from care; wisdom goes in her own manner and format, as one would realize given the Holy Spirit is the bequeather of wisdom.  So wisdom, we are told, seeks those who are worthy of wisdom.

Am I worthy of wisdom? Lord, I pray  I am, sinner though I be, weary and undisciplined in most endeavors!  Will wisdom appear graciously in the ways?  Will wisdom meet me with all solicitude?  (Has wisdom come to me with care and concern?)

I do not know for sure.  I'd like to think so--that wisdom is here with me now, by the gate of my soul, guiding, informing, encouraging, perfecting.

Perhaps I can begin asking Wisdom if she is in this or that thought, emotion, action--one by one, moment by moment.  Will I then listen and be able to discern Wisdom's answer?  Or will I at least then be turned, formed, in whatever it is I am thinking, feeling, doing--toward Wisdom, with Wisdom informing my soul through, with, and in God the creator and bequeather of Wisdom?

Catholic Hermit: More Birthday Novena Thoughts on Wisdom

I think Proverbs 9 perhaps the more lyrical and poignant for thoughts and truths about wisdom, but Ecclesiastes also has some "wise" points to be made.  I decided both are good to read and to reflect upon your gift of Wisdom!  (And with a holy envy, I guess we could call it, or desire to follow in your footsteps, I ride along with trying to examine your wisdom in light of the gift of God that it is, and to hope for some selfish tips on the matter!) It truly does seem as if wisdom is an invitation, and you either consciously or subconsciously accepted a long time ago, and have grown in wisdom as the gift has enriched and mellowed to a fine beauty, with outstanding effect in you and your life, and enhances your words and actions and your essence for those of us around you. Accepting and living with wisdom increases understanding--understanding of the ways and view of God, understanding how God perceives and interacts with His creation.  It then increases one's own understanding of God's understanding of mortals and our human dilemmas and condition. So the wisdom of not spending time and energy in correcting the arrogant or reproving the wicked, is WISE...!  Even if it might seem as if there is good or righteousness in correcting the arrogant, the proud do not see their wrongs; and this is true of deep-rooted personality disorders as well as outright chosen arrogance and wrong-thinking and wrong-action. It is true that to reprove the arrogant brings anger and resentment; and that surely must be due to arrogance being linked to pride, not humility.  But to reprove or instruct the wise--it is said that they become wiser and are most grateful.  This must be due to wisdom's necessary substance of humility; humility is a major ingredient in wisdom (as is love, of course--wise love, humble love, God's type of love which is not as we most often consider love). So we come to the point that you are very humble, or you would not have such wisdom.  And since I've arrogantly started to consider my "self", selfishly, in the thoughts on wisdom as a main attribute of your life both temporally and spiritually, I know what is needed in order for wisdom to be gifted, and also for wisdom to be enacted as a natural, Holy Spirit gift in daily life.  Humility! The line I find fascinating, a type of spiritual conundrum of which I'd love insights and answers is this:  "The beginning of wisdom is fear of the Lord...."  And this has been a pondering point for me for years!  Way back right after the divorce and car accident and in first weeks in the house I was finally able to provide for my children.  I had a night visitor and locution and was told: The beginning of wisdom...."  Just that.  And I found this verse, then, but could not seemingly break through.   But now I see that fear of the Lord is not just awe of the Lord's power and might and all-knowing; fear of the Lord requires the person to be HUMBLE.  It is in being humble before the Lord, to have a kind of humble "fear", a humble "awe", that must precede or begin the process of being able to receive the gift of wisdom. "Knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."  That is one to ponder now, and it takes wisdom, undergirded and presupposed in humility, to know God and to thus understand God's view, His ways, His will, and even to grasp His love. Without wisdom, though, these other gifts are slowed or precluded; so wisdom is a necessary gift, and those such as you who are given it and accept and cooperate humbly with such a gift as wisdom, then progress in knowledge of God and in understanding.  And as is so truly stated, the wise continue to learn, and wisdom increases and grows in them. I must assume, also, that humility grows, as well.  The wise person is increasingly humbled and humble.  God is so much guiding your life as He does all lives, but by God alone are the years added and the years of life increased.  So true!  And also, wisdom is a great advantage, adding to the life of one who is wise and benefitting those around you; and it is true that if not wise, the life of the arrogant is lived out as such, and no one else is asked to endure it.  Wisdom understand and appreciates positivity; arrogance struggles with negativity. As for Ecclesiastes 9, it reminds of a motivational speech by Lou Holtz.  [I will try to find it online and share the link.] Anyway, God offers everyone without discriminating, and we all have opportunity spiritually and also in our choices and attitudes, and in the spiritual gifts that God gives.  So the bad and the good may receive certain gifts that to our ways of viewing and thinking maybe do not seem fair.  And the same with temporal situations, the good and the bad can be in  various situations in life when we might think only the bad ought have "bad" things happen.  To "live" is to live with hope and to choose joy in life, no matter the circumstances; and otherwise is a type of death, or living death.  The wise choose life.  And in this sense, Jesus truly is the way, the truth, and the life.  We see how He lived on earth.  Even though in a flesh and bone body,  He lived in Spirit, in God, one with the Father and the Holy Spirit. The example of the ruler who made well-known his life achievements and wealth and whatever else, is compared to the humble (poor--poor in spirit, poor in temporal ways, or poor as in not well-known) one who had wisdom, and lived wisdom quietly in life.  Then it is stated that the words of the wise are better heeded than the words of the shout of the ruler of fools--and I suppose this is true over the long run of life and after.  For it does seem that sometimes as was said also, the wise person is overlooked or not as noticed as the one who is forceful and extravagant. In all, though, the person who has the gift of wisdom walks in God's path; and the one without, sooner or later, will feel the lack and loss; and those who desire God will be drawn and influenced more by the wise person even if the ones more on a temporal path and that of earthly pride are seemingly distracted and follow after the brash, the showy, the worldly famous or such. Anyway, your being blessed and gifted and fully cooperative with wisdom, has also given much to ponder and much rejoicing over this gift!  Thus, I rejoice in you, as well, for you could have chosen otherwise and not allowed humility through all the means from which humility is offered, and that usually through suffering.  But somehow wisdom is in play all along for the humble to be wise enough to choose humility over pride.... In thinking about wisdom and those who are wise and exemplify wisdom, come to mind those who seemingly imitate having wisdom.  I suppose there is a type of imitation wisdom that one puts on like imitation fur or imitation leather--less costly, faster to produce, and also though not enduring.  It is worn for the occasion, or even for the life of the person wearing it; but there is a difference that can be detected such as can be in false humility.  It may serve us people well, this imitation wisdom, in the temporal matters and world, but there is a striking difference in holy wisdom which is noted in the spiritual perhaps at times to our difficulty in detecting it, due to the distraction of the temporal.   Holy wisdom then is distinguished some from imitation or seemingly temporal wisdom.  Holy wisdom would cover both, I'd think.  Imitation is only that of temporal.  Thus many errors in guiding others can be made regarding the spiritual by those who do not possess holy wisdom but instead have temporal or imitation type wisdom. There is an old book, titled "Holy Wisdom," by Dom Baker, that I had two copies and had given away one.  I have not read my copy, and it has been boxed for nearly five years.  [J] read his copy, though, several years ago and said it was good. Of course, it is not written in contemporary style; but I think I should locate that book and read it.... I also add that a person with holy wisdom would not be duped as easily as I am!  My desire to trust and believe and stick up for some without being wise--and listening to God is crucial in wisdom--are evidence of some of my foolishness! Click here to Reply or Forward 2.35 GB (15%) of 15 GB used Manage Terms - Privacy Last account activity: 1 minute ago Details

Kate Griffith dkgrif6@yahoo.com Show details

Book of Wisdom, Chapter 9

Solomon's PRAYER^*

1^* God of my ancestors, Lord of mercy,^a

you who have made all things by your word^b

2And in your wisdom have established humankind

to rule the creatures produced by you,^c

3And to govern the world in holiness and righteousness,

and to render judgment in integrity of heart:^d

4Give me Wisdom, the consort at your throne,

and do not reject me from among your children;^e

5For I am your servant, the child of your maidservant,

a man weak and short-lived

and lacking in comprehension of judgment and of laws.^f

6Indeed, though one be perfect among mortals,

if Wisdom, who comes from you, be lacking,

that one will count for nothing.^g

7You have chosen me king over your people

and magistrate over your sons and daughters.^h

8You have bid me build a temple on your holy mountain

and an altar in the city that is your dwelling place,

a copy of the holy tabernacle which you had established from of old.ⁱ

9Now with you is Wisdom, who knows your works

and was present when you made the world;

Who understands what is pleasing in your eyes

and what is conformable with your commands.^j

10Send her forth from your holy heavens

and from your glorious throne dispatch her

That she may be with me and work with me,

that I may know what is pleasing to you.^k

11For she knows and understands all things,

and will guide me prudently in my affairs

and safeguard me by her glory;^l

12Thus my deeds will be acceptable,

and I will judge your people justly

and be worthy of my father’s throne.^m

13For who knows God’s counsel,

or who can conceive what the Lord intends?ⁿ

14For the deliberations of mortals are timid,

and uncertain our plans.

15^* For the corruptible body burdens the soul

and the earthly tent weighs down the mind with its many concerns.^o

16Scarcely can we guess the things on earth,

and only with difficulty grasp what is at hand;

but things in heaven, who can search them out?^p

17Or who can know your counsel, unless you give Wisdom

and send your holy spirit from on high?^q

18^* Thus were the paths of those on earth made straight,

and people learned what pleases you,

and were saved by Wisdom.^r

Catholic Hermit Prays for Wisdom

This morning is a good day to begin praying in earnest for Wisdom.  The first Scripture reading is of wisdom, and prudence in prayer prior to asking for wisdom.  

After closing the eyes, the soul begged His Real Presence for the gift of wisdom.

Then, there was a bit of time out doors, picking the remains of tomatoes, Delicata and Acorn squash, and pulling some weeds.  The gardens are rather a mess of weeds and overgrowth, rotting vines, cucumbers grown too yellow and seedy to eat, and various greens so tall and coarse and going to seed.  When another bit of energy comes, will go back out and pick the green tomatoes.  There might even be a quart of late season strawberries!

This will be the last day, for awhile, for the roadside table offerings.  People have been generous in contributions; and God's good earth has been generous in providing mounds of vegetables.  

Am feeling ill today, yet, with the sinus problem.  Am just worn out, plus am feeling the pain within of consternation, of questions about certain things, and also of the keen sense of desiring the Lord to a degree that exceeds wanting to be here.  So yearn to be with the Lord fully!

The psalm has much depth, appropriate for how the body, mind, heart and soul feels today.

Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain wisdom of heart.
Return, O LORD! How long?
Have pity on your servants!
Fill us at daybreak with your kindness,
that we may shout for joy and gladness all our days.
Make us glad, for the days when you afflicted us,
for the years when we saw evil.
Let your work be seen by your servants
and your glory by their children;
and may the gracious care of the LORD our God be ours;
prosper the work of our hands for us!
Prosper the work of our hands!
--Ps 90:12-13, 14-15, 16-17

The Psalm antiphon offers hope:  Fill us with your love, O Lord, and we will sing for joy!

Emboldened the two lines which ask the Lord to make us glad for the days when we were afflicted and when we saw evil.

This is pertinent right now, for am feeling very weary of the afflictions of body and mind and heart and even at times, of the soul.  The soul grieves for a purity of being in Christ and free from having to see things that are painful to see and sorrowful to sense.  How can a person be glad for the years of seeing ills and nastiness, of evil and wrong doing?  How can one be glad for seeing with inner sight and having to live with what is seen?

Perhaps the answer is in not living with what is seen, and of avoiding seeing with deep inner sense.  The sure way to not see the ills of the world is to avoid being in the world, whether or not it is the secular world of society or the temporal/secular world of the Church.

There is a certain freedom in being among people who are so steeped in the Living Word that they live in His Word.  That certainly seems better than those who live in Canon Laws, for example, or who live in their status or position or labeled vocation.  And this is not to cast aspersions on anyone in particular, but in general.  There seem to be much living in Canon Laws in the temporal Catholic Church, but then also in breaking those laws in some cases, or interpreting them in various ways, not consistent.  All that brings on more feeling of sickness, of weighty weariness, of soul disillusionment.

The hermit is praying about shifting the reference point of writing from third person nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to simply itself, a soul, a child of God, a bride of Christ.  Perhaps evade the heaviness of all that is assumed and implied and in fact created and purported that has lent to lengthy defining of a Catholic hermit in the consecrated life of the Catholic Church--and not even getting into private or public profession!  All that is sickening and unnecessary heaviness that is so far from even one line of a Psalm or one prayer asking the Holy Spirit for wisdom!  All that other is worlds away from a soul desiring His Real Presence, to be subsumed into the Trinity!

This morning was considering John of the Cross and others who hit right up against the heaviness, and the heaviness tried to take their love of Christ from them, tried to weigh them down and even in some, such as John of the Cross, tried to kill him not once but again.  In the "again" toward the end of his relatively young life, they tried to make his life so difficult, that they intentionally chose to order him to areas of the world, and then Spain, that they were sure he would dislike.  

But by then he had transcended the temporal Catholic world as it played out in his religious order.  He had left all that not totally in body, but totally in heart, mind and spirit.  And, for the most part, he had left it physically, too, as his body became ill and weakened, and he welcomed whatever horrible place he was to be sent.  The worse, the better, for he had detached and knew that if his body would die, he would be totally in eternal bliss--not just with God in mind, heart and spirit.

This hermit is being called to pay more attention to those on the other side who have over the years, given wise advice in visions, locutions, dreams, and simply by reading carefully the best documented books concerning some of them--nothing glossed over by hagiographers trying to make the temporal Catholic world seem better than it is, nor the people in it nicer than they were.

When Jesus a week ago awoke "me" in the night (for it was me who He awoke and gave the message, although it is a marvelous message for anyone interested in pondering it), He said: "Look at ME."  He did not say look at the temporal Catholic world, nor look at canon laws, nor look at diocesan games and tricks or priests or parishioners getting played, nor look at your own desperate attempts to distract or to fit into what is seen even though not wanting to see it.

He said "Look at ME."

So I am trying to, with all my body, mind, heart, and spirit.  I am not only trying to look at Jesus, but I am trying to love Him with all my heart--and yes, at this point it is rather with a desperation and clinging kind of love.  Leaving behind distractions of all types, and of those that can even cause me to doubt, takes full focus on Jesus and loving Him in blind faith.

I have certainly learned to not follow people blindly, nor would I want them to follow me blindly.  Jesus warned us there are wolves in sheep's clothing.  He did not have a lot of good to say about the temporal Jewish church in His day, that is for sure.  It was His church growing up, and the church of His nation, but He saw more than enough and said, "Follow Me."

So I will look at Jesus, and I will follow Jesus.

And I think in doing these two things, that I will be able to be quite glad to look back on the days when I was afflicted and the years when I saw evil.

God bless His Real Presence in me (and in you, whoever reads this!)  I love you, my fellow children, but you do not need to love me in return.  Jesus' love streams in on me through the window, flowing from the sun.

More on Renunciation

Yesterday managed to drive the distance into civilization to watch grandson give a science presentation.  The adult daughter discussed options to this situation here, with the latest obstacles and hardships.  The hermit explained how difficult, yet must trust in God and also, somehow, to trust the wisdom and guidance of this 6th century hermit solitary whose name somehow came to mind a few weeks ago, and whose book seems to be helping with the spiritual unraveling of events and explanation of what this hermit is experiencing.

As for renunciation of the world, which is necessary for at least some hermits who aspire to union with God (as Jesus and others have taught and lived), John Climacus makes the point that it is not a renunciation of the world due to the passions or of running away from it, but rather it is the desire to come closer to God in order to love more and attain life within His Real Presence to an ultimate degree.

And that, however, requires the death of the passions, which includes anger and frustration, pride, and various other aspects of the thoughts and emotions that can trip us and entangle us in the renunciation process.  Yet, the world and its increasing obstacles and pitting the soul with roadblocks of complexities, memories, desires of comfort, status or whatever all else--contains with it embers of growing disgust which does help the solitary hermit or any with spiritual aspirations of desiring God.   The reality of the hot embers will assist the hermit in  renouncing or dousing them.  The soul then can better develop an unhindered desire and will to go toward the object of its heart's and soul's desiring:  His Real Presence--Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

...our act of renunciation is not for empty honor.  Exile is a separation from everything, in order that one may hold on totally to God.  It is a chosen route of great grief.  An exile is a fugitive, running from all....  Do not wait for souls enamored of the world when you are pressing on towards solitude and exile....Anyone telling you he can combine these yearnings [even of family, of the world] is deceiving himself.  "No one can serve two masters" [Matt. 6:24].

The words, the guidance, at times seems painfully harsh, even wrong.  Yet, we cannot deny the very life of Jesus and how He lived on earth any more than we can deny the holy souls that the Church has canonized over the centuries, whose lives were lived to a certain ideal, no matter the difficult deaths involved along the way.  [Am not referring to physical death of the earthly body, but of the many mental, emotional, and spiritual types of dying that occur in increasingly painful aspects.  Rather, the deaths are of the soul being purified and emptied in order to come to conformity of love in spiritual perfection, union with Christ and in His will, not that of our own.]

When a man has renounced the world and still returns to its affairs or draws near to it, he will either fall into its snares or will defile his heart with thoughts of it.  These are strong and difficult words to most of us.  Yet Climacus also adds that even if a person becomes uncorrupted, if he begins to hold contempt for others who are corrupted by the world, then he will join them in their corruption.

In the spiritual ascent, there is no room for pride or self-righteousness, nor for judging others who are not on the same path or who are called to some other level or pace of climbing the holy mountain.  At least that is what this nothing Catholic hermit concludes from the reading and praying thus far, and the living of life.  

Climacus also gives sound advice on getting caught up in dreams.  He recommends not paying much attention to those especially that leave a person in despair or conversely in some kind of pride.  It is important, or so this nothing Catholic hermit has concluded in its 63 years on earth and many dreams, that the discernment of spirits and of the effect of dreams, is rather a critical skill to learn.  Climacus mentions dreams that lead to fantasizing, and those are easy enough to pick off--if we are honest with ourselves.

As for this hermit's own dreams, such as the one in which Jesus told it He was very pleased when the hermit, over 19 years ago asked if it was truly God's will that it become a Catholic.  Had the hermit dismissed that dream and locution, it would not have converted to Catholicism.  The dream gave the hermit courage to follow through with being confirmed in the Church, even though the actual suffering and sorrows of its life have multiplied many times over as a result of that conversion.

An example of a dream that can lead to fantasizing, is one this hermit had a couple nights ago.  It dreamed it had won the lottery, and a huge amount, at that!  The dream was so real that upon waking, the hermit was working out in its mind (fantasizing), who it could possibly trust to help it deal with so much money.  What financial person, what attorney?  It decided upon two trusted ones, and then considered how it could have some kind of outreach to help the world with the funds.  

Soon it was thinking what a cross to bear, and how many people would misuse the funds, or those people who had not been loyal would be considering themselves as good friends to the hermit, after all!  But mostly, the hermit considered being able to walk away from this hermitage, and to hire someone to finish it and donate it to a single mother or to some group so it could be a hermitage experience if anyone wanted. 

Another night the hermit had a dream of looking at a house, dated but yet livable, with the thought of purchasing and moving there.  It was not a house it had seen in this life, but in the dream there were some drawbacks in practical ways, but the hermit was wanting to just have a place that is neat, clean and functional.  Then it realized it did not have any means to buy it or to move there.  A person from the hermit's past who has a husband and has financial security, popped into the dream and was making herself very confident and rather triumphant that they were going to buy the house, and even mentioned some famous, wealthy person who owned the house next to it!

So, we see how such dreams as these reflect the hermit's current weariness and desire to flee temporal hardship as well as the dying it is facing on many levels.  See how the fantasizing can enter in?  All the same, when the hermit noticed in civilization that a lottery amount was over the high amount in the one dream, it--God forgive and have mercy!--purchased a ticket!  This nothing Catholic hermit is not nearly ready to renounce the world, at least not nearly to the degree necessary for holiness!

One must keep a sense of humor and be without guile in admitting its weaknesses.  Yes, perhaps this hermit has not the will nor the desire enough to rise into greater death in order to be brought through the mourning into the laughter of the heart.  But, it will still pray for such desire and strength of will.  As the hermit mentioned to the adult daughter, it does take much faith and trust in what holy people have written and what Jesus says in Scriptures, to let go of what the world tells us.  That can include the Christian world which in certain mindsets, highlights the softer and easier parts of Jesus' teachings and life.  His mercy and love are truth, but the reality of unrepentant sin and its consequences are truth, as well.

And, as to another note on dreams, had the hermit not dismissed some of them, it would not have ended up in such a terrible location with the previous neighbors of which the hermit was warned in a dream, the night before the house foundation was to be laid.  Could have gotten out of that one!  Yet, more often than not, the warnings at other times have come more after the fact.  It is more as if the Lord allows the rose-colored glasses to remain long enough to get the hermit to where He wills it, even though it is going to mean much suffering.  But He has the hermit planted in its new place of assignment for prayer and some soul or other to be helped before the hermit realizes the cost; otherwise the hermit would be like Jonah and try avoiding Ninevah....

Enough of all this.  There is more to share of John Climacus' guidance which always flows from and adheres to Scripture.  There is good to share about why ponder death and how that will help the soul to not sin as much.  There is good to share about mourning and tears.   There is good to share about the differing paths of the theologian compared to the hermit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love!

[Note:  This laptop has yet again had its same old issues, and for the fourth time is going into repair.  It is allowed and willed by God--yes such a detail in the temporal for God is in all details--and probably good for this hermit to have a break from as much internet or writing.  Will attempt writing on an iPad.  Yes, at some point, will the good Lord help this hermit all the more detach from words?]