Catholic Hermit: A Life Devoted

I'm still listening and hoping in God to be aware of insights on what a hermit is to do and be:  Devote his life to the praise of God and the salvation of the world.  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 920,921)

What does it mean to devote one's life?  Being "single-minded of purpose" pops in.  And for a hermit, the life is devoted to God but in a way that transcends praising God for this or that blessing or praising Him for His Name or any number of His glorious and divine attributes.  The live devoted is to the praise of God.  St. Bernard's writings on The Love of God climb to the exultant pinnacle of the highest love,  the fourth degree of love as delineated by the saint: love of God in Himself.

To me, this seems to capture the aspect of how a hermit would devote his or her life to the praise of God.  To me, it seems akin to, linked with, subsumed in loving God in Himself.  So today while I praised God aloud on occasion for some blessing or other, including one time spontaneously saying, "I praise You, God, for helping me to grasp more how others think and feel, how they are affected by situations."  Another time I wordlessly praised God for helping me to endure and get pain under control.

But in desiring to understand what it is I'm to be devoting my life to, such as devote my life to the praise of God--I grasp that this is like loving God in Himself.  To love God for and Who He Is without bringing in self love to the loving, or in this case, the praising.  I am wondering if praising and loving are intertwined, with the praising an action toward effecting the love of God in and for Himself.  Seems so.

I'm going to  open myself up more, as a result, to a sense of praising, an essence of praising, an undefined and non-orchestrated praising.  I'm going to pray, asking and trusting in the the Holy Spirit to create in me this praise of God that transcends myself and my conscious and subconscious attempts at "doing" the praising for any objectified or subjective thought or emotion.  May it all be praise of God, as love in Himself.

We'll see what happens.

Then the consideration arises as to hindrances to devoting my life to the praise of God.  There are many obvious ones, but St. Teresa of Avila's points in Ch. 24 of The Way of Perfection remind me that being split or divided in purpose, focus--in the quest to be all for God, and for this consecrated Catholic hermit life devoted to praise of God--is a certain, multi-faceted hindrance.

This extract from the saint's own holy-spirit-filled mind presents the thoughts that cause me to love St. Teresa's unique communication style all the more.  Please read it while putting your hermit self into the text, and consider it in terms of a hermit's devoting our lives to the praise of God as a form of prayer, for it is.  Praise of God, like love of God in Himself, is communication of the soul with God.  Praise is reaching into the higher levels of communication, leading with affective love into contemplative love of God in Himself.

"You already know that His Majesty teaches that it [Lord's Prayer] be recited in solitude.  This is what He always did when He prayed and not out of any need of His own but for our instruction.  It has already been mentioned that one cannot speak simultaneously to God and to the world; this would amount to nothing more than reciting the prayer while listening to what is being said elsewhere or to letting the mind wander and making no effort to control it.

"There can be exceptions at times, either because of bad humors [illness, injury]--especially if the person is melancholic--or because of faint feelings in the head so that all efforts become useless.  Or it can happen that God will permit days of severe temptation in his servants for their greater good.  And though in their affliction they are striving to be quiet, they cannot even be attentive to what they are saying, no matter how hard they try; nor will the intellect settle down in anything, but by the disordered way it goes about, it will seem to be in a frenzy.  Whoever experiences the affliction these distractions cause will see that they are not his fault.... Like a sick person he should strive to bring some relief to his soul; let him occupy himself in other works of virtue.  This advice now is for persons who are careful and who have understood that they must not speak simultaneously to both God and the world.

"What we ourselves can do is to strive to be alone; and please God it will suffice, as I say, that we understand to whom we are speaking and the answer the Lord makes to our petitions.  Do you think He is silent?  Even though we do not hear Him, He speaks well to the heart when we beseech Him from the heart."

All this gives me much to appreciate; am in deep gratitude to the Holy Trinity:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  What opportunity we consecrated Catholic hermits have with the ways in which our vocations facilitate the deepening of our devoting our lives to the praise of God and salvation of the world!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Already God Answers

 

It was not long before the Lord dealt with my non-sacramental confession regarding this nothing-much of a consecrated Catholic hermit!  After writing about my "escapism" in previous post, the occupational therapist came for a final instruction on showering using all the equipment and safe guards properly.

I was exhausted, but also today decided to definitely increase the pain meds by 2.5 milligrams.  It has made a positive difference in coping with this amount of pain, especially after the shower effort.  So the occupational therapist has come for the last time, and left after a brief conversation.  I mentioned the escapism I atypically was into, using the drama series as a means to not think, to get myself out of this body and place, even, to enter into the scene and place of the fiction-based-on-real-life productions.

She found nothing remiss in this, as she said it is good to do what is available in these circumstances, to get the rest needed and to focus on healing, not on figuring out how you will contend with a more physically limited life, plus the pain involved.  I mentioned that the problem I have with my adopted, lulling, passive activity is that I tend to be very religious (that's enough said), but somehow I'm not able to manage the pain enough to read something worthwhile and spiritually beneficial.

Her response was that she thinks I have an incredibly wonderful attitude considering what I am faced with, and the limited means I have of contending with it.  Well, what is she going to say?  In that compliment I was reminded all over again of how powerful can positive reinforcement be as an encouragement or even if it somehow shames someone who perceives is quite the opposite.

After resting, I read today's Scriptures for Mass.  It was nearly noon--quite late for me to read His Living Word.  But as soon as I read the first reading and the Psalm, I recognized the Lord was responding to my non-sacramental confession of how and why I consider myself a bad hermit, lethargic in spiritual effort, intake, and output.  

In these Scriptures, though I also recognized the increasingly predictable plot lines of the series' segments, the insight came that the Lord understands, knows, and also appreciated the praise and thanks I was giving Him as I read His Living Word.  The drama series was also a gift to me, of which I have benefitted in ways He and I now grasp.  

It was not a negative to be connected with the world through these productions.  God provided a temporal means of resting my mind and lulling me to sleep, off and on for quite awhile. I do need the release, the escape, that was so simple and easy to procure.  I did not have to focus or make effort even in remembering the plots; the music and voices and scenery and bits of humor, the creative cleverness--all are appreciated now as what in this phase I've been in, needed.  It worked.

But also, what was transpiring is the transition that God is providing, also, by bestowing graces.  I happened to also read this thought of St. Augustine:

"When you begin to abhor what you have done, it is then that your good works are beginning, since you are accusing yourself of your evil works.  Your good works is the confession of evil works.  You 'do the works' and 'come to the light.'"  (St. Augustine, Jn 12, 13)  

I'm not suggesting that watching procedural drama productions running the length of several seasons, live-streamed from Amazon Prime, are all that "evil."  But for a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed nearly 19 years, spending time (even with pain as a reason or excuse) watching such programs is still not better or best in the spiritual life.  It is not better or best in a daily and nightly horarium even if my hourly schedule is not set in structure even when not recovering from surgery.  My bodily pain has never cooperated with any set plan or structure for 35 years, and increasingly so as years have passed and pain increased.

But I knew when I read what St. Augustine wrote, that the Lord was also talking to me through this saint, now deceased centuries ago.  His soul lives; his writings speak today.  It all connected with my honest confession to God, to myself, and to you readers.  The graces flow; I started to read Vol 1 of St. Teresa of Avila's Letters but found that book more heavy in weight and light in the type of spiritual pith--if not too deep--that my body, mind, heart, and soul need right now.

So I used the grabber reacher tool to get the small volume, No 1, of St. Bernard of Clairvaux' Sermons on the Song of Songs.  With also taking the occupational therapist's adjuration to "listen to the body" and not over do, I hit the too-tired point of the day to read anything, but by God's grace I was not needing to distract by means of the drama series.  Morning will be here afresh, whether or not any of us are called to our eternal home during the night.  

But I'm citing some of the Living Word from today's Mass for you to read if you wish.  You will recognize what I found  to be God's message to me, His answer and counsel, His encouragement and understanding.  

The selection from 1 Thessalonians 2: 1-8 contains snippets of thought that come to fullness in just how gentle is God, especially when we do not deceive ourselves or others, when we do not seek praise (such as in presenting ourselves not as we are, in pretext).  We hermits ought not, as St. Paul says the Apostles ought not, impose our weight by virtue of being in the consecrated life of the Church, living a hermit vocation any more than the apostles did not try to impress by their being apostles of the Lord.

In the Psalm selection (Ps 139:1-3, 4-6) we are reminded of this reality:  God knows us better than we know ourselves; He probes and scrutinizes us.  Yet He still rests His hand upon us, for we belong to Him and are His children whom He loves.

Truly, God has answers for us before we can begin to fully formulate our questions enough to try to figure out with our minds, all that we are trying to figure out.  From Hebrews 4:12, the Alleluia before the Gospel reading, is another God-answer.

 

"The word of God is living and effective,

able to discern reflections and thoughts of the Heart."

From 1 Thessalonians:

You yourselves know, brothers and sisters,
that our reception among you was not without effect.
Rather, after we had suffered and been insolently treated,
as you know, in Philippi,
we drew courage through our God
to speak to you the Gospel of God with much struggle.
Our exhortation was not from delusion or impure motives,
nor did it work through deception.
But as we were judged worthy by God to be entrusted with the Gospel,
that is how we speak,
not as trying to please men,
but rather God, who judges our hearts.
Nor, indeed, did we ever appear with flattering speech, as you know,
or with a pretext for greed–God is witness–
nor did we seek praise from men,
either from you or from others,
although we were able to impose our weight as Apostles of Christ.
Rather, we were gentle among you,
as a nursing mother cares for her children.
With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you
not only the Gospel of God, but our very selves as well,
so dearly beloved had you become to us. ~ 1 Thes 2:

From Psalm 139:

O LORD, you have probed me and you know me;
you know when I sit and when I stand;
you understand my thoughts from afar.
My journeys and my rest you scrutinize,
with all my ways you are familiar.

Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know the whole of it.
Behind me and before, you hem me in
and rest your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
too lofty for me to attain.

Catholic Hermit: Wisdom for Hermits

Here's another selection--this time taken from St. Teresa of Avila's classic:  The Way of Perfection.  Her practical wisdom on the variety of ways in which God leads souls--of all vocations--we are reminded how true in related ways for hermits, the upshot of her words and examples.

God doesn't lead all by one path, and perhaps the one who thinks she is walking along a very low path is in fact higher in the eyes of the Lord.  So, not because all in this house practice prayer must all be contemplatives; that's impossible.  And it would be very distressing for the one who isn't a contemplative if she didn't understand this truth...

I spent fourteen years never being able to practice meditation without reading.  There will be many persons of this sort, and others who will be unable to meditate even with the reading but able only to pray vocally, and in this vocal prayer they will spend most of their time...  There are a number of other persons of this kind.  If humility is present, I don't believe they will be any the worse off in the end but will be very much the equals of those who receive many delights; and in a way they will be more secure, for we do not know if the delights are from God or from the devil...

Those who do not receive these delights walk with humility, suspecting that this lack is their own fault, always concerned about making progress.  They don't see anyone shed a tear without thinking that if they themselves don't shed any they are very far behind in the service of God.  And perhaps they are much more advanced, for tears, even though they be good, are not all perfect.  In humility, mortification, detachment, and the other virtues there is always greater security.  There is nothing to fear; don't be afraid that you will fail to reach the perfection of those who are very contemplative.

St. Teresa's writings require little explanation; this is the joy of her practicality and ability to directly reach most minds.  There is not the erudite writing style in this saint!  What a blessing and example!  What she shares here is a reminder of the vast variety of religious experience, of prayer, of ways in which His Real Presence offers, allures, provides, allows, and navigates our souls to union with Him.

Her points may be applied to individual Christians no matter their vocations, as it pertains in her examples to pray and religious experience.  However, the application to specific vocations and those living out their lives in, such as, the eremitic vocation, specifically those of us living our earthly lives in the Consecrated Life of the Church per our vows and professions, in our rules of life, and for the hermit our stricter separation form the world, hidden from the eyes of men, in prayer and praise of God, and so forth.

Despite the rather set parameters of privately professed and publicly professed eremites, we share in St. Teresa's point: There are many paths in which His Real Presence brings us to spiritual perfection.  Yet she emphasizes a crucial point:  "In humility, mortification, detachment, and the other virtues there is always greater security."

Those of us consecrated Catholic hermits who submit ourselves to the virtues and accept--even seek--humility, mortification, detachment, dying to our egos and our self-love, our paths no matter the degree or level or type of the various aspects that define a consecrated Catholic hermit, we will secure a place in line, so to speak, to enter the gates of heaven.

Readers seek answers of all types when they read my blog posts.  Often the questions have to do with the more tangible or temporal aspects of being a consecrated hermit in the Catholic Church.  The answers are so easily clarified by simply reading what the Church states about how to become a Catholic hermit.  

Other questions deal with details of how a Catholic hermit lives the daily life.  One such query pertained to if Catholic hermits can talk with other people.  We could ask the same of St. Teresa, a cloistered, Carmelite religious sister, in the Consecrated Life of the Catholic Church.  Cloistered religious sisters and brothers (nuns and monks) were to not speak; their rule of life included that of silence other than in short segments of their daily life called "recreation", or when speaking with a confessor or their superior.

But consider the writing of letters, of spiritual guidance, such as those available to us by the volumes, written by St. Teresa, Elizabeth of the Trinity, Therese of Lisieux, John of the Cross--when there are myriad letters and guidance written by men and women over the years from a variety of life vocations, charisms, personalities, and uniquely God-formed paths to union with God.  Are they not, in essence, talking to, with people?  Consider hermits--yes, especially those living a stricter separation from the world--they must speak to people in order to exist in this contemporary life.

While today I've not verbally spoken with anyone other than with a medical assistant calling to ask if I can make it to an appointment on Monday, I have "spoken" with untold people who will read my blog sites or listen to my vlogs.  I have "spoken" with/to a cousin via text message, encouraging her in enduring post-major surgery, and texted the only contact person in the parish--a woman who brings Communion to me.  I texted asking if she could pick up three grocery items for me, of which she texted back she will not be in the area for a couple days but then, yes, she can.  

I have spoken via email with another consecrated Catholic hermit--just brief emails acknowledging receipt and appreciation of an instructive video forwarded to me on Spiritual Theology and a late French priest whose life was steeped in the evolving development of spiritual asceticism with mystical theology into the umbrella of spiritual theology.

When I read a book, such as I am now on the Holy Spirit, it is a form of conversing with the author, the late Archbishop Luis Martinez of Mexico, spiritual director of "Conchita" mystic, mother, servant of God.

But back to the variety of spiritual paths, spiritual gifts, spiritual challenges and evolving way, means, and maturation of consecrated Catholic hermits:  the variety can vary depending on life circumstances.  God and the hermit know in actuality the degree to which the hermit is living his or her vocation, rule of life, living out vows made, living the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience.  And at that, only God knows purely, truly, perfectly how the hermit is progressing in his or her vocational and specifically the path of that person's soul toward the goal:  full union with the Divine.  

Even the hermit cannot be sure of his or her steadfastness in the spiritual life of which the vocation is a vehicle by which the Lord has called the hermit to utilize in this life.  No human is always and ever absolutely sure if his or her temporal and spiritual life is being lived well or best within and upon his/her path to God.  While on earth, we are never immune nor totally free from the trip-falls of vices.  Pride is the trickiest, in my estimation. 

It is easy for any of us--no matter our vocations--to try to peek into others' lives and wonder, even find fault with, how they are living what we often do not grasp, or that which we have only partial view, information, facts, details.  And another issue is this:  no one--no hermit--remains set in time and place--not temporal place, not spiritual place.  The physical body is in flux, the mind takes in new information, the heart grows in virtues, especially faith, hope, and love, the soul absorbs all that the Trinity offers, as much as the soul desires and is made ready to receive.

Yet still, what St. Teresa states about the needful humility remains crucial to anyone.  Perhaps humility is paramount, very much so, to the Catholic hermit who lives in the solitude of silence, and who can become enamored with whatever aspects of self and perceived importance in vocation or otherwise that comes knocking upon the hermitage door--that vulnerable door of the hermit's mind, heart, or soul.  

Catholic Hermit: Letter from Spiritual Father

He can barely write, his hands struggling to grip a pen.  But my spiritual father has sent a letter, and I'm most grateful for the effort it took and the as-ever, wisdom, encouragement, and expression of loving and holy regard.

The spiritual father is mostly bed-ridden these days yet is taken by wheel chair to Mass.  I have no idea if I will see him yet on earth.  Perhaps if I can manage a visit before back surgery or whatever the Lord has in store for me--we never know the day nor hour--I will once more be able to hear in person his thoughts and advice.  What a holy and God-given spiritual director and venerable priest is this man of advanced years!

In his recent letter, he wanted to know what I plan for the future.  He expressed desire that I always keep in touch with the supernatural.  There is no option in that; I was born in touch with the supernatural as mystics are born, not made nor developed on their own or by others.  So I wrote back about a visit from my late mother who is now in tremendous light and could speak to me without barriers, could look at me directly and speak face-to-face.

I won't go into the background of such matters--of how it is for us on the other side--in this particular post.  Yet it will be important to share my experiences and what I've been taught by the Holy Spirit and through various visitations, and then, of course, spiritual discernment.

Yet, again, I wrote back to the spiritual father who now after so many years, feels all right about expressing in his closing: God loves you, and so do I.  This is good in some regards--a breakthrough for him to express what two people who are anam cara--soul friends--can mean to one another in spiritual depth and kinship within His Real Presence.

I wrote of how much I appreciate him, how blessed I am to be anam cara with such a great soul and person, to be guided, challenged, and helped through various persecutions and my own sinful errors in life, to have taught me much since my conversion to and in the Catholic faith.

But I also wrote of the reality of the duties of the temporal life, currently, and how I long to get the spiritual books unpacked, and that yes, I will continue reading these and then hopefully writing about the insights given us over the centuries by those great masters in the spiritual life who were closer in time and spirit to the Lord's time on earth and His teachings, than what most of us could ever aspire simply by the fact of passage of earth time and the dilution of details and facts.

But spiritually, we are through, with, and in the Lord Jesus Christ, in His Real Presence: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, any moment past, present, future.  It takes faith, hope, and love for this reality, yet reality it is, indeed, for any living person who so desires such intimacy with God.

And that intimacy with God links us to others thus subsumed into His Real Presence.

I yearn for a deeper and truer living out of the spiritual life than what the more recent times have availed.  Yesterday, I had to drive to an assessor's office and file the homeowner's exemption for Solus Deus, this lovely hermitage.  Then off to a big-box store to return a few food items since I've recently read of certain elements in some foods that can increase bodily inflammation and cause loss of energy and perhaps increase pain.  (I try so hard, and the Lord only knows how hard, to do whatever I humanly can to alleviate any added sources of bodily pain!)

I stocked up even more in staples, plus some cleaning supplies and a kitchen waste can that is durable and on sale.  I got a 3-step stool to help reach upper cabinets.  I went to yet another super center store to get eye drop prescription sent from previous doctor from where I had lived for nearly six years.  Then I purchased there a lesser but utilitarian container for recyclables.

I tell you, dear readers, I was worn out by the time I returned to Solus Deus and unloaded most of the truck--after having stopped at a grocery to purchase some additional fresh produce that are healthy and low in the negative element to at least some bodies, in my attempt to do what I can to function as best as possible.  The Shop Vac had arrived and was by front porch; this morning I put the wheels on and so forth, and have sucked the crumbs from kitchen cabinets and drawers before my back gave out; thus here I am on the floor, writing of what at times seems to me incessant temporal tasks!

The cost of stocking up has unnerved me some, especially when the bodily pain is higher.  The devil does love to pry into our weak points and moments, such as when in pain of one type or other--physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual pain.  The devil does not care which or what combination!  Yet I will continue with this way of "chunking" the time and money the Lord provides.  

I'd rather take time and expense now to stock up, do the driving to the stores, and also to clean and unpack--than to be spreading it out, interrupting what I hope and pray and intend to be days and weeks of settling into my consecrated Catholic hermit routine of this blessed eremitic vocation and life.  At most, then, I'd need to on occasion get some fresh produce, as when the weather improves I plan to grow the bulk of produce and some varieties which I can process and freeze for winter.

It's the current plan, anyway to an uncomfortable-for-a-hermit time period of dealing with a vast amount of temporal issues and situations that simply will not go away until completed.  Another that looms is getting my Internal Revenue Services duties accomplished.  

This will be particularly time-consuming since for the past nearly six years, I'd been living in basically a construction zone, and for the past 4 1/2 months have been in temporary quarters--three different locations.  The bills and paperwork and medical receipts are in bags and envelopes--yet to be located due to so much travel and with it, severe pain that can block out time periods of memory.  It's all on the premises, though, finally!  Just will take more temporal time to locate and organize, add up, fill in the blanks, and file.

I've had four visitors to Solus Deus in this first week here.  More on that, later.  I must return to next washing out with disinfectant water, the kitchen pantry, cabinets and drawers and begin to organize the utensils, dish ware, cooking ware, and pantry items.  I'm reminded of St. Teresa of Avila telling her religious sisters:  "God is found among the pots and pans!"  Practical spiritual reality, this is.

But a hermit does not have others in the temporal realm to help clean and unpack, organize, to cook and in our time period, handle procurement of supplies.  There is no extern nun or monk; and a consecrated Catholic hermit has not tax exempt status, so the IRS duties are the hermit's own, and for me, once I gather and provide all the numbers from receipts and appropriate 1099 income forms, a long-time accountant will crunch the numbers, fill in the proper forms, and file my tax returns.

Ruing that I do not want to have to take this time to do all these temporal tasks, and zeal to take up the very aspects that my spiritual father hopes and prays will be my future, is not going to get the temporal tasks accomplished.  My back has had now about all the rest it is going to get in this floor-break period.  Up and off to the kitchen, hie me hither!  Plenty to pray about while working on unpacking on this gorgeously sunny day!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Fondness for St. Teresa of Avila

Yes, I do have a fondness, an admiration and kinship for and with Teresa of Avila.

Her feast day was yesterday, Oct. 15.  More on my affinity to her, later, for yesterday I reminded that while she said famously that God is amongst the pots and pans--I stated that He is amidst the sander and drill gun on the deck I have today to finish sanding and priming before inclement weather strikes!

For now, I share this poem that she wrote, which is gloriously beautiful.  What else from Teresa?  Love, love and more love of God!


If, Lord, They love for me in strong

As this which bins me unto Thee,

What holds me from Thee, Lord, so long,

What holds Thee, Lord, so long from me?

O soul, what then desirest thou?

--Lord, I would see, who thus choose Thee.

What fears can yet assail thee now?

--All that I fear is to lose Thee.

Love's whole possession I entreat,

Lord, make my soul Thine own abode,

And I will build a nest so sweet

It may not be too poor for God.

O soul in God hidden from sin,

What more desires for thee remain,

Save but to love, and love again,

And all on flame with love within,

Love on, and turn to love again?

Catholic Hermit: So Much Pain

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's body is in so much pain!  Had stopped pain meds a few months ago due to the "racket" of medical profession regarding pain meds for those with actual need.  The charges for an appointment, refill--would be ridiculously high.  Probably it is assumed a pain patient will pay anything for the modicum of relief and will jump through any hoops; well, not this pained one.

I also was frustrated by the misinformation, ignorance, and bias regarding pain medications.  I had to always research whatever other medications suggested, and always the other medications had far worse side effects to the body.  Plus, there is a lack of knowledge about pain meds with those who have not had intractable pain for years; there is this notion that anyone who takes pain meds becomes "addicted."  Not so.

Medication goes to the area of illness or pain and is utilized by the body.  Addiction occurs when a person does not have pain or illness; if a person gets a "high" from a pain medication, for example, that person does not need it.

Regardless, the pain medication only took the edge off as was on such a low dose, anyway.  And there was no withdrawal, contrary to what might be presumed.  Of course, my body was utilizing the little bit of pain aid, the nerve receptors being dulled a tad, and that tad I realized was not worth it for all the other hassles, including time and money and physical sitting and energy used in being yanked around in the "racket" system of what pain patients go through with medical professionals these days.

So, this body is in very high pain today and has been for a couple days.  But I've tried to keep going, doing small tasks with lots of rest breaks.  Lifting some boxes of tile and having to stand on concrete floors at a couple of Lowe's, did in the spine this time.  I tried a half a pain med this morning, in desperation to get it toned down as it seemed nearing the unbearable point of suffering.  Yet, the toning down was so minimal, that I realized how glorious is God's grace and my dropping out of the "racket".

Am slowing reading in The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross.  I'd read it before, but the mind has been filled with many things since then.  New vocabulary and skills of construction, plumbing, electrical wiring, tiring, drywalling--the mind a large container of infinite capacity to hold much information and imagery. Yet, the capacity for recall is, as is suggested, about 10% of mind honed with 90% yet available for "tilling" and "germination."

One aspect of the reading, thus far, has made an impression relative to a bit of news I noticed this morning.  A nun in Argentina has been arrested for her role in facilitating deaf children to be raped, sodomized and otherwise sexually abused by several priests.  The nun's role also included physically abusing the children.  Ah, my.  And to also read--'tis true--that a lead abusive priest was passed on from doing the same in Italy--sent to Argentina for a fresh snatch of victims at his disposal and a nun from Japan to help facilitate the abuse.

The news reminded me of something St. Teresa of Avila spoke of and believed to be true.  She was so upset by the state of the Catholic Church--its troubles and issues--in her day and time period, that she considered it akin and united with Christ's sufferings.  She viewed the Church in this way--the unfortunate and dastardly troubles as a continuation of Christ's crucifixion that He suffered and suffers.

This made sense to me.  St. Teresa had determined to provide priests who were holy, inspired, and educated and experienced with guiding her sisters and teaching them in the spiritual life, plus who would be excellent confessors.  She did not want her sisters in the various convents developing in the reform of the Carmelites, to endure what she had endured with inadequate priests.

Thus, when she heard of and met the young John of the Cross, she found in him such holiness and brilliance that she enthused him to grasp her ideal for the reform also of the male contingent of the Carmelite Order.  She developed a vein in the Order by which priests would be formed specifically to help teach and guide in the spiritual life and provide the sacraments for the sisters who would join Teresa's various houses.

It does make sense to me as one whom the Lord called many years ago now to suffer with and for His Church, to unite with Him in suffering thus.  I suppose I had started to question the call to suffer thus.  But once again in my little life, Teresa of Avila has come through with casting aside my doubts; she had come to this realization and call to suffer with Christ and to know that Christ suffers with and for His Church--then, and surely very much if not more so, now.

So my sufferings of intense and nauseating pain today, are linked and offered with Christ for the nun in Argentina, in a jail there, and with and for the various priests who have been in jail for a couple years, and for whoever it was in the Vatican and the one priest's diocese in Italy, who sent the known sexual abuser of deaf children to Argentina to another school for deaf children.

With that, this pained and sickened hermit is going to attempt getting up despite burning of spine and down legs to the feet, horrible headache, nausea from radiating pain--and will see if the body can begin carrying up the ladder to garret gable room, the hardwood flooring pieces so they can acclimate to the room's temperature and humidity level.  The wood needs to rest there for a few days, adapting, prior to installation.

I had to give up and will return the laminate flooring I'd gotten for oh-such-a-good-deal.  The little lip edges were pressed cardboard or such; I'd have several rows laid only to have a plank third row in, pop up.  After spending several hours battling this laminate stuff, I realized yet again there are not short cuts in life and a good deal is not always worth it.  Quality matters, in other words.

And so it is for all of us in the Body of Christ.  There are no short cuts in the spiritual life, and quality matters in and with and regarding all aspects of ours souls, our hearts, our minds, and our bodies.

I'm sure Christ has suffered plenty on behalf of my portion of being in the Body, the Church.  Perhaps some of my call to suffer has been for my own lacking of quality, of my own flaws and not living up to the Christian ideal or even to living out some of the more basic virtues, commandments, Scriptures.

Like planks that snap together, our lacking or missteps or weakness can cause all kinds of problems for all those planks around us, counting on us to not pop up and cause the Body to not function or be functional. When one pops out of place, the rest is not in place, either, and a slightly raised plank can easily cause others to stumble.

I'm impressed that Teresa of Avila did not ignore the troubles of the Church in her day.  She recognized the wrongs and the issues, the weak links (so to speak).  Teresa determined to do what she could by the grace of God, to provide at least for the sisters in her reformed Discalced Carmelite Order, to have the best of ideal training, spiritual guidance. and sacramental life, as possible.  No way did she want her sisters to encounter what she had encountered in religious life and prior.

There is something refreshing about facing reality, painful as it may be, and in striving to begin with ourselves and in whatever way we have with those around us.  Take up the bad, the old, the less-than functioning and replace with quality and goodness, that which is wholly and holy good.

(And with the flooring in the garret gable room, I realize that with the better flooring--the hardwood--the not-level aspects of the floor joists make the slant quite noticeable.  On a day, should another day come for this body, when not in as much pain, I will begin the tedious leveling process.  Not wise to lay lovely, quality flooring over a slanted floor....)

All is connected, from God to us, in Him and with us, and quality does matter as much as bad can distort.

Catholic Hermit: Correspondence

Some days, quite a bit of prayerful thoughts and writing go into correspondence.  Currently, a challenge for this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is to not spend much time if any in responding to question or advice asked regarding temporal decisions.  

(Ultimately, discussing many details of temporal decisions in daily life is not at all what we are going to be worrying about on our death beds.  My mission is of the spiritual for others, not the temporal details that we can figure out, or if not, really won't matter.  Live and learn: we learn by making decisions on such things, ourselves.

If it is something dealing with a relationship or how our spiritual lives or the souls of others are impacted, that is different.  So it is that the other day I spent time responding to something written to me in an email, that also jiggled what is necessary for my own soul.  Perhaps it is good for anyone's soul.  It is another aspect of spiritual combat, of dealing with the devil--by not dealing too much, not dallying with every little skirmish of the devil but moving on with God-pivoting quickly and effectively.

I'm going to share some of what I wrote to the one who asked some advice.  The topic was of making a temporal, rather mundane purchase, at their phase in life.  I share what came out of the thoughts partly because it is a good reminder for this most spinal-headachy-hermit this morning.  I can easily think too much, write about (in the more rare verbal encounter) mundanities or decisions quite temporal and which could be handled effectively (and prayerfully, always), then let go. Free our lives for the spiritual, for thinking as God thinks, for that which is above, not below!

"Dear Z,

"I think we need to do far more God-pivoting.  If we know we are under assault, that is one thing; but we must not keep our attention on the things that show up, for there are going to be many every day.  We can even start looking for them, and why look for the devil?  So it is one thing to recognize we are in spiritual combat, which is really all the time; but it is the next and only holy step, to turn to God, to pivot, and learn to easily cast off the devil's involvements.

"This morning (my prayer started yesterday) I tried to make an act of the will to not wake up and have my first thoughts be how I wanted to be dead...and then thoughts of dismay over the workload here.  But the main trigger is the physical pain, waking up like that.  However, the habit of wanting to be dead and waking up with that thought, I need to try to stop. See how we feed ourselves on more of the devil just by our own choices of thoughts?

"So let L. go.  When you wrote that she said the house they are in has room for a garden and chickens, she did not say they HAVE a garden or chickens.  And people often talk aloud or share plans they have for travel, but things come up that they change their minds.  So we have to just let those things pass by and not make too much of it in our thoughts, or build more of a case against the persons involved, for what good does that do us, anyway?  What good does it do for you to have more negative thoughts, or to now be looking for things that might not be true or seem like stories made up, when it is just people thinking about plans they'd like but then changing their minds?

"I read a bit more in St. Teresa's Way of Perfection.  It had to do with suffering and sticking with the spiritual life, and realizing that those people having to be out in the world or being in both worlds, like parish priests have to interact with both the temporal and the spiritual--that it is very hard for them and to pray for them, and someone like me should be very thankful to not have so much to do with the world.  Good Lord, dealing with Lowe's cabinet order errors is more than enough for me!

"So we have to get our minds in more positive thoughts about God, as that is the God-pivot we need, to think of things above, not below.  It is one thing to recognize who is behind a lot of the stuff [the devil], but we also have to recognize that sometimes, like with me, my own negative thinking needs to be changed first thing upon waking, as example.

"Regardless of any of it, what good does it do me at all to think about it, to compare or to go over the issues that come up?  I need to learn to God-pivot a lot faster. It is all right to share the problems that come up each day, but I think it will be better for us to share the problems but then God-pivot to how the problems got solved, or how we dismissed the problems, or changed our thoughts from negative to positive, even if people are doing things wrong.

"And that is something for us to consider, that some of the devil's tricks include getting us to think too much of what the devil is doing, and not God-pivoting fast enough, so that some of what we do or think, then, is from the devil's influence and getting us to be negative ourselves!"

[I spare readers from four, too-lengthy paragraphs of comments and considerations regarding temporal issues the emailer had asked me about or mentioned.  I used personal examples to try to relate back with how we can try to overcome, but also I wrote details of how to solve certain temporal aspects that, truly, are not worth sharing and were not worth writing to begin with!  It has nothing to do with the soul; what matters is our spiritual progression. 

[So this is another thing I must learn as a consecrated Catholic hermit but perhaps more so as a Catholic Christian mystic:  stick with that which is above, not with what is below.  If something temporal is asked, answer simply--once.  The correspondence that responds to too many temporal details--a prayer instead would work wonders.  We don't do others or ourselves any favors by dwelling on temporal decisions or problems.  Who needs to know more of the cabinet glitch saga?  Lowe's manager is now doing his best to solve errors, I think, hope, and pray.  I must practice the God-pivot in the ordinary details of life.  Think as God thinks, for ourselves, and others:  Love and Mercy!]