Christian Catholic Hermit Mystic: How Sick Can a Hermit Be and Still Keep Going?

  

I'm wondering this very question, as am so very ill with not only pain but some kind of illness that I think is sinus infection but I suppose could be Covid if the long-form test comes back positive.  But it seems most likely is a sinus infection--the first one I've had since the pump surgery over a year ago that caused the Arachnoiditis to worsen the pain but also provided a rare but Arachnoiditis symptom of gastroparesis and nearly constant nausea.

The sickness is making the nausea worse, but I should be getting better before too long as got a zpack last evening after getting in to a doctor's appointment that they at first told me no opening until next Wednesday.  That was when I said I was fairly sure I had as sinus infection.  But then someone mentioned to me that Covid is mimicking sinus infections in some people, so I decided to call back and mention Covid potential, as that got more action.  Suddenly they had an opening the very next day.

With a sinus infection already taken root for two full days at that time, I'd be in very bad shape by next Wednesday.  I'm currently marveling at how I'm managing now, really not knowing how I was able to drive late yesterday to the doctor's office, be taken up a back way so climbing steps as they have Covid precaution, waiting for two separate Covid tests to be taken, waiting for the results of short form to show no Covid before the doctor would see me.  I had implored just please call in a script for Azythromycin, what always has helped these annual sinus infections.  When I've not gotten the z-pack soon enough, I'd end up in ER and then ill for a good five weeks and have it morph into strep throat, vertigo, or pneumonia or combination thereof.

So I feel quite blessed indeed to have the medication, unsure how I managed to also drive to the pharmacy and get myself back to my hermitage home abode.  His Real Presence and my Guardian Angel, Beth.  Now I am relying on HRP and the wonderful angel to help me endure plus help keep my pup Mercy reassured, for it's all I've been able to do to take her outside now and then to relieve herself.  She is not used to no exercise or play time, no walks.  But she's been allowed on the bed to play with pull toy; but this evening I am as my late dad used to say, "sicker'n a dog."

How does a hermit manage when very ill, and trying to keep going, too nauseated to eat but no appetite anyway, trying to help God's little creature, the little pup, get through this different type of situation for its first time?  The hermit relies on God fully, and lets go of all else, relinquishes the body to God, die to self more than ever before in the hermit's life.  Put the pup in the crate because the pup is not handling being taken out but upon return to house, going to the bathroom which has become a signal for the separation anxiety that can occur when there is but one person for the dog, such as is the case with a hermit having a pup.

The situation is not as direct when the hermit is able to take the pup for walks, play fetch, run errands which are necessary and the dog loves.  This is the first time to be ill on top of the serious back pain, so the hermit perseveres in prayer, patience, love, and yet crating the pup now when otherwise would not need to.  We all must adapt to the situations as they unfold.  

I'm becoming suspicious that this might be Covid as previously with a sinus infection, I feel better within 24 hours, but if anything I'm as bad if not worse. Yet, the doctor did note that the nasal passages are extremely inflamed and at times bleeding.  All I know is if I'd had to wait nearly a week more, my situation would be an unknown if could manage temporally alone and tend Mercy's few needs, also. But for now, being forced up to fill her water and food bowl, to take her outside on occasion, to let her up on the bed--to in this awful suffering be thinking of other than self--has been a positive.  

The pup is not suffering any wants other than would like, of course, more of my one one one attention.  I suppose I have spoiled her some with her exercise needs a priority, as when not so sick, I would yet force myself to take her on walks.  If she were not here, I'd otherwise just stay in bed far more, succumb to the pain situation, the increasing neuropathy of the Arachnoiditis, the nausea always and now for 17 months post pump surgery.

How sick can a hermit be and still keep going, here in the hermitage, alone with God and a four-and-half-month-old pup?  I suppose only God knows the answer.  I keep going in prayer and hanging on to His Real Presence, having long since learned to let the temporal drop by the wayside when the going gets rough.  One really only needs His Real Presence and the Spiritual and Mystical realities, even regarding a little creature of God such as Mercy the pup.  His Real Presence and my angel are looking over each of us, and the pup being in her crate a couple or three hours more than she's used to is not even close to dogs who are crated daily while their owners are away at work or out socializing.   It is said that dogs do not have awareness of time, thus those who crate their dogs are not causing harm to the pet.

I've considered how it would affect little Mercy should something happen to me more permanently. Would she be all right with someone else?  Would she grieve or develop behavioral problems (more than the touch of separation anxiety which I was prepared for, and could be far worse given the one owner here all the time, with the one dog)?  Thus I've been praying about a brother for Mercy, sometime in the future after she is more solid in her training, secure in her place here. I have read that of anyone, dogs most miss other dogs.  Being pack animals, another dog is more pro than con.  Especially with but one human, two dogs will exercise one another automatically, and will break up separation anxiety if that was a problem in the first dog.  However, two dogs need individual time with the human and both need their walks, and while the older dog will help train the younger or newer dog, the two of the can get themselves into mischief--double-trouble if not supervised adequately.  If something happens to the human, the two have each other, but of course that can complicate matters if someone adopting wants only one, not both.

Regardless, I like thinking about what is best for God's creatures, and not so much focusing on even my suffering and sickness such as now.  Mercy has added a most positive dimension to the hermit vocation rather than been an intrusion or distraction.  All the more I am intent on love of God above all else and love of others as God loves, when prior to getting the pup I had been concerned I might develop attachment and be distracted from my focus on His Real Presence and His Living Word, and God's Law of Love.  Rather, my days and nights have taken on a balance such as morning puppy nap time if the pain not too fatiguing, to do some manual labor, and the afternoon puppy naptime a time of the hermit's bodily rest and prayer.  Before Mercy, I'd keep working and praying with the manual labor, continuing on with the day's project.

Praying to keep going this evening, in the night, tomorrow morning.  Relying on His Real Presence to help me get up from bed and to not falter when walking, and then get Mercy situated in her crate and me back to bed.  That's the goal for the night, and thus far she seems settled down to our atypical horarium compared to life in the hermitage and with the hermit prior to the hermit becoming so ill with whatever it is.  I know it seems peevish, but now ailments all the more settle also into the body's weak areas, for me being the spine--neck down and radiating out where the damaged nerves yet travel with their confused signals of burning pain and odd synapses.  More pain right now than I've had of this type; nausea worse than ever before. All is magnified.

Why?  I consider the spiritual view, His Real Presence's perspective and my  body being utilized as a victim soul, my sufferings for years having been bound with Christ's sufferings: making reparation for the human ills that have evolved in Holy Mother Church over the centuries.  This is simple cause and effect, plus direct correlation in a physical plane and pain reality of tremendous mystical proportions and mystical reality.  Both temporal and mystical made one for God's purposes and His will and desire.

It's the type of supernatural reality that most people would have difficult fathoming, let alone accepting as quite real, as real as how sick I am with pain this very moment, and knowing His Real Presence is right here with me, in me, through me, handling all however He wills, for however long, including whatever outcomes He chooses.  My job is to pray and die to self, and do my best to try, to simply try to get up now and then and take Mercy outside, or as I did a bit ago, pick up the accident she had in the bathroom.  Its as if I'm a ghost functioning without my own awareness or drive, all is autonomic movement from beyond temporal self while at the same time so very, very sick with pain and nausea, the head feeling as if out of body other than the spine radiating pain to remind me my body is yet attached by threads of raw pain.

I appreciate your prayers for patient endurance, faith, and selfless love in suffering.  Thank you.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: God Reveals Himself

"This day" the Lord yet again revealed Himself to this rather pain-pummeled, humbled down, nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  The Lord reveals Himself in so many ways to each of us, day and night.  Psalm 43 (v. 1-2, 3, 4) of today's Mass readings greeted me upon waking before dawn.  His Real Presence sings to us, so especially through the psalms yet also in other hymns glorifying God.

"R. Hope in God; I will praise him, my savior and my God.
Do me justice, O God, and fight my fight
against a faithless people;
from the deceitful and impious man rescue me.
R. Hope in God; I will praise him, my savior and my God.
For you, O God, are my strength.
Why do you keep me so far away?
Why must I go about in mourning,
with the enemy oppressing me?
R. Hope in God; I will praise him, my savior and my God.
Send forth your light and your fidelity;
they shall lead me on
And bring me to your holy mountain,
to your dwelling place.
R. Hope in God; I will praise him, my savior and my God.
Then will I go in to the altar of God,
the God of my gladness and joy;
Then will I give you thanks upon the harp,
O God, my God!
R. Hope in God; I will praise him, my savior and my God."

Prior to awakening, my guardian angel was reminding me in a dream to get my glaucoma eye drops.  I'd neglected to get up (a painful process spine-wise, plus putting on the brace) for a fresh bottle, stored in the refrigerator until opening for a month or so of use.  In the dream I was in higher level pain; then I was awakened to this world of here and now (as we realistically call this temporal realm) and reminded to take the regular meds before pain out of control.

I made it through without the additional medication a second night, and this time without an hour of obscene pain taking every ounce of my temporal and spiritual life to get under control as had been the case the morning before.  God does reveal Himself to us and answers our calls for help; he reveals Himself in the little details of our daily, temporal lives.

After reading the daily Mass Scriptures and particularly exuberant with the Psalm selection, I fell back to sleep for another length of time, getting me rested until the next medication dose.  In that time period, somehow my phone registered that my aunt, age 96, had called.  I never heard a ring, and it turns out when I called her after what would be her lunch time in the assisted living facility, she said she'd not called.  Well, that could have quite a temporal explanation; cell phones are not exact in function.

However, she needed to express the frustration of the residents of this expensive retirement home, for they hired a dietary/meal company on a five-year contract, and in 10 months, five lead cooks as well as assistants have quit.  The current cook is as incompetent as the past ones.

I listened with much attention and commiseration, for it is an injustice, really.  The cheap white bread, the thin soups, the iceberg lettuce, the servings of canned green beans and peas--little variety in vegetables and not a healthy representation of the food groups, have become dismal to these elderly, ailing people who are paying out several thousand dollars a month for a room and basic care.

It upsets people who are old and unwell, to be taken advantage of financially and also to have disgusting meal fare when their meal times are often the only regular interaction, socialization, and earthly enjoyment of which to look forward.  

We talked over ideas.  The residents have several times complained; there have been meetings in which they gave their input and ideas, to no avail.  I did get my aunt to laugh by saying they could organize a protest, sit in wheel chairs and walkers with seats out by the trafficked road, placards decrying the terrible food and high price of living there.  (It is known as the most lovely facility of its kind in the area.)  Or, I said if the residents would be in agreement, they could threaten to withhold their monthly payment.

Another frustration became humorous in the hypocrisy of the facility providing a program for the residents in which they were told of all the healthy foods and snacks along with exercise that help an elderly person make the best of final phases in life.  My aunt had inquired, then, "Why aren't we given healthy snacks to eat, even at this program, instead of these white-flour sweet rolls dolloped with jelly?"

But of course, we came back to prayer.  I said this is something we must pray about--for God cares about the injustices and even the smallest of details in our daly lives!  God reveals Himself to us in real and actual ways.  He hears our plaints and moves in the bodies, minds, hearts, and souls of us human beings.  He also moves in our minds, hearts, and souls to reveal Himself in our spiritual needs and for our spiritual good, our spiritual growth.

My aunt and I encouraged one another to do our little exercises.  Although 28 years apart in age, we are each with our suffering, struggling to gain strength and stamina physically.  We ended our conversation with words of hope in God, of love for one another, and with determination that our next action would be to get up and do the minor exercises--grateful that we can mobilize our bodies at that much!  Oh, my!  How far more limited could we be!

I'm absolutely thrilled with "this day" in which I'm far more aware of the various ways in which God reveals Himself to us.  He is everywhere!  He is within and without my soul, my body, my heart, my mind.  He is All to my nothing.

I dare say, the phone call, I realize, is one of three in a week.  Each involved aspects of God revealing Himself, one way or another, without needing to delve into theology.  God's revealing to us is quite natural when we are seeking Him and increasingly knowing that He is revealing Himself to us in ways we can delight in discovering!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Hope in God!  I will praise Him, my savior and my God!

Catholic Hermit Ponders Possessions, What Matters to God

In the course of steadily painting exterior of hermitage, have been pondering what matters to God, reflective of the Gospel of yesterday's Mass.

Am realizing that concurrent with thinking through what matters to God (in daily life and over all life goals, vocations, daily encounters, and all efforts in general), we must consider what are our "possessions."  For, Jesus mentions what we store up in "possessions."  Yet what makes us "rich" is storing up what matters to God.

It seems that each person's "possessions" will vary.  What are possessions?  We can identify them fairly easily (if we are brutally honest with ourselves) by figuring out what things, persons, ideas, and loves actually "possess" us!  Whatever or whoever it is that we cannot quite be without or also be rid of, are those things, ideas, memories, and persons who possess us.  This can be these types of possessions in the past, present, or even what we anticipate for the future.

What kind of possessions do we have, then?  What is it that we have difficulty parting with and from, or in being rid of in some way, shape, or form?  Can we delineate any "possessions" that we no longer have much attachment to or those that do not seem to "possess" us as they once did?

Then, in all aspects of recognizing and admitting our possessions, or that which we tend to store up, to carry along with us in all phases and levels of life both exterior and interior, tangible and spiritual--of what types are they?  And, then, we can start figuring out what of any of these possessions (and that which possesses us) really matter to God--or not?

To figure out what really matters to God, takes another phase of pondering.  I am going to pray for insights on this.  I pretty much have some lists in mind of what yet possesses me and thus qualify as "possessions."  Some I could say do not matter to God, but I need to deeply reflect, for the Holy Spirit is very much part of this exercise, and I rely on His Real Presence to help me know for sure.

What might seem obvious to us that which matters to God, may not so much; while what is not obvious, could very much matter to God.

Am heading back out to tape off some trim around doors and windows, and proceed painting the plank siding its first coat of creamy gold paint.  Am finally ready for the very front of the front porch siding.  There are so many phases and steps in each phase of prepping a structure for painting:  Wash, caulk, scrape, trim, cover some areas with large gaps, install ceiling, trim boards, prime, paint two trim coats, clean brushes, paint siding color coats--even remove gutters and downspouts to paint pillars!  

Prayed much for protection, asking my angel to hold me steady on the tallest extension ladder and fitting the body between major power lines going into the hermitage, way up high.  What thought "possessed" me then (a possession?) was that it would be all right if somehow electrocuted in the process.  Would not have to keep working so hard--plus, seriously, would be on my way to His Real Presence up front and personal, all the time, forever!

Also, I am praising God and put out a general thank you for the vicinity, as a benefactor left a huge donation in the little clay pot on the vegetable table by the road.  What a surprise!  

Is the large denomination bill a possession?  Of sorts, perhaps, or perhaps not.  Does it possess me?  No.  Is it useful and helpful?  Yes!  I was running quite low on funds and need to purchase more construction supplies.  Are those possessions?  Yes.  Do they possess me?  No.  It is all passing.  The temporal is passing away.  The donation of cash passes from the benefactor through me to others, on and on.  The building supplies will pass from some store clerk's hands into mine and then be utilized, and at some point all this will pass on to another, on and on.

So, there are little questions we can ask, such as if what we possess as possessions or if they possess us--is always passing away, passing by, being passed on from person to person or thought to thought.  That which passes on and is in the process of passing by and passing on, does not possess us, nor do we store up such possessions.

Ah, this is fun!  I love thinking about what matters to God!  I pray to have the courage to accurately discern and then to pass on and pass by any possessions or that which possesses me--not store up.  Only store up that which matters to God!  Yes!

The Fortitude Fudge--both Dark Night of the Soul and the Virgin Mary's Creamy Milk--is on its way!  It was when posting it this morning that I passed by the veggie table and noticed the surprising donation!  Was passing by....

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit Has a Helper!

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has read numerous biographies of Catholic hermits--saints, mystics, male and female--covering the two millennia.  Often, in the details, it is shared that the hermit had a helper.  The helper would provide assistance now and then, or sometimes more as a caretaker, living in an adjoining cell or room.  If a hermit priest, the helper would often assist at Mass as sacristan and altar server, celebrant being the hermit priest.  Often there would be no others present.

It has crossed this hermit's mind now and then, the thought of a hermit helper.  Why did not God provide a helper here--someone sharing the Catholic faith, with a sweet soul, loving God, and desirous of being a helper.  So a few weeks ago the hermit cast the net again toward the local parish, which the hermit does about once a year.  Not expecting a return call from message left on voicemail, a call did come but not from the office manager.  No, it was a woman who was filling in and heard the message and realized the office manager had neglected to respond.  

So the hermit explained to her that it is seeking a young person who might want a little job being a second pair of hands and an additional back to help the hermit with some lifting, carpentry, and whatever other tasks around this hermitage--bounteous tasks!  (Of course, the hermit did not say "hermitage" nor explain any of its circumstances vocationally: not necessary then.)  In the course of conversation, the woman realized she has a son, age 14, just out of middle school and might just enjoy this as a first job, learning some skills and working just 3 hours in the mornings with much leeway if something in his schedule comes up as well as leeway for the hermit due to the pain unpredictability.  The mother said she'd call back in a day or two.

No call, so the hermit figured God was not going to put a fish in the net.  But two weeks later, unexpectedly came the phone call in which the mother said yes, her son would like to try the job.  We made arrangements to meet; that went well so we set a start date.  On the first morning, the mother stayed the full time as she and her husband were being wisely careful, considering they really did not know much about the person their son would be working with.  And it was providential that the mother stayed, as we needed help heaving up a couple of huge sheets of drywall, as well as carrying in several sheets of green board for drywalling a bathroom....

Then the mother recognized the hermit from the first summer the hermit was here and went to Mass a few times before persecutions began and the ecstatic state during Mass was registering within alarm with what was occurring during the Mass at the altar.  Regardless, the mother recognized the hermit as that person who was relegated to the cry room, and seemed as if not aware during Mass--just silent and there.

So the hermit said it would lay out the situation, as we may as well get it over with, and then the parents could decide if they still wanted their son to be the helper here.  And at that point, the hermit explained its vocation and a few aspects of mystic existence.  Perhaps since we'd been working together for a couple or more hours when the recognition occurred, there was a sense of assurance and a rapport developed even in that short time.  The mother asked questions, and she felt fine about her son returning.  

The hermit and helper worked at various tasks.  Soon the hermit was realizing that the hourly pay and what ever we accomplished (albeit slowly as the lad had no experience and the hermit only what it had learned through study, youtube videos, and observing men workers) was not the point of our efforts together.  No, it has to do with the spiritual life, and what the hermit might impart of its life and what little it is learning of construction skills, and the helper would share his perspective and rather fine spiritual insights, as well as his everyday life.

Thus far we have hung green-board in the downstairs hermitage bathroom, leveled part of the floor in there, hung some drywall on the stairway wall, prepared the rest of the porch for completion, put some insulation in the crawlspace (about one-fourth of the effort completed thus far and messy, dirty job it is) and put most of the house wrap on the last two, short exterior walls needing yet to be sided.

Last Friday, the mother brought the father to meet the hermit.  Yes, he, too, had some questions of the hermit's life and vocation as well as its being a Catholic mystic.  So the hermit discussed and probably said even more than necessary, sharing a couple profound experiences and revealing some of the progression of its existence.  The dad asked about having someone bring communion, for he, too, had recalled the hermit and seemed now to understand better the situation.  This is an exile, and God knows what He is doing.  

[So we shall see if the priest agrees, as another has asked with no success. The hermit prays for the priest, but accepts the exile as willed by God and its spiritual father, for a time.  There is more to the situation at the parish, but it has been touched upon previously and no need to repeat.]

The mom, dad, and the hermit's young helper all left, seemingly all right with the hermit being a Catholic hermit mystic with the incumbent mystical experiences.  That's just how it is for a mystic.  One is born that way and nothing to be done about it but accept and offer oneself to God's will and way.

Over the weekend the hermit wondered if its helper would not be back.  Not sure why the thought was brewing, but it seems as if most Catholics (priests included) have difficulty coping with that kind of reality in someone.  The hermit used to never say a peep, not answer questions, but that did not work out well.  Caused more misunderstandings, and made the hermit seem withdrawn and odd.  For things would occur that others would see or experience, and the hermit would not or could not explain.

The result was a stoved-up hermit trying without success to live a double life, and people misunderstanding and then persecuting, shunning, gossiping, and making up untruths about the hermit.  No, it drew more attention in the wrong way, to what is simply a mystic who is also a hermit.

___________________


A long-time friend called on the Fourth of July.  We discussed the dilemma.  "It has just come to a point," explained the hermit, "that leading a double life is not working.  It did not work with its own children, it did not work in parishes, it is not working insofar as being fully open to God's utilization in its mission and vocation."

"So you are 'coming out'?" asked the friend, guffawing heartily.  

"Well, yes--but only mostly to self and in the rare situation that it is necessary to 'clear the chickens off the street.'  Just get it over with--just answer the questions and explain the situation, and not prolong the reaction, such as if these people decide to also judge and don't want their son working here.  Just lay the cards out on the table, and let them decide, and be done with it."  

Then the friend and the hermit discussed how the gay population and the transgender population are allowed to be as they are.  If people persecute or bash, they are called out as bigots and can get law suits for bullying....  We reviewed the life of Glen Campbell who is stricken with Alzheimer's and deciding to come forward with his illness, to lay it out as it is, and perform for a final "goodbye tour" for as long as his mind could possibly do it.  A documentary is now released, titled, I'll Be Me.  His family was concerned that some concert attendees would laugh or ridicule the errors and confusion the great singer and guitarist would make with his memory issues--could be quite embarrassing.  But people valued and had compassion for his contribution as well as his courage in being himself, in sharing his reality.

"Yeah," the hermit commented after we discussed these examples,"it just seems time to stop using so much energy in trying to be what am not and in trying to sublimate the spiritual and the mystical real self, and it is just not working.  It is not working,  We Catholics ought to grow in acceptance and maybe after centuries of mistreating them and feeling it necessary to interrogate and persecute people who happen to be mystics, and downright abuse them emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically.   But not that they will ever stop.  But it is worth a try to stop the judging and bullying."

The friend brought up how priests and bishops--and there are always those Catholics in the pews and religious life, as well--feel a need to take matters into their own hands and decide if someone is valid or not, especially when it comes to spiritual experiences that mystics tend to have without the asking nor expecting.  

"Those who are deceived or are termed 'false mystics' will be sorted out by God.  Those who are deceived or shamming do not really pose a problem to the Church or others; they are not given power to alter the Church or up-end Her.  The genuine mystics will be sorted out by God, as well.  They do not seek to alter the Church or up-end Her.  They do not seek power.  The only problem they pose is when they are given tasks by God to reveal what St. Paul terms 'blemishes' in the Church or in souls, including a mystic's own soul.  Mystics tend to be very hard on themselves...."

This was agreed upon by the hermit and the hermit's long-time friend.  Yes, those who are deceived by themselves or the devil, get sorted out by and by, by God.  They unravel in due course.  No one needs to wrought up about it, and certainly they nor genuine mystics need to be interrogated or mistreated any more than people who are gay or transgender or suffer from Alzheimer's!

_______________________

Surprise, surprise--the hermit's helper showed up for work Monday morning. The hermit apologized to the mother for having doubted they would handle the hermit's spiritual reality, what is it's "affliction", odd that it may seem.  The hermit had tested this couple, forced out the cards and also showed its own hand.  This couple passed with flying colors.  God is allowing the hermit this helper!

We really cannot be what we are not--and that includes trying not being what we are: how God made us.   Sometimes we just have to lay it out in the open, in certain circumstances, and not be ashamed nor afraid of consequences, of criticism or judgment by others.  Perhaps, too, there is a holy purpose in writing (for this weary mystic hermit: anonymously) of matters that can uplift others and inspire to more faith.

My, oh my, the hermit's young helper has a magnificent testimony to share of how his guardian angel saved him from a horrible, impending accident and revealed his name and gave a marvelous sign that would assure the lad that he had been visited by a heavenly messenger.  Maybe we can get that written this summer and sent off to a publication, for others will be uplifted by his encounter....

What This Catholic Hermit So Desires!

These lines from Pseudo-Macarius's Third Homily (5th or early 6th c.) encapsulate what this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit and basic God-created soul desires:

"And the Lord has clothed them with the garments of the kingdom of unspeakable light, the garment of faith, hope, love, joy, peace, goodness, human warmth, and all the other divine and living garments of life, light, and ineffable tranquility.  The result is that, as God is love and joy and peace and kindness and goodness, so too the new man may become by grace."

Have been trying to turn over a new leaf.  Am ashamed of behavior of these past two years.  Too much negativity; darkness had entered in.  By the grace of God and being touched by the Holy Spirit and nudged by the guardian angel, Beth, am striving to be opened by His grace--opened like a shuttered window, stuck far too long.

The sun has been shining; and tonight, a full moon lights the darkness.

God bless His Real Presence IN us:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Going with God's Flow

First the pneumonia with sinus infection tossed in for good measure.  Then a family member who helped do lots of lifting to make more room inside for eventual drywall installation, hurt her elbow. 

Next, Mark the electrician and the hermit made great progress running 3" ABS pipe from upstairs to down and under the house; but he became ill before his return.  All that is on hold as it takes more strength than a post-pneumonia hermit has to pull apart the large plumbing elbows, dry fit, to then glue and shove back together for the finale.

Then Raphael and men were to arrive a couple weeks ago. But that got postponed to this past Tuesday.  Then no show, but he came by and said they'd be here today, Saturday.  No show again.  Am praying first of all that he nor his men have been in an accident or ill.  Then am praying that if not the either of these, it is just the reality that not many people can cope with working on this tedious and obstacle-ridden hermitage. 

Yes, this place is a virtue builder for those who have the courage to begin with, to enter in.  So courage may be one of the first of begged virtues, and patience follows closely in the grace-requests!

The good in all the shifts in plans and work efforts, and in all details of daily and nightly life--is that the Catholic hermit is learning to go with God's flow in very temporal ways.  Also, it is learning to turn absolutely the most detailed of temporal into the spiritual reality. Deus vult!--a good exclamation.  God wills it!  

And, all the while, the very good in all the postponements, delays, illness and recovery, is that the nothing Catholic hermit has been working hard at trying to do all that needs to be done to make the heavier efforts more do-able for the strong workers.

Yesterday, for example, the nothing Catholic hermit used the reciprocating saw to cut through nails and 2x4's that had secured a 2'x2' window for over 50 years, in the old kitchen.  It took much effort and strength to wrangle that heavy thing (lots of old wood still attached) out of its space in the wall, and drop it gently to the ground outside, beneath.  The effort then turned to carefully measuring and figuring the king stud length and placement, the jack studs (support the header), and figure all the cripple studs that support the new window, itself.  Heights and lengths must be figured to within 1/2-inch, and all must be level.

Tuckered out before project completion; but figured since Raphael, Francisco, and Juan would be here the next morning (today!), tacking some insulation board over the opening to the great outdoors, would suffice for a night.  Now, am wondering, as even if the hermit finishes framing and cutting out what will be a 4'x4' window opening (am repurposing a window removed from upstairs that was replaced by a 6'x6' window)--the hermit cannot, on its own strength, lift in the 4'x4' window.  

Ah, God will provide!  Either the guardian angel will help with some super strength in the hermit, or else Jeff the Deputy (and devout Catholic!) might be in the area.  Perhaps he will help lift it in, once the hermit completes the framing. Lifting in takes 5 minutes or less.

Today's mood in the nothing Catholic hermit reflects the sun in this land of exile.  What else is desert life to be?  Life in the Son and sun.  Life in God's will and God's time.  Life in praise and prayer and perseverance against whatever the earthly odds and obstacles!

Today the nothing Catholic hermit celebrates the nearing of the third Sunday of Lent.  Plus, after gradually loading the used pick-up truck (christened Precious Blood), today brought the final loading, tarping, and securing.  Then off to the dump!  

Why the celebration?  Well, the 51st,  52nd, and 53rd dead rats (a 16-incher the last--and queasily fresh) were in that load, plus lots of old plumbing torn out of old kitchen and from under the hermitage.  And, today marks the passage of the 5-tons in poundage gutted, loaded, and unloaded over the past, nearly two years.   The hermitage itself is far lighter...and Light!  Surely God is in this place!  Te Deum Hermitage Beth-el!

The 10, 240 pounds of now-dumped debris does not include the first contractor's pricey load (back when the hermit was quite naive and trusting of such men, such princes).  The Catholic hermit was charged $240 for one dump run, of which the actual cost at the dump was, it later learned: $67.... Glory be to God that the hermit listened to the Holy Spirit in procuring Precious Blood, even if it means four more years of monthly payments.  That used pick-up has been a blessing, and has saved so much of God's money!

In life, through the errors and gullibilities, through the trials and triumphs, through the tears and prayers, we learn that all belongs to His Real Presence.  Time is God's.  Our daily bread is God's.  Money is God's.  Health is God's.  Body is God's. Energy is God's.  Breath is God's.  Blood is God's.  We are God's.  

All is God, and we are nothing.  The tears and supplications become prayers of affection and praise!  God provides, for He is All.  We receive for we are nothing more (nor less!) than His beloved children; and He loves us, one and all.

Yes, we learn to go with God's flow.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love-- and go with God's flow!

When a Hermit Is Ill

Doctor says it is pneumonia.  Wanted to take x-rays to find out which kind, but due to financial considerations, nothing Catholic hermit kindly declined.  Got the antibiotic and promised to return in several days if not the type of pneumonia the antibiotics will help.  

Don't really care what type of pneumonia, and sense it is similar to what the Catholic hermit had suffered (pneumonia) several years ago. This particular antibiotic helped then and most likely will do well now.  Just takes time--do the harsher illnesses.  Exhausting, the deep coughing and high fevers.

When a hermit is ill--at least a solitary hermit, not a monk-type hermit living near or with others--the guardian angel and His Real Presence and the Blessed Mother are its comfort and assistance.

Over the past many years of suffering, going back thirty years of much physical suffering, this Catholic hermit has noticed that in times of greater pain and illness, its prayers seem more potent.  Perhaps that is because His Real Presence seems closer:  in the pain and discomfort, the fever, the recovery from surgery, or whatever other ailments.  

One notices more the answers to prayer, notices the details. When ill, a hermit takes more account of the stillness, greatly enforced due to incapacity and at times, clinging to His Real Presence, or Mary, or its angel.

Suffering is also humbling.  One is dependent.  Life seems more fragile than when one is up and about, distracted by tasks or reading or more active praying, or going on occasional errands.  When ill, the hermit is alone with God Alone.  The hermit is too ill or feverish to read other than Scriptures--and not many or much, at that.  Very tired!

Yet, the hermit prays--and prays in perhaps a purer state or sense, all else cleared to the nub by suffering.  The hermit is reminded all the more that it is the Order of the Present Moment that matters.  There is little view of what is next because enduring what is, is challenge enough.

Then the Catholic hermit realizes nuances and facets of its prayer life--unnoticed, perhaps, when well and physically functioning.  Thus enters into the sickroom, a reminder to pray in LOVE.  No matter the persons or issues, the ones His Real Presence brings to mind, are to be prayed with much LOVE.  And, dear readers--loved ones, each of you!--praying in and with LOVE makes such a difference not only in the outcomes, but most importantly in the process.  

Praying with LOVE praises His Real Presence while at the same time expresses silent love for the persons and situations of the praying.

_________________

Raphael did stop by this morning to give an idea of how much it will cost to help this nothing Catholic hermit finish some framing tasks in here plus hang too-heavy sheets of drywall.  Nothing has far more work it ought to do, before Raphael and his crew arrive in a couple of weeks.  

_________________

But, for now, the hermit is quite ill, and rests and prays in and with LOVE.  Yes, prayers for each of you issue forth often enough without words.  Just pray love!

It has come to the conscious mind from His Real Presence, dwelling within His abode, tucked down into the feverish body and the crackling lungs and all about the weary heart, that life and all its peoples and situations and creation are but prayer!  And it does not mean to diminish such a grand created by His Real Presence existence--life--by qualifying it as "just" or "but" prayer.  

But yes, all of life is a prayer.   And love being the purpose for life--to love, to learn to love--brings praying in LOVE to a height of supernal existence:  our lives!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us LOVE one another!  Love to suffer and suffer to love.  Pray in love, for life becomes a ceaseless prayer even into eternity. God Is Love!

Marvelous Dream

["nothing" is apt identifying term as opposed to "me" or "I".  Am reminding that nothing is nothing and God is All.  Using this term "nothing," helps it sink in.]

Last night "nothing" had a marvelous dream.  It fits in well with casting the net today, offering to share about angels.  It had all to do with suffering and with being utilized in what and how God wills.

A couple of angels were speaking with "nothing" about the severe bodily pain, and they said it will be alleviated in a simple manner, daily.  They warned against another possibility for pain relief that was rather invasive and more complicated.  "Nothing" got the idea that the angels meant the pain will be gone in eternity, but of course am open to sooner!  May it be heaven on earth, His will be done.

Then the angels said "nothing" would be utilized spiritually.  This was a huge relief and a pleasant surprise.  In excitement, "nothing" mentioned how welcome news it was, and shared what was explained to the grandson about how each step and thought we take and make, is either a step or thought toward heaven or toward hell.  We should choose carefully!

The angels smiled.  One of the two said they already knew of that.  Yes, surely they would!  But they added that in the small ways of sharing such thoughts with others, God was very pleased.  They repeated again that "nothing" will be utilized in spiritual ways.

So, when a desolation came of a temporal financial nature, and tears choked the voice some and blurred the eyes, and when the parish employee did not want a program offered (and last spring was equally wary over a couple of small matters), "nothing" realized God was making His will known, and that He will provide plus will utilize spiritually.

Later, when painting the second top coat on the upper reaches of the north side of Te Deum House (hermitage), nothing again reviewed the various ways and offerings made in parishes, and the assurance returned that the utilization is in small ways as a hermit, and also through writing--not through or in parishes.

It is a relief.  As is said, "No is an answer."  And, it is a positive answer for it leads to what is not "no."  It leads to what is "yes", what is door opening, what is possible and can-do and joyful and what is freedom to be in His Real Presence.

At some point, nothing will give the program on angels and share the guardian angel story, en blogue.  There are Catholics and non-Catholics out there who do want something more, whose main concern is the progression of their souls and the souls of others, and who are willing to seek until they find their heart's desire (which is not for them, learning what exercises one can do in a chair or the history of the local zoo, wonderful as this information might be for many).

The door is open wide!  Nothing is going to be utilized spiritually, and hermit hidden ways, small as they may be, are as good as any.

Thanks, angels who spoke in the night!

Up High, Praying

The back is absolutely having pain fits; the right shoulder is used to needful excess; but painting the exterior of Te Deum House needs to be accomplished, bit by bit.  In house painting, one begins up under the eaves and works down.  Paint can splatter; old paint chips fall to the ground and can be brushed off dry siding far easier than painted surface....

Up high on 24' ladder, rigging a wire to hold the paint bucket, but first do the scraping, then the caulking.  Being a novice, it took two times the length of the highest side of house in order to complete the caulking.  That is because one aspect of the construction only came to mind as needing caulk, after the obvious part was finished, foot by foot, some 36 feet of tight eaves and overhang.

On occasion the "nothing" would pray and then thank the Guardian Angel, Beth.  (Beth is a masculine noun in Hebrew meaning "house of."  I did not name the angel; the name was told in an amazing way--just the right way for I had been skeptical as a convert of Catholics with their named Guardian Angels.  His Real Presence taught me a lesson!  And Beth is the angel's name, and the meaning is significant because of needing help with houses--temporal ones like this consummate fixer-upper but mostly help with the soul abode.

Pray climbing up the ladder; praise God coming down.  While up there, suspended some 20' with face close to the siding, the reminder of the vision of two years ago seems all the more heightened since writing of it a couple days ago.  But the prayers are for the Church, the world, this country, and for a young woman and her husband who lost their first baby girl six weeks prior to the due date.  Baby died in the womb unexpectedly.  

Life is so precious, so fragile, and filled with surprises that go beyond what we can fathom.  For the couple, their friends, and the grandparents, there will be much grieving.  It will take courage in the future, and much prayer, to determine if the couple are willing to be open to another baby or more.

God always has His reasons for everything.  Was pondering this truth when up high, praying.

Catherine of Siena (in the part of the biography am currently reading) learned and reminded those around her that there is nothing more important in life than to desire to please God in everything and also to desire being in His will.  Especially in aspects of life that seem difficult and painful, one is to embrace and accept as coming from God for some reason, some lesson to be learned, and for some good that will evolve.  

(This is especially important to consider and enact even if the evil one has been involved, for there is nothing better than to ascribe to God all matters, and to learn lessons from even the most painful and confusing of situations.  Bring it all to good, hope, faith and love!  Drives the devil away and confounds him, also; and it glorifies God, always.)

Becoming physically pained and weary from the ladder perch and the frequent climbs up and down, decided to rest a bit.  The next decision here is a temporal one, although am praying for some kind of light from His Real Presence as to His choice of paint colors.  The bottom part of Te Deum House is going to be a creamy golden tan color.  Sonlight Halo, it can be called.  

The top, above a "belly band" and for the gables, there is a choice of two greenish blues; one is lighter, the other darker.  The belly band and trim will be, of course, in deference to the Nine S':  Simply White.   The darker of the greenish blues may win out once the body is rested and the mind and soul have pondered what He desires.  There is nothing pale about His Real Presence, or so it seems.  

The darker, the bolder, the richer in green-blue may remind His Real Presence of the sea, or can remind us of His eyes of which the little boy, Colton Brupo, said are the most beautiful shade of greenish blue.  Akiana Karmarik, the child prodigy artist who has seen Jesus and Heaven and paints beyond all earthly means at her age, paints Jesus' eyes such a color--gorgeous sea bluish-green. 

Well, that did not take long.  Some rest, some quiet thoughts, some considering aspects of Jesus in regard to color...and the decision is made!  God is in the details, and pleasing Him is hopefully in paying attention to the details in such a way as always considering His Real Presence no matter how mundane in the temporal, and no matter how elevated in the mystical.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!