Catholic Hermit, Setting Boundaries

After another pain siege and being on the mattress on the floor for a couple or three days, am finally up and kind of moving about.  Got up on porch roof to caulk and paint the trim its first coat of Simply White.  Love to choose paint with names that go along with the whole realm of God's goodness and spiritual reminders.  It was a tough call, as Dove White also had appeal.

With a grinding headache and low back that is not quite up to a courageous level of pain endurance, could not drive the distance and then sit through Mass.  Will see how the pain level is in the morning.  Standing on the porch roof is actually far less pain-inducing than sitting.

But the pain siege and some other incidents have reminded this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to write about setting boundaries.  Hermits need to set boundaries commensurate with the vocation, and at least in cohesion with one's individualized rule of life and the profession of vows, plus the statements under Consecrated Life of the Church specifically for the Eremitic Vocation.

There had been a woman who came frequently, hollering the hermit's name and wandering around the exterior of the hermitage.  At first the hermit met the woman as she stopped to get some vegetables at the table out by the road.  So the hermit had a brief conversation with the woman and detected the woman seemed rather needy in some ways, but that can be fine.  We all have our needs.  However, the woman began showing up daily.  Even when the gate was shut, she'd stand out there hollering at the top of her lungs for the hermit.

At first the hermit went out and explained to the woman that it was becoming too frequent, and the hermit needed quiet and time to work and to pray--quiet for pain management, in particular, and private time.  So it was suggested she perhaps stop by once every three weeks or so, or even once a month.  (This was after in conversation it was ascertained the woman was not interested in spiritual conversation but what one could term "chit chat."  So, it was settled.

But the next day, the woman returned and remained outside the gate, hollering and hollering.  This pattern continued, and the hermit decided it fully grasped what St. Seraphim the Sarov and St. Godric of Finchale meant by hiding from those who kept coming seeking them out.  Since resting on the mattress, the hermit decided to not go out and chit chat.  Surely she would grasp that once every three weeks or so, meant just that.

No, that was not what the woman grasped.  The day she tried to open the door to come inside and then stayed outside, circling the hermitage, was the day the hermit decided it would need to be more firm and deal with what was becoming a problem with a person who was obviously exhibiting some unusual behavior, outside the norm of etiquette.

The next time the hermit set out the vegetables, toward the end of the day, the woman caught glimpse of the hermit and began hollering for attention.  The hermit had another conversation with the woman and said again, that this was not what was meant by a visit now and then or once a month, and that the hermit really could not chit chat daily.  So, the hermit expressed that the friendship will need to be one of prayer, one for each other, and leave it at that.  The amount of work load here was emphasized with a sweep of the arm and a brief listing of tasks, and daily interruptions unless there was some spiritual purpose or need, could not be entertained.

The hermit also wired shut the gate up high, to maintain the privacy needed not only for prayer and quiet, but for the rest periods throughout the day this hermit needs in management of the severe, physical pain. All this had been explained to the woman, but it was clear she could not accept the boundaries at first.  So they had to be set firmly in place along with, for awhile, the gate impenetrable.

But such situations can be rather rare, it seems.  However, a hermit must be prepared for incidental situations that arise, if they become pesky or inopportune for either party involved.  The hermit had prayed about the woman when the visits became daily, and it discerned that it was not equipped at this time to take on someone needing emotional or psychological assistance daily or even weekly. Sometimes we have to know our limitations in all aspects.

Mostly, though, we have to know what we can handle within our daily lives, juxtaposed with our vocation, and what the major tenets are.  And some of the boundaries we must set really have very little to do with the external interruptions, or those this hermit terms as "human poltergeists"--nice enough people but determined in being time-usurpers and psychological distractions.  Perhaps most of the boundaries have little to do with the external incidentals.  They have to do with our interior distractions.

So it is, that this Catholic hermit is having to set boundaries regarding some internal issues and distractions--those which the hermit and God know about, and a couple of spiritual friends with whom the hermit corresponds now and then.  The hermit has relaxed some boundaries such as interaction via computer with political news.  While good for praying for our country and those running for office and in office, the time that can be consumed and the distraction it can become which takes thoughts away from other intentions, sneaks up on the soul.  So the Catholic hermit is working on setting some boundaries in this category.

When interior boundaries are broached--those that are subtle yet known between the hermit and God--vices begin to signal that something is wrong.  Anger simmers as the world is frustrating.  Frustrations volley the "ball" back to anger.  Before long, the soul has lost the set, then the match, and the game ends in a feeling of defeat.  How does God feel with a soul such as this?  The temporal world, such as of news or other aspects, will only bring the temporal with it.  The temporal is so far out of bounds (and should be outside our boundaries as hermits, only to be broached carefully in prayerful consideration much as a spectator viewing without emotional attachment), that it will always elicit frustration.

Yet another boundary being set more firmly is deep within, and that is in some spiritual weaknesses that are starting to swell and erupt like a bug bite that itches and gets scratched until it is raw and seeping.  These have to do with some virtues that have been bitten by the vice-fleas.  A major type of vice flea doing the biting currently is that of acedia, or spiritual sloth and ennui.  So the hermit is wiring the fence shut, so to speak on that vice and is making greater effort to combat the excuses that creep in, encouraging the hermit to short-change the spiritual reading or the time spent listening to and sensing His Real Presence within the body, mind, heart and soul.

Anyway, hermits do need to set some boundaries, and these boundaries will vary depending upon the ebb and flow of hermit daily life--the external and internal aspects of the temporal and the spiritual details, moment by moment, hour by hour.  Otherwise, soon enough, the hermit is no longer on a narrow path but skipping through a wide-open field, coming up with grand-sounding excuses as to why this friendship, or why that, or rationalizing that something is spiritually connected or necessary when it is not at all in reality.

Time belongs to God, and a hermit (or anyone who is following Christ and desiring union with Him) ought learn to set boundaries as to how His time is utilized, day and night, for His glory and for the spiritual progress of the hermit, as well.  His glory being satisfied will also, then, satisfy the needs of others.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Going with God's Flow

First the pneumonia with sinus infection tossed in for good measure.  Then a family member who helped do lots of lifting to make more room inside for eventual drywall installation, hurt her elbow. 

Next, Mark the electrician and the hermit made great progress running 3" ABS pipe from upstairs to down and under the house; but he became ill before his return.  All that is on hold as it takes more strength than a post-pneumonia hermit has to pull apart the large plumbing elbows, dry fit, to then glue and shove back together for the finale.

Then Raphael and men were to arrive a couple weeks ago. But that got postponed to this past Tuesday.  Then no show, but he came by and said they'd be here today, Saturday.  No show again.  Am praying first of all that he nor his men have been in an accident or ill.  Then am praying that if not the either of these, it is just the reality that not many people can cope with working on this tedious and obstacle-ridden hermitage. 

Yes, this place is a virtue builder for those who have the courage to begin with, to enter in.  So courage may be one of the first of begged virtues, and patience follows closely in the grace-requests!

The good in all the shifts in plans and work efforts, and in all details of daily and nightly life--is that the Catholic hermit is learning to go with God's flow in very temporal ways.  Also, it is learning to turn absolutely the most detailed of temporal into the spiritual reality. Deus vult!--a good exclamation.  God wills it!  

And, all the while, the very good in all the postponements, delays, illness and recovery, is that the nothing Catholic hermit has been working hard at trying to do all that needs to be done to make the heavier efforts more do-able for the strong workers.

Yesterday, for example, the nothing Catholic hermit used the reciprocating saw to cut through nails and 2x4's that had secured a 2'x2' window for over 50 years, in the old kitchen.  It took much effort and strength to wrangle that heavy thing (lots of old wood still attached) out of its space in the wall, and drop it gently to the ground outside, beneath.  The effort then turned to carefully measuring and figuring the king stud length and placement, the jack studs (support the header), and figure all the cripple studs that support the new window, itself.  Heights and lengths must be figured to within 1/2-inch, and all must be level.

Tuckered out before project completion; but figured since Raphael, Francisco, and Juan would be here the next morning (today!), tacking some insulation board over the opening to the great outdoors, would suffice for a night.  Now, am wondering, as even if the hermit finishes framing and cutting out what will be a 4'x4' window opening (am repurposing a window removed from upstairs that was replaced by a 6'x6' window)--the hermit cannot, on its own strength, lift in the 4'x4' window.  

Ah, God will provide!  Either the guardian angel will help with some super strength in the hermit, or else Jeff the Deputy (and devout Catholic!) might be in the area.  Perhaps he will help lift it in, once the hermit completes the framing. Lifting in takes 5 minutes or less.

Today's mood in the nothing Catholic hermit reflects the sun in this land of exile.  What else is desert life to be?  Life in the Son and sun.  Life in God's will and God's time.  Life in praise and prayer and perseverance against whatever the earthly odds and obstacles!

Today the nothing Catholic hermit celebrates the nearing of the third Sunday of Lent.  Plus, after gradually loading the used pick-up truck (christened Precious Blood), today brought the final loading, tarping, and securing.  Then off to the dump!  

Why the celebration?  Well, the 51st,  52nd, and 53rd dead rats (a 16-incher the last--and queasily fresh) were in that load, plus lots of old plumbing torn out of old kitchen and from under the hermitage.  And, today marks the passage of the 5-tons in poundage gutted, loaded, and unloaded over the past, nearly two years.   The hermitage itself is far lighter...and Light!  Surely God is in this place!  Te Deum Hermitage Beth-el!

The 10, 240 pounds of now-dumped debris does not include the first contractor's pricey load (back when the hermit was quite naive and trusting of such men, such princes).  The Catholic hermit was charged $240 for one dump run, of which the actual cost at the dump was, it later learned: $67.... Glory be to God that the hermit listened to the Holy Spirit in procuring Precious Blood, even if it means four more years of monthly payments.  That used pick-up has been a blessing, and has saved so much of God's money!

In life, through the errors and gullibilities, through the trials and triumphs, through the tears and prayers, we learn that all belongs to His Real Presence.  Time is God's.  Our daily bread is God's.  Money is God's.  Health is God's.  Body is God's. Energy is God's.  Breath is God's.  Blood is God's.  We are God's.  

All is God, and we are nothing.  The tears and supplications become prayers of affection and praise!  God provides, for He is All.  We receive for we are nothing more (nor less!) than His beloved children; and He loves us, one and all.

Yes, we learn to go with God's flow.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love-- and go with God's flow!

Hermit Use of God's Time

Too often have not been utilizing God's time to holy advantage.

The dream a few nights ago was riveting in its message.  The nothing Catholic hermit's life has been out of skew.  The intuitive soul has been vitally neglected in some very real aspects.  Change, conversion, is in order!

With this current illness (sicker than can ever recall: pneumonia), it came to mind yesterday while coughing repeatedly, then sweating profusely, that His Real Presence is demonstrating just how ill verged the soul.  Body is now being cleansed; soul is being purified, as well.  The severity of the physical ailment shocks the hermit in sensing the correlation to the disparity in the soul.

The message is strong. Perhaps the images were exaggerated, but the extreme does get one's attention and makes a potent point.

There has been much hardship in this hermitage.  Obstacle after crisis, financial disaster after being duped.  Yet there are no excuses.  As the finances have come to a point of needing to do whatever to try to get the place finished and sold, there was a sense of resistance at first.  

The hermit thought it too tired to think of trying to finish so much undone, in a few months, let alone make yet another move.  And this sense of resistance partly due to being exhausted from so much manual labor, but also due to repeatedly dealing with the world in overcoming the temporal obstacles involved in renovating that which was far worse than professionals noted in the purchase process two years ago this month.

Then the mind tried to consider where next?  That proved a foolish, frustrating, tearful thought-endeavor.  Stop thinking of the future!  Stay in the Order of the Present Moment!  Try to see if a family member on the mortgage would now assist by helping a bit monthly, allowing the hermit more time to do the tasks it can do, thus saving much in labor costs.  No, the person, is not interested.  Tried again, in case the co-signer would agree to a small equity loan so that more could be hired to be done.  No, not interested.

After the reality of negative responses settled in, it was fine with the nothing Catholic hermit. One must cast the nets, and God will either fill with fish or not.  He did not.  So, the time has come to go for broke.  Spend down the remaining tidbit and pray for mercy.  Raphael is coming next week to help finish some framing tasks and have his crew hang the heavy sheets of drywall, plus help finish the stairs and some exterior work to be done. But nothing Catholic hermit was to have done work in the interim...not be so ill!

Mark is to come next week, also, to finish what electrical can be accomplished before drywall.  He may or may not bring a man who does some plumbing.  Nothing is too ill to work on that, also.  It remains to be seen if nothing Catholic hermit is up for workers next week, regardless.  

The closest family is driving a distance from civilization to bring more medication...plus start shifting items in pole barn and carrying out "stuff" from in the hermitage, with hope of making more room in here for accomplishing work.  The hermit will be yet too ill to help with that, as well--barring a miracle.  Am always open for miraculous, immediate healing.

So we see that the soul has been terribly neglected with all the efforts of the past couple of years.  Despite praying while working and reading Scripture daily, and added spiritual reading...the hermit's intuitive soul needs far more nourishment of a deeper, purer type.  The environment of the hermitage, of the daily efforts, is too laden with the world.   At night, no energy or focus to read or even still the soul enough to pray in the heart.  Existed on junk food, essentially, filling the maw but not gleaning soul nutrition.  

Yes, a hermit can be adept at rationalizing.  This one can make nearly anything spiritual or to have some reason or excuse as to why it might benefit.  But the efforts and stress here have not been benefitting the soul--only deceiving the mind.  And even if the hermitage is completed, and somehow some added employment and more orders (had a Fortitude Fudge order prior to illness pervading), will not suffice to remain here, pay the bills, and have any cushion for the many aspects of a property that can need repair.

Yes, even if could live here (as have bonded with the place, come to love the solitude that has been greater than any in its life), the fact remains that there are too many distractions. They are good things, none of them wrong.  Mostly manual labor, but it has included all the obstacles imaginable that involve purchases, tools, appliances, learning how to do feats beyond the repertoire.  Then consider the hermit's great delight in gardening and interest in learning to photograph; thoughts of a vegetable-fruit stand by the road; notions of water coloring its visions; filling occasional orders; mowing; reading; writing; playing the harp once again....

Simplify!  Downscale!  Reduce the scope of the lovely talents and interests that His Real Presence has gifted the hermit! Praise Him for them, but the soul has been neglected.  Time to put the hermitage and interests and whatever need for income enhancement, to the gristmill.  Let the chaff go.  Keep a few choice grains to feed the soul and glorify God.

Now it is quite easy to accept selling out, unloading.  But not so fast--must get well first, and it may take quite some time with the condition of the lungs and the weakness of body. Then must do all it can to finish the place so as to be salable, use up the renovation materials already purchased and here. Whatever progress, will be holy progress.  But at a certain point--a few months is all--will have to sell no matter what. Nothing Catholic hermit is fine with that, too, if it comes down to financial poverty.  Have been there the bulk of adult life and more used to that existence than financial security.  

So today, spent time listening on laptop, some marvelous desert fathers and monks of current and recent times, teaching various aspects of the spiritual life, of angels, of His Real Presence.  One discussion, on the key virtue of humility, hit the spot!  Now to more austerity of mind, forbidding so many distractions.  This is a new beginning to better nourish the soul.  What better time than in very poor health?  The hermit knows not how long it will be in bed.  Order of the Present Moment calls for disciplining the thoughts away from thinking about tasks to be done to the hermitage or even when it will be well enough to drive into civilization to get the lumber that came in over a week ago, for the stairway.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another.  Remain in His Love...not in that which does not nourish the soul.  Use God's time wisely.  Each moment is gift.

Solitude Versus the Mall

Yesterday I left my brief visit in "civilization" to return to Te Deum House--this barely habitable abode.  I can't say I wanted to return to hardship, but the needs here and work load are not going to disappear on its own.  Somehow, all this is what God has chosen for me; I must seek Him in the physical and emotional challenges of such renunciation.

On the return, I had to find an Apple Store.  My iPad was not charging, and this posed a critical threat to continuing with working on the wall I had to remove and rebuild.  I already have replaced the plumbing.  But an electrician had fed the wires to the outlet boxes, and had installed the outlet boxes.  I took measurements of each outlet box location, and I took photos with the iPad to show the wires (yellow and white coated wires) leading through the studs to the various 10 outlets. 

Without the photos, I had a huge, temporal problem.   Finishing the wall could not progress.  Nothing more could be accomplished toward the end goal of drywall, taping, mudding, priming, painting, floor leveling, floor and cabinet installation, insulation in rafters, wood ceilings cut and nailed, and final light and plumbing fixtures.

Finding the mall was for me a challenge in courage.  I called upon Joan of Arc with whom I've had an encounter, in person, a few years ago.  That is another sharing.  But she gave me something back then, and placed it on the left side above my heart.  It was a solid gold bar of 5 chevrons.  It was made known to me that the chevrons are given for courage--to have courage and to take the gift of courage.

Today, remembering that spiritual experience, I knew also to call upon my guardian angel.  Calm arrived along with courage, and some common sense.  I followed a few signs and from there on followed the bulk of cars in whatever lanes or turns they made.  His Real Presence reminded that most people would be seeking the mall.  That was a correct thought, and I arrived prior to its opening so found a parking space near an entrance.

I have not been in a mall for a few years.  I avoid them due to traffic, congestion, so many souls moving about in the vast, commercial space--and the disorientation and weariness that results.  But there are always encounters--and I am praying for the clerks who assisted me.  I have their names, and I have their essences. I also pray for a few shoppers I was drawn to observe.

But when in the immense Apple Store, so many customers of all ages, so many clerks, so much noise--my head began to swim and ears felt plugged.  When the clerk was speaking, I could focus on her.  (It first looked grim for the iPad, but thankfully it is charging enough thus far to have drawn a sketch of the wiring from the photos.)

When the clerk helped others while I waited for the iPad to charge so she could double check it, I  wanted to be away from the consumer chaos.  So I observed some people, but with so many milling about in a large space, I found refuge by going within my soul to pray in the inner solitude and silence.  It was the only recourse, as increasingly my senses were overloaded with the whole mall experience, despite lovely people all about needing help and receiving help from lovely clerks.

There is nothing unusual or particularly interesting about this scenario, other than it depicts how the body, mind, heart and spirit can become content with solitude, silence, slowness, stillness, simplicity, stability and serenity.  I'd have to call this past year an "immersion program" of eremitic [hermit, religious solitary] life, of a type of desert exile from a bulk of the clamoring world, and an opportunity for interior growth.

The world!  The world!  I am lost from it, lost to it, lost in it's chaotic and treacherous potentials. God bless the world and all peoples in it.  God bless the clerks and the customers.  God bless the people (mostly in China) who make the products being sold.  God bless the materials He created that are used in production of tangible items.

Yet how thankful I was to be finally passing through the mall door by which I entered, and returning to Precious Blood (my used, dark red, pick-up truck).

At one point within the mall, trying to get out and away from the hustling clerks and bustling crowds and all the stuff, stuff, stuff--I exclaimed to the Lord, "I hate this world!" 

But immediately the ugliness of the word "hate" moved me to apologize to Him. 
Yes, I remarked within to His Real Presence, that those who come to the mall are no doubt more used to stores and crowds and the commercial aspects of life.  

Mall employees are necessarily earning their livings.  The goods sold in malls can be helpful goods, and consumers either need or want them.  The need can vary, for there is little we actually need from Malls.  But I certainly needed (or found helpful) the iPad to charge so that I could see the photos of the former, electrically wired wall .

I wonder if the difficulty with being comfortable in a mall is the effect of being more of a contemplative person?  Malls seem to be temporal worlds within the temporal world.  They seem antithetic to God's created nature other than what natural materials are used in construction and products.  I usually have to become singly focused on an item, person, and purpose for being there.  There are so many stores, so many items, and so many people that it seems a false environment with no windows to the earth and air outside.  Some people seem to be there as a form of entertainment, to pass away [God's!] time.

But I have often passed away God's gift of time in other forms of distraction.  Perhaps it is done in less hectic and crowded conditions, but I have passed His time in watching British dramas or years ago in reading mystery novels.  And often enough I have passed His time in non-heroic suffering or in daydreaming negative thoughts.  What difference is that from those who pass His time meandering the malls?

All this has analogy for our souls and the spiritual life.  I'll stop writing now and ponder them.  But I'll not be back at any mall, any time soon, I hope and pray.  His Real Presence--Father, Son and Holy Spirit need to be my "mall".  God provides all the goods and services my soul needs.  Even though in  earthly malls sometimes we do need the tangible items, in malls we can yet recollect our souls amidst the hustle bustle, and go within His Mall, of sorts.   From within His Mall we can bring out His love and insights to share Him even if by kindly word, glance, or silent prayer.  [I forgot until now:  I always wear the large, gift-Crucifix when I am out in the "world"; that is a love-advertisement, if ever there can be.]

There is nothing quite as sweet as being within His Love in the interior while at the same time being within His Love in outer times and places.