Catholic Hermit: Focus on Jesus and His Dad

Am doing all I can to out-psyche my nothingness who prefers bed to anywhere else in the world.  It is the most comfortable spot for this pained body, especially the spine.  I set the pain doctor appointment intentionally in the morning to force myself up and out.  Was couple days ago and had to be in bed rest of day due to to having to drive to orthopedic specialist the day before.  These were the first times I've been out from hermitage in I think three weeks--since the intrathecal pump trial external injection.  Not even sure of dates and days and weeks, which is as well.

This morning I forced up to drive to Lowe's because they've been wanting me to pick up the bathroom cabinets and some additional pieces special ordered for the upstairs' bathroom renovation.  Hard to believe--ordered them back in February before COVID-19 became our existences.  When at Lowe's, had to wait two hours while they looked for four cabinet boxes and one end piece--and could not find the other two packaged items:  toe kick plate and scribe molding.  

I wanted to remain outside due to the place being jam-packed with customers, and most did not wear masks, but there were far more than when I did a curbside pick-up at Home Depot--was that three weeks ago, also?  However, I had to remain inside by the pro-desk for the bulk of the time waiting because I was told the employee looking for the  rest of items would be "right back," and then I'd be "checked out."   I wore a mask but wished I'd had a tighter fit one, or had brought the ventilator type mask I used for asbestos removal and insulation install.  Maybe seems like over-kill, but had phone call that the spouse of the older friend who passed from COVID three days ago, also has it.  Their adult daughters are removing her from the retirement facility that has been horrible in lack of care and their decision to not have staff wear masks until later on in the pandemic.

While waiting, I observed customers and employees.  There is much that I could describe, most distressing as to humanity's seemingly becoming increasingly "out for him- or herself"--survival of the fittest, to each his own.  It seemed as if the masks (many employees wore them, a good thing) were somehow causing an effect of employees thinking they had some invisibility.  The place was more packed than I've ever seen a store!  Finally, I said to give up on trying to find the added items ordered, and while they loaded my truck I commented on how busy!  The pro-desk man who was helping load said that today was nothing like last Monday (when we were supposedly still on lockdown), as it was their biggest sales day on record.

So much for Slowing the Spread....  I was finding it difficult to focus on Jesus.  I also considered St. Joseph, His earthly dad.  I somehow had thought that perhaps it being the first day of some major restrictions lifted, that people were shopping even more than a Black Friday sales promotion of which I've heard stores are packed--but no, not if last Monday this Lowe's store had it's highest sales ever.  I kind of figured the shoppers were not there thinking about St. Joseph the Worker--inspired to get to work on projects of their own or the contractors and carpenters there picking up supplies for their jobs.

Inner feelings can easily be riled if one does not focus on Jesus.  I recognized just how easily that can occur, especially with added thoughts and changes of ways of being that the coronavirus has brought to all peoples everywhere in the world.  We must remind ourselves that this is not forever.  At least this particular strain of COVID-19 is not forever.  There will be a vaccine; there already is a promising antidote medication that is fast-track approved by the FDA and being used as of today.

But how difficult it is, now that I am trying consciously focus on Jesus, to keep at bay the distractions that can start to roil within.  Divisiveness can take hold and even root in!  I became irked by customers who were not wearing masks and not social distancing.  For pity's sake!  When a customer without a mask rested his arm, hand, and upper body on the large cabinet box.  (Does he not know that the virus can stay on cardboard surfaces for a day or more?)   Mercy!  I was shocked with my surprise reaction, for I did not think I'd feel these frustrations and temptation to being testy, snappy.

How this pandemic has caused thoughts and concerns we'd never anticipated just two months ago!  The divisiveness comes to the fore when we realize there are those who are trying to be compliant and do all possible to do what will slow or even stop the spread of COVID-19, and those who do not take it seriously are feel in good enough health or not in older age bracket that it does not matter to them;  and there are those who don't like anyone such as government federal, state, or local to tell them what to do.

Got home with the bulk of cabinet order, and spoke with someone who had struggled with similar thoughts but has had more situations of being disappointed as is not a hermit and has many friends and acquaintances--sadly too many who outright say they don't care, or that this is just how it is and people weaker will simply die.  We spoke of learning much about others and ourselves through this pandemic situation, and perhaps life will not ever truly be back to how it was BC (before Covid) because for one thing, we will have discovered the character of other people, and they us.  Differences in character and nobility will also cause division among people; some friendships will alter or dissolve altogether.

I mentioned a major way forward is forgiveness, but the other also mentioned that there will always be a knowing of disappointment in those who choose to have been more selfish than selfless, who were out for themselves and not to uplift and support communally in cooperation for doing what protects others and self, for the greater good of all.  

I then mentioned the admonition a couple days ago:  Focus on Jesus.  This focusing on Jesus, while more of a challenge--as I'm realizing especially when there are distractions of all types--even ones that come to me in the silence of solitude and stricter separation from the world when in the hermitage.  But to FOCUS ON JESUS as Son of God and Lord and Savior, as well as Jesus as one who was born, lived among mankind, and had a mom and dad, and the dad teaching the Son the carpentry/stone mason trade--helps all the more in having all else fade in comparison to when not focusing on Jesus.

A neighbor man noticed me backing my truck into drive and the boxes on it. I finished the conversation, as the man and his son came over to unload it for me.  What an unexpected blessing from Jesus and His dad--of that I'm convinced!  I was going to use the ramp I'd made of wood and brackets to hook onto the Precious Blood pick-up truck tailgate, and slide and push the boxes into the house--other than I knew there'd be no way I could probably slide the large cabinet off the truck without a miracle assist from my guardian angel and also St. Joseph.  But God Provided yet again through the dad and his son from next door....

Was rare for me to have some cash, but I'd recently turned a year older and elderly aunt had sent $20.  Perhaps the dad can treat his wife and seven children to some milkshakes with it; it won't go far, and he did not even want to take that, but St. Joseph and Jesus would have been paid for their work and rightly so.  My back is so appreciative! In fact, in honor of St. Joseph and Jesus on this Solemnity of St. Joseph as worker, I cut out more hunks of carpet and pad and carried to trash bin, and then after resting some, started spray painting a bookcase for The Priests Room upstairs, and finally planted some geraniums and petunias in three hanging baskets left over from last summer.

So much easier focusing on Jesus in Solus Deus Hermitage--but I know not to be duped in thinking I've caught on.  The devil will not want people focusing on Jesus because there is peace and joy, there is perspective and understanding, there is forgiveness and wisdom and faith, hope, and love no matter the world's disruptions and disappointments, crises and pandemics the world over and right within dwellings and the families therein.

Today is the first day I can recall since surgery last July, that I have been out of bed for this long...or so it seems.  Thanks be to God despite how the body might feel tomorrow.  Right now is bad enough with the high pain level, and thus lengthier blog post.  Yet I want to also include this portion of what Pope St. John Paul II said in a May 1, 2003 General Audience, regarding St. Joseph (the Worker).

"Today is also a wonderful occasion to reflect on the importance of work in the life of the human person, the family and the community.  We are made in the image and likeness of God, we participate with God in the work of maintaining and sanctifying His creation.  We work with Jesus; Jesus said, 'My Father is always at His work to this very day, and I too am working' (Jn 5:17).

"Every day St. Joseph, as a carpenter, provided for the family's needs with manual work.  Thus the Church rightly points to him as the patron of workers."

"The dignity of the human person is constructed through work, and in the light of this truth, we can clearly perceive the fundamental connection between the person, work, and society.  Human activity--the Second Vatican Council recalls--proceeds from the human person and is ordered to the person.  According to God's design and will, it must serve the true good of humanity and allow 'man as an individual and as a member of society to cultivate and carry out his integral vocation' (cf Guadium et spes, n. 35).

"In order to fulfill this mission, a 'tested spirituality of human work' must e cultivated that is firmly rooted in the 'Gospel of work,' and believers are called to proclaim and to witness to the Christian meaning of work in their many activities and occupations (cf. Laborem exercnes, n. 26).  

Catholic Hermit: Gift of Manual Labor

Yesterday I was able to return to a little manual labor and had a young helper for a couple hours here in Solus Deus Hermitage.  We removed an upper and a base cabinet from St. John the Baptist (upstairs) bathroom.  Had to remove trim around door and baseboards, as well.  Then we removed the toilet of which, thankfully, the tank is removable.  The helper did the lifting and carrying out to the garage until I can get the Precious Blood pick-up truck loaded with the toilet, cabinets, and ceiling fan to a donation organization--St. Vincent de Paul or Habitat for Humanity.

Today I also was able to do a little manual labor.  A neighbor couple came and helped get more base cabinets out; the counter top and two sinks and faucets still in the counter--two men carried that out to the garage yesterday as they happened by to give a bid on moving some carpet from one room to another.  God provides!

Yes, the little bit of manual labor yesterday had me in bed until later afternoon today when the neighbor couple arrived to help the continuation of "gutting" the bathroom.  Part of our time was spent trying to locate the interior water shut-off handle, to no avail.  My physical pain needs to be a tad less for me to remember!  It's been a year since the inspector showed me many locations of many aspects of this dwelling.  I'll ask my angel this evening, and probably by morning have an answer; but chances are the turn off is behind something in the garage....

The rest of this day has involved praising God for the many blessings He provides, always!  Prayers were offered in general and specifics, but then came a lovely text from a niece with whom reconnection occurred as an outcome of a sibling (her mother) who is suffering from cancer and undergoing chemotherapy. God brings such good out of any situation--including those that we humans think are negative.  Prayers needed for the niece's teen son! 

A prayer that came to mind--an old prayer involving humility and the conforming of our hearts to that of Jesus' heart--I have prayed for this young man.  "Jesus meek and humble of heart, make [name] heart like unto Thine!"  I repeat it for myself and my niece, for our hearts, also to be made humble and conformed in Christ.  Mother's of teens can always use an extra measure of Christ's loving support and tender mercy.  Quite a challenge to rear teenagers in this society and time period!

Reviewing today's Mass Scripture Readings, Jesus in the Gospel (Mark 6:1-6), was being mocked, angered, resented, and doubted.  His ability to teach, inspire, heal, and speak beyond what those in the temple and Nazareth were able to comprehend.  How is it that a carpenter's son--a young man who grew up in their midsts--could do and speak as he does--and even perform miracles?

"Jesus said to them, 'A prophet is not without honor except in his native place and among his own kin and in his own house.'  So he was not able to perform any might deed there, apart from curing a few sick people by laying his hands on them.  He was amazed by their lack of faith."

I've always been touched with the fact that Jesus' being able to perform His deeds in our lives, does help through our faith.  This is the truth of how we ourselves can hinder Christ within us--when we lack faith. While Christ is God and God can do all things, our lack of faith, our hardness of hearts, in essence is our refusing to accept and believe in Christ; we thus reject Christ by our lack of faith. Further, it is a lack of faith, which can also be considered in that we can be of little faith, for "lack" can be of degrees.  The greater our faith in Christ, the greater our personal relationship with Christ.

But the following excerpt, an Apostolic Exhortation, "Redemptoris custos," by St. John Paul II, helps all of us, including those of us consecrated Catholic hermits who ascribe to this portion of St. Benedict's Rule of Life:  ora et labora (pray and work).   St. Pope JPII offers us much uplift and encouragement in this gift God provides--yet what we may not always value:  manual labor.  For a hermit whose life is devoted to praise of God and prayer for the salvation of the world, God's gift of manual labor allows us to praise and pray while at the same time get bodily exercise and be temporally productive.  

Even though manual labor may be less manual than more, even Bl. Anne Catherine Emmerich, fully bedfast, would hand sew clothing for children.  St. Seraphim the Seraph stacked stones along a creek bed.  I am finally able to paint a wall, or with help remove some old cabinets, and get the trash bin to the curb.  Thus I appreciate all the more, ora et labora through St. John Paul II's enjoining us to engage and appreciate one of God's practicable and sagacious gifts to us, that of manual labor. 

"Work was the daily expression of love in the life of the Family of Nazareth....  Having learned the work of his presumed father, he was known as 'the carpenter's son' (Mt 13:55).  If the Family of Nazareth is an example and model for human families, in the order of salvation and holiness, so too, by analogy, is Jesus' work at the side of Joseph the carpenter....  

"Human work, and especially manual labor, receive special prominence in the Gospel.  Along with the humanity of the Son of God, work has been taken up in the mystery of the Incarnation, and has also been redeemed in a special way.  At the workbench where he plied his trade together with Jesus, Joseph brought human work closer to the mystery of the Redemption.

"In the human growth of Jesus in wisdom, age and grace, the virtue of industriousness played a notable role, since work is a human good which transforms nature and makes man in a sense, more human.

"The importance of work in human life demands that its meaning be known and assimilated in order to help all people to come closer to God, the Creator and Redeemer, to participate in his salvific plan for man and the world, and to deepen friendship with Christ in their lives, by accepting, through faith, a living participation in his threefold mission as Priest, Prophet, and King.  What is crucially important here is the sanctification of daily life, a sanctification which each person must acquire according to his or her own state [of life]."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things, love God in Himself, and love others as God loves!

Catholic Hermit: Much Suffering, Much Love

The body of this nothing, consecrated, Catholic hermit had yet another pain siege.  A week ago, it was; and it was a rather violent siege of pain of a type I'd not had for over three years.  Thankfully, yesterday the body began to feel better, and the surge of joy exuded--a joy that typically comes following release from extreme pain.

In the meantime, I had some tough news from the pain doctor, regarding some MRI scans of neck and low back.  As I've aged, yes, the pain has increased a great deal, albeit slowly in the way that makes it cumulative rather than seemingly suddenly noticed.  However, I know from other bodily symptoms as well as the effort the mind must make to distract from the constancy of increased pain, that the pain is worse daily, hourly, moment by moment.  

Yet God is so gracious!  He also has helped me learn to place my mind more outside the body, in essence, so that I do not tend to notice the higher levels of pain as much...or so it seems. Distraction helps; manual labor and mental conversations most often with God, and sometimes conversations with people make the pain seem further.

So the MRI's showed spinal stenosis about the rods and fusion, of which the doctor said that area of surgery years ago not even discernible as to what is going on.  But the area above that has stenosis, and including the cervical area (neck) there are bone spurs as well as in the neck two herniated discs to the right side and three compressed discs to the left.

Even in the telling of the spine news, the mind somehow blocked the bulk of it.  Is that the effect of a type of shock?  Perhaps.  He wants to refer me to a surgeon, but first he will order another MRI--this one of the thoracic back.  Now, that area of the back can be quite painful, but that pain has been occurring for ten years or so to greater and lesser degrees depending on various factors.

The shock wore off a day after a night of little sleep.  Too much memory of the life-altering surgery 31 years ago kept me awake--plus the disappointment of more surgery looming and what it can do to up-end what is next.  Of course, that disappointment showed me clearly that once again, I obviously had stepped forward in my mind and heart at some level or other--and out of the Order of the Present Moment.

Thus, back in the present moment, the reality of having more spine surgery, including the neck, does not seem so horrible.  We must do what we must do; we persevere and endure for the Lord is always with us, as we are also in Him.  We remain in His Love.  The pain doctor said hopefully surgery could provide a little relief from what he recognizes is a great deal of suffering.

As for the pain sieges, he is prescribing prednisone to take if I can tell when a siege is coming on, and to take during the siege along with some over-the-counter med to help coat the stomach.  He is trying to provide even a modicum of relief during a pain siege.  Any bit less of pain during those heightened days of pain, will be appreciated by this body, that is for sure!

Life goes on.  Trying to be of a little assistance here where I am temporarily a guest with a cousin and his wife, is a type of joyful distraction.  We are working on a bit of an electrical snafu--a mystery as to why two outlets that share a wall have absolutely no power to them.  I've consulted my dear pal Mark, the electrician I had on the previous hermitage, Te Deum.  What remains for me to do is to get up in the attic space and make my way to the wall in question and look down from above to see if the 12-2 yellow wire has ever been attached to a junction box, or if attached, to see if the ground, neutral, or hot wires have come loose.

My cousin has not relented yet, to my doing that.  He has suffered a health situation recently; it is not easy for him nor for his wife, a long-time friend of mine since childhood.  At least, we have pinpointed the problem's source so that if they do hire an electrician, hopefully they will not be taken advantage of by the electrician's time spent in troubleshooting.  

There is an electrical problem outside their lovely home, as well.  On that, the cousin hesitates on the more involved solution which involves laying conduit with wires adequate for 120v light fixtures.  Their contractor had used 12-volt wires such as is used for Malibu lights, and over the eight years or so, there is obviously a ground fault occurring in those wires not meant for 120v fixtures.  But I had an idea--praise God--last night, and that is to use 12-volt light bulbs in the fixtures as laying 12-volt wires anew is much easier and less costly than the other option which would require hydraulic drilling--a new term for this hermit!

That simply means, as I learned from the man in electrical of their local big box store, using water to drill through soil.  One purchases a connector for the garden hose that will screw into an electrical conduit connector attached to the length of conduit required to go under a sidewalk, turn on the water, full force, and work the piece of conduit through the soil by the aide of the water "drilling" through the soil.  Then the wires are run through the conduit.

The good Lord reminds me through these temporal tasks, that He has all matters handled one way or another.  All temporal aspects or problems as we might consider them, have some type of solution or even multiple options for solutions.  It all works out, one way or another, regardless of how difficult the solution might seem.  And yes, often there is a lot of messy work involved and some suffering, and some outcomes that are less than what we think we'd like.

My back surgery years ago was a mess, yet while I could never live a normal life and still had constant pain, the spine was at least fused, stabilized, and I could walk.  Pain is only pain, we must remind ourselves.  So whatever lies ahead (and a surgeon might look at the MRI's in a different perspective than did the pain doctor), God has it covered with temporal solutions as well as His spiritual purview.  Always God has some spiritual lesson or several, for us to learn in our temporal-spiritual journeys.

As is said in Hebrews 10:39, one of my favorite verses from years ago following the back surgeries which included a death experience between the two:

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are defeated, but we are of those who have faith and persevere in possessing our souls."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God is of love!  These three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love....

Catholic Hermit: Flying from the Stairway to Heaven

I've not fallen off the face of this earth, although certainly could have quite easily or so a neurosurgeon commented.  Lucky I was not paralyzed, miraculous no broken bones, fortunate not dead--some of the comments.  One nurse said I must have a powerful guardian angel to have guided me out to road and up a ways, not conscious of any of it.

So I was removing some risers to the stairs I'd installed in this old farmhouse hermitage. I had made an error in their lengths, and Craig who coaches me from lumberyard admitted that it really would be best to re-do those.  Yes, he is so right.  I was using pry bar to get them off and amazed at how easily they were prying off!  Got to the top step on the stairway that I had named "Stairway to Heaven,", and that riser was slightly harder so had to give a more powerful pull with the pry bar.  The pry bar slipped out from the riser unexpectedly (accidents are unexpected), and the force propelled me backwards in the air.

I was able to somehow turn my body forward and look down, hoping and praying in split seconds that I could get my foot down on a tread to help slow the airborne momentum.  That is the last I remember of what my adult kids pieced together with the help of someone who found me up on the road a ways, covered in blood.  I was knocked unconscious for up to 40 minutes, but also was somehow wandering in the house due to trail of blood and pool of blood where I must have been on floor for awhile.  

Still not sure what I smacked, but the EMT folks thought bones broken, and forehead was opened up to the skull and down into the eye socket.  (Yes, was also told at trauma center that I was fortunate to still have my eye.)

Anyway, it will be two weeks this Tuesday.  I was taken to a major trauma center for five states, and have two brain bleeds.  But they stabilized so am back in hermitage.  Daughter and grandson drove, son flew in from NYC; they did a couple or so days of work team and also tending me, until they had to leave and my shock, adrenalin and euphoria at seeing them wore off.  I wiped out fully for next many days.  So much a blur.  Other daughter flew out a couple nights ago--very late, so drove over yesterday morning.  

In the meantime my shoulder flared up terribly.  Hope it is not my SLAP tear surgery messed up.  Strange.  Could not manage the excruciating pain; EMT came again early in morning the other day, but enough pain meds and muscle relaxants helped me get a grip, and they checked other vitals.  I said daughter would be there soon, and they also said they can come back.  Keeping arm immobile, but wow, what horrible pain in that shoulder.  I took more pain medication than ever in that time period, and I'm not prone to ever call 911 myself.  

Today daughter was going to drive me to ER, but I got rational and we talked it over.  My body with the head injury still not up for being driven anywhere, and the ER would take MRI and say to get appointment with a shoulder orthopedic specialist and take Tylenol.  So I went into post-shoulder surgery mode of six years ago and am not moving my arm.  Only problem is at night when I sleep.  Also, of course, am on pain meds for head injury still.

Other daughter and husband and grandson might return in a week.  I had to take a bit to realize and accept that God is not choosing that I be able to finish the place due to finances running out.  I could wait for body to heal, but now with the shoulder making a major fuss, and time of essence, gotta just relinquish that aspect and let go and be grateful for help of any kind.

Even getting a ride to get stitches out in a week or so more is not easy to come by.  Then there will be another brain scan and follow up with neurosurgeon to see if brain bleeds have been absorbed by body.  I'm not learning about TBI's--traumatic brain injury--as don't want to anticipate anything--but others are reading and can tell me if what some of the aspects I am experiencing are that.

I tell you, I think in some ways God allowed this so that I'd be able to deeply relate with head injury victims.  I had been praying a lot about a great-nephew--young lad--who was plowed into two years ago at age 11 by a big teen on skateboard.  He has suffered terribly from residual TBI problems including seizures.  I now know even a bit of what that child has endured.  And, I also grasp more what so many soldiers and other accident victims, head gunshot wounds and various head injury victims experience.  

Helps me pray and have greater empathy and understanding.

I am most fortunate, of course.  Memory coming back rather well, we all think, and speech and writing back--speech being less so but amazingly unscathed.

There are other lessons from the Lord, and He is definitely guiding my transition from this place and efforts to what is next.  Not totally sure what, but I know He is allowing this to help guide me in His own inimitable way.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Appreciate any prayers you are willing to pray for all matters here to fall into place and to better endure the type of pain that is not anything I would grasp had I not experienced this.    

Catholic Hermit: Memory; Fr. Vincent Explanation

Saw this memory of five years ago.  I had shared with Fr. Vincent the amazing and helpful occurrence with St. John the Baptist back in 1988.  I suppose throughout life, one reflects and tries to grasp the meaning of such visions and locutions--the Hand of God in our lives, the interactions of the Holy Spirit in numinous encounters.

"Fr. Vincent emailed that the miraculous occurrence 25 years ago on the Solemnity of Birth of St. John the Baptist, and other graces I've been given spiritually, that Jesus transfigures into events in our lives (consider the event on Mt. Tabor in which He transfigured before Peter, James and John) so that we will have strength and marvels to consider as the path ahead is going to be very difficult. The more graces, the more we can expect of trials that will require us to cling to the graces. There is a direct correlation, I see."

Other memories are as if it is today and relates to the intractable, chronic pain that the Lord allowed and bestowed nearly 34 years ago.  He needed me more for Himself and to keep me from leaching back out into the world.  I write about pain, I live pain.  It is my constant life companion and the means of my mission and purpose in life: suffering.  Pain is what helps unite me with Christ, my Beloved Spouse.  When I neglect to consider it as such, it becomes merely pain and not salvific nor glorious.

Another memory from five years ago--manual labor, pain [had also written about feeling as if I have the flu but knowing it is the pain causing the effect], and vision and past, simple message from Padre Pio:

"Some trees are not doing well due to my needing a load of compost, and then the strength to shovel and wheelbarrow. I need a shovel since two have been broken by my helpers here. Accidents do happen, and I have broken things sometimes without even knowing how I did. Electrical type stuff. Need to be praying more today. Silence and penance! So said Padre Pio to me many years ago in a vision, unexpectedly appearing. It was among many portents of great suffering ahead in my life."

This morning I awoke exhausted from pain.  Hard to fathom that type of power from pain after a night of sleep!  Yet, it is so, that pain is powerful and thus utilizable for spiritual good if one views it as such and cooperates with Christ in suffering.

Need to work on the newell posts and banister/railing for the stair install.  Man from parish is only available Thursday afternoon to so kindly help me install banister and balusters.  Must remove from saw horses the bathroom door, in process of priming, sanding, painting (two coats, both sides) and haul in the long rail and newell posts from pole barn and begin the finishing processes for these.

Praising and praying--and to simply keep going, to simply keep going.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: You Will Find Him in Your Pain

This afternoon I was reminded when the Virgin Mary told me this, years ago, when I was suffering terribly and was begging for Jesus to help me endure.  I've written about it previously, the details of the miraculous appearance and the locution, while I was praying in front of the Tabernacle at a parish where I attended.

Mary came forth from the Mary altar, and she united with Jesus who came from the Tabernacle, where they each hovered over me before melding into one fog while Mary's voice intoned:  You will find Him in your pain.

I was thinking of that this afternoon while mowing part of the yard.  This is my first day off the floor and dressed, and it has not been easy.  But it was necessary to get the body up and ambulating; the severe pain had reached a break-even point in which I know it is best to attempt a little bit of activity, some slight manual labor.  Yesterday I was finally able to walk to the mailbox at end of yard and back.  I was able to get a bit more from the refrigerator and back to my sleeping bag to eat it.

So today there has been progress with being able to mow over half the yard and also to clean up a little in the pole barn, as well as to sell a couple of cabinets not needed to a woman who is delighted with the good deal she got.  And I'm delighted with the little bit of money plus the contact with her, as she purchased a sink I did not need over a couple years ago, and at that time she was facing chemotherapy for breast cancer.  Now she is through that ordeal but is suffering some depression.  We discussed the benefits of trying to keep active as possible and to distract the mind from suffering.  Of course, I mentioned prayer, and while she is not an active Christian she is open to "positive" thoughts.

Somehow I noticed the pole barn roof when putting the mower away, and indeed, my suspicions of a few weeks ago are confirmed:  I detect increasing rust "runs" coming down by each ridge in the metal roof. 

Lord, where is Thy mercy?  I will have to prime that roof with oil-based primer and put another coat of exterior paint on it.  I spray primed all rusted spots two years ago as well as put on two heavy coats of Gaco Deck paint--of which I was told could be used on metal.  (I re-read it a bit ago by Googling, and yes, it can be used on metal; however there is also a separate Gaco Roof product).  Regardless, a rusty-looking metal roof is not going to go unnoticed by a potential buyer.  I will have to get back up there and put on the primer coat and then a top coat.  No way around it.

I did leave a message for Raphael who has not returned calls although I rarely called the past two years or more.  But it was worth a try to see if a couple of his workers might paint that roof for me, depending on his fee.  Somehow I think the Lord is going to extend my time here; I am most likely going to be back up on that treacherous roof again.   Two years ago this spring I fell on it three times and nearly slid off three times--stopping a foot from the edge.

Yes, I did know what I'd done wrong--but it was quite difficult to see if paint had dribbled on the metal roof, so if I got my foot on a drop of wet paint I'd slip and slide.  Then, being extra careful after the first slip and slide, on the second color coat of paint I could not easily see what was wet and what was the dried first coat.  Thus, a couple more mishaps, including hitting my ribs hard when I slapped down on it and slid to the edge.

Was laid up for ten days that time.  Now, my right elbow is so painful, and using a roller and brush or any type of "elbow grease" work really inflames it; and I know I've mentioned my right hand in need of surgery from a drill whip injury over two years ago.  But for painting the elbow is most overworked, and I'm blessed with a new and stronger elbow brace that arrived just yesterday.  Today I also got out the hand brace for my hand has been throbbing with pain the past several days.

Thus, while mowing and trying not to use the right arm as much as the left, nor to grip the mower handle with the right hand as much as left--I remembered Mary telling me:  "You will find Him in your pain."  So it is.  I find Him in my pain, and considering what I wrote the other day about being in Him, I all the more am assured of not only finding Him but remaining in Him when in pain.  Suffering does seem to be a tie that binds us to Jesus extra much.

Love in His Love, and God Bless His Real Presence in us and us in HIM!

Catholic Hermit Chugging Along

Sorry, readers, that I've not been writing much.  My shoulder (two previous surgeries), elbow, hand--upper back--overworked!  Now my left hand tends to swelling and pain, although a dose pack of Prednisone was helping within a few hours.  This morning, though, I did a small amount of weeding, and my right hand numb again.  

I went to the clinic on Monday morning to get the prescription.  I'm not to use my upper body much, which when trying to finish the renovations so I can sell and move on, is not that practical.  Two young men, college boys, have been here two days last week and will be here now two days this week, working on the exterior projects and carrying in all the hardwood flooring boxes, doing much lifting and making great progress.  I, of course, have used my arms and shoulders in doing certain tasks that to me seemed not that much!

Writing intensifies the issue, and besides having daughter and grandson here a week ago to help work, and how much I worked then on installing upper stairs, some drywall mudding and sanding, and painting with her, doing some plumbing, and our installing a front walkway--my arm, elbow, and hands really flared all the more.  Slightly better now, but thus the lack of my writing on my blog.

Spiritually, it seems as if I am distracted by the work efforts.  It takes organization and thought to instruct others once the mind figures out what needs to be accomplished by priority and then to explain and instruct, and interact.  I'm used to so much solitude that this time period is a reminder of the life of a consecrated Catholic hermit must flex and flow with God's will and providence.

How thankful am I that God has provided these wonderful young men to drive a distance to help, and how thankful I am for the family member lending me, short term, money to be able to try to finish, and that includes being able to hire the young men.  Another, a former student of my daughter, came again last week, two days.  He is Haitian and has lived through trials that most of us cannot even imagine surviving.  He is but 21 years old, and is so filled with the Holy Spirit!

We had quite the miracle last week regarding his car.  The miracle involved holy water and praying in heartfelt manner, for his car to start, as it was not operable for over three hours of trying all means of repairs and battery charging.  

Why did I not think of bringing out the holy water to begin with?  I suspect it has to do with the distractions of so much work efforts and having to hone the mind on skills, some of which I've never utilized nor tried.  We had prayed, of course, but the holy water was miraculously efficacious just at the point that the man and his wife from church were driving to bring a tow chain so I could tow the young man and his car back to civilization, late at night by then.

Slowly reading John of the Cross, now on his wise counsels.  I cannot say that I ponder them while I work, for much of the work now requires mental focus on what I'm to do and the power tools I am using.  It is a good thing to be reminded and humbled with how lay persons must live daily--focusing on their jobs, tasks, family rearing, marital relationships, and also wishing they could be closer to the Lord consciously.  Yet, for lay persons the mind must focus on the temporal tasks and responsibilities.

A consecrated Catholic hermit usually and typically has the luxury of focusing on God in a conscious manner, with few distractions otherwise.  Having gotten myself into a challenging real estate purchase, all well-intentioned and researched in advance, has brought with it, however, the most spiritually challenging and growth enhancing phase of my life thus far!  But after this, simplification with less responsibility and not such intense manual labor, will be the goal.

I've had to enter into trapping and shooting raccoons.  This has been rather a horror, considering I've never touched a gun in my life nor killed any animals prior.  I was the type who'd take a tissue to get a wasp or bee out of the house.  Then here I had to eradicate the rat situation, and now the raccoon problem.  I've had an infestation of raccoons to the point of their dangerously stalking, coming close as in within a couple or three feet.  Raccoons are major carriers of rabies, and having so many in a relatively closed in area, was becoming a danger.  

For good measure, I am naming them alphabetically, with saint names, before I dispatch them.  It is illegal to live trap and relocate raccoons.  The legal recourse is to live trap and shoot.  Such a shame they are overpopulated, and a man with the department of natural resources said people feed them and cause the animals to become aggressive and invasive.  Shame on people feeding and hoping to befriend wild animals!

So, my dear friends in Christ, I have not written much lately on my blog, and I will not for awhile yet due to the numbness and upper limb inflammation and over-use as well as those others coming to help me with the work.  Daughter is flying back in a couple weeks to help for a few days, and I'm to have some work completed, necessary for us to make further progress.  It is practical at this point to utilize the help when help can come.  The young men helping are doing so as their summer jobs have not yet commenced.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Even when distracted by earthly work and responsibilities (even if we got into them without realizing), we can in our subconscious--in our hearts and souls--love God above all things and love others as God loves! 

Catholic Hermit Post Pentecost

I've not been able to write much lately due to over-use of right arm from shoulder through fingers.  Have Carpenter's Elbow, and two previous shoulder surgeries are also involved with numbness down the arm, plus a past "drill whip" injury of my thumb adds to the issue.

So yesterday was Pentecost, and gloriously so.  Now today, with Pentecost past, the soul is rejoicing with the Holy Spirit being given to all of us who believe as the Body of Christ.  Blessed and grateful!

Every now and then in the work here, I call out aloud:  Jesus!  You were a carpenter!  Thus was the case Friday morning when the man from the parish (who along with his wife bring me Communion on Sundays) came to help me install the stair stringer boards.  He returned Saturday to help adjust the center stringer board.  Definitely, building a staircase is a two-person job when it comes to the critical part of hanging the stringer boards, securing them and making sure they are level.

Then there has been the massive weeding, for working on the interior had the exterior be put off.  And there is a raccoon problem now, with two having stalked this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to an extreme point of becoming bizarre.  So means will have to be taken to trap and remove the coons who have become aggressive.  It is a shame that some feed them, most likely for the human's enjoyment of doing so.  It is unfair to the undomesticated creatures who then become dangerous menaces and are over-populated.

Have sold several trees which helps pay some bills and clears the over-crowding of these, too, for they love this soil and climate, for sure.  What were slow-growers have become rapid-risers.

And so I wish and pray for our souls, to become rapid risers, now reminded of the great indwelling of the Holy Spirit.  How do we deserve such a gift from God?  It is only because He loves us without measure; He loves us as His children and loves with much mercy.

I've had some questions asked via emails, and I've tried to answer briefly with the arm situation as it is--most difficult to type.  The topics--questions asked--are of interest, perhaps, to you blog readers.  So when my pained and numb arm and hands are improved, I will share and write my thoughts.

Have many prayer concerns given, and thankfully praying is not affected by any ailments or injuries of body!

God bless His Real Presence in us, and thanks be to God the Father, the Son, and the HOLY SPIRIT!

Catholic Hermit Exclaims: Lord, Have Mercy!

These words have been in my thoughts and at times uttered aloud.  Lord, have mercy!  

I do not intend the words or meaning to be a supplication of needs to be met, for the Lord has been meeting my temporal needs in marvelous ways.  I am so very grateful, and another exclamation I've been making lately is:  God provides!  Praise the Lord!

My helper, Daniel the Nazarene, came two days this past week.  As I write now, he is on his way driving to second semester of Bible college--a 16-hour drive.  I'm praying his vehicle hold up; he is concerned, and this young man's concerns are now my concerns.

The Lord, have mercy! exclamation is one of surprise and gratitude while at the same time marveling at how far this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's body has been pushed in the manual labor this past three weeks or so since Daniel has been able to come help me with renovation and construction efforts.  He has come one day a week other than this past with two days (and maybe the week after Christmas two days).  

So in about six days' time of 6-7 hours including lunch and snack breaks, my helper and I were able to get tongue-in-groove ceilings installed upstairs and down the slanted ceiling wall in two bedrooms.  We put ceiling boards in a 24x14' living room, installed drywall up high in a stairwell, framed a stairwell wall, framed a pocket door, installed drywall on that wall and finished framing a closet door opening.  We finished hanging drywall in a couple high-up places downstairs, and we got the washer and dryer moved back into the laundry area (on other-and-underside of stairwell).

We've carried up the ladder several sheets of drywall, with Daniel taking the brunt of the lifting, thankfully so.  We nailed in 8 sheets of plywood beadboard into the attic gable "garret room".  We've had to empty out that attic space of boxes and bags of belongings stored these nearly four years so that we had space to work.

On days Daniel was not here--the bulk of days--this painful-bodied hermit hustled and pushed beyond what is truly feasible, or so it surely seems to me.  God provides!  Praise the Lord!  Others have mentioned they could never do it.  I respond, "Yes, you could and would if your existence depended upon it.   God would see you through, as He is seeing me through, at least to this very present moment."  

We never know the day or the hour.  But I am quite hopeful that I will be able to finish the hermitage in a few months, for the finances will totally be dried up and finished in a few months.  The generous assistance by Daniel the Nazarene and his willingness to drive from civilization to help an old hermit who paid an hourly wage that he appreciated and can use for college but also was not an unreasonable pay, has made all the difference.

No drugs, no foul language, a godly young man, responsible, on time, tolerant of working with an old person who is quite capable of making errors in figuring how to do carpentry work and forgetful when pain is high--God provided quite a gift in Daniel the Nazarene.

Each Sunday morning as the couple from the parish so kindly brings Communion to this hermit, they remark on the progress in this hermitage--an old farmhouse that probably could have been a tear-down to some prospective buyers who might have had a more honest and realistic realtor than had I.  The couple is seeing what a little bit of help--paid help--can do, what a little bit of charity can provide in results.  And the work is good work, for this dwelling will never be for others as it was for me.  Others will never have to undergo the hardships of living in rugged, rotten, rat-ridden, cold and nasty circumstances.

Now, that is good and holy!  And Daniel the Nazarene and next, a couple of his friends who are willing to come a day a month to help continue what help I need that I cannot do with God alone--these young people are stepping up in charity and kindness; and I am paying them more than they'd make and are so very grateful for their pay.  Loving kindness is a win-win.  When and if I live the next few months and God provides energy and strength to continue my God-alone work efforts in here, I hope to sell and gift these young people all the more with monetary assistance that I cannot give them right now.

It hopefully will all be a witness to the Catholic parishioners who could not so much as take five minutes to lift a microwave up on its metal holding strip, or those who could not let their son come for 10-15 minutes to help me lift up six sheets of drywall--with payment to them, of course.  It hopefully will be a witness to the Catholic parishioners who a priest said there were no men who could help me the first summer carry in six sheets of 1/2" plywood.  

Hopefully it can be a witness to the Catholic realtor and the parish St. Vincent de Paul Society who the realtor mentioned could help me that first cold winter when the roof was leaking like a sieve and I had no one to help with the most minor of tasks but requiring another set of hands now and then.  That Catholic realtor will not be selling the house, but she will surely be aware when another has the listing and will see that God provided through other Christians, such as Daniel the Nazarene and his friends, the little bit of help that made it feasible for this old and pained hermit to be able to progress toward completion.

Lord, have mercy!  As I read more of St. Bernard of Clairvaux's Sermons on the Song of Songs, in the introduction we are reminded of the ultimate goal and need to be united in God's love--to love God in Himself and to realize deeply that He loves us and it is His love by which we are able to love Him.  And, the saint reminds that once we love God in Himself and have union in His love, it is then that we are able to truly love others.  It is then that we are called to drop our love embrace in contemplation and to be charitable to the temporal needs of others.  

I hope to write more about what St. Bernard explains of God and His Love.  But for now, before more storms roll through, I must drop my desire to write of what Bernard shares and get the very pained and sore body off the mattress, dressed, and utilizing the compound miter saw set up outside on the deck.  I have more ceiling areas (shorter boards so can nail with God's help) to cut and install and some 2x4's to nail in here and there in various parts of the stairwell and attic garret so that there will be adequate surfaces to which to hang drywall.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Lord, have mercy!  God provides!  Praise the Lord!

Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!

This is one praising-God-consecrated-Catholic-hermit!

I admit I did not consciously remember to do so this morning, but perhaps the Lord sensed it from my joy and gratitude.

I decided to FaceTime with grandson. Give it a shot.  He answered; we chatted about his exciting new trampoline news.  The adult daughter came on.  Nice!  I boldly asked if they could come this summer and help make progress here, that I'd really like to get this place more finished and needed help.  She agreed.  We discussed possible time frames.

Then she mentioned even helping finance having someone hang drywall on living room ceiling rather than us put in tongue-in-groove ceiling in that oblong room.  It is an ascetic reason; the ceiling might be too "busy" with all those boards running the length, even if staggered.  The vaulted back area will be fine with wood ceilings, as well as upstairs and my little cell downstairs where I exist when not manual laboring.

Raphael is coming on Tuesday to see how much it might cost.  The daughter has since sent a couple names of drywall workers with good reviews.  So, there is encouragement, hope, support, and renewed potential.  Praise God!

With such encouragement, this old hermit actually took the momentum to tied down to a tree on other side of pole barn, the ladder laid on top of pole barn metal roof.  This flat ladder idea was given by a friend so that I'd have something to grab when up on the treacherous roof wire-brushing rust off each grommet and other rust patches and spray painting.  After all that is completed, I will roll on two coats of a very durable exterior paint.

I'd been putting off this project for obvious reasons.  The roof is slick not so much from the metal itself but the original paint is so worn as to be dulled and chalky.  I've been asking my angel to hold me steady and keep every small step secured, as well as getting down off the roof on ladder I have set up against the side of pole barn.

Over 1/3 of the rust areas are brushed and sprayed before weather impeded the progress.  Regardless, I can praise God over and over for whatever.  And it certainly is a lot easier to praise God when good things happen, such as touches of loving kindness.  Even if the daughter for some reason cannot come the earlier week we discussed, she said they can definitely come later in the summer.

Praise God!  That's all it took:  an offer, some help coming down the road, encouragement, hope.

Since the weather prohibits roof progress, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit will praise its way (after a back pain rest break) through sorting and clearing up much of the tool and construction supplies mess inside the hermitage.  Amidst being leveled by pain much of the winter and death process of my will, then so much outdoor work to do, then the thumb would drama, I had let "stuff" accumulate and clutter.

And praise God even though Don at Lowe's has procrastinated already on talking with manager about the bathroom cabinet issues.  I did remind him that maybe "third time will be the charm", and we will get it right this time.  I doubt he will do as he said and talk with the manager, so I may need to make that call.  Praise God regardless what they do or do not do about it!  I must get the proper width cabinets rather than have to take out drywall and re-wire outlets and fixtures.  

Praise God even when matters aren't going well.

Regardless, praise God for all breakthroughs the day before Pentecost Sunday!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things, and love others as Jesus loves us.  (This teaching was in today's Mass reading from the Gospel of John.)  Praise God.

Catholic Hermit Continues Manual Labor, Praying

Have appreciated the daily Mass Scripture readings.  The Lord speaks to us in His Living Word!

Although am physically weary from pain, age, and life efforts, I will continue today with the praying while laboring around the hermitage.  After several days of helping family members prepare their house for selling, am returned to hermitage.  Then made another journey to the lumber yard early yesterday to pick up a very good deal that Craig offered this hermit.

I noticed when at the lumber yard returning some fence wood that we did not need at the family member's house, a double-paned, solid wood, exterior French door in the store's "bone yard."  (The bone yard is what many lumber companies call their area of returned items, usually special orders returned by customers for one reason or another, and then discounted to sell.  Bone yard deals have helped this hermit immensely in rehabilitating this hermitage.)

Yes, Craig made a deal I could not pass up.  The door is an inch or so shorter than normal exterior doors, but it will be lovely to replace an old, vinyl sliding door.  It's odd size will fit just fine since that side of the room has a lower ceiling line than the normal 8', while the ceiling then vaults to the other side to 11' or so.  An inch or two is not going to matter, in door height.

Since my summer helper is evidently not going to be assisting any more (Mass situation probably too difficult and awkward for his parents to assimilate and accept--and can't blame them), the new neighbor boys have been eager to help out on occasion.  What is marvelous about this development is that they ask far less per hour than my young Catholic helper wanted, plus they can just walk to assist even in something relatively small as helping unload the new and heavy French door from the pick-up, Precious Blood.

Tomorrow one of the teens will return to help install it.  God provides!  Each door weighs a substantial amount, and this old hermit cannot lift them nor hold them steady and at the same time screw the hinges to the frame.  Our guardian angels do so much in helping us--and that includes arranging for helpers when we need!

As for my summer Catholic helper and his parents, I did call and leave a message, offering the work to him first out of loyalty and love.  But already, with finances continuing to dwindle, I was open to the new neighbor boys and their much lower hourly wage-requests.  I always consider that God provides in the way He wills and desires.  Perhaps there is some reason for the hermit to interact with the new lads, for the summer helper will always remain in this hermit's heart of prayers.  Such a dear and sweet boy and lovely, loving family will always be remembered with prayers and thankfulness.

Looking back upon the priest and Mass situation at the area parish, it most certainly would seem terrible to others--and quite judgmental of me to have said what was seen and sensed within.  Only God and this hermit and the spiritual father and the priests and spiritual friends who have known me for years understand that I would never have seemingly judged, thus, had it not been for the intensity of the unfiltered state during Mass which senses so clearly truth, beauty, goodness--and also that which degrades, is unhealthy and counters truth, beauty, and goodness.

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is at peace with acceptance of what has transpired since and in obedience to my spiritual father.  The Lord has been teaching much in the past three months of mostly the silence of solitude, being hidden from the eyes of men, in praise and prayer and penance!  What is a sacrifice is proving to be prayerful offering for all priests, for all parishioners, for the Church, for this my soul and all souls--here and in eternity. 

God Bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us learn to love to live God's law of love--the fulfillment of all laws.  Love God and one another!