Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Temporal and Eternal Consequences of Sin

His Real Presence, in this Lent, has brought forth thoughts of sin (wrong doings, thoughts, verbalizations) and the consequences we have from sin in our temporal lives and our eternal lives--so temporally and spiritually, now and forever.

I put forth much texting effort with a young single mother of two who is employed by a countertop company and is in charge of my Home Depot purchased countertop installation.  There are but two small areas quite visible, unfortunately, that need to be replaced and/or leveled, one of each. The young woman likely was told by those above her to refuse, since Home Depot had paid the money.  The two young installers had excuses for the problem errors, and was adamant nothing could be done.  Of course corrections can be made, and we've spent far more time in back and forth and my phone conversations with a Home Depot asst. store manager than had the elder of the two young men returned and remedied the visible errors.  This is how I directly delved into the reality of our temporal wrongs bringing temporal and eternal consequences even if we have asked God and been given His forgiveness.

While I think the countertop situation might be rectified as the young woman texted they'd come in a week or so to look at it, and I pray they remeasure a small piece accurately and replace it, my main concern had turned to how and why we'd do something wrong that another has paid much, and at least for awhile refuse to rectify the wrongs.  The situation became involved, with considering why the Home Depot would take the countertop installers' errors as their own, and offer money when HD employees did nothing wrong.

I wrote then to the young woman in charge of my account and countertop install, and asked why she and others would want this temporal wrong to persist, as it were, on their spiritual records as well as temporal, given that we always have temporal and/or spiritual consequences when we persist in wrong?  Not budging on their side, I finally stopped the text-versation by asking her to pray about it, and that I would pray, also, and other than that I was leaving them to God as I could say nor do more.

Of course, I realized they nor the HD asst. store manager were not accustomed to such perspectives as seemed natural to me; and I did mention that this is my responsibility as a Christian, much as I ponder my own errors and wrongs done in thought, word, and action in my life, and indeed live out the temporal consequences and also the spiritual ramifications in this life, and assume there will be some spiritual consequences in eternity.  I believe this is accepting responsibility for one's flaws, wrong-doings--sins.

So I've been delving into aspects and lived experiences in which I wronged others and offended God in so doing.  The wrong thoughts seem the most prevalent, and my consequences temporally are that of guilt, sorrow, shame, rejection in some cases, and the memories of which I'm not at all proud of how I thought, spoke, and/or behaved.  Then there is the category of wrongs I obviously perpetuated but do not know consciously what, for the ramifications I am experiencing but without the persons willing to specify what it was or is of which I caused hurt, pain, and upset.

Over the weekend I was able to watch online via ESPN+, some family member play in a sports championship, and in the finals.  Even in that, my mind would observe, and then thoughts or words would come, attached to the observations such as the opponents.  I consciously observed, also, my own thoughts, words, and inner actions.  That brought me to love their souls, for God loves all souls, but the visual observations came down to judging!  

I judged their size and mannerisms, and mentally observed some women built more manly with weight and strength an advantage simply in the physics of weight-force behind an object will cause the object to move faster with  heavier impact such as on an opponent or court surface. I noticed one's perpetual grimace, a visage rather intimidating and vicious--not pleasant to see in one's opponent but evidently effective in creating a sense of Goliath versus David.

In another, this time a partner, I observed the youth and seeming immaturity, the talent and skill but the ego stepping in to poach balls and shots taken from the other in whose court the partner consistently stepped as if the partner would not hit the ball back.  Instead, the one who poached the balls and took the hits as often as not hit into the net or had weak execution.  What should have been won, was lost.  This is not to say that the other player did not have errors, but so many of the one poaching could have been successes had the player let the partner whose ball it was, simply execute the play.  Then in after match interviews, the young one when finished commenting, simply walked away from the interview and on way looked up close into the camera, making a silly face.  Yet the viewers seem to like the antics which evidently seem endearing to them.  I observed and judged that this player lacked confidence in other than self, and the match seemed lost due to the errors of which that player seemed not to recognize of self.

Just in these observations, trying to be careful not to, as Jesus would warn, even call someone as much as a "fool" and be liable for Gehenna (hell), and in loving each soul with all the love in me, of which I fall short of God's love except in faith that God is within me, including His love--I could easily discern just how much judging I do in the observations, of seeing and watching and sensing situations and persons!  No surprise when this morning I read today's Gospel proclaimed in Mass, and Jesus is pointing out (in John 8):

"You judge by appearances, but I do not judge anyone."

He adds:

"And even if I should judge, my judgment is valid, because I am not alone, but it is I and the Father who sent me.

"Even in your law it is written that the testimony of two men can be verified."

While I suppose I could find someone else to verify my observations of the opponents or in many instances in which I observe and reflect and analyze and JUDGE--I'd rather not have my visuals turn to such observations with thoughts attached, unless, I suppose, all positive and loving thoughts.  Thus I began to consider that a perpetual frown or grimace can be helpful such as in a courtroom if one is a lawyer, or in sports when every advantage over an opponent can cause the opponent to even psychologically weaken and err.  I also am striving to turn my own sagging mouth muscles practice smiling and forming a lovelier visage. 

An impishness in some sports can endear the viewers and create an effect of acceptability when one makes errors in play, or allows a person to be easily forgiven for such as walking off when interview not complete, when the interviewer not finished with the other player of the set.  And youth has with it a built in margin of error, it seems, that older persons more mature would not be given.  Keep a sense of humor about those, often small in stature, who have needed impishness to help low self-esteem or to be noticed.

But my little examples of how easily my observations become mental judgments, is not just a wake up call but an alarm going off within, that I have praying to do, and then cooperating with His Real Presence in other aspects of loving as God loves, for Jesus judges only with the Father also judging, and the Holy Spirit with them makes the Holy Trinity quite a different status than my judging even if I had another testify to the same observations.

I want to knock it off; I want my observations to stop swerving into the judging lane, accurate as they might be, there is no point to such inner judging from the eyes or even from the ears. Discernment is a variation that is more acceptable, but what I'm noticing by God's grace, of my observations, these are instances in which discernment is not needed for I'm an outside observer whose purpose is to learn to love as God loves, and the persons have no interactions with me, no relationships ongoing.  

I simply observe...and judge.  Even the content or topic is not worth judging other than to be obvious that in competition people develop ways about them to win in other than actual play or skill set.  That carries over in life with people who live more as competitors than not.  

But that's another topic if I ever pursue it here, which I doubt.  I'm not particularly competitive, the temporal has for most part passed away; and to learn to love as God loves seems outside the temporal in purpose, enough, that competition would be silly if not foolhardy.  (That is so, also, in spiritual matters with temporal bases.  I can consider priests or bishops in competitive mode for career advancement, to bishop or archbishop and beyond in temporal church hierarchy of positions.  Not particularly advisable for holiness, such competition, or among Christians in general who want competitively some aspect of spiritual life.)

Dear His Real Presence, please continue in whatever ways You will, to reveal my sins, flaws, and wrong doings, wrong thoughts.  Then by Your grace, help me to eviscerate the ways in which I judge, even subtly or in what might seem on surface legitimate observations.  Help me to love as You Love, which includes in my humanly humble position, to not have observing transform to or be in the raw: judging.  Keep me to the purpose of my spiritual being:  to love, to learn to love as You love in all aspects and nuances.  Amen!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit Reacts to Stern Warning

Last week in one of the daily Mass Gospel readings, this nothing--this consecrated, Catholic hermit, reacted to the impact of what Jesus said about what happens to those who look to what is behind us.  I revisit it today, considering the coming impact of a level 4 hurricane about to strike the southeast coast of this country...after having pummeled the already bereft island peoples of Haiti.

Yes, in all my years as a Christian, a Bible-reading and believing lover and follower of Jesus Christ, somehow I did not experience the impact of consequences of which Jesus Himself warns.  To think we will not be fit for the Kingdom of God if we look back to what is left behind us--painful, blunt consequence!

I have been reflecting this past week on how much time, emotions, energy, and thought I've wasted over the years, looking to the past, regretting choices made, hesitating over taking new steps, or missing what I had in "easier" phases of life.

It is not always tangible things that we've left behind, but it is more the intangibles that can hinder us from following Christ into the unknown-to-us paths into what He wills for our future destinies.  It is the great unknowns of what He has in store for us, for our purpose in His will and desires for us, that looking back will keep us from His Kingdom.

Well, I suppose I should not dwell much on looking back on how much I've looked back!  But it is amazing to me that this simple admonition from Jesus, laying out the consequence for looking back when we've already agreed either consciously or subconsciously, to follow Him into whatever next step on whichever path He chooses--that it is so easy to not realize the grave impact of looking back.

I want to be fit for the Kingdom of God!  Yet I admit I lack the discipline, it certainly seems, to keep my focus on what is next, what He chooses for me as purpose for His glory.  I'm yet soul-searching for the determination to simply keep going, to keep my outer and inner vision upon the unknowns of what is next, in great faith that Christ will lead me into greater charity, for sure.

Well, here is the scripture of which I'm referring.  Then I want to share something that has occurred, that I admit threw me off and had me looking back at my 21 years in Catholicism.

Luke  9:62:

"Jesus answered him, 'No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.'"

Nearly two weeks ago, I was thrilled and gloating with joy that a man at the parish had actually offered to help me install the microwave above the stove.  He drove here but realized it was not simply a matter of lifting the microwave onto a shelf.  Yet, he talked a bit and offered any of his tools that I might need in the work efforts on the hermitage and also said he'd return once I got the mounting metal strip on the wall and a couple holes drilled in the cabinet above.

But by the next Saturday evening Mass, afterward, the man's demeanor had shifted.  I sensed it but per usual, told myself that I should not trust what was probably just imagination.  (I tend to do this a lot, as I hate to face negative realities and always try to give benefit of the doubt.  I prefer to turn on myself and negate the inner sight rather than to trust it, time and again.)  

So yesterday, with weather in the morning (and pain) keeping me from exterior caulking and ladder climbing, I decided to tackle the microwave mounting strip, hole-drilling, and figuring out how to change the fan motor for interior venting.  It did not take long to learn how to do these little tasks, although I had a toggle bolt break so need to purchase another--stronger one with longer "wings" as the drywall holes are a bit compromised from removing the broken toggle.

Yet, I was so close to finishing the preparation and needing the man to come (as he had said he would) to just lift the microwave up to the mounting plate and holding it steady while I screwed in the bolts from the cabinet above, that I called the man.  (He'd left his phone number for me when he was here, so encouraging and willing to help.)

Sure enough, though, my senses were correct from the past weekend Mass.  The man said he was not available to lift the microwave.  In fact, he said that this kind of thing is not "his thing", which seemed odd since he'd told me he owns several properties in the area, has a vast "shop" of tools, and manages his various properties.

Of course, I figure he wants nothing to do with me due to the mystical state that occurs during Mass.  There is an additional chance that he also was overwhelmed with the amount of work yet to be done here, but I had assured him this is a vast improvement with over three years of efforts and progress behind me.

Regardless, the man is not going to help by taking fifteen minutes to come and lift the microwave; and I am certain the offer to borrow tools or to come to his home shop to see his tools as he'd offered, is an offer of the past, left behind, no longer on the"table."  It is rather amazing that this occurred after last weekend's Mass Gospel of Lazarus needing help, a drop of water, a bit of food--and the rich man was unwilling and later sorely regretted his refusal to assist someone in need.

Well, I admit I've been struggling again about why the Lord called me into the Catholic Church because the "fruit" has not been all that "good" from my perspective.  The other day I'd made a heart-felt plea to God to please bring back my son, to stop the one-sided estrangement, to heal his upset and anger over my becoming a Catholic and his following suit, as he was a young boy then and looked to me as a trusted guide in his life.  He lost his Catholic faith at the Catholic university he attended, of which I sorely regret...looking back.

He has upset and anger over the various situations I've encountered with various priests and people who were into some serious wrong-doings that I tended to sense and be shown through inner sight.  Yes, it was right for these wrongs to be exposed, and I was thanked by other priests and a bishop for doing so, and by people who were ill-effected; but others resented it and feared for their own skeletons, I suppose.  And that is what others have surmised who have seen the resulting persecution.

Anyway, I got an email response from my son, and he is hopeful for a reconciliation.  He mentioned his points of upset and the difficulty getting beyond them.  I have no idea the timeline, but at least it is the most hopeful response I've had in several years of little to no contact.  And then then right after that the pathetic and ridiculous response from the male parishioner with a complete change of heart and mind on the tiny act of kindness previously proffered.  

Do we think the devil is involved?  As some say, "D'ya think?"

I did call the parish administrator who by the literal grace of God trusts me and seems to have a sense that I am a genuine person, a mystic, yes, but otherwise a seeker of Christ, a sinner, yet a good person with a sense of humor but also a body-full of pain.  Her husband and son will come this Sunday to lift the microwave while I bolt it into place....

I broached the looking back I've been doing, and of the years as a Protestant, and how the culture is different, somehow, between Catholic people and Protestant people.  But, alas, we did agree that my situation at Mass causes people to judge and form opinions, for it is a rare mystical phenomenon, and my raggedly circumstances complete with an awful haircut, lend to a rather bizarre effect, no doubt!

I mentioned that sometimes I wonder if the Lord would as soon I just find an evangelical church where I could worship, as the ecstasies do not occur other than in a Catholic Mass.  Thus, I could better live my double life outside the Catholic church, for there would be no ecstasy, and while still a mystic as that is a life-long effect that one is born with (or not)--I am fairly practiced all these years in being socialized as otherwise normal.

But the parish administrator thought better to just keep going to Mass, and perhaps over time the regularity of my presence would help others realize that I am genuine, intelligent, and even a fun person albeit with a different kind of spiritual construct.  

We also discussed that I have increasingly noticed the kind and loving priest is extremely awkward with me, so I will let him know not to worry, I will not attempt to greet him nor shake his hand after Mass, as parishioners line up to do so.  He is fine with the others and even has brief conversation, but when this nothing approaches, he quickly says my name and turns immediately to the person behind me in line.  It has been awhile since I was even able to rush out a "The Mass was lovely!" comment.  

I do understand how difficult it is for others when there is something different occurring.  The priest has been most kindly compared to some who were threatened by what they feared I could see within them, or others simply not grasping the mystical, assuming otherwise, doubting, analyzing, and whatever else.  Yes, this priest is doing better than most.  

Ah, again, don't look back....  Today and tomorrow, amazing and surprising things can occur, will occur, when the hand is not only on the plow and eyes gazing forward, but when the hand is in His Hand, being led forth.

True, it's not good for the people to form opinions and react according to their own conclusions, but it is also not good for me, either.  It causes me to look back, to be distracted from my hand on the plow and of following Christ today and tomorrow.  It causes me to look back to my years as a Protestant and to feel the differences, although I suppose if something unusual happened in a Protestant service, maybe they'd be wary, also.  

I only know personally that in one Protestant church I was in, the people learned to appreciate and utilize some of the spiritual gifts, such as when I'd be shown someone ill or in trouble, and could forewarn or help in various ways.  They considered it "psychic" as "mystic" is not a familiar "type" in the Protestant realm.  And I rather think that is a good thing, frankly.  It seems to be a point of confusion and judgment for Catholics, and that is not so beneficial based upon "past" and what seems to be now current experience.

And all of this is a lot of looking back, even right now, and it is not gaining me the Kingdom of God, nor will looking back on anything left behind, help in achieving Heaven.

Today is the memorial of St. Bruno the Carthusian.  He set his sights on following Christ, knowing at some point in future time when it seemed best, he and his handful of friends were going to leave Cologne, Germany and the mess being made in the secular church in that time period (circa 1084) with a bishop who was green with envy of Bruno's gifted teaching skills and popularity as a priest and professor.

Yes, Bruno and his friends one evening discussed their plights, confounded in the mess of the secular church at that time in their circumstances, and determined to leave when they could in order to seek solitude and freedom to follow Christ and find union with God by living the Gospels sans corruption.
The time came one day, and they left for the farthest reaches of the French Alps.  

The first winter they were guests of a Benedictine monastery, but they determined this was not going to be the atmosphere and life they were seeking.  Too many distractions there, not going to provide the stairway to heaven they were seeking.  So onward they trekked, come spring; and they found a location in the Alps so difficult to reach but so close to heaven, that to this day, Carthusians are there praying in great silence and focus upon today and tomorrow.

Hands to the plow, not looking back, Bruno and this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit are pals now, and I'm going to head out to the ladders with caulk gun, paint roller, and brush.  Not going to look back on what was, what might have been, what was left behind, for often enough my view in retrospect is blurred by thinking it was better and more promising that what it was...or what it would be now.  

Besides, now is where Jesus has me, here, requiring steadiness of hand on the plow and eye upon Jesus with trusted anticipation of the unknowns to which He leads.  Thusly He promises fitness into the Kingdom of God.

God knows I have not fit in much elsewhere!  Dare I hope to be fit for the Kingdom of God?

I pray that part of His plan for me will be getting this work load accomplished, or else some means out of it, and to not be so financially strapped so that I can lead by example and help others lift microwaves, lend tools, teach them how to do maintenance tasks, take some meals to those tired or sick with pain.  Who knows but Jesus where the yet-untilled row will lead, what purpose He has in store for us?

Savor the Living Word

Savor the Living Word of God.  Hold the Word deep within the heart and soul.  Use the mind to recognize the truth in the Word.  Let the reality of His Word break through other precepts or inclinations varying from the Living Word that is true, always, in any age, time, or place.

So it is that the other morning when I read the Scriptures, specifically from Romans in the Second Reading for the First Sunday in Lent, His Real Presence impressed upon me once more the depth and breadth of God's Law of Love that reigns supreme over any other laws.  Here it is yet again, more truth:

"Brothers and sisters:
What does Scripture say?
The word is near you,
in your mouth and in your heart
--that is, the word of faith that we preach--,
For, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord
and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,
you will be saved.
For one believes with the heart and so is justified,
and one confesses with the mouth and so is saved.
For the Scriptures says,
No one who believes in him will be put to shame.
For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek;
the same Lord is Lord of all,
enriching all who call upon him.
For 'everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'"

It is so simple, is it not?  Yet when we take on the law of minds and taught precepts which become so preached as to seem like doctrine, and place these other aspects before and above, with more emphasis than on the Law of God--the law of Love, the Royal Law--we lose the power we are given of Christ, of faith in His Real Presence, of loving God above all things and loving others as ourselves.

Let us be humbled by the profundity of the Living Word of God! Let us do away with judging others.  Let us melt the niggardly lines of the increasing profusion of laws of minds that divide us--even divide those within the Church, even within consecrated vocations, within congregations, within parishes among parishioners.  What good is there in that?  Does the Lord smile upon such judging and divisional, picayune minutia?  

The Word made flesh is in those of us who love and believe and live His law of Love.  He is the same Lord Who Is Lord of all and Who hears our voices when we call upon him.  He shall save all of us who call on the name of the Lord and believe in Him!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: More Yet of God's Law!

I think the Lord is really drilling it into my body, mind, heart, and soul:  God's law of love.  Today, the fourth in the Scripture-Prayer for the longtime friend, miles and miles away in physical distance, covers James' Chapter 4.  Although there are other aspects of which this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit will ponder and write to the friend, later, these verses on God's law, the law of love, the royal law, keep pouring into any crevice in my being.

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.  Brothers, do not slander one another.  Anyone who speaks against his brother or judges him speaks against the law and judges it.  When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.  There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One Who Is able to save and destroy.  But you--who are you to judge your neighbor?"

So it is, that amidst the world news, this country's news, this hermit's life in silence of solitude, humility is before us, always.  Humility is not only a virtue and grace; it is a personal choice.  We can cooperate with the gift and the grace, knowing it is out there for us to have and to hold within our beings.  We can desire, pray for, and embrace humility...or not.

St. James in Chapter 4 also asks:  "What is life?"   He then describes life as a "mist"--here for awhile and then gone--evaporated, no longer visible nor viable as mist.

Last evening and this morning I've made a total of ten pounds of Fortitude Fudge.  Half is bourbon infused; yet after it sets up, the bourbon is greatly masked by the rich, dark chocolate.  Perhaps purchasing some bourbon flavoring will help retain the bourbon taste, plus add in the 95 proof bourbon.

A desert storm is upon this hermitage, and this hermit is storming heaven with prayers of love and fortitude for all souls, everywhere, living eternally and those thus far, like you and me, only sampling this segment of life thus far.  We do not have temporal recall of our lives prior to leaving our mothers' wombs; other than, perhaps, when we leave this earth we will realize that our lives prior may be a lot like our lives when we are asleep, and our dreams are akin to experiences prior and after this earthly mist-of-a life.
We will find out, each of us, all of us, as our mist-lives will cease to exist, and yet our souls will progress, one way or another.

All this, to me, is quite humbling.  The reality of from whence we came and to that which we go, and all in between--and to think that speaking against another person and judging him or her, is not living God's law of love.  We violate His law of love when we judge others and speak against one another.

I can think of many times in which I have done this in life.  There is a fine line, it seems, between discerning and judging, or as in reading skills, we call it judging in order to make critical decisions in what we read, in the content, in what the author intends.  

But in all honesty and humility, we truly do know, deep down, the difference between critical, needful judging which can also be termed rightful, judicious discernment and that type of judging that goes against God's law.

It comes down to our intention and the condition of our souls.  Love is the determining factor, and prudence and wisdom help us know for sure what type of judging we are engaging in, as well as if there is a need for discretionary judgment in any given situation or in discerning spirits.

St. James states as Jesus has taught:  Love others as ourselves

Does this mean we do not warn others of some danger or some person who has chosen evil actions?  Does it mean we do not speak out against anger, envy, pride, sloth, greed, lust and any number of vices that we may be tempted by in any present moment?  Does it mean that we allow hate to run rampant, or that we ignore prudence and involve ourselves with people who are not embracing the law of God?

No, the Lord nor His Apostles nor do any of the Scriptures suggest that we stop using wise discretion.  Especially, we are encouraged to discern our own inner and outer lives for any wrong-doings, ill-thoughts--sins!  Toss them out of our daily lives!  Ask the Lord for forgiveness, accept His mercy, and then move on to strive doing better, always.  Love more.

I spoke out to my former bishop and his vicar regarding an ill priest, sinning in ways that were causing dangerous conditions in a parish and diocese.  I spoke out a couple months ago to my spiritual father and to my helper's mother about something quite not healthy of another priest.  I wrote about it in this blog.  I was speaking against another.

One could justify it by saying that one should share with one's spiritual father, all that is in our spiritual lives.  This helps our superiors and directors to better guide our souls.  In this instance, my director said to not return to the parish.  Stay clear.  Lay low.  Pray, make spiritual communions.  

Just the other day when the spiritual father called, he said he is convinced that in time the Lord will end this rather full-on exile; and I will be elsewhere and will attend Mass, perhaps not in a parish but a monastery somewhere.  We shall see.  As James points out in Chapter 4, we do not know if we will be here tomorrow.

Considering speaking to my helper's mother, when she asked me if I was all right, I could have (and I think should have) simply said that I was not feeling well--which was so very true!  I was ill from what my inner sense and soul had experienced during Mass.  I was not yet in conscious nor physical mode of self-control when she followed me outside and asked what was wrong.  I blurted out, and that included speaking honestly about the priest, which was very much speaking against him.

This example is good for me to ponder.  Better to have not said anything about the priest's issues because the bishop knows, the vicar of priests knows, some parishioners know and have left that parish, and those who remain either don't grasp or else they accept and are sufficed.  I had tried to later smooth it over with the helper's mother, but instead perhaps it made things worse.  That can happen sometimes.  Even then perhaps better to not speak any explanation? 

The determining factor needs to be based upon if there is love or not love as the intent.  And that is so very hard to determine when it comes to ourselves, for we do love ourselves and find it difficult to humble ourselves.  (It is far easier when the Lord humbles us, or someone else humbles us in some word or non-word!)  

Using the above example of speaking about the parish priest, and veritably against what he was doing and not doing, the first time of answering the helper's mother inquiry would have been best not spoken or at least not in that instant when not in full control of faculties and not having distance from the situation.  

The second time of speaking to the helper's mother about the situation, I was motivated partly by love.  I can say partly and not fully because I honestly do not know if fully.  I'm guessing not because I know that in any soul, our self love is very strong and our desire to be fully loving may be strong, as well.

Hard to suss out the raw truth, in other words--and that's the truth!  But I know my upset and prayers and continuing prayers and wishes for so much more for the priest and more for what the parishioners could experience in the parish, is genuinely motivated by love and compassion.  

However, I think that some of what I explained, such as the parish seems like a lovely aquarium with beautiful fish, gently swimming and nibbling fish flakes an unseen-to-them-hand sprinkles daily, and existing in controlled setting, not realizing there is an ocean of existence and swimming out into the deep beyond...beyond the glass enclosure of the fish tank--all this was too much to share and even could be insulting to the other who is pleased and proud of the parish and is satisfied.  

In this later conversation, wise discretion and purer love would have left off the fish tank description.  It would have sufficed to have simply said (which I did at first) that my spiritual father has told me not to return, and that I must be obedient to his direction.

Of course, in neither of the two encounters did I intend to hurt others or to speak against my brother (or sister).  I did not intend to judge in a mean-spirited way, or to judge as in the outcome of anyone's soul. Yet I discerned--and could it be that I judged wrongly?--and spoke without filter, the first time and was able to express sorrow for that in the second conversation.

The Lord will determine the truth of this matter, as far as my inmost intention and whether I was judging His Law of Love, or not.  I certainly discerned that there is a priest and parish that is not one nor where I am to be involved other than in prayer for all the best for souls.  To love, and to love to learn to love is my prayer for all of us.

Most of the time in my life--and perhaps if you have read this lengthy sharing you will agree for yourselves--that when I speak against another or judge another, it is when I am upset or tired and lose self-control over thoughts and speech.  Usually it is in situations in which I have held great hopes and loved someone or other very much and then been disappointed in the person/s or situations, and hurt by them as well.

Yes, in another example of which I am thinking, I loved greatly and loyally, and that love was not returned.  There was great hurt and damage done situationally as a result.  While I resolved to not speak against the other person, there were times that in great hurt, frustration, and injustice being done, I did speak against the person.  I spoke against not in love but in anger--even if rather justifiable or righteous indignation.  

The result now is not so positive, or so I do not think.  Those others who heard me were not uplifted by what I shared, even if true enough in what the person had done.  It would have been enough to have known for myself and seen the harsh reality and known for sure that it was best to remain away and clear of that person, and to accept that the other was not acting in love, not someone to be with.

Yes, it seems that when we do speak against others or judge others, even if true enough depiction of the situation or what ails them or what ill-results come of their words and deeds--it is self-control or temperance that is lacking in us.  We speak against others and judge when we do not control our thoughts and words.  When we do not honestly review if what we expose is to the proper persons or even necessary to expose at all, we can end up not fulfilling God's law of love.

In other cases, yes, we need to speak up and warn others who are in a position to deal with the person who perhaps very much needs to be judged and dealt with.  Ultimately, of course, if there is no recourse to be taken, we know that God will judge the person and handle the situation perfectly if not now, later on.  All that is none of our business but is God's.

It is not that once we grasp the reality of not speaking against another and not judging (other than if we are reporting to a superior something quite necessary to sort out) that we will henceforth never err again.  No, the thoughts and the tongue are highly influenced by our bodies and any number of circumstances that can weaken our resolve.

I guess that is why there is forgiveness and mercy, and our being given the gift of prayer so that we can ask once more to be given yet another chance to sin no more.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another and remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermits on the Defensive?

It just is not worth it for Catholic hermits (or anyone) to feel as if they are on the defensive or to try to justify their own plans of daily life.  For one thing, daily life changes:  daily.

And, for another, it is not for others to judge, quite frankly and truthfully.  Only a Catholic hermit and his or her spiritual director--be that a bishop or not--and HIS REAL PRESENCE (and especially His Real Presence!) are the One and the ones to determine the pace and the nuances of a hermit's daily regimen.

That is rather the point of one of this Catholic hermit's posts--think it is the one titled "Who Do We Think We Are?" or something like that.  It details some judging that has gone on, even if not specified by the person/s as judgmental.  No one else really knows the whys or wherefores of how a consecrated Catholic hermit is or should be or has to be living his or her life.

In fact, no one should be declaring a Catholic hermit consecrated or not consecrated in the Catholic Church, based upon his or her own interpretations of what is specified in Church documents, or presuming someone has an impediment to being in the Consecrated Life of the Church.  A Catholic hermit's bishop and/or spiritual director or other Church authority can make that determination when it comes down to validity, if that designation even matters ultimately, eternally (and not the least) to His Real Presence!  

But for the purpose of truth to oneself, to God, and to His Body, the Church--if a Catholic hermit, to the satisfaction of its director and God Himself, has fulfilled the Church's stipulations detailed per the Consecrated Life of the Church, then it is.  Truth is truth and not to be taken likely; and what is, is.  If the Church changes the stipulations for hermits in the Consecrated Life of the Church, then those Catholic hermit saints of past ages and whoever of living consecrated Catholic hermits who would not qualify anymore, can then just pass their lives for all eternity as not being part of the Consecrated Life of the Church, or not being valid, or whatever.  But thus far, that has not been the case.

As for being on the defensive as to living or not what others deem a proper and valid hermit life, that is "for the birds" if at all--and not for consecrated Catholic hermits.  It makes this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit very compassionate and even sad when it realizes some Catholic hermits feel a need to justify the way they are living out their daily lives.

Seems to this nothing here, that a good in reading about other Catholic hermits' lives is to know the depth and breadth of various life circumstances, phases, ways, and progressions by which Catholic hermits of all times and places--and currently--are living their consecrated eremitical lives.  

But it is not to judge them, or decide they are not living their lives "according to Hoyle" (according to some other Catholic hermit or non-hermit, or through the eyes of various individual priests or bishops or lay persons who have their own notions but not necessarily God's omniscience for each consecrated Catholic hermit living or dead.

From reading about other Catholic hermits' lives, we can be inspired.  We can also do the good-kind-of-judging (critical thinking skills) required to make personal decisions for our own self-adjustments in the way we may be currently living out our hermit lives.  Perhaps we read of a Catholic hermits (and these may be Catholic hermits who have fulfilled the stipulations for being in the Consecrated Life or if they have also fulfilled the CL603 stipulations) and how they are living, such as not living in solitude but living with another, or among others but not in a religious order.  We might conclude that would not be best for us.  Perhaps we desire solitude to a greater degree, or we are brought to it through life circumstances, bit by bit.  We can also be reminded to pray for our fellow hermits, and we might gain insights or even see areas for improvement.  (We might consider stretching that "strict-er" separation from the world to a greater degree or realizing we could praise God far more.)

But have those who judge as "wrong" those hermits who do not live in solitude, alone, considered how many hermits end their elder years?  Or what if debilitating illness is a hermit's trial?  It is quite feasible, for example, that this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, with its chronic pain and increasingly serious pain sieges, may have to live with a family member at some point in future, or when elderly to a point of needing care-taking.  Many consecrated Catholic hermits have and will face that very dilemma.  So do they cease being consecrated Catholic hermits or deemed less valid or no longer consecrated through a lesser living out their vocation external circumstances?

We can think of many other examples as to why or why not we consecrated Catholic hermits may or may not be living our hermit lives according to what some may deem the "highest ideal"--whatever that might be--for a hermit's vocation.  To some, the highest ideal might be to others a negative extreme. What if a person is not "there" yet as far as being able to go without human conversation, or needs more daily activity among people than might other hermits?  

What if a hermit's financial circumstances are such that a change has occurred, and he or she needs to work part time or full time and the job available or to of which the hermit is capable is among many people or in highly interactive and noisy environment?  Do they then need to be removed as hermits?  Do they cease being part of the Consecrated Life of the Catholic Church?  Would any charitable or wise spiritual director (bishop or not) demand the hermit's withdrawal, or negate the consecrated vocation?  Would church law no longer recognize those who are CL603 hermits--with the bishop making a public statement to that effect?

What if a hermit goes along wearing a habit for awhile, approved by spiritual director (or a bishop), and then realizes it prohibits the degree of passing unnoticed or being hidden from the eyes of men--that the hermit and his or her director have determined to be best for that particular hermit?  What if the hermit decides to dress so as to blend in and not be noticed as different or be mistaken as a consecrated religious if not in the religious life?  And is it wrong for a hermit to wear a habit if and when no longer a part of the consecrated life of the church as a religious?  These aspects are determined by the hermit and his or her director, for there are always personal, individualized, and unique considerations to be made.  Not up to others to judge.

Again, no consecrated Catholic hermit is like another anymore than there are two fingerprints the same in the whole world or that have ever repeated throughout the history of mankind.

So let us not get on the defensive and feel a need to try to explain why we are living in this way or that.  For one thing, it places the emphasis on who we are to others and not who we are in His Real Presence.  

If it is a matter of describing our consecrated hermit lives in part to help us chronicle our phases and progression either as a help to ourselves or as a help to others who are discerning the vocation, then it can be a good thing to explain and describe the what's and why's.   But we should not feel a need due to insecurity or trying to prove to ourselves or to others--that we are living up to some hermit life expectations which in reality are what others--hermits or not--think a "valid" or "approved" consecrated Catholic hermit ought to be living.

And when we do come to those many turning points which punctuate a hermit's life and are actually quite good as passageways in the vocational pilgrimage, then we must not think less of others or of ourselves, if we have to make adjustments to the daily plan.  It is a joy when we can look back, however, at what we have written or can recall, and see progress.  And that progress might very much be progress in humility.  We can see humility in letting go of ourselves, too, and our own expectations of what we may have thought is the "valid" or "correct" way of Catholic hermit this or that.

And, consider that the changes which occur in the daily and monthly and yearly hermit life progressions, may only be temporary.  Or they may be permanent--as permanent as anything is, really, for only God is unchanging.  

God bless His Real Presence in us; and let us love one another as His children.  Remain in His Love, for when it is all said and done, He is All.

Whom God Has Consecrated

The following incident in the life of Jesus Christ, and His words and His accuser's reaction, hits the nail on the head.

From John 10:31-42:

"Jesus answered them,
'Is it not written in your law, I said, 'You are gods'"?
If it calls them gods to whom the word of God came,
and the Scripture cannot be set aside,
can you say that the one
whom the Father has consecrated and sent into the world
blasphemes because I said, "I am the Son of God"?
If I do not perform my Father's works, do not believe me;
but if I perform them even if you do not believe me,
believe the works, so that you may realize and understand
that the Father is in me and I am in the Father.'"

How appropriate!  What an answer!

Notice the words:  whom the Father has consecrated.  Apply this situation and Jesus' answer to that of today's church and its accumulated laws as well as their interpretation.  Consider all in relationship to those who discern a call to live a life devoted to and intimate with God, attempting to follow Jesus more closely, with professing obedience to Him, poverty of spirit and worldly tangibles, and chastity in order to step in His footsteps of a chaste and celibate life.

In today's church, this profession distinguishes the consecrated life.  Plus, we must consider the performance of the Father's works.  What are the Father's works?  Are they not the lived efforts and resultant signs of a life lived in beauty, truth, and goodness?  Are the Father's works His will lived out in our own lives, daily, in imitation of Jesus' earthly life and fulfilling God's commandments--highlighted by lived example by Jesus Christ?

By what means and reality is a person consecrated?  Who consecrates a hermit, for example?  Is it a human being who consecrates a hermit?  Is it a church law that consecrates a hermit?  Is it the person him- or herself who consecrates him- or herself?

It is none of these.  God consecrates those whom He calls.  And the consecration is distinguished and validated by the works that the consecrated one performs.

Does the consecrated hermit (or consecrated virgin, widow, religious, member of secular institute or society of apostolic life) perform works in accordance with God the Father?  Are the works inconsistent with the teachings and life example of Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father?  Are the works performed  inconsistent with the commandments of God--the pinnacle being to love the Lord your God with all your strength, all your mind, all your heart and soul--and to love your neighbor as yourself?

Yesterday received a short note from the spiritual father, written and mailed from far away.  Or, is it that he writes to a consecrated Catholic hermit who is far away?  There is that reality of perspective, always. And perspective, if only of self, can confuse and hinder our works.  If that perspective is of the Father, of the Son, of the Holy Spirit, then love will illuminate our works.

This hermit then called him.  It shared some of its recent thoughts as well as the physical struggles.  It shared the considerations of the temporal Catholic church--what some term the secular church--and the sorrow and concerns therein.  As in the time of Jesus and the religion of His upbringing, the temple laws had accumulated over hundreds of years.  And there were people who became intent upon these laws as well as distracted by them to the point of using them to test other people and to judge other people.  

And also, then, they used the laws as a means of meting out consequences if they decided that these other people were not living the laws according to their interpretations of the laws. And the interpretation of these laws included not only the temporal aspects but the spiritual, theological aspects, as well.

The hermit shared with the spiritual father, some of the recent considerations and being judged by others according to their interpretations of the temporal Catholic Church's laws, specifically regarding consecration of those who received calls by God and professed according to those laws, and were striving to live in accordance with the professed avowal, a life of intimacy and with determination and desire in living out a closer, purposeful following of Jesus Christ.  

The hermit made the comment that just as in Jesus' time and life, the laws have seemingly caused division and temptation for some to fall into the wrong kind of judging of others even to the point of writing that others have blasphemed, or will face the torments of hell, or that they have made false claims regarding being consecrated.

The spiritual father responded that Christianity has been lost in such cases, and that this hermit is not dealing with people acting as Christians, as followers of Jesus.  "Where is the charity?" he asked.  "What are their motives for trying to demean others and publicly detract them, and judge and declare them to not be consecrated?"

No one really has the answers to his questions.  Perhaps when and if we act like those questioning Jesus and preparing to stone Him, do not question their own motives nor have answers for themselves.  But they think they have the answers regarding others, even the Son of God.  And in honesty, we can change the pronoun to "we":  We think we have the answers regarding others.  Often enough, we slip into the similar judging.  There were many Jews ready to stone Jesus for what they judged and concluded was His blasphemy.  In their eyes and minds, He was not the one who God consecrated and sent into the world.

This nothing hermit told the spiritual father how it grieves for the problems that canon laws have obviously created in the Church today and perhaps in past centuries.  It noted the inconsistencies of interpretation, the hypocrisies, the personal conflicts that arise as a result, and the temptation to use the laws as a means to elevate oneself over others, or at minimum the distraction that the focus by some upon the laws causes in our losing the pearl of great price.  

The hermit mentioned the Catholic high school as reported in the news, of which the school administrators are requiring the girls to bring in photographs of the dresses they plan to wear to the school prom (dance) so that they may be approved.  The consequences of not wearing an approved dress is to be turned away from the dance upon arrival.  

There are obstacles that the new rule is already facing.  Parents and students alike are in division over it.  The school is merely trying to enforce the moral decency so that dresses are in keeping with a standard of modesty, in line with chastity.  But it is becoming a nightmare of strife.  The process is taking time and focus away from other aspects of education.  People are essentially picking up stones, readying to throw them at the administrators and at each other.  What if a girl takes in a photo of a dress she'd like to wear, and by the time it is approved, the store has sold the dress?  

This and several other tangible problems are popping up.  What difficulties will those trying to enforce the rule encounter, the night of the prom, trying to match photos of approved dresses with what the girls are actually wearing?  And, what if those making the decisions to approve or disapprove, in the offset have different values in judging, or from one day to the next have personally different feelings regarding what dress passes and what does not?  It can happen. We are but contrary and fallible humans.

So we see just in this example, the trouble with human laws, even if the intentions are good in wanting to stop what are or could be abuses and inconsistencies with Christian values.  But it seems, as in the larger example and "picture", that the solution resides within each of us:  Are we performing the works of God?  Are we living the commandments?  Can we or others believe in the works themselves, or are the works gone awry, counter to Jesus' teachings and life, counter to God's commandments?  In the situation above, if the parents and the girls themselves, live in accordance with God, there will not be the problem of dressing immodestly.  But the problem remains that not all who say they are following Christ, are; or they may not be following consistently or in truth, beauty, and goodness.

There has been a loss of the humble and sincere following in Christ's footsteps, of trying with each step each day and night, to place our feet into the imprints of His feet, exactly as he stepped out His life on earth.  There has been a loss of focusing on His teachings, His laws of love, obedience to God's will, of poverty to our tendency to pride and lust and selfishness, His laws of living in purity of body, mind, heart, and spirit.

Who consecrates us--any of us?  Who confirms us as Christians?  How do we know we are consecrated?  How do we know we are Christians?  

We (and others) will know by our works.  If we do not believe that God consecrates us and that God is in us and we are in God, we and others will know by our works.  Works that are in keeping with Christ's teachings and the commandments of God--and of these love is the greatest--are the proof of the fulfillment of God's laws.

Yes, they (and we) will know that we are Christians by our love, by our love....  It is God Who consecrates us, not laws, not even laws created by church leaders.  They might write out what seems to be the consensus of how hermits have lived, based upon the holy prophet eremites cited in Scripture and noted by their works, and the life-traits and spirituality of holy hermits in the past two thousand years, evidenced by performing God's works.  But it is God Who consecrates, and it His commands and His Son's life example that form the benchmark of what is the performance of God's works.

God bless His Real Presence, and may our bodies, minds, hearts and spirits be Christ-open and Christ-worthy abodes of His indwelling.  Love one another, and remain in His Love!