Catholic Hermit: Giving Up Stuff

His Real Presence leads us, it seems, thematically.  In our daily lives themes recycle until we grow through the phases, one after another.  Often, the themes recycle again and again in other levels and with varying circumstances and details.  Can we see this in each of our temporal and spiritual lives?

Today's Gospel is from Matthew 19.  The Word may be alarming to some, for it sounds severe, even extreme.

"And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters
or father or mother or children or lands
for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more,
and will inherit eternal life."

Jesus is asked, off and on, in His public ministry years what it takes to enter the Kingdom of God.  What must we do to be followers of Christ?

This past Saturday while in the mystical state during Mass, the Lord taught me a bit of "stuff" that hinders, that I must give up.  It is an answer to prayer, the showing of the particular "possession."  Coincidentally, the priest had some temporal comments to make, all fine.  But as I've explained before, when in the ecstasy, if there are temporal aspects, appropriate or not, good or not, I can recall those or recall the gist.  If it is spiritual, then there is no memory recall and simply bliss.

Of course, priests do well to include temporal examples in teaching, just as Jesus did.  The priest was making excellent points--quite brief but pithy.  With a heat wave in effect, he mentioned a priest he knew who gave a 32nd homily...or was it 30-second homily?  So a little joke there, but I could hear the priest ask if given the heat, if parishioners would prefer a 30-second homily or a longer one?

Ah, of course--the 30-second one seemed for the best under the temporal circumstances.  What the priest spoke about might have taken a bit longer, but he challenged everyone to ponder this week, just what it really means in our own, daily lives to actually follow Christ.

During his brief remarks and a bit after, into the prelude to consecration of the host and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, I noticed the ecstasy to be rather light.  I began to notice the thoughts in my mind, like bees in a bee hive buzzing about.  They were not negative thoughts--but were thoughts all the same of this person to pray for or that situation, or other extraneous tidbits and reminders.

Then I recognized the message that dovetailed with the priest's very brief message that contained much to reflect upon and apply to our lives.  The Lord was showing me how brief and succinct is God in His messages and teachings; and how many thoughts are in my mind.

You see, after the death of my will and it being replaced by God's Will, I have been praying for my thoughts, my mind, to be replaced by His Thoughts, His Mind, His Insights.  I had come to understand that my own thoughts were not so cohesive much of the time, with His Will that had replaced my will.

During Mass, the bee hive of my mind was so buzzing with thought-bees, I got the message by being shown the difference between His Thoughts and mine.  God's Thoughts are to-the-point and do not keep buzzing round and round, in and out.  My thoughts tend to do that; they can swarm sometimes!  The negative ones now are easy enough to toss out or bar entrance to my hive-mind.  But the busy-bee thoughts--even though hard at well-intentioned work--are noisy and profuse.

I had felt such a tremendous freedom once I stopped the negative thoughts over a week ago. I broke free from the prison I had allowed my mind to become--a cell of pain and hardship thoughts.  The burden of all that has been dramatically lifted!  It seemed as if there was lots of free space in my mind, in my soul!

But no, where the negative thoughts had been run out, many more neutral or even positive thoughts multiplied and filled the mental space.  How could the Lord get a Word in edgewise?  Well, His Mind could come knocking at the door of my busy bee hive-mind and find no room in the "inn".  

Thus, in my pondering as how I can follow Jesus in my daily life, and in the answer to my prayer for God's Mind to replace my mind, for His Thoughts to replace my thoughts, I must give up my thoughts, in effect.  And part of all that includes having to give up some relationships, or types of relationships, that are heavy-laden with my thoughts, not God's Thoughts.

Of course there is much we can give up--aspects of our temporal lives, of temporal "stuff" we can give up and should give up if we are to follow Christ and be fit to enter His Kingdom.  Yet also there are aspects of our souls, in all the rings or levels of our souls right into the center where is the will and the intellect, that we can give up, bit by bit or in chunk after chunk.

A little exercise I am practicing this week is to inquire of His Real Presence, Him in me and me in Him, is to ask:  Is this thought God's Thought, or is this thought my thought?  Most often at this point of the exercise, the thoughts are mine.  But increasingly my thoughts will subside, dissipate, buzz away, or drop dead of natural causes like bees who have worked themselves out of fruition....

Now, to rid out the thoughts that are not God's--I'm not sure we humans could or should completely clear out all our thoughts.  In our temporal lives, we have thoughts coming in often--and all the time if we avail ourselves to cell phones, laptops, televisions, radios, videos, movies, news, and all the i-tech gadgets that keep communications flowing.

However, we can simplify and manage the thoughts.  And we can, such as I am to do, rid out as many of my own thoughts, especially the negative and pointless ones, and begin to identify and grasp God's Thoughts.  For if He has made His Abode in us, He certainly has within His Thoughts to impart in us.  

I know this to be true, for in the night when my hive-mind is less buzzing and the bee-thoughts are at rest, God's Insights are able to make honey in my soul.  Or sometimes in the day when I am asking Him something, He answers if my hive-mind is alert and cleared enough to hear and listen.

Amazingly (as His Real Presence is amazing grace), after He showed me my busy bee thoughts swarming my hive-mind, accentuated in the mystical ecstasy during Mass--the thoughts became stilled, and throughout the Consecration and following, it was once again bliss--until the end-of Mass announcements of temporal good things, yes.  But the spiritual, the mystical aspect of Mass is bliss, is heaven on earth.

When we give up stuff in order to follow Christ and enter into His Kingdom, we increasingly climb the stairway to heaven and experience degrees of bliss in whatever manner and grace He bequeaths.  His attributes bring peace, truth, beauty, goodness, bliss and blessedness.

I'm sure there will be more stuff, material or immaterial, for me to give up in order to increasingly, fully follow Christ and enter into His Kingdom.  For now, my assignment is to discern thoughts.  

I must seek out and identify His Thoughts which will multiply when I quiet or rid out or bar busy bee thoughts.  The busy bee thoughts can be from without my  mind--busy thoughts from others in various input modalities.  Yet I can shut the windows and doors of my mind-hive to the extraneous and unnecessary.  Just as I was, others might be surprised by how many thoughts are swarming our minds, taking up space that otherwise could be available to God's Thoughts, God's Insights, His Wisdom.

Of course, we must emphasize that giving up stuff is done for one ideal, one purpose, One Lord: Jesus Christ!  We are giving up our "possessions", that which possesses us, for His name's sake.

This is work; it takes some desire and effort.  Cleaning a house is far easier, but ridding my bee hive mind of my buzzing thoughts is going to be fruitful and increasingly freeing in a fruitful way.  Within I will find the honey of God's Mind, sweetening my soul--the effects of which can be shared with others in nuanced ways.  I have no idea exactly how, but we will find out!

I do know this:  God's Thoughts are not busy nor buzzing.  They are succinct, clear, pure, not worrisome nor repetitive, not possessive but freeing and quiet.

God bless His Real Presence in us--our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits!  Yes, I pray for His Real Presence to find plenty of room in the inn of our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.

Catholic Hermit's Field-Breaking

Well, just a note of reality therapy from this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit to any readers who read the previous post.  I got myself all worked up and enthused by the big boot-kick the Lord delivered through His Thoughts given centuries ago to Hosea the Prophet.

And then I got off the mattress and walked around, went outside, even, to see if the 1/2" cove molding I'd purchased to finish building out the trim around the French doors would work, to find it does not.  Plus, the trim I re-installed after switching out the slider for French doors, looks "off" because rather than trying to trim the siding that has to remain installed, I trimmed the trim wood to fit within where the concrete board siding had been.  So now the trim around the doors is not even.  It is off a bit, and of course my eye notices it easily.  Perhaps others will not especially when it is painted.

But the 1/2" cove does not fit properly to finish off the building out of trim.  The old farmhouse hermitage has 2x4" exterior wall construction, and the new, classy French doors I got from Craig at the lumber yard on a steal-deal, are the newer 2x6" exterior construction.  Thus I have to build out a bit of trim around the doorway.  Hmm.  I may have to rip some trim on the table saw, or use some other trim I have, but that might look odd given the fact that the rough side of the trim white board is up, not the smooth side, and all other trim I have on hand is smooth.

But what is the main glitch to this morning's desire to cooperate with the Lord's boot-kick of breaking up a new field for myself, at least physically to get into work mode again, is the awful headache, the right shoulder pain flaring from the two past shoulder surgeries, the right thumb at base by palm flaring up from drill-whip injury last December, and the low back radiating over to the liver area causing sickening pain, not to forget the pain down the legs and the feet as if on fire.

So today the breaking up the new field very much includes attitude and mind-set.  I am sure this is all intentional by the Lord--His Mind trying to get my mind out of the way so that He can replace my thoughts with His.  Breaking up new ground is not so easy if the mind is not His or at least if our own thoughts are not sublimating to His Thoughts.

And His Thoughts are always on that which is holy even if very much involving temporal details.  His Thoughts are always steeped with love and mercy.  So it is with mercy that the Lord Thinks, and I must get back up off this beckoning mattress and dig up some other trim options, something less than 1/2" and either small enough that smooth finish will not be so noticeable.

There are always options, and if the physical pain becomes too intrusive, then it is that the Lord's Mind Thinks this suffering servant ought to turn to simmering the neighbors proffered apples with some rhubarb from the gardens.  Break up that field--a far less physically demanding task.  The main Thought from the Lord is no doubt, today with the body as it is, that this hermit can also be sowing justice and reaping fruits of piety.  I can proceed in those aspects, yes.

Smile and laugh therapy time is at hand, also, in living out the Order of the Present Moment at Te Deum Hermitage!  Boot-kick the field-breaking in some interesting fashion or other!  Just wanted to share that while words expressed can sometimes make it seem easy, the reality can be challenging.  Breaking up a new field for ourselves takes spiritual effort and lots better if we remember Jesus is bearing the yoke with us.

Catholic Hermit on Spiritual Counsel

I do not tout myself as a spiritual director, nor do I seek any such titles or services.  However, the good Lord tends to bring some souls to this consecrated Catholic hermit, back-sliding and tired and pained as I am.

There must be something to be thankful for in many life experiences of the challenging sort, and to be a most imperfect human specimen in various aspects, not just bodily.  For one thing, the more I realize that my ideas and thoughts are so slipshod and vulnerable, the more I beseech His Real Presence to replace my mind with His Mind.

I am most grateful for the death of my will nearly three months ago, but the more I muddle along in this life, the more I recognize that my thoughts need to go.  I truly need God's Mind--His Thoughts, His Ideas, His Insights, His Wisdom--to replace my inept-yet-sincere mind.

Still, some persons contact me from time to time with questions, asking for counsel and prayers.  One considers herself to be a spiritual daughter; I always emphasize with these souls that we are spiritual friends, spiritual cohorts in our striving in the spiritual life while clumping through the temporal realm.  We are pilgrims who happen to be in the same world at the same time with the same challenges even if they come in differing circumstances.

The 55 coursework hours in a masters-doctoral clinical psych degree has been invaluable in many ways, to store in my mental quiver.  Far more helpful have been the numerous calamities and missteps from which I have learned numerous lessons along the way.  In the practicum part of the degree program along with internship hours counseling clients, I took to heart the admonition to not let others become dependent nor attached.

If there is not progress in six weeks, or in complex cases six months, in counseling a patient and various modalities and approaches have been utilized, then it is the professional's obligation to suggest a different psychologist.  I stand by this standard even though many PsychD's do not.  I also emphasize "progress," for even a modicum of progress is progress.

But definitely after a client has not responded nor has made breakthroughs for some time, a professional should have the concern and caring to recommend some other professional.  I stick to this guideline in spiritual guidance, as well.  (I do admit that I did not utilize it a few times when with spiritual directors, all priests and one bishop, that I should have moved on when there was not progress.  However, I also considered that at times the challenges and frustrations with some of these included some spiritual growth just in the interaction with the director!)

That I do not allow people to become dependent upon me, is perhaps my main point.  It is not helpful to them and is not good for me.  Why spin our wheels or get stuck even if it is spiritual sand?

Part of the issues can come when one is not a priest regardless of being an eremitic, professed and living one's vows in the consecrated life of the Church.  The one seeking spiritual counsel spends time and effort with the hermit, and the hermit spends time and effort in discussing or corresponding, but the counseled does not trust that what is offered is of benefit.

Some people feel they need the counsel of one with a title and position, wearing a habit or having some external sign of ordination, for example.  Of course, not all those wearing habits or holding titles such as priest or bishop or who have been through seminary or religious order formation, have current spiritual sense or the ability to counsel others.

I tend to seek the counsel of a priest or bishop for direction, myself.  But I'd not be opposed to being advised by someone in the consecrated life of the Church or anyone who by life example shows fruit of living by the Spirit.  I have not often found others to be adept with background in my spiritual life particularly in the areas of suffering, mystic, and consecrated eremite (hermit).  Add that I am a convert of many years but prior had lived in the world as parent, spouse, student, employee.  I do have spiritual friends who are marvelous in praying and in giving me wise counsel on temporal and spiritual issues from time to time.

I have not found many priests or bishops to be adept in spiritual direction with lived experience of mystical and eremitic life or who have a deep, spiritual, "electric" connection--as I say, have both or all three prongs in the socket of the spiritual life.  Not many these days have read, for example, Tanquerey or indepth studies of mystics, mysticism, or books of the great spiritual writers of the centuries.  

Not many priests have had training in spiritual direction or counseling beyond, perhaps, a course or two in seminary.  They are laden with many administrative and financial responsibilities in running parishes or dioceses.  Order priests and religious can tend to have more training and personal spiritual gifts in the area of spiritual life, of spiritual direction, or so has been my experience.

I was fortunate to have met a very holy priest of many years when I first converted to Catholicism nearly 22 years ago.  At the time I was being directed by a mercurial priest suffering from ineffective recovery from alcoholism.  He no longer drank, but he had the residual temperament of a dry drunk and became quite threatened by my presence in the parish and envious of my mystical experiences, which of course, I could not stop from occurring.

I also have been fortunate to have met an order priest from another country and continent who is adept in the spiritual life and lives an incredibly rich, spiritual, faithful life, himself.  Distance and internet service malfunctions hinder much communication, but the prayers and occasional messages suffice.  Much is up to ourselves, frankly, to remain very much in soul school all our lives as well as to keep a life of prayer--of conversation with God--breathing, seeking, loving, thriving incessantly.

But as a hermit of whom God has blessed with whomever in my life, there are a handful of persons who contact me for spiritual counsel.  The number is static, increasing, decreasing, persons coming in and out of communication.

One young man is already well on his way, moving toward a vocation after having ceased some experimentation and rebelling against God.  He had contacted me for help with dream interpretation, and once a few were pin-pointed, he had his answers, all made sense, and he no longer needs to be in contact unless he wishes to update me on his marvelous next steps into a monastery.  There, others will continue to guide him, and he in turn will have others later on, to guide spiritually.  In fact, some of his dreams and our correspondence have helped me grow spiritually.

That is always a truth in successful counseling whether it be in the realm of psychology or spiritual direction (although I think all ought to come under the auspices of spiritual direction, for the spiritual undergirds all else in our existences).  The one guiding is often blessed equally or more with insights from the exchange of prayer, study, thoughts and issues shared between director and directed.

The other day I had an email from a spiritual friend.  It regarded some temporal issues, and it touched upon some aspects that have been hindering this person for a couple years.  The person did not expect, no doubt, what would be my response.  Perhaps I can be thankful for more than average pain when I responded, for I was blunt and direct on blasting at the temporal mentality toward, in this case, medications and obvious payment for necessary doctor visits.

Pride can eat at us when we let it, to an extreme in medical issues.  Some can become paranoid about conspiracy theories that the pharmaceutical industry and government are trying to intentionally poison us or cause us to be dependent upon various medications--that antibiotics are an evil, or inoculations against certain diseases are wrong.  Some may think they don't have the money to pay for medical treatment or tests when they have insurance coverage and are working full time, dining out, taking trips, mortgage paid off,  and so forth.

This is simply erroneous thinking, self-deception, pride in thinking the home-made remedies are superior and that somehow we do not need the assistance of medical professionals who have years of temporal training and knowledge on various aspects of the human body and ailments.

So I had little sympathy when I received the email.  I bluntly responded, laying out the realities and facts, and that we need to knock off our deceptions and be thankful that we have the intelligence to know what we need when we need it, and that includes medical help that requires us to justly pay the person and services who provide the help and beneficial results.  We sometimes need antibiotics or else must suffer, live out the consequences, or die in the aftermath.

I do not have a lot of tolerance for going over and over temporal aspects or issues when the path is rather obvious--especially if we are older and along our way also in the spiritual life.  I reminded this spiritual friend of the facts, and I also apologized if my words seemed harsh or too blunt.  But frustration sometimes is a good thing; and honesty is the best policy.  I always include myself in any chiding, for always I can see in myself various examples of like-kind obtuseness at some points in my life even if not of the same topic.

Another person emailed of an issue going on in personal life, within the spousal relationship as well as with a friend's relationship.  I was very direct--again blunt--in my response to that as well.  I have lived out enough mistakes and hardships in various aspects of the temporal life as well as the spiritual, and it just seems quite clear--usually, again, the self-deception that we get into, even if very much by the devil delighting in fogging our judgment and perspective.

I have come to a point, perhaps due to age and pain level and a sense of not wanting to spin my wheels more than I already have in my spiritual mission, that I lay out the raw truths as they come to me.  I do pray that what is pointed out are God's insights or that if mine, wrought from lived experience and life lessons.  I no longer care if the person decides to close their laptops and depart the correspondence, or decide not to call again.

Always in whatever counsel anyone asks of me, I try to steer us both or all into the spiritual, into Scripture, into truths of God and eternal life.  The concern needs to be for our souls and others' souls.  All the flim-flam of temporal distractions can be dealt with fairly simply, even if they are what seem to entangle our minds and emotions, our earth time and efforts.

We simply must be alert to that reality and not let these "things" and "hang ups", these niggling situations, distract and knit us into circuitous wads of turmoil.  I know that for myself, I look back and appreciate those persons in my life, including a doctor gifted in the paranormal, and the two priests so adept, who had the wherewithal to be direct and cut through my own "mustard" that I'd earnestly try to slather over the hot-dogs-and-buns I'd get myself into.

However, sometimes the assessment or direction can be incorrect.  We need to discern if that is so, all the time knowing that even if not quite correct or is distorted, there may be some kernel of truth or some splinter from which we can learn, regardless.  But in most cases when the counsel is "off" even a little, we should seek someone other to give us counsel.

Above all, the best of direction will occur the more we develop our relationship with Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit.  When our wills die and His takes over, when our minds are replaced by His Mind, when our emotions and understanding and images and outer senses are honed and united in His, to His abiding in our souls with increasing fullness and omnipotence, the more we are crushed and fall to the earth, are buried and die in order to have new life--the better will be the perfection of God's directing our souls.

In the meantime, I am increasingly blunt and direct when it comes to temporal aspects, especially if the person seeking my counsel seems stuck in temporal issues or is daftly self-deceived.  I would want the same for myself.  I admit to some regrets in instances when others did not risk enough to lower the beam on me, or were timid in speaking up when I was about to temporally err and thus, of course, do both temporal and spiritual damage to all the layers and levels of life and to my immortal soul.

Recently I've been reminded of the great responsibility I have as a consecrated Catholic hermit. I need to keep up with the spiritual reading, particularly those old tomes that are written by the greatest of souls who directed successfully many souls into union with God.  I need to keep reading of the lives and deaths of holy men and women who continue to affect our souls here on earth from the other side of the veil.

I also have a responsibility to be quite direct and not waste God's time, others' time, nor the time He has given me here on earth, when it comes to spiritual counsel requested of me.  As a hermit, it is easy enough to not get myself entangled in others' lives.  I must respect the boundaries God enforces when I do not--to live in the silence of solitude, hidden from the eyes of men, in prayer and praise of God, in helping to work out my salvation and the salvation of others through, with, and in His Real Presence.

Those souls who come to me or God brings to me, whether people I know or people who encounter me online and get into contact, or whether those who I am taken to in spirit in bi-location experiences with certain assignments given in each circumstance--these are the souls to whom I am responsible to counsel directly, efficiently, prayerfully.  I must not hold back for fear of offending when spelling out some danger or misstep that I am shown, or in calling out some self-deception or foolishness.  We all are culpable, after all, even if sincerely well-intentioned.

It is the least I can do, to communicate forthrightly, without mincing words.  It is not about me.  Nor should it matter if the person/s ever speak to me again or if they desire counsel at all, for it is not a matter of being in the business of spiritually directing.  Some persons, even lay people, enter "spiritual direction programs" for a certificate and then set up quasi-practices and expect a fee or gratuity.  As a consecrated Catholic hermit, I feel it is my way to follow Jesus' way.  Freely given, freely give.

Life as a Christian is all about loving God above all things (even the delight of spiritual friends) and loving others as Jesus loves us.  When I ponder the Gospels, specifically the admonitions of Jesus, we have in Him an excellent mentor in how to verbalize and instruct as well as how to confront and chastise if need be.  We need this for ourselves, as well.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children all.  Let us die to ourselves and be filled with Him as if we are new wine skins ready for His fullness of Light, Love, and Life.

Catholic Hermit Delights in "Live by the Spirit"

From today's second Scripture reading from Mass, we have this truth:

"I say, then: live by the Spirit
and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh.
For the flesh has desires against the Spirit,
and the Spirit against the flesh;
these are opposed to each other, 
so that you may not do what you want,
But if you are guided by the Spirit, you are not under the law."

These Living Words delight this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit!  They are sheer truth, and the recent death of my will is a marvelous assist in living by the Spirit.

However, my own thoughts, notions, ideas, intellect--oh, how my mind needs to be replaced by God's Mind.  For, my own intellect stirs ideas and notions--even if not "bad"--do frustrate and work against His Will.  God's Will is in union with the Spirit, of course.  His Will is the Spirit's and the Spirit's His.

So it comes to the point that my ideas and thoughts can essentially and do--oppose what God's Ideas and Thoughts are, in deed and in truth.  My own ideas can seem perfectly all right, such as thinking I should try to get Raphael to come and help finish this hermitage, so that I can sell and be out from under the on-going work load and financial constraints, in order to focus more on spiritual writing, simplifying, solidifying.

Yet when I live by the Spirit, when His Will has replaced my own will, which it did the Wednesday after Easter last, my thoughts and ideas, good and reasonable as they may seem, are not going to be realized if not His Thoughts and Ideas.

Even my spiritual director's thoughts and ideas, so bluntly and even unexpectedly humorously stated, are not so easily accomplished if at all, without some manual labor help or a miracle.  "Get the damn house done and get to your writing!"  my spiritual father wrote a couple weeks ago.  

Well, yes, I want to!  In fact, there was a health consideration that was looking to be very serious, and my mind generated thoughts accordingly, and made calls to empty out the last of the coffers, to sell off stuff, to hire Raphael to come and finish the place, to hire the neighbor boy to assist in what time I might have remaining to do so.

But, no, these were not God's Thoughts and Ideas--not His Mind.  Raphael was to come last Monday noon.  He never came; he's not responded over the ensuing days to four phone messages.  A Lowe's cabinet employee made yet another error and ordered the wrong kitchen base cabinet.  The installer had to leave for he could not proceed.  Who knows how long it will be before he can return--perhaps a few weeks after the correct cabinet comes in at least a couple or three weeks from now.

So I can't even finish the kitchen--probably not until some time in August.  For then once the installer has a free spot in his busy schedule and cabinets installed, then we wait for the countertop measurer, then we wait for the countertops.  In the meantime, there is no sink.  Yes, I'm most thankful for a bathtub at this point, although it is painful on the back and the increased area of pain and potential difficulty, leaning over to wash a bowl and a spoon in the tub.

The way in which my mind was so sure, given a trip to ER by the EMS a couple weeks ago due to horrific pain, that God was preparing to take me out of this temporal realm, had to face it that my mind was not in syncopation with God's Mind.  God's Will is in me, yes.  But His Mind has not yet replaced mine, obviously.  And in a similar way in which the flesh can be opposed to the Spirit, our own minds, our intellects, can be opposed to God's Mind and Intellect--His Omniscience.  

So in similar effect as when our flesh opposes the Spirit and we cannot do what we want, if our minds and thoughts, our intellects are not His Mind, His Thoughts, His Intellect--we will not be in cohesion in powerful union of His Mind and Will.  Again, the will and the intellect take center position within our souls.  When God's Will replaces our wills, and His Mind replaces our minds, we can grasp how the effect can be--what power in prayer and action, in interactions and in beingness results!

The other statement of the above Scripture that is so delightfully significant and invaluable is that if we are guided by the Spirit, we are not under the law.

Duh, as teenagers used to say when something is obvious.  If our wills and our minds are replaced by God's Will and His Mind, we are totally living in the Spirit.  His Will reigns; our ideas and thoughts no longer oppose His Ideas and Thoughts for His Mind has replaced our intellects.

We no longer are under the law.

This is significant because it places us so in the Spirit, in the center of God's "Soul", so to speak, that we will not be needing the law of minds.  We will do and think and speak in the Spirit, from the center of God's Will and His Mind.  Rules of minds of mankind, good as they can be, and helpful, are superseded by the existence in the Spirit.

All the more, the formulas and all the details of ways of doing and the laws of Church traditions and concern over this interpretation of this or that canon, or the need for some to criticize others who they think are not living in accordance with this or that law of mortal minds, no matter how inspired the minds may be--not necessary when God's Will and God's Mind have replaced ours.  We then live by the Spirit.

Praying for our will to die and God's Will be in us, and to then beseech the Lord to replace our intellects with His Mind--so important!  Even if our wills have died, and His will is in us--that is a major grace and worth all the suffering leading up to the death of our own wills.  Having yet our own thoughts and ideas, then, are irritating and oppositional to what would otherwise be supreme flow of God's Mind and His Will informing and guiding us.  

In my case, the only glitch in this latest episode of temporal life has been that my thoughts were excitedly geared to the surreal aspect of impending physical death.  It has been a marvelous experience, and perhaps some sort of test by His Real Presence.  For what I thought and even what a CT Scan indicated and ER and primary care physicians thought, ended up not being the reality.  The PET Scan results were normal.  Liver lesions, nodules and lung lining nodule evidently benign.

And I faced yesterday and today the immense disappointment of not, at least by that type of illness and death, to be soon on my way to the other side.  Once more, I am realizing that God's Mind has not yet replaced my mind, even in the bit of resentment and frustration now, of having to deal with another area of increased pain.  

Ought I try to find out if the tear in the upper quadrant of liver will heal on its own, or if somehow was it a misread scan, or if this higher level pain in the liver region is from the always-painful back?  Perhaps it is radiating pain, and that causes the pain to then locate in liver region, and then radiate to the intestines, causing all kinds of painful distending, debilitating the body with distracting--pain!

Another option, of course, in praying for God's Mind to replace ours (or mine, anyway), is to practice cooperating.  Maybe just not seek answers as to why the one scan showed a splayed and frayed upper liver quadrant, as the ER doctor described?  Let God's Mind give whatever answers if any needed.  I suppose none are.  The Will of God and Mind of God working in union with the Son and the Spirit, really do not need to tell me information of some bodily ailment, one way or another.

Just live by the Spirit in the Order of the Present Moment.  My own ideas were to find out what was wrong, and of course the doctors said I must be referred for a Pet Scan and lung nodule specialist to deal with the lung as more sizable a nodule and the liver to be dealt with later.  We live among others who are more under the law and not living by the Spirit, and that also can encourage the opposition that we may be praying for in desiring our minds to be replaced by God's Mind.

God's Mind does not think as our minds do.  God's Mind was not running off in all directions, excitedly planning a huge end-of-life sale, of trying to hire people to help finish the work quickly, in figuring out where to go to die, in thinking of how to "get to my writing" and deciding perhaps doing videos to share aspects of my mystical life and insights of His Real Presence to anyone, if anyone, who might wish to read or watch.

God's Mind was putting me through an exercise, dramatically showing me how I have a ways to go to let loose my mind, my thoughts, my ideas, my interpretations, my living under the law, and how it is to live by the Spirit.  A mystic-hermit-parent (what I wanted on my tombstone) would not be thinking of such details, making such plans.  Rather, God's Mind would be simply listening and then returning to do what it could do, in the present moment, and letting God's Will and God's Mind cooperatively unfold whatever changes, if any.

And God's Mind, such as today, would not be kind of put out, teed off, with the "thought" of having to remain in such major manual labor work-mode, here, and with having to assimilate more and more bodily pain, and being rather tired out between work and pain, to "get to the spiritual writing!".  God's Mind would be accepting of the Order of the Present Moment and not even be put out with the disappointment of staying in the temporal for who-knows-how long.

It is all right.  I had at one point exclaimed within, "Cruel!  Cruel!"  But it is all right that I am not soon to have my mystical marriage consummated with physical death, not yet.  This is a significant lesson learned, that if I want God's Mind instead of my bungling thoughts and ideas, or even those of others in the world, I must relinquish my mind fully.  And I must live by the Spirit in the Order of the Present Moment, even to the point of perhaps not pursuing anything more about the liver's splaying and fraying area.  No need to think on it with my mind.

God's Mind can do all the thinking for us.  And until we let His Mind do so, we will not be living by the Spirit, not fully.  Our thoughts will off and on, without notice, be in opposition at times, with His Mind--even if His Will has already replaced our wills.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love God above all things and one another as Jesus loves us.  Pray that His Will and His Mind replace ours, as that will assist us so much in living by the Spirit Who is Love, and no longer under the law of minds.

Catholic Hermit Remains in Suffering, Praise

Well, I had hoped by today to better able stand, walk about, even get the mulch off the truck.

There is some progress, slight.  I was able to gingerly creep outside--more guardedly than perhaps gingerly--and I was able to bend over and hook up two soaker hoses and turn on the spigots.  Now am back on the mattress using ice pack.

A woman who--turns out--lives not far from this hermit's hermitage, advertised on an area internet site that she has much PVC piping available; she had used it for many berry bushes.  Ah!  One of my needed tasks--past due--is to get bird netting over the blueberry bushes as well as spread out over strawberry patches of which birds and critters are already helping themselves to the first fruits.

I called, and the woman is holding the PVC for me until Wednesday.  I was sure that I could be up and about by today, empty the truck of mulch, and drive to pick up the piping.  But alas, no.  The Lord has me stilled for longer than I thought would be.  His will reigns and rules now.  My thoughts yet are not replaced by His thoughts, though.  Not nearly enough but are a bit.  And that bit of His Mind replacing whatever of my thoughts, is a blessing!

Thus, my mind can recall previous times of despair when some physical ailment would fell me to the mattress.  I would begin to fret over how I would get more done here, how I would exist, how I would progress or even be able to leave if necessary.  But now, the thoughts view those old ways of thinking, yet my thoughts do not traverse those frets.

I simply wait in the silence of solitude, of suffering.

There is news of the family member cycling solo in Europe.  Much rain had him soaked as he biked through French countryside.  He ended up needing to stop for the night but had difficulty finding lodging.  Finally a tourist office employee who happened to be open (France observes four-day work week fairly seriously) made many phone calls to locate a Bed-and-Breakfast in a nearby village.  It is aptly called:  The Pilgrim.

Many prayers are being offered for the bicycling pilgrim from various others as well as this debilitated, consecrated, Catholic hermit.

A friend from a couple thousand miles away called this morning and reported on her now full-time health care of husband in ill health.  Finances are tough for them--extremely so.  She is trying to get mortgage remodification and debt consolidation and is swamped with necessary paperwork.  She also has researched various online forums for alternative, simple treatments that might help her husband's lung problems, immune system, and overall well-being.

As for my severe muscle or rib pain issues, currently, she thought surely I should go to the doctor.  Well, there is no way I could possibly suffer through getting dressed, into the truck, and drive anywhere at this point.  And there is really no need.  By and by, the pain will lesson, whatever is aggravated will simmer down and heal.

She suggested perhaps there is some linkage of this physical derailment and the strange events of last week's bi-location and ensuing discovery that the family member is on this--what I will now term--pilgrimage of seeking to find whatever is there to be found.  Yes, I'd considered there might be a connection, that somehow the Lord has allowed the rather bizarre flare up somewhere between pitchforking a bit of light-weight mulch into a wheelbarrow and dumping and spreading the mulch over a small area of landscape fabric, between fence and some soft Boxwood shrubs.

Whatever, I am laid out on this cross now, and will climb down from it briefly to change the soaker hoses if the pain level allows.  Otherwise, I will turn off the spigots and return to the cross of physically limiting pain, the mattress that so much of my life is lived out upon, and will praise God for yet another phone call from someone making some important decisions on major purchases for home as well as the email message from a spiritual friend reporting some crucially disappointing news but also asserting her courage in going forth with what will be painful medical procedures.

God provides!  He gives us answers always.  His will be done, not ours.  And I am certain that He also will replace this hermit's mind with His Mind, bit by bit, for I have need of His Wisdom and Thoughts, His Ideas and Insights.  Mine are sluggish, uncooperative with His will, blurred and foggy in vision compared to His View.

The Living Word has been uplifting, as usual.  The other day Jesus spoke about by whose authority, for he was asked that, accused, really, by those who felt He did not have the authority to be saying what He spoke.  It is all very good and reminds me of some temporal aspects in which some might get caught up in similar criticism, questioning if this or that one has authority for this or that.  It is all rather silly, and Jesus makes it quite clear, the issue of authority and Whose authority authorizes.

We really do not need to get too worked up over much of much.  Other than...

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Let us love God above all things and one another as Jesus loves us!  

Catholic Hermit on Effects of Death of Will

Today marks seven weeks since the death of this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's will.  It is one of the many spiritual experiences that a soul never forgets.  

In recap, the death of our wills comes as a result of praying for such.  We may not even realize we are asking the Lord to take our wills and replace them with His will.  But we do so every time we pray the Lord's Prayer, or we ask Him to do His will in us, or we read His Living Word and consider that we'd like to follow Him, be in union with Him, be in Heaven with Him for all eternity.

In order for God's will to be done in us on earth as it is in Heaven, our will must die.  Yes, it must die just as Jesus explained the seed must fall to the ground, be crushed and die in order for new life to occur.  In order for us to have union with God, fully, all aspects of our free wills, of our everything, must be replaced by all that is God.

This is the summation of our divine desires, whether or not we consciously consider them, or pray for them now or in the past, or have known of such possibility and desire.  Judgment will bring the desire for Divine Union to the fore.  We will know and have opportunity to desire or not, union with God for eternity.

In our lives, then, the process of dying to our own wills can begin early on.  For most souls, it seems the process is gradual, nearly imperceptible other than those key moments and phases in which suffering brings lessons of death in ways that allow our wills to die to self in bits and pieces, and sometimes in larger chunks.

So it was that seven weeks ago, following three months of intense physical suffering as well as emotional deaths, this hermit's will died.

I did not realize that was what was occurring.  I chalked it off to severe and prolonged physical pain, or to a rough patch with family members and adaptation to loss therein.  Yet neither the physical pain (which has been my constant companion to varying intensities for nearly 32 years) nor the obviously God-willed job change and move of family were that unusual or different to cause such a death within--a death that has never been experienced to this degree.

When I realized that Wednesday morning after Easter that I no longer had the will to do, think--to be--anything and made not by my will a single phone call to someone I'd not spoken with in a couple of years and had not seen for 26 years, the effect was nil.  I then, not by my will but some force other, got off the mattress, walked outside, and started weeding--the first physical action possible as the bodily pain had been unusually severe.  As soon as I pulled a couple weeds, God spoke.

"Your will has died."

With that Word, insights tumbled into thoughts, and I recognized the weight of death lifting, the emptiness of nothingness being dispelled.  I was reminded of the physical death experience years ago in a hospital recovery room.  What did I think death would be?  It is so easy!  There is so much pain, and then no pain--just joy, laughter!  All emotions and thoughts, memory, understanding, intellect--all goes with us, leaving the heavy-laden, suffering body behind.

So it was with the death of my will.  What did I think it would be--as if fairy dust sprinkled on me some night, and I'd awaken in the morning without my will and God's Will instead?  I laughed with this thought; of course, the death of the will would be like the death of our bodies--more gradual usually, bit by bit dying, and also some time of intense suffering until death comes as a relief after we have reached a point in which we desire the relief of what had become seemingly endless agony.

Relief!  And over the past seven weeks since the death of my will, I have noticed the effects.  I guess I had not expected any effects since I've not had such a major death of will.  (My will had died in little bits, now and then, imperceptibly so other than a few bigger chunks lopped off from time to time.  And even now, I do not know for sure that all of my will has died; but I figure it to be thus.  The Lord did say, "Your will has died."  Unless He knew I could not handle if there was yet more will to die, I will take Him at His Word.)

The effects of death of the will, from what I know of personal experience, seem to thus far be a total change in how I react.  I no longer react the way I used to react--the way I reacted to persons, thoughts, words, situations all my life--up to the death of my will.  I was going to write of the effects with specific examples within the first week or so; but then I decided to wait longer.  What if this reflected a temporary effect?

I suppose it still could be, as seven weeks is not long--yet long enough for plenty of situations to occur of substantive crisis to test my reactions.  And in each incident, each situation, I simply do not react as I used to react.  There is not the stress nor strain, there is not the fear or tears, there is not the worry of unknowns.

A long-time friend emailed that it was probably just detachment.  No, it is different from detachment, for there is sense perception, emotion, thoughts, imagination, memory, understanding, and intellect.  None of these are dulled or nulled; yet they are different, they react differently.  It is not my will, that I can tell you.  My will is not like this will that reacts now with equanimity of spirit, with faith, with hope, with love, with freedom and truth.  This will reacts even with laughter--not warped or inappropriate laughter, but with laughter that is sensible, solid laughter mostly without sound emitted.

I suppose we might call it joy.

But it is not always "happy" joy.  The effect of death of my will is that of a serenity in all things.  I am reminded that "serenity" is the 9th "S" of the platform of my rule of life--the rule of life that is the perfect rule of life for all of us: The Gospel Rule.  (Earlier on in my hermit vocation I mistook the 9 S's as being the rule of my hermit life until the Holy Spirit showed me that the Gospel Rule is indeed the perfect rule, the only rule worthy of total adherence, and the 9 S', though, making up a means or platform by which to consider living the Gospel Rule of Life.)

So, the death of my will and it's being replaced by God's will has totally altered the way I react to anything from what would be serious upsets and misunderstandings to slipping and sliding on the pole barn roof yesterday--not once but twice, and a third time one foot sliding out from under causing a full front-to-back splits.  (Am on the mattress today, fairly banged up!)  Other examples of altered reaction--replaced reaction--include no concern at all with what could be dire financial news or the near-miss hospitalization form sepsis poisoning, or simply how the major, overwhelming work load in this hermitage used to affect me. 

 I can even try to consider relationships of the past--memories that used to bring tears and regrets.  The emotions and thoughts can still dip into the past, but there is nothing but serenity, equanimity of spirit, peace, lots of understanding.  God's will remains simply in the present moment yet with faith and hope and love for what is ahead...without going very far ahead.

The only time there has been weeping came in a phone call one morning when the physical pain was at high level; tears flow when the pain is at high tide.

Another effect of the death and replacement of my will with God's Will, has been the insights that have come increasingly ever since that Wednesday morning after Easter.  It seemed at first to be during times of manual labor when the mind would be "away" from the physical pain of body more easily.  Insights would come--thoughts of someone who I'd find out later had been thinking of me at the same time, those who I'd not had contact with for months or years.  Insights would come regarding some message or good to relate or offer someone, or also very much insights for my own good and spiritual growth.

Perhaps as a "type" of insight, bi-locating incidents began to occur with more frequency and ease, yet still totally unexpected, unasked for, and still nothing that I consider from my own old will that would be particularly necessary or desirable.  (I've had bi-location experiences off and on for decades, but only came to grasp what it was after I converted to Catholicism and became familiar with the term and of others describing or having their bi-location experiences described in books.)

But with God's will having replaced my will, the bi-locating--still unexpected when it does occur and typically at night when not needing to focus on not falling off a pole barn metal roof!--is productive, purposeful, and simple.  It would not matter, even, to mention this aspect other than to note the effect from the death of my will and God's replacing it with His will.  (And I will write a bit more on this subject in a later post, as it might be of usefulness to some, as these things are not necessarily unique to just a few but are potential goods for others, to accomplish works of the Spirit, God-willed, of course.)

And yet another effect of the death of my will has been that it is increasingly obvious that my intellect is still very much in me, in rather primary position to the now-His-will in my soul.  And my intellect continues to get in the way, at times, of His will. (Here, again, in the night when my intellect is more at rest, His will can utilize my soul to be taken in Spirit on assignments to help others, according to His will.)

My intellect, thus, impedes His will in some instances, or does not "read" situations accurately for my intellect--my ideas, thoughts, mind--can confuse His insights with my ideas, and my ideas as being His insights.  So I have started to pray earnestly and with great faith that God take my intellect, have it die, and replace it with His Mind, His Thoughts only, His Ideas, His Insights.  All God's--that is what the intellect can be--and eventually must be if Divine Union is ever to occur.

Purgatory is part of that process, but why not avail ourselves of it yet in this life?  Since the death of my will, I now am aware of how cumbersome are my thoughts and ideas, is my own intellect, how impatient and also mistaken can be my thoughts.  Increasingly I am learning to discern and differentiate what are His Insights and what are my ideas and thoughts.  That is a start, at least.

I do trial and error sometimes.  For example, if I get an idea of something that comes to mind, and it might be for someone other, I will go ahead and share the idea.  It can come down to subtle discernment and paying attention to little mental nudges.  One morning my quite elderly aunt came to mind.  The thought was to call her.  Then popped in the thought of some Manuka honey that someone other had emailed me about a few days earlier.  Now, why did that unusual type of honey come to mind upon the heels of the nudge to call my aunt?  Was it that the Manuka honey might help her digestive ailments and overall energy, as she has been ailing for awhile now?

I called the aunt and in conversation mentioned I would like to send her a small jar of this special honey made by bees in New Zealand.  While on the phone, I looked on my laptop and read off to her the benefits that are found in test studies.  Among other good effects, it helps digestive tract balance and over all energy, plus helps build immunity to bacteria and viruses.  She was interested in trying the honey and will report back if it helps her or not.  Now, I did not mention that I am testing out for myself if this is an insight from God's Mind through His will in me, or if it was some thought from my own intellect.  Before long, there may be an answer for both of us.

Another insight came while weeding, and it seemed profoundly an insight, for the message was strong and powerful in ways good for the soul.  It had to do with a cousin and her mother.  I did not want to share the insight right away mainly because my own intellect knew that my cousin might not like hearing the insight. Yet the insight stayed with me in my mind.  I since know this to be an insight from God's Mind as it did stay with me, and eventually my cousin called to chat.

So I told her of the insight, and she seemed to listen that day, although there was some rebuttal.  Yet it did seem to hit home.  And, this effect was as similar insights from God have had in the past:  I felt totally freed once I told her the insight, the message.  But the next day the cousin called back.  She was at that point rejecting the insight.  So I wondered again, with my own intellect, if this was an insight from God's Mind or just some idea that I had in my intellect, my mind?

But no, it came again that this was an insight from God's Mind.  I was quickly able to benefit by it myself, for the good of my own soul with great effect.

I do plan to also write about the particular insight the Lord's Mind gave, that so cooperated with His will that is in me, on a future blog post.  But for this post, I wanted to re-summarize the actual event of the death of the will and then also give the three or so effects thus far, that the death of the will has caused in my reactions and daily life.  And also how the death of the will then leads to the desire and need for our intellects to die and be replaced with God's Intellect, with His Mind, His Insights, etc.

I also desire to share an incident in which I had what I thought to be an insight from God regarding a friend and her husband, particularly for the husband who has been suffering for a long time with serious health issues, and his spirit lately has wavered and weakened into despair.  This incident for a future post demonstrates how sharing with them the death of the will affected his life with an effect that occurred shortly after he asked the Lord a key question about his will.

More later, dear readers.  This body-bruised old hermit is going to rise and try to dress, and do some little manual labor task around the hermitage.  Praise God in all things.  Praising God is of God's will, with all praise redounding to His glory, in His Trinity.

[Yes, it was easy to praise God when the feet were able to stop the body slide two feet from the edge of the pole barn roof.  Praise God that my "habit" worn yesterday (work jeans--the habit is what one wears in the Order of the Present Moment) have paint all down one side as a reminder of the slip-n-slide on wet paint, up on the roof!  And this old world wasn't even getting me down....  I was going to post Carole King's hit record, "Up on the Roof," but the lyrics really did not seem too easily woven into the theme.]

God bless His Real Presence in us!  His Will in me!  His Mind increasingly in me!  And I pray this for all of us to have HIs Will, His Mind, His All in us in all real ways.  Remain in His Love!  Love one another as His Real Presence loves us!