Catholic Hermit: Thoughts on Our Wills v. God's Will

A precious mystic hermit soul emailed thoughts including that of wanting too much to be in the Holy Trinity always (has mystical gift of Indwelling of the Holy Trinity).  Mentioned must give up that desire, as well, to fully be in God's will.  Must let go of self-will.  Mentioned that also thinks too much.

I've been there many times over the years.  I could be in this dilemma in the next minute or hour or day.  We may not want to be over-thinking;  we may not want to be attached to a point of pained desiring to be in full union--wishing this so much that we might approach not fully living His will for us in our daily lives.  So we have to even detach from attachment to desire for union right now!

This dear soul stirred my heart.  Thoughts came:

I also tend toward thinking too much with the head and not with the heart--not with the Heart of Jesus.  His will, yet again.  It is flashing at us always:  His will be done.  Not ours.

I was thinking [maybe more from within heart of Jesus!] how praying for deeper conversions for myself is actually a full surrender to the will of God, for I am saying all I want is deeper conversion--Mary facilitating and Holy Spirit infusing--into His Real Presence/Holy Trinity; for if we are brought into Christ we are within the Three -in-One:  His Real Presence.  Thus, my prayer for deeper conversions precludes anything else that I might "hope" for, or beseech.  

Hope in God then is also a full surrender--all my desires are in God, in HIS HOPE.  What is God's hope?  It is for us to be and remain in Him eternally.  I really need ask nothing else or be concerned about anything else.  Whatever happens--like this horrible spinal headache this morning--will all unfold.  

Through deeper conversions (this prayer always answered as it is God's will for us!) I will increasingly see matters with the Eyes, Mind, and Heart and Spirit of Christ, of God-Is-Love, of the Holy Spirit's engendering and infusing Their LOVE in me and around me.  From within to without, from without to within.  

The Kingdom of God is within and without, and without and within, for His Real Presence/Holy Trinity is both from within and without our souls, our beings.  Everywhere.  Always.

God bless HIs Real Presence (Holy Trinity!) in us!  Praise God for Christ's Corpus.

JCH [Joyful Catholic Hermit]

PS. If coffee does not work for the spinal headache, I will see about a ride to an ER for it.  I do not want to take Excedrin--simple solution that has worked to keep under control--for the pain doctor already thinks I am trying to sabotage his desires that I have a spinal steroid injection.  He does not realize what is a spinal headache nor what is a pain siege.  

And at this point, I want the spinal injection even if it goes awry as it has done years ago, because if it brings even a week of less pain, great.  If not, then pain doctor will get off that desire.  If it brings a day of relief, well, that might not be enough to offset the week of having to be off anti-inflammatory and nsaids, nor for the pain of the procedure and day or two that it takes to recover, or so I'm told.  

My Hope is in God and in HIs HOPE; and my deeper conversion has me ever turning by the power of the Holy Spirit and the facilitation and desire of Mary to take me into her Son more and more.  So whatever transpires is fine with me--even if one day of relief and seven of lead-up suffering.  None of it really matters so much, does it?  Just get through the bodily aspects, while the soul grows and blooms and grows and blooms again and again, more and more.  All this can even seem fun, right?

These are my thoughts this morning of the Solemnity of Corpus Christi, regarding our wills v. God's will.  As I type on this laptop, my hermit window-to-the-world, my left leg is again going numb.  The lumbar pain is shrieking for attention.  The spinal headache is slightly subdued by strong coffee, but it is not at all near-abatement.  It is not surrendering....  

However, my heart is all the more surrendering into His spiritual view that this suffering is all about prayer for the souls of the surgeon, his nurse, and one of his PA's (physician assistant) with whom there was much misunderstanding, bizarre circumstances, a type of chaos resulting in surgery on-then-off, then on-then-off, and now a possibility for on-again if I can endure until another appointment with surgeon in 24 days.

In the severe suffering, there is purpose now and merit.  Souls to be won, including my own!  God only knows!  Yet the sickening pain and His will in me all the stronger to persevere, is well worth it for the spiritual good, for the Will of His Real Presence to be attained for all of us involved--and who knows what other souls in the interim!  "Game on!", as is said.  I will suffer it all for His Perfect Will--nothing other need I know than to suffer it through, with, and in His Real Presence!

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit on Seeking First the Kingdom of God

This old nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is still alive and on this earth--as much as I am ever on earth.  Been having increased pain issues over the weekend and continuing, and prior to that simply worn out and not with the best of patience or tolerance.  Sometimes a lack of tolerance can be a good thing if it helps set some healthier boundaries for oneself and hopefully others.

I got very rude and testy with someone who had gotten a bit much into a certain regimented diet that included conspiracy theories on food and other fears to a kind of obsessive degree.  I know how this can be, how it can creep into a person's life.  Devil behind all excesses, really.  

It caused me to reflect upon my last three or more years and the dump and mess I got myself into, not realizing, of course.  I reflected upon my attitude and emotions, as it was not pleasant to say the least.  I was worn out upon arrival, had left a horrible neighbor situation from whence I came, and I did not control some of what I spoke out of raw emotional and crazy pain.  And my adult children reacted, as well, in ways in which not all of the family members have rebounded.

I reflected upon my early phase of conversion to Catholicism and how passionate I was in the details, perhaps like the person who got caught up to rather an extreme with a diet fad and food issues.  It can affect people around us in ways we don't even realize.  Zeal for God is one thing, at least, that is of that above except when it gets into legalism or obsessions with rules and traditions--anything to an extreme and that is more temporal than heavenly.  

All things in moderation is a wise adage, indeed.  Fr. V emailed not long ago and reminded me of the good of responding to issues and formulating discussion or commentary with Scripture, for the Living Word always gives others as well as this hermit, much to ponder.  

And, the Word of God always focuses thoughts and conversation away from fixations on matters from cabinet order problems or food debates with a spouse or co-worker or anger about one's upbringing.  (I include a variety of real-life, recent issues brought to my attention in some contacts with others and of my own--the on-going renovation obstacles from which I've had a change of perspective.)

So I reflected upon the following Scripture over a week ago and sent it on to the one who I was rather blunt with, in my own exhaustion and hopefully good to have lost my patience and tolerance over food focus that some can get into, just as I had gotten into frustrations with the work load here and having to always be onto those trying to take advantage financially.  Well, while it can be a reality, still, as one reads on in this selection from Scriptures, Jesus includes not worrying about where we live, for God takes care of us.  And we, most of us, know Jesus' reminder to us that He--the Son of Man and Son of God--had no place to lay his head....

From Luke 6, I think, verses 31-32:

"Therefore do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'  For the pagans pursue all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you...."

Much has transpired in the past ten days.  I hope to write of some of the occurrences and reflections.  But for now, I am going to try to push the body up and off the mattress yet again, and plow through the pain.  I'm going to see about caulking the overhang on back of hermitage.  It is a messy task as the exterior caulk is very gummy; yet it is marvelously so as to be durable in all weather, and for that I can be grateful!

I'm going to be praising God that even if only a small portion of work accomplished in any given day, there is progress, and God is with us no matter what.  There have been some beautiful answers to prayer that stand out, especially today, with good news of the peaceful disposition of someone who is undergoing a major life challenge requiring courage and yet tranquility in whatever the outcome.  It is a matter of life, truly, and we are reminded there are always options for the future to be realized in every present moment.

God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children, let us love one another as Jesus Christ loves us!


(Ah, I made myself pick up the volume I've had on the floor by this mattress--St. Bernard's sermons on the Song of Songs [of Solomon]--and in the introduction am reminded that love will prove itself over study when it comes to our souls progressing.  I do believe love is what is sought and found in the kingdom of God and His righteousness.)

Catholic Hermit: Giving Up Stuff

His Real Presence leads us, it seems, thematically.  In our daily lives themes recycle until we grow through the phases, one after another.  Often, the themes recycle again and again in other levels and with varying circumstances and details.  Can we see this in each of our temporal and spiritual lives?

Today's Gospel is from Matthew 19.  The Word may be alarming to some, for it sounds severe, even extreme.

"And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters
or father or mother or children or lands
for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more,
and will inherit eternal life."

Jesus is asked, off and on, in His public ministry years what it takes to enter the Kingdom of God.  What must we do to be followers of Christ?

This past Saturday while in the mystical state during Mass, the Lord taught me a bit of "stuff" that hinders, that I must give up.  It is an answer to prayer, the showing of the particular "possession."  Coincidentally, the priest had some temporal comments to make, all fine.  But as I've explained before, when in the ecstasy, if there are temporal aspects, appropriate or not, good or not, I can recall those or recall the gist.  If it is spiritual, then there is no memory recall and simply bliss.

Of course, priests do well to include temporal examples in teaching, just as Jesus did.  The priest was making excellent points--quite brief but pithy.  With a heat wave in effect, he mentioned a priest he knew who gave a 32nd homily...or was it 30-second homily?  So a little joke there, but I could hear the priest ask if given the heat, if parishioners would prefer a 30-second homily or a longer one?

Ah, of course--the 30-second one seemed for the best under the temporal circumstances.  What the priest spoke about might have taken a bit longer, but he challenged everyone to ponder this week, just what it really means in our own, daily lives to actually follow Christ.

During his brief remarks and a bit after, into the prelude to consecration of the host and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ, I noticed the ecstasy to be rather light.  I began to notice the thoughts in my mind, like bees in a bee hive buzzing about.  They were not negative thoughts--but were thoughts all the same of this person to pray for or that situation, or other extraneous tidbits and reminders.

Then I recognized the message that dovetailed with the priest's very brief message that contained much to reflect upon and apply to our lives.  The Lord was showing me how brief and succinct is God in His messages and teachings; and how many thoughts are in my mind.

You see, after the death of my will and it being replaced by God's Will, I have been praying for my thoughts, my mind, to be replaced by His Thoughts, His Mind, His Insights.  I had come to understand that my own thoughts were not so cohesive much of the time, with His Will that had replaced my will.

During Mass, the bee hive of my mind was so buzzing with thought-bees, I got the message by being shown the difference between His Thoughts and mine.  God's Thoughts are to-the-point and do not keep buzzing round and round, in and out.  My thoughts tend to do that; they can swarm sometimes!  The negative ones now are easy enough to toss out or bar entrance to my hive-mind.  But the busy-bee thoughts--even though hard at well-intentioned work--are noisy and profuse.

I had felt such a tremendous freedom once I stopped the negative thoughts over a week ago. I broke free from the prison I had allowed my mind to become--a cell of pain and hardship thoughts.  The burden of all that has been dramatically lifted!  It seemed as if there was lots of free space in my mind, in my soul!

But no, where the negative thoughts had been run out, many more neutral or even positive thoughts multiplied and filled the mental space.  How could the Lord get a Word in edgewise?  Well, His Mind could come knocking at the door of my busy bee hive-mind and find no room in the "inn".  

Thus, in my pondering as how I can follow Jesus in my daily life, and in the answer to my prayer for God's Mind to replace my mind, for His Thoughts to replace my thoughts, I must give up my thoughts, in effect.  And part of all that includes having to give up some relationships, or types of relationships, that are heavy-laden with my thoughts, not God's Thoughts.

Of course there is much we can give up--aspects of our temporal lives, of temporal "stuff" we can give up and should give up if we are to follow Christ and be fit to enter His Kingdom.  Yet also there are aspects of our souls, in all the rings or levels of our souls right into the center where is the will and the intellect, that we can give up, bit by bit or in chunk after chunk.

A little exercise I am practicing this week is to inquire of His Real Presence, Him in me and me in Him, is to ask:  Is this thought God's Thought, or is this thought my thought?  Most often at this point of the exercise, the thoughts are mine.  But increasingly my thoughts will subside, dissipate, buzz away, or drop dead of natural causes like bees who have worked themselves out of fruition....

Now, to rid out the thoughts that are not God's--I'm not sure we humans could or should completely clear out all our thoughts.  In our temporal lives, we have thoughts coming in often--and all the time if we avail ourselves to cell phones, laptops, televisions, radios, videos, movies, news, and all the i-tech gadgets that keep communications flowing.

However, we can simplify and manage the thoughts.  And we can, such as I am to do, rid out as many of my own thoughts, especially the negative and pointless ones, and begin to identify and grasp God's Thoughts.  For if He has made His Abode in us, He certainly has within His Thoughts to impart in us.  

I know this to be true, for in the night when my hive-mind is less buzzing and the bee-thoughts are at rest, God's Insights are able to make honey in my soul.  Or sometimes in the day when I am asking Him something, He answers if my hive-mind is alert and cleared enough to hear and listen.

Amazingly (as His Real Presence is amazing grace), after He showed me my busy bee thoughts swarming my hive-mind, accentuated in the mystical ecstasy during Mass--the thoughts became stilled, and throughout the Consecration and following, it was once again bliss--until the end-of Mass announcements of temporal good things, yes.  But the spiritual, the mystical aspect of Mass is bliss, is heaven on earth.

When we give up stuff in order to follow Christ and enter into His Kingdom, we increasingly climb the stairway to heaven and experience degrees of bliss in whatever manner and grace He bequeaths.  His attributes bring peace, truth, beauty, goodness, bliss and blessedness.

I'm sure there will be more stuff, material or immaterial, for me to give up in order to increasingly, fully follow Christ and enter into His Kingdom.  For now, my assignment is to discern thoughts.  

I must seek out and identify His Thoughts which will multiply when I quiet or rid out or bar busy bee thoughts.  The busy bee thoughts can be from without my  mind--busy thoughts from others in various input modalities.  Yet I can shut the windows and doors of my mind-hive to the extraneous and unnecessary.  Just as I was, others might be surprised by how many thoughts are swarming our minds, taking up space that otherwise could be available to God's Thoughts, God's Insights, His Wisdom.

Of course, we must emphasize that giving up stuff is done for one ideal, one purpose, One Lord: Jesus Christ!  We are giving up our "possessions", that which possesses us, for His name's sake.

This is work; it takes some desire and effort.  Cleaning a house is far easier, but ridding my bee hive mind of my buzzing thoughts is going to be fruitful and increasingly freeing in a fruitful way.  Within I will find the honey of God's Mind, sweetening my soul--the effects of which can be shared with others in nuanced ways.  I have no idea exactly how, but we will find out!

I do know this:  God's Thoughts are not busy nor buzzing.  They are succinct, clear, pure, not worrisome nor repetitive, not possessive but freeing and quiet.

God bless His Real Presence in us--our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits!  Yes, I pray for His Real Presence to find plenty of room in the inn of our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits.

Kingdom of God

The kingdom of God is within us.  And Jesus explains in a parable, the kingdom of God in ways that we can grasp.

Luke 13:18-21 

 He said therefore, ‘What is the kingdom of God like? And to what should I compare it? It is like a mustard seed that someone took and sowed in the garden; it grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air made nests in its branches.’ 

Within us is the kingdom of God, for He and the Father and the Holy Spirit have entered in and made their abode.  He is in us and we are in His Real Presence.  This seems to be the reason why what seems small or uniquely individual, can grow to immense proportions, and thus can hold all things, all thoughts, all essence, within it. 

This hermit is pondering these matters of the kingdom of God.  All is within, and from within, without.  God and His kingdom encompass all of Him, all of His creation, all of His wisdom, power and might.  So much is within us, if we view it from our inner perspective.  But when we view from the perspective that we are within His Real Presence Who Is, and we are within Him, we can begin to grasp the fathomless kingdom and how it grows, love upon love.

Today the lungs are feeling stuffy.  The heat pump man did not show up yesterday even though he said he was on his way.  Always must consider that an accident could happen, or illness.  However, this morning he did come after calling him, and he had no valid reason for yesterday.  

But yesterday does not matter.  Did not ask, did not mention the untruth told that he was "on his way" and would be here shortly.  No, the past does not matter.  Just the present moment in this case, particularly, for one cannot force others to do when they say or to even be honest when in a sales pitch mode.

He took various aspects of the heat pump apart and consulted via phone to techs and electricians.  The end result is that the circuit board was "blown" and the fan burned out in a power surge.  This hermit will have to pay for labor costs, and that will be substantial, for out in the desert, the folks charge immense fees for hourly labor.  And, the heat pump, after all, is now not such a good investment for staying warm or cool, if it can go out in a major way, with a storm.  When the warranty is over, the costs will be substantial for the parts in addition to the labor.

Such are the effects of the 21st century for a hermit with a hermitage.  When a hermit intersects with people in the world, the results can be rather problematic, for the world can be quite a treacherous place with people who do not share the moral values that a consecrated religious ought embrace.  

And, as this hermit has discovered, in various areas, even the Catholic faithful can be problematic.  Some of that depends upon the priestly leadership, but much depends upon the individual souls as well as their group mentality, when not particularly inclined to the spiritual or Scripture but more to the social aspects of being a Catholic.  Some call it "Catholic in name only."

The hermit monk up the road said they had come to this area as a means to try to evangelize or be a statement of Christ in the midst of pagans.  They include Roman Catholics as those who have lost their way, and perhaps in all honesty, they may have a point in some aspects.  

This hermit thinks of Bl. Charles de Foucald who went into the Sahara and lived among the Muslims, far from any Christians, and without knowing the language.  He wanted to live his life as a mirror of Christ among them, and to evangelize without words but through his lived example.

He was shot and killed after a few short years of his hermit life.  Some Muslims thought he was helping the French, providing them with guns in the battles of World War One--although they were not the Muslims of his area.  He had lived peaceably and lovingly among them, on the outskirts of their village, without incident.  But he was betrayed to these others.

The example of Christ this hermit can provide here, is mostly external.  A handful over the last 18 months have commented if they pass and speak, that the gardens are looking beautiful.  The Catholic deputy sheriff noticed the religious statues outside.  Other than that, the example of Christianity must come with one-to-one interactions with the few workers who have been here, and in some of the cases, the workers had to be let go, or the main contractor had to be confronted for over-charging and not doing proper work--not that telling him did any good to change the outcome.

So mostly, this hermit prays.  And this hermit strives to increase love of God and to learn and grow, perhaps like the mustard seed.  It strives to increase, to simply increase, in little ways.  Today it has determined to practice the S of Serenity.  This hermit stayed jovial and patient when a circuit "blew" when plugging in a space heater to try to keep the downstairs a bit warmer so as to work on insulation.  That caused two phone calls to the electrician, who was dumbfounded with why the outlets then would not work.  

Ended up being a simple communication difference, concerning the GFI outlets.  In these particular outlets, when the light is "on", the power is not flowing through the outlet.  When the light is off but has been reset, there is power.  He was describing the opposite, but such details for an electrician can sometimes be lost in the rendering over the phone, as they are so used to simply doing this or that without thinking about it. 

The heat pump man finally figured out the problem with the heat pump, and he does not know how long to get parts in.  The other outlet issues are solved, and the hermit remains calm despite facing financial ruination in a matter of two or three months, unless God provides in some unexpected way.  

In other words, there will be no more monetary outlay for materials or hired help after two or three months, and the hermit will need to either try to continue existing in here with whatever work is done from materials in hand, or at least try to survive until better weather to finish painting the house.  Whatever can be done, must be done, by the hermit, in order to hopefully be able to sell a place that most likely will not be nearly salable other than a cash offer, and grossly discounted price.

The daughter called and offered the hermit to come to their place far away in civilization, until the heat pump is operable, but this hermit said it must remain steady and in faith, and to keep working on the insulation and cutting pieces of wood to fit between studs in areas where the rats can come up from the crawlspace.  Yesterday there was progress, and today there is.  That is the plan, anyway, to stay with the "ship", for even a week away will be a week into colder desert days and nights.

Serenity rules.  And there is the determination (surely of God because this hermit could easily despair!) to keep working and praying.  The spiritual communions will continue, the practice of the Nine S will continue, the rest breaks and whatever else will continue, for the kingdom of God is within this hermit because this hermit is within His Real Presence Who Is the Kingdom of God.  Despite temporal losses and so many glitches that friends and family are starting to notice it is not normal, but we have the Book of Job and so many examples of obstacles in the path for those who desire union with His Real Presence above all else.

The soul must be purified, and this soul here certainly has so many rough edges that an unusual amount of obstacles are needed to file the roughness, to help the hermit learn and grow and grasp the immensity of the kingdom of God within.  Faith, hope, and love, and especially love, are the nutrients to help the growth.  Since God Is Love, love is the key to the kingdom of God and our abiding within His Real Presence, for truly we are in Him even though He is so sweet to word it that He has come to make His abode in us.

Jesus is always the gentleman.  He is the perfect Beloved.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Or, rather, God bless us in His Real Presence, and God bless His Real Presence for allowing us to be in Him!  And of course, let us all love one another, for God is love, and His kingdom exists due to love!