Finally drove not far to the nearest ER where two years ago I needed to also go. That time it was a DO who instead of a zpack that I expained for years of my annual sinus infection is what works to rid out the illness, had prescribed Augmentin despite my explaining that drug specifically has never worked for me.
Similar situation with the young GP (general practitioner) who prescribed one dose pack of Azithromycin, which did help some and kept the crud going into my throat and lungs as it had two years ago with the DO's poor decision to ignore my sincere, honest input. So I was at the ER then for help, as I was this afternoon, for help.
The ER doctor had no qualms of a person needing a second go around with an antibiotic if the person was still quite ill and needed more to knock it out. I've been ill for four weeks now, and I'm still for most part bedridden other than to take the pup (over 5 1/2 months old now) outside for her elimination needs. When I stand up and walk, I can "feel the earth moving under my feet." The sinuses are impacted yet, but there has been progress. Just stuck, though, with this level of too much sickness to be able to function much.
I gave that doctor a most sincere "GOD BLESS YOU!" as he was finishing up, and he appreciatively thanked me for my gratitude. He also put through to that particular hospital system's case manager to find a new GP for me plus an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat specialist) as I'm not opposed to going to one, but a good GP can handle easily one sinus infection a year, and grasp that it might take two z-packs to clear the sinuses of infection. The young doctors tend not to be able to handle sinus infections, at least not in my lived experience
So I made progress today with the ER doctor, and I'm praying along with the azithromycin that God will use His healing love and power to help me improve, make progress in feeling well enough to be up and about without dizziness and feeling so sick. The pup has had enough of no walks, no errands where she can go inside and be adored by other customers.... She loves her fans.
And I figure I've made progress in suffering as well as in spiritual understanding in a most positive regard. I understand more the positive passageway of the temporal Church and the positive passageway of the stairway to heaven. The former seems to me to be necessary, for there is so much to learn and ways in which to grow in the temporal Catholic Church! I cannot imagine what my life would have been without these years of spiritual growth and learning more than I can begin to describe. And the temporal Protestant churches as passagways to God prior to my conversion to Catholicism also provided much especially in His Living Word and conversational prayer, plus acts of love and kindness, helping others, and loving one another. But Catholicism is massive learning in comparison, and rich and deep--and the Mass is incomparable to anything in other churches.
I was fully expecting to remain stagnant, safe and secure in the temporal Catholic Church, go to Mass which I love, once or twice a day for the rest of my life. I had come to accept I'd not be actively involved in parish outreach programs, but I did not know but was not surprised when God showed me His will in the hermit vocation. That was already forewarned by a vision 13 years prior when my grandmother appeared and told me that I would need to learn to hibernate like a bear for protection from the world.
But God does not expect nor want us to remain stagnant in our spiritual lives any more than we remain stagnant in our physical, temporal lives. So I found myself wondering, having a hard time believing and trusting that God was progressing me not just spiritually, but that spiritual progress includes ourselves--ou bodies, minds, hearts, and souls. I did not let go, did not detach, nor die to my thinking that nothing would change regarding my being in a parish and in daily Mass, in tangibly receiving Communion nor in tangibly going to confession with the priest as a stand-in, or intermediary, of Christ--in alter Christi.
I finally understood and grasped this with a peace and positive fullness not long ago. This after many attempts to ignore what His Real Presence had offered me, was asking of me, was telling me His will. I marveled at my guardian angel leading me to the stairway to heaven; I rejoiced when Christ explained the consummation would not be after our most glorious post-wedding banquet, and that I was to pay no attention to parishioners and priests henceforth, but to remain strong, to wait, and emphasized yet again to "REMAIN STRONG." He had to attend to other souls but would return for me. Just wait and be strong.
The spiritual life does not necessarily and I suppose rarely, occur in one fell swoop of insight and growth. The spiritual life is a gradual progression over the course of a Christian's lifetime. It then continues on into eternity. We graduate from one level into the next, over and over and over in metapmorphoses which occur in nature with such as the butterfly. Thus, while I delayed this next phase by my not trusting, not having the faith necessary for I simply had a hard time understanding why God would not have me remain in the temporal Catholic aspects, and instead have me pass through that long corridor, seemingly going on infinitely of a vision the night prior to my Catholic conformation.
In earth years, it was nearly to the day and might have been exactly 13 years after that vision came the vision and locution of my guardian angel taking me by my right forearm and telling me I was being led to the Stairway to Heaven. Indeed, that occurred, and the last I knew of that matter, I was standing at the base of a stairway glorious, that seemed to go onward, upward, infinitely.
Then when priests and parishioners did not want me in their parishes due to my having mystical ecstasies during Mass which priests were bothered by and also rumors that I could see into people, priests in particular, and parishioners thought I was being rude or faking a spiritual phenomenon, that was when the banquet occurred four years after the ecstasies began. The mystical wedding had occurred several years prior to even the stairway to heaven vision; and the espousal of my soul occurred in June of 1987 when I was a Protestant!
So we can know that spiritual progression often is spread out over decades. It just depends on God's will and way and His timing which might not be years to God but is to humankind.
Now that I'm grasping that the temporal Catholic Church at some point gives way to His Mystical Church, I return within to the Stairway to Heaven and what it is that I am to learn and how to progress on the stairway, having now accepted that I have progressed through the passageway the in my spiritual life has led to the stairway to heaven. What next?
I suppose to continue to take note of that which makes the temporal Church temporal, and seek what is in the temporal Church shared with His Mystical Church, and to ask His Real Presence to help me adapt to His Mystical Church. I doubt that will take much in human years once one in faith accepts the passageways as means of our spiritual progression, and not to cling to one nor the other but remain fluid in His Real Presence, to be done with and shown whatever He wills, and whenever and however He wills.
All I can do is share my own experiences and progression, and the passageways as they are shown me and what they represent. So I'm now facing the Stairway to Heaven and have passed through the temporal Church and understand now that I am in His Mystical Church. I must remain open and with faith, trust, hope--and continue to strive in my own likely awkward ways to practice living as God loves. While I ask Him to teach me how to love as He loves, there is that part of me that is eager and will try, also in what I think it is to love as God loves. He understands, and hopefully laughs a bit at my strivings!
It has always seemed with me, regarding His Real Presence which is God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit (the Holy Trinity), to put one foot forward knowing that His Real Presence will soon enough correct me or also take me along by the hand or have me follow along in His Footsteps. Now I must image that stairway I was shown, wide at the base and narrowing as it ascends, and going on upward beyond what even my spiritual, inner eyes could see. Image the stairway and contemplate the aspects of His Mystical Church, and more so participate in His Mystical Church which is eternal yet accessible while yet in our bodily forms.
That is all I am going to share or explain for now. I have been in the past few posts trying to explain the temporal and the mystical Church, and I might not have done a good job of explaining, nor that His Mystical Church is not an utter rejection or renunciation of the temporal Church. The temporal Church as I mentioned toward the beginning of this post, seems requisite to me, to progress through as it is also a passageway that links on to the Stairway to Heaven, and where we will be in His Mystical Church at some point in our spiritual progression.
All according to God's will and our cooperation, in His time and way and will be when we let go more of the temporal aspects of the temporal Church that are not His per se, and seek His ways and seek Him all the more, and being willing to begin the climb, one by one, a lonely-seeming ascending, but in mystical reality not alone at all. But temporally, bodily, no: we climb the Stairway to Heaven of His Mystical Church, some in this temporal life while we yet are in temporal bodies, but our bodies are not what makes the assent. Others will climb the Stairway to Heaven in this temporal life.
I know not why not, other than perhaps God has those remain in the long passageway of stone floors and walls and rooms off to the side, with much instruction, books, learning to be done according to the ability to progress in faith, hope, and love, as well as to die to and relinquish attachment to temporal, including temporal Church. Some he may have in the temporal Church to help others to grow and learn and if priests, to hopefully learn the reality of the Mystical Church and show the way to their flock, giving glimpses at the altar, from the temporal into the Mystical Church.
Or, for priests themselves to pass through the temporal-spiritual passageway themselves and experience the Stairway to Heaven, His Mystical Church--although this latter would require much courage for a priest, and to keep much hidden for there would be many who would not understand--parishioners and those above him in the temporal hierarchy such as bishops and cardinals and even a pope. For, some while on earth will be interested in temporal progression, not so much in ascending the stairway to heaven and experiencing His Mystical Church.
Perhaps this year's sinus infection, the suffering going on now into the fifth week, has been beneficial in my asking His Real Presence to help me understand what is going on in my spiritual progression. And thus, the visions and the Scriptures--His Living Word--have been falling into place beautifully with connections and seeing both passageways. Also, I have been shown, through His Living Word and what is in temporal actuality or not, what is the temporal Church of today and what is not the temporal, thus what is His Mystical Church of which I do believe I have but marginal balance on the first step.
I don't expect anyone reading this to grasp or understand the reality of the passageways and progressions from temporal Church and our temporal belief to His Mystical Church and our spiritual progression.
God bless His Real Presence in us!
Love in His Love!
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