In previous blog I mentioned a couple reasons why it seems God brought me into the Catholic Church some 26 years ago (in addition to how He's progressed me as if through the temporal Catholic Church aspects, with wanting me for several years past, to not remain trying to help unentangle those entangled in the nets of the temporal aspects, but rather for me to swim on out into the deep, duc et altum. So on more into the spiritual depths requiring more faith and hope in God and love of God above all else and in God, to love as God loves, all others and His creation.
God also a decade ago, more or less, showed me aspects of the temporal church and asked me why I would want "that" when I could have Him more directly now? So of course, I want Him more directly; who of us would not? And we all can, yes indeed we can have God more directly. It is all a spiritual progression and a release from attachment to the temporal--and that includes the temporal of the temporal Church, Catholic or otherwise. Jesus Himself was not entangled in the temporal of the Jewish laws and rules and regulations and rituals created over time by mortal mankind. We humans can't seem to keep ourselves from organizing and creating increasing laws and structure and systems and requirements--temporal laws even in religions as opposed to simply living God's law of love.
So as I mentioned in previous blog, God providing an awareness of the Christian mystics so that I'd not feel alone and grasp that these are my people, why I am as I am, born this way and with a purpose and mission which was hindered by temporal church people, essentially, including priests, and prior to Catholicism not understood by Protestants, either, and even less by them. But ironically, the Protestants were kinder in their ignorance of mystics in some ways, but also could relegate it to "new age" of which that classification did not go well for me--and of which I was nor am whatsoever. But Catholics are aware of mystics who they know of as the "saints" that others in the past created and labeled through quite a complex process and system--and that continues to this day, the practice of saint-crowning, so to speak, or canonization. Of course, not all "saints" are mystics, but some were.
So I learned the mystics are my type, my people, what I am, and I learned over time how mystics were and generally are perceived and treated in the temporal aspects of church and the leaders and congregants therein. Especially if there are mystical phenomenon that others do not understand or is not of external benefit such as the gift of healing or founding a religious order that enlarges the Church's standing, or acts of charity that get noticed by many and becomes a movement. But if the mystic exists more as one in the domain of spiritual insights and a type of prophecy of seeing matters not good morally, ethically, and spiritually which need correcting--this can be a problem for the mystic. Think Jeremiah tossed in the cistern, and Joseph likewise tossed in a well and then sold as a slave by his own envious half-brother. Or if the mystic has phenomenon occur that has spiritual meaning but seems a bother to the temporal order of things--that brings problems for the mystic from the temporal-focused clergy and parishioners.
Those mystics, if in a religious order, are generally placed in a cell removed from the others and told never to speak of whatever might be of spiritual impact, nor of any mystical experiences such as visions, dreams, and locutions, ecstasies or a variety of other phenomenon that can occur, unbidden of course.
For those not in a religious order, it is really best, as I've learned the hard way, to go with what seems surely ought not be--but is actually God's protection and guidance, to be removed from the temporal church and live as a hermit of sorts, and dissociate from the temporal aspects of church. Allow God to be for the body, mind, heart and soul the reality that He Is--through, with, and in us and us in Him. Have God more directly and acknowledge this relationship with God and with oneself; accept it and be thankful, put the temporally induced sense of guilt or questioning as we are so conditioned to think in terms of a system that has become entangled with human-created and added rules, canon laws, regulations, requirements, and various rituals--a temporal church system that was not that of the early Church nor many aspects such as a system for making inspirational, holy people into "saints" and all that has developed as a result--rather a large business with employees, salaries, time and energy spent on investigations and interviews and levels of "sainthood" in the lengthy procedural canonization process. Right there--"canonization"--that of making legal, I suppose, someone who lived a life following Christ to a certain level or status that humans devised to determine who they'd "canonize" or legalize as someone to be labeled "saint' and given a certain day of the year for these people to be celebrated and "venerated," but the problem develops that humans being as we are, move on from celebrating to venerating to adoring, and before long the focus can become skewed.
I've gone off-topic some. Back to a major reason it seems God brought me into the Catholic Church: to experience the Mass. The Mass from the first time I experienced it, has a mystical and supernatural element. The Tabernacle with the consecrated Host or Hosts is quite real in the power emanating. This has to do with faith in God and of His Real Presence: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Mass, I was told and shown by my guardian angel, is the Stairway to Heaven. And it was in the Mass that they mystical ecstasies began, and I realized the fullness of His Real Presence in the Mass from His Living Word onward through the Consecration--the remembrance of and reenactment of Christ's Last Supper Discourse and actions of breaking of the bread and drinking of the wine that He had mystically transformed into His Body and Blood, with the instructions: Do this in remembrance of Me.
The priest consecrating is amazingly powerful mystical and spiritual action, and when one considers that from the time of Christ and His appointing Peter as the earthly head of His Church, giving Peter the "key" to His Kingdom, and all "priests" or "bishops" or whatever called from that point on, there was a passing on from Peter and the apostles a bequeathing, an anointing, that was from His Real Presence. So there is a certain spiritual-mystical power that extends from the time of Christ through Peter who he chose to lead His Church. This passing on, of what is a succession of spiritual authority with mystical reality, I have experienced in a very real sense; but in the mystical ecstasies during Mass, I also learned that an immoral or bad or priest lacking faith, or other than a priest at the altar, had the effect of not good to quite hellish. But a holy priest at the altar--and a priest who preached of Christ and His Living Word--that was sheer bliss and Heaven.
I'm considering now, since the Lord has effectively progressed me through the temporal aspects of church, that His Real Presence is in me and I am in Him wherever and always, even when I am not consciously thinking of Him and acknowledging His Real Presence in me and me in Him. The more I learn to love God and love as God is in me and loves, I am able to love others and self as God loves. This, too, is a process of awareness and allowing the love to flow in practice, and in faith and truth. I must cooperate with God's grace, and the more I learn to do this and to love, the less I hang on to temporal entanglements--such as the upset with so much mess around me that requires the body to do manual labor, or the news yesterday that my neck has moderate to severe stenosis, and nearly all vertebrae have no room for the nerves coming from the spinal cord so most of the neck is severe.
It is a matter of waiting until the pain goes down the arms and I lose yet more strength to the point of unable to grip or items begin to slip from grasp. I am fairly sure the spatial and mental disorientation I experience, sometimes severe, can be attributed to the C-2,3,4 vertebrae with not enough space for the nerves as these are the ones that go more into the head and brain. However, it did seem that with increase of pain pump mediation, the severe aspects of the disorientation subsided some. Or else that was helped by concurrent deep tissue massage I began weekly, or also from a lot of bed rest for weeks after I had overdone it with some work, having felt better after a knee was drained and a strong does of steroid injected that allowed me to feel temporarily better than I had in a long, long time, so I over did it--physically up from bed more and able to be more active for a short time, before the "boom hit", and I had severe disorientation.
The above is an example of how the temporal can still entangle me and upend my mind, heart, and soul--through the body and pain and debilitation, through the upset of potentially needing cervical disectomy of nearly the entire neck--all but C-1 it seemed, I was told has no room for the spinal nerves now, but the cord, while it has no room anymore, is not squeezed to the point my lumbar was two years ago, requiring that serious and intricate spine surgery. So yesterday and a bit this morning, I had some temporal upheaval; I blocked the peace of the reality of my abiding in His Real Presence and His Real Presence abiding in me. And this is another reason why God brought me into the Church: to suffer, to have my years and life of constant suffering be used by God in reparation for the temporal church--for all that is not of God that humans have created and gone askew in and of His Church.
And this is what I discovered in the fullness of the Mass--the reality of the Mass as a portal, as the stairway to heaven. And the Mass can be in us always as is His Real Presence, or rather, His Real Presence being in us always and us in Him--this is the Mass, the essence of the Mass. I don't know if I am making this reality clear, for it is very difficult in words; words are inadequate. But some of you will grasp. I do not advocate not going to Mass, unless His Real Presence brings you to a point in which you have Him more directly and are fed within mystically, and in faith, with but the thought and even without the conscious thought. For most of us, there will come a time when we are brought through and beyond, even if this is at death and not before. The Mass has many facets, and the spiritual depth and the mystical phenomenon which is the Mass can be at some point grasped as His Real Presence within from beginning on through.
So the Mass was a major reason God brought me into the Catholic Church. I needed to progress in this, also, to understand and come to the awareness and experiencing of His Real Presence throughout the Mass and then the Mass in me, as well, and me in the Mass, for His Real Presence is within and without the fullness of the Mass as the Stairway to Heaven. I do realize there are many temporal distractions going on in the Mass, and these are hindrances, as well as our own thoughts that get in the way, and what we observe, and also the emphasis on the consecration and receiving Communion, when His Real Presence is in the other parts, from the beginning, the prayers of penitence and asking forgiveness, and within the Living Word--His Real Presence, His Living Word. The praise of God, the angels present in singing, the glory, the consecration in which the priest is to stand at the portal of the altar and point from the temporal to the mystical realm of being transported and transcended in His Real Presence, through to Heaven and a glimpse of Heaven as our eternal home.
So once we grasp and experience, the Mass is with and through and in His Real Presence and His Real presence through and with and in the Mass, and we are in His Real Presence and the Mass anywhere and any time and always as He is in us and the Mass then is in us, as well. This is part of the progression, and rather than my feeling negative about how God allowed the temporal means of people and priests essentially closing the door to my being there physically, it is a great blessing for God has progressed me to grasp beyond the temporal Mass and the temporal church, and this is indeed having God more directly now. I must and ought praise God and be very grateful for these gifts and understandings, even though I do not know what or how I can do for God or is my purpose in this life now.
Should I share the various experiences of God over the many years, going way back into my earlier life as a mystic is born as such, and it is not per a particular church or religion, but in mine is as a Christian having been brought through Protestantism and Catholicism--as are all Christians: abiding in His Real Presence and His Real Presence abiding in us.
I must let go the temporalities of "church" just as I must let go the temporalities of my tightened lack of space in my neck vertebrae. There is nothing to be done about these temporal entanglements; there is all to do about faith, hope, and love of God. Love God above all else and love in His Love, Love as He loves, in His Love.
Love in His Love, and God bless His Real Presence in us!
