Just when I thought energy was returning and thumb looking good, and getting back into work mode here at the hermitage...obstacles presented themselves.
Late last night, in the dark here, when trying to fall to sleep on this mattress, the mind had a startling thought. Are the wall outlets in the bathroom, nearly finished, going to be in right positions when I install the cabinets? I had been so concerned with the plumbing drain pipe locations that I'd forgotten to check the wall outlets.
Months ago I had called the electrician as I was concerned the outlet on the right of what would be one of the two sinks, was not far enough from sink and would interfere with the mirror placement. He convinced me it would be all right. But since the issues with Lowe's over the bad cabinets and having them replaced, it was discovered the initial employee had also sold kitchen height bathroom cabinets, not bathroom height. With vessel sinks it is more critical to have the lower bathroom height, anyway.
But the bathroom height cabinets did not offer the 30" wide drawer base unit. So I had to get a 24" wide drawer base. And, suddenly, last night in the dark, I realized that while it worked out all right for the existing plumbing coming from wall, it might not work for the outlets above where the counter will be.
I got the flashlight and went into the bathroom, and sure enough the outlet box is not in proper position. I was awake in the night trying to figure out various options without having to take out the drywall! I had spent a couple weeks working on finishing the walls to professional standards. An idea came that I could go through the kitchen wall which adjoins that bathroom wall. But is there enough electrical wiring "give" so that I could move the outlets? Were there any other options with the cabinets?
But this morning I checked the other outlet, and it needs to be moved, also, for the left vanity sink. The electrician cut it too close with the positioning of these, for sure. Each needs to be moved six inches--one to right and one to left.
I talked with him this morning. He is booked up for a long time, he says. I asked if he'd consider giving up a day of his weekend to do this favor and help me--after he said for me not to cut the drywall as he has a special tool that will cause less damage than a manual, drywall cutter knife. Plus there is the risk of damaging wires--and, the wires as installed may not allow for the movement necessary. They are tight in, stapled to studs.
I had been writing in the night to a long-time friend, using some computer messaging thing. I'm not tech savvy. This morning I mistakenly sent a long message to the adult daughter who recently renewed contact. I don't even know if in the long message there was any reference that was complaining, as I also was trying to decide if this was enough to just let me decide God wants me to bail out of this whole situation. Perhaps I wrote of the obstacle of even trying to get furniture and boxes out of pole barn where the daughter and son-in-law had stacked things a year ago this winter--injuring her elbow with what is going to be life problem, in the process.
So I sent messages that I would no longer be using the message capability and to please email me. She had read my outlet and drywall woes and obviously my thoughts of bailing out or staying, and of where I'd go, anyway? The Lord has not made anything clear whatsoever.
Amazingly, the emotions with the outlet troubles (that was the only room even near finished and with drywall completed, walls primed and painted, light fixtures in!) did not register with reaction as they would have prior to the death of my will. I know I was frustrated with my intellect--thoughts trying to figure out options to solve the problem and also to discern if God was saying enough of struggling with all this work load here!
But I had realized this morning that I must remain in the present moment, and do what needed to be done today, which is to continue watering and also to gather up pruning clippings to be burned either today or some day in the burn pile. Thus, I started the watering routine, hooking up soaker hoses and setting the sprinkler and moving it from time to time. I then soaked the thumb as I'm to do twice a day and change the dressing.
This day the wound looked worse again! I had been wondering if all the splinter had come out, or if the joint itself was going to be affected longer. At this, admittedly the thoughts became discouraged. I knew they were my thoughts, not God's thoughts. Yet, the present moment was immediately shifted to wondering if I needed to return to the emergency room.
And the thoughts tried to take hold that all this is not what I need to be doing, all this work--right after what I think are God's thoughts came to me in a peace-bearing fashion, to simply keep going, to keep at it, that what matters in my life is the praying for my soul and prayers for other souls, with whatever work just a means to pass time while praying.
Another thought came, this time probably my angel's thought flashings. Remember yesterday when you were inspired by Hildegard of Bingen's vision of the angels, and how she reminded that we get so distracted that we miss out on reality of angels about us, helping us? And remember how the angels teach us by their example that we are to praise God--and strive to praise Him continuously? And remember how you [me] had resolved to start practicing praising God, striving to do so always, in all matters?
Well, yes, I did immediately remember. And with that remembrance of just 24 hours earlier, came the thought which is from God's Mind, not my intellect that bungles and assumes wrongly, that of course I would be tested in my resolve to praise God. The devil also could be allowed to creep into the scene, bringing chaos and confusions, dilemmas and obstacles to peace and to present moments.
It is rather stupendous realizing that within hours of my attitude being that of more inclined to God's Mind rather than my intellect in me, that all of a sudden I'd think about the outlets after all this time of the new cabinets being in that bathroom, even if not installed yet. (And it is a good thing that I have not felt up to installing them, as it turns out.) It is awe-inspiring that a series of events including this little left thumb, could march into line, each taking a turn at trying to get a reaction counter to peace, to equanimity of spirit and resolve.
And of course, had I been praising God in each of many little events in the night and morning? While I did not have the old-my-will reactions, I still very much have way too much of my own intellect. Having one's intellect be replaced by God's is just as much a real process involving some suffering and earth time, as does the death of one's will.
But I do know that I have struck upon a symphonic chord of holy proportions with the resolve to praise God as do the angels, attaining to the continuous praise of Him in all matters. Yes, I emphasize "attaining to", for it will come through awareness, practice and grace.
The thumb has simmered down again. It is looking better since soaking it. I will praise God for all that is and for nothing that also is--which means praising Him for anything, everything--including the remains of my own intellect that gets me into bungles for now. Eventually my intellect will be totally replaced with God's Mind.
God bless His Real Presence in us! Little children let us love praising God and love praising Him above all things, and love praising Him that we can love others as ourselves!