Yesterday afternoon once more went to the bike park where are pathways in hilly area. Walked, huffing and puffing, but I know this is best for the building up of muscles and stamina, more so than walking on flat sidewalks. Not even walking far--in hills one is pushed more than the flat terrain.
Yes, there are similarities and truths to this simple image and action, to our spiritual lives. There are obvious comparisons, as well, to be made to a hermit's particular vocation. How easy it is to rationalize and justify to ourselves, as hermits, that the easier is as good or better for us. Taking upon ourselves suffering or trials as some notion of austerity gone awry is like pridefully thinking we can handle going into the off-path stubble and uneven ground which can cause a fall. As is said: Pride goeth before a fall.
This morning I've remained in bed on the icy pad. The pain level speaks of struggle today; but it is a struggle against fatigue and an added edge to pain. I have tried cutting down on med dose, which sounds admirable but must be factored with what that additional pain does to the body, mind, and heart.
Turning to writing as distraction, this nothing Catholic hermit emailed a spiritual friend whose found herself being placed by the Lord in a new locale and situation, but with two elder siblings who have miserable health problems--Alzheimer's and post-cancer side effect of "chemo brain" which mimics aspects of dementia's forgetfulness. So my friend, whose spouse passed away 9 months ago after years of illness and decline, is settling into more care-giving after a recent hip replacement, of which she is thankfully recovering and returning to activity.
My email was rambling, as they can tend to be when pain up and all that goes with chronic pain. I turned to His Living Word--always a boost to the spirits and guidance for the soul! I found much to ponder, such as the importance of patience. I need patience in the on-going effects of long-term suffering, and patience in desiring release from this suffering that is of God's allowance and providence; God knows what He's doing and why, what is best for our souls in particular, is what He provides, and suffering that comes in our lives brings with it opportunities.
We have the opportunity to accept the cross or crosses. We have the opportunity to bring glory to God in suffering what at times seems insufferable. We have the opportunity to be patient in the seeking to progress faster than what the cross seemingly allows, for sometimes the cross may feel heavier to our finite bodies and our minds' and hearts' perceptions. What we must try to remember is that our perceptions can be deceptive, for our souls can do far more intangibly in the Holy Spirit's infusions of theological virtues: hope, faith, and love.
So when my attitude began to droop--the suffering getting to me--the reminder from within to try to push through, to move beyond the body, the discouraging thoughts, the tired feelings of the heart. God reached in with what seems non-significant, temporal disruption. The neighbor couple on another street, sent phone message wanting to know if I needed anything from the warehouse store. I asked for large container of non-fat yogurt; been reading that probiotics can help the stomach and intestines.
When the couple arrived a couple hours later, their kindness and the woman's energy, seemed to bring some sunshine behind overcast, as well as as the good of patiently waiting for energy of body, mind, and heart. The soul abiding in Christ will be given what energy God wills and allows for His perfect purposes, and part of our effort is to discern even the energy, and to discern with the Holy Spirit's gift of wisdom, as to resting or rising, activity or response, and all with patience in accepting God's will in the present moments, and with patience in ourselves--depending upon what is discerned of energy to do or be patient and joyful with the energy always present: to be.
Then came a response from my added thank-you message to the couple after they'd dropped off the yogurt. (I always pay, of course, and praise God that I have the financial means now to appreciate trying whatever means to improve or at least not make worse from any not doing whatever within means potentially helpful, to assist the body God gave me.) What the woman wrote surprised me, for I chastised myself after they'd left, that I had not somehow made myself be more "perky."
The woman phone texted that I am an inspiration.
Well, not today, really, is my honest assessment. I will not pretend otherwise, for I'm remaining on the level path, so to speak, still flat on the bed, but trying to write this Third Sunday in Advent's "gaudete" thoughts, of which the joy is not visible in body and maybe not even in mind or emotions/heart, but there is yet joy in the soul. God still gives me the rest of the day to keep striving in the theological and cardinal virtues, of which patience is prominent to the pondering with the Holy Spirit, in the silence of solitude.
And I responded to the neighbor's saying I am an inspiration, by saying am not so much in reality, today thus far, but that her saying so makes me desire to pull up and out of my impatience with self, impatience with the body not cooperating--or else it is impatience with the mind--or I suppose a weakness of the will to not enervate the body. But all this impatience, when turned to being patient, allows a deep breath in, and out; patience is a gift from God and not a force of my will. Gifts of God are of His will, to be appreciated as gift of His Triune Divine Nature, and utilized accordingly.
Be patient, hermit! You've had response from the loved family member--an answer about a gift specifics for a grandchild. You've been given energy yesterday, and the gift from God to push through pain for the walk on more challenging and health-beneficial terrain, and energy to finish what seems mountainous of a task that is more a prayer for others in the doing than what it will mean otherwise as gift. You still may have the energy of the Holy Spirit stirring my will to push through and try a walk today, or some other task besides remaining in bed.
With and in whatever God wills, provides, and allows, be patient in all! Be patient of others and of self. Above all, be patient through, with and in His Real Presence. Pray for patience, and praise God as the gift is given for the taking and using and appreciating! Allow the being patient in present moments permeate the body, mind, heart, and soul.
"Be patient, brothers and sisters [and hermit!] until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. You too must be patient. Make your hearts firm, because the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not complain, brothers and sisters [and hermit!], about one another, that you may not be judged. Behold the Judge is standing before the gates. Take as an example of hardship and patience, brothers and sisters [and hermit!], the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord"(James 5: 7-10).
God bless His Real Presence in us! Praise the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit: for patience!
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