Catholic Hermit: Refocus; New Spiritual Father

Met and shared, discussed, prayed, with new spiritual director, a hermit-priest, a couple days ago.

My late, dearest spiritual da, a priest of over 72 years in holy orders, passed over ten months ago.  However, the new spiritual father, the hermit-priest, also felt the spiritual da's presence and blessing upon our new relationship and venture into wherever and whatever His Real Presence guides and leads.

I've never been around anyone as deeply, genuinely, joyful as this hermit-priest. The Holy Spirit arranged all this--from the instantaneous response of the parish priest three or so weeks ago, saying he immediately had a spiritual director in mind for me, when I broached the subject and asked.

The new spiritual father and I discussed many things.  It was a meeting of not only minds but of spirits, and as temporal time will tell, of souls.  My, I'd love to be given that grace of spiritual joy that emanates from this hermit-priest!  But I have refocusing to do, and some effort in disentangling from temporal distractions.  

I did ask about my being a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed.  Went over the process of discernment 21 years ago, the formation by my late spiritual da as well as 11 months as proficient and novice with a now-defunct community of hermits (each in our own locale, but undergoing united formation as guided by a hermit who was overseen by a diocese vicar general and with advice from a Carthusian at Parkminster.

That briefly explained, I spoke of my profession of the three evangelical counsels and of the forming of additional vows, and the private ceremony at the altar in the convent chapel.  The ceremony, the service, was fashioned after one described in The Ancrene Riwle but modified, updated, and for a twenty-first century Catholic hermit, in keeping with what the Church today asks of her hermits [See §920, 921 in The Catechism of the Catholic Church.]

My specific question of the hermit-priest, the new spiritual director, was to clarify if he determined I should speak with the diocese bishop or needed to consider the 1983 CL603 for hermits who desire to be a diocesan hermit, of which the bishop receives the profession of the evangelical counsels and if desired, an additional personally written vow.  (I had asked this question of my parish priest a week ago, and have written his response in a previous blog post--which was essentially no, do not do that, it would hinder and complicate; his term was "shackle".  But that was his sense or take, and call the hermit-priest whose phone number I was given.)

The hermit-priest, after listening to what had been my privately professed counsels and vow, over 19 years ago, and the discernment and formation beginning nearly 21 years ago, surprised me with what he said.  Why would I want to interfere with how the Lord had blessed and was my vocation thus far--and repeated that he sees much movement now, and all being opened up for me.  He said "For you the CL603 and canonical approval would be baggage.  Drop the thought of that; it is heavy baggage."  Continue on.

We also discussed the historical and traditional path of hermits over the centuries.  He laughed with that spiritual joy, when we spoke of the centuries of hermit saints who were never approved by other than God Himself, but quietly lived their hidden lives in silence of solitude, praise of God and praying for souls and salvation of the world.  And he laughed again with the truth stated as to many of them canonized saints: "One can't do much better than that!"

I mentioned that I'd spent some time the day prior, as I do on occasion, perusing and reading about various hermits out there--Catholic privately professed and publicly professed, not professed, and hermits of other religions living and deceased.  He wondered why, and suggested not necessary--but I said I want to be, of course, right with the Church in whatever ways, and I am inspired by some I read about and also learn what I'd like to avoid in others.  Of the living hermits, we are all in process.

I mentioned yet another CL 603 hermit who I discovered (one with post-graduate degree but retired, divorced, a parent and grandparent of adult child and grandchildren, living a life hidden and prayerful).  Inspiring to me.   And there is the marvelous CL603 hermit in UK who had to relocate to be near medical facilities and downscale to an apartment, no longer rural but living her vocation admirably, all the same.  (No update, but she had been in the process to see if the bishop of her new diocese would accept her CL603 status.)

I then mentioned that in my desire to be right with whatever the Church wishes, that I also had experienced over 11 years of a CL603 hermit who has seemed irked by my being a consecrated Catholic hermit, privately professed, and has yet again recently written on blog post (as has been done off and on for several years) that I am a fraud, and now a new designation as "counterfeit hermit."  Yes, I want to be right with the Church, although I'd think the Church would state in the institutes and other writings, if only now publicly professed hermits are to be, and not state it as stated, and has been of her hermits for centuries.

Of this sharing of this situation, the hermit-priest said, "This is negative.  This  something you must stay away from, drop it.  The devil is involved; it's a distraction.  God is always greater than the devil."  He noted with me that God will bring those He wills to read what I write, regardless.  And again, emphasized that God has power over the devil. 

(To be clear, no names nor locale was mentioned regarding the person, and no one insinuating that the CL603 hermit was the devil; by no means--but that the devil is involved in that situation, and for me to never look back to it.  Stay clear.  Move forward.  God is guiding, leading, and much positive movement, opening up, for me. We had also discussed a CL603 hermit he knows, who has striven in the vocation but with a different desire, that of having others join; and while that diocese hermit's wish and dream has not transpired and will not due to advanced years, that is not for me, either.)  

There was no judgment yay or nay regarding CL603 hermits in general.  In fact, perhaps in another century or two, the Church will have decided by then that all hermits must be diocese hermits, with the profession of the three evangelical counsels publicly professed into the hands of a diocese bishop.  It does not mean CL603 is wrong or not advised for all those discerning hermit vocation; but it is not necessary unless the Lord desires and wills for the individual person, and perhaps for that person's needs and betterment, or by a holy need of a bishop and diocese.

The new spiritual director then shared with me his own process, which surprised him as he thought his bishop would have wanted or required more formal procedure in his becoming a hermit.  Rather, it was informal and simply a blessing, there and then--no more vows, no liturgy, no prayer.  A simple blessing by the Bishop, sign of the cross--the bishop and priest only; done.  More joyful laughter from the new spiritual father, as he again said the canonical is baggage for you.  Why pick up baggage?  "You have had your hermit vocation blessed by a priest years ago."

[And I want to add here, also, that not every priest would or should bless a hermit's vocation.  The eremitic life is one that needs to be discerned over time, a practice time period of the life entered into, even as I have done, a testing of the Spirit if uncertain.  I did share this with the hermit-priest, of my then bishop and spiritual director for a time, about a decade ago, eager to canonically approve me, but as with me, wanting something small, discreet, private in nature.  However, he got so involved and busy with his retirement fetes and activities, that he apologized that he did not have the time to do it!  The hermit-priest and I laughed at the irony, in many ways; and I said that a sense of relief came over me, and I felt literally "spared."]  

[The other time I had faced that dilemma of CL603, was when in the community of hermits, and the prioress saying it was time to approach my diocese; instead I discovered that she did not even have the statutes developed, and in the meantime I was shown that this prioress did not have herself on good footing; I removed myself due to the pride coming the surface and the lack of her "having the ducks in order."  In my speaking with her Vicar General, he, too, said it was a tenuous situation. Indeed, two years later I learned that she'd gone off the deep end, and what could have been a well-developed community of hermits and a good concept, was ended by her diocese, now two decades ago. ]

Well, enough on that. I have made myself clear.  My spiritual da of 24 years (other than the year of the late bishop!], and this new hermit-priest spiritual director, and my confessor on top of past confessors, also have made themselves clear.  In His alter Christus', the Lord has made Himself clear, as He has with me in several locutions and a couple visions:  I am a consecrated Catholic hermit as of the privately professed, traditional, historical hermits.  I am to not question nor be distracted by, nor entertain adding on or taking a sideways step of what is unnecessary for me, and not for my eremitic vocation in my life, or the life of the Church.

And what I have written, in the time spent with the new spiritual director, the hermit-priest, was actually quite brief.  Just seems that in my finale on the topic, it is as well to express fully, in completion, what is otherwise, stated and told for me:  shackles and baggage.  As to the person whose soul I do love and of course pray for, my pain will continue to pray 24/7 across the stratosphere, but I fare thee well and bid thee adieu.  Have been directed by confessor and now the new spiritual father, the hermit-priest, to stay clear, remove myself from the negative, let God deal with that person and situation.

What the hermit-priest discussed more and mostly, is the Divine Will, the Divine Presence, the Eucharist, the Mass, his purpose and mission in praying for priests, his meditations in Scripture and in also reading and pondering a book he told me about.  Written not long ago by an extant but anonymous Benedictine priest (somewhere in the United States), published in 2007, In Sinu Jesu, reflects the messages from Jesus and the Virgin Mary to this priest/monk during his time praying before the Tabernacle.  Now shared with anyone in the world who desires to read the book (available on Amazon and other sites), given an imprimatur, just this morning the new spiritual father sent me a text of a selection quoted from In Sinu Jesus, along with a portion of Psalm 44.

Yes, my new spiritual father is focusing me on what matters, and where I am to progress from where I've been.  He's been definite on what to turn away from; and the Lord certainly gave me added choices to make, one small and one large, in the past few days.  I am asked to make choices, to discern and decide upon one path over another, one by one as they can enter into our daily lives be we hermits, priests, lay persons in married or single vocations, adults or children.

My text to the spiritual father seemed so banal and temporal, yes, compared to the focusing he was doing.  Praying the Office of Reading this morning while struggling to manage an excruciating spinal headache, I realized my path of suffering and accepting pain--not complaining, mind you--is the correct choice in that regard.  Peace returned after the research the other day which I somehow felt I owed in making the choice and to share with Dr. H. that my path is the Lord Jesus Christ, that I will find Him in my pain, and that pain is not the enemy.  

Rather, I look forward to the gift of joy and of on-going peace within, and of (as I mentioned to the hermit-priest the other day) my desire to come to union with God, and if He wills in my life time, to help others desire, be inspired, and come to union with God as well.  I also desire to strive in the eremitic vocation to the hermit ideal, to a purity of hermit life--even though I have wandered and waffled about.  Yet the Lord always brings me back, strips me, hones me, cuts the chaff from the grain in temporal matters, relationships, choices, and now even in return to lectio divina and whatever writing.

As to the parting direction from the Spiritual Father, the hermit-priest, he said to remain fully open to, and to surrender fully to the Divine Will, for he senses much movement and great opening up for me, in what and how the Lord is leading me.  He said yes, he senses very much the writing is important for me to continue, and that it can be something beneficial even more so after my death. 

(Whether that will be the case, I'm sure will depend on my docility and surrender to His Real Presence and in what I write--inspired by the Trinity or drivel of waffling in the temporal. However, the hermit-priest said that writing honestly, including my pitfalls and flaws, and then the process of the Lord picking me up and my continuing on, no matter how many falls, is good to share.  My sense of it, though, from praying on it and noticing other signals God presents in temporal ways, is that a deep stilling of my mind, heart, and soul is needed.  Stay clear of distractions, the negative immediately and alway, the ones that I've gotten into habit of that help me distract from pain--wean from those as soon and feasibly can.)

Then, the finale of my meeting with the new spiritual director, the hermit-priest.  He emphasized to receive the peace that Christ has for me.  Yes!  Then came most beautiful, spiritual, joy-filled prayer uttered forth from the uplifting hermit-priest, so blessed and glorious in praise and thanksgiving!  God provides beyond what we mortals can possibly anticipate!

This morning's Psalm reading at Mass, from Psalm 56, contains Living Word that supports and sustains, sums the present moment in my nothingness to Christ's ALL.  The Lord does speak to us in Scripture!

"My wanderings You have counted;
my tears are stored in Your flask;
are they not recorded in Your book?
Then do my enemies turn back, 
[my distractions, vices, negatives, evil] 
when I call upon You.
Now I know that God is with me.
In God, in Whose promise I glory,
in God I trust without fear;
what can flesh do against me?
I am bound, O God, by vows to You;
Your thank offerings I will fulfill.
For You have rescued me from death,
my feet, too, from stumbling;
that I may walk before God
in the light of the living."

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Thank You, Lord, for all the blessings and goodness given to all of us, and especially my gratitude for the direction and guidance from the hermit-priest spiritual director you've provided.  Thank you, dearest spiritual Da, who blessed me and the hermit-priest as we sensed your presence with us, blessing us, even though we could not see you standing by us.  The hermit-priest and I each felt you standing between and slightly behind us--to his left and to my right-- blessing this alliance from your place in glory.

Catholic Hermit: God's Testimony

Holy Scripture, God's Living Word, is always a major benefit in taking into our eyes and our souls, our bodies, minds, and hearts what is Truth, Beauty, and Goodness of God.  I never cease to be uplifted and also oftentimes amazed all over again, at some statement that has not particularly impacted me in some way or other, next time read or heard or pondered--impacts in new ways!

I considered this morning, again from 1 Letter of John (5:7-13), the powerful impact of hearing "the testimony of God" and again, "Now the testimony of God is this...."  My mind made a loop-back!  What?  What is God's testimony?  Sounds simple enough, but of course, we humans are complicated, and simplifying is often a complicated endeavor in itself.  However, God's testimony is for each of us, and requires our love, our belief in Jesus Christ, to possess the Son of God, to believe in Jesus' Name.

"Now the testimony of God is this, that He has testified on behalf of His Son.  Whoever believes in the Son o fGod has this testimony within himself.  Whoever does not believe, God has made him a liar by not believing the testimony God has given about His Son.

"And this is the testimony:
God gave us eternal life,
and this life is in His Son.
Whoever possesses the Son has life;
Whoever does not possess the Son of God does not have life.

"I write these things to you so that you may know
that you have eternal life,
you who believe in the name of the Son of God."

Yes, so that we may know that we have eternal life--the Apostle John writes these words to us--those of us who believe in the name of the Son of God!

In my on-going quest of love of God in Himself, of union with the Holy Trinity, all that I can learn and of which to be reminded in the Living Word of God, helps and is so very positive.  I'm also at a major point in my life and circumstances, that expunging negativity and filling in with positivity is a focused effort of which I'm trying to be prayerfully aware and to seek the Holy Spirit's guidance in decisions and interactions, in sensitivity to others' moods, attitudes, desires, needs.

I did make the two largish decisions the other day.  Both are quite positive--choice and movement in positivity, and the one in particular in making another's life be more positive.  The lesser but major choice as for my circumstances and effort involved, can be a positive very much so, in that I am trying to bring in more positive to my daily life since the pain and suffering have been so great in the past year, and there have been some negative aspects that I must avoid, for they are not of God.  However, I have no idea if the positive potential of my lesser decision will end up being possible as it requires effort on my part.  However, I decided it is a risk to take, and there are always ways out of temporal decisions if we try and they turn out we over-estimated such as physical stamina.

But what is always a decision of which the doors of love and positivity always open, and the Lord there to always greet us with love and peace, with mercy...and promise of eternal life, we always have assurance that God the Father, God the Son, and the Holy Spirit are decisions that rely only on our faith, our belief, our daring to believe and to hope in God, and to love His Real Presence, the Holy Trinity!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit: Give Comfort

Well, the upsweep of euphoria at having been able to be out of bed more than in a few months, has come to a drastic halt.  I'm once more suffering dreadfully.  The gut issues have a name:  Paralytic Ileus.  Means the intestines are not operating as they ought.  Been occurring on occasion for 18 years, but in the past couple or three weeks has been chronic, and this time horrific.

Just another symptom of the Adhesive Arachnoiditis of which the nerves within the spinal cord were injured in the 1987 surgery or also the myelogram just prior.  My July 23 surgery did not help but rather seems to have given a boost to this progressive, rare disease.  Digestive and urinary tract problems are all typical of the many symptoms that develop over time.  

I have no idea if this is going to be the new normal, but the added trauma of the rods and screws needing to be first removed from the lower lumbar-sacrum of spine, has been obvious to me since this recent surgery.  Then adding more sets of rods and screws, bone fusion, on up the lumbar, also aggravated what for short is called: AA.

The intestinal issues can progress and be chronic and also debilitating.  The increased symptoms of the intestinal muscles not receiving or interpreting needed nerve impulses is at another level from what I've dealt with on occasion in past.  Despite the nausea, the painful abdominal distension, I kept trying to go for walks, managed the magnificent errand to Walmart Pharmacy, and yesterday walked on some hilly paths. (This was an unexpected blessing: a text from young grandson asking me along while he rode his mountain bike.)  

Then last night I mixed ingredients for Springerle--my great-grandmother's recipe for these German "picture" cut-out anise-flavored cookies.  My prayer intention for my adult children's lives--and I will remain positive  that I'll be able to complete the rolling out and baking of what is now refrigerated dough, at some other time.

I have no idea how this day or night will unfold.  Between bed and bathroom, this has been the present moment situation since yesterday evening.  The Lord is reminding me that I am in His Order of the Present Moment, St. Joseph our patron, my habit the usual, ordinary nightwear.  I may need to go to ER for some scans, if the situation, once I recover from this bout, becomes a repetitive, on-going problem.  

Just have to wait and see, and endure the added pain and suffering, the awful aspects of intestinal troubles, and the harsh reality that joy includes the upsweeps and the laying-lows. [Another neighbor woman, recently met, just dropped off some Coca Cola; she brought and gave comfort in this kindness!  I read online that Coke can help re-balance the digestive tract--in small ways, but am trying. Lord, please know I'm trying.]

I had to sacrifice A.'s coming this morning with Communion.  Matters here are far too unpleasant and unpredictable, bodily: misery abounds.  But not a place this hermitage, Solus Deus, must be for other than the mystical and spiritual presences of the Trinity, the Virgin Mary, St. Joseph and all the saints and angels of which many are saintly ancestors and friends who enjoy the glory of God in heaven, eternally now.  

Here, too, are welcome the suffering souls in purgatory, desiring my prayers.  And I have been praying for all people with digestive tract ailments of which Crohn's Disease comes to mind, and the not-too-many sufferers of Adhesive Arachnoiditis from spinal cord injuries of various types who suffer this symptom, also.  

I pray God's comfort and joy on all who suffer in whatever ways in this present moment, and present moment by present moment as the moments pass.  Joy must remain a commitment of anyone living in and who belongs to the Order of the Present Moment.  Keep joy, always!

When I read the first Scripture reading (Isaiah 40: 1-11) of yesterday's Mass, the first words captivated my mind and heart.  Comfort, give comfort to my people, says your God.  These words--what I think of as a gentle, soothing command--I very much wanted for myself.  I was becoming discouraged with the unknowns even of how long this current, painful and miserable symptom will continue, nor if it will simply repeat itself all over again as seems its recent trend.  I'm not used to this being on a continuum, nor do I want it.

But while I want God's comfort, He is reminding me to give comfort to His people, to others.  I can only do that in my prayers today, or in writing this post in case someone who is interested and might, also, decide to offer God's comfort to those around them, or in prayer to people all over the world.  For all people are God's people; He created us all and desires us to be His beloved children, His flock of which He does not stop seeking after us, even if only one were to remain lost.

While the prophet Isaiah spoke to the people of his time period, the reality of prophecy is that the words reach far into the future, to other persons, to other times, in which the words of God and their meaning still stand true and strong--God speaking across time and through centuries, for time is God's creation for the temporal, yet He is in time and beyond time: timeless.

So I read and meditate God's word through the prophet Isaiah, and His divine message becomes meant for me personally, as it also is meant for you personally.  While I could edit the verses to shorten the passage, the beauty and rich meaning that fills me with God's comfort, and gives me also the grace to give comfort to others even if my prayers and what bit of writing is my means of giving God's comfort.  

I know with assurance that God is carrying me, and carrying you, dear readers--gathering and carrying us close to His bosom, tending us, leading us with His loving care.  It's a present moment of all present moments to take joy in this reality:  God is our comforter; God is comforting us now and always.

Please, with me if you wish, read and silently let God's Word through Isaiah speak to us with whatever personal meaning the Holy Spirit inspires.  These are the living realities of God comforting us today, right now, wherever we are and whatever we are doing, thinking, feeling.

God is our comfort; God is our recompense.  Each line, each thought, has a message for us from God, and instructions for our human, mortal lives, but all the more for our immortal souls seeking blessed, eternal union with our Comforter,  Savior, our Redeemer.  God bless His Real Presence in us!


"Comfort, give comfort to my people, says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her 
that her service is at an end, her guilt is expiated; 
Indeed, she has received from the hand of the LORD
double for all her sins.

A voice cries out:  In the desert prepare the way of the LORD!
Make straight in the wasteland a highway for our God!
Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill shall be made low;
The rugged land shall be made a plain,
the rough country, a broad valley.
Then the glory of the LORD shall be revealed,
and all mankind shall see it together;
for the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

A voice says, 'Cry out!'  
I answer, 'What shall I cry out?'
'All mankind is grass, and all their glory like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower wilts, 
when the breath of the LORD blows upon it.
(So then, the people is the grass.)
Though the grass withers and the flower wilts,
the word of our God stands forever.'

Go up onto a high mountain, Zion, herald of glad tidings;
Cry out at the top of your voice, Jerusalem, herald of good news!
Fear not to cry out and say to the cities of Judah:
Here is your God!

Here comes with power the Lord GOD, who rules by his strong arm;
Here is his reward with him, his recompense before him.
Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; 
in his arms he gathers the lambs,
Carrying them in his bosom, 
and leading the ewes with care."

                          ~ Isaiah 40:1-11

Catholic Hermit: Praying for Wisdom

I've not walked in three days now.  Easy to glum onto weather alerts, to then have an excuse for what is very good exercise.  

The morning's Lyft rides to the dermatologist and back provided a new Prius (small, low to ground, but interesting conversation with young man) and return trip in a Toyota Tacoma--another miracle in another truck.  Also a good conversation even if not getting to a spiritual depth that the young Lyft driver provided.  

However, I am beginning to again focus on aspects of hermit vocation as The Catechism reminds: my life a silent preaching of the Lord....  Let Christ be visible without my self being in the way.  I can tell this will be an engaging and delightful practice!  It is a relief in so many aspects, to die to self:  just let go, even let the pain be more than what am "I"--actually nothing!  

The pain has made itself known, regardless, thus my spending the rest of the day prone on icy pad on bed, other than trash out to street, a most short walk, an unexpected call from a cousin who asked help with ideas on how to word an invitation for an open house she and her husband will host for their son and his bride.

(This is an example:  my cousin calling, and not at all in her mind, a thought of my being a consecrated Catholic hermit, or what my thoughts were at the time, or the very spiritual discussion with the first Lyft driver this morning--a young Catholic man most intent on striving to do God's will, to help make the world a better place, and to "be" prominent as a success in this life for God and for others.  I have been praying about some of the young man's intent, and asking the Holy Spirit to give him the patience he mentioned to me he needs for his desires of goodness, to which I mentioned to the young man I also need patience in my yearning for an abiding union with Christ, or even more, although I did not state it, my desire for Christ to come take me with Him.  Well, I find Jesus in my pain; and that must suffice for now!  None of these thoughts did my cousin detect--nor of my prayers for a stronger grasp of the virtues, acquired, and of greater grasp of the infused virtues, and also of the gifts of the Holy Spirit:  May I praise God for all and utilize them far better and according to His Holy Will!  I offered encouragement and options for the invitation, and when asked, offered advice in words she mentioned to me years ago, relative to "Go along to get along" when a specific desire of her son did not match with what she thought regarding alcohol or no alcohol at the celebratory event being planned.)

Throughout my reading and praying in the silence of solitude here at Solus Deus, and permeating the existing and relating and listening to nurse, doctor, Lyft drivers, cousin from afar, and bits of sorrowful news of another school shooting, the desire of my heart and soul remains in mind:  Pray for wisdom.  It is the foremost prominent gift of the Holy Spirit, given me with the other six gifts at my Confirmation, and part of the kernel within the seed of sanctifying grace.

I also ask to have the infused virtue of prudence primed and pumped within my mind, heart, and soul and for my temporal life to receive and utilize an increase in acquired prudence.  The two--acquired/learned and infused/spiritual virtues ought be in balance.  And it is written that prudence is the director or impetus of implementation of the other moral virtues: justice, temperance, fortitude.

This portion of Scripture from the Book of Wisdom caught my outer sight and inner senses yesterday.  Today I'm sharing with you, Dear Readers, because for you, as well, the Lord speaks to you and teaches you His Mind and Heart--unites you in Him--through His Living Word.  Perhaps not in this present moment are you beseeching greater understanding and infusion of virtues and a fullness of the particular gift of Wisdom from the Holy Spirit, but you understand well how such desires and prayers for His gifts and graces will be desired, for God wills it!  Deus vult!

"To you, therefore, O [human soul], are My words addressed
that you may learn wisdom and that you may not sin.
For those who keep the holy precepts hallowed shall be found holy,
and those learned in them will have a ready response.
Desire therefore My words;
log for them and you shall be instructed."
     
                                       ~ Wisdom 6:7-11

To culminate my headachy thoughts with yet another desire of my heart, I add this verse--an exhortation--from the New Testament, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 which was yesterday's Holy Mass antiphon prior to the Gospel reading.

"In all circumstances, give thanks,
for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus."

Given the pain level despite medication and icy pad, I have not done the challenging reading today that is so helpful--Garrigou-Lagrange's The Three Ages of the Interior Life.  I might attempt even a paragraph or page later, but I've begun the biography recommended by the professor, the one I had not already read:  The Life of St. John of the Cross by Fr. Bruno de Jesus Marie.  The Introduction is written by the late Jacques Maritain; what a treat but also challenging in the quality of the writing.  

The reader can come to know these authors and their writing styles through the pages; what may have seemed challenging becomes a pleasure.  Scripture and other excellent spiritual writings can move the mind, heart, and soul beyond mental discursive meditation and into a contemplative experience. Through the Holy Spirit's power, author, reader, and subjects-- the minds, hearts, and souls connect between the words on the pages.  The thoughts become transformative by and in the Holy Spirit, between writers, readers, persons and their lives, thoughts, and souls.  We all meet in His Real Presence beyond the temporal, and in aspects beyond conscious knowing.  Mysterium tremendum!

With that, I'm encouraged to enter into John of the Cross' loving friendship and tutelage, along with Fr. Bruno de Jesus Maria, and those others to be introduced of John's life on earth.  All now spirit and in the Holy Spirit we gather and love God in Himself and one another.  John and I (and no doubt each of you readers) have suffering in common, and we share a love of Christ and desire for union in Him, as well.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Transformation of the Praying Heart

The other Catholic hermit (privately professed) who has many mystical experiences of which one gift is the Indwelling of the Holy Trinity, emailed last night that if writing helps me endure this pain, then to write.  

I was awakened in the night be worse suffering, so I got back on the floor where it seems my back more comfortable.  The lumbar is still a fiery mess of pain.  It is so severe that the nerve pain down the legs takes second place.  Yet upon waking this morning, the spinal headache is hollering for help.  Thus far I've not given in to Excedrin; I truly want to cooperate with the pain doctor's plan to do steroid injection into the spine this coming Wed.  

So I texted Angel (the woman who brings me His Real Presence in the mystery of His tangible form of consecrated Host), and mentioned my plight--perhaps ER if cannot get headache tamed--and if she is going to grocery any time, could she pick up three items for me?  But she is away until Saturday night but can help then.  It is for the best, no doubt, as I must not cave to the ER plan too easily.  What can they do for me, anyway, other than IV or injection?  That will wear off if even possible in this stringent time regarding pain medications.  Or they'd try what does not work, such as Tylenol; or they'd say take Advil, which is an nsaid and what I'm not to take seven days prior to the spinal injection.

I turn to His Living Word, while I yet consider:  Does writing about this high amount of suffering and this experience of enduring through it, really help me?  I'm doubting it helps others--you readers.  Only if some of you have a lot of pain of any type, it probably seems quite self-serving or piteous that I would write and write and write of the details of trying to endure pain.  Even if you can relate it to someone near you, or to times in your own lives in which you've had various types of suffering--but then, I'm convinced most if not all handle suffering far better, so this would seem nonsense.

Well, I am a weak soul, for sure.  I have considered if I would make myself praise God--yes, just praise for this or that and for Him alone--it would be better than pondering whatever else or dealing with thoughts of desire of being with the Lord, when obviously Jesus has not and at least right now, is not returning to take me with Him.

So here amidst the morning Mass readings, is the daily Catechism of the Catholic Church selection.  (And as a former, long-time Protestant, I still think The Catechism makes a fine guide for anyone, including if governments of the world would stick to what is set forth in this book!)  As I read today's selection, the part about transformation of the praying heart is the first response to our [prayer] petition.

2739 For St. Paul, this trust [in God, in prayer to God?] is bold, founded on the prayer of the Spirit in us [Holy Spirit's prayer, being prayed in us?] and on the faithful love of the Father who has given us his only Son.  Transformation of the praying heart is the first response to our petition.

I marvel at what details enlighten when I take moments to ponder, when I talk these matter over with His Real Presence-within Whom I abide and Who abides within me.  This the crux of lectio divina: divine converse with the Holy Trinity.  Allow the Holy Spirit of which God Who Is Love flows between Father and Son, permeate this Divine Love in us.  Thus we communicate in words or in the silence of our hearts and minds with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Thus  His Real Presence communicates with us, through, with, and in His Perfect Love.

Again, as I have felt so strongly that hope in God is a mystical, spiritual hope--yes, a theological virtue--and resides within His Real Presence, within us as we are within Him, I also wonder at this statement above that "the prayer of the Spirit is within us."  So, too, here is this transformation of the praying heart.  We are told it is our first response to our prayer--our petition, it states.  So is the transformation of our praying hearts on-going within us, when we pray?

Do we have to do the "work" of transforming our hearts?  Or is the Holy Spirit causing the transformation "autonomically" whenever we pray, whenever we communicate with God.  Conceivably, this would be in whatever manner of prayer--including petitions, praises, words spoken, thought, aural or silent aspirations?  Does this mean our prayer ought be of the heart as opposed to the mind--and is it possible to communicate with God solely with the mind and not have the heart very much involved, as well as our body and spirit included in praying?

My worn out body, mind, heart and even my spirit, needs to believe that the Holy Spirit is providing the transformation for us, through us, with us, and in us as we are through, with, and in His Real Presence when we pray.  I have to trust that the Holy Spirit transforms the praying heart no matter the degree, level, or type of communication with any One and all Three Persons of the Holy Trinity.  I now must trust in His Providence in all matters because I have not the strength to do or think or put out effort because I have not the strength.  I'm at the singular point of solus Deus:  God alone.

While The Catechism states that the "transformation of the praying heart is the first response to our petition," it does not specifically say that the transformation of the heart (when praying) is our own response.  So, is the Holy Spirit engendering, effectuating the response--this "first" response? [Will there be mention in The Catechism, or is there some sort of second or third response--perhaps involving other aspects of our beings, such as our minds or our souls?  I guess, stay tuned!  We might find out!]

For now, I'm going to accept that my heart has been and is continuing to be transformed.  Perhaps this transformation of my heart is an on-going transformation, whenever I pray, whenever I communicate with the Holy Trinity, with His Real Presence.  Thus, the transformation of my heart is the first response and always the response when praying.  The transformation of my heart then is on-going if I pray always, when communicating with God in constant communication even though not always verbal or mental prayer of my conscious awareness.  It can be prayer that grows, always a form of the prayer of and in my soul and spirit, just as The Catechism states that the prayer of the Spirit is in us.

Accept!  This is a key word:  Accept.  Accept these truths of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit abiding in us and us in Him:  The trinity, the Three-in-One, His Real Presence.  Accept and desire His Real Presence always, eternally.  When there is nothing other that. and no one who, can offer productive, positive, perfect hope, faith, and love.  We know to Whom to turn, to Whom we can trust, to Whom we can abide in full security in our communicating, in our listening, in our being able to fully be ourselves without risk of betrayal or criticism, without risk of rejection or abandonment, without being ever misunderstood.

And when we are weary and weak, we do not need effort.  All we need is to rely upon His Real Presence, of which the Holy Spirit breathes upon us and in us the faith, hope, and perfect love of the Father and the Son.  We can rest in His assurance, and know that even in our prayers--even if only prayer of petition, of asking, beseeching--the Holy Spirit's prayer is already praying in us, engendering the transformation of our hearts as first response to whatever we've asked whether in word, thought, or unspoken need.

Have we realized that pain itself speaks?  A broken heart speaks?  A despairing mind speaks?  What we cannot express in our own words or even recognize as thoughts, needs, feelings--can be heard by the Spirit in ways we do not fathom right now.  And all of what is "us" is shared through, with, and in God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ by and in the mystical interaction of the Holy Spirit.

If the Father knows us from before we were knit in our mothers' wombs, if He knows every hair on our heads, if He knows what we need before we can put our petitions into thoughts or words, then He knows the prayer of our pain.  He knows the prayer that is our sufferings, our trials, our challenges, our obstacles, our heartaches.  He also knows the prayer that is our desire to persevere and endure through whatever His Real Presence is allowing in our lives, whether or not we recognize that God allows all for the good of us who love Him so!

He knows the prayer that is our desire to triumph over evil.  He knows what the devil is doing, as God knows all.  He knows what the devil is putting us through, what and how the devil is tempting us.  He knows because all God allows is for the purpose of bringing us to perfection--bit by bit--to be one with Him in His Real Presence, in the Holy Trinity.

All this--freely given us by God--strengthens us and perfects us.  As we freely and fearless give all of ourselves to His Real Presence, to us is freely given the all that is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

The only aspect required of me, now, is to accept all that He gives me.  All I need do now, is to endure the suffering, to suffer it out no matter how long I am on earth.  I am to set aside "me" and what I'd like to accomplish or think I ought--like a reminder just now from the ophthalmologist that I am to come for a visual field test in two days.  But again, all I need to do now is to rest in the assurance of His Real Presence adn to know that the Holy Spirit's prayer in ongoing within me, and that my heart is being transformed through prayer seen or unseen, known or unknown, hears or unheard:  the prayer of the Spirit praying.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

[Note: I want to clarify so as not to be misunderstood that the above is not simply passive laziness or helplessness.  It is not "quietism."  Even suffering is an action, a participation, a cooperation with His Real Presence.  It is not really a  passive praying.  Mercy, no!  It is quite active in its own aspects--pain, in essence, screams!  Even the Holy Spirit praying in us, is not us being passive , uninvolved, or non-cooperative.  We are cooperating in the Holy Spirit's prayer within us by being in and with His Real Presence, and the Holy Spirit having berth in our souls.  Enduring is active participation with the Trinity, for example.]

Catholic Hermit: The Royal Law

Sometimes doesn't it seem as if His Real Presence truly knows exactly what we need?  Of course He does--but sometimes it seems so very real, so actual, so lived!

A long-time friend (Protestant) celebrated a birthday the other day.  We keep in touch with a birthday note and a Christmas letter.  Otherwise, the friendship rolls along, year after year, without knowing details of our lives other than the twice-yearly, usually brief, correspondence.  

Increasingly, it seems this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit is closer than ever to whoever comes to mind.  Thus, it seems as if there has been more personal contact than what is the temporal reality.  So I decided to call this friend on her birthday and ask for her email address; I wanted to do a Scriptural Prayer-Gift in honor of her life.  What book of the Bible would she like?

James.

So, each day I'm reading a chapter of James and reflecting upon the content of the verses.  I pray for insights from the Holy Spirit so as to email the friend, each day, in what ways the Word of God through James represents her life.

Today I read the second chapter of James in honor of this marvelous Christian friend.  Lo and behold, there it is again:  God's law of which St. Paul writes in Romans is the "fulfillment of the law" and above all other laws:  God's law of love.  Love God.  Love others.

Here it is, written by the Apostle James.  He calls God's law "the royal law."

"If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing right."

Then a few verses later in chapter two, he writes further regarding being judged by this law and describes it as the law that gives freedom.  In what way? With mercy--and James explains that  freedom occurs when mercy triumphs over judgment.

"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful.  Mercy triumphs over judgment!"

There is much more to the second chapter of James.  The Apostle demonstrates, also, that faith is revealed through what one enacts that demonstrates a lived faith.  If we say we have faith but do not live God's royal law, the law of love of others, then faith is not substantiated.  And consider the truth that mercy always wins, over judgment.  Be merciful to others.  Triumph in mercy.

When my spiritual father called this afternoon--and such a loving surprise--we discussed the seemingly recent, repetitive lessons from Scripture regarding the law and which law is supreme (and simply so) over all other laws:  God's law of love, the "royal law."

We can't go wrong if we adopt the royal law and if we live it.  Yes, if we truly love our neighbor as ourselves, we will be "doing right".

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Let us embrace fully God's royal law and do right!