Catholic Hermit: Good Friday in Image

Domenico Theotoko's "Expolio de Cristo"

Catholic Hermit: Another Hermit to Befriend, St. Francis of Paola

We all continue to pray for all those--which means everyone of us all around the world--who are existing with varying trials and levels of exposure to the COVID-19 health pandemic.  As a hermit, I have been keeping up more with the news via my laptop (window to the world), and while the details are helpful and the themes of persons' needs also inform me as to specifics for which to pray and also very much, to praise God for all His providence and mercy--I also need to remain focused as well on the silence of solitude for praying, praising, and listening to the Holy Spirit's guidance.

I just received an email of someone's brother, in late 60's or early 70's who has tested positive for the coronavirus and is in the hospital.  Please pray for "Tom" and his family and friends.  The person who emailed me this news, asking for prayers for her brother, is one who has for years suffered greatly with mental illness.  While on medications and managing it impressively, this news of brother's hospitalization, understandably can raise the person's anxiety even more than if not suffering a major trial of long-standing schizophrenia.

During this time of global health crisis, as a human being as well as Catholic hermit, turning to His Real Presence all the more helps in remaining prayerfully God-centered and calm. Christ's peace He  bequeaths to all of us.   I also find reading about the saintly hermits of the centuries past helps--perhaps especially for those who previously were freely able to go out and about the temporal world, fulfill career demands, tend to private businesses, do their jobs.  Children were able to go to school and sports activities.  Retired persons traveled, volunteered, and socialized much and often with friends and their routine of running errands and participating in various activities.

I'm encouraging others to check out the lives of hermits--especially the saint hermits whose lives were deemed over time and study following their deaths, to be exemplary Christians who as hermits were adept at living a life in solitude and silence to varying degrees.  Today, April 2, in the Catholic Church, a man named Francis from Paola, Italy, born a little over 600 years ago, is one such encouraging example.

St. Francis of Paola reminds us that we, too, can live with sacrifice and joy in life; today's crisis will be temporary, but Francis of Paola lived for many years more akin to what we now are told will Slow the Spread of Coronavirus:  Shelter in place.  Stay home unless one's work is required for the urgent needs of helping those afflicted with COVID-19 and to now and then get groceries and medications.  (This morning I had a first-time tele-health pain doctor appointment.)

Of St. Francis of Paola, the following will give us glimpses of his life:

"At the age of fifteen, Francis left his poor home at Paola in Calabria, to live as a hermit in a cave by the sea-coast.  In time, disciples gathered around him; and with them, in 1436, he founded the 'Minims,' so called to show that they were the least of monastic Orders.  They observed a perpetual Lent, and never touched meat, fish, eggs, or milk.  Francis himself made the rock his bed; his best garment was a hair-shirt, and boiled herbs his only fare.  As his body withered, his faith grew powerful, and he 'did all things in Him who strengthened him.'  He cured the sick, realized the dead, averted plagues, expelled evil spirits, and brought sinners to penance.

"A famous preacher, instigated by a few misguided monks, set to work to preach against Francis of Paola and his miracles.  The saint took no notice of it; and the preacher, finding that he made no way with his hearers, determined to see this poor hermit and confound him in person.  The saint received him kindly, gave him a seat by the fire, and listened to a long exposition of his own frauds.  He then quietly took some glowing embers from the fire, and closing his hands upon them, unhurt, said, 'Come, Father Anthony, warm yourself, for you are shivering for want of a little charity.'  Father Anthony, falling at the saint's feet, asked for pardon; and then, having received his embrace, quitted him to become his panegyrist and attain himself to great perfection.

"When the avaricious King Ferdinand of Naples offered the saint money for his convent, Francis told him to give it back to his oppressed subjects, and softened the king's heart by causing blood to flow from the ill-gotten coin.

"Louis XI, of France, trembling at the approach of death, sent for the poor hermit to ward off the foe whose advance neither his fortresses nor his guards could check.  Francis went by the Pope's command and prepared the king for a holy death.

"The successors of Louis showered favors on the saint.  His Order, the 'Minims,' spread throughout Europe, and his name was reverenced though the Christian world.

"Francis of Paola (1416-1507) died at the age of ninety-one, on Good Friday, 1507, with the crucifix in his hand and with the last words of Jesus on his lips:  'Into Thy hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit.'" 



The following information I am sharing as a cut-and-paste.  Is from someone writing in to share what found regarding St. Francis of Paoli.  Thanks!  Also, there is a biography of his life that several years ago I found most informative and inspiring, including the rather miraculous circumstances of his barren mother finally being able to conceive and give birth to the saint.

"From the time he was very young, Francis of Paola had a gift for prayer.  He modeled himself after his namesake, St. Francis of Assisi.  At age15. his parents allowed him to retreat to a little spot of land  on their property in Paola, a small town in southern Italy.  Later he moved to an even quieter place, a seacoast cave. 

"Francis' goodness soon became known throughout the area.  By the time he was 20, two other men asked to join him in his very strict way of life.  As more disciples came, he formed them into a Franciscan community and called them the Hermits of St. Francis of Assisi.  These men were called "Minims" because they wanted to be thought of as the least of God's servants.  When they began to build a monastery and a church, everyone who lived nearby-- even the rich nobles--cheerfully carried stones to help with the building.

"When King Louis XI of France was deathly sick, he asked the pope to send Francis to his side to cure him.  When Francis got there, the king offered him money in exchange for a miracle.  Francis sharply pointed out the only God can heal.  Then he consoled the king and helped  him to prepare for a holy death.

"The two kings who succeeded Louis admired Francis.  They  wouldn't allow him to return to Italy.  Instead, they kept him in France so they could ask his advice.

"Francis spent the last 25 years of his life in France.  Being unable to leave made him sad.  However, the advice he gave to the French kings during that time restored peace between France and its neighbors, Great Britain and Spain.

"At age 91, Francis spent three months preparing for death.  Then, on Holy 

Thursday, he called his community to his side.  He encouraged them to continue their work in the humble spirit of Christ, who on this night washed the feet of his disciples.  On Good Friday, while the Passion according to St. John was being chanted in the church, Francis died in peace."

Catholic Hermit: Come to Jesus

For quite awhile I've been considering very much the trouble people are having--Christians, but mostly Catholic Christians due to the Sacraments and the Mass.  For within most dioceses in many states, countries, regions where COVID-19 is rampant or on the rise, the churches are not open for people to come and gather to worship (Mass) nor to enter for prayer, nor to come for Sacraments such as baptisms and reconciliation (confession), nor even funeral gatherings.

I've received information that I suspect is not an isolated case.  A parish priest or even a bishop, decides to leave churches open for people to come in to adoration chapels or into the churches, leaving their doors unlocked and encouraging prayer on site.  One bishop evidently stated that as long as grocery stores are allowed to be open, the churches will remain open.

Of course, we realize that these two "places" are not equivalent--not spiritually, but more so, not in practical aspects.  People are allowed to go into a grocery store, doors automatically opening.  The  person uses a cart that they can wipe down themselves with wipes at entrance, stay a distance, not necessarily know people they know so not tempted to stop and talk, procure their groceries, use the self-check-out or go through a checker, but again not the interaction risk of communicating nor remaining in one spot but moving on through and out.

When a person goes into an adoration chapel or church, one opens using the door handle.  Even if no holy water remaining--most parishes hopefully have removed holy water from fonts quite awhile ago--the person then enters, perhaps touches the plate or handle for the door into the apse of the church after passing through the narthex.  If an adoration chapel, then the person enters into a relatively small space, a room of varying sizes, often with no windows that open or if so would mean more touching to open a window to air out the space.  The person touches the pew or chair to sit, or the kneeler to kneel. The person sits, and there may be others there.  

(In at least one such parish church remaining unlocked, the priest asks people to sit in the two or so handicap-designated pews (to limit the amount of cleaning, once a day.  But it also keeps those who do indeed come in, to sit even closer in proximity.  On social media states he is in there himself, with Jesus alone in Tabernacle, waiting for people to come and pray.  Sweetly pious-sounding, but not prudent in logistics at this time of pandemic.)  

Such behaviors, no matter who or where, encourages persons to not take seriously the "lockdown" that state and many states and communities now have ordered for staying in, sheltering in place.  These orders are for all those other than for "necessary" jobs or places: medical professionals, law enforcement, medics, grocery, pharmacy, and a few other deemed necessary for the functioning of human's requisite tangible needs.

There is no one monitoring people gathering in church spaces, small or large, reminding to keep distance from one another. But the problem is the touching of surfaces and then taking potential virus out and into the community on their way to their homes, where there are others often enough, who can then become infected if the person has picked up virus on clothing, shoes, hands.  

In the particular situation of which I became aware--another locale--the priest has stated that the door handles are wiped daily and the pews wiped twice a week, but with keeping people to couple of pews, once a day.  Seems unaware of how fabric-padded seat cushions cannot be simply wiped off to disinfect, nor aware of how long coronavirus stays on solid surfaces, fabrics, paper prayer cards, cardboard (paperback worship booklets in pews, hymnals, etc.), carpet, doorhandles, wood pew or chairs, or the up to three hours it can stay in the air, particularly in enclosed spaces without much air movement.

You can imagine the uproar that occurred when a person shared the facts and realities of COVID-19 on a parish social media site. There were those who attacked the one who mentioned the inadvisability of going into the church and/or adoration chapel, giving reasons as well as tried to explain Jesus is within us wherever we are.  Why not just follow the lockdown order for the two or three weeks, and pray at home?  But others became irate on the social media discussion site.  

The person's comments were blocked, but not before they were told that they had no Authority to suggest such a thing: that people consider not going in, not gathering, but to pray at home for the time being.  I've since been informed that someone of that parish social media site has taken on the position of censoring and determining what comments allowed and what not.  A shameful thing, it seems, to exclude, to ban, a fellow parishioner's input which included factual helps and encouragement.  

It remains to be seen if such as offering the internet link to Cardinal Dolan's (NYC) national and international interview will be posted on that parish site.  Will the person who has taken it upon him- or herself to censor Parish FaceBook site discussion considers the Cardinal a good enough "Authority"? He spoke exactly to what these Catholic parishioners had attacked coming from one of their own.

Thus ended that wise and prudent attempt of one wee person in a parish elsewhere, to help others stay safe, keep others protected from potential contagion, be obedient to the law of the land, to exercise free speech.  The group refused to recognize and embrace a magnificent opportunity to increase in their FAITH.  We must keep a sense of compassion and also humor in the foible-ridden plague of human nature.

To the persons who had attacked, some mentioned they "feel safe in the church."  I recall a priest who had been at that very parish for 35 years and made quite an imprint in various ways.  He used to remind people, "Faith is not feelings."  However, we no doubt can recognize in others and ourselves not simply thinking through the severity of this pandemic but running on and fanning the fumes of feelings. Do we not believe in these very words spoken in Mass, regarding consecration of the Host--His Real Presence:  through Him, with Him, IN HIM?  Christ is IN US.

Jesus has said, "The Kingdom of God is within!"  On the Solemnity of the Annunciation a couple of days ago, Isaiah wrote of the virgin bearing a son, and He would be the savior of the world, and He would be Emmanuel:  God with us!  Just today in an interview, Cardinal Dolan of New York City spoke eloquently and passionately to remind people that Jesus is with us, we are never alone, and what a good time for us to lower our pride, to accept we do not have the answers and do not know nor can control what is happening, but in humility and in faith, God is with us and will bring us through.  

The Gospel of John shares this message as well, in yet a different way and perspective.  In chapter 5 we read these lines that ought to consider carefully where is our faith--at what level, at what depth or breadth.  I will write out the lines that struck me most of these words of Jesus Christ, and His trying to get through to us, that while there are many means for knowing Jesus.  

There are persons holy and intermediary who  enrich our faith, provide the sacraments, guide us in spiritual life.  We have the Scriptures containing His Living Word and great writings of holy persons that help us in knowing Jesus.  But always, we can simply and truly come to Jesus any time, any place--in our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls!  Jesus abides in us, and we abide in Him!

"'[Jesus said]...Moreover, the Father who sent me has testified on my behalf.  But you have never heard his voice nor seen his form, and you do not have his word remaining in you, because you do not believe in the one whom he has sent.  You search the scriptures, because you think you have eternal life through them; even they testify on my behalf.  

"But you do not want to come to me to have life.  I do not accept human praise; moreover, I know that you do not have the love of God in you.  I came in the name of my Father, but you do not accept me; yet if another comes in his own name, you will accept him."

Think on these of Jesus' own words.  We are so tempted to accept others more than we do Jesus Himself!  We rely on Scriptures when we have Jesus within us always.  (And this is not to say that we ought not search the scriptures--but search them to know Jesus all the more.)  But we can forget that it is not the scriptures that will give us eternal life; Jesus gives us eternal life.  Why not simply, truly, come to Jesus to have life?

Jesus does not accept human praise!  But do we know anyone who does?  That is a point for discernment, especially of those who strive to be such as any of us followers of Christ, or even of those ordained to be as alter Christus, or in the person of Jesus.  Do any of us or do we know of those who accept human praise or take pride in position and lose a sense of humility in doing what is prudent and wise?

Truly, this section of Jesus' very words have made a tremendous impact on me, a nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  I have gone through a period of discerning myself, discerning situations and persons in ways that the Lord has desired me to granularly discern.  And the Lord, also, has been working with me in the sickness and solitude of my own 25 days now of still recovering from being very ill with not COVID-19, but with an awful, upper respiratory infection.  

The thoughts are too much to share right now and perhaps not ever; what the Lord has helped me discern still being absorbed.  I'm mulling what it all means, what will evolve, what direction and what He wills with me.  But my faith is growing in a way I'd not anticipated, and in the major solitude in ways indescribable I remain His alone.  While I am very much enrapt in the Body of Christ,  I am all the more through, with, in:  Solus Deus!  God alone!  

I come to Jesus.  Here I am, Lord.  I have come to do--to be Thy will.

God bless His Real Presence in us!'

People, please stay home. Stop the spread of COVID-19.  Can we not spend a little while with Jesus in our dwellings, stay with Him Who is in us?  

Catholic Hermit: #PrayforEasterMiracle

Pass it on, please.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

God bless His world!

Catholic Hermit: Hermit's Coronavirus Updates

After the first very worrisome, middle-of-night upper lung pain and breathing heaviness, and seriously considering driving to an ER connected with a hospital (the ER of my COVID testing last Monday does not have hospital with it, not yet), I decided to wait an hour, take another cough suppressing pill, use the inhaler, take a pain med, and trust in the Lord.

Awoke in morning from phone ringing.  Was the COVID-19 test results.  Negative!  Elated and grateful, I was told upper respiratory infection but not the coronavirus.  I am convinced that the Lord brought me to the middle-of-night concern as lungs were worst thus far, and then offered the good news of negative test result.  I also reflect upon why I had such a difficult time getting a simple prescription of Azithromycin from two separate health care providers, but thanks be to God for the ER medical doctor who prescribed that plus inhaler and cough suppressant.

Took the last of the "z-pack" yesterday, and today while still mostly in bed resting, I'm definitely on the mend.  Had I not gone to the ER to ask a third medical provider for Azithromycin, this prolonged (or not treated accurately for a crucial week-before-last), the infection would have moved into the lower lungs as that was where the cough was starting to come from in middle of night scare.  The Lord has also worked out for me to get a new medical doctor--an internist. 

God provides so beautifully and generously in our lives!  As a consecrated in Christ, Catholic hermit,  all the more I marvel that I needed no assistance in these past three weeks other than was prudent to have a person, wearing gloves and with hand sanitizer, to take the antibiotic, inhaler, and cough med prescription to the pharmacy and set outside my hermitage the medications.  No other interchange, no proximity other than 20' distance for I put the script in tailgate of truck so the kindly helper only had to reach for it with my standing 20' downwind from truck, mask on, and held the coughs until the person left and I was back in my truck.

These and others were instructions from ER doctor and nurse, as to the care and precautions people need to be taking if having any symptoms of COVID-19.  My not receiving the z-pack when I knew I first needed it caused time and precautions and concerns for ER COVID team, plus flu test and COVID-test and state lab analysis.  I likely would have been well by now or even a few days ago with correct antibiotic 12 days ago. But I know how others feel with such symptoms and sickness, their thoughts and wondering, and I'd not have done as much research which has helped guide my choices going forward.

This is a serious virus of so many unknowns such as lasting effects on the human body. (They know already that it can create permanent lung damage in some older COVID survivors; and many studies covering various facets will be on-going for a long time on this virus.  After myself being so ill with the sinus infection run amuck without proper, earlier treatment, I can assume my resistance is lower than normal.  And I am quite susceptible to COVID-19 now, as is everyone else who's not contracted it and survived it.  Even with those who recover, there have been cases of those who have re-contracted the virus, possibly in a different strain, l or s.

I'm going to follow all the procedures which I discovered while researching COVID-19.  I'll keep up with the wiping of surfaces, precautions that are recommended, and will stay inside other than in my yard wearing a mask or if need to go somewhere in an emergency type need.  I have someone young and without symptoms who must go to grocery for young family needs who is willing to pick up any items I may need. The only item would be a prescription, but even that--I can hold out a bit longer.  The person is going tomorrow for their own needs, so will accept kind offer.  Will have that person drop it off outside hermitage.

I simply do not want to risk catching COVID-19 or being exposed to it through the various ways it is so easily transmitted nor to transfer from me to someone other.  Nor do I want to pass on whatever it is that I have suffered as while I know I did not have either flu strain, there is no way to know what I have other than severe upper respiratory ailment.

As to my trying to impress upon the few others who I encountered via email or a phone call or some text messages--the importance of cooperating with the President's Task Forces' "15 Days to Stop the Spread" guidelines--I've come to realize that by now people are entrenched in what they want to do and how they choose to think and nothing I can say or write further is going to change their choices and behaviors.

I've returned to praise of God and prayer for the world.  Today a morning text from someone in position of  Church leadership and vocation, shared the person's plan to offer confession 6 hours a day, plus encourage adoration as would be exposing the Blessed Sacrament in a large chapel/facility Tabernacle.  Included in that facility is a health care unit for elderly persons.  I did text back that this time period in our lives certainly calls upon us to have much greater faith that Christ is in the Tabernacle in our hearts and souls.  I mentioned that I can remain His, solus Deus, until the pandemic has lessened. 

I did not directly state but is so true:  we can adore Christ within us and adore Him from within our abodes; we can ask God to forgive our sins and in greater faith trust in His mercy at this time.  This is prudence and charity toward others.  

We can partake of the tangible, physical aspects of Sacraments when the dangers have passed.  We can gather physically together in chapels and churches to adore Christ in the Tabernacle.  And while I did not text this as I know my words will not dampen the determination for the person who so wants "to do" something helpful which is not helpful in this time of heath crisis requiring physical distancing--I prayed that the person might consider own age--past 70, and not in best of health.

The Lord continues to humble me in returning me to Him and to prayer and praise.  In the Book of Hosea, 6:1-6 of today's first reading at Mass (with us no longer meeting together for Mass due to the wisdom of professionals whose research and statistics factually show us how this serious virus is transmitted and how to contain, mitigate, and eventually stop the rapid and can-be-deadly spread of COVID-19)--I find the Lord showing me the path forward in my own hermit way of helping, and also for anyone be they priest or lay person, religious order monk or nun, adult or child.

In these verses from the Living Word of God, some the reminder, reassurance, and faithful "action" we are to take in such times in which we now are living, with some suffering, recovering--but also some dying.

"Come, let us return to the Lord, it is He who has rent, 
but He will heal us; He has struck us, 
but He will bind our wounds.  
He will revive us after two days; 
on the third day He will raise us up, 
to live in His presence.  
Let us know, let us strive to know the LORD; 
as certain as the dawn is His coming,
and His judgment shines forth like the light of day!
He will come to us like the rain, 
like spring rain that waters the earth.

"'What can I do with you, Ephraim"  
What can I do with you Judah?
Your piety is like a morning cloud, 
like the dew that early passes away.
For this reason I smote them through the prophets;
I slew the by the words of my mouth;
For it is love that I desire not sacrifice, 
and knowledge of God rather than holocausts.'"

As for my own frustrations in trying to break through to even a handful or so people who are literally, perhaps, hell-bent on going out and about with suspect yet minor symptoms, or asymptomatic but not at all heeding the advice and request to just STAY INSIDE.  That is, stay inside only and unless we need to go out for medical care or groceries--and go once a week or ten days (or longer) to purchase what is needed; do not shop frequently, in other words.  Exercise at home, pray at home, and work from home if possible.  Otherwise, it is recommended for those only to work who are in medical profession, law enforcement, and other crucial employments necessary to help with global health crisis.

I will stop expressing the realities of concern and that are interpreted "stressed-out" or "over-reacting."  I will stop silently calling out from my hermit cell via text or email or one rare caller.  By now people have heard even if they do not heed the research being given hourly from the multiple news agencies online, via television, and in print media.  My frustration, fueled by how very sick I have been --and that not even COVID-19, must cease.  What sickness I had was awful enough; and it might be another week or more while the Azithromycin continues to work within this body, for me to resume some manual labor. 

The Lord is calling His nothing Catholic hermit to return to my life devoted to praise of God and prayer for the world, in the silence of solitude and in stricter separation from the World. I return to being a silent preaching of Christ and a hidden reminder of the mystery of Christ in His Church.  To be now, the humbled one praying.  I must remain off and alone with God, in my hermitage bedroom.  Not even raise my eyes to heaven but to beat my breast and pray, "Oh God, be merciful to me, a sinner."

"Come, let us return to the Lord, it is He who has rent, but He will heal us...."

God bless His Real Presence in us, always!

Catholic Hermit: Hermit's Efforts, and God Provides

My efforts to try to convince others to stay inside, are coming to a conclusion.  I've written on various sites and have fielded those who wish to debate and disagree.  I have no idea if I end up being successful in explaining or convincing those who consider COVID-19 to be not as serious as it is, to please stay inside.

Gov. Gavin Newsom and likely others will follow suit before long, has solved the problem for the highly-populated California.  Mayor Bill de Blasio in NYC desires to declare a lockdown, but Gov. Cuomo is opposed; the governor would supersede the mayor.  However, for all people to STAY INSIDE for at least a couple of weeks, will help contain and stopping the spread of this coronavirus.

This afternoon I had another older person call. We'd not spoken in several months --maybe over half a year at least. (I do not have many phone or other verbal or in-person contacts, but do have an email a day from one person who likes to send mostly information on a saint for the day.  Lovely!  Otherwise, a couple other persons from years' past life, email briefly once a week or less.  There are occasional texts.  The main phone calls are mine to set up the medical appointments that once I'm well from this current affliction, these recent appointments will not repeat!)

The older person today is yet another who seems unaware of the suffering and potential death, and more so--the risk of their potentially infecting other people to cause them great suffering and sometimes, death.  People who are Christians, and Christian Catholics, and others who are intent in major fears and concerns of the effect of climate on the planet--amazingly do not see the necessity to STAY INSIDE for temporary time period in order to cooperate in stemming the spread of COVID-19.

I've done my best in the couple of phone calls, the couple of texts, and the three or four emails. I've done my best on numerous comment threads of various news articles.  Now it is time for me to return to prayer only, other than what I might write and share on this blog.  I think before long, the leaders in the country and of the states and communities, will have to enforce lockdowns, essentially forcing all citizens to stay inside other than those who must be out as are medical professionals, law enforcement and fire fighters, bankers, and grocery employees.

We people simply could not cooperate and listen to leaders and brilliant professionals who are trying day and night to educate us through news programs.  Too many continued to go out and not practice physical distancing. (Someone has pertinently pointed out that we are not social distancing, for we can keep social contact via technology; but we are to practice physical distancing.)  

The virus continues to spread rampantly, and if we do not slow and halt the spread of the virus and stop contaminating others and surfaces and air by those who are ill and go out but think they have something other like a cold, or those who go out when they do not realize they are infectious but no symptoms yet.  

There are plenty of people, from youth to young and mid-adults to elderly, who continue to go out because they do not yet see the reality nor the need to stay in.  There is selfishness, ignorance, and personality inability to be stilled and relax within self and abode--one or some or all of reasons such as these.  

Lack of concern for others, unable to put off what they want to do until a few weeks or couple of months from now, and also denial of the severity of the sickness from this virus, as well as the mortality rate, are reasons why people do not cooperate with what we need to do to stop the virus.  We'd then turn around the economy again, plus have social lives return to new and improved relationships, possibly, than prior.  Distance and absence, as is said, makes the heart grow fonder.

As a hermit, I've benefitted from my attempt, from the many efforts in the past few days to help others to understand more about the virus plus to choose selflessness, sacrifice, humility, and even patriotism if not the moral high ground and Christian duty of faith, hope, and charity. Practice the virtues!  Explore for a short while what it can be like to exist a bit as a hermit or a "family of hermits."  Just STAY INSIDE.

But now I return to prayer as my efforts.  I've missed the single-mindedness of praise of God and praying for the salvation of the world.

Yesterday late afternoon I had personal sense of starting to truly improve from the horrible sickness of the past 17 days (as of today).  I'd done a couple tasks and wiped down more surfaces and items I have touched.  Am to do this daily but have not felt well enough to be out of bed to get all items and surfaces that I've touched, wiped with disinfectant.  I also have to get simple items from the refrigerator to bring back to bed to eat, get plenty of fluids to drink, and begin to wash clothes such as those I wore to ER on Monday, or some sheets washed to replace those on the bed and have been through the worst of being so ill.  

This morning, however, I awoke suffering more with the sickness.  I had a terrible coughing spate; my upper lungs were aching and burning more than yesterday.  I realized that I'd done a tad too much yesterday--and what I did in late afternoon as was too ill to get up in the morning was yet too much. I had overdone the little bit I did.  By afternoon today, I had energy to take a shower. Then after resting a couple more hours, I put the clean sheets on the bed and started a load of blanket and pillows.  Then more rest, and got up again for some asparagus spears broiled in countertop oven.  Dinner, with a few whole wheat crackers and dried cherries.  That was enough physical effort!

But I'm very encouraged! I heard two separate doctors speaking on news clips on my little window to the world: laptop.  They each mentioned that Azithromycin or commonly known as "z-pack" is what is being used to treat COVID-19 patients with lung issues!  They also said that if the person is severely ill with respiratory distress, they also have begun treating the patients with Azithromycin plus the drug Choroquine--the medication that has been used for malaria with success for years, but had only now been fast-tracked for approval to be given COVID patients by the USA's Food and Drug Administration. 

I then looked up Azithromycin use for sinus infections.  Lo and behold!  The "z-pack" is recommended as best antibiotic if Augmentin is not effective for patient or for some reason the patient has not responded to it.  That's this Catholic hermit!  Augmentin has not worked for me in the past; z-pack has helped regardless if sinus or lung issues--not that I've had an abundance of either affliction.  (I tended to be ill each winter of the 6 winters of my previous hermitage and location--environmental issues were challenging to health.

God has provided beautifully for me, yet again!  God provides for us all if we trust in Him and follow the deep, inner hunches when we are too ill or whatever the reason we cannot think with mind or function with body.  That has been my situation for the past 17 days; and I thank my angel and praise God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for the relentless certainty that I NEEDED a "z-pack."  From a week ago Tuesday when I became desperate enough to get up and drive to the Urgent Care to ask for a z-pack, to the next day when I drove myself even farther to the doctor's office to beg for a z-pack, and finally, not having been given a z-pack (Azithromycin), by this past Monday afternoon when the increasing upper lung aching, burning, and coughing (again), and then the sharp pains piercing across upper lungs, I knew I had to get to the emergency room and convince them that I truly need a z-pack!

I did not have to do any convincing.  By then, the ER team handling those with COVID-19 symptoms, evidently knew that z-pack for my sinuses and especially my lungs, plus an inhaler to help with the breathing that felt heavy and caused more lung pain, plus medication to suppress the increased dry coughing--all necessary to help me while waiting the 4-5 days for COVID test results.  God handled it all for me.  God knew why I felt so strongly that I needed a z-pack for whatever it is that ails me.  The z-pack has me now covered if some odd sinus infection (for I've never had sinus infection come upon me full force in one day, and I do not recall the added symptoms, such as dry cough); God has me covered if I do somehow have COVID-19.

Azithromycin is, amazingly, what is prescribed for both ailments--and that is extra impactful for no one in the world has previously to the past couple or three months ever dealt with COVID-19.  The medications being tried are just that:  being tried as experimental attempts to help people recover!

My joy is compounded by the reality that I am going to improve, and the contrast between how very sick I've been to how even this afternoon I felt well enough to shower and to put fresh sheets on the bed--well, I could describe the contrast as euphoric encouragement! May Jesus Christ be praised!
May the Holy Spirit be honored!  May God the Father be glorified!

Someone texted early evening:  had just read that COVID test results are now so backlogged that it can take up to 10 days now to hear from health personnel if one's test is negative or positive.  That is all right.  The Lord has provided reassurance by two doctors on national news video clips being interviewed; I have the antibiotic that is being used and most effective with COVID patients thus far if not so severe as to needing the more experimental Chloroquine added with Azithromycin.  The latter is the baseline and prevalent antibiotic being used for coronavirus patients with lung issues.  And online with first Google input, I learned that for those who do not benefit from Augmentin, Azithryomycin, or z-pack, is the best  and first choice in antibiotic otherwise.

God is letting me know for sure I've turned the corner, and while I must continue to rest in bed for most part, and wait patiently for however many days longer in strict quarantine, my mind is clearing from the blur of forgetful dream-like existence.  My bodily stamina is beginning to manage a couple of small tasks in afternoon.  The lungs are not worse even if not a great deal better.  

And if what I've been suffering is COVID-19, I intend to volunteer for the Choroquine medication if they need, for Dr. Deborah Birx of the Coronavirus Task Force has commented, as well as Dr. Hahn of the FDA, have each mentioned that doctors can now use Choroquine for COVID patients as they also want to study the interactions with patients to learn if this drug will be best and most effective, and not cause negative side effects, for COVID-19 sufferers.  Whatever God wills.  He is providing all physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually!

God bless His Real presence in us!  God bless St. Joseph on his Feast Day!

Catholic Hermit: Under Strict Quarantine

Lungs hurt more in afternoon, had a few sharp pains shooting on occasion in upper lung area.  Decided I definitely needed to try to get a z-pack (Azyithromycin).  Called ER, they said come in wearing mask (would anyway), and it was quite the process.  

Might write about it all later, so that you readers will know what the COVID-19 test involves and all the protocol. (Was tested for flu but negative.  Had chest x-ray but no pneumonia, which I said sure did not have in advance--but don't want upper lungs to get worse and end up with pneumonia.)

Thanking God for the excellent professionals at the ER, and finally have z-pack, plus nebulizer, plus medication for cough.  Anyway, more later.  It is not "spiritual" per se, but figure in our global situation, might be helpful for others to know what getting tested involves, and the degree to which the medical community within days has stepped up their protocols.  It sill will be 4-5 days before I get results, so have to be on "strict quarantine" until test results back and negative.  No problem, although feeling a bit more stamina, still too sick to want to be up or outside.

Praising God for the help received late afternoon from ER.  God bless them and protect the team that were set to go through the paces with their quite competent and appropriately cautious process.  Whatever this is, I don't want others to get it, and I'm wanting to feel better.  Don't need lungs worsening.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Out of Darkness, Into Spirit and Truth

Well, it seems awhile since I've written but think just a couple days.  This afternoon I began to feel as if waking up from a blurry and lengthy dream of mostly non-remembering.  I'm cautiously optimistic that this illness has turned the corner; but it is notorious for having me feel as if some better and next day worse.  Yet, I'm still considering that this body has turned the corner for the better.

And as the days pass, there has been more information the researchers and Coronavirus Task Force have discovered as to symptoms.  Yes, sinuses are very much part of where this upper respiratory virus can start or reside.  No, it does not have to include a cough.  No, the fever does not need to be 100 or more, depending upon age.  In fact, don't need many symptoms at all, or for long.  A couple days ago they were finding people testing positive who presented with gastrointestinal symptoms.  A woman who had it today was interviewed and said her symptoms were slight sore throat and headache for a few days.

Soon there will be an online site to be screened or at least guidelines, but from what they've said in their briefings, I will definitely qualify for testing.  I might get a test if I feel well enough to drive to wherever there is a drive-through; but tomorrow will be day 14 for me to have been very sick with slow but gradual improvement.  Still not out of bed much but have been today to remove black plastic bags from the planters in back and to fold some clothes that have been on drying rack for I'm-not-sure-how-long.  This is a promising start or upswing!

My head is not so disoriented now, although the sinus issue I am not convinced was really a sinus infection.  Still had low-grade fever today and some chills this morning and early afternoon--but fewer and farther between.  Being as if existing in a dream is dwindling!  Praise God!  And thanksgiving and gratitude for those who have been praying for me!

I did, the past few days, write elsewhere of my experience with this illness, and reminded others that the symptoms do not necessarily or maybe mostly fit into the neat three-or-four boxes that medical providers have tended to insist upon.  Breathing difficulties are not involved in many of those who tested positive.  Friday night the first infant with COVID-19 was born in the UK.  People are less and less spouting off about how the media is hyping this pandemic, or that people don't have it unless presenting with high fever, respiratory distress, and have serious underlying conditions.

We are all coming out of whatever darkness of ignorance or not wanting to deal with the facts and realities.  We are all learning together about the coronavirus, or COVID-19, and with humility are recognizing that we know very little other than what is being discovered daily by daily research and by persons' symptoms being reported.  

Thanks be to God there will be testing that bypasses medical providers' with their varied notions of what constitutes symptoms warranting testing, for too many of them were expecting only the dire cases that fit neatly into three categories and a fourth if one had been on a cruise ship or exposed even if in a conference or group of hundreds in which one or more persons had tested positive and was in known "hot-spot" area. 

 (Yet I am undecided if I will get tested as will need to feel much better to drive to a testing spot once they are established, and by then not sure there is a point for me.  I suppose to know if safe for me to be around others; as a hermit and my family visit over, I have no place I need to go as am stocked up with edibles.  Have had no to little appetite, although that is returning a bit.  I'll ask the Lord to guide me on whether or not to get a test once feel up for driving to testing location.  Wore myself out with effort to get to Urgent Care and next day to the D.O. for what now seems to be for me to pray for the two persons as well as to share my experiences, which did help someone this morning.)

So I turn to today's Gospel, the real-life experience of Jesus and the disciples walking and arriving at Jacob's well in Samaria.  The disciples go on into the town to purchase food to bring back to Jesus, as he was weary and they left him to rest.  Or, perhaps, of course, Jesus foreknew what would transpire and encouraged the disciples to go on without him to buy food.  (And I note that they purchased food--did not beg, at least at that point and location.  No one knew of Jesus there; his reputation had not preceded him.)

The verses that I'm most pondering and holding close to heart are these of Jesus in explaining to the Samaritan woman and those whom she was asking to come see this man who knew about her life, who is the Messiah.

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth; and indeed the Father seeks such people to worship Him.  God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and truth" (John 4:23-24). 

The Lord is calling us now, calling us the world over, to worship God the Father in Spirit and truth.  He is seeking us during this time of Lent--especially those of us who are now feeling the fuller effects of this global health pandemic--but all of us including those who have suffered greatly and lost many lives to it, and whose countries have not yet peaked from the disastrous effects of this highly contagious and dangerous virus--especially to the more vulnerable sections of the worlds populace. 

And Jesus emphasizes that for those of us who worship Him worship Him in Spirit and truth.

I am needing a bit of thoughtfulness and, perhaps to put my bodily pain plus whatever of the blurring couple of weeks with these several other symptoms of COVID-19, behind the desire to worship God the Father, and to worship Him in Spirit and truth.  I'm praising God for loving us all so much to allow us this time period and the circumstances of physical, medical pandemic, of for some to deal emotionally with panic by turning to God for protection and healing, and to have faith and trust in the Lord mentally that the economic realities that will be harsh for awhile, will turn around.

We must turn to God in Spirit and in truth, for turning to Him is a step in worshiping Him.  People will not turn to God if not interested in at least acknowledging that He is there for them--for them to turn to.  Conversion!

At least others will see the many of us who love and worship God, who praise Him and pray to Him asking for the salvation of the world and of souls--will have an example just as the people of the Samaritan town saw in the Samaritan woman at the well how she had changed already.  She was so excited and doing all she could to convince people to come and see; she even announced to them that Jesus had told her of all her male alliances and husbands,.  She was so taken up in the Spirit and truth that she did not mind being totally transparent and admitting her sinful life.  Conversion!

God bless His Real Presence!

[Just received text from someone who'd texted over hour ago that spouse was not home yet and getting dark.  Had gone fishing where no cell service, and should have been on way home.  We prayed, and also I texted some to help point out that was still dusk and the fishing might have been very good and enticing to squeeze out every bit of light.  So this text was that the lost has been found, and is yet an hour away but all right.  And, truly, I was just noticing that dusk seemed to last extra long so just now at point of darkness.  I also texted that we prayed to the Father in Spirit and truth, and now I will praise the Father in Spirit and truth!  All is well for the fishers of fish!]

Catholic Hermit: Holy Words to Help Us Through Coronavirus

St. Theodore the Studite (monk at Constantinople, 759-826, has written words that build faith and confidence in Christ, in his Catecheses that he wrote for benefit of the many monks in his monastery and others.  His words are worth sharing without comment otherwise, as they can focus us through the coronavirus (COVID-19) crisis, now a pandemic.


"Your task is an angelic one.  If we have to endure a few trials, if we have to mortify ourselves a little, let us be patient for a short time longer.  Here already is the goal and term of our lives:  we shall be carried away by the holy angels and will be a in joy for eternity, co-heirs with all the saints of all the good things promised us (cf. Heb 11:9)....

"That is why from now on we patiently accept whatever happens to us; for we will receive eternal happiness in exchange in the same way as misfortune will recompense those who do evil.  May heave preserve us from the suffering of hearing:  'You received what was good during your lifetime...but now this man is comforted' and 'between us and you a great chasm is established' (Lk 16:25, 26).  Isn't it a terrible thing to hear and imagine these divine sentences, separating the sinner from the just?  The distance, the abyss, the loss and the fall of those who are in sin distances them from the Lord our God as the heavens are higher than the earth (cf. Is 55:9).

"But those who, like yourselves, ardently desire every day to be his friends and true servants will enter with him into the celestial dwellings, into the Jerusalem on high (cf. Gal 4:26), the great city, filled with unimaginable marvels, to which a glory without end and an eternal power are joined.  There we will see each other and know ourselves perfectly.  And I believe that, if we fulfill the will of God, we shall all be together in eternal joy....

"May you also conduct yourselves in an angelic manner, clinging to the arm of God that fortitues you, to the encouragement of the Holy Spirit who strengthens you, to the holy angels, to all the martyrs and saints blessed by God who come to your aid."   

These are ideal and holy words which are reflection of Scripture--the Living Word of God--for helping one and all of us to adopt in mind, heart, and soul to focus and uplift us through the coming days and weeks and perhaps some months.  We are all in this together!  Pray healing, sensibility, wisdom, and deeper conversions to God for everyone throughout the whole world.

God bless His Real Presence!

Catholic Hermit: COVID-19 Trial, and Thoughts from St. Theodore

The news of the world is that of COVID-19, or coronavirus.  I've had my own dismay with the unexpected actions of some in medical response even to my own virus or whatever it is.  Head jammed, but intermittent body chills and low fever, and bad cough last week but much improved.  

However, I had incompetence with a nurse practitioner who ended up sending two antibiotic prescriptions to pharmacy, one of which I've mentioned previously I cannot take as causes immediate vomiting.  (Is a more common side effect of that particularly med of which I'd said, but the NP sent that particular med along with the one she told me prescribing.  Pharmacist caught it; one is not to have two antibiotics at once without specialist determining such a need.)  The antibiotic that I'd never had prior, I did purchase, but yesterday morning was so ill upon waking--ill in odd ways including bad nausea--that I instinctively knew (my Angel Beth!) not to take the morning dose or I'd not make it to the DO appointment (Doctor of Osteopathy, in group of MD's).  

But the DO only saw in the notes he was sent via internet, the antibiotic that I cannot take being prescribed, although I said both had been and gave him the name of the one I did purchase.  (And it was in the report, on first page, that I received from the Nurse Practitioner, but the other was not.  I admit the DO's doubting my explanation and the pharmacist's having two antibiotic scripts from the NP, and trusting the NP, was rather stunning.) Regardless, the DO said the antibiotic that I did have even if he was quite confused that I did not take the one that I cannot keep down--that the antibiotic I took two doses was not at all what he'd prescribe for sinus infection.

As I had with the NP the day prior, I gave my other symptoms:  off and on chills and low fever, bad cough last week and very ill then, still have the chills and low fever now and then and still cough, lungs hurt in bronchial area. Mentioned having been on plane and across aisle from travelers having been in Asia, and became ill a few days after that, with plane back what erupted the sinus issues.  I mention these details as I have both appointments  noted the dismissive or minimizing attitudes of the NP and then the DO.  My lungs sounded clear, so not pneumonia, which I knew.  But I considered that we hear now of movie stars Tom Hanks and his wife, with far lesser symptoms than mine.

So I feel we are in trouble when NP's, PA's, and DO's, plus MD's are the ones determining who gets tested, for their own notions of what they think is of concern obviously varies greatly. No doubt many people are slipping through; I do agree at least for now people freaking out with no symptoms do not need testing.  But I fit all the symptoms despite also having sinuses stuffed, and am old, to boot!  If the antibiotic that he did prescribe does not help (of which has not worked for me in more distant past, I will go to the nearby ER (emergency room) which is not typically busy and has some MD's available.  

Someone just called to see how I was progressing, and thought surely I would have been tested for COVID-19 having been ill for 12 days or so, with symptoms up and down.  We laughed the laugh of stunned awe at how oddly ludicrous I was not tested.  But we agreed I'd go to ER if this does not improve or definitely if worsens.  My major concern is for people out there going to medical professionals with symptoms, and the varying determining factors for a test dependent upon the individual persons, some quite young and little experience, some with personalities that want to low-key matters, and maybe some who might be too cautious--although in this pandemic it seems to err on side of caution than not.

Needless to say, I will once again, when have a bit more energy, call around to try to find an MD or Internist who might be taking new patients.  The DO is too far for my "back" to be driving.  Yesterday it was all I could do to shakily get into hermitage and back in bed after DO and yet another trip to Walmart for the Augmentin. 

(And there, the older of the pharmacists remembered the ridiculous situation from the NP the day before, and agreed that when we become older, young medical personnel tend to think we no longer have our wits about us.  They tend to resent if we are familiar with fairly well-known antibiotics or are able to say what has worked or not worked.  I do know now not to ever try Clarithromycin; awful side effects including nausea to point of vomiting after two doses; pharmacist said she cannot take it--horrible side effects.)

I'm not concerned other than want to get better, of course.  I've read that if COVID-19, one is sick usually at least two weeks and can be up to 4-6 weeks for those with more serious cases.  My lungs still hurt--yes, even if they sound "clear" and I'm not coughing nearly as much.  I have it now to what I consider sinus drainage cough in upper chest, but sometimes yet it is a dry, hacking cough.  However, again, I find alarming my two experiences with symptoms and going to Urgent Care and doctor's office, even if the decision-makers being a nurse practitioner and a DO.

I will be best remaining in as I have been in for 12 days and prior to that was also inside even if not in my hermitage.  When I went on visit, I was out only short jaunts in three of 10 days.  One for watching a swim meet for three hours, and another to ride along to drop off youngsters for their soccer practice, then to a book store for the children to choose books, and later to dine out.  Not focusing on the hermit part of me which is immense, but even due to pain situation, I'm a very simple guest!  God provides!  It is no problem for me to be more hidden on a rare visit to family than in my return with these medical appointments and pharmacy trips!

The upshot of this blog post is to give one person's--a hermit's--experiences with illness and potentially, seemingly, having a form of COVID-19 but may never know for sure, and how the Lord guides in global pandemic with all the ramifications and outcomes that have people panicking or at minimum, uncertain, worried, and confused.

St. Theodore the Studite (monk at Constantinople, 759-826, has written words that build faith and confidence in Christ, in his Catecheses that he wrote for benefit of the many monks in his monastery and others.  (His life history is fascinating.  Can read about him online by Googling his name.  His writings and developing of largest library and scriptoriums in Byzantium is one of his major contributions among others.)

"Your task is an angelic one.  If we have to endure a few trials, if we have to mortify ourselves a little, let us be patient for a short time longer.  Here already is the goal and term of our lives:  we shall be carried away by the holy angels and will be a in joy for eternity, co-heirs with all the saints of all the good things promised us (cf. Heb 11:9)....

"That is why from now on we patiently accept whatever happens to us; for we will receive eternal happiness in exchange in the same way as misfortune will recompense those who do evil.  May heave preserve us from the suffering of hearing:  'You received what was good during your lifetime...but now this man is comforted' and 'between us and you a great chasm is established' (Lk 16:25, 26).  Isn't it a terrible thing to hear and imagine these divine sentences, separating the sinner from the just?  The distance, the abyss, the loss and the fall of those who are in sin distances them from the Lord our God as the heavens are higher than the earth (cf. Is 55:9).

"But those who, like yourselves, ardently desire every day to be his friends and true servants will enter with him into the celestial dwellings, into the Jerusalem on high (cf. Gal 4:26), the great city, filled with unimaginable marvels, to which a glory without end and an eternal power are joined.  There we will see each other and know ourselves perfectly.  And I believe that, if we fulfill the will of God, we shall all be together in eternal joy....

"May you also conduct yourselves in an angelic manner, clinging to the arm of God that fortitues you, to the encouragement of the Holy Spirit who strengthens you, to the holy angels, to all the martyrs and saints blessed by God who come to your aid."   

These are ideal and holy words which are reflection of Scripture--the Living Word of God--for helping one and all of us to adopt in mind, heart, and soul to focus and uplift us through the coming days and weeks and perhaps some months.  We are all in this together!

God bless His Real Presence!

Catholic Hermit: Rise, and Do Not Be Afraid

I'm behind a bit in writing of this Word of Jesus in Sunday Mass' Gospel reading from St. Matthew 17:1-9.   The single statement that impacts so very much is the concise, visionary command of Jesus:  "Rise, and do not be afraid."  Why does this statement seems "visionary"? 

What is one of the most difficult aspects we humans have faced, face, and likely will always overcome in our lives?   Our fear!  Label it insecurity, unknowns, angst, hesitation--the reality remains that we humans, in our innermost beings, in our thoughts and emotions--struggle with fear.  What is the antidote to fear? 

Faith is the flip-side of fear.  While having an element of fear or trepidation of outcome can spur some persons on to try more, to fight for whatever challenge even of survival, faith is the best and virtuous answer to all fear.  Faith will always help us persevere and overcome trials and difficulties, challenges and our fears.

This Lent, this world is scrambling to cope with COVID-19, coronavirus.  This virus has become a major health concern, including now with in the United States who literally has cases being realized around Feb. 26--Ash Wednesday. While China evidenced the virus a couple months ago, the rest of the world is rapidly experiencing this highly contagious and rapidly spreading disease that affects the elderly and anyone with compromised immune systems--but all are at risk of becoming ill with a virus of which the medical professionals are scrambling to analyze, understand, diagnose, treat, and develop a safe vaccine.

It is as if the Lord speaks to all people on earth regarding a virus that is considered more fatal percentage-wise of those who contract it, than the flu.  Thus, containment of COVID-19 is crucial given the statistics, even though currently it has not killed more than the flu this season. But the potential to do more damage given the rapid rate of contagion spread--exponentially greater each day.  Jesus is telling us with this virus of which people are fearful, "Rise, and do not be afraid.

Personally, I finally sent to the Urgent Care today because the cough, the sinus issues, and the occasional fever needed more than over-the-counter decongestants.  While I was not successful in getting the anti-biotic that has always in past (not that many times, but through four or five gnarly sinus infections that if untreated ended up with serious upper respiratory ailments--pneumonia a couple times and strep throat, the nurse practitioner did prescribe a different anti-biotic. 

I have no idea if what she prescribed will be effective, and since this afternoon I had chills again, I considered calling to make an appointment with a doctor despite having to drive farther to his office.  My fear is not that of dying of COVID-19, but I don't want to become more ill than what has been hanging on for ten days or so.  Seems like it trends better one day, then worse the next.  But I do consider the persons at the neurosurgeon's office yesterday, or at grocery, those few this hermit's been around, regardless if a sinus infection or something other.

So late afternoon I had a nudge from the Holy Spirit to call the doctor's office to get an appointment a couple days from now, so that if the anti-biotic prescribed is not effective, I will not have to wait to see the doctor. Despite the drive to his office is much farther than the Urgent Care--which was why I opted for the latter given my higher pain level and that sitting and driving make it worse--the doctor is one who listens and trusts that I am honest about what medication has always handled the sinus problem--and if it gets into lungs.

I called with about 7 minutes prior to their office closing, and the doctor had but one appointment slot remaining prior to leaving on vacation in two days.  Thankfully, I have that appointment, and even if I have a prescription I can use if needed, I must make the bodily effort to go.  I'm grateful.  

In the meantime, I've reflected upon why the nurse practitioner today was obdurate against what has always worked, for the pharmacist told me it is absolutely not true that medical practitioners are not prescribing the medication that has been effective for me.  The one prescribed has side effect of nausea--of which I mentioned to the nurse practitioner that with my spine still in healing-mode, I must avoid risk of medications that can cause vomiting. 

Thus, I do have fears--or if I want to downplay the word fear, can call them "concerns."   (I prefer whatever term is stronger, is more blatant, and that means the word fear.)  Last week, when the back pain plus being sick with the sinus problems and my intestines not cooperating again--I was unreasonably concerned (or admit to fearful) of pain that would spike and the danger to other drivers and vehicles on the road if I drove the long distance to meet with the third party.  (The one who will spiritually discern my hermit vocation, get to know me some, so as to advise the bishop as he prefers hermits be CL603 professed.) 

And then the Lord showed me a hindrance within myself, that He desires me to overcome and rid out once and for all:  fear of rejection.  Along with that fear, I am recognizing several fears.  Fear, I am realizing, of having gotten myself into more than my body can "do" regarding manual labor involved with my hermitage.  Fear of the unknown of the pain level lowering over time--of which the neurosurgeon yesterday recognized that Arachnoiditis patients' severe pain tends to increase and remain increased after additional spine surgeries.  That is certainly a reality now to which I must adapt  So there is a fear that I might not adapt well or quickly.

There is the fear that I have become spiritually lazy.  Or there is the major fear which includes guilt that I have become morbidly self-absorbed.  And perhaps the greatest fear the Lord has shown me in this Lent, is my fear that I am terribly disappointing to Him and have not done His will in various aspects of and in my life.  

I fear I have not offered in fully spiritual focus and love, the pain the Lord has allowed me--gifted me--for over 35 years.  Perhaps I will fear that I am not praying well nor enough for conversions and for the well-being of people all over the world who are contracting COVID-19--that they know Jesus as their Lord and Savior--that we all repent and turn to the Gospel!

To all these fears (and oddly, my dying has not been a fear ever since the death experience over 32 years ago), I beseech Jesus to please increase my faith!  I desire to henceforth, always, "Rise, and do not be afraid."  No matter what might lurk within me of fears, no matter what I must face as do all of us face in our lives moment by moment, day after day and night after night, I and all of us must rise--as our first action.  

We must rise bodily or mentally, emotionally, spiritually; and this requires fatih!  Then we must be not afraid.  And faith will release us from fear.  We will no longer be afraid if we possess faith. 

We must pray for faith...pray for a strong and ever-increasing faith.  We must pray that we have faith that we possess faith.  We must truly believe that Jesus has given us and increased our faith.  This God-given, God-graced, God-emboldened, God-increased faith!

"Rise, and do not be afraid."

And God bless His Real Presence in us, as always and forever!  Love God, Praise God!



Saint Leo the Great (?-c.461)

Pope and Doctor of the Church

Sermon 51 (SC 74 bis)

"This is my beloved Son (...); listen to him."

The apostles, who need to be strengthened in their faith, received a teaching in the miracle of the Transfiguration that would offer them appropriate guidance for all knowledge. Moses and Elijah, that is to say the Law and the prophets, appeared talking to the Lord (…). As Saint John says: “The Law was given by Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ,” (Jn 1:17). The apostle Peter was rapt in ecstasy, so to speak, with desire for eternal happiness; full of joy at such a vision, he desired to live with Jesus somewhere where his glory manifested like this would fill him with joy. So he said: “Lord, it is good that we are here. If you wish I will make three tents here, one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.” But the Lord made no answer to this proposal since he wanted to show, not that this desire was a bad one, certainly, but that it was misplaced. For the world cannot be saved except through the death of Christ. And the Lord’s example invites the faith of the believer to grasp how, without our being allowed to doubt the promised happiness, we ought nevertheless, amidst the temptations of this life, to ask for patience rather than glory, since the happiness of the Kingdom cannot come before the time of suffering. That is why, even as he spoke, a bright cloud covered them and a voice proclaimed from out of the cloud: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.” (…) “This is my Son, through whom all things came to be and without whom nothing came to be,” (Jn 1:3). All that I do, he does likewise; all that I work, he works with me, indistinguishably and without any difference (Jn 5:17-19). (…) This is my Son, who did not grasp jealously at the equality he shares with me, who did not lay claim to his rights, but while remaining within my divine glory, humbled himself to take the form of a slave (Phil 2:6f.) so as to accomplish our common design for the restoration of humankind. Therefore listen unhesitatingly to him in whom I am well pleased, whose teaching makes me known, whose humility gives me glory, for he is the Truth and the Life (Jn 14:6). He is my power and wisdom (1 Cor 1:24). Listen to him who redeems the world by his blood (…), who opens the way to heaven through the agony of the cross.

Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint Matthew 17,1-9.

Jesus took Peter, James, and John his brother,  and led them up a high mountain by themselves.And he was transfigured before them; his face shone like the sun and his clothes became white as light.And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, conversing with him.Then Peter said to Jesus in reply, "Lord, it is good that we are here. If you wish, I will make three tents here, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah."While he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud cast a shadow over them, then from the cloud came a voice that said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him."When the disciples heard this, they fell prostrate and were very much afraid.But Jesus came and touched them, saying, "Rise, and do not be afraid."And when the disciples raised their eyes, they saw no one else but Jesus alone.As they were coming down from the mountain, Jesus charged them, "Do not tell the vision to anyone until the Son of Man has been raised from the dead."