Hermit Use of God's Time

Too often have not been utilizing God's time to holy advantage.

The dream a few nights ago was riveting in its message.  The nothing Catholic hermit's life has been out of skew.  The intuitive soul has been vitally neglected in some very real aspects.  Change, conversion, is in order!

With this current illness (sicker than can ever recall: pneumonia), it came to mind yesterday while coughing repeatedly, then sweating profusely, that His Real Presence is demonstrating just how ill verged the soul.  Body is now being cleansed; soul is being purified, as well.  The severity of the physical ailment shocks the hermit in sensing the correlation to the disparity in the soul.

The message is strong. Perhaps the images were exaggerated, but the extreme does get one's attention and makes a potent point.

There has been much hardship in this hermitage.  Obstacle after crisis, financial disaster after being duped.  Yet there are no excuses.  As the finances have come to a point of needing to do whatever to try to get the place finished and sold, there was a sense of resistance at first.  

The hermit thought it too tired to think of trying to finish so much undone, in a few months, let alone make yet another move.  And this sense of resistance partly due to being exhausted from so much manual labor, but also due to repeatedly dealing with the world in overcoming the temporal obstacles involved in renovating that which was far worse than professionals noted in the purchase process two years ago this month.

Then the mind tried to consider where next?  That proved a foolish, frustrating, tearful thought-endeavor.  Stop thinking of the future!  Stay in the Order of the Present Moment!  Try to see if a family member on the mortgage would now assist by helping a bit monthly, allowing the hermit more time to do the tasks it can do, thus saving much in labor costs.  No, the person, is not interested.  Tried again, in case the co-signer would agree to a small equity loan so that more could be hired to be done.  No, not interested.

After the reality of negative responses settled in, it was fine with the nothing Catholic hermit. One must cast the nets, and God will either fill with fish or not.  He did not.  So, the time has come to go for broke.  Spend down the remaining tidbit and pray for mercy.  Raphael is coming next week to help finish some framing tasks and have his crew hang the heavy sheets of drywall, plus help finish the stairs and some exterior work to be done. But nothing Catholic hermit was to have done work in the interim...not be so ill!

Mark is to come next week, also, to finish what electrical can be accomplished before drywall.  He may or may not bring a man who does some plumbing.  Nothing is too ill to work on that, also.  It remains to be seen if nothing Catholic hermit is up for workers next week, regardless.  

The closest family is driving a distance from civilization to bring more medication...plus start shifting items in pole barn and carrying out "stuff" from in the hermitage, with hope of making more room in here for accomplishing work.  The hermit will be yet too ill to help with that, as well--barring a miracle.  Am always open for miraculous, immediate healing.

So we see that the soul has been terribly neglected with all the efforts of the past couple of years.  Despite praying while working and reading Scripture daily, and added spiritual reading...the hermit's intuitive soul needs far more nourishment of a deeper, purer type.  The environment of the hermitage, of the daily efforts, is too laden with the world.   At night, no energy or focus to read or even still the soul enough to pray in the heart.  Existed on junk food, essentially, filling the maw but not gleaning soul nutrition.  

Yes, a hermit can be adept at rationalizing.  This one can make nearly anything spiritual or to have some reason or excuse as to why it might benefit.  But the efforts and stress here have not been benefitting the soul--only deceiving the mind.  And even if the hermitage is completed, and somehow some added employment and more orders (had a Fortitude Fudge order prior to illness pervading), will not suffice to remain here, pay the bills, and have any cushion for the many aspects of a property that can need repair.

Yes, even if could live here (as have bonded with the place, come to love the solitude that has been greater than any in its life), the fact remains that there are too many distractions. They are good things, none of them wrong.  Mostly manual labor, but it has included all the obstacles imaginable that involve purchases, tools, appliances, learning how to do feats beyond the repertoire.  Then consider the hermit's great delight in gardening and interest in learning to photograph; thoughts of a vegetable-fruit stand by the road; notions of water coloring its visions; filling occasional orders; mowing; reading; writing; playing the harp once again....

Simplify!  Downscale!  Reduce the scope of the lovely talents and interests that His Real Presence has gifted the hermit! Praise Him for them, but the soul has been neglected.  Time to put the hermitage and interests and whatever need for income enhancement, to the gristmill.  Let the chaff go.  Keep a few choice grains to feed the soul and glorify God.

Now it is quite easy to accept selling out, unloading.  But not so fast--must get well first, and it may take quite some time with the condition of the lungs and the weakness of body. Then must do all it can to finish the place so as to be salable, use up the renovation materials already purchased and here. Whatever progress, will be holy progress.  But at a certain point--a few months is all--will have to sell no matter what. Nothing Catholic hermit is fine with that, too, if it comes down to financial poverty.  Have been there the bulk of adult life and more used to that existence than financial security.  

So today, spent time listening on laptop, some marvelous desert fathers and monks of current and recent times, teaching various aspects of the spiritual life, of angels, of His Real Presence.  One discussion, on the key virtue of humility, hit the spot!  Now to more austerity of mind, forbidding so many distractions.  This is a new beginning to better nourish the soul.  What better time than in very poor health?  The hermit knows not how long it will be in bed.  Order of the Present Moment calls for disciplining the thoughts away from thinking about tasks to be done to the hermitage or even when it will be well enough to drive into civilization to get the lumber that came in over a week ago, for the stairway.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another.  Remain in His Love...not in that which does not nourish the soul.  Use God's time wisely.  Each moment is gift.

If the World (or Person) Hates You

From 1 John 3 we have today in Mass Scripture readings:  Do not be surprised, brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.

And later in this sequence we read that those who do not love from their hearts, who do not have love in their hearts, are murderers.  

This is the truth.

Lately, have pondered a relative whose relationship with a family member has ruled her for the bulk of her life, and it has been based upon resentment and personality clash that has grown into hatred for even the slightest nuances of speech or viewpoint that the family member makes.  The hater is 66 years old, and the hated is 91 years old.

The elder has reasons for her personality and outlook, for what she likes to do and discuss.  She, like the rest of us, is not perfect and knows it.  But she enjoys perfection or striving for it, and is an artist by profession, was an art teacher.  She grew up in a deprived household, her father passing when she was four, on the eve of the Great Depression.  With eight children in the family, the mother had quite a difficult life.  All the children grew to be successful, hard-working, and yes, with various but all strong and distinct personalities.  

The youngest, this woman now 91, has always desired to be socially acceptable, gracious, and tending to outer appearances in some aspects.  There are reasons for this.  A struggling childhood, for one, and recalling and so appreciating her mother's Saturday evening meal, using the good china, a lovely table cloth, and making what otherwise would have been a rather dark time of their lives, at least uplifted in those simple aspects.

Yes, perhaps there has been a bit much attention to personal appearance and desiring nice things.  But one can certainly understand why, in addition to the artistic proclivity and gifts.  Artists observe the outer appearances and appreciate color, style, design, and beautiful things.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But it is this aspect among many other small aspects, that have annoyed and grown into hatred in the reaction of the now 66-year-old.

Personality clash, yes, but the poison is seemingly beyond antidote in other than to pray for the person.  Talk and explanation, counsel and even being supportive in hopes of trying to get the poisoned one to then move into better mode, has not been effective.  The person poisoned has done self-harm, stuffing in feelings of anger toward other aspects of life and now lives with limitations of a physical sense in addition to the damaged emotions, the poison.

The 91-year-old has increasingly turned to God and prayer, yet still loves to enjoy what people wear, or their conversations, or lovely tables and details of delicious food and presentation, or gatherings of people for music or social time together.  And she loves the one who despises her, without realizing the depth of the anger the other has toward the elder, or else not allowing herself to realize it.  What difference would it make to know the extent of dislike, of hate?  The elder is now well-off, independent and has learned to hire others to assist her when her family cannot or does not.  But she appreciates when they can and do, and she chooses to love.

When the elder passes, which may be before the younger, although in this life we never know, she will leave the amass of money to the younger and to the younger's adult children.  She has already gifted the younger with a comfortable and lovely car, not causing a fuss in giving up that freedom in being able to drive, but rather passing through that phase with grace as opposed to many who instead need to be confronted and have the keys taken by strained family members.  She likewise, on her own, decided when to sell her home, then when to leave an apartment and enter an elder care facility.

Will the younger, the 66-year-old, even then, when the elder passes, be rid of the poison?  Is hate toward a living person alleviated when the person dies to this life, or is hate in the mind and emotions only quelled in and by forgiveness and grace of God, and in being able to then love the one who has been hated for nearly all of the person's life?  What difference does it make to change the word hate to resentment, personality clash, or trigger points?  It is none other than hate.

Yes, over the years the elder has said things of which the younger resented and felt hurt.  There were expectations of the younger as to how she wanted the elder to be.  (And there was rudeness from the younger to the elder, for sure.)  And true, others had difficulty sometimes relaxing in the presence of the perfections and plans of the elder, but they could understand and take it in stride.  

Having understanding of others and finding the good in them, and seeing the progress in their souls over the years, and realizing the love the person has for others--that washes over and ameliorates the bits of human flaws and irritants.

We all have them, these flaws and irritants.  But the reality is, that when we want to be good and to love, and when we strive toward His Real Presence and want to live a good as well as possible and be in light and as light--despite our human failings--those who resent or cannot forgive have a pall of darkness that distorts all the more, and suffocates their very soul.

All this is particularly highlighted when those who share the same faith--even the same Church--dislike others, criticize, try to discredit through words spoken or written or even thought and kept silent. Those who are stuck too much in the temporal Catholic world can be prone to this, and we must not be surprised when the temporal world aspects--society or church of any group or individuals--hates us.  

It is nothing new that the poison of disliking, of hating others, can creep into the Church.  St. Paul writes and warns of it in the Church of the first century.  Those who have hated, as he did, and been converted and healed, humbled, and forgiven, can tend to be able to love and forgive others, to have mercy for they have been given mercy and love.

But what a difference for a life and the lives of all involved, and for salvation, if we learn to love, if we live to love to learn to love.  Discord, anger, resentment, envy--it all boils down to the word that is so blatantly (and embarrassingly) strong but is the correct word to describe such:  hate.  

Those who have hate in them do not have God in them. Those who have darkness in them do not have the light.  Those who hate anyone (even if they describe it in less honest terms), are murderers.

And we must be reminded that those who dislike, resent, are rankled by, and hate, are not themselves but the darkness has crept in.  Yes, they were weak and open to darkness, but who of us has not been tricked and entered into by the author of darkness and hate?  So we cannot hate those who hate us, but rather have empathy and love, for we know what it is to be a host to poison even if quickly flushed out by the grace of God-Is-Love.

Little children, let us love one another!  Surely, if we see within ourselves that we are angered by others or dislike them, or are ruled by how they irritate us, have the poison of hate in us.  It is so unnecessary to love, especially among family, and that includes the family of the Church.  Darkness does not like Light.  Do we really want to be murderers?

Who will be judged harshly?  Who will advance to heaven? Will it be the one who is imperfect and yet loves, or is it the one who has let resentment and irritations build up in years of poison and hatred?  Will the death of the one heal the anger and hate of the other?  Will money gifted to the living, heal the hate?

God bless His Real Presence in us--if we have room for Him. Darkness does not like the Light. Clouds mask the sun as does the earth when night signals the obscuring of day.  Let us love one another.  Just love!  It ought to be simple, should it not?  Understand, empathize, encourage and see the good qualities and see hope in all souls (even our own)!  Be kind and merciful.  Pray for one another, and love one another!  Just love!

So Tired of Suffering!

Mercy!

The pain level is very high.  This morning thought a sinus infection, inner ear issue, kidney or something dire, for the head was disoriented, the body dizzied even in bed.   But as the day wore on, and obviously had to remain prone, the back pain and neck pain, but mostly stemming from the back, is the culprit.  

And how very, very painful.

Fortunately, the head cleared enough to do the bit of reading, per previous post.  And writing.  And more writing.  Have reflected on the lovely Christmas at the daughter's, in civilization, but then to realize the grandson has grown distant, and there are reasons for this, of the temporal.

There is criticism of this nothing, sometimes openly and otherwise when am not there.  The little one used to say what was said.  But now he has pulled away and resists, and when asked the daughter, was told that he dislikes the spiritual of his grandparent, and dislikes being taught or told.  However, when babysitting--asked to do so as cost-saving for them and a convenience of familiarity--am left with a list of numerous things to tell him to do.  

Regardless, it was all most painful to have to accept this, and there is nothing much to be done other than did decline babysitting for no need to aggravate more the aversion he has to his grandparent telling him what must tell him in order to fulfill the parental rules and wishes.  As for the spiritual, had tried very much to be not spiritual.  There is a differing of faith, Catholic here and Nazarene there. 

So in addition to modulating self a month or so ago, trying to address those criticisms, had always tried to mask the spiritual as much as possible.  Well, it is not all that easy, for a spiritual essence wafts invisibly, no matter conversation or silence.  His Real Presence is in His Abode in us, and we in Him.  And the awareness and desire and degree is what exposes a spiritual being, despite sublimation attempts.

Mercy, again.  Even had mirrored the parents' way of ending the bedtime prayers.  Never made the sign of the cross the times they said a meal prayer.  But perhaps there are such details as saying "Merciful heavens!" rather than how some might say "My word" or "Gee whiz" (or in some other households might be prone to foul exclamations).  Anyway, am spiritual, yes.  And the daughter is correct in that it is doubtful can be otherwise; and this nothing would not and could not.  But am by no means other than most discreet to a point of feeling rather split in affect, having tried hard to be pleasing and blend in, to meld.

Then today also read Climacus mention that if we are comfortable in the world, then the devil does not have to do much to keep us there.  And this nothing is not called to the world, but is called to His Real Presence and the Holy Mountain, called to the desert, called to seek and find Him, like the magi from the East, seeking and following yonder star, and finding the Christ Child.

So, even within family (and yes, some of the grandson's distancing might be early onset of outgrowing a grandparent) the Lord can keep the nothing Catholic hermit from attachment to others being about, conversation, love and even criticism, comforts (they even got a firm mattress for this painful back), and civilization.

In an infrequent phone talk with the spiritual father, far away, he mentioned again that the prayers are being answered, that the offering of suffering and the vows of the hermit, are coming to fruition in all this.  There is no escaping, not yet, this desert and the harsh living conditions.

(The plumbing presented more obstacles.  A worker who promised to come help for a day did not show up--and just as well as this back was on its way out....  But the stair landing is built.  The boxes of stuff for the kitchen are somewhat unpacked and jammed into cupboards even if some need more bolts to secure them, and some need doors on them, and the refrigerator is not usable, nor the dishwasher, nor the sink plumbing finished, nor the pantry and above fridge cabinet correctly installed.  And still no other facilities than a chamber pot.)

This is how His Real Presence keeps us in His Sacred Heart and true to our offerings and vows.  There ought be no surprise, but seems as if the mind with its pride has a shock and jolt, and grieves a bit, when the Nine S' are pointed out, when the world is not all that welcoming and not feasible.  Truly, if matters were otherwise, the family would have to kick this nothing out of their lovely home, for it would be so very tempting to just stay until "the end", enjoying the guest room, the bathroom, the cleanliness, the functional kitchen, the human companionship and fun of a child.

Makes this nothing Catholic hermit laugh, despite the sickening bodily pain right now, in realizing how His Real Presence keeps His little soul here, on the straight and narrow path.  And this nothing is so very grateful, down deep, and thankful for those who are doing His will to ensure His will is kept in this nothing's life, even if it seems kind of harsh at times.  Not fun being snapped at or criticized, or to accept that one must curb attachments.

Sure am tired of this pain, though!  Mercy, a third time!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  We must love one another, no matter their roles or our roles. Know that God works to good in all those who love Him and do His will.