His Real Presence, in this Lent, has brought forth thoughts of sin (wrong doings, thoughts, verbalizations) and the consequences we have from sin in our temporal lives and our eternal lives--so temporally and spiritually, now and forever.
I put forth much texting effort with a young single mother of two who is employed by a countertop company and is in charge of my Home Depot purchased countertop installation. There are but two small areas quite visible, unfortunately, that need to be replaced and/or leveled, one of each. The young woman likely was told by those above her to refuse, since Home Depot had paid the money. The two young installers had excuses for the problem errors, and was adamant nothing could be done. Of course corrections can be made, and we've spent far more time in back and forth and my phone conversations with a Home Depot asst. store manager than had the elder of the two young men returned and remedied the visible errors. This is how I directly delved into the reality of our temporal wrongs bringing temporal and eternal consequences even if we have asked God and been given His forgiveness.
While I think the countertop situation might be rectified as the young woman texted they'd come in a week or so to look at it, and I pray they remeasure a small piece accurately and replace it, my main concern had turned to how and why we'd do something wrong that another has paid much, and at least for awhile refuse to rectify the wrongs. The situation became involved, with considering why the Home Depot would take the countertop installers' errors as their own, and offer money when HD employees did nothing wrong.
I wrote then to the young woman in charge of my account and countertop install, and asked why she and others would want this temporal wrong to persist, as it were, on their spiritual records as well as temporal, given that we always have temporal and/or spiritual consequences when we persist in wrong? Not budging on their side, I finally stopped the text-versation by asking her to pray about it, and that I would pray, also, and other than that I was leaving them to God as I could say nor do more.
Of course, I realized they nor the HD asst. store manager were not accustomed to such perspectives as seemed natural to me; and I did mention that this is my responsibility as a Christian, much as I ponder my own errors and wrongs done in thought, word, and action in my life, and indeed live out the temporal consequences and also the spiritual ramifications in this life, and assume there will be some spiritual consequences in eternity. I believe this is accepting responsibility for one's flaws, wrong-doings--sins.
So I've been delving into aspects and lived experiences in which I wronged others and offended God in so doing. The wrong thoughts seem the most prevalent, and my consequences temporally are that of guilt, sorrow, shame, rejection in some cases, and the memories of which I'm not at all proud of how I thought, spoke, and/or behaved. Then there is the category of wrongs I obviously perpetuated but do not know consciously what, for the ramifications I am experiencing but without the persons willing to specify what it was or is of which I caused hurt, pain, and upset.
Over the weekend I was able to watch online via ESPN+, some family member play in a sports championship, and in the finals. Even in that, my mind would observe, and then thoughts or words would come, attached to the observations such as the opponents. I consciously observed, also, my own thoughts, words, and inner actions. That brought me to love their souls, for God loves all souls, but the visual observations came down to judging!
I judged their size and mannerisms, and mentally observed some women built more manly with weight and strength an advantage simply in the physics of weight-force behind an object will cause the object to move faster with heavier impact such as on an opponent or court surface. I noticed one's perpetual grimace, a visage rather intimidating and vicious--not pleasant to see in one's opponent but evidently effective in creating a sense of Goliath versus David.
In another, this time a partner, I observed the youth and seeming immaturity, the talent and skill but the ego stepping in to poach balls and shots taken from the other in whose court the partner consistently stepped as if the partner would not hit the ball back. Instead, the one who poached the balls and took the hits as often as not hit into the net or had weak execution. What should have been won, was lost. This is not to say that the other player did not have errors, but so many of the one poaching could have been successes had the player let the partner whose ball it was, simply execute the play. Then in after match interviews, the young one when finished commenting, simply walked away from the interview and on way looked up close into the camera, making a silly face. Yet the viewers seem to like the antics which evidently seem endearing to them. I observed and judged that this player lacked confidence in other than self, and the match seemed lost due to the errors of which that player seemed not to recognize of self.
Just in these observations, trying to be careful not to, as Jesus would warn, even call someone as much as a "fool" and be liable for Gehenna (hell), and in loving each soul with all the love in me, of which I fall short of God's love except in faith that God is within me, including His love--I could easily discern just how much judging I do in the observations, of seeing and watching and sensing situations and persons! No surprise when this morning I read today's Gospel proclaimed in Mass, and Jesus is pointing out (in John 8):
"You judge by appearances, but I do not judge anyone."
He adds:
"And even if I should judge, my judgment is valid, because I am not alone, but it is I and the Father who sent me.
"Even in your law it is written that the testimony of two men can be verified."
While I suppose I could find someone else to verify my observations of the opponents or in many instances in which I observe and reflect and analyze and JUDGE--I'd rather not have my visuals turn to such observations with thoughts attached, unless, I suppose, all positive and loving thoughts. Thus I began to consider that a perpetual frown or grimace can be helpful such as in a courtroom if one is a lawyer, or in sports when every advantage over an opponent can cause the opponent to even psychologically weaken and err. I also am striving to turn my own sagging mouth muscles practice smiling and forming a lovelier visage.
An impishness in some sports can endear the viewers and create an effect of acceptability when one makes errors in play, or allows a person to be easily forgiven for such as walking off when interview not complete, when the interviewer not finished with the other player of the set. And youth has with it a built in margin of error, it seems, that older persons more mature would not be given. Keep a sense of humor about those, often small in stature, who have needed impishness to help low self-esteem or to be noticed.
But my little examples of how easily my observations become mental judgments, is not just a wake up call but an alarm going off within, that I have praying to do, and then cooperating with His Real Presence in other aspects of loving as God loves, for Jesus judges only with the Father also judging, and the Holy Spirit with them makes the Holy Trinity quite a different status than my judging even if I had another testify to the same observations.
I want to knock it off; I want my observations to stop swerving into the judging lane, accurate as they might be, there is no point to such inner judging from the eyes or even from the ears. Discernment is a variation that is more acceptable, but what I'm noticing by God's grace, of my observations, these are instances in which discernment is not needed for I'm an outside observer whose purpose is to learn to love as God loves, and the persons have no interactions with me, no relationships ongoing.
I simply observe...and judge. Even the content or topic is not worth judging other than to be obvious that in competition people develop ways about them to win in other than actual play or skill set. That carries over in life with people who live more as competitors than not.
But that's another topic if I ever pursue it here, which I doubt. I'm not particularly competitive, the temporal has for most part passed away; and to learn to love as God loves seems outside the temporal in purpose, enough, that competition would be silly if not foolhardy. (That is so, also, in spiritual matters with temporal bases. I can consider priests or bishops in competitive mode for career advancement, to bishop or archbishop and beyond in temporal church hierarchy of positions. Not particularly advisable for holiness, such competition, or among Christians in general who want competitively some aspect of spiritual life.)
Dear His Real Presence, please continue in whatever ways You will, to reveal my sins, flaws, and wrong doings, wrong thoughts. Then by Your grace, help me to eviscerate the ways in which I judge, even subtly or in what might seem on surface legitimate observations. Help me to love as You Love, which includes in my humanly humble position, to not have observing transform to or be in the raw: judging. Keep me to the purpose of my spiritual being: to love, to learn to love as You love in all aspects and nuances. Amen!
God bless His Real Presence in us! Love in His Love!
