Catholic Hermit: Solus Deus

A spiritual friend had texted this morning, remembering it was the surgeon four-month follow up appointment today.  I know the friend would pray; and I know the person knows I am praying for a grandson, a month old now, born with cleft palate and but one kidney--and that not functioning properly.  Then a family member called to hear how the appointment transpired.  Am grateful for thoughtful inquiries.

In evening received a text from the neighbor who picked up items from the warehouse store.  Wanted to know what could be done, such as a physical trainer, to get me built up and healed--wanted to know what people in the neighborhood could do to help me with any needs.  How very thoughtful!  

I texted an online site in which the person could read about Adhesive Arachnoiditis, as it is best for people to see it in print that this is not going to be healed.  I explained that physical therapy actually is not advised due to the potential for exacerbating the arachnoiditis symptoms; walking is about the best, plus doing some gentle stretching--and even walking will cause the AA to flare. 

As for many neighbors knowing about my situation, I mentioned given my physical vulnerability especially when I have pain sieges, or such as the vertigo, best to have just a few know, ones who won't mind my calling upon them if I need some assistance.  I now pray that I worded the message in a way that will not seem ungrateful, yet I did not want to specify also the medication consideration; I had a medication theft situation several years ago.  In our current climate pain caution is necessary.

I will message in return when it is daylight, making sure the neighbor person knows how grateful I am that they are willing to be a contact couple for me.  I definitely have learned to not mention my hermit vocation by means of explaining why I am used to or am living in more solitude than most others.  I have learned it is best to not stir thought-associations or notions of what can come to mind regarding the word "hermit" or even to some, what "Catholic" can bring forth by word association.

I know that the Lord is letting me know He is providing for me--lovely, kind people in the vicinity who have compassion and realize, such as this neighbor, is beginning to relate and factor the reality of the situation--albeit thinking in terms that most would--of healing, of improving more than what likely will be the reality in physical terms.  I, myself, am grappling with the reality of how limited I am compared to even a couple months prior to surgery.

The surgeon agrees that the increased pain and various symptoms indicate the Adhesive Arachnoiditis likely is worse.  I could honestly say that the lumbar area, while still painful in a post-surgical way, feels stabilized and solid, and I can tell I'm improved from post-surgery in that type of aspect--incision, motion, not needing the brace on as much other than when standing to make the soup the other day, or when engaged in tasks requiring lifting or such as the Lyft car ride today.

But it is likely the surgery (and the pain doctor's early July steroid injection into the spinal column) exacerbated the Arachnoiditis, for those symptoms include now numbness in the legs, off and on, and the spinal stenosis aspect of surgery is quite successful, so the spinal cord and peripheral nerves are no longer being pinched.  Thanks be to God, once again, for having the AA diagnosis and finding a couple or so reliable research sites and abstracts.  All the various symptoms are easily explained!

But it is rather a discouraging prognosis, and one in which I simply must trust in God fully.  The surgeon agreed that there is really no way of knowing other than the instrumentation and bone in the surgery area are all looking "great."  But the increase in other symptoms which are in the AA research, indicates that situation has worsened.  At least being able to take anti-inflammatory medication and supplements again, will help somewhat, surely!  And I still hope in God for increased stamina over the next 8 months that will complete a year of surgery recovery.

Tonight continues a series of nights in which the pain is keeping me from sleep.  This night is the worst thus far, with a spinal headache and nausea that do not want to give in to the medication's ameliorating effects.  I'll add on some Excedrin, and otherwise continue prayers for people, for all our souls, for God's will in our lives.

I'm accepting the seeming dropping by the wayside of a couple other friends of the past.  While we had not kept in touch frequently, their lives have moved on in ways positive, I'm sure; and mine is as I've written already, as if in a cusp, or facing a portal of which I ask the Lord's help in the timing and the presence to pass through.  This is a portal which I sense enters into deeper spiritual life in Christ, greater love of God and others but in a less temporal, less tangible way of love.

And I still deal with my wrong doings, my imprudence, my lack of filtering and of expressing myself in ways that trigger and/or offend others.  I'm giving over to the Lord to choose for me, those who can forgive and accept my apologies or also to be able to understand and live with the reality of my imperfections and idiosyncrasies.  I also must allow those who cannot forgive me or not able to accept my imperfection--to accept their moving on in their lives and for me to let go with gratitude and inner peace.  

I'm not fully at the inner peace part of those who need to drop off and move on in their lives; I still feel bad for my offenses even in a couple cases in which I truly do not know what it is or was, or even if something I had done--of which I tend to think surely was my flaws or wrong-doings.  Just seems would be due to something on my part; it is best to give others the benefit of the doubt.  

But in a couple other situations, of course I know my fault and have been forgiven by God even if not by the persons, or if also by the persons, I do not know if that is the case, but on my part I must accept and live God's forgiveness.  That is not always so easy--to have that kind of faith that God's forgiveness is full and instantaneous--our souls washed white as snow when we have repented and asked God to forgive us.

I'm certain of God's allowance of all these matters, however.  Even though I make mistakes and missteps, God knows my heart and knows my level of suffering, and knows the fragility of what I can handle in accord with my great love and concern for others, along with a sensitivity in awareness of nuances and situations.

"A strong city have we;
He sets up walls and ramparts to protect us" (Isaiah 26:1). 

The pain in my body complicates matters of sensitivity and concern; my threshold of tolerance is not as temperate as would be virtuous.  However, I consider that in a couple or so circumstances, it is more virtuous, it seems, to have the honest thoughts and feelings exposed even if gauchely so, and causing hurt which of course I regret, resulting in severance.

All in all, though, I have this deep, inner sense that the Lord is leading also guiding, and is allowing by His providence and will, the curtailing or trimming back or cutting off, temporarily or in this potential end-run or phase.  He is bringing forward such as a few neighbors for brief interactions. 

I am grasping in these types of contacts, more as how the hermits St. Seraphim the Seraph, St. Godric of Finchale,and St. Charbel Maklouf viewed and firmly held to letting go of various persons, and that they accepted God's also limiting of others in contacts and relationships.

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man" (Ps. 118:8)

For me, it is as the Lord is choosing for me.  (I certainly am aware to not trust in myself.)  While I can continue to fully take responsibility for my flawed aspects and sins, others, also, have option to have forgiven or been willing to go forward despite my doings.  In all of the shiftings of relationships, the timing coincides amazingly, providentially, with the increase of pain and further unknowing of whatever limitations and sufferings.  

I am reminded of God's directing our lives as lived in our vocations--be it lay persons in single or married vocations, or those of us in the various forms of consecrated life of the Church, or those in holy orders.  Especially in the hermit vocation, the formation and living out, day by day, our eremitic lives are individually chosen and unfold uniquely by God, our ultimate, Divine Superior.

Well, the spinal headache is not subsiding, so I will need to take more Super Excedrin and add on a half of muscle relaxant.  I had hoped in God that I'd not have an aftermath from the drive to and from surgeon nor from the short walk. (But this does not mean that I will give up trying to develop stamina physically and otherwise.)  God has chosen and allows this increased, painful aftermath instead of what I wanted. 

It is as simple as that.

"I will give thanks to You, for You have answered me
and have been my Savior" (Ps. 118:21). 

And I know in love and faith, with increasing trust that God is always providing and willing what is best for my soul.  His will be done, and I am realizing how blessed to learn to praise Him for choosing always what is best for us--for our souls, specifically and especially.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: More Thoughts on the Man's Story

I'm pondering yet the 3-way conversation yesterday morning, and various of the man's statements surrounding his miraculous transcendence of physical pain.  Most all of what he said does coincide with what I've been told spiritually, mystically, and is in keeping with the saints such as John of the Cross, Teresa of Avila, and also of Scriptures, of what Jesus teaches and lived.

The man brought up the primary aspect of love, of unconditional love and that it is through love that we are empowered.  He also mentioned detachment, that he learned he must detach from the temporal, including physical pain, judging, and also from suffering as a teacher.  (He explained that suffering is for the purpose of teaching us, and once we no longer need that tool in our lives--if we can let go of it in this life--then we will be healed and not experience that.

He brought up points of being able to control or intentionalize his progressing at any point, from his third dimensional, temporal body and the sluggish or dense aspects of thought and emotions, to enter into the 4th dimension which he described as being able to yet function, converse, yet with those who are more or less trapped in the 3rd dimension (our basic, temporal status) without their realizing he is able to view from a higher energy frequency, or perspective.  He also is able to, by his own intentioning, go into the 5th dimensions which he describes as his body, mind, heart, and spirit freed from temporal and not nearly as able to interact in a conscious manner; I think he called this blissful.

I did ask if he had ever died.  He said he had come to a point (maybe more than once, I think three times; I'm trying to recall as much was spoken in a short period of time) in which he was ready to totally leave his body for good, was given that option that he could choose, himself, but he decided to not leave due to what he had learned and desired to teach others, and to help with his mission of healing.

This caused me to recall a time in which I left my body. (There have been other times, but this was a time earlier on in which I could also see myself from outside my self).  I was with my earthly spouse before the altar of the Protestant church in which we offered our marital vows. (This event occurred shortly after the spouse had decided did not want to be married any more.)  I began to float upward and out, and thought I would simply keep going--except then I noticed I was tethered by a soft, pliable, partly see-through silver cord or tube.  It seemed a visual metaphor of an umbilical cord. 

My body ceased its upward floating when the cord came to its length, and I came back down into my body.  However, my body was as if paralyzed to the point that I needed all energy to verbalize to the spouse (who had not left for good, yet) to call in sick to my workplace, due to the physical depletion.  I did not share what had transpired; it would not have been grasped at all by the temporal spouse and definitely not helpful as the spouse was bothered by anything spiritual, as I later was able to understand why this was the case.

He also pointed out that after he had the bliss of transcendence, he understood that pain is merely perspective, and once he could change the perspective of pain being form, he no longer experienced pain as physical pain and suffering.  I did notice on his website that he helps cancer patients to no longer "own" their cancer, which is common enough practice, I think, of considering cancer as negative, and of battling against it as going to war against the cancer cells, killing them.  It is an understandable approach of which I've read and also known people who are thus encouraged.

However, in my experiences of this type, I did nothing to bring on the leaving nor of determining to come back.  Even in my physical, medical death experience, I did not intend it, nor did I bring it on or control any of it.  In fact, when God asked me if I wanted to go on with Him or to return, I knew I wanted to go on with Him but would not say it.  Rather, I said I would do whatever God wanted of me.  He sent me back immediately, obviously.  Here I am some 32 years and a lot of life and suffering later!

So this is a point in which there is a difference between my experiences and the man who was sharing his amazing story.  It has to do with the role of suffering and also of intention.  As to intention, perhaps it would be preferable to have more control over the movement of the mind, emotions, and soul, flowing from different aspects of awareness and spirit, of dimensions as the man refers to what some might call altered states, or Teresa of Avila terms mansions, or John of the Cross refers to as spirit and soul, other mystic saints label as rungs of ladder or spiritual alphabet.

I don't know about intention, other than as for myself, I am content to be more a receptive vessel and to hold the commitment reflected in these Scriptures:  "Thy will, Lord, not mine, be done."  "Here I am Lord, I have come to do Thy will."  "Speak, Lord, Thy servant is listening."  

I have often marveled at various times in my life, such as in the death experience as well as less dramatic or physically life-and-death moments, that somehow within me, the Holy Spirit seems to take over and speaks for me, or inspires me to speak (thought-flashing mode as well as sometimes externally in words) as to defer to God to choose.  When I have no conscious awareness of God's will, I tend to go forth with the attitude of casting the nets, asking the Lord to do as He wills as far as a fish or many or none (metaphorically, in whatever then transpires in the temporal or spiritual).

That is rather at the point I'm in now, especially after the 3-way phone call.  I relinquish all the God to help me figure out if I have been remiss in not more actively seeking through some actual means of temporal-spiritual effort. (The man meditates watching his breath, a type of trance self-induction and of altering the body's energy waves and frequencies, if we are considering it physiologically, I suppose).  I frankly have not any indication from the Lord that this is for me to be doing or pursuing, any more than He has ever allowed or encouraged me in that regard in the past.

However, the reminder that it is through unconditional love that I will someday be able to transcend pain, is helpful.  I will pray for deeper conversions, and specifically for the grace of increased unconditional love--even of pure unconditional love, of the perfection of love of God in Himself!  Yet, while I ask, I will wait.  I can use my mind and heart to consider better the relationships and situations, and to think with my heart in pouring out love.  

Yet the reality of so many times the Lord has spoken, taught, shown, revealed and explained to me on matters regarding suffering, I cannot go against these aspects that have aligned with His Living Word and also with temporal reality.  While on earth, I will know earthly pain.  Yes, I can learn to transcend that pain when I attain to unconditional love. This is true.  But it is a process, and that is the point of it being a climb, a progression, a stairway, a ladder, and so forth.  If anything, the Lord continues to teach me to not push, to not force.  His yoke is easy, His burden is light.  I desire, I love, yet also I suffer.

Perhaps this comes down to my holding onto suffering?  The man mentioned this, in so many words, that we can decide to let go of suffering when we no longer need it or rely on it as a teacher.  I'd have to consider this, pray about it, for all that the Lord has shown and taught me of suffering is that suffering is quite intrinsically bound with love.  "Love to suffer, and suffer to love!"  "Be an immolation!"  "You will find Him in your pain!"

Yes, all this requires letting go:  detachment; purgation of the senses and purgation of the soul.  "Let go, let go, my poor gray dove!"  "Mortification."  The man sharing his story mentioned aspects of these, albeit in different vocabulary, more what we might consider new age or Eastern philosophy vocabulary.   But he did not seem to have the understanding of suffering and love--other than perhaps his intentioned passage to bliss and transcending physical pain (mind and emotion over matter?) did very much lead him to viewing all with purity of love, as he put it.

I return to seeing Jesus on the cross.  He suffered and died, but then He resurrected and ascended.  This was His ultimate purpose and mission after his public years of teaching, preaching, and healing.  (Of course, Jesus suffered much in those three or so years, also, in hardships and persecutions, in sorrow that so many had such difficulty grasping what He was trying to explain, and in their desire for temporal healing, also.  People wanted miracles; they wanted signs.  It is true that we people cannot seem to realize miracles of the temporal are temporal; we are still going to suffer, we are still going to die; we are dying in increments in every present moment, bodily.

It just seems that I leave off from the man's way of being and doing, when it comes to suffering and it's not only being a teacher.  I recall when I converted to Catholicism, to my parents' horror (despite my being 44 years old then).  My mother exclaimed in upset and anger, "Catholics GLORIFY suffering!"  She went on to say how sick and demented is that, despite my trying to explain to her the good of suffering--well, the good of embracing whatever crosses we are given.

I have written in the past, on a different blog, about what I call "sideways crosses."  I will try to find it and repost, but the point is that some suffering comes from God, is allowed by God, is willed and ordained.  God views suffering so differently than do we.  Yes, it is a tool, a teacher, but it is also an opportunity and a means of union with Christ Who Is God, Who Is Love.  Suffering unites us with Love.  Thus, "Love to suffer, and suffer to Love!"

Yes, there are times when my mind, heart, and soul are flown away as on wings of a dove.  Even in this writing, I have not been consciously aware of my suffering, or at least not much.  The pain has poked itself into my thoughts as the pain meds have worn off.  I simply do not mind the humility of being on pain medication.  It is another form of suffering, of sorts, to bear the cross of people's attitudes and judging of pain medications; judging comes from ignorance and misunderstanding.  Thus, judging is definitely a hindrance to love, especially unconditional love.

I am taking that point to mind and heart, for sure.  Plus the reminder that we are hindered when we let others' judging of us or misunderstanding of us (unintentional judging--of which I have empathy for that form of judging even though hinders as much as intentional judging which comes from pride).  That is a downfall of mine--I let other people's misunderstanding me and/or judging me get me down.  And I do know, and it is true, that it also is pride that takes offense, and some form of pride that keeps me tied in with those or situations who do not understand me or judge me.

Jesus tells us that if we offer our peace to someone, and they do not offer it back, we are to move on, shake the dust from our sandals and move on to the next "place".  In that, yes, move on into the next level, the next run of the ladder, the next letter of the alphabet, the next room or mansion.  And to do that, we must detach from our own feelings and pride--purgation of senses and of soul.  

Another aspect of which I'm reminded, is that St. Luke spoke to me in a locution years ago, and he explained to me that it is through love that we heal and are healed.  Love heals.  And this is not always or necessarily physical healing whatsoever, but it is more so, more importantly, a healing that is beneficial to the thoughts, the emotions, and ultimately best for love to heal the soul.  

But of suffering--to me suffering is something of another "dimension" in and of itself.  Suffering is an opportunity and a means of union with God.  Perhaps, though the man sharing his story of miraculous ability to transcend all physical pain, it was his intense suffering that brought him to God even if he uses other Names for God, such as Divine Entity or something similar.  Perhaps part of his mission in helping others is to reach people who are not Christians.  There are even some Christians who are awkward and hesitant to call God by that particular Name.  St. John Climacus, I believe, writes eloquently on all the many Names of God.

I'm done for now, writing thoughts and considerations of the 3-way phone conversation, of the man sharing his story.  Have I desired to do whatever it takes, such as focusing my mind on my breath inhales and exhales for hours on end or some other method to see if I would have a transcendent experience?  No.  I am content to let whatever God wills, occur.  

Would I do some such exercise if God told me to?  Is He somehow suggesting to me to try meditating more through the man sharing his method? I don't know.  I'm sure it would be very good and lovely of me to silence my mind more, to avail myself more of receptivity to His Holy Will and His Real Presence.  Yet, I am not certain that I am not already doing that--other than perhaps when I know I am distracting myself--and that.  I admit to intentional distractions of visuals; perhaps music would be better....  Enough on this unless something other surfaces.

These words of St. Paul spoke to me this morning--without, of course, auditory form of speaking.  When I read this Scripture as well as many other Scriptures, the answer as to suffering and love (and all else necessary for our progression to union with God, in Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, comes clear and luminous even if not explicable with words!  Christ is my All, and I am His nothing.

From today's Mass, first reading, Romans 8:18-25:

"Brothers and sisters:
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing
compared with the glory to be revealed for us.
For creation awaits with eager expectation
the revelation of the children of God;
for creation was made subject to futility,
not of its own accord but because of the one who subjected it,
in hope that creation itself
would be set free from slavery to corruption
and share in the glorious freedom of the children of God.
We know that all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now;
and not only that, but we ourselves,
who have the first fruits of the Spirit,
we also grown within ourselves
as we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.
For in hope we were saved.
Now hope that sees for itself is not hope.
For who hopes for what one sees?
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait with endurance."

Catholic Hermit: An Uplifting Reminder from St. Macarius

Also and probably more accurately called "Pseudo-Macarius", this saint and monk of the late fourth century left us homilies that lift and assist our spiritual journeys.

From Homily 31:

"So make haste to please the Lord, wait for him in your heart without ceasing, seek him in your thoughts, stir up your will and your feelings to reach out towards him at every moment.  Then you will see how he comes to you and makes his home within you."

This tuckered out consecrated Catholic hermit has spent the bulk of the day (thus far) resting on the mattress, now here in the unfinished main room of this old farm house hermitage.  Jean Patrick (from Haiti but now American citizen) had some break time between his nursing education school terms.  Coming from civilization to help me with some heavier work, it seemed best he spend the night.

Thus, the hermit and hermitage hosted this young guest who is so filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit -- and uplifted the entire process as we made marvelous progress in our work efforts.  And each day the Lord provided with some generous contributions to the roadside table's offerings: strawberries, tomatoes, peppers, and bouquets of Zinnias in whatever vases and jars I had on hand.

Jean Patrick earned quite a bit of added (and much-needed) income, and this nothing hermit gained much assistance as we installed some free and lovely cabinets and countertops in the pole barn as well as framed in an additional window.  The week prior Jean Patrick and Daniel each came for a day and a half, and we installed the first two windows.  

What a blessing to have some help and also to be able to help them with their school costs in the form of payment!

And with Jean Patrick, what conversation was not focused upon our tasks, we could speak of how the Lord has worked in his life--and how good is the Lord to us!  We appreciated several miracles in the manual labor as well as I benefitted from hearing about this young man's life in Haiti and his life here in this country, of his family, and of prayer needs for all of them.

After the first day I was in so much pain and so exhausted, that I could feel the tension welling up within the body; I explained to Jean Patrick how pain can get to a point that I feel absolutely grumpy and with less patience, as well as to not remember simple measurements from one moment to the next.  And thus, I insisted we take a work break--as I said my becoming grumpy is not worth it!

Jean Patrick loves root beer floats--something he'd not had until coming here to help out a couple times this summer.  Such a simple pleasure, and how refreshing to just take time to appreciate a treat--all that the Lord provides us and the wits to take time to refresh and reflect.

Jean Patrick shared with me how he came to this country--after his mother and younger siblings left Haiti prior.  He had to remain behind, and he told his mother it was all right--that it was best that the younger children got to leave.  Yet, the Lord provided for him in miraculous ways!  When his siblings were at the airport in Haiti, readying to depart, the airport and immigration supervisors wondered at these young ones leaving.  Wasn't there someone older taking care of them?  

Yes!  There is their older brother, Jean Patrick, but he had been told only the young ones could leave, that he would need special clearance.  The airport supervisor called Jean Patrick; he did not get the message until later that night, but he was told to come quickly to the airport as he should leave, also, accompanying his young siblings of which he'd cared and provided for them for three or four years as their mother had left on her own, earlier.

There was then a series of obstacles always met by miracles in Jean Patrick's efforts to get to the airport within 24 hours, as he had been told if he did not come right away, he'd not be able to leave without much effort, time, paperwork, and costs.  A "voice", he told me, had told him a bit prior to all of this to get his passport, even though he thought there was no chance he, too, could come to this country--just the young siblings.  Even a stranger offering him a ride--a man who saw him praying as they rode in a taxi in the middle of the night--all fell into place in an otherwise dangerous journey.

It all reminded me of the apostles being released unexpectedly from prison, the angel opening the door and beckoning them to come out and follow to freedom.

Well, there are more miracles from Jean Patrick's young life.  Now just 22 years old, he survived three days in the Haiti earthquake rubble and survived a tidal wave coming to tip over his small boat  with him in it.  He had to earn money to support the young siblings and did so by burning logs down to charcoal, then bagging it, taking it in a little boat to another area where wealthy people would buy the charred wood to use for grilling.

He has dreams and locutions, and he met in me someone who definitely understood. We did discuss the need for spiritual discernment of spirits--and all this not in the terminology I'm using.  He has grasped the English language very well, but there are some terms and cultural aspects that are new even though he's been in this country for three or so years.

It is a joy to have a helper who is in touch with the numinous and who loves the Lord so very much!  We could praise the Lord and pray, and at night Jean Patrick liked to say his prayers aloud, thanking God for the day.  

By the third day, my body was so much in pain that I knew to call upon the Holy Spirit to fill me with joy and perseverance; and so it was that we made it through that day with the bulk of the heavy work requiring two of us, completed!  What remains, I will need to trust in God's providence that someone will come along who can help me lift a couple or so items.

What I found, though, in being host to even such a delightfully spiritually endowed helper, is that God has formed me to an extent thus far in my hermit and spiritual life, that I also praised Him for the return to the silence of solitude, to the stillness, the simplicity, the slowness, the serenity of being totally alone with God here.  In the night when I awoke with pain, I said aloud, "Lord, I am so thankful to just be here alone with you, and you with me!  Thank you for the help, but thank you for the life in you, Lord, alone--solus Deus!"

I suppose I thought of solus Deus  for when Jean Patrick and I were re-arranging boxes and tools and earthly possessions on the pole barn shelves, there was the large, refinished wood, antique shutter that I'd hung on my first hermitage, 17 years ago this fall.  I printed on the shutter in Old English script:  Solus Deus.  I explained to Jean Patrick that I had this sign on my front porch years ago as a reminder to me, coming and going to church and what few errands, and to anyone passing by, the value of loving God alone.

So today, my dear friends and readers, I wrote an explanation to a spiritual friend who is reading the writings of John of the Cross as am I, currently, for the friend had emailed wanting some ideas of what the saint meant in detachment from the senses and from things of this world.  Then I received a call from a family member, and I listened to what prayer needs and concerns were being expressed from their lives; and then I rested some more, and then ate hoping to build up some energy.

Finally, the body was forced up and out to pick berries for the table and later some tomatoes and figs; and to hook up some hoses to continue the watering regimen here.  Yet, I am exhausted by pain itself, from head to toe, and thus I must simply be, not do.

In all things, though, striving to relate all to God and God to all--there is a peace and contentment despite the unknowns.  Tomorrow there will be a very large Visa bill to pay in addition to all monthly expenses, and finances will be all the more reduced.

And yesterday, as Jean Patrick and I had a lunch break, he received a call from his boss at the nursing home where he works on weekends, saying he should take the medic training course in this time period between his school terms!  So my helper will unlikely return.  He was trying to figure if there was some way he could come back, as he loves anything he does, including helping me transform this place to something better for the next person/s.  But the priority is his schooling, and I told him so.

God will provide, and He probably wants me to continue doing the work on my own, and for the few things that I definitely will need help doing, somehow someone will be provided to help.  My thoughts of finishing sooner than later, though, are now altered with the reminder of the unexpected surprises that come when we exist in the Order of the Present Moment.  From one moment of thinking of what we would accomplish the next time he could come next week, to the moment of the phone call--all things of the temporal plans were altered!

Amazing!

Seek the Lord in all things; stir up in ourselves the feelings and will to desire Him in every moment, wait patiently for Him to come in our hearts, seek after Him in our thoughts.  Then see how He comes and makes His home with us.  

I do know He is here.  He was here in the night when I told Him how much I love being with Him alone, and He was here in the day prior--in me and in Jean Patrick--and He is here making His home and being quite at home, right now as I write and reflect and share...and rest on this mattress.

Catholic Hermit Wishes...

I wish that I had more spiritually inspiring comments to share!  Perhaps the best is to share that even a relatively hidden, consecrated, Catholic hermit has times of seeming spiritual doldrums.  Perhaps it is no such a doldrum as more it is a phase of the temporal aspects required of us mortals also affects a Catholic hermit!

There are bills to pay and maintenance responsibilities of where a hermit lives in solitude and silence.  Yes, I have to do more manual labor now than what I'd otherwise undertake.  The spiritual reading and the time of prayer in which one is not actively engaged bodily are each sparse in the daily routine.  The only interruption is caused by the right arm being so over-used--afflicted with Carpenter's Elbow, a thumb "drill whip" injury resurfacing, and the twice-operated-on shoulder erupting with inflammation.

So the day before yesterday I prayed about those without limbs or missing a limb, and then considered people who are ambidextrous or learn to use the opposing limb of dominance.  I began using my left arm, elbow, and hands to do weeding.  The result?  My left arm was unused to such efforts; I pulled muscles in the upper left back that affect the neck.  Now my left arm is in pain and left hand suffers from some numbness.  

Balance is important in anyone's life, and this includes balance of working the body either in exercise or manual labor.  It is also important to have balance when working our brains, emotions, and spirit.

We've had a weather shift in the night, and that is most helpful to shift activity here, for the body reacts to weather shifts and must slow down some; and the elements are not conducive for being outside, either.  Yet I must press on with some efforts for finances have a shelf-life soon approaching, and time is nigh for me to finish this renovation, sell, and go God-knows-where.

So I will do some caulking today.  And one thing that is not out of balance in this hermit's life is that of prayer.  Prayer continues no matter if resting or working, no matter if spending a bit of time reading the daily Mass Scriptures or reading instructions as to when to apply Weed Stop to the lawn.

I also continue to pray much for the various prayer intentions people message me or call or email, or for what the news of the world prods me to pray.  The last living aunt is 94 today, the spiritual father has been ill but is improving, a baby was born prematurely and is striving to breathe and thrive, an elderly man has dangerously low blood pressure and heart rate.

The woman who has been purchasing trees returned this morning, and we walked about the gardens in the drizzle, seeing what else she wishes to add to her gardens.  I gave greatly discounted deals for she has a love for trees, and the trees that I've collected, tended, and brought to two locales now, will have a good home with someone who grasps the beauty and healing quality of trees.  

The detachment from what was is immense, and I praise God that I am able to let go of what was so gloriously allowed me in times past, of learning about trees of all types and of having the means to acquire them, plant, tend, and bring much enjoyment to many people--especially myself!  My spiritual father always said how the gardens I had in my previous locale were a true glorification of God, a gift to God, and beautiful in the sight of God and mankind.  Yes, they were!

And here, people who drove by sometimes would slow and call out how beautiful the trees or that this is a veritable botanical gardens.  A neighbor woman has spoken only once, and it was slowing her truck on the way to her work to say what a joy it is every morning for her to wake up and be able to look out at such loveliness in these gardens.

So we do go through phases, be as a hermit or as an anyone with whatever vocation is ours while on this earth.  Sometimes we are more consciously aware of a balance in spiritual efforts, but then again, perhaps God does have it all in His purview and providence as to how we are spiritually progressing.  We may think we are not at all--so tied to our earthly labors that we do not dream nor write love poetry to God, or that we are out of balance and not doing as we ought in our spiritual growth or attention to lectio divina (spiritual reading, particularly that of the Scriptures and pondering thereof).

But perhaps we are, more than our minds can think, for when we are thinking we may not be progressing within our souls as much as when our minds and bodies are distracted with work enough so that our hearts and souls are maybe more freed from ourselves to love God above all things and others as God loves.

I don't know.  I do wish in my conscious mind that I had something more inspiring or inspired to share, but perhaps the fulfillment of such a wish must be left to God and the reader.

My hands--both now--are numb enough from writing.  Time to stop!

Catholic Hermit Loves Jesus' Look to Heaven

I love the Gospel of John.  Within, yesterday's Mass Gospel including the Lazarus event with Martha and Mary, and Jesus' bringing Lazarus back from death.  

When Jesus looks to the heavens (and I imagine Him lifting His hands up, as well), it reminds me of St. Godric of Finchale who in instances of praise would lift up his hands or objects in them, and thank God for all blessings.  

Yesterday when the couple brought me Communion and read the Gospel message, the image of Jesus looking to the heavens had me later remembering when I was under this old place here in two feet or less of crawlspace, trying to get some odd-angled plumbing pipe configuration to fit.  I had one pipe remaining to connect to another, and I could not get them to come together properly.

So I lifted up one piece enough--few inches as not enough head- or arm-room for more, and I praised God.  "Lord, I know you can easily fit these pipes together, and I praise You and thank You for all You provide for me in all matters temporal and spiritual!"  I made one more attempt with the pipes, and they fit right together, easily.

Gestures with faith, hope, and love surely please God.  And once more, we can look to Jesus to see how to think, speak, act, and "be".  Jesus looks to the heavens and to His Father.  He weeps with compassion for and with others.  He speaks to God the Father in loving, sonly, familiar terms.  He listens to God; He listens to people.  He is amazed and at times even exasperated with the repetition required for such as His disciples to begin to understand something He teaches...and sometimes tells them they will only understand later.

Well, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has done something not done in nearly 33 years.  Yesterday morning after taking the Doxycycline twice a day for seven days without much issue, was unable to keep the little antibiotic down.  Was so unused to the signals of upchucking, I barely made it to the bathroom.  Again, this morning, lost another pill.  Am awaiting call back from medical personnel on what to try otherwise.  Nausea is a side-effect, but I lift my head to God in Heaven and thank Him for the seven days of having antibiotic benefit.  Still have four more days, and I do need more help as the sinuses and lungs are not well yet despite massive improvement.

I've been listing some things to sell which is time consuming, and I've sold three items:  dishes, PVC pipe, and a door.  Cutting the prices way down, and still it will take awhile with much more to dispense with.  Praising God that I have a few more months financially, and otherwise if He wills, to keep selling off and also working on finishing the place.

We never know the day nor hour (nor minute) ahead of us, nor when we will befall some major shift in circumstances.  I'd not be surprised if the Lord takes me a bit further here and then yet says, "Now you must give in and give up, walk away temporally stripped."  Friends think surely the Lord will not want me beholden to family members, although a friend has already offered that I could live with her.

Now, that would alter the hermit's solitary life; yet we know that most hermits end up not having total solitude in living conditions as they age or at least in final sickness and passing.  Practical considerations affect hermits as they do anyone.  But a consecrated Catholic hermit, living out what the Church requires of privately and publicly professed alike, remain as hidden from the eyes of men in the silence of solitude, as much as God individually forms of any particular hermit's vocational circumstances.

In other words, above all else, a Catholic hermit ought look to God the Father in Heaven, and of course follow Jesus in all aspects that He looked to His Father in all things--as One in the Father and the Holy Spirit--God made Man, born to Mary, lived, died, and resurrected from the dead, descended into hell and ascended into Heaven where He is with the Father and Holy Spirit in triune oneness.

So, to, must we consider remaining in Christ's love, living and dying to ourselves, seeking always divine union with the Holy Trinity.  Looking to heaven as Jesus did while on earth--in gesture, visual, and spiritual modalities--is a tiny effort we can make within our minds, hearts, and souls as well as with bodily gesture.  Small yet mighty in focus and love of God, we can gift ourselves to Him daily.

Well, yesterday as the couple who brings this hermit His Real Presence in the tangible Host, they were thankful that my infected sinuses and lungs had improved in the week.  I mentioned it is like Lazarus--that Jesus had come to call me from the tomb, to come out and begin anew, leave my pj's and gravity of illness behind.  We had a chuckle over that, but how true indeed is Jesus' efforts with us in all types of situations.  

The Living Word applies to us and us to the Living Word in vast ways and means if we take time or have the inclination and desire to notice the infinite connections with the Lord in all aspects of our existences.
  
God bless His Real Presence in us!

Unexpected Phone Call: God Reaches In

The physical pain has been so sickening today that there has been little activity.  And activity is quite important for someone with chronic pain.  If at all possible, it is always best to get up and try to keep the body moving, ambulatory, build up the muscles, distract mind from pain if possible.

Sometimes, however, the pain is wailing a strong warning.  Then, it is best to take it easy, remain at rest.  Other times, the pain is acute, and then there is no option but to be sedated.  It is not always easy to discern the pain's whimper, its wails, its screams, or whatever levels of pain.

When just heading back out to try to unload the pickup truck of black bark mulch, the little cell phone rang.  It was a spiritual friend calling from afar.  We'd not spoken for months, but oddly, I had just mentioned this friend in a response to an email that came, also unexpectedly, from another spiritual friend.  I mean, within minutes of sending the email in which this person's name was mentioned.

We are now dealing with Catholic spiritual friends.  It kind of makes a difference because of topics one can discuss with ease and have an understanding of the role of suffering, the role of the Holy Spirit, of angels, of saints, of prayer life, of spiritual occurrences.  With my Protestant contacts, the interaction needs to be more that I am available for support and prayer encouragement, other than the friend from childhood who is very patient and an unusual soul for kindness.

Anyway, God was reaching in to try to uplift my pained body, wounded heart, and my confused mind as far as the status of this hermitage, the work load, the finances.  

The friend who called had thoughts on it all, and it is still on the lines of the Lord will let me know if I am to try to bail out of it and where to go next.  Since that has not been happening, just continue on, trying to do some work each day with hopes that the body will build up again and the new higher level of pain does not then be the new norm.  We pray it can lessen again, and more work can commence.

For, this particular friend knows that finances are going to be needed for whatever lays ahead.  Younger people think just bail out of the difficult situation, the exhausting work, the overwhelming amount of work.  But those who know this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit well, know that God is doing something in all this.  Definitely, this friend assessed that the Lord is pruning back my family relationships.

And, I suppose it has been shown each day, sometimes multiple times, that the Lord wills to choose who He wants to make contact by whatever means, even in thoughts.  Thus far there has been no physical contact with anyone.  

Tuesday there will be, however, as the cabinet lady at Lowe's has arranged with the manager to do the kind favor and have them deliver the four bathroom cabinets to me, even though it is not their duty to do so.  I won't have to get them in my truck and unload and get them into the hermitage by myself.  What a gift!  I will see two delivery men on Tuesday.  God is allowing this human, physical assistance.

The spiritual friend from afar said she wished she could just bi-locate here and give me a hand with the various work efforts.  We laughed.  Such a term and concept as bi-location is not one that those in my family would be familiar with or even find tenable if I mentioned and explained.

So, it has been a Divine Mercy Sunday in which the Lord has certainly heard and answered my pleas for His Mercy.  He has brought someone who grasps a bit, and can assess with a spiritual view, with a Catholic conception of understanding.  And also brought some laughter along with a load of encouragement--making the next couple of hours of shoveling off however much mulch this hermit's body can tolerate from that load.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner!  (Yes, I did admit to the friend who called that I am well aware of and accepting that I am culpable in many ways for the hurts my adult children must feel or find they cannot overcome.)  But, this is definitely an extreme situation, that has the Hand of God all over it, from the assessments now of a couple of priests and several very spiritually inclined souls.

I will think on the Chaplet of Divine Mercy while off-loading the mulch.  We all need His Mercy!

What It Takes Each Morning

Just to keep going--what it takes!  Mercy, Lord!

A friend emailed a devotion she had read.  I recognize it from the classic book, God Calling.  And, as I recall, having read it a decade or more ago and thoroughly appreciating the messages, it is written by God.  Two older women sharing a home in England, I think, wrote down messages from the Holy Spirit each morning over a period of time.

The collection is profound and not unlike other such messages given to mystics, such as the anonymous relayer of messages given to a woman in the US, chronicled under the title, He and I (or to that affect, might be Him and Me).

God Calling was published in 1920's, maybe?  He and I was messaged in the 1950's or a bit later.  I think the relayers of messages in God Calling were Anglicans; He and I recorded by a Catholic mystic.

I've had the spontaneous weeping episodes this morning, most notably one that was merely triggered by my making a rather healthy breakfast type "cake", with fruit on top, baked.  I used pears this time, which is the recipe standard.  I tend to use whatever other fruit on hand, including the frozen strawberries from last summer's bounty.  My late mother gave me the recipe; it was her memory that started the weeping, and calling out in the silence of solitude, how much I miss her.

Well, that is not going to make a difference in my getting dressed and going out to continue the weeding and digging process to plant more strawberry starts.  But perhaps it makes a difference across the "veil", and that I am expressing love for a person who I respected and still do, even if she had her own flaws, such as a struggle with temper.  Her final year of life was difficult; she was not mentally or emotionally ready to die, but her lungs were quite ready despite never being a smoker.

She had a way of saying pointed statements, and voicing her disagreement, such as how she felt about my converting to Catholicism, or even dismay that I had deep wrinkles (far worse now!) between brows.  My response was to joking laugh that I guess I could razor blade them out; and then I reminded her that I do have a lot of pain, to which she immediately softened and laughed at her own comment.

But I understood my mother.  I knew that even in the superficial externals, she wanted her child--her adult child even--to be the best possible, and to not have those wrinkles and to especially not suffer so.  While even up to the last few days before she passed she made derogatory comments on Catholicism--thinking I had sneaked priests into her room when I had to point out that they were a doctor and a male nurse (she had very poor eyesight in later years due to glaucoma)--I understood my mother.

I think of the times during my daily visits and advocating for her in the assisted care facility (yes, she needed advocate for her care even in the "best" of the facilities because somehow we humans easily sink to less work than more work, even if being paid salaries).  I'd bring along my breviary and read while she was resting.  One day she asked what I was reading, and I said.  She told me I could read the Psalms parts to her, but nothing other.  She was convinced the other was something not good, something made-up by Catholics.

Now, my mother was a highly educated person, but she also had been educated from childhood on that Catholics are awful, theologically misinformed, a cult, and to be avoided.  So I read the Psalms aloud to her, then would read the little lovely prayers silently, then read the next Psalm.  This went on for a few days until one morning she said, "Well, you can go ahead and read the other parts, too, if they are really prayers and other parts of Scripture."  So I did.

One day she told me of a dream she had.  She always knew I had a proclivity to the spiritual realm and a gift for dream interpretation.  She knew I had an inner sense, what she might call more extra sensory perception, as had her grandmother--being shown people, such as those who were going to die or had just died.  (I don't have that consistently, but sometimes.)

The dream my mother told me was that which was of her guardian angel.  Her name is Phyllis, and my mother wanted me to look it up to make sure of its meaning.  It was as we thought: friend, friendship.  The dream had many implications helpful to my mother as did other dreams the Lord gave her, preparing her for her work on the other side.  Knowing she was to have a mission on the other side helped my mother look forward to being useful; and I explained again the death experience I had, and how easy is dying--how wonderful, joyous, refreshing--all going with us other than our painful bodies!

Perhaps that is why now, with the physical pain wearying and at higher levels, harder to manage, I also think of my mother and how I'd love to be on the other side, too.  My dad is in heaven, even--was shown the event when his guardian angel beside him, signaled my dad's passage.  In our time, it was about six months after his earthly passing.  My mother has not been shown to me to be in the fullness of light yet, although it has been about a year since my last vision encounter with a message she had for me.  There are distinct aspects that let me know she is not yet in the fullness of light, but she is on her way.

I received a short, computer message from the one adult child who I figured would want to remain in contact even if far away, even if many aspects of me are not part of her world and not in common with her views, likes, and dislikes.   So it is not that the relationship is no more; it is just altered and being given its rightful function between an adult who happens to have been child in the past. 

But she is a soul and one whom the Lord brought this morning to this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  She wanted to relate they arrived, that it is hot, that their temporary housing is very tiny, but that they are looking at some homes in--yes--about a half hour (in this time zone, that is).  I messaged back my love to them, thankful they are safely arrived in their new adventure, and that I will be praying for the right house and a good-deal house, come up on the market for them.

This is the work of this hermit.  Not so much to be a parent anymore, nor a child myself in relation to my deceased parents--other than relatedness as souls are through prayer and love.  This is the work of this hermit, of any hermit consecrated by Christ Himself, called by God to the eremitic vocation.  Pray, love, praise God.  Love God above all things and love others as oneself.

All the issues of earthly, temporal heart and mind, of attachments and disattachments, of familial bonds are not the work of a consecrated Catholic hermit.  Some of our work might be more fervent due to various bonds--such as knowing the person/s on earth who are brought to us in thought or in tangible presence.

But we must always--we consecrated hermits--tend to the work being that of unconditional love, unconditional prayer and praise and even penance.  We should strive to not be more fervent for one we may know than for a total stranger or for those passed on any less than those still alive.

It's not easy to set aside our emotions and thoughts, our memories of this and that, our attachments. But it is the calling of a Catholic hermit, one professed and avowed in consecrated life of the Church to strive for selfless love, selfless prayer, selfless praising, selfless all.

Time to get the pained body out to the weeding and digging. Today am going to dig up a long stretch of thick grass and weeds and transform it into a long, mounded row for planting strawberries.  It's nearly noon here in the desert of massive solitude and silence.  A far distant chain saw is heard now and then, but mostly sounds of birds chirping.  It has taken quite a bit this morning; but it is yet morning by a few minutes, here, anyway, and God mercifully provides whatever other hours until tomorrow morning.

Note to self:  So much of the dragging and nagging emotional upset and weeping has its source in the sickening, silent pain that has gained momentum in the past year in particular.  This hermit is aging and pain raging commensurate.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love God above all things and others as ourselves.

A Catholic Hermit's Family

Today, the nothing Catholic hermit's family (daughter, son-in-law, grandson) will drive a distance to this desert exile domicile, and help (or actually do the work) of shifting some boxes and furnishings into the pole barn.  The items in the pole barn need some shifting and re-organizing, first.  

All this is in effort to make more work space in the hermitage, in order for the electrician, a man he knows who does some plumbing, and then in a week or so, Raphael and his men, to come and try to make great gains in getting the hermitage finished and salable.

Although the hermit had visited another family member (daughter, son-in-law, granddaughters), far away, and with financial assistance from the daughter to do so, there is once more not communication with them.  But the nothing Catholic hermit now has a better understanding as to the reason, after having visited them for awhile.  They are extremely busy in their lives, and it is as if those who are present, right there, are communicated with.  When another is out of sight, the responsibilities of their present moments press them into that mode of distance to that which is outside.  It also has some to do with priorities and the amount of work emails and phone calls the daughter deals with in her career, during the week.  On weekends her phone and emails go untended.  

Kind of "out of sight, out of mind" mentality, but am thankful to learn it is not in rancor or malice that calls and emails go unanswered.  When plans were made to visit, in that present moment space of time, there were responses.  It is how it is and to be accepted as such.  Not the ideal in some ways, for family closeness, but the hermit accepts the various personality styles and understands the demands that others must live with in their busy lives.  Hermits, of all persons, try to keep their own lives simplified.

The adult son is a different situation.  He has chosen to remove himself from belief in God.  Quite busy in his career, he, too, does not keep in contact.  In this case of family, there is anger and contentiousness against the hermit.  There are earthly reasons for this, and over the hermit's being duped by the real estate deal here and the ensuing efforts to turn the place around, make it livable, but running out of time and resources to do so. 

For the first time in over a year and a half, the son responded to an email the hermit sent, alerting that it was going to need to try to sell before long and hoping there would be cooperation in signing off documents.  (The son is part of the hermitage mortgage deal, which he desired to be at the time.)  He made the hermit an offer that would have left the hermit penniless in a few years, so of course that had to be declined.  He did not grasp quite what he was proposing, surely.  Rather, the hermit would prefer being helped along month-by-month so that it could continue doing a lot of the manual labor, thus saving high labor costs.  (Remote areas can end up being costly in various ways.  There is usury in any situation some humans can wrangle it in.)

No, His Real Presence did not move the son to desire to help in that way, which is fine.  It only means the door is closing on remaining here.  The hermit must go for broke and do all it can, hire the two trusted workers even if costly--but just and fair in charges--to finish as soon as feasible, and then try to sell the hermitage.  The son, if not sole owner, would like to be disassociated with the endeavor.  That is quite all right.  

Catholic hermits, being Christian and called out of this world, not more into it, understand and flex with whatever His Real Presence brings and allows.  And this one knows also that there are various factors involved, behind the scenes so to speak.  It grasps the clash between this nothing Catholic hermit who is totally devoted to and in love with His Real Presence and the Faith and all therein, and a young man in the full prime of life, successful in the temporal world, who is in a phase of ridiculing Christians and disbelieving of God. Yes, it is but a phase.

The hermit's aunt in a distant place, a nonogenarian, has been most supportive in prayer and encouragement, and has financially assisted the hermit such as in this terrible illness and back when it was thought the hermit could turn the hermitage into a more livable place with the desire to remain here once finished.  The hermit's spiritual director, also, has helped--his in part to make reparation for the dismal actions of a diocese in yet another situation that has been forgiven but was very costly to the hermit, and perhaps unfairly so.  

In these rather personal details of family (and also of financial risks and struggles), the point is always of being open to and heeding God's will.  A hermit must be responsible for its own livelihood and sustenance, as far as the temporal and material aspects of life play out.  It must not hold attachments too much, and be willing to go without when situations unfold even down to abodes.  

It is all a journey, and that includes a hermit's family, for unless one is in a religious order of hermits in which it is understood that one detaches from family and no longer belongs to family in that sense but rather belongs solely to God and in obedience to the religious order, a hermit must be sensitive to the needs of others, such as family sensitivities, and let God do as He wills in the ups and downs that can occur.  Since this hermit is the lone Catholic of its immediate family and the bulk of the extended family, there is not the grasp of a hermit's life that a hermit from a Catholic family would understand.

A hermit must always be grateful and to rise and fall with the waves, and to endure the doldrum and the storm, alike--in love, faith, trust--while always seeking His will, moment by moment.

In this terrible illness of which there is finally some break in the severity and improvement noticed, there is much gratitude for having survived it.  There is gratitude for the way in which His Real Presence has provided much prayer support through the aunt and some other long-time friends, including some very close Catholic friends, and the spiritual director.  

His Real Presence provided the Catholic deputy sheriff [remember, it may only take one angel] who happened to be on duty for five days in the worst of the illness, and who ran some errands that were critical, even though at first he wanted to take the hermit to a hospital.  He quickly understood that the situation warranted faith and trust, and suffering it out but with help from medication and two doctor visits.  The temporal financial aspect did not allow for more expense, and the aspect of this hermit's vocation as victim soul, also did not warrant other than allowing the Beloved to hold His hermit in His Arms.

So, the family members currently are on their way to the hermitage, and this nothing Catholic hermit must rise from bed, empty the chamber pot, and praise and pray and thank God in all situations--including whatever family issues, calm or stormy at any given time, and with holy awareness of the family that is the Body of Christ.  The ones coming today are Christians, and thus the reason for more communication and understanding, even if not agreeable with Catholicism.  Light is light, and love of Christ binds whoever in that light.  We must remember that darkness stands in opposition to the Light.  So we pray for our biological families, and for our family the Body of Christ, and for our family as in the family of man, of the world at large, believers and unbelievers.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Remain in His Love, and bless those who do also and those who do not.  May our hands ever be in the open palm position other than when we must grasp hard the cross of Christ Crucified.  Let go all the earthly possessions and situations, and be open to receiving whatever His Real Presence brings, moment by moment.

Hermitage as Stable

Have been in civilization for a couple or three days, practicing being a guest and also practicing servanthood, helping paint woodwork.

In the midst of that came a last-minute St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Ball order, and nothing Catholic hermit decided to stick with the endeavor, costly as it is to purchase more bourbon and pecans, and considering the time commitment, packaging efforts, and distance to mail the order.  

What swung the needle to "yes" is the prayer involved.  Prayer for a hermit is a bulk of the vocation.  

Recently, the hermit here has felt weak in faith and doubting in the efforts made to be of use and help in this world, to even be adoring of His Real Presence.  Distractions can easily settle in, and a major distraction has been physical pain, as of late.  And, there is the emotional pain of a couple of the adult children having severed ties.  It seems so unnecessary and inexplicable, other than allowing God to do as He wills; for all the recent spiritual reading has reminded the hermit that detaching from family is necessary in order to all the more attach to His Real Presence.

As St. Bernard wrote about love of God, once we come to a sincerity of loving God in Himself, we then love through, with, and in God, all His creation--human beings, souls, included.  And this means all people, all souls--not only family and friends or known enemies, but those living and already passed from this earth.  Love, sheer love, Is God.

This morning Francisco is coming to help.  The place is even in worse condition with building supplies piled about, and old stuff needing yet to be removed.  Am praying he will be understanding and tolerant of how difficult to work in cramped conditions.  The body today is very pained, and so we will just do as we can, as best we can, and nothing Catholic hermit is profoundly grateful that Raphael is sending one of his men to help.

We will focus on building the stair landing.  Washer and dryer (not used due to conditions inside and the outdoor, cold, winter weather) need to be shoved aside--where?  God will provide shoving space, somehow.  We will construct the box and place it upon stilt-studs, with sleigh-type support underneath.  We will place it beneath the current stairs, where it must be for the finished project.  Later we can demolish the steep, narrow, shallow stairway and build new steps.  

The landing provides for a stopping point, and then a turn in direction with three steps farther to the upper floor.  Building stairs is more complicated than one might consider initially.  But much research and asking questions of Craig at lumber yard, helps with the courage to take this first leap:  the landing.

This hermitage is a stable.  It has been home to various critters over the years--far more critters than human beings.  Constructing the stairway landing is a major "step" to make, these two days before Christmas.  There is much to ponder in this hermitage stable, and to relate with the stable and events of 2014 years ago.  Consider Joseph the carpenter, as one connection.  Consider none of the commercial aspects we have now, of Christmas preparation.  Consider a basic dwelling, used for animals mostly, and where Jesus Christ was born.

Consider the stairway to heaven, and the angels ascending and descending.  Consider the hills where the shepherds watched their flocks, as hills require ascending and descending.  As for a landing as a turning point and place to catch one's breath in the ascent, we can find many parallels and much for spiritual reflection.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Let us consider the stable as the abode in which the Trinity has come to dwell in us and us in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  No matter the temporal construction of our dwelling places, consider the stable as our home in His Real Presence.  As a cave of sorts, He was born in such a dwelling and was buried in similar.