Catholic Hermit: Calling Upon Jesus and St. Joseph

Both were and are carpenters.  Time is God's, and I'm considering all as present moment these days, as best I can in my utter humanness.  

Exhausted today with pain but yet keeping going.  A daughter, her husband, and grandson were here for a week--took their vacation week to come and help do some tasks around here.  The stairway (to heaven, in essence even if not substance) is completed other than some holes to fill and to try to tighten up the oil rubbed bronze, solid iron balusters.

I've been doing all manner of touch up work which takes far longer than I ever anticipate.  There are many facets to finish carpentry, painting, and tiling.

Plus, I still deal with the aftermath of the "flight from the stairway to heaven"--the brain bleeds, pain from impact, and shoulder that was affected and remains a lingering, bodily problem.

Yet we must continue on, doing our best, striving to keep going with the attitude of all for God, or omnia pro Deo.  

Just wanted to check in and let you readers know that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and hopefully before too much longer will return to more thoughtful--hopefully spiritually meaningful--and yet still temporally applicable sharing of the ups and downs of life as a person, Catholic hermit in the consecrated life of the Church, and also very much a sinner who seems to be not much improving as is said fine wines improve with time....

Yet, the Lord is with me--arranged for someone to spontaneously be offered, to do the stump grinding in the front yard.

Efforts are well under way in the temporal transition which also will be very much and primarily  spiritual transition--a metamorphosis from one phase to the next, whatever that next is.

I shall find out, either in this realm or the next wherever the Lord has set for me, just as He does for each of you!

Tomorrow morning the couple from the parish bring the Eucharist again, and I am more than eager and ready to partake of His Real Presence in tangible form, even if I know I am with, through, and in Him as we all are, in every present moment of earthly and heavenly existence for all eternity!

Catholic Hermit Muses: Did Jesus Take Vacations?

I've had a long week or more of a particularly gnarly pain siege.  Much of it is blacked out of memory; but yesterday was the difficult aspect of knowing I needed to get up and working again as the pain was not going to lessen past a certain point, and at that point one must simply get up and get going!

Yet, there is the knowing that a pain siege will come again, and again, and again.  I couple this reality with that of having extreme manual labor, or work, burnout.  It got rather severe; quite a task it is to motivate.

This morning I knew it was time to do something--anything!  Any work here is progress, no matter how small the task in the mountain of tasks remaining in order to finish and sell.  This hermit is financially broke.  All has gone into the renovation of what was a bad-deal, old farmhouse.  Yet, the Lord did allow this experience of which I recently changed terminology to call it an "adventure."

So I decided to begin painting the second color coat on the pole barn, and I chose the most difficult side because it seems if I tackle the hardest first, then I have conquered my temptation to save the worst for last.

Yesterday in the throes of work burnout, I called the lumber yard.  I was going to ask Craig to please pray and ask his church group to pray, that I get back into work mode.  (Consecrated Catholic hermits are responsible for our own finances, our own housing, medical and all other costs involved in living in the contemporary world.  Thus, I have about six months to finish and sell, and that is that!)

Craig was not in, as I also wanted to explain why I'd not been in to pick up the stair banister and balusters this past week.  But David answered, and when he asked how I was doing, I said I'd had quite the pain siege but was better, yet the worst plaint I had was the work burn out!  Not good!  He laughed and said he has that every morning as he is walking in the door to work....

I asked him how he deals with work burnout.  He said it is in one word: Vacation.

So, that is why I pondered his antidote to work burnout affliction, and this morning what popped to mind was the thought that Jesus never took vacations.

Well, as a child, age twelve, he went with his parents and others to Jerusalem.  It was for a purpose other than relaxation and entertainment, for sure.  They walked miles and miles, had to carry their water and food with them, camped out along the way, or whatever.  Heat, cold, winds--we'd not likely consider it at all a vacation by our current standards--and many nowadays would consider it an obligation rather than vacation.

I also considered that I have no vacations, either.  Then the thought struck that my pain sieges are about as close to a vacation as I come: I'm laid out on a mattress, the mind has black-out conditions, the devil enjoys trying to get me to despair with the pain and incapacitation, and I tend to distract myself with YouTube diversions of a pleasant but easily forgettable sort.  I read the Scriptures but cannot retain much, so re-read and yet the mind scatters.

However, it is a break from the manual labor, and thus the pain siege is worthwhile in that aspect as well as for all the prayer that suffering contains, for I always offer my suffering as prayer.  I avowed myself thus, years ago, to offer my sufferings for the sufferings of Holy Mother Church.  And toward the end of this most recent pain siege, the Lord reminded me of that offering at the time I was beginning to really be fed up with such pain.

Regardless, I spent time while painting one end of the pole barn, pondering how Jesus did not take a vacation, and my spiritual father, a priest, did not take vacations and does not, of course, now.  Not the type of vacations did Jesus take, that we consider as "vacations"; not the type of vacation that David of the lumberyard looked forward to as a release from work burnout.

Jesus took a vacation of sorts when he went off to the mountain to pray in solitude.  That is what I figured were mostly His vacations.  But He never took a vacation from the needs and sufferings and upsets of people, and He does not yet, to this day.  Our issues and flaws and sufferings and ignoring of Him and not listening to Him are with Jesus all the time.  He is always concerned and loving and desiring us to buck up and do right, to put forth good fruit as a result of listening to His teachings and emulating his Life.

"Follow Me!" Jesus said and says yet today, now, in this present moment...if we but listen and heed.

Well, I do not listen well nor do I heed spontaneously, not always and not even mostly, I suppose.  But today I was listening and now I am heeding in small and meager ways, for I am tethered with the temporal aspects of this place that I got into and now must get out of, and the stripping to learn more detachment and the lessons and work to learn to build greater faith--these are my tasks.  And thus work burnout is not going to fit into the program.

The best way to get rid of work burnout is to work it out.  And part of my working it out is to ponder and pray and to especially praise!  Praise God in all things and in Himself--akin to loving God above all things and to love God in Himself!  And, to make myself get back to work--action work for me, as that is what is best for the body to do after enforced rest time for several days.

I also considered other people who did not seem to take vacations.  Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Padre Pio, Mother Teresa, and as I mentioned, my venerable spiritual father.

I know that God has asked us to rest on the seventh day, on the Sabbath.  And that can be also interpreted as resting in His love, remaining in His Sacred Heart, and thus resting off and on in mystical manner, throughout the days and nights.  We do need balance in our lives, and rest is part of it.  Jesus slept, and He made sure He had quiet time in solitude for prayer, for those times He wanted to talk One-on-One with God, His Father.

So must we.  These are the best vacations possible, and for a hermit, we don't even have to go off to a deserted place to pray.  We are in the deserted place, thus the desert; and we pray while physically at rest or in pain or at work or in sleep or awake, while eating and while not eating.  We pray and we praise God.

I suppose if Jesus did take vacations, these would be considered His vacations--the sleeping on the boat while the storms raged about him; the heading off in the boat alone to the other side of the lake; the going up into the mountains alone to pray; the hour he spent in the Garden of Gethsemane; and even perhaps the hours He was dying on the Cross, for that was a time of great unification in His dire and tragic suffering, nailed in front of throngs yet very much in the silence of solitude, calling out to His Father and also forgiving all mankind our sins against Him--the God Man.

I'd best now get under the house and finally give the sump pump more permanent plumbing.  I have some PVC pipe and a new back-flow valve, and I watched a good YouTube video to refresh me in just exactly the best way to cut and fit the pipes and location of back-flow valve.

Writing and sharing these thoughts with God (from Him as I am nothing in myself) and with you has been a type of vacation!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love, love, love!

Catholic Hermit Wishes...

I wish that I had more spiritually inspiring comments to share!  Perhaps the best is to share that even a relatively hidden, consecrated, Catholic hermit has times of seeming spiritual doldrums.  Perhaps it is no such a doldrum as more it is a phase of the temporal aspects required of us mortals also affects a Catholic hermit!

There are bills to pay and maintenance responsibilities of where a hermit lives in solitude and silence.  Yes, I have to do more manual labor now than what I'd otherwise undertake.  The spiritual reading and the time of prayer in which one is not actively engaged bodily are each sparse in the daily routine.  The only interruption is caused by the right arm being so over-used--afflicted with Carpenter's Elbow, a thumb "drill whip" injury resurfacing, and the twice-operated-on shoulder erupting with inflammation.

So the day before yesterday I prayed about those without limbs or missing a limb, and then considered people who are ambidextrous or learn to use the opposing limb of dominance.  I began using my left arm, elbow, and hands to do weeding.  The result?  My left arm was unused to such efforts; I pulled muscles in the upper left back that affect the neck.  Now my left arm is in pain and left hand suffers from some numbness.  

Balance is important in anyone's life, and this includes balance of working the body either in exercise or manual labor.  It is also important to have balance when working our brains, emotions, and spirit.

We've had a weather shift in the night, and that is most helpful to shift activity here, for the body reacts to weather shifts and must slow down some; and the elements are not conducive for being outside, either.  Yet I must press on with some efforts for finances have a shelf-life soon approaching, and time is nigh for me to finish this renovation, sell, and go God-knows-where.

So I will do some caulking today.  And one thing that is not out of balance in this hermit's life is that of prayer.  Prayer continues no matter if resting or working, no matter if spending a bit of time reading the daily Mass Scriptures or reading instructions as to when to apply Weed Stop to the lawn.

I also continue to pray much for the various prayer intentions people message me or call or email, or for what the news of the world prods me to pray.  The last living aunt is 94 today, the spiritual father has been ill but is improving, a baby was born prematurely and is striving to breathe and thrive, an elderly man has dangerously low blood pressure and heart rate.

The woman who has been purchasing trees returned this morning, and we walked about the gardens in the drizzle, seeing what else she wishes to add to her gardens.  I gave greatly discounted deals for she has a love for trees, and the trees that I've collected, tended, and brought to two locales now, will have a good home with someone who grasps the beauty and healing quality of trees.  

The detachment from what was is immense, and I praise God that I am able to let go of what was so gloriously allowed me in times past, of learning about trees of all types and of having the means to acquire them, plant, tend, and bring much enjoyment to many people--especially myself!  My spiritual father always said how the gardens I had in my previous locale were a true glorification of God, a gift to God, and beautiful in the sight of God and mankind.  Yes, they were!

And here, people who drove by sometimes would slow and call out how beautiful the trees or that this is a veritable botanical gardens.  A neighbor woman has spoken only once, and it was slowing her truck on the way to her work to say what a joy it is every morning for her to wake up and be able to look out at such loveliness in these gardens.

So we do go through phases, be as a hermit or as an anyone with whatever vocation is ours while on this earth.  Sometimes we are more consciously aware of a balance in spiritual efforts, but then again, perhaps God does have it all in His purview and providence as to how we are spiritually progressing.  We may think we are not at all--so tied to our earthly labors that we do not dream nor write love poetry to God, or that we are out of balance and not doing as we ought in our spiritual growth or attention to lectio divina (spiritual reading, particularly that of the Scriptures and pondering thereof).

But perhaps we are, more than our minds can think, for when we are thinking we may not be progressing within our souls as much as when our minds and bodies are distracted with work enough so that our hearts and souls are maybe more freed from ourselves to love God above all things and others as God loves.

I don't know.  I do wish in my conscious mind that I had something more inspiring or inspired to share, but perhaps the fulfillment of such a wish must be left to God and the reader.

My hands--both now--are numb enough from writing.  Time to stop!

Catholic Hermit (and All of Us) Await Resurrection!

Holy Saturday!  Tomorrow is Easter Resurrection!  I'm reminding as many spiritual friends who contact this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit, no matter their message, that we will find great joy and relief tomorrow--after what has been a typically grueling, glorious Lent!

A young woman has worked her way through undergraduate college and then for several years slowly plugging her way through a Master's Degree in Psychological Counseling.  This semester she has but one class, but, oh--what a class!  There is a clash with the professor of some sort.  He speaks in erudite tones, and she is finding him difficult to understand.  The concepts he presents get lost in the frozen zone of her mind that clutches when the professor opens his mouth.

Yes, it is a psychological type of block, but nonetheless, she must pass this course for she only has enough money to pay for the three remaining.  I think she's been working toward this degree for four or more years now.  It is not easy when having to work odd jobs, part-time, live with an uncle in a spare room, upkeep an old car to get to work and the university.  But she is doing it!  She will, despite recent diagnosis of sleep apnea, as well.  Lent!

But Easter Resurrection is to come, and the thought of Jesus rising from the temporal toils and tares, the persecutions and all else that He endured--all for our salvation, for His Father-bestowed mission--it all raises our hopes, for sure!  Jubilation is around the temporal-time corner!  

I confessed sacramentally on Holy Thursday morning. It was the most odd and peculiar confession situation ever in my nearly 22 years of being a Catholic.  I won't go into it, but I'm thankful for the ability to listen and encourage another who needed to and wanted to discuss his group therapy and process toward better health.  It was fascinating even if strange since I'd not been to the parish for nearly seven months. Yet, the Lord places us where He wills and as often as not--not for the reasons or purposes we thought or planned.

I have an entirely new segment of people with weight and other problems to pray for and have great empathy and respect for the crosses they bear--no matter the reasons that landed them in rather extreme circumstances.

I know about landing in extreme circumstances, myself.  Landed next door to a mentally ill woman and her dysfunctional husband and adult sons.  Had to get out when my protective order was coming to an end; and then ended up here--in this fixer upper!

Good Friday was truly good this year.  There were three particular prayer concerns on my mind.  Each involve life or death situations.  The one has to do with potentially a new life being formed in a womb; the other has to do with a single mother diagnosed with cancer and facing surgery, chemo, and radiation.  The third deals with an older woman whose esophagus is riddled with ulcers and whose remaining sighted eye is clouded by a cataract; eye surgery is risky on this one eye remaining with any vision possible.

I could not focus much on the Crucifixion of Jesus yesterday.  This year it has all been so vivid, so real, so intense.  I suppose I should be ashamed that I had to explain to His Real Presence that it was just too much to bear--my mind and emotions could not take it all in this time.  Sorry!  And perhaps with that, somehow I recognized all the more the details and depths to which Jesus lived and died--the betrayal, the rejection, the ridicule, the shame, the cruelty and abuse--and then to calmly resign Himself to the Will of the Father after a night of intense prayer and bloody tears prior to His crucifixion.

I worked on caulking around the ceiling line between trim and walls; I painted a first color coat on a room I'd been mudding and sanding--preparing for smooth and sleek, clean and fresh.  The color is a combination of two paints; I like to experiment as well as use up what I have.  The final result is that of the Body of Christ color--a Host, His Sacred Flesh.

Then I took some time out to watch a humorous but theme-laden YouTube video!  Of all things!  I recalled the years of sorrowful mourning, of watching the Passion of Christ film and in ensuing years the DVD.  Or of spending the night in a chapel in prayer, or other devotions and sacrifices.  But this year, the mourning and sorrows are already here, traipsing alongside Jesus with His Cross and then Simon of Cyrene when he assists Christ with the load.

Yes, I had to balance the intensity of Good Friday with distraction of the temporal lives of human beings, portrayed in film, revealing their broken hearts yet ability to overcome with love, and to then help others.  The film was British and dealt with a woman whose husband had bullied her.  He passed suddenly, and she was freed from abuse.  Yet her son took advantage of her financially and committed her to a nursing home of which she was too young and vibrant to belong.  While there, she helped the others break free, for they were being mistreated, over-medicated, and drained of their finances.

Such a theme was brightened by comedic situations mixed with genuine, thoughtful love.

Well, it was quite a different Good Friday than I've spent in decades.  I was reminded of childhood and of the anticipated joy yet the noon hour slowly moving toward the hour of Jesus' death.  I loved it when we'd have a thunderstorm around 3 p.m.; seemed to be a sign and gift from God to remember the day centuries before when Jesus took our awful sins upon Himself, died, was buried, descended into hell an then rose on the third day--resurrected and alive!

Yesterday it was like that again, the same sense of anticipation, the getting through those three hours by not becoming morosely intense or putting on more sorrow than what is naturally and genuinely given by God--not more than we can bear.  And there was the joy and relief later in the day, and the reality of human beings overcoming hardships and mistreatment, abuse, persecution, through love and the courage God gives us to try to make a difference, to serve others, to right what wrongs we can.  And all in love--the love of God, the mercy and compassion of Christ, the spiritual flame of love of the Holy Spirit.

Today is one of reflecting a bit, then waiting, and in temporal time, receiving a Triduum gift!  It is serendipitous!  Someone had posted lovely, solid cherry upper cabinets and gray Corian countertops--free!  Somehow, I happened to be the first to respond, which surprised me, as people lined up online behind if I did not follow through.  Precious Blood (my used truck) and I drove to the place where a young couple was renovating their lovely home, and they kindly loaded my truck with also some base cabinets they happened to have that match.

I have marvelous plans for these cabinets.  Not in the hermitage, but in the pole barn, as I want to frame in two windows I have from the hermitage renovation--repurpose the windows and make the pole barn a studio.  Yes, someone will so enjoy the property.  

All is coming into place beautifully, although working on a 17' beam is providing quite the challenge where one side is wrapped with drywall and that goes across the base of beam and transitions to wood ceilings.  The beam or the ceiling--whichever--do not butt up evenly in a couple places.  I've been chiseling and beveling drywall, for pity's sake.  I'll see what happens with mudding.

A couple more rather serious prayer intentions came via text message.  I'm aware, even when doing a section of grass mowing, that this dwelling and property are woven thickly, through and through, with prayers!  Hours and days and weeks of prayers and sufferings are in the construction, from the framework to the final coats of paint, outside and inside.  

Prayers are in the gardens and grass; prayers are in the pole barn--up on the roof where a year ago I fell and slid--but not off, thanks be to God!  Prayers are in the crawlspace insulation and plumbed pipes; prayers are in the attic spaces and wall spaces and roofing and mulching and every nail and screw driven.

Well, this is how it is, and should be, for a hermit in a hermitage.  Yet, besides the most strange confession--not at all expecting how it transpired yet am chuckling about it and see the point Jesus was making--I wonder at this unusual Triduum.  I'm thankfully able to let it flow without forcing or trying to live up to any expectations of how I ought to do or be or feel or think.

Somehow it is one of the most meaningful Triduum's yet.  I did look up how to pronounce Triduum, and yes, I've been saying it incorrectly for years.  Tri'-jewem was what it sounds like, with the "i" being soft.. I'd been mentally pronouncing: Tri-dew-um with the "i" being long.  Always fun to learn something new or find correction and be delighted.

I wonder if purgatory is kind of like an on-going Lent?  Mercy, I hope not in a human way, but there is nothing quite like Lent to teach us what God wants us to learn.  Not easy, not meant to be, yet always excellent and better than we could ever figure out for ourselves what our souls need to learn most or in what ways best to learn it.

Easter Resurrection--within hours!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  So grateful, always!

Catholic Hermit: Toiling's Reward

Saturday last brought yet another trip to civilization to a walk-in clinic since I'd not had success getting an appointment during the week.  The large medical conglomerates leave much to be desired in efficiency and just pricing.  However, at least this time I was put on steroids to try to get the sinus and lung crud cleared more, and a lung x-ray showed no pneumonia.

Into week six of nearly the bulk of Lent this year, and still not well physically.  However, the Lord has allowed enough improvement after two antibiotics and the steroids so that I get a bit of manual labor accomplished each day--mostly drywall mudding and a bit of painting.  Even the wet drywall mud seems to aggravate the sinuses and lungs, so this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit wears a protective mask more often than not when working.  And, I should probably try wearing a mask in the hermitage as someone suggested the situation may have become a chronic reaction to environment.

Regardless, I remind myself it is yet LENT!  Holy Week increases in intensity toward Good Friday's crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  Then there is darkness and waiting for the Easter morning Resurrection surprise!  I confide that this week, reading the Gospels of daily Mass have been most difficult to endure.  I've never had this problem in years prior or during other liturgical seasons in which these readings present themselves.

But this year, this Lent, somehow I cannot bear reading through word-for-word, slowly, and cannot seem to take them all in.  The reality of what Jesus endured, this year, hits me in ways I cannot describe other than, perhaps, grievously.  Yes, I think of the promise of Christ and His sacrifice that secures our salvation.  I consider St. Augustine's apt appraisal:  "O, happy fault"--the Crucifixion and the resurrection, from bitter to sweet, from our sins to His glory and our salvation as a result.

I skim and scan the Gospels this week.  I return to them off and on in the day, or I think of them in generalized cognition.  By later in life, if we've lived and learned through years of Lents and otherwise read Scriptures throughout the years, these Gospels begin to live within us in familiarity.  Yet they do not become comfortable; they are not meant to be like cozy slippers or a soft comforter.

We continue to learn, react, and grow in faith, hope and love, in following Jesus all the more and increasingly so the more painful to ponder His journey in life and through His death.  Then on Easter begins the transformational fathoming of His Resurrection and all that follows--our Christian beings delving deeper and following the more dearly, over time that God creates for us.

Well, I've been trying to continue with the manual labor.  Most of the time I can distract myself and be in meditative mode with dry-wall mudding or wall painting, and the mind and heart and even bodily pain can float far away from the temporal while working.  

When in increased physical pain, such as this morning, I face the temptation to be a bit discouraged as one could easily open the eyes to temporal reality and see all that remains to be accomplished.  The sinus and lung crud make the efforts loom the larger and more difficult.  Yet, the grace to not lean into discouragement flows immediately, and the mind is told to focus on a tray of drywall mud and let the rest unfold from there.

Various thoughts come when one engages in manual labor, or I suppose any type of labor or activity which we are in various ways required to attempt. It could be due to a job responsibility in order to provide for one's family, or such as with a hermit, to balance the daily life with productive physical work for a bit of income or upkeep of the hermitage, or in working while praying as yet another modality of living and communing with God in the silence of solitude and in praise of His Real Presence.

The following excerpt from Isaiah--I believe was yesterday's first reading of Mass--hit home my heart.  How many times have I thought the very thought, that I had toiled in vain or am doing so with this hermitage effort, tangible, and for what good or gain of my soul or the souls of others?  Have I spent my health and strength uselessly, perhaps ruining my health, hastening death (which can be a benefit, to be sure, for life can become long and hard; and heaven is a promised joy)?

But the Lord told Isaiah how it is, and that we toil not in vain when all is for God.  All is with God.  He is our All, our Love, our Alpha and Omega.

"Though I thought I had toiled in vain,
and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength,
Yet my reward is with the LORD,
my recompense is with my God."

I finally did hear back regarding my phone call and request with the parish priest for an appointment for confession.  I also have entertained the thought of attempting to return to Mass--now when my sinus and lung ailment is more improved, of course.  Yet I will have my soul "shriven" in the sacrament of reconciliation on Holy Thursday morning.

Somehow, in the past couple of weeks, my vocation of suffering has been brought once again to the fore in reminders.  A letter from my spiritual father spelled out the reminder in his no-nonsense manner.  A dream also reminded me that my work in and for the Lord in regards to suffering is in reparation for and with Holy Mother Church.

Then, too, I have been reminded in mind and heart and from the soul, of the mystical marriage five years ago and that Jesus showed me parishioners and priests.  He clearly stated that they would criticize and judge me, but I was to pay no attention to them!

Yet, I had. I had paid attention and let the negativity and persecution, the shunning and gossip, get to me.  Truly, if I am to put faith into the Lord and to what is shown me in inner sight, spoken to me, as well, then I must try to do as He said.  It is all a process, of course--our learning to trust and to discern, and to put ourselves to the test of courage and faith, to trust the unseen and intangible.  

So I will take the next step and try.  The worst that can happen is that I lack the stamina yet, or the selflessness, or the ability to pay no attention.  Then, of course, there will be another time to try again, either in this world or the next.  It is all progression--life, death, resurrection--a metamorphosis in winging our way with Christ to union with Him for all eternity.

Catholic Hermit Shares a Bit More of Daily Life Developments

Last evening was too wearied to attempt to rewrite some thoughts on the anxieties of daily life that we humans encounter to varying degrees, and Jesus' warning thereof.   Whether or not hermit in the consecrated life of the Church or lay person or priest in holy orders, or religious brother or sister in consecrated life of the Church, or member of a third order or institute of the Church, or evangelical or agnostic, etc.--we each can fall snare to being distracted by daily temporal obstacles.

I also had written (but lost the bulk of the post!) about medical issues that hermits may face, particularly in varying life circumstances be it accidents, illness, or the natural aging process.  Thus it is that today I must drive to civilization for an appointment with an eye specialist, as I noticed recently on way to a monastery's vespers, that I have peripheral light flashes when I turn my head.

With a bit of research, I learned that this requires immediate examination by a specialist, yet it could be that which is connected with age and the drying out of the eye's vitreous and/or corneal layer.  Or, it could indicate a hole, or a retinal tear.  Since my eye sight has declined some, I must do what I must in eye care.

Then I wrote of the recent increase in physical pain level regarding my spine and the difficulty in managing severe pain.  I have noticed it is directly correlated with shifts in barometric pressure, moisture in air,  such as brought on by storm fronts.  The pain can become unbearable, causing my mind and emotions to be overloaded with efforts to maintain.

With severe pain, and over years of it, the brain chemistry is strained.  Certain chemicals become taxed and stripped, such as dopamine and endorphins; the seratonin levels can be affected as well.  This is much like someone with diabetes, whose pancreas and liver is no longer producing proper amounts of insulin.

I recently tried to explain this to a cousin who suffers greatly from diabetes and had major amputation  and now sight impairment as a result of not monitoring nor seeking earlier medical help.  She had commented on pain medications and was confused between addiction and dependency.  In terms for a diabetic, one becomes quite dependent upon insulin but is not addicted to it.  There is no "high" involved in taking the medication.  Her pancreas and liver will not begin to increase proper amounts again so she is on insulin for life and may need increased amounts as she ages.

For one with severe chronic pain, of which the cause has been ascertained in the past and all means of correction were made and all other modes of management in place, the person may require pain medication which helps dull the pain receptors and does the work that the brain chemicals would do if they were fully operational.  Over time, the brain is not able to produce enough to work properly.  There are medications that help make up for that lack, but the side effects can prohibit their use especially in older patients.

So it has been that this wearied, suffering, consecrated Catholic hermit has had a difficult time with the increase of pain from the weather shifts.  It has helped in grasping the unfolding of my vocation, actually, and in understanding the necessity of more prayer and focus, all in balance with trying to keep the body mobile and doing some manual labor as well as the benefit of not many close relationships.

The latter may seem strange, or not quite acceptable, but the reality is that there are few who can cope with the vicissitudes of severe pain and how it impacts the body, mind, heart and spirit at times.  One fights bias and some medical ignorance, and I recently am reminded that my mission is not to educate others on such facts but rather to continue in prayer and praise of God, in the hiddenness and silence of solitude that suffering, also, can appreciate and be appreciated by His Real Presence, as well.

For one to truly listen and commune with the Lord, there is nothing quite like deep suffering to draw one into union with Christ on His Cross.  The Cross becomes a shared experience in which the body, mind, heart, and soul of a human being can meld into His Real Presence and grasp the tremendous love with which He suffered on earth as well as the aspects in which He suffers now, of sorts, of a spiritual sort as He knows all that is transpiring in souls in this world, in this time and place.

As for anxieties of daily life, yesterday the cabinet installer arrived early in the morning to complete the kitchen cabinet install job.  This has been on-going with many odd obstacles since June 6.  He entered, pulled out the trim boards, noted the replacement cabinet that Lowe's finally agreed to order since the employee continued to order ones not tall enough for proper microwave height above range.  He went out to back his truck in closer for better access to his tools and while doing so received a phone cal from the police.

His employee who was driving the installer's second truck, had been in an accident.  "Doug" was needed to immediately return to civilization due to "Chris'" accident.  It did not seem good that Chris did not call, but rather the police did.  The installer apologized for needing to leave, which was kind but unnecessary under the terrible circumstances.  He said he has NEVER encountered anything close to the obstacles that we have had with my cabinet install.

I responded that this is pretty much how my life goes in all aspects of it, with an abundance of trials and obstacles, many of odd nature, and that this is part of a  mystic's existence--and added if he knows what is a mystic.  He said he did, and I said this is my main work: to pray for the souls surrounding the trials and obstacles, for perhaps the main reason for his arriving this morning was that I would know to pray for Chris.

I sent him off with a tin of Love of God Bourbon Balls, and my assurance of prayers, and that I'd let him know my plans for if my pain continues to yoyo so severely with what is now being touted the worst winter in years in my remote locale, that I may need to leave for a couple or so months to stabilize the pain situation.

Later in the day I contacted the priest in monastery close by, and I mentioned I may need to leave for a family member's home which is in a different climate.  He mentioned that there is no way to drive currently due to road conditions, and suggested I close off the stairwell with plastic sheeting as my hermitage downstairs' is quite nippy.  Will do.  He also mentioned getting a different doctor, of which I already have made arrangements as when in remote areas, doctors and nurse practioners come and go seemingly more rapidly, and there is not continuity.

I had to laugh a bit at my temptation, yet, to escape the hardships and the work, to avoid the greater suffering included.  So I bucked up, bundled up more, and got to work in here.  Soon it was too dark to do much more, and artificial light not so great, either, in here.  In a couple of days am supposed to make it to airport as adult daughter arranged a flight for a brief break and to see the grandson in performances.  He is quite the budding actor.

Thus, in all this, there is a continuing marvel and appreciation of the Lord's unfolding my vocation, and of the increasing leanings, just for now perhaps, of more reclusion than otherwise.  Upon return, I will borrow a book of St. Theophan the Recluse, and in the meantime I simply relax in the ride of whatever His Real Presence desires.  There is no running from any of it--not from the eye appointment, not from whatever transpires from that, not from the manual labor, not from the cold, not from the increased pain, not from my mission as a soul nor my vocation as a hermit.

The variety of hermit lives--lived out--is as vast, it seems, as the stars in the sky even if weather prohibits us seeing them.  They are out there, and we are here on this planet, fulfilling our vocations and missions in life--hopefully paying attention to the Lord to Whom we are always and eternally accountable.  At any given moment, we may find ourselves plucked out of this temporal life and standing before Him.  And also, in all given moments, we essentially are standing before Him, as well, and ought keep that in mind.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children!  Let us love one another, for God Is Love!  Go forth in peace and faith, in God's flow, in every present moment.

God Surprises Catholic Hermit

Yes, indeed.  This morning I shoveled and spread part of a load of black bark mulch that my neighbor lad had helped me offload into piles, nearly two weeks ago.  I was just ready to rise from the mattress again, having taken a couple hours to rest the very painful back, legs, and feet (lots of nerve pain today, plus headache, and liver area pain dicey!), when I heard a knock at the door.

It was the neighbor lad and his younger sister.  They'd brought a bag of Transparent Apples, and the boy quickly added before leaving, that he would be able to work toward the end of the week and listed the days.  Then he began telling his future schedule of when he had camps or other events, such as morning summer practices for athletics.

As I loaded his and his sister's arms with produce that no one had taken from the roadside table, I mused within about the turn around in this work-prospect.  Not a half hour ago a friend from afar had emailed that she was convinced that I was to leave here and that I simply had to keep at it, bit by bit.  I had returned a message reminding that without help, it is unlikely, even with a family member coming to visit next month for three or four days to help with the tasks I cannot do with God alone.

So God surprises.  I suppose the sting of the boy turning and seeing me mulching in front that day he was riding off with a friend, maybe somehow got him to thinking.  (Today he also mentioned his grandparents and what they had been doing or such. My mind was more dealing with physical pain and also the surprise God had provided with the visitors at the hermitage door, so I did not catch the details other than to muse that he wanted to express that his grandparents were indeed visiting, even if not 24/7.)

Regardless, I am praising God for the prospects are looking positive of another set of hands and a far better back than mine.  I do need help with tasks that--unless my angel were to materialize as a human and lend me an extra set of physical hands, or provide a miracle of work completed as I rest or sleep--will not be accomplished.

Wonders never cease.  I am guardedly encouraged, not that I do not have full faith in the Lord's surprise this afternoon.  It is just that I think He wants me to remain very much in the Order of the Present Moment, even to the detail of a lad being more available to work now, seeming to want to work, and presenting a positive, organized, thoughtful plan of when he can help out the old hermit.

Maybe it is when I have totally accepted that I will be content existing in a rather unlivable dwelling, that the Lord decided to land a surprise.  The Transparent Apples will be well-utilized, for sure.  Whatever greens, beets, Snow Peas and strawberries that remained at the roadside table will be utilized by the neighbors.  They declined the kale...to be expected.  I blend it as part of my Green Glory breakfast drink.

So, back out to Precious Blood (name of my used pick-up) and to start off-loading the black bark mulch that has been there for ten days now.  The body can only do so much with the higher level of pain, and the needs of the gardens took time and effort.  Whenever, which is rare, that I make the long journey to civilization, I try to be efficient, and a load of mulch is part of the errand list.

Well, praise be to God for the Fourth of July surprise!  Must have been my own thoughts, not God's Mind, that the neighbors wanted no involvement and the lad did not want to work; or else he had a change of mind or circumstance, or both, for the hourly wage is a dream come true for most laborers.  This hermit is not stingy; but there must be justice in the work that is accomplished.  We must not let others take advantage for that is allowing them to damage their souls.  No, we must not let others do that to themselves.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children.  Let us love God above all things and love His surprises, too.  Let us love one another as Jesus loves us.

Catholic Hermit Hears from Spiritual Father

Well, he also may be termed "spiritual director".

There is so much still I could be writing about, of so many spiritual matters, of Scripture, of daily occurrences and adventures the Lord provides non-stop, in every present moment.  But today came a letter in the mailbox.  It is rare to get one, but there it was, and in it the spiritual father wrote of how he enjoyed my last correspondence to him.

This nothing consecrated Catholic hermit had written of thoughts about our being chained to souls to help with their salvation, to bring them to the glory of Christ's salvation.  The spiritual father had but one directive after adding some thoughts and liking what this hermit had written.

"Get that damn house done and get to your writing!"

I had to laugh.  He does not use expletives that I've ever heard over the years.  But, he wanted emphasis, I am sure.

However, the Lord does not seem to be letting up on my getting the house done fast or at all.  Things have happened in the past couple of weeks, even the last week, that I am not going to write about now but will later.

One thing, though, today: Doug the cabinet installer arrived.  The new, kitchen replacement cabinets had arrived on Tuesday, stacked into the other end of the width of house back room area.  There was going to be a kitchen again, perhaps by Monday even if no sink until after template made and countertop ordered.

But no, not to be.  A glitch occurred when Doug opened up the box with the kitchen sink base cabinet.  Wrong kind ordered.  So he was able to set the base cabinets except that one, and will be back in three or so weeks whenever the correct sink base cabinet arrives.  

Thankfully, Lowe's was cooperative without months of delay in getting the cabinet situation remedied. By this evening, it will be on order.  The Lowe's crew and this hermit are all by now on first-name basis, and they know I persevere--as I should.  Right is always right, and I had specifically reminded the cabinet employee to make sure she order an apron front sink base--not the standard.  

Way back, the first time they ordered cabinets for the kitchen (the ones that had been discontinued for being so terrible), they had not ordered the apron front style kitchen base cabinet and had to re-order the correct one.  Third time is the charm!  I am convinced that adage has to do with the power of the Holy Trinity.  For me, the spiritual undergirds all; and I think this is the truth, and many perceive it, not just me.

Anyway, I can't get the "damn house" finished any time soon.  I may have to bail out before it is finished.  All that is up to the Lord, as are all things up to the Lord.  I have put in calls for someone to come help work on things I cannot do by myself or even myself; I get no responses.  The neighbor boy was to come this afternoon, and I left a phone message, but no young man came.

Instead, came a phone call from a young woman I've known since she was eight years old.  We had a deeply spiritual yet practical conversation.  We are connected in that way, and there is a reason she called today even though she said something had her call me after maybe 8 months of not hearing from her. I could not tell her why it is, not yet.

I'm still chuckling over the dilemma, as I, too, have very much felt I am to be writing, not working on an old house and up-keeping the grounds.  However, time is running out, and I am mostly very tired after working on projects; or I have been laid up with one thing or another physically and thus not that well to write much or at least not substantively.

But I will pray and ask the Lord if I am to try more to work and write, and to please give me the energy and wherewithal to do the writing if so.  I am definitely getting lots of praying in, plus have met various people amidst some recent adventures--not intending to, of course.  Good to live in the Order of the Present Moment and let the Lord unfold His Will, moment by moment.

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children!  Let us love one another as Jesus loves us!

Catholic Hermit Been Praying and Working

The past week, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been working on the hermitage bathroom and praying.  The thought has come of just how skilled and focused and hard-working are those who build.  I've thought much of St. Joseph and Jesus--all those in history of nations and civilization who figured out how to construct not just edifices but thoughts, words, art, music, and the spiritual life.

Yes, we build our spiritual lives.  We construct in certain order, in ways that sometimes we do not understand and by trial and error.  But we learn from the Holy Spirit as to how to listen, to pray, to proceed in our journeys in this life, this world, and on into eternity.

Today I had to figure out how to wire electrical light fixtures.  My son-in-law had started one of two in the bathroom, but the box that is nailed into the stud behind the drywall wobbled a little.  He became discouraged and evidently was not familiar with that type of box that is nailed to one side or the other of an upright wall stud.  Yes, one side could be pressed in slightly.

However, once the back plate is screwed in and the wires attached properly, and the fixture screwed into the back plate, the wall itself acts as a solid stabilizer.  He somehow could not grasp that on the day he tried.  I think he has mostly done ceiling fixtures with mounting boxes that are secured differently to ceiling joists and do not have any "give" on one side or the other.

So I thought about how my son-in-law has learned to wire light fixtures and realized that there is no reason why I should not be able to do it.  It takes courage, though, and courage comes with prayer and confidence in the Lord.  With faith, I started in, reading instructions and beginning the process of hanging the second light fixture.  

Of course, there were glitches.  There seem always to be in this old hermitage.  The electrical box was not flush with the drywall.  I called Mark, the electrician.  He said to use spacers to bring the face plate out so it would be more flush with the drywall.  It was not at all easy to get the spacers behind the screws and all secured in the proper place, with the mounting screws for the fixture, then, being aligned so that the light would hang straight on the wall.

I had to call Mark yet again with another question, and while asking the question, the answer came clear.  He laughed; I laughed.  A lot of these matters simply take doing and checking in with someone other who has more than ample experience.

And so, too, with our souls and the spiritual life.  Yet we must pray for courage and have faith that we can step forward in our seeking His Real Presence and that we will find Him always, with us and us with and in Him.  Sometimes we call upon a spiritual friend or spiritual director; or we read a book written by a spiritual master, tried and proven over time to be one who has reached divine union or nearly so while on yet on this earth.

Always, we can call upon Jesus and His apostles.  We can call upon the Blessed Mother, Mary.  We can call upon the Holy Spirit and God the Father of all beingness.  We can turn to the directions we are given in the Scriptures.  No matter the challenge or new skill or task or step we are encountering in our spiritual lives and growth, we do have the directions given us in the Living Word, the Bible.

The past few weeks, the Lord has been communicating more, reminding me of specific persons needing prayer.  It has become uncanny--truly miraculous. But why should that surprise us?  He desires to utilize us, and when enough of the distractions are tucked away and out of mind, our minds and hearts and souls are more open to listening in the silence of solitude.

If we do not see or hear the inner images or inner words and detect what He wishes of us, be assured His Real Presence will repeat His will in similar or other formats.  That has been the case, lately, and He makes sure if I miss the cues, that I get them even if the person needing prayer ends up contacting through temporal means.  But mostly, lately, He has let me know in ways that I grasp, and when a temporal contact comes along, the message had already been received.

Perhaps I may share some of these aspects with you sometime, my dear friends, dear blog readers.  I'm sure you will have many such similar, but it might also help as a reminder to expect His promptings and messages.  When they come, we must snatch them and act upon them with increasing faith and confidence in prayer and word and deed.

Tomorrow the daughter and son-in-law are going to come quite early to this hermitage.  They've not been here for some time; it is a trek out of civilization to arrive here.  We are going to set the toilet in the bathroom!  The slate floor is in place, grouted and sealed.  The tub that was set last summer now has all the tiling, grout, and sealant completed.  The window trim is cut, sanded, primed, painted, nailed and caulked.  (Yes, I did all the boards for the window wrap and casings in opposite order.  Craig explained that is why I had difficulties with gaps.  Now I know better for all the other windows.)

In our temporal lives and in our spiritual lives, we may do well to keep in mind that we are always learning.  We make mistakes.  We might pray and listen but miss the cues.  So we pray and listen some more, and we ask others in our lives who have experiences we have not yet encountered.  That is how it is in life. 

It has come to me in the silence of solitude and in the failures and successes, that some people learn a skill that they use repeatedly and become rather expert.  Others learn bits and pieces of skills in more generalized form and use.  Some are specialists, others are generalists.  We all are journeying together, even if some more in physical solitude and others more in active interactions or groupings. 

Such as with this old hermitage, we learn in various modalities.  Yet we find we are learning various aspects of experiences and lessons and skills enough--to be humbled enough--to praise God for the miracle of it all!  

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Hermit Present Moments

Dear friends in His Real Presence, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit has been living the present moments with the usual, human strivings for virtue over the typical flaws and vices we face.

I've been in civilization, helping out with watching a young family member while the father was away on a job interview and the mother went to teach college course.  While there, the pain level peaked so was in bed quite a bit but thankfully able to do the driving to get the child where needed to be for activities.

The Lord provided quite a miracle and answer to prayer while there. Hopefully I can write about it this evening.  For now I'm returned to the hermitage.  I must take advantage of daylight hours to continue installing bathroom cabinets and to use the power saws to cut window trim boards--facings and casings.  This morning I ordered the bathroom door.  

Even with all the time spent on leveling the bathroom floor, the cabinets, although new, are not perfect.  Nothing in our temporal world is perfect.  We humans do our best, and even with machine precision, there are shifts and juxtapositions and imperfections in anything material.  We can either grouse about it or can rejoice that it gives us more opportunity to fine-tune what we are working with and that others' hands have worked with prior to ours.

When using a hole cutter bit on the power drill in order to cut holes for the vanity sink drain pipe and hot and cold water lines that poke out from the drywall, the drill flipped and wracked my right thumb a'plenty.  The tendons are over-worked as it is.  So it started my thinking in terms of how amazing are our hands and how useful a blessing they are in our lives.

God grant success to the work of our hands!  Today I will pray for those who have lost hands or were born without hands.  And, I will pray for those who invent and construct artificial limbs and 3-D hands and other devices that help people who are without limbs.  God grant success to the work of our lives!

More, later!  As ever, God bless His Real Presence in us!  May we all love one another, little children, in this terrible time of terrorism and mass murders in various countries around the globe.  God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit Is Thankful for You!

Yesterday, in this country, we celebrated Thanksgiving.  The reading in the daily Mass Scriptures included these words from St. Paul.  I posted them for family and friends, and I do so now for you, my friends in Christ and blog readers.  I am placing my body, mind, heart, and soul in these words of St. Paul, as my Thanksgiving thoughts for you!

"I give thanks to my God 
always on your account 
for the grace of God bestowed 
on you in Christ Jesus, 
that in Him 
you were enriched in every way, 
with all discourse and all knowledge, 
as the testimony to Christ 
was confirmed among you, 
so that you are not lacking 
in any spiritual gift 
as you wait for the revelation 
of our Lord Jesus Christ.  
He will keep you firm to the end, 
irreproachable on the day of 
our Lord Jesus Christ."

Now, to rise from this mattress on the floor, although very chilly in this hermitage on a late autumn desert day!  Must dress and begin some manual labor.  A daughter, son-in-law, and young grandson came yesterday for a few hours.

We worked on building a wall requiring angle cuts that is under where the stairway is to be and as a back wall of the laundry plumbing drain and vent pipes and water lines.  I will today construct another wall to help hide these pipes which take up more space than a single, 2x4 wall.

I also hope to continue on, installing the bathroom cabinets.  My guardian angel helped me immensely, getting them from the pole barn to the house.  With the family members probably leaving the area, the Lord is challenging me to increased faith in Him!  Solus Deus!  God alone!  It will be good!  May this nothing Catholic consecrated hermit step up and fully embrace the challenge!

God bless His Real Presence in us, dear friends wherever you may be!  May your day be blessed with all the praise and gratitude that can issue forth from our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits!  Let us live the royal law:  Love God above all things and love others as ourselves!

Catholic Hermit Busy Praying, Suffering, Working

Have many thoughts on the Church and the spiritual life, on His Real Presence, His Living Word, and the eremitic vocation in the consecrated life of the Church.

But have been keeping the body, mind, heart and spirit in silent prayer, in the solitude of Te Deum Hermitage, as well as hard at work.  Am trying to get the exterior painted before the cold of winter.  Have two extension ladders set up on south side of hermitage, and admittedly the back and neck are riled into sickening pain.  Omnia pro Deo, this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit intends, from deep within.  Yes, offer it all for God:  the prayer, the pain, the effort to make all things fresh and new for someone else who will be living here when the hermit runs out of funds.  All is well, is well.

The mower would not start yesterday.  First time ever, and perhaps the problem is connected to changing the mower blade and undoing the spark plug.  The plug is back in, but perhaps the motion somehow affected the power connection.  Added more oil, to no avail.  Nearest neighbor boy responded to the hermit's request for assistance. Got the mower going one time, but it soon stopped with grass too tall.  We raised the height, but the mower simply would not catch into full mode. It would turn over now and then, but not rev to usable power.

And, that is exactly how this hermit feels its spiritual life is going, currently.  Just kind of trying to get it up to full power, but somehow it does not turn over completely.  Sputters and succumbs to some unknown reason of perhaps weariness or little issue that is not uncovered enough to correct.  But am working on it, praying, and am aware of the sputtering.  Awareness is helpful.

Best to not dwell on the weakness or weariness or whatever it is causing the sputtering.  Just keep in mind that His Real Presence, the Virgin Mary, the Guardian Angel, and those who pray for the hermit will at some point bring the awareness into change, into deeper conversion.  

Various factors can hinder our spiritual progression, or the speed of it, or the best possible scenario of our spiritual acumen.  Not to worry too much nor to obsess over it, not to get frantic--any more than this hermit is over the lawnmower not starting.  Simply ponder a bit and review the possibilities, and then try this or that to see if it comes to full functioning mode.

That is all.  In the meantime, the hermit is on its second-to-final day of a birthday gift for its Protestant cousin.  Had to assure the cousin that this is not some "Catholic" prayer or devotion.  It is a spiritual bouquet of sorts.  Each day the hermit emails the prayer intention specific for the cousin for that day and also a chapter from a book of Scripture.  Later in the day the hermit emails some reflections of how the Living Word of God sustains and connects with the cousin's life pertaining to the day's prayer intention.

It is fun, powerful, and engaging to do this.  In this particular spiritual gift, we are praying/reading 1 and 2 Thessalonians.  The cousin admitted to not reading along, and that is all right.  In the past, with this gift using Psalms or other books of the Bible, when the other person reads and prays along with the hermit each day, it does seem to be more effective.  

However, who knows for sure what is effective or more effective--although His Real Presence, our angels, and the Queen of Angels knows?  The main thing is for the hermit to give its all as best it can, to the process.  Off and on throughout the day, the Scriptures and thoughts of the cousin come to mind and heart--while up high on the ladder painting under the eaves, or while pushing the mower back into the pole barn.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Let us love one another, little children! God Is Love!

Catholic Hermit Praying, Pondering

Put in the two calls--one to Dr. H. and one to the spiritual father, the hermit's holy superior.  Of the two, Dr. H. has the lived experience and expertise with the spiritual paranormal--years of it.  When the hermit converted to Catholicism 20 years ago, Dr. H. said the hermit would be "hard-pressed to find a priest in the country who would have actual experience or know about such matters even if they may have read of some aspects in books."

At the time, this hermit thought surely Dr. H. was incorrect on this.  Over the years and many, many priests and bishops and those wanting to be spiritual directors, Dr. H's assessment has proven correct--at least thus far.  The hermit's current spiritual father is humble and holy, and his wisdom admits to not having actual experience, but he has a keen sense of the Holy Spirit and vast knowledge of God.  Between the two men of which this hermit is so blessed to have in times of discernment and guidance of the here and now, there will be some suggestions and answers.

But, the hermit awoke with not really wanting to be at the most-attended Sunday Mass, nor to necessarily be sitting with the family in more view of people.  The helper's dad was not keen on a sign, as he said many people don't bother to read signs, or they would then have all the more questions.  Maybe questions are not bad, though, if this situation has a different aspect to it that God wills than the approach the hermit and others have thought to take for the past seven years.

Otherwise, it is back to work here this morning, with yet another fine layer of drywall mud in the downstairs bathroom needing to be feathered out.  Drywall mudding is an exacting art, and this Catholic hermit is bungling its way through learning by trial and error and then successes.  Is it that what works seems to be quite powerful as opposed to what does not work?

The hermit has been pondering being less negative and seeking more the positive aspects of all matters and experiences, for God Is Love, and Love is the greatest as God Is All to our nothing.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  God Is LOVE!

Now, to the manual labor.  Many prayer intentions sent the hermit's way yesterday and this morning, so much to pray about while working.  It is all very good.

Catholic Hermit Still Around; God's Graces

Haven't written in awhile.  Have been more silently living the hermit vocation in solitude and stillness.  The hermit's young helper has continued to put in three hours' of work about four mornings a week.  Hermit finances and the helper's school obligations provide a shift back to the hermit in total solitude other than occasional, perhaps, time the helper can work a couple hours from time to time.

Current spiritual reading include the daily lectio divina, the Scripture readings of Mass and meditative consideration.  Also, the hermit is daily reading 2 Peter, finishing up a spiritual bouquet for a sibling's birthday--chapter a day of 1 and 2 Peter with reflections on various aspects of the sibling's life in Christ.

The young mother and the hermit are now reading four books on St. Gemma Galgani.  We phone discuss once a week, across the miles.  From the saint's diary, we each had the same reaction--kind of unsettling, some of Gemma's recording of what her angel, Jesus, and the Virgin Mary had to say to her.  The wording and the way they dealt with her much as one would with a naughty and immature child, caused us to wonder if Gemma had some emotional issues.

We concluded that she may have, due to her close attachment to her mother who died when Gemma was quite young, as well as Gemma's longing to be able to go to heaven with her mother.  However, we also discussed the reality that God interacts and speaks with us at whatever level of emotional, spiritual, maturity, and age we are, and in whatever ways is most effective to teach us and to guide us in virtues, especially faith.

This thought coincides with the hermit's other current reading, and this done with an elderly friend, again across the miles.  We continue on with the sermons of Pseudo-Macarius.  The current homily addresses how God gives us graces in varying amounts, types, and time periods of our lives.  For some, there are few tangible showings of God, or there may be one experience early in life and then nothing.  In those God desires for the soul to increase in faith over years and years.  For others, God might grant tangible graces in abundance, spread out over life.  God deals with us as He knows best, and how, when, where, and why the graces are deemed by Him as most effective according to His will--not ours.

Thus, St. Gemma Galgani, being a young girl and feeling such an emotional loss of her mother, needed more nurturing and more tangible graces, and the words used by her angel, Jesus, Mary, and Bl. Gabriel are as Gemma needed to hear them, so that they would make sense to her.  Plus, we allow for a young person's interpretation of such conversations as well as the translation from Italian to English.

As for this hermit, it has learned over the years that it does not want to anticipate graces.  No, this hermit prefers to be surprised by His Real Presence.  Otherwise, if eager for or begging for or anticipating graces such as visions, locutions, or any of the daily miracles we all experience if we but see the coincidences, lessons, and benefits galore each day as graces--this hermit would doubt these if it had asked for them or anticipated them, or specifically desired them.  God knows the hermit well. He knows each of us inside and out, and He deals with us according to His will and what is best.

Gemma was quite young when she wrote her diary and autobiography.  This Catholic hermit and the young mother have the advantages of spiritual direction, spiritual reading, and are older than Gemma.  We tempered or circumstances compared to Gemma's and do not need, should not need or beg of His Real Presence, a lot of tangible, spiritual experiences.  As St. Paul writes (paraphrased), when we are young we need milk; when we are older we are able to eat meat.

To grow in faith, to have hope that is not seen, and to love His Real Presence, our angel, the Virgin Mary and all the saints, to love one another as Christ loves us--this is the daily living out of life in Christ.  We can recognize the myriad graces we are given, all around us in the miraculous, simple, daily details.  However, when we have true and deep need of special graces and encouragement, often Jesus will surprise us with a more tangible visit of some sort.

In the meantime, the young mother and I decided that we prefer being surprised by grace, and to not stand out or make requests of God that require manifestations that do take energy and effort, coming from the spiritual back into the temporal realm.  We need to grow up, for we must cooperate with His Real Presence and all we have been taught by Him and the angels and the saints, by His Living Word in Scriptures, and through our being in the Body of Christ in Holy Mother Church.

On a temporal note, progress continues in manual labor efforts in renewing this old hermitage.  Still no bathroom, but a tub is in one space and a shower base in another.  The helper and the hermit have been hanging 1/2-inch concrete board for the shower surrounds.  The hermit finished plumbing the hot and cold water lines, and there is but one task left to be done in the cramped crawlspace under the house: tie in the tub drain pipe to a p-trap, and that to the main drain.

There is less than a foot of space for the hermit to squeeze its body under beams and joists beneath the house.  Yes, for that reason the hermit has put off this final plumbing task.  But today or tomorrow, it must be done as the helper is needed to shove down on the pipes from above while the hermit glues and shoves up for the final fitting.

By the grace of God, we do what we do.  By the grace of God, we breathe and think and move.  By the grace of God, we have faith and hope.  By the grace of God, we love.  These are each and all, supernatural experiences, when we get down to the realities both temporal and spiritual--all very mysterious, all quite mystical.  Is it not?

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Hermit and Helper Fixing the Porch

The hermit and helper are in process of fixing and finishing the front porch.  This morning we worked patiently at shimming up the side porch to coincide with the front porch, already completed by Raphael and his workers, last summer.  The side porch had to be put "on hold" so that the hermit could frame in five more windows.

So we tediously used cedar shims and got it all level one direction on the floor joists, and width-wise level, as well.  Tomorrow morning, God willing and bodies able, we will set some posts as the porch is being widened to make it more utilizable.

And utilizable is just what this consecrated Catholic hermit, in its nothingness before God, so desires to be.  Utilized by His Real Presence:  this is the hope, offered in faith and much love.

The details matter, and this hermit is trying to pay attention to the details of its soul and life.  It is striving to listen to His Real Presence and to observe and "read" the details of messages that come to us in our everyday lives as well as in the night.  (Even at night, my heart consults me," sings the Psalmist.)

So yesterday when at the bank (which is quite a trek for the hermit who rarely leaves the hermitage) it asked the kindly teller to please call Raphael's phone number.  This would assure that Raphael would return the call.  And he did, and this time he was yet more ashamed for not returning the hermit's previous calls a couple months ago.

Raphael stopped by a bit ago.  He started to get into the reason he had fallen off his otherwise wonderful character and goodness as a man and a Catholic, at that.  He felt very bad about his worker who did not do the job the hermit needed doing, accurately.  (Pride can get to us more than much else.) 

Stairs must be measured carefully; steps cannot be off an eighth of an inch.  That eighth of an inch grows then, so that by the top step, the stairs' "run" is two or three inches too long, and the treads and risers just keep getting more and more "off".  The mind instinctively sets itself to the rise and tread of a step, and it is quite dangerous to not have them all the same.  That's what can cause falls. That is why there are strict codes on stair treads and risers, as well as distance from doors.

It is like our spiritual lives, our souls, our thoughts, our actions.  Just a little off, and the next "step" in life is thrown off, as well.  In not too long a space of time, we find ourselves stumbling or outright falling.

Anyway, the hermit emphasized to Raphael that the past is over, and that the hermit paid the worker.  This hermit's goal is present moment and making progress, but also doing things as best possible.  So it bought more lumber and measured accurately, and cut, and the stringer boards are all set to be hung properly, with metal brackets that are code.  No hard feelings, and the work done by the worker has nothing to do with his being a good person or wonderful man.  Stairs are very tricky.  Craig and others at the lumberyard assures that seasoned contractors come back for more wood when building stairs!

And that was the lesson for the helper and hermit this morning, while shimming the porch floor joists.  At first we laid out the shims carefully, leveling as we went, on top of the larger 2x2" boards that were running the length of the joists. (There was a lot to raise up on this side of the porch.)  Then we realized it would be better to have the small shims underneath the 2x2" pieces.  

So we removed the 2x2's, and we put the smaller shims on top of the floor joists; then we put the 2x2's on top of them, sandwich style.  Then we used exterior, thin deck screws to secure the "sandwich" down to the porch floor joists.  The porch floor boards will then be screwed down, across the shimmed joists.  Victory!

Yes, taking the extra time to remove the small shims from the top and placing them in the middle of the "shim sandwich" cost our patience and the hermit a bit of hourly wages.  But it commented to the helper that if we make a mistake or think of a better way to do something, it is best to take the time to correct and re-do.  He agreed.  He is a quiet lad, a spiritual lad, and we grasp the spiritual good despite 50 years' difference in age and life experience.

Raphael asked the hermit if it was going to be getting up on the porch roof to install the rest of the siding.  Well, yes.  Who else?  And it has it's young helper, of course.  But Raphael somehow decided he'd like to do that for the hermit and at a very moderate price.  And the hermit, if it had it's 'druthers, would 'druther Raphael finish the siding.  They had sided all but this last bit of porch section and above porch roof, and they had done it beautifully.

So next week Raphael and men are coming to finish the siding and will put in two roof vents that the hermit was not at all eager to attempt, particularly on the one roof angle that is steep as any roof can be.

Yes, the helper and the hermit will not have siding experience in our construction resume, and we could do it, for sure, but some fun things we just have to share with others (and admit that they have oodles of experience at their craft).  The hermit and helper have many other tasks to do.  This little bit is not going to cut into the helper's earnings or learnings.

God bless His Real Presence in us, and God bless Raphael for moving beyond the hard feelings when the hermit let him know way back a few months, the one worker was not working out.  We all have to just keep the focus and swallow our lumps, put the past behind, and get the job done.  

And this goes especially if not most importantly, in our soul lives.