Catholic Hermit: God Unfolds Lent

Already, yesterday and again today, in the Order of the Present Moment: God unfolds Lent.  It is God Who chooses, Who controls, Who plans and unfolds Lent.  God does so individually, uniquely, and collectively.

The other day, after a letter from my spiritual father as well as an ensuing dream in which he was counseling me, I decided to find EWTN (Eternal Word Television Network) on my laptop (this hermit's little window to the temporal world).  I watched a bit, and a sense of sadness at times, and even mournfulness, caused my mind and heart to ponder aspects of the past and present.

Was the mournfulness a result of what I was viewing, or was it an aspect of passage of earthly time, or could it have to do with a shift in programming and current status, perhaps the result of decline in enthusiasm, etc.?

I also considered my role and to what praying God calls me in the present moment.  Recently I've prayed much for our country, our world, as well as individual struggles as noticed on news reports and in short video clips and headlines.  The secular media provides plenty of prayer reminders, specifically and in general topics.  It seems a good thing to pray for such intentions.

Yet, I questioned again, within myself, the source of the sense of mournfulness that surfaced when I viewed more of the EWTN programming.  And by yesterday, I had an answer.

The mournfulness, for the most part, was my own.  It had to do with past memories--bittersweet, at that.  The bitter revolved around a time period in my Catholic life progression in which an apostolate--a ministry--that the Virgin Mary had directed me in a dream to organize and lead--had me suffer one of the most painful (I thought) ousting from that which I so loved guiding and helping along to much success for those in need of a touch of love.  It was a soup kitchen that evolved into much more.  Yet the devil got involved, and I had to go in order for the fury to subside.

The sweet aspects included, in my needing to lay low under the guidance of my spiritual father at the time, discovering EWTN programming.  At the time, I needed to rent and subscribe to DISH television, and I had a television by which I could learn and grow through the various EWTN programs, in addition to spiritual reading on my own. 

The bitterness of loss of what had been an exciting and successful focus of my love and efforts was thus filled with the many positives of the Catholic Church as seen through the various guests and information, the saint movies, the Scripture studies, the spiritual guidance, the music and prayers offered from a television network begun by a Catholic nun and staffed by many with donations coming in from all over the world.

So returning after many years of not having a television set nor cable, and not realizing EWTN would now be live-streamed on internet, I sensed a shift in momentum that equated, at first, as mournfulness.  And yes, the mournfulness for the most part was mine and not due to changes in the network programming or presentation.

Yesterday, I happened to peak again and found broadcasting some lenten reflections by some priests of the Missionaries of the Poor.  Then later I noticed a fairly recent movie of the saints Francis and Clare.  I also discovered a priest who'd had a program years ago, continuing his program, yet current--recognized him despite aging.  And if he could see me through the screen, he'd not probably recognize me due to my aging beyond the usual.  Ah, the way temporal hardships and pain can age us!

I still find the tone heard in the recitation of prayers to be rather somber, if not mournful.  And again, the mournfulness is how they affect me subjectively.  And I am now certain this is due to my own suffering and struggles currently, in the present moment.  I have more than enough so seek relief from the somber, the mournful, even though I realize life can be quite serious, grievous, sorrowful.

Others viewing may not find it so at all!  And in the passage of time and the phases of our spiritual progression in life, we ought not be in the same mode with the same needs and desires that we had a dozen years or more ago.  The Lord unfolds our lives; we merely flow along with the Holy Spirit as best we can, if we desire to flow and not restrict Him.

And all this leads me to consider that I've come to not place specific goals for myself for Lent.  I used to, in my innocent, well-intentioned yet naive arrogance.  I came to discover that my goals are much like temporal goals.  I offer as fact the goals of this past week that I'd have the stairwell drywall mudded in two or three days.  It's been five days, and I'm still at it although yesterday had to run errands in civilization for more supplies--costly ones, at that, requiring yet more faith in God's providence.

Already, since Ash Wednesday just four days ago, the Lord has unfolded His chosen Lent for me in typical Order of the Present Moment fashion.  He's shown me a thing or two or many about mournfulness, penthos, contrition, repentance, and the joy of His salvation.  He's given me new areas of physical pain that moderate what I can "do" or "not do" each day.  The Lord reminded me to let go of past enthusiasms and also the bitter memories in order to see the sweetness of this present moment, in which the sun unexpectedly is shining now when instead overcast and sleet was to be.

God plans and provides my Lenten sacrifices and Lenten lessons.  He points to what I should view and read, and also what I need to be listening to within my mind and heart--and in the night time when distractions are mostly wiped away, He provides visitors in my dreams.  

Last night, there was quite a visit and sharing with a dear friend of the past, some 11 or 10 years ago passed onto the other side.  Oh, Virginia, loving friend of my heart and soul!  I'm yet pondering with loving awe but also asking the potential prayer needs of this woman or her family, the latter yet on this earth as far as I know  I'm also asking the Lord to reveal any aspects of myself with my departed friend, in this fifth day of the current Lent, in which I must make amends.  He's shown me my dereliction already; and immediately I prayed an apology to Virginia so close beyond the thin veil.

I read a few more pages of St. Bernard's Sermons on the Song of Songs, yesterday; and I realized that my lack of spiritual reading is due to the tremendous physical strain in the manual labor these days.  Thus, the current prayer intentions revolve around the bits and pieces of laptop secular news clips--and now also the needs and topics brought forth by the Catholic Church's televised network whether or not some programs are current with my spiritual present moment.  They are necessary and good for someone's spiritual present moment, and for these I pray and rejoice.

I have no idea right now what the Lord will unfold in this first Sunday of Lent.  I hope to listen to a Lenten reflection on EWTN later on, perhaps during a rest break in which I will ice my right elbow and right hand.  (The right, upper bodily appendage is so painful from carpentry overuse!  I do remind myself that Jesus and His dad were on earth, carpenters and workers with stone and some kind of mortar, which then reminds me of the drywall mudding to be done in Te Deum Hermitage!)

What I do know, is that even if I tell the Lord what I intend to read or pray or sacrifice or do in a positive, additional effort of love of Him in Himself, and love of others as He loves--none of my plans and goals can begin to compare to what He has planned for me in this present Lent.  So I will "do" something that has not been easy for me to do, and that is to let go of my own notions, to stop jumping in to lead.  I will submit and follow, which requires being attentive to God in the present moments of His Lent--for Lent is Jesus Christ's Lent, and I am but a guest on His program.

God's Lent is not mournful, at least not for me this day in His Lent which becomes our Lent, together.  Reverent, somber, serious, repentant, humble--yes, I suppose so.  But I am noticing His Living Word is filled with much joy in His salvation and reminders to not think or talk so much but to act, even if interior movement, in positive and lovingly helpful manner for my and others' souls.

God bless His Real Presence in us as God unfolds His Lent through us, and us who remain in His Love!

Catholic Hermit on Holy Doors

The other day an elderly spiritual friend emailed news of diocese bishop desiring parishes to have holy doors in keeping with Pope Francis' declaration of the Year of Mercy and establishing a holy door such as Pope John Paul II dedicated for the new millennium in 2000.

However, the rector of their diocese cathedral was in a quandary, lasting a few days.  In fact, he contacted the parish council secretary three times--each to change which door of the church would be, in fact, the "holy door."  Finally, on the fourth change, he solved his great dilemma and had the secretary change the minutes to note that every door of the cathedral would be designated a holy one.

The only other changes to be made were to publish the updates in the parish bulletin and to ask the parish secretary to print out extra copies of the "indulgences" that those entering the holy door/s and doing certain religious practices and efforts would receive.

What are indulgences, many of this era may ask?  The following is a brief overview, beginning with the more general and concluding with examples depending upon the types of sins committed or indulged in.

"In the teaching of the Catholic Church, an indulgence is "a way to reduce the amount of punishment one has to undergo for sins" which may reduce either or both of the penance required after a sin has been forgiven, or after death, the time to be spent in Purgatory.

"The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes an indulgence as "a remission before God of the temporal punishment due to sins whose guilt has already been forgiven, which the faithful Christian who is duly disposed gains under certain prescribed conditions through the action of the Church which, as the minister of redemption, dispenses and applies with authority the treasury of the satisfactions of Christ and the saints".

"The recipient of an indulgence must perform an action to receive it. This is most often the saying (once, or many times) of a specified prayer, but may also include the visiting of a particular place, or the performance of specific good works.

"Indulgences were introduced to allow for the remission of the severe penances of the early Church and granted at the intercession of Christians awaiting martyrdom or at least imprisoned for the faith.^[3] They draw on the Treasury of Merit accumulated by Christ's superabundantly meritorious sacrifice on the cross and the virtues and penances of the saints. They are granted for specific good works and prayers in proportion to the devotion with which those good works are performed or prayers recited.

The information expands. Please indulge this nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.  The following are some examples of typically, contemporary, proffered actions which suggest that a person who fulfills them can receive remission of penalties of sins. 

"There are four general grants of indulgence, which are meant to encourage the faithful to infuse a Christian spirit into the actions of their daily lives and to strive for perfection of charity. These indulgences are partial, and their worth therefore depends on the fervor with which the person performs the recommended actions:

1. Raising the mind to God with humble trust while performing one's duties and bearing life's difficulties, and adding, at least mentally, some pious invocation.
2. Devoting oneself or one's goods compassionately in a spirit of faith to the service of one's brothers and sisters in need.
3. Freely abstaining in a spirit of penance from something licit and pleasant.
4. Freely giving open witness to one's faith before others in particular circumstances of everyday life.

"Among the particular grants, which, on closer inspection, will be seen to be included in one or more of the four general grants, especially the first, the Enchiridion Indulgentiarum draws special attention to four activities for which a plenary indulgence can be gained on any day, though only once a day:

1. Piously reading or listening to Sacred Scripture for at least half an hour.
2. Adoration of Jesus in the Eucharist for at least half an hour.
3. The pious exercise of the Stations of the Cross .
4. Recitation of the Rosary or the Akathist in a church or oratory, or in a family, a religious community, an association of the faithful and, in general, when several people come together for an honourable purpose.

"A plenary indulgence may also be gained on some occasions, which are not everyday occurrences. They include but are not limited to:

• Receiving, even by radio or television, the blessing given by the Pope Urbi et Orbi (to the city of Rome and to the world) or that which a bishop is authorized to give three times a year to the faithful of his diocese.
• Taking part devoutly in the celebration of a day devoted on a world level to a particular religious purpose.  Under this heading come the annual celebrations such as the World Day of Prayer for Vocations, and occasional celebrations such as World Youth Day.
• Taking part for at least three full days in a spiritual retreat.
• Taking part in some functions during the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity including its conclusion."

[*Sorry! I can't get the two points in larger print to be the same as all the others.  No emphasis intended.]

Is there any blog reader still logged on and reading?  I admit I did not read through the cited passages; I've read such years ago.  It is kindly that Catholics are made aware of and given reminders of what religious and spiritual activities, postures, prayers, and liturgical functions of which we may partake and participate.  Many Catholics, perhaps, don't understand or aren't aware that there are many aspects to prayer, to communicating with His Real Presence, of making creative and interesting offerings in every present moment: love gifts to the praise of His Glory!

What seems of interest is that there remains this notion of keeping souls at what St. Bernard of Clairvaux describes as the second degree of love.  That is, to love because of a reward of some sort.  Love God for what He will do for the person.  Why not tack on the holy doors, the explanation of the four degrees of love, and explain the fourth and highest degree (in St. Bernard's schema)?  Love God in Himself.  Explain what loving God means in some every day examples--of loving Him because He is Love and for no other motive, no strings attached.

There is far more that can be explained about loving God in Himself, and how that love then filters and flows from His Real Presence, and covers with love, all of humanity and creation, all souls, all breath, all energy and beingness.

And, as for holy doors, do we really think that once we touch them and enter through, either going in or out, that they are at all holy?  Once we touch or pass through, the door is not holy, more than likely, unless we are holy, ourselves.  What seems to be of consequence, is to ponder this fact and to realize that it is not the door, but the spaces in which we go in, or the spaces in which we enter when going out of a door, and if we live out holiness in those vast spaces whether the spaces of our souls or the world at large.

It took me a second or less to have holy doors in the hermitage and figure which ones to designate.  There are only two at this point.  (Of course, they are not at all holy because I am not holy, not really, not enough at least by my own consideration.)  Put I like the idea of designating them as holy as well as the space within the hermitage and the space outside the hermitage: the entire world and cosmos.  

My spiritual father sent a Christmas card and some cash, with the notation:  "Get some ice cream to eat!" inside.  (He knows I am living lean, working hard, suffering much, perhaps taking things a bit seriously these days.)  However, I really cannot justify ice cream when Craig just called to say the bathroom door with frame I ordered, has come in to the lumber yard.  

Immediately, I thought:  That bathroom door will also be a holy door!  It is the first interior door installed in this abode.  It is a signal for the interior holiness necessary and the work my soul needs to tend to--yes, with loving celebration.  The money sent by the holiest of priests, my spiritual father, will go towards that holy door.  The priest's love and mercy, expressed tangibly with some cash, is what will make that door "holy." 

Love.  Love God in Himself.  Live and love the God's law of love.

(Note: Above extractions on indulgences are from Wikpedia internet site.)

Hermitage as Stable

Have been in civilization for a couple or three days, practicing being a guest and also practicing servanthood, helping paint woodwork.

In the midst of that came a last-minute St. Bernard Love of God Bourbon Ball order, and nothing Catholic hermit decided to stick with the endeavor, costly as it is to purchase more bourbon and pecans, and considering the time commitment, packaging efforts, and distance to mail the order.  

What swung the needle to "yes" is the prayer involved.  Prayer for a hermit is a bulk of the vocation.  

Recently, the hermit here has felt weak in faith and doubting in the efforts made to be of use and help in this world, to even be adoring of His Real Presence.  Distractions can easily settle in, and a major distraction has been physical pain, as of late.  And, there is the emotional pain of a couple of the adult children having severed ties.  It seems so unnecessary and inexplicable, other than allowing God to do as He wills; for all the recent spiritual reading has reminded the hermit that detaching from family is necessary in order to all the more attach to His Real Presence.

As St. Bernard wrote about love of God, once we come to a sincerity of loving God in Himself, we then love through, with, and in God, all His creation--human beings, souls, included.  And this means all people, all souls--not only family and friends or known enemies, but those living and already passed from this earth.  Love, sheer love, Is God.

This morning Francisco is coming to help.  The place is even in worse condition with building supplies piled about, and old stuff needing yet to be removed.  Am praying he will be understanding and tolerant of how difficult to work in cramped conditions.  The body today is very pained, and so we will just do as we can, as best we can, and nothing Catholic hermit is profoundly grateful that Raphael is sending one of his men to help.

We will focus on building the stair landing.  Washer and dryer (not used due to conditions inside and the outdoor, cold, winter weather) need to be shoved aside--where?  God will provide shoving space, somehow.  We will construct the box and place it upon stilt-studs, with sleigh-type support underneath.  We will place it beneath the current stairs, where it must be for the finished project.  Later we can demolish the steep, narrow, shallow stairway and build new steps.  

The landing provides for a stopping point, and then a turn in direction with three steps farther to the upper floor.  Building stairs is more complicated than one might consider initially.  But much research and asking questions of Craig at lumber yard, helps with the courage to take this first leap:  the landing.

This hermitage is a stable.  It has been home to various critters over the years--far more critters than human beings.  Constructing the stairway landing is a major "step" to make, these two days before Christmas.  There is much to ponder in this hermitage stable, and to relate with the stable and events of 2014 years ago.  Consider Joseph the carpenter, as one connection.  Consider none of the commercial aspects we have now, of Christmas preparation.  Consider a basic dwelling, used for animals mostly, and where Jesus Christ was born.

Consider the stairway to heaven, and the angels ascending and descending.  Consider the hills where the shepherds watched their flocks, as hills require ascending and descending.  As for a landing as a turning point and place to catch one's breath in the ascent, we can find many parallels and much for spiritual reflection.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  Let us consider the stable as the abode in which the Trinity has come to dwell in us and us in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  No matter the temporal construction of our dwelling places, consider the stable as our home in His Real Presence.  As a cave of sorts, He was born in such a dwelling and was buried in similar.

Hermit's Personal Thoughts on Forgiveness

Yesterday, while mudding some drywall with a very painful shoulder, thoughts turned (as they should) to Jesus.  It was helpful having prayed the prayer that Jesus had inspired through whichever--Bernard of Clairvaux, Mechtilde of Magdburg or Gertrude the Great. 

The added pain and the memory of how the injury occurred as well as the two shoulder surgeries, then brought to mind that healing also requires the grace of forgiveness. 

 

I need to forgive, also, the first surgeon who repaired the rotator cuff.  But the pain in my shoulder continued after that surgery, and his nurse was not at all sympathetic.  She said she had the surgery and was fine after a few weeks.  During the winter my activity level was less, yet it still hurt.  I returned to the surgeon a couple of times, to be prescribed some prednisone to help reduce inflammation.  (I was already on high dose of anti-inflammatory medication to help the back pain.) 

By summer, when gardening and having helped a daughter paint some rooms in her house, the shoulder was excruciating.  The surgeon gave an injection.  The shoulder was still horrible.  He then became unkind and mocking, and said there was nothing wrong, that it was just in my head, and I'd never need another surgery and there was nothing more he could do.  I wept in his office which made him all the more determined there was nothing wrong, that I was a malingerer.

I need to forgive that surgeon and his nurse.  I went to a chiropractor for any hope of relief, and he insisted I get another MRI from elsewhere.  The shoulder, along with my constant back pain, had me so depleted that I did not want to remain in my body.   The chiropractor knew this was not like me, so he sent the MRI to a different surgeon with whom he had played on a softball league.  Amazing the connections and goodness of some people! 

The MRI was compared with the one from the first surgeon, and sure enough, the first surgeon and radiologist with his group had missed a huge Superior Labrum Anterior Posterior tear!  (I had even asked the first surgeon if there surely was something torn, for it felt as if I had a tear around the outer part of my shoulder.)

Another surgery was necessary, this time with the surgeon of a different group, the one the chiropractor recommended.  I had no insurance then and had not for years due to losing my career and the major back surgeries, so both surgeries and physical therapy drained more of my late parents' gift money.  And while the situation was an obvious malpractice by the first surgeon, I had no success finding a lawyer to to try recover any of those costs.  Bad luck some might say, or as I consider all in my life: God chooses all for me; His will be done.

Yes, thoughts of forgiveness came to the fore as I mudded the drywall.  I had asked for prayers from anyone out there who might read my blog, as the memories of how I injured the shoulder came back with the recent shoulder flare-up.  I managed to mud by holding the blade a certain way and making certain swipes--not otherwise that caused increased pain.  Still, in the night I awoke with stabbing pains going into my right hand from the shoulder.

All these memories, including of my late spiritual director, a Bishop, and the first surgeon, helped me realize residual upset triggered by the shoulder pain.  Then His Real Presence brought to mind the African woman whose family was killed as she hid in a closet, and how she was able to forgive those who murdered them.  

Into the mind came a marvelous priest, now deceased, who had heard my confession years ago and counseled me on another incident requiring forgiveness.

He told me that technically, it is not us who "forgive".  He said that forgiveness is a grace, and God is Who forgives.  He forgives through us, with us, in us.  So it is for us to ask God for the grace to forgive others, forgive situations.  And when we are given the grace, it is God Who is actually forgiving us or others.

While mudding, also came into the thoughts were Teresa of Avila's sharing her thoughts about the Lord's Prayer.  She expressed in Way of Perfection in much meditative detail the various components of the prayer Jesus taught us to pray--as the verbal prayer that has fullness of all necessary prayer, in it.  "Forgive us our trespasses [our debts] as we forgive those who trespass [our debtors] against us."
Teresa's insights include that most necessary aspect of forgiveness in this prayer:  that we need forgiveness first.  

We need to ask God to forgive us (as God Is Who forgives) before we can begin to have the proper state of mind, heart and soul for forgiving others.  It is the same insight that Jesus made when He pointed out that we need to remove the beam from our own eye before we see a splinter in other people's eyes.

The more I ponder my own faults in the two major bugaboos surrounding my shoulder surgeries and the reasons for them, the more I could grasp that I need God to forgive me for any and all faults regardless of relationship to those people involved in the painful circumstances.  

My mind, heart and soul need healing (as well as the shoulder if God wills), and my soul needs to be cleared of any sins connected.  Then, like the cracks between wall board pieces, God can fill in with the white mud, feather it out, and even sand it lightly to loveliness.  Once painted with white primer, it will seem as if never were there divisions in the drywall pieces, never were there screws drilled in, never were there surface blemishes.

It is by God's grace I can be forgiven:  His Real Presence.  I suspect He was feeling quite cramped and uncomfortable in the abode He has made in my body, mind, heart and soul.  I beg forgiveness for all my sins, for all my failings, and for having harbored upsetting feelings related to the whole shoulder injury and those persons negatively impacting. 

I pray forgiveness for the bishop spiritual director, the current bishop, the pastor, the surgeon, his nurse, and parishioners who lacked concern when I needed some practical help.  SLAP tear surgery is horrifically painful with lengthy recovery!

Once forgiven, there is space within my soul for the graces necessary for God to forgive others--His Real Presence through, with and in me and me in Him.  Only in these two aspects of forgiveness, is there healing and freedom to love fully once more.  

And a third aspect is to then have the space within to remember those persons, touched by God, who were marvelously loving and kind:  the chiropractor, some friends, family members, the second surgeon, and many on of earth and the other side who prayed me through such pain.  Praise God Almighty!  Let me not neglect the goodness He provides, always!

Oh, Lord, please cleanse my body, mind, heart and spirit.  Forgive me; then forgive them, for they did not know what they were doing.  Thus, through the power of forgiveness, deliver me from the evils of past, oppressive memories and hurt.  Thank You, Lord, for forgiving me and any others, our iniquities.  Cleanse our souls of iniquities and fill us with Your loving grace.  

God bless His Real Presence in us!