Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Question Asked of How to Become a Hermit

 I've had this question for quite awhile, and I pray that the person sees my encouragement and response to his or her question, as follows:

Hello, I am contemplating to be a Catholic hermit here in the Philippines.  How do I start?  Do I rent a place and beg for donations to survive, but the thought of being given to God every moment of life is simply spiritually fulfilling.

[This answer is not really the answer to how to become a Catholic hermit, per the questioner's interest and desire per se.  After 23 years as a consecrated Catholic hermit and an additional time prior, formally in a community of hermits, then under clerical direction, and then several years prior in gradually being formed by His Real Presence--I prefer not to go back over the temporal how-to's in much detail; my blog has those aspects.  I'm more interested in the questioner's seeking spiritual guidance via prayer and also in speaking with a spiritual guide as well as doing reading of early hermits--biographies and their own writings.  Prayer, though, is primordial in receiving answers from God on if He wills one to be a hermit, and then in what path and in what specifics.  His Real Presence is the best to teach and tell us the answers.]

My response has taken a long time due to my hoping the person has by now read back through more of my posts, or done a search of my posts for how to become a Catholic hermit or also Catholic Hermit.  But my simple answer is to discuss the vocational call and desire with one's priest, and to pray about the thought of the hermit vocation, and talk it over with His Real Presence, in prayer, within the mind, heart, and soul.

That is a start of which I am sure the person has been praying and contemplating, as contemplating being a Catholic hermit is within the question asked.  And per usual with all of us, we tend first to consider the temporal aspects, such as where do we live as hermits, and how do we survive as a hermit.

And along with the contemplation of becoming a Catholic hermit, we contemplate the beautiful longing to be close to God, to be living in essence, more freely from the world through, with, and in God every moment of life.  We desire spiritual fulfillment.  

All these thoughts and desires, and indeed, these can be God's will for all persons to have ourselves given to His Real Presence in a deep and unifying way while we exist yet in this temporal world--by withdrawing in some basic aspects from this temporal world.  One main aspect is as the questioner mentions--living apart, such as renting a place to live, presumably, of course alone, in solitude.  

But if readers dig around in my blog posts, a few years ago or more, to find out how to become a Catholic hermit, I am staunch in Scriptural guidance of the Apostle Paul, that if we want to eat, we must work for our sustenance.   Or, if disabled, to have disability pension, or if retired, to have retirement pension, or if our parents have passed on, we may have an inheritance of which if a substantial, then donate or bequeath the unneeded amounts to charity or heirs.  (Anthony of the Desert made sure his younger sister had a place to live and would be taken care of for life, financially, but then donated the rest of his late parents' money and possessions to the poor, as an example.). If the inheritance is modest, and our disability not enough to pay our bills monthly, then use that portion as savings upon with to draw, for in our times inflation and health care costs, end of life care, can be quite costly. 

I believe strongly and live accordingly, that anyone, including Catholic hermits, ought not beg from others nor accept from others, free services or items or accept money from anyone.  For one thing, I believe we ought remain fully anonymous as Catholic hermits to others around us, since most Catholic hermits in today's world (or anyone seeking solitude or a place to live) cannot simply go out into the desert and build a mud and straw hut, nor go out into a forest and build a wood hut, nor go up into the mountains and find a cave in which to live.  All lands are owned by someone, be it government, tax payers, or individuals.  Squatting is against the law in some places, and it is unconscionable morally to take advantage of others' property, anywhere.  I also do not believe in living with one's parents in the family home if a young person who wishes to become a Catholic hermit, as one young woman was approved to do when young and an eager bishop who was new to a diocese decided to give her the recently incurred canon law 603 diocese approval.   She quietly left within the year, having not at all lived in solitude nor out of the public spotlight, and decided instead she wanted to work with children yet still wanted to start some type of religious order in another country.  Being noticed and also have her way paid for, became a theme and underlying goal in this person's life.

If a hermit is to work to earn his or her way in life, to pay the bills, to pay the government taxes (which is quite Scriptural per Jesus' instructions to Peter to pay the taxes required for Peter and the Lord, each and both), then I find based on the aspects expressed in The Catechism of the Catholic Church, under Consecrated Life and hermits or eremitic life, for privately or publicly (diocesan CL603 hermits), the work ought be that of hiddenness and quietly performed.  Working in a parish or hospital, while might seem delightful and worthwhile, does not qualify as hidden nor solitary nor silent.  Earning money by offering "spiritual direction" to others, being paid for that service, when hermits ought always consider ourselves humbly as perpetually students of Christ and never having arrived at a point of selling what spiritual insights we may have learned over the years of prayer, penance, silence, suffering, spiritual reading, contemplation, or lived experience in the hermit vocation.  

Freely given, freely give is another jewel of guidance from Scripture for a hermit new or old to the vocation.

For the questioner, my advice remains the same over the 23 years I have been a consecrated Catholic hermit, plus an added two years initially of prayerful consideration, and much reading and research of the lives of hermits through the ages, of which I consider the Old Testament prophets, some of them, hermits as well as prophets.  I'd read and study the lives of the early hermits including John the Baptist and on through the desert fathers and mothers, and beyond these into the lives of hermits, religious solitaries, from all the ensuing centuries.  Reading of their lives from primary source research, and then if cannot find primary source writings, read and study writings based on what others observed of these Catholic Christian hermits.  By reading of their full lives, not just a year or two in which they removed themselves and then decided to or were led to form a religious order or such of others joining them, does not give the accurate path forward.  

To live as a Catholic Christian hermit, the point is not to soon after or even while contemplating the vocation of hermit, to then want to be a leader or start a group or community of followers with the idea of living together. This includes even one other person--to live together as householders--such as two women or men living together in a house or apartment  despite lavras having developed in past time periods,  usually Middle Ages.  Living together or in close proximity as a group of hermits loses the basic premise of solus Deus, God Alone!  Living alone with no human to speak with other than an occasional helper or a medical doctor or occasional contact with a family member or some other as a matter of charitable need or procuring materials required, doing business with, arranging for some payment or work needed doing--this type of  solitude, from my experience, is necessary in order to truly be alone with God and to have the utter dependence upon Him in the darkest and loneliness times, as well as in the celebratory times of praise and thanksgiving with God Who is All and Only in the hermit's life.

I admit that my recently getting first one dog had become a necessity medically, given that my pain had progressed to a point that I was no longer able to get up by using mind over matter, mind over the pain.  Getting up and keeping mobile is the only means of delaying lower limb paralysis as well as bladder and intestinal paralysis, the latter which had already taken hold.  (Arachnoiditis was discovered by a neurosurgeon four years ago after three and a half decades of spine-related, intractable pain that permanently disabled me from gainful employment and consistent functioning.). So I decided to do what I'd read is a good idea to do:  get a dog that forces the Arachnoiditis afflicted to get up in the morning and several times a day.  (Dogs need to go outside for bathroom needs as well as to be fed and exercised.). My first pup was so compliant and quiet, that she'd let me stay in bed until after 11 a.m.  When the Arachnoiditis, which includes neurological symptoms and problems such as sinus infections becoming severe and lasting for weeks to over two months, would have me so ill I could barely do other than get the pup outside a few times and fed and otherwise I was laid out in bed for weeks on end, the dog became depressed.  It was suggested to me to get another so that they would play with and exercise each other in my bedroom.  The brother pup has a different temperament so insists on my being up and taking ithem out before 8 a.m., and otherwise when my health precluded activity, they do indeed play and exercise each other, so my responsibility is minimal.  I will note and advise, as far as having a pet or two, I'd not do it other than for medical reasons.  If I become paralyzed from lumbar down or intestines and bladder paralyzed, all three of which are givens if an arachnoniditis patient lives long enough, then my solitary life of silence and prayer, penance and praise of God, plus my financial situation being low income and inheritance draining monthly due to cost of living more than my disability income--all the markers and necessities of being as the hermit vocation provides, would be disrupted. I'd have to have a caretaker tend me or be in a care facility for low income persons, meaning in a ward or double room, having to exist with other people day and night.  It is the same if a hermit takes a job that is around people and involving people actively in conversation or services other than occasional and minimal speaking or interactions.

So the above gives examples of why I even discourage pets, and at some point I will need to rehome my two dogs, especially the one that kept growing despite being of the same parents as the first one which is small.  The large one can be problematic despite how loving he is, to my body which is aging as bodies do.  And for me with a knee needing replacing, when well enough I take them to a nearby dog park to run freely in a fenced area.  This includes, then, some brief and passing interactions with other dog owners.  I pray to make the interactions as meaningful as the Holy Spirit inspires or sets up for me to do so.  I always come away with many prayer needs of which I consider prayer to be, of course, a mainstay of a hermit's efforts and purpose here on earth.

And this stream of consciousness response to the person asking how to become a Catholic hermit has not delved into the most important aspects, which are that of the mind, heart, and soul's desire and being called by God to this eremitic (hermit) vocation as a Christian and in the Catholic church's tradition of hermits from the earliest time of Christianity.  (This is why John the Baptist is considered, also, a forerunner of the hermit vocation, for he was a hermit figure and type prior to being called by God into more public ministry as a herald of Christ, to proclaim the Messiah and identify Jesus as the Son of God Who has come to attain salvation for all.  The humility of John the Baptist, the way he fell back as nothing to Christ's preeminent all, as Son of God and savior of mankind--this humility is something any of us hermits, Christian and Catholic, ought contemplate and hold as a basic guide to our daily life decisions and way of being not only temporally, physically, but very much also as spiritual guide and substance and essence of our mind, heart, and soul's beingness.

Christ must increase; I/we must decrease.

This truth guides the hermit's vocation, the hermit's daily way of life and being all through until our hidden and quiet temporal deaths.  In the meantime, we die daily to ourselves, and at the same instance raise up Christ Alive and His Teachings as well as raise up Christ Crucified, humbled and sacrificed, died and buried, then to rise

I promise to pray for this desiring person in the Philippines, and any such desiring person who is drawn to further discover God's will with the potential of living life as a Christian religious solitary, as a Christian Catholic hermit, either privately professed or publicly through the process known colloquially as "canonical approval" for hermits who want to be thus associated and linked to a specific diocese.  Or, do as I and most others historically have been called, and that is to private profession of vows and the three evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience to God.  At first and for awhile, it is wise to have a holy priest or mature spiritual teacher to guide the newly consecrated hermit as well as, of course, to recognize and trust fully in His Real Presence, the Triune 

God in Three Persons (Father, Son, and Holy spirit) will always be the penultimate guide to form and lead the Christian Catholic consecrated hermit into the silence of solitude, hidden from the eyes of humankind, in poverty and humility outwardly and inwardly, in prayer and penance, in praise of God and in the trials that come with such an austere life style due to the solitary and silent nature of living one's life for God with no fanfare nor notice, and omnia pro Deo, all for God, and through, with, and in Solus Deus, God Alone.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!  Prayers and loving support for all those who are contemplating an eremitic vocation in the Church--the Body of Christ of which Christ is Head.  Private or publicly profession of vows and evangelical counsels is but a small beginning of what is a vast and ever-flowing, widening, deepening growth in closeness and increasing union with God who consecrates the hermit to Himself when and how God deigns to do so.

And keep in mind, all hermits are human and vacillate in living the vocation, depending on our living the bases of hermit life but also according to our obedience to and in His Real Presence's guiding of us in each detail of our lives, as is true of any Christian. Live the Gospel as the perfect rule of life; live and follow the teachings and lived example of Jesus Christ, and God will guide and bless the hermit through whatever ups and downs, strong times and weaker ones.  My prayers are with you and with all Christians, and with those called to the hermit vocation, also, in especial kinship and loving appreciation for your prayers for me, much needed, as well.  Thank you!

Catholic Hermit: Hermit Joy Today

Today is extra special due to the grace given me by God on this Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception.  I know Mary also took pity on this pained and nauseated, nothing consecrated Catholic hermit.

I decided to make the attempt to drive to the huge Walmart that is 8 miles from my hermitage, as three prescriptions were ready for pick up.  Yes, the woman who brings me Communion was willing to pick them up; she said she'd do so when here on Friday past.  But I prayed and asked Jesus to help me at least try to make the trip; and if I was too sickened or disoriented with pain once there, I'd leave Precious Blood (my burgundy red pick-up truck) there and ask two people to go and one to drive it back--at their convenience, of course.

I also asked Jesus, if it be His will and purpose, to give me authority over my pain and the nausea, so that I could attempt the errand and not impose upon others yet again.

The sun was shining, the storm front had passed; I set off with a bottle of ginger beer (a strong form of the soft drink, gingerale--non-alcoholic) and a bottle of water, and of course wearing the brace.  When I got to this subdivision entrance, a thought occurred to take the side road that skirts town and country rather than the usual route that includes the highway.

I can't begin to express the joy of being able to manage that errand!  Plus, one of the medications is an anti-inflammatory that I've had to be off for the past over four months; I'm encouraged that in a week or two, the pain might be less, or so I hope in God.  It certainly stands to reason, or at least chance, as I've also been given the go-ahead to resume the various anti-inflammatory supplements I take.

Upon return I praised God Almighty for His grace and blessing of getting me there and back without mishap or incident.  I was amazed at how driving the 8 miles to and from, seemed secure and safe.  So back to bed and the icy pad for a couple hours, and then despite the nausea (accepted as expected, these days), I made myself go for a walk.  Back down on bed and icy pad, but not before I noticed a parcel at the door.

My sister, suffering from chemotherapy treatments for a shocking lymphoma diagnosis, had sent a table topper and mug rug she'd created.  Christmas red, green and gold fabric, and an angel trumpeting the word "JOY" are sewn, as in appliqued.  The surprise is yet another blessing of many blessings of this day.

Jesus certainly answered my prayer; He gave me authority over the pain and nausea enough so that I could succeed in an errand that otherwise seems insignificant to most others.  Even I in a distant past have taken such a feat for granted, or might have groused about "one more errand to run."

During the walk, my soul flooded over with yet more praising of His Real Presence and thanking the Blessed Virgin Mary for this her solemnity and the grace God gave her to be born without blemish so as to conceive and bear God-as-Man, our savior Jesus Christ.  The walk also included prayers for a man, probably late 50's--the son of a dear, elderly, spiritual friend now living with her husband in an assisted care facility.  Several states away we are from one another, but inseparable in Christ.

She called this morning.  The week before Thanksgiving, her son had a tumor the size of a golf ball removed from his brain.  He'd had headaches, and his general practitioner doctor sent him immediately to a surgeon.  The report came back that the tumor was benign:  No cancer!  Then last Friday the friend called with the news that another surgeon had taken a look at the biopsy report and was concerned that there is a possibility that it might be a very rare form of cancer; so they were sending him to the major state university medical center to be seen by a specialist, 9 a.m. this morning.

The news now is that he does have cancer, after all.  It is an extra gut-punch for him, his wife and family, and very much so for his elderly mother and dad.  My friend tried to express her emotions; she is a very devout Catholic, filled with faith and having lived through many crosses that come in a long life.  But her voice sounded the shock, dismay, concern--and what she could not pin point, but I could for her: a feeling of utter helplessness for her son's diagnosis.

But, immediately we discussed the prayer work we must do, and the praising of God that pleases God along with prayer.  Praise God the one surgeon happened to take another look at the man's biopsy report, and wondered if there might be this rare cancer involved.  The man begins an oral/pill treatment immediately and then will have radiation, as well.  We know nothing more, other than of course to pray and to praise God, both.

Christian joy is not only for the buoyant times, but also for the most sobering of human crises and life-threatening trials.  This evening, I'm back at it with pain praying.  May the Lord give me authority to pain pray in ways He wills and wants--ways of pain praying that I do not begin to fathom, but also to consider that pain praying also surely has inherent praise in the pain and the praying because pain praying includes the joy our salvation, secured for our souls out of Christ's love and his suffering unto death on the cross for our us.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Psalm Hits the Spot

Mercy.  The severe physical pain surge continues as result of last evening's trial-run drive of 1.5 miles and back to grocery.  But it is a start of trying to get back into more functionality in this long, post-operative recovery.  As in our temporal and very much our spiritual lives, we must pick ourselves up and simply keep going.

The Psalm from today's Mass truly hits the spot!

"But I am afflicted and in pain;
let your saving help, O God, protect me.
I will praise the name of God in song,
and I will glorify Him with thanksgiving.

"See, you lowly ones, and be glad;
you who seek God, may your hearts revive!
For the LORD hears the poor,
and His own who are in bonds he spurns not."

I consider the various types of poverty as well as the many forms of bonds of which we find ourselves.  Physical bonds are probably the least of what can bind us; mental, emotional bonds are worse.  But a soul bound to other than God, seems the ultimate in suffering.

This morning I've been thinking about Mary of Egypt (344-421) a desert mother (amma) of an early century.  I read a book about her, and while I don't recall certain details, I know and appreciate her life's story..  She went out into the desert as a penitent.  She had repented of her life of sexual licentiousness, turning to God, and lived as a hermit, freeing herself from bondage of body, mind, heart and soul.  

After many years, a priest came upon her, not knowing if she was male or female for her visage had grown wizened and hair had grown, covering her like a garment.  He realized he was in the presence of a holy one from brief conversation and her spiritual transcendence.  He gave her Communion, a consecrated Host, of which she'd not had for nearly four decades, or so it seems I recall from reading.  She had not seen a human in years.  The priest said he would return again with communion and to check on her; a year later he returned and located her, deceased.

St. Mary of Egypt is remembered as one whose conversion is profound, and her renunciation of sin and path of penance and prayer remarkable.  Her transcendence of soul is yet another example of the humbling aspects of the spiritual journey can bring in seeking God as penitents, praying and praising a while renouncing whatever and all that binds us in any way.  She is also the patron saint of penitents (and we can include her a mentor for hermits, too!).

Spiritual life and all that goes with it, is a process.  Spiritual-temporal progression takes temporal time, spiritually focused diligence, a living out our lives following Christ's way for each of us, and striving in seeking and accepting God's will.  Rare are the immediate infusion of transcending grace--a transfiguration of mind, heart, and soul.

I'm calling upon Mary of Egypt to befriend me today as I again start out anew, journeying farther into the desert, the physical aspects, yes, but also the desert within, so subtle yet richly full of  Christ's all.

But I tell you, also, this morning I thought happily of the man who shared his story of miraculously having a gift of being able to transcend his physical pain, to pick up and be cured of all the physical pains of spine that had reduced him to bed-ridden status.  I assume today as he heads pain free to work, he still is viewing all with gratitude.  

As for me, I am praising God even if a bit set-back with physical pain upon pain.  He hears and knows; He spurns not one of us who even if bound in whatever way, call upon His Name.  We all will be able to fully transcend, in Christ, whatever pain at some point; and for most of us that will be at the marvelous moment of our earthly death.  

But in the meantime, we can be freed from the various ties that bind us in so many ways, through faith in and love of God, acceptance of His love, mercy, and His will.  And in praise and prayer, we simply keep going! 

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Hermit Correspondence

I'm sharing some of my thoughts in this morning's correspondence.  Perhaps it will remind me of the working out of thoughts of the current transition and learning more of facets of a hermit's transition and growth into a deeper phase in seeking God.  Perhaps a portion of this email sample will give a glimpse into a hermit's hope-in-God desire to express more of a hermit's life in doing and being: praise of and love of God in whatever daily life interactions.

The recipient of this bit of correspondence is much older, and I've admired in the decade or so of friendship across the miles, this person's many virtues, notably wisdom, temperance, fortitude, and patience gained from a long lifetime of many experiences.  Even so, the friend joins with me in our each reading and e-discussing thoughts from St. Bernard of Clairvaux's Sermons on the Song of Songs, I.

Dear MK.,

I'm acknowledging as one parent to another, that the time we are able to spend with our adult children is so precious all the more due to it not happening often or for length of time.  Then there are the good-byes and the transition; and for you, transition upon transition as you ease back into the evolving routine you'd tried to develop.

My crazy intensity from pain is slightly more under control.  I was trying to be celebratory in spirit with you across the miles, and instead I had to consider myself more a "character" and oppressive "case" than ones I've been noticing with criticism-turned-to-compassion.

Trying to have compassion for oneself is not easy because it does no good to be too lenient, or the correction won't occur for next time (or on-going as is my situation!).

Your days of glorious interlude are worth savoring.  I'd written on my blog a little about praise of God. (Church brief outlay for a privately or publicly professed hermit, either one mentions praise of God, not praise to God such as praising Him for things or favors.)  I think praise of God is more something a person, a soul, learns or IS or does from within heart and soul--not so much a thinking of, for example, "I praise You Lord for giving me this or that."  However, that type of praising God for what He does for us is may be like a stage of love in which the human loves God for what He does for us. I think that is the second degree of love, or third degree of which St. Bernard writes in his Love of God.  The fourth degree, the highest form of love that St. Bernard suggests is the love of God in Himself--is loving God because He is God Who Is Love.  

Perhaps praise of God is akin to that fourth degree of love, so something that develops within the heart and soul as far as praising goes.  While it might seem to us something we develop; it is more a grace, of which our awareness and desire of praise of God and love of God allows us to receive the grace from God.

So glad you were at the [new, popular rooftop bar] with weather lovely again!  Then on to [restaurant].  Catching a movie is all part of now memory of two days of get-away without having to leave the city limits.  I've been considering per the narrowing of the path in transitions and this phase, that the travels become more interior.  

But they can be just as fulfilling and delightful.  Simplicity such as the highlight of love of two brothers and their mother is a major "trip" with warmth and lots of practical endorphins and dopamine boosts in the body, mind, and heart.  Love it!

More fun than exercise, but my task is to consider walking past three houses plus mine and back, and then one or two houses on other side for total of five or six house lots--is FUN.  Your half-baked routine is preferable to a fourth-baked or unbaked routine.  I'm considering life now, in this transition, by degrees.  Tiny increments: the PT said it is best to stay in a continuum, not in the peaks and then valleys of backsliding....  

Yesterday I did water the potted trees/plants, though.  [Young neighbor child] did not come to water the night before.  I carried a tiny bucket of perhaps a half gallon or so, filling at kitchen sink so as to not make it more strain by lifting up from patio with  the pincher-grabber tool.  Walking back and forth with that amount of "weight"--5 lbs?--had the pain up; but I did as the PT said then, to offset it or at least know why more pain.  I've not been doing the exercises that I think aggravate some, despite being good to strengthen the core.  I'm not advanced enough, after she said my doing such as the little bit of carrying water or refreshing the ice pump twice daily is far more than patients attempt who've had even a simple laminectomy.  I have to lower my expectations and do the walking and the leg strengthening step-ups using bottom stair and floor, 10 times each leg if I can manage 10 times.  Repetition is important more than length of time or higher number or sets each time I'm up from bed.

Does my example of exercise help as metaphor in our spiritual ascent?  Not how much, but is consistency and little bits more beneficial and pleasing to God?  I think Sermon 3 [St. Bernard's Sermons on Song of Songs] might touch upon that only in that he warns to not over-reach what we are ready for.  I am not sure I have all three "kisses" mentioned, but I grasp the two--and I grasp the point, I think.  The soul evolves over time and through our life experiences.  

I suspect we are each now good-to-go for asking for the kiss of His lips.  We are used to penance, have been down on the ground prostrate or with our heads to His feet, begging forgiveness; we are familiar with penance--penance that comes to us as consequences God allows and penances that comes from us--our sorrows for what we know we've done and wish we'd not:  sorrow for not only our sins but for our errors wrought from erstwhile, good intentions.  I'll have to reread to consider the other "kisses" he mentions that are metaphors for other stages of spiritual growth and experience.

An example in over-reach on my part was my vow of consecration of suffering nearly two decades ago.  Wrote it out and repeated it in [priest spiritual director] presence on Feb. 15, 2000.  It is a full page of all I wish to offer of my suffering and my willingness to suffer all kinds and manners of suffering and for what purposes--for God, for His Church, for salvation of souls, for the world.  Up until the island years I renewed that vow on Sept. 23, Padre Pio's death day and then feast day after canonization in 2002.  During the island years when written vow mostly not accessible, I felt the vow of consecration of suffering spoke for itself without being read or repeated, given the circumstances in that difficult phase.

So when I read it the other night, having invited [spiritual father] to be here in spirit (and I dare say he sat in the chair across from foot of my bed) I wondered how on earth I'd come up with all that?  And also I recognized yet again just how far beyond what I could possibly personally manage to suffer or to even fathom what breadth and depth of suffering could possibly come.  Now, that vow when offered so many years ago could seem rather foolish, looking back.  However the outcome is that God allowed the various types of sufferings including persecution from the Church which was quite painful; God nonetheless got me through sufferings I'd never conceived.  The lesson, the outtake, I see, is that I don't suffer well, very much or what is beyond my human self.  

But how will we grow and learn unless we offer--even seemingly foolhardy offerings-- beyond us at the time and maybe beyond for our lifetimes?  God always has a safety net for us when we are genuinely well-intentioned even if childish (as I am often enough in my desires).  He understands and has mercy when I have great desires to offer much--and much beyond what I can possibly, realistically, or well-manage in various aspects of managing.  

But at least the offerings are my way of letting myself and Him know I'm willing to try.  And maybe that is the same as when--on Monday afternoon in the stillness other than the ice pump humming by the side of the bed--I asked for Him to kiss me with the kiss of His lips.  Asking God for union with him--even a brief union--well, why not?  Even though beyond me, at least I'm telling Him I'm aware of it as a possibility.  It seems a most beautiful and loving request; and even a humbling request seems better than never asking at all.  

The asking of God and the offering to God at least lets God Who knows All, to hear my request of a sincere desire.  He can smile back in loving pity and decline; He can say "Not now, not yet."  I suppose He can even say "Never," but I don't believe God would say that other than if we asked for something not His will.  It is His will and desire to bring us to the point of the kiss of His lips--either while we are yet alive or when we are on the other side, as long as it is not hell.

If I never dare to approach God with trust and familiarity, where does that leave me and what does that admit of me to God about me?  Am I the servant who in fear or ignorant unawareness, buried the talent given me to keep it as is but without chance of increasing, growing, that which He imparted within me to bring about greater yield?

I suppose two points to remember are that of humility and mortification.  HOW I approach God matters.  If I approach Him with the attitude that I deserve something or am so experienced that I can handle on my own whatever comes, that will lead to disaster because my approach is all wrong, my attitude one of pride and of presuming I am better than or equal to His perfection and perfect challenges.  If I approach with the sheer desire, delight and trusting willingness of a child--even with naivete--perhaps that is at least heartening to Jesus.  Pride seems to be the deal-breaker in the spiritual life.  Pride is in presumption....

I tell you, when I get up to as much as walk around the house, the pain spikes in my lumbar.... Washed a couple dishes and got a pan soaking in Dawn soap water.  Then back to bed and the icy pad.  I will try, try again today to get up more often and walk outside and do the exercises that are simplest for the leg muscles, plus the upper body.  It will take Divine Grace and a miracle for me to like doing such exercises and for me to give the kiss of my mortal lips as a goodbye to the fun, project exercising I've loved doing in the past. 

Love in His Love,

[Catholic Hermit]

Catholic Hermit: Big Mistakes

In my attempt to do good, I ended up making a big mistake.  I do tend to learn the hard way, at times, in matters of temporal life; but it all the more turns me to God.  So that is no mistake.  Cause and effect, it is, just as is the on-going, physical pain.

It started with receiving a wonderful phone call, but it turned into one of upset and frustration for the caller and more pain and upset for me.  Then another person came in without my knowing, and overheard one line of the conversation, and that caused that person and one in tow, to be frustrated and upset, and I was more upset and in pain for what I thought was good, positive, helpful, had been frustrating to one and caused the other to take offense.

All through, I found myself able to understand how and why the others were reacting, but that did not matter, for they did not understand.

The phone call ended, and after the ones in person left, all I could do was tell God, "I understand!  I understand!  I understand!"  

I continued in thought my conversation to God.  "I will try harder to make sure I do not say what can create frustration in one, and not say what can cause offense in another, and not to do what is always best--not to respond much when asked of my pain situation and progress, as really, it is nothing new and is not going to ever be other than what it has been for all these years.  The only improvement will be that I will not be paralyzed from the spinal cord nearly being pinched off; but it won't be known until next summer if the pain will be less from that stenosis issue.

"It really is not fruitful for me to mention what I know I will need to do, temporally, as far as adapting to this additional adaptation  I must make in pain and bodily movements.  Responding to my progress and going into a move I will need to make, turned what would have been a lovely conversation of the other person's work and weekend plans, into a big mistake.

"Then the mistake was furthered when the other person and one in tow with that person, heard just that one bit of the conversation that had to do with my trying to reduce the sense of burden that can build in others who are closer by and have done the on-hand help for way too many years, as it is.  Even once a week seems a lot, given the "whole ball of wax"--a phrase my dad used to use when expressing succinctly the gist without going into detail.

"So the big mistake only got bigger.

"Then when I tried to explain what I thought was so positive and helpful, of the research I'd done, and expressed to the other person how I am trying to compliment and acknowledge all that the person had done all these years, and how difficult it was, and how now I want to prevent more as best I can--but that did not go well, either.  The person reminded that what they don't like at all is my analyzing and that it is not accurate, anyway, and no more psychology.

"So the bigger mistake became biggest.  It was time to quit trying to express.  I was fulfilling that statement:  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

"Who knows how long it will be before the one person calls again.  Only God knows.  As far as the other, it is as it is, and my task will be to do as asked and reminded.  I hope-in-God to do better."

Thus concluded that portion of my explanations to God.  I really did not need to go over it with Him; He is here with me and knows it all, all the persons in conversations, the frustration and the offense taken in each case, the anger brewing in the one in tow, my trying to say what I thought positive but was not.  

Following the start to what was a Friday morning in which I was already accepting that the physical therapy yesterday had caused results, I realized that psychology and research has certainly been a blessing to me, for I have learned not to judge others the more I understand.  And I take it as a gift from God that I even thought to research on the topics last week.  

In fact, last night I researched something else, anankastic (slightly different than OCPD), and that has helped me accept another situation due to my learning to understand how yet another person perceives and reacts, and why--and that helps me all the more accept the outcomes in that person's relationships.

Bottom line:  These types of mornings turn me all the more to God. The take-away I got from what was emotionally painful on top of physical pain, is that God continues to lead me in His will, to union with Him, through all that He allows me to learn and in the understanding of self and others.  

I know that the frustration of the one person is in correlation with that person's love and concern for me.  The offense felt by the other person is a result of love for me but also commensurate with frustration that comes out in taking offense in my way of saying, doing, and being.  It is fair enough that they express how they feel.  I understand....

So I picked up, again, in directed conversation with God.  Since I'm learning to be understanding of others and not judging of them, due to a recent influx of grace given, plus the positive of learning to be understanding of others--I asked aloud of the Lord in the Solus Deus silence of solitude:  Who is going to understand me?  

I know it was a selfish question.  But the obvious answer came soon enough. God Is the One Who understands me.  

To Him I turn all the more today and ever more so, increasingly.  I hope in God and pray.  He will help me endure when I get to the point (happens more when pain very high) when I begin to doubt that I can or will endure.

Well, the truth is:  I cannot endure except through God's grace, in Him Who strengthens me.  And of any who could possibly understand me or even put up with me all these years of pain:  He does.  

Truly the Holy Spirit gives me means to learn and understand so as to have more compassion and empathy and to learn to not judge others for there are always reasons and circumstances that we humans have of which we may not or most often are completely unaware.  God provides the means for us to research and the intellect to decipher in-depth studies.  God provides for humans to discover more areas of learning and thought, such as psychology, which has been a benefit to many people and will continue to be. 

I told God, once more aloud in the otherwise silence, amidst some tears, that I so appreciate His being for me, in all things, all the time, and for understanding me, putting up with me, and providing for me in whatever is next, wherever.  

I then continued with silent inner thoughts:  God will provide through, such as unknown others, the help needed without any one person or two or three to carry the full load. He knows how to give a breather to those who have borne with me since earliest years of their lives; He can do that best, for He knows and understands that I make big mistakes when trying to express my thoughts to them. (They dislike immensely if I analyze, for example.  A natural-to-me mistake, that.)

No matter the size of mistakes, always there are munificent aspects.  These generous outcomes might seem in contradiction to how we mostly think and perceive, in temporal terms.  But spiritually, already I have the major reminder and assurance that I am to turn always to God and continue to immerse myself all the more into His Real Presence, the Most Holy  Trinity, His Perfect Love.

After this, I found laughter, once again.  I asked drolly, "What next?"--when the three hard-cooked eggs I'd simmered to try to place myself from upset into function-focus mode, I discovered upon cracking one egg that they were not hard-cooked, not nearly.   God's grace (my angel bolstering) had me make what could seem as too much on top of "the whole ball of wax"--into a simple solution.  I finished cooking the egg on stove top.  Just a bit more standing; build that core muscle stamina!

I toasted my friend across the country who is celebrating 92-years-old, today and ate the oddly-cooked, transformational egg.  Praise God for the praise of God that is transformational in my pio-wounded heart-and-soul as it is within His Real Presence, the Most Holy Trinity.  My angel and the heavenly hosts of holy angels know, do, and be the praise of God!  

May all of me be the praise of God!  

God bless His Real Presence in us!

[Postscript:  The older couple who six weeks ago kindly brought me a meal and are graciously willing to run errands for me, arrived not long after I was back in bed.  Their plans had changed, and they brought some produce and the dryer sheets to aromatize my old books, a day early.  They included a "gift" for me:  a package of two slices of chocolate cream pie.  I'm celebrating all the more now!  They said when it is time for me to move, after my lengthy healing process, they know of several people they'll bring to help pack up the place and onto whatever next.  See how God provides?  They also know of a woman who has a handyman she raves about.  They also shared a special prayer need; heavy and sorrowful prayer need that the Lord in His will, act upon in His Merciful Love.  God provides as always, and as always to be continued....]

Catholic Hermit: Opportunities in Suffering

Granted, Lord, this is so difficult.  I'm not going to underestimate the personal, immense challenge of this suffering and slow progress, the high level of pain, along with what seems to the person undergoing it--me--the massive life change.  And this is massive even within the already uniquely focused lifestyle of a consecrated Catholic hermit.  

Stricter separation from the world is now wed with stricter separation from most forms of manual labor, stricter separation from mobility in general, stricter separation from being able to be as self-sufficient.

I just called the lovely older couple--they mentioned 81 years old when they brought me a meal over six weeks ago through the parish on-line meal sign-up program.  Yes, they will be glad to pick up some fresh produce for me, and anything else.  I mentioned some dryer sheets.  "What brand do I use?" E. inquired.

That caught me off-guard.  I don't use dryer sheets normally, for in hermit-manual labor style and for the added exercise for my spine, I have dried my few items washed on a clothes rack or when in the farmhouse, when not raining on the outdoor clothesline.  So I told her whatever is inexpensive; these I simply want to use in some of my rare books to help diminish the musty odor.  They'd been boxed for several years in off-and-on moisture-laden conditions.

She laughed when I explained.  (I'd forgotten about people liking certain brands and the usual purpose of such as dryer sheets.  I don't need softer or less wrinkled clothes.)  I also mentioned that whenever they happen to be out doing their own shopping or are out more in my area and have the time or inclination, that is fine with me; I don't want them to go out of their way for I don't need anything urgently.  (That is true; the previous stripping the Lord provided me in Te Deum Hermitage, the old farmhouse, taught me that I can survive on little variety and not much for weeks.) 

The physical therapist came.  She'd was not put out by my text yesterday, in which I gave more information on Arachnoiditis.  Doing that proved to be quite helpful, actually.  She is quite intelligent and adept; she grasps what I'm dealing with all the better and gives excellent ideas and suggestions.  In fact, I expressed gratitude that I know she is stepping outside her job-description and offering me some tips and help that falls under occupational therapy category.

She showed me how to use the various weighted exercise bands that arrived from Amazon yesterday.  Then she helped me figure out how to be able to plug in a cord to an outlet that is not waist-high; I will be able to use the lightweight Shop-Vac that I use inside and have for years due to it being "light weight."  I'm not new in this back pain business; but I am new to the higher level of pain and the greater bodily limitations from here on out.

We figured out a way I can turn on the outdoor spigots by using a long, water main turn-off tool.  Using the pronged tool to operate a spigot is actually quite easy; my concern for not trying it previously was that if somehow I could not get it turned off, no one would be here to do so by getting down low, bending the back, and using arm strength.  Water would be flowing unchecked.  Grateful she was willing to be my literal back-up!

She said trying to use the large but smooth-rolling dolly is beyond my capabilities at this point. It has not to do with my rolling it, tilted back and great ball-bearings; but the problem is that weight on it will force my spine into wrong position and over use outside a safe range.  At least using the dolly will be possible after more weeks of healing and strengthening the legs and the core muscles.

The physical therapist offered a fact I did not know prior: back surgeries are far more intricate and in danger of ruination than even knee, shoulder, or hip replacements despite the greater range of motion these areas of body involved.  Add in my more porous bones and the extensive level of my surgery, I must learn to be far more disciplined in movements I make and in setting my body, thinking with my mind to make sure the legs, hips, and core muscles are "set" and tightened before I do such as practice the "golfer's reach" while holding onto a chair, counter, or even the walker, to plug in a cord or pick up something from the floor.  Such a simple task will take practice over time.

She made me get back down after these bits of efforts and learning new "tricks".  I'm to set my phone alarm so that I do not stay up long at any one time; the movement of learning to plug in an outlet--did it just once under her supervision--was enough to start the pain rise which signals in my brain such that my mind goes out of the body.  That I recognize immediately for the mind feels "spacey" and disoriented.  I'm a long way off from driving the two miles to Home Depot so as to return the items for financial credit.  I'll try the neighbor man and of course will monetarily gift him--and whenever he might need to go himself.

With the detailed instruction and reminders of the physical therapist for each minor task that previously I'd not think much about, she emphasized as she was leaving that this is going to take focus of mind and body; the pain level has to be kept in check; I cannot do much for long.  I cannot get ahead of myself or cause harm to the surgery area.

Thus I realized yet another opportunity that suffering provides and is so beneficial for my hermit vocation and spiritual life:  DISCIPLINE.  Whereas I must detach from many tasks that I enjoyed in manual labor, or trying to play my small, Celtic harp (in farmhouse situation was never able have the harp out of it's case due to constant construction zone and on-going debris).  I might not know for months if I will be able to sit for any length of time or much at all.  Perhaps there is some way to play the harp while flat on my back in bed; but the arm reach-out for now is not good--any "reaching outside of the field of the core", the physical therapist instructs, is a reaching I must not do.

That is, I must not do at least until I have the leg, hip, and spinal core muscles strengthened--more than ever before--for especially the leg and hip muscles are henceforth what I'm mostly going to be relying upon.  Yes--as in my spiritual life--the discipline and repetitive action, the spaced practice, the focus required, and to do to a degree of perfection, I'm realizing are God's gift to me of the various opportunities to grow in ways that will unite me with His Real Presence all the more, through this added suffering!

I do need a handyman, I think, though.  I'm asking the Lord to help me locate a handyman.  I'm praying that the neighbor children might do a few more garden tasks that I cannot.  Yes, I will detach from gardening and this house when I am more able--spring, summer.  Such marvelous opportunities in spiritual life graces may be acquired by God when He prunes us all the more!  He's moving me in the direction of less physical and far more spiritual, of using the mind and heart more than the body than ever of which I have recall.

The excitement of these growing opportunities afforded in suffering, as a result of pain, helps counter what could be sorrow or negative attitude, or discouragement in spirit.  Definitely, those moments come in which there is temptation to the negative, to the dark and even a sliver of the devil's hoofs or horns might be a splinter that the Lord helps me recognize and gives graces to teach me to quickly pull out such a splinter or more.  One must never let a devilish splinter stab us through to the mind or heart nor disable, if at all or for long, our spirits.  

Rely upon the armor of God (much as I must develop the necessary muscles);  call upon the protection of the Holy Spirit, St. .Michael the Archangel, hosts of angels, and my guardian angel as I must call upon what other or others I can try for help with tasks that are beyond me.  Praise God!  The praise of God is yet another opportunity brought forth from suffering.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

[The physical therapist said since I'd been up longer than what she'd intended, in our trying to get the most coverage out of this second-to-last session that insurance will pay for in-home instruction, that I needed to stay down for at least two hours.  Writing has brought that as if it's been minutes; all aspects of me feel refreshed--another opportunity in suffering!  I'm going to start collecting these opportunities.]

Catholic Hermit: A Life Devoted

I'm still listening and hoping in God to be aware of insights on what a hermit is to do and be:  Devote his life to the praise of God and the salvation of the world.  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 920,921)

What does it mean to devote one's life?  Being "single-minded of purpose" pops in.  And for a hermit, the life is devoted to God but in a way that transcends praising God for this or that blessing or praising Him for His Name or any number of His glorious and divine attributes.  The live devoted is to the praise of God.  St. Bernard's writings on The Love of God climb to the exultant pinnacle of the highest love,  the fourth degree of love as delineated by the saint: love of God in Himself.

To me, this seems to capture the aspect of how a hermit would devote his or her life to the praise of God.  To me, it seems akin to, linked with, subsumed in loving God in Himself.  So today while I praised God aloud on occasion for some blessing or other, including one time spontaneously saying, "I praise You, God, for helping me to grasp more how others think and feel, how they are affected by situations."  Another time I wordlessly praised God for helping me to endure and get pain under control.

But in desiring to understand what it is I'm to be devoting my life to, such as devote my life to the praise of God--I grasp that this is like loving God in Himself.  To love God for and Who He Is without bringing in self love to the loving, or in this case, the praising.  I am wondering if praising and loving are intertwined, with the praising an action toward effecting the love of God in and for Himself.  Seems so.

I'm going to  open myself up more, as a result, to a sense of praising, an essence of praising, an undefined and non-orchestrated praising.  I'm going to pray, asking and trusting in the the Holy Spirit to create in me this praise of God that transcends myself and my conscious and subconscious attempts at "doing" the praising for any objectified or subjective thought or emotion.  May it all be praise of God, as love in Himself.

We'll see what happens.

Then the consideration arises as to hindrances to devoting my life to the praise of God.  There are many obvious ones, but St. Teresa of Avila's points in Ch. 24 of The Way of Perfection remind me that being split or divided in purpose, focus--in the quest to be all for God, and for this consecrated Catholic hermit life devoted to praise of God--is a certain, multi-faceted hindrance.

This extract from the saint's own holy-spirit-filled mind presents the thoughts that cause me to love St. Teresa's unique communication style all the more.  Please read it while putting your hermit self into the text, and consider it in terms of a hermit's devoting our lives to the praise of God as a form of prayer, for it is.  Praise of God, like love of God in Himself, is communication of the soul with God.  Praise is reaching into the higher levels of communication, leading with affective love into contemplative love of God in Himself.

"You already know that His Majesty teaches that it [Lord's Prayer] be recited in solitude.  This is what He always did when He prayed and not out of any need of His own but for our instruction.  It has already been mentioned that one cannot speak simultaneously to God and to the world; this would amount to nothing more than reciting the prayer while listening to what is being said elsewhere or to letting the mind wander and making no effort to control it.

"There can be exceptions at times, either because of bad humors [illness, injury]--especially if the person is melancholic--or because of faint feelings in the head so that all efforts become useless.  Or it can happen that God will permit days of severe temptation in his servants for their greater good.  And though in their affliction they are striving to be quiet, they cannot even be attentive to what they are saying, no matter how hard they try; nor will the intellect settle down in anything, but by the disordered way it goes about, it will seem to be in a frenzy.  Whoever experiences the affliction these distractions cause will see that they are not his fault.... Like a sick person he should strive to bring some relief to his soul; let him occupy himself in other works of virtue.  This advice now is for persons who are careful and who have understood that they must not speak simultaneously to both God and the world.

"What we ourselves can do is to strive to be alone; and please God it will suffice, as I say, that we understand to whom we are speaking and the answer the Lord makes to our petitions.  Do you think He is silent?  Even though we do not hear Him, He speaks well to the heart when we beseech Him from the heart."

All this gives me much to appreciate; am in deep gratitude to the Holy Trinity:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  What opportunity we consecrated Catholic hermits have with the ways in which our vocations facilitate the deepening of our devoting our lives to the praise of God and salvation of the world!

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!

Catholic Hermit: Striving in Love and Joy

This is not easy, not for anyone, not for Christians, even.  To strive in love and joy is not only a grace from and with His Real Presence (Father God, Son Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit) but also a desire and effort on our parts.

The effects of this most recent pain siege have lifted, but what remains are the increasing debilitating symptoms of the severe spinal stenosis (spinal cord being pinched off as well as main nerves from facet joints of vertebrae).  Plus, I'm learning more about the symptoms and effects of Arachnoiditis.

No, it is not a pleasant "read".  The reality is that of continuing progression of the effects of Arachnoiditis.  I'm still working on forgiveness, plus of praying for my deeper conversion to and in Christ.  Within Christ's Sacred Heart, I can see that time period of my life--over three decades ago--and how with a simple prayer when I felt somehow I was not quite doing as God wanted with my life, that something was not quite right although a spouse, parent, and in a service career--that my life quickly was radically altered.

So God allowed the error in surgery--the rods distended too much causing massive cardiac arrests in recovery.  All was rather miraculous: ease of dying, experience of God talking with me, sending me back, and living through more surgery in which now I know what were the botched errors.  The surgeon did not mean to, of course.  This morning it came to me that he had driven home and was called back late at night; perhaps he'd had some drinks that impaired his coordination or was too fatigued to not make a couple wrong cuts; perhaps in the rushing to save my life, he made the errors.

Perhaps he did not want to admit to what had happened, to why I had such horrific headaches and the pain sieges, the pain that never went away and was severe.  Perhaps he did not believe it at first, for he had me tested for various other aspects--including a pain tolerance test to find out how much pain I could tolerate.  Turned out I tolerate a huge amount of pain.

He wondered if my suffering was psychological.  Thankfully, the Lord had already had Dr. H. in my life through knowing him as he had helped my children with divorce aftermath; and he also had helped me when a friend was the first to tell me in a kindly way, that my perceptions and insights, my dreams and unusual experiences (I learned later the terms visions, locutions, mystical phenomenon) are not what most experience.  Dr. H. helped me to learn how to deal with being different in this way, said they are spiritual gifts.

I do know and knew not long after the surgeries, the 18 days in hospital, the miracle that there was no heart damage, the miracle of having lived through the cardiac arrests, the miracle of having encountered God in Person, that the surgeon downplayed the events in the recovery room that night.  The young doctor who was called in to help the nurse with me in recovery also came to me, wondering if I remembered anything of that night.  He did not want to be sued.

All these memories are coming back.  I try not to let them take root at all, for I must live in the Order of the Present Moment--the Order that God announced to me is my order, on March 19, 1996.  

Yet, I know the memories of the lead up to and details of the back surgeries are popping up for a reason, and that is surely for me to forgive. I must make sure I have forgiven the surgeon and the other doctor at the time; and after, to forgive all the doctors and physician assistants, the nurse practitioners, and the many other people who doubted my disability, the pain, the ups and downs I experienced with the pain levels from bad to horrific.  Over and over and over--the pain sieges surge then subside, ever, always pain.  Even the last employer in 1987 thought I was faking--even after the surgeries.

Forgiveness gives us freedom to continue in our striving to live in love and joy of His Real Presence.

What I'm learning of Arachnoiditis is that it is progressive, and that the surgeon I am blessed to have now was telling the truth when he said this next surgery will unlikely be my last--that this correction and continuation of fusion and rods to more levels of the spine will be only temporary and will not reduce any of the pain that had been prior to this more recent spine problem.

Arachnoiditis can develop into more problems for the spine, particularly if lumbar level, there can be loss of leg mobility, loss of continence; and it is stated that due to the difficulty such a patient has with sitting or with standing in one place, that being in a wheelchair is also not an option.  So this problem, this diagnosis, is not exactly heartening or encouraging.

Yet, I trust in Jesus.  And this morning's Mass reading--the Psalm selection--is a vital reminder to praise God in all matters.  I also consider that I've been praying (even asking St. Faustina to help in this quest and clarification) of what is my mission that I'm to be fulfilling.  

I also most certainly need to pray for the strength and grace and discipline to enact the fulfilling of the mission.  Years ago the Lord said in that death experience, to go back and "rear your children and fulfill your mission."  I'm in the mission part now but don't feel or think I've fulfilled what I have not even been convinced I've pinpointed.

With the increasingly limited mobility and energy (Arachnoiditis is why such fatigue as well as many other symptoms), it does seem the Lord is turning more to do the writing that I've always felt I was to do even as a very young child.  I've always wanted to be a writer.  I guess I am writing at this moment, but is it what the Lord most wants me to write?  Is it for Him, is it helpful to others, or is it a catharsis--only of benefit for myself?

Here's the Psalm reading for today's Mass that touched me around 1 a.m. after I'd been awakened with the increased nerve pain:

R. O God, let all the nations praise you!
May God have pity on us and bless us;
may He let His face shine upon us.
So may Your ways be known upon earth;
among all nations, your salvation.

R. O God, let all the nations praise you!
May the nations be glad and exult
because You rule the peoples in equity;
the nations on the earth You guide.

R. O God, let all the nations praise you!
 May the peoples praise You, O God;
may all the peoples praise You!
May God bless us,
and may all the ends of the earth fear Him!
R. O God, let all the nations praise You!

~ Ps 67:2-3, 5, 6 and 8

Praising God is one of the highest works of love and joy that a consecrated Catholic hermit is asked to fulfill in his or her vocation.  May I strive in love and joy of Christ and others, through a genuine heart of praise of His Real Presence.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Let us love God above all things and others as ourselves!

Hermit Spiritual Direction: Another Point

In a previous post I wrote about hermits offering spiritual counsel or direction to those who inquire and request.  Another point has come to mind.

Not all hermits do much spiritual directing, definitely not in the aspect of clients or regulars.  One reason for this is the hidden life a hermit lives of prayer and of praise of God, as well as in the silence of solitude.  It seems that there would not be any lengthy or on-going relationship of much spiritual counsel with specific outline.

However, there would more be spiritual correspondence in which questions could be addressed, or suggestions and encouragements provided.

I have found that those who contact me who do not know me personally but only in a spiritual sense or having read my blog posts, actually provide the best circumstances. I also do not know them, and the reliance upon the Holy Spirit is quite strong in these cases.  I have found the expedience and success to be far better than when people who know me correspond or desire assistance with temporal or spiritual issues.

Especially for women, I think referring them ultimately to a priest is wise if the situations are such that they might not tend to follow through on what a hermit might discern.  Just from experience, I have found that women are more inclined to take the guidance of a priest.  I'm not sure it is a gender consideration, but it seems to be in my experience, thus far.

Women may verbalize more and turn to a hermit, for example, for various needs and issues in daily life, wanting feedback, suggestions, ideas, and even understanding, solace, and encouragement.  But this can take quite a bit of time, back and forth, and often enough in the end analysis, it seems that women end up not trusting the advice and needing to go to a priest, regardless.

At times in such circumstances, I've had women correspond later that they were amazed that the priest had said the same as I had counseled, and yet they simply did not have the trust in the hermit's counsel enough to follow through.  Sometimes it is as well to simply send a person asking for counsel, to a priest to begin with.

I have not had so much this experience with men who have wanted to discuss spiritual matters or seek counsel.  They tend to accept and implement if the counsel resonates with them, and do not so much hedge their bets, so to speak.

As for the hermit, the only problem with spending a lot of time corresponding and counseling others is that one's daily life can become distracted, hours consumed, and not efficiently so if the person wanting consultation ends up either not progressing or else perhaps does not accept the counsel.

As a professed hermit in the consecrated life of the Church, there is a responsibility to pray for souls, to be hospitable to those who have needs that one can address, and to answer questions and guide from a center of prayerful reflection, spiritual base, wise discretion, and lived experience.  But if dealing with an issue that is not resolved in due course, best to send the person on to someone who might be perceived more as an authority figure such as a priest with hope that the person will heed what another might suggest or give in guidance.

If the person desiring counsel and spiritual guidance is receptive and makes progress, and the time spent for each person is efficient and effective, simple and timely, then of course, offer spiritual insights and encouragement, building one another up in Christ.

The Lord has given me this worthwhile reminder.  

In other words, always keep in mind that a hermit's vocation is not that of spiritual director.  A hermit's vocation is that of prayer, praise of God, silence, solitude, and remaining a hidden source of love and support for souls--the Body of Christ and of the temporal and mystical Church.

Killing Sins, Handling Trials, Eremitic Vocational Peace

Yesterday, despite much exterior painting, interior tasks, and a worn out body, the weeds had gotten out of control in the yard and gardens.  They were at a point of being so vast, that using weed killer was the viable solution.

With each weed sprayed, and thousands of them all about, they became this nothing Catholic hermit's sins as well as the sins of the world.  With each one, the prayer was that they would be killed and erased down through their very roots.  It will take time for the weed poison to do its work on them.  And, some may need another dose.

Called a store that has lots of employees who are rather professionals in their areas, and talked with the man in the garden area.  He explained the type of winterizer fertilizer and weed control to use.  He pointed out that putting it on the areas right now is good, but that people do not realize that this is a longer term process, and in January or February, another spread of winterizer weed and feed is necessary, and then to keep at it in spring and summer with more coverings.  Over time, the weeds will be brought under control, but that it is not a situation in which one can take a break and assume they are eradicated.

So it is with sin.  What the man said about weeds and lawn care makes so much sense in regard to our sins and the spiritual life.  We cannot let up on sin control and eradication.  And we have to be willing to use strong efforts even if not seeming to be popular (such as using strong products) to others.  There will always be those who suggest we are being too hard on ourselves in wanting to get rid of our sins or in praying and doing penance for the sins of the world, of our fellow man, of which we are all a part in the community of Christians as well as the community of being human beings.

We are each and all created by God, and we live all over this earth which He created first, before us.  We are in this life together for reasons God knows and ordains, and our sins drag us all down.  Our consistently dealing with our sins and removing them, right down to their roots, helps improve the quality of humanity and thus of our own souls and the souls of many others.

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Yesterday, after making another act of the will to return to yet more focused horarium with more prayer and spiritual reading, including time spent in His Living Word more than the daily Mass readings, the laptop overheated and jammed again.  Spiritual combat practice!  Patient perseverance while waiting on hold with the loudest and most unpleasant music blaring into the phone, and then the call was dropped with one service rep just at a point of setting up a drop-off appointment.  So had to make yet another call and be put on hold, and endure the horrible noise.  But, today there will be a long and costly drive to civilization in order to give the repair folks a third try at this laptop situation.  Am so thankful that this time have it under an extended warranty plan.

There is some reason for these glitches, always.  His Real Presence is giving opportunities to not become frustrated and irked, to modulate the voice yet to also be firm, and to meet yet more employees and other customers even if briefly.  There must be a recognition of these people and prayers offered for each while driving and passing or being passed, and while entering the busy mall and encountering hundreds of souls.

Work efforts are postponed yet again, although if the Lord allows safe travels, there will be more weed-sin killing to be done upon return.  Also, the Lord is providing yet another trip so as to purchase the necessary weed and feed product to begin the process of keeping the weed sins out for the long haul.  At least, we try, don't we?  There will always be sin, but God gives us wills to conquer them.

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There has been daily, increasing peace and relief in grasping this eremitic vocation and how it is that His Real Presence desires it for this particular hermit.  A friend called last evening.  She had been praying from afar as to the parish situations and the confusions and upsets and doubts that had built over time, with not understanding what and why of matters. 

It was good to hear her voice, and she said she'd been praying and considering it, too.  She said the more she prayed and thought, the more she realized that historically, hermits were not in parishes; and if they were, they were unknown and came and went without notice.  She had never considered it before, but it all made sense to her.

There is a tremendous load off in regard to what has amounted to self-imposed angst in pushing on doors that were not intended to open.  We laughed at how hard this hermit had tried to be involved in what was not meant by God in this particular vocation.  That other hermits live otherwise, is as God deems for them.  This woman has known and witnessed enough over the years, of this hermit's trials, that it was clear the path was being made known in a very positive and holy way.

It just took this hermit's acceptance of what otherwise seemed surely not right given the human understanding and view.  But once this hermit let go of clutching at what it thought or seemed to be best or proper or correct avenue, and started to consider the vast number of hermits in the Church over the centuries, and the actual reality of their daily lives, peace came as on, as is written, "the wings of a dove."

Praise be to God the Father, and the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter!

God bless His Real Presence in us.  Let us love one another, Little Children, for Love is of God!