Christian Catholic Mystic Hermit: Question Asked of How to Become a Hermit

 I've had this question for quite awhile, and I pray that the person sees my encouragement and response to his or her question, as follows:

Hello, I am contemplating to be a Catholic hermit here in the Philippines.  How do I start?  Do I rent a place and beg for donations to survive, but the thought of being given to God every moment of life is simply spiritually fulfilling.

[This answer is not really the answer to how to become a Catholic hermit, per the questioner's interest and desire per se.  After 23 years as a consecrated Catholic hermit and an additional time prior, formally in a community of hermits, then under clerical direction, and then several years prior in gradually being formed by His Real Presence--I prefer not to go back over the temporal how-to's in much detail; my blog has those aspects.  I'm more interested in the questioner's seeking spiritual guidance via prayer and also in speaking with a spiritual guide as well as doing reading of early hermits--biographies and their own writings.  Prayer, though, is primordial in receiving answers from God on if He wills one to be a hermit, and then in what path and in what specifics.  His Real Presence is the best to teach and tell us the answers.]

My response has taken a long time due to my hoping the person has by now read back through more of my posts, or done a search of my posts for how to become a Catholic hermit or also Catholic Hermit.  But my simple answer is to discuss the vocational call and desire with one's priest, and to pray about the thought of the hermit vocation, and talk it over with His Real Presence, in prayer, within the mind, heart, and soul.

That is a start of which I am sure the person has been praying and contemplating, as contemplating being a Catholic hermit is within the question asked.  And per usual with all of us, we tend first to consider the temporal aspects, such as where do we live as hermits, and how do we survive as a hermit.

And along with the contemplation of becoming a Catholic hermit, we contemplate the beautiful longing to be close to God, to be living in essence, more freely from the world through, with, and in God every moment of life.  We desire spiritual fulfillment.  

All these thoughts and desires, and indeed, these can be God's will for all persons to have ourselves given to His Real Presence in a deep and unifying way while we exist yet in this temporal world--by withdrawing in some basic aspects from this temporal world.  One main aspect is as the questioner mentions--living apart, such as renting a place to live, presumably, of course alone, in solitude.  

But if readers dig around in my blog posts, a few years ago or more, to find out how to become a Catholic hermit, I am staunch in Scriptural guidance of the Apostle Paul, that if we want to eat, we must work for our sustenance.   Or, if disabled, to have disability pension, or if retired, to have retirement pension, or if our parents have passed on, we may have an inheritance of which if a substantial, then donate or bequeath the unneeded amounts to charity or heirs.  (Anthony of the Desert made sure his younger sister had a place to live and would be taken care of for life, financially, but then donated the rest of his late parents' money and possessions to the poor, as an example.). If the inheritance is modest, and our disability not enough to pay our bills monthly, then use that portion as savings upon with to draw, for in our times inflation and health care costs, end of life care, can be quite costly. 

I believe strongly and live accordingly, that anyone, including Catholic hermits, ought not beg from others nor accept from others, free services or items or accept money from anyone.  For one thing, I believe we ought remain fully anonymous as Catholic hermits to others around us, since most Catholic hermits in today's world (or anyone seeking solitude or a place to live) cannot simply go out into the desert and build a mud and straw hut, nor go out into a forest and build a wood hut, nor go up into the mountains and find a cave in which to live.  All lands are owned by someone, be it government, tax payers, or individuals.  Squatting is against the law in some places, and it is unconscionable morally to take advantage of others' property, anywhere.  I also do not believe in living with one's parents in the family home if a young person who wishes to become a Catholic hermit, as one young woman was approved to do when young and an eager bishop who was new to a diocese decided to give her the recently incurred canon law 603 diocese approval.   She quietly left within the year, having not at all lived in solitude nor out of the public spotlight, and decided instead she wanted to work with children yet still wanted to start some type of religious order in another country.  Being noticed and also have her way paid for, became a theme and underlying goal in this person's life.

If a hermit is to work to earn his or her way in life, to pay the bills, to pay the government taxes (which is quite Scriptural per Jesus' instructions to Peter to pay the taxes required for Peter and the Lord, each and both), then I find based on the aspects expressed in The Catechism of the Catholic Church, under Consecrated Life and hermits or eremitic life, for privately or publicly (diocesan CL603 hermits), the work ought be that of hiddenness and quietly performed.  Working in a parish or hospital, while might seem delightful and worthwhile, does not qualify as hidden nor solitary nor silent.  Earning money by offering "spiritual direction" to others, being paid for that service, when hermits ought always consider ourselves humbly as perpetually students of Christ and never having arrived at a point of selling what spiritual insights we may have learned over the years of prayer, penance, silence, suffering, spiritual reading, contemplation, or lived experience in the hermit vocation.  

Freely given, freely give is another jewel of guidance from Scripture for a hermit new or old to the vocation.

For the questioner, my advice remains the same over the 23 years I have been a consecrated Catholic hermit, plus an added two years initially of prayerful consideration, and much reading and research of the lives of hermits through the ages, of which I consider the Old Testament prophets, some of them, hermits as well as prophets.  I'd read and study the lives of the early hermits including John the Baptist and on through the desert fathers and mothers, and beyond these into the lives of hermits, religious solitaries, from all the ensuing centuries.  Reading of their lives from primary source research, and then if cannot find primary source writings, read and study writings based on what others observed of these Catholic Christian hermits.  By reading of their full lives, not just a year or two in which they removed themselves and then decided to or were led to form a religious order or such of others joining them, does not give the accurate path forward.  

To live as a Catholic Christian hermit, the point is not to soon after or even while contemplating the vocation of hermit, to then want to be a leader or start a group or community of followers with the idea of living together. This includes even one other person--to live together as householders--such as two women or men living together in a house or apartment  despite lavras having developed in past time periods,  usually Middle Ages.  Living together or in close proximity as a group of hermits loses the basic premise of solus Deus, God Alone!  Living alone with no human to speak with other than an occasional helper or a medical doctor or occasional contact with a family member or some other as a matter of charitable need or procuring materials required, doing business with, arranging for some payment or work needed doing--this type of  solitude, from my experience, is necessary in order to truly be alone with God and to have the utter dependence upon Him in the darkest and loneliness times, as well as in the celebratory times of praise and thanksgiving with God Who is All and Only in the hermit's life.

I admit that my recently getting first one dog had become a necessity medically, given that my pain had progressed to a point that I was no longer able to get up by using mind over matter, mind over the pain.  Getting up and keeping mobile is the only means of delaying lower limb paralysis as well as bladder and intestinal paralysis, the latter which had already taken hold.  (Arachnoiditis was discovered by a neurosurgeon four years ago after three and a half decades of spine-related, intractable pain that permanently disabled me from gainful employment and consistent functioning.). So I decided to do what I'd read is a good idea to do:  get a dog that forces the Arachnoiditis afflicted to get up in the morning and several times a day.  (Dogs need to go outside for bathroom needs as well as to be fed and exercised.). My first pup was so compliant and quiet, that she'd let me stay in bed until after 11 a.m.  When the Arachnoiditis, which includes neurological symptoms and problems such as sinus infections becoming severe and lasting for weeks to over two months, would have me so ill I could barely do other than get the pup outside a few times and fed and otherwise I was laid out in bed for weeks on end, the dog became depressed.  It was suggested to me to get another so that they would play with and exercise each other in my bedroom.  The brother pup has a different temperament so insists on my being up and taking ithem out before 8 a.m., and otherwise when my health precluded activity, they do indeed play and exercise each other, so my responsibility is minimal.  I will note and advise, as far as having a pet or two, I'd not do it other than for medical reasons.  If I become paralyzed from lumbar down or intestines and bladder paralyzed, all three of which are givens if an arachnoniditis patient lives long enough, then my solitary life of silence and prayer, penance and praise of God, plus my financial situation being low income and inheritance draining monthly due to cost of living more than my disability income--all the markers and necessities of being as the hermit vocation provides, would be disrupted. I'd have to have a caretaker tend me or be in a care facility for low income persons, meaning in a ward or double room, having to exist with other people day and night.  It is the same if a hermit takes a job that is around people and involving people actively in conversation or services other than occasional and minimal speaking or interactions.

So the above gives examples of why I even discourage pets, and at some point I will need to rehome my two dogs, especially the one that kept growing despite being of the same parents as the first one which is small.  The large one can be problematic despite how loving he is, to my body which is aging as bodies do.  And for me with a knee needing replacing, when well enough I take them to a nearby dog park to run freely in a fenced area.  This includes, then, some brief and passing interactions with other dog owners.  I pray to make the interactions as meaningful as the Holy Spirit inspires or sets up for me to do so.  I always come away with many prayer needs of which I consider prayer to be, of course, a mainstay of a hermit's efforts and purpose here on earth.

And this stream of consciousness response to the person asking how to become a Catholic hermit has not delved into the most important aspects, which are that of the mind, heart, and soul's desire and being called by God to this eremitic (hermit) vocation as a Christian and in the Catholic church's tradition of hermits from the earliest time of Christianity.  (This is why John the Baptist is considered, also, a forerunner of the hermit vocation, for he was a hermit figure and type prior to being called by God into more public ministry as a herald of Christ, to proclaim the Messiah and identify Jesus as the Son of God Who has come to attain salvation for all.  The humility of John the Baptist, the way he fell back as nothing to Christ's preeminent all, as Son of God and savior of mankind--this humility is something any of us hermits, Christian and Catholic, ought contemplate and hold as a basic guide to our daily life decisions and way of being not only temporally, physically, but very much also as spiritual guide and substance and essence of our mind, heart, and soul's beingness.

Christ must increase; I/we must decrease.

This truth guides the hermit's vocation, the hermit's daily way of life and being all through until our hidden and quiet temporal deaths.  In the meantime, we die daily to ourselves, and at the same instance raise up Christ Alive and His Teachings as well as raise up Christ Crucified, humbled and sacrificed, died and buried, then to rise

I promise to pray for this desiring person in the Philippines, and any such desiring person who is drawn to further discover God's will with the potential of living life as a Christian religious solitary, as a Christian Catholic hermit, either privately professed or publicly through the process known colloquially as "canonical approval" for hermits who want to be thus associated and linked to a specific diocese.  Or, do as I and most others historically have been called, and that is to private profession of vows and the three evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience to God.  At first and for awhile, it is wise to have a holy priest or mature spiritual teacher to guide the newly consecrated hermit as well as, of course, to recognize and trust fully in His Real Presence, the Triune 

God in Three Persons (Father, Son, and Holy spirit) will always be the penultimate guide to form and lead the Christian Catholic consecrated hermit into the silence of solitude, hidden from the eyes of humankind, in poverty and humility outwardly and inwardly, in prayer and penance, in praise of God and in the trials that come with such an austere life style due to the solitary and silent nature of living one's life for God with no fanfare nor notice, and omnia pro Deo, all for God, and through, with, and in Solus Deus, God Alone.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Love in His Love!  Prayers and loving support for all those who are contemplating an eremitic vocation in the Church--the Body of Christ of which Christ is Head.  Private or publicly profession of vows and evangelical counsels is but a small beginning of what is a vast and ever-flowing, widening, deepening growth in closeness and increasing union with God who consecrates the hermit to Himself when and how God deigns to do so.

And keep in mind, all hermits are human and vacillate in living the vocation, depending on our living the bases of hermit life but also according to our obedience to and in His Real Presence's guiding of us in each detail of our lives, as is true of any Christian. Live the Gospel as the perfect rule of life; live and follow the teachings and lived example of Jesus Christ, and God will guide and bless the hermit through whatever ups and downs, strong times and weaker ones.  My prayers are with you and with all Christians, and with those called to the hermit vocation, also, in especial kinship and loving appreciation for your prayers for me, much needed, as well.  Thank you!

Catholic Hermit: Psalm Hits the Spot

Mercy.  The severe physical pain surge continues as result of last evening's trial-run drive of 1.5 miles and back to grocery.  But it is a start of trying to get back into more functionality in this long, post-operative recovery.  As in our temporal and very much our spiritual lives, we must pick ourselves up and simply keep going.

The Psalm from today's Mass truly hits the spot!

"But I am afflicted and in pain;
let your saving help, O God, protect me.
I will praise the name of God in song,
and I will glorify Him with thanksgiving.

"See, you lowly ones, and be glad;
you who seek God, may your hearts revive!
For the LORD hears the poor,
and His own who are in bonds he spurns not."

I consider the various types of poverty as well as the many forms of bonds of which we find ourselves.  Physical bonds are probably the least of what can bind us; mental, emotional bonds are worse.  But a soul bound to other than God, seems the ultimate in suffering.

This morning I've been thinking about Mary of Egypt (344-421) a desert mother (amma) of an early century.  I read a book about her, and while I don't recall certain details, I know and appreciate her life's story..  She went out into the desert as a penitent.  She had repented of her life of sexual licentiousness, turning to God, and lived as a hermit, freeing herself from bondage of body, mind, heart and soul.  

After many years, a priest came upon her, not knowing if she was male or female for her visage had grown wizened and hair had grown, covering her like a garment.  He realized he was in the presence of a holy one from brief conversation and her spiritual transcendence.  He gave her Communion, a consecrated Host, of which she'd not had for nearly four decades, or so it seems I recall from reading.  She had not seen a human in years.  The priest said he would return again with communion and to check on her; a year later he returned and located her, deceased.

St. Mary of Egypt is remembered as one whose conversion is profound, and her renunciation of sin and path of penance and prayer remarkable.  Her transcendence of soul is yet another example of the humbling aspects of the spiritual journey can bring in seeking God as penitents, praying and praising a while renouncing whatever and all that binds us in any way.  She is also the patron saint of penitents (and we can include her a mentor for hermits, too!).

Spiritual life and all that goes with it, is a process.  Spiritual-temporal progression takes temporal time, spiritually focused diligence, a living out our lives following Christ's way for each of us, and striving in seeking and accepting God's will.  Rare are the immediate infusion of transcending grace--a transfiguration of mind, heart, and soul.

I'm calling upon Mary of Egypt to befriend me today as I again start out anew, journeying farther into the desert, the physical aspects, yes, but also the desert within, so subtle yet richly full of  Christ's all.

But I tell you, also, this morning I thought happily of the man who shared his story of miraculously having a gift of being able to transcend his physical pain, to pick up and be cured of all the physical pains of spine that had reduced him to bed-ridden status.  I assume today as he heads pain free to work, he still is viewing all with gratitude.  

As for me, I am praising God even if a bit set-back with physical pain upon pain.  He hears and knows; He spurns not one of us who even if bound in whatever way, call upon His Name.  We all will be able to fully transcend, in Christ, whatever pain at some point; and for most of us that will be at the marvelous moment of our earthly death.  

But in the meantime, we can be freed from the various ties that bind us in so many ways, through faith in and love of God, acceptance of His love, mercy, and His will.  And in praise and prayer, we simply keep going! 

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Catholic Hermit: Assiduous Prayer and Penance

Continuing on with my further consideration of what the Church desires of her consecrated Catholic hermits, the phrase "in assiduous prayer and penance" concludes section 920 in The Catechism of the Catholic Church:

"Without always professing the three evangelical counsels publicly, hermits 'devote their life to the praise of God and salvation of the world through a stricter separation from the world, the silence of solitude and assiduous prayer and penance.

I appreciate the adjective "assiduous."  This word originated from the Latin assidere (be engaged in doing) around mid-16th century (when Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross lived).  It became assiduus and today is defined as "showing great care and perseverance."

A hermit is to be engaged, attentive in care and perseverance, of being diligent, thorough, conscientious--in the active doing of prayer and penance.

As to prayer and penance, by the time in our lives in which we receive a call to the eremitic vocation, we have already an understanding of prayer as well as a grasp of penance.  But to be more specific and review meanings in simple terms, prayer is personal conversation with God, and penance is expression of sorrow for wrongs done. 

Of course, there are far more extensive explanations of prayer and penance to which "assiduous" lends deepening purpose to a hermit's act of praying and act of sorrow, of making reparation, for wrongs, for sins personal and communal.

So much could be written about prayer--what is prayer, how to pray, the various forms of prayer.  I cannot improve upon what the various saints and great spiritual masters have said regarding prayer; nor can I begin to emphasize how all-encompassing is the prayer Jesus taught us to pray, the Our Father, the Lord's Prayer.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church comments on the doxology often added to the Lord's Prayer:  "For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever."  Such all-encompassing emphasis and beauty pour forth from these words that heighten and extend the foci and facets of the Lord's Prayer.

Another prayer of which the Holy Spirit has introduced to me, helped me grasp how vital, is the prayer of conversion and of deeper conversions.  This prayer is God's will for all souls--those who yet do not believe in Christ as their Savior, Lord, and God, and deeper conversions for those of us who do believe in Jesus but always are called to repeatedly deeper levels of love of God.  We are always invited and desired by God to come closer and into union with His Real Presence, the Holy Trinity, and always assisted by the Virgin Mary who calls us and points us to her Son.  

God will always answer this prayer of conversion and deeper conversion; coming always closer and into Him, abiding with and in Him all the more, is His will and desire for us.  It also is a prayer that removes us from judging, for it is a prayer of our own soul's growth as much as our prayerful desire for the growth and increasing conversions of all souls.

Personally, prayer has evolved over the years to that of what I term instantaneous thought-flashings.  It is akin to the way God communicated with me, and I communicated with Him, when I died in the hospital recovery room on the evening of July 28, 1987.  This form of prayer occurs within me, with God, with Jesus, with the Holy Spirit, as if unconsciously, for the most part.  On occasion I will realize what is occurring, this form of prayer on-going; but when I consciously make myself become stilled, the thought-flashing slows and awareness occurs such that I am more conscious of the prayer, and I begin to better listen, or so it seems, or to ask questions rather than to pour out my mind, heart, and soul to and in His Real Presence.

Then, the intensity of a concise and focused thought-flashing may seem more pleasing to Jesus.  Same with the inspiration with the seriously high pain levels post-operation of the spine--the intensity of concise and focused pain as prayer in itself, seems pleasing to Jesus.  Pain praying is a reality of the union of suffering, of being one with Christ on the Cross and in all the other ways in which He suffered terribly, and in which even now, He hurts for souls and for the sins and sufferings of mankind--sufferings as a result of others sins; sufferings as a result of our own sins.

As to penance,  there was a time when I wanted to experience what some of the saints experienced with self-inflicted mortifications.  I mentioned it to my spiritual father, and he did not say "no" at the time, for he was wise and holy and understood the good of my experiencing minor penances as such, of the good it would do me in teaching me that such types of penances are not at all necessary and that one need not at all do as many of the saints of yore with strapping themselves on the back, or wearing a tight cinch under the clothing, around the waist.  (Mine was a tight bungee cord, with hooks that clasped together.)

I will say that the cord (and my austerity in wearing a simple gray tunic-type garment--passable, though, as a jumper and not a habit), did remind me for awhile, of why I was wearing it.  The strapping my self with a guitar strap left by my son who'd gone off to college was a fascinating experience, as well.  I consciously was doing something in kind with the saints, offering the penance and the minor suffering of it to God in reparation for souls and for my sins and my own soul.  I also for awhile tried to do as some said the Virgin Mary asked of people to fast on Wednesdays and Fridays on bread and water.  I think that came from an apparition site and messages of some persons that in time was not condoned by the Church.

What I benefitted from such experimentation with self-inflicted penances was that it was totally unnecessary and rather naive and immature in a way, on my part.  My spiritual father knew I'd come to this reality, as he later smiled and pointed out that the Lord is fully capable of allowing me penances enough that HE decides upon, that He grants, that He finds just right for me.  And truly, they are far more painful and difficult, and far more reparative than my own rather romanticized efforts--so unnecessary and superfluous, even silly.

With the cinch around my waist, it was not long until I did not notice it; the guitar strappings actually felt rather good in a way--for at the time, while then I had no idea of the arachnoiditis condition of my back, the itching caused by the damage done of my spinal cord sheathing having been cut during surgery and blood leaking inside the spinal cord causing nerve clumping, the situation of my back was oddly soothed by the strapping.  

As to the fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays, my body could not cope because the pain from the spinal problems worsened to a point without adequate food--including sugar to help increase endorphins, so I'd have increased pain sieges which only caused inconvenience and harm to others, such as my son who at the time was living at home, or to friends who'd have to deal with my incapacitation from the increased pain sieges.

So I learned that the Lord is in charge of my penances, of what types, of what degree, of what worth that I have plenty enough as a result of the car accident and whatever all else occurs by God's providence as far as penances go.  God provides!  He knew and knows I am willing to suffer and to offer whatever sufferings; and God allows what transpires naturally.  Actually, some of the most difficult and meaningful of penance has been the more interior forms of suffering, or the sufferings of persecution and indignities one experiences.  Then, the challenge is not in the pain of these, but in the attitude and spirit with which one endures the resultant sufferings.

The purpose of penance is similar to that of prayer--a communication with God, a union with God, in intimate conversation and sharing in all aspects of His Real Presence to the degree and facets which He desires and wills for us to share in whatever level of intimacies with Him.  Love is the purpose.  Love begets love, love responds with love--that is a reason for and result of prayer and penance.  For a Catholic hermit, in the consecrated life of the Church, the qualifier of "assiduous" seems of pertinence and importance.  

That is what I am asking God to help me improve upon--the extent of which I am engaged in, attentive to, diligent and persevering in prayer and penance.  I want to increase to whatever degree toward perfection God allows and gifts with His grace--the depth, breadth, width, heights of prayer and penance that pleases God most and serves best his will and purposes.  

Assiduous prayer and penance--this is my hope in God, my faith in His will and desiring, and my love of God in Himself in offering of myself full, assiduously, in as intimate a union with His Real Presence as the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit desires and grants, now and proceeding forever.

Catholic Hermit: Jesus, I Trust in You, and Solus Deus

Well, this morning this hand-pained, spinal headache-ridden, spine-damaged, consecrated Catholic hermit texted my young helper's mother to end the employment arrangement.

After the call from the financial advisor yesterday, and a medical bill not covered by the co-pay I pay for monthly in order to prevent total financial ruination should something befall my body in as much as one trip to ER for stitches, I realized that it is better to save the money spent on the young lad's employment and to continue on, working slowly and very much solus Deus, alone with God.

There really is nothing that I could think of for the boy to do even for two hours on Saturday--work that he actually wanted to do and could do--well or even in average results.  He had grown weary of yard work, and weeding, especially, is what I need help with due to the painful right hand that is past-due for surgery.

It is a shame in a way, for I delight in having a good and kind young helper who wants to learn and to have his first job.  His mother was eager for him to work here, as two or three summers ago I employed his older brother in what was his first job.  But then, there were more construction type work efforts, and there were tasks that I truly did need help with such as lifting full sheets of drywall and 1/2" cement board into place.  The older brother was a year older and definitely stronger in that year's gain.

I had to make a decision based on prudence, for a change.  Prudence is not my strongest virtue, if I can even put it that way, for I can't think of any virtues that seem to be "strong" if I were to declare verdict upon myself.  However, there was not enough benefit from the outlay of funds.  Perhaps one work session of two hours out of five resulted in better work effort on the part of the lad.  Granted, not many youth nor also adults, love yard work.  

I do.  I love to weed, love to spread bark mulch, love to work, in general.  I had explained to the boy that if he can get his head wrapped around the attitude of loving weeding and learning to get out the roots, to stick with it at a steady work pace, he could name his price here.  I see people's postings frequently, begging for workers who will weed--and some say "Name your price."  Ah, if I had the time and my own property in shape, and not under the crunch to get it finished and sold, I'd love to do weeding for the many who disdain that task.

I tried all psychological means to help the lad to learn how to present himself and make himself marketable to an employee.  I also had to remind him to stand up to use the shovel, to get off the ground and use the shovel instead of his finger to dig out invasive bluebells with their bulbs down deep. I pointed out how lengthy the bathroom visits and had to dock him wages when he did not get the message after I said in the real world, there is a short break after four hours of labor.  

Regardless, the Lord will help the lad find a job of which he will excel, and another year or two of physical maturation will help him immensely.  Admittedly, not many young persons (or old!) are able to change their attitudes and decide to love to do work that for whatever reasons, they have decided to not love, or even like.  It will take a lot of prayer offerings for me to squeeze the old body into the crawlspace to finish the insulation project--and to rid out the dead rat carcasses as I come upon them, scooting on my back with such little head space that I must keep my head sideways to get under the joists.

That is, if I do not have some event occur prior to that task.  Yesterday while I was tending a fire (trying to burn out a stump in front yard) and also gathering dried weeds I'd pulled previously, while watering plants, while spraying pots and planting flower starts to brighten the porch and yard for marketing charm--I turned and tripped over one of my feet and fell!  Thankfully it was on the grass, missing the cobblestone front walkway.  Miraculously, while I landed with my right ankle and foot awry, it did not re-sprain it.  I also landed with the force going to the left wrist, and miraculously again, nothing injured!

Ever since the call from the financial advisor and his heightened concern, I'd been repeating aloud and within, "Jesus, I trust in YOU!"  I shook off the element of his questioning voice, "What are you going to DO?"  I commented that I would simply keep working, that I knew nothing other than to "do" than to just keep working.  I reminded him how marvelous has been this "death therapy" experience, that the wonder is that I am not freaking out from how scary could be my funds remaining.  A root canal would wipe it out.  I also (perhaps foolishly but isn't it true?) stated more than questioned, "What is the worst that can happen--that I'd run out out of money?"

So it is Jesus-I-trust-in-You all the more, and solus Deus time!  God is with me; God is with us all. I had to remind myself that my mission and purpose in life and my vocation as a consecrated Catholic hermit is being lived as it ought as far as the tangibles; and the prayer life, praise of God, and the penance and sacrifice that tends to heighten the prayer and praise with a very cutting-edge and real intensity and veracity, all go with the life of a Christian and especially a Christian who is an eremite in the Church, no matter what time period in which one lives.

Alone with God--solus Deus--is what we all are when the externals are stripped.  To be alone with God is also enhanced when much of our internals are stripped, as well.  John of the Cross clarifies the process with his writings of the purgation of the senses and of the purgation of the spiritual senses.  Dark night of the senses, dark night of the soul, he terms this process and reality.

To trust in Jesus and to accept living in especially this magnificent hermit vocation, solus Deus is a joy to experience.  In having the temporal necessity to cancel the young lad's employment, there is a gush of freedom in delight of being once more in this day that lays ahead, of whatever work the body can perform and in whatever prayers and praises bubble forth from my very soul.

Jesus, I trust in You!  Solus Deus!  Onward, forward, come what may!  Only God knows!

Catholic Hermit Revisits Profession of Vows

Sixteen years ago last night, this pained-today consecrated Catholic hermit made private profession of eremitic vocation vows.  It was a thickly snowy evening, Dec. 29.  That day was chosen in honor of my confirmation name "saint": Sr. Josefa Menendez, a victim soul and closely God-connected in spirit and soul with me for many years.  

The old spiritual da read some Scriptures, as did I.  The ceremony was ambient with candles in the otherwise darkened, small yet ornately beautiful 1920's convent chapel.  The ceremony was directly fashioned from that of an early anchoress whose writings are extant in what is titled The Ancrene Riwle [Rule].  

No one was in attendance until a man and his toddler arrived, out of curiosity.  He and his wife and I were spiritual friends and neighbors at the time, and I had made a mistake in sharing with them the ceremony which I emphasized was private.  Yes, curiosity got the better of him, and he ventured out with the wee one on the wintry night.  I had to calm myself by realizing that for whatever reason, the Lord allowed the extra witnesses to what has been a pivotal vocation, for life.

Father preached a short sermon exhorting me with guidance as to how to proceed and blessing me much with beautifully rich prayers and incensing the altar and my mortal frame.  I know the incense is within me yet, to this day, as part of fiber of my temporal being as well as infusing my soul with the scent of what yet is to come some eternal day.  

Father also gave a commemorative candle of the ceremony which he'd lit at the beginning.  I have it yet, of course.  The temporal sign of my vows, though, is the crucifix which I wear other than when in manual labor; when my late mother gave me one of her wedding rings and a ring of my father's, Father blessed again the crucifix with the rings, wedding me to the cross.

So yesterday I pondered my hermit vows and life to this point.  I reminisced of the rich and meaningful ceremony of the profession of vows.  I thought of Sr. Josefa Menendez who died in 1923 to the day--a young nun in a convent where she was hidden away from the others due to her being, yes, a mystic as well as one who suffered greatly.  The Lord and the Blessed Mother favored her with dreams, visions, and locutions--thus the extreme measures of the mother superior and others to place her in virtual imprisonment within the convent.  

Not only was she a young woman who had been sent first-off from her Spanish convent to a sister convent in France, she did not speak French--which added to her isolation.  Yet always, as I find in much better personal circumstances even if with much suffering, the Lord provided for Josefa.   But the suffering and sense of shunned persecution took a human toll; she died in her early 30's, I think it was.  

And as for thinking, I wanted to retrieve the copy of my vows, signed and dated by the venerable priest and my increasingly pathetic self and renew them last night.  But the darkness consumed this old hermitage in late afternoon; the winds rose and rain descended.  Tired from being on a ladder for quite awhile, scraping painted 1912 newsprint and tacks from an upstairs plank ceiling, I did not push myself to go to the pole barn to locate my hermit vows.

But today, I did--just now, in fact--when I also brought in a stray hunk of drywall that I can utilize upstairs.  Also in the file folder with the hermit vows, I noticed my vow of suffering, offered some 10 months prior and received also by my most holy and dear spiritual father back then.  And that is when I noticed that the tiny outline of the heart with the drop of my blood on the vellum, was not on the hermit vows but instead is on the vow of suffering!  

My inner laugh continues now at my forgetfulness, for awhile back I had written about my hermit vows and mentioned that drop of blood.  And that mention evoked quite a consternation and horror-foddered reaction from another hermit out there in cyberspace.  Now, as I see, my error in memory caused another quite a bit of upset and discussion which ends up being a waste of time, emotion, and energy on my hermit colleague's part.

At least I know that while my sufferings have risen, and my vices along with them, humanly I can say that my memory had slipped, at least in this detail of what anchors in well-intentioned symbolic sign, the bottom of one vow and not the other, as it turns out.  Perhaps vows of suffering might cause consternation in some, though.  We never know, do we, what flurries some--ourselves, perhaps, yet not others?  

I admit that while I never ask for sufferings, I do indeed know that the Lord provides plenty; and all that He provides of suffering in my life is utilized to the last drop of my tangible and intangible blood, for His purposes--for souls, for the Church, for the world, for the praise and glory of God.

In this manner, then, both vows--that of hermit vocation and suffering--have much in common as integral prayer, praise, and penance.

I repeat and share now, publicly yet anonymously to you dear readers, my Private Vow of Consecration to the Eremitical Life.

"I, [full name including Confirmation name], offer and present myself to the goodness of God to serve in the order of a hermit [anchorite is the technical term used from Medieval Ancrene Riwle]; and according to the rule of that order I promise to remain henceforward in the service of God through the grace of God and the guidance of the Roman Catholic Church and to render canonical obedience to my spiritual fathers.

"I vow to devote my life to the praise of God and salvation of the world through a stricter separation of the world, in the silence of solitude, and assiduous prayer and penance.

"To the perfection of charity to which I am called as a faithful servant of my Lord Jesus Christ, I avow myself to the practice of chastity in celibacy, to poverty in body, mind, and spirit, and to obedience of my will to the Divine Will of God and His Church, in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

Beneath the printed vows, professed in the Jubilee year 2000, are mentioned the location and notice of the priest's and my signatures.  I'm thankful to review these vows and rekindle within me the ceremony of which there is much more that could be described but best left within my soul.  

I'm renewed in awe as to how these vows so simply yet profoundly set forth an hourly and life-long map: praise, prayer, penance, stricter separation from world, solitude, celibacy, poverty, obedience to the Divine Will of God and His Church.  And there also we have it, just as in today's optional first Scripture reading:  perfection of charity.

Incumbent in such few words, a life to be lived that is a good and purposeful Christian life, indeed.

Bastardization of a Mass

The title pretty much explains what occurred during Mass.  The good Lord allowed a begging hermit to be released to leave the debacle.  When a priest does not have a vocation in priesthood but instead in theater and the arts, the result is not good when one is trying to perform in what is not the vocation.

This hermit's body has returned to the hermitage to pray, suffer, and pray some more, then praise His Real Presence.  There needs to be praise, always, for the sorrows can be overwhelming.

Will discuss the situation with the spiritual father.  For now, recollect oneself in prayer and shake off the horror, the hell, of the effects of this morning's Mass situation.  The sacrifice of being mercifully wrenched from a hellish situation part way through is offered for the salvation of this poor nothing consecrated Catholic hermit's soul and whatever the Lord wills of its mission in time remaining on earth.

Jesus bequeaths us His peace, not hell--especially not during Mass.

Would it do any good to talk with the one who surely must be trying to at least fulfill the rudimentary aspects as it relates to doing a "job"?  No.  Best to just pray and to keep working, and to embrace the exile the Lord has allowed for yet another year.

God bless His Real Presence in us, and that includes His Real Presence in all of us, despite confusing our callings or taking up what seems the route that provides some kind of security in order to express what and in which our nature and heart are more gifted.

This hermit will ponder these matters and reflect upon its own vocation and calling, and strive to fulfill living it in a way pleasing to the Lord.  That will be perhaps the best prayer in the circumstances.  Mystical ecstasies during Mass are not always bliss.  Being in such a state allows for a very deep sensing and showing at various levels.  When good, then bliss; when not so good, then hell.

At least this hermit tried and tried its best.  To soothe the criticism of any potential blog readers who like to attack, this hermit can say it is the hermit's fault, all of it.  And, in some regards, yes, we are to suffer in union with Jesus, all things.

One thing is certain regarding mystical experiences.  There is much suffering and responsibility, and always abject honesty in truth, along with the joy.  When in mystical ecstasy, it is all reality and all truth; nothing is obscured.

Hermitage: A Hermit's Home

Over the weekend forced some impetus to begin installing insulation board in the roof-line areas of the gable garret (attic).  In fresher mental moments, this hermit determines the space in the garret to be dedicated to St. John the Baptist--well, any of the John saints (Chrysostom, Climacus, Baptist, Apostle, of God, of the Cross).

Not sure why work on the hermitage has been very slow, other than a few aspects, all enhanced by what seems weakened faith, weakened bodily energy, weariness and uncertainty as to the outcome of such efforts on a "place" having the label of "hermitage", or a hermit's home.

Reading John Climacus' The Ladder of Divine Ascent, brings some renewed verve to the physical efforts of trying to make headway with seemingly overwhelming tasks in here.  Good reading, helpful reading to a hermit, outstanding reading for any soul: it all helps.  More on Climacus in a future post.  

For now, finishing a discussion of the concluding chapters in Dom Lorenzo Scupoli's The Spiritual Combat ought to spur some energy and confidence.  If not to proceed with the labors out of love of God, at least one may do so in recognition of past failures and errors, or in the acceptance of the rugged, temporal condition of the hermitage being a rightful and just penance for the sins of this hermit or the sins of any souls for which the hermit ought be embracing penance (even if no specific souls come to mind).

It is enough to mourn one's own sins yet not dwell on them to the point of inaction in the Order of the Present Moment.  And, that can become a conundrum of back-and-forth questioning if one should continue on with the work efforts and expenses, or take time out to cope with the current lack of adequate heat, or to buck up and bundle up and embrace all the lessons one can learn in such an immense undertaking.

Last evening's prayers in the Divine Office (at least am making some progress in the discipline of praying the various prayers and Scriptures collected in what is also called The Liturgy of the Hours or Prayers of the Church) included this intercession which seems apropos to the priority a hermit ought have, concerning its temporal abode: the hermitage.

"When at last our earthly home is dissolved,
– give us a home, not of earthly making, but built of eternity in heaven.
"Lord, you are our life and resurrection."

Amen and Amen!


It is already nearing mid-afternoon, and the hermit remains cocooned in bed.  There was an early morning phone call with a daughter and some tears of grief and mourning over two other family relationships that are so very painful and estranged.  

It is easy to fall into the past and try to berate oneself when at the time so much love and resources and desires were poured into one's children who now for whatever reasons, are angry and not wanting relationships, other than one who also receives little to no response from a sibling.  

When the hermit began to weep, the daughter said she did not mean to upset or remind of the past (something this hermit rips over far too often).  But the hermit said the situation is truly sad and so very unnecessary, and that is part of its sadness.  It is well to weep and to mourn for that which is truly pathetic and painful; just recently the Beatitudes said it again:  Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.  Penthos is part of what a soul, and a hermit's soul, too, ought to experience and live.

Another conversation was lengthy, with the young mother and wife across the miles.  We concluded our discussion and earthly examples to our final chapters read in Scupoli.  Impressed by his reviewing how to do an examination of conscience, as well as being humble and embracing what penances in our lives come our way (don't need to go looking for them; they arrive daily for our utilization!), we discussed his advice on cultivating a healthy, yet penitential attitude to our sins--without dwelling on them more than need-be in order to apologize to His Real Presence and call upon and accept the never-ending mercy of Jesus Christ.

Our next book we decided upon, by the grace of God and His inspiration:  Harlots of the Desert (Ward).  We are ready for some lives of saints, and these early desert mothers (or ammas) will provide brief encounters yet with enough depth and fine research to help us follow through on one of Scupoli's suggestions.  Take a half hour a day to read some spiritual material that includes reminders of our sinful condition yet also of remediation, of penance, and the joy of success in moving forward in a healthy way to the salvation which His Real Presence has secured for us.

Now, despite it being later in the day, the hermit has rested and kept warm in relative comfort, surrounded by the utter disgrace of its living conditions.  The hermit will rise, dress, and put in a couple hours or more of insulation efforts.  The past has been reviewed enough.   The future has been yearned enough.  The priority is clear for desiring a home, a hermitage, built in the eternity of heaven.  

Yet, right now, in the present moment, here in this temporal abode, the hermit must utilize the materials at hand to make the earthly hermitage warmer for itself and for any future dweller.  Hermits of any time period require shelter from the wind, cold, rain, snow, heat, burglars and robbers, wild elements and creatures just as do any living persons on this planet.  

Hermits in all of history have worked on building their hermitages or making them livable dwellings, with an emphasis on bringing glory to God in some aspect of the temporal decor and functionality.  (Besides simply storage area, the St. John Gabled Garret may likely be a tiny, intimate chapel.  The divine and the temporal may co-exist like the lion with the oxen.)

This earthly hermitage is not yet dissolved.  The time is not now.  God only knows when.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another!  God is Love!  Remain in His Love!

Return to Silence, The Divine Office, and Other Considerations

After being called out to civilization for a charitable visit and gathering a few provisions, have returned to the silence, solitude, and slowness of this beautiful life of stricter separation from the world in assiduous prayer and penance...and very much that of praising His Real Presence!  The physical body needs much rest and to recover, and to manage the physical pain, so wearing.

Fr. V. has emailed his guidance from across the globe and reminds that if am "unable to go [to Mass] there isn't much problem. Just have enough time of silence and meditation and then offer nice praises to God.  Today's readings call for deep reflection.  God through the prophet tells us that he could reveal himself anywhere and he choose anyone as his instrument."  He knows the circumstances and details of this nothing Catholic hermit's circumstances. 

It is best to have a priest spiritual adviser who knows one's health, physical and spiritual life, vocation, and past and current situation.  For a hermit, it also is best, and this from over 14 years experience of living the eremitic life (which may not seem that long but does offer fair perspective) to have as a spiritual guide an Order priest more familiar with spiritual and eremitic life, or a priest living an eremitic life who is formed more in contemplative religious vocations than what training and formation a diocesan cleric could reasonably have or offer.

Recently the young married woman and mother who discusses once a week via phone the book The Spiritual Combat (Scupoli), asked why it is a diocese priest would not have a better grasp of hermit life.  She thought it a lapse or flaw that ought be remedied, that the diocesan priests and bishops ought to have a better understanding, a historical understanding as well as specific.  

But this hermit thinks not.  How many hermits did the young woman know from her parish growing up and now the one she attends?  (The question was recently also asked of a life-long Catholic man in his late 50's, very involved in his large and active parish.)  Their answers were: "None."  

This nothing Catholic hermit recalled meeting with a parishioner a year ago, at the bequest of a Jesuit priest in a very social activist parish.  The parishioner is their designated spiritual director, and she admitted she did not know anything about the eremitic vocation nor did she know any hermits.

And, truly, why should they need to know?  For example, in a marvelous parish of over 2000 families, the priests had not dealt with a hermit prior.  We can see of what their time and energy ought be spent:  the full range of active adult parishioners, the ill, the many children, single lay adults--not on a hermit who may happen along, if ever.  They do not even need to know there is a hermit worshiping with them, if one does.  

And it is not necessary for them to know, nor to spend time reading books or researching lives of hermits throughout Church history.  This is what the hermit ought be doing for a better grasp of his own vocational understanding, plus in developing a strong life of prayer.  To learn from and model one's hermit vocation after the lives of the historical and canonized hermits of the Church whose existences evolved into spiritual successes of humility and later sanctity, is the best grounding and training for any hermit, publicly or privately professed.  


Of the various priests and bishops known to this nothing Catholic hermit, none of them have had experience with hermits nor anything beyond a cursory knowledge.  Only one knew of a hermit he recalled from seminary days years past--seminary of a Benedictine monastery.  The hermit he recalled was a priest who would come into the monastery once a week, if that often, for some supplies and brief contact with his superior.

And, of course, leaning not unto thine own understanding, but turning to His Real Presence as one's source and Source of beauty, truth and goodness, is key.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Following in His footsteps, in any vocation, is the way through this earthly existence to our heavenly reward.

_____________


From the week-ago conversation with the hermit priest in the small monastery up the road, this nothing Catholic hermit gained a necessary reminder to tighten the spiritual focus of its vocation.  Am praying the Divine Office in all its hours, and doing so with attempted slowness and stillness.  Yes, the mind wants to scatter, but one must bring it back into silence, solitude and slowness.

It is amazing what other hermits might share either in life or from their extant writings, that helps one in his own eremitic daily life of loving service through prayer, praise and penance.  Even something that reminds one not to do, is a benefit.  

Am recalling two priests (not hermits) who led a pilgrimage, and their reading aloud together their morning and evening offices, in front of the group of pilgrims when waiting in shrine lines or on the bus.  They read it so quickly, that words were indistinguishable.  It became more a public routine which could inspire those with them, but more became a point of humor in a way due to the rushed performance. That is an ever-reminder to this hermit to pray the Office, not race it.

When this hermit asked the hermit priest last week about their daily horarium, what stood out was their praying the Jesus prayer as they worked, and that they doubled up on two of the "hours", twice--that is, praying aloud two, one after another.  The other "hours" were prayed privately.  

Since this nothing Catholic hermit had asked about their horarium (daily physical and spiritual schedule) due to its own recognized lapsing, the thought arose that when only two hermit priests and one hermit monk living in very close quarters felt a need to double up praying the Divine Office hours, there really should be no need to double them.  Why not simply stop whatever other work or possible distractions, and pray them individually, not doubling up?  The spaced praying is part of the effort in training the body, mind, heart and soul to turn to God throughout day and night.

Time spent in a Cistercian monastery and having done much reading on the Carthusians, reminded that over 40 men (in the Cistercian monastery) stopped their tasks and also rose in the night, to pray each Office with reverent deliberation.  All these thoughts have brought this Catholic hermit, the solitary of Te Deum House, to return to praying the Offices.  

There is simply no excuse for this nothing Catholic hermit to not pray all of them and cease whatever other activity, in order to give first place to praise and prayer of and in His Real Presence.  

(This is to not suggest it is easy, though.  This hermit has experience with various temptations and weaknesses against doing what otherwise is a small offering  of the few minutes out of all the time God gifts, to pray each "Hour" of the Divine Office!)  

So, to begin once again, to bring this hermit's will into loving discipline and in union with the many hermits whether together in monasteries or living in solitude around the world, who pray the Divine Office in its beneficial fullness.

It is a small thing, truly.  But in the life of a hermit, it is a primary call to immerse oneself in the Living Word of His Real Presence, and to enter into love of God in Himself, and in Him, to be praying for all the people in the whole world, in the universe.  Pray for those souls on this side of the veil and those souls on the other, for all souls are the community to which the hermit belongs, for whom the hermit prays, loves, and does so through, with, and in His Real Presence:  Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little Children, let us love one another, as He loves us!

Killing Sins, Handling Trials, Eremitic Vocational Peace

Yesterday, despite much exterior painting, interior tasks, and a worn out body, the weeds had gotten out of control in the yard and gardens.  They were at a point of being so vast, that using weed killer was the viable solution.

With each weed sprayed, and thousands of them all about, they became this nothing Catholic hermit's sins as well as the sins of the world.  With each one, the prayer was that they would be killed and erased down through their very roots.  It will take time for the weed poison to do its work on them.  And, some may need another dose.

Called a store that has lots of employees who are rather professionals in their areas, and talked with the man in the garden area.  He explained the type of winterizer fertilizer and weed control to use.  He pointed out that putting it on the areas right now is good, but that people do not realize that this is a longer term process, and in January or February, another spread of winterizer weed and feed is necessary, and then to keep at it in spring and summer with more coverings.  Over time, the weeds will be brought under control, but that it is not a situation in which one can take a break and assume they are eradicated.

So it is with sin.  What the man said about weeds and lawn care makes so much sense in regard to our sins and the spiritual life.  We cannot let up on sin control and eradication.  And we have to be willing to use strong efforts even if not seeming to be popular (such as using strong products) to others.  There will always be those who suggest we are being too hard on ourselves in wanting to get rid of our sins or in praying and doing penance for the sins of the world, of our fellow man, of which we are all a part in the community of Christians as well as the community of being human beings.

We are each and all created by God, and we live all over this earth which He created first, before us.  We are in this life together for reasons God knows and ordains, and our sins drag us all down.  Our consistently dealing with our sins and removing them, right down to their roots, helps improve the quality of humanity and thus of our own souls and the souls of many others.

_____________

Yesterday, after making another act of the will to return to yet more focused horarium with more prayer and spiritual reading, including time spent in His Living Word more than the daily Mass readings, the laptop overheated and jammed again.  Spiritual combat practice!  Patient perseverance while waiting on hold with the loudest and most unpleasant music blaring into the phone, and then the call was dropped with one service rep just at a point of setting up a drop-off appointment.  So had to make yet another call and be put on hold, and endure the horrible noise.  But, today there will be a long and costly drive to civilization in order to give the repair folks a third try at this laptop situation.  Am so thankful that this time have it under an extended warranty plan.

There is some reason for these glitches, always.  His Real Presence is giving opportunities to not become frustrated and irked, to modulate the voice yet to also be firm, and to meet yet more employees and other customers even if briefly.  There must be a recognition of these people and prayers offered for each while driving and passing or being passed, and while entering the busy mall and encountering hundreds of souls.

Work efforts are postponed yet again, although if the Lord allows safe travels, there will be more weed-sin killing to be done upon return.  Also, the Lord is providing yet another trip so as to purchase the necessary weed and feed product to begin the process of keeping the weed sins out for the long haul.  At least, we try, don't we?  There will always be sin, but God gives us wills to conquer them.

_______________

There has been daily, increasing peace and relief in grasping this eremitic vocation and how it is that His Real Presence desires it for this particular hermit.  A friend called last evening.  She had been praying from afar as to the parish situations and the confusions and upsets and doubts that had built over time, with not understanding what and why of matters. 

It was good to hear her voice, and she said she'd been praying and considering it, too.  She said the more she prayed and thought, the more she realized that historically, hermits were not in parishes; and if they were, they were unknown and came and went without notice.  She had never considered it before, but it all made sense to her.

There is a tremendous load off in regard to what has amounted to self-imposed angst in pushing on doors that were not intended to open.  We laughed at how hard this hermit had tried to be involved in what was not meant by God in this particular vocation.  That other hermits live otherwise, is as God deems for them.  This woman has known and witnessed enough over the years, of this hermit's trials, that it was clear the path was being made known in a very positive and holy way.

It just took this hermit's acceptance of what otherwise seemed surely not right given the human understanding and view.  But once this hermit let go of clutching at what it thought or seemed to be best or proper or correct avenue, and started to consider the vast number of hermits in the Church over the centuries, and the actual reality of their daily lives, peace came as on, as is written, "the wings of a dove."

Praise be to God the Father, and the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, the Comforter!

God bless His Real Presence in us.  Let us love one another, Little Children, for Love is of God!