Humility, Humility, All About

The mind is a-flutter with wondering what next and where and how.  Then remembered the cloud analogy.  There are many clouds today, woven as a blanket; no, more like a washed, concrete ceiling.  Regardless, if we could put our hands up and touch, we'd keep reaching and touching and touching and reaching--never stopping.  We'd never feel or be stopped by the ceiling.

Seemed the best thing to do rather than despair over the financial trials, the energy of body trials, the realization that this place is not nearly finished and not salable, and lots of work to be done before any hope of moving on, and not wanting to move on but facing being stopped by the ceiling.  Or floor.  

So this situation here is not like the clouds.  But the reaction to and dealing with it is like we deal with the clouds.  We notice them sometimes, but not really too much.  We don't bother trying to touch them for we know we cannot, not really. Yes, we might feel the cool and moist or be bathed in water drops if we could put our hands or bodies inside a rain cloud.  But we aren't in a rain cloud usually, unless in an airplane flying through.

The best thing to do is to just try to keep working on the place and know that the clouds will be totally different another hour or day.  That is the way to deal with life's trials, too.  Just keep the nose to the grindstone, praying all the while, sensing the beauty of the created world all about, and accept that the clouds come and go.  And so must we.

We are changing all the time, as is all else living and created...clouds, and even stones.  

Can't find the construction stapler.  Need it to staple the felt paper to the old flooring up here so can screw down the plywood sub-flooring.  Prayed and prayed, looked and looked:  still no stapler.  Last time used was when Francisco helped staple the insulation in downstairs ceiling.  We each had a stapler.  Found the staples, just no stapler, not yet.  Will keep praying and trying to locate.

Humility, humility, is all about us.  It is like the clouds, present and there, visible moisture at a distance but quite willing to gift into our souls, our inner moist and warm and welcoming souls.  Let us hope and pray our souls are welcoming to humility.  Pride is its only obstacle.

In thoughts on humility this morning, amidst the tears and questions as to how this life can be so difficult sometimes.  How on earth, literally, is this tired nothing Catholic hermit going to finish this dwelling so can sell it, yet have enough income to remain for the long time it takes this old hermit to do so much manual labor?  The thoughts blew about the mind like frantic winds.  Then came the thought:  Do or die.

That is humbling.  It does come down to this, does it not?  So lined up the medication bottles in a row, and stirred some stoic effort and stated:  Do or die!  Yes, Lord, it is do or die time.  So humbling!  And the obvious action is to do!  Even if one feels as if it has lived all the cat's nine lives, one must get up, shake off the bodily pain, dress, eat something (thankful for food), and get to work.

Too tired to even try to sell off the supplies, so had better work with them and use them and have the place any bit farther along in finished effect.  As for setting a four-month deadline to finish...the psyche balks at that.  Seems too impossible.  Remember the clouds?  Could we possibly tell the clouds to be in a certain location or formation four months from now?  Hardly and not!

That, too, is humbling.  We actually have no more control on the moment after this next one, than we do in grabbing a cloud or in making one do as we wish or think would be best.

Humility is being a cloud.  Seems so.  Clouds are given titles.  There is the generic title of "cloud" that God has inspired in the naming.  Then someone came along and was organized and scientific-minded, and decided (was inspired by God) to give the types of clouds titles--distinguishing each from another type.  We had to learn those names as children in science class, perhaps around fifth grade.  Four types, it seems, and probably more now.  We people keep thinking up more and more distinguishing aspects.  These can be useful to scientists and good to memorize for the discipline of expanding knowledge and stretching the mind.  

But the overall title of "clouds" suffices for most of us.  We don't usually even consider the clouds but keep our heads down more and more, into technology and into work that has us indoors a lot, and not looking up to the heavens.  Seems like to the clouds, having a title probably means nothing at all. Don't know if God needs them to have a title; probably not, other than as a gift to us to help us appreciate more and identify this or that, by giving all things and thoughts, names.

Underneath the names, though, humility can be all about. Up above our earthly trials, humility can be all about.  Deep within our pained bodies and our seeking souls, humility can be all about.  It can come all of a sudden or be like a blanket, or like that washed, concrete ceiling--a cloud itself can be the humility all about our souls!

(Maybe in addition to love, humility is friends with faith.)

Now, to have another look about for that stapler.  Do or die!

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children!  Let us love one another and love the clouds! Humility, humility is all about!  See it if we can; always accept and let it into our souls!

Keep Seeking, Working and Praying

Am reminded through Dom Lorenzo Scupoli, author of The Spiritual Combat, to not give into thoughts of being overwhelmed in any way, as God does not overwhelm.  Rather, keep focused and do something concrete, such as manual labor or any action possible.  Thinking, speaking, listening, writing, reading can be actions, too.

But do not let immensity of tasks immobilize the mind or body.  Also, do not let immensity of spiritual thoughts, bombard or overwhelm and tempt into putting off, giving up.  This is akin to falling into sloth or also spiritual acedia, or dryness.

Stay focused and force ourselves to do something even if a small something.

These thoughts and suggestions are not solely from Scupoli but are a compendium of suggestions from various spiritual writers.  When thoughts and suggestions flow through various wise and spiritually accomplished persons known for holiness, then there is a high likelihood that not only are they excellent thoughts but also that they bring successful results to the soul and the spiritual journey.

Another thought has come while "nothing" hermit has been sanding and priming some ceiling tongue-in-groove boards.  (Am trying to ready the materials as four family members are coming to the hermitage tomorrow to help finish an area of ceiling plus finish installing some kitchen cabinets.)
The thought while priming the boards came from some place deep in the soul, beyond where the heart sings but within where the soul hums the sounds of His Real Presence's created universe.

It was an assurance that it does not matter what earth time it takes to find our way, our place, our room within His House, our small spot within the room.  It also does not matter if after a time we are beckoned by His touch or call, or His arranging of circumstances in the temporal or the spiritual realms, to enter another room, find another spot.  It can even not be a room but a closet or a stairway, or a hallway of passage.  We may find ourselves in any of these for long periods of earth time or for short periods. 

But the important thing is to seek the spot no matter how slow we might be in cracking the clues or understanding His directions in where to "be."  And, we must remember that "Only God Is Forever." 

We are not.  We are nothing.  So if we are slow at the commands and clues and in finding a spot whether temporary or not in a seemingly approved place by our or others reasoning, or not like the spots others have found, it is all right.

Just keep working and praying and pondering.  And keep loving His Real Presence and anyone or thing of His creation He brings into the thoughts, vision, sounds or physical encounter, or of those we may meet if out and about. 

It really does not matter how long it takes or that when it seems we are in between "spots."   We may find then that our place is up high on a ladder or standing on some soil in the outdoors of this great planet, or in some other universe in our thoughts, while working, thinking, sleeping, listening, speaking, or praying.

We must not let anyone try to cajole or convince us into some room or spot.  Perhaps His Real Presence wants us by ourselves for awhile or a long time, on a ladder or outside, or in a closet, or on the roof, or in an underground cellar--perhaps, yes, a storm cellar to wait out some turmoil!

And don't be concerned as to where other people have their spots in what house or room or place within a room, or not in a room, either.  Nor ought we be curious about their places because their spots could change in an instant without notice.  It is pointless to try to monitor where others "are" or where they might "be" when we have more than enough to figure out where God wills us to be.  We must be attentive to His asking us to be elsewhere, at any given present moment.

To express this point further, wishing we could have a certain spot or not have a certain spot, or envying others' spots or worrying if others are in the spot we think they ought to be, or not be--well, that is fruitless.  About the time we might think we have it all figured out in our minds as to what is for another, they may have been beckoned on to another spot by His Real Presence.  In the meantime, we may have been so curious and frustrated about some other person's spot, that we might miss our own hearkening call from His Real Presence to be in a new spot, ourselves.

Keep seeking His Real Presence and the place He has for each of us not only in heaven--but on earth as it is in heaven.  Keep working no matter how trivial and no matter if there is much other that could distract and overwhelm.  Keep praying, for that is the means of talking with and listening to His Real Presence.  In this way, we may find assurance as to where He desires us to "be", in what spot for now or at some other time, for then, and at some point forever.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for love is of God.

Love to Suffer, Suffer to Love

Sometimes a vision and locution of the past will present itself, and I must ponder anew in different, updated circumstances, the meaning and validity of such spiritual events.

I will write later about the vision and locution, and the circumstances at that time, 10 years ago earlier this month.

In the meantime, I am in silence and solitude, per usual, and trying to haul in half-sheets of OSB, 3/8" thick, to screw down on top of 1/2" OSB.  I wish I'd gotten plywood to begin with, but this will end up being less expensive despite doubling the manual labor.  The floor will be more sturdy.  A young man in flooring at Lowe's, yesterday, helped solve the attic gable flooring dilemma.  I will use it for storing some boxes, but eventually I want it to appeal as a child's garret.

With this aspect in mind, plus some charm, I framed in a quaint window I got on clearance.  It provides ventilation in the gabled area.  The entrance, however, is only 44" high, but I can saw out more of that but not much more than another foot.  I cannot compromise the support; two roof lines meet in that vicinity.

Then, the young man at Lowe's discounted some Pergo-type flooring that has charm yet driftwood look.  I need to mix and match two types; they have similar grain and can rub in a little grayish-aqua paint if need be.  But I think considering the space and function, it will end up quite the interesting hide-away.

It may be this child's garret.  A prayer room, perhaps, or it may become simply some storage with breeze and view to the gardens below.  The young man thinks the small expense (even with a whole lot of work ahead) is going to multiply the value over an OSB floor or painted plywood floor.  We shall see.

I consider it all work-for-prayer-time.  I will keep at it for however long His Real Presence has me here, body able, and straggling along learning so many lessons in the spiritual life and with much suffering, to boot.  It is peaceful in here, as long as I remain clear and prayerfully distant from the discord and deadness of which efforts elsewhere seem to result.

Love to suffer, suffer to love!  Yes, this takes some prayerful pondering in context with the present moment and events surrounding this place, this day, my soul, and all the prayers requested in others' lives.

God bless His Real Presence in us!

Back to some insulation work--making space so that I can haul up the narrow, steep stairs and into the gabled attic space, 8 lengths of OSB, one-by-one.  Consider the Old Testament workers when building temples, stone by stone.  Or, consider the great Gothic churches built, stone by stone, carried one-by-one and set into place.

Stones are beautiful and excellent as edifices.   I do love stones.   I still struggle with the effects of people in parishes being stone-like, when they are.  Crushing, really.  Most painfully crushing to experience stone-cold people and realize something as simple as an inexplicable to them, or different spiritually---well, it is a conundrum that I must insulate well, as well as the R-19 I hope to get into some of these wall stud cavities yet today, also.

Love one another for Love is of God.  God Is Love.  Love stones.

What Kind of a House?

 I had another phone conversation with my spiritual Father.  I reminded him that the last time we spoke, he asked with some exasperated emotion, "What kind of a house did you buy, anyway?"  He has been concerned about the living conditions, and he well knows how the outer aspects covered over much that was wrong with this poor, old farmhouse.  Plus, he understands how people can deceive out in the big world.

But I had an answer for him.  I had asked His Real Presence the same question my spiritual Father had asked me.  Immediately came the response:  You have bought the Church.

This caused me to smile, but I also suggested that this house is also my soul.

Yes, I am finding out all kinds of things that need repair or that others did not do correctly, not to the laws of building codes, not to contractor licensing laws, infested with critters doing what is instinctual, not insulated against the weather, and with messes at every level.  There have been people in here not to be trusted, some immoral users and takers, and also, now, a good soul with his workers.  I've had to give in and ask back one who started out with good effort but slacked some.  He brings too much of the world in here, but I will guard against such and keep praying for his good.

However, the foundation is now good, and the structure is intact.  Yes, it is just that once I started to do some cosmetic repair, I discovered aspects under the surface that needed to be rid out, corrected, improved, or rebuilt.

My spiritual Father laughed and said, "Yes, that is it!  It is kind of like St. Francis rebuilding the Church, of sorts."  And I reminded him this house also represents my soul--not just the Church.

So we discussed the points expressed above, and I have my work cut out for me regarding my soul and the Church, in all that I do to try to "make all things new" in Christ in here.  It is all a marvelous but accurate metaphor.  This house represents a conglomeration of all of us in the Church, for it is people who reflect by thought, word and deed, and sometimes the reflection is too much of the world and our sins rather than of His Real Presence Who Is in us.

We just forget, I suppose, or have not yet had that nuptial kiss of God.  Once we experience the reality of His Real Presence and that we are in Him and He is in us, the picture grows clearer, brighter, lighter, more faithful, hopeful and charitable.

Yes, I have bought the Church, essentially, and such as today, my own temporal body has too much pain to be able to do much tangibly to hang drywall.  I need to either figure out some kind of brace to help hold pieces of wallboard in position on a wall so that I can secure with screws, or to pray that Francesco or Raphael might stop by and lend physical  hand, briefly.  I have all the pieces measured and ca ut.  I have noted some causes and news out in the world for which to pray and continue with my usual, inner conversation as as well as the absence of other than resting in His Real Presence.  There is much suffering but also much holy hope.

I have planted some scented, colorful perennials to beautify  and honor Te Deum:  You, God.  I watered the blueberry patch and pray they grow and develop in order to yield good fruit.  Once the afternoon heat abates and the back is rested, I will attempt pre-drilling so that a critical support partial wall, holding the ceiling joists, can be secured by 6" screws.  A worker last fall neglected that necessary detail.  I also will shoot nails into the opposite ceiling joists, as he neglected to nail those, too.  They are resting on the header plate of an exterior wall.

So, we see how to make the metaphor extend from this house to God's house to the Body of Christ, His Church, of which we are Her members.  I suppose the hiring of the worker who neglected to do some of his job relates with the local priest who avoids much to do with pastoral and spiritual involvement.  I suppose my own neglect at times of His Real Presence in me--whether it be when frustrated or feeling despair, or in spiritual or temporal acedia--finds its equivalent in the metaphor.

This is the house, and I am in it, and you are in it; and all within and without are affected for good or ill.  It is a temporal place yet also a spiritual place.  It represents all aspects of God's creation; it contains the hindrance of all manner and levels of sin.  It also has hope and faith and love of that which is seen and unseen, of God and of God-in-others.  It is His Church and we are the Body--somehow, someday to be made whole and perfect, subsumed and in union with all facets of His Real Presence.

I am here, and I am in the process of making all things new through, with and in His Real Presence.   This house and my soul, the Church and all souls, are purposeful realities in temporal and mystical connectedness.  This house is God's, yours, mine.  We remain in His love, and His Real Presence makes His abode in us.