Humility, Humility, All About

The mind is a-flutter with wondering what next and where and how.  Then remembered the cloud analogy.  There are many clouds today, woven as a blanket; no, more like a washed, concrete ceiling.  Regardless, if we could put our hands up and touch, we'd keep reaching and touching and touching and reaching--never stopping.  We'd never feel or be stopped by the ceiling.

Seemed the best thing to do rather than despair over the financial trials, the energy of body trials, the realization that this place is not nearly finished and not salable, and lots of work to be done before any hope of moving on, and not wanting to move on but facing being stopped by the ceiling.  Or floor.  

So this situation here is not like the clouds.  But the reaction to and dealing with it is like we deal with the clouds.  We notice them sometimes, but not really too much.  We don't bother trying to touch them for we know we cannot, not really. Yes, we might feel the cool and moist or be bathed in water drops if we could put our hands or bodies inside a rain cloud.  But we aren't in a rain cloud usually, unless in an airplane flying through.

The best thing to do is to just try to keep working on the place and know that the clouds will be totally different another hour or day.  That is the way to deal with life's trials, too.  Just keep the nose to the grindstone, praying all the while, sensing the beauty of the created world all about, and accept that the clouds come and go.  And so must we.

We are changing all the time, as is all else living and created...clouds, and even stones.  

Can't find the construction stapler.  Need it to staple the felt paper to the old flooring up here so can screw down the plywood sub-flooring.  Prayed and prayed, looked and looked:  still no stapler.  Last time used was when Francisco helped staple the insulation in downstairs ceiling.  We each had a stapler.  Found the staples, just no stapler, not yet.  Will keep praying and trying to locate.

Humility, humility, is all about us.  It is like the clouds, present and there, visible moisture at a distance but quite willing to gift into our souls, our inner moist and warm and welcoming souls.  Let us hope and pray our souls are welcoming to humility.  Pride is its only obstacle.

In thoughts on humility this morning, amidst the tears and questions as to how this life can be so difficult sometimes.  How on earth, literally, is this tired nothing Catholic hermit going to finish this dwelling so can sell it, yet have enough income to remain for the long time it takes this old hermit to do so much manual labor?  The thoughts blew about the mind like frantic winds.  Then came the thought:  Do or die.

That is humbling.  It does come down to this, does it not?  So lined up the medication bottles in a row, and stirred some stoic effort and stated:  Do or die!  Yes, Lord, it is do or die time.  So humbling!  And the obvious action is to do!  Even if one feels as if it has lived all the cat's nine lives, one must get up, shake off the bodily pain, dress, eat something (thankful for food), and get to work.

Too tired to even try to sell off the supplies, so had better work with them and use them and have the place any bit farther along in finished effect.  As for setting a four-month deadline to finish...the psyche balks at that.  Seems too impossible.  Remember the clouds?  Could we possibly tell the clouds to be in a certain location or formation four months from now?  Hardly and not!

That, too, is humbling.  We actually have no more control on the moment after this next one, than we do in grabbing a cloud or in making one do as we wish or think would be best.

Humility is being a cloud.  Seems so.  Clouds are given titles.  There is the generic title of "cloud" that God has inspired in the naming.  Then someone came along and was organized and scientific-minded, and decided (was inspired by God) to give the types of clouds titles--distinguishing each from another type.  We had to learn those names as children in science class, perhaps around fifth grade.  Four types, it seems, and probably more now.  We people keep thinking up more and more distinguishing aspects.  These can be useful to scientists and good to memorize for the discipline of expanding knowledge and stretching the mind.  

But the overall title of "clouds" suffices for most of us.  We don't usually even consider the clouds but keep our heads down more and more, into technology and into work that has us indoors a lot, and not looking up to the heavens.  Seems like to the clouds, having a title probably means nothing at all. Don't know if God needs them to have a title; probably not, other than as a gift to us to help us appreciate more and identify this or that, by giving all things and thoughts, names.

Underneath the names, though, humility can be all about. Up above our earthly trials, humility can be all about.  Deep within our pained bodies and our seeking souls, humility can be all about.  It can come all of a sudden or be like a blanket, or like that washed, concrete ceiling--a cloud itself can be the humility all about our souls!

(Maybe in addition to love, humility is friends with faith.)

Now, to have another look about for that stapler.  Do or die!

God bless His Real Presence in us, little children!  Let us love one another and love the clouds! Humility, humility is all about!  See it if we can; always accept and let it into our souls!

Takes So Much Faith!

The past couple of days have caused more challenges.  The power went off again, and this time for over 24 hours.  No space heater, thus.  Finally decided to make the long trip back to civilization, after trying to get to a neighbor's to see if the man would hold the generator on one end so this hermit could do the pulling on the other to try to start it.

Small detail, of course, when sold the generator a year ago.  Not easy for one older person to start.  Takes two or a very strong man.  Then, there is the main breaker to electric panel.  The contractor put one in that is too small, but that is beside the point.  A problem is that the main breaker takes a man's full strength to turn back on, and running the generator requires turning it off.  So need someone to come and push the very tight breaker back, if one is going to use the generator, if one has someone to hold one end of it while the other does the pull cord to start it.

So, we see that the area is not flush with people willing to assist another.  The neighbor who someone said was friendlier than the others, has blockade across their front entrance and a fence with gate to the back, and two dogs....

Headed back into civilization to get warm and to use Lowe's guest internet to check to see when power might be back on out in the remote desert.  Ended up spending the night at the daughter's, which is a way farther from the Lowe's, which is a distance to begin with.

 Can't express how difficult to desire to return to the austerities!  Called the financial adviser to see just what is the final straw?  Can try to endure another 2-3 months or perhaps until spring.  Try to keep working in here with what materials already purchased, and have purchased more insulation to at least try to keep the place warmer.

The daughter mentioned how the heat pump man certainly had a convincing sales pitch a year ago.  Yes, that is how it has turned out to be in this area.  Rather a ruthless environment, with people who seem so genuine and kindly, selling this and that and having others vouch for them.  They do mean well, probably, or so it seems.  But now to find out this area has many power outages and the circuit board can blow in power outages, does not leave this hermit with reliable heat.  The daughter reminded this hermit was told it would heat and cool the whole house, which of course it does not.

The financial adviser is a good and decent Catholic man.  The hermit pointed out the pleading phone calls and emails to the closest Catholic parish, where the priest does the least and doubtful he is consecrating the Host.  The head of the St. Vincent de Paul Society turned a deaf ear to a plea for just one man to come and help for one hour, to please help out this older female hermit with a task.  The priest has said he knows of no man who, when the hermit called asking for help, to assist carrying plywood 4x8 sheets from pole barn to house.  He also said he could not bring communion nor do a house blessing as he needed another person to come with him, and he said there was no one who would come with him.

The financial adviser, far away, said again that there will need to be a point in which this hermit is going to have to give up the efforts, abandon this rather sinking ship of an effort; but he admitted he'd not gone through such a process with any clients before. It is rather sad to think that the resources are dwindling, but that all good intentions, research and hope, faith and prayers went into this.  It is sad to think that all was set and comfortable in the previous hermitage, but the police advised needing to leave due to the threatening couple next door and the protective order running out.  Not to forget the adult children insisting this hermit leave and have a better and safer life, closer to where one lives.

The Catholic realtor did a good sales job, had an upbeat inspector check it over, recommended quite the contractor who she said was such a wonderful man and good contractor....  She even said she'd have the hermit over for dinner, but that never occurred.  The daughter has said she always thought the realtor very phony, but that this hermit always thinks Catholics are going to be so good and trustworthy, when they are not.

Well, that is true.  This hermit always tends to place hope in Catholics, for Catholics have the Eucharist, have His Real Presence.  However, it does not seem to be enough for many.  We can say we are all sinners, but that excuse wears thin, when countered with daily or weekly reception of His Real Presence in the Body and Blood.

The hermit needed a medical doctor, and the parish at a distance--the priest--said there were many doctors in the parish, he would talk with some, and give some names and numbers.  Then he backed away from that offer, and so he and others did from even giving recommendations for plumbers and other workers.  It was so strange, in a way, for people to say they will, and then not, on such simple matters.  The hermit this morning was pondering Matthew 25, and the validity of what Jesus says, and what will happen to people who turn a deaf ear and blind eye to their fellow man.

All this hermit can do, now back in this hermitage, is to try to lift up the spirits and place them before His Real Presence, pray for those who have been a disappointment, pray for wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and get to work.  Even though the place is still quite cold, there is at least a space heater in this small area upstairs, and the hermit will plug in a space heater in a small area downstairs...and start doing anything, just anything, such as bringing in some batts of insulation and fitting them between some studs.

The Psalms in the Office of Reading this morning brought comfort, and the Book of Wisdom in the daily Mass readings is helpful.  Having a downcast spirit, although it certainly could be understandable, is not going to help matters.

Had even mentioned to the daughter of perhaps living with them until spring, and that did not meet with any approval.  No, the Lord asks of this hermit to gut it out, and to keep the faith, and to praise and love and pray and persevere!  This has more to it than the temporal, that is obvious.  It is a matter of a soul striving to rise beyond the temporal, and to not lose faith, hope, and love, especially of those who for whatever reasons, are receiving His Body and Blood but seem stuck in some other world.

Scupoli, in the chapters read quite early this morning when still in civilization, mentioned turning the soul to receiving spiritual Communion each hour.  He writes that this is as effective as the tangible reception, and even more effective and worthwhile than to receive the tangible Body and Blood when the soul is not open or not in a worthy frame of mind.  So this hermit will pray to have a worthy frame of mind, and to desire with all its heart and soul, His Real Presence, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, and to receive Him fully each hour or even each present moment!

In faith, it is all very possible.  And this hermit must strive to be a possibility thinker...and do-er.

As for Catholics and parishes who cannot help someone who asks for a small assistance, once one summer and once the next summer, or cannot suggest names of good doctors or workers from among the faithful, then they are not those of whom the rubber meets the road (so to speak), no matter how marvelous the homilies or how well-attended the parish fund-raisers.  We must pray for the Church, the Body of Christ and all Members.  Surely we can do better, although the Book of Job comes to mind in this hermit's existence, the trials, the errors, and the need to have that total trust in God above all else and all others.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God so loves us and wants us to love Him and all peoples, not just those who are nice or helpful.  Remain in His Love!