Takes So Much Faith!

The past couple of days have caused more challenges.  The power went off again, and this time for over 24 hours.  No space heater, thus.  Finally decided to make the long trip back to civilization, after trying to get to a neighbor's to see if the man would hold the generator on one end so this hermit could do the pulling on the other to try to start it.

Small detail, of course, when sold the generator a year ago.  Not easy for one older person to start.  Takes two or a very strong man.  Then, there is the main breaker to electric panel.  The contractor put one in that is too small, but that is beside the point.  A problem is that the main breaker takes a man's full strength to turn back on, and running the generator requires turning it off.  So need someone to come and push the very tight breaker back, if one is going to use the generator, if one has someone to hold one end of it while the other does the pull cord to start it.

So, we see that the area is not flush with people willing to assist another.  The neighbor who someone said was friendlier than the others, has blockade across their front entrance and a fence with gate to the back, and two dogs....

Headed back into civilization to get warm and to use Lowe's guest internet to check to see when power might be back on out in the remote desert.  Ended up spending the night at the daughter's, which is a way farther from the Lowe's, which is a distance to begin with.

 Can't express how difficult to desire to return to the austerities!  Called the financial adviser to see just what is the final straw?  Can try to endure another 2-3 months or perhaps until spring.  Try to keep working in here with what materials already purchased, and have purchased more insulation to at least try to keep the place warmer.

The daughter mentioned how the heat pump man certainly had a convincing sales pitch a year ago.  Yes, that is how it has turned out to be in this area.  Rather a ruthless environment, with people who seem so genuine and kindly, selling this and that and having others vouch for them.  They do mean well, probably, or so it seems.  But now to find out this area has many power outages and the circuit board can blow in power outages, does not leave this hermit with reliable heat.  The daughter reminded this hermit was told it would heat and cool the whole house, which of course it does not.

The financial adviser is a good and decent Catholic man.  The hermit pointed out the pleading phone calls and emails to the closest Catholic parish, where the priest does the least and doubtful he is consecrating the Host.  The head of the St. Vincent de Paul Society turned a deaf ear to a plea for just one man to come and help for one hour, to please help out this older female hermit with a task.  The priest has said he knows of no man who, when the hermit called asking for help, to assist carrying plywood 4x8 sheets from pole barn to house.  He also said he could not bring communion nor do a house blessing as he needed another person to come with him, and he said there was no one who would come with him.

The financial adviser, far away, said again that there will need to be a point in which this hermit is going to have to give up the efforts, abandon this rather sinking ship of an effort; but he admitted he'd not gone through such a process with any clients before. It is rather sad to think that the resources are dwindling, but that all good intentions, research and hope, faith and prayers went into this.  It is sad to think that all was set and comfortable in the previous hermitage, but the police advised needing to leave due to the threatening couple next door and the protective order running out.  Not to forget the adult children insisting this hermit leave and have a better and safer life, closer to where one lives.

The Catholic realtor did a good sales job, had an upbeat inspector check it over, recommended quite the contractor who she said was such a wonderful man and good contractor....  She even said she'd have the hermit over for dinner, but that never occurred.  The daughter has said she always thought the realtor very phony, but that this hermit always thinks Catholics are going to be so good and trustworthy, when they are not.

Well, that is true.  This hermit always tends to place hope in Catholics, for Catholics have the Eucharist, have His Real Presence.  However, it does not seem to be enough for many.  We can say we are all sinners, but that excuse wears thin, when countered with daily or weekly reception of His Real Presence in the Body and Blood.

The hermit needed a medical doctor, and the parish at a distance--the priest--said there were many doctors in the parish, he would talk with some, and give some names and numbers.  Then he backed away from that offer, and so he and others did from even giving recommendations for plumbers and other workers.  It was so strange, in a way, for people to say they will, and then not, on such simple matters.  The hermit this morning was pondering Matthew 25, and the validity of what Jesus says, and what will happen to people who turn a deaf ear and blind eye to their fellow man.

All this hermit can do, now back in this hermitage, is to try to lift up the spirits and place them before His Real Presence, pray for those who have been a disappointment, pray for wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and get to work.  Even though the place is still quite cold, there is at least a space heater in this small area upstairs, and the hermit will plug in a space heater in a small area downstairs...and start doing anything, just anything, such as bringing in some batts of insulation and fitting them between some studs.

The Psalms in the Office of Reading this morning brought comfort, and the Book of Wisdom in the daily Mass readings is helpful.  Having a downcast spirit, although it certainly could be understandable, is not going to help matters.

Had even mentioned to the daughter of perhaps living with them until spring, and that did not meet with any approval.  No, the Lord asks of this hermit to gut it out, and to keep the faith, and to praise and love and pray and persevere!  This has more to it than the temporal, that is obvious.  It is a matter of a soul striving to rise beyond the temporal, and to not lose faith, hope, and love, especially of those who for whatever reasons, are receiving His Body and Blood but seem stuck in some other world.

Scupoli, in the chapters read quite early this morning when still in civilization, mentioned turning the soul to receiving spiritual Communion each hour.  He writes that this is as effective as the tangible reception, and even more effective and worthwhile than to receive the tangible Body and Blood when the soul is not open or not in a worthy frame of mind.  So this hermit will pray to have a worthy frame of mind, and to desire with all its heart and soul, His Real Presence, Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity, and to receive Him fully each hour or even each present moment!

In faith, it is all very possible.  And this hermit must strive to be a possibility thinker...and do-er.

As for Catholics and parishes who cannot help someone who asks for a small assistance, once one summer and once the next summer, or cannot suggest names of good doctors or workers from among the faithful, then they are not those of whom the rubber meets the road (so to speak), no matter how marvelous the homilies or how well-attended the parish fund-raisers.  We must pray for the Church, the Body of Christ and all Members.  Surely we can do better, although the Book of Job comes to mind in this hermit's existence, the trials, the errors, and the need to have that total trust in God above all else and all others.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another, for God so loves us and wants us to love Him and all peoples, not just those who are nice or helpful.  Remain in His Love!

More Tidbits of Catherine of Siena's Life

Found some details fascinating and personally relevant.

Catherine of Siena was told by some priests they did not want her ecstasies at Mass.  They also told her they did not want her sighs or to come up to receive Communion.  Yes, they refused her Communion.  The lead priest told the others, and that was that, for awhile.

The Lord provided for her in mystical ways sometimes; but other times she went without the tangible Eucharist and without any mystical offering by Jesus or angels.  So she had spiritual Communion--that of her spirit desiring and her mind and heart meditating upon Christ Jesus and the Mass.

The more one reads of the well-researched biographies, especially those of Italian and other European writers of the past, the more details fill in to present a realistic depiction of these human beings' actual lives.  Plus, as a bonus, one discovers much history, scenery, and other personages of the time period who interacted with the person being revealed.

While Catherine Benincasa was not a hermit, she did spend two or three years living in much solitude in a small room in her family's home.  She called it her "cell."  But the Lord had a more active mission for this young woman who loved Him above all else.  He called her out of her solitary life, and commenced her life of active efforts in converting some of the most derelict souls, saving them from eternity in hell.  

However, she soon would have a yet more visible mission--that of convincing the rightful Pope to return to Rome and quell the other two men who had claimed, each of them, the papacy.

The aspect of her treatment during Mass, is well to note, as we often think that actual people did not have issues with the spiritual gifts God gave that others noticed, nor that priests or rectors or parishioners ever committed non-Christian offenses toward the ones with mystical experiences.

[In a previous post, the details of how when in her mystical state during Mass, people would pinch and criticize her.  One time a couple of men lifted her up bodily, one on each side of her, carried her out of Mass and dumped her by the street outside where people came along and kicked her.  After awhile, she returned to herself, out of the ecstasy, and took her very bruised body home.  Honestly....]

They did.  They do.  They ought not, from our perspective. It does seem Catholics ought to learn from history; but His Real Presence knows, and what is learned as a result of ill treatment to some, by the ones being ill-treated, is just what Jesus experienced in His life on earth.  And that is what those desirous of union with Christ must experience in order to fully grasp and be one with the Beloved, for that which is unlike the other, cannot unite as One with His Real Presence.

God bless His Real Presence in us.  Little children, let us love one another, for God Is Love!  Remain in His Love!

What We Face

Here's a little example of what we face in some parishes, perhaps many.

A large and active parish wanted programs for an ages 60-plus monthly luncheon (with program following).  Nothing offered to present a short program on angels, including a fun angel story that was published a few years back in a well-established, religious magazine called Guideposts.  Then nothing mentioned sharing the various functions of each choir of angels and how they interact in our world, with us, and with God.  There is a rare book on the topic in the book boxes, and in a notebook are various notes that would give the nitty gritty of each choir and everyday examples.

It could be fun!  It could be illuminating!  People could be encouraged to share, if they wished, encounters.  If not, they would be reminded at an age (when we could use all the help possible) of our angels' assistance and more.

But no.  The parish lay employee jumped into the pitch with all kinds of hoops through which to jump.  Needed to review it all, needed to go over it with the priest, needed to see the hard copy of the published article.  Needed to see a write-up of what would be said. Needed to see the rare Catholic book on angels.  The tone of voice was wary, wary, and yet more wary.

She said "they" only want light topics and community ones.  "Nothing" noted that as a person over 60, many such cannot go out and be active in the community but rather maybe would be desiring to learn more of what will help us as we age, for our souls and spirits.

But no, that is not what they, the people in charge at the parish, want for us.  She mentioned that older Catholics don't like to hear about such things as they keep their faith private and are not into evangelizing.  Well, reviewing the choirs of angels and discussing the various saints' guardian angels, and that we have them, too, is not so much evangelizing...or is it?  Maybe?  Hopefully so?

Nothing mentioned that personally, especially in the aging process, there is concern for the growth of the soul and spirit, and thankfully do have some older people across the country who are interested in such.  Guess these are rare older and younger Catholic people "nothing" thankfully knows and enjoys.

Regardless, the lady did not like the angels idea, and she mentioned the parish book discussion group that meets once a month.  (The books thus far are rather light in content, which is good as many people are at various levels.  But why not offer a separate book discussion for those who desire another level?  Do schools keep students in the same grade year after year?  No.)  Nothing mentioned the parish monthly book club sounds lovely, but already have two book discussions going now, one with a woman of 86 years who turned on to some great classics of the spiritual life.  Yes, it did take some encouragement to get this friend interested in reading John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila, and then Elizabeth of the Trinity and now Catherine of Siena, but she is seriously and joyfully hooked.  She is fascinated, growing, pleased and ready for more.

The other book is being read with a young mother of two little girls, again across the country.  We discuss weekly over the phone, and today's discussion of Scupoli's Spiritual Combat helped each of us.  We are praying for one another now to practice strengthening our wills and not leaving the battle field when our passions and vices try to wage war.  Scupoli gives specific battle instructions; not the least is to be aware and to pray, to call upon God all the more, as He can give assistance Himself and send angels--yes, angels--who can always overcome Satan and legions of dark angels.

It just seems that time and again, as Catherine Marshall (the famous Presbyterian minister Peter Marshall's wife) titled one of her best-selling books, Something More--something more is not wanted in many parishes.

Are we being dumbed down as Catholics by priests and other employees in charge of parishes?  Is it akin to the common core curriculum woes sweeping the country?

So these parishioners will continue on with the same old programs--history of the local zoo, importance of physical exercise, what food to eat....  Sounds like a YMCA or government-run, senior center roster.

But, nothing has offered, and prior to offering had prayed not to be surprised if there was to be negative results, for a negative is not really anything other than a positive of something other that God wills.  And "nothing" prayed that whatever occurs would be an indication as to God's will.  But when nothing did ask the parish employee if other offered programs go through such a process, the lady did admit others did not, but that this one was of particular concern to her due to not being like their usual programs.

Angels a concern?

Disconcerting?

This is what we face.

Postscript:  Awoke in the night with the question:  What would Jesus prefer?  Would Jesus prefer that elderly people meeting for lunch and a program in a church prefer them to learn about His angels and saints, or about how to do exercises in a chair or how many glasses of water to drink daily?  Are life-long Catholics (or life-long Christians) ready for more given they are but a short step from passing out of this life?  Why do others insist on feeding them milk rather than solid food for the journey, particularly at their ages and situation near earthly life's end? The answer to these questions reside in each soul, but this soul desires something more than that which is of earth and already easily known from years of living on earth.  This soul wants union with God and any information that will help reach the heavenly goal.

The Suffering

I have been struggling with tremendously dark thoughts and too little hope, but the trees and flowers force me up despite much physical pain.  They need me.  They give unconditional love.  When I smile at them and greet them warmly, they smile back and greet me with purity and love in full reflection of His Real Presence and Heaven.

As for pain at all levels, there is nothing to be done but endure it.  Even with dark thoughts and grave disappointments in myself and others, especially those of us who lay claim to the Eucharist and the "true church", we must persevere and try to be better Christians, better human beings, better reflections of His Real Presence:  God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

I suppose if nothing else from these blogs in which I reveal the actualities of my lived experience as a type of case study, and do so with as much authenticity as my research-trained intellect can, I pray that others have some sense of scandal and shame that we all should bear, and that we uplift our ways and strive to at least fake living more as if we truly believe we have His Real Presence in us.

If He really is in us, then why the coldness and scrutinizing, the judging, the lack of giving back peace when proffered?  Well, perhaps I need to persevere more and just keep going in where I am not welcomed or accepted.  Perhaps change will come through the silent shunning and persecution of that which they do not bother to discover the myriad other facets of a human being's capacity to love and to give and to laugh.

In this current pain siege, I have also felt the pain and union with those in the Middle East who are being brutally murdered on top of all manner and types of religious persecution.  I also grieve and suffer with the Muslims who are peaceful and trying to live the good aspects of their religion--just as there are good Protestants, Evangelicals, Catholics, and other forms of religious followers who are simply good people and who love God even if they are not followers of Jesus Christ.

However, I can attest for any out there who suffer in daily life with whatever form of suffering, that feeling guilty that one struggles to manage the suffering when others elsewhere are being killed physically for their faith, does not lessen one's suffering nor the reality of the critical aspects of it.  Pain is pain, and we cannot make ours go away or diminish it by any particular knowledge that ours is not as horrific politically or physically, or that we are not being physically martyred.

What we can do is to unite our sufferings and pray with our fellow sufferers.  Sometimes I think that those who suffer at the words, neglect or physical abuse by a spouse suffer mightily, for that is a personal assault against love, often in the twisted name of marital or cohabitation love.  God is love, and such warped, contradictory love is a direct assault upon His Real Presence.

I wonder if we could suffer a martyrdom of death for our love of Christ, in some way more heroically, knowing it was going to be over, once and for all?  Does it help to know that we are dying for a huge and public cause, that of the way saints of all centuries suffered and died, or that of Jesus' own way of death?

One can begin to feel guilty and ashamed for not being able to suffer out the long haul when compared to those martyrs unto blood.

Being unkind within our own parishes is perhaps the greatest shame.  Trying to discount it or hide it away, or excuse it away, does not bring about change.  Perhaps my staying away from Mass when I am not welcome is not helping bring about eventual change for the better, or in others learning that there is a human being, a human soul, a good person, a loving, genuine, and devout Christian and Catholic Christian within the one they fear or judge.    

I consider Jim Foley, the journalist who was beheaded last week in Syria.  He had been kidnapped once and escaped, only to return to Syria against the wishes of family and friends due to the dangers there.  But he had a passion and a mission to expose to the world the terrible plight of the non-Muslim Syrians against tyranny and terrorism by radical Muslims.  Jim Foley was not welcome according to his terrorist captors and executioner.   He witnessed, all the same, and others got a message, not the least of which is to love love, to love God, and to love one another.

God bless His Real Presence in us!  Little children, let us love one another for love is of God.

Dying to Self and with HIs Real Presence and with and for Others

Although much of recent writing topics upon the journey and plight regarding persecution within the Church toward what is atypical in spiritual phenomenon or those deemed spiritually different, it is nothing compared to the tremendous persecution that has faced Christians since the beginning of the Church.

The news is filled with the horrible plight of Christians in the Middle East, many of them Catholic Christians but some of Protestant and non-denominational Christian churches.  It is horrific and barbarian to think humanity remains caught in murder due to religious differences. [I was going to post a photo, but they are too graphic.]

Today we commemorate the heroic martyrdom of Maximillian Kolbe during World War II.  As a Polish Catholic priest, he was considered a threat to the Nazi regime due to his Christian publications.  Most of us know of his life and death.

He was imprisoned in a concentration camp.  When a man was singled out to be put to death in retribution for another prisoner's escape, the man cried out to be spared as he was a husband and father.  Maximillian stepped forward immediately and offered to die in place of the man selected.  Why should the Nazi's take Kolbe over this other man?  Maximillian Kolbe responded, "Because I am a Catholic priest."

He and some other prisoners were placed in a type of cage in the prison yard in the heat of August and starved to death--no food and no water.  Kolbe encouraged his fellow victims with prayer and hymns.  As the men died slowly, one by one, Maximillian Kolbe continued to live.  The prayers and hymns increased the disdain in the Nazi guards for it was a tremendous witness of Christ to all the prisoners in the camp as word spread of the triumphant joy in Christ in the face of such brutality.

The guards eventually injected the priest in order to kill him.  The man he replaced in death went on to live his life and be rejoined to wife and children after he and other prisoners were liberated at the war's end.  

Maximillian Kolbe and many others (including Edith Stein) are remembered on earth and have gained glory in heaven, for their courage and selflessness in dying for the love of Christ and as persecuted Christians.  Another such martyr was the Lutheran minister and theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

Seeing photos of Christian children, kneeling to be beheaded, or of Christian women being shot to death, remind us of the seemingly never-ending plight of non-Christian aggressors, threatened by Jesus Christ alive today in the bodies, minds, hearts and souls of those of us who claim Christ as our Lord and Savior.  We take up the cross and follow Him daily, even unto death, death on the cross of persecution small or great, in whatever form and to whatever earthly end we may encounter.

Do those of us who are not put to physical death in physical martyrdom have survivor guilt?  Perhaps we should, in some regards.  But I think if we grasp that we are part of the Body of Christ, we die with our fellow Christians with each act of aggression and atrocity meted out by those who commit evil--many of them doing so in the name of a god they believe has commanded them to kill those who do not follow their proclaimed religion and religious practices.

In our daily lives, we are called to die to ourselves in various ways and mostly not physically due to martyrdom.  But we yet persecute one another in little and large ways, and this must cease if we are to break even a tiny aspect of the cycle of evil, of man's inhumanity to man.

I read that the apostle John, in his later years, always addressed others with the words:  Little Children.  This was accompanied by his reminder, "let us love one another."  The other day I considered using these very words when in conversation with the woman who was becoming flustered over the atypical experience I have during Mass.  Such a simple little thing it is--but different and open to such doubt, fear and judgment by others.

I wonder how priests and parishioners or some contractors and workers, would have reacted on several occasions, had I addressed them thus:  Little children, let us love one another.  I'd like to think that if others addressed me in these words, that I would be moved in the heart and my mind to reflect upon ways in which I have fallen short of the simplicity of child-like love and sweetness to others.

Today in the Gospel reading, Jesus teaches us again about forgiveness--God's for us and how we ought for others.  "Forgive from the heart."  These Living Words from the Mouth of God stand out to me, now.  I have work to do, within, and also to continue being an immolation in whatever sense or way the Lord reveals.

Today I return to the little chapel with the handful of people who come for daily Mass:  Little children among little children that we all are, the world over.  Let us love one another for Love is of God.